AIRPLANE
Written by
Jim Abrahams, David Zucker & Jerry Zucker
SHOOTING SCRIPT
June 11, 1979
Revised 6/15/79
FADE IN:
EXT. SKY - JUST ABOVE CLOUDS - NIGHT
OMINOUS, THREATENING MUSIC. The upper tail fin of a jet
plane emerges through the cloud layer and PASSES THROUGH the
FRAME like a shark's fin through water. It passes by again
in the opposite direction. MUSIC BUILDS as the fin comes
straight TOWARD the CAMERA, MUSIC SWELLS to CRESCENDO as
entire jet plane lifts out of clouds and passes overhead.
TITLE SLASHES ACROSS SCREEN, "AIRPLANE!"
CREDITS and MUSIC continue over following.
EXT. AIRPORT - NIGHT (STOCK)
ESTABLISHING terminal building.
EXT. TERMINAL BUILDING - PASSENGER LOADING ZONE - NIGHT
Airport bus arrives. Stewardess ELAINE DICKINSON steps off.
CAMERA FOLLOWS Elaine as she walks to terminal building.
P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)
The white zone is for immediate loading
and unloading of passengers only. There is
no stopping in the red zone.
P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)
The red zone is for immediate loading and
unloading of passengers. There is no
stopping in the white zone.
P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)
No. The white zone is for loading and
unloading, and there is no stopping in the
red zone.
P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)
The red zone has always been for loading
and unloading, and there is never stopping
in a white zone.
P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)
Don't tell me which zone is for stopping
and which zone is for loading.
P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)
Listen, Betty. Don't start up with your
white zone shit again!
Elaine enters terminal building.
INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - NIGHT
Elaine is approached by a religious ZEALOT #1.
ZEALOT #1
Hello, we'd like you to have this flower
from the Religious Consciousness Church.
ELAINE
No, but thank you very much.
Arrival-Departure TV monitors. Elaine approaches.
ELAINE'S POV - TV MONITORS
Reads: Flight 209 to Chicago - Depart Gate 89 - 7:25 p.m.
Arrival monitor is goldfish swimming.
BACK TO ELAINE
She checks her watch and walks past Security Check area.
CAMERA STAYS with a middle-aged couple, SHIRLEY and JACK,
waiting to pass through Security Check. Behind them is sign
reading: WARNING, HIJACKING IS A FEDERAL OFFENSE, etc.
SHIRLEY
Jack, isn't that Fred Bliffert over there
in the blue turtleneck? Maybe he's on our
flight to Chicago.
JACK
Yeah, I think he is.
(waves)
Hey, Fred!
FRED recognizes Jack.
FRED
(yelling)
Hi, Jack!!!
A swarm of police and airport security men descend on Fred
and take him away.
EXT. AIRPORT - PASSENGER LOADING ZONE - NIGHT
A limousine arrives. Two colorfully dressed BLACK DUDES
emerge. An extra pesters them. Two HARE KRISHNA'S arrive on
foot and walk toward terminal.
P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)
There's just no stopping in the white
zone.
P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)
Christ, you're as bad as your mother!
P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)
Oh, really, Vernon! Why pretend? We both
know perfectly well what it is you're
talking about. You want me to have an
abortion.
P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)
It's really the only sensible thing to do.
If it's done properly, therapeutically,
there's no danger involved.
P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)
Have you considered that what's inside me
is a human being; that it's alive. We made
love. It's us -- you and me.
P.A. SYSTER (male v.o.)
That isn't true. A fetus at this stage is
not a human being, nor is it a person.
Krishnas enter terminal building.
INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - NIGHT
The Krishnas are approached by the Religious Zealot.
ZEALOT #2
Hello, we'd like you to have this flower
from the Church of Consciousness. Would
you like to make a donation?
KRISHNA
(shakes his head)
No, we gave at the office.
INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - NIGHT
A voluptuous BLONDE saunters through the airport, clears her
throat loudly, and spits on the wall.
She walks past an ELDERLY WOMAN standing outside a men's
room door. She turns and sticks her head in the door.
ELDERLY WOMAN
Go, O.J., go!!
INT. SECURITY CHECK AREA - NIGHT
SECURITY CHECK LADY is watching X-ray scanner. First picture
is typically filled suitcase, then another, then a chest X-
ray.
A man passes through metal detector archway and it BEEPS.
SECURITY LADY
Please put your metal objects on this
tray.
He puts his watch, keys on the tray. Then removes his metal
arm and metal leg.
EXT. TERMINAL BUILDING - PASSENGER LOADING AREA - NIGHT
MR. and MRS. HAMMEN and their eight year old son, JOEY,
arrive in a station wagon. They unload luggage.
P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)
The red zone is for immediate loading and
unloading of passengers only. There is no
stopping in the white zone.
P.A. System Female v.o. weeping.
P. A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)
The red zone is for...Betty, put down that
gun!
SHOTS and GROAN.
P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)
The white zone is for immediate loading
and unloading of passengers only. There is
no stopping in the red zone.
The Hammens walk toward terminal past a BUSINESSMAN.
BUSINESSMAN
Taxi!
A taxi cab skids to a stop in front of him. The Businessman
gets in as the driver, TED STRIKER, drops the flag and
rushes out.
STRIKER
Back in a minute.
INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - BAGGAGE PICKUP AREA - NIGHT
Striker enters, looking around as if searching for someone.
People are rolling down the conveyor belt of a baggage
carousel, banging into each other like luggage. The luggage
is standing around the conveyor belt, waiting for the people
to come off.
INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
Striker, walking briskly, is approached by Zealot #3 who
tries to pin a flower on his jacket. Striker keeps walking
but the Zealot is persistent. Finally, Striker slips out of
his jacket leaving the Zealot with the coat.
P.A. SYSTEM (v.o.)
Your attention, please. Flight seven-
thirty-three from Milwaukee is now
arriving on the B Concourse, Gate thirty-
five.
EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT
Flight 733 taxis toward gate. A GROUND CREWMAN with red
flashlights is directing plane to his right. A SECOND
GROUND CREWMAN approaches as First Ground Crewman continues
to direct plane to his right.
CREDITS END.
GROUND CREWMAN #2
Hey, Joe, where's the forklift?
GROUND CREWMAN #1
The forklift? It's over there by the
baggage loader.
He points to the left with his flashlights. Flight 733
follows flashlights and CRASHES into terminal.
INT. TERMINAL - GATE 35 - NIGHT
Nose of Flight 733 CRASHES into terminal, scattering waiting
crowd. A woman tosses away her infant child as she runs off.
INT. TERMINAL BULIDING - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
Striker catches up to Elaine.
STRIKER
Elaine!
ELAINE
(surprised)
Ted!
STRIKER
I came home early and found your note. I
guess you meant for me to read it later.
Elaine, I've got to talk to you.
ELAINE
I just don't want to go over it any more.
STRIKER
I know things haven't been right for a
long time, but it'll be different. If
you'll just be patient, I can work things
out.
ELAINE
I have been patient and I've tried to
help, but you wouldn't even let me do
that.
STRIKER
Don't you feel anything for me at all any
more?
ELAINE
It takes so many things to make love last.
Most of all it takes respect. And I can't
live with a man I don't respect!
She leaves.
STRIKER
(to CAMERA)
What a pisser.
INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - CONCESSION AREA - NIGHT
CAPTAIN CLARENCE OVEUR is standing at the magazine racks.
The first two sections of the display are books; the third
is girly magazines. The captions over the display are
FICTION, NON-FICTION, WHACKING MATERIAL. He selects a
magazine entitled "Modern Sperm" and begins to page through.
P.A. SYSTEM (v.o.)
Captain Clarence Oveur, white courtesy
phone. Captain Clarence Oveur, white
courtesy phone.
Captain Oveur approaches telephones and picks up a red
phone.
OPERATOR (v.o.)
No, the white phone.
Oveur picks up the white phone.
OVEUR
This is Captain Oveur.
OPERATOR (v.o.)
