"BULL DURHAM"
by
Ron Shelton
In baseball, you don't know nothing.
--Yogi Berra
Whoever wants to know the heart and mind of America had better
learn baseball.
--Jacques Barzun
You could look it up.
--Casey Stengel
Titles over --
FADE IN:
A series of still photos. Black and white. Ancient.
BABE RUTH SWINGS -- An icon of American history. His giant
upper body balanced delicately on tiny ankles and feet. The
huge bat in an elegant follow-through...
DISSOLVE TO:
TY COBB ROUNDS THIRD -- The most vicious ballplayer of them
all, a balletic whirling dervish.
DISSOLVE TO:
JACKIE ROBINSON STEALS ROME -- Yogi Berra applies the tag.
Too late.
DISSOLVE TO:
JOE DIMAGGIO WITH HIS SON in the Yankee clubhouse. Walking
down the runway, Joe in uniform. Number five.
PULLBACK REVEALS:
A WALL COVERED WITH BASEBALL PICTURES behind a small table
covered with objects and lit candles. A baseball, an old
baseball card, a broken bat, a rosin bag, a jar of pine tar --
also a peacock feather, a silk shawl, a picture of Isadora
Duncan. Clearly, the arrangement is -- A SHRINE -- And it
glows with the candles like some religious altar.
We hear a woman's voice in a North Carolina accent.
ANNIE (V.O.)
I believe in the Church of Baseball.
(beat)
I've tried all the major religions
and most of the minor ones -- I've
worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma,
Vishnu, Shiva, trees, mushrooms, and
Isadora Duncan...
PAN AWAY FROM THE SHRINE across the room. Late afternoon
light spills into the room, across fine old furniture, to a
small dressing table. A WOMAN applies make up.
ANNIE SAVOY, mid 30's, touches up her face. Very pretty,
knowing, outwardly confident. Words flow from her Southern
lips with ease, but her view of the world crosses Southern,
National and International borders. She's cosmic.
ANNIE (V.O.)
I know things. For instance --
(beat)
There are 108 beads in a Catholic
rosary. And --
(beat)
There are 108 stitches in a baseball.
(beat)
When I learned that, I gave Jesus a
chance.
(beat)
But it just didn't work out between
us. The Lord laid too much guilt on
me. I prefer metaphysics to theology.
(beat)
You see, there's no guilt in
baseball... and it's never boring.
ANNIE OPENS A CLOSET DOOR -- Dozens of shoes hang from the
door. She chooses a pair of RED HIGH HEELS, with thin straps.
She sits on a bench and
ANNIE
Which makes it like sex.
(beat)
There's never been a ballplayer slept
with me who didn't have the best
year of his career.
(beat)
Making love is like hitting a baseball --
you just got to relax and concentrate.
ANNIE SLIPS ON THE RED HIGH HEELS -- Smoothing her hands up
her calves as she does.
ANNIE
Besides, I'd never sleep with a player
hitting under .250 unless he had a
lot of R.B.I.'s or was a great glove
man up the middle.
(beat)
A woman's got to have standards.
SHE HOLDS OUR HER LEGS DISPLAYING THE HEELS, side by side.
Like a little girl showing off her new shoes.
ANNIE
The young players start off full of
enthusiasm and energy but they don't
realize that come July and August
when the weather is hot it's hard to
perform at your peak level.
(beat)
The veterans pace themselves better.
They finish stronger. They're great
in September.
(beat)
While I don't believe a woman needs
a man to be fulfilled, I do confess
an interest in finding the ultimate
guy -- he'd have that youthful
exuberance but the veteran's sense
of timing...
ANNIE STARTS PACKING A HUGE HANDBAG -- With fruit, an official
scorebook, binoculars, a radar gun, and lipstick.
ANNIE
Y'see there's a certain amount of
"life-wisdom" I give these boys.
(beat)
I can expand their minds. Sometimes
when I've got a ballplayer alone
I'll just read Emily Dickinson or
Walt Whitman to him. The guys are so
sweet -- they always stay and listen.
(beat)
Of course a guy will listen to
anything if he thinks it's foreplay.
ANNIE TOUCHES PERFUME BEHIND HER EARS and, ever so slightly,
in her cleavage.
ANNIE
I make then feel confident. They
make me feel safe. And pretty.
ANNIE POSES IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR -- She smoothes her dress
along her hips. And puts on a flashy pair of sunglasses.
Stylish and slightly mad.
ANNIE
What I give them lasts a life-time.
What they give me lasts 142 games.
Sometimes it seems like a bad trade.
(quickly rebounding)
But bad trades are part of baseball --
who can forget Frank Robinson or
Milt Pappas, for Godsakes!
(beat)
It's a long season and you got to
trust it.
ANNIE STARTS FOR THE DOOR and grabs her baseball glove
CUT TO:
EXT. ANNIE'S HOUSE -- DUSK
A frame house with porch and lots of trees -- a Thomas Wolfe
house... with a 1959 faded red Volvo in the driveway.
ANNIE LEAVES ON FOOT, turning onto the sidewalk of a bucolic,
old Durham, North Carolina neighborhood. In the b.g. other
people are heading the same direction ANNIE PULLS A DURHAM
BULLS BASEBALL CAP from her handbag and pulls it on her head.
ANNIE
I've tried them all -- I really have --
(beat)
and the only church that truly feeds
the soul -- day in, day out -- is
the Church of Baseball.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE CHURCH -- DURHAM BASEBALL PARK -- DUSK
Now visible In the late afternoon sun, a rickety old stadium
carved into the center of an old Tobacco town.
People are arriving on foot from all around...
"Rock Around the Clock" by Bill Haley fills the air.
CLOSE ON A BASEBALL CLOWN -- MAX PATKIN, 60, at home plate
doing his famous Bill Haley routine. A comic pitcher's windup
full of twists and goofy choreography.
RECORDING OVER P.A.
One o'clock, two o'clock, three
o'clock, rock... Four o'clock, five
o'clock, six o'clock rock...
ANNIE SITS DOWN IN HER PRIVATE BOX SEAT -- Her chair is wiped
off by a young black boy, JACKSON, 11, who then sits next to
her. He is her employed errand runner, note sender, and
friend.
A GROUP OF GROUPIES ENTERS THE PARK -- 20 year old girl/women,
dressed in tight pants, tight everything.
Friendly, eager, innocent -- THEY WAVE TO ANNIE.
FIVE PLAYERS' WIVES AND THREE SMALL CHILDREN sit in a special
box seat behind a small sign "Players' Wives".
RECORDING OVER P.A.
Seven o'clock, eight o'clock, nine
o'clock rock... we're gonna rock
around the clock tonight
CUT TO:
EXT/INT. THE DURHAM BULL DUGOUT -- NIGHT
As Max Patkin continues his routine, players warm up, and --
THE MANAGER, JOE RIGGINS, 45, known merely as SKIP, short
for "Skipper", a chaw of tobacco in his cheek, stands with
his pitching coach, LARRY HOCKETT late 30's, an ex-big leaguer
whose body has seen too many cocktail lounges.
LARRY ROLLS SOME RED MAN CHEWING TOBACCO into a slab of pink
bubble gum, carefully folding the corners, tucking it neatly
together. Larry examines it as they talk -- And shoves the
giant chaw into his mouth.
SKIP
Where's Ebby?
LARRY
Ain't he warning up?
SKIP
(cynically)
No. The guy's professional debut and
he forgets about it.
LARRY
Better find our bonus baby, eh?
A PLAYER, DEKE, 25, stuffs a hot dog into his mouth.
SKIP
Seen Ebby?
DEKE
(mouthful of food)
Nope.
SKIP WHIRLS AND HEADS UP THE TUNNEL into the:
CUT TO:
INT. THE DURHAM CLUBHOUSE -- NIGHT
SKIP enters, shouting --
SKIP
Ebby?!
CLOSE ON A BARE ASS -- Baseball uniform around the ankles,
short t-shirt on top, and on top of that the head of EBBY
CALVIN LALOOSH, baseball cap on backwards. EBBY is a great
looking energetic man-child with the endless confidence,
naivete and horniness of youth.
Life is a party.
A YOUNG WOMAN, MILLIE, 20, half nude, is dressing quickly.
EBBY WHIRLS as Skip enters.
SKIP
Jesus. Game starts in four minutes!
(beat)
Why ain't you warm?!
EBBY
I am warm.
SKIP
I'm fining you a hundred dollars.
Jesus, Ebby, this is your professional
debut tonight -- you know how many
guys out there'd give blood to be in
your shoes an' you're leavin' your
fastball in the locker room for some
piece of ass!
MILLIE LOOKS OUT FROM BEHIND A BAT RACK -- Outraged.
MILLIE
Skip, It's me! I'm not some quote
piece of ass unquote.
SKIP
Oh, Millie, jeez, sorry -- I didn't
recognize ya. Don't take it personal
but if I catch you in here again
you're banned from the ballpark.
