"KATE AND LEOPOLD"
Screenplay by
James Mangold and Steven Rogers
Based on a story by
Steven Rogers
FADE IN:
INT. VICTORIAN ESTATE - 1895 - DAY
CLOSE UP: Ornate antique GRANDFATHER CLOCK strikes 2:15.
The credits begin to roll.
Calligraphy place cards are painstakingly hand-written in
preparation for a formal reception.
Servants meticulously clean an elaborate crystal chandelier.
Hands rapidly shine silver cutlery.
Fresh flowers arranged in several enormous vases.
INT. KITCHEN - DAY
Kitchen clock strikes 2:15.
Poultry plucked. Feathers everywhere.
Steaming copper pots boiling over. Platters prepared with
decorative garnish.
Extravagant tiered cake is lavishly iced. A glob of frosting
enters a pair of puckered lips. The perpetrator, a fey,
pompous, HEAD VALET, seriously considers the texture and
flavor of the icing, then gives the PASTRY CHEF a withering,
sour look.
The valet, oblivious to the chef's fury, gathers a prepared
silver breakfast tray and checks his pocket watch. 2:15.
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
Antique bedside table clock -- just past 2:15. The valet
throws open velvet drapes, sunlight FLOODS the room revealing
a figure sleeping soundly in a massive oak framed bed. The
valet puts down the tray, pulls back the quilt.
The dozing figure gives the valet a deliberate, angry KICK.
Flinching infinitesimally, the valet crosses to the closet,
selects three suits and holds them up for inspection. From
beneath the puffiest of pillows, AN EYE reluctantly opens. A
weary arm points decisively to the riding outfit.
EXT. ESTATE - DAY
The riding outfit is adorned by LEOPOLD, Duke of Albany, a
dashing, virile man in his 30's. GALLOPING with great abandon,
he expertly leads his horse up hills and over hedges. He
sends gardeners shaping the grounds fleeing from his path.
In the background, lanterns are being strung throughout the
estate. Rugs are beaten out of open windows.
INT. HALLWAY - EVENING
Large hallway clock -- 6:15. A pair of boots track a freshly
scrubbed floor as Leopold heads carelessly up the stairway.
Three steps behind, the valet snaps his fingers signaling
the staff to clean up the mess.
SERIES OF CLOSE UPS
Gaudily framed portraits of somber relations.
A bird sits listless in a gilded cage.
Hot water is poured into a bath.
Carriages begin to arrive.
Orchestra leader signals the musicians to play.
Guests fill the ballroom in formal attire.
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
Leopold stares haughtily into a full length mirror.
He wears only dotted linen drawers and a black silk top hat
of the period. He flexes slightly. The valet hastily fastens
a corset around his mid-section from behind.
Leopold eyes his reflection seductively. He becomes bored.
He turns to his right. The valet spoons sorbet from a silver
saucer into his mouth. He turns back to the mirror to watch
himself eat. The valet pats his mouth dry.
He affects a pampered STRUT, crossing the room as the valet
sprays a mixture of perfume and powder into the air. Leopold
thrusts out his arms walking through the mist, turns and
saunters back to his favorite place, in front of the mirror.
Finally, as if weighing a great decision, Leopold hands his
hat to his valet and nods firmly into the mirror.
CLOSE UP
Fine linen undervest slides over his head.
Black twilled worsted trousers pulled up to his waist.
The buttoning of his hard, white, roll collar.
A cream suede glove stitched in black slides over his hand.
A perfect tight bow tie is tied around his neck.
An elegant black tuxedo jacket with silk facings and tails
to the knees is fitted to his torso.
His hair is sleeked with oil and centrally parted.
His eyebrows are brushed with a tiny silver comb.
His cheeks are pinched.
A red silk handkerchief is placed in the bosom of his lapel.
Leopold stares into the mirror. The effect is DAZZLING. He
raises one eyebrow. Then, in a voice you could pour over a
waffle:
LEOPOLD
You dance like a herd of cattle,
Miss Fairchild. You are a rare woman
who lights up the room... simply by
leaving it.
He bows. As he rises, the reflection of Leopold's UNCLE OTTO,
a pampered, effectual man in his 60's, appears behind Leopold
in the looking glass.
UNCLE OTTO
Tell me Leopold, do you plan to join
us downstairs after completing this
one-sided flash of wit?
LEOPOLD
I despise affairs of this sort, Uncle
Otto. No one really listens to anyone
else. If you attempt it, you will
see why.
UNCLE OTTO
You judge everything too severely. I
wonder what would happen if you were
to cast that critical eye inward?
LEOPOLD
You do not wonder at all. You merely
ask in order to state your own
opinion.
UNCLE OTTO
We are all concerned about you.
LEOPOLD
Ahh, here it comes.
UNCLE OTTO
Your life does not seem to have any
direction. At the age of 25 a man is
too young to do anything well. At 35
he is too old. Now is your time to
take action. Tell me, what is it you
want to DO with your life?
LEOPOLD
(wearily)
I do not know.
UNCLE OTTO
(just as weary)
Your ignorance cramps my conversation.
(he slaps Leopold's
face twice rather
quickly)
Wake up! This is your one and only
life. Every man has the chance to
make a difference. DO something!
Leopold, stung, takes a moment to compose himself.
LEOPOLD
I am most grateful for your
surveillance and for your sympathy.
I assure you there is no need for
concern. I am as effectual and
attentive... as my position allows.
UNCLE OTTO
Life is not position, Leopold. It is
action.
(he straightens
Leopold's tie)
I will see you downstairs promptly.
In the appropriate frame of mind.
He leaves. Leopold stares into the mirror, snaps his fingers.
The valet hands him a glass and pours a small shot of brandy.
Leopold shoots him a look. The valet fills the glass higher.
Leopold drains the glass and heads to the doorway. He
hesitates, taking a deep breath and a long pause. Finally...
THE VALET
(grandly)
Go spread joy.
Without looking back, Leopold leaves the room.
INT. BALLROOM - NIGHT
Music fills the air as the creme de la creme of Victorian
society gather inside. Leopold holds a prearranged dance
card. He looks at the names and finds his first partner is
MISS TREE. Leopold looks upward helplessly at an unrelenting
God.
INT. BALLROOM DANCE FLOOR - NIGHT
A profoundly self-conscious Leopold dances energetically
into frame with MISS TREE, an ancient, elfin, yet amazingly
SPRY woman who gapes up at him searchingly, unblinking.
Leopold opens his mouth to speak, can think of nothing
suitable to say, and clamps his mouth shut. They dance out
of frame.
INT. BALLROOM DANCE FLOOR - NIGHT
Leopold dances into frame with CLARA, a BEAUTIFUL girl of
19. He glances at her and smiles. She titters, turning away
shyly. They whirl around the dance floor. His smile grows
into a broad grin. Caught up in the excitement, Clara beams
up at him... happily revealing a mouth full of missing, inky
teeth.
Leopold, face frozen in a formal smile, dances on.
INT. BALLROOM DANCE FLOOR - NIGHT
Leopold lumbers into frame with MISS FAIRCHILD, a woman of
immense girth. With great dignity and extreme difficulty he
maneuvers her around the floor, looking everywhere except
her enormous bosom.
LEOPOLD
You dance like an angel, Miss
Fairchild. You light up the room. I
thank you.
Miss Fairchild curtseys heavily. Leopold glances at his card,
sees the name Miss Serena Clacket and shudders.
He spots a VERY LOVELY WOMAN hidden amongst the guests. She
scribbles in a small note pad, occasionally glancing around.
Hiding his dance card, he saunters over.
LEOPOLD
Good evening. I do not believe I
have had the pleasure.
The young woman stares vacantly at Leopold until she realizes
he is addressing her. She puts her pad away.
CARLSON
...Julia Carlson.
Leopold takes her hand and kisses it gently.
CARLSON
I'm sorry. Will you excuse me?
LEOPOLD
(slightly tipsy)
You are not from the area, are you?
CARLSON
(smiles and shakes
her head "No")
Are you?
LEOPOLD
This is my estate.
CARLSON
Really?
(looking around the
room)
Well it's not home but it's much...
