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                                     KNOCKED UP




                                     Written by

                                    Judd Apatow






          EXT. BEN'S HOUSE - DAY

          BEN STONE, 23, cute in a chunky Jewish guy sort of way, boxes one
          of his roommates, MARTIN. His other roommates, JAY and JASON fight
          with broom sticks. JONAH drinks beer on the couch spectating.

                         QUICK IMAGES:

           We see Ben and Jay fighting. At one point they fight with gloves
          which are on fire, balancing on a plank over a dirty pool.
           Ben now has a fishbowl filled with weed smoke over his head.
          There is a smoking joint in his mouth, making the bowl get
          cloudier and cloudier. He starts coughing hysterically and takes
          it off.

           A boom box is playing. The boys are now free style rapping. It
          is terrible but they are having a blast. Pot is being smoked.
          Beer is around.

                         

          EXT. AMUSEMENT PARK - A DIFFERENT DAY

          Ben and roommates ride a terrifying rollercoaster.

                         

          INT. ALLISON'S BEDROOM - MORNING

          ALISON SCOTT, pretty, 24, wakes up to her radio alarm.

                         

          INT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE, BEDROOM

          Allison's sister, DEBBIE, sleeps on the floors of the bedroom,
          while her husband, PETE, sleeps on the bed with their eight-year-
          old daughter SADIE. CHARLOTTE, age three, jumps on the bed.

                          CHARLOTTE
           Sadie, wake up.

                          SADIE
           Oh my gosh.

                          CHARLOTTE
           Daddy, wake up.
          Charlotte hits Pete.

                          PETE
           Okay, I'm up.

                         

          EXT. BACKYARD - MORNING

          She exits a guest house and walks to the main house dressed for
          work.

                         

          INT. KITCHEN - MORNING

          Debbie, is making breakfast for Charlotte and Sadie. Pete enters
          the kitchen.

           KNOCKED UP - 2.

                         

                          DEBBIE
           I need you to take the kids to school
           this morning.

                          PETE
           Oh, I would, but I'm supposed to work
           out.

                          DEBBIE
           What?

                          PETE
           I got an appointment with a trainer. I
           can't cancel now, he'll charge me.

                          DEBBIE
           Well, you didn't tell me.

                          PETE
           Yeah I did. Last week, I told you.

                          DEBBIE
           You didn't tell me.

                          PETE
           I did. And then I wrote it on the
           calendar like you told me to.

                          DEBBIE
           No, you didn't tell me.

                          PETE
           I did tell you.

                          DEBBIE
           Well, you didn't, but what are we
           going to do? Because I have an
           appointment so you're taking the kids
           to school.
          Pete holds Charlotte in front of him.

                          DEBBIE (CONT'D)
           Don't use the baby to cover your
           tracks.

                          ALISON
           I can drive them. I'll drive them to
           school.

                          PETE
           Thank you very much.

                          DEBBIE
           Great. Good. You turned my sister into
           a limo driver.

                          ALISON
           I don't mind.

                          PETE

                          (TO CHARLOTTE)
           It all worked out!

           KNOCKED UP - 3.

                         

          INT. ALLISON'S CAR - DAY

          Alison drives the kids to school. Charlotte and Sadie sit in the
          back. Charlotte GIGGLES.

                          ALISON
           What are you giggling about?

                          SADIE

                          (TO CHARLOTTE)
           Be quiet. You're starting to annoy me.

                          CHARLOTTE
           Poo poo.

                          ALISON
           Ladies. Nice.

                          SADIE
           You know what I did the other day?

                          ALISON
           What?

                          SADIE
           I Googled "murder."

                          ALISON
           You Googled "murder?"

                          SADIE
           Yeah.

                          ALISON
           Why? I mean what did it say?

                          SADIE
           It didn't say anything. It just showed
           pictures of people lying dead on the
           floor and...blood everywhere and
           ugh...

                          ALISON
           That was just ketchup.

                          (BEAT)
           Who wants to hear some music?

                          SADIE
           I want to hear "Rent."

                          CHARLOTTE
           I want to hear Green Day!

                          SADIE
           No, we're listening to "Rent."

                          CHARLOTTE
           Well, I want to listen to Green Day.
          Sadies takes Charlotte's doll.

                          SADIE
           Well, I got your baby!

           KNOCKED UP - 4.

                         
          Charlotte WHINES.

                          ALISON
           Don't taunt her. Come on.

                          SADIE
           Here.
          Sadie shoves the doll at Charlotte.

                          ALISON
           Sadie!

                          CHARLOTTE

                          (CRYING)
           Ow!

                          ALISON
           Why did you just do that? Don't throw
           things at your sister!

                          CHARLOTTE
           She hit me.

                          ALISON
           Did you hit her?

                          SADIE
           I did not.

                          ALISON
           Make her happy.

                          (TO CHARLOTTE)
           It's okay.

                          SADIE
           It won't make her happy. She spilled
           all the marbles on the floor.

                          ALISON
           Well, give her her marbles back.

                         

          INT. BEN'S HOUSE - DAY

          In a living room of the house the guys have created an office for
          their web site. There are a few large tables, several computers
          which they work at, and a few TV sets which have movies running on
          them. Ben and his friends are holding a meeting. They each have a
          note pad and pen, and Jonah is on a computer. They smoke a joint
          and drink beers.

                          JASON
           All right? Now, are you sure you
           understand the terms of the bet?
           `Cause this is serious.

                          MARTIN
           Oh, no.

           KNOCKED UP - 5.

                         

                          JASON
          Martin, listen. You don't shave your
          beard or cut your hair for one year,
          and if you can do that, I will pay
          your rent. But if you shave, then you
          have to pay all five of our rents.

                          MARTIN
          Thanks for the free money, bitch.

                          JONAH
          Hey, Martin, was it weird when you
          joined the Taliban, being American and
          everything like that? Like when you
          see a woman driving a car, do you just
          get pissed?

                          JASON
          Just watch your back, Serpico. You
          never know who your friends are.

                          MARTIN
          You guy can't make fun of the me the
          whole time.

                          JASON
          But, Martin, it's a competition. It's
          called "The Dirty Man Competition."
          We're gonna make fun of you until you
          shave the beard. That's the rules.

                          JAY
          That's the whole point. You're
          supposed to be tempted into shaving.

                          BEN
          Your face looks like Robin Williams'
          knuckles.

                          MARTIN
          You guys aren't allowed to make fun of
          me. It's not part of the rules.

                          JASON
          Martin, why didn't you just listen to
          me when I was explaining the rules?
          You just looked at me with that blank
          stare of yours. It was like talking to
          a wax statue.

                          BEN
          Okay, guys, are you ready? So... "Only
          at `Flesh of the Stars.com' will
          customers be able to find exactly how
          long into what movies their favorite
          stars are exposed."

                          JASON
          Nice.

                          JAY
          Oh, fuckin' booya.

                          BEN
          Pretty good, right?

           KNOCKED UP - 6.

                         

                          JONAH
           Yeah.

                          JASON
           Yeah, ka-ching. Ka-ching. Ka-ching.

                          JONAH
           Guys, let's start loggin', all right?
           Charles Manson? Do you have any other
           thoughts?

                          MARTIN
           Good, awesome, let's start this off
           with a bang. Jamie Lee Curtis. I got
           an hour and ten minutes in "Trading
           Places." Uh, both chesticles.

                          JAY
           Ah, I got something. A three-titted
           alien from "Total Recall?"

                          JONAH
           Aw, she's not famous.

                          JASON

                          (IMITATING SCHWARZENEGGER)
           "Damn it, Cohaagen, give the people
           the air."

                         

          INT. E ENTERTAINMENT TELEVISION STUDIO - DAY

          RYAN SEACREST stands in front of a series of cameras. Alison
          stands behind with a clipboard and headset.

                          RYAN SEACREST
           So if you want that perfect tan like
           the stars, he's the one to see. We'll
           be right back on "E! News." Stay with
           us.

                          ALISON
           (into her headset)
           Okay.

                          RYAN SEACREST
           Okay, is Jessica Simpson here yet?

                          ALISON
           Let me check.

                          RYAN SEACREST
           Is she on her way?

                          ALISON
           Hey, guys?

                          RYAN SEACREST
           She's left her house?

                          ALISON
           (into her headset)
           Okay, let me know when she's pulling
           in.

                          (MORE)

           KNOCKED UP - 7.

                          ALISON (CONT'D)

                          (TO RYAN)
          She's about to pull in.

                          RYAN SEACREST
          Is she camera-ready?

                          ALISON
           (into her headset)
          Is she camera-ready?

                          RYAN SEACREST
          If she's going to be in hair and
          makeup for three hours. I can't do it.
          I'm not going to be here. I got to do
          "American Idol." It's live. I got to
          do it. I got to be there. What are we
          going to interview her about?

                          ALISON
          Nothing personal.

                          RYAN SEACREST
          No personal questions.

                          ALISON
          No personal questions. Don't ask her
          about her sister and her nose job.

                          RYAN SEACREST
          No plastic surgery questions.

                          ALISON
          She doesn't want to talk about her
          boobs or her father's comments about
          her boobs.

                          RYAN SEACREST
          Great. We'll talk about the Middle
          East and maybe an idea of an exit
          strategy. Maybe she has a good pitch.
          Should I ask her about Korea? Maybe
          have her point it out to us on a
          globe? I don't understand the young
          talent in this town! It doesn't make
          any sense. I got four jobs. Hell, I'm
          more famous than half the people we
          talk to anyway! No one stands up. No
          one has the balls to sit them down and
          say, "Look, just cut the shit."But
          everybody works for `em. They're all
          on the payroll. They're all sucking
          the teat! Nobody sits `em down, eye-to-
          eye, one-on-one, and says... "Cut the
          shit." And all these stars just to
          fuck it up. That's what they do. They
          fuck my day up! And it pisses me off!
          And now I'm sweating.

                          ALISON
          You know what? You want us to just
          come and get you when she gets here?
          You want to head to the green room for
          a minute? Just chill out?

                          RYAN SEACREST
          That's a good idea.

           KNOCKED UP - 8.

                         

                          ALISON
           Want us to bring you anything? You
           want some water?

                          RYAN SEACREST
           No.

                          ALISON
           You want a cookie?

                          RYAN SEACREST
           Cookie, yeah, cookie. Thanks.

                          ALISON
           Okay, we'll get you a cookie.

                          RYAN SEACREST
           I'm sorry I'm pissy.
          JILL, one of the E! executives, approaches Alison.

                          JILL
           Alison?

                          ALISON
           Yeah?

                          JILL
           Jack and I need to see you in his
           office.

                         

          INT. JACK'S OFFICE, E! ENTERTAINMENT - DAY

          Allison's boss, JACK, early forties, is at his desk. Alison and
          Jill sit in the office.

                          JACK
           Thanks for coming in, Alison. Well, we
           wanted to talk to you today because we
           had a little debate on the conference
           call with New York about you.

                          ALISON
           You were talking about me?

                          JACK
           We were wondering aloud to one another
           whether or not you would be good for
           on-camera.

                          ALISON
           What'd you decide?

                          JILL
           They decided that they like you. And
           they would like to put you on camera.

                          ALISON
           Really?

                          JILL
           I know. I was so surprised, too.

           KNOCKED UP - 9.

                         

                          ALISON
          Oh, my God. This is the best news
          ever. Thank you so much. This is
          great!

                          JACK
          Congratulations.

                          ALISON
          Thank you.

                          JACK
          I'll take that smile as a "Yes, I'll
          do it."

                          ALISON
          Absolutely. I'm so excited. Oh, my
          God.

                          JILL
          It's a lot of work. Can't wait to see
          what happens. It's going to be tough.
          Tough job.

                          JACK
          About the work, most immediately,
          there's going to be some things that
          you're going to be able to get that
          other people in the office don't get.
          One of them: Gym membership.

                          ALISON
          You want me to lose weight?

                          JACK
          I don't want you to lose weight.

                          JILL
          We can't legally ask you to do that.

                          JACK
          We didn't say lose weight.

                          JILL
          No.

                          JACK
          I might say "tighten."

                          ALISON
          "Tight."

                          JACK
          A little...tighter?

                          JILL
          Just like toned and smaller.

                          JACK
          Don't make everything smaller. I don't
          want to generalize that way. Tighter.

                          JILL
          We don't want you to lose weight. We
          just want you to be healthy.

           KNOCKED UP - 10.

                         

                          ALISON
           Okay.

                          JILL
           You know, by, by eating less. We would
           just like it if you...go home and step
           on the scale and write down how much
           you weigh and subtract it by, like,
           twenty.

                          ALISON
           Twenty.

                          JILL
           And then weigh that much.

                          JACK
           Just remember, you've got it here,
           you've got it here, and everybody's
           going see you right there.

                         

          INT. HOUSE - NIGHT

          Debbie and Alison hug. Pete is on the couch wearing headphones.

                          DEBBIE
           Yay! That's so exciting!

                          ALISON
           Yay!

                          DEBBIE
           Oh my god!

                          (TO PETE)
           Hey!

                          PETE
           Huh?

                          ALISON
           I got a promotion.

                          PETE
           Oh, congratulations!

                          ALISON
           Thank you.

                          PETE
           Hey, maybe you can get your own place
           now.

                          ALISON
           Oh, let's not get ahead of ourselves.
           Yay!

                          DEBBIE
           Let's go celebrate.

                          ALISON
           Okay, let's do it.

           KNOCKED UP - 11.

                         

                          DEBBIE
           Pete'll watch the kids?

                          PETE
           Yeah! We can watch "Taxicab
           Confessions."

                          DEBBIE
           What are you going to do?

                          ALISON
           I don't know!
          Debbie and Alison SHRIEK.

                          DEBBIE
           I'm so excited.

                          ALISON
           Yay!

                         

          INT. CAR - NIGHT

          Alison and Debbie drive to a nightclub.

                          DEBBIE
           I walked in on him masturbating one
           night.

                          ALISON
           Ooh! Did you get the deer-in-the-
           headlights look? Did he freeze or did
           he finish?

                          DEBBIE
           No, he tried to pretend like he wasn't
           doing anything under the covers.

                          ALISON
           Oh, no!

                          DEBBIE
           I buy these nice towels and he whacks
           off into them.

                          ALISON
           "Deb and Pete forever"

                          DEBBIE
           And once he does that into them once,
           they're never soft ever again.

                         

          EXT. NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT

          Alison and Debbie are walking over.

                          DEBBIE
           I can always tell if I'm looking good
           based on whether or not we get in.
          They reach the front. The Bouncer looks at them and waves them
          in.

           KNOCKED UP - 12.

                         

                          BOUNCER
           Ladies?

                          ALISON
           Guess we're looking good.

                          DEBBIE
           If I didn't get in, I would have lost
           my shit.
          Ben and the guys are standing at the head of the line.

                          BEN
           What's going on man? How long you
           gonna make us wait out here, for
           Christ's sake?

                          JAY
           Come on! What the fuck!

                         

          INT. NIGHTCLUB

          Ben sits with his friends, Jason, Jonah, Jay, and Martin.

                          BEN
           You know what movie I just saw again
           the other day which is fucking, like,
           mind-blowing, and I haven't seen it
           since it came out? "Munich."

                          JAY
           "Munich!"

                          JONAH
           Dude, "Munich" fuckin' rules.

                          JAY
           "Munich" is awesome!

                          BEN
           That movie was Eric Bana kicking
           fuckin' ass!
          They all agree.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           Dude, every movie with Jews, we're the
           ones getting killed. "Munich" flips it
           on its ear. We cappin' motherfuckers.

                          JONAH
           Not only killing, but fuckin', like,
           takin' names.

                          BEN
           If any of us get laid tonight, it's
           because of Eric Bana in "Munich."

                          JONAH
           I agree with that.

                          JAY
           I agree.

           KNOCKED UP - 13.

                         

                          BEN
           You know what is not helping us get
           laid? Is the shoe bomber, Richard
           Reid, over here at our table. I like
           your shoes.

                          JONAH
           How was "Burning Man" this year?

                          BEN
           Fuck you guys, I'm glad I'm not
           Jewish.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           So are we.

                          MARTIN
           Fine. Screw it.

                          BEN
           You weren't "chosen" for a reason.

                          JAY
           Yeah. Ahh!

                          JASON
           Ohh!!!
          Meanwhile, Debbie and Alison head for the bar.

                          DEBBIE
           It's like everyone in here is twelve
           years old.
          Debbie SIGHS.

                          DEBBIE (CONT'D)
           Am I too old to be here?

                          ALISON
           What?

                          DEBBIE
           Am I too old to be here?

                          ALISON
           No, of course not.

                          DEBBIE
           Does it look weird that I'm here?

                          ALISON
           No, not at all.

                          DEBBIE
           Am I hotter than these little bitches?

                          ALISON
           Yes! You look amazing.

                          DEBBIE
           Guys in here would fuck me, right?

           KNOCKED UP - 14.

                         

                          ALISON
           Yes.

                          DEBBIE
           That's weird to say, but, it makes me
           feel better.

                          ALISON
           You look hot.

                          DEBBIE
           I believe you.

                          ALISON
           I'm getting us drinks.
          Alison leaves for the bar.

                         

          INT. NIGHTCLUB BAR - MOMENTS LATER

          Ben is already at the bar attempting to get the BARTENDER's
          attention.

                          BEN
           Yo, a beer over here, please? You're
           gonna be embarrassed when you realize
           I'm Wilmer Valderrama. God.

                          ALISON
           (to the Bartender)
           Oh, Hey! Excuse me!

                          BEN
           He's literally ignoring this entire
           half of the bar. Don't even bother.

                          ALISON
           Yeah, awesome.

                          BEN
           A beer over here, please? He looked at
           us! Did you see that?

                          ALISON
           Yeah, that was rough.

                          BEN
           And if you can't get service, what am
           I gonna do, you know?

                          ALISON
           Great. It's going to be that night.

                          BEN
           Okay, you want a beer?

                          ALISON
           Yeah.

                          BEN
           Just observe.

           KNOCKED UP - 15.

                         
          Ben leans over the bar and picks up two bottles of beer and drops
          money on the bar.
           BEN (CONT'D) (cont'd)
           There you go.

                          BARTENDER
           Come on, man!

                          BEN
           Here you go! For your trouble! Thank
           you.
          Ben hands one beer to Alison
           BEN (CONT'D) (cont'd)

                          (TO ALISON)
           There you go.

                          ALISON
           Thank you.

                          BEN
           Okay, enjoy it.

                          ALISON
           Are you sure?

                          BEN
           I'm sure. I tried that once before at
           The Comedy Store and I got punched in
           the ear.

                          ALISON
           Thanks a lot, Oh, fuck, fuck! I'm
           supposed to get one for my sister.

                          BEN
           Oh, here, take mine.
          Ben hands Alison his beer.

                          ALISON
           No, that's okay. I'll wait. I'll,
           he'll get me--

                          BEN

                          (INTERRUPTING)
           Please, I very rarely look cool. This
           is a big moment for me. Just take it.

                          ALISON
           Thank you. Awesome.

                          BEN
           No problem.

                          ALISON
           I'm Alison.

                          BEN
           I'm Ben.
          An awkward beat passes between them.

           KNOCKED UP - 16.

                         

                          ALISON
           Well, have a great night.

                          BEN
           Okay, you too. Have a--

                          ALISON
           Thanks for the beer.

                          BEN
           Okay, enjoy, be nice to them.

                          ALISON
           Bye. Thanks again.
          Alison leaves the bar to rejoin Debbie.

                          BEN
           I'll see ya later.

                          (TO HIMSELF)
           No, I won't, `cause I'm a pussy.

                         

          INT. NIGHTCLUB - CONTINUOUS

          Ben rejoins his friends.

                          JASON
           What's up, daddy?

                          BEN
           That girl. She, she totally gave me an
           opening, man, and I locked up. I just
           want to get shit-faced, though, you
           know? I'll just jerk it later. It's
           cool.

                          JASON
           Are you fuckin' crazy, man? She
           looks...smart. Who's that she's
           sitting with?

                          BEN
           It's her sister.

                          JASON
           Her sister?

                          BEN
           Yeah.

                          JASON
           Dude, it's the dream. What are we
           doin' standing here man? Let's go.
           Come on, follow me.

                          (TO MARTIN)
           You stay here.

                          MARTIN
           Why?

                          JASON
           `Cause your face looks like a vagina.

           KNOCKED UP - 17.

                         

                          MARTIN
           Dick!
          Ben and Jason head toward Alison and Debbie.

                          JASON
           Hey, which one's the sister?
          Jonah approaches Martin.

                          JONAH
           Hey, Crockett. You still partyin' with
           Tubbs these days?

                          MARTIN
           Come on, man. I'm getting it from all
           angles here. I don't like it anymore.

                          JONAH
           I know, I don't either. Was it weird
           when you changed your name from Cat
           Stevens to Yusuf Islam?

                          MARTIN
           Yeah, it was really awkward.

                          JONAH
           All right, man. I got to take off. See
           ya, "Scorsese on coke."
          Jay GROWLS loudly.

                          MARTIN
           What's that?

                          JAY
           Chewbacca. It's, you know, it's
           Chewie.

                          MARTIN
           Oh, another beard joke.

                          JAY
           Fuck.

                          MARTIN
           Fuckin' hilarious!
          Meanwhile, Ben and Jason get to Alison and Debbie's table.

                          BEN
           Hey.

                          ALISON
           Hey.

                          BEN
           Hi, this is my friend, Jason. I just
           wanted to see how my beers were doin'.

                          ALISON
           This is my sister, Debbie.

