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                                  LARRY CROWNE


                         

                                   Written by

                                   Tom Hanks


                         
                                From a story by

                           Tom Hanks & Nia Vardalos

                         

                         

                         
                                                            Nov. 2009

          FADE IN

                         SUNRISE

                         
          Big and orange and full of hope, as sure as fate. A dawn as
          promising as, well, this new day...
          Sun is rising over...

                         
          A flat roof that stretches to the horizon. A vast expanse.
          A plain of gravel-embedded tar, studded with...
          HVAC units and power lines, the kind that service a huge
          commercial building. In fact this kind of building...
          A UNIMART store. A flagship of savings; a mother lode of
          low, low prices. 100,000-and-then-some square feet of the
          Consumer Economy...

                         PARKING LOT

                         
          Empty thus far. A few EMPLOYEE autos arriving in their
          assigned slots far from the entrance. One of those cars is a
          old, not so vintage nor classic convertible...
          KARMANN GHIA -- Belonging to...

                         
          LARRY CROWNE - A man as reliable (and predictable) as that
          rising sun.

          Actually, he's a Team Leader of this Unimart, dressed in his
          un-sexy, un-fashionable, un-flattering khaki pants and
          Company Polo.

          Larry has had the ragtop down. He wrestles it up, locks the
          cover into place.

          He doesn't just walk to work, but s t r i d e s across the
          asphalt field like a Sultan of Sales; a Viscount of Discount.
          He cheers co-workers at the start of the day, shouting
          encouragement, flashing thumbs up, knocking on car doors and
          squeezing shoulders...

           DOROTHY GENKOS (PRE-LAP)
           A seven-speed Mix-o-Meter Food
           Processor! $21.69!

                          AVERY (PRE-LAP)
           Sweatpants! Two pair! $6.69!

          2.

                         

                         

          INT. UNIMART - DAY

          The morning Circle of Sales! Employees and their wares.
          Larry stands, yet to speak, ready for his moment of
          pronounced enthusiasm...

                         

                          TEAM LEADER #1
           Fifteen foot jumper cables - 69
           cents a foot!

                          TEAM LEADER #2
           Chocolate turtles! 69 cents a
           pound bag!
          Go, Larry! Wave that merchandise!

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Three-pack of men's elastic waist
           mid-thigh boxer shorts! $2.69!

          FREEZE!

                         
          Words fill the screen.

                         

                         

                         

                         

           THIS IS LARRY CROWNE

                         
          Hold. Hold. Hold. AND...CONTINUE.

           ALVAREZ (TEAM LEADER)
           Four Toby Jug beer steins - $2.69!

                          TEAM LEADER #3
           MP3 Player the size of a bottle
           cap! Something and 69 cents!

                          TEAM LEADER #4
           Duck Blind print sheets for a queen
           size bed. $7.69.

                          ALL
           Shop UniMart! Where United, you
           save!
          Larry Crowne leads the High Fives.

                         

          MENSWEAR DEPT - LATER

                         
          Larry controlling the aisles like an Admiral at a Battle
          Map... stacking a mountain of tube socks... stocking those
          briefs ... hanging "Metallica" Speedos on little hangers...
          helping CUBBY - a very skinny and disinterested Janitor -
          clean up some baby up-chuck as the baby up-chucks again.

           3.

                         

                         

                          MOMMY
           Too much mac & cheese for this
           little pickle bug!

                          LARRY CROWNE
           They do love the comfort food.
           Don't you, Li'l Pickle Bug...
          Imagine any duty and see how Larry gets it done...

                         

                         

          EXT. UNIMART PARKING LOT - LATER

          Larry is collecting loose shopping carts, steering them into
          pairs, triplets, sextuplets, then riding them into the cart
          pen like a Trail Boss...

                         LATER

                         
          That same up-chucking baby was riding on the coin-pony and up-
          chucked again. Larry is cleaning it all up.
          A beat-up CAR with a BIG STORK PIZZA sign stuck on its roof
          pulls right up to the front of the store, parking in the
          Handicapped Space.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE

                         
           Buddy. Park there and you'll get a
           ticket.

                          PIZZA KID
           Call a cop, doof. I'm gone in
           sixty seconds.
           (a dozen pizza boxes)
           You guys having a party?

                         

                         

          INT. MEETING ROOM 2 - UNIMART - LATER

          The BIG STORK PIZZA BOXES have been raided for slices.

                         
          A RETIREMENT PARTY is going on. A SIGN reads "Good Luck
          Dorothy Genkos!" The name has been printed over the last
          person to retire. People are cutting loose as best they can
          at a NO-ALCOHOL Corporate Fete.
          None more than Larry. Who is organizing a MOSH PIT for
          DOROTHY GENKOS, an old lady. This is a fun group.
          Over in the corner, though, is the Front Office Staff: COX,
          STRANG, ANDREWS and HURLEY (Female).

           4.

                         

                         

                          STRANG
           Finally. Dotty G. and her forty-two-
           K a year are history. Who else
           would do us that favor?

                          ANDREWS
           Wish they'd all sail off like her.
           Save us some grief.

                          STRANG
           The "R" Bomb is going to do some
           collateral damage to this place.
          Hurley is shocked!

                          HURLEY
           "R-Bomb"? Oh my god! Restructuring?

                          COX
           Separating the chaff from the
           wheat. Chaff is the bad stuff,
           right?

                          HURLEY

                         

                         

                         

                         
           Chaff is the waste matter, correct.

                         
           When are we restructuring?

                          COX
           Before E.O.Q. Them's our orders.
          Hurley looks sick. She hates this.

                          STRANG
           What say we drop a brick in the
           pond to warn the herd?

                          ANDREWS
           How?

                          STRANG
           Firing someone.

                          COX
           Someone they'd never expect to be
           let go. To look fair. I like it.

                          STRANG
           Like a Team Leader.

                          HURLEY
           Team Leader?

                          STRANG

           5.

                         

                         

                          COX
           Suggestions on who it should be?

                          STRANG
           I say Crowne.

                          HURLEY
           Larry Crowne?
          Strang rolls his eyes.

                         

                          STRANG
           Who else? Avery won't retire. We
           fire him, it's a law suit.
          AVERY - Old. Black. Happy.

                         

                          STRANG (CONT'D)
           Alvarez is about to drop a kid.
           She'll go part time in a week.
          ALVAREZ - Heavy with child.

                         

                          STRANG (CONT'D)

                         

                         

                         

                         
           Crowne's pink slip will save 'da

                         
           "U" big green backwash.

                          COX
           What Salary Tier is Crowne at?

                          ANDREWS
           Top of the pyramid with a C.O.L.
           bump at the first of the year.

                          COX
           Sweet. We'll need Actionable
           Cause, of course.
          They all agree: "Yeah. Sure. Of course..."

                         

                          COX (CONT'D)
           How's his review record?

                          HURLEY
           He's a candidate for Employee of
           the Month. His 22nd time.

                          COX
           Okay. So. Sluggers, gimme a
           reason...
          Larry has organized a Limbo Contest.

           6.

                         

                         

                          HURLEY
           We could use the Limited Horizons
           strategy.

                          (EXPLAINING)
           Larry will always be passed over
           for Management. He never went to
           college.

                          COX
           You're that familiar with his
           record?

                          STRANG
           She was his squeeze for a few
           weeks, weren't you, Vick?

                          HURLEY
           That was before the New Employee
           Covenants. That you even
           remember...

                          STRANG
           The memory haunts me.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          ANDREWS

                         
           He'll sock us for severance.

                          STRANG
           Big brick in the pond, though.

                          COX
           Let's call it. Today, end of
           shift, UniMart bids Crowne adieu.
          LARRY is dancing up a storm.

                         

                         

          EXT. UNIMART - PARKING LOT - LATE AFTERNOON

          Less cars. Fewer shoppers. Heading into the night shift.

                         

                         

          INT. UNIMART - ELECTRONICS - LATER

          Larry is the only Team Leader still on duty and sober. He is
          fastidious in his work.
          The P.A. System blares. It's incomprehensible. He pays no
          attention. VASQUEZ -- a HUGE Security Guard -- comes by.

                          VASQUEZ
           LC Why still here?

           7.

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Team Leaders zone departments
           before punching out. It's policy.

                          VASQUEZ
           I mean here here. You just got
           paged to Meeting Room 2.
          The P.A. blares again. Now they can hear it -- sort of.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Probably to clean up after the
           party.

                          VASQUEZ
           Isn't it Employee of the Month Day?
          Larry brightens. That is what it must be.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Speck-tack-alar.
          Flushed at the prospect, Larry gives Terrorist Fist Bumps.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          VASQUEZ

                         
           You're the only one around here who
           deserves it. How many will this
           be?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Ah, who's counting?
          He flashes his fingers: twenty two!

                         

                         

          INT. MEETING ROOM #2 - SAME

          Larry Cr wne soars into the room. Cubby is cleaning up the
          substantial mess. The Front Office Team has taken seats.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Remember how we saw "The UniMart
           Way" video, Vick? You and me,
           alone in this room, and look at us
           now.
          Hurley has a frozen face. Larry looks at Andrews' smile.

                         

                          STRANG
           Cubby. Make tracks.
          The Janitor literally drops everything and leaves

           8.

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I think I know what this is about.

                          STRANG
           I don't think you do.

                          COX
           Crowne. At UniMart, we care. So
           we take care. Which makes moments
           like these tough for all of us.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Sounds like you're firing me.
          Larry is joking.

                          STRANG
           I take it back.

                          COX
           Corporate has mandated a
           restructuring in all UniMart
           stores. That's the word they use.
           I call it a pain in the touchas.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          (THEN)

                         
           It is touchas, right? Where you
           get kicked?

                          HURLEY
           Yeah. A yiddish word.

                          ANDREWS
           Like the buttocks.

                          HURLEY
           Touchas and buttocks. Synonymous.

                          COX
           Hurts to get kicked back there, no
           matter what language you speak.
          Larry now gets it.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           UniMart is firing me...

                          STRANG
           Crowne-ie, you did a heck of a job.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Why me?

           9.

                         

                         

                          ANDREWS
           Who do you suggest? Alvarez?
           Avery? I don't think so.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Why not Strang?
          Strang snorts.

                         

           LARRY CROWNE (CONT'D)
           I've been here longer than you,
           Jack. I started 21 years ago as an
           Inventory Associate at the store on
           Euclid.
          Hurley takes over, as blank as a tax-form.

                         

                          HURLEY
           Seniority would preclude this
           reality, Larry, but UniMart's
           policy is to never limit your
           horizons.
          Larry Crowne has no idea what that means.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          COX

                         
           Here's the prob: your lack of a
           graduate degree will forever retard
           any move up the management ladder.

                          STRANG
           Becasue you never went to college
           you're forever retarded.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I won't make the Front Office?

                          STRANG
           Never.
           (shows his college ring)
           S. M. U. Class of '86! Go 'Stangs!
          It's true.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I went in the Navy. Right outta
           high school. Five years, and by
           then...

                          COX
           Thank you for your service to our
           country, Larry. And, in total
           seriousness to UniMart too

           10.

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I thought I was Employee of the
           Month.

                          STRANG
           In a way, you are.
          Larry can't believe this. Nor can he move.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
           No. No. No. No. I'm going to lose
           my house...

                          COX
           The timing on this is always a
           bitch.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Guys. Guys. Guys. Guys. Guys.
           Guys. Guys. Guys. We can fix this.
           Can't we fix this?

                          COX

                         

                         

                         

                         
           Really wish we could.

                         

                          (THEN)
           Vick? The generous severance
           package?
          She has a folder with posted "Sign Here's."

                         

                          HURLEY
           Sign here. Here. Here. Initial
           that. Sign here. One more. Done.
          Strang finds one last piece of party pizza.

                         

                         

          EXT. UNIMART PARKING LOT - AFTERNOON

          Vasquez helps Larry put down the ragged top of his car.

                         

                          VASQUEZ
           12 jerks I'd fire before you.
           May walk away from UniMart myself.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Stick it out. You go to college?

                          VASQUEZ
           Couple years. Then I blew out my

                          KNEE

           11.

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Thanks for seeing me off.

                          VASQUEZ
           I need your apron, man.

                          (AGAIN)
           Your apron. Says UniMart on it, so
           it ain't yours.
          Larry unharnesses himself from that which is not his. Hands
          it over. Branded. Scorned as the one let go...

                          VASQUEZ (CONT'D)
           Thanks.

                          (WALKING AWAY)
           Goofy car, man.

                         

                         

          EXT. INTERSECTION - LATER

          Larry pulls up at a red light. From his hands-free speaker
          jerry-rigged on his dash, we hear ON-HOLD Music.

                          RECORDED VOICE

                         

                         

                         
          Then, we hear the engines of SCOOTERS -- at least a dozen of
          them. They surround his car -- both lanes -- and the chatter
          of the riders as they scream over their engines as they AD-
          "Remember, you always have a friend
           at RiverBank..."

                         

                         

                         
          LIB where they are going next...

           LAURIE GAMMELGAARD (OVER PHONE)
           Laurie Gammelgaard thank you for
           holding how may I help you?
          Larry has to shout over the SCOOTER SQUAD ruckus.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I was holding for Barry Raphael in
           Home and Real Estate?

                          LAURIE GAMMELGAARD
           Mr. Raphael is no longer with the
           bank. How can I help you?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Barry is gone? I need to talk to
           someone in Home and Real Estate.

                          LAURIE GAMMELGAARD

           12.

                         

                         
          The SCOOTER SQUAD has made their decision and peel out --

          VROOM, YEOOW...

                          LARRY CROWNE
           (reading his ATM card)
           I wish! I'm Customer number 566
           7878 2031 339 and I can be there in
           three minutes!

           LAURIE GAMMELGAARD (OVER PHONE)
           As long as you are here before six,
           okey dokey.
          ZZZZZMMMM, BLAARREE... The scooters are gone, but Larry is
          still yelling...

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Three minutes!

                         

          INT. RIVERBANK BRANCH - LATE AFTERNOON

          Larry sits at Gammelgaard's desk looking at his own records,
          sipping complimentary coffee that is ghastly.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE

                         
           What happened to Barry Raphael?

