"FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF" by John Hughes
"FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF"
July 24, 1985
"FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF"
1 BLACK SCREEN 1
IT'S SILENT. A BEAT...AND AN EXPLOSION OF SOUND. A HOUSEHOLD
IN THE MORNING. KIDS GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL. CLOCK RADIOS.
KITCHEN APPLIANCES. SHOWERS. FIGHTING. PEOPLE YELLING. DOG
BARKING. APPLIANCES BUZZING. CAR HORNS. IT SOUNDS JUST LIKE
YOUR HOUSE DID. STREAMS OF ROCK'N ROLL FADE IN AND OUT. HUEY
LEWIS TO LIONEL RITCHIE TO HUSKER DU. SURROUND MAKES IT FEEL
LIKE YOU'RE IN THE ROOM. AN AURAL TOUR OF A HOUSE ON A
SCHOOL MORNING. BEGINING IN THE KITCHEN AND MOVING UPSTAIRS.
FATHER'S VOICE (TOM)
Where's my wallet?!
SEVEN YEAR OLD BOY (TODD)
TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRL (KIMBERLY)
EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL (JEANIE)
I NEED A TOWEL!!
When you turn ten, your head's going
to swell up real big like a watermelon
and we're going to have to put you
to sleep like they do with a dog.
WHO PISSED ON THE TOILET SEAT!? MOTHER!!
Is my head going to swell up?
OH, MY GOD! THE TOILET PAPER'S ALL WET!!!
The house falls dead SILENT. We hear footsteps thundering
through the house. A TENSE STRAIN OF MUSIC FADES UP.
Wait! Hold still!
You heads starting to swell up!!
Todd screams. We hear the sound of Tom's footsteps running
through the kitchen, down the hall, up the stairs, up the
hallway. A door open.
What's the matter?
What's wrong? For Christ's sake!
Look at him!
2 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS 2
An eighteen year-old boy. He's staring lifelessly at CAMERA.
His mouth's open. His eyes are bugged-out. His tongue is fat
and dry in his mouth. He's laying in bed, on his side.
3 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM 3
Ferris' parents, TOM and JOYCE BUELLER are standing at
bedside. They're in their late forties, early fifties.
Handsome, upper-middle class parents. They're both dressed
He doesn't have a fever. But he says
his stomach hurts and he's seeing spots.
4 CLOSE-UP. FERRIS 4
His lifeless eyes blink.
5 INT. BEDROOM. PARENTS 5
Tom bends down and touches Ferris' forehead.
What's the matter, Ferris?
Feel his hands. They're cold and clammy.
Tom takes one of Ferris' hands.
Should you call the doctor?
He doesn't want me to.
Why don't you want Mom to call
Ferris exhales loudly. He tries to speak but all he can
manage is a choked gasp.
Ferris tries again.
Don't make a fuss. I'm fine. I'll get up.
He starts to get up. Joyce gently pushes him back down.
I have a test today. I have to take it.
I want to get into a good college
so I can have a fruitful life...
You're not going to school like
Maybe I should call the office and
tell them I won't be in.
I'm okay, Mom. I feel perfectly...Oh, God!
He's gripped by a seizure. His body stiffens and he chokes.
His older sister, JEANIE, walks into the room. She's dressed
for school. She's cute and stuck-up. A major pill.
Oh, fine. What's this? What's his problem?
He doesn't feel well.
Yeah, right. Dry that one out
and you can fertilize the lawn.
That's enough, Jeanie.
You're not falling for this, are you?
Tell me you're not falling for this.
Is that Jeanie? I can't see that
Pucker up and squat, Ferris.
Thank you, Jeanie. Get to school.
You're really letting him stay home?
I can't believe this. If I was bleeding
out my eyes, you guys'd make me go to
school. It's so unfair.
Please don't be upset with me, Jeanie.
Be thankful that you're fit and have
your health. Cherish it.
Oh, I wanna puke.
She glares at Ferris. Her eyes are mascara and vengence. She
slips out of the room. Ferris' brother, TODD and sister,
KIMBERLY peek into the room.
Get your stuff. Daddy'll be right
Syphilitic meningitus? That would be
a huge family embarrassment.
If he dies, I got dibs on his stereo.
She turns sharply and exits.
Dad? Does my head look alright?
Get downstairs! Now!
Just answer me one question! Is it
swelling up? Kim said it was going
to get as big as...
(yells out the room)
Get downstairs! NOW!
Todd backs out of the room.
I'll be okay. I'll just sleep.
Maybe I'll have an aspirin around
I'm showing houses to the family
from California today but I'll be in
the area. My office'll know where
I am, if you need me.
I'll check it with you, too.
It's nice to know I have such
loving, caring parents. You're
both very special people.
6 CU. FERRIS 6
He acknowledges Tom with a pathetic flutter of his eyelids.
7 INT. BEDROOM. JOYCE 7
She strokes Ferris' hair.
I hope you feel better, pumpkin.
She leans down and kisses his forehead. Tom pats his
Get some rest.
8 CU. FERRIS 8
Ferris lets out a wheeze. His glassy eyes follow his parents
to the door.
We love you, sweetie.
Call if you need us.
They close the door. The lock clicks. Ferris' eyes shift
from the door to CAMERA. A sly, little smile crawls across
They bought it.
The MTV theme music ROARS IN.
9 CU. TV SCREEN 9
The TV at the foot of Ferris' bed. The MTV logo is playing.
10 INT. BEDROOM 10
Ferris yanks open the drapes. The pall of the sickroom
disappears in the brilliant glow of morning sunlight.
Incredible! One of the worst performances
of my career and they never doubted it
for a second.
(looks out the window)
What a beautiful day!
He turns from the window.
Parents always fall for the clammy hands.
It's physical evidence of illness. It's
a good, non-specific symptom. Parents are
generally pretty hip to the fever scams.
And to make them work you have to go a hundred
and one, hundred and two. You get a nervous
mother and you end up in a doctor's office
and that's worse than school.
He flips on his stereo and fills the room with the MTV
broadcast. A NEW SONG begins.
Fake a stomach cramp and when you're
doubled over, moaning and wailing, just
lick your palms. It's a little stupid
and childish but then so if high school.
He equalizes the sound a little.
This is my ninth sick day with semester.
If I go for ten, I'm probably going to
have to barf up a lung. So, I absolutely
must make this one count.
He exits into the hallway.
11 INT. BATHROOM 11
Ferris walks into the bathroom. It's littered with Jean's
debris. He turns on the shower water.
I don't care if you're fifty five
or seven, everybody needs a day off
now and then. It's a beautiful day.
How can I be expected to handle
He bends down OUT OF FRAME as he loses his briefs. He pops
I do actually have a test. That wasn't
He steps into the shower. Through the pebbled glass of the
shower door we see Ferris' outline.
That I care about it was.
12 INT. BATHROOM. SHOWER STALL. 12
Inside the shower. Ferris' hair is standing straight up.
It's moulded into a fin with shampoo.
It's on European socialism. I mean,
really. What's the point? I'm not
European. I don't plan to be European.
So, who gives a shit if they're socialists?
They could be fascist anarchists and it
still wouldn't change the fact that I
don't own a car.
He turns the shower head around and uses it like a
WELL SHAKE IT UP, BABY,
TWIST AND SHOUT...
13 INT. HALLWAY. LATER 13
Ferris comes out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around
his waist. He's drying his hair with another of a different
Not that I condone fascism. Or
and "isms". "Isms", in my opinion
are not good. A person should not
believe in an "ism". He should
believe in himself. John Lennon
said it on his first solo album.
"I don't believe in Beatles, I
just believe in me." A good point
there. Afterall, he was the Walrus.
He opens a linen closet and tosses the towel in it.
I could be the Walrus and I'd still
have to bum rides off people.
He passes CAMERA and goes into his room.
I'm not very political? Let me
put that into perspective...
14 INT. BEDROOM 14
Ferris tosses the towel he's dried hair with on the bed.
My uncle went to Canada to protest
the war, right? On the Fourth of
July he was down with my aunt and he
got drunk and told my Dad he felt
guilty he didn't fight in Viet Nam.
So I said, "What's the deal, Uncle
Jeff? In wartime you want to be a
pacifist and in peacetime you want
to be a soldier. It took you twenty
years to find out you don't believe
(snaps his fingers)
Grounded. Just like that. Two weeks.
Be careful when you deal with old
hippies. They can be real touchy.
He opens his door.
15 INT. CLOSET 15
The door opens and Ferris rifles through his shirts.
My mother was a hippie. But she
lost it. She got old. If she listens
to the White Album now? She doesn't hear
music, she hears memories. Nostalgia is
her favorite drug. It'll probably be
mine, too. I hope not.
He finds a shirt he likes. He steps back from the closet and
puts it on. He drops the towel.
16 INT. BEDROOM 16
He walks across the room to his dresser. He opens his
underwear drawer. There's an old model of a submarine on the
top of the dresser. He picks it up.
In eighth grade a friend of mine
made a bong out of one of these.
The smoke tasted like glue.
He pulls out a pair of underwear. He gets dressed as he
His name is Garth Volbeck. He's a
serious outsider. Not a bad guy, I
like him. I'm probably his only friend.
I do what I can for him. I mean, if
I was him, I'd appreciate it. Do unto others,
right? Anyway, his mother owns a gas station.
His father's dead and his sister's rumored
to be a prostitute, which is complete bullshit.
She only puts out so people will hang out
with her. It's sad but I don't hold it
against her. Better to hold it against the
guys who use her and don't care about her.
My parents never allowed Garth over here.
It was because of his family. Mainly his
older brother. He's in jail. I could see them
not wanting his brother here because he is
a registered psycho. I wouldn't want him here.
I once watched the guy eat a whole bowl of
artificial fruit just so he could see what
it was like to have his stomach pumped.
But Garth isn't his brother. It isn't his fault
that his brother's screwed-up. Alot of fights
with the parents on that point. I always felt
for Garth. I was sleeping at his house once
and I was laying on the dark worrying that
his brother was going to come in and hack me
to death with an ax and I heard Garth crying.
I asked him what was wrong and he said, "Nothing".
... Nothing was wrong. There was no
specific thing he was crying about.
In fact, he wasn't really even aware that
he was crying. He just cried himself to
sleep every night. It was a habit. The
guy's so conditioned to grief that if
he doesn't feel it, he can't sleep. How
could you possibly dump on guy who has to
deal with that kinda shit? My parents
acknowledge the trudge of the situation
and I'm sure that deep down, they do feel
for him but still the guy's banned from
He looks at himself in the mirror on the back of his closet
door. He doesn't like what he's wearing. He continues his
speech as he disrobes.
Unfortunately, now my parents have a
legit argument. Garth doesn't need his
brother to give him a rep anymore. He's
getting one on his own. He's lost. It's
over for him. He's eighteen. Gone from
school. Gone from life. His legacy is
a gas station.
17 INT. HOUSE. STAIRCASE 17
Ferris comes down the stairs. He's wearing a completely
One very serious danger is playing
sick is that it's possible to believe
your own act.
18 INT. KITCHEN 18
Ferris comes into the kitchen and crosses to the
That and boredom. Alot of people
ditch and feel great for about an
hour. Then they realize there's
nothing to do. TV and food. I myself
have ditched and gotten so bored I
did homework. Figure that shit out.
He takes a sip out of a bottle of orange juice.
You have to plan things out before
you take the day off. Otherwise
you get all nervous worrying about
what to do and all you get is grief
and the whole point is to take it
easy, cut loose and enjoy.
He crosses to the pantry.
You blow your day and at about three
o'clock, when everybody's out of school,
you're going to wish you'd gone to
school so you could be out having
He emerges from the pantry with a handful of Oreos.
Avoid the misery. Plan your day.
Do it right.
19 INT. FAMILY ROOM 19
Ferris walks in and flops down in an armchair.
There's alot of pressure at work
in my age group. And it's not always
He reaches over and picks up the telephone. He sets it in
Some guy whose hair is falling out
and his stomach's hanging over his
belt and everything he eats makes
him fart, he looks at someone like
me and thinks, "This kid's young and
strong and has a full, rich future ahead
of him, what's he got to bitch about?"
20 CU. PHONE 20
He punches out a number.
21 INT. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS 21
He remote controls the TV on.
That's just one reason why I need a
day off every now and then.
22 EXT. ANOTHER HOUSE 22
A sleek, modern house on a couple of deeply wooded acres. A
prime house in a prime location. A telephone rings OVER.
23 INT. BOY'S BEDROOM 23
It's a dark, dreary sick room. Shades drawn, floor strewn
with used tissues, nightstand a still-life of over the
counter remedies. A high school boy, CAMERON FRYE, is laying
in bed. We don't see his face, only a silhouette with a
thermometer sticking out his mouth. U2's SUNDAY BLOODY
SUNDAY is playing. He's mumbling random words.
The phone rings. His hand reaches back and hits the speaker
Cameron! What's happening?
How do you feel?
Is your mother in the room?
Cameron takes the thermometer out of his mouth.
She's not home. Where are you?
24 INT. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS 24
Ferris is sprawled out in the chair.
I'm taking the day off. Get
dressed and come over.
I can't. I'm sick.
It's all in your head. Come on over.
25 INT. CAMERON'S ROOM 25
I feel like complete shit, Ferris.
I can't go anywhere.
I'm sorry to hear that. Now, come
on over and pick me up.
Ferris disconnects. Cameron slowly hangs up the phone.
The phone rings again. Cameron hits the speaker button.
You're not dying. You just can't think
of anything good to do.
26 INT. FERRIS' FAMILY ROOM 26
Ferris hangs up.
If anybody needs a day off, it's
Cameron. He has alot of things to
sort out before he graduates. He
can't be wound this tight and go
to college. His roommate'll kill
him. I've come close myself. But I
like him. He's a little easier to
take when you know why he's like he
is. The boy cannot relax. Pardon
by French but Cameron is so tight
that if you stuck a lump of coal up
his ass, in two weeks you'd have a
And Cameron would worry that he'd
owe taxes on it.
