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ALL SCRIPTS




                                   GARDEN STATE




                                    Written by

                                    Zach Braff
                         

                         

                         

                         IN BLACK:

          AIRPLANE PILOT (O.S.)
          (panicky; through crackly

                         RADIO)
          Los Angeles Tower, this is
          Transworld two-two Heavy, we are
          going down! Repeat... Engines two
          and three are... L.A. Tower this is
          MaydayI Mayday!

          TOWER (O.S.)
          (through crackly radio)
          2-2 Heavy, Pull upt Pull up!
          The RADIO NOISE is drowned out by the A CAPELLA, SOPRANO
          VOICE of a young Indian boy as he sings a melodic Hindi
          prayer.

          INT. AIRPLANE CABIN --- NIGHT


          THE WORST NIGHTMARE IMAGINABLE:
          SLOW MOTION: The plane is going down fasts Everyone panics
          and screams in SLOW MOTION as the oxygen masks away like
          plastic pendulums. The SOPRANO VOICE continues the prayer.

          ANDREW LARGEMAN (LARGE), 25, is the only passenger who
          remains unfazed. Even as the flames from the wing echo fiery
          reflections on his cheeks, even as the young mother seated
          next to him clutches her newborn and wails towards God, even
          as bags fall from the overhead compartment at half-speed and
          the beverage cart slides down the aisle, Andrew Largeman sits
          peacefully; unaffected.

          He calmly reaches up and turns his air vent so it blows
          directly on him. He looks up to

          THE FASTEN SEAT BELT SIGN

          it BINGS as the light flashes on and off. The BINGING
          continues more and more frequently; at first in rhythm with
          the prayer and then it dissolves into the RING of an

          ELECTRONIC TELEPHONE.

                         DISSOLVE TO:

          INT. BEDROOM -- MORNING

          Whiteness. Morning sun streams through a palatial picture
          window. THE PHONE continues to RING. A ceiling fan spins
          above stacks of scripts, a cell phone charging, bare walls
          and a small human figure dwarfed by the enormous white bed in
          which he sleeps.

          HIS BYES bounce back and forth under their lids as he dreams
          like they're chasing each other in a game of tag.
          THE PHONE is finally answered by the machine. Large's eyes
          stop moving.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         2

          VOICE ON MACHINE (0.S.)
          Andrew... This is your father.
          LARGE'S EYES slowly float open.

                         VOICE
          Hi, hello, it's uh. Look uh, you
          don't call me back so I don't know
          how to do this. If I can't... if
          you're not gonna return my calls
          then there's no way for us to
          communicate. So uh...
          '(starts to cry)

          Look, I don't know how to do . this,
          but you're gonna need to come home
          now. Last night uh... Your mother
          died last night, Andrew. She uhh...
          I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But she
          uh... she drowned... last night she
          drowned in the bath...

          BEEP. The machine cuts the voice off.
          LARGE'S EYES processing.

          They elide slowly left, then back right as if scanning in
          data. He blinks. He blinks again slowly. His eyelids float
          closed. He falls back to sleep.

          FADE TO BLACK-'

                         IN BLACK:
          The RUSH OF WATER from the bathroom sink.

          INT. BATHROOM -- MORNING

          Large appears to stare directly at us. He's dazed. His body
          is there, but his mind seems absent. He reaches to the middle
          of the frame, almost at us, and pulls open both doors of the
          mirror he's been staring into.

          His face and chest are immediately replaced with the two
          dozen orange prescription drug canisters that immaculately
          line the shelves of his medicine cabinet.

          He closes the mirror doors and stares at himself.

          MUSIC CUB., ("DON'T PANIC" BY COLDPLAY)

          EXT. CENTURY CITY PAVILION -- LATER

          Large rushes through throngs of people on their lunch break.
          He manages to avoid eye contact with all of them as he tries
          to find an address while checking a piece of paper.
          He boards an outdoor escalator and starts climbing thL-
          stairs.

                         0

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         3
          After a moment he looks to his right through a window into a
          gym where a man on a Stairmaster is walking alongside him.
          Large registers something: he isn't going anywhere.

          THE CAMERA PULLS BACK to reveal he's been walking up on the
          down side. He stands still and lets it bring him all the way
          down, where he moves to the "Up" one and rises towards the
          next level. His expression never changes.

          INT. CASTING OFFICE -- DAY

          A casting assistant sits behind stacks of headshots and
          manilla envelopes while the PHONE RINGS constantly. Large
          sits next to another actor that looks exactly like him;
          they're even dressed alike.

                         ASSISTANT
          Casting, please hold. casting,
          please hold.

          WE PULL BACK TO REVEAL: they are sitting beneath an eight
          foot photograph of "Urkel" wagging his finger at the camera.
          A slow 360 degree pan around the room reveals ten other
          actors identical to Large aggressively rehearsing their lines
          to themselves.

          The ACTOR seated next to Large leans over to him.

                         ACTOR
          We're whores.
          Large looks at him.

           ACTOR (CONT' D )
           "I'm not a whore," you say. And to
          that I say, "If you would do
          this... that you would do ' this...
          you're a whore." 'But it pays the
          bills," you say; startin' to get a
          little pissed. And to that I say:
          "how do whores, how do you think a
          hooker justifies what she does to
          her non-hooker friends?"

                         (BEAT)
          It pays the bills.

                         (READING)
          "Codey, an extreme, special-ope
          hacker with an edge.' What the fuck
          is an "edge"? Can you explain
          "edge" to me? Is it just messy
          hair?

                         (BEAT)
          Hey, wait. Aren't you the guy who
          booked the retarded quarterback?

          An overweight casting assistant enters.

                         ASSISTANT
          Lukas Fox?

                         ACTOR
          Yeah, hey Sandy.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         4

                         ASSISTANT
          Leslie.

                         ACTOR
          (under his breath)
          Fuck.

                         ASSISTANT
          come on in.
          (to the room)
          Hey guys, we're only doing the
          first scene okay; the "I'll cut
          you!" scene. Thanks.

                         ACTOR
          Good talking with you, bro.

                         (BEAT)
          Peace.
          We hold on Large as he swings his gaze to the actor on his
          other side aggressively running his lines to the air.

          INT. LARGE' S CAR -- DAY

          Hazy and claustrophobic in stopped traffic on the 405
          freeway. Large stares absently out the window as BLARING
          SIRENS. compete with the obnoxious ramblings of L.A. TALK

          RADIO.
          Large suddenly squints his eyes and clutches his neck in
          pain.

          EXT. FANCY HOLLYWOOD VIETNAMESE RESTAURANT - NIGHT

          Large pulls his car into a parking spot, throws "The Club" on
          his steering wheel and heads towards the back door of the
          restaurant. But something catches his eye on the side of his
          car.
          THE CAMERA PULLS BACK TO REVEAL: a gasoline pump nozzle
          sitting in his gas tank with a foot of tattered hose ripped
          off at the end. He stares at it, trying to remember the last
          time he bought gas. He looks both ways and covertly pulls the
          nozzle from his tank.
          He walks towards the back door of the restaurant and throws
          the nozzle in an open dumpater.

          INT. FANCY HOLLYWOOD VIETNAMESE RESTAURANT - NIGHT

          Large flings open the door and enters a long, dark corridor
          lined with stacked chairs. He passes a WAITER in a black
          TUNIC wearing eye make-up to make him look Asian.

                         WAITER
          Dick head. You've got thirty-four
          and twenty-five seated and Taylor
          booked a pilot so he quit. You
          picked a bad night to be late.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         5
          Large glides through the chaotic environment unfazed by any
          of the stress. He rounds a corner to a time card machine and
          swipes his card. The machine BEEPS and displays the word,
          "LATE" in red. He crosses to a locker and quickly changes
          into a black tunic and pants.
          He moves through the kitchen which is whirling with over
          thirty people in white: chopping, frying, sauteing, YELLING.
          The Vietnamese chef wears a headset and BARKS ORDERS down the
          line. Large is met by a FRENCH WOMAN MANAGER. She walks with
          him as he weaves his way through the kitchen.

                         FRENCH MANAGER

                         (FRENCH ACCENT)
          Ten resumes just today. They come
          in everyday from Idaho or Florida
          or Milwaukee and do you know what
          they want even more than a guest
          spot on "Everybody Loves Raymond"?
          They want your job. This will not
          happen again. This will never
          happen again. You have two tables.
          You are thirty minutes late; if I
          ever say this again, your job will

                         GO TO:
          She pulls off the top resume from the bunch she's grasping;
          revealing a headshot on the other side.

          FRENCH MANAGER (CONT'D)
          Todd Slauson from Duluth,
          Minnesota.
          During all this, Large remains calm and unphased. He takes a
          stick of eye make-up from the pocket of the tunic and paints
          his eyes to appear Asian. (As do all the white, good-looking,
          male waiters.)
          He takes a small radio transceiver device from the pocket of
          the tunic and turns it on. He unwinds the ear piece, pulls it
          through the back of his jacket, out the neck and into his
          ear. Immediately we hear a VIETNAMESE MAN'S VOICE giving
          orders over the ear piece.

          VIETNAMESE VOICE (O.S.)
          (accented, but monotone)
          Waiter number fifteen, your table
          number twenty-three is ready.
          Large takes a deep breath and pushes open the door into:

          INT. DINING ROOM -- CONTINUOUS

          A very fancy Hollywood Vietnamese restaurant filled to
          capacity with a Friday evening crowd. The energy is
          completely different from the other side of the door. SOFT
          ASIAN MUSIC' plays, the room is very dim and lit by
          candlelight.

                         0

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         6

          VIETNAMESE VOICE (O.S.)

                         (THROUGH EARPIECE)
          Waiter ten, you forgot the order of
          forty-one for table one-o-one. All
          waiters, eighty-six tuna special.
          Large remains dead-pan as he crosses to a table with six
          young, hot Hollywood types.

          YOUNG HOLLYWOOD GUY
          What the fuck, man? What are you on
          break?
          Large doesn't respond.

          YOUNG HOLLYWOOD GUY (CONT'D)
          Don't worry about it; I'm just
          messin' with ya. Lemme get three
          Kettle Red Bulls arid...

                         REELING GIRL
          Can I have a Kettle Cosmo with Red
          Bull, please. And some bread too. A-
          sap.

                         LARGE
          We don't have bread.

                         REELING GIRL
          What do you mean you don't have
          bread? How could you not have
          bread?

                         LARGE
          We just don't have bread it's...
          we're a Vietnamese restaurant.

                         REELING GIRL
          Well you're not Vietnamese.

                         LARGE
          No, I'm not.

                         REELING GIRL
          So?

                         (BEAT)
          Well something to chew on --fuck.
          Bamboo... whatever.

                         LARGE
          I'll see what I can find.
          He turns and walks off .

          VIETNAMESE VOICE (O.S.)
          Waiter number twelve, flight number
          121 with non-stop service to Newark
          International will be departing
          from gate D-32.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         7
          ON LARGE'S FACE CLOSE as he closes his eyes and we:

          FADE TO BLACK:

                         IN BLACK:
          THE BLARE OF A JET LINER TARING OFF dissolves into

          INT. AIRPORT BATHROOM -- DAY

          THE RUSH OF WATER as Large washes his hands at the last Oink
          in a very long row. He grabs his neck while SQUINTING his
          eyes closed in pain for a brief second.
          A moment later he picks up his bag and heads down the line of
          sinks. As he passes each sink, he unknowingly activates their
          motion sensors and each faucet SHOOTS a tiny burst of water.
          The NASALLY VOICE of a WOMAN SINGING an off key version of
          "Once, Twice, Three Times A Lady" with synthesizer
          accompaniment.

          EXT. CEMETERY - DAY

          A large group of people are gathered around a steel coffin.
          Atop the coffin site a framed picture of a tired looking
          woman in a wheelchair. This is SARAH LARGEMAN.
          We find SYLVIA LARGEMAN, the source of the music. CLOSE ON
          HER FACE as the assorted palette of colored make-up on her
          cheeks swirls together with tears until it collects on the
          tip of her chin and drips like a leaky faucet onto:
          HER LYRICS SHEET as a rainbow of tears splatter the words
          "ONCE and "TWICE".
          The song finishes and the rabbi begins a series of Hebrew
          prayers. Large squints through the mourners to see his father
          GIDEON LARGEMAN shovel a handful of dirt onto the casket.
          Behind him stands CYNTHIA DILLARD, 25, a beautiful young
          Black woman.
          HIS FOCUS RACKS TO REVEAL two young men seated on a rusty
          tractor smoking cigarettes about thirty yards behind the
          ceremony.
          WE JUMP CUT TO after the ceremony as Large weaves through the
          crowd and approaches the two men. We see now they are HA-RKs
          26, good looking in a dirty way. And DAVE, 26. They are quite
          filthy, but each sports expensive jewelry and black
          yarmulkes.
          They look up as Large approaches.

                         MARX

                         HOLY SHITS

                         LARGE
          T'sup.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         8

                         DAVE
          Holy shit!

                         MARK
          Largeman, what the hell are you
          doin' here?

                         LARGE

                         (EMBARRASSED)
          Oh... uh that's my mom.

                         DAVE
          Fuck.

                         MARK
          Puck. Sorry.

                         (BEAT)
          Well... welcome home-

                         LARGE
          Thanks. Yeah. How you guys doin'?

                         MARK
          Same.

                         DAVE
          Same.

                         LARGE
          Nice.
          Silence.

                         MARK
          Where the fuck you been, man?
          You're like still acting and shit,
          right?

                         LARGE
          Yeah.

                         DAVE
          In LA right?

                         LARGE
          Yeah.

                         MARK
          That's cool. I hear that place is
          pretty tucked up, man. I got a
          cousin who's a writer out there. He
          says that place is mad crazy. Coke
          everywhere, parties, horny-ass
          bitches...

                         DAVE
          Who?

                         MARK
          What?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         9

                         DAVE
          Which cousin?

                         MARK
          Terry.

                         DAVE
          Terry's in LA? I thought he was
          gettin' his GED down in Newark.

                         MARK
          No bitch, he's in LA now. He's a
          writer. He's writin' a movie about
          snowboarders or some shit, X don't
          know. I should introduce you to him
          Largeman, maybe you guys could do
          something together.

                         LARGE
          Great.

                         DAVE
          So what are you doin' tonight, man?

                         LARGE
          Nothing... no plans. I'm just here
          for a couple days... nothing.

                         DAVE
          You should come out with us, we're
          gonna head over to the Gleason's
          house. He's having some huge
          fuckin' party tonight or something.

                         MARK
          Supposedly.

                         DAVE
          Supposedly.

                         LARGE
          Really?

                         MARK
          Yeah, he lives up on the hill.
          We're probably gonna head over
          there right after we bury your mom.

                         DAVE
          Well I gotta shower.

                         MARK
          Same.

                         LARGE
          Okay, well... You know I'll have to
          see with all this... this.

                         MARK
          All right. Well, welcome back.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         10

                         DAVE
          Peace.
          Large heads back to his car. The crowd has dispersed.

          INT. LARGEMAN HOUSE: LIVING ROOM - DAY

           TIGHT ON: An enormous portrait photograph that fills a wall;
          in it, Large (as a young boy), Sarah (not yet in a
          wheelchair) and Gideon Largeman huddle together with a Black
          woman and her young daughter (Cynthia) against a white
          background. They all wear white t--shirts, blue jeans and no
          socks. Everyone but Sarah smiles widely into the lens.
          "Shiva" is in full swing as forty or so older suburban Jewish
          New Jersey'ites of every shape and size mingle over small
          food and small talk. The camera moves past several

                         CONVERSATIONS:
          A heavy woman with gobs of make-up and lots of gold.

                         WOMAN 1
          .Well you had to call her; she
          never called anyone.
          A woman in a white tennis outfit talking to a group.

                         WOMAN 2
          This was a woman who never smiled.
          An older man in glasses with cream cheese all over his lips.

                         MAN 1
          Somebody ate all the lox.
          THE CAMERA MOVES TO: Two very Jewish older ladies
          simultaneously telling the same story to a group of friends.

                         LADY 1
          The new thing is "Talk to the
          hand."

                         LADY 2
          That's what they're doing.

                         LADY 1
          But you got a hold it out like
          this.

                         LADY 2
          Like you're saying...

                         LADY 1
          "I don't have the time for you."

                         LADY 2
          "So talk to my hand."

                         LADY 1
          "He's the only one with time...

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         11

                         LADY 2
          Like you're saying...

                         LADY 1
          "I don't have the time for you."

                         LADY 2
          "So talk to my hand."

                         LADY 1
           "He's the only one with time...

                         LADY 2
          "Time for the nonsense that you're
          giving me.
          Large site on a couch in the den next to his Aunt Sylvia, the
          singer from the funeral. Some young children play on the rug
          in front of them. Large stares off into space as she pets one
          of the children's heads and looks to Large for conversation.

                         SYLVIA
          Did you know your mother redid the
          hallway bathroom?
          Large looks over, realizing she's talking to him.

                         LARGE
          What? Sorry. Who?

                         SYLVIA
          Since I met her she never showed an
          interest in anything. Then all of a
          sudden a month ago she wakes up and
          decides to redecorate a bathroom. I
          helped her.

                         LARGE
          That's great.
          (trying his best)
          I'll bet it was... fun.

                         SYLVIA
          Well I sew. I made you something.

                         LARGE
          Me? Thank you. Did you... sew it?

                         SYLVIA
          It's a shirt.

                         LARGE
          Great.

                         SYLVIA
          I made short sleeves... you know,
          for LA.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         12

                         LARGE
          Great. I'll wear it.

                         SYLVIA
          Will you try it on nowt

                         LARGE
          Now?

                         SYLVIA
          Well just in case I have to fix it
          before you leave again and we don't
          see you for another nine years, I
          want to make sure it fits.

                         LARGE
          oh. okay.

                         SYLVIA
          You're gonna love the material. I
          used the leftovers from your
          Mother's design. Gorgeous.

          INT. HALLWAY BATHROOM -- MOMENTS LATER

          Large flips the light on to reveal the entire bathroom is
          done in the same floral pattern; everything: wallpaper,
          towels, curtains. He looks down at the shirt; it's the same
          pattern.
          He slides his sweater off to reveal his pale, thin chest. He
          stares at himself in the mirror for a moment. He tilts his
          head to the right and stares at his body.
          He pulls the shirt on and buttons up the front. As he does
          his entire chest and person disappear into the design of the
          room. He looks at himself in the mirror; it looks like his
          head and forearms are floating in mid-air.
          Large almost smiles as he makes his forearms dance around in
          mid-air.

          TNT. GIDEON'S OFFICE -- CONTINUOUS
          GIDEON LARGENAN sits alone at his desk. Large enters.

                         LARGE
          Hi.

                         G IDEON

                         HELLO-

                         LARGE
          How you doin'?

                         GIDEON
          "Well besides that tire. Lincoln,
          how was the show?"

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         13

                         LARGE
          You know I'm not really sure what
          to say here, Dad, so I'm sorry.

                         GIDEON
          Mmnn.

                         (BEAT)
          Did you see Cynthia?

                         LARGE
          From afar at the cemetery.