           KNOCKED UP - 18.

                         

                          BEN
           Oh, hi, I'm Ben.

                          DEBBIE
           Hi, Ben?

                          BEN
           Yes.

                          DEBBIE
           Nice to meet you.

                          JASON
           How ya doin'?

                          DEBBIE
           Good, how are you?

                          JASON
           Just trying not to stare.

                          ALISON
           She's married.

                          DEBBIE

                          (TO ALISON)
           Why do you have to say that?

                          ALISON
           What?

                          JASON
           It's a shame. You're beautiful.

                          DEBBIE
           Thank you.

                          ALISON
           She has two kids, too.

                          DEBBIE
           Shut up!

                          ALISON
           What? It's nothing to be ashamed of.

                          BEN
           You think that's gonna stop him from
           hitting on her? It's not, at all.

                          JASON
           I love kids.

                          DEBBIE
           Really?

                          JASON
           Yeah, absolutely.
          Debbie's cell phone RINGS.

           KNOCKED UP - 19.

                         

                          DEBBIE
           Excuse me.
           (into the phone)
           Hello?

                          BEN
           Cool phone.

                          ALISON
           Yeah, she's got a really cool phone.

                          DEBBIE
           (into the phone)
           What? Is it a rash or is it the
           chicken pox? I don't know! Google it.
           Okay. All right, bye.
           (to Alison et al)
           I got to go. Sadie might have the
           chicken pox.

                          JASON
           I had the chicken pox three times. I
           have no immunity to it.

                          BEN
           We don't have the heart to tell him
           it's herpes.

                          JASON
           It's not herpes if it's everywhere.

                          DEBBIE

                          (TO ALISON)
           Are you coming?
          Alison and Ben exchange a strange look.

                          ALISON
           Um, uh, you know, I'm all dressed, so
           I'll just hang out.

                          DEBBIE
           Really?

                          ALISON
           Yeah, I'll take a cab home.

                          DEBBIE
           Be safe.

                          ALISON
           I will.

                          JASON
           Bye, lovely.

                          DEBBIE
           Bye.
          Debbie leaves.

                          JASON
           All right, I'm gonna let you two get
           to know each other.

           KNOCKED UP - 20.

                         

          INT. NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT


                         QUICK CUTS
           Ben and Alison talking, dancing and drinking.

                          BEN
           Cheers.

                          ALISON
           Cheers.

                          BEN
           To you.
           Ben and Alison take pictures of each other with their cell
          phones.

                          ALISON
           No, no. You know, the like,
           Entertainment News channel?

                          BEN
           Oh, E!

                          ALISON

           E!
           Ben and Alison dance, clearly pretty drunk now. We see Ben's
          friends in the background, also dancing. Ben pretends to throw
          dice while dancing.

                          JONAH
           Dude, I think he's doing the dice
           thing too much.

                          JAY
           That's really all he's got.
           Alison and Ben take another shot. Alison runs her fingers through
          Ben's hair.

                          ALISON
           I love your curly hair! It's so great.
           Do you, like, use product or anything?
           You put anything in it?

                          BEN
           I use Jew. You want to get out of
           here?

                          ALISON
           Yeah, let's go. We can go hang out at
           my place?

                          BEN
           Yes, uh, uh, uh...

                          ALISON
           I'll show you my audition tape.

                          BEN
           Wicked.

           KNOCKED UP - 21.

                         

                          ALISON
           It's really funny.

                          BEN
           Okay, I'm really excited to watch
           that.
          They exit the club.

                         

          EXT. NIGHTCLUB - MOMENTS LATER

          Alison and Ben stagger out of the club and head down the sidewalk.

                          BEN
           We should get a cab.
          Ben grabs Alison and they kiss.

                         

          EXT. BACKYARD - LATER

          Ben and Alison stagger across Pete and Debbie's yard towards the
          guest house.

                          BEN
           This is a big yard!

                          ALISON
           Shh!

                          BEN
           Let's go swimming right now. Let's
           just do that.

                          ALISON
           No.

                          BEN
           I'm doin'-- Whoo!

                         

          INT. ALLISON'S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER

          Alison and Ben collapse on the bed and make out. They take off
          their shirts.

                          BEN
           You're prettier than I am.
          They continue to make out.

                          ALISON
           Do you have a condom?

                          BEN
           I do.

                          ALISON
           Okay.

                          BEN
           It's in my pants. I have a condom.

           KNOCKED UP - 22.

                         

                          ALISON
           Okay.

                          BEN
           I'll get it.
          Ben grabs his pants and takes out a condom.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           Man.
          Ben struggles to put on the condom.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           Come on.

                          ALISON
           Hurry up.

                          BEN
           (to the condom)
           Stupid fucker.

                          ALISON
           What are you doing?

                          BEN
           I almost got it. Just give me a
           second.

                          ALISON
           Oh, God, just do it already!

                          BEN
           Okay.
          Ben throws the condom on the floor and rolls over onto Alison.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           Good thing I'm drunk. This is lasting
           forever.

                          ALISON
           Yeah, it's awesome.

                          BEN
           I just doubled my record time.

                          (BEAT)
           I'm sorry I'm sweating on you.

                          ALISON
           Okay, just stop taking.

                         

          EXT. GUEST HOUSE - MORNING

          Establishing shot of the guest house in morning light.

                         

          INT. GUEST HOUSE - MORNING

          Ben is SNORING, his ass fully exposed. Alison is wide awake,
          clearly kept up by his unattractive snoring. She stares at him,
          not sure how she feels about what happened last night.

           KNOCKED UP - 23.

                         
          She nudges him with her foot.

                          BEN
           Fuck off, Martin. I said, fuck off
           Martin.
          Ben awakens and turns around.

                          ALISON
           Hi.

                          BEN
           Oh. Hey.

                          ALISON
           Hey.
          Ben assesses the situation.

                          BEN
           I'm naked.

                          ALISON
           Yeah.

                          BEN

                          (WHISPERING)
           Did we have sex?

                          ALISON
           Yes.

                          BEN
           Nice.

                          (BEAT)
           What time is it?

                          ALISON
           Seven-thirty.

                          BEN
           Why the fuck are we awake? Let's go
           back to sleep.

                          ALISON
           I have to go to work.

                          BEN
           Really?

                          ALISON
           Do you need to get to work or
           anything?

                          BEN
           No work today. Do you want to get
           breakfast?

                          ALISON
           Okay.

           KNOCKED UP - 24.

                         

          EXT. GUEST HOUSE - MORNING

          Alison and Ben walk to their cars. Suddenly Pete walks out of the
          house with the kids.

                          ALISON
           `Morning.

                          PETE
           Good morning Alison.

                          BEN
           I'm Ben. What's happenin', man?

                          PETE
           Ben.

                          BEN
           How's it goin'?
          Pete shakes Ben's hand and smiles.

                          PETE

                          (PLAYFULLY)
           Ah, to be young.

                          ALISON
           Stop it.

                          PETE
           You stop it.

                          ALISON
           See ya later.

                          BEN
           All righty.

                          PETE
           See ya later. Enjoy the day.

                          (TO CHARLOTTE)
           Never do what they did.

                          CHARLOTTE
           I'm gonna do it.

                          PETE
           You are? Uh-oh. Someone's getting home-
           schooled.

                         

          INT. DINER - DAY

          Alison is in the booth. Ben emerges from the bathroom.

                          BEN
           Whew. I just yacked, something nasty.
           I feel way better, though. I think
           that's the secret. You just gotta
           puke. Did you puke?

                          ALISON
           No.

           KNOCKED UP - 25.

                         

                          BEN
          You can. I won't think it's gross or
          anything.

                          ALISON
          I'm fine.

                          BEN
          Oh, okay.

                          ALISON
          I just need some coffee, so...

                          BEN
          You know, the best thing for a
          hangover's weed. Do you smoke? Do you
          smoke weed?

                          ALISON
          Not really.

                          BEN
          You don't?

                          ALISON
          No.

                          BEN
          At all?

                          ALISON
          Mm-mm.

                          BEN
          Like in the morning?

                          ALISON
          No, I just don't.

                          BEN
          It's the best medicine. `Cause it
          fixes everything. Jonah broke his
          elbow once. We just got high and, it
          still clicks, but, I mean, he's okay.

                          ALISON
          Right.

                          BEN
          Yeah. Last night was great...what I
          remember of it?

                          ALISON
          Right, yeah.

                          BEN
          Yeah.

                          ALISON
          We had a great time.

                          BEN
          Yeah. So what do you do?

           KNOCKED UP - 26.

                         

                          ALISON
          I work at E!

                          BEN
          The television channel?

                          ALISON
          Uh-huh, remember?

                          BEN
          Wow.

                          ALISON
          We had, we had this conversation last
          night. I, I told you about my
          promotion and I was out celebrating
          it. No?

                          BEN
          I don't remember that at all.

                          ALISON
          I'm super excited about it. I'm
          actually doing my first on-air
          interview today.

                          BEN
          With who?

                          ALISON
          Matthew Fox.

                          BEN
          Matthew Fox from "Lost?"

                          ALISON
          Yeah.

                          BEN
          You know what's interesting about him?

                          ALISON
          What?

                          BEN
          Nothing. Will you tell him he's an
          asshole for me?

                          ALISON
          No.

                          BEN
          Someone needs to. Like who gives a
          shit?

                          ALISON
          I hope a lot of people actually
          because that's what my job entails, is
          making sure people care about what he
          has to say. I'm interviewing him.

                          BEN
          Maybe it's just me. Maybe I just don't
          give a shit. I'm just saying he
          deserves a beat down.

           KNOCKED UP - 27.

                         

                          ALISON
          It's sort of embarrassing to ask at
          this point, but what do you do for
          work?

                          BEN
          Me and my roommates have
          started...we're starting an Internet
          website.

                          ALISON
          Oh, cool, what is it?

                          BEN
          I'll give you the virtual experience
          okay? How's that? You're at your
          computer. Who's an actress you like?

                          ALISON
          Mary Tyler Moore?

                          BEN
          No, that does not work at all. Let's
          say you love Meg Ryan.

                          ALISON
          I do.

                          BEN
          Great. Who doesn't? Let's say you like
          her so much, you want to know every
          movie where she shows her tits. And
          not just that, but how long into that
          movie she shows her tits. Come to our
          web page, exclusively, type in `Meg
          Ryan.' Bam! `In the Cut,' thirty-eight
          minutes in, forty-eight minutes in,
          like an hour and ten minutes in. She's
          like naked that whole fuckin' movie.
          She does full-frontal in that movie.

                          ALISON

                          (DISGUSTED)
          Wow.

                          BEN
          They should have called her Harry, not
          Sally.

                          ALISON
          Really.

                          BEN
          I'll show it to you. I'll show you Meg
          Ryan's bush.

                          ALISON

                          (EXASPERATED)
          Okay.

                          BEN
          Cool.

                          ALISON
          I actually need to get going, so.

           KNOCKED UP - 28.

                         

                          BEN
           Awesome. Can I get your number?
          Alison is incredulous.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           We had fun, right? We should hook up
           again.

                          ALISON
           I'm gonna give you my card because
           that'll be the best way...

                          BEN
           If you want to contact me, I don't
           have a cell right now because of
           payment complications, but you can
           email me at the web page, I check it.
           It's Ben at flesh of the stars, one
           word, dot com.
          Alison gets out of the booth. Ben gets up too.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           So, awesome.

                          ALISON
           All right then. Nice to meet you.
          Ben puts his arms out for a hug. Alison complies. Ben kisses the
          air.

                          ALISON (CONT'D)
           Take care.

                          BEN
           Okay, uh, see ya.
          Alison exits the diner.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           Bye!

                          (TO HIMSELF)
           That was fuckin' brutal. Yeah, that
           was brutal.

          CARD: 8 WEEKS LATER

                         

          INT. E ENTERTAINMENT TELEVISION STUDIO - DAY

          Alison is standing on stage with JAMES FRANCO.

                          ALISON
           Hi, I'm Alison Scott and we're here
           today with James Franco from "Spider
           Man."

                          ALISON (CONT'D)
           How are you?

                          JAMES FRANCO
           Great.

           KNOCKED UP - 29.

                         

                          ALISON
           Thanks for coming.

                          JAMES FRANCO
           Of course.

                          ALISON
           Tell me, were you a big fan...
          Alison GULPS and appears uncomfortable.

                          ALISON (CONT'D)
           ...I'm sorry, let me take that again.

                          JAMES FRANCO
           Okay.

                          ALISON
           Tell me, were you a big fan of the
           comic books growing up?

                          JAMES FRANCO
           No, actually, I didn't read any of the
           comic books until I got the movie.
          Alison stares at the floor looking ill. She breathes heavily.
           JAMES FRANCO (cont'd)
           Are you okay?

                          ALISON
           Uh-huh. Yeah, just, what about the
           comic books? Keep talking.

                          JAMES FRANCO
           Like I said I really wasn't into them,
           but now that I did the research, I
           think they're pretty amazing.
          Alison runs offstage and VOMITS into a trash can. Repeatedly.
           JAMES FRANCO (cont'd)
           What the fuck?
          Alison continues to puke.

                         

          INT. EDITING BAY

          Alison and her editor, BRENT, are watching the Franco/puking
          clips.

                          BRENT
           Is that the sound of you puking?

           JAMES FRANCO (ON TV MONITOR)
           If this is one of those fuckin' joke
           shows, I'm not into it.

                          BRENT
           We should put this on YouTube.

                          ALISON
           Shut up.

           KNOCKED UP - 30.

                         

                          BRENT
           This is hilarious.

                          ALISON
           You're an asshole.

                          BRENT
           Look how sweaty you are. You look like
           Dom DeLuise.

                          ALISON
           I don't need to see it again. It's
           gonna make me throw up.

                          BRENT
           You look like Jabba the Hutt dying.
          Brent HISSES like Jabba the Hutt.

                          ALISON
           You're such an asshole.

                          BRENT
           I'm just jerking your chain. I'll fix
           this. No problem.

                          ALISON
           Yeah, maybe if you can just edit this
           out and we can re--
          Alison swallows hard.

                          ALISON (CONT'D)
           --we can reshoot my questions.
          Alison looks ill again.

                          BRENT
           What's up?
          Alison is frantically looking for a place to vomit.
           BRENT (CONT'D) (cont'd)
           Whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, no. Over
           here. Not on the mixing board, not on
           the mixing board.
          Alison finds the trash and VOMITS.

                          BRENT (CONT'D)
           Are you okay?

                          ALISON
           Oh my god. Oh my god.

                          BRENT
           Are you sick?

                          ALISON
           I don't know.

                          BRENT
           What'd you eat?

           KNOCKED UP - 31.

                         

                          ALISON
           I haven't eaten today yet.

                          BRENT
           You haven't eaten yet?

                          ALISON
           Do you have a napkin or something?
          Brent grabs a stray piece of paper.

                          BRENT
           Here, here. What do you have, like the
           flu?

                          ALISON
           I don't know.

                          BRENT
           God, I hope you're not pregnant.

                          ALISON
           It's impossible. You have to have sex
           to get pregnant.
          Alison reacts with a sad realization. Brent picks up the phone.

                          BRENT
           (into the phone)
           B.K. It's Brent Master Five. Alison
           just puked. Dude, that's what I said.
           She's probably pregnant, right?

                          ALISON
           Oh, shit.

                          BRENT
           (into the phone)
           How does she look right now? She looks
           like she just realized that she's
           pregnant.

                         

          INT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE, BEDROOM - NIGHT

          Debbie and Alison are sitting on the bed.

                          ALISON
           No, I can't be pregnant. Right? That
           was what, eight weeks ago?

                          DEBBIE
           Did you miss your period?

                          ALISON
           No. Wait. I don't know. Shit. I don't
           know. I can't remember. I was, I mean,
           I've been really stressed at work. I
           can't remember my last period.

                          DEBBIE
           Are you the lady who doesn't realize
           she's pregnant until she's sitting on
           the toilet and a kid pops out?

           KNOCKED UP - 32.

                         

                          ALISON
           Can you not joke right now? Don't joke
           right now. This is really serious.

                          DEBBIE
           Did I meet him?

                          ALISON
           Yeah. You know, he was kind of like
           medium height, sort of...chubby.
           Blonde, curly hair. Remember?

                          DEBBIE
           With the man boobs.

                          ALISON
           Yes! Here, I have this thing of him on
           my phone.
          Alison takes out her phone to play a video.

           BEN (ON PHONE VIDEO)
           Hey! I live in your phone! This is the
           best night of my life! I gotta pee.

                          DEBBIE
           Oh god. How did this happen?

                          ALISON
           Oh, shit.

                          DEBBIE
           Well there's only one way to find out.

                         

          INT. DRUG STORE

          Alison and Debbie run down the aisles looking for pregnancy tests.

                          DEBBIE
           They're here! Here they are! Over
           here!
          Every test on the shelf is pulled into their basket.

                          ALISON
           Okay. "Positive Choice."

                          DEBBIE
           "Easy, One, Two, Three."
          They run toward the check out counter.

                         

          INT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE, BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER

          They dump all the tests on the floor. Alison sits on the toilet
          and rips one test open. She puts the applicator between her legs.

                          ALISON
           Here. Hurry up now. Come on.
          The test reads positive.

           KNOCKED UP - 33.

                         

                          ALISON (CONT'D)
           Get more! Get me a few more!

                          DEBBIE
           Did you try the "Ova-Sure?"
          Alison furiously drinks some juice.

                          ALISON
           I'm dripping, I'm dripping. Wait.
          They check another test.

                          DEBBIE
           Good! A smiley face! Oh, I think
           that's bad.

                          ALISON
           How long does this one take?

                          DEBBIE
           These can't all be positive. Let me
           try one.
          Pete enters to see Debbie sitting on the toilet. Debbie urinates
          on the test and checks it.

                          ALISON
           God, you really had to pee.
          Debbie picks up a test. It's positive.

                          DEBBIE
           What is this? What the hell is this?

                          ALISON
           I think you picked up the wrong one.

                          DEBBIE
           Fuck. That scared me. That would suck.
          Alison glares at Debbie.

                          DEBBIE (CONT'D)
           I'm sorry. That scared me.

                         

          EXT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE, POOL - NIGHT

          Alison is on a chaise lounge. Debbie is sitting nearby.

                          ALISON
           It's gonna be fine. Right?
          Debbie contemplates.
           ALISON (CONT'D) (cont'd)
           Right?

                          DEBBIE
           Of course it will be fine. It's gonna
           be fine.

           KNOCKED UP - 34.

                         

                          ALISON
           Shit.

                          DEBBIE
           You just need to call him.

                          ALISON
           Maybe I don't need to call him until
           after I see the doctor.

                          DEBBIE
           You need to call.

                          ALISON
           I don't want to call him. I don't need
           to call him.

                          DEBBIE
           You should call.

                          ALISON
           I can't call him anyway. He doesn't
           even have a phone. He didn't even have
           a number to give me.

                          DEBBIE
           He doesn't have a phone?

                          ALISON
           Said some kind of billing issue.

                          DEBBIE
           He can't afford a phone? Sadie has a
           phone.

                          ALISON
           Shit, you're right. I got to call. I
           don't know. I'm gonna have to look him
           up on his stupid website.

                          DEBBIE
           What kind of website does he have?

                         

          INT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE, OFFICE

          Debbie and Alison sit at the computer looking at Flesh Of the
          Stars.

                          DEBBIE
           He spelling "coming" wrong. Oh it's
           "cum." That's gross.

                          ALISON
           Just go to "Contact Us."

                          DEBBIE
           Ben?

                          ALISON
           Yeah.
          Debbie begins to type the email.

           KNOCKED UP - 35.

                         

                          DEBBIE
           "What is your number? I need to speak
           with you right away." Send?

                          ALISON
           Yep.

                          DEBBIE
           You're sure?

                          ALISON
           Yeah.

                         

          EXT. BEN'S HOUSE - NIGHT

          Ben and his roommates are sitting around smoking weed.

                          JAY
           I love weed.

                          JONAH
           I could smoke weed every second of
           every day.
          Ben wears a gas mask attached to a bong.

                          BEN
           (through the mask)
           Jay, I am your stoner.
          Everyony LAUGHS.
          Jason sits with his laptop.

                          JASON
           Hey, Benjamin?

                          BEN
           Yeah.

                          JASON
           "Flesh of the Stars" just got an e-
           mail.

                          BEN
           Really?

                          JASON
           Would you like me to read it to you?

                          BEN
           Yeah, sure.

                          JASON
           "Ben, what is your number? I need to
           speak to you right away. Alison Scott"

           BEN, JASON & JONAH
           Ohhhhhh!

                          BEN
           Shit! Someone wants seconds, mama!

           KNOCKED UP - 36.

                         
          Jason types a reply while Ben watches on.

                          JASON
           "Looking forward to speaking with
           you."

                          BEN
           Yeah. Do one of those smiley faces at
           the end. Fuckin' A. Those are sexy.

                          JASON
           Sent.

                         

          INT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE, OFFICE

          Alison paces as she dials Ben's number.

                         

          EXT. BEN'S HOUSE

          The phone RINGS.

                          BEN
           Uh-oh!

                          JAY
           Somebody wants another piece!

                          BEN
           Shhh....

                          JAY

                          (WHISPERING)
           Booty, booty, booty call.

                         INTERCUT:

                          BEN
           (into the phone)
           Hello?

                          ALISON
           (into the phone)
           Hi, Ben, this is Alison. I don't know
           if you remember me.

                          BEN
           (into the phone)
           Oh, yeah, Alison. What's up?
          Ben is humping Jason's head.