           LAURIE GAMMELGAARD (PRE-LAP)
           Barry Raphael was harassing the
           younger tellers but we are not
           supposed to admit that.

                          (THE PAPERS)
           This is some kick in the head.
           Not sure what to tell you, Mr.
           Crowne.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I m hoping not to lose my house.

                          LAURIE GAMMELGAARD
           You're carrying what on the house?

                          LARRY CROWNE

           $291,987.

                          LAURIE GAMMELGAARD
           Two Ninety-two K. That's trouble.
           Three years ago I'd have loaned you
           $700,000, but I think you read the
           papers.

                          LARRY CROWNE

           13.

                         

                         
           LAURIE GAMMELGAARD No.
          She gets a brochure: "The RiverBank Survival Plan!"

                         

           LAURIE GAMMELGAARD (CONT'D)
           But RiverBank does have a plan for
           you.

                          (THE BROCHURE)
           In a few weeks your financial base
           will tell us what we can do. Find
           new employment. Liquidate
           everything low on the Value Index.
           Stick to a budget. Clip coupons,
           buy in bulk, you know the drill.
           Then come back and we'll work with
           you.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           That's RiverBank's plan for me?

                          LAURIE GAMMELGAARD
           It is Friday, Mr. Crowne...

                         

          EXT. DERBY COURT - EVENING

          This is Larry Crowne's street.

                         

                         

                         

                         
          This is Larry Crowne's house.

                         
          His car parks in the driveway and he steps out, taking a
          minute to survey what he may lose.
          KIDS play down the street under a streetlight... An ELDERLY
          NEIGHBOR is watering his lawn with a hose... A GUY is playing
          with his DOG... One house always has Christmas lights.
          Another has a handicapped ramp up to the front door....

                         

                         

          EXT. LAMARR'S HOUSE - KITCHEN WINDOW - SAME

          Lamarr lives across the street from Larry, and is looking out
          the window as he prepares to light a scholarly looking pipe

                          LAMARR
           Larry's home a little late tonight.
          His wife, PATIENCE, is sitting at the table, pouring over
          catalogs..

                          PATIENCE
           Maybe he was out on a date.

           14.

                         

                         

                          LAMARR
           We'd see that on the news.
          He is about to light up with a match...

                         

                          PATIENCE
           Don't even think about lighting
           that up in my house.

                         

                         

          INT. LARRY CROWNE'S HOME - EVENING


          HIS UNIMART POLO SHIRT

                         
          He is holding it in his hands.

          THE LAUNDRY ROOM

                         
          Larry is about to throw the thing away, but then puts it and
          some fabric softener in his washer.

          LIVING ROOM - LATER

                         
          Mood music plays from the Crowne Vinyl Library, a complete
          wall of LP's. Alphabetized... We can see into the...

                         KITCHEN

                         
          Larry sits in his breakfast nook with an old laptop computer

                         

                         

                         

                         
          and a pot of coffee.

                         
          An on-line job application... Mega-Save. Larry is entering
          his data. He comes across that part of any application that
          will forever be daunting to him.

                         EDUCATION/ COLLEGE

                         
          What can he do, but enter the truth?

                         

          NONE.

                         
          More On-line Applications flash by....

                         
          Plug-It-In Center...Education/ College -- Didn't Go

                         
          White Front House and Home ... Education/ College -- High
          School! Go, Navy!
          Furniture Planet ... Education/ College -- Is it necessary?

                         
          Patterson's Appliances ... Education/ College -- Masters
          Degree: School of HARD KNOCKS!!!

           15.

                         

                         
          Larry stops. This may be futile. He looks about to give up.
          But then, he thinks.
          He stands. Thinks some more...

                         

                         IRONING BOARD
          Unfolds like a piece of high tech assault equipment. The
          iron breathes hot fumes... spray starch plumes like jet
          exhaust.
          Larry Crowne is ironing his nicest shirt and his best khakis
          to perfection.
          He is focused. Intense. And good at ironing...

                         

                         

          EXT. MEGA-SAVE - MORNING

          Larry is with the first customers of the day, dressed to
          impress in those well-ironed clothes. He strides right in to
          the giant store.

                         LATER

                         
          He strides right out.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          EXT. PLUG-IT-IN CENTER, PARKING LOT - MORNING

          Larry is getting out of his car, putting on a good face, and
          heading inside.

                         LATER
          He gets right back into his car.

                         

                         

          EXT.. WHITE FRONT HOUSE AND HOME - PARKING LOT - LATER

          Larry is driving past the front windows of the store.
          Resurrection Letters scream "LOST OUR LEASE! EVERYTHING MUST

          GO!!!"

                         

          INT. FURNITURE PLANET - LATER

          Way back in the rear of the store, behind a false panelling a
          furniture store should be ashamed of, Larry has filled out
          another application and is waiting for someone to give it to.
          A PLANET STAFFER finally shows her head.

           16.

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           How do I offer this up to
           Personnel?

                          PLANET STAFFER
           There should be a box to put it in.
          Larry finds a box.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           This?

                          PLANET STAFFER
           No. There should be another box.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           There isn't.

                          PLANET STAFFER
           That's the one, then.
          Larry is alone again - ignored as he applies for this job.

                         

                         

          EXT. PATTERSON'S FAMILY APPLIANCES - GARDEN AND PATIO - LATER

          MR. PATTERSON is a busy man while talking with Larry.

                         

                         

                         

                         

           MR. PATTERSON

                         
           If you emailed an application,
           we've got it and we'll keep you in
           mind.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Just following up with an in-person
           visit.

           MR. PATTERSON
           Mission accomplished.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           You have a great location here.

           MR. PATTERSON
           Not with UniMart half a mile away.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I used to work for UniMart! I
           could spill you some 411.

           MR. PATTERSON
           What's that mean?

           17.

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I know their trade secrets.

           MR. PATTERSON
           What secrets? Traffic boosters,
           loss leaders and bait and switch!

                          LARRY CROWNE
           And I'm ready to learn new
           strategies. I'll stop by again so
           you can keep me in mind.

           MR. PATTERSON
           If you won't work Sundays, don't
           bother.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I'll work every day.

           MR. PATTERSON
           That's what I already do...
          Mr. Patterson goes back to work as Larry slinks away.

                         

                         

          EXT. A RESTAURANT ON RESTAURANT ROW - DAY


                         

                         
          Establish that this is where many restaurants are located.

          EXT. RESTAURANT ON RESTAURANT ROW - SAME

          Larry sits in his car. The last thing he wants to do is work
          in a restaurant -- we'll find out why later on. But times
          are tough, no?
          Out he climbs, resigned to fate...

                         

                         

          EXT. BACK OF RESTAURANT #1 - DAY

          By the dumpster, Larry is asking a CHEF on his smoke break if
          they hav op nings.

                         

          INT. RESTAURANT #2 - WALK-IN REFRIGERATOR - DAY

          Now he's asking some HEAD COOK pulling cutlets.

                         

                         

          INT. HUGE KITCHEN OF HOTEL RESTAURANT - DAY

          Larry is talking to CHEF AMOS, who runs the place.

           18.

                         

                         

                          CHEF AMOS
           Oh, I remember you. Larry Crowne.
           I never forget anyone who quits on
           me.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           As I recall, I gave my notice and
           worked all my shifts and that was
           12 years ago.

                          CHEF AMOS
           As I recall, I had to hire and
           train a line cook to take your
           place. Walking out doesn't happen
           in a vacuum, you know.

                          (THEN)
           Doesn't mean I wouldn't give you a
           job again. But you've been out of
           the business a long time, and look
           around. I don't need you.
          The place is fully staffed and rocking. Larry will not be
          working here.

                         

                         

          EXT. PERRY'S COFFEE SHOP - DAY


                         

                         

                         

                         
          Larry's scooter is parked near the entrance.

          INT. PERRY'S COFFEE SHOP - SAME

          Larry is seated at the counter. PERRY pours him coffee as
          RAUL -- the head cook -- is talking from the service window.
          CARLOS and NICK are in the back.

                         

                          RAUL
           You come in two weeks ago I would
           have kissed you on the mouth, but
           Carlos and Nick, they walked in.
           Best I can do? Put you at the top
           of the list.
          Raul goes back to work.

                         

                          PERRY
           Dang the timing, Kimosabe. Wish I
           could help you but Raul runs the
           back.

           19.

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Not sure I could work here anyway.
           The atmosphere is too pleasant and
           the clientèle too A Number 1.

                          PERRY
           Breakfast on the house. Chorizo
           Scramble, right?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           No charity today. I got things to
           do.

                          PERRY
           Like what?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Nothing. I was just saying that.

                         

                         

          EXT. DERBY COURT - MORNING

          The door open, the garage very tidy, as Larry moves old items
          out to the lawn.

                         

          EXT. LARRY CROWNE'S HOME - SAME

          Some things are already set up from the living room.

                          LARRY

                         

                         

                         
          is raising money with a Yard Sale.

                         

                         

          EXT. LAMARR'S HOUSE - KITCHEN WINDOW - SAME

          Lamarr is about to pour himself some coffee when he sees a
          DISASTER looming across the street. He's out like a shot!

                         

                         

          EXT. LAMARR'S GARAGE - SAME

          Lamarr comes charging out the rising door and across the
          street.

                          LAMARR
           There's been a yard sale at 1402
           Derby Court since Monica Lewinsky!
           That gives me a monopoly on the
           location! You go yard on me, Larry
           Crowne and I will destroy you.
          He is now standing on Larry's lawn. Larry looks at him.
          Got fired yesterday.

           20.

                         

                         
          Lamarr sits on a for-sale chair.

                          LAMARR
           Bloody Friday. Security sees you
           off, by the time Monday comes
           around the fired man is the
           forgotten man. Diabolical.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           They said it's because I didn't go
           to college.

                          LAMARR
           Smoke screen. The Man just wanted
           you gone.
           (his yard sale)
           You liquidating assets to raise
           cash?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Buying out Denise's half of the
           house was the worst advice, ever.

                          LAMARR

                         

                         

                         

                         
           I told you to avoid divorce

                         
           lawyers. Get married. Stay
           married. Come with me.
          They cross the street to Lamarr's house/yard sale.

                         

                          LAMARR (CONT'D)
           I'll tell you straight up - I'm not
           lending you money.

                         

                         

          EXT. LAMARR'S GARAGE - SAME

          This is a semi-professional operation. Boats, lamps, tools,
          chairs, computers -- some of it almost junk -- is for barter
          or sale.
          Inside his garage? Clothes and books - racks and shelves.

                         
          Patience is organizing boxes of vinyl LP's.

                         

                          PATIENCE
           Whole box of Cha-Cha records from
           the Fifties. You don't have any of
           these, I promise.

                          LAMARR
           He can't afford 'em Lost his job

           21.

                         

                         

                          PATIENCE
           No! UniMart just lost my business
           forever!

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I love you too.

                          PATIENCE
           Sorry, Lie-bare-eye-bee. Get a
           better job somewhere so you can
           crush them.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Hard to do.

                          LAMARR
           He's going to get something better
           than a job.

                          (SEARCHING BOOKS)
           An education.
          He finds a East City Community College Catalog 2006. Tosses
          it to Larry.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          LAMARR (CONT'D)

                         
           Get some knowledge and you'll be
           fire proof.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Aren't there unemployed engineers
           and geophysicists?

                          PATIENCE
           Listen to my husband. Hasn't
           called a man boss in years. Paid
           off the house.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           You won the Lottery.

                          PATIENCE
           Picked 8 little numbers when I kept
           saying he was a fool. A quarter
           million dollars later I've shut up.

                          LAMARR
           Lost half to taxes.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I'll see if there's a class in here
           for PowerBall 250.

           22.

                         

                         

                          LAMARR
           That's half a buck for the book.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           They give these away free.

                          LAMARR
           They do. I don't.

                         

          INT. LARRY CROWNE'S HOME - NIGHT

          He is alone. He is going to lose his house. He has nothing
          to do. He has no future. He sits on the couch. ESPN's
          SportsCenter is showing highlights...

                         

                         

          INT. LARRY'S HOUSE - MORNING

          He's asleep on the couch. He awakens to the very same
          edition of ESPN's SportsCenter showing the very same
          highlights.
          Larry wants to shoot himself in the head. Instead, he picks
          up the catalog of East City College....

                         

                         

          EXT. EAST CITY COMMUNITY COLLEGE - MORNING


                         

                         

                         

                         
          The sign reads "Enroll Now! $15 per unit!"

                         
          Larry parks in one of the hundreds of empty spaces.

                         

                         

          INT. REGISTRAR'S OFFICE - SAME

          Larry is trying to make sense out of the application. An
          Enrollment Counsellor - DAVE BUSIK - sidles up to him.

                          BUSIK
           Back to college, huh?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           First time. I was in the Navy.

                          BUSIK

                          (HIMSELF)
           Coast Guard. Adventure of a
           Lifetime.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Galley Mate.

           23.

                         

                         

                          BUSIK
           We teach a whole track in Hotel and
           Restaurant Food Preparation.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           No. No, no. I need an all-new
           career and a place to go everyday.

                          BUSIK
           Those two things are my specialty.
          HALLWAY -- walking towards Busik's cubicle.

                         

                          BUSIK (CONT'D)
           First thing. Bravo for choosing
           East City College. Never too late
           for an education. Second, you need
           a jolt to the confidence machinery.
          He grabs a folder...

                         

                          BUSIK (CONT'D)
           I am going to change your life.
           (a page in the catalog)

                         

                         

                         

                         
           Speech 217: The Art of Informal

                         
           Remarks, cause it's not enough to
           just be smart anymore, you have to
           project ease even when it ain't
           easy.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Is this Public Speaking?

                          BUSIK
           It's training. Job interviews will
           be a breeze with the confidence
           you'll get from Speech Two One
           Seven.
           (even better...)
           And you'll spend three hours a week
           with the most attractive package in
           all of Academia. The Golden Girl
           of East City.

                          (MAGICAL WORDS)
           Mercedes Tainot.