                         GIDEON
          She's on call tonight; she
          volunteers as an EMT for the Rescue
          Squad. She's doing so well in med
          school.

                         LARGE
          Yeah, she's amazing. I'm really
          happy that everything's working out
          so well for her. She deserves that.

                         GIDEON
          I have very fond memories of the
          two of you running around here when
          you were little kids like brother
          and sister.
          Silence.

                         GIDEON (CONT'D)
          So how are you?

                         LARGE
          I'm okay.

                         (SEARCHING)
          I've been getting these pretty bad
          headaches lately. It feels like a
          quick little lightning storm in my
          brain and then it's gone. I was
          thinking maybe you could set me up
          to get it checked out while I'm
          here.

                         GIDEON
          Go see Dr. Cohen first thing
          tomorrow morning. Re's a
          neurologist in my building. I'll
          call him and he'll fit you in. I'm
          sure it's nothing to worry about.
          Silence. Large nods.

                         LARGE
          House looks great.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         14

                         GIDEON
          Oh? That's nice. We've been...
          doing a lot of work on it.

                         LARGE
          Really?

                         GTDEON
          Actually, no. I don't know why I
          just said that. We haven't done
          anything to it.

                         (BEAT)
          We cleaned it for this; for this
          whole thing. Janice has been
          cleaning.

                         LARGE
          The bathroom in the hall. I noticed
          someone redid that.

                         GIDEON
          Yeah. That's new. Did you eat? You
          should eat. Aunt Sylvia put this
          whole thing together out there. I
          think there's enough food out there
          for... everybody. I mean, more.than
          everybody... there's a lot of food
          out there.

                         LARGE
          okay. I think I'll go have some..

                         GIDEON
          There's dessert too.

                         LARGE
          Great. Okay.

                         GIDEON
          Cake or something.

                         LARGE
          Great.
          Large starts to leave.

                         GIDEON
          I'm glad you're here.
          Large stops in the doorway.

                         GIDEON (CONT'D}
          Saying goodbye is important. I'm
          glad you could... fit it in.
          They nod at each other. Large walks out.

                          CUT TO :

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         15

          INT. LARGE 'S BEDROOM -- DAY

          A tattered, vintage American Flag site framed above the bed.
          Large eases past all the shelves; trinkets, nothing seems to
          mean anything and then

                         A PICTURE
          Several people are seated amongst dozens of presents
          laughing. A. seven year old Large stands with his arm around
          a seven year old Cynthia. They both wear enormous "chicken-
          foot" slippers and smile from ear to ear.
          Large's POV: zooms into the face of the only person in the
          photo not smiling. This is Sarah Largeman. She stands; not
          yet requiring a wheelchair.
          He crosses to the bed and sits down. The surface sends waves
          ,towards the pillows throwing them off the bed, revealing it's

                         A WATERBED-
          A LOUD RING from a PHONE on the bedside table which appears
          to be made out of Legos. He answers it.

                         LARGE
          Hello?... Hey. No... Yes.

          INT. THE GARAGE - NIGHT

          Large pulls away a tarp to reveal a classic world War II Army
          motorcycle with a sidecar. The corner of hie mouth raises and
          holds the idea of a smile.

          MUSIC CUE: "REMY ZERO"

          EXT. STREETS NIGHT

          Large flies through the suburban sprawl without a helmet. THE

          MUSIC BLASTS.
          The wind throws his hair back as Large whips through the back
          roads. He's going really fast. He closes his eyes, flying by
          a COP CAR doing eighty before he opens them again. LIGHTS
          FLASH behind him as he pulls over.

                         LARGE
          Fuck.
          The cop car stops behind him and blares him with the search
          light.

                         COP
          Hands on your head, please!

                         LARGE
          What?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         16

                         COP
          I said PUT YOUR MOTRERFUCKING HANDS

          ON YOUR FUCKING HEAD PLEASE!21
          Large does it. All we can see is a silhouette of a figure
          standing amidst the blaring lights and swirling blue and red
          colors.

                         COP (CONT'D)
          Eighty-two in a twenty-five. Are
          you gonna tell me your late or just
          tired?

                         LARGE
          I didn't...

                         COP
          Shut the fuck up.

                         (BEAT)
          You could have killed some little
          kid or a baby deer.
          He saunters closer.

                          COP (CONT'D)
           You do have a license don't you.
           Large takes it. out and passes it behind him, squinting. When
           the COP gets it, he steps finally into the 1 ght. He's a
          skinny kid, maybe 23, with a baby face!

                          COP (CONT'D)
          Largeman?
          Large squints?

                         LARGE
          Kenny?

                         KENNY
          Holy shit: How you doin' man?

                         LARGE
          Great!

                         KENNY
          Your mom just died.

                         LARGE
          I know.

                         KFNW
          I mean that's why you're home.

                         LARGE
          Yeah... yup.

                         (BEAT)
          You're a cop, Kenny?!

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         17

                         KENNY
          I know, I know.

                         LARGE
          Why, Kenny?

                         KENNY
          I don't know; I couldn't think of
          anything better to do. And it's
          really cool though, man. People
          really listen to you. They have to.
          And check this shit out.
          He pulls his gun out of his holster to show Large.

                         KENNY (CONT'D)

                         (POINTING)
          That's the safety. Plus the
          benefits; if I get shot I'm rich.

                         LARGE
          Yeah but, I mean... Kenny, the last
          time I saw you, you were blowing
          coke lines off the top of a urinal.

                         KENNY
          I had to grow up now, man, I wasn't
          makin' shit at the fish market. No
          one knew who I was. I couldn't get
          laid. This is a much better
          situation for me. Speakin' of
          which, how did I do?

                         LARGE
          What do you mean?

                         KENNY
          I mean you know... how did I do?

                         LARGE
          You mean like... as a... cop?

                         KENNY
          Yeah.

                         LARGE
          I don't know. I mean I thought, you
          were a dick... so I guess that's
          good.

                         KENNY
          Ah fuck, man. I hear you're like
          some huge movie star; you played
          some big football player or
          something. I didn't nee it.

                         LARGE
          Yeah.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         IS

                         KENNY
          Fuckin' DeNiro and shit.

                         LARGE
          What?

                         KENNY
          fie ' s awe some .

                         LARGE
          Yeah.

                         KENNY
          Deer Hunter. We should talk, man; I
          have some good ideas for movies,
          and you could like play me and
          shit. "Stories From the Force-"

                         LARGE
          Yeah, definitely.
          They stand there; nodding.

                         KENNY
          So what are you doin' tonight?

                         LARGE
          That depends, are you arresting me?
          Kenny laughs.

                         KENNY
          Shut the fuck upf Course not.

                         (BEAT)
          But you got to put your helmet on,
          man; leading cause of death on the
          highway for males in our age
          bracket.

                         LARGE
          Okay.

                         KENNY
          Wanna see my kid.
          He shows Large a picture in his wallet.

                         LARGE
          You got a kid, too? Wow.

                         KENNY
          Everybody's got kids now, man;
          they're great. It's like your own
          "Mini-Me"; way better than my cats,

                         LARGE

                         (RE2 PICTURE)
          Cute. Gold teeth?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         19

                         KENNY
          Wellthiswas Halloween. He was
          "OL'DirtyBastard." Yeah, already
          likesraplike his dad. So what
          d'yousayyou were doin' tonight?

                         LARGE
          I think I'm gonna meet Mark and
          Dave over at some party.

                         KENNY
          The Gleasons?

                         LARGE
          Yeah, I think.

                         KENNY
          can you believe that kids havin' a
          party at that house? His brother
          hung himself like two weeks ago in
          his bedroom.

                         LARGE
          Really?

                         KENNY
          Cut him down myself. Seth. Did you
          know him?

                         LARGE
          I don't think so.

                         KENNY
          He tried like three times. Finally
          got what he wanted.

                         (BEAT)
          Anyway... So okay, you get going,
          I'll see you over there in a bit.

                         LARGE
          Oh, you get off soon?

                         KENNY
          No. But we'll be by to bust it up
          by two. if it's crowded we might
          get to wear riot gear.

                         LARGE
          Oh, that would be great... to see
          that. So I guess I'll see you then.

                         KENNY
          Great seeing you, man.

                         LARGE
          Yeah. You too.
          Benny gets in his car and pulls up alongside Large. He picks
          up the CB and the PA CRACKLES on:

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         20

                         KENNY

                         (OVER PA)
          Pull over, the vehicle!
          Kenny nods his head up and down to Large like "Isn't this
          cool?" Large waves goodbye. Kenny floors the cop car and
          BLARES the SIREN with LIGHTS FLASHING as be SCREECHES away.

                         CUT TO:

          INT.GLEASON HOUSE - NIGHT

           Largeweaveshis way through a raging, crowded high-school
           styleparty:LOUD MUSIC, smoky, sweaty drunk people, kege-
          Mostof thepeople are 18 to 21.

          TNT.GLEASON KITCHEN --- NIGHT
          A bunch of people are gathered around Mark as he tells a
          drunken story. The group laughs.

                         MARK
          holy chit look at this guy!
          Everyone looks to Large at the end of the line.

                         MARK (CONT'D)
          Get the fuck up here, bitch! This
          guy does not wait for a beer! This
          is a movie star! This is Jersey's
          DeNiro and shit.
          Mark sloppily hugs Large. Others slap him five as Large
          awkwardly navigates between variations of hugs and
          handshakes.

                         DRUNK
          What are you doin home?
          A beat as Large realizes he has to answer that question.

                         LARGE
          I uh...

                         MARK
          Press junket.

                         DRUNK
          That's phat yo. Fuck yeah, Serpico
          and Shit...
          The crowd quickly moves onto other things.

                         MARK
          (in a whisper)
          You like that? That's
          improvisation, bitch. You can use
          it.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         €

                         21

          INT. GLEASON HALLWAY - CONTINUOS

          They walk through the crowd as Mark recruits cute girls to
          join them upstairs. They walk up the stairs past family
          pictures and school photos made crooked by drunken backs.
          Mark points to a photo of an awkward looking young man.

                         MARK
          You see this?

                         LARGE
          in that him?

                         MARK
          That was him. Dug the hole myself.

                         LARGE
          Did you know him?

                         MARK
          Nah. Ugly motherfucker though, huh?
          It pains Large to even try to respond to that.

                         MARK (CONT'D)
          You want to see the most fucked up
          thing?
          They arrive at the landing outside a door with a "New Jersey
          Devils" poster on it.

          MARK (CONT`D)
          This is the tucked up thing.
          Be swings the door to the bedroom open revealing the dark
          bedroom of your average teenage boy. A teenage couple
          drunkenly makes out on the bed. The mattress has no sheets.

                         MARK (CONT'D)
          Check that out.
          Mark points to a hole in the ceiling where a ceiling fan has
          been ripped out. Wires dangle. The fan lies next to the bed.

          GUY HOOKING UP
          Hey, get the fuck outta herei

                         MARK
          Shut the fuck up. Who is that,
          O'Malley? I'll beat your aael

          GIRL HOOKING UP
          Is that Andrew Largeman?

                         LARGE
          (squinting to see)
          Yeah, who's that?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         E

                         22

          GIRL HOOKING UP
          Hey, it's Karen. Karen Dullia?

                         LARGE

                         (NO IDEA)
          Oh, hey.

          GIRL HOOKING UP
          You don't remember me? You
          fingered me at the Dinner Dance.

                         LARGE
          oh hey, what's up.

          GIRL HOOKING UP
          Nothing. I saw you on TV.
          GUY HOOKING Up
          okay, can you please get the fuck
          out now.

          GIRL HOOKING UP

                         SHUT UPI
          Mark pulls the door closed.

                         MARK
          I can't tell what's more
          disgusting; those two hooking up in
          that room, or those two hooking up.

          INT. GOLF ROOM __ CONTINUOUS

          Everything in the room is golf. it is one man's wood paneled
          shrine to the sport of golf: golf carpet, posters,
          autographs, etc. A group of people sit around the couch
          drinking beer,. passing joints. Smoky, dark.
          Large notices JESSE, a wiry 25 year old in thick glasses.

                         LARGE
          Hey, what's going on, man?

                         JESSE
          bargeman.
          They hug and pat each other on the back.

                         LARGE
          I heard you're kicking ass, man.

                         JESSE
          Yeah. You gotta come by my new
          place.

                         LARGE
          Yeah, definitely.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         23

                         JESSE
          Sorry... you know... I heard.

                         LARGE
          Oh, thanks... yeah - thanks.

                         JESSE
          That's fucked up.

                         LARGE
          Yeah... So I definitely wanna come
          by and check out your new pad. You
          gotta tell me what happened.

                         JESSE
          Basically, "The Man bought my
          silent Velcro patent.

                         LARGE
          What?

                         JESSE
          Well you knew I was an inventor
          right?

                         LARGE
          No. But I haven't seen you since we

                         WERE SIXTEEN-

                         JESSE
          Oh well yeah... I wasn't really an
          inventor yet. Anyway I developed
          this little item that's just like
          Velcro but doesn't make that
          annoying Velcro noise.

                         LARGE
          now much did they buy it for?

                         JESSE
          A lot.

                         LARGE
          Wow. So what are you doing now?

                         JESSE
          Nothing.
          They laugh.

                         LARGE
          Seriously.

                         JESSE
          Seriously. Absolutely nothing. I've
          never been so bored in all my life.
          The first month I bought a whole
          bunch of shit, but then that got
          boring. But I... nothing.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         24

                         LARGE
          That's so crazy. But I mean like,
          are you gonna travel or like what
          are you gonna do? Shouldn't you
          like help starving kids or
          something?

                         JESSE
          I'm not really motivated to do much
          at all. It's kind of funny, I guess
          I had kind of planned on my whole
          life being about struggling to get
          money. But now that I've got more
          than I ever dreamed, I'm really not
          sure what to do with myself. I
          stare at walls a lot.

                         DAVE
          Can you believe that shit, Large?
          This guy has one idea and he's a
          trillionaire. I got a thousand
          ideas, but I gotta sit around and
          wait for all my relatives to die.
          They join the group. Mark blows coke off a large golf book.
          Dave has a young girl on his lap. Large begins to notice that
          the girls in the room, although quite attractive, are pretty
          young; 17-19.
          As he pans the room, he lock eyes with a BEAUTIFUL YOUNG
          GIRL. They play chicken briefly to see who will break the
          stare first. Large does and looks to his right where someone
          has just passed him a joint- He hits it and passes it on.

                         MARK
          Here, bro.
          He passes Large the golf book.

                         LARGE
          Oh no thanks, man.

                         MARK
          Really? But you're like a movie
          star and shit.

                         LARGE
          No, no thanks.

                         JESSE
          Well then here. Eat this.
          Jesse opens his palm to reveal a tiny hit of E with a SMILEY
          FACE on it.

                         JESSE (CONT'D)
          Welcome home.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         €

                         25
          Large takes it in his hand and thinks about it. He looks
          around at everyone else in the room eating them; including
          the cute girls.

                         LARGE
          I guess I'll see youguyslater.
          He eats the hit. They laugh.

                         DANA
          Should we play a game?

                         DAVE
          other than golf?
          They laugh.

                         KELLY
          No, let's play Spin The Bottle.
          The idea is met with mixed reaction from the group.

                         LARGE

                         (TO JESSE)
          I'm not playing Spin The Bottle;
          how old are we? or more
          importantly, how old are they?
          Jesse passes Large the joint.

                         JESSE
          They're all legal. I think.
          He smiles a toothy grin. KELLY, a young hot girl with a raspy
          voice takes control.

                         KELLY
          Well we just ate all this fuckin'
          ex, what the hell else are we gonna
          do?

                         JESSE
          The girl has a point.

                         MARK
          Okay, how 'bout this.
          He holds up a bottle of Tequila with a ribbon around !.to
          neck.

                         MARK (CONT'D}
          First let's finish Daddy's golf
          tequila. Then we can use this
          bottle.
          The group loves this idea- As they laugh and party the CAIa.ERA
          FINDS ITS WAY to Large's face as he feels the weed and the
          beginning of his trip. His eyes and face navigate the ha3mnv
          start.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         26

          THE REST OF THIS SCENE WILL VACILLATE BETWEEN REGULAR, SPED-

          UP AND SLOW MOTION.
          The party seems to fast forward around Large; the MUSIC FADES
          TO ONE LOW NOTE until it breaks with people calling his name.

                         ALL
          Large!
          He snaps his attention to the game. The bottle is pointed
          directly at him.

                         JESSE
          Largeman, this is Dana.
          Large looks over to the sexy young girl whom he locked eyes
          with before. She smiles at him. Awkwardness fills the room.

                         DANA
          Hi.

                         LARGE
          (snapping out of it)
          Oh, who's up?
          They all laugh. She gets up and slowly walks over to the
          couch. She smiles nervously. Large stares at her. we see in
          his eyes he's feeling more fucked up every instant. She
          stands above him at the couch, then straddles him with her
          knees on either side of his legs; sitting on his lap.
          The MUSIC PLAYS.
          Everyone is speechless. she slowly leans in. Eye contact.
          They kiss softly enjoying every second. Its incredibly sexy.

          HIS FINGERS CLUTCH HER THIGH
          They stop and look at each other. She kisses him on the cheek
          and gets up. Everyone reacts and some clap.

                         JESSE
          This is gonna be a good night.
          Everything SPEEDS-UP and SLOWS DOWN. A barrage of images:
          people hooking up, girls kissing girls, guys feeling girls
          up, joints being passed, one girl crying, Mark showing off
          his golf swing, Large trying to take deep breaths, Jesse and
          Dave hugging, two-figures moving quickly under a blanket.
          Kenny in full riot gear letting people take turns hitting him
          in his helmet.
          FASTER : hands gripping each other, a nose on a neck, hands
          gripping a waist.
          Ecu s Largos face as his eyes swim in their eocketo s end the
          corners of his mouth lift with the idea of a smile..

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         27
          The motion of the room is sped to a blur until finally:

          BLACKNESS.
          A BLARING LIGHT comes out of the darkness. Morning sun
          streams through a window revealing Large's face, full frame,
          eyes still closed. Across his forehead in thick black marker
          the word "BALLS" is written.
          His eyes open wide. He has no idea where he is. His eyeballs
          swing left, then right. As Large site up
          THE CAMERA pulls back to reveal we are

          INT. MARK'S LIVING ROOM -- MORNING

          Large site on the sofa covered in an afghan. White morning
          sunlight pries past the beach towels covering the windows to
          highlight the duet in the air.
          A NOISE in the kitchen pops Large' s eyes open. He has no idea
          where he is.
          Large's POV into the kitchen reveals limited glimpses of a
          person walking around; like a hunter's amateur video of his
          Bigfoot sighting.
          He can only make out pieces: a sword, boots, then a cereal
          box.
          Then quickly the figure turns into perfect view: a medieval
          Knight in full regalia. They make eye contact for a second
          and Large slams his eyes shut. When he opens them again the
          knight is gone.