One moment for your call from the Mayo
Clinic.
P.A. SYSTEM (v.o.)
Captain Oveur, white courtesy phone.
Captain Clarence Oveur...
OVEUR
(yelling at ceiling)
I've got it!
P.A. SYSTEM (v.o.)
All right. Thank you.
OPERATOR (v.o.)
Go ahead with your call.
TURNANSKY (v.o.)
This is Doctor Turnansky at the Mayo
Clinic.
INT. DR. TURNANSKY'S OFFICE - NIGHT
DR. TURNANSKY is seated at desk. Behind him are shelves
filled with mayonnaise jars.
TURNANSKY
There's a passenger on your Chicago flight
two-oh-niner, a little girl named Lisa
Davis -- en route to Minneapolis. She's
scheduled for a heart transplant and we'd
like you to tell her mother that we found
a donor an hour ago.
On his desk is a beaker containing a beating heart.
TURNANSKY
We have the heart here ready for surgery
and we must have the recipient on the
operating table within six hours.
The heart jumps out of the beaker, across the desk and falls
off the edge.
TURNANSKY
I want you to make sure she is kept in a
reclined position and that a continuous
watch is kept on her I.V.
INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - PHONE AREA - NIGHT
TURNANSKY (v.o.)
Also, it's important that...
OPERATOR (v.o.)
Excuse me. This is the Operator, Captain
Oveur, I have an emergency call for you on
line five trom a Mister Hamm.
OVEUR
All right. Give me Hamm on five, hold the
Mayo.
EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT
Ambulance arrives at airplane. Attendants and MRS. DAVIS
unload LISA DAVIS into wheelchair.
INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - NIGHT
Elaine and Striker are walking together.
STRIKER
Look, you'll be back in town tomorrow
night. We'll have dinner -- talk it over.
ELAINE
I won't be back. I've requested the
Atlanta run.
STRIKER
Elaine, not yet. I promise you I really
can change.
ELAINE
Then why don't you take the job that Louie
Netz offered you at Boeing?
In the b.g. an airline PORTER is transporting an ELDERLY
COUPLE in an electric cart. They round the corner too fast
and the woman falls out. Husband doesn't notice.
STRIKER
You know I haven't been able to get near
an airplane since the war. And even if I
could, they wouldn't hire me because of my
war record.
ELAINE
Your war record? You're the only one
keeping that alive. For everyone else it's
ancient history.
STRIKER
You expect me to believe that?
In the b.g. the Elderly Woman staggers to her feet and is
immediately run over by another electric cart.
ELAINE
It's the truth. What's hurt you the most
is your record since the war. Different
cities, different jobs, and not one of
them shows you can accept any real
responsibility.
STRIKER
But if you'll just give me...
ELAINE
It's too late, Ted. When I get back to
Chicago, I'm going to start my life all
over again. I'm sorry.
She walks off. Dramatic MUSIC as Striker glares with
determination. The religious Zealot tries to pin a flower on
his lapel.
ZEALOT #3
Hello, we'd like you to have this...
Without looking, Striker decks the Zealot with one punch. He
walks after Elaine.
INT. COCKPIT - FLIGHT 209 - NIGHT
Clarence Oveur is in the pilot's seat. VICTOR BASTA is
seated at engineer's console. There is a St. Christopher's
statue on the dashboard.
BASTA
Any word on that storm lifting over Salt
Lake, Clarence?
TEXACO SERVICE MAN is cleaning windshield.
OVEUR
Unlikely, Victor. I just reviewed the Area
Report for 1609 hours through 2400 hours.
That's an occluded front stalled over the
Dakotas -- backed up all the way to Utah.
Texaco Service Man opens hood and checks dipstick.
BASTA
If it decides to push over into the Great
Lakes it could get plenty soupy. How about
the southern route, around Tulsa?
OVEUR
I double checked the terminal forecast and
winds aloft. IFR ceilings all the way.
Oveur gives charge card to Texaco Man.
BASTA
Where do they top out?
OVEUR
Well, there's some light scattered cover
at twenty thousand with icing around
eighteen.
BASTA
Looks like the original flight plan over
Denver is still the best bet.
Oveur signs charge form and gives it to Texaco Man.
OVEUR
Denver it is.
ROGER MURDOCK enters. He is played by a famous athlete.
MURDOCK
Sorry, Clarence. Latest weather report
shows everything socked in from Salt Lake
to Lincoln.
OVEUR
(to Murdock)
Hi, Roger. Good to have you aboard.
Victor, this is Roger Murdock.
BASTA
How do you do, Roger?
Texaco Man hands receipt to Oveur.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - BOARDING AREA - NIGHT
Stewardesses Elaine and RANDY are greeting boarding
passengers including the Hammens and SISTER ANGELINA who is
carrying a guitar.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
HARI KRISHNA #1
Do you believe those goddamn Steelers? Can
you imagine blitzing on third and long
with two minutes in the game?
HARI KRISHNA #2
Well, hell, they couldn't stay in zone
coverage with Dallas running swing
patterns!
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
JACK
What did you think of 'Great
Expectations?'
SHIRLEY
Well, it wasn't all that I had hoped.
EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT
A SOLDIER and GIRL are tearfully embracing at the base of
the stairs leading into the plane.
GIRL
Oh, Bill, I'm going to miss you so much.
SOLDIER
You promise you'll write.
GIRL
Every day.
AIRPORT STEWARD
Better get on board, son.
INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - GATE 89 - NIGHT
Striker approaches check-in counter.
STRIKER
Can you tell me if Elaine Dickinson is on
this flight?
She looks at her list.
CHECK-IN LADY
Well, the whole flight crew has boarded.
Yes. She is on board.
STRIKER
I'd like one ticket to Chicago. No
baggage!
EXT. TERMINAL BUILDING - PASSENGER LOADING AREA - NIGHT
The Businessman is patiently waiting in Striker's cab.
INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - GATE 89 - NIGHT
CHECK-IN LADY
Smoking or non-smoking?
STRIKER
Smoking, please.
She hands him a smoldering ticket, and he walks out the
door.
EXT. TERMINAL - NIGHT
Striker emerges and freezes in terror.
STRIKER'S POV - THE AIRPLANE - NIGHT
DRAMATIC MUSIC.
CLOSEUP - STRIKER - NIGHT
agonizing over war recollections. SUPERIMPOSE ROARING
fighter planes. SUPER FADES OUT. Striker musters his courage
and walks toward airplane.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
BLACK DUDE #l
Shi',man, tha' honkey mo'fo' mess wi' my
ol' lady, man I rap tha' dude upside his
head, man.
SUBTITLES APPEAR ON SCREEN: "GOLLY, THAT WHITE FELLOW SHOULD
STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE OR I WILL PUNCH HIM."
BLACK DUDE #2
Yeah, man, he ain't never goin' come on
layin' no pig rap off you, man.
SUBTITLES APPEAR ON SCREEN: "YES, THERE IS TRUTH IN WHAT YOU
SAY. HOWEVER, I THINK HE MAY BE MISLEADING YOU."
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
Randy is taking Striker's ticket.
RANDY
Fourteen-B. It's halfway down on your
right.
STRIKER
Thank you.
As Striker sits down he sees Elaine, who is unaware he is on
board.
STRIKER'S POV - NIGHT
Elaine is handing out pillows. We HEAR A DING.
INSERT - LIGHTED WARNING SIGNS
"NO SMOKING
EL NO A YOU SMOKO"
"FASTEN SEAT BELTS
PUTANA DA SEATBELTZ"
He fastens his seat belt and looks nervously out the window.
The Elderly Woman next to him notices.
MRS. ELDERLY
Nervous?
STRIKER
Yes.
MRS. ELDERLY
First time?
STRIKER
No. I've been nervous lots of times. I
used to be a pilot myself...during the
war.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
Elaine approaches Mrs. Davis and Lisa.
ELAINE
We'll be taking off real soon so we better
fasten you in tight.
LISA
Thank you. Oh Mother, this is so exciting.
MRS. DAVIS
I know, but remember you must get some
rest.