                         

                         

          EXT. E.C.C.C. TEACHERS' PARKING LOT - MORNING

          PROF. MERCEDES TAINOT is a fierce defender of literacy and
          intelligence -- and definitely one attractive package.
          headache/grogginess combo of Biblical proportions.

           24.

                         

                         

                          GPS VOICE
           Please Enter your destination.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           I'm here. Shut up. Turn off!
          Stepping from her sub-compact, she struggles into a pair of
          heels, as in this state she drives barefoot. If only her
          huge Thermo-cup held a hair of the dog she might not walk
          such a crooked mile from the parking lot to the campus.
          Larry -- in his car -- screeches around a corner. He is
          frantically looking for a place to park, but as this is the
          first day of term, the lot is jammed!
          He nearly hits Mercedes Tainot.

                         

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           Jerk!

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Sorry! Parking's impossible today!

                          MERCEDES TAINOT

                         

                         

                         

                         
           Are you new to the Faculty?

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           New to the Student Body.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           This is the Faculty Lot. We've
           earned degrees for these spaces.
           Students park on Mars.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I'm going to be late for my first
           day of school.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           I bet it won't be the first time.

                         

          EXT. E.C.C.C. - PORTABLE CLASSROOMS

          STUDENTS search for their new classrooms. Mercedes does too,
          among these 'portable' classrooms that have not moved in 7
          years.

                         

          INT. PORTABLE CLASSROOM - SPEECH 217 - LATER

          Mercedes stops at the doorway.

           25.

                         

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           This is it?

          P.O.V.

                         
          NINE STUDENTS sit self-consciously, including PINEDO,
          DIBIASI, MACK, and CALIMERIS
          Mercedes quickly does a head count.

                         

           MERCEDES TAINOT(CONT'D)

           ...7, 8, 9.
          She laughs.

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           My day has just been made and it's
           only 8:02 in the morning!

                          (THEN)
           This class...is CANCELLED!!
          Mercedes explains.

                         

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)

                         

                         

                         

                         
           The city charter requires a minimum

                         
           of ten students per class,
           otherwise it costs more to have us
           here than not. Did you really want
           a class at 8 AM? I didn't. Throw
           out those alarm clocks!
          Larry Crowne bursts through the door - panting for breath.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Please tell me this is Speech 217.
          Mercedes drops her bag on her desk. She is crushed and hates
          Larry Crowne.
          She takes up some chalk, turns to the board, then writes in
          large, shaky-yet-feminine script:

          CARE.

                         
          She underlines it four times.

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           While earning a Masters in
           Shakespearean Political Discourse
           from Vassar, I learned to care.
           Caring is a prerequisite for this
           class I have to teach in this

                         (THEN)

                          (MORE)

           26.

                         

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           Participate. Show up on time.
           (Larry gets a eye on that)
           Care. And stay awake the 55
           minutes three dawns a week I have
           to be here, or I will fail you and
           not care.
           (a name on the board)
           My name is Ms. Tainot. Not 'tie-
           knot'. Tay-no. You will each
           address the class on Wednesday. A
           procedure. How. To do. Something.
          Pinedo has panic in her eyes. Public speaking terr fies her.
          Dibiasi raises his hand.

                          DIBIASI
           Ms. Tie-knot?
          Ms. Tainot glares at Dibiasi. Glares and glares at him.

                          DIBIASI (CONT'D)
           Uh, Tay-knot...Tai-bo...

                          MERCEDES TAINOT

                         

                         

                         

                         
           Who are you?

                         

                          DIBIASI
           Steve Dibiasi. Friends call me
           Nomad. Only two days before I
           gotta get up and give my address?
           You may be dreaming.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Why are you here, Steve?

                          DIBIASI
           Counsellor Busik said this class
           would change my life.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Busik. Of course...
          Dibiasi's cell phone rings.

                         

                          DIBIASI
           I gotta take this...
          Mercedes Tainot may kill this kid.

                         

                         

          EXT. E.C.C.C. CAMPUS - SAME


           27.

                         

                         

          INT. ECON. 1 - LATER

          An actual classroom, but in sad shape. In one section sits
          LALA PINEDO - from the Speech Class.
          Larry sees her and sits next to her, oblivious to the fact
          that she is cripplingly shy.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Look at us, in two classes in a
           row.

                          PINEDO
           Yes. Hi.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           That Ms. Tainot is something else
           isn't she? I'm new to this coll ge
           life and, I confess, she sca es e
           This whole place scares me.

                          PINEDO
           Yes.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE

                         
           I woke up this morning so nervous
           about the first day of school. I
           changed my clothes three times.
          We may have noticed TALIA FRANCESCO - a very stylish young
          student - come in and sit nearby. No notebook or anything...

           LARRY CROWNE (CONT'D)
           I'm sorry. Larry Crowne, and I'm
           babbling.

                          PINEDO
           I am Lala.

           DR. MATSUTANI (O.C.)
           I order you to turn off all cell
           phones, smart phones, and any phone-
           like devices!
          The teacher comes in - DR. MATSUTANI.

                         

           DR. MATSUTANI (CONT'D)
           You have entered The Knowledge
           Zone!! Econ Prime! One textbook!
           (holding it up)
           Written by? Ed Matsutani, PhD.
           That's me! Read this book Follow
          into the Promised Land!

                          (MORE)

           28.

           DR. MATSUTANI (CONT'D)
           (he laughs mock

                          MANIACALLY)
           That usually scares people. Yet
           none of you have fled. A good
           economic indicator.
          Larry leans over to Lala.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I like this guy...

                          PINEDO
           Yes...

                         

                         

          INT. E.C.C.C. - PORTABLE CLASSROOM - LATER

          Much like the other. Four students sit, waiting for class to
          begin.
          Mercedes has already written up on the board in Happy Letters

                         
          "English 40: Shakespeare As Politician. CARE! PLEASE! I

          DO!!!"
          But no one else is showing up.

                         

                         

                         

                         
           The clock shows 3:09. MERCEDES TAINOT

                         
           What happened to the 16 sign-ups?

                          (NOTHING)
           Shakespeare as I know him... is
           cancelled.

                         

          EXT GAS STATION - AFTERNOON
          Larry is filling up his car, watching his money go down his
          gas pipe.
          A body builder on a SCOOTER -- a guy we will come to know as
          DELL GORDO -- pulls in to the opposite pump. He flips up the
          seat, pops the pump into his scooter tank, and in seconds, is
          done.
          That scooter only sips gasoline. Off Dell goes, while
          Larry's tank fills and fills and fills...

                         

          EXT. DERBY COURT - LATER

          Larry is walking from his house over to Lamarr's.

           29.

                         

                         

          EXT. LAMARR'S HOUSE - GARAGE - SAME

          Lamarr, pipe in mouth, is forever arranging his goods.

                         

                          LAMARR
           What's cookin' Joe College?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Money woes. Paying for gas, getting
           to school.

                          (THEN)
           You ever come across a moped or a
           scooter for sale or trade?
          Lamarr stops in his tracks.

                          LAMARR
           Come with me.

                         

          INT. LAMARR'S RUMPUS ROOM - SAME

          Patience is at her home office - card table. Coupons.
          Computer on eBay.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          PATIENCE

                         
           Your next wife might stand smoking
           that pipe in the house but your
           first one says 'uh-uh!'
           On the old TV on "Wheel of Fortune" (A person).

                         

                          LAMARR
           Passing through, woman...
          Lamarr goes through the patio doors to the back yard, a space
          filled with even more yard sale items.

                          PATIENCE
           Larry Crowne, been thinking about
           you. Sit down here...
          Larry watches Vanna White turn letters - he solves the
          puzzle.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           "College Graduate."

                          PATIENCE
           That's going to be you someday.
          She's pulled up some LP's on eBay on the computer.

           30.

                         

                         

                          PATIENCE (CONT'D)
           You have money in all those
           records. If you can part with
           them, they'd go for something on
           the eBay. I'll show you how...
          From the back patio, Lamarr comes in pushing a scooter in not
          too bad of shape, though its windscreen is faded.

                          LAMARR
           This what you're talking about?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           That's a hunk of junk.

                          LAMARR
           This is classic.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           It doesn't work.

                          LAMARR
           It will for eight hundred dollars.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE

                         
           Two hundred.

                          LAMARR
           Seven hundred.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Two hundred.

                          LAMARR
           Six fifty.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Two hundred.

                          LAMARR
           Six thirty.

                          PATIENCE
           Gonna be a long night with you two.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Forget it.

                          LAMARR
           Larry! The secret of any
           negotiation is for both of us to
           win Talk to me How much do you

           31.

                         

                         

          EXT. DERBY COURT - LATER

          Larry is carrying his Flat Screen TV, wires, box and all,
          from his house to Lamarr's garage.
          "Wing Ding Ding!" goes the scooter Lamarr has been working on
          with his tools. He lets it idle as he takes the TV.

                          LAMARR
           Beautiful. I'll throw in a helmet.

                          (SHOWING HIM)
           Gas. Brake. Light's busted.
           Tires are low. You'll need a
           special license.
          Larry straps on the old, beat up crash helmet (DOT approved).

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           All I need is the open road.
          Larry revs it, crashes into a hedge.

                         

                          LAMARR
           You break it, you bought it.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE

                         
           It still works.

                          LAMARR
           Talking about the hedge.

                         

                         COMPUTER SCREEN
          Images of an EROTIC SUPER-HEROINE -- busty and hot -- and
          others, are being studied, and saved one after another.

                         

          EXT. TAINOT TOWNHOME - DEN - EVENING

          DEAN TAINOT is a self-published author and blogger -- with a
          taste for this kind of stuff. Multiple copies of his own
          books line the shelves.
          When he hears the FRONT DOOR open -- he panics.

                         

                          DEAN TAINOT
           Well, hey! Who's home early!
          He keeps clicking away with the mouse until he's safe.
          Mercedes calls from the other room.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT

           32.

                         

                         
          He covers his digital tracks and hops out of his desk.

                         KITCHEN

                         
          Mercedes is prepping the Margaritas for cocktail hour.

                          DEAN TAINOT
           First day of term calls for a
           celebration!

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           You'd think so.

                          DEAN TAINOT
           What's your burden this go round?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Tap Dancing. Ping Pong. Water
           Torture. And Speech at Sunrise

                          DEAN TAINOT
           I built a Flamethrower of a posting
           for WarriorWeb which, if I do say,
           will feed nicely as an outline for

                         

                         
          As the blender BLARES, husband and wife eye each other. She's
          looking at him. He's smiling like a guilty idiot.

                         

                         

                         

                         
           "Carrier: Second Angel." And, I

                         
           was a guest blogger on CyberShare.

                         

                         

                         
          Blender off. She starts pouring.

           DEAN TAINOT (CONT'D)
           Y u don't believe me.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Why wouldn't I believe you?

                          DEAN TAINOT
           I was composing, Mercy. That's
           what I do all day.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           You were looking at porn.
          She takes a nice pull on that icy drink.
          Oh fine. Thought Police. I saw
          some erotica. I'm a man, I admit
          it.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
          Took you a while.

           33.

                         

                         

                          DEAN TAINOT
           It's barely porn. I'm not hiding
           it.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Yes you are.
          She bangs her head.

                         

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           Brain freeze.

                          DEAN TAINOT
           Don't chug. Sip.

                          (THEN)
           Everyone hides something.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           I have no secrets from you. I
           share the whole miserable slate.

                          DEAN TAINOT
           You walked in the door pissed off
           because -- I'm sorry -- I've

                         

                         

                         

                         
           established a beach head in New

                         
           Media while you still have to teach
           at Vassar of the Valley. You hide
           that.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT

                          (SERIOUS EYES)
           You look at Bra-Busters Triple-X
           expecting me to pretend I don't
           know or I don't care. I do both
           and don't like it.

                          DEAN TAINOT
           It may look like I don't work hard
           around here, Mercy. But I do. I'm
           just a guy who's a guy being a guy
           when you're not around...
          She walks away.

                         

           DEAN TAINOT (CONT'D)
           And walking away is great for a
           relationship...

                         

          EXT. TAINOT TOWNHOME - PATIO - SAME

          It's a tiny slab, but there is a tree and a fence and a

           34.

                         

                         
          Mercy closes the sliding door behind her and settles into her
          chair and into her drink. This is where she goes when she
          thinks/drinks.
          Rap-rap-rap on the glass door. It's Dean, making one last
          point.

                          DEAN TAINOT

                          (THROUGH GLASS)
           I'm a guy. Who's a guy. Being a
           guy...
          Mercy turns her face to the sky...

                         

                         

          EXT. CITY STREET - MORNING

          The streets are not yet crowded with traffic.

                         
          A MOTORCYCLE RIDER pilots a STATE OF THE ART STREET MACHINE:
          machine helmet, leather pants and jacket, radio in the
          helmet, saddlebags, windscreen. Probably a gynecologist.

                         

                         

          INT. INTERSECTION - SAME

          The cyclist pulls up right next to:

                         
          Larry Crowne, riding a scooter for the first time. Gives the

                         

                         

                         

                         
          passing Rider - who couldn't care less -- a 'thumbs up!'

                         

                          RIDER
           How you doing...

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Speck-tack-alar.

                          (THEN)
           Nice machine. Where you headed?

                          RIDER
           Work.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           School. College. I'm a student.
           What do you do?

                          RIDER
           I'm a gynecologist.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Yeah? I'd say 'have a great day'
           but that would be stating the

           35.

                         

                         
          The light changes.

           LARRY CROWNE (CONT'D)
           You take care.
          As the Rider takes off, Larry tries to do the same, but he
          stalls the engine. Cars honk horns at him.

                         

                         

          EXT. E.C.C.C. SCOOTER PARKING LOT - MORNING

          Larry is trying to work the kick stand of his scooter. He is
          not yet practiced at the thing. Another scooter rrives.

                          TALIA
           Where'd you get the Hot Wheels?
          Talia is shaking her hair free from her helmet. Larry fails
          to recognize her from Econ prime.

                          TALIA (CONT'D)
           That machine's a classic.

                          LARRY CROWNE

                         

                         

                         

                         
           Got me here for a nickel's worth of

                         
           gas.