27 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 27
We hear roll call as CAMERA MOVES ACROSS the tile floor. A
CAMERA enters a classroom. It travels past a teacher's Hush
Puppies and heads up an aisle of desk past dirty yellow
Reebocks, rotting Air Jordans, scuffed heels, pristine
CAMERA reaches the last desk and rises slowly to reveal that
My best friend's sister's boyfriend's
brother's girlfriend heard from this
guy who knows this kid who's going
with a girl who saw Ferris pass-out
at 31 Flavors last night. I guess
it's pretty serious.
Thank you, Simone.
No problem whatsoever.
WOUND-OUT CAR ENGINES COME UP LOUD.
28 CU. TV 28
THE ROAD WARRIOR is playing on video cassette. The big chase
at the end.
INT. FAMILY ROOM. FERRIS
He's sitting in the arm chair pretending it's Humongous' war
wagon. He's wearing a hockey mash. He's steering. He reaches
down and grabs an imaginary nitrous oxide valve.
Humongous reaches down and grabs a real nitrous oxide valve.
He gives it a twist.
He throws himself back against the chair.
The force of the rapid acceleration of his vehicle throws
Humongous back in his seat.
He bounces himself in the chair to simulate the bumpy high
The was wagon hurtles down the road.
He rears back in horror.
The war wagon is heading for a head-on collision with the
Arms outstretched, head thrown back, braced for collision.
MOZART COMES UP.
29 CU. FLOWERING TREE BRANCH 29
Outside a bedroom window. A flowering crabtree branch.
Petite pink flowers. WE PULL BACK FROM THE WINDOW INTO THE
ROOM. It's Jeanie's room. A pink and powder blue pig pen.
Clothes everywhere, make-up, books, records. Ferris is
sitting on her bed going through a purse.
This is really degrading.
He comes up with a crumpled dollar bill.
Financing my activities this way.
Very damaging to the self-image.
But, hey, I'm broke. In times of
crisis one must to what one must
to. I'll pay it back. With interest.
He comes up with a five.
Regardless of how much shit sisters
make you eat, how often they rat on
you, how gross they act or how wicked
and insensitive they can be, you should
not alientate them. Because most likely
they have cash and it's usually very easy
to get your hands on.
He holds up a twenty and snaps it. PINK FLOYD'S "MONEY"
30 INT. LIVING ROOM 30
The song plays as Ferris digs through the sofa cushions.
Ferris extracts a sticky quarter from a crevice.
31 INT. PARENTS' BEDROOM 31
Ferris is going through his father's pants pockets. Another
crumpled bill surfaces.
32 CU. WASHING MACHINE TOP 32
A couple of stiff, hard, bleached singles that have gone
through the wash lay on top of the washer. A hand scoops
33 CU. LUCITE ENCASED PROOF SET 33
An obvious gift from a grandparent. A U.S. Mint proof set. A
ten, a five and a single enclosed in a lucite frame. A
screwdriver tip wedges between the two pieces of Lucite and
pops them apart. A hand peels the bills off the backing.
34 CU. KITCHEN DRAWER 34
Hands ripping through the kitchen junk drawer. Locating a
35 CU. COIN COLLECTION 35
The familiar blue collector's album. One-by-one, the
quarters are being popped out of their slots.
36 CU. VACCUUM CLEANER 36
The dusty, dirty contents of the bag are emptied on the
floor. Fingers pick a dime out of a matted wad of filth.
37 CU. SNOOPY BANK 37
It's being shaken furiously.
38 CU. BIRTHDAY CARD 38
It's a child's card. It's slowly opened to reveal a crisp,
39 INT. HALL CLOSET 39
The door opens and Ferris thrusts his hands into the pockets
of the coats. He comes up with a ball of Kleenex. A roll of
Tums. A squirt gun. Then a modest wad of bills. His face
lights up as he counts out the cash. He closes the door.
40 CU. FLOOR AND BED 40
Ferris' face appears between the bed and the floor. His arm
reaches out for a small metal bank hidden under the bed.
41 CU. BANK 41
It's on a work bench. An awl is driven in between the door
and the jamb. It pries the door open. Inside are trading
cards, a charred doll's head, a Zippo lighter and, finally,
a five dollar bill.
42 INT. KITCHEN 42
Ferris is on his hands and knees under the kitchen table.
43 CU. TABLE LEG 43
Ferris lifts the leg and removes a quarter that's been used
to balance the table.
44 INT. KITCHEN 44
Ferris stands up and pockets the quarter.
45 CU. FERRIS' BED 45
A shower of coins and bills rain down on the sheets. The
46 EXT. REAL ESTATE OFFICE. MORNING 46
A suburban realty company. A cute little building in town.
47 INT. OFFICE 47
Joyce is behind a desk. Across from her are two WOMEN.
They're also real estate agents.
No one's going to consider a
house with a black living room.
Not even those jerks from Vermont.
Let's be realistic.
Mrs. Volbeck's dead set against
putting any money into the house.
Joyce's phone intercom buzzes. She take the call.
Her eyes open wide with alarm.
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I
completely forgot to call.
48 EXT. HIGH SCHOOL 48
A modern, suburban high school.
Are you aware that your son is not
in school today?
49 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 49
It's a passing period. The hall is clogged with students.
Yes, I am. Ferris is home sick. I
had a meeting first thing this
morning. I should have called. It
completely slipped my mind.
50 INT. SCHOOL. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE 50
A SECRETARY is at work at her desk. We hear the dean inside
Are you also aware that Ferris does not
have what we consider an exemplary
51 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. CU. DESK SIGN 51
It reads, EDWARD R. ROONEY. DEAD OF STUDENTS. The dean's
feet are up on the desk, behind the sign. Moderately priced
I don't understand.
I just had his file up.
INT. OFFICE. CU. DEAN
ED ROONEY is sitting behind his desk. He's tough, clean and
straight as an I-beam. Short, neatly combed hair, suit and
tie. He's toying with a pencil. He's confident to the point
I just has his file up, Mrs. Bueller.
Behind him is a computer terminal. He removes his feet from
the desk and turns in his swivel chair.
If Ferris thinks he coast this last
month and still graduate, he's sorely
This is all news to me.
CU. COMPUTER MONITOR
The monitor on Rooney's desk displays Ferris' records.
So far this semester alone, he's been
absent nine times. Including today.
Under DAYS MISSED we see a number 9 suddenly change to a
Rooney turns to the monitor. He reads off the screen.
I have it right here in front of me. He's
He looks closer at the screen.
52 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 52
Ferris is at his Macintosh computer. He has his record up
on the screen.
I wanted a car. I got a computer. How's
that for being born under a bad sign?
53 INT. JOYCE'S OFFICE 53
She's still on the phone with Rooney.
I can give you every assurance that
Ferris is home and that he is, in
fact, very ill. I debated whether
or not I should even leave him.
I can appreciate that at this time
of year children are prone to taking
the day off, but in Ferris' case,
he's truly a very sick boy.
54 INT. FERRIS' BEDROOM 54
MUSIC BLASTS. SOLO GUITAR.
The grille cloth is throbbing.
CU. LED METERS
The meters on the amplifier are totally in the danger zone.
CU. TV MONITOR
We see Ferris in his room with a guitar around his neck.
CU. VIDEO CAMERA
A home video camera is capturing Ferris on tape.
55 INT. CAMERON'S ROOM 55
He's sitting on the edge of the bed buttoning his shirt. He
sighs deeply and fall back on the bed.
56 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 56
Jeanie is at her locker during a passing period. A
GIRLFRIEND comes up to her.
I'm really sorry about your brother.
What're you sorry for? I have to live
with the trouser snake.
No, I mean I heard he's really sick.
Who said he's sick.
A whole bunch of people. They said
he's like on the verge of death.
Jeanie stares incredulously at the girl.
This guy in my biology class said
that if Ferris dies he's giving
his eyes to Stevie Wonder? He's
really sweet isn't he?
She smiles and exits. Jeanie cocks her head in bewilderment.
She kicks her locker shut.
57 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 57
He's in bed on the phone.
A sample of my blood was sent
to Atlanta to the Center for
Disease Control. I don't know,
man, I'm bricking heavily.
(point to the
(to the phone)
Did you see Alien? When the guy
had the creature in his stomach?
It feels like that.
58 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 58
A FRESHMAN BOY is on the pay phone. A couple of his BUDDIES
are standing at his side waiting anxiously for news.
Goddamn! Are you kidding?
Did you see Alien?
You never rented the video cassette?
Second boy shakes his head, no.
Oh. He's really wasted.
(to the Second Boy)
Who's he talking to?
Ferris Bueller. You know him?
Yeah. He's getting me out of summer
Anyway, I appreciate you letting us
know how you're doing. We gotta split.
Huh?...Yeah, sure. Hold on.
(to Third Boy)
Shit. I hope he doesn't die.
I can't handle summer school.
The boy snatches a passing GIRL.
Did you see Alien?
He hands her the phone.
Hi, Ferris. How's your bod?
Oh, my God! You're dying?
Is it serious?
Shiit! Are you upset?
59 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 59
Rooney's comparing his computer monitor to hard copy. His
SECRETARY is standing over his shoulder.
I don't trust this kid any further
than I can throw him!
With your bad knee, you better
not throw anybody, Ed.
Rooney stares at her for a long beat.
What's so dangerous about a character
like Ferris Bueller is that he gives
the good kids bad ideas. The last thing
I need at this point in my career is
fifteen hundred Ferris Bueller disciples
running around these halls.
He's very popular, Ed. Sportos, motorheads,
geeks, sluts, pinheads, dweebies, wonkers,
richies, they all adore him.
That's exactly why I have to catch him
this time. To show these kids that the
example he sets is a first class ticket
Ooo. You sounded like Dirty Harry just
Rooney looks up at her with a proud smile.
He unconsciously does an Eastwood squint.
60 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 60
It's a glorious late spring day. A florist's truck drives
past the house.
61 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 61
He's on the telephone. As he speaks he does a little
MacPainting on his MacIntosh. A Modigliani nude.
Cameron, if you're not over here
in fifteen minutes, you can find
a new best friend. I'm serious, man.
This is bullshit, making me wait
around the house for you.
62 INT. CAMERON'S BEDROOM 62
Cameron's back in bed.
I'm sick. I feel like shit. Why can't
you leave me alone?
You're not up for some good times?
It's a beautiful day. It's almost
summer. If this was Hawaii, we'd be
63 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 63
He's growing weary of Cameron's wimpishness.
You want to stay home and try
to have the shits? Try to barf?
Try to feel worse?
I don't have to try.
Be a man. Take some Pepto Bismol
and get dressed. You're boring me
with this stuff.
The other phone line rings.
Squeeze you buns for a second. I
got another call.
He puts Cameron on hold. He clears his throat and answers
the second line. He sounds like he's on his last breath.
64 EXT. OFFICE BUILDING. DOWNTOWN 64
A LaSalle Street office tower.
65 INT. TOM'S OFFICE 65
He's behind his desk. Nice office. Two windows. Herman
Miller desk and chair.
You sound miserable.
Really? Darn! I thought I was improving.
Were you sleeping?
I was trying to do some homework.
66 CU. COMPUTER MONITOR 66
A closer view of the rude drawing Ferris is making.
I'm so worried about falling behind.
INT. FERRIS' ROOM
He leans back from the monitor and sips a Coke.
Dad? Can you hold on a second?
Sure, pal. Are you alright?
Just a little phlegm on the phone.
He puts his father on hold.
Cameron? It's my Dad.
Oh, that's just great. Are you busted?
It's completely cool. He's just
checking up on me. Now, listen to
me. I'm working on getting some
heavy bucks out of him. So, the least you
can do is hurry up and get over here.
He disconnects and gets his father back. He switches back to
his sick voice.
Sorry, Dad. The moment before you
called, I had a chest spasm and I
blew lung fluid all over the place.
It was making me ill looking at it.
But gee, it's sure great of you to call.
I'm sure there're alot of fathers
who wouldn't take time out from
their busy schedules to call a dumb,
Hey, pal, what was I supposed to do?
Ferris reaches out and hits a key on his computer. The
screen dumps the drawing.
Give yourself some credit, Dad. It
was a mammoth gesture. It's like those
savings bonds you used to give me
(looks at CAMERA and smiles)
It was that kind of concern.
CU. COMPUTER SCREEN
A message is flashing: "TRANSMITTING DATA".
INT. FERRIS' ROOM
He turns away from the computer and puts his feet up on the
desk. He lights a cigarette.
You had to work hard for the money
to buy those things, right?
Not any harder than anybody else.
Ferris mouths Tom's words as he says them.
67 EXT. CHICAGO LOOP. DIAMONDVISION SCREEN 67
Ferris' drawing suddenly appears on the billboard.
Pedestrians stop to look.
68 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 68
He blows a smoke ring.
You work so hard I'll bet you don't
even remember where those bonds are,
Ferris points a finger in the air as a cue to his father.
Oh, yeah? You're pulling my leg. You're
just trying to cheer me up.
Like hell I am. They're in a shoebox
in my closet.
Ferris smiles. He looks at CAMERA. He's gotten exactly what
(to CAMERA, normal
Was that a class move or what?
The guy gave it up faster than
a drunk Catholic girl. I hope my
kids don't pull this shit on me.
Of course, if they didn't, they'd
be dumb and abnormal and they'd
probably never move out of my
house and I'd have to support them
until I die. I take it back.
(to the phone,
Dad? All this talking has made me
kind of light-headed. I think
I better lie down.
Okay, pal. You take care. I'll
call you after lunch.
You don't have to, Dad.
I want to. Bye now.
He hangs up. Ferris sighs.
You win some, you lose some.
He turns his desk chair around and gets up.
I'm so disappointed in Cameron.
Twenty bucks says he's sitting
in his car debating about whether
or not he should go out.
69 INT. CAR. CAMERON 69
He's sitting behind the wheel of his car.
We're gonna get caught. No doubt
He cuts the engine.
I'm not doing it.
He sits for half a beat.
He'll keep calling until I come
He sighs and restarts the engine. Another beat.
Actually, what'll happen is I'll
get caught. Ferris'll escape.
Another beat. He stops the engine. A CRASH OF HORROR MUSIC.