MILLIE
You can't ban me from the ballpark
'cause Daddy donated the scoreboard
and if you banned me he might take
the scoreboard away.
SKIP
Whatta we need a scoreboard for? We
haven't scored any runs all year
(tough, to Ebby)
Get your ass out there.
As Skip starts to leave.
EBBY
Hey Boss, I got a question.
SKIP
(stops, exasperated)
What?!
EBBY
You think I need a nickname? I think
I need a nickname. The great ones
have nicknames -- somethin' like Oil
Can or Catfish...
Skip stares at him. He can't believe this guy.
SKIP
Ya got three minutes.
SKIP WHIRLS AND HEADS BACK OUT TO THE FIELD -- And Ebby
unperturbed, turns his attention back to Millie.
EBBY
Got time for another quickie?
MILLIE
Jesus, you got a game to pitch!
EBBY
But we got three minutes.
EXT. THE BALLPARK -- MOMENTS LATER -- NIGHT
CUT TO:
MAX PATKIN STILL FLAILING AWAY to "Rock Around the Clock".
RECORDING
When the clock strikes two, three,
and four and the band slows down
we'll yell for more, gonna rock around
the clock tonight.
ANNIE LOOKS THROUGH HER BINOCULARS -- Studying the players
warming up casually on the sidelines as Patkin winds up his
act.
P.O.V. A LATIN PLAYER PLAYING PEPPER.
ANNIE
Number twenty-two's thighs are just
great. Who's he?
JACKSON
(reading the program)
Jose Galindo. He hit .314 at Lynchburg
last year.
ANNIE
Three-fourteen? Hmmm... Look't those
thighs, Jackson.
BACK TO MAX PATKIN -- He finishes his routine.
RECORDING OVER P.A.
Gonna rock, gonna rock around the
clock tonight.
INT. PRESS BOX -- NIGHT
CUT TO:
A WOMAN ANNOUNCER, MARYLOU, 30, speaks into the P.A. mike.
ANNOUNCER
Let's hear it for Max Patkin --
Applause as Patkin takes his bows, leaves the field, shakes
hands with a the BULL MASCOT LEADING THE APPLAUSE.
ANNOUNCER
"The Greatest Show on Dirt" -- your
own Durham Bulls!
CUT TO:
INT. THE DUGOUT
CLOSE ON ANOTHER PLAYER -- MICKEY MCFEE, 23, black. Smoking
a cigarette -- always smoking a cigarette. He snuffs out his
cigarette and RUNS onto the field with the rest of the team,
as --
EBBY ENTERS THE DUGOUT from the runway. Larry and Skip
encourage their players running onto the field. Ebby is trying
to get the zipper on his fly unstuck. He smiles broadly at
Skip and Larry, and grabs his glove.
EBBY
I'm there, Skip, I'm ready.
CUT TO:
INT. THE PRESS BOX
THE RADIO ANNOUNCER, TEDDY CULLINANE, 50, leans into the
radio mike of a very small local station. Next to him is the
local SPORTSWRITER, WHITEY SHERRARD, 40. Between them they've
seen a million minor league players come and go.
WHITEY
Is this guy LaLoosh worth a hundred
grand? I hear he's a quart low?
TEDDY THE RADIO MAN
(covering the mike)
He's left handed. Whattya expect?
(on the air)
The Bulls are off to a slow start
having dropped their first three
games, but hope to turn it around
tonight with the professional debut
of the heralded young left hander,
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh.
(beat)
Stepping in for the Peninsula White
Sox is leadoff hitter Willie Foster
CUT TO:
EXT. THE BALLFIELD -- NIGHT
ANGLE TO ANNIE'S BOX SEAT -- Millie has joined Annie and
Jackson. Clearly, the younger women look up to Annie for
wisdom and insight.
ANNIE
-- Millie, you've got to stay out of
the clubhouse. It'll just get
everybody in trouble.
MILLIE
I got lured.
ANNIE
You didn't get "lured". Women never
get lured. They're too strong and
powerful for that. Now say it -- "I
didn't get lured and I will take
responsibility for my actions".
MILLIE
"I didn't get lured and I will take
responsibility for my actions".
ANNIE
That's better.
(to Jackson)
Got the radar ready?
JACKSON
Ready.
JACKSON AIMS A RADAR GUN at the plate.
THE PENINSULA WHITE SOX LEADOFF HITTER steps in.
TEDDY THE RADIO MAN (V.O.)
The word on LaLoosh is that the good
looking young lefty has a major league
fastball but sometimes has problems
with his control.
EBBY CALVIN LALOOSH WINDS UP and fires. The pitch sails over
the batter's head, over the catcher's head, over the backstop,
and CRASHES INTO THE PRESS BOX.
CUT TO:
INT. THE PRESS BOX
THE ANNOUNCER AND SPORTSWRITER CRASH to the floor as the
ball smashes into their booth.
CUT TO:
INT. THE DUGOUT
SKIP SPITS TOBACCO, mumbles flatly to Larry.
SKIP
Little high.
LARRY
(shouts to EBBY)
C'mon big 'un, you're okay...
ANNIE'S BOX SEAT -- She turns to Jackson.
JACKSON
Ninety-five miles an hour.
ANNIE
He looks great, just great!
CUT TO:
EXT. THE PITCHER'S MOUND
THE CATCHER TALKS TO EBBY, trying to calm him down.
CATCHER
What the hell was that?! Lighten up
a little. Awright?
EBBY
(to catcher)
Hey -- what's your name again -- I'm
bad with names --
CATCHER
Ed. You want me to write it on my
chest? Jesus ...
EBBY
Sorry. Hey, Ed, I got a question.
CATCHER
What?
EBBY
Who's the beef sitting behind the
third base dugout?
CATCHER
(slowly)
That's Annie Savoy. Nice eh? But
that's more woman than you ever
dreamed of, Rook. She could kick
your ass and have you for breakfast.
THE CATCHER RETURNS to the plate.
INT. THE PRESS BOX
CUT TO:
WHITEY AND TEDDY WARILY CLIMB back to their seats.
TEDDY
One ball and no strikes to Willie
Foster...
CUT TO:
EBBY'S NEXT PITCH HITS FOSTER in the ribs. He crumples.
CUT TO:
ANNIE'S BOX SEAT -- She's writing a note. She hands it to
Jackson.
ANNIE
Take this to Ebby in the dugout
between innings.
JACKSON
What's it say?
ANNIE
It says he's not bending his back on
his follow-through.
JACKSON RUNS OFF with the note. Annie turns to Millie.
ANNIE
Well let's get down to it, honey --
how was he?
MILLIE
Well, he fucks like he pitches.
Sorta all over the place
P.O.V. EBBY LALOOSH FIRES ANOTHER ONE INTO THE STANDS. AND --
Hit "Rock Around the Clock" --
DISSOLVE INTO:
QUICK MONTAGE OF EBBY'S FIRST GAME -- Strikeouts and wild
pitches. A young, gifted, uncontrollable thrower.
BILL HALEY AND HIS COMETS
When the chimes ring five, six and
seven -- We'll be right in Seventh
Heaven, Gonna rock around the clock
tonight...
EBBY UNLEASHES A WILD ONE -- And decks the Bull Mascot.
EBBY IN THE DUGOUT READS THE NOTE from Annie.
EBBY STRIKES OUT a Peninsula batter.
EBBY UNLEASHES ANOTHER WILD ONE and a batter hits the dirt.
End "Rock Around the Clock" and --
CUT TO:
INT. THE BULL LOCKER ROOM -- NIGHT
SKIP WALKS THROUGH THE PLAYERS ROOM -- Players are up, joking
irreverently.
JOSE
Hey Lefty, hold 'em to 12 runs every
night, you'll win 20 --
EBBY
(he might be serious)
Had 'em all the way.
A DURHAM PLAYER SITTING HALF DRESSED in front of his locker.
A PICTURE OF JESUS hangs amidst his gear. The player, JIMMY,
25, has a Bible and prays softly to himself.
JIMMY
Dear Lord, thank you for being with
us tonight, thank you for protecting
us from injury and --
DEKE WALKS BY, shaking Jimmy irreverently as he prays.
DEKE
Wake up, wake up --
MICKEY (A BLACK) COMPLAINS TO TONY as they undress.
MICKEY
This league is racist, man.
TONY
Every time you go 0 for 4 you think
the league is racist -- face it,
Mick, you're an equal opportunity
"out".
CUT TO:
THE MANAGER'S OFFICE -- A tiny cubicle, a desk, phone Larry
joins him with the pitching charts. Skip studies the charts.
SKIP
He walked eighteen?!
LARRY
It's a league record.
SKIP
Struck out eighteen...
LARRY
League record.
(beat)
And he hit the Radio Announcer, a
Sportswriter, and the Bull Mascot
twice -- also league records --
(beat)
Joe, the guy's got some serious shit.