                          TALIA
           You're in Matsutani's Econ with me.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I am?

                          TALIA
           That class is straining my coconut.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           It's only been one day

                          TALIA
           Didn't know you scooted.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           New to the sport.

                          TALIA
           (pulls out mobile phone)
           Give me your number. I'll
           introduce you to like-minded
           enthusiasts.

                          (THEN)
           Name please?

           36.

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Larry Crowne. With an 'e'.

                          TALIA
           'Larry'? I don't think so. I used
           to be Kathleen but one day I looked
           in the mirror and saw a girl named
           Talia.
           (then in her phone)
           Putting you in as 'Lance'. Check
           your texts and we'll do us some
           scooting.

                          (THEN)
           Gotta tell you, Lance. Tucking a
           polo shirt into khakis makes you
           look like a cop.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Not much fashion sense.

                          TALIA
           I know! Gotta change that...
          Larry sees Mercedes Tainot walking from the Faculty lot, and
          doesn't want to be late again.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE

                         
           Gotta go!

                          TALIA
           Then get going!!
          Talia watches him go. Likes him thus far...

                         

                         

          INT. SPEECH 217 - LATER

          Mercedes is at a desk in the back. Bored and, yes, a bit
          hungover again. You can tell by the way she takes long pulls
          from her Thermo-cup.
          Busik is sitting in on the class, not far from Mercedes.

                         
          In front of the board that says "PHONES OFF!!" Calimeris is
          demonstrating an exercise for her speech.

                          CALIMERIS
           With the push-up added, the 4-count
           Burpie becomes the 6-count Burpie
           and works out the pecs and biceps.
           It's an all-in-one exercise perfect
           for Cheerleader conditioning. The

                          6-COUNT BURPIE

           37.

                         

                         
          The class is too shy to applaud though Busik claps like a
          fan.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           We now all know how to Burpie.
           Thank you.

                          (THEN)
           Who's next?
          No one volunteers. Though Pinedo is about to...

                         

           MERCEDES TAINOT(CONT'D)
           Make me the bad guy.

                          (HER ROSTER)
           Ms. Crowne?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           You mean me?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Mr. Crowne. My bad.
          Larry goes to the podium - armed with a huge stack of 3x5's.

                         
          Busik shoots him a 'thumbs up.'

                         
          He looks at Mercedes for the starting cue.

                         

           MERCEDES TAINOT(CONT'D)
           Go.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           My presentation will be on the
           subject of a very particular
           procedure. "How to make French
           Toast", but I'll speak English...
          Larry has used up one card. Mercedes rolls her eyes and talks
          to herself in a MOVIE DEVICE way...

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           M classes were once filled with
           e rnest young men ready to learn
           all I had to teach them. Cute boys
           fresh out of High School who all
           had crushes on me from day one. Now
           look at my cadre. Dibiasi. Bound
           for jail. Mack. Treating college
           like another tour of combat.
           Crowne. If this was Hamlet, he'd
           be Osric in Act 5. The part that is
           always cut.

           38.

                         

                         
          Larry checks on Ms. Tainot in the back. She is not talking,
          only listening (the MOVIE DEVICE mentioned above)...

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           Busik, I am going to kill you. You
           can't suggest these saps take
           Shorthand or Oral Hygiene? Bring me
           in at this ungodly hour for 2
           minutes on French toast?
          Busik looks at Mercedes, signals a 'not bad, eh?' about
          Larry.
          She is a stone face.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Most people think syrup comes out of
           a plastic bottle.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           (still talking to herself)
           Great. The history of the sugar
           maple tree now. Thank you
           Wikipedia.
          Larry still has a dozen cards to go.

                         

                         

                         

                         
           But the speech is over. MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)

                         
           Ah-ooo-gah! Time's up.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           That went fast...

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Breakfast may never be ready.
          Larry gathers his cards. Busik gives him a 'bravo!'

                         

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           Next.
          Pinedo tries to volunteer to go next...

                         

                          DIBIASI
           I'll go. But you aren't going to
           like it.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Are you clairvoyant?

                          DIBIASI
           (holding a pack of Toaster

                          WAFFLES)

                         (MORE)

           39.

                          DIBIASI (CONT'D)

                          (READING)
           Brown Waffles in toaster at
           lightest or lowest heat setting. An
           adult should supervise heating by
           children. Applause please.
          Mercedes rolls her head. Busik laughs out loud.

                         

                          BUSIK
           Simple. Direct. Informative.

                         

          INT. ECON. 1 CLASSROOM - LATER

          An incomprehensible POWERPOINT GRAPHIC is projected with Dr.
          M. explaining what it means. Gibberish!!
          Larry is taking notes, beside Lala, when his phone vibrates.
          He flinches to turn it off before getting into trouble.
          On his phone a message: TALIA: "Scoot?"

                         
          It takes a moment for him to understand what is going on.

                         
          His phone buzzes again.
          to your right"
          Larry looks as instructed. He sees Talia, phone in hand,
          miming riding a scooter -- you and me -- wind in our hair...

                         

                         

                         

                         
           Another text: TALIA: "Lance! Look
          Larry gets it. Nods okay. Turning back, he finds Dr.
          Matsutani, standing over him. Palm out.

           DR. MATSUTANI
           Your mobile, please.
          Larry hands it over.

                         

           DR. MATSUTANI (CONT'D)
           I will return it after class if I
           don't crush it first.

                         

          EXT. EAST CITY COMMUNITY COLLEGE - SCOOTER PARKING LOT -


                         LATER
          Some of the Scooter Gang have assembled as Larry and Talia
          walk up. DELL GORDO and STAN are talking about today's route.

                          TALIA
           Hey Monkey!
          Dell Gordo plants a kiss right on Talia's lips. She kisses
          him back. Larry sinks a little.

           40.

                         

                         
          It only figures Talia would have a boyfriend like Dell Gordo.

                          TALIA (CONT'D)
           This is Lance Corona. Classmate and
           good guy, so far.

                          DELL GORDO
           Dell Gordo. You want to ride with
           us?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Why not.
          There is a beat of a stare down between Dell Gordo and Larry,
          but then Dell starts to snap his fingers --
          SNAP...SNAP...SNAP... -- the other join in until they are all
          snapping fingers like the Jets vs. Sharks. Talia too.

                          TALIA
           Snap along, Lance or you can't join
           the gang.
          Larry, clumsily, starts snapping too. After a few bars...

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          DELL GORDO

                         
           Okay. You're in for a trial run.
          And just like that, everyone goes back to their wheels.

                          STAN
           Not many of these '66 Wasps left
           around. They had low torque.
           How's the torque?
          He means Larry's scooter.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I just bought it and ride around.
          Someone yells "Saddle up!"

                         

                          TALIA
           Stan knows engines and junk.

                          DELL GORDO
           Let's go, Sweets!

                          TALIA
           We ride, Monkey!
          Larry's heart breaks a tiny bit, suffering as he does from
          Talia-on-the-heart.

           41.

                         

                         
          The squad pulls out through the cars of the parking lot with
          Larry trying to speed his machine along with the crowd...

                         SCOOT MONTAGE

                         
          They roll through town - a multi-wheeled dance troupe.
          Swaying... turning... slow-motion sometimes... elegant
          always.
          They make riding look fun... being in a group a gas...
          rolling with the wind in your hair something you'd like to
          do...

                         UNIMART
          As Larry and the Squad pass it by, Larry can't help but eye
          the place he once worked. He sees staffers collecting carts
          in the parking lot.
          He misses that place...

                         

                         LATER

                         
          After many shots, riders begin to peel off -- scooting done.
          Talia waves at Larry who guns his throttle and pulls even

                         

                         

                         

                         
          with her. TALIA (CONT'D)

                         
           You good, Lance?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Other than school, I have nothing to
           do.

                          DELL GORDO
           Let's troll Buena Vista for junk
           stores.

                          STAN
           We hit those last week.

                          TALIA
           If it was Saturday we'd look for
           yard sales.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I know where a yard sale is, like
           everyday.

                          TALIA
           Lead the way.

                          (YELLING)
           Monkey! Lance knows a yard sale!

           42.

                         

                         

                          DELL GORDO
           Take point!

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Follow me, boys and girl!

                         

          EXT. DERBY COURT - LATER

          The Scooters pull around the corner. Lamarr shouts.

                          LAMARR
           We're being invaded!
          One by one, the Scooters park and survey the scene. The
          stuff that Larry was selling is now part of Lamarr's
          operation, being sold 'On Consignment'. .

                          LAMARR (CONT'D)
           Larry, what kind of thugs you get
           in with?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           College buddies.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          LAMARR

                         
           If they're college buddies why
           aren't they in college?

                          TALIA
           You have any old clothes?

                          LAMARR
           Speak to my bride inside.
          Dell Gordo, Stan and the others are going through hardware,
          tools, appliances.

                          DELL GORDO
           Oh man! These TV trays are too
           much!

                          LAMARR
           Bargains at $100 apiece.

                          DELL GORDO
           For these? Are you nuts?

                          LAMARR
           I'm joking, kid. Let's get to
           haggling.

           43.

                         

                         

           DELL GORDO I
           get it.

                          (THEN)
           A buck apiece.

                         

                          LAMARR

                          YOU
           Ninety-nine dollars apiece.
           see how this is working?

                          DELL GORDO
           Two bucks apiece!

                          LAMARR
           Ninety-eight and, kid, I do this
           every day.

                         

          INT. GARAGE -- SAME

          Talia and Patience are putting outfits together from off the
          hangers.

                          TALIA
           Layer this... with this.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          PATIENCE

                         
           Add this belt?

                          TALIA
           I LOVE THIS! Where did you GET IT?

                          PATIENCE
           Reeled it in like tuna from the
           Atlantic.

                          TALIA
           Diamonds in a diamond mine.

                          (ANOTHER OUTFIT)
           Take this... under this...unbutton
           that.

                          PATIENCE
           You and I are going to spend some
           time together!

                         

          EXT. LAMARR HOUSE - SAME

          Larry stands alone, nothing to do as the Scooters poke about
          the sale. He drifts towards his house, a forgotten man.

           44.

                         

                         

          INT. LARRY CROWNE'S HOME - LATER

          He is entering some of his choice, rare LP's up for auction
          on eBay.

                         DOORBELL RINGS

                         

                         

          INT. LARRY'S HOUSE - SAME

          It's Talia.

                         

                          TALIA
           I gotta see Chez Lance.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Entrez vous, sea food plate.
          Talia enters and looks around. The decor screams out: "A man
          lives here."

                          TALIA
           No sign of a woman around here for
           years. Drape a scarf over that

                         

                         

                         

                         
           lamp and you'll soften the light.

                         
           No TV, b t vinyl disks of music?
           You trying to seduce me?
          She examines the record collection.

                         

                          TALIA (CONT'D)
           Alphabetical order. No artistic
           chaos for you.
          She closes her eyes and picks out an LP at random.

                         

                          TALIA (CONT'D)
           Spin this platter, Mr. DJ?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Good choice.
          As he puts it on, Talia drifts into the...

                         

                         KITCHEN

                         
          Nothing matches, but it is well-equipped with a cozy
          breakfast nook.

                          TALIA
           Breakfast nookie!

                          (THEN)

           45.

                         

                          TALIA (CONT'D)
           Did Denise make you breakfast in
           here with a little apron and
           lipstick perfectly applied?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I did most of the cooking,
           actually.

                          (THEN)
           You know about Denise?

                          TALIA
           Patience thought she was stuck up
           and seriously fleeced you.
          Larry can't believe his neighbors are so loose-tongued.

                          TALIA (CONT'D)
           So what happened there, my Lance?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           The usual stuff between three
           people.

                          TALIA

                         

                         

                         

                         
           She must have been pretty.

                         

                          (THEN)
           Fair haired or dark?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Dark.

                          TALIA
           Like me.

                          (THEN)
           So? How about a demonstration?
           he means 'of the kitchen'. Larry's game...

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Stay outta my way.

          VEGETABLES ARE CHOPPED

                         

          BURNERS TURNED ON

                         

          MISMATCHED UTENSILS COME OUT OF DRAWERS

                         

          A CHICKEN BREAST IS POUNDED

                         

          OLIVE OIL GOES INTO A PAN

                         

                         BEER OPENED

           46.

                         

                         
          Pizza bread. Chopped veggie salad. Lightly fried potatoes. A
          pounded chicken breast. Beer in a bottle.
          Talia eats as Larry gets corn bread he steamed fresh and
          moist onto a plate.

           LARRY CROWNE (CONT'D)
           Cooking for friends is sort of fun.
           Three hundred times a day is not.

           DELL GORDO (O.C.)
           That corn bread I smell?

                          TALIA
           Kitchen, Monkey!
          Dell Gordo has walked into Larry's house.

                         

                          DELL GORDO
           Corn pone!
          Dell Gordo dives in after helping himself to a bottle of beer
          from the refrigerator.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          TALIA

                         
           Lance made all this. You should
           have seen him. He was like...
          Talia does a mime of Larry cooking - like a spastic drummer.

                         

                          DELL GORDO
           You're like Uncle Ben or something.
           Stan's working on your bike.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           He is?
          Larry goes to the window.

                         

                          DELL GORDO
           Said the thing was a time bomb.
           He's saving your life.

          P.O.V.

                         
          Stan has broken down much of Larry's bike using Lamarr's
          tools. Lamarr is standing over him, pointing out what he
          thinks needs to be done. Stan is ignoring him.

           DELL GORDO (CONT'D)
           Let's go lift iron, Monkey. It's a
           shoulders and arms day

                         (MORE)

           47.

                         

           DELL GORDO (CONT'D)
           Lance, raise your right hand and
           say something patriotic.
          Larry does, just for fun.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           'We'll be right back after these
           messages.'

                          DELL GORDO
           You're in the Street Patrol. A
           full-time mission for beauty and
           justice.
          Talia throws her arms around him and kisses him on the lips --
          no romance at all, but still...

                          TALIA
           That Denise. What a fool. You a e
           way cooler than you appear.
          She leaves. Dell Gordo lingers.