ELAINE
That's good advice. You relax and I'll be
back after we take off.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
MILTON, an eight year old boy wearing a conservative coat
and tie, fastens his seat belt and begins reading his
"Business Monthly" magazine.
He sees BERNICE, a seven year old girl, in the aisle and
looks her up and down.
EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
DRAMATIC MUSIC. Engines one and two REV UP.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
Murdock and Oveur look toward left wing.
EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
ENGINES three and four REV UP.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
Murdock and Oveur look toward right wing.
EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
Two more ENGINES REV UP.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
Murdock and Oveur look toward left wing and do a double
take.
EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
Two more ENGINES REV UP.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
Murdock and Oveur are confused and counting on their
fingers.
EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
Stairs are removed from airplane. The Soldier is in the open
doorway waving good-bye to his tearful girlfriend at the
base of the plane.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
OVEUR
Two-zero-niner to ground control. We are
loaded and ready to taxi.
EXT. TOWER - NIGHT
GROUND CONTROL (v.o.)
Roger, two-zero-niner. You are third in
line for takeoff...Air Israel, taxi into
position.
EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT
An Air Israel airplane with beard and pais, wearing a
yarmulka and tallis.
EXT. TOWER - NIGHT
GROUND CONTROL (v.o.)
Air Poland, you are cleared for takeoff.
INT. AIR POLAND COCKPIT - NIGHT
Crew is Jose Feliciano and look-alike for Ray Charles.
EXT. TOWER - NIGHT
GROUND CONTROL (v.o.)
Taxi to runway one-niner.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
Oveur moves console levers as if shifting into first gear.
EXT. AIRPLANE - SOLDIER - NIGHT
as 209 starts to taxi, the Soldier is leaning out the door.
SOLDIER
Good-bye, darling.
EXT. RUNWAY - GIRL - NIGHT
His girlfriend is moving along next to the plane as in
typical train station good-bye scene.
GIRL
Oh, good-bye, Bill! Have your picture
taken as soon as you get there and send me
one!
As she runs, she dodges posts. We HEAR the chug chug of a
steam engine pulling from a station.
SOLDIER
I will.
She runs through crowd of people standing on side of runway.
GIRL
Don't you go getting fat or anything.
She's running faster.
SOLDIER
Don't worry, I won't. Okay, here -- hurry!
He tosses her his watch.
GIRL
Oh, but it's your watch. You shouldn't.
You'll need it.
She is now knocking down posts as she keeps up with the
accelerating plane.
SOLDIER
Good-bye, darling.
GIRL
Oh, Bill, I'll keep it. I'll keep it with
me all the time.
SOLDIER
So long, darling. Good-bye. Take care of
yourself.
GIRL
Bill! Bill! Good-bye, Bill.
SOLDIER
Good-bye, darling.
GIRL
Good-bye, darling. I love you. I love you,
darling.
SOLDIER
Good-bye, darling.
A TRAIN WHISTLE sounds. She stops running and waves.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
GROUND CONTROLLER (v.o.)
Flight two-zero-niner, you are cleared for
takeoff.
OVEUR
Roger.
MURDOCK
(turning to Oveur)
Huh?
Oveur throws console lever into second gear.
GROUND CONTROLLER (v.o.)
L.A. departure frequency two-point-niner.
OVEUR
Roger.
MURDOCK
(turning to Oveur)
Huh?
BASTA
(to tower)
Request vector...over.
OVEUR
(turning to Basta)
What?
GROUND CONTROLLER (v.o.)
Flight two-zero-niner, cleared for vector
three...two four.
MURDOCK
We have clearance, Clarence.
OVEUR
Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?
Oveur throws console lever into third.
EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT
Flight 209 takes off, flying erratically.
BASTA (v.o.)
Tower radioed clearance, over.
OVEUR (v.o.)
That's Clarence Oveur...over.
BASTA (v.o.)
Roger.
MURDOCK (v.o.)
Huh?
TOWER (v.o.)
Roger, over.
OVEUR (v.o.)
What?!
MURDOCK (v.o.)
Huh?
INSERT - SEAT BELT AND SMOKING SIGNS
going off.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
Striker walks to rear of plane and looks out window. He
swallows a couple of pills. Randy approaches.
RANDY
Do you feel all right, sir?
STRIKER
Oh -- I haven't flown for a long time.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
Elaine is handing out magazines.
OVEUR (v.o.)
Good evening, this is Captain Oveur
speaking. We'll be cruising at thirty-six,
thousand feet, and arrival time in Chicago
is ten-forty-five Central Time. The
temperature there is sixty-two degrees,
with a twenty percent chance of
precipitation. And now here's Victor with
People in the news.
BASTA (v.o.)
Thank you, Clarence. Ali McGraw announced
another spin on the marriage-go-round. And
who's the lucky guy? You guessed it. None
other than Olympic gymnast...
Elaine approaches Mrs. Elderly. Striker's seat is vacant.
ELAINE
Would you like something to read?
MRS. ELDERLY
Do you have anything light?
Elaine hands her a small piece of paper.
ELAINE
How about this leaflet: 'Famous Jewish
Sports Legends?'
MRS. ELDERLY
(taking pamphlet)
Yes. Thank you.
Elaine turns and is shocked to see Striker approaching his
seat.
ELAINE
Ted, what are you doing here?
STRIKER
Elaine, I've got to talk to you.
ELAINE
You...you shouldn't have come. I don't
have time now.
MRS. SCHIFF
Oh, stewardess...
ELAINE
Excuse me.
Striker sits down.
MRS. ELDERLY
No wonder you're upset. She's lovely. And
a darling figure. Supple, pouting breasts.
Firm thighs. It's a shame you're not
getting along.
STRIKER
Yes, I know. Things used to be different.
I remember when we first met. It was
during the war.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. MAGUMBA BAR - NIGHT
Striker is seated at bar in a smoke-filled room. An
assortment of unsavory characters are hanging around the
bar.
STRIKER (v.o.)
I was in the Air Force, stationed in
Drambuie, on the Barbary Coast. I used to
hang out in the Magumba Bar.
Shapely female legs walking on bar stop in front of Striker.
SLEAZY TROMBONE MUSIC. CAMERA PANS UP shapely female in
tight fitting dress. She is playing the sleazy trombone
music.
STRIKER (v.o.)
It was a rough place. You would count on a
fight breaking out almost every night.
Two GIRL SCOUTS are slugging it out old Western style --
breaking tables and chairs.
INT. MAGUMBA BAR - JUKEBOX AREA - NIGHT
An unsavory CHARACTER puts a quarter in the jukebox. One
Girl Scout bashes the other against the jukebox buttons.
INSERT - LIGHTED SIGN
"E-5
MAKE ANOTHER SELECTION"
DISCO TUNE plays. Girl Scout is bashed against jukebox
again.
INSERT - LIGHTED SIGN
"B-17
MAKE ANOTHER SELECTION"
Girl Scout bashes again.
INSERT - LIGHTED SIGN
"A-12
THANK YOU"
The unsavory Character nods approvingly at selections.
INT. MAGUMBA BAR DANCE FLOOR - NIGHT
Patrons are dancing a la John Travolta.
STRIKER (v.o.)
I didn't go there that night to fall in
love, I just dropped in for a couple of
drinks.
BACK TO STRIKER
He turns to look toward dance floor.
STRIKER (v.o.)
But suddenly there she was.
STRIKER'S POV
Elaine dancing with grizzly looking cutthroat.
STRIKER (v.o.)
I was captivated, entranced.
BACK TO STRIKER
STRIKER (v.o.)
It hit me like a thunderbolt. I had to ask
the guy next to me to pinch me to make
sure I wasn't dreaming.
Striker asks the burly LONGSHOREMAN next to him to to pinch
him. Longshoreman gives him a look and moves away
cautiously.
STRIKER (v.o.)
I was afraid to approach her, but that
night, fate was on my side.
Elaine's dancing partner is stabbed in the back and falls to
the grould. No one notices but Striker who eagerly fills in.