THE DOOR OPENS -- A PLAYER ENTERS, in street clothes, carrying
his suitcases. CRASH DAVIS, 30, older than the other players.
And different. More than just opinions, he actually has a
point of view. A career minor leaguer, hanging on wherever
he can get a job. Unlike Ebby -- Crash knows a lot about the
world without baseball. Also unlike Ebby -- he loves baseball
desperately.
LARRY
Who're you?
Crash speaks slowly, with a trace of cynicism and pride,
like an old warrior who knows he's just a hired gun.
CRASH
I am the player to be named later.
Beat. Skip looks out, half dressed, from his cubicle.
SKIP
Crash Davis?
CRASH
The Crash Davis.
(beat, then nonstop)
And you, Larry Hockett, should
recognize me 'cause five years ago
in the Texas League when you were
pitching for El Paso and I was hitting
cleanup for Shreveport, you hung a
curve on an 0-2 pitch of a 3-2 game
in bottom of the 8th and I tattooed
it over the Goodyear Tire sign, beat
you 4-3 -- and I got a free wheel
alignment from Goodyear.
LARRY
(remembering)
Oh yeah. I shoulda throwed a slider.
Damn, Crash, how're ya?
SKIP
I'm Joe Riggins. Sit down
CRASH
I'm too old for this shit. Why the
hell am I back in "A" ball?
SKIP
'Cause of Ebby Calvin LaLoosh.
(beat)
The Big Club's got a hundred grand
in him --
LARRY
He's got a million dollar arm and a
five cent head.
SKIP
-- we had the gun on him tonight --
the last five pitches he threw were
faster than the first five. 96 miles
an hour, 98, 97, 97. 97.
(beat)
He's got the best young arm I've
seen in 30 years.
LARRY
But he ain't quite sure which plane
he's on, y'know what I mean...
SKIP
You been around, you're smart, you're
professional, you know what it takes --
(beat)
We want you to mature the kid.
CRASH
"Mature" ain't a fuckin' verb.
LARRY
You go to college or what?
SKIP
We want you to room with him on the
road and stay on his case all year.
(beat)
He can go all the way.
CRASH
And where can I go?
SKIP
You can keep going to the ballpark
and keep gettin' paid to do it.
(beat)
Beats hell outta working at Sears.
LARRY
Sears sucks, Crash, I tried it once.
Sold Lady Kenmores -- it's nasty,
nasty work.
SKIP
Even if it's the Carolina League --
this is a chance to play everyday.
CRASH
(angrily)
You don't want a player, you want a
stable pony. My Triple A contract
gets bought out so I can hold the
Flavor o' the Month's dick in the
bus leagues?!
(angrily)
Fuck this fucking game... I fuckin'
quit.
CRASH RISES TO LEAVE -- Picks up his luggage, and turns to
Skip and Larry before exiting. A deep breath
CRASH
Who we play tomorrow?
Beat. They know, they share the inability to quit the game.
They're all clinging to the Church of Baseball.
SKIP
Winston-Salem. Batting practice at
4:30.
CRASH LEAVES and as he does -- Ed (the catcher) enters.
ED
You wanted to see me?
SKIP
Yeah, Ed, shut the door...
He does. Remains standing. He can see it coming.
SKIP
This is the toughest job a manager
has, Ed...
(deep breath)
But the organization has decided to
make a change -- we're releasing you
from your contract...
CLOSE ON ED -- Silent. Motionless. Empty.
CUT TO:
INT. THE LOCKER ROOM --
CRASH PUTS HIS BAG IN A LOCKER as other players return from
the shower. Crash watches as EBBY SOAKS HIS ELBOW IN A TUB
OF ICE WATER as the sports writer, Whitey, interviews him.
WHITEY
How's it feel to get your first
professional win?
EBBY
It feels "out there". A major rush.
I mean it doesn't just feel "out
there" but it feels out there.
CRASH
Hopeless. Utterly fucking hopeless.
CUT TO:
INT. MAXWELL'S BAR -- LATER THAT NIGHT
Loud country music in the players' hangout and pickup spot.
It's full of players and lots of young women.
MILLIE SITS DOWN NEXT TO YET ANOTHER PLAYER, TONY, 25 --
He's slick, urban, smooth.
MILLIE
Hi, I'm Millie.
TONY
I'm Tony. I play left field.
MILLIE
I know.
ANNIE SITS IN THE CORNER at her own table. Max Patkin, looking
spiffy in a turtle neck sweater and double breasted blazer,
sits down next to her. Old friends.
MAX
Love the game, Annie, love it
(dead serious)
When I die I'm gonna have my ashes
sprinkled around a pitcher's mound
in some ballpark somewhere --
(beat)
-- and I'll have a few ashes saved
for the rosin bag so I'll still be
in the game after I'm gone.
ANNIE
What a sweet idea --
A COCKTAIL WAITRESS DELIVERS another round to them.
ANNIE
We didn't order this, honey...
WAITRESS
(she points)
He did.
P.O.V. Crash davis sitting alone in the other corner. He
waves, and smiles easily.
ANNIE
(to Max)
Who's that?
MAX
Hey -- that's Crash Davis. He's played
in more towns than I have. Helluva
guy -- real different... I actually
saw him read a book without pictures
once
ANNIE
Really? Kinda cute...
ANNIE NODS AT CRASH -- He comes over to her table, greets
Max as an old friend, and introduces himself.
CRASH
I'm Crash Davis.
ANNIE
Annie Savoy. Wanta dance?
CRASH
I don't dance.
ANNIE
I don't trust a man who don't dance.
It ain't natural.
SUDDENLY -- HARD CORE ROCK AND ROLL on the juke box. Several
couples dance, and out of the pack --
EBBY DANCES WITH A GROUPIE -- Spinning and whirling,
uninhibited and infectious. He's suddenly dancing with a
different WOMAN, then another, and another...
ANNIE, CRASH AND MAX WATCH the mad performance.
MAX
Who's he dancing with?
ANNIE
All of 'em, I think...
EBBY PUTS ON A ONE MAN SHOW ON THE DANCE FLOOR -- The whole
bar stops to watch him, applauding as he spins to a finish.
A quirkier "Saturday Night Fever" show. More naive, fun. He
climbs off the floor and joins Annie's table.
EBBY
Thanks for the note -- you're right,
I wasn't bending my back.
ANNIE
You got a live arm there.
He extends his hand to introduce himself.
EBBY
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh.
ANNIE
You need a nickname.
EBBY
That's what I been telling everybody!
Wanta dance?
CRASH
She's dancing with me.
ANNIE
Crash, I didn't think you --
CRASH
I'll learn. C'mon --
EBBY
Just a minute, pal...
The two men square off quickly. Annie mocks them.
ANNIE
You boys gonna fight over little me?
CRASH RISES, pulling Annie with him. But --
EBBY STANDS to challenge Crash.
EBBY
Step outside, pal.
CRASH
Love to --
ANNIE
Oh don't be such guys --
But Crash and Ebby head outside. She turns to Max --
ANNIE
Hell, Max, wanta dance?
CUT TO:
EXT. THE PARKING LOT -- NIGHT
A circle is formed. Everybody gathers. Millie clings to Tony,
her guy of the moment. Crash and Ebby face off.
CRASH
I don't believe in fighting.
EBBY
Pussy.
CRASH
Take the first shot at me.
EBBY
I ain't hitting a man first.
CRASH
Hit me in the chest with this...
CRASH PULLS A BASEBALL from his jacket pocket, tosses it to
Ebby.
EBBY
I'd kill ya.
CRASH
From what I hear you couldn't hit a
bull in the ass with a slingshot
EBBY
Don't try me.
CRASH
Throw it. C'mon, right in the chest.
EBBY
No way.
CRASH
C'mon, Meat. You can't hit me 'cause
you're starting to think about it
already, you're starting to think
how embarrassing it'll be to miss,
how all these people would laugh.
(teasing mercilessly)
C'mon, Rook -- show me that million
dollar arm 'cause I'm getting a good
idea about the five cent head --
EBBY REARS BACK AND FIRES THE BALL -- From ten feet away,
right at Crash's chest. But, alas --
THE BALL GOES THROUGH A SECOND STORY WINDOW in the distance.
Crash never blinks.
CRASH
Ball four.
EBBY IS ENRAGED -- HE CHARGES CRASH, lunging at him.
EBBY
Who the fuck are you?!
CRASH LASHES OUT A SHORT LEFT -- With lightning speed,
effortless. And brutal. BANG! Ebby goes down. And stays there
stunned. He looks up.
CRASH
I'm Crash Davis. Your new catcher.
And you just got Lesson Number One --
"Don't think -- it can only hurt the
ballclub".
(beat)
Buy ya a drink?