                         

                          DELL GORDO

                         

                         

                         

                         
           Lance. All men fall in love with

                         
           Talia. You will too, if you
           haven't already. But I love her
           the most. Know that right now.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Capice.

                          DELL GORDO
           Seriously. Don't make me keep my
           eyes on you. What's your real
           name?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           L rry.

                          DELL GORDO
           Mine's Don. Shake hands.

                          (EXPLAINING HOW)
           Look each other in the eyes. Firm
           grips. No contest, but firm. Hold.
           Stack it.

                          (THEN)
           One word, Lance. Peace.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Peace indeed.

           48.

                         

                         

          EXT. LARRY'S HOUSE - MORNING

          NEIGHBORHOOD KIDS are in school uniforms, heading to the bus
          stop. Dressed for school as well, Larry kick starts his
          scooter, now a humming bit of mechanical perfection.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Speck-tack-alar.
          He peels out, on his way to school.

                         

                         

          EXT. LAMARR'S HOUSE - KITCHEN WINDOW

          Lamarr, and his percolator, give Larry a wave.

                         

                         

          EXT. E.C.C.C. CAMPUS - DAY

          Larry walks to Speech 217 like any other student.

                         

           FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH (OVERLAPPING)
           Even business can break down into a
           Shakespearean Five-Act Structure!

                         

          INT. SPEECH 217- LATER

          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH is a former student of Mercedes with

                         

                         

                         

                         
          braces on her teeth. Her name is printed in perfect block
          letters behind her on the board. She is giving a polished,
          well-prepared "off the cuff" presentation: DYNAMIC SEMINARS

          PRESENTS: SHAKESPEAREAN ECONOMICS.

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           Act I: Inventory. What do you
           sell? Act Two? To Market. Reach
           your buyers. Act Three? Three legs of
           accounting. Receivable.
           Payable. Due. Act Four? Forward
           planning. Plan to grow. Act Five?
           Final Profitability. What do you
           clear on bottom-line?

                          (THEN)
           In other words: "To be or not to
           be... in Business."
          It's all nonsense, but it looks nice in PowerPoint form.

                         
          Larry is taking notes.

                         
          Calimeris has drawn her Pyramid of ideas.
          Mack sleeps with his head straight up.

           49.

                         

                         
          Pinedo is listening intently, counting the ideas out on her
          hands.
          Dibiasi is doodling drawings of football players.

                         

           FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH (CONT'D)
           For business, social, and self-
           improvement workshops, email me:
           Francestaylor-briegh@dynasem.com.
          Mercedes Tainot is in the back -- her mind far from her
          classroom. She is preoccupied.
          The applause for the speaker jolts her.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Did you notice? No script. No
           notes. So it can be done.
          The class breaks up. Pinedo makes it a point to pick up some
          DynaSem brochures. Larry remains, scribbling notes.

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           White, Siler and Koss, you are up

                         

                         

                         

                         
           next time.

                         

                          (THEN)
           You did good, Fran. Thanks.

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           Anything for the woman who brought
           out the public speaker in Frances
           Taylor-Briegh.

                          (THEN)
           I used you as a Focal Reference but
           you weren't there for me. What's
           wrong, Mercy?
          Mercedes signals Frances: "Not yet", then points to Larry,
          still finishing up his notes.

           FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH (CONT'D)

                          (WHISPERING)
           I broke up with the Orthodontist.
           Now I have to get a new boyfriend
           and a new orthodontist. You ever
           do that? Get crushes on people you
           see every day after ignoring them
           and then find out they're creeps
           after all?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Mr Crowne? Can you move along

           50.

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           That was a great presentation. I
           learned a lot from it.

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           Super.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Smart stuff. Super smart.
          The women watch him go. As soon as he's out the door:

                         

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           Ethel's here, Lucy. What's going
           on?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           When was the last time you looked
           at your life and saw nothing but
           fraud and desperation?

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           Mercy. You're an idol to me.
           Hearing you talk like that is

                         

                         

                         

                         
           crushing my dreams.

                         
          Mercy wants to take it back.

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Well I'm joking of course!!!
          She pretends to laugh. A little too much.

                         

                         

          INT. ECON. 1 - LATER

          Dr. Matsutani is diagramming on the board.

                         

           DR. MATSUTANI
           If the balance on Axis A is the
           same metric as Axis B you're in
           deficits because of overhead,
           taxes, and re-investment.

                          (THEN)
           Translation? Ms. Francesco?

                          TALIA
           Something complicated.

           DR. MATSUTANI
           Ms. Pinedo?

           51.

                         

                         

           DR. MATSUTANI (CONT'D)
           Mr. Crowne?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Breaking even is not making profit,
           it's a theoretical assumption.
           Economics abhors an assumption.
          Talia is amused while sizing him up, from shoe to collar.
          Bad shirt... pleated pants, too short... running shoes.

           DR. MATSUTANI
           Someone's been reading my book.

                          (THEN)
           The Break Even Paradox creates a
           new metric...
          Talia makes a decision and palms her phone, punching in a
          text. In a second, Larry's phone vibrates. He struggles to
          get it before he gets caught with his mobile on.
          TALIA: "Scoot? You/me?"

                         
          Larry nods at Talia.

                         
          Turning back, Dr. Matsutani is there again.
          Larry hands him his mobile phone again.

                         

                         

                         

                         
           Palm out again. DR. MATSUTANI (CONT'D)

                         
           I am growing tired of this game,
           Mr. Crowne. Aren't you?

                         

          EXT. STREET - LATER

          Larry and Talia. Scooting along like Elvis and Ann-Margret
          in Viva Las Vegas.

                         

          EXT. SQUARE HOLE SELF-STORAGE - LATER

          They swing into the complex.

                         

                         

          EXT. SQUARE HOLE NO. 114 - SAME

          Talia is unlocking the grate.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           So what happens here?

                          TALIA
           You ready?
           Re-invention Big Boy

           52.

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I have no idea what that means, but
           you betcha.

                         

          INT. SQUARE HOLE NO. 114 - SAME

          Pitch black as the grate rolls up and open, revealing Talia,
          Larry and their parked scooters.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Holy smokes!
          The place is crammed with vintage clothes. Racks and boxes
          and stacks of every fashion.

           LARRY CROWNE (CONT D)
           You got inventory.
          She disappears in the back, rummaging around.

                         

                          TALIA
           I started in the smallest unit.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE

                         
           This is just sitting here? Talia!
           This is unproductive capital! Sell
           it on eBay.

                          TALIA
           No one should ever buy clothes off
           the internet. You have to feel the
           fabric and test the drape...

                          LARRY CROWNE
           What is all this worth?
          Out she ome with an assortment of men's clothes.

                         

                          TALIA
           A lot to me. Try these on.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Where?

                          TALIA
           Anywhere. Fashion is no place for
           modesty. Strip.
          He does.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE

           53.

                         

                         

                          TALIA
           This is a service to humankind,
           Lance. It hurts me to see a Top
           Cat dressed like an ex-hockey
           player. You gotta look gorgeous
           from shoe to collar. Starting now.
          Larry is taking off his pants just as Dell Gordo has pulled
          up on his scooter.

                          DELL GORDO
           Monkey! Thought you might be here.

                          TALIA
           Lance! My boyfriend's here! Put
           your pants on!
          Larry, in fact, has his pants off.

                         
          Dell Gordo has a look in his eyes of, well, "What the fuck?"

                         

                         

          INT./EXT. - MERCEDES' CAR -- AFTERNOON

          She is driving home.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          GPS VOICE

                         
           Please enter your destination.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Go to hell...

                         

          INT TAINOT TOWNHOUSE - LATER
          Dean is opening take-out containers to put the food on
          plates. The table is set a little too ornately. Wine.

                          HE'S
          Candles. Flowers.
          In other words, he's making up.

                         
          Mercedes comes in through the door. Sees what's up.
          being good and cute. He pours Margaritas.

                          DEAN TAINOT
           No argument here, Mercy. Fact: I'm
           a dope. Fact: My wife is beautiful
           and brilliant. And I will be a
           good boy from now on. Why?
           Because you're right and I've
           learned my lesson. Just don't be
           mad at me forever. I have a
           pliable soul and I pray you do too

           54.

                         

                         
          He dangles her a fresh Margarita. She'll take it...

          BEDROOM - NIGHT

                         
          Mercedes and Dean have had make up sex. It was okay.

           DEAN TAINOT (CONT'D)
           Ah. That was nice.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           It was. Yes.

                          DEAN TAINOT
           Been thinking. If you ever want to
           take a whack at writing something --
           say a blog a couple of times a week --
           I could help you out.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           How?

                          DEAN TAINOT
           I'd read your stuff. Make comments
           to make it web-savvy. Pieces need

                         

                         

                         

                         
           to pop, you know. Takes a little

                         

                          PRACTICE

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Okay.

                          DEAN TAINOT
           See? You can't stay mad at me. No
           reason to be mad at me...
          He smooches her. Mercedes smooches back.

                         

           DEAN TAINOT (CONT'D)
           I'm just a guy who's a guy being a
           guy...
          Mercedes' eyes: She didn't like hearing that...

                         

                         

          INT. LARRY'S HOME - KITCHEN - MORNING

          Larry -- in new, vintage clothes with his morning coffee --
          is at his computer entering his financial record into a
          program - Ed Matsutani's SmartPlanning MoneyWorks.
          He is also on his Mobile Phone -- pressing his party's
          extension...

           55.

                         

                         

                          DENISE
           This is Denise. How can I help
           you.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Denise. Larry.

                          DENISE
           My god. Larry Crowne. I remember
           you.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           This a good time?

                          DENISE
           Other than me being at work?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I'll call you later.

                          DENISE
           I'm surprised is all. What do you
           want?
          With checkbooks, statements, etc. Larry is looking for the
          bottom line.

                         

                         
          Out it comes: In RED!

                         

          ($887.00)

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Well. Okay. Uh. Here's the deal.

                          DENISE
           Spit it, Lar.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I'm going to miss a few months on
           the checks for the house.

                          DENISE
           Okay.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I hoped not to, but I there it is.

                          DENISE
           Okay. Yeah.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I'm sorry.

           56.

                         

                         

                          DENISE
           How many months?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Let's start with six.
          Silence on the other end.

                         

                          DENISE
           That can't happen, Larry.
           I'm extended. I've put a deposit
           down on the first vacation I've had
           in 5 1/2 years. My expenses are as
           valid as yours, so I need the
           checks like always. A deal's a
           deal.
          He goes back to the computer, to eBay to see how his LP
          auction is going.
          One record is going for... $0.75. Another: $1.25. Another:

          NO BIDS.

                          LARRY CROWNE

                         

                         

                         

                         
           I don't have it.

                         

                          DENISE
           That's not my problem. Take out a
           loan on the house or something.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I tried. I'm too much of a risk.

                          DENISE
           Oh, I'm not touching that. I don't
           want to open up the whole lawyer
           thing, but I will if pushed. Sucks,
           doesn't it? I appreciate the
           rigorous Crowne honesty, but this
           can't happen.

                          (THEN)
           These calls are monitored to
           guarantee customer satisfaction, so
           I'm hanging up before my supervisor
           comes on...

                         

                         

          EXT. PERRY'S COFFEE SHOP - MORNING

          Establish. It's early. Few customers

           57.

                         

                         

          INT. PERRY'S COFFEE SHOP - SAME

          Raul is sitting at the counter doing his paperwork. Perry
          comes up to him.

                          PERRY
           Can I smell trouble or what?

                          RAUL
           Can you speak English?

                          PERRY
           Those two over in booth 6...
          P.O.V.: Two GUYS IN SUITS.

                          PERRY (CONT'D)
           Homeland Security. I piped thei
           badges and everything.

                          RAUL
           What is Homeland Security doing
           here...
          Raul looks back in the kitchen. Carlos and Nick are prepping
          their stations.
          Raul bolts for the kitchen. In seconds we can see him through

                         

                         

                         

                         
          the Service Window.
          He whispers and gestures to Carlos and Nick, who suddenly
          show PANIC in their eyes.
          They now bolt the kitchen, out the back way.

                         

                         BOOTH 6

                          R

                         

                         

                         
          Perry is po ring coffee for the Agents, making small talk
          as...
          Out side the window, Carlos and Nick are fleeing for their
          Illegal Alien lives...

                         

                         

          INT. LARRY CROWNE'S HOME - MORNING

          Larry is still trying to makes sense of his money woes when
          his phone rings...
          Caller ID: "Perry's Coffee Shop Breakfast All Day!"

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE

                          HEY

           58.

                         

                         

                         INTERCUT/PERRY'S
          Perry is serving hotcakes to the Agents while Raul is on the
          phone.

                          RAUL
           This is Larry Crowne?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Raul? Yes.

                          RAUL
           Get your ass down here. You got a
           job.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I do?

                         

          EXT. STREET - LATER

          Larry is scooting to Perry's.

                         

                         

          INT. PERRY'S COFFEE SHOP - LATER

          The place has filled with customers. Perry is jammed and
          behind the window, Raul is slapping orders up in a frenzy.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          PERRY
           We're swamped, Kimosabe. Get back
           there!

                          RAUL
           You're late on your first day!

                         

          INT. PERRY'S COFFEE SHOP - KITCHEN - SAME

          Larry comes through the swinging doors. He stops and takes a
          breath. His life has come to this. He is back in a kitchen.
          What can he do, but dive in...

                         

                         LATER

                         
          Larry is at the window, putting up orders and ripping slips
          off the wheel.
          Not so much as cracking a smile, though...

                         

                          RAUL
           Where you learn to turn eggs like

           59.

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           The USS Coral Sea.

                          (THEN)
           Boss, I don't want to quit school.

                          RAUL
           So don't.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I gotta get to class before I miss
           the whole day. And I can't work
           mornings Mondays, Wednesdays,
           Fridays.

                          RAUL
           Soon as the rush is finished, go.
           I'll get my idiot brother-in-law
           three days a week. You take
           evenings. Deal?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Deal. When will we talk salary?

                          RAUL

                         

                         

                         

                         
           Never. This is take it or leave

                         
           it. Don t worry. I may be tough
           but I'll be fair.