          INT. KITCHEN -- LATER

          Large and Mark sit with CAROL, mark's mother and TIN PAYTON,
          25. Carol is mid-forties and always looks like she's got a
          cold or has just been crying. Tim is dressed as a Medieval
          Knight.
          Large and mark stare at Tim as he SLURPS down his cereal.
          Carol smokes a thin cigarette. Mark is shirtless. No one
          addresses the fact that it says "Balls" in black marker On
          Large's forehead.
          Silence but for the CLANKING of SILVERWARE and TIM'S

          SLURPING.

                         CAROL
          it's good isn't it.
          No one responds, so Tim nods to be nice.

                         CAROL (CONT'D)
          i always try to save a couple of
          marshmallows for the very end, but
          I can never make it.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         2B
          My mind wanders and I'm left with
          flakes and pink milk. And yet each
          time I pour a bowl I tell myself
          that this time, this is gonna be
          the time I'm gonna save at least
          one.

                         LARGE
          So, Tim, how long you been working
          at medieval Times?

                         TIM
          Three years. But I've only been a
          knight for two. You have to pay
          your dues. I worked in the stables
          and helped in the kitchen.

                         CAROL
          When I started he was making the
          coleslaw. It hasn't been the same
          since you got knighted.

                         TIM
          I really just stirred it.

                         CAROL
          Don't be modest. Mr. Modesty won
          the joust last night.

                         LARGE
          Congratulations.

                         TIM
          It's not that big a deal, it's
          fixed.

                         LARGE
          What was it that happened to you in
          high school? You had a thing, but
          I forgot what it was.

                         MARK
          He got the shit kicked out of him.

                         CAROL
          No he didn't.

                         MARK
          How do you know? He got the shit
          kicked out of him by Tyrell
          Freedmen.

                         LARGE
          I remember that. That was sofucked
          up. Why did he do that?

                         TIM
          I fucked him up too.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         29

                         MARK
          He knocked your teeth out.

                         TIM
          He said I bit off him 'cause I got
          the same Jordans.

                         CAROL
          What?

                         LARGE
          That's right.

                         CAROL
          Who?

                         TIM
          Tyrell said I bit off him 'cause I
          got the same Jordans he did. But
          his were the red ones and mine were
          all white.

                         MARX
          Yours were red too by the time he
          was done with you.
          Everybody laughs but Tim.

                         MARK (CONT'D)
          Air bloody tooth.

                         (BEAT)
          So what are those, like fake teeth
          you got now?

                         TIM
          He only chipped one tooth. So what
          are you up to now, Mark, digging
          graves?
          Silence. A SPOON CLANKS on a plate.

                         CAROL
          Mark's getting into real estate.
           Silence. Mark FLICKS open his Zippo lighter and lights a
          cigarette.

                          CAROL (CONT'D)
          Tim can speak Klingon.

                         LARGE
          What?

                         TIM
          No, I can't.

                         CAROL
          Yes, you can.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         30

                         MARK
          What the fuck is Klingon?

                         LARGE
          Like the Star. Trek guys?

                         CAROL
          Yup. He can talk in their language.

                         TIM
          She's kidding.

                         CAROL
          No, I'm not. He's being shy. Are
          you being shy?

                         MARK
          Don't be shy, Tim.

                         LARGE
          Yeah let's hear it, man?

                         TIM
          It's just made up. The guy who
          plays the wizard at work is a
          Trekky. I don't really...

                         CAROL
          He's being shy. Say what you said
          to me last night.

                         TIM
          No.

                         MARS
          Yeah, Tim. Say what you said to her
          last night.
          Silence. Everyone stares at Tim.

                         TIM
          I gotta get going anyway.

                         MARK

                         (SHARP)
          Say what you said to her last
          night.

                         TIM
          Kuntar peteeky maya. Al fook soo.
          They all stare at him. Then burst out laughing.

                         MARK
          You've got to be kidding me.

                         CAROL
          It means, "I like to mate after
          battle."

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         31

                         TIM

                         (QUICKLY)
          That's not what I said.

                         CAROL
          Yes.

                         TIM
          No, that wasn't the one I said.
          This one means "kill Kirk" and also
          'hallelujah" depending on the
          context.

                         MARK
          You must have gotten it confused
          with "Pleej artulyah. Hagtooth
          pleep."
          Theylaugh.

                         CAROL
          That was good, honey.

                         MARK
          You know what that means, Tim?

                         TIM
          No I don't know the whole language,
          I just...

                         MARK
          well I do. It means get the fuck
          out of my house before I chop your
          fuckin' head off.
          Silence. Large stares at Mark in disbelief, then starts to
          LAUGH. They all start to join him except Mark. They stop
          laughing.

                         CAROL
          Mark, he's a knight.

                         MARK
          He's just a fast-food knight.

                         TIM
          I should get going anyway.
          He gets up to leave. But his sword gets caught between his
          chair and the table. They all watch as he fumbles to undo
          himself. He's like John Ritter at his finest. Large and Mark
          just laugh.

                         TIM (CONT'D)
          Thanks for the cereal. By the way,
          it says "balls" on your face.
          Carol follows Tim out. Large slides to the microwave door's
          reflection.

                         0

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         32

                         LARGE

                         YOU ASSHOLE:

                         MARK
          My Mom did it.

                         CUT TO:

          IT. MARK'S LIVING ROOM -- LATER
          Mark and Large sit captivated by ALLIGATORS EATING ZEBRAS on
          TV. Large's forehead is now merely smeared with black ink.
          Mark leans forward to pull a bong hit from a blackened,
          colored tube. He coughs out his hit and reclines his bare
          back against the torn pleather couch. Carol enters and stands
          next to them watching the TV.

                         CAROL
          What's this?
          She finds a long, thin cigarette with lipstick on it in the
          ashtray and lights it.

                         MARX
          What the fuck is that shit, Mom?

                         CAROL
          Where's this? Gimme a hit of that.

                         MARK
          Don't bring those fucking people
          here anymore, Mom. Or I'm leaving.
          I'm serious. No Medieval Times
          people in this house.
          He passes the bong to his Mom. She smokes it, then sits down,
          forcing them both to slide over. Several cats surround her_

          MARK (CONT`D)
          I'm declaring it. Now. It's
          declared, now. Thank you. No more.

                         CAROL
          Did you tell Large about the tapes?

                         MARK
          No, Ma. I'm not doin' the stupid
          tapes.

                         LARGE
          what are the tapes?

                         CAROL
          Real estate tapes. You can make up
          to a hundred thousand your first
          year. You should have seen the boat
          this one Oriental had.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         33
          Be even had his own game show in
          China he made so much money. I
          think Mark would be perfect at it.

                         MARK
          Mom, shut-up about those fucking
          tapes. It's a scam.

                         CAROL
          It's not a scam. They show you how
          to do it. It's not hard, honey.
          Then I could retire and we could
          have our own game show.
          Carol and Large share a laugh.

                         MARK
          In China.

                         CAROL
          In China is right.

                         LARGE
          So... what, you like sell property?

                         MARK
          It's bullshit. You were just all
          baked,out and you thought it would
          be a good idea.

                         CAROL
          Well I'm doin' it. I'm savin' up
          for those tapes. 'Cause I know what
          you could be if you just applied
          yourself.

                         MARK
          I do apply myself, Mom; everyday, I
          work my ass off burying dead
          people, okay? I'm only twenty-six,
          I'm not in any rush. What's your
          rush for? Just let me be, all
          right? I don't rush you.

                         CAROL
          Well then I'm gonna do them then.

                         MARK
          Fine. Do'em.

                         CAROL
          I will and then I won't let you
          come on my yacht. Large, you're
          welcome anytime, but leave your
          friend behind.
          Large LAUGHS. She checks her watch.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         34

                         CAROL (CONT'D)
          Shit, I gotta go to my meeting.
          Okay.
          She stands up and then leans over and kisses Mark on the top
          of his head.

                         CAROL (CONT'D)
          Okay. Love you. Okay, bye Large
          good to see you.

                         LARGE
          Yeah. Good to see you too.
          She gets to the door, then crosses back to Mark.

                         CAROL
          Don't sit in here all day you guys;
          I took the batteries outta that
          carbon monoxide detector 'cause it
          was beeping all night.
          She slams the front door.

                         MARK
          She drives me crazy. She's gets all
          fried out and makes me feel like I
          gotta impress her all the fucking
          time. And you know what? I'm okay
          with being unimpressive; I sleep
          better.
          Large site forward abruptly.

                         LARGE
          Oh not What time is it ?

          IT. NEUROLOGIST'S WAITING ROOM - DAY
          Large rushes in to the counter. A female Hispanic
          RECEPTIONIST looks up.

                         LARGE
          Hi, I'm Andrew bargeman. I'm sorry.
          i'mn a little late for my
          appointment.
          She looks at her watch.

                         RECEPTIONIST

                         (SLIGHT ACCENT)
          okay, Andrew. I'm going to need you
          to fill out this paperwork for me,
          and we'll call you when we're ready
          for you.

                         LARGE
          Okay, thanks. Sorry.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         35
          He site back down and begins filling out the form-
          The door opens and a blind woman with a seeing eye-dog
          enters. The Receptionist sees her and calls out:

                         RECEPTIONIST
          Hi Mrs. Lubin.

          MRS. LUBIN
          Oh, hello there.

                         RECEPTIONIST
          Just have a seat and we'll be with
          you soon.

          MRS. LUBIN
          Thank you.
          She site. Large turns back to his paperwork. He fills out a
          line before he notices the "seeing-eye-dog" has wandered over
          to him. Large looks at him.

                         LARGE
          (cold, disinterested)
          Hi, how are you?
          The dog looks both ways before mounting Large's leg and
          proceeds to thrust his groin to and fro.
          Large tries to shove him off. He looks back at the blind
          woman who stares off in the other direction. Large is about
          to say something to her but he stops himself.

                         LARGE (CONT'D)
          (under his breath)
          Get off. Off.
          The dog thrusts away.

                         LARGE (CONT'D)

                         (TIGHT WHISPER)
          Stop it. Heel. No thrust.
           Finally Large gives up and decides to just let it hump away-
           He tries to return to his paperwork. Someone BURSTS OUT
          LAUGHING. Large turns to see a cute 20 year old GIRL he
          hadn't seen sitting in the corner. She wears really big
          headphones.

                         LARGE (CONT'D)
          Got any suggestions?

                         GIRL
          Kick his balls.

                         MRS- LUSTN
          Ready for me?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         36
          The girl and Large look to each other, the receptionist is
          gone.

                         GIRL

                         (IMPERSONATING

                         RECEPTIONIST)
          Not yet Mrs. Lubin.
          The dog humps away.
          The girl comes over and sits one seat away from Large.

                         GIRL (CONT'D)

                         (SOFTLY)
          Kick his balls.

                         LARGE
          I don't want to hurt him.

                         GIRL
          It's the only way to teach them. I
          have three Dobermans. If I didn't
          kick them in the balls regularly
          I'd never get anything done.

                         LARGE
          Yeah, but I don't want to like
          destroy future generations of
          charitable dogs. Besides he's got
          to be close to finishing by now.

                         GIRL
          Not yet, here comes the lipstick.
          They sit and watch him go.

                         GIRL (CONT'D)
          Oh, he's gonna be sore tomorrow.
          WIDE SIDE ANGLE ON: the whole waiting room. Everything still
          but the dog's thrusting pelvis.

                         RECEPTIONIST
          Mrs. Lubin?

          MRS. LUBIN
          Yes.

                         RECEPTIONIST
          We're ready for you.

          MRS. LUBIN
          Okay. C'mon Arthur.
          Arthur immediately responds to her voice and returns to her
          side to lead her into the office.

                         LARGE
          I feel so used.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         37
          She laughs.

          LARGE (CON2''D)
          Thanks for your help. Or at least
          your good intentions.

                         SAM
          I recognize you.

                         LARGE
          Oh, did you go to Columbia High?

                         SAM
          No, not from high school, from TV.
          Didn't you play the retarded
          quarterback.

                         LARGE
          (Wishing she'd go away)
          Yeah.

                         SAM
          Are you really retarded?
          He stares at her.

                         LARGE
          No.

                         SAM
          That's cool. Great job, man. You
          were- I mean I thought you were
          really retarded. You were just as
          good as that corky kid and he's
          really retarded. I mean if there's
          some kind of like retarded Emmy you
          could win. You'd kick Corky's ass.

                         LARGE
          I got to fill this thing out, but
          thank you for... that.

                         SAM
          Oh, okay. Right on. My cousin's an
          actor. Jake Ryan Winters. I doubt
          you'd know him. He was on "Sheena"
          once as some gnome or something. I
          think that's great though.

                         LARGE
          Thank you.

                         SAM
          Oh that last scene where you make
          that speech to the whole stadium
          and your Dad gives you the thumbs
          up; that was - it was emotional. I
          mean I didn't cry, but I think my
          Dad did.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         36
          I couldn't totally see, but he got
          up to go to the bathroom and I
          think I heard him sniffle. Could've
          been dander...

                         LARGE
          Well thanks. Thank you.

                         SAM
          So are you doing anything else?

                         LARGE
          No. Not right now I'm just...

                         SAM
          Any other retarded roles? I'm sure
          you could definitely get more of
          those.

                         LARGE
          No, I'm just auditioning and.,.

                         SAM
          I can't believe you're not really
          retarded. Jake's not a very good
          actor. I mean on "Sheens" you
          couldn't really tell 'cause he was
          in a hairy gnome suit, but he used
          to put on these really low-budge
          renditions of Andrew Lloyd Webber
          musicals in our attic when we were
          kids and they were awful. It sucks
          'cause there isn't a whole lotta
          work for little people, you know?
          Anyway sorry I talk too much, fill
          out your forms.
          Large just stares at her. She's funny.

                         LARGE
          What are you listening to?

                         SAM
          "The Shins." You know them?

                         LARGE
          No.

                         SAM
          Oh are you kidding me? You gotta
          here this one song, it'll change
          your life I promise you. Oh but you
          have to fill out your forms.
          Conundrum.

                         (BEAT)
          Well do it while you listen to

                         THIS-
          She hands him her hugs earphones. The Shins' "flew slang" is
          playing.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         €

                         39
          He looks at Sam and she just Stares at him and nods smiling.
          After a moment, he takes the phones off and hands them back
          to her. The SONG CONTINUES SOFTLY from the headphones.

                         LARGE
          That's cool. I like it.

                         SAM
          So what are you doing here?

                         LARGE
          What are you doing here?

                         SAM
          Waiting for a friend. You?

                         LARGE
          I'm uh... there's a_..

                         SAM
          Fuck, that was nosey, I'm sorry. I
          didn't mean to be nosey. That was
          so nosey.

                         LARGE
          Its al=ight. I... I uh get
          headaches. So I just wanna have
          that checked out.

                         SAM
          Cool.

                         RECEPTIONIST
          Andrew Largeman?

                         LARGE
          Yes.

                         RECEPTIONIST
          We're ready for you.

                         LARGE
          Okay.
          He stands. He turns to Sam.

           LARGE (CON' ' D )
          It was nice meeting you.

                         SAM
          You didn't. I'm Sam.

                         LARGE
          Andrew.

                         SAM

                         (DISAPPOINTED)
          Cool. well, bye. Good luck with
          your head.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         40

                         LARGE
          Thanks.

                         RECEPTIONIST
          Don't worry Sam, we'll get to you
          next.
          Large turns to Sam. She looks away.

          INT. NEUROLOGIST'S OFFICE - DAY

          Large site alone in a barren office. He pans around the room
          staring at all the diplomas. His eyes follow them up from the
          base-board all the way up to the ceiling to reveal: there's
          actually one on the ceiling. The doctor enters.

                         DOCTOR
          Mr. Andrew Largeman.

                         LARGE
          Yes - hi.

                         DOCTOR
          There's absolutely nothing wrong
          with you.
          Large stares.

                         LARGE
          What?

                         DOCTOR
          I'm just kidding, how would I know
          that?

                         LARGE
          Yeah.
          They shape hands.

                         DOCTOR
          I'm Doctor Cohen. What can we do
          for you today, Andrew?

                         LARGE
          I've been having these really
          intense headaches. They only last
          for a split second and then they're
          gone. It's like a lightning flash;
          almost like a surge of electricity
          and then it's gone.
          He looks at the chart.

                         DOCTOR
          You're Gideon's kid. I didn't even
          put the two together.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         41

                         LARGE
          Yeah.

                         DOCTOR
          I'm sorry about you're Mother.

                         LARGE
          Yeah. Thank you.

                         DOCTOR
          I must have missed you at Shiva
          last night.

                         LARGE
          Yeah.

                         DOCTOR
          So how long have these headaches
          been going on?

                         LARGE
          Well I think I've had them in some
          form since I was a little kid. But
          they've been getting more and more
          frequent over the last year.

                         DOCTOR
          (looking at chart)
          How long have you been on the
          Lithium?

                         LARGE
          Oh uh, I've been on some form of it
          since I was ten or so.

                         DOCTOR
          And what about Paxil, Zoloft,
          Celexa, Depakote; did any of that
          ever help you?

                         LARGE
          No. I mean I don't know. It's
          recently occurred to me that I
          might not even have a problem. only
          I'd never know it, because as far
          back as I can remember I've been
          medicated. I grew up on it. I left
          them in LA. This is the first time
          I haven't had it in my body since I
          can remember.

                         DOCTOR
          Well it'll leave your body pretty
          fast. I'll write you a
          prescription.

                         LARGE
          Actually I. was thinking about
          taking a little vacation.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         € 42

                         DOCTOR
          Have you spoken to your
          psychiatrist about that?

                         LARGE
          E)h well, my psychiatrist is my Dad.
          So uh... he... I think he'd prefer
          me to stay on it. He likes to think
          it makes me happy. And I let him
          think that because he's sort of
          consumed by the idea of making
          everyone happy.

                         DOCTOR
          Well look, I'll examine you and
          give you a Catscan just so you
          won't worry that it's anything
          serious. But to be honest, I think
          the headaches are something else.
          Our bodies do very funny things
          when they're consumed with stress
          and anxiety. Things you'd never
          expect. I found my ex-best friend's
          cuff links in my wife's puree and I
          couldn't get an erection for a year
          and a half.

                         (BEAT)
          For example.

                         LARGE
          But that doesn't really feel like
          it. I mean I don't feel stressed or
          really anxious at all.

                         DOCTOR
          Well with all the Lithium he's had
          you on it's amazing you can even
          hear me right now_

                         LARGE
          Oh, right.

                         DOCTOR
          First of all, I do think you need
          to find a psychiatrist that isn't
          your father. That just's something
          that should have been remedied
          years ago. He knows better.
          Secondly, I'm not in a position to
          comment on whether or not you
          should stay on the meds or not; I
          don't know your story. But my
          opinion, since you're paying for
          it, is that those drugs may help as
          a means to an end. But if you're
          not In any sort of therapy, sooner
          or later what's ever going on in
          your mind will find a way to peek
          it's little head out of the water.
          Just something to think about.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         43
          ,beat)
          But, for now, let's have a look at
          you.

                         CUT TO:

          INT. CATSCAN ROOM - LATER


                         MUSIC PLAYS
          AN OVERHEAD SHOT OF: Large staring at the wall as he lies on
          a white slab covered from the waist down by a white towel.
          AN OLD FEMALE NURSE straps him to the slab ignoring the
          OBSCENE WORDS and DRAWINGS in black marker that cover his
          chest.
          THE CAMERA CRANES DOWN to reveal Large and the slab being
          sucked.into the Catscan tunnel.