CUT TO:
INT. THE CLUB -- NIGHT
ANNIE AND MAX DANCE to Billy Eckstein on the juke box. Millie
and Tony are also on the dance floor.
ECKSTEIN
(on juke box)
April in Paris, chestnuts in blossom,
Holiday tables under the tree...
EBBY AND CRASH WATCH FROM THE CORNER TABLE -- Ebby's right
eye is blackened. He holds a drink on it.
EBBY
We fight, she gets the clown -- how's
that happen?
CRASH
Shut up -- I like this song...
(sings along)
April in Paris, this is a feeling,
No one can ever reprieve...
EBBY
She's playing with my mind.
CRASH
It's a damn easy thing to play with.
ANNIE SUDDENLY APPEARS at the table.
ANNIE
Well -- you boys stopped fighting
yet? Are you pals now? Good. I love
a little macho male bonding -- I
think it's sweet even if it's probably
latent homosexuality being "re-
channeled" but I believe in "re-
channeling" so who cares, right?
(beat)
Shall we go to my place?
EBBY
Which one of us?
ANNIE
Oh both of you, of course...
CLOSE ON EBBY -- His eyes full of fear and wonder.
CLOSE ON CRASH -- He smiles.
THE THREE OF THEM LEAVE the bar together.
CUT TO:
INT. ANNIE'S LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT
THE SHRINE OF BASEBALL GLOWS -- Annie lights the candles.
EBBY AND CRASH SIT ON OPPOSITE ENDS OF HER COUCH -- Both men
look around the room with wonder. Ebby is clearly more nervous
than Crash, who's been in some strange rooms in his minor
league career.
ANNIE
These are the ground rules.
(beat)
I hook up with one guy a season -- I
mean it takes me a couple of weeks
to pick the guy -- kinda my own spring
training...
(beat)
And, well, you two are the most
promising prospects of the season so
far.
(beat)
So... I thought we should get to
know each other.
CRASH
Why do you get to choose? Why don't
I get to choose?
ANNIE
Actually none of us on this planet
ever really choose each other. It's
all Quantum Physics and molecular
attraction. There are laws we don't
understand that bring us together
and break us apart.
EBBY
Is somebody gonna go to bed with
somebody or what?
ANNIE
You're a regular nuclear meltdown,
honey -- slow down.
Crash rises to leave, and heads for the door.
CRASH
After 12 years in the minor leagues,
I don't tryout. Besides -- I don't
believe in, Quantum Physics when it
comes to matters of the heart... or
loins.
ANNIE
(challenging him)
What do you believe in?
Crash at the door. Annie's question is slightly taunting.
He stops, and speaks with both aloofness and passion:
CRASH
I believe in the soul, the cock, the
pussy, the small of a woman's back,
the hanging curve ball, high fiber,
good scotch, long foreplay, show
tunes, and that the novels of Thomas
Pynchon are self-indulgent, overrated
crap.
(beat)
I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald
acted alone, I believe that there
oughtta be a constitutional amendment
outlawing astro-turf and the
designated hitter, I believe in the
"sweet spot", voting every election,
soft core pornography, chocolate
chip cookies, opening your presents
on Christmas morning rather than
Christmas eve, and I believe in long,
slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that
last for 7 days.
ANNIE
(breathless)
Oh my...
(softly)
Don't leave...
CRASH
G'night.
Crash heads out into the night. Annie hurries to the-door
while Ebby sits on the couch, bewildered.
EBBY
Hey -- what's all this molecule stuff?
ANNIE STANDS IN THE DOORWAY -- Crash is on the porch.
ANNIE
Wait, Crash -- don't go -- all I
want is a date. I'm not gonna fall
in love with you or nothin'.
CRASH
I'm not interested in a woman who's
interested in that boy.
ANNIE
I'm not interested yet.
Ebby appears in the door.
EBBY
Who you calling a "boy"?
CRASH
See ya at the yard, Meat.
Crash walks out into the Durham night. Ebby and Annie stand
in the doorway. She speaks softly to Ebby.
ANNIE
No ballplayer ever said "no" to a
date with me.
EBBY
Well shit, then, let's fuck.
CUT TO:
INT. ANNIE'S BEDROOM -- MOMENTS LATER
ANNIE PUTS ON A RECORD -- Edith Piaf sings "Le Trois Cloches".
EBBY STARTS UNDRESSING across the room.
ANNIE
Wait, honey, slow down -- I want to
watch.
She sits in a chair. Piaf sings. Ebby practically rips his
shirt off, exposing a great upper body.
ANNIE
No, no, no. Put it back on and take
it off slowly.
EBBY
Jesus, what kinda broad are you?
ANNIE
When you know how to make love, you'll
know how to pitch.
(turning to the stereo)
Shh. I love this part.
Piaf sings. Annie listens. Ebby re-buttons, then unbuttons
his shirt. It drops, revealing his back.
ANNIE
Oh my -- what a nice back.
Ebby drops his pants.
ANNIE
No, no, honey... first the shoes and
socks.
EBBY
The socks? It's cold in here.
ANNIE
(sweetly, unthreatening)
You think Dwight Gooden leaves his
socks on?
Ebby considers this. Pulls his pants back up. Takes his socks
off. Then his pants.
ANNIE
Ebby honey have you ever been
handcuffed in bed?
CUT TO:
EXT. DOWNTOWN DURHAM -- NIGHT
Deserted streets of the old tobacco town. Crash walks alone.
He picks up an old newspaper out of a trash can. He stops in
front of a store window. He rolls the newspaper like a short
bat. He takes a batting stance, and --
CRASH TAKES HIS BATTING STANCE in front of the window,
studying his reflection. He taken a "swing". And another.
A GROUP OF OLD BLACK MEN stand in a doorway, watching.
CUT TO:
INT. ANNIE'S BEDROOM -'CONTINUOUS NIGHT
CLICK -- A handcuff is locked onto Ebby's wrist. Both his
arms are outstretched -- he's getting very excited.
EBBY
Awright! I read about stuff like
this. Bring it on!
Annie calmly drags a chair over and sits down.
ANNIE
Sweetie, have you ever heard of Walt
Whitman?
EBBY
Who's he play for?
ANNIE
Well, he sort of pitches for the
Cosmic All-Stars.
EBBY
Never heard of 'em.
Annie opens a book and begins reading as Piaf sings softly.
ANNIE
Good -- then listen.
(reading)
"I sing the body electric. The armies
of those I love engirth me and I
engirth them -- "
EBBY
We gonna fuck or what?
ANNIE
Shh, shh...
(reading)
"They will not let me off till I go
with them, respond to them, and
discorrupt them and charge them"
DISSOLVE TO:
SAME SCENE -- LATER
ANNIE
"Limitless limpid jets of love hot
and enormous -- quivering jelly of
love, white blow and delirious juice --
CLOSE ON EBBY'S FACE -- Intrigued, aroused, frightened.
CUT TO:
EXT. DOWNTOWN DURHAM -- NIGHT
THE OLD BLACK MAN is tossing wadded up balls of paper at
Crash who takes beautiful, fluid swings with the rolled up
newspaper. Batting practice.
CLOSE ON CRASH'S EYES -- Studying the "pitches" with intense
concentration, endlessly working on his game.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE DURHAM FIELD -- NEXT DAY
LARRY, DEKE, MICKEY AND BOBBY ARE SINGING at home plate as a
pre-game show. Larry is Diana Ross, the other three are the
Supremes, and the routine is brilliantly tacky.
LARRY (AND THE SUPREMES)
Baby love, oh oh, baby love, I need
ya oh how I need ya, All ya do is
treat me bad, Take my heart and leave
me sad...
CUT TO:
INT. DURHAM BULLS LOCKER ROOM -- DAY
JIMMY STANDS ON A BENCH trying to get the players' attention.
JIMMY
Listen up, guys, could I have your
attention a minute?
(a few heads turn)
I'm going to be leading a daily chapel
service at three in the afternoons
here in the locker room and you're
all invited to drop by and worship
before batting practice.
BOBBY
Jimmy, God damn it -- loosen up and
get laid.
BOBBY, 25, smooths the creases of his uniform, preening.
JIMMY
I don't care If you think I'm square
but I believe what I believe.
All heads turn as:
EBBY ENTERS THE LOCKER ROOM -- He looks trashed.
BOBBY
Jesus, Ebby, what truck ran over
you?
EBBY
(glassy eyed)
Call me "Nuke". Annie said it's my
new nickname.
Lots of teasing from around the clubhouse.
DEKE
Annie nailed you? That's great, means
you're gonna have a helluva year.
Does she fuck as good as they say?
EBBY
We didn't do it, man -- she read
poetry to me all night, I swear.
It's more tiring than fucking.
EBBY GOES TO HIS LOCKER and starts undressing. Crash sits
next to him, looking straight ahead. Bobby nearby.
EBBY
-- of love"... hey, Crash, does that
mean what I think it means? What's
the deal here?