                         

          INT. SPEECH 217- DAY

          Mack is at the podium giving a presentation with his Star
          Wars Action figures.

                          MACK
           These are not toys. Nobody 'plays'
           with these. These are kept behind
           glass, so no way am I passing them
           around today.
          Mercedes TALKS to us and HERSELF.

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Wait a ding dong minute.
           (counts the heads)
           1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9. Someone is
           missing! Who cut my class?
          She lets slip OUT LOUD:

                         

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           Where's Larry Crowne?!
          Everyone looks at her.

           60.

                         

                         

                          MACK
           Guess Larry's out today.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Anyone know why?

                          MACK
           He didn't call me.
          Ad-libs: no one knows why Larry is out.

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           I don't believe this! Ditching me?
           He ditched me? Not okay. Larry
           Crowne, you are on my Shit List.
          Everyone shares looks like they've witnessed a Lover's Spat.
          Speaking quietly in their seats...

                         

                          DIBIASI
           Sounds like Teacher has a thing for a
           Teach-ee.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          CALIMERIS

                         
           When you were out last week, she
           said nothing. I think she has a
           crush on Larry Crowne.

                          PINEDO
           I do too.
           (off their looks)
           He's a nice man.
          Mack speaks up.

                         

                          MACK
           Should I continue?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Yes. Tell us more about your man
           dolls.
          Mack is humiliated now.

                         

                          MACK
           I'm sure everyone recognizes Boba
           Fett...

                         

          EXT. E.C.C.C. - LATER


           61.

                         

                         

          INT. ECON 1 - LATER

          Dr. Matsutani is in mid-lecture when Larry comes in, late.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE

                          (QUIETLY)
           I'm sorry I'm late, Dr. Matsutani.
           May I still sit in the class?

           DR. MATSUTANI
           This is college, Mr. Crowne. The
           only thing you can't do is smoke in
           the building. Hand over your
           phone.

                          (LARRY DOES)
           I'm going to ask a question in a
           moment. I want someone other than
           you to answer it - I don't care if
           the silence is positively Arctic.
          Larry moves to take a seat.

                         
          Talia can't believe his choice of dress. She mimes to him
          "What's with the outfit?" His mime answer is unintelligible.

                         

                         

                         

                         

           DR. MATSUTANI (CONT'D)

                         
           This brings us to a dreaded task to
           every corporate entity. What is
           the purpose of semi-annual re-
           purposing? Anyone?

                          (THEN)
           Anyone?
          He waits. And waits. And waits. Matsutani stares fear into
          the hearts of all but Larry.

                          LARRY CROWNE

                          (WHISPERING)
           Lala... To upload market
           differences without...

                          PINEDO
           Without mooting the quarterlies. I
           know.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Then say it.

                          (SHE WON'T)
           Just give the answer. You know it.
           Say it.

                          PINEDO
           Can I?

           62.

                         

                         

           LARRY CROWNE I
           insist.
          Lala Pinedo clears her voice. But still whispers...

                         

                          PINEDO
           To up... met... es without ...ing
           ...terly predicts....?
          No one understood that...

                         

           DR. MATSUTANI
           I know what you mean, but please
           share it with your classmates?

                          PINEDO

                          (LOUD ENOUGH)
           To upload market differences
           without mooting quarterly
           predictions.

           DR. MATSUTANI
           Does this affect the Value Index?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          PINEDO

                         
           No. Only the profit markdown.

           DR. MATSUTANI
           Someone is doing the reading!
          Lala Pinedo beams! Larry applauds. Talia whoops!

                         

          EXT. E.C.C.C. - LATER

          Mercedes Tainot is crossing campus when she sees Larry.
          Talia is moving around his hair, showing it to a SCOOTER
           QUAD HAIR STYLIST. Lala is weighing in with her opinion on
          Larry's hair .

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Is that Larry Crowne!?

                          (HE STOPS)
           You have a lot of nerve showing
           your face on campus after ditching
           my class!

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I'm sorry, Ms. Tainot. I will not
           miss another class, this I vow.

           63.

                         

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Vows come cheap, Larry Crowne.
           You'll lead off next assignment
           with three minutes on a personal
           first. A story, with details, not
           a laundry list or slide show. And,
           as I told Dibiasi, no one wants to
           hear about the first time you got
           laid.
          She eyes Talia with venom in her eyes.

                         

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           Or the most recent.
          Talia laughs out loud!

                         

                          TALIA
           That woman is one clenched fist of
           fury.

                         

                         

          INT. BIG BALLOON CHILDREN'S HAIR SALON - LATER

          Noisy kids squirm and cry and play games as they get haircuts
          from other stylists.
          Larry is in a chair meant for toddlers. The Scooter Squad
          Hair Stylist is cutting his hair. Talia is taking Larry's

                         

                         

                         

                         
          shitty Velcro wallet and putting his stuff into a cool used
          leather one with a chain.

                          TALIA
           She must not be having any amok
           lovin'.

           SCOOTER HAIR STYLIST
           That makes me cranky, too.

                          TALIA
           Without a workout in the Inner
           Sanctum a few times a week I can't
           concentrate.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Inappropriate subject in mixed
           company.

           SCOOTER HAIR STYLIST
           For girl-talk this is nothing.

                          LARRY CROWNE

           64.

                         

                         

                          TALIA
           You you want to fix it with your
           teacher? Bang her.
          Talia slides a photo of herself making a face into Larry's
          wallet, then adds a condom in its foil.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           She's marred.

                          TALIA
           You'd kill two birds in one bush.
           Nothing wrong with a campus
           romance. Otherwise life is what?
           Breakfast work, coffee, school,
           lunch, scoot, class, shop, talk,
           Mexican food, a movie, glass of
           wine or two then bed? That's not
           living.

           SCOOTER HAIR STYLIST
           Not without some smooching time.

                          TALIA
           Bet she'd give you an A plus.

                          (THEN)
           If you're any good...

                         

                         

                         

                         
          She and the Stylist crack up!

                         

          EXT. RIVERBANK BRANCH - LATER

          Larry pulls in.

                         

                         

          INT. RIVERBANK BRANCH - LATER

          Larry has filled out a bunch of papers and is sitting down
          with Laurie Gammelgaard, who offers him coffee.

                          LAURIE GAMMELGAARD
           More complimentary coffee?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Complimentary coffee is usually
           lousy.

                          LAURIE GAMMELGAARD
           I drink it all day.

                          (THEN)
           So? You're back!

           65.

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I got a job.

                          LAURIE GAMMELGAARD
           Atta Baby!

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Perry's Coffee shop. Breakfast all
           day. And I'm going to school.

                          LAURIE GAMMELGAARD
           At East City. I see.
           (from the papers)
           Larry, this doesn't change
           anything.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I was afraid of that.

                          LAURIE GAMMELGAARD
           The interest alone will eat up your
           service industry salary.

                          LARRY CROWNE

                         

                         

                         

                         
          You said come back in a few weeks.

                         
           It's been a few weeks.

                          LAURIE GAMMELGAARD
           Okay.

                          (THEN)
           I will personally take this to my
           supervisor and fight to get you the
           loan you need. But you know how
           complimentary coffee is always
           lousy? Your chances are, too.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I can't make the payments on the
           house. I'm going to lose it,
           aren't I?

                          LAURIE GAMMELGAARD
           Stop with the gloomy puss. You're
           doing everything right. Hang in
           there. You still have a friend at
           RiverBank.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           You guys are forced to say that,
           aren't you?

                          LAURIE GAMMELGAARD

           66.

                         

                         

          THUNDER ROLLS IN THE DISTANCE

                         

                         

          EXT. SQUARE HOLE NO. 114 - MORNING


                         

          RAIN!
          Coming down in buckets. Talia has the grate up, wrapping a
          new outfit for Larry culled from her supply. Dell Gordo is
          in a rain slicker.

                          DELL GORDO
           I think it's letting up.

                          TALIA
           It's going to storm till next year.

                          DELL GORDO
           We can't stay here all day. Find a
           raincoat and let's get a little
           wet.

                          TALIA
           I do not scoot in the rain.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          DELL GORDO

                         
           How you going to get to school
           then, College Co-Ed Belle?
          Larry pulls up in his Karmann Ghia -- top up.

                         

                          TALIA
           My savior! Look at your new
           schmatas.

                          (HOLDING BOOTS)
           And footwear!
           (hopping in, to Dell)
           Stay dry, sweetie!
          Dell Gordo is not happy to see this.

                         

                         

          EXT. DONUT SHOP - MORNING - RAIN

          It is raining. Mercedes' car is out front.

                         

           MERCEDES TAINOT (PRE-LAP)
           I got engaged to a teacher/writer
           with two books in print...

           67.

                         

                         

          INT. MERCEDES' CAR - MORNING - RAIN

          The windows are fogging up. Frances and Mercedes sip take-
          out coffee and eat glazed rings of death.

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           I never read them.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Who did? I'm married to an ex-
           teacher turned blogger with two
           books in print. And oh, yes, he has
           the libido and internet access of a
           13-year-old.

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           I had a boyfriend who owned every
           movie Sophia Loren ever made. I d
           hear a DVD go into the playe an
           knew what I was going to be doing in
           a half-hour.
          Right next to them, Larry Crowne pulls up in his Karmann Ghia
          with the top up and Talia in the passenger seat.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT

                         
           Once more to Divorce Court to
           cashier a spouse, line my cloak
           with alimony and do myself homage.

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           Othello. Act 1. Scene 1. Iago to
           Roderigo.
          Talia jumps out and runs into the donut shop.

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Why can't all my students be like
           y u?

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           Because, as I learned in your
           class, I am one of a kind.
          Larry rolls down his window and yells something funny to her.
          He never sees Mercedes or Frances.

           FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH (CONT'D)
           Hey, that guy's in your class.
          Mercedes wipes fog off the window.

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT

           68.

                         

                         

          P.O.V.
          Talia is talking to the Donut Shop Lady, selecting crullers
          and old-fashioneds.

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           And that Toy Poodle he keeps on a
           leash!
          Mercedes eyes Larry in his car.

                         

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           That's why he's in college! To get
           laid!

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           It happens.
          Talia comes running out, with two coffees and a bag of
          donuts, hops into Larry's car and they pull out as Talia puts a
          ring of sweet into his mouth.
          Mercedes rolls down her window and yells.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT

                         
           You are everything that's wrong
           with America, Larry Crowne!
          They did not hear her.

                         

                         

          INT SPEE H 217 - MORNING
          Larry is at the podium, prepping his "Personal First"
          presentation as the class comes in. He is dressed as Talia
          styled him.

                          DIBIASI
           Woah! Larry Crowne, I didn't know
           you were gay. You've gone all
           Project Runway on us.
          Mercedes enters, eyeing Larry with residual venom. He is
          oblivious. She takes her listening post in the back of the
          room as the class goes quiet.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Should I begin?
          Mercedes signals 'Yeah, go ahead, asshole.'

                         

           LARRY CROWNE (CONT'D)
          first crossing of the Equator...

           69.

                         

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           (talking to herself in the MOVIE

                          DEVICE WAY)
           Oh shut up you sleaze. Jerk.

                          (THEN)
           Look at the new pants. They
           actually fit. And that jacket is
           'smart'. Did Busik put Larry
           Crowne into Fashion for Creeps? An
           old goat dressed like lamb.

                          (THEN)
           Of course! It's that doe-eyed
           young thing he's been wearing on
           his sleeve. Dressing like he's
           half his age. Give me a shotgun!
           I'll pepper Larry Crowne right now!

                          (THEN)
           Am I being unfair? I mean, if I
           were single and some young buck
           took to me, wouldn't I be inclined
           to diddly-dally?
          She looks at Dibiasi, who has snuck iPod earbuds onto his
          head, is mouthing the words and playing air guitar.

                         

                         

                         

                         
          The class erupts in l ughter. Mercedes wasn't paying

                         

                         

                         

                         

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)

                         
           Youth wouldn't be the only
           requirement, of course.

                         
          attention to hear Larry's bon mot.

                          DIBIASI
           (jerking out buds)
           What? What he say?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Unless you're looking at a chart,
           you don't even know the Equator
           when you cross it...

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           A repackaged Larry Crowne won't
           fool me. Shame on you. Going
           after jail bait, you criminal.
           Insert Viagra joke here...

                          (THEN)
           herself at you... No. Don't let
           up. No, Mercy. NO MERCY!
          Polite applause. Mercedes pretends she heard every word.

           70.

                         

                         

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           Anyone recall anything from that?

                          PINEDO
           That Larry believed there were
           signs on posts marking the Equator.

                          CALIMERIS
           And that, when it's a first time,
           they make the rookies dress in drag
           and sing Abba songs?
          Mercedes missed a lot of that. Everything, in f ct.

                         

                          MACK
           Larry worked on an Aircraft
           Carrier! Night Carrier Landings
           are the trickiest flying in world.
          Mercedes is learning this for the first time as well.

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           That was a memorable nugget.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          PINEDO

                         
           Larry was stationed in Panama! My
           father is from Panama!

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Mr. Koss to the lectern, please.
          More anecdotes come from the class about Larry's speech.
          Mercedes heard none of them...

                         

          EXT. STREET - DAY

          Talia is riding alone. She slows at a TATTOO PARLOR...

                         

                         

          INT. PERRY'S COFFEE SHOP - KITCHEN - AFTERNOON

          Larry bangs out orders.

                         
          Raul sits at the butchers block, sipping coffee, observing
          his new kitchen staffer.

                         

                         

          EXT. PERFECT SPACE - DAY

          An empty store right next to the Tattoo Parlor. Talia is
          looking through the window

           71.

                         

                         
          A hand-drawn sign with an arrow says "FOR LEASE ENQUIRE NEXT

          DOOR ASK FOR MAURICE."
          Talia smiles. Her mobile rings its unique ringtone.

                         
          STAN: "Scoot! Webster and Palm!"

                         

                         

          INT. PERRY'S COFFEE SHOP - KITCHEN - LATE AFTERNOON

          Larry is slapping orders together at the same time he h s his
          studies out -- trying to do two jobs at the same tim
          His mobile phone vibrates.
          TALIA: "Scoot?"