          EXT. PARKING LOT -- DAY

          Large drives out of the parking lot. There, seated at the bus
          stop is Sam bobbing her head to music- She wears a backpack
          and holds an odd looking helmet in her hand.
          He pulls up alongside her.

                         LARGE
          Why were you really there?

                         SAM
          Charging. I'm a robot.

                         LARGE
          Do you lie a lot?

                         SAN
          What do you consider a lot?

                         LARGE
          Enough for people to call you a
          liar.

                         SAM
          People call me lots of things.

                         LARGE
          Is one of them "liar"?

                         SAM
          I could say "no", but how will you
          know I'm not lying.

                         LARGE
          Because I`ll choose to trust YOU.

                         SAM
          You can do that?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         99

                         LARGE
          I can try.

                         SAM
          Who's bike is this?

                         LARGE
          It was my grandfather's. It was the
          only thing he left to anyone in my
          family and he left it to me. And I
          like it.

                         SAM
          This is the point where you ask me
          if I'd like a ride home?

                         LARGE
          It is?

                         SAM
          Yup.

                         LARGE
          Would you like a ride home?

                         SAM
          Fine, but I ' m not getting in that
          sidecar,

                         LARGE
          Why not?

                         SAM
          Sidecars are for bitches. Anyone
          who gets in that thing is
          automatically your bitch. Thus, I
          will ride on the back.
          She climbs on the back behind him.

                         LARGE
          (re: the helmet)
          What are you like... a hanglider?
          They drive off.

          EXT NJ STREET/MOVING---DAY

                         SAM
          I thought my boyfriend was gonna
          pick me up on his bike, so I
          brought it... But then he couldn't
          so...

                         LARGE
          So what, it's like one of those
          tandem things?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         45

                         SAM
          No, its a Ninja. Way faster than
          this thing.

                         LARGE
          But what kind of helmet is that?

                         SAM
          You can use it on a motorcycle.
          Anyway, how's your head?

                         LARGE
          I should live through the day.

                         SAM
          Cool. Make a right here.
          They stop at a light.

                         LARGE
          Are you doing anything right now?

                         SAM
          Can you elaborate on "doing
          anything"?

                         LARGE
          Well, I just had this idea. I
          promised this guy I'd stop by his
          house that's right up here, but I
          don't really wanna stay very long.
          So I was just thinking if you came
          with me I could say I have to take
          you home when I'm ready to go.

                         SAM
          Wow. well that's pretty damn random
          of ya, Andrew.

                         LARGE
          I know.

                         SAM
          'Nice to meet you. May I use you?'
          That's the Hollywood in ya I guess.

                         LARGE
          No, it's not like that, c'mon.
          It'll be fun. I promise.

                         (BEAT)
          I'll tell you what. We'll have like
          a signal. When you pull on your ear
          that's the code and then I'll say,,
          "Well I've got to get her home
          now." And then we'll go.
          She mulls it over.

                         0

                         

                         

                         

                         


                         SAM
          Can we have code names too?

                         LARGE
          If you'd like.

                         SAM
          okay. But don't try and like
          kidnap me or anything, because my
          step-uncle's a bounty hunter and I
          could have you tracked and killed.

                         LARGE
          Liar.
          The light changes and they drive off.

          EXT. JESSE'S MANSION'S FRONT YARD - DAY

          The poorly maintained backyard of a mansion: pools,
          fountains. Jesse stands shirtless and unshaven holding an
          enormous bow and arrow aimed at the sky. The end of the arrow
          is on fire. A joint hangs from his lips. Sam and Large look
          terrified.

                         JESSE
          'Kay ready?
          He unleashes the arrow into the air and the three of them
          scramble around in terror trying to avoid wherever it will
          land. It plunges into the earth three feet from Sam's foot.
          Frozen, she yanks on her ear; hard.

                         CUT TO:

          EXT. SAM'S HOUSE -- DAY

          Sam and Large stand on the front porch of her working class
          house.

                         LARGE
          I'll be fine. Am I the first boy
          you've ever brought home?

                         SAM

                         (YES)
          No. But I lied about my boyfriend
          driving a t.inja.

                         LARGE
          He doesn't drive a bike?

                         SAM
          No, I don't have a boyfriend.

                         (BEAT)
          He might drive a bike; wherever he
          is.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         47

                         LARGE
          Well we're off to a great start.

                         SAM
          okay so sometimes I lie. I'm weird,
          man. About random stuff too; and I
          don't even know why I do it. It's
          like a tick. I swear, sometimes I
          hear myself say something and then
          I think: "Wow, that's not even
          remotely true.

                         LARGE
          So how am I supposed to know what's
          real?

                         SAM
          Well, I always feel bad and admit
          them when they're lies.

                         (BEAT)
          Can you trust that?

                         LARGE
          Open the door.

          TNT. SAM'S HOUSE: FOYER -- CONTINUOUS
          She pushes the front door open and immediately three enormous
          Doberman Pinchers BARK and CLIMB all over Large.

                         SAM
          Down, Kevin! Mom! Kick their balls!
          Kick their balls! Anthrax, heel!
          Mom!
          Sam tries slapping them on their backs.
          OLIVIA, Sam's mother, comes rushing in clutching a hamster
          with a bloody nose.

                         OLIVIA
          Everybody downl Who wants to eat?
          Do you want to eat? Well then get
          the fuck off him! Kevin! Steven!

                         GET OFF[
          She smacks their asses and they eventually retreat to the
          other room.

          OLIVIA (CONT' D)
          I'm so sorry, we just don't have
          the time to train' em. Who has time
          to train'em? When they were
          puppies it was cute, but now it's
          like having a herd of Clydesdales.
          It's just too much.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         48
          Kevin's the baby, he really just
          follows the others but last week
          Anthrax and Steven killed a dove
          and left him on the front porch. Or
          maybe it was a pigeon, he was grey.
          'Member that, Samantha?

                         SAM
          Mom, this is .Andrew...

                         OLIVIA
          Welcome, welcome. The place is a
          wreck, I'm so sorry. You look very
          familiar.

                         SAM
          He's the retarded quarterback.

                         OLIVIA
          Shut up ! Oh my God ! You are the
          retarded quarterback. You were so
          good on that show. Now I'm really
          ashamed. Look at this place. And
          I'm wearing sweat pants.
          (to Sam, through her
          teeth, while nodding at

                         LARGE)
          is he really retarded?

                         LARGE
          No.

                         OLIVIA
          Oh, tell me, what's that Alan
          Thicke like? I've heard he's a
          cocky son of a bitch.

                         LARGE
          No, he's a really nice guy.

                         OLIVIA
          Oh. Well, welcome, welcome.
          Samantha I told you to take the
          wheel out of the hamster cage.
          She holds up a dead hamster.

                         SAKI
          I forgot, Mom.

                         OLIVIA
          Well you forgot and now Jelly's
          dead. Luckily I got peanut Butter
          out in time.

                         (TO LARGE)
          We have to get the only hamster on
          planet Earth that can't figure out
          a stupid hamster wheel. Now the
          rest of 'am can't even get a good
          sweat going.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         €

                         49
          There's a shoe box on the kitchen
          counter. You can do the honors. I
          have to run to work.
          She sighs and absentmindedly pate her forehead with the
          hamster.

                         OLIVIA (CONT'D)
          It was so nice to meet you...
          Andrew right?

                         LARGE
          Yes.

                         OLIVIA
          Samantha put the clothes in the
          dryer and bury Jelly.
          She kisses Sam on the cheek and then she's gone.
          They stand there a moment to catch their breath. Then they
          both start laughing.

                         SAM
          Come on in.
          They walk into the LIVING ROOM.

          INT. LIVING ROOM -- CONTINUOUS

          Big couches with tattered afghans on them. A Christmas tree
          with the lights on in the far corner; a few unwrapped
          presents underneath. An enormous hamster labyrinth, a fish
          tank, three cats, a bird cage.

                         SAM
          So this is it.

                         LARGE
          It's nice.

                         SAM
          No it's not. You don't have to say
          that just 'cause you can't think of
          anything else to say.

                         LARGE
          I'm not. It's really nice. It's
          very cozy. You guys are a little
          early on the tree, huh?

                         SAM
          Yeah, well we never got around to
          taking it down, so when it got to
          be fall again we just figured we
          might as well leave it. Are you
          freaked out? You're totally freaked
          out aren't you?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         50

                         LARGE
          No, not at all. I like it.

                         SAM
          Wanna see my room?

                         LARGE
          Yeah, sure.
          They cross to the staircase and are met by TITEMBAY (Ti-TEM-
          bay) a handsome, young Black Man in a sweater carrying books.

                         SAM
          Titembay, this is my friend,
          Andrew. Andrew this is my brother,
          Titembay.

                         LARGE
          Hi, nice to meet you.

          T I T EMBAY

                         (SLIGHT ACCENT)
          Nice to meet you. I'm sorry about
          Jelly.

                         SAM
          Oh, its okay.

                         TITEMBAY
          I saved some mac and cheese for
          you. It's in the f ridge.

                         SAM
          Thanks.

                         TITEMBAY
          Anyway, I'm late for class, it was
          nice meeting you.

                         LARGE
          Yeah, you too.
          They walk up the stairs.

          INT. SAM'S BEDROOM -- CONTINUOUS

          We watch the locks turn as Sam uses a key from the outside.
          Music posters everywhere. Warm, cozy.

                         SAM
          This is it.
          She puts on a CD, (the song: "I'm Doing Fine" by Colin Hay).

                         SAM (CONT'D)
          Nothing fancy, but...

                         (OFF LARGE)
          What?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         51

                         LARGE
          Uhh... It's Titembay right?

                         SAM
          Yeah, it's weird, huh? You're so
          freaked out right now, you're like
          running for the door. You can go,
          don't feel bad.

                         LARGE
          Stop doing that.

                         SAM
          What?

                         LARGE
          That whole thing you just did.
          Don't do that. I want to be here,
          and I wouldn't be here if I didn't
          want to be, okay? Trust me, my
          family's way more fucked up then
          yours, okay?

                         (BEAT)
          Okay?

                         SAM
          Yeah.

                         LARGE
          So, Titembay.

                         SAM
          Yeah, he's my brother.

                         LARGE
          Is he adopted?

                         SAM
          Well kind of. My mom adopted him
          years ago from Sally Strothers. one
          of those: For the cost of a cup of
          coffee a day" kind of things.
          where she's like, "How can you sit
          there and not help the children?"
          And we just couldn't. We couldn't
          sit there and not help those
          children. So we sent him letters
          and pictures for years and then I
          got really into ice skating and we
          kind of forgot about'em. Then one
          day the phone rang and it was
          Titembay and he was at the dry
          cleaners around the corner and he
          said that he was going to school at
          Rutgers and living in the dorms,
          but since he was used to living
          with his tribe he'd much rather
          live with his family.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         52

                         LARGE
          Wow.

                         SAM
          Yeah and he's been here ever since.
          He's an amazing guy, you gotta hear
          some of his stories. I mean this
          guy struggled through so much
          because he wanted to learn. I think
          of what he's accomplished and I
          just feel so lazy. He's studying
          criminal justice at Rutgers right
          now and when he was a baby he was
          one of those kids with flies all
          over his face.

                         LARGE
          Wow. I mean that's great. It's a
          crazy story.

                         SAM
          That, my friend, is a true story.
          I'm not that good-
          A pause. Sam sits on the bed. THE AWESOKE MUSIC PLAYS. She
          breaks the moment by pulling a small tattered piece of satin
          fabric off the bed.

          SAM (CO13T'D)
          This is Tickle.
          Large sits down next to her.

                         LARGE
          What is Tickle?

                         SAM
          Tickle is my favorite thing in the
          whole world. It's all that's left
          of Nannie... my blanket.

                         LARGE
          And Tickle is all that remains?

                         SAM
          Yeah.

                         LARGE
          Was there a hurricane or something?

                         SAM

                         (LAUGHING)
          Shut-up. No, I mean I had it since
          I was born. it was the blanket they
          brought me home in from the
          hospital.

                         LARGE
          It's like the Wailing Wall.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         53

                         SAM
          What?

                         LARGE
          The Wailing Wall. It's like the
          most holy place for Jews to go and
          pray in Israel. It's all that's
          left of this enormous temple that
          was destroyed by the Romans.

                         SAM
          Wow, so you're like really Jewish?
          Large laughs.

                         SAM (CONT'D)
          Yeah, you are aren't you?

                         LARGE
          No I'm not. I mean I'm Jewish, but
          I'm not really Jewish. I don't do
          anything Jewish. I don't go to
          temple or anything. But I don't
          know any Jews who go to temple. The
          Jews I know only go on Yom Kippur.
          One day; the day of repentance. Did
          you know that most temples are
          designed with movable walls so that
          on the one day of the year when
          • everyone comes to repent they can
          actually make the room big enough
          to hold everyone?

                         SAM
          I don't really believe in God.

                         LARGE
          Just tickle.

                         SAM
          Oh, I believe in Tickle_
          They laugh. A nice moment. They hold eye contact. THE AWESOME

          MUSIC PLAYS.

                         SAM (CONT'D)
          We're not gonna like make out or
          anything.

                         LARGE
          What?

                         SAM
          I'm sorry, I just totally ruined
          the moment didn't I?

                         LARGE
          No, I wasn't...

                         €

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         54

                         SAM
          I just mean we're not gonna like
          make out.

                         LARGE
          Okay. I hadn't planned on...

                         SAM
          I didn't mean to put that out
          there, that was lame. BLAAAAHRH.
          That was so dumb. You know what I
          do when I'm feeling completely
          unoriginal?
          She stands up and does really weird gestures with her hands.

                         SAM (CONT'D)

                         LABA-LABA-LABA-LABAL
          Large states.

          SAM (CONT ' D)
          I make a noise or I do something
          that no one has ever done. And then
          I feel like... unique again; even
          if only for a second.

                         LARGE
          So no one has ever done that?

                         SAM
          Not in this spot, no. You just
          witnessed a completely original
          moment in history. It's refreshing.
          You try one.

                         LARGE
          No.

                         SAM
          Come on.

                         LARGE
          No. Trust me yours was good enough
          for both of us.

                         SAM
          Come on. What are you shy? This is
          your chance to do something that
          has never, ever been done before
          and will never be copied throughout
          human existence. If nothing else,
          you'll be remembered as the only
          person who ever did this.
          He stares at her. She's not gonna let up. Large lifts his
          index finger in the air and twirlsa it.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         55

                         LARGE
          ZzzZzz.
          Be stares at her.

                         LARGE (CONT'D)
          How was that?

                         SAM
          Oh, I've done that one before.
          She bursts out laughing. He smiles.
          SAM (CONT ' t3 )
          So I got to bury this hamster
          before the dogs eat him. You warms
          help?

                         C'AM' TO:

          EXT. SAWS BACKYARD-- DAY

          Rusty leaves fall on a backyard swallowed mostly by an empty
          above-ground swimming pool. Sam carries the shoe box as they
          walk around behind the pool to reveal

          A SMALL GATED PET CEMETERY
          About a dozen large rocks serve as tombstones for different
          pets.

                         LARGE
          Wow.

                         SAM
          Yeah.

                         LARGE
          I mean this is...

                         SAM
          I know.
          They stand in silence.

                         SAM (CONT'D)
          It's not that we're bad pet owners
          or anything, it's just that we've
          had so many of them over the years.

                         (BEAT)
          Besides some of these are fish.

                         (BEAT)
          Not to say fish deserve less than
          other animals, but moat people just
          flush them, and we just don't
          believe in that. I mean the idea of
          flushing something that had life in
          it... it just makes me sad, you
          know?

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         56
          You gotta honor something a little
          more than that, like
          "Congratulations, man, you had
          life. Here's your trophy; a little
          spot in the ground to hang out in."

                         (BEAT)
          Anyway, I'm gonna put Jelly right
          here next to "Goliath", the
          Rotweiler Titembay backed over
          during his driving exam.
          She kneels down and begins to dig with a small shovel left
          nearby. Large sits down next to her and watches her dig. A
          brisk wind makes him hug his knees in for warmth.

                         SAM (CONT'D)
          What are you thinking about?

                         LARGE
          Now?

                         SAM
          Yes.

                         LARGE
          Right now?

                         SAM
          No. A second ago before I asked.

                         LARGE
          Uh... Right now I was thinking... I
          was thinking that I've been going
          to a lot of these things lately.

                         SAM
          What, dates?

                         LARGE
          No, not dates. This isn't a date.
          Is this a date? Funerals.

                         SAM
          Oh. Who else died?

                         LARGE

                         (EMBARRASSED)
          Uh... that's why I'm home actually.

                         (BEAT)
          Yeah, I uh... I haven't even really
          told you that yet, but uh... yeah
          my Mom just died.
          Sam stops digging and stares at him.

                         LARGE (CONT'D)
          God, it's weird to say that out
          loud: 'My Mom died". And uh... eo
          that's why I'm home... now.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         57

                         SAM

                         (SHOCKED)
          I'm so sorry. Oh, God I'm so sorry.

                         (BEAT)
          And here I am putting you through
          another one. I mean not that
          Jelly's even comes close to your
          Mom's. .. Although we loved, Jelly--
          But still... I'm so sorry. I didn't
          know.

                         LARGE
          No, it's okay. It's okay actually.
          I'm all right with it. Anyway I
          think it's what she wanted so..,

                         SAM
          How did she die?
          Large thinks about that.

          SAM (CONT ' D)
          I'm sorry, I'm so nosey. Forget I
          asked, I'm sorry. I just need to
          shut--up sometimes.

                         LARGE
          No, its okay. She uh... she
          drowned actually.
          Sam's jaw drops.

                          LARGE (CONT'D)
          My Mom was a paraplegic; she had
          uh... she was in a wheelchair. She
          was uh... taking a bath and then I
          guess she slipped or something.
          That's what they say. I don't know.
          But needless to say, she drowned.
          And so... that's how she died.
          Sam is speechless. Tears well in her eyes.

                         SAM
          When?

                         LARGE
          This was uh... Hmm... Sunday.

                         SAM
          Oh my God.
          Tears roll down her face.

                         LARGE
          (with a laugh)
          Why are you crying?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         58

                         SAM
          I don't know, I'm sorry, I'm not
          usually like this. It's just so
          sad. It's so tragic. Isn't it? It
          is. It's like real life tragedy or
          something.

                         LARGE
          Look, let's change the subject,
          okay? Let's really bring the focus
          back to Jelly. I mean what could be
          ruder than talking about someone
          else who died while you're in the
          act of burying a close friend.
          Sam places the box in the hole she's dug.

                         SAM
          What should we do?

                         LARGE
          Well IIve only been to one of these
          things,
          (re: the other graves)
          you appear to be the expert.

                         SAM
          We usually say something.

                         LARGE
          okay, well I'll go first. I didn't
          really know you, Jelly. But from
          what I hear, you were a good pet.
          Had a little trouble with the
          wheel...

                         SAM
          its not funny. Jelly you were a
          great pet.
          Tears roll down her face.