                          JONAH
           She like-a the way your dick tastes.

                          ALISON
           (into the phone)
           I actually was just wondering if maybe
           you, wanted to get together, like
           tomorrow night?

           KNOCKED UP - 37.

                         

                          BEN
           (into the phone)
           I've been meaning to call you so we
           could hook up again. You know what I'm
           sayin'?

                          ALISON
           (into the phone)
           Let's meet up maybe tomorrow night?
           You wanna just grab some dinner?

                          BEN
           (into the phone)
           Why not? Meeting of minds sounds good.
           What do you say Geisha House,
           Hollywood, nine o'clock?

                          ALISON
           (into the phone)
           Sure. That's cool. Can we make it more
           like six, though? I'd like to keep it
           early.

                          BEN
           (into the phone)
           Six o'clock. Beat the rush. Yeah,
           leave more time for afterwards.
           Dessert. Sweet.

                          ALISON
           (into the phone)
           Okay. I'll just meet you there, then,
           at six.
          All the guys mime having sex with each other.

                          BEN
           (into the phone)
           I'll see you there. Take care. Peace.

                          ALISON
           Oh, shit.

                          BEN
           I'm gonna get laid mother fuckers!
          High fives all around for Ben and the roommates.

                         

          INT. GEISHA HOUSE - NIGHT

          Ben and Alison sit at a table in the crowded restaurant.

                          BEN
           Nice place, huh?

                          ALISON
           It's really nice.

                          BEN
           Sorry it took so long to get a table.
           I didn't realize you needed a
           reservation.

           KNOCKED UP - 38.

                         

                          ALISON
          That's okay.

                          BEN
          You look very pretty, though.

                          ALISON
          Thanks. Yeah, I just thought, I don't
          know, I thought maybe it'd be cool to
          hang out a little bit and... We didn't
          really get to talk much last time so I

                         THOUGHT--

                          BEN
          That we didn't.

                          ALISON
          I thought maybe we'd just talk and get
          to know each other...better.

                          BEN
          Cool. Okay, I'll start. I'm Canadian.

                          ALISON
          That's cool.

                          BEN
          From Vancouver. I live here illegally,
          actually. Don't tell anyone. But it
          works out in my advantage, ultimately,
          `cause I don't have to pay any taxes.
          So financially that's helpful `cause I
          don't have a lot of money. I'm not
          poor or anything but I eat a lot of
          spaghetti.

                          ALISON
          So the web page is it just something
          that you guys do for fun? Do you have
          a real job?

                          BEN
          Well, that is our job.

                          ALISON
          Oh.

                          BEN
          We don't technically get money for the
          hours we put in, but it is our job.

                          ALISON
          So, how do you...?

                          BEN
          How do I pay rent and shit?

                          ALISON
          Right.

                          BEN
          When I was in high school, I got ran
          over by a postal truck.

           KNOCKED UP - 39.

                         

                          ALISON
          Oh, my God.

                          BEN
          It was my foot more than anything.
          But, I got fourteen grand from the
          British Columbia government.

                          ALISON
          Right.

                          BEN
          And that really lasted me until now.
          It's been almost ten years. I have
          like nine hundred bucks left. So that
          should last me for I'm not a
          mathematician, but like another two
          years or some shit...I think.

                          ALISON
          Yeah. So, I have something I really
          need to tell you. It's kind of why I
          called you. Here it goes. I'm
          pregnant.

                          BEN
          Fuck off.

                          ALISON
          What?

                          BEN
          What?

                          ALISON
          I'm pregnant...?

                          BEN
          With emotion?

                          ALISON
          With a baby. You're the father.

                          BEN
          I'm the father.

                          ALISON
          Yes!

                          BEN
          How the fuck could this happen?

                          ALISON
          I don't know. I thought you were
          wearing a condom.

                          BEN
          No.

                          ALISON
          What?

                          BEN
          I wasn't.

           KNOCKED UP - 40.

                         

                          ALISON
          Why not?

                          BEN
          Because you told me not to.

                          ALISON
          What are you talking about?

                          BEN
          What am I talking about? You told me
          not to.

                          ALISON
          I did not tell you not to wear a
          condom.

                          BEN
          Here's what happened, okay? I will
          give you a play-by-play of my memory.
          I almost had the condom on my dick. It
          was on the cusp and then you said,
          "Just do it, already."

                          ALISON
          I didn't mean do it without a condom.
          I mean "do it" like "hurry up," like
          "get fucking going!"

                          BEN
          Well, I assumed you were wearing a
          patch, or like a dental dam or one of
          those fuckin' butterfly clips or
          something like that.

                          ALISON
          What the hell is a dental dam?

                          BEN
          It's like Saran Wrap! It's disgusting,
          okay? But I thought you had one. Why
          the fuck didn't you stop me once we
          started?

                          ALISON
          Oh, my God! I don't know! I couldn't
          tell that you didn't have one on!
          Obviously, I was drunk!

                          BEN
          Was your vagina drunk? Did you think
          it's the thinnest condom on earth I
          have on? I'm a fuckin' inventor? I
          made a dick-skin condom? He hollowed
          out a penis and put it on? What the
          fuck?!

                          ALISON
          You are unbelievable.

                          BEN
          Okay, you know what? Maybe, I've
          reacted unfavorably. So what happens
          now? I don't know how this works.

           KNOCKED UP - 41.

                         

                          ALISON
           I am going to the doctor next
           week...and I thought you could come
           with me to the gynecologist.

                          BEN
           So you haven't seen him, though?

                          ALISON
           No.

                          BEN
           So you don't know if you're pregnant.

                          ALISON
           Well, I'm not a hundred percent sure.

                          BEN
           You're not a hundred percent sure. I
           bet you're not pregnant.

                         

          INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE, WAITING ROOM - DAY

          Ben and Alison sit in the crowded waiting room.

           DR. PELLAGRINO'S NURSE
           Alison Scott?

                          ALISON
           Yeah, yeah.

                          (TO BEN)
           Come on.

                          BEN
           I'm supposed to go?

                          ALISON
           Yes.

                         

          INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE, EXAMINATION ROOM

          Alison is in a gown on the table. Ben stands by looking at the
          diagrams on the wall.
          DR. PELLAGRINO enters.

           DR. PELLAGRINO
           Hello. My name is Thomas Pellagrino.

                          BEN
           I'm Ben Stone.

           DR. PELLAGRINO
           Hi, there, champ. And you must be
           Debbie's sister...Alice.

                          ALISON
           Alison.

           DR. PELLAGRINO
           Hi. How are ya?

           KNOCKED UP - 42.

                         

                          ALISON
           Good.

           DR. PELLAGRINO
           So, what can I help you with today,
           Mister and Mrs. Stone?

                          ALISON
           I took a home pregnancy test and it
           said I was pregnant, so here we are.

           DR. PELLAGRINO
           Let's have a look. Legs up.
          Alison puts her legs up and leans back.

                          BEN
           Nice office.

           DR. PELLAGRINO
           Thank you.
          Dr. Pellagrino examines Allison's genital area.
           DR. PELLAGRINO(cont'd)
           Well, you do look a lot like your
           sister.
          Dr. Pellagrino picks up a long cone shaped device.
           DR. PELLAGRINO(cont'd)
           This is gonna be cold.

                          (TO BEN)
           And you're next. I'm just kidding.
          Dr. Pellagrino looks at Ben and shrugs like saying "this is just
          part of the job" as he puts the cone device inside Alison.
           DR. PELLAGRINO (CONT'D) (cont'd)
           There's the cervix. And the uterus.
           See that? That dark sac there, that's
           the amniotic sac. And right there, in
           the middle is the embryo. Do you see
           that flicker? You know what that is?
           That's the heartbeat. Yeah, it looks
           like you are pregnant. About eight or
           nine weeks, I'd say. Congratulations.
          Alison points to the monitor.

                          ALISON
           That, that's it?

           DR. PELLAGRINO
           Yep. Take good care of it. Now the fun
           part starts. Let me make a picture for
           ya, huh? That'll be fun.
          Alison begins to CRY.
           DR. PELLAGRINO (CONT'D) (cont'd)
           Well, I'll meet ya in my office. I'll
           give ya a little time alone, there.

           KNOCKED UP - 43.

                         
          Alison continues to cry. Ben stands by SILENTLY, stunned.

                          BEN
           Oh, God. It's okay.

                         

          INT. BEN'S HOUSE - NIGHT

          All the roommates and Ben sit around passing a bong.

                          JONAH
           I can't fuckin' believe you didn't
           wear a bag! Who does that?!

                          JASON
           Why did we go to Costco and buy a
           year's supply of condoms if you
           weren't gonna use `em, man?

                          JONAH
           I can't believe you did this. You
           fucked everything up.

                          JASON
           Look, the real point is not to get
           yourself in this position. That's what
           you have to realize. You gotta know
           all the tricks. Like, for example, if
           a woman's on top, she can't get
           pregnant. It's just gravity.

                          JONAH
           Everyone knows that.

                          JASON
           What goes up must come down.

                          JAY
           I think it's awesome that you're gonna
           have a kid, man. Think of it like
           this. It's just an excuse to play with
           all your old toys again.

                          JONAH
           You know what I think you should do?
           Take care of it.

                          JAY
           Tell me you don't want him to get an
           "A word."

                          JONAH
           Yes, I do, and I won't say it for
           little Baby Ears over there, but it
           rhymes with shmish-mortion." I'm just
           saying -- hold on Jay, cover your ears
           -- you should get a "shmish-morshmion"
           are the "shmish-morshmion" clinic.

                          JAY
           Ben, you cannot let these monsters
           have any part of your child's life.
           All right? I'm gonna be there to rear
           your child.

           KNOCKED UP - 44.

                         

                          JASON
           You hear that, Ben? Don't let him near
           the kid. He wants to rear your child!
          Ben gets up and leaves the room.

                          JONAH
           Aw, Ben. Ben, come on, man.

                          JASON
           I'm just kidding you.

                          JAY
           Oh, great. Now he's upset.

                          JASON
           I won't let him do it.

                         

          INT. RESTAURANT - DAY

          Alison and her mother, BETTY, sit over lunch.

                          BETTY
           Alison, just take care of it. Take
           care of it. Move on. What's gonna
           happen with your career? Or how, how
           are you gonna tell them?

                          ALISON
           Well, I'm not gonna tell them for a
           while. I have a while before I have to
           say anything.

                          BETTY
           How could you not tell them?

                          ALISON
           Well, they're not gonna know. I mean,
           I'm only gonna start to show when I'm
           like, I don't know, six months or
           something. Seven months.

                          BETTY
           Three months.

                          ALISON
           No.

                          BETTY
           Three months. Fat in the face, jowls,
           fast ass.

                          ALISON
           Debbie didn't get fat.

                          BETTY
           Debbie is a freak of nature.

                          ALISON
           Mom, you know, it's important to me
           that you be supportive.

           KNOCKED UP - 45.

                         

                          BETTY
           I cannot be supportive of this. This
           is a mistake. This is a big, big
           mistake. Now think about your
           stepsister. Now, you remember what
           happened with her? She had the same
           situation as you and she had it taken
           care of. And you know what? Now she
           has a real baby. Honey, this is not
           the time.

                         

          INT. DINER - DAY

          Ben and his father, HARRIS, sit at a table over lunch.

                          HARRIS
           I'm gonna be a grandfather.

                          BEN
           You happy about that?

                          HARRIS
           Absolutely. Delighted.

                          BEN
           This is a disaster.

                          HARRIS
           No, this is not a disaster.

                          BEN
           It is, you know?

                          HARRIS
           An earthquake is a disaster. Your
           grandmother having Alzheimer's so bad
           she doesn't even know who the fuck I
           am, that's a disaster. This is a good
           thing. This is a blessing.

                          BEN
           I had a vision for how my life would
           go and this definitely is not it.

                          HARRIS
           Wait. Are you living your vision right
           now?

                          BEN
           I am kinda living my vision, yeah.

                          HARRIS
           Well, that is sad, I'm telling you.
           Life doesn't care about your vision.
           Okay?

                          BEN
           Okay.

                          HARRIS
           Stuff happens. You just got to deal
           with it. Roll with it. That's the
           beauty of it all.

           KNOCKED UP - 46.

                         

                          BEN
           I just don't get how I tell the kid
           not to do drugs when I do drugs. I'll
           feel like a hypocrite.

                          HARRIS
           Well you remember what I told you?
           When you were a teenager?

                          BEN
           What did you say?

                          HARRIS
           I said, "No pill, no powders."

                          BEN
           That's right, that's right.

                          HARRIS
           Right. If it grows in the ground, it's
           probably okay.

                          BEN
           I guess it worked. You told me not to
           smoke pot all those years. And then I
           found out you were smoking pot that
           whole time.

                          HARRIS
           Not the whole time. Just in the
           evenings and all day every weekend.
           Not that much.

                          BEN
           Honestly, though, when you look at me,
           do you not think at all, like, you
           know, if he just never existed, I
           would have avoided a massive heap of
           trouble? You know?

                          HARRIS
           Absolutely not. I love you totally and
           completely. You're the best thing that
           ever happened to me.

                          BEN
           I'm the best thing that ever happened
           to you?

                          HARRIS
           Yeah.

                          BEN
           Now I just feel bad for you.

                         

          INT. ALLISON'S GUEST HOUSE - NIGHT

          Alison dials the phone.

                         

          INT. BEN'S HOUSE, BEN'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

          Ben picks up.

           KNOCKED UP - 47.

                         

                         INTERCUT:

                          BEN
           Hello?

                          ALISON
           Hi, Ben?

                          BEN
           Hey Alison, how's it goin'?

                          ALISON
           Good, good. You know, I was just
           calling to, let you know that, I've
           decided to keep the baby.That's what's
           happening with that.

                          BEN
           Good. That's good. That's what I was
           hoping you'd do. So, awesome.

                          ALISON
           Yeah, yeah, it is good.

                          BEN
           I know we didn't plan this and neither
           of us really thought it was gonna
           happen but life is like that, you
           know? You can't plan for it and even
           if we did, life doesn't care about
           your plans, necessarily, and you just
           kinda have to go with the flow and I
           just know my job is to just support
           you in whatever it is you wanna do.
           I'm in, so whatever you wanna do, I'm
           gonna do.
          Alison WEEPS softly into the phone.

                          BEN(CONT'D)
           I'm on board. Yaaay.

                          ALISON
           I really appreciate you saying that.

                          BEN
           No problem. I'll tell you, maybe if
           you could help me by telling me, like
           one thing that I am supposed to do,
           then that would be good, `cause I
           literally have no idea whatsoever.

                          ALISON
           I have no idea either.

                          BEN
           Do you want to, like, get together and
           talk about it or something like that?

                          ALISON
           Yeah, sure.

                          BEN
           Like a date? I mean...

           KNOCKED UP - 48.

                         

                          ALISON
           Yeah.

                         

          EXT. BEN'S HOUSE

          Alison drives up to Ben's House.

                         

          INT. BEN'S HOUSE

          Alison KNOCKS on the door and Ben answers.

                          BEN

                          HEY

                          ALISON
           Hi.

                          BEN
           You look beautiful.

                          ALISON
           Thank you.

                          BEN
           No problem. Come on in.
          Ben leads Alison into the living room where the rest of the
          roommates are hanging out.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           Everyone, this is Alison.

                          ALISON
           Hi.

                          JASON
           Ally. Hey. Jason. I'm sure you
           remember.

                          ALISON
           Yes.

                          JASON
           You look beautiful.

                          ALISON
           Thank you.

                          JASON
           Your body's responding really well to
           the pregnancy.

                          ALISON
           Thank you.

                          JASON
           It's amazing how fast the milk
           arrives. How's your sis?

                          ALISON
           She's good.

           KNOCKED UP - 49.

                         

                          JASON
           Oh, good. Tell her "What's up" for me.

                          ALISON
           Okay.

                          JASON
           All right, I'm gonna go make a protein
           shake.

                          BEN
           And this, uh, beautiful young man is
           Jonah.

                          ALISON
           Hi.

                          JONAH
           Hey.

                          BEN
           Okay, that's Martin and Jodi over
           there.

                          ALISON
           Hi.

                          BEN
           I'm gonna grab my shirt. Just take a
           seat if you want.
          Ben exits. Jonah is watching the lesbian sex scene in "Wild
          Things."

                          JONAH
           Just another day at the office. Do you
           have any acting experience?

                          ALISON
           No.

                          MARTIN
           How's it goin'? You wanna toke?

                          ALISON
           Eh, no. I'm good.

                          JODI
           Hi.

                          ALISON
           Hi.

                          JODI
           I'm Jodi.

                          ALISON
           Yeah, hi.

                          JODI
           I heard you were pregnant.

                          ALISON
           Mm-hm.

           KNOCKED UP - 50.

                         

                          JODI
           Oh, aren't you scared? The way it's
           gonna come out of your...It's gonna
           hurt a lot I bet. Your vagina...That's
           so sick.

                          ALISON
           I don't know.

                          JODI
           Are you hungry?

                          ALISON
           I'm okay right now. Thank you.

                          JODI
           You must be angry at the baby whenever
           it steals your food, huh? "Oh it's
           mine, not yours." But, you know...
           Because you're family, you got to
           share.

                          ALISON
           Right.
          Jay enters the room in a towel after a shower.

                          JAY
           Man, my balls are shaved. My pubes are
           trimmed. I'm ready to fuckin' rock
           this shit.

                          JONAH
           What the fuck, man?! If I go in there
           and see fuckin' pubes sprinkled on the
           toiled seat, I'm gonna fuckin' lose my
           mind! Last time I went to the
           bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my
           shit looked like a fuckin' stuffed
           animal!

                          JAY
           You're embarrassing me in company!

                          JONAH
           You embarrass yourself!

                          JAY
           Oh, great. I hope you have a great
           evening!
          Jay exits. Ben enters in his new shirt.

                          BEN
           All right. Let's go. See you guys
           later.

                         

          EXT. MICELLI'S RESTAURANT

          Establishing shot.

           KNOCKED UP - 51.

                         

          INT. MICELLI'S RESTAURANT

          Alison and Ben sit in a booth over appetizers.

                          ALISON
           The funny thing is I really had never
           even thought about having a baby.

                          BEN
           Yeah.

                          ALISON
           If this hadn't happened, I don't think
           I would have wanted to have a baby
           for, like, I don't know, at least ten
           years.

                          BEN
           At least! God, honestly, I just got
           used to the notion that someone would
           even have sex with me. I didn't think
           this would happen.

                         

          EXT. JACADI, BABY CLOTHING STORE - NIGHT

          Establishing shot.

                         

          INT. JACADI, BABY CLOTHING STORE

          Ben puts on a baby hat and holds a baby outfit in front of him.

                          BEN
           Get ready. This will be coming out of
           you in seven months. This is exactly
           what our baby will look like.

                          ALISON
           It's a beautiful picture, Ben.

                          BEN
           It is. It's not bad.
           (in a French accent)
           Hello, Mommy. Our baby's gonna be
           French Canadian. I like that.

                          ALISON
           With a little hint of Spanish.

                          BEN
           Exactly, I'm not good with accents.

                         

          EXT. BOOKSTORE - NIGHT

          Establishing shot.

                         

          INT. BOOKSTORE

          Ben and Alison browse the baby section.

           KNOCKED UP - 52.

                         

                          BEN
           Baby books.

                          ALISON
           Awesome.

                          BEN
           "What to Expect When You're
           Expecting."

                          ALISON
           What can we expect?

                          BEN
           Well, you can't eat sushi. You can't
           smoke. You can't smoke marijuana. You
           can't smoke crack. And you can't jump
           on trampolines. This is basically a
           giant list of things you can't do.

                          ALISON
           It sounds thrilling.

                          BEN
           I'm gonna be sitting there on the
           trampoline smoking crack. And you're
           not gonna have anything to do. You're
           gonna be bored. But I can't wait to
           read these, honestly. I put these in
           front of my toilet, though, they'll be
           read by tomorrow morning. Do you want
           me to get you that?

                          ALISON
           Yeah, thank you.

                          BEN
           No problem. These are heavy.

                         

          EXT. MALL - NIGHT

          Ben and Alison walk side-by-side carrying their purchases. They
          both reach over and hold hands.

                         

          INT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE, BATHROOM - NIGHT

          Debbie and Pete get ready for bed at separate sinks.

                          PETE
           So what do you think? Should we have
           sex tonight?

                          DEBBIE
           Ugh. Sounds awful. I'm just really
           constipated. Do you really want to?

                          PETE
           Well, now.

                          DEBBIE
           Shut up.

           KNOCKED UP - 53.

                         

                          PETE
           That's pretty crazy how your sister's
           pregnant.

                          DEBBIE
           We have to help her.

                          PETE
           I think they'll be fine. They'll work
           it...Look at us. It happened to us.

                          DEBBIE
           We'll help her raise the baby.

                          PETE
           Well...fuck!

                         

          EXT. ALLISON'S GUEST HOUSE

          Establishing shot.

                         

          INT. ALLISON'S GUEST HOUSE

          Alison and Ben stand while kissing.

                          BEN
           At least we don't have to use a
           condom, you know?
          Alison pulls away.
           BEN (CONT'D) (cont'd)
           But we can. I brought some just in
           case. I don't have V.D. or anything. I
           mean, I don't, I thought--

                          ALISON
           It's not that.

                          BEN
           It's just I thought we could get a
           little...fun out of your situation,
           you know?

                          ALISON
           Okay, first of all, it's not my
           situation. It's our situation.

                          BEN
           I know that.