Crash studies Ebby.
CRASH
Your shower shoes have fungus on
'em. You'll never get to the Bigs
with fungus on your shower shoes.
(beat)
Think classy and you'll be classy.
If you win 20 in the Show you can
let the fungus grow back on your
shower shoes and the press'll think
you're colorful.
(beat)
Until you win twenty in the Show,
however, it means you're a slob.
CRASH RISES AND HEADS OUT to the field. Ebby sits silently,
holding his shower shoes, taking it all in.
CUT TO:
EXT. DURHAM BALLPARK -- GAME IN PROGRESS -- DAY
IN THE DUGOUT -- THE GAME FROM A DUGOUT P.O.V. The players
sit, stand, stir restlessly. A combination of relaxation and
intensity not visible from the stands.
CRASH IS HANDED HIS BAT and helmet by the bat boy.
DEKE
This guy's bringing some serious
smoke out there.
DUGOUT P.O.V. THE WINSTON-SALEM PITCHER throwing hard.
CRASH
He ain't got shit.
FOLLOW CRASH INTO THE ON-DECK CIRCLE -- The ritual. The bat
boy hands him the pine tar rag and he rubs pine tar on the
bat with great care.
CRASH RISES -- Heads to the plate. Talking to himself.
CRASH
You ain't getting that cheese by me,
meat.
CRASH TAKES HIS STANCE -- Upright. Calm. Head still.
CRASH (V.O.)
Look for the fastball up. He's gotta
come with the cheese. Relax. Relax.
Quick bat. Pop the clubhead. Open
the hips. Relax. You're thinking too
much. Get outta your fuckin' head,
Crash.
CLOSE ON CRASH'S FACE -- His eyes intensely focused.
CRASH'S P.O.V. THE PITCHER -- Starts his windup.
CRASH (V.O.)
Get on top of the ball. Quick bat.
Don't let him in your kitchen --
THE PITCHER DELIVERS -- Crash strides. Curveball.
Crash swings and misses, offstride. Strike one.
CRASH QUICKLY STEPS OUT OF THE BOX and picks up dirt. Rubs
it on his hands. He's pissed.
CRASH (V.O.)
You stupid fuck, Crash. What're you
swinging at a breaking ball for?
Why's he starting me off with a
hammer? Fuck me.
(more dirt)
You're okay. Stay back. Stay back,
you dumb fuck. Wait. Wait.
P.O.V. THE PITCHER'S NEXT DELIVERY -- CURVE BALL AWAY.
CRASH STRIDES INTO THE PITCH -- Lashes a line drive down the
first base line. Just foul.
Crash has started to first. Pulls up. Returns slowly to the
plate. Picks up his bat.
CRASH
Throw that shit again, meat. Throw
that weak ass shit.
(beat)
Now he's gotta try to slip the cheese
by me. One and one. You're on top.
Now bring me the gas --
P.O.V. PITCHER'S THIRD DELIVERY -- High and tight. Right
at Crash's head. The ball seems to accelerate. About to
explode his skull. For a moment -- THE FEAR OF DEATH...
CRASH HITS THE DIRT -- It just misses his head.
CRASH CLIMBS OUT OF THE DIRT -- Brushes himself off.
CRASH
This son of a bitch throws hard.
(beat)
Annie, Annie, Annie -- who is this
Annie?
(catching himself)
Jesus, get outta the box you idiot,
where's your head? Get the broad
outta your head.
CRASH HOLDS UP HIS HAND to the ump.
CRASH
Time out.
UMP
Time out!
CRASH STEPS OUT OF THE BOX -- Motions to the bat boy for the
pine tar rag. The boy brings it over. Crash re-applies it to
his bat.
BAT BOY
Get a hit, Crash.
CRASH
Shut up.
CRASH WALKS BACK TO THE BOX -- Talking to himself.
CRASH
Awright, awright. You've seen all
his pitches. Two and one. Relax.
Wait. Quick bat. You can hit this
shit --
CRASH IN THE BATTER'S BOX -- Digs in-again. Takes his stance.
Upright. Relaxed. Ready.
CRASH
Shorten up. Bring the gas... Be quick --
be quick -- yeah, yeah...
CUT TO:
ANNIE AND JACKSON IN THE STANDS -- She's writing a note
quickly, and hands it to Jackson, who hurries off.
CUT TO:
CRASH'S P.O.V. THE PITCHER'S NEXT PITCH -- A major league
fastball. It explodes to the plate. Crash swings. And misses.
Strike Three.
CRASH WALKS BACK TO THE DUGOUT -- Head high, no show of
emotion. Almost proud. An old Warrior, not giving an inch
even in defeat.
HE RE-ENTERS THE DUGOUT -- Sits down and starts putting the
catcher's gear back on. Deke leans over.
DEKE
Serious heat, eh?
CRASH
He ain't got shit.
THE BATBOY TAKES THE NOTE FROM JACKSON -- And hands it to
Crash, who refuses to accept it, being busy putting his gear
on.
BAT BOY
From Annie.
CRASH
Read it.
BAT BOY
Dear Crash. You have a lovely swing
but you're pulling your hips out too
early. I'd be happy to meet you at
the Batting Cage tomorrow to discuss
it. Signed, Annie.
DEKE
Well if there's one chick'd know
when you're pulling your hips out
early, Annie's the one.
Crash doesn't seem too amused. He grabs the note, and the
pen hanging from the starting lineup card taped to the dugout
wall. He scrawls a quick note.
CUT TO:
ANNIE'S PRIVATE BOX -- She's watching the players through
binoculars as Jackson returns with the note.
ANNIE
(looking through the
glasses)
What'd he say?
Jackson looks at the note uneasily, then reads --
JACKSON
It says... "I want to -- make...
love to you. Crash".
ANNIE PUTS DOWN THE GLASSES -- Takes the note.
ANNIE
Oh my...
CUT TO:
EXT. A LOCAL BATTING CAGE DAY
ANNIE DIGS IN AT THE PLATE -- Bat in hand. Crash a few feet
away. Annie spits on her hands, wear batting glove, pumps
the bat back and forth.
THE MECHANICAL PITCHING MACHINE DELIVERS -- Kawoosh.
ANNIE SWINGS -- Lashes out a line drive. Crash smiles.
ANNIE
See my hips?
CRASH
Yep.
ANNIE
I think Thomas Pynchon's a genius.
CRASH
When you're hitting you shouldn't
think about anything but hitting.
(beat)
But you shouldn't think about it too
much. The trick is to use your brain
to not use your brain.
ANNIE
But you were pulling your hips last
night.
CRASH
So... Wanta make love?
ANNIE SWINGS AND MISSES the next pitch.
ANNIE
I'm committed to Nuke for the season.
You had your chance the other night.
CRASH
What'you see in that guy -- he's
dim, pretty boy. A young, wild...
ANNIE
Young men are uncomplicated.
(Crash mutters)
And he's not "dim". He's just
inexperienced. My job is to give him
"life-wisdom" and help him make it
to the major leagues.
CRASH
That's my job too.
ANNIE SWINGS AND MISSES another pitch.
ANNIE
Damn.
CRASH
You're pulling your hips out.
ANNIE
But they're nice hips.
(beat)
I looked up your records -- You've
hit 227 home runs in the minors.
That's great!
ANNIE FOULS ONE OFF and digs in gamely.
CRASH
Don't tell anybody.
ANNIE
Why not? If you hit twenty homers
this year you'll be the all time
minor league champ! The record's...
CRASH
247 home runs in the minors would be
a dubious honor, if ya think about
it.
ANNIE
Oh no, I think it'd be great! The
Sporting News should know about it.
CRASH
No. Please.
ANNIE SWINGS AND MISSES another one.
ANNIE
Damn.
CRASH
Let me.
CRASH STEPS IN TO HIT -- He takes his familiar stance. The
pitch comes. Crash drills it.
CRASH
Your place or mine?
ANNIE
Despite my love of weird metaphysics
and my rejection of most Judao-
Christian ethics, I am, within the
framework of a baseball season,
monogamous.
CRASH
Fact is you're afraid of meeting a
guy like me 'cause it might be real
so you sabotage it with some bullshit
about commitment to a young boy you
can boss around --
(whack -- a line drive)
Great deal. You get to write self-
indulgent little poems all winter
about how hard it is to find a man
even though you just sent him packing --
(whack -- a line drive)
So what do you really want? You wanta
be a tragic woman figure wallowing
in the bullshit of magic?
(whack -- a line drive)
Or do you want a guy?
The pitching machine arm flaps. Empty. Silence.
ANNIE
Oh Crash... you do make speeches...
Crash puts the bat down, heads out the gate. She follows.
A LITTLE LEAGUE TEAM ARRIVES -- Twenty-five 10 year olds in
uniform with a couple PARENT COACHES.
LITTLE LEAGUER #1
Hey, are you Crash Davis! Can I have
a autograph?!