Leopold regards her curiously. The orchestra starts up. There
is a hubbub amongst the guests.
LEOPOLD
Shocking! The TA-RA-RA-BOOM-DE-AY.
CARLSON
The? Oh, that's from Paris, isn't
it?
LEOPOLD
It is a scandal nonetheless.
Leopold spots Uncle Otto observing him from across the room.
LEOPOLD
Miss Carlson, do me the honor?
CARLSON
I'm afraid I'm not much of a dancer.
LEOPOLD
(smiling seductively)
Truly I would be in your debt. Any
admonition would be erased simply by
presenting a partner as lovely as
yourself.
CARLSON
No, no. Really, I...
Leopold stiffly holds out his arm. A beat. Carlson, stuck,
takes it WITH HESITATION and is escorted to the dance floor.
They dance. ALL but Leopold and Carlson gaily sing "TA-RA-RA-
BOOM-DE-AY." Leopold, flushed, looks quite smitten. Carlson,
shy at first, eventually smiles brightly.
LEOPOLD
I suppose we really ought to sing
along.
CARLSON
(embarrassed)
Oh, golly.
They half sing, half speak the TA-RA-RA-BOOM-DE-AY, their
emphasis on "BOOM." Laughing giddily, their dancing becomes
freer, picking up speed. The room SPINS. Finally:
CARLSON
(breathless)
Thank you for the dance. It was
lovely. I hope it wasn't too awful
for you.
LEOPOLD
Not at all. It was most enlightening.
There is a slight pause. The Grandfather CLOCK strikes
midnight.
CARLSON
I really must be going.
LEOPOLD
I won't hear of it.
CARLSON
(moving away from him)
No, I'm quite late as it is.
LEOPOLD
I shall see you to the door...
CARLSON
(stopping him
resolutely)
You're very sweet. I had a wonderful
time.
(she watches him,
memorizing his face.
Then firmly)
Goodbye.
Leopold takes a glass of champagne from a passing waiter. He
watches Carlson pass through the crowd and out the courtyard
door. He surveys the room. After a moment he follows her.
EXT. GARDEN - NIGHT
Leopold makes his way through the manicured garden in the
dark. He hears an EERIE METALLIC SOUND. He slows down, brushes
back the thicket. The silhouette of a woman is revealed. She
is once again writing in her notebook.
LEOPOLD
Miss Carlson?
Carlson spins around quickly, panicked. Leopold STOPS.
Partially hidden in the brush, a sleek, oddly shaped,
MECHANICAL device. It's door open, lit from within, casting
a weird glow.
LEOPOLD
Good God...
CARLSON
What are you...? You frightened me.
Leopold moves toward the contraption and is about to touch
it...
LEOPOLD
What sort of mechanism is this?
Carlson shakes her head, unsure of how to proceed.
LEOPOLD
Answer me!
CARLSON
It's perfectly all right. It's...
Leopold carefully examines the apparatus, stepping inside.
Carlson FREEZES.
CARLSON
(carefully,
deliberately)
Listen to me. Please. Move very
slowly. Step out of the machine.
Step out and I'll explain whatever
you want to know.
LEOPOLD
What is this? Who are you?
His hand comes to rest on a glowing red lever.
CARLSON
Oh, God.
She YANKS on his arm. Instinctively he pulls away,
accidentally thrusting the lever into action. Carlson falls
from the machine.
CARLSON
(suddenly frantic)
Get out of there! Get out now!
The machine LIGHTS UP.
LEOPOLD
Miss Carlson... I...
CARLSON
No!!!
The compartment door snaps shut.
CARLSON
Shit!!
There is a BRIGHT WHITE FLASH. Blackness fills the screen.
CUT TO:
INT. N.Y.C. LABORATORY - 1995 DAY
The compartment door slides OPEN revealing DR. KAU, 30's, an
Asian doctor with a THICK BROOKLYN ACCENT. Her face full of
enthusiasm drops as she sees the unconscious Leopold.
DR. KAU
Shit!!
She turns to her co-workers, warning them.
DR. KAU
Shit!!
She looks back at Leopold.
DR. KAU
Shit!!
Her co-workers, DR. PLODDER, austere, authoritative, DR.
DRAKE, muddled and timid, peer inside the compartment door.
DR. DRAKE
Good God!
DR. PLODDER
Everybody stay calm... Lock the front
door.
Dr. Drake and Kau make a move to inspect an unconscious
Leopold.
DR. PLODDER
No, no, no. You mustn't touch him.
The consequences could be
catastrophic.
DR. KAU
He could be hurt, or even dead.
DR. PLODDER
...All right. Touch him.
They approach Leopold. Dr. Kau finds Carlson's note pad on
the ground next to Leopold. She reads the last entry.
DR. KAU
...But I'm stuck and it's only a
dance and he IS the seventh Duke of
Albany...
They all look at one another, then back at Leopold.
DR. DRAKE
Carlson...!
DR. PLODDER
(racing from the room)
Give me a minute...
DR. KAU
Shit!
INT. LAB - KATE'S OFFICE - DAY
KATHERINE COLES, a radiant workaholic, types frenetically
into the computer while talking on the phone, trying hard
not to sound upset.
KATE
Who's upset? People fall in love,
they have to climb back out.
(she laughs but she
is not smiling)
So, what? We'll just be friends now,
Right?
She stops typing and listens for a while. She runs her hand
through her hair.
KATE
I see. Well I appreciate your honesty.
(using her middle
finger she pushes up
her glasses)
No. I'll just think of this as
surviving another dating accident.
Take care or good luck or whatever
I'm supposed to...
The line goes dead.
KATE
...say... Goodbye.
Dr. Plodder bursts in. Kate sees his distress and instantly
becomes very centered.
DR. PLODDER
She's back.
KATE
(rising)
That's impossible! She wasn't supposed
to return until...
DR. PLODDER
Kate. It's Carlson. Something went
wrong.
He hands her Carlson's note pad. Slowly, she sits down.
KATE
...The 7th Duke...
INT. LAB - DAY
KATE
(all business, reading
from a printout)
...of Albany. He was the... IS the
son of Emery and Eliza. He was of no
actual importance until he vanished
at the turn of the century without a
trace. It was a sensation. In the
30's they even made a movie about
him. "The Tenuous Duke" with Ronald
Coleman.
DR. DRAKE
(absently)
I love Ronald Coleman.
KATE
Despite much speculation and a nation
wide investigation, a body was never
found. He was never heard from again.
DR. KAU
Until now.
There is a stunned silence. They stare at Leopold in awe.
DR. DRAKE
We've altered the course of history.
DR. KAU
We never should have started this...
KATE
Calm down.
DR. PLODDER
What are we going to do? We can't
keep him here. Imagine if anyone
found out!
KATE
Think. Just, think. Rationally. Now,
no one would believe such a stupid
mistake could be made because no one
would believe any of this is possible.
So. We fix this. We keep this to
ourselves and we fix it. Fast.
They all nod in agreement.
KATE
Dr. Kau, research all our data. 1st
priority: Locate Carlson. Drake,
determine the reciprocal correlation's
connected to the 19th century. Work
24 hours a day if necessary. In the
meantime... one of us will have to
take charge of him.
She forces back panic. Only the tremor in her voice gives
her away.
KATE
This is a major scientific
opportunity. It doesn't get any better
than this. Imagine. Researching the
behavior, the physical and emotional
characteristics of a century ago!
Utilizing technology available to us
today... He's a gold mine!
DR. PLODDER
He's a man, Kate. Not a guinea pig.
KATE
And while he's here, he's ours. Any
volunteers?
No one moves.
DR. DRAKE
We'll draw names. Whoever is is picked
will be responsible. Agreed?
They nod reluctantly. Drake writes out names and throws them
in a cup. The silence becomes deafening. Finally:
DR. KAU
I'll do it.
All the scientists face her.
DR. PLODDER
You'll look after him?
DR. KAU
No, I meant I'll pick the name.
She reaches in. They wait with mounting suspense. Finally
SHE TURNS TO KATE. The scientists follow her gaze. A beat.
KATE
Fine.
Leopold stirs. He blinks at the group.