                          ALISON
           And just because I'm pregnant, I'm not
           some ruined woman and all romance goes
           out the door.

                          BEN
           I'm sorry. I like you a lot. That's
           all this is.

                          ALISON
           I like you, too.

           KNOCKED UP - 54.

                         

                          BEN
           Sweet.

                          ALISON
           A little, so far. I mean, we have
           seven months before the baby comes. We
           don't have to rush it.

                          BEN
           Yeah.

                          ALISON
           We should really just try to get to
           know each other and...give this a real
           shot. You know? We got ourselves into
           this situation. We kind of have to.

                          BEN
           For the baby, right?

                          ALISON
           Exactly. Okay, if this was our second
           date, what would you do?

                          BEN
           B.J. If I'm just being honest. I told
           my roommates that I thought I was
           gonna get a B.J., so...

                          ALISON
           You know what? For the sake of getting
           to know one another, can you not talk
           like that?

                          BEN
           I can do that. I'm really nervous.

                          ALISON
           I'm nervous, too. I'm really nervous.

                          BEN
           Yeah.
          Ben and Alison kiss.

                          ALISON
           You're a sweet guy, right?

                          BEN
           I think I am.

                          ALISON
           Don't fuck me over, okay?

                          BEN
           I wouldn't do that. Just so you know,
           I'm the guy girls fuck over. I'm that
           guy. So you don't fuck me over, okay?

                          ALISON
           Okay.

                          BEN
           I couldn't take it. I can't raise this
           baby alone.

           KNOCKED UP - 55.

                         
          Ben and Alison kiss.

                         

          EXT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE - MORNING

          Establishing shot.

                         

          INT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE, KITCHEN

          Debbie, Pete, Charlotte, Sadie, Alison and Ben eat breakfast
          together.

                          CHARLOTTE
           Who's he?

                          BEN
           I'm Ben Stone.

                          ALISON
           He's my boyfriend.

                          PETE
           That's nice.

                          SADIE
           I never met him before.

                          ALISON
           He's a new boyfriend.

                          BEN
           But a boyfriend.

                          SADIE
           So he came over for breakfast because
           he's your new boyfriend?

                          DEBBIE
           He came from his house, drove over to
           our house because he thought it would
           be fun to have breakfast with us, so
           he drove his car from his house to our
           house to have breakfast.

                          PETE
           Because he likes breakfast so much.

                          CHARLOTTE
           I love breakfast.

                          BEN
           You guys wanna hear something neat?
           We're gonna have a baby together.

                          SADIE
           What?

                          BEN
           Yeah, a baby.

                          SADIE
           Well, you're not married. Aren't you
           supposed to be married to have a baby?

           KNOCKED UP - 56.

                         

                          PETE
           You don't have to be.

                          DEBBIE
           But they should be because they love
           each other and people who love each
           other get married and have babies.

                          SADIE
           Where do babies come from?

                          DEBBIE
           Where do you think they come from?

                          SADIE
           Well, I think a stork, he drops it
           down, and then, a hole goes in your
           body and there's blood everywhere,
           coming out of your head, and then you
           push your belly-button, and then your
           butt falls off and then you hold you
           butt and you have to dig and you find
           a little baby.

                          DEBBIE
           That's exactly right.

                         

          EXT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE, BACKYARD

          Ben is in a playhouse with Sadie while Charlotte jumps on the
          trampoline.

                          CHARLOTTE
           Feed the teddy bear.

                          BEN
           I feed your bear the grass? Know what
           your bear would also like to do with
           some grass? Smoke it.
          Allison and Debbie watch Ben and the kids from the patio.

                          ALISON

                          (TO DEBBIE)
           What do you think of him? He's funny,
           right?
          Ben throws the bear's bowl.

                          BEN
           Fetch. All right, bring it back.

                          DEBBIE

                          (TO ALISON)
           He's playing fetch with my kids. He's
           treating my kids like they're dogs.

                          ALISON

                          (TO DEBBIE)
           No's he not.
          Ben throws the bear this time.

           KNOCKED UP - 57.

                         

                          BEN
           Go get it! Fetch!

                          DEBBIE

                          (TO ALISON)
           Plays fetch with the kids.

                          BEN
           All right!

                          ALISON

                          (TO DEBBIE)
           He's trying. He's making an effort.

                          CHARLOTTE
           I don't wanna play this anymore.

                          BEN
           Bring it back.

                          DEBBIE

                          (TO ALISON)
           He's overweight. Where does that end?
           How old is he?

                          ALISON

                          (TO DEBBIE)
           Twenty-three.

                          DEBBIE

                          (TO ALISON)
           Looks thirty-three. He can barely get
           in and out of that little house.
           Imagine how much bigger he's going to
           get.
          Ben tries to exit the playhouse but gets stuck a couple times.

                          DEBBIE (CONT'D)
           That means he has bad genes. Your kid
           is going to be overweight.

                          ALISON
           Shit.

                          BEN
           I'm gonna get you!
          Ben chases the girls on top of the trampoline.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           I'm gonna get you! Whoa!
          Ben falls off the trampoline onto the grass. The kids love it.

                          ALISON

                          (TO DEBBIE)
           Just give him a break.

                          DEBBIE

                          (TO ALISON)
           Okay, I'll try.

           KNOCKED UP - 58.

                         
          Charlotte pegs a beach ball at Ben's head.

                         

                         

          EXT. PLAYGROUND - DAY

          Ben and Pete sit while Charlotte and Sadie blow bubbles.

                          BEN
           They seem to love bubbles.

                          PETE
           They go ape-shit over bubbles.

                          BEN
           They're really going ape-shit.

                          PETE
           That's an incredible thing about a
           child. What's so great about bubbles?

                          BEN
           They float. You can pop them. I mean,
           I get it. I get it.

                          PETE
           I wish I liked anything as much as my
           kids like bubbles.

                          BEN
           That's sad.

                          PETE
           It's totally sad. Their smiling faces
           just point out your inability to enjoy
           anything.

                          BEN
           Am I going to be okay, man?

                          PETE
           Who knows? Is anybody okay? I'm not
           okay. You're asking the wrong guy.
           Just don't ask me to lend you any
           money, you know?

                          BEN
           Can I just have some?

                          PETE
           No.

                         

          EXT. BEN'S HOUSE - DAY

          Jason and Jonah play ping-pong while the rest of the roommates,
          including Ben, watch.

                          JASON
           I have fifteen years of tennis
           lessons.

           KNOCKED UP - 59.

                         

                          JONAH
          And twelve years of sucking dick
          lessons.

                          JAY

                          (TO BEN)
          So?

                          BEN
          I can't ref the next games, by the
          way. I got to go meet gynecologists
          with Alison. She doesn't like her
          gynecologist.

                          JAY
          You think she likes you?

                          BEN
          She's trying to.

                          JAY
          She's entertaining the idea of liking
          you.

                          BEN
          Exactly. I'll take that.

                          JAY
          Wll, see she's bringing you to the
          gynechiatrist. She must like you.

                          BEN
          That's pretty good, I think.

                          JASON
          You know who I'd like to get pregnant
          is that Felicity Huffman, man. Ever
          since "Transamerica," I can't get her
          out of my mind.

                          BEN
          Guys, I hate to crack the whip, but
          it's kind of, uh, business meeting
          time. I need moolah. When do you think
          we can launch this site?

                          JAY
          Geez.

                          JONAH
          You can't rush this. You know what
          happens to these sites when they go up
          and they don't function well? They
          die.

                          BEN
          Seriously, guys, let's say I want to
          launch today. Let's start... let's use
          that as a jumping off point. Let's
          make this happen. What can we do?

                          JONAH
          Look, man, I didn't go to Yale so I
          could work twelve hours a day.

           KNOCKED UP - 60.

                         

                          JASON
           I thought you went to Santa Monica
           City College.

                          JONAH
           I went where I went, Jason.

                          BEN
           I'm not asking you to work twelve
           hours a day. I mean, you guys watch
           movies without nudity in them.

                          JASON
           I'll tell you what, man. We could
           probably get it online in three
           months.

                          BEN
           Thank you. Yes! Three months.

                          JONAH
           Come on, Jason!
          Jason serves the ball and Jonah hits it as hard as he can to win
          the game.

                          JONAH (CONT'D)
           Fuck off!

                          JASON
           Yeah, well, you still have a little
           dick, Cartman.

                         

          EXT. TOWN STREET - DAY

          Ben and Alison drive to the gynecologist.

                         

          INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE

          Alison is on the examination table while DR. KUNI examines her.

           DR. KUNI
           Do you smoke cigarettes?

                          ALISON
           No.

           DR. KUNI
           Do you smoke cigarettes?

                          ALISON
           I have on occasion.

           DR. KUNI
           On occasion? When? When was the last
           time you had one cig? You know, on,
           you know, a little...I need to know or
           I will not be your doctor.

           KNOCKED UP - 61.

                         

          INT. GYM

          Ben and Alison are in a spin class. Ben is sweating profusely.

                          ALISON
           How ya doing?

                          BEN
           I'm breathing like James Gandolfini
           over here.
          A person next to them peddles extremely fast.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           (to nearby athlete)
           Slow down, man. You're making me look
           like a jackass.

                         

          INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE

          Alison is on the table with her legs up while a YOUNG DOCTOR
          examines her. Ben sits by Alison.

                          YOUNG DOCTOR
           How long you kids been married?

                          BEN
           We're not.

                          ALISON
           No.

                          YOUNG DOCTOR
           You're single?

                          BEN
           She's not single. She's just not
           married.

                          YOUNG DOCTOR
           Are you two together?
          Alison and Ben share a look of disbelief that the doctor is
          hitting on her.

                         

          INT. BEN'S HOUSE, KITCHEN - DAY

          Jodi and Alison are in the kitchen, cutting vegetables.

                          JODI
           Hey, you wanna trade boyfriends? Just
           kidding. Kind of.

                         

          INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE

          Alison is on the table while a FEMALE DOCTOR examines her. Ben
          watched on.

           KNOCKED UP - 62.

                         

                          FEMALE DOCTOR
           Wow. That is not your vagina. That's
           your asshole. That happens about five
           times a day.

                         

          INT. BEN'S HOUSE

          Alison and Ben sit on the couch. The rest of the roommates are all
          suited up for paintball.

                          JAY
           Are you sure you don't want to come
           paint-balling?

                          BEN
           Have fun, guys. Seriously, watch the
           eyes.

                          JAY
           All right.

                          JASON
           See ya, Ally.

                          JONAH
           Peace.

                          JAY
           Bye.
          Alison looks at Ben.

                          BEN
           I don't want to go. I swear to God. I
           want to see "Breathless" at the LACMA.

                         

          INT. BEN'S HOUSE - DAY

          Alison is watching a movie during a scene with a topless woman.

                          ALISON
           Boobs! Boobs! Boobs!
          Ben runs in.

                          BEN
           Hold on, pause it, pause it, pause it.

                          ALISON
           Boobs and bush.
          Ben hops on the couch the log the scene for the website.

                          ALISON (CONT'D)
           Good boobs.

                          BEN
           Those are good ones! We're like thirty-
           five seconds in.

                          ALISON
           Right over the beginning credits.

           KNOCKED UP - 63.

                         

                          BEN
           Nice. Credit bush. You never get
           opening-credit bush.

                          ALISON
           I know. That's so crazy.

                         

          EXT. DEBBIE'S HOUSE, POOL - DAY

          Alison sits on the side as Ben plays with Charlotte and Sadie in
          the pool.

                          BEN
           You got me. You got me.

                         

          INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE - DAY

          Ben and Alison sit across the desk from DR. HOWARD.

                          ALISON
           How many doctors are there in your
           practice? Just because I'm sort of
           looking for a more personal
           experience. I want to make sure that
           you're my doctor on the day and...

           DR. HOWARD
           I understand. We have three other
           doctors in the practice but I'm your
           man, okay? I don't take vacations. I
           hate Hawaii. I went to the Caribbean
           when I was fourteen and I'm never
           going back.

                          ALISON
           I feel really good about this.

                          (TO BEN)
           I think we found our doctor.

                          BEN
           Really?

                          ALISON
           Yeah.

                          BEN
           Oh, my God. Are you serious right now?

           DR. HOWARD
           You look relieved.

                          BEN
           I am very relieved.

           DR. HOWARD
           All right.

                          BEN
           I can't imagine meeting and more of
           you people.

           KNOCKED UP - 64.

                         

                          ALISON
           You're being dramatic. We didn't meet
           that many.

          CARD: 16 WEEKS.

                         

          INT. E ENTERTAINMENT TELEVISION STUDIO

          Alison is being measured by the WARDROBE LADY.

                          WARDROBE LADY
           Ooh. Do they know?

                          ALISON
           Pardon?

                          WARDROBE LADY
           The belly.

                          ALISON
           The doughnuts, they call to me.

                          WARDROBE LADY

                          YOU'RE--
          Jill walks by.

                          JILL
           Hey, Alison!

                          ALISON
           Hi.

                          JILL
           Great job.

                          ALISON
           Thanks.

                          JILL

                          (TO HERSELF)
           For you.

                          WARDROBE LADY
           You're pregnant aren't you?

                          ALISON
           What?

                          WARDROBE LADY
           I mean, you've put on like eight
           pounds, nine. It's all in your uterus.

                          ALISON
           Oh, shit. I haven't told them. Do you
           think they're gonna be mad? I'm really
           chickening out about this.

                          WARDROBE LADY
           It's okay. We can hide this. We'll
           dress you in black and we'll emphasize
           your boobs.

           KNOCKED UP - 65.

                         

                          ALISON
           Awesome.

                          WARDROBE LADY
           Your boobs are going to be big. And
           then they're going to be like scary
           big. But then they'll go down. And
           then they'll stay down.

                          ALISON
           Just don't say anything, okay? Please
           don't say anything.

                          WARDROBE LADY
           I won't. Just tell them. They'll be
           cool. Everybody loves somebody
           pregnant.

                         

          EXT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE - DAY

          Establishing shot.

                         

          INT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM

          Debbie and Pete use a laptop. Ben enters.

                          DEBBIE
           Ooh. Did you see this sex offender
           website? These are all the sex
           offenders in our neighborhood.
          Debbie points to the screen which has a map with red dots spread
          over it.

                          PETE
           Looks like your computer has chicken
           pox.

                          DEBBIE
           Those are sex offenders. These people
           live in our neighborhood.

                          PETE
           We'll skip their houses when we're
           trick or treating. What do you want me
           to do? Form a posse?

                          (TO BEN)
           Got your six-shooter on ya? I got my
           lynching rope.

                          DEBBIE
           You shouldn't take it so lightly.

                          PETE
           I don't take it lightly. I'm not going
           to go over to any of these people's
           houses and say, "Hey, you mind? Can
           you baby sit?"

                          DEBBIE
           If I didn't care about these things,
           you wouldn't care about anything. Care
           more.

           KNOCKED UP - 66.

                         

                          PETE
           You're so concerned with stuff, like
           don't get them vaccinated, don't let
           them eat fish. There's mercury in the
           water. Jesus, how much "Dateline NBC"
           can you watch?

                          DEBBIE
           I know we're supposed to be nice with
           each other right now, but I'm having a
           really hard time. I'm struggling with
           it right now.

                          PETE
           What am I doing?

                          DEBBIE
           Because I want to rip your fucking
           head off because you're so fucking
           stupid! This is scary.

                          DEBBIE (CONT'D)
           These are our children. You fucking
           dipshit!

                          PETE
           I literally am at a point where I
           don't know what I can say.

                          DEBBIE
           So I'm the bad guy because I'm trying
           to protect our kids from child
           molesters and mercury? And you're cool
           because you don't give a shit?

                          PETE
           Yeah.

                          DEBBIE
           Yeah? Is that it?

                          PETE
           Pretty much.

                          DEBBIE
           God, you're an asshole.

                          PETE
           Don't do this in front of Ben.

                          DEBBIE
           I don't give a shit about Ben.

                          PETE
           Sorry, Ben.

                          BEN
           It's okay. I didn't think she did,
           anyway.
          Alison enters.

                          ALISON
           Okay, come on! Let's go.

           KNOCKED UP - 67.

                         

                          PETE
           I can't go. This band is doing a
           showcase out in the Valley. I got to
           go.

                          DEBBIE
           It's Saturday.

                          PETE
           I got to go.

                         

          INT. BABY CLOTHES AND ACCESSORIES STORE

          Debbie and Alison are browsing the baby furniture. Ben trails
          behind.

                          DEBBIE
           You don't want to know the sex of the
           baby? That's no fun.

                          ALISON
           Ben knows, but I've sworn him to
           secrecy.

                          DEBBIE
           I'll get it out of him.
          Ben are looks at Baby Bjorn baby carriers. He brings ones to
          Alison.

                          BEN
           Hey. Think we'll ever be as happy as
           Baby Bjorn couple is?

                          ALISON
           We are that happy.

                          BEN
           Yeah. You look happy.

                          ALISON
           Which is awesome. Because I never like
           guys like you. It's great.

                          BEN
           You keep saying that. I know.
          Alison and Ben walk over to Debbie who is in front of a crib.

                          DEBBIE
           This is it. This is perfect.

                          BEN
           Nice.
          Ben looks at the price tag.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           Holy shit, it's fourteen hundred
           bucks.

           KNOCKED UP - 68.

                         

                          ALISON

                          (TO DEBBIE)
           We can just borrow yours. Is that
           okay?

                          DEBBIE
           No. You need your own crib.

                          BEN
           There's one of these in an alley
           behind my house. We could just grab
           that. Just rub Purell all over it.

                          DEBBIE
           You know what? Let me buy it. I need
           to get you a baby present anyway, and
           I would love to get it for you.

                          ALISON
           No.

                          DEBBIE
           I'm serious. I want to.

                          ALISON
           No. It's too much.

                          BEN
           (whispering to Alison)
           Shh. Yes. We'll take it obviously. I
           mean don't insult the woman. She wants
           to get us a gift.

                          DEBBIE
           Right.

                          BEN
           Want to buy me some new clothes? What
           else can I squeeze out of you?

           XBOX360, XBOX360.

                         

          EXT. BABY CLOTHES AND ACCESSORIES STORE

          Alison and Ben are carrying clothes to the car. Alison stops in
          her tracks when she sees a group of two young women and a man
          approaching.

                          ALISON
           It's so hot in the Valley.

                          GIRL #1
           Hey!

                          GIRL #2
           Oh, my God!

                          ALISON
           Oh, shit.

                          GIRL #1
           Alison!

           KNOCKED UP - 69.

                         

                          ALISON
          Hi!

                          GIRL #2
          Oh, it's so good to see you.

                          ALISON
          You too. Oh, my God.

                          GIRL #2
          We've been watching you on E! It's the
          coolest thing.

                          ALISON
          Yeah, it's been super-exciting, just
          crazy busy. I'm so sorry I haven't
          called.

                          GIRL #2
          Oh, it's fine.

                          (TO BEN)
          Hi, I'm Ashley.

                          ALISON
          This is my friend, Ben.

                          BEN
          I'm Ben.

                          GIRL #2
          I went to school with Alison.

                          GIRL #1
          So, okay, so is Debbie having another
          baby?

                          BEN
          No. Alison is.

                          GIRL #2
          What?! I just saw you a couple months
          ago. You're pregnant?

                          ALISON
          It was a big surprise.

                          BEN
          It's a really funny story, actually,
          if you guys, if you got a second to
          hear it.

                          ALISON
          It's not really funny.

                          GIRL #1
          Tell us.

                          ALISON
          It's not funny.

                          BEN
          Let them be the judge, okay? I think
          it's funny.

           KNOCKED UP - 70.

                         

                          ALISON
           All right.

                          BEN
           You know they say don't drink and
           drive?

                          GUY #1
           Right.

                          BEN
           Don't drink and bone!

                          GIRL #2
           Wow.

                         

          EXT. RECORD STORE - DAY

          Establishing shot.

                         

          INT. RECORD STORE

          Ben and Pete browse the records.

                          BEN
           Yeah, she was acting weird and I
           really think it's just because I
           haven't made an honest woman out of
           her. She's carrying my bastard child.
           No one wants that.

                          PETE
           That's what I did. I married Debbie
           when she got pregnant.

                          BEN
           You think she's, like, hiding me?
           Like, she's, like, embarrassed by me
           or something like that?

                          PETE
           Probably. I'd hide you.

                          BEN
           How much do wedding rings cost?

                          PETE
           It really depends, you know? I think
           you're supposed to spend three months
           pay on a ring.

                          BEN
           That'll be easy. I don't make any
           money.

                          PETE
           Really? I thought there was a lot of
           money in porn.

           KNOCKED UP - 71.

                         

                          BEN
           God, it's not porn? All we do is we
           show you what nude scenes are in what
           movies.

                          PETE
           Like Mister Skin?

                          BEN
           Who's Mister Skin?

                          PETE
           Dude, Mister Skin.
          Pete imitates the Mister Skin logo smile.

                         

          INT. BEN'S HOUSE - DAY

          Ben and the roommates look at the Mister Skin website.

                          JONAH
           We've wasted fourteen months of our
           lives.

                          BEN
           This is exactly the same as our site.
           How the fuck did this happen?

                          JONAH
           Mister Skin! That's even a better name
           than ours!

                          MARTIN
           Well, fuck me in the beard.

                          JASON
           Dude, they got the top ten group
           shower scenes! Why didn't you think of
           that, Jay!

                          JAY
           Don't put this on me!

                          BEN
           God damn it!

                          MARTIN
           Well shit. I saw it online at one
           point, but I guess I didn't connect
           the dots.