70 CU. DRESSER DRAWER 70
Hands curl around the drawer pulls. The drawer is opened
slowly, ominously. The hands lift a sweater out. A HERALDIC
STING as we see a men's magazine beneath the sweater.
INT. FERRIS' ROOM
He takes out the magazine. He leafs through the pages for
the pictorials as he speaks.
Cameron'll go on like that for a
good thirty minutes. The guy
is a shellfish when it comes to
making a decision. The reason
he doesn't fell good is, he
worries about everything. He's
the only guy I know who's deeply
concerned that when he grows up
there'll be a critical shortage
of strategic metals.
He exits the room.
71 INT. HALLWAY 71
Ferris comes out of his room and heads down the hallway.
Cameron's also the only guy
I know who knows what strategic
(waves the magazine)
He goes into the bathroom. We HEAR THE TOILET SEAT SLAM
MAYBE I'M JUST LIKE MY MOTHER,
SHE'S NEVER SATISFIED...
72 INT. CLASSROOM. LATER 72
A stunningly beautiful girl, SLOANE PETERSON, is sitting at
her desk in a history class. She's staring out the window as
a tweedy MALE TEACHER delivers a dry, dusty lecture.
Roosevelt's health had seriously
deteriorated by the time he met
with Churchill and Stalin at Yalta.
The classroom door opens and the school NURSE walks in. For
a moment, the teacher thinks she's come in because she heard
him sneeze. She crosses to him and whispers in his ear.
She, like the others, watches the nurse curiously.
INT. CLASSROOM. TEACHER AND NURSE
The teacher's face drops as he's delivered an obvious piece
of disturbing news. He nods grimly to the Nurse. She looks
at the kids.
Sits up in her seat.
She's a picture of compassion and understanding.
May I see you outside for a moment?
There's been an emergency.
A smile curls across her lips. As she gathers her books she
looks to the GIRL next to her.
73 INT. HALLWAY 73
The Nurse is gently holding Sloane's hand.
74 CU. ROONEY 74
He has a suspicious look on his face.
INT. DEAN'S OFFICE
Rooney's at his desk. His secretary is standing across from
That's what Mr. Peterson said. I
had Florence Sparrow notify Sloane.
Who's this girl's going with?
It's so hard to tell. I see her
alot with Ferris Bueller.
Rooney smiles. His suspicions are confirmed.
Could you get me Mr. Peterson's
As the secretary starts out of the room, Rooney's phone
rings. She stops and answers the desk phone.
Edward Rooney's office.
Yes. Can you hold? Thank you.
She puts the call on hold.
It's Mr. Peterson.
Rooney is startled. He thinks for a beat then reaches for
Do you still want his number?
Rooney answers her with an annoyed look. She smiles and
backs out. He punches the phone button.
Ed? This is George Peterson.
How are you today, sir?
We've had a bit of bad luck this
morning as you may have heard.
Rooney rolls his eyes. It's so obvious it's not Mr.
I heard. And, gosh, I'm all broken
up. Huh? Oh, sure. I'd be happy to
release Sloane. You produce a corpse
and I'll release Sloane. I want to
see this dead grandmother firsthand.
The secretary stops cold in the doorway. She turns to Rooney
in horror. He covers the phone.
It's Ferris Bueller. Nervy litttle
punk. I'm gonna set a trap and let
his walk right into it!
That's right. Cart the stiff in and
I'll turn over your daughter. It's
school policy. Was this your mother?
Rooney's other line rings.
75 INT. SECRETARY'S OFFICE 75
She steps out of Rooney's office and picks up the other
Ed Rooney's office.
Her jaw drops.
She puts the call on hold and hangs up. She hurried into
76 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 76
Rooney's chewing out the person on the other line.
I'll tell you want, you don't
like my policies, you can just
come on down and smooch by big
old ugly ass. You hear me?
The secretary comes in. She's waving her arms furiously.
Rooney tries to wave her away. He's angry. She stomps her
foot. Rooney covers the phone.
Ferris Bueller's on line two.
CU. ROONEY'S FOOT
It freezes in mid-tap.
CU. ROONEY'S HAND
The pencils falls from his fingers.
CU. ROONEY'S FACE
A mask of horror. He glances at the phone.
The second line light is flashing.
He blinks, cocks his head, twitches.
77 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 77
He's zipping his pants, fastening his belt. The phone's
cradled against his shoulder. He speaks in the same voice he
used on his father.
Mr. Rooney? I'm sorry to disturb
you at work but I was wondering if
it would be possible for my sister
to bring home any assignments from
my classes that I may need.
78 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY 78
He's staring blankly ahead.
Thank you, sir.
Rooney's finger gingerly presses the button on the waiting
He winces as he returns to the first call.
79 INT. FERRIS' HOUSE. KITCHEN 79
Cameron's on the phone in the kitchen. He's doing a deep,
phoney "father" voice.
You oughta be sorry for Christ's
sake! A family member dies and
you insult me. What's the matter
with you, anyway?
80 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE. ROONEY 80
He apologies profusely to Cameron. He's perspiring,
I don't know. I thought you were
someone else. You have to know,
sir, that I would never deliberately
insult you. I can't begin to tell
you how embarrassed I am.
Pardon my French but you're an asshole!
Rooney nods enthusiastically.
Absolutely! I most certainly am.
81 INT. KITCHEN 81
Cameron lays into Rooney.
This isn't over yet, buster. You
just make sure my daughter's out
in front of the school in ten
minutes. Do you read me?
Load and clear, Mr. Peterson.
Call me sir, goddamn it!
Ferris strolls into the kitchen to catch the last of the
conversation. Cameron covers the phone.
I'm scared shitless, Ferris! What
is Rooney guesses my voice!
Impossible. You're doing great.
Cameron sighs and goes back to the phone.
(clears his throat)
I don't have all day to bark at you
so I'll make this short and sweet.
Ferris gives Cameron an enthusiastic thumbs up.
Cameron smiles proudly.
I want my daughter out in front
of the school in ten minutes. By
herself. I don's want anyone around...
Ferris smacks Cameron. He's said the wrong thing. He covers
What'd I do?
Out in front my herself? It's too
suspicious! He'll think something's
up, moron. Cover it.
Cameron panics. He holds the phone out to Ferris.
You do it!
Ferris waves his arms angrily.
Cameron takes a deep breath. He clears his throat and puts
on his father's voice.
I changed my mind, fella. You be out
in front with her! I wanna have a
few words with you!
Ferris slaps Cameron. The phone flies out of his hand.
82 CU. ROONEY 82
He winces as the phone hits the floor with a loud CLONK!
We HEAR THE BOYS SCRAMBLING TO PICK UP THE PHONE, THEN
CAMERON CLEARING HIS THROAT.
On second thought, I don't have
time to talk to you. We'll get
together soon and have lunch.
We HEAR A SLAP AND THE CALL DISCONNECTS.
83 INT. FERRIS' KITCHEN 83
Cameron's rubbing the side of his head.
Why'd you hit me?!
Where's your brain?!
Why'd you hit me?!
Where's your brain?!
Why'd you hit me?
Where's your brain?
I asked you first.
How can we pick up Sloane if Rooney's
going to be there with her?!
I said for her to be there alone
and you freaked!
My, God, you're so stupid!
I didn't hit you, I lightly slapped
You hit me. Look, don't ask me to
participate in your crap if you
don't like the way I do it!
Ferris is incredulous at Cameron's stupidity. Cameron's
anger is intensified by his embarrassment.
I was home, sick. You get me out of
bed, being me over here, make me
jeopardize my future, make me do
a phoney phone call on a dean of
students, a man who could squeeze
my nuts into oblivion and then
you deliberately hurt my feelings.
I didn't deliberately hurt your feelings.
Cameron glares at Ferris.
Hey, Ferris? Have a nice life.
He turns and heads out of the room. Ferris sighs.
Stick it up your ass, Ferris.
Cameron, I'm sorry. I didn't mean
to jam you. It was uncalled for.
He turns around.
Cameron smiles. He appreciates Ferris apology.
You did screw up through, right?
Not that is was necessarily all
you fault. Right?
To fix this situation, I'm going
to have to ask you for a small favor.
Cameron's jaw drops.
84 INT. GARAGE 84
The door opens slowly, dramatically as we hear a heraldic
fanfare. Light streams in to reveal Cameron and Ferris
looking at the car. Ferris is smiling with excitement and
awe. Cameron is frowning with trepidation and fear.
CU. FERRARI STALLION
The prancing black stallion. We move up from the stallion to
the erotic red hood of a 1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California.
CAMERON AND FERRIS
Cameron's face is ashen. The end of the world is at hand.
Ferris is in heaven.
1958 Ferrari 250 GTS California. Less
than a hundred were made. It has a
market value of $265,000. My father
spent three years restoring it. It
is joy, it is his love, it is his
It is his fault he didn't lock the
Ferris, my father loves this car more
than life itself. We can't take is out.
A man with priorities so far out of
whack doesn't deserve such a fine
He never drives it, Ferris. He just
rubs it with a diaper.
We can't pick up Sloane in your car,
Cameron. Rooney'd never believe Mr.
Peterson drives that piece of shit.
It's not a piece of shit.
It's a piece of shit. Don't worry
about it. I don't even have a piece
of shit. I have to envy yours. Look,
I'm sorry but there's nothing else
we can do.
He knows the mileage, Ferris. He has
it tatooed on his wrist.
He doesn't trust you?
Alright, look, this is real simple.
He puts his arm around Cameron.
Whatever miles we put on it, we'll
(big, proud smile)
We'll drive home backwards.
Cameron shakes his head, no.
Forget it. I'm putting my foot down,
Ferris. You'll have to think of
CU. FERRARI GRILLE
Cameron's protests are drowned out by the distinctive roar
of the twelve cylinders.
...You're not talking me into this
one. I have to live with the man.
I'm sorry but...
The roar of the engine is overtaken by the sound of a
crowded school hallway.
85 INT. SCHOOL. JEANIE 85
She comes out of a classroom. She stops as Sloane and Rooney
walk past. Sloane has her coat on and she's carrying her
books. Jeanie watches her suspiciously.
86 EXT. SCHOOL 86
The Ferrari is parked out in front. The top is down.
87 INT. FERRARI 87
Ferris is driving. He's wearing a man's hat and sunglasses.
Cameron's in the back.
Are you crazy?! Put the top back
This is perfect top-down weather.
What about Rooney?
Cameron, the more obvious we are,
the less likely we are to get
That makes no sense whatsoever.
The adult mind is a suspicious
(look around at Cameron)
Stay down, man.
Cameron squeezes himself lower.
Howcome it's my Dad's car and
I'm taking all the risk and I have
to ride back here?
I don't have an explanation.
88 EXT. SCHOOL 88
Rooney and Sloane come out the door.
Once again let me say how deeply
saddened I am by your loss.
Were you close to your grandmother?
Oh. Um. Yeah. Very. She was a terrific
lady. Very hip. Very old. Yeah.
Oh, Sloane! Dear!
Sloane looks across at the Ferrari. Rooney looks.
Ferris is looking out across the roof of the Ferrari. He's
careful to keep his nose and mouth below the roofline.
Hurry along now!
Rooney's suspicious. Sloane smiles and bids Rooney a hasty
I guess that's my Dad. Thanks.
She hurries to the car. Rooney watches her. Something does
compute for him.
89 INT. SCHOOL. JEANIE 89
She's watching out the door. She sees the Ferrari pull away.
90 EXT. SCHOOL. ROONEY 90
He can't quite put his finger on what's bothering him.
91 INT. FERRARI 91
Sloane shrieks with delight. She leans across the console
and gives Ferris a kiss.
This is so great! I can't believe
it! Right in front of Rooney!
She laughs and turns to Cameron.
Hi, Cameron. You comfortable?
What a fabulous car!
Enjoy it quick. It' s going home.
It was risky, it was bold but
it was totally necessary.
What're we gonna do?
The question isn't "what are we
gonna do", the question is "what
aren't we going to do."
Don't tell me we're not going to
take the car home. Please.
If you had access to a car like this
would you take it back right away?
Would you give up feeling like a
ton just to ease your best friend's
Either would I.
92 EXT. STREET. FERRARI 92
It accelerates away like a shot.
93 EXT. SUBURBAN BANK 93
A fresh, modern bank building. The clock outside read 9:53.
The Ferrari pulls into the parking lot.
94 INT. BANK. DOORS 94
Ferris, Cameron and Sloane walk in. Ferris is cocky and
confident. Sloane's still intoxicated with her freedom.
Cameron's having stomach trouble. Ferris leads the way to an
open teller window.
INT. BANK. TELLER
A WOMAN about seventy with a silver blue beehive. It's about
four inches higher the highest beehive you're ever seen. As
she moves the beehive hits a small sign over her head. She's
been at the bank since they opened. She smiles when she sees
He's at the window. On either shoulder are Cameron and
Sloane. Ferris smiles. Cameron blanches.
Hello, Mrs. Froeling. How are you?
She pats the rock-solid mass of blue hair. In doing so she
locates a missing ball point pen. She withdraws it from the
hair and smiles at it's reappearance.
I passed a kidney stone Tuesday, so
I'm a little pooped but other than
that, I'm as chipper as can be.
(something occurs to her)
Say, should you be in school?
He lays his savings bonds on the counter.
I'm out of school, Mrs. Froeling.
In fact. I'm married. This is my
Sloane suppresses a laugh.
And this is my brother-in-law,
ZZ Top. ZZ, this is Mrs. Froeling.
Cameron isn't amused.
Is Top a Slavic name?
I'd like to cash these in, please.
We're having a baby and we need the
cash for a crib, clothes, diapers,
food pellets, leash, water dish...
INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW
Mrs. Froeling takes the bonds with a hearty smile. The
latter part of the conversation sails over her like a line
You must be so excited.
Cameron groans and turns away from the sham.
I'm thrilled, ma'am. I'm especially
looking forward to wearing those
jeans with the stretch panel in
Mrs. Froeling thumbs through the bonds.
Are you hoping for a boy or
Actually, we're hoping for a car.