                         SAM (CONT'O)
          I'm so, so sorry I forgot to take
          the wheel out of the cage. I'm so
          sorry about that.

                         (BEAT)
          Goodbye. I hope that you liked me.
          Tears stream down her face as she shovels dirt onto the tiny
          shoe box. THE PATTER of the SOIL HITTING the BOX is the only
          sound we hear as:
          THE CAMERA CRANES UP above them to a bird's-eye perspective
          settling on a final frame that looks down on the whole
          backyard: the above ground pool, the pet cemetery and in the
          bottom right corner, Sam burying as Large watches.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         59

          INT. LARGEMAN MANSION: LIVING ROOM - DAY

          Once again Shiva is in full swing.
          Large passes through a doorway and begins to hear a
          COMPUTERIZED SEEPING to the tune of the "Shma°. (A Jewish
          prayer.) He looks to his left to see an electronic Mazooza on
          the door frame. it says The Sharper image" on the bottom.
          He moves his head back and forth past it's censor and each
          time it begins the BEEPING of the Shma anew.

          THE LIVING ROOM
          A tired looking man in his 50's eating a cookie.

                         TIRED MAN
          Avi wants his Bar Mitzvah theme to
          be musicals. As in Broadway
          musicals. Can you believe that?
          Paul's kid's theme was the Meta; I
          got to do the Elora with Mookie
          Wilson. Miriam and I were at one
          last weekend at the Pierre; whole
          thing was like a winter
          wonderland... live penguins wearing
          yalmulkas. Now me, I got to lay out
          ten grand alone for some asshole to
          build a barricade of French garbage
          across the boccie lanes at my
          tennis club.
          THE CAMERA PICKS UP LARGE holding a plate of food: as he
          approaches Cynthia. She sits alone with a big photo album on
          her lap.

                         LARGE
          I was just thinking-

                         (BEAT)
          I was just thinking you spend
          you're whole life lusting for
          anything you don't have. You stress
          over money and your career, you set
          your clocks back, you exercise, you
          wait in line, you paint your house,
          get depressed, feel better, buy
          things, take your clothes to the
          dry cleaner, set your clocks
          forward and spend your whole life
          waiting for happiness to arrive in
          the mail. Then you die and people
          are really sad, they cry really
          hard...

                         (BEAT)
          and then they go eat lunch.
          Hetakes a bite of his bagel.

                         CYNTHIA
          Oh please be a little more
          interesting than that.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         60
          Please don't be the brooding guy.
          That's so unoriginal. I'd rather
          hold onto who I imagined you'd
          become.

                         LARGE
          Miss me?

                         CYNTHIA
          No. Me?

                         LARGE
          No.

                         (BEAT)
          She didn't like being alive. She
          got what she wanted. This should be
          a party. Instead we're supposed to
          mope. About what? She never did
          anything.

                         CYNTHIA
          She made you.

                         LARGE
          some trophy. I do have to say I'm
          impressed with the turnout.

                         CYNTHIA
          What, you didn't think people would
          come?

                         LARGE
          Seems to me the only thing more
          depressing than a funeral is a
          funeral where no one shows up.
          Don't you ever think about who'll
          show up to yours?

                         CYNTHIA
          No. Right now I'm alive, so I think
          about living.

                         LARGE
          It's one way to determine who your
          friends are. The people who'd show
          up at my funeral if it was held in
          their state, that's one level of
          friend. But my real friends, the
          people who really love me, they'd
          come if it was on the other side of
          the country.

                         CYNTHIA
          So where do I fall into that?

                         LARGE
          You'd be there.

                         CYNTHIA
          Oh you think so?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         61

                         LARGE
          I do. I think you'd show up because
          the truth is, that you really did
          miss met you always thought of me
          as the brother you never had. But
          you've got too much pride to let me
          know that. You want to pout 'cause
          I don't return your calls.

                         CYNTHIA
          you're way more talkative than I
          remember.

                         LARGE
          Today I've been more talkative than
          I remember.

                         CYNTHIA
          What about mine?

                         LARGE
          Funeral? Honestly? I probably
          wouldn't travel for it- no. But
          don't worry, I'm sure you'll have a
          great turnout.

                         CYNTHIA
          Why do you say that?

                         LARGE
          'Cause there's also the guy who
          lives his life to insure a good
          turnout. I think that's how my Dad
          lives his-, like he's sort of
          writing his own eulogy as he goes
          and making life choices dependent
          on how it will sound in a speech.

                         CYNTHIA
          Are you implying that that's why
          I'm going to med school or
          something?

                         LARGE
          I'm just saying a lot of people -
          not necessarily you - a lot of
          people try and accumulate accolades
          that will somehow justify their
          lives.

                         CYNTHIA
          It's said we spend ninety-five
          percent of our lives trying to look
          good.

                         LARGE
          Where do I sign up for not caring?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         62

                         CYNTHIA
          How about sucking it up and really
          having it out with your Dad? That
          would be a tremendous step towards
          not needing to look good.

                         LARGE
          Wow, that was so clever how you did
          that. Is he grooming you to be a
          psychiatrist too? Med school's one
          thing, but please don't become him.

                         CYNTHIA
          He's one of the most caring people
          I've ever met.

                         LARGE
          well you would say that; you're the
          son and daughter he never had.
          Hell, you're the family he never
          had. Has he got you on Lithium
          yet? Wait till he does, you'll love
          him even more.
          He stands.

                         CYNTHIA
          I bet my Mom a dollar you were
          coming home with a message. I said
          after nine years, he's definitely
          coming home with a message.

                         LARGE
          i looked for a message; I got bored
          and became an actor.
          He leaves.

          INT. KITCHEN -- CONTINUOUS

          Large enters the kitchen where JANICE, 50's, Cynthia's Mom,
          is doing the dishes. He walks over to the counter near the
          sink and just stares off across the room. She dries her hands
          and moves to Large. She opens her arms. After a beat he steps
          into her embrace. He rests his head on her shoulder and
          closes his eyes. Neither says a word.

          FADE TO BLACK:

          LARGE'S BEDROOM -- MORNING
          Morning sun blasts the entire room. Large site on the edge of
          his bed squinting at pictures:

          INT. MASTER BEDROOM -- CONTINUOUS

          Large peeks his head around the doorway.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         63

                         LARGE
          Hello?

                         (BEAT)
          Dad?
          After shutting the door behind himself he' crosses to the
          dresser and lifts one perfume bottle out from a dozen. He
          smells the nozzle then brings the bottle with him as he edges
          towards...

          INT. MASTER BATHROOM --- CONTINUOUS

          The bathroom is stark white. A large Jacuzzi tub sits at the
          far end of the room. The faucet drips.

          THE MOUTH OF THE FAUCET
          as it wells with water and overflows to DRIP onto the drain.
          Large crosses to the tub and tries to tighten the faucet to
          stop it from dripping. It continues to DRIP. He stares at the
          empty tub.

          GIDEON (O.S.)
          Hi.
          Large jumps around and puts his hand to his chest.

                         LARGE
          Holy shit, you scared the shit out
          of me.
          He covertly slips the perfume bottle into his pocket.

                         GIDEON
          Just wake up?

                         LARGE
          Yeah.

                         GIDEON
          Sleep all right?

                         LARGE
          Yeah... fine.

                         GIDEON
          Mmmm.

                         (BEAT)
          I haven't even really been in here
          for a while. I've been using the
          one in the hall. Shower pressures
          awful in there though. It's by no
          means as good a bathroom as this
          one is. This one is- well we redid
          all this. Its uh...
          (beat, catching himself)
          This is hard.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         64

                         LARGE
          Yeah.
          Silence. The FAUCET DRIPS. They avoid eye contact.

                         GIDEON
          Janice will make you some lunch.

                         LARGE
          Yeah... good.

                         GIDEON
          Well I guess it's breakfast for
          you. What time is it?

                         LARGE
          Yeah.
          Silence. DRIP. DRIP

                         LARGE (CONT'D)
          Look, I wanted to ask you... I mean
          if you don't want to talk about
          this its perfectly fine, but I'm
          just...

                         GIDEON
          No I can. I know. I figured you
          would want to...

                         LARGE
          But we don't have to do it now. I
          mean you don't have to do that now.
          It's just at some point I would...
          I have some questions.

                         GIDEON
          I knew that you would.
          Silence.

                         GIDEON (CONT'D)
          Occasionally she would hum.., your
          Mother. Always the same tune and I
          never knew what the song was. I
          don't even know if it was a song or
          if she just made it up - It's funny
          because it always struck me as so
          out of character for her and every
          time she did it... I just always
          liked it. But I never told her I
          could hear her because I knew if I
          ever did she would stop.

                         (BEAT)
          She took a bath every night. And
          she was always very quiet.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         65
          The only thing I would ever hear
          when I'm in the bedroom was a
          little splashing of water when she
          was moving around. And every now
          and then, her humming.

                         (BEAT)
          so anyway, then usually she would
          call me when she was done, so I
          could come and help her out. But
          this time, that night... she never
          called. And I just figured she was
          taking a longer bath or something,
          but when I called out to her, she
          didn't answer. So then I uh... When
          I came in, she was there.

                         LARGE
          So she didn't yell or...

                         GIDEON
          No. I didn't hear anything. The TV
          was on pretty loud. I always watch
          the weather report before I go to
          sleep.

                         LARGE
          It's just weird.

                         GIDEON
          What?

                         LARGE
          I don't know, it's just that you'd
          think if someone was really
          drowning to death they would
          scream. I mean really scream from
          the terror of it all, you know?
          They would splash and scream I
          would think; I would have thought.

                         GIDEON
          I would have too, but no. Nothing.
          (off Large's look)
          What?

                         LARGE
          Don't take this the wrong way.

                         GIDEON
          What ?

                         LARGE
          I'm not reading into this, I'm just
          thinking out loud so don't get

                         UPSET-

                         GIDEON
          What? No.

                         LARGE
          What?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         66

                         GIDEON
          Its not that.

                         LARGE
          I'm just saying did they check? I
          mean has someone ruled that out?

                         GIDEON
          No. Because they know she drowned,
          Andrew.

                         LARGE
          I'm just saying the facts.

                         GIDEON
          No.

                         LARGE
          And I suppose it doesn't even
          really matter. But I'd be curious
          to know. I would like to know if
          that's what happened; just for me.
          I mean would that surprise you?

                         GIDEON
          No. Yee!

                         LARGE
          She made it very clear to everyone
          she knew that nothing was ever
          going to make her happy-

                         GIDEON
          I know! Do you think I don't know?!

                         LARGE
          And c'mon let's be honest; she
          tried it before.

                         GIDEON
          Shut-up! .lust shut your fucking
          mouth.
          Large is taken aback.

                         GIDEON (CONT'D)

                         (FIGHTING TEARS)
          If nothing else will you please
          just leave, her alone. She's gone.
          That's it. That's all you get. She
          died. We will never see her again.
          She tried very hard, but she just
          couldn't find it. She could never
          find it. And I think - I know that
          she's found it now. I know that.
          And I know there's a certain amount
          of guilt that you must feel for the
          way things unfolded, but it's too
          late now.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         67
          So I'm asking you, for me, not to
          do that. Don't... come here and do
          that.

                         LARGE
          I think I deserve to know the
          truth.

                         GIDEON
          You want to make her crazy. Why?
          Does that make it easier for you?
          Tears stream down Gideon's face, He sits down on the toilet
          and cries.

                         GIDEON (CONT'D)
          It's like you want to torture
          yourself or something! Why would
          you want to think that? That that
          happened. Why would you ever want
          to think that?
          Large moves closer to his father who SOBS with his head in
          his lap and his arms over his head. It takes everything Large
          has to reach out his hand and almost touch his father's
          shoulder, but he doesn't make it and his hand lands on the
          sink next to him.

                         GIDEON (CONT'D)
          I just want everyone to be happy
          again.

                         (BEAT)
          I dreamt last night that I had
          special powers. If I squeezed my
          eyes shut and clinched my fiats
          closed tight enough, we'd all wake
          up in paradise.
          (with a laugh through

                         TEARS)
          I was like a superhero... and that
          was my power.

           FADE TO BLACK:

          EXT. CEMETERY - DAY

          A giant rusted yellow tractor sits parked by an open grave-
          Large and Jesse lean against opposite tombstones facing each
          other.
          Mark stands in the open grave STEALING VALUABLES FROM AN OPEN
          COFFIN. A small PILE OF JEWELRY sits beside the grave.

                         MARK
          How could you leave all that
          Lithium? I was totally gonna hit
          you up for some.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         FB

                         JESSE
          This fuckin' guy. I'm glad you're
          back, man, because this town is so
          messed up. Everyone's got there
          drug of choice like in "Brave New
          World". Did you ever read that
          book? Who wrote that? Aldous
          something. Aldous-

                         LARGE
          I don't know.
          Jesse continues talking, but his voice distorts into WARBLED

                         NONSENSE AS
          SLOW MOTION: LARGE STARES in shock as Mark drops a WEDDING
          RING into the PILE OF JEWELRY he's stealing off the corpse.

          MARK LOOKS UP AT LARGE STARING AT HIM AND HIS LOOT. THEY HOLD
          EYE CONTACT FOR AN UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT. Large breaks it and
          looks away.

                         REGULAR MOTION:

          JESSE (O.S.)
          .and people are just like that
          here, man. Huxtable3 Aldous
          Huxtable. That's it.

          INT. SAM'S LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT

          Sam and Large are looking through a photo album. Olivia
          enters with an enormous Parrot on her shoulder.

                         OLIVIA
          Andrew would you like to see Sam's
          ice skating tape?

                         SAM
          Mom, no.

                         LARGE
          Absolutely.

                         OLIVIA
          She was so ahead of her time. She
          could have gone to the Olympics.

                         SAM
          No, I couldn't have.

                         OLIVIA
          Yes, you could have. Don't blame it
          on the epilepsy, you had a gift.
          Large looks to Sam, but she avoids eye contact with him-

                         LARGE
          C'mon let me see it.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         69

                         OLIVIA
          Let's just show him the "Florida
          Stars of the Ice" opening; the
          Gator costume.

                         SAM
          Mom. I'm asking you seriously.

                         LARGE
          Don't be shy. Just let me see it.

                         OLIVIA
          Oh, she wants you to see it. How
          could you not want him to see how
          talented you are?

                         SAM
          Were.
          They cross to the TV room where they find Titembay wearing
          rubber gloves, seated next to an open tool box, dusting the
          coffee table for fingerprints and referring to an open text
          book. White powder reveals fingerprints (and pawprints)
          everywhere, including the TV screen.

                         OLIVIA
          Honey what are you doing?

                         TITEMBAY
          I'm dusting for prints.

                         OLIVIA
          Well do you think we could move the
          crime scene to the kitchen? I want
          to show Andrew Sam skating.

                         TITEMHAY
          But someone's been pissing on my
          Gamecube and I'm about to close the
          case.

                         OLIVIA
          It wasn't me your honor.

                         TITEMBAY
          The pawprints point to a canine.

                         OLIVIA
          Andrew come sit down here next to
          me.
          Large sits next to Olivia on the couch between snoring
          Dobermans. He places his glass of water on the table. Sam
          stands in the doorway.

                         SAM
          I can't believe you're showing him
          this.

                         0

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         70
          THE SHAKY, AMATEUR VIDEO comes up on the screen: a person in
          a full alligator costume wearing white gloves skates onto the
          ice. The lights come down except for a spotlight on the
          alligator.

                         OLIVIA
          There she is.

                         LARGE
          You're the alligator?

                         OLIVIA
          You can tell by the hands.
          The alligator skates in and out of the white fingerprints on
          the TV screen to classical music. We begin to see that Sam is
          a talented skater. In a very odd way, it's beautiful.

                         TITEMBAY
          Here comes the Double Axle...

                         OLIVIA
          And... land! I mean come on. Isn't
          she good?
          Large, Titembay and Olivia APPLAUD. As they do, the LIGHTS in
          the room SWITCH ON and OFF. Titembay CLAPS twice to turn them
          back on.

                         OLIVIA (CONT'D

                         LARGE

                         SAM

                         LARGE
          That was so good. You're Mom's
          right you were amazing.
          Titembay has begun brushing white powder on Large's water
          glass revealing his fingerprints.

                         SAM
          Okay this was great, but we have to
          go now.

                         OLIVIA
          All right, well I just wanted to
          show you how talented she is. My
          baby.

                         SAM
          Mom.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         €

                         € 1

                         OLIVIA
          Okay get out of here. Wait, Give me
          a hug.
          Sam crosses to her mom. They hug.

                         OLIVIA (CONT'D)
          I love you so much. I'm so proud of
          you.

                         SAM
          I love you too.
          Olivia kisses Sam on her forehead.

                         OLIVIA
          Okay, have a good night.
          She pats Sam's butt as she walks toward the door.

                         LARGE
          Bye. Thank you so much for dinner.

                         OLIVIA
          C'mon, you're giving me a hug too.

                         SAM
          Mom.

                         LARGE
          I'll take a hug.
          They embrace.

                         SAM
          Okay, good-night.
          (calling to Titembay)
          Night, Tim.

                         LARGE
          Good-Night.

           TITEMBAY (0.5.)
           Rolla!

          INT. BAR -- NIGHT

           Sam and Large sit in a booth of a local Irish pub drinki ng
           pints. They're buzzed.

                         LARGE
          It was the only thing I ever really
          liked doing; pretending to be
          someone else.

                         (BEAT)
          But I've been so out of it the only
          parts I ever get offered are to
          play handicapped people.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         72
          She tries to hold it together, but she bursts out laughing.

                         LARGE (CONT'D)
          It's not funny.

                         SAM
          Oh c'mon. Don't ya see that it's a
          joke. If you can't laugh at
          yourself life's gonna seem a lot
          longer than you'd like.

                         LARGE
          So what should we laugh at you
          about?

                         SAM
          I lied again. I have epilepsy.

                         LARGE
          Which part are we laughing about?

                         SAM
          I had a seizure in the law office
          where I work and they said their
          insurance would only cover me if I
          wore "preventative covering".

                         LARGE
          Preventative covering?

                         SAM
          The helmet I was carrying.
          Large is silent.

          SAM (CONT' D)
          Oh come on, that's funny. I'm the
          only person in the world wearing a
          helmet to work who isn't putting
          out fires or racing for NASCAR. But
          what do you do? I can't quit; their
          insurance is amazing. What can you
          do? You laugh. I'm not saying I
          don't cry a lot, but in between I
          laugh and realize how silly taking
          anything very seriously is. And
          plus, I look forward to a good cry.
          I just love the way it feels.

                         LARGE
          I haven't cried since I was a
          little kid. I didn't cry at my
          mother's funeral. I wanted to-

                         (A SMILE)
          I... tried. I thought of all the
          saddest things I could think of;
          things in movies, this image from
          Life magazine that haunts me...
          nothing came.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         73
          That actually made me sadder than
          anything; the fact that I felt no
          numb.

                         SAM
          What do you mean?

          MARK (O. S.)
          Vagina!

                         LARGE
          Oh, no.
          Mark, Dave and Jesse appear with some others.