LEOPOLD
Where...? What has happened?!
The doctors, caught off guard, SMILE BENIGNLY. They surround
Leopold as a group, not knowing where to begin. Finally:
KATE
Your Grace... Um... Hello... Weee
aaare a smaaall part of a laaarge
research team. A project funded by
the government of the United States.
LEOPOLD
(regarding their
appearance with
distaste)
Oh. Americans. I see...
KATE
Yes, um... For the past six and a
half years we've been conducting
scientific experiments on density
and flexibility in the dimensions of
time and space.
DR. DRAKE
Yes, uh... Quite by accident we came
upon a formula utilizing Tachyons...
particles traveling faster than the
speed of light, which allowed us
to... fold time so to speak.
DR. PLODDER
Yes. Bend it between the cracks of
the dimensions.
DR. KAU
Yes.
They all laugh nervously. Leopold does not.
DR. DRAKE
Now, while that wasn't the original
purpose of our experiment, we opted
to pursue it, well, privately, on
our own.
DR. KAU
Borrowing funds already provided.
KATE
We journeyed to your time because it
was the quickest path to follow. We
debated long and hard whether we
should use this knowledge at all.
Believe me, it was never our intent
to disturb the past...
DR. DRAKE
Merely to discover if the expedition
were possible. As your presence here
confirms... we are very disturbed.
Leopold nods at them as if they are insane.
DR. PLODDER
The problem facing us is not only
HOW to get you back, but WHEN, you
see?
KATE
We certainly don't want to
miscalculate. Send you to a different
era entirely.
Leopold starts to speak.
DR. PLODDER
Rest assured, no harm will come to
you. You'll be well looked after by
Dr. Coles.
LEOPOLD
Dr. Coles...? I do not follow. What
do you mean, get me back home?...
Where am I?
Awkward pause. Leopold looks carefully around the room for
the first time: modern mechanical equipment, data shifting
and changing, giant cooling devices, bright neon lighting.
The doctors are silent.
LEOPOLD
Answer me!...
(slowly)
Would you have me believe... I am
being detained, at present in the
HEREAFTER?... The time to come?
DR. PLODDER
(carefully)
It is the year nineteen hundred and
ninety-five.
LEOPOLD
...19...?
Leopold leaps up. The doctors follow him around the room.
LEOPOLD
You're insane! All of you! This is
impossible!
DR. PLODDER
Leopold, calm down!
LEOPOLD
A voyage through time! What do you
take me for? Did you bring me here
by force?
DR. DRAKE
We're scientist, not seditionists.
LEOPOLD
(truly panicked)
Let me out of here! I won't stand
for this another moment!
He's out the door.
INT. UNDERGROUND HALLWAY - DAY
Leopold moves quickly, fearfully through the darkly lit
hallway, the doctors close behind.
KATE
Leopold, wait!
DR. KAU
You don't know what you're doing.
DR. PLODDER
Just listen to what we have to say!
It is too late. Leopold throws open the door and runs
upstairs.
EXT. STREET - DAY
Blinding sunlight. Skyscrapers. Automobiles. Traffic lights.
Road construction. Modern day pedestrians. Helicopters. Car
alarms. Leopold stands frozen, overwhelmed, taking it all
in.
LEOPOLD
19...?
The doctors reach him. He collapses to the ground.
CUT TO:
INT. CAR - DAY
Kate and Dr. Kau talk quietly. Leopold, tightly holding onto
his seat and the back door, gazes out the window in utter
disbelief.
KATE
Squab.
DR. KAU
Squab?
KATE
I remember reading they ate a lot of
squab.
DR. KAU
Squab... Do you have a squab?
KATE
(quietly. On the verge
of panic)
I don't know!
DR. KAU
Pull yourself together!
(turning to Leopold)
Are you all right back there?
Leopold, trembling, gapes at the sights, every day sounds,
magnified. Perspiration runs down the side of his face. Kate
watches him in her rear view mirror.
KATE
You're going to be fine you know.
There's nothing to worry about. I
have everything under control.
Dr. Kau stares at Kate in concerned silence.
KATE
(quietly to Dr. Kau)
We'll never get away with this.
INT. BEDROOM - THE NEXT MORNING
Leopold awakens alone in his room. He sits up with a jolt.
His stomach sinks as he realizes THIS IS NO DREAM. He slowly
rises to his full stature, moving to the window he looks out
on the modern day city, shaking his head in awe. He makes
his way to the bedroom door and tentatively touches the knob.
There is a KNOCK on the door.
Leopold JUMPS back and runs to the bed: The picture of
dignity.
KATE
How are you feeling?
(no response)
I thought you might like some tea.
LEOPOLD
I insist on being returned home
immediately.
KATE
I understand. We're doing our best.
LEOPOLD
I wish to speak with your employer,
Dr. Coles.
KATE
You're speaking to him.
LEOPOLD
You are not suggesting that you are
Dr. Coles?
She smiles.
LEOPOLD
Miss... uh?
KATE
Dr. Coles. If you like, you could
call me Miss Dr. Coles or if that's
too much, how about just plain Kate?
LEOPOLD
(coldly)
A WOMAN of science?
KATE
Hard to believe?
LEOPOLD
But a woman's brain cannot obtain
enough knowledge to posses a truly
scientific mind.
KATE
(jotting this down)
Interesting. Nevertheless, we've
come a long way baby.
LEOPOLD
(confused)
Are you attempting to be humorous?
KATE
I'm attempting to be informative
it's just coming out humorous.
Leopold regards her dubiously.
KATE
(clinically)
Look, modern social science clearly
states that a woman's place in society
marks the level of that civilization.
A science career for a woman is now
almost as acceptable as being a...
a... waitress. Cream and sugar?
LEOPOLD
Young lady, I... Surely it is not
expected that I remain here with you
indefinitely... Unchaperoned?
KATE
(pen poised)
Does that make you nervous?
LEOPOLD
Certainly not!
KATE
(writing)
Then what are you getting so red
about? It's a very large apartment...
with locks on all the doors.
LEOPOLD
The idea! My dear Miss Coles...
KATE
Dr. Coles.
LEOPOLD
Honey...
KATE
(she puts the pad
down)
Let's get one thing straight right
now. My name is Kate or Katherine or
if you insist Dr. Coles.
(she rises)
Take a good long look, Leopold. I am
a 20th century American woman with a
Doctorate and a commission and
independence. I am not your "young
lady" or your "pretty Miss" or your
"honey." Is that clear?
Leopold watches her with great interest. Finally:
LEOPOLD
Honey... For the tea.
KATE
...I'll get it for you.
Kate grabs the teacup grandly and leaves the room.
INT. KITCHEN - MORNING
Kate rummages through every drawer, shelf and cupboard
searching for the honey. Finally, she spots the honeybear
and squeezes honey A TAD TO VIOLENTLY into the tea. She tries
posing "confidently" then checks her reflection in the
toaster.
INT. BEDROOM - MORNING
Kate returns "confidently" with the tea and a plastic smile.
LEOPOLD
Thank you... Has it been decided
what it is I am to do while I am
being held here?
KATE
Oh, just some laundry, the cooking,
a little light housework...
Leopold doesn't react.
KATE
(clearing her throat)
I took the liberty of preparing a
simple schedule to efficiently utilize
your time while incorporating you
into my routine.
(she hands him a
schedule)
As you can see, my day begins with
meditation and yoga from 6:30 to
7:00.
She moves in close to him, making Leopold uncomfortable.
KATE
YOU will arise at 6:45, shower and
change and at 7:15, we breakfast
together. 7:45 we begin the days
work. At 10:45 Dr. Kau arrives to
observe you in your natural routine
as I research the data that will
enable you to return home. At 1:15
we lunch together. 2:15 you answer a
daily questionnaire, I type up my
notes. At precisely 6:15 you will
enjoy 15 minutes of FREE TIME, then,
at 6:30, I listen to Tom Brokaw while
making dinner as YOU write down any
questions that come up during your
day. At 7:00, we dine together. If
you need me at any time you may ring
this bell.
She rings a tiny dinner bell. He is about to speak.