                         
          He punches in

                         
          "Can't. Job."

                         
          He goes back to his studies just as another order comes up.
          Then his phone vibrates again.
          TALIA: "Job? Sob! Coming!"

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE

                         
           Oh crap.

                         

          EXT. PERRY'S COFFEE SHOP - LATER

          Talia and the scooter gang pull in.

                         

                         

          INT. PERRY'S COFFEE SHOP - SAME

          In they pour, sizing up the place for a hangout. Talia, Stan -
          - minus Dell Gordo -- and others sit at the counter where
          they can see Larry.

                          TALIA
           Chef Corona! Steam us some corn
           bread?
          The others pretend to be grumpy diners: Feed us! What's a
          Reuben Sandwich? Where's my Sanka!

                         LATER

                         
          Up comes order after order. Burgers. Hot beef sandwiches.
          Turkey clubs. Greek Salads.

           72.

                         

                         

                          TALIA (CONT'D)
           Woman on deck!
          Raul looks up from his Spanish Language Newspaper.

                         

                          RAUL
           You can't come in here.

                          TALIA
           I'm a friend of Lance's.

                          RAUL
           No Lance works for me.
          Talia hops up to sit on a butcher block.

                          RAUL (CONT'D)
           This is my kitchen and I am the
           boss.

                          TALIA
           Is he, Lance?

                          LARRY CROWNE

                         

                         

                         

                         
           Raul's my boss, yeah.

                         

                          TALIA
           Rah-ool. Rhymes with ya-cool. Are
           ya' cool, Raul?

                          RAUL
           Sure I'm cool. Tough but fair,
           too.

                          TALIA
           As boss, do you make up the menu?

                          L

                          RAUL

                          A
           N . But I do the purchasing.

                          R

                          TALIA
           Is that a tough but fair job?

                          R

                          RAUL

                          Y
           It makes me crazy, you kidding? But
           it's gotta be done every day or
           guess what? No food. I'll show you
           how much I gotta do...

                          P

                         

                          U
          And just like that, Talia has seduced another man.
          telling her the secrets of purchasing orders
          s fries into the deep fryer.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          RAUL IS

           73.

                         

                         

                         LATER
          Talia is with Perry at the register. She's seduced him now,
          as he goes over the menu and what sells more than ever.

                          PERRY
           Breakfast all day, see. From Corn
           Flakes to popovers. We make the
           best Chicken Fried Steak outside of a
           truck stop.

                          TALIA
           Can Lance take a break?

                          PERRY
           Who?

                          TALIA
           The artist formerly known as Larry. I
           need his expertise.

                          PERRY

                          (CALLING)
           Lance.
          Perry signals to Larry then to Talia and makes a talking
          gesture.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          BOOTH - LATER
          Larry and Talia sit. She has her notebook out -- sketches
          and ideas and forms...

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Square footage at this price is a
           bargain.

                          TALIA
           Maurice says I'm saving his life by
           renting the space.

                          LARRY CROWNE

                          (WRITING)
           This is your Matsutani Delta
           Number. You net this every month,
           you cover overhead, and the rest is
           profit.

                          TALIA
           You sure?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Chapter four.

           74.

                         

                         

                          TALIA
           You make it sound so simple!!
          Talia is so excited she grabs Larry and showers his forehead
          with kisses.
          Appearing out of nowhere: Dell Gordo.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE

                          (BOLTING)
           Well, back to work!

                         

          EXT. CHEESECAKE FACTORY - PARKING LOT - EARLY EVENING

          Dean is opening the car door for Mercedes, putting on the
          class act for a night out.
          He laughs at a feeble joke we can't hear. The guy is trying.

                         

          LATER - NIGHT

                         
          They come right out the same door. They've argued and drank
          all through the meal. Dean carries extra cheesecake home in
          a dessert box. And, oh, they've been drinking.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          DEAN TAINOT

                         
           Work my ass off all night trying to
           get f i in' smile out of you!

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           I'm smiling...

                          DEAN TAINOT
           Like The Joker after three Apple
           Martinis.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           If they help, they help.

                          DEAN TAINOT
           We can't even have a Date Night
           now? You can't even chillax for
           one meal?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           "Chillax?" Did you use the word
           "chillax?" That come from your
           Bloggers Thesaurus?

                         

                         

          INT. CAR SHOT - MERCEDES' SEVEN-YEAR OLD CAR - NIGHT


           75.

                         

                         

                          GPS VOICE
           Please Enter your destination.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           You lie to me, Dean. Every day.
           You. Lie. To. Me.

                          DEAN TAINOT
           You looking for a whole new man,
           Mercy? I'm the jerk who has to
           transform into Ultraman to make you
           happy? No. I like myself, Mercy. I
           put up with you and complain about
           nothing.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           I'm not complaining. I'm stating
           the truth. I teach while you
           pretend to work.

                          DEAN TAINOT
           I had three postings today alone.
           FogCaster, SkyScan, and
           ParsecTwelve.com

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT

                         
           Those weren't postings. They were
           comments.

                          DEAN TAINOT
           Hey, Booze-illa, who are you to
           judge me?

                          (THEN)
           I know what's really pissing you
           off. I like big titties. And you
           don't have any.
          Yeow. A line has been crossed. A big, ugly line has just
          been crossed. Even Dean knows it.

           DEAN TAINOT (CONT'D)
           Maybe I should take that back.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT

           LET ME OUT OF THIS FUCKING CAR!!!

                         

                         

          EXT. INTERSECTION - CONTINUOUS

          A young couple -- call them JANET and TONY - have been on
          their first date. It's gone well.

           76.

                         

                         

                          JANET
           As soon as I saw you, I said, "I
           want to go out with that man."

                          TONY
           What did you say when I asked you
           out?

                          JANET
           I said "Yes." You were there,
           remember?

                          TONY
           I saw you and I thought "I would be
           a lucky guy if she'd go out with
           me."

                          JANET
           Yes you are.

                          TONY
           Honestly, this is about as good a
           first date goes, isn't it?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          JANET

                         
           Disaster looms on most first dates,
           but I'm talking to you like you're a
           friend I want to make out with.

                          TONY
           Hold that thought.
          Dean and Mercy pull up beside them in their car.

                         
          Mercedes is out of the car before it even stops.

                         

                          DEAN TAINOT
           I take it back. I take it back.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Drive, asshole! Drive away!

                          DEAN TAINOT
           I've been drinking, too.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Drive straight til you hit a cliff
           on the coastline!

                          DEAN TAINOT
           You win! I'm letting you win!
           Everything you say is right and

          WIN!

           77.

                         

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           LOSER! I MARRIED A LOSER!!! With
           a tiny dick! Tiny dick LOSER!

                          DEAN TAINOT
           Screw you, you washboard!

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Oh, chillax!!!

                          GPS VOICE
           Please enter your destination.
          Dean screeches off into the night. Mercedes picks up a rock
          and hurls it at him.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           I'm throwing rocks at my own car !!
          Janet and Tony are aghast - silent - in shock.

                         

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           The jerk who just deserted me? My
           husband of 4 friggin' years!
          She stomps off into the night. Janet and Tony don't know
          what to do with each other now.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          EXT. BUSINESS STREET - LATER


                         
          Mercedes is walking home. It's a bit longer than she would
          like. She comes to a bus stop and studies the route. She
          sits and removes her shoes.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           I loved these shoes once. Stupid
           shoes.
          She sits at he stop, about to cry. Then she sort of does
          cry, for so any reasons.
          In the distance, we hear...

                         
          The ROAR of SCOOTERS. Then here they come. A night-time
          'Scoot'.
          All the REGULARS go by. Somewhere in the mix are Larry and
          Talia.
          Talia is just able to turn her head and see Ms. Tainot at the
          bus stop. She slows.

           78.

                         

                         

                          TALIA
           Lance! Chick alert!
          Larry is beside her. They stop.

                         

                          TALIA (CONT'D)
           You are not going to believe how
           Fate meets cute!
          She u-turns and Larry follows her, confused.

                         

                         BUS BENCH

                         
          Mercedes wonders who these Mock Wild Ones are that pull up to
          her.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Ms. Tainot?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           No.
          He takes off his helmet.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE

                         
           Larry Crowne.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Jesus Christ.

                          TALIA
           And I've been calling you 'Lance'.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Do you need a ride? Hop on.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           And bust up your romp in the glen
           with Bambi?

                          TALIA
           Hey. Bambi was a boy.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I was heading home.

                          (TO TALIA)
           Right? We're done scooting?

                          TALIA
           Not me. I love riding in the
           night. Magic happens.

                          (TO LANCE)

           79.

                         

                         
          Away Talia scoots to catch up with the gang.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           What do men see in irritating free
           spirits?
          Mercedes starts walking.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Seriously. I offer you a ride.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Seriously. I don't want one.
          Larry shuts off his scooter, pushing it along with his feet

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I've yet to give anyone a lift on
           this but I think I can get you home
           with a scraped elbow, worst case.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           I am walking, Crowne, as thoughts
           black boil up from my soul. Major

                         

                         

                         

                         
           consequences sure to follow.

                         
           You'll read about them on
           Parsectwelve.com.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           An attractive woman like you
           walking alone is a dumb idea.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           I need a man flirting with me right
           now like I need a dog crapping on my
           lawn. I'm hoofing it.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           In those shoes?
          Mercedes ponders her shoes. He's got her. She stops.

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           A man who notices shoes.

                          (GIVING UP)
           All right. I'll be your Cycle
           Slut.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Put this on.

                          (HIS HELMET)
           Strap your legs round my engine and

           80.

                         

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           It won't be a terrible thing if you
           kill us both.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Ain't you a ball of fun?
          Larry kick starts the scooter and off they go -- slowly.

                         

                         IN MOTION

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Are you really going to go this
           slow?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I do want to survive this night.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Fine. I have time to window shop.
           Oh look, a sale on tires at
           AutoUSA. And here comes a mailbox.
           I've never noticed their perfect
           design and colo scheme. This is

                         

                         

                         

                         
           so slow a cat could knock us over.

                         

                         

                         

          EXT. INTERSECTION - MINUTES LATER.

          Here they come at the speed of a lazy cow. Mercedes is
          singing "Sixteen Miles on the Erie Canal".

                         

          EXT. STREET - RIDING SHOT - LATER - ON THE SCOOTER

          Larry shouts over his shoulder.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Where am I taking you?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Down to Portola and left to
           Havenhurst. Havenhurst to Palermo.
           Right on Palermo till I yell stop.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I may use this as a presentation in
           class.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Try it and you'll flunk.
          I am joking.

           81.

                         

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I like your class. You're making
           us all do things we never thought
           we could.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Put the shovel away and just get me
           home, 'kay?
          Up ahead, flashing lights.

                         

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           Hail our City's Finest.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Someone's getting pinched...
          A COP CAR with its cherry top flashing, has pulled over a
          Drunk Driver.
          It's Dean. They're making him touch his nose, breathe into a
          test kit.
          Mercedes starts laughing.

                         
          As they pass the crime scene, Dean is being put into the back

                         

                         

                         

                         
          of the Prowler, cuffed...

                         
          Mercedes' laugh fills the night as they putt-putt along.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Measure his dick, officer! He's
           too diminutive to drive!

                          (THEN)
           Tiny dick loser!
          Larry doesn't know what to make of that.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Bad night for that guy.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Best night I've had in years!
           Drive on, McDuff!

                         

                         

          EXT. CEDAR HILLS TOWNHOMES - NIGHT

          In through the gates come our night crawlers. Mercedes is

           82.

                         

                         

          EXT. TAINOT TOWNHOUSE - SAME

          Larry shuts off the motor. Mercedes is half asleep. She
          doesn't remember to take off Larry's helmet.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Unit 114.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Thanks for the ox-cart ride.
          Like a sleepwalker. Stands at the Alarm Pad.

                         

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           I can see the Alarm Pad. I know
           the code. But my hands aren't
           working.

                          (THEN)
           Help me.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           You don't want to give me your pass
           code.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT

                         
           Just hold my hand up to the
           numbers. I'll manage from there.
          Larry takes her hand and guides it to the pad.

                         

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           Look away now.

                          (HE DOES)
           Two two two two. Pound.
          Larry heard every word.

                         

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           W ere's my purse? Oh yeah. My car.
           The key please? It's buried in
           that plant.
          Larry digs out an Altoids tin. Rattles it.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           This it?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Why I think it is!

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I'll get the door for you
          Larry opens the door, reaches in, turns on the light.

           83.

                         

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Take one step inside and I call
           security.
          Larry steps away from the door.

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           And forget this ever happened.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           What?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           This whole sorry chapter tonight.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           What?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           You passing up Gidget for a flat
           old coot like me.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           What are you talking about?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT

                         
           What, you have no short-term
           memory?
          Larry has been tying to be polite.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           When I say 'what', it means I get
           it and have already purposefully
           forgotten everything. Call it
           irony.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Sarcasm. Irony is when Gallant
           lands in the drunk tank while
           Goofus scoots me home.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Goodnight, Ms. Tainot.
          She doesn't move, but flashes her ring finger.

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Mrs. I'm Mrs. Tainot. Can you not
           see that?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I assumed you preferred Ms

           84.

                         

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           When we presume we make a pretty
           pair of asses of me and you or
           something like that.

                          (THEN)
           Why aren't you married?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           That's a long story and it's late.

                          (THEN)
           My helmet?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Help yourself.
          She sticks her neck out. If this were a movie, they might
          kiss right now.
          Larry pauses. Mercedes looks at him. He's not a bad looking
          guy. He starts to undo the helmet strap.

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           I noticed something on the ride.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE

                         

                          WHAT

                          MERCEDES TAINOT

                          IT MAY
           You smell good.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Thanks.
          He gently removes the strap and helmet from her head.
          be a bit sexy. Her hair tumbles out.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Do you have a crush on me? Single
           student. Unattainable teacher. It's
           common.
          Larry has no idea what to say.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           We all have crushes on you. Even
           the gals.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           You want to make out with me, you
           can. I know I'm not a third rate
           Audrey Hepburn wanna-be but I still

                          GOT MOVES
          Come on, Gramps. Take this ride.