                          JONAH
           What are we gonna do now?

                          BEN
           All we need to do is think of a new,
           better idea that no one else has
           thought of already.

                          JASON
           "Spiderman Three" starts in eight
           minutes.

           KNOCKED UP - 72.

                         

                          JONAH
           Shit. Don't worry. We'll figure it
           out.
          Jonah, Jason and Martin exit. Ben and Jay sit at the desk.

                          BEN
           You know what? Just because this site
           exists doesn't mean ours won't work.
           Good things come in pairs.

                          JAY
           For sure.

                          BEN
           "Volcano," "Dante's Peak." "Deep
           Impact," "Armageddon." "Wyatt Earp,"
           "Tombstone."

                          JAY
           Panda Express, Yoshinoya Beef Bowl.

                          BEN
           Exactly. We can work together. This
           helps us, if anything.

                          JAY
           We're golden.

                         

          EXT. ALISON'S GUEST HOUSE - AFTERNOON

          Establishing shot.

                         

          INT. ALISON'S GUEST HOUSE

          Alison sits on the bed while Ben kneels in front of her.

                          BEN
           Alison, I'm sure this isn't how you
           pictured it being exactly and it's not
           how I wanted it. That is why I'm
           presenting you with this empty box.
           It's a promise, Alison. A promise that
           one day I will fill this with a ring
           that you deserve, a beautiful ring. I
           can't afford it yet. I've picked it
           out, though. It's at De Beers and it's
           really nice. So, basically, I'm asking
           you, will you marry me? Because I'm in
           love with you.

                          ALISON
           I love you too.

                          BEN
           Really? That's so nice to hear. That's
           the first time a girl's ever said that
           to me.

                          ALISON
           But here's the thing.

           KNOCKED UP - 73.

                         

                          BEN
           There's a thing?

                          ALISON
           I don't really know yet what that love
           means. It's so new and it's so
           exciting. It's great. I don't know.
           We've only known each other for
           seventeen weeks.

                          BEN
           Look, I thought you felt weird that
           we're having a baby and we're not
           engaged. I'm going to get off my knee.
           It hurts.
          Ben sits next to Alison on the bed.

                          ALISON
           I'm okay with that. We're just doing
           what we can. I don't want us to put
           any more pressure on ourselves than we
           have.

                          BEN
           That makes sense.

                          ALISON
           I didn't hurt your feelings, did I?

                          BEN
           No. I just wanted to do right by you.
           If you don't want to, that's totally
           cool.

                          ALISON
           I really do love you.

                          BEN
           I know. Thanks. You mentioned that.
           It's nice.

                         

          INT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE, BEDROOM - NIGHT

          Debbie and Alison eat ice cream in bed and watch TV.

                          ALISON
           Ben proposed to me. He did. It was
           really sweet. I feel a little bad. He
           was wearing this great button-down. He
           tucked it in. He got down on one knee.
           He didn't have an actual ring, though,
           just an empty box but he had this
           whole spiel about when he has the
           money, he'll buy me the ring I
           deserve.

                          DEBBIE
           The box was empty?

                          ALISON
           He can't afford a ring.

           KNOCKED UP - 74.

                         

                          DEBBIE
           So he got down on one knee and gave
           you an empty box?

                          ALISON
           Yes.

                          DEBBIE
           I'm sorry.

                          ALISON
           Get over it. If you'd been there, you
           would have cried.

                          DEBBIE
           You need to train him. Oprah said that
           when two people meet they should point
           out each other's differences and
           flaws.

                          ALISON
           I thought you should love people for
           who they are.

                          DEBBIE
           You criticize them a lot, so they get
           so down on themselves they have to
           change.

                          ALISON
           You don't think that's naggy?

                          DEBBIE
           In the end, they thank you for it.

                         

          I/E DEBBIE'S CAR - DAY
          Debbie drives Alison and the girls in her car.

                          DEBBIE
           You can't commit to him. You don't
           even know him. I don't even know Pete
           after ten years. I don't know what
           he's up to. He's miserable.

                          ALISON
           Why do you say that?

                          DEBBIE
           I think he's cheating on me. He's
           always going to business meetings at
           odd hours. Then I try to call him on
           his cell phone and he says he's in bad
           cell phone reception areas when he's
           in good reception areas.

                          ALISON
           Maybe he's working late. Maybe he's
           trying to sign a new band. I can't
           imagine Pete doing that.

                          DEBBIE
           There's no part of you that thinks
           maybe he's a dirty little scumbag?

           KNOCKED UP - 75.

                         

                          ALISON
           No.

                          DEBBIE
           I think he might be.

                         

          INT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE, OFFICE - DAY

          Debbie installs software on the computer while Alison watches.

                          DEBBIE
           "Memory Spy Web Memory Software.
           Locate history, files, websites
           visited, hidden downloads, e-mail
           history. Memory Spy." Let's see you
           hide from me now, little man.
          Alison is disturbed by this whole ordeal.

          CARD: 24 WEEKS LATER.

                         

          INT. FANCY RESTAURANT

          Debbie, Pete, Alison and Ben eat dinner together.

                          PETE
           You're not going to tell them?

                          ALISON
           No. I don't have to. It's illegal for
           them to fire me over it. And I get
           three months maternity leave if I
           stay. So I'm not going to tell them.

                          DEBBIE
           Good plan.

                          PETE
           I like it.

                          BEN
           It's a good plan until her water
           breaks over Robert De Niro's shoes.
           (impersonating Robert De

                          NIRO)
           My shoes. There's baby goo on them.

                          PETE
           (impersonating Robert De

                          NIRO)
           These shoes? On these shoes? Did you
           puke on my shoes?

                          BEN
           (impersonating Robert De

                          NIRO)
           Is your water on my shoes?

           KNOCKED UP - 76.

                         

                          PETE
           (back as Pete)
           Isn't it weird, though, when you have
           a kid and all your dreams and hopes go
           right out the window.

                          DEBBIE
           What changed for you? What went out
           the window? You do everything exactly
           the same.

                          PETE
           No, I love what I'm doing. But say
           before you're married with children
           you want to live in India for a year.
           You can do it.

                          DEBBIE
           You want to go to India? Go to India!
           Seriously.

                          PETE
           Do you want to go to India?

                          DEBBIE
           No. You can go.

                          BEN
           I get what he means. Honestly, when I
           found out about...
          Ben motions towards Alison.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           ...I had this flash of me in a white
           Ford Bronco hauling ass for Canada.
           The chopper's taping it, and I bust
           through the border and I'm free! I
           kept thinking that.
          Alison stares at Ben.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           It was a flash!

                          ALISON
           What do you mean?

                          BEN
           Don't look at me. We can talk about
           our fears here. If Doc Brown screeched
           up to you in the DeLorean and said,
           "Alison, I got the car here. What do
           you want to do?" No part of you would
           think, "Maybe I'll go back to that
           night and put a condom on Ben's dick?"
           You never got that flash?

                          ALISON
           No. What are you talking about?

                          PETE
           "Where we're going, we don't need
           roads."

           KNOCKED UP - 77.

                         

                          BEN
           You wouldn't do that?

                          ALISON
           I don't know who Doc Brown is. What
           are you talking about?

                          BEN
           Doc Brown is Christopher Lloyd. He
           invented the DeLorean time machine.

                          PETE
           Everyone has a time machine image.

                          DEBBIE
           I have a really good idea. Why don't
           you two get in your time machine, go
           back in time and fuck each other?

                          PETE
           Who needs a time machine?
          Ben holds up his drink.

                          BEN
           This is my time machine!

                          PETE

                          (TO BEN)
           I'll throw you in my DeLorean and gun
           it to 88.

                          BEN

                          (TO PETE)
           You are a funny motherfucker, man.

                          (TO DEBBIE)
           How can you fight with him? I just
           want to kiss his face. He's cute.

                          PETE

                          (TO BEN)
           I like the way you move.

                          BEN
           This is fun! We should do this more.
           This is the most fun I've had in a
           really long time.

                         

          EXT. BEN'S HOUSE - NIGHT

          Establishing shot.

                         

          INT. BEN'S HOUSE, BEN'S BEDROOM

          Ben and Alison are having sex. Ben is on top.

                          ALISON
           Come on, harder.

                          BEN
           I can't.

           KNOCKED UP - 78.

                         

                          ALISON
           Why? Just do it deeper.

                          BEN
           I can't.

                          ALISON
           Why?

                          BEN
           I'll poke the baby if I go deeper.

                          ALISON
           Just do it!

                          BEN
           Please don't yell at me.

                          ALISON
           The doctor and Debbie said it's fine.
           Come on!
          Ben stops.

                          BEN
           I'm sorry, can we change positions?
           I'm going to crush the baby.

                          ALISON
           That's ridiculous!

                          BEN
           No, it's not. It has no shell.

                          ALISON
           Millions of people have sex when
           they're pregnant! It just works!

                          BEN
           I weigh over 200 pounds.

                          ALISON
           Just get over it.

                          BEN
           I can't do it. Can you just get on
           top? All I can see if our baby, poked
           in the face by my penis.

                          ALISON
           Trust me, you're not even close. Okay,
           fine.
          Alison moves on top. Alison abruptly stops.

                          ALISON (CONT'D)
           I can't do this. I can't focus like
           this. I look disgusting from this
           angle. I can feel you looking at my
           chins.

                          BEN
           You look beautiful. Your chin looks so
           skinny.

           KNOCKED UP - 79.

                         

                          ALISON
           And my boobs are all like, squishy and
           they're flopping around. I can feel it
           and it's distracting. It's all
           National Geographic.

                          BEN

                          (WHISPERING)
           Do you want to do it doggie style?

                          ALISON
           No. I do not want you to fuck me like
           a dog.

                          BEN
           I'm not fucking you like a dog. It's
           doggie style. It's just the style.
           I'm, it's not like a dog. We don't
           have to go outside or anything.
          Ben and Alison lie down side by side, Ben is behind.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           Here we go. Is it good?

                          ALISON
           Yeah.

                          BEN
           Should I go slower?

                          ALISON
           Harder.

                          BEN
           Just tell me when you're close.

                          ALISON
           Just go harder.

                          BEN
           Okay.

                          ALISON
           Keep going!
          Ben recoils.

                          BEN
           Oh, God. Oh, fuck!

                          ALISON
           What happened?

                          BEN
           The baby. It kicked my hand.

                          ALISON
           It always kicks.

                          BEN
           No, no, no, no, no.

           KNOCKED UP - 80.

                         

                          ALISON
           It's fine.

                          BEN
           Not like this. No, this was a warning
           kick.

                          ALISON
           Just keep going.

                          BEN
           This was a bad kick.

                          ALISON
           It's fine! It's fine!

                          BEN
           Look. My dick must be like an inch
           away from its face and it's coming,
           just coming in at its face. What if it
           kicked because it didn't like it? I
           can't do that to our baby. That's the
           first thing it's going to see.

                          ALISON
           What are you talking about?

                          BEN
           It's having the baby between us, it
           just makes it weird. I'm sorry. It
           just freaks me out a bit. It's a
           little weird.

                          ALISON
           I have totally lost it now.

                          BEN
           You've totally lost it?

                          ALISON
           I've lost it.

                          BEN
           Okay.

                          ALISON
           Great, you know what? Just forget it.
          Alison turns her back to Ben and gets settled to sleep.

                          ALISON (CONT'D)
           (holding back tears)
           Don't worry. I won't make you do this
           again.

                          BEN
           Shit.

                         

          INT. BEN'S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

          Ben smokes his bong.
          Suddenly, there is an earthquake.

           KNOCKED UP - 81.

                         

          INT. BEN'S HOUSE, BEN'S BEDROOM

          Alison wakes up from the earthquake in a panic.

                          ALISON
           Ben?

                         

          INT. BEN'S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM

          Ben stands up and tries to steady himself.

                          BEN
           Fuck me.
          Jay runs through the room towards the front door.

                          JAY
           Oh my God! It's the Russians.
          Martin carries Jodi out.

                          MARTIN
           Jodi! I'll protect you!
          Ben clutches his bong and runs to the door. Alison runs to the
          door as well.

                          ALISON
           Ben!

                          BEN
           Oh, my God! Oh, no! Oh, no!

                         

          EXT. BEN'S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER

          Jay, Martin, Alison, Jodi, Jonah, Jason and Ben stand on the
          street. Jason is naked. Jonah's girlfriend ALEX is also naked.

                          JAY
           That was horrible! That was so
           horrible.

                          JASON
           You're fine, man.

                          JAY
           When will it be light out?

                          JASON
           Take it easy.

                          JAY
           When will it be light out?

                          JASON
           Did anybody turn off the gas?

                          MARTIN
           I didn't do it.

           KNOCKED UP - 82.

                         

                          JASON
           Oh, motherfucker.
          Jason runs back to the house.

                          JONAH
           Martin, this is my friend, Alex. She's
           a pretty incredible person.

                          MARTIN
           Nice to meet you.
          Martin holds out his hand to shake Alex's. She removes one hand
          from covering her breast to shake his hand. Jonah immediately
          covers her breast with his hand.

                          JONAH
           Whoa, whoa, whoa. Dude! Not cool,
           Martin.

                          MARTIN
           That's, that wasn't...

                          JONAH
           Hey, are you serious, Howard Hughes?

                          JODI
           What happened?

                          MARTIN
           Nothing. Nothing happened. Come on.

                          ALISON

                          (TO BEN)
           Where were you?

                          BEN
           Look, I forgot you were sleeping over.
           I'm sorry okay?

                          ALISON
           Yeah, because you were getting high
           off your huge bong. How am I supposed
           to be comfortable with the idea that
           you can take care of me and the baby
           if you are always getting high?

                          BEN
           You want me to stop smoking pot
           because there's an earthquake once
           every ten years? That makes no sense,
           Alison. You're being irrational. Just
           relax. We're all scared. Oh, shit, the
           cops.
          A cop car rolls by. Ben throws his bong behind him and it SHATTERS
          on the payment.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           California. Hey!

           KNOCKED UP - 83.

                         

          INT. BEN'S HOUSE, BEN'S BEDROOM

          Ben and Alison sort through the debris of porn, trash and weed
          among other things.
          Alison finds Ben's bank statement that indicates he only has only

          $117.13.

                          BEN
           You know it's times like this I'm glad
           I don't own nice things. It's a big
           mess, but there's only like fifty
           bucks worth of shit here. That's kind
           of the good thing. You know, my dad
           told me, "Don't move to Northridge."
           But you figure, what are the chances
           of that happening twice, you know?
          Alison picks up a huge sword.

                          ALISON
           What is this?

                          BEN
           It's a ninja weapon. I hope this place
           doesn't get condemned. That would
           suck.
          Alison finds a shopping bag with the baby books they bought. None
          of them have been read. Alison sadly puts them back without Ben
          noticing.

                         

                         

          CARD: 28 WEEKS LATER.

                         

          INT. BEN'S HOUSE - DAY

          Ben's phone RINGS.

                          BEN
           Hello?

                         

          INT. ALISON'S WORK

          Alison is at her desk at work.

                          ALISON
           Hey it's me.

                         INTERCUT:

                          BEN
           You!

                          ALISON
           Hi! So, listen. Will you do me a big
           favor? Debbie wants us to come over
           and have dinner tonight. She thinks
           Pete is cheating on her.

           KNOCKED UP - 84.

                         

                          BEN
           Really?

                          ALISON
           Yeah. Well, she saw one of his e-mails
           and there's an address. Ugh.

                          BEN
           Oh, man. I don't want to do that.

                          ALISON
           Ben, come on.

                          BEN
           He's not cheating on her.

                          ALISON
           How do you know?

                          BEN
           I just know.

                          ALISON
           Are you sure?

                          BEN
           I'm one hundred percent sure he's not
           cheating.

                          ALISON
           Are you really?

                          BEN
           No. It actually kind of makes sense
           that he would cheat.

                          ALISON
           Why?

                          BEN
           Because Debbie's a pain in the ass and
           Pete's awesome?

                          ALISON
           Well, why don't you just come over
           then, and, we'll just diffuse the
           situation a little?

                         

          INT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE, DINING ROOM - NIGHT

          Alison, Ben, Pete and Debbie have dinner.

                          PETE
           I'm just saying the music industry is
           different now. Steely Dan would never
           even have a chance.

                          BEN
           Well, maybe it's because Steely Dan
           gargles my balls.

                          PETE
           They're incredible.

           KNOCKED UP - 85.

                         

                          BEN
           They really aren't good, man.

                          PETE
           Old Steely Dan.

                          BEN
           If I ever listen to Steely Dan, I want
           you to slice my head off with an Al
           Jarreau LP.

                          PETE
           I should get going. I'm supposed to
           see this band tonight in Hollywood.
           Actually, they're playing in Laurel
           Canyon, so I'll call you because the
           reception's terrible over there.

                          BEN
           That's true.

                          PETE
           And I don't want you to worry. I'm
           just going to jump in the shower. It
           would be terrible if I smelled worse
           than the band.

                          DEBBIE
           Okay. Have fun.
          Ben exits.

                          BEN
           You guys are crazy. He's acting
           totally normal and hilarious.

                         

          EXT. FANTASY BASEBALL HOUSE - NIGHT

          Debbie pulls up in front of the house in her car with Alison and
          Ben.

                          BEN

                          (TO ALISON)
           She doesn't have a gun, does she?

                          ALISON
           No. I don't think so.

                          BEN
           Oh, great.

                         

          INT. FANTASY BASEBALL HOUSE

          Debbie tries the front door, it's unlocked. They enter.

                          BEN
           Looks like no one's home.

                          DEBBIE
           Why was the door unlocked? Wait here.

           KNOCKED UP - 86.

                         

                          BEN
           I just feel bad for Pete.

                          ALISON
           What?

                          BEN
           I feel like this isn't a good way to
           get caught cheating, it shouldn't be
           like this.

                          ALISON
           Well, maybe he should have thought of
           that before he was cheating.

                          BEN
           (through a fake cough)
           Pete!

                          ALISON
           Stop it.

                          BEN
           I coughed. What do you want from me?
          Debbie checks upstairs.

                          DEBBIE
           There's nobody up there.

                          BEN
           Thank you.

                          DEBBIE
           I guess I was wrong.

                          BEN
           I told you. Can we get out of here,
           please?

                          ALISON
           Yeah, come on. Let's go.
          A MURMUR comes from a far room.

                          DEBBIE
           Did you hear that?

                          ALISON
           What?

                          BEN
           I didn't hear anything.

                          ALISON
           Come on.
          Debbie leads them into a room, where Pet sits with a lot of GUYS
          dressed in baseball clothing.

           FANTASY BASEBALL GUY #1
           Ten seconds.

           KNOCKED UP - 87.

                         

                          PETE
           Carlos Delgado.

           FANTASY BASEBALL GUY #2
           Excellent choice. Too bad I got him
           three rounds ago.

           FANTASY BASEBALL GUY #1
           You're still on the clock.

                          PETE
           Oh shit!

           FANTASY BASEBALL GUY #1
           You gotta do something. We need a name
           here.

                          PETE
           Hideki Matsui.

           FANTASY BASEBALL GUY #1
           Ugh, you just took my whole outfield.

                          PETE
           Sorry, Charlie.

                          DEBBIE
           What is this?

                          PETE
           Debbie.

                          DEBBIE
           What the fuck is this?

                          PETE
           It's our fantasy baseball draft.

           FANTASY BASEBALL GUY #2
           We said no wives.

                          DEBBIE
           Your fantasy what?

                          PETE
           It's, it's our draft...for fantasy
           baseball. I told you all about this.
           Got Matsui.
          Debbie turns and walks out of the room.

                          PETE (CONT'D)
           Aw, shit.

           FANTASY BASEBALL GUY #2
           Hey, Pete, don't let the door hit you
           in the vagina on the way out! Come on,
           who's going?

                         

          EXT. FANTASY BASEBALL HOUSE

          Pete and Debbie are in the driveway while Alison and Ben watch
          from the street.

           KNOCKED UP - 88.

                         

                          PETE
          I should have told you.

                          DEBBIE
          What else have you been lying about?

                          PETE
          Nothing.

                          BEN

                          (TO ALISON)
          That guy said, "Don't let the door hit
          you in the vagina on the way out."

                          DEBBIE
          Where were you on Wednesday?

                          PETE
          I'm going to be honest with you.

                          ALISON

                          (TO BEN)
          Yeah, I heard him.

                          BEN

                          (TO ALISON)
          That was hilarious.

                          DEBBIE
          That would be a good idea.

                          PETE
          You've been mad because I've been
          working so much and I didn't want to
          upset you.

                          DEBBIE
          I wouldn't be mad.

                          PETE
          You would be.

                          DEBBIE
          I don't get mad.

                          PETE
          It's a fantasy baseball draft. I'm not
          cheating or anything.

                          DEBBIE
          No, this is worse.

                          PETE
          How is this worse?

                          DEBBIE
          This is you wanting to be with your
          friends more than your family.

                          PETE
          Look, the reason I make that up is
          because if I told you what I was
          really doing, you would just get mad.
          So, you think I'm seeing a band, I do
          my fantasy draft, and it's win/win.

           KNOCKED UP - 89.

                         

                          DEBBIE
           Well, what did you do last Wednesday
           night when you said you went to see a
           band?

                          PETE
           I went to the movies.

                          DEBBIE
           With who?

                          PETE
           By myself.

                          DEBBIE
           What'd you see?

                          PETE
           "Spiderman Three."

                          DEBBIE
           Why do you want to go by yourself? Why
           didn't you ask me to go?