KATE
Now, Mondays and Wednesdays I have
computer science class, Tuesdays I
have therapy. IF I have a date, I'm
usually home by 9:15. During these
periods you may read any of the books
I've picked out for you in your room.
I organize my next days work at 10:30,
11:35, David Letterman, 12:40 I'm in
bed.
(she takes a breath,
smiles at him)
Next day we begin again. Simple?
LEOPOLD
(after a beat, with
great dignity)
...At what time shall I WEE and POOH?
Kate is forced into a stunned silence.
CHARLIE'S VOICE
Kate? I'm home.
KATE
Oh. Yes. Our chaperone is here.
LEOPOLD
Your father?
KATE
Sort of. My brother.
LEOPOLD
Visiting?
KATE
For the past two years. Charlie can
never know about this project. We'll
tell him you are a... overly
distinguished colleague staying here
as our guest. From Canada. Which
would explain your lack of familiarity
with our customs and so forth
LEOPOLD
(aghast)
A CANADIAN?
KATE
Make yourself comfortable. I'll check
in on you later. I think this is
going very well, don't you?
Leopold looks at her blankly.
KATE
Okay. If you need anything, just
ring.
Kate tinkles the bell, fumbles for the knob and heads out.
P.O.V. still on Leopold.
KATE (V.O.)
(shouting)
Charlie!
Leopold reacts.
CHARLIE (V.O.)
(screaming just as
loud)
What?
KATE
(still shouting)
Come here I wanna talk to you.
Leopold listens at the door. He slowly opens it, takes two
steps out, peers around the corner, then quickly steps back
in. He takes a DEEP FRIGHTENED BREATH and slowly deflates.
INT. CHARLIE'S STUDIO - MORNING
Charlie sits on the couch smoking a cigarette surrounded by
his paintings. He is a likable twentysomething with a big
mouth.
CHARLIE
What did I do?
KATE
(removing his coffee
from the table,
setting it on a
coaster)
RINGS! And what did I say about you
smoking in the house?
CHARLIE
You were against it.
KATE
Correct. You're back early.
(She takes away his
cigarette)
CHARLIE
Hey!... Are you all right? You look
funny.
KATE
Funny ha ha or funny odd?
CHARLIE
Both.
KATE
That all depends. How was your trip?
CHARLIE
Why?
KATE
If it was good I'll tell you the
truth. If it was rotten I'll have to
butter you up first.
CHARLIE
Butter me up.
KATE
Have you been working out? No, I'm
really starting to see results. Are
you comfortable there on the couch?
CHARLIE
Very.
KATE
Good. Cause you'll be sleeping there
the next few nights.
CHARLIE
Kate!
KATE
You have to be out of here by 8 and
you can't be back before 6. We have
an important man working with us
with very unusual needs. The company
is insisting he stay here.
CHARLIE
What about a hotel?
KATE
This man requires around the clock
attention.
CHARLIE
I meant for me.
KATE
Thank you, Charlie.
(she kisses his
forehead)
I owe you one.
CHARLIE
You owe me nine. What am I supposed
to do all day?
KATE
(as if having an
epiphany)
You could get a job!
CHARLIE
Kate, the entire point of being an
artist is that I don't have to work.
Who is this guy?
KATE
Well, I can't tell you much because...
KATE AND CHARLIE
I'm not allowed to discuss what goes
on at the office.
KATE
Well I'm not. Anyway, it might be
interesting to have someone else to
talk to. It gets so quiet around
here sometimes I feel like I've gone
deaf.
CHARLIE
Does he have a label?
KATE
Leopold.
CHARLIE
LEOPOLD? Is he anything like his
name?
KATE
He's exactly like his name.
CHARLIE
Then you owe me ten.
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
Leopold PEEKS around the entrance to the living room.
Confident it's unoccupied, he majestically walks inside: Up
to date gadgetry, Charlie's modern art work, bright
fashionable furniture. Leopold recoils. His eyes come to
rest on the television set. The ON OFF buttons loom large.
He looks around the room then brazenly presses the button
ON.
Instantly, REGIS and KATHY LEE loudly berate each other before
an excited crowd.
Leopold jumps back several feet, hands flailing in front of
him as if shooing away a bee. He quickly, yet cautiously,
slams the power OFF.
LEOPOLD
Horrible!
He quickly scurries out the hallway.
He stops abruptly. He remains very still. Composing himself,
he turns and deliberately faces the room. After a moment, he
purposefully steps back inside.
He makes a large ARC around the television set, is confronted
by one of Charlie's sculptures and makes an ARC around that.
He finds himself in front of a light switch and gingerly
examines it. As he does, track lighting ILLUMINATES the room.
He looks at the lights then back at the switch. He flicks
the lights ON and OFF, trying to figure out the precise moment
in the transfer of power, laughing in spite of himself.
Kate and Charlie enter. They watch Leopold flicking the
lights, laughing like a madman. Charlie gives Kate a look.
KATE
(explaining)
He's from Canada...
INT. DINING ROOM - NIGHT
Leopold sits at the head of the table, Kate and Charlie
banished to either side. Leopold chews his dinner incessantly.
LEOPOLD
(finally)
What is this?
KATE
It's called Hamburger Helper.
LEOPOLD
It is beyond help. Please serve the
next course.
He pushes his plate away.
KATE
I'm afraid there is no next course.
If you make a list of the foods you
like, I'll pick them up at the store
for you.
LEOPOLD
Is all food here this... textured?
CHARLIE
Mine's good.
LEOPOLD
Please understand, I am used to a
different sort of preparation. Where
I come from a proper meal is the
result of reflection and study. A
recipe is merely a theme which an
intelligent cook can plan each time
with variation.
Charlie gives Kate a look.
LEOPOLD
Several courses are served. Menus
are often prepared days in advance,
timed to perfection. It is said,
without the culinary art, the
crudeness of reality would make life
unbearable.
CHARLIE
In Canada?
LEOPOLD
(after a beat. Firmly)
In Canada.
CHARLIE
We have a saying here. "Shake and
shake the catsup bottle, none will
come and then a lot'll."
He pours catsup on his dinner.
LEOPOLD
How interesting.
CHARLIE
Since you're such an expert on fine
cuisine, why don't you make dinner
tomorrow night?
LEOPOLD
It should be obvious to you that I
am NOT a domestic. You may take my
plate.
CHARLIE
I have my own, thank you.
KATE
Charlie...
CHARLIE
Who died and made me Cinderella?
LEOPOLD
Young man, there is a distinct
impertinence to your voice.
CHARLIE
It's part of my charm.
LEOPOLD
Suppress it.
KATE
(changing the subject)
Leopold... Since you're our guest
here, there are several cultural
events you might enjoy seeing. Charlie
has season tickets to the ball game.
Perhaps you'd like to take that in?
LEOPOLD
What is it?
CHARLIE
What is it??
KATE
Or the Opera or the Ballet?
CHARLIE
What is it??
KATE
Charlie, there's no rule that says
everyone has to be interested in
baseball.
CHARLIE
No, but I believe there is a rule
that says everyone has to have HEARD
of it.
LEOPOLD
Dr. Coles, your brother Charles
attitude and demeanor are
unacceptable. If I am to stay on
here you must have a serious talk
with him regarding respect and
civility.
KATE
CHARLES, could you help me with the
dessert in the kitchen?
CHARLIE
In the kitchen?
KATE
IN the kitchen. Excuse us.
Kate and Charlie leave. The camera remains on Leopold, sitting
alone, calmly sipping his wine. VOICE OVER FROM THE KITCHEN:
CHARLIE
I don't believe this guy!
KATE
Try to be nice to him.
CHARLIE
I'm always NICE!
KATE
Please Charlie, as a favor to me.
CHARLIE
He gives me the creeps.
Leopold reacts. He listens self-consciously.
KATE
He's different that's all.
CHARLIE
What was that crack about domestics?
KATE
Charlie, this is important to me.
CHARLIE
You're not going out with him, are
you?
KATE
Eeuuu! I may be desperate but I'm
not a lost cause.
CHARLIE
Kate, this is me. I've seen the guys
you bring home.
KATE
I've done countless favors for you!