He's spooked by the games playing. He scans the bank
nervously. He blinks, focuses, blinks again.
Joyce is with a MIDDLE-AGED COUPLE and their bored,
sour-puss teenage son, BOYD. He's sitting in a chair with
his legs slung over the sides waving a Bic lighter back and
forth across his rump. The parents are Joyce's clients from
Vermont. A LOAN OFFICER is discussing the local financing
situation with them. His is an open office adjacent to the
teller windows. Joyce's back is to the tellers.
It's like he's just witnesses an ax murder.
INT. BANK. JOYCE
Her back is to the teller windows. She's conducting her
meeting. Behind her we see Cameron grab Ferris and point her
out to him. He waves. Cameron slaps his arm.
INT. BANK. TELLER WINDOW
Mrs. Froeling shows Ferris the savings bonds.
These bonds aren't mature. If you hold
onto them another two years you'll get
an additional four dollars...
I'm aware of that.
You're throwing away four dollars.
No, ma'am, I'm giving it to the
government. They need it. Do you
know what an aircraft carrier's
going for these days?
INT. BANK. JOYCE
She concludes her meeting. She shakes hands with the loan
officer and stands. The Vermont Couple stands. Boyd scrapes
the bottom of his shoe on the desk, leaving a glob of mud
behind and he stands. Joyce turns into the bank. Ferris,
Cameron and Sloane are gone. She escorts her customers out.
INT. BANK. DOOR
Joyce and the Vermont Couple approach the doors. Boyd lays a
luggie in the drinking fountain. Mrs. Froeling passes with
the savings bonds. She stops when she sees Joyce.
Mrs. Froeling, how are you?
I passed a kidney stone Tuesday.
(shifts gears, to Joyce)
Say, you must be very proud.
Joyce doesn't know what she's talking about.
I met Madonna.
She pats Joyce on the arm.
She told me everything. Keep me posted,
I'll want to send a gift.
She toodles on her way. Joyce and the Vermont Couple are
95 EXT. BANK 95
Joyce and the Vermont Couple walk along the side of the
bank, heading for the parking lot. Boyd's tagging along
behind. He picks up a stone and hurls it into the parking
My son's home sick today. If
you wouldn't mind, on our way
back to the office, I'd like
to just run in and check up on him.
We HEAR A METALLIC PING! as Boyd's missle hits a car.
They pass a show window. As they pass, we hold on the
window. It's promoting saving for college educations. A
mannequin father is congratulating his mannequin son in a
mortar and gown as a stiff Sloane, Ferris and Cameron look
96 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 96
His secretary is dialing a number for him.
This is the Peterson's home.
She hands the phone to Rooney.
Watch your mouth this time.
Rooney glares at her.
Ferris Bueller's behind this. There's
no doubt in my mind. That's what I was
saying this morning. Why he has to be stopped.
He's got Sloane Peterson involved in this
thing now. See?
The secretary nods.
And her grandmother, too.
97 CU. PHONE ANSWER MACHINE 97
It clicks on. We hear a grieved woman's voice. It sounds an
awful lot like Sloane.
We can't come to the phone right now.
We've had a death in the family. If
you need to reach us we'll be at
the following number...
98 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 98
Rooney quickly takes down a number.
99 EXT. CAMERON'S HOUSE 99
His answering machine clicks on. We hear Cameron's voice.
You have reached the Coughlin Bros.
Mortuary. We are unable to come to
the phone right now but if you'll leave
your name and number...
100 INT. DEAN'S OFFICE 100
Rooney hangs up the phone.
Something's going on, goddamn it.
The secretary's looking at a newspaper on Rooney's desk.
She's not listening to him.
There's a railroad strike.
And I'm going to stop it!
My brother-in-law'll appreciate it.
Rooney looks at her, puzzled.
My brother-in-law rides the train
Rooney stares at her like she's crazy.
Who gives a good goddamn?
101 EXT. EDENS EXPRESSWAY 101
The major thoroughfare into the city of Chicago from the
suburbs. The Ferrari streaks past. In the distance we see
the Sears Tower, the Hancock Building and the Standard Oil
102 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 102
Jeanie's walking down the hall. She's stopped by a KID with
a Coke can.
Yo. We're collecting money to
buy Ferris Bueller a new kidney.
Jeanie stares at him. She's flabbergasted at the proportions
her brother's scan has reached.
They run about fifty g's so it
you could help out...
Go piss up a flagpole!
She knocks the can out of his hands and storms down the hall.
The kid yells after her.
Hey, babe! Some day you might
need a favor from Ferris Bueller!
Then where'll you be?!
He reaches for the can.
103 EXT. CHICAGO LOOP. PARKING GARAGE 103
The Ferrari pulls into a large parking garage.
Ferris, Sloane and Cameron get out. Cameron's having fits.
We can't leave the car here!
Because we can't! I want it back
home where it belongs!
What could happen to it?
It could get stolen, wrecked, scratched,
you name it.
I'll give the guy a five to watch it.
CU. PARKING ATTENDANT
He smiles with relish at the car. 6'6", 240. An IQ that
equals his hourly wage. Shoulder-length hair stuffed into a
hairnet Gold teeth. Earring. Goatee.
EXT. PARKING LOT
The Attendant swaggers over to the car. Ferris slips him a
You speak English?
Since I was three.
Great. I want to you take extra special
care of this vehicle, okay?
He pats the Attendant on the arm. He smiles.
Like it's a beautiful woman.
I appreciate it.
The Attendant very gingerly gets into the car. Ferris turns
to Cameron. The Ferrari pulls into the lot very slowly, very
carefully. No squealing tires, no revving engine.
See what a finski can do to
a person's attitude? He's going
to treat it like a beautiful
Yeah, sure. Whip it with a stick
and piss on the hood.
Oh, please, Cameron. Do you have to
be so graphic?
She heads down the street.
This is so right!
Ferris nudges Cameron on. They exit the garage and head
after Sloane. A long beat and the Ferrari creeps down the
exit ramp of the garage. It's gone in the entrance and out
the exit. Another attendant jumps in the passenger side.
He's skinny, tall, with a huge knit hat willed with dreads.
He lets out a spirited laugh and the Ferrari peels out of
the lot. It heads down the street away from Sloane, Ferris
104 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 104
Joyce's care pulls in the driveway. She gets out and heads up
105 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 105
It's dark. There's a figure in the bed. We hear soft
snoring. A wire runs from under the bed covers to the closet
door to the door to the room itself.
INT. ROOM. DOOR KNOB
The wire is tied to the doorknob. It's taut. Downstairs, we
hear a door open and close.
106 INT. HOUSE. STAIRWAY 106
Joyce quietly walks up the stairs.
107 INT. HOUSE. HALLWAY 107
Joyce comes up the stairs and crosses to Ferris' room. She
listens at the door. WE HEAR THE SNORING.
Joyce slowly turns the doorknob and pushes the door open a
The door opens and the figure-like lump in the bed moves.
She smiles and closes the door.
108 INT. ROOM. CLOSET 108
The closet door is open. The wire from the bedroom door is
strung over the top of the closet door. A trophy is attached
to the end of the wire and it's resting on a yard stick. As
the bedroom door closes, the trophy lifts up off the
yardstick and the lump in the bed goes back down to it's
CU. FERRIS' SYNTHESIZER
Little LED's are lighting up to the rhythm of the snoring.
The snoring it simulated.
109 INT. HALLWAY 109
Joyce listens at the door another beat. She's smiles with
relief and affection.
110 EXT. SEARS TOWER. LATER 110
HELICOPTER SHOT moves in on the world's tallest building. As
it passes we see three figures pressed against the windows.
This is the world's tallest building.
From our vantage point here on the
103 floor, we are provided with a
view of four states.
Do you think the car's alright?
Illinois, Michigan, Wisconsin and
my personal favorite, Indiana.
111 INT. SEARS TOWER OBSERVATION DECK 111
Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are standing against the window.
I don't feel good, Ferris. Are
we gonna stay long?
Take a step back...
Ferris steps back. Sloane and Cameron follow suit.
Now, lean against the glass. Like
He leans forward, putting all his weight on his forehead.
And look down.
Sloane leans forward. Cameron follows, reluctantly.
The street far, far below. A dizzying view.
INT. OBSERVATION DECK
The three are leaning against the glass.
What if the glass gives?
He's looking down.
I think I see my Dad.
112 EXT. STREET LEVEL 112
A middle-aged man, Cameron's father, HORACE FRYE, is
standing on the street corner. He's lean, clean, tough and
humorless. He's wearing a puzzled look on his face.
I think I see my car.
The Ferrari screams down the avenue and disappears down the
113 INT. SEARS TOWER LOBBY 113
Ferris and Sloane bound down the escalator. Cameron follows
glumly. They dance past the giant Calder mobile. They're
FERRIS AND SLOANE
I BEEN ALL 'ROUND THIS GREAT BIG WORLD
AND I'VE SEEN ALL KINDS OF GIRLS
YEAH, BUT I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET
BACK IN THE STATES
BACK TO THE CUTEST GIRLS IN THE WORLD
I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA
I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA
114 EXT. STREET 114
Ferris and Sloane burst out the doors garnering the annoyed
stares of the business people busily going in and out of the
building. Cameron politely waits his turn to exit. Ferris
and Sloane head down the street. Cameron follows.
FERRIS AND SLOANE
I WISH THEY ALL COULD BE CALIFORNIA GIRLS!
115 EXT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE 115
Giant old monolith.
116 INT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. TRADING ROOM 116
Traders are frantically buying and selling commodities.
117 INT. GALLERY 117
Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the gallery
watching the proceedings.
Do you love me?
Do you love me?
I asked you first.
Would I trash a day of education to
be with you if I didn't love you?
Would I risk damaging a deep and
wonderfully enriching relationship
with my parents if I didn't love you?
Would I have introduced you as my wife
if I didn't love you?
Wait a minute. That was a lie.
Ferris puts his arm around Sloane.
Would you want to get married? I
mean if I wasn't an asshole.
Sloane stares at him. Is he serious.
I'll do it, if you will.
Cameron suddenly adds his two cents.
You need a blood test.
Ferris looks around at him.
If your blood's not compatible,
you could produce a pinhead. The
state requires a blood test.
So, you can't get married today.
If you get a blood test today.
I'm not getting married.
I'm with you, babe.
What do you mean, why not? Think
Besides being too young and your
father hating my guts and not
having any place to live and feeling
awkward about being the only cheer-
leader with a husband, give me a
good reason why not.
I'll give you two. My mother and
Ferris and Sloane look at him curiously.
They're married and they hate each other.
You've seen them. Am I right?
You're father's a toad and your
Mom's always wired out, but so what?
They're old. That's natural.
It makes me puke. Seeing people
treat each other like that. It's
like the car. He loves the car.
He hates his wife.
My parents are divorced. So what?
It's not like it doesn't happen
ten thousand times a day.
Just because it happens doesn't
make it right. Are you comfortable
No. It's not something I can get comfortable
with. I've tried. Are yours divorced?
They may as well be.
Do you think they're staying together
because of you?
Cameron hasn't seen it that way. He shrugs.
Do they like you?
It hasn't occured to Cameron that his parents might not like
him. That parental love might not be a given.
Consider this...my father canned me
and my brother and my Mom for a
twenty five year old dipso with fake
tits. He dropped us like a rock. Everything
was cool at our house. I thought so.
We all thought so. Then BLAM! It's over.
This is all news to me. She keeps a
pretty good secret.
It was pure selfishness. When I have
a kid, I don't care how much I want
something, if it's gonna screw-up the
kid, forget it.
She's not lying.
You could change.
Yeah. But I'm gonna try not to.
I'm gonna think about it. I'm
gonna try to prevent it.
This is optomism. It's a common
trait with my age group. Adults
think it's cute, it's like a charming
quick that infests youth. But it's
a cool thing and I think, deep down,
crusty old shits wish they had some.
They wish they had her, too.
(points to Sloane)
Sorry. She's taken.
I'd rather not have my family break
apart, thank you.
Well, you know what? It ain't up
to you. It's out of your hands.
So, I in other words, I should just
sit back and watch it crumble?
You're merely an inhabitant in their
Frightening choice of words.
They call the shots. When you split
from them, you call the shots.
So, you're saying I should run away?
No. She's saying it's time for lunch.
Let's go feed Cameron.
They stand up and head out. Ferris hangs back a moment. He
cups his hands to his mouth. He yells at the top of his
And he exits. Cool and casual.
118 INT. CHICAGO MERCANTILE EXCHANGE. TRADING FLOOR 118
It explodes with activity in response to Ferris' shout.
We HEAR A RADIO ANNOUNCER.
Commodity prices rose sharply today
in unusually heavy trading...
119 EXT. RESTAURANT 119
A French restaurant on the Gold Coast. It's noon.
120 INT. RESTAURANT 120
Ferris, Sloane and Cameron are standing in the restaurant.
Ferris is looking at the maitre 'd's reservations book.
His fingers runs down to a party of three for 12:00.
The maitre'd returns.
May I help you?
Yes. I'm Abe Frohman. Party of
three for 12:00.
The maitre'd looks at Ferris curiously.
Is there a problem?
You're Abe Frohman?
I'm Abe Frohman.
I'm sorry, son. I'm very busy right
now. If you have trouble finding the
Sloane tugs Ferris' sleeve. He ignores her.
Are you suggesting that I'm not
who I say I am?
Shall I call the police?
I'm not going anywhere.
(to the Maitre'd)
Call the police. Go ahead. Better
(grabs the phone)
...I'll call myself.
Cameron chokes. Sloane grits her teeth. The maitre'd smiles
Ferris punches out a number. A beat and the restaurant's
second line lights up and the phone rings.
The maitre'd motions for the phone so that he can answer the
call. Ferris waves him off angrily.
You touch me and I yell "rat!"
There's another phone around here.
The maitre'd backs off.
Ferris, let's split, please?
Cameron's right. We're gonna
Not a chance in the world.
He hands the phone to Sloane.
Ask for Abe Frohman.
INT. RESTAURANT. LATER
Ferris, Sloane and Cameron are seated in the restaurant. The
maitre'd is hovering over Ferris.