They make a perfect disco couple. The other dancers make a
circle around them.
They begin with fancy disco steps, move on to flips and
seemingly impossible acrobatics, finally ending with
incredible stunts: Striker, jumping through flaming hoops
and Elaine, hanging from a chandelier by her teeth and
twirling.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. MAGUMBA BAR DANCE FLOOR - NIGHT
Bar is closing, chairs on tables, bartender sweeping floor,
Elaine and Striker dancing slowly in center of room. One
final Girl Scout flies into FRAME and falls in a lifeless
heap at their feet.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
STRIKER
We laughed, we talked, we danced, I never
wanted it to end and I guess I still
don't. But enough about me. I hope this
hasn't been boring for you.
CAMERA WIDENS to reveal Mrs. Elderly's legs dangling next to
him. She has hung herself.
STRIKER
It's just that when I start to talk about
Elaine, I get so carried away -- I lose
all track of time -- not unlike Oliver in
'Jesus: the Man.'
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
Milton, carrying a tray with two cups of coffee, approaches
Bernice.
MILTON
I happened to be passing, and I thought
you might like some corfee.
BERNICE
That's very nice of you. Thank you.
She takes a cup.
BERNICE
Ah, won't you sit down?
MILTON
Thank you. Cream?
BERNICE
No, thank you. I take it black. Like my
men.
MILTON
Were you vacationing in Los Angeles?
BERNICE
Well, it really wasn't a vacation. You
see, I'm a teacher in the New York City
school system, and I was attending a
seminar on visual aids to education. Are
you from L.A.?
MILTON
No. I'm from Washington, D.C. I'm a
lobbyist for the Small Businessmen's
Assocation.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
Elaine is taking orders from a couple and their eight year
old son.
ELAINE
Would you like to order dinner now?
MR. HAMMEN
Yes. Steak for Joey and my wife and I will
have the fish.
JOEY
When can I see the cockpit, Dad?
MR. HAMMEN
Well, I think that the pilots are too busy
flying the plane for that, Joey.
JOEY
Aw, gee whiz.
ELAINE
I tell you what, Joey. I'll talk to the
Captain and see what I can arrange.
JOEY
Gee! That'd be swell!
Elaine moves on to the two Black Dudes.
ELAINE
Would you gentlemen care to order your
dinners?
The Black Dudes point to their selections on the menu.
BLACK DUDE #1
'Ey ma' muh fuh wha' fo', shi!
SUBTITLES APPEAR: "I WOULD LIKE THE STEAK, PLEASE."
BLACK DUDE #2
Shi' mo cain ma foh mess wi' ain?!
SUBTITLES APPEAR: "I'LL HAVE THE FISH, THANK YOU."
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
Randy is taking dinner orders from Hari Krishnas.
RANDY
May I take your dinner order?
HARI KRISHNA #1
No, thank you, we brought our own
vegetables.
HARI KRISHNA #2
But we would like some hot water for our
tea, please.
Randy moves on.
HARI KRISHNA #1
Did you catch the jugs on that broad?
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - STEWARDESS ALCOVE - NIGHT
Elaine is replacing a magazine and catches sight of Striker.
ELAINE'S POV - STRIKER
Boring another passenger.
BACK TO ELAINE
She moves into the alcove and begins to pour coffee. CAMERA
MOVES INTO CLOSEUP of Elaine.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. BEACH - DAY
Striker and Elaine are running. She falls down at the
water's edge, exhausted. Striker drops to his knees and they
embrace passionately. A huge wave washes over them covering
them completely. When the wave recedes, they're still locked
in the same embrace. They are covered with seaweed. Fish are
flopping around in the sand.
ELAINE
Oh, Ted, I never knew I could be so happy.
These past few months have been wonderful.
Tomorrow why don't we drive up the coast
to that little seafood place and...
Striker frowns.
ELAINE
What's the matter?
STRIKER
My orders came through. My squadron ships
out tomorrow. I'll be leading a very
important mission.
ELAINE
Oh, Ted, please be careful. I worry about
you so much.
STRIKER
I love you, Elaine.
ELAINE
I love you.
They embrace. Another huge wave washes in and covers them
completely.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. STEWARDESS ALCOVE - NIGHT
Elaine comes back to reality.
EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
In level flight.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
GROUND CONTROL (v.o.)
Flight two-zero-niner, this is Denver
Flight Control. You're approaching some
rough weather. Please climb to forty-two
thousand feet.
OVEUR
Roger, Denver.
There is a KNOCK on the cockpit door. Elaine and Joey enter.
ELAINE
We have a visitor.
OVEUR
Hello.
MURDOCK
Hi.
ELAINE
This is Captain Oveur. Mister Murdock and
Mister Johnson. This is Joey Hammen.
MURDOCK
Come on up here. You can see better.
OVEUR
Joey, here's something we give our special
visitors. Would you like to have it?
He gives Joey a small toy airplane and puts his arm around
him.
JOEY
Thank you. Thanks a lot!
OVEUR
Have you ever been in a cockpit before?
JOEY
No, sir. I've never been up in a plane
before.
OVEUR
Have you ever seen a grown man naked?
MURDOCK
Do you want me to check the weather,
Clarence?
OVEUR
(looking at Joey)
No, why don't you take care ot it?
ELAINE
We'd better get back now.
OVEUR
Joey can stay up here for a while if he'd
like to.
JOEY
Could I?
ELAINE
Okay, if you don't get in the way.
Elaine exits. Murdock picks up phone.
MURDOCK
Flight two-zero-niner to Denver radio.
Climbing to cruise at forty-two thousand.
Will report again over Lincoln. Over and
out.
Joey has been paying very close attention to Murdock, and
suddenly recognizes him.
JOEY
Wait a minute. I know you. You're Kareem
Abdul Jabbar. You play basketball for the
Los Angeles Lakers!
MURDOCK
I'm sorry, son, but you must have me
confused with someone else. My name is
Roger Murdock. I'm the co-pilot.
He turns to Basta.
MURDOCK
Ah, Victor, why don't you get the
coordinates on the altitude vector and
find out the ratio of direct velocity over
engine speed?
Victor is puzzled.
JOEY
You are Kareem. I've seen you play. My
Dad's got season tickets!
MURDOCK
I think you should go back to your seat
now, Joey. Right, Clarence?
OVEUR
No, he's not bothering anyone. Let him
stay up here.
MURDOCK
All right. But just remember, my name is
Roger Murdock.
He points to his nametag.
MURDOCK
I'm an airline pilot.
(to Oveur)
Ah, Clarence, according to my
calculations, with this tailwind we ought
to be able to make up an additional
fifteen minutes over the Rockies.
JOEY
I think you're the greatest. But my Dad
says you don't work hard enough on
defense.
MURDOCK
(into microphone)
Denver Control, this is Flight two-zero-
niner intersecting Victor Airway seven-
niner-niner.
JOEY
...and that lots of times you don't even
run down court.
MURDOCK
We are turning left to a heading of zero-
niner-niner.
JOEY
...and that you don't really try, except
during the playoffs.
MURDOCK
The hell I don't! I'm out there busting my
buns every night.
Murdock realizes he has given himself away. He quickly looks
to see if Oveur is listening. Oveur is busy checking
instruments. Murdock grabs Joey by the collar and whispers
angrily.
MURDOCK
Listen, kid, I've been hearing that crap
ever since I was at UCLA. Tell your old
man to drag Unseld and Lanier up and down
the court for forty-eight minutes.
(into mike)
Ah...Denver Control, this is Flight two-
zero-niner continuing on a heading two-
niner-niner...niner, ah...niner...niner.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
Elaine is seated next to Striker.
STRIKER
Elaine, just hear me out. I know things
haven't been right for a long time. But it
will be different...like it was in the
beginning. Remember?
ELAINE
I remember everything. All I have are
memories.
Soft MUSIC begins.
ELAINE
Mostly I remember...the nights when we
were together. I remember how you used to
hold me...and how I used to sit on your
face and wriggle...and then afterwards how
we'd watch until the sun came up. When it
did, it was almost like...like each new
day was created...only for us.