CRASH STOPS TO SIGN AUTOGRAPHS amidst 25 Little Leaguers.
CRASH
(as he signs autographs)
Well, Annie, your place or mine?
ANNIE
You got me all confused.
CRASH
A batter has two tenths of a second
to decide whether to swing --
ANNIE
I'm not a real batter. I'm a woman.
LITTLE LEAGUER
Hey, when are you guys gonna start
winning? You're terrible!
ANNIE
It's a long season, boys.
SUDDENLY A VOICE -- Nuke pulls up, gets out of his Porsche.
NUKE
Hey!
(coming over)
What're you guys doing here --
stealing my girl?
CRASH
Now, Nuke, would I do a thing like
that?
(to the little leaguers)
Hey kids, this is the great Ebby
Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh.
LITTLE LEAGUERS
It's Nuke, it's Nuke! Can I have
your autograph?! Etc.
NUKE
No prob, kids --
And suddenly Nuke is swept up into a sea of Little Leaguers.
Crash smiles as he turns Annie and the kids over to Nuke.
CRASH
See you guys at the ballpark.
Crash leaves Annie with Nuke and 25 Little Leaguers.
CUT TO:
EXT. CRASH GETS INTO HIS CAR -- CONTINUOUS
AN AGING SHELBY MUSTANG CONVERTIBLE -- The paint's fading, a
couple dings in the body, but loaded under the hood.
CRASH PUNCHES HIS TAPE DECK -- Sam Cooke's "You Send Me".
ANNIE BITES HER FIST watching Crash leave.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. ANNIE'S BEDROOM -- DAY
The sounds of lovemaking in a darkened room lit only by a
few candles.
ANNIE
Yes, yes, yesnmmmmyes...
(beat)
Oh my...
(several beats)
Oh, that was just fabulous, Crash.
Several beats of silence.
NUKE
Crash?
He flips on a lamp near the bed.
NUKE
You mean Nuke. You said "Crash".
ANNIE
I didn't say "Crash". I said Nuke.
NUKE
You said "Crash".
ANNIE
Honey, don't ever listen to a woman
when she's making love. They'll say
the strangest things.
NUKE
You said "Crash".
ANNIE
Would you rather me be making love
to him, using your name, or making
love to you, using his name?
Nuke considers this fabulous logic.
NUKE
Yeah maybe you're right.
ANNIE
You see how nice things are when we
go slow?
Nuke sighs; and lets his head sink in the pillow.
NUKE
Mmm, hmmm.
(beat)
You shoulda seen how many people
came to the airport to see me off.
When I got drafted first it was the
happiest day of my Father's life.
(beat)
He likes baseball more than I do...
ANNIE
You can learn to like it.
NUKE
I wanted to be the host of Dance
Fever, somethin' like that...
ANNIE
Y'know if you make it to the Bigs
you could still become the host of
Dance Fever. Baseball's a good
stepping stone for things like that.
NUKE
God, I never thought of that.
ANNIE
(sweetly)
There is a lot of things you never
thought of, sweetie -- now get some
rest for tonight's game.
Nuke rests his head on Annie's shoulder. His eyes are wide
open and full of nervous energy.
CUT TO:
EXT. DURHAM BASEBALL PARK -- DUSK
NUKE ON A PAY PHONE -- In his uniform. Players warming up in
the background as the ground crew prepares the field.
NUKE
Hello? Dad? This is Ebby.
(beat)
Yeah, I know, I know -- you got the
Durham papers yet? Well I been a
little wild...
(defensively)
These hitters down here are better
than the ones in high school...
(trying to change
subject)
How's Mom? Yeah? Well I am trying
hard... I am bending my back... you're
not coming down' here to visit just
yet, are you?
(beat)
Can I talk to Mom?
CUT TO:
EXT. HOME PLATE -- THE BALLPARK NIGHT
THE MAYOR OF DURHAM AND THE CITY COUNCIL stand at a mike in
front of home plate. 300 LITTLE LEAGUERS in uniform are lined
up along the foul line, restrained by a rope.
VOICE OVER P.A.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Mayor of
Durham, the honorable Mutt Clark...
THE MAYOR STEPS to the mike. A classic Southern mayor.
MAYOR
Welcome to the "Atlantic Seaboard
Tobacco Growers City Council Little
League Cash Drop Night"!
As the honorable Mutt Clark drones on -- we INTERCUT:
CUT TO:
EXT. THE BULLPEN -- CONTINUOUS
NUKE IS WARMING UP TO PITCH -- Crash and Larry watch him
closely, giving advice. As Nuke delivers --.
CRASH
Drive off your back leg. You pitch
with your legs as much as your arms --
NUKE
I thought I was --
CRASH
Don't think.
A MANGY DOG EATS FROM A DISH provided by the players. A couple
kids sit with the players.
MILLIE SITS DOWN NEXT TO A PLAYER -- BOBBY, 25.
MILLIE
Hi, I'm Millie.
BOBBY
I'm married.
JOSE FASHIONS A SMALL CROSS OUT OF CHICKEN BONES and rubs it
on his bat. Bobby notices this.
BOBBY
What's that?
JOSE
Chicken bone cross take the curse
off this bat and bring me hits.
BOBBY
You a God damn witch?
JOSE
Yes. A switch hitting witch. Very
common in Puerto Rico.
BOBBY
Will that work for me?
JOSE
If you believe in Voodoo.
BOBBY
I'm 0 for 16! Gimme some of that
shit.
BOBBY HOLDS OUT HIS BAT for Jose to rub with the cross.
JOSE
No, that is not belief. That is
desperation.
BOBBY
C'mon, God damn it, gimme some!
ALL HEADS TURN, A HELICOPTER APPEARS ABOVE THE FIELD
CUT TO:
BACK TO THE MAYOR AND CITY COUNCIL -- Hair and hats blowing
from the chopper turbulence.
MAYOR
...five, four, three, two, one...
let 'er go! One thousand big ones!
THE HELICOPTER DUMPS HUNDREDS OF DOLLAR BILLS above the field.
The night sky fills with fluttering money THE ROPE IS DROPPED --
THREE HUNDRED LITTLE LEAGUERS charge across the infield to
the falling money, scooping it up wildly, brawling, shoving,
clawing for the cash.
As the money flutters down...
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. DURHAM BASEBALL STADIUM -- SHORT TIME LATER
CLOSE ON THE ROSIN BAG on the mound. A hand picks it up.
Puffs of rosin "smoke". Nuke is on the mound.
NUKE NERVOUSLY WALKS AROUND THE MOUND -- Just before the
first batter. He picks up the rosin bag. Digs a slot for his
lead foot to land. And CRASH APPROACHES, in full gear, mask
tipped up on his head.
CRASH
Don't try to strike everybody out.
(beat)
Strikeouts are boring. They're
Fascist. Throw some ground balls,
it's more Democratic.
CRASH TURNS AND HEADS TO THE PLATE and we hear the beginning
of Nuke's interior monologue.
NUKE (V.O.)
What's this guy know, eh? If he's so
great why's he been in the minors
for ten years? And if he's so hot
how come Annie wants me instead of
him.
CRASH TURNS AROUND HALF WAY TO THE PLATE and returns to the
mound, as if he knows everything Nuke's thinking.
CRASH
And listen, meat. You don't know
shit. If you want to get to the Show,
you'll listen to me. She only wants
you 'cause she can boss you around,
got it?
(beat, complete tone
change)
Relax, have a ball out here. This
game's fun, okay? Fun, God damn it.
(beat)
And don't squeeze the ball so tight.
It's an egg. Hold it like an egg.
CRASH SMILES -- And trots back to the plate.
NUKE'S P.O.V. The first batter steps in. Crash gives the
sign for the pitch.
NUKE
Fun? What's he know about fun?
(beat)
Why's he calling for a curveball? I
wanta bring heat.
CRASH
Shake off the pitch. Throw what you
wanta.
NUKE SHAKES OFF THE PITCH -- Here comes Crash back out to
the mound before Nuke's thrown a pitch.
CRASH
Why you shaking me off?
NUKE
I wanta throw the heater to announce
my presence with authority.
CRASH
"To announce your fucking presence
with authority"? This guy's a first
ball fastball hitter. He's looking
for heat.
NUKE
But he ain't seen my heat --
CRASH
Awright, meat, give him your heat.
CRASH RETURNS ONE MORE TIME to behind the plate.
CRASH CROSSES THE PLATE, past the hitter. He speaks to the
opposing leadoff batter.
CRASH
Fastball.
NUKE
Why's he always call me "Meat"? I'm
the guy driving a Porsche.
NUKE WINDS UP AND DELIVERS -- A fastball.
THE LEADOFF HITTER TEES OFF on the pitch and sends a line
shot over the right field fence.
CLOSE ON BILLBOARD -- "Hit Cow, Win Steak" sign, The home
run hits the cow on a target painted on the cow's rump.