I appreciate your understanding.
Don't grovel, Charles. Just leave
us to our repast and all will be
Enjoy your luncheon.
The maitre'd backs away. Ferris smiles. Sloane is impressed.
Cameron is flushed with nerves.
Darling, you were wonderful.
Oh, but I had a wonderful teacher.
Cameron, dear friend?
Cameron looks to Ferris.
And you thought we wouldn't have
any fun. Shame on you.
Ferris disappears behind his menu.
121 EXT. SCHOOL 121
We HEAR HALLWAY SOUNDS AND JEANIE.
Ferris Bueller's days are numbered.
122 INT. GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM 122
Jeanie's sitting on a bench in a field hockey uniform. She's
talking to a FRIEND.
I'm gonna bust his buns.
Why? What's the point?
Why? Because I'm sick of the little
dope. He manipulates my parents, he
does whatever he wants, whenever he
wants and he never gets nailed.
Well, babe, today I'm the hammer.
She yanks angrily on the velcro strap on her sneakers. The
straps rip off in her hand.
I think he's cute.
Sweetie, it's an established fact that
you have no taste. Ferris is not cute.
He's not charming. He's not nice. He's
not a wonderful person. He's an ignorant
mule and the sooner everybody in this
school comes to that realization the
better off we'll all be.
She displays the velcro straps to her friend.
See? My brother strokes you, you
sympathize with him, I get pissed
off and this is what happens!
Jeanie tosses the straps on the floor.
Let me tell you something. I study
hard, I work hard, I'm polite, I'm
considerate, I'm friendly and fair
to all kinds of people. Except
morons. I try to be everything a
good, decent person should be and
you know what?
Everybody thinks you're an asshole.
Jeanie freezes with her next sentence pinned to her tongue.
I don't think you're an asshole.
Her friend smiles sheepishly.
Jeanie's friend shrugs, wags her head, does everything but
Rachel's a dirt bag. Who else?
I don't know. Just forget it.
Forget that everybody thinks I'm an
asshole? Would you like everybody to
think you're an asshole?
Not everybody thinks you're an
asshole. Mr. Rooney likes you.
Oh, hey. That's exciting. A fat
fifty year old clod with B.O.
Jeanie shakes her head in disbelief.
Would everybody be happier if
maybe I were to die in a flaming
car accident or something?
Maybe if you didn't cat like and
Am I acting like an asshole?
I didn't mean it that way.
I this a conspiracy to shit all
over me or something? Is my brother
behind this? Tell me if he is or I'll
sock your tits.
You really do have a problem, Jeanie.
Me? I have a problem?
Somebody who threatens to sock people's
tits has a problem.
Alright. How about if I sock your
Jeanie's friend gets up.
Take a walk, Jeanie.
Her friend exits.
(yells after her)
If it means anything to you, I
have my period! MY BODY'S RIDDING
ITSELF OF OLD EGGS, GODDAMN IT!
She snarls and slumps against the lockers.
He's gone. He's over. He's monkey meat.
123 INT. MEN'S ROOM. CHEZ PAUL 123
Ferris is standing at the urinal.
She's a person who views life as
an ordeal that must be endured. Her
body is a transport vehicle for her
anger. I don't know where she gets
this shit. Basically, the family's
He looks down at the urinal.
I wonder if everybody shoots at
cigarette butts in urinals? Probably
not many women.
I used to think that my family was
the only one that had weirdness
in it. It used to worry me. Then I
met Cameron and I saw how his
He zips this trousers and steps away from the urinal.
Cameron's home life is really shit.
He wasn't lying. That's why he's sick
all the time. It really upsets him.
What he said about his parents hating
each other? I refuse to sleep over at
his house. His parents fight all the
time. Even when I'm there. Is there
anything worse than being at somebody's
house when their parents are fighting?
It's the absolute height of social
He checks his hair in the mirror.
When they go after each other, Cameron
tightens up. It's scary. He gets so
wadded-up, you couldn't pry his buns
apart with a crowbar. The thing with
taking his old man's car? It's good
for him. It teaches him to deal with
his fear. Plus, and I must
be honest here, I love driving it.
I highly recommend picking one up.
He exists the men's room. We hold a beat. A toilet flushes.
Another beat and Tom walks out of the stall. He crosses to
124 INT. RESTAURANT 124
Cameron and Sloane have been served their lunches. They're
staring at the plates.
What is it?
I don't know. But it looks like
it's already been eaten and digested.
I knew it was a mistake letting
Ferris order for us.
Ferris slides over to the table and drops into his seat.
What are you doing?
Cameron looks at Ferris.
What is this shit?
You got me. I don't speak French.
He puts his napkin in his lap and smells his plate.
I think it's a land-based beefoid
He takes a bite. He savors the taste.
Cameron and Sloane try theirs. They chew tentatively.
Sloane and Cameron shrug. It's not bad. A WAITER passes.
Ferris stops him.
The waiter stops and looks at Ferris indignantly.
I have a growth on my brain that
causes memory lapses. Could you
tell me what we ordered here?
The waiter glances at the plates.
Uh, huh. And what might that be?
As in the gland that has important
functions in digestion and metabolism?
CU. SLOANE AND CAMERON
They stop chewing. They're holding their sweetbreads in their
He continues his questioning.
...That secretes a thick, colorless fluid
containing digestive enzymes? The home
of the world famous isles of Langerhans?
He nods broadly, knowing that he's spoiling the kids' meal.
CU. SLOANE AND CAMERON
They look at each other.
He pats his mouth with his napkin. He looks to Cameron and
Sloane. He raises a finger, holds it a beat and gives a cue.
He turns away as Sloane and Cameron spit out their food.
He watches Sloane and Cameron then glances at the waiter.
125 EXT. RESTAURANT 125
Tom and his two GUESTS are standing at the curb, talking. A
cab is waiting. The door's open. In the B.G. Ferris, Sloane
and Cameron come out of the restaurant. They approach the
cab. Tom's back it to Ferris. Ferris stops cold.
FERRIS, SLOANE, CAMERON
They turns on cue at Tom, now in the B.G., turns toward the
40,000 restaurants in the downtown
area and I pick the one my father
We're gonna get nabbed, for sure.
No way, Cameron. Only the meek
get nabbed. The bold survive.
He turns to the cab. Sloane and Cameron turn slowly.
EXT. STREET. CAB
Tom and his party are still jawing at curbside. Ferris,
Sloane and Cameron slowly approach the cab. Behind the backs
of the men, Ferris scoots Sloane into the cab. Cameron
dashes in. The Ferris hops the cab.
Ferris slams the door.
CU. CAB DOOR HANDLE
A man's hand reaches for the handle as the cab pulls away.
Tom and his guests watch in bewilderment at their cab takes
off. MUSIC COMES UP.
126 EXT. MUSEUM OR SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY 126
The grand old Chicago museum.
127 INT. MUSEUM. OVERHEAD SHOT 127
The main gallery is crowded with school kids.
INT. MUSEUM. FLOOR
A class of kids walking along holding hands. Among the
second graders are Ferris, Sloane and Cameron, holding hands
looking like giant grade schoolers.
INT. MUSEUM. DISPLAY CASE
Baby chicks are hatching in a huge, round incubator. Sloane,
Ferris and Cameron are intently watching the process.
INT. MUSEUM. COAL MINE
Sloane, Ferris and Cameron ride in the coal train in the
coal mine replica. Ferris and Sloane are making out.
INT. MUSEUM. INDUSTRIAL DISPLAY
Sloane operates a metal press to produce a tin ashtray.
INT. MUSEUM. HEART REPLICA
A giant, walk-thru replica of a human heart. Ferris staggers
out of it, clutching his heart, feigning a massive heart
INT. GERMAN U-BOAT
Ferris is examining the controls of the captured U-Boat. He
checks to see if he's being watched then he presses a button
and pulls a lever.
For the first time in forty years, the screw turns.
CU. HUMAN FETUS IN A BOTTLE
The famous stages of life display which features bottled
fetuses. The ninth month. A tiny human being in a jar.
CU. SLOANE, FERRIS, CAMERON
Sloane wants to cry. Cameron's stomach is in his throat.
Ferris is lost in thought. The MUSIC ENDS.
I wonder if he has a name?
128 EXT. CHICAGO RIVER. LONG, HIGH SHOT 128
From the Merchandise Mart, looking down the fetid, green
swath of water. A boat is rolling up the man-made canyon.
Are you guys worried about nuclear war?
Cameron, it's a beautiful day, we've
won our freedom, we're traveling down
one of American's most scenic polluted
waterways and you have to bring up
It is kind of raggy subject, Cam.
Regardless. It's with us every day.
The possiblity of global destruction.
Don't you think it's an issue because
people need something to worry about?
They have to like, have some major
problem that puts all their little
bullshit into some kind of persepective?
They used to have Viet Nam. They
used to have the oil crisis stuff
and Iran. That's over and people
have to have their big issue. It's
not like somebody came up with the
nuclear holocaust yesterday at
noon, you know.
To answer your question...No, I'm not
worried about it at all.
We don't know when the bombs going
off. We do know, however, that college
starts in the fall.
(dramatic, deadly serious)
Do you know what a nuclear winter is?
Yeah. Everybody's dead, it's real
cold and the skiing's for shit.
The boat makes the turn in the river and CLEARS FRAME.
EXT. BOAT DOCK
The three are sitting on the aft deck of the tour boat.
Their feet are up on the railing. Very casual, very relaxed.
Discussing the end of the world.
My step-father's always going off about
how when he was young he was committed to
all these causes.
He's full of shit. All the old hippies
are full of shit.
He says I don't care about things like
What's he care about now?
Baldness, fatty meats and money.
I rest my case.
What's spooky is they still control
everything. They took over when they
were young and they never gave it up.
One of the most frightening experiences
of my young life has been observing
my parents and our neighbors playing
the Baby Boom Edition of Trivial Pursuits.
It's chilling to see people crazed with
the minutia of their past.
It's human nature to like what you had
better than what you have.
A loud speaker on the boat identifies a point of interest.
TO YOUR LEFT IT THE WORLD'S TALLEST
The three look to the left.
The Sears Tower.
You know, this is all very interesting
but I'm starving.
An hour ago you wanted to yack.
I feel better now.
Lean over and grab a fish.
Cameron looks over the side of the boat. An obtuse thought
flashes through Sloane's brain.
What comes after a nuclear winter?
129 EXT. SCHOOL 129
130 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE DEAN'S OFFICE 130
Jeanie is having a small moral debate with herself.
It's reprehensible to squeal on
your own flesh and blood...but it's
for his own good. His cavalier
attitude will get him into trouble
later in life...and it'll continue
to piss me off and I'll get so
wadded-up that it'll cause cervex cancer
and he'll ruin my life. Screw him.
She slips into the Dean's outer office.
131 INT. DEAN'S OUTER OFFICE 131
Rooney's secretary is behind her desk. Jeanie walks in. The
secretary looks up and greets her with a weary smile.
Hello, Jeanie. Who's bothering
Jeanie scowls at her.
Is Dean Rooney in?
I'm sorry, he's out. Can I help you?
I seriously doubt it. When's he back?
I don't know. He left the grounds
on personal business.
132 EXT. STREET. CU. CURB 132
A car tire rolls into FRAME and stops. Slide across to the
sidewalk. Rooney's dress shoe steps out onto the pavement.
Move up to reveal Rooney standing at the door of his
bile-green LeBaron. Rooney peels off his shades and looks
around like he's Dirty Harry. In his mind he is Dirty Harry.
CU. FIRE HYDRANT
Rooney's dres shoe on the hydrant. He ties his lace and
pulls up his sock.
Rooney straightens his tie and jacket and slips into a rowdy
hot dog joint.
133 INT. HOT DOG STAND 133
It's jammed with construction workers, secretaries, suburban
businessmen. It's loud and confusing. Rooney pushes his way
in and scopes the crowd.
A young person is playing a video game in a far corner.
He suspects it's Ferris. It look sort of like Ferris. He
smiles and cuts into the crowd.
CU. THE BACK OF THE VIDEO PLAYER'S HEAD
MOVE IN on the player.
I've been waiting a long time
The player looks up.
Your ass is mine.
The player turns around. It's a GIRL.
The blood evacuates his face. He stares at the girl.
She stares at him. She picks up her Coke. She puts the straw
to her lips and sucks.
He's still staring. He can't think of anything to say.
Holding the straw in the mouth, she draws it out of the cup.
She raises it, pointing it directly in Rooney's face.
She blows a strawful of Coke in Rooney's face.
CU. NAPKIN HOLDER
A hand yanks a napkin hold.
INT. HOT DOG STAND. SERVICE COUNTER
Rooney wipes his face. Behind him is the kitchen and a
grease-covered TV set broadcasting a Cubs baseball game.
There's a long foul ball. The TV camera follows the ball
into the stands. A kid makes a stab at the ball. Rooney
wipes his suit off. The TV camera zooms in on the boy
triumphantly holding the foul ball aloft. It's Ferris.
He does a little celebration dance. Rooney wads up the
napkin and tosses it in a trashbin. The TV camera returns to
the game. Rooney glances at the screen.
What's the score?
HOT DOG MAN
Zero to zero.
HOT DOG MAN
Rooney nods and exits.
134 EXT. WRIGLEY FIELD. STANDS 134
Ferris sits down with the baseball. He shakes his stinging
paw. On either side of him are Cameron and Sloane. Cameron's
I think I broke my thumb.
Can we leave now?
You want to leave? We just got here.
You got a call, you broke your thumb,
what's left to do?
Cameron offers his nachos to Sloane. She looks at them with
No wonder you're always sick.
Ferris leans back, puts his hands behind his head and turns
his face to the bright sun.
Do you realize that if I played by
the rules, right now I'd be in gym?
135 EXT. HIGH SCHOOL. PLAYING FIELD 135
A boy's gym class is doing laps. A blue Fiat pulls into the
136 INT. FIAT 136
Jeanie's at the wheel. She sneaks a glance at the school.