STRIKER
That's the way I've always wanted it to
be, Elaine.
ELAINE
But it won't be. Not as long as you insist
on living in the past!
Elaine leaves, teary-eyed.
CLOSEUP - STRIKER
SUPERIMPOSE:
EXT. SKY - DAY
Fighter plane diving.
SQUADRON LEADER (v.o.)
You're too low, Ted! You're too low!
Fighter plane CRASHES.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. HOSPITAL - DAY
Sign in front reads:
U.S. ARMY PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL
PENTATHOL AVAILABLE
Master Charge, Visa, Carte Blanche
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. HOSPITAL - DAY
Striker is lying in bed painting a canvas. Elaine is seated
at bedside.
ELAINE
You got a telegram from headquarters
today.
STRIKER
Headquarters!? What is it?
ELAINE
It's a big building where the generals
meet. But that's not important right now.
They've cleared you of any blame for what
happened on that raid. Isn't that good
news?
INSERT - STRIKER'S PAINTING
A surreal image of a soldier contorted like a pretzel
clutching a machine gun in one hand and a crying infant in
the other.
BACK TO HOSPITAL - DAY
STRIKER
Is it? Because of my mistake six men
didn't return from that raid.
ELAINE
Seven. Lieutenant Zipp died this morning.
Ted, Doctor Sandler says you'll be out in
a week. Isn't that wonderful?
In the b.g., a doctor in a white lab coat is attending a
patient. When he turns around WE SEE he is wearing an STP
insignia on his back.
STRIKER
I wish I could say the same for George
Zipp.
ELAINE
Be patient, Ted. No one expects you to get
over this immediately.
Striker is despondent.
SGT. McCOBB (o.s.)
Hey, Striker!
INT. HOSPITAL - ANGLE - SGT. McCOBB - DAY
He is posing for Striker's painting, contorted like a
pretzel, holding a machine gun in one hand and crying baby
in the other.
SGT. McCOBB
How about a break? I'm getting tired!
STRIKER
All right. Take five.
McCobb untangles himself and walks off.
INT. HOSPITAL - CLOSEUP - ELAINE - DAY
ELAINE
I found a wonderful apartment for us. It's
got a brick fireplace and a cute little
bedroom with mirrors on the ceiling.
And...
CAPTAIN GELINE (o.s.)
I'm off course. Red Leader!!! Look out!!
STRIKER
That's Captain Geline. He thinks he's a
pilot, still fighting the war.
INT. HOSPITAL - DAY
Captain Geline agonizing and making bombing and machine gun
noises.
INT. HOSPITAL - DAY
LIEUTENANT HURWITZ (o.s.)
Groan.
ELAINE
What's his problem?
STRIKER
That's Lieutennt Hurwitz. Severe shell
shock. He thinks he's Ethel Merman.
INT. HOSPITAL - DAY
Strapped to the bed is ETHEL MERMAN singing "EVERYTHING'S
COMING UP ROSES." She breaks loose from the straps for a
grand finale. Two attendants attempt to restrain her.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - BACK TO STRIKER - NIGHT
RANDY
Excuse me, sir. Would you like some coffee
before we serve dinner?
STRIKER
No. No thank you.
Randy moves on to the Hammens.
RANDY
Would either of you like another cup of
coffee?
MRS. HAMMEN
I will, but Jim won't.
MR. HAMMEN
Yes, I think I will have another cup of
coffee.
CAMERA ZOOMS to CLOSEUP of Mrs. Hammen.
MRS. HAMMEN'S THOUGHTS (v.o.)
Jim never has a second cup of coffee at
home.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
Randy approaches Sister Angelina. The guitar is on the seat
next to her.
RANDY
Excuse me, Sister?
SISTER ANGELINA
Yes?
RANDY
There's a little girl on board who's ill
and...
SISTER ANGELINA
Oh yes, I saw. Poor child.
RANDY
Could I borrow your guitar? I thought I
might be able to cheer her up.
SISTER ANGELINA
Of course.
Randy takes the guitar and walks down the aisle. The guitar
clonks people on the back of the head. Randy approaches
Lisa.
RANDY
Is it all right if I talk to your
daughter?
MRS. DAVIS
Oh, I think that would be nice.
RANDY
(to Lisa, who is reading)
Hi!
LISA
Hi!
RANDY
I'm Randy.
LISA
I'm Lisa. Oh, you have a guitar!
RANDY
I thought maybe you'd like to hear a song.
LISA
Oh, I'd love to.
RANDY
Okay, this is one of my favorites.
Randy is sitting on the edge of the gurney as she strums
three opening chords.
RANDY
(strumming and singing in
ballad tempo)
'I've traveled the banks of the River
Jordan, to find where it flows to the
sea.'
Stewardesses and passengers notice the singer and peer
around corners and over seat backs. A man's head peers
upside down from the TOP OF THE FRAME.
RANDY
'I looked in the eyes of the cold and the
hungry and saw that I was looking at me.'
As singing continues, Shirley and Jack look at each other
with saccherine smiles, the Hammens do the same, then the
Krishnas, then the Black Dudes. Finally, everyone is smiling
sweetly at each other.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
Murdock and Oveur smile sweetly at each other...
INT. CABIN - NIGHT
RANDY
(singing and playing the
guitar)
'And I wanted to know if life had a
purpose, and what it all means in the end.
In the silence I listened to the voices
inside me, and they told me again and
again.'
Tempo Jumps to rock pace.
RANDY
'There is only one river. There is only
one sea.'
Randy, in her growing enthusiasm, swings her guitar,
knocking the I.V. connection tube from Lisa's arm. The I.V.
squirts, and Lisa turns pale and hollowcheeked. No one else
notices.
RANDY
'And it flows through you, and it flows
through me. There is only one people, we
are one and the same.'
Lisa manages to reconnect her I.V.
RANDY
(still singing)
'We are all one spirit, one name. We are
the Father, we are the son.'
Randy again knocks I.V. from Lisa's arm with guitar as the
passengers start to get into the music.
RANDY
'In the Dawn of Creation. We are one.'
Mrs. Davis rushes to reconnect Lisa's I.V. Lisa doesn't
react. Mrs. Davis pounds Lisa's chest.
RANDY & PASSENGERS
'We are only one people, we are one and
the same.'
As Lisa revives, Randy swings her guitar and clonks Mrs.
Davis on the head.
RANDY & PASSENGERS
'We are all one spirit on Earth, one
name.'
EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
RANDY & PASSENGERS (v.o.)
'We are the Father, we are the son, and in
the Dawn of Creation we are one.'
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
Elaine enters with dinners.
OVEUR
Hey, we've been waiting for you. A little
bit late tonight.
ELAINE
Who wants to be first?
MURDOCK
Go ahead, Clarence, I got it.
Oveur removes his headset, Elaine puts tray down.
ELAINE
How's the weather?
MURDOCK
Not so good. We've got some heavy stuff
ahead of us. It might get rough again
unless we can climb on top. But our
airspeed is holding steady at six hundred
ten knots.
ELAINE
That's great. By the way, Joey Hammen
asked me if you would autograph this
basketball.
Murdock autographs it reluctantly.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
A JAPANESE GENERAL, dressed in World War II uniform, is now
seated next to Striker.
STRIKER
After the war, I just wanted to get as far
away from things as possible. So Elaine
and I joined the Peace Corps. We were
assigned to an isolated tribe, the
Molombos.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. AFRICAN VILLAGE - DAY
Striker and Elaine are being escorted to the chief's hut by
two GUARDS. We hear Jungle Animal SOUNDS. The chief is
standing in front of his hut surrounded by several TRIBESMEN
who are making the jungle animal sounds.
STRIKER (v.o.)
They had never seen Americans before.
When Striker and Elaine arrive, the CHIEF holds up his hands
and the sounds stop.
STRIKER (v.o.)
At first, they didn't know what to think
of us; but soon we gained their trust.
The Chief extends his right hand for conventional handshake.