                          PETE
           Because I needed to get away, you
           know? With work and you and the kids,
           sometimes I just need some time to
           myself.

                          DEBBIE
           I need time for myself. I want time
           for myself, too.
          Debbie holds back tears.

                          DEBBIE (CONT'D)
           You're not the only one.

                          PETE
           It's not that big of a deal.

                          DEBBIE

                          (THROUGH TEARS)
           I like Spiderman.

                          PETE
           Okay, so let's see "Spiderman Three"
           next week.

                          DEBBIE
           I don't want to go see it now.

                          PETE
           Well...

                          DEBBIE
           I don't want to have to ask you to ask
           me. I want you to just come up with it
           on your own.

                          PETE
           What? I don't even know what to say.
           Uh, what do you want me to do?

           KNOCKED UP - 90.

                         

                          DEBBIE
           You just think because you don't yell
           that you're not mean, but this is
           mean.

                          PETE
           I'm not being mean. I'm being honest.
           You're telling me I need to be honest.

                          JUST--

                          DEBBIE
           No, you're not. You're lying.

                          PETE
           I'm doing it because I need to keep my
           sanity a little bit.

                          DEBBIE
           You know what? I don't want you at the
           house anymore. Okay?

                          PETE
           Come on.
          Debbie heads for the car.

                          BEN
           Oh, shit, she's coming back.

                         

          I/E ALISON CAR - DAY
          Alison drives to the gynecologist with Ben.

                          BEN
           How come we go to the gynecologist so
           often? I bet we have to go so much so
           we can pay for that three-hundred-
           thousand-dollar machine he has.

                          ALISON
           I cannot stop thinking about what an
           asshole Pete is.

                          BEN
           That's a little strong, I would say.

                          ALISON
           Really? Because that had to be one of
           the most selfish things I've ever
           witnessed.

                          BEN
           It's understandable. I even think it's
           kind of funny.

                          ALISON
           What's funny about it?

                          BEN
           Well, you won't laugh now, I wouldn't
           imagine, but you know, the situation.

                          (MORE)

           KNOCKED UP - 91.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
          We break into this stranger's house
          thinking we're going to find him
          sleeping with a woman, and then it's a
          bunch of nerds playing fantasy
          baseball.If you saw that on
          television, you would laugh.

                          ALISON
          Is that what you think?

                          BEN
          Yeah.

                          ALISON
          Is that what you want to do, Ben?

                          BEN
          I don't even like baseball. I'm just
          saying when you're a guy and you have
          a family and you have responsibility,
          you lose that male camaraderie, and I
          get that. I totally understand where
          he's coming from.

                          ALISON
          Why do you guys always go to that
          place? You miss male camaraderie. What
          do I give a shit? Go hang out with
          your bearded freak friends. I don't
          care. You want to hang out with guys
          that look like the Shoe Bomber, it's
          all on you, man.

                          BEN
          Well what the fuck am I supposed to
          say to that?

                          ALISON
          You should just support me! You know,
          you should just support everything I
          say because at this juncture in my
          life, I'm allowed to be wrong!

                          BEN
          So if you're wrong, I have to support
          it?

                          ALISON
          Yes!

                          BEN
          I can't tell you that you're acting
          like a lunatic?

                          ALISON
          Oh, that's helpful. You have to do
          nothing!

                          BEN
          I've sacrificed a lot of shit to this!

                          ALISON
          You are just fucking sitting there!
          You haven't sacrificed anything!

           KNOCKED UP - 92.

                         

                          BEN
           I have.

                          ALISON
           I've had to sacrifice my job, my body,
           my youth, my vagina!

                          BEN
           You've sacrificed your vagina?

                          ALISON
           Yes! It will never look the same after
           this!

                          BEN
           Well. Fine. I'll pay for vaginal
           reconstructive surgery.

                          ALISON
           You can't pay for shit! You can barely
           buy spaghetti.

                          BEN
           You're right. Fine!

                          ALISON
           You know what? Get out of the car.

                          BEN
           Oh! You know what? Why don't you not
           threaten me?!

                          ALISON
           You should just get out of the fucking
           car.

                          BEN
           I'm not going to get out of the car in
           the middle of nowhere! No!

                          ALISON
           Get out of the car.

                          BEN
           No!

                          ALISON
           I own this car! Get out of my car!

                          BEN
           No.

                          ALISON
           Get out of my car!

                          BEN
           No.

                          ALISON

                          (YELLING)
           Get out of my fucking car!
          Ben gets out of the car and immediately KNOCKS on the window.

           KNOCKED UP - 93.

                         

                          BEN
           Can you let me back in the car,
           please? Have you calmed down? Did you
           take a breath? I have no clue where we
           are!
          Alison just glares at him.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           Fine. Go. Great.
          Alison drives off.

                         

          INT. DR. HOWARD'S OFFICE - LATER

          Alison stands on a scale while DR. HOWARD'S NURSE weighs her.

                          ALISON
           You know what? Maybe I should take my
           shoes off. Or my belt buckle. My belt
           buckle's huge.

           DR. HOWARD'S NURSE
           Don't worry about gaining weight. Your
           baby wants you to gain a whole mess of
           weight.
          Ben walks into the room, winded.

                          ALISON

                          (TO BEN)
           Are you fucking kidding me?

                          BEN
           Why don't you take off your earrings,
           too? They weigh about eighty pounds.
           They're made out of moon rocks aren't
           they?

                          ALISON
           Do not make fun of me. Okay? I am
           hormonal, I am terrified, and I am
           falling apart, so stop treating
           everything like it's a big joke!

                          BEN
           I'm sorry you're freaking out, but I
           just walked three fucking miles
           through Koreatown to get here. Sorry
           if I'm trying to lighten the mood a
           little.
          The Nurse leaves.

                          ALISON
           Well, don't! Okay?! You can't take
           anything seriously! You didn't even
           read the baby books.

                          BEN
           I didn't read the baby books! What's
           gonna happen? How did anyone ever give
           birth without a baby book?!

                          (MORE)

           KNOCKED UP - 94.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           That's right, the ancient Egyptians
           fucking engraved "What to Expect When
           You're Expecting" on the pyramid
           walls! I forgot about that! Who gives
           a flying fuck about the baby books?!

                          ALISON
           It just shows your lack of commitment,
           Ben! That you're not in this with me!

                          BEN
           Did you just say my lack of
           commitment? Because that's what it
           sounded like. It almost seems as
           though you forgot I proposed to you
           like an asshole! And you said no to
           me!

                          ALISON
           If you feel that way, you should just
           go. Really. Just go. Because we didn't
           mean to do this together, okay? And,
           and we tried to make it work and that
           was good, I suppose.
          Alison holds back tears.

                          ALISON (CONT'D)
           But it doesn't work. Because we are
           two completely different people. And I
           think it would just be easier for both
           of us if we stop fooling ourselves.

                          BEN
           You know what? I know this isn't you
           talking, it's your hormones, but I
           would just like to say, "Fuck you,
           hormones! You are a crazy bitch,
           hormones! Not Alison! Hormones!" Fuck
           them. It's a girl. Buy some pink shit!

                          ALISON
           Nice. You are such an asshole. You
           know what? Go fuck your fucking bong,
           you fuck!

                          BEN
           I will fuck my bong. Doggie-style, for
           once.
          Ben exits while giving Alison the finger as her walks away. Dr.
          Howard's Nurse returns.

           DR. HOWARD'S NURSE
           Are you ready?

                          ALISON
           I'm really sorry about all that. That
           was really inappropriate.

           DR. HOWARD'S NURSE
           That's okay. It happens all the time
           here. It's fine.

           KNOCKED UP - 95.

                         

                          ALISON
           I don't feel so stupid, then.

           DR. HOWARD'S NURSE
           Not at all.

                         

          EXT. DEL'S SALOON - NIGHT

          Establishing shot.

                         

          INT. DEL'S SALOON

          Ben and Pete drink at the bar.

                          BEN
           I totally know what you're talking
           about, man. If I wrote out the list of
           shit Alison doesn't let me do it would
           be endless. Don't smoke pot. Don't
           have samurai swords in your room.
           Don't have illegal grow operations in
           the house. I could go on all fucking
           day. Have I told her to stop doing
           anything ever? No.

                          PETE
           Marriage is like that show "Everybody
           Loves Raymond," but it's not funny.
           All the problems are the same, but
           it's... Instead of all the funny,
           pithy dialogue, everybody's just
           really pissed off and tense. Marriage
           is like an unfunny, tense version of
           "Everybody Loves Raymond," but it
           doesn't last twenty-two minutes. It
           lasts forever.

                          BEN
           Let's get out of here, man. Honestly,
           let's just go. Let's go to Vegas.

                          PETE
           Let's do it.

                          BEN
           Yeah.

                          PETE
           Why not?

                         

          INT. ALISON'S HOUSE - NIGHT

          Alison watches a pregnancy show on TV. Debbie marches into the
          guest house.

                          DEBBIE
           Get up.

                          ALISON
           What?

           KNOCKED UP - 96.

                         

                          DEBBIE
           We're not going to do this. Seriously.
          Debbie turns off the television.

                          ALISON
           What are you doing?

                          DEBBIE
           We have to do something! And have fun!

                          ALISON
           I'm just so tired.

                          DEBBIE
           I know you're tired. But we're going
           to be untired! We're going to go live!

                          ALISON
           Ugh. I hate you so much sometimes.

                          DEBBIE
           We're going to be positive.

                          ALISON
           How many Red Bulls have you had?

                          DEBBIE
           I've had about three Red Bulls in the
           last fifteen minutes. And I feel
           fabulous! We're going to create a new
           life and it's going to be awesome!
           Let's go!

                         

          EXT. BEN'S HOUSE

          Ben and Pete KNOCK on the front door.

                          BEN
           Since when do we lock this fucking
           thing? Come on!
          Jason opens the door with Jonah and Jay. All of their eyes are
          very infected.

                          JASON
           Yo. We can't go, dude. Sorry.

                          BEN
           Holy crap! What happened?

                          JONAH
           We got pink eye.

                          BEN
           What? You giving each other butterfly
           kisses or something?

                          JASON
           Very funny. That's not how you get
           pink eye. You get it from poo
           particles making their way into your
           ocular cavities.

           KNOCKED UP - 97.

                         

                          JAY
           Hey, Ben.

                          BEN
           Yo.

                          JAY
           How's it going? I farted on Jason's
           pillow as a practical joke. He farted
           on Jonah's, thinking it was mine. And
           then eventually pink-eyes my pillow.
           I'm not proud of this. But, I think
           we've all forgiven each other. But, we
           can't go anywhere.

                          PETE
           You can get pink eye from farting in a
           pillow?

                          JONAH
           Totally.

                          PETE
           That's awesome.

                          JONAH
           Yeah, but you got to be bare-assed.
          Martin enters the doorway, his eyes are the worst.

                          BEN
           Jesus. Martin got it bad! What, did
           someone take a dump right in your eye?

                          MARTIN
           No. No pink eye for me. I'm just
           really...high.

                          BEN
           Well stay back, guys. I got to get my
           suit.
          Ben enters the house and the guys pretend they're going to rub
          their faces on him. Pete stays outside.

                          JASON

                          (TO PETE)
           Are you Debbie's husband?

                          PETE
           Yeah.
          Jason shuts the door on Pete.

                         

          I/E. PETE'S CONVERTIBLE - NIGHT
          Pete drives with Ben to Vegas. They are wearing suits.

                          BEN
           This is fun!

           KNOCKED UP - 98.

                         

                          PETE
           This is great. We're going to have the
           best time ever.

                          BEN
           We make a good team, man.

                          PETE
           Yep. It's like I can't come here with
           Debbie. She doesn't understand. It's
           like she wants to hold me in, and she
           was telling Alison she could train
           you.

                          BEN
           She thinks she could train me?

                          PETE
           Yeah, like you're running the Triple
           Crown.

                          BEN
           She can't train this! I'm like
           Siegfried and Roy's Bengal. You think
           I'm trained. I'll bite your fucking
           face off.

                          PETE
           That's right.

                          BEN
           In front of a crowd, baby.

                          PETE
           This is better. Besides I don't know
           if I have enough of these babies to go
           around.
          Pete brandishes a bag of mushrooms.

                          BEN
           Oh, my God. Are these mushrooms?

                          PETE
           I got them from a roadie for the Black
           Crowes.

                          BEN
           I'm eating them.

                          PETE
           Oh, no, save it! I got tickets to
           Cirque du Soleil.

                          BEN
           You do?! No you don't.

                          PETE
           I swear to God, man.

                          BEN
           Holy shit!

                          PETE
           I see the beam of light.

           KNOCKED UP - 99.

                         

                          BEN
           There it is, baby.

                          PETE
           Woo-hoo. You're so money that you
           don't even know how much money you
           have.

                         

          INT. STRIP CLUB

          Ben and Pete receive lap dances from topless strippers.

                          BEN
           I love Vegas, man.

                          PETE
           This is the greatest place on earth.

                          BEN
           It's really amazing here.
          The stripper straddles Pete and pulls his tie through her legs so
          that he face is pulled against her butt.

                          PETE
           Whoa. You got my tie. This is awesome.

                          BEN
           Now that's how you get pink eye.

                         

          EXT. NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT

          Debbie and Alison approach the nightclub, passing the line,
          straight to the DOORMAN. The Doorman lets TWO PRETTY GIRLS past
          the rope.

                          DOORMAN
           (to the Two Pretty Girls)
           Hey, what's up, baby girl?
          Debbie and Alison move up to the doorman.

                          DEBBIE
           Hi.

                          DOORMAN
           What's up? End of the line, please.

                          DEBBIE
           Really?

                          DOORMAN
           Yeah.

                          DEBBIE
           Oh, come on.

                          DOORMAN
           Look, we're at capacity, okay? We'll
           let some people in when it clears out
           a little. You'll get right in if you
           go back to the end of the line.

           KNOCKED UP - 100.

                         

                          DEBBIE
           We come here all the time. It's not a
           big deal. It doesn't really look that
           crowded in there.

                          DOORMAN
           Hey, look, I don't make the rules.

                          DEBBIE
           Please?

                          DOORMAN
           No.
          TWO CUTE GIRLS approach. The Doorman lifts the rope for them.

                          DOORMAN (CONT'D)
           Hey, what's up, shorty? What's up
           pretty girls? See y'all when y'all get
           out. Take care of yourself.

                          DEBBIE
           What was that? What the fuck was that?

                          DOORMAN
           It is what it is, sweetie. Now can you
           step to the back, please?

                          ALISON

                          (TO DEBBIE)
           You know what? Maybe we should just
           go.

                          DEBBIE
           You don't need to call me sweetie.

                          DOORMAN
           Yeah, but maybe you should listen to
           your friend.

                          DEBBIE
           No, you don't need to call me sweetie.

                          DOORMAN
           All right, you want to come in, you're
           going to have to go to the end of the
           line and wait like everybody else.

                          DEBBIE
           I'm not going to go to the end of the
           fucking line. Who the fuck are you? I
           have just as much of a right to be
           here as any of these little skanky
           girls! What, am I not skanky enough
           for you?! You want me to hike up my
           fucking skirt?! What the fuck is your
           problem?! I'm not going anywhere!
           You're just some `roided out freak
           with a fucking clipboard. And your
           stupid little fucking rope! You may
           have power now, but you're not God.
           You're a doorman! Okay? You're a
           doorman! So...fuck you, you fucking
           fag with your fucking little faggy
           gloves.

           KNOCKED UP - 101.

                         
          The Doorman grabs Debbie and takes her aside.

                          DOORMAN
           Come here, come on.
          The Doorman takes Debbie aside.

                          DOORMAN

                          (WHISPERING)
           I know. You're right. I'm so sorry. I
           fucking hate this job. I don't want to
           be the one to pass judgement and
           decide who gets in. This shit makes me
           sick to my stomach. I get the runs
           from the stress. It's not because
           you're not hot. I would love to tap
           that ass. I would tear that ass up. I
           can't let you in because you're old as
           fuck...for this club, not, you know,
           for the earth.

                          DEBBIE
           What?

                          DOORMAN
           You old. She pregnant. Can't have a
           bunch of old, pregnant bitches running
           around. That's crazy. I'm only allowed
           to let in five percent black people.
           He said that. Five percent. That mean
           if there's twenty-five people here, I
           get to let in one-and-a-quarter black
           people. So I got to hope there's a
           black midget in the crowd.

                          DEBBIE
           Now I feel guilty. I'm sorry.

                          DOORMAN
           Why y'all want to be in here anyway?
           Y'all need to be at a yoga class or
           something.

                          (REGARDING ALISON)
           What the fuck is she doing at the
           club? That's not even good parenting
           right there. Your old ass should know
           better than that.

                          DEBBIE
           Oh, God. Ugh.
          Debbie takes Alison away.

                         

          EXT. VEGAS POOL - NIGHT

          Ben and Pete hold neon yard glasses and walk past numerous
          swimsuit-clad men and women.

                          BEN
           Have the mushrooms kicked in yet?
          Ben and Pete CHUCKLE uncontrollably.

           KNOCKED UP - 102.

                         

          EXT. TREASURE ISLAND HOTEL - NIGHT

          Establishing shot.

                         

          INT. CIRQUE DU SOLEIL

          Ben and Pete watch from the crowd as acrobats climb poles.

           BEN AND PETE
           Ohhhhhh!

                          BEN
           This was a great idea, man.

                          PETE
           This is the best idea I've ever had in
           my life.
          Two bare-chested male acrobats start to balance on top of each
          other.

                          BEN
           What are they going to do? What in the
           world are they doing? If I shaved my
           stomach and my chest, I would look
           exactly like that. Those guys are at
           work right now.
           (imitating one of the

                          ACROBATS)
           What'd you do today? Oh, just lifted
           my brother.
          The crowd starts to APPLAUD for the acrobats.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           No! Don't applaud! He'll fall! I'm
           freaking out right now, man!
          Many acrobats in devilish outfits take the stage.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           The mushrooms are turning on me!
          A clown dressed as a GIANT BABY is part of the act. Ben YELLS
          frantically.

                          GIANT BABY
           Papa.

                          BEN
           I am not your papa.
          A giant Snail comes out onto the stage.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           I can't deal with this shit, man!
          Ben stands up and runs down the aisle towards the exit.

           KNOCKED UP - 103.

                         

          EXT. STREET NEAR NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT

          Debbie and Alison sit on the curb.

                          DEBBIE

                          (WEEPING)
           It's over.

                          ALISON
           What's over?

                          DEBBIE
           My youth.

                          ALISON
           Don't say that.

                          DEBBIE
           It's true. I just want to dance. I
           love dancing.

                          ALISON
           So dance.

                          DEBBIE
           I can't dance. I'm embarrassed.

                          ALISON
           I should be embarrassed. I'm a fucking
           whale and I'm trying to get into some
           stupid club and--

                          DEBBIE
           You look beautiful. You're young and
           you're tall and you got the good lips
           and boobs. I'm going to be alone.

                          ALISON
           Debbie, no, you're not.

                          DEBBIE
           Yes, I am. Oh, God! Fucking, men! I
           get worse looking and he gets better
           looking, and it's so fucking unfair.
           Oh, fuck. We should go. My babysitter
           always gets mad when we come home past
           twelve. She's such a pissy little high-
           school cunt.

                         

          INT. VEGAS HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

          Ben curls up on the bed with his shirt and boxers on. A scene from
          "CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN" plays on the television. Steve Martin
          juggles all of his children.

                          STEVE MARTIN

                          (ON TV)
           Let's move, gang! Come on, come on,
           come on! Jessica, can you get these
           plates and put them on the table,
           please?!

           KNOCKED UP - 104.

                         

                          BEN
           This isn't funny. That guy has twelve
           kids. It's not funny. This is sick.
           This is a sick movie. That's a lot of
           responsibility to be joking about.
           That's not funny. I got to turn this
           off. It's freaking me out.
          Pete moves several chairs into the bedroom.

                          PETE
           There are five different types of
           chairs in this hotel room.

                          BEN
           Holy fuck. What are they all doing in
           here?

                          PETE
           These are five different types of
           chair.

                          BEN
           Get them out of here, man. This is too
           many chairs for one room.

                          PETE
           There's a guy that works for this
           hotel. His whole job is to find
           chairs.
          Pete moves to a tall chair.

                          PETE (CONT'D)
           Look at this one. Look at it. It's
           gold and red and it's kind of shiny.
           Shiny thread? Unbelievable. It is
           beautiful, and it feels amazing.

                          BEN
           The tall one's gawking at me and the
           short one's being very droll. I don't
           like them.
          Pete switches to another chair.

                          PETE
           Oh, wow!

                          BEN
           It's weird that chairs even exist when
           you're not sitting on them.
          Pete switched to another tall chair.

                          PETE
           I'm up high! I'm really high up.

                          BEN
           I should've read the baby books.

                          PETE
           Why didn't you read the baby books?

           KNOCKED UP - 105.

                         

                          BEN
           Because then it's real, you know?

                          PETE
           Dude, it's real whether or not you
           read those books. That baby's coming.
          Pete sits on another chair.

                          PETE (CONT'D)
           Oh, man!

                          BEN
           Think they'll take us back?

                          PETE
           Yes. But I don't know why. Do you ever
           wonder how somebody could even like
           you?

                          BEN
           All the time, man. Like every day. I
           wonder how you like me.

                          PETE
           How can Debbie like me? She likes me.
           I mean, she loves me. The biggest
           problem in our marriage is that she
           wants me around. She loves me so much
           that she wants me around all the time.
           That's our biggest problem. And I
           can't even accept that? Uh, like that
           upsets me?!
          Ben sits up from the bed.