I can't believe my brother's making
me put myself in a position where I
could get expelled. Selfish little
Ferris? You're overshadowed
me long enough. I'm gonna get
She puts the car in gear and drives out of the shot.
137 EXT. STATE STREET 137
A parade is underway. Floats and politicians. Marching
bands, drum and bugle corps, soldiers, school kids. Figure
skating club in outfits and skates performing their routines
on pavement. It's GERMAN-AMERICAN APPRECIATION DAY.
EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT
Riding atop on a float is Ferris. He's waving to the crowd.
He and half a dozen homely German-American Beauty Queens.
He's leading the girls in singing, "DANKE SHOEN".
EXT. STATE STREET. SLOANE AND CAMERON
They're watching Ferris go by. They wave to him.
I love him.
It's hard not to.
Cameron breaks a smile. As worried as he is about the day
and getting caught, he has to admire Ferris for his lack of
inhabitions. Cameron mumbles a few words.
Do you believe in reincarnation?
Do you believe that you lived before?
Yeah. Sort of.
DO you ever wonder what you were?
I don't have to wonder. I know.
Sloane looks at him with amazement.
I was a tractor tire.
EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT
Ferris is on his knees, reaching down from the float,
shaking hands with people in the crowd.
Guten tag, dude!
EXT. STATE STREET
Sloane and Cameron continue their conversation.
What were you in a previous life?
I'm not sure but I think I know
who Ferris was.
From the A-Team?
No. The guy who rode the elephants
Sloane laughs at herself. They step out of the crowd and
head down the street in the direction the parade's heading.
I think if he was anybody, he
was Magellan. You know, the guy
who went around the world.
I could see him ignoring popular
belief and taking off on some
Yeah. As long as I've known him,
everything works for him. There's
nothing he can't handle. I can't
handle anything. School, parents,
the future. Ferris can do anything.
EXT. STATE STREET. FLOAT
Ferris is playing "TWIST AND SHOUT" on the accordian. The
girls on the float are singing.
WELL, SHAKE IT UP, BABY, NOW!
SHAKE IT UP, BABY
TWIST AND SHOUT!
TWIST AND SHOUT!
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON, BABY ON!
COME ON AND WORK IT ON OUT!
WORK IT ON OUT!
EXT. STREET. SLOANE AND CAMERON
They continue their conversation.
The future's worse for a boy, isn't
Cameron doesn't understand what she means.
A girl can always bail out and
have a baby and get some guy
to support her.
That's a pretty grim thought.
True, but it's an option. No options
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Yeah, but to do what?
What are you interested in?
They walk on for a few beats. We HEAR "TWIST AND SHOUT"
GROWING LOUDER AND LOUDER. The sons is taking over all the
other tunes in the band. It's infecting the entire parade.
What do you think Ferris is gonna
EXT. STATE STREET. MARCHING BAND
They're playing TWIST AND SHOUT.
EXT. STREET. MOUNTED POLICE OFFICER
YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO GOOD!
EXT. STREET. PUNKS
A band of PUNKS are dancing on the roof of a news kiosk.
LOOK SO GOOD!
EXT. STREET MOTHER AND HER CHILDREN
A WOMAN and her two TODDLERS sing along.
YOU KNOW YOU LOOK SO FINE!
LOOK SO FINE!
EXT. STREET. BLACK TEENAGER
He's wearing a shower cap and a maroon overcoat.
COME ON AND TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER!
EXT. STREET. OLD NEWSPAPER SELLER
He singing along.
TWIST A LITTLE CLOSER!
EXT. STREET. CHOIR GROUP
They're marching down the parade. They're singing in their
AND LET ME KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE!
EXT. STREET. STREET CLEANERS
With their brooms ready...
KNOW THAT YOU'RE MINE!
EXT. STREET. DECK
The entire parade is singing and playing "TWIST AND SHOUT".
EXT. STREET. VIEWING STAND
The POLITICIANS and their WIVES stand up.
POLITICIANS AND WIVES
EXT. STREET. VIEWING STAND
The CLERGYMEN stand.
EXT. STREET. VETERANS
Marching in formation and in WWII uniforms.
EXT. STREET. FLOAT
Ferris leads the Beauty Queens in the rousing finale.
EXT. STREET. WIDE AND HIGH
The entire parade is at frenzy pitch.
The SOUND OF THE VOICES blends with the SOUND OF A RED-LINED
HIGH PERFORMANCE ENGINE.
138 EXT. CALUMET CITY 138
The Port of Chicago. Grim, gritty waterfront. Suddenly,
Cameron's father's car flies OVER CAMERA. Like the opening
shot in Star Wars. The Starship Ferrari. SLO-MO.
CU. FERRARI UNDER-CARRIAGE
It travels past to reveal a beautiful blue sky. SLO-MO.
CU. PARKING ATTENDANT
His eyes are wide with exhilaration. Mouth open, tongue out.
Maniac at the wheel. SLO-MO.
His eyes are closed. Big smile. SLO-MO,
EXT. STREETS. KIDS
They're looking up in the air, following the car as it flies
over them. Broad, excited smiles. The car's shadow passes
over them. SLO-MO.
139 CU. CAR GRILLE 139
It fills the frame and stops. We MOVE UP to reveal Rooney
behind the wheel of his car.
EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE
Rooney gets out of his car. He looks at the house, looks up
and down the street, then crosses to Ferris' house.
140 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 140
Rooney's at the front door. We see him peek in a window at
the top of the door. The doorbell rings.
141 INT. HOUSE. FERRIS' ROOM. COMPUTER 141
It acknowledges the doorbell.
CU. CASSETTE PLAYER
It clicks on.
142 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT PORCH 142
The house intercom activates. We HEAR FERRIS' VOICE.
Who is it?
Rooney presses the intercom.
This is Ed Rooney, Ferris. I'd
like to have a word with you.
I'm sorry I can't come to the door
right now. I'm very ill and I'm
afraid that in my weakened condition,
I could take a nasty spill down the
stairs and subject myself to further
There's a pause. Rooney presses the intercom again.
B.S. Come down here.
You can reach my parents at their
places of business. Thank you for
stopping by. I appreciate your concern
for my well-being. It will be remembered
long after this illness has past.
His voice clicks off. Rooney presses the intercom again.
I'm not leaving until you come
down and talk to me.
Have a nice day.
Rooney presses the intercom.
I'm not leaving, Ferris.
There's no response. Rooney rings the doorbell again. The
pre-recorded litany starts over.
Who is it?
Rooney doesn't realize that he's listening to a recording.
Don't get smart with me Ferris!
I'm sorry I can't come to the door
right now. I'm very ill and I'm
afraid that in my weakened condition...
Rooney leans back from the door. He can't quite figure out
what's going on. But's it's highly suspicious.
143 INT. HOUSE. LIVING ROOM 143
Rooney steps through the hedges and peeks in the windows. We
HEAR FERRIS' VOICE inside.
You may reach my parents at their
places of business.
144 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 144
Rooney tries to peak in the kitchen window.
I appreciate your conern for my
well-being. It will be remembered
145 EXT. HOUSE. BACKDOOR 145
A black rubber doggie door. The type that allows a dog to
come and go as it pleases. Rooney is crouched down. He lifts
the doggie door and peeks in the house.
Along the kitchen floor. Through the kitchen, into the
dining room. We hear a LARGE DOG GROWL.
He's peaking through the door. He hears the dog. His face
Have a nice day.
EXT. HOUSE. DOGGIE DOOR
A Rottweiler bursts through the doggie door in a fury of
gnashing teeth and foam.
146 CU. LARGE BREASTS 146
Tassled pasties twirl like airplane propellers.
CU. CAMERON, FERRIS AND SLOANE
They're sitting in a booth in the garish, nearly deserted
strip joint. Cameron's mouth is open in amazement. Sloane is
embarrassed and revolted.
How does she do that? One goes
one way, one goes the other.
She's probably schizophrenic.
Ferris, this is nauseating me.
Really. I'm losing respect for
you by the bucket.
You don't think it's amazing that
we got in?
Who wants to get in?
Cameron looks like a toddler, for
Christ's sake. I'm talking about
a major achievement in false
I'm not interested in watching
someone jiggle their mammary glands.
Point well taken. But consider why
she does it. Why she does it and
I'm not a tramp.
Maybe her life fell apart. Maybe she
lost somebody. A lover. A boyfriend.
A parent. A child...
This kind of thing makes me a little
depressed. You may think because I'm
the age I am that I'm a sex maniac.
That sex is all I think about.
But that's not true. I'm a romantic.
I think alot of people my age are.
We think about love and matters of
the heart. And SAT scores and acne
aside, we worry about lonliness. It's
a terrible thing. And we feel it. I
He flips his collar up, curls his lip and affects an Elvis
impression. A sappy, do-wop track FADES UP. The club lights
go down. Cameron and Sloane disappear into darkness. Ferris
stands up from the booth. He strolls slowly through the
empty club as the stripper bumps and grinds in a pool of
You know, someone said the world's a
stage and each must play a part.
Fate had me playing in love, with you
as my sweetheart. Act one was when we
met. I loved you at first glance. You
read your lines so cleverly and never
missed a cue. Then came act two. You
seemed to change. You acted strange.
And why, I've never known.
He climbs up on the little runway. The stripper disappears
in darkness as Ferris takes over the spotlight.
Honey, you lies when you said you
loved me and I had no cause to
doubt you. But I'd rather go on
hearing your lies than to go on
living without you. Now, the stage
is bare and I'm standing there with
emptiness all around and if you won't
come back to me, then they can bring
the curtain down...
Elvis fades up. The orignal recording. Ferris lip synchs
with the big, dramatic florish that was the King's trademark
IS YOUR HEART FILLED WITH PAIN?
SHALL I COME BACK AGAIN?
TELL ME DEAR, ARE YOU LONESOME TONIGHT?
Ferris drops his head. Like the King would.
147 EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET. CAMERON'S CAR 147
Cameron's father is looking at the car. He's studying it. It
looks terribly familiar. He leans into the open car and
reaches for the glovebox to see if the contents will confirm
if it's his. He freezes. He looks up slowly.
The Attendant and the Rastaman are glowering at him. They're
holding bags of fried chicken.
You looking for something in my
CU. CAMERON'S FATHER
He shakes his head, no.
148 EXT. FERRIS' TOWN. JEANIE 148
Jeanie's standing at her car. She's staring incredulously
into the distance. Her mouth's open. She's shaking her head
Spray-painted on the town water tower in gigantic black
letters -- SAVE FERRIS BUELLER.
I'm gonna microwave his nuts...
149 EXT. MICHIGAN AVENUE 149
150 INT. TAXI CAB 150
Ferris, Sloane and Cameron in the backseat of a checker.
Ferris is on one window, Cameron on the other. Sloane's in
the middle. Ferris is talking to the DRIVER.
He leans forward and reads the driver's name off the city
So, Yuri, how long have you been
What's your overall impression?
It's very good here.
Better than Russia?
Much better here than in Russia.
Clearly you've never been to an
American high school.
Ferris sits back. He puts his arm around Sloane.
It's getting late, Ferris. I have
to get the car home. I know you
don't care, but it means my ass.
You think I don't care?
I know you don't care.
That hurts, Cameron.
Jump back, Ferris, Cameron's been
a good sport.
Cameron, what'd you see today?
Cameron looks at him.
You saw four states, a submarine,
a giant heart, seventy five dollars
worth of cooked pancreas, two of the
most incredible breasts ever to come
out of modern plastics, major
league baseball and...
Are you gonna chuck your nachos?
Cameron's staring past Ferris. He's frozen. Ferris realizes
he's looking at something out the window. He turns. He
In the gridlock traffic, their cab is squeezed tight
alongside another cab. In that cab is Tom. He's about a foot
from Ferris. He turns and looks right into CAMERA.
Ferris' frozen face.
Tom glances back at his paper. He pauses. Looks up. Thinks.
Turns back to CAMERA.
Sloane is sitting where Ferris was. She's wearing
sunglasses, looking bored. She turns and glances out the
window. Fakes a yawn.
Tom stares at her. He's baffled. He looks away.
INT. CAB. FLOOR.
Cameron and Ferris are on the floor. On their asses, with
their backs to the back of the front seat, feet up on the
What's he doing?
He's looking at me and he's licking
the glass and making obscene gestures
with his hands.
Sloane bursts out laughing.
She licks her finger and touches Ferris knee. She makes a
sizzling sound. She collapes on the seat in hysterics.
INT. TOM'S CAB
Tom's looking into Ferris' cab.
Sloane's bouncing up and down.
He can't quite figure out what's going on. He turns and
slowly raises his newspaper over his face. We see on the
back of the paper a small story with the headline: COMMUNITY
RALLIES AROUND SICK YOUTH.
151 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE. BACKYARD. DOG 151
The Rottweiler's chewing on a shoe. Tearing it apart.
EXT. BACKYARD. ROONEY
He's standing outside the fence. He's missing a shoe. His
suit pants are torn from the crotch to the knee. His suit
coat pocket is torn off. His hair's messed and there're
grass-stains on his knees and elbows. He's looking in at the
That's a $28.00 dress shoe, you
The Rottweiler leaps at CAMERA.
152 EXT. CITY STREET 152
Ferris is leading the way down Michigan Avenue. He's
hustling through the crowd. He has Sloane by the hand. She's
jogging to keep up. Cameron's a few steps behind. He keeps
bumping into people. Ferris and Sloane make the turn at
Wacker Driver and disappear into the Stone Container
Building. Cameron follows, mumbling again.
153 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT 153
A florist truck pulls up in front of the house. A DELIVERY
MAN gets out iwth a huge floral arrangement. He heads up to
154 EXT. HOUSE. PORCH 154
Rooney's sitting on the porch patting a bloody knee with his
handkerchief. The delivery man hops up on the steps. Rooney
looks up at him. He greets Rooney cheerily.
He presses the doorbell. A beat and we hear Ferris'
Who is it?
The Deliver Man presses the intercom.
Focus on Flowers. I have a delivery.