The COW'S MOUTH OPENS AND MOOS.
THE BATTER STANDS AND WATCHES the home run, admiring the
shot, enjoying the moment. CRASH GETS IN HIS FACE instantly --
and gets very tough.
CRASH
What're you lookin' at?! You're
showing up my pitcher, bush -- get
your ass in gear!
THE BATTER TAKES OFF ON A HOME RUN TROT -- Slightly scared.
AND CRASH HEADS TO THE MOUND where Nuke watches the Mooing
Cow and the circling batter with dismay. Crash smiles.
CRASH
Guy hit the shit outta that one, eh?
NUKE
Well, I held it like an egg.
CRASH
An' he scrambled the son of a bitch.
(beat)
Having fun yet?
NUKE
I'm having a blast.
(beat)
God, that sucker teed off on it just
like he knew I was gonna throw a
fastball.
CRASH
He did know.
NUKE
How?
CRASH
I told him.
CRASH SMILES -- Drops the mask, returns behind the plate.
NUKE SIGHS -- Takes a deep breath.
NUKE
Don't think. Just throw. Don't think.
Just throw.
NUKE'S WINDUP AND DELIVERY -- A fastball. A powerful, clean,
overwhelming fastball. Strike one.
NUKE
God, that was beautiful. What'd I
do?
NUKE WINDS UP AND DELIVERS HIS NEXT PITCH -- A monster. An
Ebby Calvin "Nuke" LaLoosh fastball. Twenty feet wide of the
plate.
THE BULL MASCOT DIVES FOR COVER -- The ball hits the bat
rack. Bats go flying.
CUT TO:
ANNIE IN HER BOX SEAT -- Jackson with the radar gun.
ANNIE
Oh dear... easy honey...
JACKSON
Ninety-five miles an hour...
CUT TO:
BACK TO NUKE -- Pacing the mound. Looks in for the sign.
NUKE PITCHES AGAIN -- The batter lines a single to left.
NUKE'S P.O.V. THE MANAGER AND PITCHING COACH TALKING
NUKE
Christ, Skip and Larry are talking
about me. Don't get anybody warm in
the pen yet. I'm okay. I'm having
fun.
NUKE PITCHES AGAIN -- The batter lines a single to right.
NUKE'S P.O.V. THE BULLPEN -- TWO PITCHERS start warming up.
NUKE
Don't yank me in the first, man.
NUKE'S P.O.V. -- THE MANAGER comes out to the mound to talk.
NUKE
Aw, shit.
THE MANAGER AND CRASH MEET NUKE on the mound.
SKIP
Relax.
NUKE
Don't pull me, Skip. I'll settle
down. I'm okay!
SKIP
(fatherly)
Relax, Nuke, Relax...
(to Crash)
What kinda stuff's he got?
CRASH
I don't know. I haven't caught
anything yet.
SKIP
What're you thinking about out here,
Nuke?
NUKE
I'm trying not to think.
SKIP
Good. But just 'cause you ain't
s'posed to think don't mean you ain't
s'posed to use your head.
SKIP SLAPS NUKE ON THE ASS in a gruff, reassuring way, and
returns to the dugout. Leaving Nuke and Crash.
CRASH
Have some fun, God damn it.
CRASH SMILES -- And as he returns to the plate...
CUT TO:
ANNIE WATCHES IN THE STANDS with Jackson and the radar gun.
ANNIE
Here we go again, Jackson, hold on
tight...
Hit Professor Longhair rock and roll... and:
DISSOLVE TO:
NUKE DELIVERS -- A batter grounds out weakly.
DURHAM AT BAT -- DUGOUT -- Crash lets Jose rub his bat with
a chicken bone cross. Then steps to the plate and --
CRASH HITS A LONG HOME RUN -- And circles the bases.
NUKE DELIVERS -- A line drive nearly undresses him. Runners
circle the bases.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. LOCKER ROOM -- NIGHT
THE SHOWERS -- Naked bodies in the steamy room. No joking
around. A team on losing streak.
SUDDENLY SKIP STEPS INTO THE SHOWER in his uniform and angrily
throws an armload of bats into the shower.
SKIP
Anybody not outta the shower in ten
seconds gonna get fined a hundred
bucks. One, two...
THE SHOWER EMPTIES in seconds. Players grab a seat, and:
WHITEY THE SPORTSWRITER ENTERS as he does every night.
SKIP
No press for five minutes, Whitey.
WHITEY
I'm doing a column on the Myth of
Sisyphus as manifest in a minor league
losing streak, Joe, and I thought...
SKIP PICKS UP A CHAIR AND FIRES IT AT WHITEY -- The chair
crashes into a locker. Whitey hurries out.
SKIP
If I ever need a brain transplant
I'll choose a sportswriter 'cause
that way I'd be getting a brain that's
never been used.
A couple snickers from the players. Skip whirls.
SKIP
What're you laughing at?!
Silence.
The Durham Bulls sit and stand quietly.
SKIP
You guys lollygag the ball around
the infield, ya lollygag you're way
to first, ya lollygag in an' outta
the dugout. You know what that makes
ya
(beat)
Lollygaggers. What's our record,
Larry?
LARRY
We're eight and sixteen.
SKIP
Eight and sixteen?! How'd we ever
win eight?
(beat)
Jose, what's this sign?
SKIP FLASHES THROUGH A SEQUENCE of signs. Hand to face, hand
to belt, hand brushes letters, etc.
JOSE
That's the steal.
SKIP
Wrong. That's the bunt. This is the
steal.
SKIP FLASHES QUICKLY ANOTHER SEQUENCE -- Hand to face, hands
to hands. He speaks rapidly -- a private language.
SKIP
Face is "skin to skin". Skin starts
with "S". "S" stands for steal if it
follows the indicator which is hand
to eye 'cause the word "indicator"
starts with an "I" so I figure "eye" --
(touches his eye)
-- would remind you of "I" for
indicator to indicate that what
follows is the sign. I figure wrong --
You're a buncha lollygaggers.
(beat)
This is a simple game.
(beat)
ya throw the ball, ya hit the ball,
ya catch the ball.
CLOSE ON FACES OF THE PLAYERS -- Sitting silently.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE BALLPARK SIMULTANEOUS -- NIGHT
THE SIX PLAYERS' WIVES WAIT in a cluster. Three of them have
SMALL CHILDREN. The children are crying.
The long-suffering women try to calm the kids.
BOBBY'S WIFE
Bobby went hitless again. He's gonna
be in a terrible mood... terrible.
How'd Mickey do?
MICKEY'S WIFE
He got two hits.
BOBBY'S WIFE
Lucky you.
CUT TO:
BACK INSIDE THE LOCKER ROOM -- Skip is winding down.
SKIP
We can't win at home -- how we gonna
win on the road? We got a twelve day
road trip starting tomorrow.
(beat)
Bus leaves at six in the morning.
SKIP HEADS BACK INSIDE his little office with Larry.
CUT TO:
INSIDE SKIP'S OFFICE -- He and Larry open a couple beers.
THE DOOR OPENS -- BOBBY ENTERS wearing only a towel.
BOBBY
You wanted to see me?
SKIP
Yeah, Bobby, shut the door.
(he does)
This is the toughest job a manager
has...
(beat)
But the organization has decided to
make a change --
BOBBY
Skip, I know I'm in a slump but I
hit the ball hard tonight, right at
'em. A couple flares drop in, and
I'm back in the groove!
The nearly naked 25 year old man pleads helplessly -- his
career is over.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE STADIUM -- NIGHT
THE PLAYERS EXIT -- The Groupies wait in a cluster. The wives
wait in another group. Bobby's wife sees Bobby.
BOBBY'S WIFE
(to child)
There's Daddy! Wave to Daddy!
-- P.O.V. BOBBY COMING OUT OF THE CLUBHOUSE -- Another player
has his arm around Bobby, consoling him. The wife knows.
BOBBY'S WIFE
Oh God...
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. STADIUM PARKING LOT -- DAWN
THE DURHAM BULLS TEAM BUS is parked. Luggage is loaded. Sleepy
players arriving, escorted by wives and girlfriends.
ANNIE BIDS NUKE GOODBYE -- Off to the side. She pulls
something from her handbag and hands it to Nuke. A pair of
WOMEN'S RED PANTIES, with lace and frills.
ANNIE
I want you to wear these on the road
trip when you pitch.
NUKE
What?
ANNIE
They'll fit snugly against your balls
in such a wonderful way that you'll
start seeing things differently --
plus they'll remind you of me which
is better than thinking about those
nasty hitters.
NUKE
Jesus, Annie, I don't know --
ANNIE
You've been pitching out of the wrong
side of your brain. These'll help
move things to the right side.
NUKE
Big League pitchers don't use these.
ANNIE
They did when they were in the
Carolina League.