                         LARGE "(CONT'D)
          Hey, guys, this is Sam. This is
          Mark, Dave and you met Jesse.

                         MARK
          Hey. Nice to meet you.

                         JESSE
          Hey.

                         DAVE
          T'sup.

                         MARK
          I'm sorry I yelled- 'vagina' just
          now, I didn't see you.

                         SAM
          It's okay.

                         MARK
          Nice. Let's get fucked up.
          Off Large's smile we:

                          DISSOLVE TO:

          EXT. JESSE'S POOL -- NIGHT

          A palatial swimming pool in the backyard of Jesse's mans ion.
          The Manhattan skyline twinkles far in the distance.
          Large, Sam, Mark, Dave, Jesse and a couple of high school
          girls from the bar stand in their underwear on the edge of
          the pool.

                         MARK
          One, two, three!
          Everyone jumps into the pool SCREAMING except for Large. He
          stands there staring at the water.

                         SAM
          Hey! what are you doing?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         74

                         DAVE
          Largeman, get the fuck in the pool.

                         GIRL
          oh, it's so warm!

                         SAM
          Can you swim?

                         LARGE
          'Course I can swim.
          JUMP CUT TO. Large in the shallow-end doing the most pathetic
          doggy paddle you've ever seen. Everyone stares in disbelief.

                         JESSE
          Dude maybe you should stay on the
          steps; I don't know CPR.

                         MARK
          You look like a drunken beaver.
          They all laugh- Sam swims over to him sitting on the steps.
          She smiles at him.

                         LARGE
          (in a whisper)
          I never learned how to swim.

                         SAM
          Fooled me. I thought you just had a
          cramp.

                         (BEAT)
          Or two.
          He smiles.

                         SAM (CONT'D)
          (in a whisper)
          I can't whistle if it makes you
          feel any better.

                         LARGE
          There's a handful of normal kid
          things I kinda missed.

                         SAM
          There's a handful of normal kid
          things I kinda wish I'd missed.
          She floats on her back beside him.

                         SAM (CONT'D)
          So how long are you gonna stay
          here?

                         LARGE
          Probably till my fingers get
          wrinkly.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         75

                         SAM
          (with a laugh)
          No, I mean in Jersey.

                         LARGE
          Oh. I think I'll probably head home
          the day after tomorrow. well, LA.
          That's not my home.
          Rer smile fades.

                         LARGE (CONT'D)
          You know that point in your life
          when you realize that the home you
          grew up in isn't really your home
          anymore? And all of a sudden, even
          though you have a place where you
          put your Shit, the idea of "home',
          is gone.

                         SAM
          I still feel at home in my house.

                         LARGE
          You'll gee when you move out. It
          just kind of happens one day and
          it's gone. And you feel like you
          can never get it back. it's like
          you feel homesick for a place that
          doesn't even exist. But maybe it's
          like this rite of passage, you
          know? And you won't ever have that
          feeling again until you create a
          A new idea of "home" for yourself,
          for the family you start, for your
          kids. It's like this cycle.

                         (BEAT)
          Maybe that's all a family really
          is; a group of people who miss the
          same imaginary place.
          They hold eye contact. The SPLASH of a CANNONBALL swings
          their gaze to the others horsing around in the deep end. Sam
          leans her head over and rests it on his shoulder.

                         SAM
          Maybe.

          INT. JESSE'S MANSION: LIVING ROOM -- LATER

          An enormous and desolate LIVING ROOM devoid of any furniture
          or decoration. Mark, Jesse, Sam and Large sit huddled under
          towels at the foot of a colossal fire place that houses a
          small blaze. They eat potato chips and drink canned beer.
          They are all pretty tipsy. Mark plays with a "Silent Velcro"
          sample.

                         MARK
          How 'bout some fucking furniture
          dude.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         76

                         JESSE
          I bought a chair but I didn't like
          it.

                         SAM
          Where is it?

                         JESSE
          Its keeping us warm.

                         MARK
          Silent Velcro. Lucky motherfucker.
          I got an idea: loud tape, we'll
          make millions.

                         LARGE
          I feel like if I had showed up at
          school and presented the idea of
          silent Velcro they would have sent
          me away a whole lot sooner.
          They all laugh.

                         SAM
          So why did they send you away?
          She takes a sip of her beer.

                         JESSE
          Whoa, listen to this girl.

                         LARGE
          They didn't send me away.

                         MARK
          You're the one who said they sent
          you away.

                         LARGE
          I mean they did, but... they sent
          me to boarding school. "Sent me
          away" implies I went to some asylum
          or something. There were no straps
          involved.

                         SAM
          Why did they send you to boarding
          school?
          Large looks to Jesse and Mark.

                         LARGE
          They sent me to boarding school
          because uh... they thought I might
          be dangerous.

                         (IMPERSONATING SAM)
          Oh are you freaked out? You're so
          freaked out right now.

                         0

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         77

                         SAM

                         (SARCASTIC)
          That's funny.

                         (NORMAL)
          Why did they think you might be
          dangerous?

                         MARK
          I'm dangerous and I didn't get to
          go to boarding school.

                         LARGE
          I was a kid and I was - they
          just... I was a teenager and they
          were depressed and it just wasn't a
          good combo.

                         SAM
          But obviously something happened. I
          mean there must have been an event.

                         JESSE
          You're like a little detective.

                         LARGE
          I know. You and Titembay should go
          into business together; solve
          mysteries out of a van.

                         SAM
          Am I being too nosey?

                         LARGE
          No. No. I just... it's fine.. I just
          haven't ever really talked about
          it.

                         JESSE
          To be honest, I never really knew
          either. I mean I heard stories.

                         LARGE
          You wanna know?

                         SAM
          Yeah.

                         LARGE
          Really, really?

                         MARK
          You're gay.

                         LARGE
          No. Drumroll... I was the reason
          she was in a wheelchair.

                         (BEAT)
          I pushed her.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         78

                         (BEAT)
          So there that is.

                         SAM
          Shut up.

                         MARX
          Fuck you.

                         LARGE
          No, it's the truth.

                         SAM
          Why?

                         LARGE
          It was a complete freak accident. I
          mean its one of those things that
          you replay a million times in your
          head and you see so clearly what a
          freak thing it was. I... Say whole
          life she was depressed for no
          reason. Look at this picture.
          He pulls the picture of he and Cynthia as children wearing
          chicken slippers out of his wallet.

                         LARGE (CONT'D)
          Look at her face.. That's how, she.
          was every single day of her life.
          And one day... I was nine years old
          and I just really hated, her for
          that, and I pushed her.

                         (BEAT)
          I mean it was innocent. I was just
          frustrated 'cause...

                         SAM
          You couldn't make her happy.

                         LARGE
          Yeah. Fuck yeah. And any other
          time, she would have just yelled at
          me and sent me to my room, but this
          time, in that moment, the door of
          the dishwasher was open. The latch
          on it was broken and it would just
          randomly fall open. That fucking
          latch; it's funny how so much of my
          life hasbeendetermined by a
          quarterinchpiece of plastic. So
          she fellbackover the door and her
          neck hitthekitchen counter;
          paralyzing her from the waist down.
          Sam's eyes are wide in shock.

                         SAM
          Oh my God.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         E

                         79

                         LARGE
          Still want to compare fucked up
          families?

                         JESSE
          But your Mom was in the wheelchair
          long before you left.

                         LARGE
          Well I was nine. They sent me to
          therapy and my Father put me on
          these drugs that were supposed to
          "curb my anger". And I've been on
          some form of them ever since. My
          Mother who was clinically depressed
          before the accident, sank even
          lower to the point where she just
          ignored everyone but our
          housekeeper, Janice and her
          daughter, Cynthia. And when I was
          sixteen my psychiatrist Dad came
          around to the conclusion that it
          might not be the healthiest
          environment for me to be growing up
          in. So he sent me to boarding
          school. And I haven't been home
          since.

                         SAM
          Until now.

                         MARK
          For her funeral.

                         LARGE
          Until now for her funeral. I'm off
          to a ripping start in this life,
          huh? Next time through I think I'll
          lay low out of the gate.
          He takes a sip of his beer.

          LARGE (CONT ' D)
          The thing is though, when I think
          about it, I wasn't really
          abnormally angry at all. I mean it
          all happened so quickly; I got
          prescribed all these drugs for
          anxiety and depression and anger so
          I just kind of became what they
          are.

                         SAM
          It sounds like a punishment.

                         LARGE
          I think it was. So I left them in
          LA. I'm taking myself off
          punishment.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         80

                         MARK
          Please don't remind me.

                         JESSE
          All he heard of that whole story
          was "left drugs in LA".

                         MARK
          Fuck you.

                         JESSE
          Crackhead.
          A 19 year old girl from the pool comes around the corner

                         DRIPPING WET_

                         GIRL
          Mark? Where's the sauna?
          Mark and Jesse look at each other. They race towards her
          tripping drunkenly on towels and pushing each other out of
          the way.
          Sam smiles at Large. Her face glowswarm from the fire.

                         LARGE
          What?

                         SAM
          You're "in it" right now aren't
          you?

                         LARGE
          what do you mean?

                         SAM
          My Mom always says that when she
          can see I'm like working something
          big out she'll say, "Are you in it
          right now?" And I look at you, and
          you tell me this story and...
          you're... you're definitely "in it"
          right now.

                         LARGE
          I think you're right. I'm "in it".
          But I'm so glad I'm "in it" 'cause
          I'm working it all out, you know?
          I haven't swallowed a pill in four
          days now and I can already feel
          this eerie clarity. It's probably
          the reason I just can't stop
          fucking talking; these.rusty cogs
          in my brain have started
          spinning... fast.

                         SAM
          Maybe that's why you've been
          getting those headaches.

                         N

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         81

                         LARGE
          Alright can we just forget about
          all that stuff please and talk
          about good etuff.

                         SAM
          Good stuff?

                         LARGE
          Yeah, glass half-full shit. What do
          you got?

                         SAM
          I got a little buzz. That's what
          I've got. What do you got?

                         LARGE
          I got a little buzz going.

                         (BEAT)
          And I like you.
          Sam smiles and looks away. A beat of silence. She tries to
          stifle her smile by pursing her lips as she turns back and
          looks him in the eyes. She's so cute.

                         LARGE (CONT'D)
          So... there's that. I got that.

          INT. LARGEMAN SOUSE - KITCEEN -- MORNING

          Large with bedhead in his boxers hunches over into the
          refrigerator. He pulls out orange juice and closes the door
          to reveal Gideon standing there.

                         LARGE
          Ah! Jesus, you scared the shit out
          of me. You're always doing that.
          Why are you always doing that?

                         GIDEON
          I haven't seen you in awhile.

                         LARGE
          Yeah I've been kind of catching up
          with people around here.

                         GIDEON
          Dr. Cohen called. There's nothing
          wrong with you.

                         LARGE
          Yeah I think I'm starting to figure
          that out myself.

                         GIDEON
          when are you thinking of leaving?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         82

                         LARGE
          I think probably tomorrow. I gotta
          lot of stuff I got to do back in
          LA. I'm gonna have to find a new
          job. So...

                         GIDEON
          We need to talk.

                         LARGE
          Yeah. How? I mean when?

                         GIDEON
          what are you doing... now?

                         LARGE
          Well actually I was supposed to
          meet my friend Mark. But how about
          later tonight?

                         GIDEON
          okay. And well talk. we owe that
          to each other.

                         LARGE
          Yeah.

                         GIDEON
          We owe it to her.

                         LARGE
          Yeah.

                         GIDEON
          Good.

                         (BEAT)
          I'm sorry I scared you.

                         CUT TO

          INT. MARK'S BEDROOM -- MORNING

          Mark sits on his sheetlese mattress on the floor, playing
          classical guitar; impressively. His MUSIC scores the scene.

                         MARX
          Don't mesa with all my shit; what
          are you. doing?
          Large picks up a small brown egg wearing tiny clothes.

                         LARGE
          You still have your egg baby? Mine
          broke the first day.

                         MARK
          Don't you fail if it breaks?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         83

                         LARGE
          Yeah, well she gave us a C cause my
          partner fell on some ice. My-wife
          tell on some ice and killed our egg
          baby.

                         MARK
          Jesse cooked his.
          They both laugh.

                         LARGE
          Why's it brown?

                         MARK
          'Cause my wife was Tanisha Lubin.

                         LARGE
          Oh.
          Large laughs at Mark's earnestness.

                         LARGE (CONT'D)
          You kept her little blue skirt on.

                         MARK
          He's a boy. His name's Shantel.

                         €

                         LARGE
          It's a girl, she's wearin' a skirt.

                         MARK
          They're shorts.

                         LARGE
          Shorts?

                         MARK
          Yeah, he's a boy, Shantel. They're
          shorts.

                         LARGE
          Oh.
          They laugh. Large flips through an album.

                         LARGE (CONT'D)
          You collect "Desert Storm Trading
          Cards"?

                         MARK
          Fuck yeah, dude. Those are
          collectors items. Do you have any
          idea how much those things will be
          worth some day.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         84

                         LARGE
          Really?

                         MARK
          Hell yeah. That shit's like an
          investment. I have lots of little
          investments - all over the place.
          I'm gonna sel3. 'em all one day and
          just live off 'em.

                         LARGE
          So like how much is this one worth?

                         MARK
          Which?

                         LARGE
          "Night Vision Goggles."

                         MARK
          I don't know. Mint; maybe two,
          three.

                         LARGE
          Dollars?

                         MARK
          Yeah. But it's too early. You don't
          sell'em yet. Don't you know
          anything about investing. I'm gonna
          live off that shit. That
          "Schwarzkopf" card is worth at
          least five something. And if you
          have the complete set it's worth
          like thousands.

                         LARGE
          So do you have the complete set?

                         MARK
          Almost. The corners are bent on my
          "Friendly Fire" and someone stole
          my "Wolf Blitzer".

                         LARGE
          Someone stole it?

                         MARK
          One of my Mom's Medieval Times
          friends, man. Drug addicts.

                         LARGE
          For drugs they sold it?

                         MARK
          Yeah.

                         LARGE
          Wolf Blitzer.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         85

                         MARK
          It doesn't matter if you're a rich
          house wife looking for your muscle
          relaxers or some crack head drying
          cars: people will do anything in
          this town to get their drug money.
          Now look, what do you gotta do
          today? I gotta little going away
          present for you. But I kinds gotta
          track it down. So, can you give me
          a ride?

                         LARGE
          Yeah, sure I just...

                         MARK
          What?

                         LARGE
          Nothing I just...

                         MARK
          Say it... speak.

                         LARGE
          Nothing I just, I told Sam I was
          gonna hang out with her today...

                         MARK
          She can come, I don't care.

          EXT. SUBURBAN STREETS- DAY


          GREAT MUSIC PLAYS.
          They drive the motorcycle through the Jersey suburbs; Sate on
          the back and Mark in the sidecar wearing a lacrosse helmet
          and ski goggles.
          LARGE'S POV: A mother and her stroller. A huge group of Black
          teenagers coming home from school. An old crossing guard. An
          ambulance. Two powerwalkere.

                         OMIT

          INT. HANDI-WORLD - LATER

          They walk down an aisle.

                         LARGE
          What are we doing in the mall.
          I don't wanna be in the fucking
          mall.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         86

                         MARK
          We're making some money for your
          present. Just don't look so guilty.

                         LARGE
          What do you mean, how do I look
          guilty?

          VOICE (0.S.)
          Andrew Largeman?
          They turn. KARL BENSON, greasy hair wearing a wrinkled, red
          "Nandi--World" vest and dirty pants stands holding a small
          box.

                         MARK
          Oh, no. Benson.

                         LARGE
          Oh, no.

                         SAM
          Who's that?

                         MARK
          Don't give him your number.
          Karl approaches.

                         KARL
          Hey, what's up, man.

                         LARGE
          Hey.

                         KARL
          Holy shit, I haven't seen you since
          like junior year.

                         LARGE
          I know.

                         KARL
          I thought you killed yourself.

                         LARGE
          What?

                         KARL
          I thought you killed yourself, that
          wasn't you?

                         LARGE

                         (BEAT)
          No. That wasn't me?

                         KARL
          Who killed themselves?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         87

                         MARK
          Just that Gleason kid. Oh, and
          Tina.

                         LARGE
          Tina who?

                         MARK
          You remember Tina. She was like
          anorexic. She did gymnastics...
          Sam is horrified by this conversation.

                         LARGE
          oh yeah, gymnastics Tina. How'd she
          do it?

                         MARK
          I don't know. She wasn't Jewish, I
          didn't bury her.

                         KARL
          I think sleeping pills. or that car
          in the garage thing. I forgot.
          Sam is yanking on her ear for Large to see, but he doesn't
          notice.

                         LARGE
          This is Sam. Sam this is Karl.

                         SAM
          Hey.

                         MARK
          Listen I'm gonna go grab that
          thing. So just hang here and I'll
          be back.

                         LARGE
          Oh.
          He walks off.

                         KARL
          He's such a dick.'

                         LARGE
          Why'd you say that?

                         KARL
          He stole my little brother's last
          dose of Ritalin and the little
          fucker glued his lips closed.
          Weren't you on TV or something?

                         LARGE
          Yeah. Yeah I was. Just this thing.
          So you're like what, working here?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         88

                         KARL

                         (DISMISSIVE)
          Only for awhile I'm opening my own
          business. Actually, I should tell
          you about it. I'm looking for smart
          people like you, Large. I should
          get your number.

                         LARGE
          Yeah, definitely.

                         (BEAT)
          So what 'a in the box.

                         KARL
          Oh, washers. I'm s'posed to
          count'em.

                         LARGE
          Washers?

                         KARL
          (picking one out)
          You know these little round metal
          things you put between a bolt and a
          nut.

                         LARGE
          Oh, washers. I never use those. I
          never knew what they were for, so. I
          just always threw them away. I
          never used washers.
          Silence.

                         KARL
          Oh, well listen, I want to talk to
          you both about a good opportunity.
          (like he's memorized it

                         LAST NIGHT)
          For you and your loved ones. We all
          have dreams. I know I do. I know
          of an exciting opportunity that
          people are talking about.
          Mark returns holding a box with a picture of steak knives on
          the side.

                         MARK
          Hey. We gotta get going.

                         LARGE
          Yeah, well it was great to see you,
          man. I'm sure I'll see you around.

                         KARL
          Yeah, well let me get your number.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         89

                         LARGE
          oh, well we gotta run. I'm listed.
          Just call information. It's been so
          long since I've been home I don't
          even remember it.

                         SAM
          Nice meeting you.

          INT. HANDI-WORLD CHECKOUT -- CONTINUOUS


                         MARK
          Why is it always the losers who get
          into the pyramid schemes? Why isn't
          it ever some charming hot girl
          nagging you incessantly to buy
          shit?

                         LARGE
          Oh, is that what it is?

                         MARK
          Detergent or some shit. The thing I
          don't understand is, if it worked,
          why would he be working here. The
          guy's a freak; he pops Darvocet
          like it's Ritalin.

                         LARGE
          Why are you buying knives? I don't
          need knives.
          They arrive at the counter. A young Black woman with enormous
          gold earrings and long fingernails stands at the register.