Now I'm asking for just one little
thing...
CHARLIE
(overlapping)
Oh, all right! All right! All right!
They emerge from the kitchen, beaming.
KATE
(after a beat)
We forgot the dessert.
CHARLIE
You know,... I don't know if I
mentioned it... but that is one fine
looking suit.
INT. KATE'S BEDROOM - 6:30 A. M.
Radio alarm clock -- 7:45 a.m. Louis Armstrong begins to
sing, "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off." Dressed in yoga
clothes Kate sits on her bed in the lotus position. She bangs
the gong and closes her eyes. A bell rings. Kate flinches
but does not open her eyes.
KATE
(too sweetly)
What is it, Leopold?
The bell rings louder, interrupting Kate's routine.
KATE
(eyes closed, screaming
like a fishwife)
WHAT IS IT, LEOPOLD?!
Leopold's bell rings with determination. Kate is off the bed
and out of the room.
INT. KITCHEN - MORNING
Kate enters and stops short. Leopold sits at the table ringing
a BELL. The dishwasher is open and SPRAYING WILDLY, the
blender has spread breakfast shake EVERYWHERE, water is
BOILING OVER on the stove, refrigerator, freezer, and every
cupboard door is OPEN. Garbage disposal runs FULL BLAST.
LEOPOLD
(calmly amidst the
chaos)
I cannot seem to find the tea...
CLOSE UP: Leopold's hand rings a bell with irritation.
INT. CHARLIE'S BEDROOM - EVENING
Leopold, Kate, and Charlie stand in front of Charlie's open
closet. Leopold selects clothes from Charlie's wardrobe.
LEOPOLD
No... No... No. Good God, no!...
Perhaps...
He tosses them aside carelessly as Charlie seethes.
CLOSE UP: Leopold rings his bell.
INT. HALLWAY - EARLY MORNING
Kate and Charlie form a line to the bathroom. Kate checks
her schedule and bangs on the door.
KATE
Leopold, your time is up! What's he
got, a girl in there?
INT. BATHROOM - EARLY MORNING
Leopold Luxuriates in the bathtub wearing a "Whitecap"
marveling at the whirlpool and the instant hot water. He
picks up a can of shaving cream and inspects it in wonder.
It SPRAYS.
CLOSE UP: Leopold rings his bell. Nothing happens. He
discovers the clapper has been stolen.
INT. KATE'S STUDY - AFTERNOON
Kate types, talks and researches simultaneously. She looks
up and stops suddenly.
Leopold appears wearing MANY oddly assorted layers of
Charlie's clothes, a bandanna bow tie, Irish woolen cap,
bicycle gloves, aluminum baseball bat walking stick. He poses
foppishly.
LEOPOLD
I should like to read about modern
currency during my bath tonight. See
that the tub and basin are scrubbed
up. Remnants remain of this afternoons
shave.
Kate nods at him stupefied. Due to the many layers of
clothing, he imperiously leaves the room walking as if wearing
skis.
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
Leopold rings a BIG NEW COWBELL. No one responds.
INT. CHARLIE'S WORKROOM - NIGHT (CONTINUOUS)
He discovers Kate at her computer, Charlie reading a book.
Each are wearing a walkman.
He stands in front of them and rings his cowbell furiously
until they look up.
INT. STUDY - DAY
Leopold studies his questionnaire, Kate researches Victorian
customs. They simultaneously look up and gaze at the other.
A beat.
Embarrassed, Kate dons her glasses and Leopold shuffles
papers. They look up again. Then down. Then get back to work.
INT. KATE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Kate sits on her bed with her laptop watching David Letterman.
She glances up, laughs out loud. She looks at the dark empty
room. No one is there to share it with. Closing her computer,
she holds her pillow close to her. She slowly moves to the
window and looks out.
INT. LEOPOLD'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
A text book with Leopold's picture inside. Leopold reads the
brief summary of his life with heartbreaking astonishment.
He moves to the window and looks out.
EXT. N.Y.C. APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT
Kate and Leopold gaze out of their windows. The camera slowly
pulls back until they are swallowed up by the city.
INT. KATE'S STUDY - AFTERNOON
Kate scans her notes as Leopold paces dully about the room.
KATE
In our last session you intimated
there was a symmetrical system
regulating the social order of
conformity spanning your era. I found
this particularly intriguing If I
can just find it in my notes...
A fire engine races by. Leopold dashes to the window then
turns back, excited.
LEOPOLD
The fire brigade!
Kate stares at him blankly. She munches RICE CAKES and drinks
water FROM THE BOTTLE. A beat. She returns to her notes.
LEOPOLD
This is insufferable! I refuse to be
spied upon, skipped over, or shuffled
about any longer. I have yet to
venture outside this cell. Before I
go mad a more suitable arrangement
must be found.
KATE
Found it.
LEOPOLD
(startled)
A resolution?
KATE
No I meant I found my notes.
LEOPOLD
Dr. Coles! Changes are in order.
KATE
I can hear you.
LEOPOLD
(under control now)
Miss Coles, as we are to remain here
together, there are certain conditions
I insist are met and maintained. I
no longer wish to be peeped at,
mocked...
KATE
I never...
LEOPOLD
(calmly)
Or interrupted. Jot this down.
Breakfast at 12. Luncheon at 4. Diner
at 8. A horse should be made available
from 1 to 3.
KATE
A horse? In New York City?
LEOPOLD
Yes. Also, I feel very strongly about
your style of dress. I do not care
for it.
(Kate looks up)
I cannot believe it is the prevailing
taste for women to appear masculine
and unkempt. If this is the fashion,
have it altered.
Kate rises.
LEOPOLD
That is all for the present.
He grandly hands her a napkin.
LEOPOLD
CRUMBS, my dear!
KATE
(infuriated)
Thank you!
Brushing herself off, she heads to the door.
LEOPOLD
Dr. Coles. I have been acquainted
with many women in my time, yet I am
compelled to say that the modern
woman is by far the least attractive
I have ever encountered.
KATE
(rising to the occasion)
And I have a news flash of my own.
Leopold waits.
KATE
You sir, are no Ronald Coleman!
She storms out.
INT. LAB - EARLY MORNING
Dr. Drake enters Dr. Kau's office with two pints of Haagen
Dazs.
DR. DRAKE
Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookie Dough
Swirl or Peach?
DR. KAU
Peach.
They dig in.
DR. DRAKE
Any luck?
DR. KAU
Yea. Lots of luck. All bad. No
information exists detailing what
happened to Carlson. I've been working
for weeks and I'm not any closer
than when I began... How are you
doing?
DR. DRAKE
My cholesterol level is up 70 points.
Kate enters, exhausted, deposits an armful of papers on Dr.
Drake's desk. Kate has pencils tucked behind her ear, through
her hair, and in her mouth.
DR. DRAKE
Thank you, Kate... How're you managing
with Leopold?
KATE
Fine. Fine... Why? What did you hear?
DR. DRAKE
Nothing. I was just asking.
KATE
Oh. Well, it's fine. He's a delight.
Everything's under control.
DR. KAU
Keep up the good work.
(after she's gone)
She seemed a little scattered. Do
you think everything's all right?
DR. DRAKE
Katherine Coles is the most capable
person we have on this project. If
anyone can handle the delicacy of
this situation, Kate can.
DR. KAU
So there's nothing to worry about?
DR. DRAKE
Absolutely not.
INT. CHARLIE'S STUDIO - EARLY EVENING
KATE
GONE? GONE WHERE?!
(Charlie shrugs)
Charlie we've got to find him!
CHARLIE
(working on a VERY
STERN portrait of
Kate at her computer)
Are you crazy? This is the first
time all week my eyes aren't darting
to the top of my sockets every five
minutes.
KATE
When did he leave?
CHARLIE
I don't know. An hour ago? He said
he wanted to take a walk.
KATE
And you let him?? He's not allowed
to go outside!
CHARLIE
Is he being punished?
KATE
We've got to find him! You stay here
in case he finds his way back. And
while you wait you'd better pray
he's all right. If anything happens
to him, anything at all, EVERYTHING
we've worked for will have been
destroyed.
She heads out the door. Charlie follows.