I'm sorry but I can't come to the
door right now. I'm very ill and I'm
ROONEY FERRIS' VOICE
It's a recording, asshole. ...that in my weakened
condition, I could take a
DELIVERY MAN nasty spill and subject
What's your problem? myself to further school
He's one of my students. You can reach my parents
at their places of
DELIVERY MAN business. Thank you for
Little bugger's dying. stopping by. I appreciate
your concern for my well-
ROONEY being. It will be
What? remembered long after
this illness has passed.
As I heard it from our mailman
he was supposedly born with only
half a kidney.
Have a nice day.
(to the intercom)
I don't know the details. But my
boss had to send to Milwaukee to
get more orchids. He's very
Rooney is flabbergasted.
Nobody's home here?
You gonna be around for awhile?
I imagine so.
You wanna keep an eye on these?
Rooney looks at the flowers. Then he looks at the Delivery
It really touches me that so many people
are rallying behind this guy. I guess
there's hope for the human race afterall.
He hands the arrangement to Rooney.
He bounds off the porch and trots to the truck. Rooney looks
incredulously at the arrangement. He opens the attached
ALL OUR BEST FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY
THE ENGLISH DEPT. FACULTY AND STAFF
155 INT. RADIO STATION STUDIO 155
The number one afternoon FM rock'n roll D.J. is sitting
behind his microphone.
I don't know who that was or
what they were playing but I
apologize for it nonetheless.
I have a guest with me today...
156 INT. STUDIO. FERRIS 156
He put his headphones on.
157 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 157
Jeanie's car pull in the driveway. We hear her car radio.
His name is Ferris Mueller.
Bueller. Ferris Bueller.
INT. CAR. JEANIE
She goes into shock. Her eyes blink, her head cocks.
Sorry about that.
Jeanie draws back and punches out her radio.
CU. CAR ANTENNA
The impact of her blow to the radio shoots the antenna in
158 INT. STUDIO 158
Ferris leans forward and adjusts the microphone.
He has an incredible story.
Ferris turns to CAMERA.
I'm going to tell a massive lie here.
It's going to by very thick and very
steamy. I think radio's a facinating
medium, it challenges the imagination.
Unlike television which provides the
You know this. Anyway, it's always been
a dream of mine to be on the radio.
I have what I consider to be an excellent
broadcast voice. I practise it in the
bathroom all the time. I used to play
records and do introductions to them.
But I've never had the chance to sit
behind a microphone and try it out
for real. This is a 50,000 watt outlet.
I'm going out to several million people
so let me just say, I'm in a very pleasant
groove right now.
(clears his voice,
speaks into the
mike, affects a
Well, Steve, you and your listeners are
probably not going to believe this but...
159 INT. SCHOOL 159
A group of kids are sitting around a blaster.
...I'm the first Chicago area youth
to be selected to participate in
a space shuttle mission.
160 INT. STUDIO 160
Ferris turns from the mike to CAMERA.
I was going to say I knew Springsteen's
home phone number and I was going
to give out the number of the New
Jersey State Police but I thought I
might get busted. After I got flunked
in driver's ed for sideswiping a mail
box, which was not in any way, shape
or from my fault. I was putting out a
cigarette, like I was told. It was weird.
I'm so used to getting in a car and
lighting up, because I'm not allowed to
smoke at home, that I got in the driver's
ed. car and spaced completely, pulled out
of the lot, lit up a 'boro and Mrs. Heller
looked at me like I'd just pulled a bunny
out of my nose or something and I realized
what the hell I was doing and I went to
put it out and hit the mail box. Anyway,
I was so pissed off at her reaction to
the whole thing that I considered running
an ad in a sleaze magazine for a school
teacher that does phone sex and I was gonna
use Mrs. Heller's home number but is cost
too much. I took it again and passed. But
I had to work at Burger King to get the
cash to pay for the driver's ed. car. The
car got fixed in auto shop for nothing and
I think Rooney pocketed the cash. But I
can't prove it? I'm in high school, remember?
He turns back to the DJ.
How did you get picked for this.
It's kind of a long story but I've
been doing alot of programming for
161 INT. SCHOOL. HALLWAY 161
A even larger group of kids is listening to the blaster.
They're cheering him on.
162 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE. BACKYARD 162
The Rottweiler is laying unconscious on the lawn. The flower
arrangement is scattered all over the yard and the ceramic
vase the flowers were in has obviously struck the dog. The
broken pieces are all around the dog's head.
EXT. FERRIS HOUSE. BACKYARD. ROONEY
He's smiling with great satisfaction.
Sleep tight, pooch.
He hears something in the house. His head snaps around. He
drops down and peek in the windows.
A glimpse of a fleeting figure.
His eyes dance in anticipation of revenge.
163 INT. HOUSE. FERRIS' ROOM 163
Jeanie kicks the door open. The yardstick flings the covers
and the pillows beneath them in the air. She stomps in and
turns off the snoring synthesizer.
I knew it!
She grabs the phone and sits down. She dials a number.
164 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT 164
Rooney sneaks around the side of the house. He slinks up on
the porch. The front door's open. He peeks in.
165 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 165
Jeanie's on the phone.
Is Mrs. Bueller there? Where is she?
This is her daughter. Do you know where
she is? Do you know when she'll be back?
Do you know anything?
She slams the phone down.
The worm has luck like clams
have body odor...
She's startled by a noise downstairs. A smile spreads across
her face. He's back and she's going to nail him.
166 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 166
Rooney sneaks into the house. He looks around the foyer and
heads into the kitchen.
167 INT. HOUSE. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY 167
Jeanie tiptoes down the stairs.
168 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 168
Rooney sneaks through the kitchen into the den.
169 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 169
Jeanie comes down the stairs into the foyer.
170 INT. HOUSE. KITCHEN 170
Rooney comes out of the den, back into the kitchen. He
crosses back toward the foyer.
171 INT. FOYER 171
Jeanie sneaks into the kitchen.
172 INT. KITCHEN 172
Jeanie and Rooney come face-to-face. Jeanie squeals in
horror. She doesn't recognize Rooney as himself but as an
intruder. She drops into a karate stance and kicks Rooney in
the face. He hits the deck. She flees back up the stairs.
173 INT. CAR 173
Boyd is sitting in the backseat of Joyce's car listening to
My input on the Star Wars defense
plan was pretty substantial so I
guess this is their way of rewarding
me. I'm pretty flattered.
Joyce and her clients leave a show house and head toward the
Boyd looks out the window as his parents and Joyce appear.
Can you stay around and take a few
I'd really like to but I have a kidney
operation in about an hour.
Joyce and her clients take one last look at the house.
If you're willing to commit a
little time and a little money
to this place, you can really
have something to be proud of.
Don't let the black living room
throw you off.
She opens the car door.
The door opens.
I wish you the best of luck.
A very interesting guy, Ferris Bueller.
Joyce gets in. The clients get in the other side. A song
(to the kid)
Well, Boyd, how are you bearing
The kid stares at her.
Did I tell you I have a son
His name is Ferris. I think you'd
Boyd sits up in the seat at the mention of Ferris' name.
Is he going up in the space shuttle
Joyce looks around at Boyd. She gives him a curious look.
Not that I know of.
I knew he was bullshitting.
Watch your mouth.
How do you watch your mouth?
Do you know my son?
Don't pay any attention to him.
He thinks it's cute to bait adults.
I don't think it's cute. I think
Joyce give him a puzzled smile and starts the car.
174 INT. FERRIS' ROOM 174
Jeanie's on the phone. She's in a panic.
This is not a phoeny phone call. There's
an intruder, male caucasian, possibly armed,
certainly weird, in our kitchen.
My name is Bueller.
There's another pause. Jeanie's face drops.
It's real nice that you hope my
brother's feeling better but I'm
in danger, okay? I'm very cute,
I'm very alone and I'm very
protective of my body. I'd rather
not have it violated or killed.
I need help!
175 INT. KITCHEN 175
Rooney's plugging his bloody nose with paper towel. The
intercom goes on.
Excuse me. If whoever's in the house
is still in the house, I'd like you
to know that I have just called the police.
If you have any brains whatsoever, you'll
get your ass out of my house real quick.
Rooney stiffens with fear.
I'd also like to add that I have
my father's gun. And a scorching
case of herpes.
176 EXT. STREET 176
Rooney's car is hooked to a tow truck. It's parked in front
of a fire hydrant and the windshield is decorated with
parking citations. In the distance SIRENS WAIL.
177 EXT. PARKING LOT 177
The three are waiting for the Ferrari. We HEAR TIRES
SQUEALING, AN ENGINE REVING-OUT. Then the Ferrari pulls down
the ramp and jams to a frightening stop. A BLACK GUY jumps
out. Ferris hands him the parking stub.
Just out of curiosity, what was
your top speed coming down the
He hands him a buck and opens the door and pulls the
passenger seat forward for Cameron.
This is probably the last time you'll
have to ride back here. Keep that in
Cameron gives him a look and squeezes in.
178 EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET 178
The Ferrari cruises through traffic.
Sloane's in the passenger seat. Ferris is driving and
Cameron is crammed in the back.
Nothing. We return the car.
We could go to my house. My parents
aren't coming home until late.
We have enough cash left for a quick
flight to Peoria and back.
Ferris looks in the mirror and changes lanes. He glances
down at the speedometer, then to the road. And back to the
Cameron? How many miles did you
say this thing had when we left?
One hundred and twenty six and
halfway between three and four
tenths. Why? How many miles are
on it now?
He glances down at the speedometer.
The odometer reads 432.7.
Here's where Cameron goes berserk.
The Ferrari pulls up at a stop light. We HEAR A THUNDERING,
The Ferrari is buzzing through traffic.
Sloane turns in her seat and looks at Cameron. Her gesture
is one of genuine support.
His eyes are frozen in a mindless, vacant stare.
He looks at Sloane. He's concerned.
Hey, Cameron. It's okay. We'll fix
He's still holding the stare. He starts to breathe heavily.
She whips around in the seat and grabs his arms.
Cameron! Cut it out! What's
He shoots Sloane a look.
Cameron, are you okay? It's
no problem, really. Your old
man won't know a thing. It's
Sloane fires an angry look at Ferris.
Shut-up! It is a problem! For
him it's a problem. Nothing's
a problem for you. But it's
a problem for him! So, just
She turns back to Cameron.
What can I do, Cameron?
Eyes front. He knows what he's doing.
179 INT. FERRIS' HOUSE. FOYER 179
The doorbell rings. The Ferris' tape is activated.
Who is it?
We hear a MALE VOICE over the intercom.
I'm sorry that I can't come to
the door right now...
The tape continues as Jeanie hurtles down the stairs.
I'm saved! Thank you, God!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
She jumps the last few stairs and slides to the front door.
She whips it open.
180 EXT. HOUSE. FRONT DOOR 180
The door swings open.
Her jaw goes slack. She blinks her eyes.
The Delivery Man and a young ASSISTANT are standing at the
door with floral arrangements. Spread all around them are
more flowers. A sexy singing NURSE and a BALLOON MAN steps
up on the porch.
WE HOPE YOU'RE FEELING BETTER
WE HOPE YOU'RE FELLING FIT
The door slams shut.
181 EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET 181
Rooney's walking down the street. A school bus is crawling
alongside him as kids hang out the windows. From inside we
hear SHOUTING and seventeen different SONGS PLAYING ON
BLASTERS. A top forty montage.
Hey, Mr. Rooney! What're you doing?
Rooney doesn't respond.
Did you get in a fight?
Rooney keep walking. The bus doors open. The DRIVER calls
out to him.
You want a lift?
Rooney takes a few more steps. He stops. The bus stops.
Rooney takes a deep breath. He climbs aboard the bus.
182 INT. BUS 182
The bus is jammed with WONKS and WEINERETTES. The passengers
are silent as they watch Rooney shuffle down the aisle and
take an empty seat next to a skinny, myopic GIRL.
She looks at Rooney and smiles. She pushes her Coke bottle
glasses up on her nose.
He looks vacantly at her.
She holds her smile.
I'll bet you never smelled a
real school bus before.
He stares at her.
She holds up a candy package.
He stares at her.
She puts one in her mouth.
They've been in pocket. They're
real soft and warm.
A rotund FRESHMAN BOY sitting across from Rooney is staring
He looks across to the kid.
He leans forward.
It's kind of like being in the
belly of the beast isn't it?
He turns him eyes to the front. The bus jerks forward and
183 EXT. BUS 183
It grinds through the gears as it heads down the quiet
street. The BLASTERS go back on, the SHOUTING RESUMES.
184 EXT. PARK 184
Cameron's laying on a picnic table. Sloane's sitting beside
him on the table. She's stroking his hair. Ferris WALKS INTO
THE FOREGROUND. He addresses CAMERA.
This may very well be for real. I
think Cameron might have blown a
micro-chip or two. He's always been
a little keyed-up. All I wanted to do
was give him a good day. We're
gonna graduate in a couple of months.
Then we have the summer. He'll work
and I'll work. And we'll see each
other at night and on the weekends
but then he'll go to one school and I'll
go to another. And basically that'll
be it. As much as we like each other,
the process of growing up will
He begins to walk. We follow him.
Sloane's a bigger problem. She still
has another year of high school. How
do I deal with that? I was serious when
I said I'd marry her. I would. This isn't
just teenage infatuation. That's what my
parents call it. What do they call what they
have? If that's love, I'll take infatuation.
His eyes are closed. Sloane's stroking his hair.
Cameron's never been in love. At
least no one's ever been in love
with him. He's gonna marry the first
girl he lays. And she's gonna treat
him like shit because he's gonna
kiss her ass for giving him what he's
built-up in his mind as the end-all,
be-all of human existance. She won't
respect him because you can't respect
someone who kisses your ass. It just
She's studying Cameron's face. She looks away.
He looks to the picnic table. Then back to CAMERA.
I'm being tested here.
He starts back to the picnic table.
My best friend has flipped-out.
Conventional wisdom would suggest
a visit to the nearest trauma
center. I wouldn't fault anybody
for doing that. My, personally,
I think this calls for something
new, something bold, something wet
185 CU. JACUZZI JET 185
UNDERWATER SHOT. A hyrdojet spews a gush of air bubbles.