                         MARK
          I'd like to return these.

                         WOMAN
          You got a receipt.

                         MARK
          Actually, no. It was a gift.
          She clicks her tongue. She begins filling out a form.

                         WOMAN
          Why are you returning these?

                         MARK
          They're not sharp enough.

                         WOMAN
          They're not sharp enough?

                         MARK
          No. Not for what we need them for.
          They couldn't cut cans.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         90

                         WOMAN
          You bought them to cut cans?

                         MARK
          No, but in the commercial they say
          that if I wanted to cut cans I
          could. But with these knives I
          can't.

                         WOMAN
          Well it comes with a sharpener. Did
          you try it?

                         MARK
          Yeah, they're just... I don't want
          them; not sharp enough.
          She rings it into the register and counts out bills to Mark.

                         WOMAN
          Thirty-nine, fifty-three. I hope we
          came in handy at Handi-World.
          Please come again.
          They exit the store and enter the mall.

          EXT. MALL - DAY

          They walk past stacks of lumber.

                         MARK
          A major loop-hole in the Handi-
          World return policy permits returns
          without receipts on items below
          forty dollars.

                         LARGE
          So how often do you go?

                         MARK
          I hit every employee once, then
          wait for them to. hire. new ones.
          Luckily, no one works at Handi-
          World for very long. Except Karl
          Benson.

                         LARGE
          You know, Mark, it's my last day in
          town. I have money. I can give you
          some.

                         MARK
          I don't need your money, I'm making
          my own right now.

                         LARGE
          Or fuck, take Jesse's - the guys a
          millionaire.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         91
          Mark stops and looks at Large in the eyes.

                         MARK
          i don't take anybody's money,
          Andrew. I make my own. Favors are
          bad news. And the only thing worse
          than a favor, is a favor involving
          money.

          EXT. RESCUE SQUAD -- LATER

          The motorcycle pulls up behind two ambulances being cleaned
          with hoses. Large sees Cynthia changing the sheets on a
          stretcher. They climb off.

                         MARK
          This will only take a second.

                         (TO CYNTHIA)
          Is Aaron here?

                         CYNTHIA

                         LARGE

                         CYNTHIA

                         LARGE
          This is Sam.

                         SAM
          Hi.

                         CYNTHIA
          Hey.

                         LARGE `
          (re: the stretcher)
          Did he live?

                         CYNTHIA
          She... had an eight pound boy.

                         SAM
          You delivered him?

                         CYNTHIA
          Yeah.

                         SAM
          Wow.

                         CYNTHIA
          Yeah.

                         (TO LARGE)
          What are you doing here?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         92

                         LARGE
          Mark's picking up something.

                         CYNTHIA
          He's as friendly as always.
          The three stand in awkward silence.

                          CYNTHIA (CONT'D)
           Help me with this.
           He stands at the other end of the stretcher as she gu des him
          through making it.

                          CYNTHIA (CONT'D)
          Grab that one... over... once
          more... good. That side... crease
          the corner. . .under.. .good. Same
          thing on this one... Voila.

                         LARGE
          So were you there?

                         CYNTHIA
          Where?

                         LARGE
          Were you on the call to my uh... to
          the house?

                         CYNTHIA
          No.

                         LARGE
          Ch.

                         CYNTHIA
          Do you wish I was?

                         LARGE
          Yeah.

                         (BEAT)
          She loved you_
          Mark exits carrying a large gym bag.

                         MARK
          Got it, let's go.

                         SAM
          Nice to meet you.

                         CYNTHIA
          You too.
          Sam leaves them alone.

                         LARGE
          I should go.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         93

                         CYNTHIA

                         (SOFTLY)
          Youknow, Andrew, the hour will
          comeone day when you atop avoiding
          allthe people that love you.And
          whenit does I sure hope youcome
          findme... 'cause I'd love toknow
          whoyou are.
          He backs away.

                         LARGE
          You know me enough to know I'd
          travel for your funeral right? I
          was kidding yesterday; where ever
          it was... you know I'd be there
          right?

                         CYNTHIA
          Yes.
          He backs away and mounts his bike. Cynthia turns to the
          stretcher and quickly uses her thumb to swipe a tear,welling
          in her eye.

          INT. HOLIDAY INN EXPRESS/ROUTE 22 --- MORNING

          Mark, Sam and Large enter the tacky lobby. Mark carries the
          gym bag.
          Large and Sam follow Mark down a corridor and into a vending
          machine room. He opens a door labeled "Private" into a
          kitchen area. They weave through the kitchen down another
          hall...

          INT. BACK ROOM -- CONTINUOUS

          They arrive at a locked door. Mark knocks.
          After a beat it's opened by an Asian teenager with bad acne
          blasting his walkman. The far wall is entirely covered with a
          blown-up mural of a New Jersey Driver's License used for
          making fake ID's. The space where the face would go is
          missing, revealing an opening in the wall. They climb
          through.

          INT. SECRET HALLWAY -- CONTINUOUS


          DURING THE FOLLOWING SCENE, THE CHARACTERS WILL ONLY WHISPER

          IN EACH OTHER'S EARS. WE WILL ONLY KNOW WHAT THEY ' RE SAYING

          FROM SUBTITLES.
          They squeeze down a long dark corridor filled with graffiti.
          They come upon a young teen staring through a peep hole in
          the wall. Mark taps him on the shoulder. He turns his head
          and nods in recognition.
          When he pulls away from the peep hole, the LIGHT PROJECTS THE

          IMAGE OF THE MOTEL ROOM ON HIS FACE .

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         94
          (Yes, that really happens.) As he looks at Mark, Sam and
          Large, his forehead is filled with the image of a BUSINESS
          MAN brushing his teeth. Mark leans into his ear.

                         MARK

                         (SUBTITLED)
          Where's Diego?

                         TEEN

                         (SUBTITLED)
          Down the hall. There's a hooker in
          room 112.. It's crazy down there. I
          figured I'd just chill with this.
          SLOW MOTION: Mark gestures for Large and Sam to follow him
          down the hall. The hall is strewn with young men staring
          into peep holes. As Mark, Sam and Large pass them, the
          Peeping Tom's each turn to see who it is.
          As they turn, each one has the image of what they're watching
          projected on their face. We hear the ECHOES of the SOUNDS
          FROM the ROOMS.
          -- An old couple slow dancing projected on another teen.
          REGULAR MOTION: They arrive at the end of the hall where a
          group of six young guys are glued to the image being
          projected onto the wall opposite the peep hole. An old camera
          lens has been ducked taped to the peep hole causing the image
          to appear in perfect focus.
          The projection shows a very hot, YOUNG HOOKER getting taken
          from behind by an OLDER GREASEBALL. Her face is no more than
          three feet from the peep hole. The HOOKER'S MUFFLED MOANING
          can be heard from the other side of the wall.
          Everyone's eyes are glued to the wall. Large notices one kid
          has duct tape over his mouth, while another is sweating
          profusely. Sam's jaw is dropped open.

          GRBASESALL (0.5.)
          I'm fucking you! I'm fucking you.
          Large notices another kid lip-synching along with the
          Greaseball. Mark spots DIEGO, a Hispanic guy, 32, wearing a
          bell-hop uniform and gestures him closer.

                         MARK

                         (SUBTITLED)
          T'sup dog? She's fuckin' hot.

                         DIEGO

                         (SUBTITLED)
          This is the most exciting day of my
          life. We've never had anything
          close to this.

                         MARK
          I've got that Nitrous tank for you,
          so can I get that info?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         €

                         95

                         DIEGO
          You're gonna have to wait a couple.
          The HOOKER MOANS.

          GREASEBALL (O.S.)
          Who's fuckin' you? Hub? Who's
          fuckin' you?
          The Lip-Synching Kid mouths, "You are."

                         MARK
          Dude we're kind of in a rush.

                         DIEGO
          You can wait, he's about to cunt.

                         GREASEBALL
          I'm gonna fucking cum!
          Diegogestures, "Told you."

                         HOOKER
          Cum on my back!
          The group responds in silent shock. Jaws drop, Diego grabs
          his hair with his fists. Just as they are about to climax, we

                         CUT TO:

          INT. OUTER ROOM --- DAY

          Mark, Diego, Large, Sam and others rush out into the outer
          room.They speak in quiet whispers.

                         DIEGO

                         HOLY SHIT3

                         MARK
          Wow.

                         DIEGO
          That shit was hot! I got to go drop
          some knowledge on that ho.

                         SAM
          How do you know she's a hooker?

                         DIEGO
          of course she's a fucking hooker.
          Girls that look like her do not
          fuck guys that look like him unless
          it's for money, coke or fame.

                         SAM
          Julia Roberts married Lyle Lovett.

                         DIEGO
          Who the fuck are you?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         96

                         MARX
          Oh, this is Sam and Large.

                         DIEGO
          No offense.

                         (TO MARK)
          Why are you bringing these people
          here?

                         MARK
          He's the guy who needs that thing.
          Look I brought you the tank, so can
          you just tell us where to go now?

                         DIEGO
          Tank come with balloons?

                         MARX
          Am I a fucking birthday clown,
          Diego? No I don't have balloons.
          Suck it off the tap. And I need it
          back when you're done; the guy's
          holding my thirty-nine bucks.

                         DIEGO
          All right. Hold-up. Who here just
          saw some titties?!
          They all stare.

                         DIEGO (CONT'D)
          Raise your hand if you just saw
          some titties?!
          They all raise their hands. (Including Sam.)

                         DIEGO (CONT'D)
          Thank you. So everybody needs to
          calm the fuck down.

                         MARK
          we're in a hurry.

                         DIEGO
          All right. You know where Kiernan's
          Quarry is?

          EXT. KIERNAN'S QUARRY -- LATER

          They pull up on the motorcycle.

          MARK (V . O . )
          Down in Newark, right?

          DIEGO (V.0.)
          Yeah, its at the bottom of
          Hillside and Rivington.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         97
          You can't really see it from the
          street, but it's there. Park your
          car at the gate and hop the fence.
          They do.

          DIEGO (V.O.) (CONT'D)
          At the bottom of the quarry there's
          this Junkyard run by this guy named
          Albert. lie's the one that tracked
          down the piece you're looking for.
          I'll call him right now and tell
          him to expect you.

                         LARGE
          Okay, stop. What the fuck are we
          doing?

                         MARX
          Just be patient.

                         LARGE
          Dude, we've been patient all day,
          but it's my last day in town and
          you haven't told me what the fuck
          we're doing. I mean if you told me
          we were going on a six hour
          scavenger hunt for blow I would
          have passed.

                         MARK
          Blow? Please. If I was gonna give
          you coke we'd have gone to the high
          school football practice and we'd a
          been reeling five hours ago.

                         LARGE
          Well I think we've corrupted this
          innocent girl enough for one
          afternoon.

                         SAM
          I'm not innocent.

                         LARGE
          (getting worked up)
          Yes, you are. And that's what I
          like about you. And I don't want
          this fucking guy taking you to the
          bottom of a quarry in a sketchy-ass
          neighborhood to find some Pitbull's
          raping each other or... crack
          whore's huffing turpentine or
          whatever it is that you have us

                         DOINGS

                         MARK
          Wow. That's the most worked up I've
          ever seen you.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         98

                         SAM
          He was protecting me.

                         LARGE
          So.

                         SAM
          He likes me.

                         LARGE
          Don't be cute.

                         SAM
          You're my knight in shining armor.

                         LARGE
          Don't talk about knights in front
          of Mark. It's a sore subject.

                         MARK
          I'm gonna kill that motherfucker.

                         LARGE
          Pun intended?
          Beat as Mark gets it. He comes after him.

                         MARK
          You're dead.
          They play wrestle as Sam watches.

          EXT. KIERNAN'S QUARRY -- MOMENTS LATER

          The three of them reach the top of a small hill to reveal...

          AN ENORMOUS ABANDONED QUARRY
          Colossal old cranes and construction trucks loom in the
          distance like ancient dinosaurs frozen in rust and graffiti.
          The center of the quarry goes so deep they can't see the
          bottom. They stand on the edge. Rain clouds rapidly drift
          overhead. This glace is surreal.

                         SAM
          Wow.

                         LARGE
          I never even knew this was here.

                         MARK
          I've heard about it. They were
          supposed to build a mall here I
          think.

                         SAM
          Yeah I remember reading about it in
          the paper.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         €

                         99
          They were digging one day and they
          broke through into this like
          natural phenomenon. It's like an
          underground Grand Canyon or
          something. So now they're in some
          huge legal battle over whether they
          can build here or not.

                         LARGE
          Can you imagine the guy who's job
          it is to fight for the right to
          build his mall on some like
          geological phenomenon?

                         MARK
          They love their mall's here man.
          Okay let's just find this guy and
          get outta here.

                         LARGE
          You're not gonna tell us what we're
          getting?

                         MARK
          It's a surprise, you'll see.
          Mark walks on ahead of them down a path that winds down
          alongside the abyss.

          EXT. 1CTERNIAN'S QUARRY -- LATER

          Further down the path. Sam looks to Large. He uses an old mop
          handle he's found as a walking stick.
          As they continue along the path it begins to get continually
          cluttered with rusty junk. An old bedframe, a porcelain tub,
          remnants of a "Jungle-Gym", dirty broken toys.
          Further along down the path amidst the junk they see a THIRTY
          FOOT DILAPIDATED SOUSE BOAT perched on cement blocks that
          sits right on the edge of the cliff. It's windows glow warm
          and welcoming.
          Mark stands in front of the boat. This isn't what he
          expected. Rain begins to fall.

                         MARK
          I guess this is it.

                         LARGE
          So... knock. Knock and barter for
          "Dessert Storm Trading Cards".

                         MARY
          Please don't tease me about my
          hobbies. I don't tease you about
          being an asshole.
          They stand in the pouring rain staring at the boat. Mark
          steps up and pounds his fist on the wooden hull.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         100
          After a moment, ALBERT, a very gentle looking man in his mid-
          thirties with a newborn baby asleep on his shoulder appears
          on the deck. He smiles warmly-

                         ALBERT
          (in a whisper)
          Mark?

                         MARK
          Yeah. Are you Albert?

                         ALBERT
          (with a smile)
          Yes. Come on in out of the rain.
          Sam and Large look at each other, then follow Mark up an A-
          frame ladder that sits next to the hull.

          INT. ALBERT'S BOAT -- CONTINUOUS

          They step inside and the door closes behind them. It's very
          cozy and warm. GREAT MUSIC PLAYS. A wood burning stove heats
          the room and throws warm amber light onto a small LIVING ROOM
          with deep cushy couches.

                         ALBERT
          You guys must be freezing. Make
          yourselves warm by the fire. I'm
          just gonna go put her down. I'll be
          right out.
          The three of them huddle by the fire. They speak in quiet
          whispers.

                         SAM
          I must say, I've been continually
          impressed today with how each new
          place you bring us manages to be
          weirder and weirder.

                         MARK
          What do you mean, this is nice.

                         LARGE
          ah nothing, just hanging out in an
          old boat at the bottom of a quarry
          in Newark.

                         MARK
          It's hardly the bottom, dude. Did
          you see that cliff?
          Albert returns with FAYE, an equally gentle and caring
          looking woman in her early thirties.

                         ALBERT
          This is my wife, Faye.

                         ALL
          Hi. Hello.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         101

                         FAYE
          Hi. Welcome.

                         ALBERT
          This is Mark and Sam and Large,
          right?

                         MARK

                         YEAH_

                         ALBERT
          Diego told me when he called.
          Please have a seat, make yourselves
          comfortable.

                         FAYE
          Its really coming down out there,
          huh?

                         LARGE
          Yeah, it just started pouring all
          of a sudden.

                         ALBERT
          Well in a bad storm I like to
          pretend this old boat's my own
          private "ark". Unfortunately, if
          this is the apocalypse, I'm not
          quite sure it still floats.

                         FAYE
          Would any of you like some tea?

                         SAM
          I'd love some tea.
          Large and Mark look at her.

                         LARGE
          No thanks.

                         MARX
          No.. thanks.
          Faye crosses to a small kitchen. They all sit there politely
          nodding at each other.

                         LARGE
          What is it that you do here? What
          is this place?

                         ALBERT
          Good question. We're calling it
          Kiernan's Fault. And no one's
          really quite sure what it is
          because they haven't been able to
          explore it. They're locked in a
          legal battle over who has the
          rights to the land.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         102
          So one of these days it will either
          be a national park or a shopping
          mall. But while their locked in
          litigation, I was hired to make
          sure no one comes inside.

                         LARGE
          Oh. Wow.

                         ALBERT
          What they don't know is that I'm a
          geologist working undercover for
          the preservation lobby. So, at
          night... I go down.

                         FAYE
          He's documenting it to support
          their case.

                         SAM
          Wow. So how deep does it go?

                         ALBERT
          No one really knows. I've been in
          the furthest and that was about two
          miles down. But I like to pretend
          it's infinite.

                         11
          Faye brings them tea.

                         SAM
          It's kind of an odd job isn't it?
          Guardian of an infinite abyss?

                         ALBERT
          Yeah, I guess it is. We also trade
          and deal in antique jewelry. I
          suppose it's pretty odd for you that
          we live down here like this-

                         SAM
          No.

                         LARGE
          Not at all.

                         MARK
          Never crossed my mind.

                         ALBERT
          But we think it's important.

                         LARGE
          Why? What do you think you'll find?

                         ALBERT
          I don't know. It's exciting. New
          frontiers are hard to come by these
          days. I guess I just like the idea
          of discovering something.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         103
          Doing something completely unique
          that no one's ever done before.
          Large looks to Sam.

                         LARGE
          Yeah. "Albert's Abyss".

                         ALBERT
          Who knows? Maybe. But I used to
          think that was all that mattered.
          No matter what it was, as long as I
          could put my name on it. Like it
          would somehow justify the fact that
          I lived; that I was here. "I did
          that. That's mine. I got this plate
          on my travels." But you know what?
          That's all ego; none of that stuff
          really matters. If at the end of
          the day I get to be with her, if I
          get to be with this person right
          here and the baby we created, then
          that's all I need. Just having
          felt that... If I die in an hour, I
          know I've lived.
          Faye kisses his forehead.

                         LARGE
          You know "my whole life I've had
          that same anxiety that if I didn't
          discover something or... save
          something or...

                         SAM
          Save something from being
          discovered.

                         LARGE
          Yeah. That I'll have somehow wasted
          my time here. And that somewhere,
          whatever force created us, would
          resent me for it.

                         ALBERT
          Well I think that force would
          rather remind you that "breathing's
          all it takes to be a miracle".
          He takes a deep breath. Large, Sam and mark stare at Albert;
          TRANSFIXED. He's like a sage.

          GREAT MUSIC BEGINS.

                         ALBERT
          Well i suppose you want what you
          came all the way down here for.

                         MARX
          Yeah, that would be great.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         104

                         ALBERT
          It took me awhile to track this
          piece down. But I owe Diego huge.
          He pulls a small paper bag off the counter and hands it to
          Mark. Mark looks inside and nods his head.

                         MARK
          That's it. Thank you.
          They all stand.

                         SAM
          Well thank you for the tea.