Striker shows him power grip. When the Chief is pleased,
Striker gives him five. The Chief pauses then decks Striker.
STRIKER (v.o.)
It really was a challenge during the year
introducing them to our Western culture.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. JUNGLE - ANOTHER AREA - DAY
Elaine is having a Supperware party for native women.
ELAINE
Also, Supperware products are ideal for
storing leftovers to help stretch your
food dollar. This two quart "Seals-M-Rite"
container with a special "Close-M-Tite"
lid keeps hotdog buns fresh for days and
prevents sugared cereals from sticking.
She scoops a ladle of corn mush from a carved wooden bowl
into a Supperware container.
ELAINE
Meat and dairy products are protected
against unwanted refrigerator odors when
sealed in this non-slip pastel colored
"Freez-o-leer".
When she burps the lid, the Supperware makes a human burp
SOUND.
EXT. JUNGLE - ANOTHER AREA - DAY
Striker nailing crude basketball rim and net to tree.
STRIKER (v.o.)
You must understand that these people had
been completely isolated from
civilization.
Striker demonstrates a two-handed set shot to natives. He
misses.
STRIKER (v.o.)
No one had ever outlined a physical
fitness program for them and they had no
athletic equipment.
Native examines basketball for first time. After two slow
dribbles, he gracefully feints lefts, then, dribbling
through his legs, sinks a two-hand, over-the-head, reverse
dunk shot.
STRIKER (v.o.)
We also emphasized nutrition and taught
them to watch their diets.
Another native hits a long jump shot.
STRIKER (v.o.)
The exercise improved their physical
fitness and condition.
One shot after another swishes through the basketball rim.
STRIKER (v.o.)
My working with them seemed to reinforce
our objectives of group cooperation and
controlled-competitive activity.
Striker approaches Elaine who is standing on the sideline.
As they talk, the natives are passing the ball around and
shooting baskets Harlem Globetrotter fashion.
STRIKER
I think they're getting the hang of it!
When we re-enlist I'll teach them
baseball!
ELAINE
Ted, I don't want to stay here. It's time
for us to go back home -- to the plans we
made before the war.
STRIKER
A lot of people made plans before the war.
Like George Zipp.
Elaine walks away, dejectedly. CAMERA STAYS with Striker as
he pours Gator-Ade into a glass.
STRIKER (v.o.)
I guess it was at that moment that I first
realized Elaine had doubts about our
relationship. And that as much as anything
else led to my drinking problem.
Striker has a problem drinking. He raises his glass of
Gator-Ade, then suddenly pours it on his forehead.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
STRIKER
We did come back to the States. I tried a
number of jobs...Well, I could go on for
hours, but I'd probably start to bore you.
The Japanese General is kneeling on the seat committing Hari
Kari.
STRIKER
You know, I really couldn't blame Elaine.
She wanted a career. I was offered a job
at Boeing but I couldn't bring myself to
take it...
EXT. LAX PASSENGER LOADING AREA - NIGHT
The businessman waiting in Striker's cab checks his watch.
EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
THUNDER and lightning.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
Shirley is ill and holding her stomach in pain.
SHIRLEY
Oh, I can't stand it.
JACK
What is it?
Elaine approaches.
ELAINE
Yes?
SHIRLEY
My, stomach. I haven't felt this awful
since we saw that Lina Wertmuller film.
ELAINE
I'll see if I can find some Dramamine.
Elaine exits.
SHIRLEY
OOOOOO.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - STEWARDESS ALCOVE - NIGHT
Elaine is on the phone.
ELAINE
Captain, one of the women passengers is
very sick.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
Joey enters to retrieve basketball. Murdock is wearing
goggles.
OVEUR
Airsick?
ELAINE
I think so, but I've never seen it so
acute.
OVEUR
Find out if there's a doctor on board, as
quietly as you can.
Oveur hangs up phone.
OVEUR
Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish
prison?
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
MR. HAMMEN
(nauseous)
Oooh, I shouldn't have had that second cup
of coffee.
He grabs for motion sickness bag. CAMERA ZOOMS to CLOSEUP of
Mrs. Hammen.
MRS. HAMMEN'S THOUGHTS (v.o.)
Jim never vomits at home.
EXT. AIRPLANE
THUNDER and lightning.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
Elaine is speaking to couple.
ELAINE
I'm sorry I had to wake you. I'm just
looking for a doctor. There's nothing to
worry about.
Middle-aged lady, MRS. YAFFE, having overheard this
conversation, beckons to Elaine.
MRS. YAFFE
Stewardess, I think the man next to me is
a doctor.
The MAN next to her is wearing a surgical cap with mask.
Hanging around his neck is a stethoscope. He's sleeping.
ELAINE
Sir. Excuse me, sir. I'm sorry to have to
wake you. Are you a doctor?
DR. RUMACK
That's right.
ELAINE
We have some passengers who are very sick.
Could you come and take a look at them?
DR. RUMACK
Yes. Yes, of course.
Rumack picks up bag and exits with Elaine.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
Rumack and Elaine enter. Rumack stoops over to Shirley, and
surgical instrument is slapped into his hand from o.s. He
pokes her stomach with his hand.
DR. RUMACK
Pain there?
She winces and nods.
DR. RUMACK
May I see your tongue, please?
She sticks her tongue out. Rumack pulls on it until it is
obviously too long. He continues to pull, and the tongue
becomes multi-colored magician's scarves. Then he pulls out
a bouquet of flowers followed by a white dove.
DR. RUMACK
I'll be back in a minute.
Rumack takes Elaine aside.
DR. RUMACK
You'd better tell the Captain. We've got
to land as soon as we can. This woman has
to be gotten to a hospital.
ELAINE
A hospital? What is it?
DR. RUMACK
It's a big building with patients. But
that's not important right now. Tell the
Captain I must speak to him.
ELAINE
Certainly.
EXT. AIRPLANE - THUNDER AND LIGHTNING - NIGHT
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
OVEUR
(into mike)
Thank you, Omaha. Two-zero-niner out.
(to Basta)
Victor, we're running into a heavy storm,
can you...
Oveur turns to see Basta slumped over the console.
Dramatic MUSIC.
OVEUR
Victor! Roger, take over!
Oveur lifts Basta onto ground.
EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
THUNDER and lightning.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
Murdock, flying the plane alone, wipes his brow and appears
ill.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - OUTSIDE COCKPIT DOOR - NIGHT
DR. RUMACK
Captain, how soon can we land?
OVEUR
I can't tell.
DR. ROMACK
You can tell me. I'm a doctor!
OVEUR
No. I mean I'm just not sure.
DR. RUMACK
Can't you take a guess?
OVEUR
Well...not for another two hours.
DR. RUMACK
You can't take a guess for another two
hours?
OVEUR
No, I mean we can't land for another two
hours. Fog has closed down everything this
side of the mountains. We've got to go
through to Chicago!
Suddenly, the plane rocks violently. Rumack and Oveur lose
balance.
EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
THUNDER and lightning -- plane is flying erratically.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
Murdock, unconscious, is slumped over controls. Oveur and
Rumack burst into cockpit. Oveur gets into pilot's seat.
Elaine enters.
OVEUR
(excitedly)
Get him out of there!
INSERT - ALTIMETER AND FLIGHT CONTROLS
Altitude is fluctuating.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
Oveur struggles with controls. They extricate Murdock from
behind the wheel. He is wearing shorts, kneepads, and
basketball shoes.
EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
climbing and diving.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
Passengers are being tossed about. A woman, applying
lipstick, smears it over her face.
INSERT - LIGHTED SYMBOLS
-- cigarette with line slashed through, and couple
copulating with line slashed through.
INT. CABIN - NIGHT
Randy loses her balance and shoves dinner into a passenger's
face.
INT. COCKPIT - OVEUR - NIGHT
struggling with controls, finally regains level flight.
EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
THUNDER and lightning -- plane levels off.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
The St. Christopher statue is holding a motion discomtort
bag to its mouth.
OVEUR
What is it, Doctor? What's happening?