INT. LIVING ROOM - EARLY EVENING
CHARLIE
Kate, calm down.
KATE
And YOU'LL be responsible. Understand?
(she grabs her coat
and purse)
CHARLIE
What's the big deal? Who is this
guy?
Kate takes a LONG pause.
KATE
Leopold... is not really from Canada.
EXT. KATE'S APARTMENT BUILDING - LATE AFTERNOON
Peaceful. The sun sets. Pigeons rest on window sills.
Suddenly:
CHARLIE (V.O.)
OH MY GOD!!!
The pigeons take flight.
EXT. CENTRAL PARK - EVENING
Leopold leaves Central Park profoundly lost. Looking both
ways in the wrong direction, he crosses the street. SCREECHING
brakes, HONKING horns, FURIOUS shouts with Leopold, horrified,
caught in the middle. He makes it across shaking and dazed.
A motorist pulls along side of him.
WOMAN MOTORIST
You stupid fucking son of a bitch.
Next time I'll hit ya. Fucking moron.
Leopold GAPES, appalled. A Hansom carriage slowly treads
into Central Park. Leopold watches until it disappears.
INT. KATE'S GREEN A.M.C. PACER - NIGHT
Kate drives slowly, searching for Leopold. Cars honk with
mounting anger.
CABBY
What're ya waiting for lady? An
invitation?
KATE
I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
She continues searching, trying hard to remain calm.
EXT. TIMES SQUARE - NIGHT
Huge buildings. Neon lights flashing. Garbage in bundles.
Calvin Klein Ads. In the center of it all, Leopold, jostled
BADLY by the crowd, tipping his hat to all the ladies. He
enters a deli.
INT. DELI - NIGHT
Leopold, appalled by the prices searches for money. He has
none.
LEOPOLD
(to the counter man)
$7.95 for a sandwich? Is that correct?
COUNTER MAN
You gotta problem with that?
LEOPOLD
It seems rather pricey to me.
COUNTER MAN
So don't buy one.
LEOPOLD
I shan't.
COUNTER MAN
So shan't!
He moves on.
LEOPOLD
Yes, I... I would be happy to sample
one however I'm afraid I haven't the
finance with me just now. If I could
establish a credit with you, I will
have someone come round with the
funds tomorrow.
COUNTER MAN
You will gladly pay me Tuesday for a
hamburger today, is that it?
LEOPOLD
(a little confused)
I believe so. Yes.
COUNTER MAN
Get the fuck outta here.
LEOPOLD
I beg your pardon?
COUNTER MAN
Get out. Fuckin' Wimpys piss me off.
LEOPOLD
May I remind you, merchant, that I
am the customer in this establishment
and as such require your attention
and the utmost respect. I do not
accept this modern convention of
desecrating one's patrons with such
contemptuous disregard.
YUPPIE WOMAN
You tell him.
LEOPOLD
Need I add that without our patronage
you would not own that unwashed
counter behind which you spew your
filthy mouth?
COUNTER MAN
Where do you get off? You don't even
have any money.
LEOPOLD
Don't be irrelevant... I'm browsing.
COUNTER MAN
Not in my store you're not.
He comes out from behind the counter. He's big.
LEOPOLD
(very superior)
Do you intend to physically escort
me out...?
EXT. STREET - NIGHT
Leopold is thrown out of the store and on to the street.
LEOPOLD
Did you see what he did? Did you see
that?
No one responds. Leopold is left sprawled on the street.
Thunder is heard.
EXT. N.Y.C. - NIGHT
Gargoyles at New York City Library, The Dakota, the Bowery,
Alphabet City.
EXT. CLAIRMOUNT STABLES - 4 A.M.
Pouring rain. Leopold stands in front of the stables beaten
and drenched. A car drives by, screeches to a stop, and
hastily backs up along side Leopold.
KATE
Leopold! Leopold, get in.
Leopold stares at the car. Kate runs out, opens the door and
helps him in. She dashes back into the drivers seat.
INT. CAR - 4 A.M.
KATE
(nearly in tears,
trying to dry him
off)
Leopold! Oh, Leopold thank God you're
all right. I didn't think I'd ever
find you. You had us all so worried.
Oh, Leopold!
She hits him hard.
KATE
Don't you ever go out again without
my permission, do you hear me? I was
frantic. You could have been killed
a hundred times over. I never would
have known.
She rests her head on the steering wheel, exhausted. She
pulls herself together and looks at him.
KATE
Leopold, are you all right?
LEOPOLD
(looking deep into
her eyes for the
first time)
I wish to go home.
KATE
Okay. I'll get you home in a jiffy.
LEOPOLD
(badly shaken)
No... I wish to go home.
Kate gently observes Leopold who stares rigidly straight
ahead.
INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
CHARLIE
(on the phone)
I don't know. It's just Leopold.
Like Cher. Or Goofy.
Kate and Leopold walk in wet and exhausted.
CHARLIE
Never mind they just walked in. Jesus.
You look horrible.
KATE
Charlie, don't start. I haven't been
this angry at you since you got me
into that pyramid thing last year.
If you make a wisecrack I'm going to
burst into flame.
CHARLIE
It wasn't a wisecrack. You do look
horrible.
KATE
I'm too tired for this now. I'll
just save it up and kill you tomorrow.
Help Leopold out of his things and
lets get him to bed.
LEOPOLD
I've something to say. To the both
of you. I... Nothing is what it seems.
After witnessing mere weeks of this
age it is painfully apparent I am
outside of my acquaintance... I don't
know how to proceed. I frankly... am
in need of assistance. I'm sorry.
I'm not very good at this. In the
event you have missed it, I am
apologizing.
There is a long pause.
CHARLIE
About time.
(he shakes Leopold's
hand reluctantly)
Welcome back.
(he leaves)
KATE
Don't mind him. His heart would be
in the right place if he had a heart.
Surliness runs in my family.
LEOPOLD
I understand. It practically races
through mine.
KATE
(shocked)
Leopold, you made a joke. I mean one
that's not at my expense. That's
good.
They look at each other just a second too long.
LEOPOLD
We'd better get to bed... That is...
KATE
Yes... I start work...
(she looks at her
watch)
in three and a half hours.
LEOPOLD
Oh, dear.
They self-consciously head to their respective rooms.
KATE
It's fine. I'm used to it.
LEOPOLD
You mustn't get too used to it. You'll
find life passes you by awfully
quickly.
Kate is struck by his vulnerability for the first time and
is moved. She catches herself quickly however.
LEOPOLD
Thank you for...
KATE
(waving it away)
Oh!
They stand at their bedroom doors.
LEOPOLD
Well, goodnight then.
KATE
Leopold?... I don't have a clear
handle on this. Perhaps I was wrong
keeping you confined to the apartment
all this time. I don't know when
you'll be able return home... Tomorrow
I'll start preparing you for the
outside world. And... We'll find
your way back. I promise.
Leopold smiles, still shaken. A beat. They slowly close the
doors to their respective rooms.
INT. HALLWAY - BRIGHT SUNNY MORNING
Leopold, dressed for an outing knocks on Kate's bedroom door.
KATE (V.O.)
Yes?
Leopold enters. Kate stands in a slip calmly looking at
Leopold. Leopold immediately turns, facing the door.
LEOPOLD
Oh! I beg your pardon. I, I, I, was
merely... I didn't...
KATE
Is there something you want, Leopold?
LEOPOLD
I merely wanted to see... that is,
inquire, on your availability, for
an outing... My assimilation and so
forth.
KATE
Yes, we have a lot of work ahead of
us. I'll be out in a minute.
LEOPOLD
Yes, of course. Splendid.
He reaches around behind his back and fumbles for the knob.
He finally finds it and goes out.
Kate smiles.
CUT TO:
EXT. N.Y.C. - DAY
the Brooklyn Bridge, the Chrysler Building, Rockefeller
Center, 5th Avenue.
EXT. 5TH AVENUE - DAY
Kate and Leopold exit The Gap. Leopold awkwardly wears hip
Gap casual clothes, a baseball cap on his head.
LEOPOLD
Are you certain this is correct?