                          BEN
           What?

                          PETE
           She's the one. She loves me.

                          BEN
           You can't believe...that people love
           you? I love you, man! Debbie loves
           you!

                          PETE
           I don't think I can accept her love.
           There's something wrong with me.

                          BEN
           You can't accept love?

                          PETE
           I don't know what it is.

                          BEN
           Love? The most beautiful, shiny, warmy
           thing in the world? You can't accept
           it?

                          PETE
           I have to go to this other chair.

           KNOCKED UP - 106.

                         
          Pete switches to a new chair.

                          PETE (CONT'D)
           Oh, this is a better energy.

                          BEN
           You can't accept pure love? You can't
           accept Debbie? She's chosen to give
           you her life. She's picked you as her
           life partner! But you play fantasy
           baseball because you can't accept her
           love?
          Ben BURPS.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           Ugh. I could accept it, man. And
           Debbie's amazing, man. She's cool and
           she's funny and she smells good and
           she's nice and her hair always looks
           different. She's too good for you,
           man.
          Pete shoves his hand in his mouth.

                          PETE
           Tastes like a rainbow.

                          BEN
           You're disgusting. You're an urchin.
           And she busts your balls because
           you're a little bitch! You're a filthy
           bitch! And I'd bust your balls! Debbie
           wants to give her life to you and
           Alison doesn't want to do that with
           me. And it makes me sad all day. I
           want to go home.

                          PETE
           (with fist in mouth)
           I want to go home, too.

                         

          EXT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE - DAY

          Establishing shot.

                         

          EXT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE, BACKYARD

          Debbie and Alison set up Sadie's princess birthday party.

                          ALISON
           Everything looks beautiful.

                          DEBBIE
           Thanks. I went kind of overboard, huh?

                          ALISON
           No, it's great.

                          DEBBIE
           Your daughter only turns eight once.
           Is Ben going to come?

           KNOCKED UP - 107.

                         

                          ALISON
           I don't think so. I don't know why he
           would.

                         

          EXT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE

          Ben approaches the house with a present. He wears a button-down
          shirt and long khaki shorts. He KNOCKS on the door. Sadie opens
          the door.

                          BEN
           Oh, hey, what up dog?

                          SADIE
           Where have you been?

                          BEN
           Around. You know, just kind of doing
           my thing.

                          SADIE
           Why is everybody so mad at you?

                          BEN
           I don't know. Are they mad? What have
           they been saying?

                          SADIE
           They've been saying, like "blah-blah-
           blah-blah. Ben's a prick."

                          BEN
           They said that?

                          SADIE
           A lot.

                          BEN
           That sucks.

                          SADIE
           What does it mean?

                          BEN
           Penis. It means penis.

                          SADIE
           Oh.

                          (CHUCKLING)
           Penis.

                         

          INT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE, KITCHEN

          Pete and Debbie prepare food as Ben walks in. Pete wears a crown.

                          PETE
           Babe, we're running low on plates.

                          (TO BEN)
           Hey Ben! What's up, man?

           KNOCKED UP - 108.

                         

                          BEN
           What's happening, man?

                          DEBBIE
           Hey, Ben.

                          BEN
           Hey, Debbie.

                          DEBBIE
           How are you?

                          BEN
           Good. How are you?
          Ben and Debbie kiss hello.

                          DEBBIE
           Hi.

                          (TO PETE)
           Did you just get pink cupcakes or
           yellow and pink cupcakes?

                          PETE
           I just got yellow cupcakes.

                          DEBBIE
           I thought I said to get pink cupcakes.

                          PETE
           I can run out. I'll get some more.

                          DEBBIE
           Nah, it's no big deal.

                          PETE
           I don't mind.

                          DEBBIE
           No it doesn't matter.

                          PETE
           You sure?

                          DEBBIE
           Yeah. You look really cute in that.
          Pete and Debbie kiss. Debbie exits.

                          BEN
           Well, that was fast, you pussy.

                          PETE
           You're the one that got dressed up
           like a cholo on Easter to come to this
           party.

                          BEN
           How are things at Butt-Fucking-Ham
           Palace?

           KNOCKED UP - 109.

                         

                          PETE
           You look like Babe Ruth's gay brother,
           Gabe Ruth.

                          BEN
           Well played, sir. That was good.

                          PETE
           You going to talk to Alison?

                          BEN
           Yeah, I was about to.

                          PETE
           Right on.
          Ben hands Pete his gift for Sadie.

                          BEN
           It's a doll.

                          PETE
           Thanks, Ben.

                         

          EXT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE, BACKYARD

          Alison and Ben talk off to the side.

                          ALISON
           I just don't think we can make it
           work.

                          BEN
           We can get back on track and
           everything's going to be great.

                          ALISON
           You're just being nice. And I'm being
           nice and just because we're two nice
           people doesn't mean we should stay
           together. I don't want this baby to
           determine the rest of our lives. You
           know? Me not wanting to do this alone
           isn't enough of a reason to drag you
           into a relationship with me. It's just
           not fair. And, and don't repeat this,
           but, God, I don't want to end up like
           Debbie.

                          BEN
           But Debbie's happy.

                          ALISON
           She's happy today. But every day is a
           constant struggle for them because
           they're not right for each other. You
           know? And they have to force it and I
           don't want us to have to do that. I
           don't want to force you to be what I
           think you should be. That's wrong of
           me because you're great. You really
           are. You're great the way you are and,
           I mean, you like to get high and you
           like to do shrooms in Vegas.

           KNOCKED UP - 110.

                         

                          BEN
           I didn't do shrooms in Vegas.

                          ALISON
           And who am I to stop you? Who am I to
           tell you that that's wrong? It's not
           wrong. It's who you are. It's what you
           enjoy and that's your life and...

                          BEN
           I'm not that guy anymore.

                          ALISON
           We can be friends. And you can be
           there when the baby is born, and in
           the baby's life as much as you want. I
           hope you will be.

                          BEN
           If you give me a shot to just show you
           that I'm con--
          Debbie approaches.

                          DEBBIE
           Excuse me?

                          BEN
           Oh, shit.

                          DEBBIE

                          (TO ALISON)
           Can you grab the video camera? We're
           going to sing "Happy Birthday" now.

                          ALISON
           Yeah.

                          (TO BEN)
           I'm sorry. I got to go. I'm sorry.

                          BEN
           It's okay.

                          ALISON
           I'll be right back. We'll finish
           talking.

                         

          INT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE, KITCHEN

          Ben stomps back into the kitchen. Pete is carrying the birthday
          cake.

                          PETE
           What happened?

                          BEN
           Thanks for warning me, man. I just
           walking into a fucking buzz saw! She
           rejected me! Because you, for some
           insane reason, told Debbie that I did
           mushrooms with you in Vegas! She gets
           mad because I smoke pot!

                          (MORE)

           KNOCKED UP - 111.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           Now I'm upping it to fucking
           psychedelics! Thanks!

                          PETE
           Really? I thought that she'd take you
           back.

                          BEN
           You know why she just rejected me?
           Because you're such a shitty husband,
           she thinks I'm going to turn into a
           shitty husband!
          Ben exits. Pete starts to carry the cake to the backyard.

                          PETE

                          (SINGING)
           "Happy Birthday to you. Happy Birthday
           to you."

                         

          EXT. MTV MOVIE AWARDS - DAY

          Alison interviews JESSICA ALBA.

                          JESSICA ALBA
           When are you due?

                          ALISON
           I got two months.

                          JESSICA ALBA
           Really? Wow. Well, you're so big
           already.

                          ALISON
           Yeah.
          Alison interviews ANDY DICK.

                          ANDY DICK
           When is that baby popping out?

                          ALISON
           I got two months to go.

                          ANDY DICK
           Really? Are you dilated yet?
          Andy tries to stick his hand up Alison's dress.

                          ALISON
           Wow, wow.
          Alison interviews EVA MENDES.

                          EVA MENDES
           You look fantastic.

                          ALISON
           Thanks, thanks.

           KNOCKED UP - 112.

                         

                          EVA MENDES
           Are you going to, like, give birth
           right now?
          Alison interviews STEVE CARELL.

                          STEVE CARELL
           Wow! You're about to drop any second.

                          ALISON
           You know what?

                          STEVE CARELL
           I love your broach here.

                          ALISON
           You don't need to lie to me. I don't
           appreciate it. I know I look like a
           fat cow. And I'm sweating profusely.

                          STEVE CARELL
           No, you don't look like a...fat cow at
           all. You look great. So, I have to get
           going in. They're calling me.

                          ALISON
           Steve, hey! Help me out. Give me an
           interview, please.

                          STEVE CARELL
           Well, I just need to run in.
          Steve starts to pull away.

                          ALISON
           You know what? Just say into the
           camera, "You're watching E!
           Entertainment." Just give me that.

                          STEVE CARELL
           Congratulations.

                          ALISON
           No, Steve, don't be an asshole! Come
           on.

                          STEVE CARELL
           I'm not being an asshole.

                         

          INT. EDITING BAY

          Alison and Brent watch the MTV Movies Awards footage.

                          BRENT
           Wow. You managed to turn Steve Carell
           into an asshole. No easy feat.

                          ALISON
           Shut up, Brent.

           KNOCKED UP - 113.

                         

          INT. BEN'S HOUSE - NIGHT

          Ben sits on the couch and talks to Harris on the telephone.

                          BEN
           You screwed me, Dad, okay? You said
           everything was going to be fine and
           nothing is fine. Nothing is fine.

           HARRIS (O.S.)
           Ben, I've been divorced three times.
           Why would you listen to me?

                          BEN
           Because you were the only one giving
           me advice! And it was, it was terrible
           advice!

           HARRIS (O.S.)
           You can go around blaming everyone
           else, but in the end, until you take
           responsibility for yourself, none of
           this is going to work out.

                          BEN
           I don't know how to take
           responsibility for myself, okay? I
           didn't read the baby books!

           HARRIS (O.S.)
           You didn't read the books?

                          BEN
           I should smoke less pot. I don't know
           what to do! I'm an idiot! What, tell
           me what to do!

           HARRIS (O.S.)
           I don't know. I don't know. Ben, I
           love ya. What can I tell ya?

                          BEN
           Just tell me what to do.

                         

          INT. JETSET STUDIOS - DAY

          Ben sits at his work desk as his new BOSS walks by. Ben has gotten
          a job designing web pages.

                          BOSS
           Stone, you settling in okay?

                          BEN
           Best job I ever had.

                          BOSS
           Like to hear it.

                         

          INT. BEN'S NEW APARTMENT - DAY

          Ben is being shown an apartment by a realtor.

           KNOCKED UP - 114.

                         

          INT. DR. HOWARD'S OFFICE

          Dr. Howard gives Alison a sonogram. Ben is not there.

                         

          EXT. BEN'S HOUSE - DAY

          Ben's roommates help him move his stuff into a moving van.

                         

          INT. YOGA STUDIO - DAY

          Alison and Debbie participate in a baby exercise class among other
          couples.

                         

          INT. BABY CLOTHES STORE

          Ben asks a salesman about baby clothes.

                         

          INT. ALISON'S GUEST HOUSE - DAY

          Alison folds baby clothes in her nursery.

                         

          INT. BEN'S NEW APARTMENT - DAY

          Ben hangs up wrapping paper as wall paper in his makeshift
          nursery.

                         

          INT. JACK'S OFFICE, E! ENTERTAINMENT - DAY

          Alison, Jill and Jack are in the office.

                          JACK
           Alison, thank you for coming in. I
           don't want to shock you, but know
           what's under that jacket. You're
           pregnant, have been for a while. From
           my count, you're right around eight
           months. And I don't know why you felt
           you couldn't tell us.

                          ALISON
           I'm really sorry.

                          JILL
           This is Hollywood. We don't like
           liars.

                          ALISON
           I just wasn't expecting this and, I
           didn't know how to handle it, and I
           didn't want to lose my job. I'm really
           sorry.

                          JACK
           It's unfortunate that you didn't tell
           us because you would've found out that
           we thought it's great.

           KNOCKED UP - 115.

                         

                          ALISON
          Really?

                          JILL
          Yeah.

                          JACK
          So, we did some research. And turns
          out, people like pregnant.

                          ALISON
          Oh, my God!

                          JACK
          The bigger you are, the bigger your
          numbers.

                          JILL
          I was surprised because I feel the
          opposite.

                          JACK
          We're going to do a whole maternity
          month on "E, Exclamation, Mommy."
          You're going to interview all the
          pregnant celebs.

                          ALISON
          Really?

                          JACK
          Yes.

                          JILL
          Scary!

                          JACK
          If you're pregnant, they're pregnant,
          you can talk about being pregnant.

                          JILL
          It just grosses me out...when I know
          that people are pregnant. Because I
          think about the birth. Everything's so
          wet.

                          JACK
          And everything that goes into it. None
          of the gross stuff. But you know,
          hopes, dreams, whatever. It's going to
          be great.

                          ALISON
          Oh, my God. This is such good news.
          Thank you so much.

                          JACK
          You're welcome. And then, after the
          baby is out, tighten it back up.

                          JILL
          Tight. And please don't lie to us
          again. Because maybe someday we could
          be friends.

           KNOCKED UP - 116.

                         

                          ALISON
           Okay. I won't. I'm sorry.

                          JILL
           I just don't like secrets.

                         

          INT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE - DAY

          Alison holds the door while Pete, Debbie, Charlotte and Sadie move
          their bags to the car.

                          PETE
           You know, it's a rare thing that you
           live to see the day your wildest
           dreams come true. I mean what is there
           left to want? I get to go to Legoland.

                          DEBBIE
           Shut up, Pete.

                          PETE
           Say it!

                          ALISON
           Legoland!

                          DEBBIE
           Don't get them all riled up before the
           drive.

                          PETE
           I shouldn't have given them all that
           meth then.

                          DEBBIE
           We'll be back on Sunday.

                          PETE
           Or Saturday. You never know. We might
           see it all in one day.

                          DEBBIE
           Sunday. Let's go.

                         

          INT. ALISON'S GUEST HOUSE - NIGHT

          Alison watches the lesbian pool scene from "Wild Things." She
          suddenly get a pain in her belly. She winces.

                          ALISON
           Ow, ow, ow.

                         

          INT. BEN'S NEW APARTMENT

          Ben's phone RINGS.

                          BEN
           Hello?

           KNOCKED UP - 117.

                         

          INT. BEN'S OLD HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

          Jason sits in a chair. Jonah stands behind him.

                          JASON
           Hey, what's up daddy? What are you
           doing?

                         

          INT. BEN'S NEW APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

          Ben reads a baby book.

                          BEN
           Just smoking a joint, drinking some
           beers, you know. Rocking.

                         INTERCUT:

                          JASON
           I think we're about to go to a new
           club. You coming?

                          BEN
           No. I'm going to pack it in soon.

                          JONAH

                          (TO JASON)
           What's he doing?

                          JASON

                          (TO JONAH)
           He says he's going to call it a night.

                          (TO BEN)
           Dude, it's like eight-fifteen, man.

                          BEN
           I know. I'm just tired.

                          JONAH

                          (TO JASON)
           Is he depressed?

                          JASON

                          (TO BEN)
           You depressed?

                          BEN
           No, I feel great. I like it.

                          JASON

                          (TO JONAH)
           He says no.

                          JONAH

                          (TO JASON)
           Ask him if he's going to kill himself.

                          JASON

                          (TO BEN)
           You going to kill yourself?

                          BEN
           No, I'm not. Okay? Thank you.

           KNOCKED UP - 118.

                         

                          JONAH

                          (TO JASON)
           Tell him not to jerk off with a noose
           around his neck. It's dangerous.

                          JASON

                          (TO BEN)
           You shouldn't jerk off with a noose
           around your neck because it's
           dangerous.

                          BEN
           Okay, very good.

                          JONAH

                          (TO JASON)
           Oh, and tell him if he has to, tell
           him he needs a teammate or a spotter
           there.

                          JASON

                          (TO BEN)
           Right. And if you do, um, you should
           have a teammate or a spotter there.

                          BEN
           Great.

                          JASON

                          (TO JONAH)
           He says your mom's already there.

                          JONAH
           That's cool, man.

                         

          INT. ALISON'S GUEST HOUSE

          Alison paces while on the phone.

                          ALISON

                          (TO HERSELF)
           Okay, okay, okay.
           (into the phone)
           Hi, Dr. Howard?

                         

          INT. MEXICAN RESTARAUNT - CONTINUOUS

          DR. ANGELO walks into the restaraunt.

           DR. ANGELO
           No, this is Dr. Angelo. How can I help
           you?

                         

          INT. ALISON'S GUEST HOUSE - CONTINUOUS


                          ALISON
           I'm a patient of Dr. Howard's and I'm
           going into labor and I need to speak
           with him.

           KNOCKED UP - 119.

                         

                         INTERCUT:

           DR. ANGELO
           I actually don't know where he is
           tonight. But I've made myself
           available to his patients and I'd be
           happy to help you.

                          ALISON
           Can you help me find him? Can you give
           me his number?

           DR. ANGELO
           Oh, no. You know what? Actually, I'm
           under strict instructions not give out
           his number, but I can help you through
           this.

                          ALISON
           No, no, no, no. I want to speak to my
           own doctor. You really won't give me
           his number? Because this is my first
           baby and he promised that he would be
           here for me and I need you to give me
           his number, okay?

           DR. ANGELO
           Dr. Howard is not available tonight.
           Bet everything's going to be okay, I
           assure you.

                          ALISON
           No, I don't want you to help me
           because I have no idea who you are! I
           want my own goddamned doctor! You make
           sure he calls me!
          Alison clicks off the phone.

                          ALISON (CONT'D)

                          (TO HERSELF)
           Oh, shit. Okay. Oh, shit.
          Alison calls Ben.

                         

          INT. BEN'S NEW APARTMENT

          Ben's sleeps in his bed. His phone RINGS. He blindly fishes for
          the phone.

                          BEN
           Hello?

                         

          I/E BEN'S CAR - NIGHT
          Ben feverishly drives to Alison.

                          BEN

                          (TO CAR)
           Oh, don't run out of gas! Don't run
           out of gas! Come on!

           KNOCKED UP - 120.

                         

          INT. ALISON'S GUEST HOUSE - NIGHT

          Ben runs into Alison's guest house. It is empty.

                          BEN
           Hello?

                         

          EXT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE, BACKYARD

          Ben uses the back door to get into the house.

                         

          INT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE, BEDROOM

          Ben checks every room in the house.

                          BEN
           Please be in here. Hello? Hello!

                         

          INT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE, BATHROOM

          Ben finds Alison in a bubble bath surrounded by candles and

          SOOTHING MUSIC.

                          BEN
           Hello? Alison. Hello?

                          ALISON
           Ben?

                          BEN
           Alison. What is this, like a water
           birth? What are we doing? Should we
           go?

                          ALISON
           Shh! Just relax, okay? Just be mellow,
           because that's what this is all about.
           Because if it gets too stressful in
           here then the baby is born into a
           stressful environment and then he's
           wired for stress for the rest of his
           life. So just...just be calm.

                          BEN

                          (WHISPERING)
           Okay. Okay. Let's relax. Do you want
           to talk about things? I feel really
           bad about a lot of the shit I did. I
           can't believe I said some of that.
           That's all I think about in my head.

                          IT--

                          ALISON
           I don't want to talk about it.

                          BEN
           But maybe we could bring the baby into
           a reconciled place so, we can talk--

           KNOCKED UP - 121.

                         

                          ALISON
           No. I don't want to go there. Don't go
           there, okay?

                          BEN
           Okay.

                          ALISON
           Help me stay relaxed.

                          BEN
           So, what should I do?

                          ALISON
           You need to call Dr. Howard.
          Ben goes into the hall and calls Dr. Howard's house.

                         

          INT. DR. HOWARD'S HOUSE

          Dr. Howard's housekeeper, MARIA, answers the phone.

                          MARIA
           Hello?

                         

          INT. DEBBIE AND PETE'S HOUSE, BATHROOM


                          BEN
           Hello, this is Ben Stone. I'm calling
           on behalf of Alison Scott. We need Dr.
           Howard. It's an emergency.

                         

          INT. DR. HOWARD'S HOUSE


                          MARIA
           He's at San Francisco at Bar Mitzvah.

                         INTERCUT:

                          BEN
           He's at a Bar Mitzvah in San
           Francisco? Do you know when he gets
           back?

                          MARIA
           In three days.

                          BEN
           Do you have his cell number, by any
           chance?
          Ben pops his head around the corner to talk to Alison.

                          BEN (CONT'D)

                          (TO ALISON)
           Hey! Good news. I got his number right
           here. I'm going to call him right now.

                          ALISON
           Great. Thank you so much. I'm so glad
           you're here. Thank you.

           KNOCKED UP - 122.

                         

                          BEN
           I'm glad I'm here, too. Thank you. I
           shouldn't have told you you were a
           fucking lunatic. I shouldn't have said
           that. I feel terrible about it.

                          ALISON
           No, it's okay. We're past it. I'm
           sorry I told you to fuck your bong.

                          BEN
           It's okay. I didn't

                          ALISON
           Let's just drop it now. We're over it.

                          BEN
           I'm going to call him right now.
           You're doing so great.
          Ben slips into the hallway and calls Dr. Howard.

           DR. HOWARD (O.S.)
           Hello, it's Dr. Howard. I'm not here
           right now. Please leave a message.