DR. RUMACK
I'm not sure. I haven't seen anything like
this since the Lina Wertmuller Film
Festival.
Rumack and Elaine are now standing face-to-face. Oveur, in
the f.g., is at controls.
DR. RUMACK
What was it we had for dinner tonight?
ELAINE
Well, we had a choice. Steak or fish.
DR. RUMACK
Yes, yes, I remember. I had lasagna.
He points to Johnson.
DR. RUMACK
What did he have?
ELAINE
He had fish.
Randy enters cockpit.
RANDY
We have two more sick people, and the rest
of the passengers are worried.
OVEUR
I'll take care of the passengers. Elaine,
find out what the two sick people had for
dinner.
(into P.A.)
This is Captain Oveur speaking.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
Passengers are listening to P.A.
OVEUR (v.o.)
It's been a little bumpy up here but we'll
be past it in a few minutes.
Randy and Elaine drag Murodck and Basta down center aisle.
OVEUR (v.o.)
A couple points of interest: we're just
now passing over the Hoover Dam and later
on, our course will take us just south of
the Grand Canyon.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
OVEUR
Meanwhile, relax and enjoy the rest of
your flight. Okay? Okay!
He hangs up phone and turns to Rumack.
OVEUR
That should do it.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
Absolute pandemonium. Passengers are yelling, screaming,
tearing their hair out, climbing about.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
OVEUR
(into microphone)
Chicago, this is flight two-zero-niner.
We're in trouble.
INT. O'HARE WEATHER CENTER - CLOSEUP - TYPEWRITER - NIGHT
CAMERA PULLS OUT to reveal DISPATCHER typing Oveur's
message.
OVEUR (v.o.)
We've got to have all altitudes below us
cleared and priority approach and landing
in Chicago. Over.
DISPATCHER
We read you. Stand by, two-zero-niner.
When he tries to remove paper from typewriter, it rips in
half.
EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
THUNDER and lightning.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
Randy approaches Hammens. Mr. Hammen is sick.
RANDY
Yes?
MRS. HAMMEN
Oh, Stewardess. My husband is very sick.
Can you do something, please?
RANDY
Well, the doctor will be with you in just
a moment. One thing: do you know what he
had for dinner?
MRS. HAMMEN
Yes, of course. We both had fish. Why?
RANDY
Oh, it's nothing to be alarmed about.
We'll get back to you very quickly.
She turns to walk toward CAMERA with horrified expression.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
Elaine enters, turns to face Rumack. Oveur is at controls in
f.g.
ELAINE
Doctor Rumack, Mister Hammen ate fish. And
Randy says there are five more cases, and
they ate fish, too.
DR. RUMACK
Let's see now. The co-pilot had fish. What
did the navigator eat?
ELAINE
He had fish, too.
Oveur is picking up on the conversation.
DR. RUMACK
All right, now we know what we're up
against. Every passenger on this plane who
ate fish for dinner will become violently
ill within the next half hour.
Oveur looks down at his dinner tray and sees skeleton of the
fish he just ate.
ELAINE
Just how serious is it, doctor?
DR. RUMACK
Extremely serious. It starts with a slight
fever.
Oveur experiences what the doctor is describing.
DR. RUMACK
Then a dryness in the throat. As the virus
penetrates the red blood cells the victim
becomes dizzy and begins to experience a
rash and itching. From there the poison
works its way into the central nervous
system causing severe muscle spasms,
followed by the inevitable drooling. At
this point, the entire digestive system is
rendered useless, causing the complete
collapse of the lower bowels, accompanied
by uncontrollable flatulence...until
finally the poor bastard is reduced to a
quivering, wasted piece of jelly.
Oveur passes out and pitches forward onto the controls.
Rumack and Elaine lose balance as plane dives.
EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
THUNDER and lightning as plane is diving.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
Passengers are being tossed about. A woman, applying rouge,
smears it all over her face.
INT. CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - CLOSEUP - A PLATE OF JELLO
wiggling. CAMERA PANS UP to braless woman whose breasts are
wiggling.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
As they finally untangle Oveur from the wheel, he gains
semi-consciousness.
OVEUR
(gasping)
Turn...on...automatic pilot.
Oveur passes out.
ELAINE
Uh, automatic pilot...automatic pilot?
INSERT - ELAINE'S POV - CONTROL PANEL - NIGHT
ELAINE
is frantically searching for automatic pilot button.
ELAINE
There it is!
INSERT - SWITCH MARKED "AUTOMATIC PILOT"
Elaine's hand tenuously reaches for and turns switch to
"ON".
INT. COCKPIT - CO-PILOT'S SEAT - NIGHT
SOUND of rushing air as instantly inflatable balloon pilot
takes shape in seat with hands on wheel. His uniform and cap
are painted on, and he has an alert "leave the driving to
us" expression on his face. The plane immediately regains
level flight, and Elaine and Rumack sigh in relief.
DR. RUMACK
I'll get back to the passengers.
Rumack exits.
McCROSKEY (v.o.)
(over radio)
Come in two-zero-niner. This is Chicago.
Flight two-zero-niner, come in, please.
Elaine picks up mike while still standing.
ELAINE
This is Elaine Dickinson. I'm the
stewardess. Captain Oveur is passed out on
the floor, and we've lost the co-pilot and
navigator, too. We're in terrible trouble.
Over.
OVEUR (o.s.)
Groan!
McCROSKEY (v.o.)
Elaine! Roger, Roger! I read you. This is
Steve McCroskey at Chicago Air Control.
ELAINE
Hi, Steve!
McCROSKEY (v.o.)
Now listen carefully. Is the automatic
pilot on? Over.
ELAINE
Yes. Yes, it is. Over.
OVEUR (o.s.)
Huh?
McCROSKEY (v.o.)
Very good. Now, Elaine, where are you?
Over.
ELAINE
I'm standing over Oveur. Over.
INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT
McCROSKEY
(into mike)
All right, Elaine. Just hold on. We'll be
back to you in a minute.
CAMERA PULLS BACK to reveal dispatch is a beehive of
activity. The Chief Dispatcher, STEVE McCROSKEY, is barking
orders to AIR CONTROLLER #1.
McCROSKEY
Hold all takeoffs. I don't want another
plane in the air. When the 508 reports,
bring it straight in.
Air Controller #1 exits quickly. McCroskey picks up phone.
McCROSKEY
Put out a general bulletin to suspend all
meal service on flights out of Los
Angeles.
He hangs up phone and talks to AIR CONTROLLER #2.
McCROSKEY
Tell all dispatchers to remain at their
posts. It's going to be a long night.
Air Controller #2 exits. McCroskey notices he is out of
coffee and turns to AIR CONTROLLER HINSHAW.
McCROSKEY
And how about some coffee, Johnny?
HINSHAW
No thanks.
AIR CONTROLLER #3 enters.
McCROSKEY
I want the weather on every landing field
on this side of the Rockies, no matter
what the size.
Air Controller #3 exits. AIR CONTROLLER #4 enters.
McCROSKEY
Do you understand?
Air Controller #4 exits. AIR CONTROLLER #5 enters.
McCROSKEY
Any place where there's a chance to land
this plane.
Air Controller #5 exits. SIAMESE TWINS enter.
McCROSKEY
Stan, go upstairs to the tower and get a
runway diagram. Terry, check down on the
field for emergency equipment.
Siamese Twins leave. In the b.g. we see them trying to walk
in opposite directions. Air Controller #1 enters.
AIR CONTROLLER #1
Chief, there's fog down to the deck
everywhere east of the Rockies. There's no
possible place they can land. They'll have
to come through to Chicago.
McCROSKEY
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit
smoking.
He lights up a cigarette. McCroskey walks toward a table and
leans on his hands.
McCROSKEY
I want the best available man on this. A
man who knows this plane inside and out
and won't crack under pressure.
HINSHAW
How about Sal Mineo?
McCROSKEY
Get me Rex Kramer!
EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
Lightning and THUNDER.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
Elaine is in the pilot's seat and the inflated automatic
pilot is in co-pilot's seat.