Kate places the cap backwards on his head. She nods
approvingly.
KATE
Certainly I'm certain.
Leopold watches himself in store windows. He CAN'T comprehend
it. Kate leads him into Barney's.
INT. BARNEY'S - DAY
Leopold stands before the mirror wearing a classic dark suit.
He looks FANTASTIC. A fact that is not lost on Kate.
LEOPOLD
Now really. Isn't this better?
Kate nods back begrudgingly, her breath taken away.
EXT. N.Y.C. - DAY
Lincoln Center, Columbus Circle, Gristedes.
INT. GRISTEDES MARKET - DAY
Kate selects a shopping cart, begins to push it.
LEOPOLD
Allow me.
Kate walks ahead. Leopold, maneuvering a cart with a broken
wheel, hasn't the knack and bangs into everyone and everything
in the aisle.
LEOPOLD
Sorry. Oops! Careful there. So sorry.
CUT TO:
CLOSE UPS: Leopold scrutinizing vegetables in cans, cereals
for kids, bottled water, instant soup, feminine hygiene
supplies.
CUT TO:
The check out line. As their groceries are being rung up,
Leopold spots The Sun, a newspaper with the headline: Woman
Sees Satan in her Microwave Oven. Leopold eagerly shows Kate.
LEOPOLD
Have you seen today's paper?
KATE
Put it back.
LEOPOLD
But...
KATE
Back!
Leopold reads the paper totally enthralled.
EXT. STREET - DAY
Kate and Leopold walk down the street, a bag in each arm.
Leopold eyes Kate suspiciously.
LEOPOLD
Dr. Coles, why is it you are not
married?
KATE
Women are longer defined by the men
they're married to, Leopold. I have
a career. I haven't found a man who
fits in with that yet.
LEOPOLD
Yet people still marry?
KATE
(defensively)
I've heard of cases.
They continue to walk, Leopold noticeably studies Kate.
Finally:
LEOPOLD
I suspect there is something wrong
with you.
KATE
There's nothing wrong with me!
LEOPOLD
Perhaps it is the way you present
yourself.
KATE
I don't know what you're talking
about.
LEOPOLD
There is some sort of problem when a
woman reaches thirty and insists on
remaining single.
KATE
You think I'm THIRTY?!
LEOPOLD
What?
KATE
Do I look THIRTY to you?
LEOPOLD
It was an arbitrary number.
KATE
You chose it specifically opposed to
a lower number.
LEOPOLD
I didn't mean it.
KATE
...Thirty!
LEOPOLD
I apologize... How old are you?
KATE
(sharply)
I'm thirty! But you're the first
person whoever told me I looked it!
LEOPOLD
I'm sorry.
Leopold spots a formal dress in a store window. He takes a
good long look at Kate, smiles, then quickly walks inside.
Kate continues down the block.
KATE
And it's not that I insist on
remaining single. Believe me. Everyone
dreams of finding somebody to share
their life with. To give someone all
the love they've been hoarding since
they were a kid. I'm no different.
But one has to be sensible. I have a
career and a life that's filled
with...
She looks around. Leopold is gone.
KATE
Not again...
She starts off down the street, stops, and enters ROBERTA'S,
an upscale boutique.
INT. ROBERTA'S - DAY
Kate races in. Leopold talks with a saleslady.
KATE
What do I have to do? Put a leash
around your neck?
LEOPOLD
(to the saleslady)
She is the woman to whom I was
referring. You see the problem?
SALESLADY
(giving Kate the once
over)
Yep.
KATE
(staring down at her
clothes then back at
the two of them)
What?... What?
INT. ROBERTA'S - DAY
From behind the dressing room door, Kate shouts to the others
with irritation.
KATE
This is ridiculous. I don't have
time to...
(she shrieks)
Do you know what this dress costs?
Let's get this over with. I'm coming
out. Nobody laugh.
Kate leaves the dressing room in a huff COMPLETELY UNAWARE
that she is STUNNING.
KATE
Satisfied?
Leopold and the saleslady stare at her with pleasure.
KATE
...What?
She turns and looks at herself in the mirror. Leopold stands
behind her, pulls back her hair, brushes away her bangs.
LEOPOLD
You have a lovely face.
Even Kate cannot deny that she is lovely. She stares at
herself for a long while.
LEOPOLD
(quietly)
We'll take the dress.
They become aware of their close proximity. They nervously
part.
INT. LIVING ROOM - LATE AFTERNOON
Kate sits Leopold down on the sofa. She turns on the TV and
hands him the remote control.
LEOPOLD
What is this?
KATE
The drug of the 20th century.
She aims the remote at the TV, changing channels. He's
spellbound.
INT. DINING ROOM - EARLY EVENING
Dinner is served. Kate waits patiently for Leopold who sits
on the sofa watching the TV.
KATE
Leopold, your dinner's getting cold.
LEOPOLD
I'm coming.
He does not move a muscle.
INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Kate and Leopold sit on the sofa eating their dinner and
watching TV. On the screen, a Looney Tune. Leopold enjoys
this especially. Kate reaches for the remote but Leopold
grabs it territorially, refusing to relinquish it.
KATE
(making notes)
It's a guy thing.
INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Leopold asleep on the sofa still clutching the remote control.
Kate comes in with a blanket and settles it over Leopold.
She glances around the room, then slowly bends down close to
capture a better look at his face.
After a moment she catches herself, takes herself in hand
and sits down at her computer. She opens her notes and types.
Her fingers slow down to a crawl and come to a stop. She
looks up at Leopold lost in thought. She smiles.
Reaching for a soda, she accidentally knocks a picture to
the floor. In a SMASHED frame, Kate and CARLSON drunkenly
mug for the camera. Kate pales noticeably.
She looks from the picture to Leopold. Slowly, she begins
pecking away at the keys. She does not look up again.
INT. LAB - LATE AFTERNOON
Kate gives Leopold a tour of the lab stopping by Dr. Drakes
area. Hidden behind chalk boards, calculator paper, and
several empty Haagen Dazs containers, Dr. Drake searches for
solutions.
KATE
...Now within that astronomical
structure, Dr. Drake here is searching
for a pathway between your time and
the present. He'll find it too if
his arteries don't harden first.
LEOPOLD
Astounding.
KATE
Once that is discovered, the search
begins for the exact time and date
travel will be possible.
They move to Dr. Kau's area.
LEOPOLD
(to Dr. Kau)
How are you proceeding?
Dr. Kau merely grunts. Leopold looks at Kate.
KATE
Don't take it personally. Once Dr.
Kau starts working, you just have to
wait until her batteries run down.
We're all pretty much like that.
They head into Kate's office.
INT. KATE'S OFFICE - DAY
Kate gathers her belongings, Leopold snoops at her notes.
LEOPOLD
The complexity of this equation is
astonishing? Can you really comprehend
all that?
KATE
(simply. Almost
apologetically)
I'm a genius.
LEOPOLD
You're quite exceptional Dr. Coles.
(a beat)
That is to say, you all are.
KATE
Thank you. And may I say that
sometimes, in DIM light, you're not
so bad yourself.
They stand together, Leopold grinning sheepishly.
KATE
Oh my God! Is that the time? I'm
late. Therapy. Every Tuesday night.
LEOPOLD
May I accompany you?
KATE
You mayn't.
LEOPOLD
I am not certain I understand therapy.
KATE
No one does. That's why therapists
can charge so much.
As she gathers her belongings, Leopold spots a very high
heeled red shoe in Kate's bag.
LEOPOLD
What exactly transpires during
therapy?
KATE
Leopold. A gentleman does not ask
those questions. Come on, we'll get
you home.
LEOPOLD
I am perfectly able to travel homeward
myself.
Kate looks at him skeptically.
LEOPOLD
Really! I have finance and our
address. I shall take a cabbie.
Kate hesitates.
LEOPOLD
You are late. I insist. I am NOT a
child. Dr. Coles.
KATE
All right. Don't bite my head off.
She shakes her head and walks out the door.
EXT. N.Y.C. STREET - LATE AFTERNOON
Kate heads down the stairs of a subway station. A few feet
behind, Leopold cautiously follows.