                          BEN
           (into the phone)
           Hey, Doc Howard. Ben Stone calling.
           Guess what the fuck's up? Alison's
           going into labor and you are not
           fucking here. Now, where are you?
           You're at a fucking Bar Mitzvah in San
           Francisco, you motherfucking piece of
           shit! And you know I'm going to have
           to do now? I'm going to have to kill
           you. I'm going to have to pop a cap in
           your ass. You're dead! You're Tupac!
           You are fucking Biggie, you piece of
           shit! I hope you fucking die or drop
           the fucking chair and kill that
           fucking kid! Hope your plane crashes.
           Peace, fucker!
          Ben goes back to Alison.

                          ALISON
           Hey.

                          BEN
           Hey.

                          ALISON
           Did you talk to him?

                          BEN
           I didn't talk to him directly, I left
           him a very nice message, though. What
           I'm about to tell you isn't that bad.
           You should know that going in. We can
           get through this and it's just a
           little hiccup, but everything will be
           fine. Do you trust me when I say
           everything will be fine?

           KNOCKED UP - 123.

                         

                          ALISON
          I can deal with it.

                          BEN
          Okay. So, Dr. Howard is at a Bar
          Mitzvah.

                          ALISON
          A Bar Mitzvah?

                          BEN
          It's a Jewish rite of passage. And
          he's going to be there for the next
          three days, so he will not be able to
          be here tonight.

                          ALISON
          It's okay. What do you think we should
          do?

                          BEN
          I know exactly what to do. All we do
          is we'll get in the car, I'll drive to
          the hospital, and on the way, we will
          call every gynecologist we've met.
          Someone will be available. You know?

                          ALISON
          I can do that.

                          BEN
          Good. We still have time. I mean, how
          far apart are your contractions?

                          ALISON
          I think, like, seven minutes.

                          BEN
          Seven minutes! See? Not until four
          minutes is it really coming. And has
          your water broken, even?

                          ALISON
          I don't know. I'm in the tub.

                          BEN
          That's a good point. Have you had,
          have you had your bloody show?

                          ALISON
          What's that?

                          BEN
          It's a bloody mucusy discharge. But it
          only comes out right before the baby's
          going to come, so if that hasn't
          happened, we have time. We can make it
          to the hospital. It's no problem.

                          ALISON
          You read the baby books.

                          BEN
          Yeah. I did. I read three of them,
          actually.

           KNOCKED UP - 124.

                         

                          ALISON
           Thank you.

                          BEN
           You're welcome.

                         

          EXT. HOSPITAL - NIGHT

          Ben drives Alison's car. They park in a handicapped spot.

                          ALISON
           Wait. Are we allowed to park here?

                          BEN
           It's okay.
          Ben takes a handicapped placard out of his jacket pocket and hangs
          it on the mirror.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           I stole this from Martin's grandma.

                          ALISON
           Oh. That was really sweet of you.

                          BEN
           Thanks.

                         

          INT. HOSPITAL - FRONT DESK

          Alison and Ben approach the desk. A male nurse, SAMUEL, and a
          FEMALE NURSE tend to them.

                          BEN

                          (TO ALISON)
           We're close. Home stretch.
           (to Female Nurse)
           Hello. This is Alison Scott. Dr. Kuni
           said he would let you know we were
           coming?

                          FEMALE NURSE
           He did. We'll take good care of you.
           Samuel?

                          SAMUEL
           Yeah?

                          FEMALE NURSE
           This is Alison Scott. Please admit her
           into room 307.

                          SAMUEL
           All right. Hi.

                          BEN
           You're our nurse?

                          SAMUEL
           That's why I'm holding the clipboard.
           So, uh, what else is up with you guys?

           KNOCKED UP - 125.

                         
          Ben and Alison stare at Samuel.

                          SAMUEL (CONT'D)
           I'm just joking. Let's have a baby!

                         

          INT. HOSPITAL ROOM

          Samuel is adjusting Alison's IV.

                          SAMUEL
           So, I'm sorry it took me so long to
           find that vein. That little guy really
           didn't want me to find him.

                          ALISON
           Is that the baby on that one right
           there?
          Alison points to some equipment by her bed side.

                          SAMUEL
           Yeah. That's how we can tell how the
           little guy or gal is doing.

                          ALISON
           Okay.
          A groggy Dr. Kuni enters.

           DR. KUNI
           Hello, Alison, Ben. Interesting night.

                          BEN
           We really, really appreciate you
           coming, man.

           DR. KUNI
           What else do I have to do, I mean,
           besides sleep? I was only kidding.
           What happened to your doctor?

                          BEN
           He's at a Bar Mitzvah in San
           Francisco. He didn't tell us though.

           DR. KUNI
           Nice.

                          BEN
           Yeah.

           DR. KUNI
           Lucky for you I don't have any Jewish
           friends.

                          ALISON
           Dr. Kuni, I really want to do this
           naturally. I don't want to use drugs.

           DR. KUNI
           Let's just take a look and see what
           happens, okay? Fetal heart rate is
           good. Samuel, where are we?

           KNOCKED UP - 126.

                         

                          SAMUEL
           Four centimeters.

           DR. KUNI
           Four centimeters what?

                          SAMUEL
           Dilated.

           DR. KUNI
           Dilated. That's right. Focus. Pay
           attention, okay? We're a team. Okay?

                         

          INT. HOSPITAL - WAITING ROOM

          Jonah, Jason, Jay and Martin sit in the waiting room.

                          JONAH
           I want to get the fuck out of here.

                          JAY
           What?

                          JONAH
           I just want to get the fuck out of
           here.

                          JAY
           Just relax, man, just relax.

                          JONAH
           I don't fucking like hospitals.

                          JAY
           Jonah, this is beautiful. I just think
           you need to relax and embrace the
           beauty of another life joining our
           gang. We're having a baby. We are
           having a baby.

                          JONAH
           I'm not having shit besides a fucking
           panic attack. There's probably a
           fucking room back there full of dead
           bodies! You guys want to be here when
           one rolls out and just fucking coughs
           malaria into our face?

                          JAY
           Jesus.

                          JONAH
           Fucking shit.

                         

          INT. HOSPITAL ROOM

          Ben massages Alison's back.

                          BEN
           Is that good?

           KNOCKED UP - 127.

                         

                          ALISON
           Oh, yeah, get in there.

                          BEN
           I could do this all day.
          The fetal heart monitors begins to BEEP.

                          ALISON
           What was that?

                          BEN
           What the hell was that?
          Samuel hurries in to check the monitor.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
           What's that, what's happening?
          Dr. Kuni enters.

           DR. KUNI
           Well, boy and girls, what seems to be
           the problem?

                          SAMUEL
           Decels.

           DR. KUNI
           Oh, dear. Okay. Alison, I need you to
           turn on your back now, okay? The
           baby's heart rate is slowing. Okay?

                          BEN
           It's going to be okay.
           (to Dr. Kuni)
           Is it going to be fine?
          Alison turns onto her back.

           DR. KUNI
           It's going to be fine. Okay?

                          (TO ALISON)
           You're going to feel a little bit of a
           push.
          Dr. Kuni tries to reposition the baby.

                          BEN
           What are you doing?

           DR. KUNI
           I'm turning the baby so I can take the
           pressure off the cord.

                          ALISON
           Oh, my God.
          The monitors stops beeping.

           KNOCKED UP - 128.

                         

           DR. KUNI
           We're good. The heartbeat's stronger,
           but we're not out of the woods. We
           need to get things going now. I think
           the cord is wrapped around the neck.
           Okay?

                          BEN
           What?

           DR. KUNI
           So I'm going to give you some
           medicine, pop the bag and get things
           going, okay? I don't want to leave the
           baby in there for long and we can give
           you some medicine for the pain.

                          ALISON
           No, no, no, no. I don't want the baby
           to be born all drugged out. It's not
           my birth plan.

           DR. KUNI
           Now, things change. We don't have time
           to debate this.

                          ALISON
           What? No. But no, I'm not comfortable
           with that. I'm not.

                          BEN
           No. Would you please just listen to
           her?

           DR. KUNI
           Fine. Do what you want to do.

                          BEN
           Whoa, whoa, whoa, what?

           DR. KUNI
           Should I leave? Do you want to be the
           doctor? Because I really don't need to
           be here.

                          BEN
           No. What we want is to take a second
           to talk about our options, okay?
           That's all we want.

           DR. KUNI
           No. You mean you want to take a second
           to tell me how to do my job. My job is
           to get that baby out safely. Or I can
           go home! You just let me know. You be
           the doctor.

                          BEN
           Can we talk outside in the hall for a
           second?

                         

          INT. HOSPITAL - HALLWAY

          Ben and Dr. Kuni stand in the hallway.

           KNOCKED UP - 129.

                         

           DR. KUNI
           That woman is a control freak, and she
           needs to let go and let me do my job.

                          BEN
           Look, she's just having a hard time
           because her and her doctor had a very
           specific birth plan. And they wanted
           it to be a very special experience.

           DR. KUNI
           Okay. if you want a special
           experience, go to a Jimmy Buffet
           concert. We have a new birth plan: Get
           the baby out safely.

                          BEN
           Look, man, will you help us out? I
           have no idea what I'm doing. You can
           be as big a dick to me as you want.
           Just be nice to her, man. That's all I
           ask. Just please be nice to her.
          Ben's stomach GROWLS loudly.

           DR. KUNI
           Are you okay?

                          BEN
           I think so.

           DR. KUNI
           I'm sorry. Let's start fresh.

                          BEN
           Thank you, man.

           DR. KUNI
           This is healthy. This is good. I think
           we're bonding.

                         

          INT. HOSPITAL ROOM

          Dr. Kuni and Ben come back into the room.

           DR. KUNI
           Alison, I apologize for being a little
           brash, but if you're okay with it,
           it's rather important we break the bag
           and give you some medicine to speed
           things up. Because once the bag is
           broken, I don't want there to be an
           infection.

                          ALISON
           Whatever. Do what you have to do.
          Dr. Kuni exits.

                          ALISON (CONT'D)
           (whispering to Ben)
           Oh, my God. What a nightmare that guy
           is.

           KNOCKED UP - 130.

                         

                          BEN
           I know, I know. Look, I talked to him.
           I think he'll be more cool now.

                          ALISON
           I'm so sorry I broke up with you.

                          BEN
           You really don't need to be. And you
           know, I knew you'd give me another
           shot. I figured it'd be a lot sooner
           than this, you know?

                          ALISON
           I was just in such a panic from all of
           this. And watching Debbie and Pete
           together, and my ass got so fat.

                          BEN
           No, no.

                          ALISON
           It did. I just never, for one minute,
           thought that the guy who got me
           pregnant would actually be the right
           guy for me.

                          BEN
           Me neither.

                          ALISON
           I guess he is.

                         

          INT. HOSPITAL - HALLWAY

          Martin and Jonah wheel around the corner in wheelchairs.

                          JONAH
           All right, Martin, who am I?

                          (IMPERSONATING STEPHEN

                          HAWKING)
           People think I'm smart because I speak
           in a robot voice.

                          MARTIN
           Stephen Hawking.

                          JONAH

                          (IMPERSONATING STEPHEN

                          HAWKING)
           I fuck my nurse with my ever-expanding
           cock.

                          (STOPS IMPERSONATION)
           All right. Let's murderball. Come
           here! I'm going to murderball you!
          Jonah kicks Martin's wheelchair over.

                          MARTIN
           Oh, fuck.

           KNOCKED UP - 131.

                         

                          JONAH
           Stay down!

                          MARTIN
           Jonah, you shithead!

                         

          INT. HOSPITAL ROOM

          Debbie and Pete come into the room. Pete holds a camcorder.

                          DEBBIE
           Hi. I can't believe I go out of town
           and this happens.

                          ALISON
           I know.

                          DEBBIE
           I'm sorry, but I'm not going anywhere.

                          ALISON
           Screw Legoland.

                          PETE
           All right, how do you want this? You
           want this over the shoulder? I can do
           whatever you want. I can get in there.
           Kind of Spike Lee angles.

                          ALISON
           No, you can shoot the waiting room.
           That would be great.

                          DEBBIE

                          (TO BEN)
           Well, thank you. I've got it from
           here.

                          ALISON
           Debbie.

                          BEN

                          (TO DEBBIE)
           Can I talk to you in the hall for a
           second?

                          DEBBIE
           Why?

                         

          INT. HOSPITAL - HALLWAY

          Ben and Debbie talk in the hallway alone.

                          BEN
           I'd like to be in there with
           Alison...without you.

                          DEBBIE
           Okay. I understand how you feel, but
           this isn't up to you.

           KNOCKED UP - 132.

                         

                          BEN
           Look, Debbie, you are high off your
           ass if you think you're coming into
           that room. If you take one step
           towards that door, I will tell
           security there's a crazy chick in a
           pink dress snatching up babies. Okay?
           So don't even try to come into that
           room. That's my room now. That little
           area with the Pepsi machine...that's
           your area. My room. Your area. Stay in
           your area. Stay out of my room. Back
           the fuck off.

                         

          INT. HOSPITAL - WAITING ROOM

          Debbie sits down in a seat next to Pete.

                          PETE
           What are you doing here?

                          DEBBIE
           He just kicked me out. He told me to
           leave. But I guess it's good, right?
           He said he's going to take care of
           her. He really seems on his game. I
           think he's going to be a good dad. I
           think I like him. Thank God.

                          PETE
           I wish I'd gotten that on tape.

                         

          INT. HOSPITAL ROOM

          Alison is in labor. She is PANTING.

                          ALISON
           Go! Holy shit, almighty! Oh, shit,
           this really hurts!

           DR. KUNI
           Ah, I see we're well on our way.

                          ALISON
           I want the epidural! Okay? Give me the
           epidural!

                          BEN
           Give it to her. Give her the epidural,
           okay?

                          ALISON
           Okay?

                          BEN
           Give it to her now.

           DR. KUNI
           Alison, we're past the point of an
           epidural. The cervix is fully dilated.

           KNOCKED UP - 133.

                         

                          ALISON
           No, seriously, I want an epidural! I
           know there's time!

           DR. KUNI
           We can't give you the epidural.

                          ALISON
           Take the time! I'll make sure it
           doesn't come out! I'll stop pushing.

                          BEN
           We have time.

                          ALISON
           I'll stop, oh, please, please, please!

                          BEN
           Just do it, please!

           DR. KUNI
           I'm sorry. We have no time. We're
           going to just have to do this the all
           natural way, okay? The way you wanted
           to do it. Okay? Ready?

                          ALISON
           Okay.

           DR. KUNI
           Here comes another contraction, okay?
           I want you to push. Okay, ready? Good,
           good, good.

                          ALISON
           I feel everything! Oh, my God! It's
           happening.

                          SAMUEL
           Maybe we can take it down just a
           little. I think you're going to scare
           the other pregnant women.

                          ALISON
           Are you fucking kidding me? Are you
           kidding me?

                         

          INT. HOSPITAL - WAITING ROOM

          Alison's SHRIEKING is heard in the waiting room.

                          JAY
           Jesus.

                          JONAH
           Oh. This is messed up. Something's
           wrong in there.

                          JASON
           No, no. I mean, granted, gynecology's
           only a hobby of mine, but it sounds to
           me like she's crowning. Is that right,
           Deb?

           KNOCKED UP - 134.

                         

                          DEBBIE
           Yeah. That's what it sounds like for
           everyone. Everyone goes through this.

                          JAY
           No, I disagree with you. That sounds
           terrible. I'm going to go sneak a
           peek, see if there's anything I can
           do.
          Jay goes to Alison's room.

                         

          INT. HOSPITAL ROOM

          Alison is in agony. Ben, Dr. Kuni and nurses are hunched around
          her.

           DR. KUNI
           It's crowning! I'm seeing the head!

                          ALISON
           Oh, God. Honey, what does it look
           like, Ben?
          Been peers down between Alison's legs.
          We actually see the crowning shot as the baby's head is being
          pushed out of Alison's vagina.

                          BEN
           Oh, God.

                          ALISON
           What?

                          BEN
           You don't want to see it. You don't

                          WANT--

                          ALISON
           No, I want to see it!

                          BEN
           It's beautiful. You don't want to,
           though.

                          ALISON
           No, I want to see...
          A nurse holds a mirror for Alison. She sees the actual crowning
          shot.

                          ALISON (CONT'D)
           ...it! Oh, God! Oh, God!

           DR. KUNI
           Okay, we're almost home! One, two--
          Jay bursts in.

                          JAY
           You okay in here?

           KNOCKED UP - 135.

                         
          Jay sees the crowning shot.

                          JAY (CONT'D)
           Jesus!

                          ALISON
           Get out!

                          JAY
           Yeah, okay.

                         

                         

          INT. HOSPITAL - WAITING ROOM

          Jay solemnly returns to his chair.

                          JASON
           You all right, buddy?

                          JAY
           One sec.

                          JONAH
           What did it look like?

                          JAY
           I shouldn't have gone in there. Don't
           go in there. Promise me you don't go
           in there.

                          JONAH
           Me go in there? That's the last
           fucking place I want to go. Like I'm
           going to go in there. Try getting a
           boner now.
          Jason beams at Debbie.

                          JASON
           What's up Deb?

                          DEBBIE
           Hey.
          Pete looks at Debbie.

                         

          INT. HOSPITAL ROOM

          The birth is still in progress.

           DR. KUNI
           Push. One, two, three.

                          ALISON
           Oh, God!

           DR. KUNI
           You've passed the shoulders. One more
           big push. Good.
          The baby comes out. Dr. Kuni cleans it up.

           KNOCKED UP - 136.

                         

                          ALISON
           Oh, Ben. I did it.

                          BEN
           You did it.

                          ALISON
           It's out.

                          BEN
           You did it. Oh, my God, you did it.
          Dr. Kuni hands the baby to Alison.

                          ALISON
           Hi, baby. I love you, Ben.

                          BEN
           I love you so much, too. Oh, my God.

           DR. KUNI
           Congratulations, you two. Beautiful.

                          ALISON
           Thank you.

           DR. KUNI
           You did so great. You were amazing.

                          ALISON
           Pretty baby.

                          BEN
           You got out. You made it out. Welcome.

                         

          INT. HOSPITAL - WAITING ROOM


                          MARTIN
           You ever get so bored you just stare
           at your balls?

                          JONAH
           I bet you do, late John Lennon.

                          MARTIN
           Here we go again.

                          DEBBIE
           (whispering to Pete)
           Who is that? Is that Ben's rabbi? Is
           he the one who cuts the penis?

                          PETE
           I think it's Matisyahu.

                          MARTIN
           Awesome.

                          JASON
           You want out of the bet?

                          MARTIN
           I want out of the bet.

           KNOCKED UP - 137.

                         

                          JASON
           You know what you have to say. Just
           say it, man. I think now is the time.

                          MARTIN
           "Jason, you're the master."

                          JASON
           You heard it, right?

                          JAY
           Yeah.

                          JASON
           All right. You're out of the bet.
           You're done.
          Martin hugs Jason.

                          JASON (CONT'D)
           Your face smells like an old man's
           balls.

                          MARTIN
           Thank you.

                         

          INT. HOSPITAL ROOM

          Debbie and Pete come to check in on Alison.

                          DEBBIE
           Oh, my God. Hello. My goodness. She's
           beautiful. She's beautiful. I love
           you, Ben.

                          BEN
           I love you, Debbie.

                          DEBBIE

                          (TO PETE)
           We're going to have another baby.

                          PETE
           Okay.
          Pete turns the camera on himself and shakes his head "no."

                          DEBBIE
           Hello, baby.

                         

          INT. HOSPITAL - WAITING ROOM

          Ben enters the waiting room to talk to the guys.

                          BEN
           Gentlemen, it's a girl!

                          THE GUYS
           Ohhhhhhh!

                          BEN
           Yeah!

           KNOCKED UP - 138.

                         
          They all hug.

                          JAY
           We got a daughter! Mazel Tov!

                          JASON
           Congratulations, Daddy!

                          JAY
           We got a beautiful little girl!

                          BEN
           Let's meet her! She's awesome.

                          JAY
           A beautiful little girl!

                          JASON
           Let's meet her. Aw.

                         

          INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - LATER

          Alison sleeps while Ben holds the baby. Everyone else has gone
          home.

                          BEN
           (to the baby)
           And then your mommy said, "Just do it,
           already," which was very confusing to
           Daddy. So I listened to the most
           literal translation of that and I just
           did it, already. What would you do?
           Don't tell Mommy, but it was the
           smartest thing I ever did, listening
           to her, because now you're here. Isn't
           that nice? I think it is.

                         

          EXT. HOSPITAL - DAY

          Ben and a Nurse push Alison and the baby in a wheelchair.

                         

          I/E ALISON'S CAR
          Ben drives while Alison and the baby are in the back seat.

                          ALISON
           I hope your apartment's big enough for
           the three of us.

                          BEN
           It definitely is. That's why I got one
           in East LA. The rent. It's huge! The
           only thing is we have to decide if
           we're going to be Crips or Bloods
           before we get there.

                          ALISON
           Well, I look good in red.

           KNOCKED UP - 139.

                         

                          BEN
           I look good in blue. The fighting
           continues. We could just throw off
           everyone and become Latin Kings.

                          ALISON
           Yeah.

                          BEN
           We both look good in gold.

                          ALISON
           Good choice. I would yell at you about
           driving so slow, except the baby's
           here.

                          BEN
           No, these guys can honk all they want.
           I ain't going faster than twelve. It
           might take us around three hours to
           get home, though.
          The car moves slowly down the highway with a line of cars waiting
          behind them.

          FADE OUT.

                          

Knocked Up



Writers :   Judd Apatow
Genres :   Comedy  Drama  Romance


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