                         LARGE
          Yeah, thanks.

                         FAYE
          Okay, good luck in the rain. Would
          you like some garbage bags or
          something?

                         LARGE
          Yeah, that would be great.

          EXT ALBERT'S HOUSE BOAT--DAY
          They open the door and venture into the, DOWN POUR in their
          garbage bag parkas.

                         ALBERT
          Good-bye.
          Albert stands with his arm around Faye in their warm doorway.
          As the three of them climb down the ladder and head up the
          path. Large turns back' around.

                         LARGE
          (yelling over the rain)
          r, Hey Albert l

                         ALBERT
          Yeah?

                         LARGE
          Good luck exploring the infinite

                         ABYSS1

                         ALBERT
          (with a smile)
          Thank you.

                         (BEAT)

                         HEY]

                         (BEAT)

                         YOU TOOT

          EXT. KIERNAN'S QUARRY -- CONTINUOUS


                         

                         

                         

                         

                         105

          THE GREAT MUSIC CONTINUES
          SLOW MOTION: Mark, Sam and Large in black garbage bag rain
          parkas head up the incline away from the trailer at half
          speed.
          Large leads them to an old yellow crane that's rusty arm
          hangs out over the 'edge. He climbs up onto it's base.
          REGULAR MOTION; Large SCREAMS as loud as he can, with
          everything he has, like he's emptying himself into the abyss.
          Sam and Mark look up at him and climb up alongside Large to
          join hint.
          The three of them, in their black parkas, with their hair
          drenched against their heads, SCREAM as loud as they can,
          with everything they have in the POURING RAIN.
          FREEZE FRAME: The three of them smiling. A release. A perfect
          moment.
          UNFREEZE: Sam locks eyes on Large. He stares back at her.
          They kiss. He wraps his hands around the back of her head and
          they kiss, in the pouring rain, on the edge of something.

                         CUT TO:

          EXT. MARK'S HOUSE -- LATER

          The rain has stopped as Large's motorcycle pulls up in front
          of Mark's house. mark gets out of the sidecar.

                         LARGE
          So I don't know if I'm gonna see
          you.

                         MARK
          I know. Don't you wanna know what's
          in the bag?

                         LARGE
          To be honest, I don't even care
          anymore.
          Mark pulls out the bag. It practically falls apart it's 80
          wet from the rain. He pulls out an ANTIQUE NECKLACE with a
          square pendant on it. He puts it in Large's wet hand.

                         MARK
          I'd be lying to ya if I told ya
          this was my plan all along.

                         (BEAT)
          But I got it back. That's got to be
          worth something, right?

                         LARGE
          This whole day was about this?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         106

                         MARK

                         (NODDING)
          And anyway you didn't want it down
          there with her. It's better for you
          to have it.
          Large shakes his head; he's shocked. Mark backs away, still
          wearing his garbage bag parka.

                         MARK (CONT'D)
          Hey, if you ever need a Kato, you
          know where to find me.
          Large sits back down on the bike into Sam's wet arms. He
          stares at the pendant in his hand.

                         SAM
          What is it?

                         LARGE
          It's my Mom's favorite necklace.

          FADE TO BLACK:

          INT. MASTER BATHROOM -- NIGHT

          They sit, soaked from the rain in the empty bath tub where
          Sarah Largeman drowned,, cross-legged facing each other.
          Large wears the necklace around his neck. He plays with the
          pendant...
          EXTREME CLOSE-UP INSIDE TEE PENDANT: It's an antique game
          where you try to get three tiny lead balls to sit in three
          separate indentations.

                         LARGE
          No. I don't want to play this game.

                         SAM
          Why not? I'm curious. She's sitting
          here, across from you and you can
          say anything at all. All the things
          you never got a chance to say.

                         (BEAT)
          No?

                         I (BEAT)
          Well I don't want to push you. I
          just thought it might help. I mean
          isn't that what you came home for?
          Re stops playing with the necklace and takes a deep breath.

                         LARGE
          Okay.

                         (BEAT)
          I would...

                         (BEAT)
          If she were sitting here.

                         (REALLY THINKING)

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         107
          if my mother were sitting here I
          would tell her...
          Silence. The faucet DRIPS behind him.

                         SAM
          What?

                         LARGE
          I really don't wanna...

                         (BEAT)
          I would tell her that I'm sorry.

                         (BEAT)
          I'm sorry that she wasn't happy.
          And I'm sorry I couldn't make her
          happy. And you know if I could have
          had anything I ever wanted to have
          happen in my life actually ever
          happen, it would have been that she
          would be happy. And...
          A tiny tear wells in his lid and. spills over.

                         SAM
          Oh, my God, Large I think I see
          one.

                         LARGE
          Shut-up.

                         SAM
          Yeah, I do. Don't move, we should
          save it or something.
          She finds a clear plastic cup.

          SAM (COUT' D)
          Here don't move, I'm gonna get it.
          She tries to coerce the- tear off his cheek into the cup, like
          a child capturing an inch worm.

                         LARGE
          I guess I could put it in my
          scrapbook, if I had a scrapbook.
          They wait.

                         SAM
          Is that it?

                         LARGE
          I think so. I don't feel any more
          coming.

                         SAM
          Well if you do, let me know and
          I'll grab the cup, okay?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         108

                         LARGE
          Yeah.

                         SAM
          This was a good idea. Keep talking.

                         LARGE
          It's funny; this thing reminds me
          of this really random memory of my
          mother. Its so weird, I haven't
          thought about this in so long, but
          this great memory I have where I
          was a little kid and I was crying
          for one reason or another and she
          was kind of holding me and rocking
          me back and forth. And I could see
          the little balls in this thing just
          rolling back and forth. And there
          was just snot dripping down my
          nose.

                         (HE LAUGHS)
          And she just handed me her sleeve
          and told me to just blow my nose
          into it. And I remember thinking,
          even as a very little kid, "Wow.
          This is love."
          More tears start to well and overflow from his eyes. He tries
          to stifle them with a LAUGH. He cradles the pendant.

                         LARGE (CONT'D)
          This is love. And it just felt
          so... good to be there. So safe.
          And I didn't feel safe very often,
          but at that moment...
          Tears are now streaming down his face as well as Sam's. She
          holds the plastic cup in her hand.

                         SAM
          oh, Large I'm never gonna be able
          to get all these.
          They laugh. She moves closer, wrapping her legs around his
          waist to hug him close. She kisses his-'wet cheeks.

                         SAM (CONT'D)
          I'm never gonna be able to get all
          these, am I?

                         LARGE
          It's so funny isn't it? But I
          think that's the single most
          amazing moment I remember of my
          Mother. 'Cause she wasn't sad and
          she wasn't being prodded to be
          happy, she was just there.

                         SAM
          To be your Mom.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         209
          He node and tightens his lips; trying to hold in the faucet
          that his eyes have become; a monumental release. He almost
          looks like a different person. They stare directly into each
          other's eyes. He turns away; it's too vulnerable a place for
          him.

                         SAM (CONT'D)
          Look at me.

                         (BEAT)
          Look at me.
          He does. And we see a vulnerable, lonely, little boy.

                         SAM (CONT'D)
          (in a whisper)
          Let go. Listen to me. Just don't
          hang onto any of it anymore. You're
          holding on so tight and you just...
          you don't have to hang onto any of
          it anymore. Just let it all go.

                         LARGE

                         (THROUGH TEARS)
          I just don't...

                         SAM
          Just let it all go.
          He cries with his elbow over his eyes.

                         SAM (CONT'D)
          What do you feel? Describe it. That
          always helps me. My mom always
          says, "What's the word that's
          burning in your chest..."
          She touches his chest with her hand.

                         SAM (CONT'D)
          What is it?
          He looks away. Soared.

                         SAM (CONT'D)
          Look at me.
          He does.

                         SAM (CONT'D)

                         (GENTLE)
          What is it?

                         LARGE
          (in a whisper)
          I would say that it's Love.

                         (BEAT)
          It's this Love that I have.

                         0

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         110

                         SAM
          Yeah, it is.

                         (BEAT)
          And you've got so much of it in
          you... God, you do. You've got so
          many years of it in you, pleading
          to come out.

                         LARGE
          This fucking hurts.

                         SAM
          I know. But that... that is life.
          if nothing else...
          (pointing to his chest)
          That is life. St's real. And
          sometimes it burns. But maybe... it
          might be all there is.

                         (BEAT)
          Look at you. Look at you. You look
          like you just came back to life.
          He just stares at her.

                         LARGE

                         (BAFFLED)
          who are you?

                         SAM

                         (SMILING)
          I'm your new friend, Sam.
          Holding up her sleeve.

                         SAM (CONT'D)
          Tissue?
          They both laugh; a release.

                         LARGE
          Fuck. I feel like I just get so
          much thrown at me; like there's so
          much speeding by me in a day that I
          feel like if I look up from the
          sidewalk, I'll get dizzy and fall
          down. So it's like I just...
          barrel through and don't look up,
          so I'll just never fall, you know?
          And that's really... and you know
          it's so sad to say this, but that's
          really how I've been living my
          whole life.

                         SAM
          Trying to barrel through.

                         LARGE
          Yeah.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         111

                         SAM
          Well it sounds like you were due to
          fall.

                         LARGE
          Yeah.

                         (REALIZING)
          Yeah I was.
          (beat. Then with a laugh.)
          Thanks Mom.
          (beat, realizing)
          That's funny. The definition's
          always confused me, but I'm pretty
          sure that's irony.
          He smiles. He wipes his tears away with his own sleeve .

                         LARGE (CONT'D)
          Come here.
          She comes in for a tight embrace. He kisses her gently on her
          cheek with his eyes closed, then rests his head on her
          - shoulder.

                         SAM
          How do you feel?
          On Large's face as he thinks about that question.

                         LARGE
          Safe.

                         (BEAT)
          When I'm with you, I feel so
          safe... like I'm Rome.
          A WIDE SHOT of the bathroom as Sam and Large embrace in the
          middle of the empty tub and the faucet continuee to DRIP.

                         DISSOLVE TO:

          INT. LARGE'S BEDROOM -- LATER

          Large's STEREO PLAYS: ("I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over
          You" by Colin Ray)
          Large and Sam lie naked in each other's arms. She's asleep.
          He lies wide awake resting his cheek on top of here.
          A SERIES OF DISSOLVES: of Large as he lies awake in different
          positions staring at the ceiling; processing. S am turns to
          him.
          He gets up out of bed and puts his clothes on.

          TNT. MASTER BEDROOM -- CONTINUOUS
          Large stands at the end of the bed staring at Gideon lying
          propped up with a book on his cheat, asleep. The EVENING NEWS
          is on the TV.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         112

                         LARGE
          Dad?
          He sits up startled.

                         GIDEON
          Oh, hey, hey c'mon in.
          He finds his glasses on his chest and lifts the remote to
          turn off the TV.

                         LARGE
          Sorry to wake you.

                         GIDEON
          No, no, it's uh... I was just
          reading.

                         LARGE
          I've been on a pretty crazy little
          journey these last couple of days.

                         GIDEON
          You've been avoiding me.

                         LARGE
          No, I just... maybe I have been.

                         GIDEON
          I'm sure you can find plenty of
          things in your life to be angry
          about, but what I don't understand
          is why you're so angry at me. All I
          ever wanted was for everybody to be
          happy again, Andrew. That's all I
          ever wanted.

                         LARGE
          But when were we ever all happy,
          Dad? I mean you always say that,
          but when was that? When was this
          time that you have in your mind
          that you wish we could all get back
          to? 'Cause I don't have it in my
          memory. Maybe if I did I could help
          steer us back there. But we
          should...

                         (BEAT)
          You know... you and I need to work
          on being okay if that's not in the
          cards for us.

                         GIDEON
          Well we might have a shot at it if
          you could just forgive yourself for
          what you did.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         113

                         LARGE
          What I did? What I did?! You know
          what, Dad? I'm gonna forgive myself
          for what I did right now: I was a
          little boy and somebody made a
          shitty latch. That's what I think
          now. And I'm not gonna... I mean
          I'm not gonna take all those drugs
          anymore. Because they've left me
          completely numb. I have felt so
          fucking numb to everything I have
          experienced in my life. And for
          that; I'm here to forgive you.
          Gideon site up against the headboard.

                         LARGE (CONT'D)
          You've always said you wanted us to
          have whatever it is we wanted.
          Well maybe what Mom wanted more
          than anything, was for it to all be
          over. And for me, what I really
          want more than anything, is for it
          to be okay with you for me to feel
          something again; even if it's pain.

                         GIDEON
          Going against your doctor's
          recommendation; that's a pretty
          weighty experiment to take on don't
          you think?

                         LARGE
          (with a chuckle)
          This is my life, Dad. This is it.
          I've spent twenty-six years waiting
          for something else to start. So no,
          I don't think it's too much to take
          on. Because it's everything there
          is.

                         (BEAT)
          I see now it's all there is.

                         GIDEON
          Perhaps the great tragedy of my
          life, will be that you both
          deserved more than I knew how to
          give?

                         LARGE
          We deserved nothing more than you.
          And you deserved nothing more than
          us.
          Large puts his hand on the center of his father's bare chest.

                         LARGE (CONT'D)
          You and I are gonna be okay. You
          know that, right?

                         (BEAT)

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         114
          We may not be as happy as you
          always hoped we'd be. But for the
          first time let's allow ourselves to
          be whatever it is that we are...
          and that'll be better. OK? I think
          that'll be better.

          DISSOLVE TO,

          INT. NEWARK AIRPORT STAIRCASE -- MORNING

          Large sits next to Sam on a staircase between two escalators.

                         SAM
          What are you doing?

                         LARGE
          I don't want to hurt you.

                         SAM
          No. Why? How can you... how could
          you... What's going on? What
          happened? We can figure out the
          long distance thing. Don't... this
          is a good thing, Large. Don't...
          you're gonna be... please don't do
          this.
          Shestarts crying.

                         LARGE
          Sam.

                         SAM

                         (THROUGH TEARS)
          You don't realize. This is good.
          This doesn't happen often in your
          life. We can figure this stuff out.
          I wanna help you. We need each
          other; I haven't even lied in two
          days.

                         LARGE
          Is that true?

                         SAM
          No.

                         LARGE
          Look at me. Sam, look at me. This
          is not over. I'm not putting a
          period at the end of this thing.
          I'm putting like... an ellipses on
          it. Because I'm worried that if i
          don't go figure myself out, if I
          don't go land on my feet and be
          okay on my own, I'm gonna fuck this
          up. And I don't want to do that .
          This matters too much to me.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         115
          He checks his watch.

          LARGE (CONT`D)
          This isn't a conversation about
          this being over. It's about me
          needing time to... Look, I just
          fired my psychiatrist, I gotta go
          out and find a new one.
          He stares off. Decision time.

                         LARGE (CONT'D)
          - I gotta go. I'm gonna call you. As
          soon as I get there I'm gonna call
          you.
          She nods; heartbroken.

                         LARGE (CONT'D)
          Look at me.
          She doesn't.
          LARGE (CONT' t )
          Look at me.
          She turns.

                         LARGE (CONT'D)
          You've changed my life, Samantha.
          And I've known you for four days.
          This is the beginning of something
          big. But right now I gotta go.
          He kisses her on her mouth. As he pulls away she arcs her
          head to touch his lips for one more second.

          FADE TO BLACK:

          ANCHOR (O.S.)
          Well Paul is off tonight, but we're
          lucky enough to have Ryan Walker
          here to tell us about our weather.

          INT. MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT

          Gideon sits on the edge of the bed cutting his toe-nails.
          He's naked except for white underwear. The SOUND OF WATER
          running in the bathroom.

          ANCHOR (O.S.)
          Ryan, how's it lookin' out there?

          FEMALE VOICE (O.S.)
          Gideon?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         R

                         116
          Gideon doesn't hear the voice as he bends over and tries to
          pick each toenail he's cut out of the thick carpet.

          RYAN (O.S.)
          Thank you, Dan. Well I have some
          good news. We are in for some
          gorgeous weather coming our way out
          of the northwest.

                         FEMALE VOICE
          Gideon?
          A SCREAM and a BANG from the FEMALE VOICE in the other room!
          GIDEON'S FACE as it whips up into frame from his task on the
          floor.

          FEMALE VOICE (CONT'A)

          GIDEON!

          SHE SCREAMS AGAIN THROUGH WATER!
          He darts up off the floor and races to the open bathroom
          doorl He is about to enter and then he's STOPPED ABRUPTLY.

                         SARAH

                         GIDEON I
          SARAH IS DROWNING. Through the door we see SPLASHES OF WATER
          as they land on the bathroom floor.
          GIDEON'S FACE. he can't move; fro2en. His mind is racing;
          ADRENALINE. We can almost see how fast:his, mind is
          processing through his EYES.
          The WEATHER REPORT continues low in the background.

                         SARAH (CONT'D)

                         (THROUGH GASPS)

          GIDE...
          And then silence.
          GIDEON'S FACE; Wide-eyed in terror.
          HIS FINGERS as they slide down off the bathroom door frame.
          He backs away slowly to the bed and site down; staring
          blankly at the bathroom door. And then he starts to SOB.
          Quickly his whole body seems to surrender into it and he
          WEEPS hard. His whole back lurches upward with each SOH.

          RYAN (O.S.)
          So there you have it folks; get out
          the picnic baskets, push up those
          storm windows, 'cause it appears
          that Spring has arrived.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         117
          Gideon looks up; lost. His face is covered with tears. He
          reaches down to the phone and dials 911.

                         GIDEON
          I need an ambulance.

          BLACK.

          INT. AIRPORT BAGGAGE CLAIM AREA-- DAY

          Sam cries in a phone booth. A KNOCK on the glass spins her
          around to see Large. He opens the door.

                         SAM
          What are you doing?

                         LARGE
          Remember that idea I had about
          growing and working stuff out on my
          own and then finding you when I'd
          figured myself out?

                         SAM
          The ellipses?

                         LARGE
          Yeah the ellipses. Its dumb. It's
          an awful idea. And I'm not gonna do
          it. Because like you said, this is
          it. This is life. And I'm in love
          with you, Samantha.
          (with a laugh)
          I think that's the only thing I've
          .ever been really sure of in my
          whole life. I'm really fucked up
          right now, but I don't want to
          waste any more of my life without
          you in it. Okay?

                         SAM
          Yeah.

                         LARGE
          Because I think I can do this. I
          know I can. I want to. We have to.
          Yeah?
          Tears stream down her face. She smiles her angelic smile.

                         SAM

                         LARGE

                         SAM

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         118

                         LARGE
          Okay.
          (beat, nodding)
          What do we do?
          He looks at her and smiles like we've never seen him smile;

          ALIVE; AWAKE; CHARGED!

          LARGE (CONT - D)
          What do we do?

          They pause for a moment, staring at each other, transfixed by
          adrenaline and spontaneity. Slowly Large leans in and they
          kiss amidst an almost desolate baggage claim area.

          MUSIC CUE: Radiohead: "Sulk"

          As one lone bag circles an empty carousel waiting to be
          found.

                         FADE OUT:



Garden State



Writers :   Zach Braff
Genres :   Comedy  Drama  Romance


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