A finger pushes the PLAY button on the cassette. MUSIC COMES
CU. BEER CAN LID
The finger pops a beer.
CU. OREO PACKAGE
A painted fingernail pierces the cellophane wrapper.
Ferris and Sloane are in Sloane's parents' Jacuzzi. Their
clothes are tosssed around the deck. Cameron's been placed
in a patio chair at the edge of the Jacuzzi. He's still
catatonic. He's mummbling softly. Ferris is drinking a beer.
Sloane's eating Oreos.
You feeling any better, Cameron?
The water's really nice. I wish
you'd come in.
Staring into space.
CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS
They look at each other. She offers him a cookie. He offers
her his beer.
Cameron? Do you think this because
of the car or is it a combination
of everything shitty in your life?
He doesn't respond.
CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS
Sloane sips the beer.
You just can't deal with anymore
shit? The car took you into the
red zone? Time for a reality check?
Cameron? I could flip real easy, too.
There's nothing wrong with it. At one
time or another, everybody goes to
Maybe he was actually sick. Maybe
he wasn't bullshitting himself.
Ferris and Sloane watch their catatonic friend.
She leans forward and stares at Cameron.
He cocks his head, wondering what Cameron's up to.
He keels over forward.
Cameron falls out of the chair and splashes down,
face-first, into the water. Sloane screams. Ferris leaps for
Ferris struggles with Cameron's lifeless bulk.
She's screaming. Ferris thrashes around in the water.
Ferris grabs Cameron's collar and rips him out of the water.
Ferris sits Cameron on the edge of the Jacuzzi.
His eyes are closed. He's lifeless.
His face is a mask of terror. He shakes Cameron.
A smile spreads across his face.
He sees the smile. He stops shaking Cameron.
Ferris and Cameron are looking at each other. Sloane's still
screaming. She realizes that Cameron's okay. She stops
Ferris starts to laugh. Cameron explodes with laughter.
What's so funny?
186 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 186
Jeanie's sitting on a wooden bench with a WASTED TEENAGE BOY
in a Triumph t-shirt, long hair, torn jeans, creepers, studs
and chains. He's studying her.
No, thank you. I'm straight.
I meant, are you here for drugs?
Jeanie stares at him.
Why are you here?
I don't know why I'm here.
Then why don't you go home?
Why don't you put your thumb
up your butt?
The boy stares at her.
You want to talk about your problem?
With you? Are you serious?
Yeah, I'm serious.
Jeanie turns away. The boy crosses his legs. Jeanie looks
back at him.
You really want to know what's wrong?
The boy shrugs.
Alright. If you've got the time,
I've got the troubles. In a nutshell,
I hate my brother. How's that?
That's cool. Did you shoot him or
No, not yet.
The boy nods. He understands the emotion.
I went home to confirm that the
shithead was ditching school and
a guy broke into the house and I
called the cops and they picked me
up for making a phoney phone call.
What do you care if your brother
Jeanie stares at the boy.
Why should he get to ditch school
when everybody else has to go?
You could ditch.
I'd get caught.
So, you're pissed at him because
he ditches and doesn't get caught?
The boy nods knowingly.
Then your problem is you.
Excuse you. You oughta spend a little
more time dealing with yourself and
a little less time worrying about
what your brother does. It's just
Jeanie stares angrily at him. Partly because he's so bold
and partly because he's so right.
There's somebody you should talk
Jeanie stares at him threateningly.
If you say Ferris Bueller, you lose
You know him?
CU. JEANIE'S HAND
It curls into a fist.
187 CU. FERRARI TIRE 187
It's spinning rapidly.
A brick's resting on the accelerator, holding it down.
INT. CAMERON'S GARAGE
Ferris, Cameron and Sloane are sitting in the garage. The
Ferrari is jacked up. The wheels are turning. The engine's
The whole time I was just thinking
things over. I was like, meditating.
I was thinking about the future.
And I realized it doesn't make
and difference if the present
goes to shit.
I have a agree with you there.
I've been thinking all day that if
you could only have the use of one
word, what would it be?
Sloane is naked before your eyes and
you're thinking about words?
God bless you, Cameron.
Thank you, Sloane.
If you guys only had one word, what
would it be?
I can't believe you'd think up something
like with a naked girl in a jacuzzi
right in front of you.
Come on, Ferris, answer his question.
It's the only word you could
And what is you loathe somebody?
Are you going to say "love" every
time you see them?
It's better than "hello".
You wanna be generic?
Cameron smiles at his wisdom. Ferris and Sloane think about
it. It's a good choice. Cameron gets up and walks to the
The word is help.
Cameron peeks in the window.
Cameron pulls his head out of the car.
Ferris? It's not working.
Ferris looks up.
The miles aren't coming off, running
it in reverse.
I thought that might be a problem.
Let's crack open the odometer and
roll it back by hand.
Cameron shakes his head.
I got a better idea. It's cool.
He walks back around behind the Ferrari.
Seventeen years and I've never
taken a stand. Now, I'm gonna
do it. I'm taking a stand against
my father, against my family,
against myself, against my past,
my present and my future. I will
not sit idly by as events that affect
me unfold to change the course of
my life. I will take a stand and I
will defend it. When my father comes
home tonight, he's finally going
to have to deal with me. Good or
bad, I'm taking a stand.
He turns to CAMERA.
This is a big U-2 fan.
She smiles proudly at Cameron. She applauds him.
He's serious and determined. He has made up his mind and it
appears that it won't be changed by anyone but himself.
It's spinning wildly.
CU. MERCEDES BUMPER
Cameron's foot rests on the bumper. A beat and it gives a
The spinning tires slam down on the cement.
Cameron has kicked the Ferrari off the jack. It squeals out
of the garage in a cloud of blue tire smoke. A $50,000
unmanned investment heading backwards down a driveway.
CU. SLOANE AND FERRIS
They're in shock.
The Ferrari shoots down the driveway.
Cameron watches the car go. He's strangely placcid about the
impending disaster. Ferris and Sloane are bewildered.
The Ferrari travels down the driveway, across the street,
over the curb into the wooded property opposite the house.
The Ferrari's brief journey ends as it smacks a tree trunk.
Ferris and Sloane exchange baffled looks. They look at
Cameron. He's proud and bold.
What was that about?
This has to be a dream.
Cameron? One quick question.
Why'd you do that?
Cameron holds his proud posture for a beat. Then a look of
bewilderment comes over his face. He shoots a look to
Ferris. A puzzled look.
You trashed the car.
Cameron looks across the street.
I took a stand.
No, Cameron. You wrecked a car.
Cameron thinks for a moment. Then he regains his confidence.
Ferris looks across the street at the car.
I have an idea. If you're interested.
Cameron looks at him. He shakes his head.
I'm gonna handle it.
I think this could work.
No, thanks. I want to deal with
it by myself.
What about your one word?
You already did it. If I need it
again, I'll use it.
He smiles. He raises am impish eyebrow.
It's cool. I'm loose.
188 INT. POLICE STATION. OFFICE 188
Joyce is talking with the juvenile officer. Outside the
office, on the bench, we see Jeanie and the boy making out.
She's never been in trouble before.
This is a shock to me. First, I
don't know why she wasn't at school.
Second, I don't know why she'd call
you with this story about a rapist.
For whatever reasons she did it,
I think she'd had a good scare.
I hope so. I appreciate your calling
me. I can assure you that her father
and I will have a long talk with her.
The gathers her purse and jacket and stands.
Oh, by the way, I hope you son's
Joyce looks at the officer curiously.
Tell him, all the guys at the
station here are pulling for
189 INT. POLICE STATION. WAITING ROOM 189
Jeanie quickly breaks the embrace with the boy as Joyce
steps out of the juvenile officer's room. She's still a
little bewildered that everybody knows Ferris was ill.
Jeanie wipes her lips and sits up straight. The boy adjusts
his pants to better hide his passion.
(to the boy)
If you keep this to yourself, I
think we can probably get it on
Jeanie stands up.
Don't "hi" me, young lady. Get
Jeanie reaches down for her purse.
What's your name?
Jean. What's yours?
190 EXT. SLOANE'S BACKYARD 190
Sloane and Ferris are standing at the back fence.
I had a great time today.
Yeah. It was pretty cool.
You think Cameron's gonna be
Sure. He had to so it, I guess.
His old man had it coming. He'll
be okay. I'd be worried if he'd
taken my idea.
Sloane smiles knowingly.
You didn't have an idea, did you?
Not a glimmer.
You're so smart.
No. I'm just real loose.
He kisses her.
I'll call you tonight.
Sloane nods. Ferris jumps the fence and takes off across the
backyards. Sloane watches him go. A huge smile spreads
across her face.
I LOVE YOU!
She backs away from the fence. MUSIC FADES UP.
He's gonna marry me. I know it.
She turns and runs into the house.
191 EXT. BACKYARD 191
Ferris sprints across a backyard. He jumps a plaster elf.
192 EXT. ANOTHER BACKYARD 192
Ferris vaults a fence. He runs directly for a swimming pool.
He's approaching it from the side. He leaps, hits the diving
board, springs off, does a flip and lands on the grass on
the other side of the pool.
193 CU. BEDSPREAD 193
Neatly bundles stacks of bills and rolled coins. A
significant amount of cash.
CU. PIECE OF PAPER
We see a portion of the typewritten letter as she signs it.
"...in the amount of $1,765.33. It
gives us great pleasure to assist
you in performance of your worthy
and much needed survives to those
so desperately in need.
The Ferris Bueller Foundation"
194 EXT. FERRIS' STREET 194
He's running down the middle of the street. A car honks.
Ferris moves to the side. The car pulls around him.
Tom's at the wheel. He glances in the mirror. He does a
HIS POV. MIRROR
We see Ferris cut across a front lawn and into a house.
He realizes it couldn't be Ferris.
195 INT. HOUSE 195
Ferris runs through the kitchen, past a WOMAN, fixing dinner
and out her backdoor. The Woman looks up curiously.
196 EXT. FERRIS' HOUSE 196
Tom pulls in the driveway. He parks and gets out. Joyce
pulls in from the other direction.
197 EXT. HOUSE. BACK PORCH 197
Ferris tries the door. It's locked. He reaches down and
lifts the doormat.
The outline of a key in the dirt under the mat. The key's
gone. The toe of a chewed-up dress shoe steps INTO FRAME. An
OMNIOUS CHORD IS STRUCK.
He stares up in horror.
Rooney's looking down at him. He's holding the house key.
Ferris stands up. He smiles.
Looking for this?
I got you, Ferris. This time I finally
Ferris is caught. There's no way out. Rooney gloats
How does another year of high
school sit with you?
Suddenly, the backdoor opens. Jeanie looks out. She feigns
joy and relief. She rushes Ferris and hugs him.
Thank God, you're alright! We've
been worried sick!
A moment of curiosity. Then it dawns on him what's
happening. He smiles.
His eyes dart from Ferris to Jeanie to Ferris. His victory
Jeanie breaks the embrace.
Thank you for bringing him home,
You better get up in bed tight
Ferris limps into the house.
Can you imagine someone as sick as
Ferris trying to walk home from the
(shakes her head)
She raises her hands and strikes a karate pose. A huge smile
passes over her face.
A look of terror as he realizes that is was Jeanie who
kicked him and that Jeanie knows it was he who she kicked.
Jeanie steps into the house.
198 INT. HOUSE 198
The door closes on Rooney's defeated, lost, dejected,
bewildered face. Not only has he lost Ferris again, he has
Jeanie to deal with next year.
199 EXT. YARD. CU. DOG 199
The click of the door wakes him up. His head pops up off the
He senses new danger. We hear AN O.C. GROWL. Rooney squeezes
his eyes shut.
200 INT. KITCHEN 200
Kimberly and Todd are sitting at the kitchen table watching
TV and eating cereal. They look up at Ferris as he comes in
Ferris? Does my head look like
it's getting bigger?
Ferris leans against the counter as he tries to catch his
breath. He looks at his little brother.
No, but Kimberly's is.
He crosses to the refrigerator and opens it. Kimberly feels
Is he serious?
I think so.
Ferris takes out a bottle of orange juice out of the
refrigerator and drinks straight from the bottle. Jeanie
By the way, I borrowed some cash
from you. I'll pay you back.
You don't have to.
I want to.
You don't have to. I've been ripping
off your wallet for years.
Ferris gives her a proud smile.
201 EXT. HOUSE 201
Joyce and Tom head up to the kitchen.
202 INT. KITCHEN 202
Ferris and Jeanie exit the kitchen as Joyce and Tom enter.
(to Todd and Kimberly)
Is my head swelling up?
203 INT. HOUSE. FOYER 203
The foyer is jammed with floral arrangements, plants and
gifts. Ferris and Jeanie step gingerly through the flowers
and head upstairs.
I'm sorry I've been riding your
buns for so long.
It's completely cool.
Ferris continues up the stairs. He affects a sickly voice.
204 INT. SECOND FLOOR LANDING 204
Ferris and Jeanie stop.
Do you know a guy named Garth
Is he cool?
He's cool. But stay away from his
Ferris walks into the room, brushes the crumbs off his hands
and peels off his shirt. He climbs into bed. No sooner are
the covers over him than the bedroom door opens and Joyce
and Tom walk in. They walk over to the bed. Joyce sits down.
The same deathly face he had in the morning. Tongue out,
Ferris? How do you feel?
He pulls in his tongue to speak.
150% better, thank you.
205 INT. BEDROOM 205
Tom and Joyce hover over him with deep concern.
I'm much better, really. Please,
don't make me stay home again. I
want to go to school. I'm graduating
in June and I...
Ferris. You're sick. There's no point
pushing yourself and making it worse.
Maybe you're right, Dad.
I know I'm right.
Joyce leans over and kisses him forehead.
How did you get so sweet?
Years of practice.
Tom pats Ferris on the rump. He and Joyce exit.
The hideous face. A beat and we HEAR THE BEDROOM DOOR CLOSE.
Ferris looks at CAMERA.
Yeah, life is a carousel. A
great big crazy ball of pure
living, breathing joy and delight.
He rolls over on his back and puts his hands behind his
You gotta get one.
MUSIC UP BIG