INT. SUBWAY STATION - RUSH HOUR
Kate waits in line at the turnstile. Leopold, a ways back,
grimaces noticeably at the smell.
Kate heads through. Leopold follows banging painfully into
the bar. A NUN hurriedly bumps into him from behind.
He tries pushing the bar but it doesn't budge. He turns around
to step out of line but it is already too long. He stands
NOSE to NOSE with the nun.
LEOPOLD
I can't seem to...
NUN
(impatiently)
Oh, for heaven's sake...
The nun deposits her token and SQUEEZES them both through as
the train arrives at a deafening pitch, startling Leopold.
He spots Kate entering the train and jumps into the car in
the nick of time. The train departs, Leopold pressed awkwardly
against the glass.
EXT. N.Y.C. STREET - EARLY EVENING
Kate races from the subway station, entering the Arthur Murray
Dance Studio. Leopold, thoroughly disheveled, follows at a
distance.
INT. DANCE STUDIO - EVENING
Elderly Blue haired couples chat amongst themselves, men on
the right, women on the left. Kate, in dance clothes, out of
breath, stumbles in, making a b-line for the women's side.
MRS. PINCUS
I was worried. I thought you weren't
going to make it.
KATE
(smiling happily)
Miss my lesson? This is the only
thing I have to look forward to all
week. Is that a new dress Mrs. Pincus?
Mrs. Pincus executes a fancy spin, proudly showing off her
purchase. Across the room, MR. Pincus beams in anticipation.
An elderly, overly made up dance instructor enters. She claps
her hands together loudly.
INSTRUCTOR
All right, kids. Pair up!
The men slick back their hair. The women straighten their
gowns. Kate stands to the side, self-consciously studying
the floor.
The men take their places on the dance floor. They flick
their hand twice, inviting their women to dance. Cooly,
elegantly, the women approach their partners. After a while
Kate looks up, relieved. She stands alone. Ballroom music
plays.
The couples effortlessly shift between steps and turns. Kate
dances with an imaginary partner, stumbling, more than a
beat behind, counting, animated, a concentrated YEARNING
look spread across her face.
The instructor approaches with a look of resignation.
INSTRUCTOR
Don't think so much, Katie. FEEL the
music.
KATE
(sweating)
I am!
INSTRUCTOR
Dancing should not be work. It should
be a vacation the body takes from
the mind. Let the music wash over
you.
KATE
(frustrated)
It is!
INSTRUCTOR
Repeat after me: I've got the muusic
in me.
KATE
I've got the muusic in me.
INSTRUCTOR & KATE
(overlapping)
I've got the muusic in me!
INSTRUCTOR
Keep telling yourself that.
Kate does. Her instructor shakes her head and moves away.
Across the room, through the window, Leopold watches, moved.
LEOPOLD'S P.O.V. -- Over the music, beyond the swirling
couples, Kate remains in the corner, dancing with her
imaginary partner, fighting valiantly for the right steps,
muttering to herself, dancing alone.
INT. LAB - MORNING
Dr. Kau SLAMS a large book on Dr. Plodder's desk startling
him.
DR. KAU
I've located her.
DR. PLODDER
You didn't! Is she all right?
DR. KAU
No. She's really not.
Photograph of a SWEATSHOP 1896. The conditions are APPALLING.
Positioned among the workers, Julia Carlson, thin, ragged,
worn out, stares helplessly into the camera.
DR. KAU
It was taken a year after she arrived.
Look at her face! We have to get her
back.
DR. PLODDER
Christine, this morning I spoke with
the head of funding. They're talking
about canceling the project.
DR. KAU
What?! They can't do that!
DR. PLODDER
There's still time. Nothing has
happened yet that can't be undone.
We'll get her back. We'll put this
behind us and we'll get her back.
The doctors stare at the photograph. Powerless.
CUT TO:
INT. CHARLIE'S STUDIO - DAY
Charlie and Leopold work at their easels. Leopold sighs
HEAVILY.
CHARLIE
Is there something on your mind?
There is a pause.
LEOPOLD
This is rather difficult for me.
CHARLIE
...Uh huh...?
LEOPOLD
I have been in the salon contemplating
the reception I have received by the
various tradesmen I have visited.
I've determined I am lacking the
dexterity of modern intercourse.
CHARLIE
Of what??
LEOPOLD
Social skills.
CHARLIE
Oh.
LEOPOLD
I realize our association has been
rather distant and I bear you no ill
will.
CHARLIE
You can imagine my relief.
LEOPOLD
The fact is... I need help.
CHARLIE
Why not ask Kate?
LEOPOLD
I would appreciate the masculine
point of view.
CHARLIE
Why not ask Kate?... That was a joke.
Leopold looks worried. Charlie puts down his brush.
CHARLIE
Well? Let's see... I guess we could
start by removing that great big
stick from up your... Let's start
with your walk.
LEOPOLD
My walk?
CHARLIE
You don't walk right.
(gently)
You strut.
LEOPOLD
(very defensive)
STRUT?
CHARLIE
Strut strut strut. You walk into the
bathroom it's like I'm watching a
parade. Walk across the room.
LEOPOLD
I will not.
CHARLIE
I know you won't. You'll STRUT. You
asked for my help. Trust me on this.
As Leopold struts across the room Charlie shakes his head
and spontaneously begins to hum Sousa's Stars and Stripes
March. Leopold becomes more and more agitated. As the song
crescendos:
LEOPOLD
That's enough! Really! You walk.
Charlie hops up, casually walks around the room and begins
to hum a more relaxed version of Stars and Stripes.
CHARLIE
(between choruses)
See? Easy. Relaxed. You try.
Leopold begins humming the more casual version of the song
and mimics Charlie.
CHARLIE
That's better. Now, try to enjoy
your walk. It's a beautiful day. The
sun is shining, the peasants are
singing.
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
VOICE OVER: Charlie and Leopold joyously singing The Stars
and Stripes. As the song builds:
Charlie enters leading Leopold throughout the room. Leopold
matches Charlie EXACTLY step by step so tightly they appear
to be one person marching happily about.
CUT TO:
EXT. N.Y.C. - DAY
Chinatown, Little Italy, chess in Washington Square Park.
EXT. WASHINGTON SQUARE PARK - DAY
Leopold and Charlie explore the city. Leopold works diligently
on his walk. A beautiful woman walks by in a revealing outfit.
Charlie catches Leopold watching her and smiles broadly.
CHARLIE
Interesting?
Leopold, caught leering, turns away sheepishly and smiles.
Charlie pats Leopold on the back. Stops. Pats his back again.
CHARLIE
What the hell is that?
LEOPOLD
What?
CHARLIE
Leopold, are you wearing a corset?
LEOPOLD
Naturally.
Cracking up, Charlie good-naturedly puts an arm around
Leopold's shoulder. Leopold attempts the same pulls away.
INT. BLOCKBUSTER RECORDS - NIGHT
With a headset on, Charlie listens to music. Leopold watches.
CHARLIE
What'd ya say was the name of this
number?
LEOPOLD
Tchaikovsky. Waltz of the Flowers.
CHARLIE
(deadpan)
Pretty.
Charlie stops the music and places a headset over Leopold's
ears. Leopold watches calmly. Charlie selects a song.
Instantly, Leopold's shoulders rise up to his ears. His mouth
opens wide.
CHARLIE
Megadeath. High Speed Dirt.
After a bit, Charlie turns the music off. Leopold's shoulders
go down but his mouth stays wide open. Astonished.
EXT. CENTRAL PARK - DAY
Charlie and Leopold walk through the park. A rubber softball
hits Leopold squarely on the head.
LEOPOLD
What in the world...?
A couple race over. The man is BLACK. The woman is WHITE.
Their child, ELIZABETH, 7, follows wide eyed and apprehensive.
MAN
Sorry! We're so sorry. Are you hurt?
WOMAN
She's another Babe Ruth. We had no
idea. Are you okay?
Leopold regards them curiously.
WOMAN
What do you have to say for yourself,
Elizabeth?
ELIZABETH
I'm sorry!
Leopold stares hard at the modern familial scene. He doesn't
speak. After a long moment:
LEOPOLD
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