McCROSKEY (v.o.)
Now, Elaine, right next to the throttle is
the air speed gauge. What speed does it
indicate?
ELAINE
Three hundred twenty miles per hour.
INSERT - AIR SPEED GAUGE
BACK TO SCENE
We see, but Elaine does not notice, the automatic pilot very
slowly beginning to deflate.
McCROSKEY (v.o.)
Good. Now check your altitude. That's the
dial just below and to the right of the
air speed indicator.
ELAINE
Thirty-five thousand feet.
INSERT - ALTIMATER
Altitude is dropping.
BACK TO SCENE
ELAINE
No, wait. Now it says thirty-four thousand
feet. It's dropping! It's dropping fast!
Why is it doing that?
By now the automatic pilot is really slumped over as it is
quite deflated. It is staring at her with a half smile.
Elaine notices it.
ELAINE
Oh, my God! The automatic pilot! It's
deflating!
McCROSKEY (v.o.)
All right, Elaine, don't worry. We have an
auxiliary inflation system. Just follow my
instructions.
ELAINE
Okay, but please hurry! We're dropping
fast!
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
Passengers are being tossed about. Rumack is examining a
female patient.
DR. RUMACK
What the hell's going on up there?
Rumack starts toward cockpit.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
McCROSKEY (v.o.)
Now, Elaine, don't panic. On the belt line
of the automatie pilot there is a hollow
tube. Can you see that?
ELAINE
Yes. Yes, I can see it.
McCROSKEY (v.o.)
Good. Now that's the manual inflation
nozzle. Pull it out and blow it up like a
balloon.
Elaine kneels over automatic pilot's crotch, puts tube in
her mouth and blows. Automatic pilot inflates. Rumack bursts
into cockpit.
RUMACK'S POV
Back of automatic pilot with Elaine kneeling over its
crotch.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - OUTSIDE OF COCKPIT - NIGHT
Rumack slams the door in disbelief.
CLOSEUP - AUTOMATIC PILOT
with a big smile on its face.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
Passengers are relieved as plane regains level flight.
EXT. AIRPLANE - THROUGH COCKPIT WINDOW - NIGHT
Elaine and automatic pilot are relaxed in their seats. Both
are smoking cigarettes.
EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
THUNDER and lightning.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
Rumack enters.
DR. RUMACK
Elaine, you're a member of this crew. Can
you face some unpleasant facts?
ELAINE
No.
DR. RUMACK
All right. Unless I can get all these
people to a hospital quickly, I can't even
be sure of saving their lives. Now, is
there anyone else on board who can land
this plane?
ELAINE
Well...
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
Striker, struggling with drinking problem, pours drink
between his cheek and ear.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
ELAINE
No. No one that I know of.
DR. RUMACK
I think you ought to know what our chances
are. The life of everyone on board depends
on just one thing: finding someone back
there who not only can fly this plane, but
who didn't have fish for dinner.
CAMERA ZOOMS into CLOSEUP of Elaine's face as she realizes
the severity of the situation.
EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
THUNDER and lightning.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
Passengers are listening to P.A.
ELAINE (v.o.)
Ladies and gentlemen, this is your
stewardess speaking. We regret any
inconvenience the sudden cabin movement
might have caused.
Randy drags unconscious pilot, Oveur, down center aisle.
ELAINE (v.o.)
This is due to periodic air pockets we
encounter. There is no reason to become
alarmed, and we hope you enjoy the rest of
your flight. By the way, is there anyone
on board who knows how to fly a plane?
Absolute pandemonium. Passengers are yelling, screaming,
tearing their hair out and climbing around. A naked woman
runs down the aisle. Sister Mary is choking a Krishna. Two
passengers are dueling with swords. A Spanish-speaking lady
waits for her husband to translate the announcement, then
panics.
INT. KRAMER'S HOUSE
SOUND of car screeching to a stop. PAUL CAREY, twenty-four
year-old, cleancut, naive-looking, navigator trainee enters
and pushes doorbell. We HEAR the typical eight-note chime
progression. The CHIMES then play the Air Force Fight song.
A dog BARKS and MRS. KRAMER opens the door.
CAREY
Hello, I'm Paul Carey from the airline.
I'm here to pick up Captain Kramer.
MRS. KRAMER
Oh, yes. Come in, Paul. Rex will be right
out.
INT. KRAMER'S HOUSE - NIGHT
When Carey enters, a big dog jumps on him with its paws on
his chest.
MRS. KRAMER
Shep, sit...sit! So, I understand you've
got a real emergency down there.
CAREY
(holding off dog)
Well, to tell the truth, they really
didn't fill me in on many of the details.
Just told me to pick up Captain Kramer.
MRS. KRAMER
Something about a plane with no pilot?
Carey begins to lose battle with the dog, while trying to
remain polite.
CAREY
Yeah, something like that, but as I say,
they didn't have time to tell me very
much.
MRS. KRAMER
Shep, no! I'll bet you have exciting
things happen all the time down there.
Shep is growling and Carey's arm is locked firmly in his
Jaws.
CAREY
Well...the airline business...does have...
its moments...
Shep pins Carey against the wall, ripping his sleeve.
CAREY
...but after...awhile...you begin to...
(gasp)
...get used to it.
MRS. KRAMER
Shep, no! He gets so excited when new
people are here.
We hear a THUD and loud growling.
MRS. KRAMER
Are you a pilot yourself?
Carey is on the floor desperately fighting off the dog,
which is on top of him.
CAREY
I'm...in a...argh...navigator training
program.
KRAMER enters, buttoning his coat.
KRAMER
It's unbelievable! How many times have I
warned those people about food inspection?
Kramer is tying his tie in the mirror. In the corner of the
mirror, Carey is being thrashed by the dog.
KRAMER
The airport management, the F.A.A., and
the airlines, they're all cheats and
liars! All right, let's get out of here.
EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
THUNDER and lightning.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
Randy is talking to Krishnas.
RANDY
Sorry to bother you. We were just looking
for someone with flying experience.
Randy exits. They return to reading their PLAYRAMA magazine
with a female Hari Krishna in a sexy pose on the cover.
HARI KRISHNA #1
Hari Rama?
HARI KRISHNA #2
Rama Rama.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
Striker is sitting next to a MAN FROM INDIA in a business
suit and turban.
STRIKER
You see, the day we left the village it
was raining, so we had to take a special
jeep to the main road...
The Indian is dousing himself with a can of gasoline. In
b.g. Randy is talking to passengers.
STRIKER
In fact, we were lucky to even get a jeep
since just the day before the only one we
had broke down -- it had a bad axle...
The Indian lights a match to immolate himself. Randy
approaches.
RANDY
Excuse me, sir. There's been a little
problem in the cockpit and I was
wondering...
STRIKER
The cockpit? What is it?
RANDY
It's the little room at the front of the
plane where the pilots sit. But that's not
important right now. The first officer is
ill and the Captain would like someone
with flying experience to help him with
the radio. Do you know anything about
planes?
The Indian holds the match, awaiting the outcome.
STRIKER
Well, I flew in the war, but that was a
long time ago. I wouldn't know anything
about it.
RANDY
Would you go up, please?
He has a moment of indecision. The Indian encourages Striker
with an adamant nod. Striker gets up to leave. The Indian,
relieved, blows out the match.
INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
Jack is sitting across the aisle from a 65-year-old
conservatively dressed SPINSTER. He pulls a flask from his
coat pocket and takes a swig. She eyes him disapprovingly.
JACK
Would ya like a little whiskey, ma'am?
SPINSTER
(insulted)
Certainly not.
She inserts a two inch straw in her nose and snorts a couple
lines of cocaine off a piece of glass.
INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
Striker enters.
STRIKER
(to Rumack and Randy)
The stewardess said...
STRIKER'S POV
Empty pilot's seat and inflated automatic pilot.
STRIKER
Both pilots!
DR. RUMACK
Can you fly this airplane and land it?
STRIKER
Surely you can't be serious.
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