NUKE STUFFS THE PANTIES in his pocket, bewildered. A small
kiss from Annie, and he hurries to the bus.
CUT TO:
INT. LOCKER ROOM -- DAWN
PLAYERS THROW THEIR GEAR into their travel bags.
A PAPER BEER CUP IS TAPED TO THE WALL -- With a sign:
"Married men deposit wedding rings here for road trips".
CLOSE ON THE CUP -- A ring is dropped in, and another, and...
We begin hearing Annie's VOICE OVER:
ANNIE (V.O.)
A woman should never ask questions
about road trips.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE PARKING LOT -- DAWN
THE TEAM BUS PULLS OUT -- Wives and girlfriends head back to
their apartments, leaving:
ANNIE WALKING BACK ROME -- Several blocks to her house.
ANNIE
Men don't realize that women always
know when they've been unfaithful.
(beat)
The fact is, upon exact moment of
penetration -- the woman knows.
AS ANNIE WALKS BACK through Durham...
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. HIGHWAY THROUGH THE SMOKY MOUNTAINS - EARLY MORNING
THE TEAM BUS ROLLS through the North Carolina landscape.
ANNIE
This sort of spiritual awareness can
be a mixed blessing, especially if
you're dating a ballplayer. I believe
a woman oughta take care of her man
so thoroughly that he can go on the
road for a few days without having
the desire to search out another
pair of panties
(self-aware)
That is probably, however, my most
ridiculous belief.
(sigh)
I just hope the boys start winning
soon. In some profound way I fear
that a last place team is a reflection
on its women...
THE BUS ROLLS through North Carolina.
CUT TO:
INT. THE BUS -- MORNING
SKIP SITS IN THE FRONT of the bus, doing a crossword puzzle.
LARRY READS A BOOK -- "How to Make a Million Dollars in Real
Estate with No Money Down".
DEKE TURNS UP HIS TAPE DECK -- George Jones sings "He Stopped
Loving Her Today".
MICKEY TURNS UP HIS TAPE DECK across the aisle -- Aretha
Franklin sings "R-E-S-P-E-C-T".
DEKE TURNS HIS VOLUME LOUDER -- Mickey does likewise, and
soon we have DUELING TAPE DECKS. C & W going head to head
with R & B. A cacophony.
SKIP LEAPS TO HIS FEET, WHIRLS and shouts.
SKIP
I got one word to say to you -- Shut
up!
Silence.
And then from the back of the bus, some soft, gentle, but
slightly dissonant guitar chords.
THE BACK OF THE BUS -- Nuke sits across the aisle from Crash,
who's re-reading Thomas Pynchon. Nuke has a guitar and is
struggling with some chords to "Try a Little Tenderness".
He butchers the chords and the words.
NUKE
(singing softly)
Oh she may get wooly, women do get
wooly, because of all the stress...
CRASH
(in disgust)
Gimme that.
CRASH STRONGARMS THE GUITAR from Nuke.
CRASH
I hate people who get the words wrong.
It ain't "woolly" it's "weary" and
it nobody's got stress, they're
wearing a dress.
(beat)
Listen.
CRASH WHIPS THROUGH THE FIRST FEW BARS of the song.
CRASH
(sings softly)
Oh she may be weary, Young girls do
get weary, Wearing the same old
dress...
HE SHOVES THE GUITAR back at Nuke.
NUKE
How come you don't like me?
CRASH
'Cause you don't respect yourself,
which is your problem, but you don't
respect the game -- and that's my
problem.
(beat)
You got a gift.
NUKE
What do I got?
CRASH
A gift. When you were a baby the
gods reached down and turned your
left arm into a thunderbolt.
Nuke looks at his left arm rubs his shoulder curiously.
CRASH
You got a Hall of Fame arm but you're
pissing it away.
NUKE
I ain't pissing nothing away -- I
got a Porsche already. A 944 with
A.C. and a quadraphonic Blaupunkt.
CRASH
You don't need a quadraphonic
Blaupunkt -- you need a curve ball.
(beat)
In the Show, everybody can hit the
fastball.
NUKE
You been in the Majors?
CRASH
Yep.
Tony and Deke overhear this and turn around. And Crash gets
wistful, lyrical, and even slightly hopeful.
CRASH
I was in the Show for 21 days, once.
(beat)
It was the greatest 21 days of my
life. You never touch your luggage
in the show -- somebody else handles
your bags. It's great.
(beat)
The ballparks are like cathedrals,
the hotels all have room service,
the women have long legs and brains --
it's a smorgasbord.
DEKE
The women are hot, eh?
CRASH
Yeah -- and so are the pitchers.
They throw ungodly breaking stuff in
the Show -- exploding sliders.
Nuke, Tony, and Deke murmur in awe at Crash's pronouncement.
CRASH
You could be one of those guys --
but you don't give a fuck, Meat.
NUKE
God damn it I'm sick of you calling
me "Meat"! You wanta step outside!
CRASH HOPS TO HIS FEET as the bus barrels along, grabbing
Nuke by the collar.
CRASH
Yeah, let's go.
Nuke quickly has second thoughts -- Crash can be terrifying.
NUKE
No. Wait a minute. Calm down, Crash...
Nuke sits back down. Calms. Reaches for a baseball sitting
nearby. He hands the ball to Crash.
NUKE
Teach me how to throw a breaking
ball.
Crash takes the ball gently and speaks softly:
CRASH
As I was saying ya hold it like an
egg.
As the bus rolls through the country:
A LATE 60'S OLDS CONVERTIBLE ROARS PAST -- Max Patkin at the
wheel. He waves at the team bus and honks.
The opening bars on the National Anthem -- "Oh Say Can You
See"
And Max roars off through the rolling green-landscape...
Hit Hank Williams music to play over:
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. WINSTON-SALEM BASEBALL STADIUM -- DAY
MAX PATKIN COACHES THIRD in his comic routine, now, for the
Winston-Salem team, as Durham is in the field.
A WINSTON-SALEM BATTER lines a double off the wall.
CUT TO:
INT. DURHAM RADIO STATION -- DAY
TEDDY THE ANNOUNCER re-creates the game for broadcast with a
several second delay.
HIS ASSISTANT (P.A. ANNOUNCER FROM THE BALLPARK) has a phone
to her ear, and writes down each play on a piece of paper,
holding it up for Teddy who enhances shamelessly in his ON
THE AIR "play by play".
CLOSE ON PAPER -- His assistant writes "DOUBLE TO LEFT".
TEDDY HITS A TINY MALLET against a jar. Thunk. The sound of
ball hitting bat. He punches one of several tape cassettes
cued up. A crowd roars. An array of special effects is at
his fingertips.
TEDDY
(on the air)
...double off the wall by Higgins,
and once again the Durham pitchers
are unable to get the first out of
the inning...
HIS ASSISTANT WRITES ANOTHER NOTE -- "ERROR MCFEE"
Thunk -- The mallet again.
TEDDY
(on the air)
Line drive to center -- a diving
stab by McFee -- ohhhh! Ball gets
by his glove, another run in and the
crowd loves it --
PUNCHES A CASSETTE -- A crowd roars.
CUT TO:
EXT. HIGHWAY THROUGH SMOKY MOUNTAINS -- NIGHT
The bus rolls through a small town.
CUT TO:
EXT. CHEAP MOTEL IN GREENSBORO -- DAWN
THE TEAM BUS PULLS IN -- Players stagger off, half asleep.
TEDDY (O.S.)
(on the air)
Bulls will attempt to end a six game
losing streak against the Greensboro
Astros with Nuke LaLoosh on the
hill...
CUT TO:
INT. GREENSBORO BALLPARK LOCKER ROOM -- DAY
NUKE DRESSES FOR THE GAME -- He pulls the RED PANTIES out of
his bag. Looks around the clubhouse. Nobody sees them. He's
embarrassed anyway -- and stuffs them back.
CUT TO:
EXT. GREENSBORO BALLPARK DAY
NUKE WINDS AND DELIVERS -- The batter swings, and:
CUT TO:
INT. RADIO STATION -- DAY
TEDDY AND HIS ASSISTANT -- A note is held up, "Single"--
THUNK -- The mallet strikes.
TEDDY
(on the air)
Base hit centerfield off LaLoosh...
HIS ASSISTANT (ON THE PHONE) SCRAWLS another quick note.
THUNK THUNK THUNK -- A rapid sequence of the mallet striking
the percussive box, and:
TEDDY
(on the air)
That closes the book on LaLoosh today,
5 earned runs, 5 hits, 5 strikeouts,
5 walks, 5 wild pitches...
CUT TO:
EXT. GREENSBORO BALLPARK -- DAY
SKIP REMOVES NUKE FROM THE GAME and he heads for the showers.
CUT TO:
INT. ANNIE'S KITCHEN -- DAY
ANNIE SITS WITH MILLIE at the kitchen table, listening to
the radio. Annie sighs. Millie consoles her.
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