                          (MORE)

           85.

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           My spouse won't be home for 3 to 5
           years.
          Larry ponders this moment for as long as he can. He
          shouldn't, of course. But, damn. She is Mercedes Tainot.
          Bang.

                         
          It's a pretty good whammy kiss. Makes her splay her arms and
          everything.
          Larry pulls back. After a bit, though. She could have kept
          at it, too.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Wow...

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Pretty dang good. I still got it,
           no?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Yes, you do..

                          (THEN)

                         

                         

                         

                         
           In you go.

                         
           (Mercedes goes in)
           Close the door.

                          (SHE DOES)
           Lock it!
          Larry hears the sound of the bolt. He walks away.

                         

          INT. TAINOT TOWNHOUSE - SAME

          Mercedes leans against the door. What did she just do????

                         

           LARRY CROWNE (O.S.)
           Goodnight, whoever you are!

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Whoever I am...

                         

                         

          EXT. TAINOT TOWNHOUSE - SAME

          Larry wistfully starts his bike, looking back at the door.
          He will not forget that kiss or this night. He drives off.

                         

          EXT. TAINOT TOWNHOUSE - MORNING

          A TAXI is pulling up. Out of the back, Dean, looking like he

           86.

                         

                         
          He pays the cabbie, pissed off about everything. Then his
          world gets much more complicated.

          P.O.V.

                         
          All his possessions, stacked up in front of the door. On the
          top of the heap, his computer. Turned on and showing porn

                          DEAN TAINOT
           Oh, Jesus Hell and tomorrow...

                          (THEN)
           Mercy!!!

                         

                         

          EXT. E.C.C.C. TEACHERS' PARKING LOT - MORNING

          Mercy feels terrible, stepping from her car, brutally
          hungover.
          As she straightens up, her eye catches...

                         

                         LARRY CROWNE

                         
          On his scooter. Heading towards the Scooter parking.

                         
          She smiles -- a rare thing on a morning like this but the
          memory of last night warrants it. She heads in that

                         

                         

                         

                         
          direction.

          EXT. E.C.C.C. CAMPUS - SAME

          Mercy is trying to 'accidentally' run into Larry, but is
          caught by surprise when..
          He is walking right towards her. Oops. That would be
          uncomfortable. She DUCKS behind a pillar.
          Still wanting to 'bump' into the man who kissed her last
          night, she circumvents his path, stalking Larry like a
          birdwatcher tracks a blue-tailed swallow.
          Hopping behind a tree, Mercy's SHOE gets caught in some mud.
          Bending down, a branch catches her sweater and RIPS a seam.
          Stepping onto the pavement, the tree branch SMACKS her in the
          head.
          Still, she keeps and eye on Larry. And pursues...

                         

                         BENCH AREA

           87.

                         

                         
          Staying out of his eye line, Mercy navigates her way around
          to the other side of the Bench Area and preps her appearance
          before making a 180 degree reverse, guaranteeing a 'Meet'
          with Larry.
          Then she sees her.

                         TALIA

                         
          Sitting with others, greeting Larry with laughter and hugs
          and hoots. Talia is announcing to all how she left Larry
          with a drunken teacher last night, with her arm around his
          waist and affection in her eyes.

                         MERCY
          Is crushed. For the obvious reasons sh s ill can't
          understand. She was hoping to have Larry to herself for a
          minute or two.

          TALIA AND LARRY

                         
          Amid the others...

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          TALIA

                         
           Oh, come on! I left you all set
           up! What went down?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Epilog. School today.

                          TALIA
           Lance! A Betty on your Scooter
           after midnight? Holding on, her
           arms around you, pressed against
           your back, is a license to at least
           cop a feel.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           If we had ended up making out, you
           still wouldn't hear it.
          Talia slugs him. All in play...

                         

                         MERCY

                         
          Convinced Larry is gossiping about last night, Mercy backs
          away from the scene, and slinks away toward her class.

           88.

                         

                         

          INT. SPEECH 217 - DAY

          Mercedes is in the back, wearing the darkest glasses allowed
          a teacher in a classroom, hiding the fact that Mercy is
          looking at Larry.
          Larry is listening to Lala with delight.

                         

                          PINEDO
           Seeing them -- the Northern Lights,
           the Aurora Borealis -- should have
           been beyond me, but I was a little
           girl in Coach class still awake, a
           window seat, a moonless night
           somewhere over Greenland with a
           shimmering curtain of emerald,
           gossamer light dancing just for me.

                          (THEN)
           That is something I will remember
           forever.
          The SPEECH is over. The class erupts in applause for Lala,
          who has hit a home-run. Foremost of the fans, Larry, who
          rises in applause for the once quiet classmate.
          Then the applause is over.

                         

                         

                         

                         
           The teacher says nothing. DIBIASI

                         
           That was a knockout speech, Lala.
           Made the news. Caused riots
           downtown. School's out til 2019.
          The students look at each other, shrug their shoulders, and
          head ou .

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Mr. Crowne? A moment please?

                          CALIMERIS
           Why doesn't she just throw herself
           at him?

                          PINEDO
           This is bordering on harassment
           now.

                          DIBIASI
           Quiet down. I'm watching the TV
           show...

                          MACK
           Why doesn't this ever happen to me?

           89.

                         

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           I need a few moments alone with Mr.
           Crowne thank you.

                          DIBIASI
           Move along folks. Privacy's a
           right in this great nation of ours.

                          MACK
           You want I should close this door,
           lock it, and barricade it so you
           won't be disturbed??
          We hear them cackling like geese in the hall.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           How are the Triplets? Groggy,
           Puffy, and Grumpy.
          He means the hangover.

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Last night was a confluence of too
           many things happening in too short

                         

                         

                         

                         
           a time span.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Last i ht? Let's see, what was I
           doing? Studying some. Working
           some. Can't recall. I've forgotten
           everything that happened last night
           as best a gentleman can.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           I had no right to judge you or your
           relationships. Date who you want.
          Larry has no idea what that means.

                         

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           But what happened last night --
           between adults -- was
           inappropriate. If gossip were to
           circulate, the problem could be
           more than just embarrassing. My
           status as a professor could be
           tarnished.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I wouldn't want that.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
          happened before.

                          (MORE)

           90.

                         

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           With parking attendants. Strangers
           at parties when I've had a bit too
           much of the demon rum. This was the
           first time with a student.

                          (THEN)
           I hope the entire thing will be
           forgotten.
          Larry has just had his feelings hurt by his teacher.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Sure. Nothing happened. At all.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           So there will be no bravado among
           you and your pals?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           None.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Thank you, Mr. Crowne.

                          LARRY CROWNE

                         

                         

                         

                         
           I'd better scurry along to Dr.

                         
           Matsutani's class. I hope I don't
           have this same conversation with
           him.
          Larry leaves - a good mood ruined...
          Mercy watches him go. What is going on behind those dark
          glasses?

                         

                         

          EXT. LARRY CROWNE'S HOME - AFTERNOON

          Larry and Lamarr are sitting on the curb, watching kids play
          down the street. They run back and forth in front of them
          with a soccer ball.
          They both have pipes, with Lamarr showing him how to light
          up.

                          LAMARR
           Puff. Don't suck. Then... relax.

                          (THEN)
           See? Works.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I have to sell my car.
          Put a new top on it.

           91.

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           If I could afford a new top I could
           afford to keep it.

                          LAMARR
           What's the job paying you?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Half my UniMart salary.

                          LAMARR
           You're down, Larry Crowne. Down as
           dirt.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I'm looking back on the year Denise
           left as the good old days.

                          LAMARR
           Hang in there, neighbor.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Everyone keeps saying that.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          LAMARR

                         
           I was in the same spot. Look what
           happened.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           The odds of two people on the same
           street winning the lottery are
           worse than one person on the street
           winning the lottery.

                          LAMARR
           I read how the universe is
           expanding, Larry, taking us along
           with it. That is a wild concept to
           grasp, but what it means is, we all
           have to hold on tight sometimes to
           get to where we're going to be.

                          LARRY CROWNE

                          (THE PIPE)
           This thing must be making me dizzy.
           What?

                          LAMARR
           Keep your grip. You'll be okay.
           It's like the wife always says...
          Shoppers pull up to Lamarr's Yard Sale. The WIFE has a

           92.

                         

                         

                          LAMARR (CONT'D)
           A woman with a measuring tape?
           That's money in my pocket.
          A ball flies in and hits Larry smack in the head, sending his
          pipe flying.

                         

                         

          EXT. UNIMART - PARKING LOT - DAY

          Hardly any cars. Shopping carts are herded into their corral
          by... former Team Leader Larry Crowne.

                         

                         

          INT. UNIMART MAIN ENTRANCE - SAME

          Larry stands where he was once king.

                         

          P.O.V.

                         
          The place looks different. Shabby. Unkempt. Understaffed.

                         
          He recognizes no one.

                         

                         AISLE

                         
          No one is there to help Larry pick out two 'For Sale by
          Owner' signs. And, he can't help it: he straightens out

                         

                         

                         

                         
          some messed up racks and shelves.

                         REGISTER
          Vasquez - Security - is gone, replaced by Cubby -- the former
          Janitor who is now the skinniest SECURITY GUARD in history.
          Larry slides the signs for purchase. Manning the thing?
          Vicky Hurley. Not looking good

                          HURLEY
           ' ind bargains today?'

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Vick? How you doing? Larry
           Crowne.
          Hurley looks at him. She looks tired. And stupid in her
          Cashier's Apron.

                          HURLEY
           Larry. Hi.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Why are you on the Register?

           93.

                         

                         

                          HURLEY
           Management Execs are now required
           to put in 8-hour shifts on the
           floor. Every day. No overtime.
           No bonus. Just more hours. Cash or
           UniMart Bargain Card? Like you
           have one of them.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Cash. No receipt.
          Hurley is robotic.

                         

                          HURLEY
           You got out of here just in time...
           'Thank you for choosing UniMart,
           where united we blah blah.'

                         

                         

          EXT. A PARK - DAY

          Trees. A picnic table. And Mercedes Tainot writing
          individual words on pages of a steno book.
          After each word, she folds each page many times and puts it
          in a basket.
          Up walks Dean Tainot, who looks neither happy nor cheerful.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          DEAN TAINOT

                         
           Hi.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Thanks for coming.

                          DEAN TAINOT
           No notice. No preamble. Just an
           email and a google map.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           I knew you'd be on the computer.

                          (THEN)
           Working...

                          DEAN TAINOT
           Point made.

                          (THEN)
           So. What up.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Are we making a mistake here?

                          DEAN TAINOT

           94.

                         

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Point made. We could change
           things. We could start right now.

                          DEAN TAINOT
           We could. Why should we?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Because we have history, Dean. But
           first, my thoughts... I've got to
           address drinking. I should be
           able to comprehend and respond to
           both sides of our conversations. And
           the morning shower should be
           refreshing, not a hangover cure.

                          DEAN TAINOT
           I'd like that too.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Really?

                          DEAN TAINOT
           You're not a pleasant woman after a

                         

                         

                         

                         
           few glasses. Mornings with you are

                         
           to be survived.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Okay. Now, you.
          Dean is caught short.

                          DEAN TAINOT
           I see. I'm what this is all about.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           There are plenty of items on the
           relationship agenda but let's start
           here.

                          DEAN TAINOT
           You're talking about you but you
           really mean me.

                          (THEN)
           I am not yelling or begging or
           saying you have to stop doing
           anything. So you don't get to
           either.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           I'm not saying that.

           95.

                         

                         

                          DEAN TAINOT
           We've both been here before. Why
           prolong the process? White flag! I
           give up. This ain't working.

                          (THEN)
           I'll sign papers and checks, see if
           there's enough for a cool sports
           car as a reward for the last few
           years and eventually I will be fine
           and you will too. But I am never
           once going to look at myself as
           another poor divorced guy who could
           still be married if only he had
           done the mea culpa bit for all his
           faults.

                          (THEN)
           I just now came up with that, and
           it is going to be my next posting.
          He pulls out his Blackberry and makes a note to himself.

                         

           DEAN TAINOT (CONT'D)
           I don't think there is anything
           else to talk about. Do you?

                         

                         

                         

                         
          Mercedes looks at him. She has been a fool...

                         

                         

                         

          EXT. TAINOT TOWNHOME - PATIO

          Mercy -- Margarita pitcher handy -- is still writing words on
          paper, and drinking. Alone. Not good.

                         

                         

          EXT. E.C.C.C. PARKING LOT - MORNING

          The sign reads "FINALS WEEK: ENROLL FOR SPRING QUARTER."

                         

                         

          INT. SPEECH 217 - MORNING

          She is in the front of the class with a small box. Hungover?
          A bit, yes...

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Here I have surprise topics.
           Friday, in a Lightning Round, you
           must wax on that topic for 2
           minutes without pause, repetition,
           or lack of charm. No notes. One
           visual aid.

                          (THEN)
           Ms Pinedo Draw

           96.

                         

                         
          Ms. Pinedo pulls a paper from the box.

           MS. PINEDO
           'Potatoes?'

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Spuds. Can't wait.
          Dibiasi draws a paper.

                         

                          DIBIASI
           'Disraeli'? What is that?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Who is that?

                          DIBIASI
           It's a guy from Disrael. I'm done.
          Now it's Larry's turn. He shyly draws a paper -- a bit
          uncomfortable in class since the recent events.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           'Consumerism'.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT

                         
           That's supposed to say 'Communism.'

                          LARRY CROWNE
           The handwriting is loopy. Looks
           like 'Consumerism'.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Fine. 2 minutes on Consumerism.
          Calimeris picks. Hers is loopy, too.

                         

                          CALIMERIS
           'Malpity Hoople.'

                          (THEN)
           What's this say?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           No idea. Just pick another.

                         

                         

          INT. ECON 1 -- LATER

          Dr. Matsutani is going on. Larry is looking for Talia, who
          is not in class.

           97.

                         

                         

           DR. MATSUTANI

                          (HIS BOOK))
           At the end of each chapter is a
           study guide. Master those and you
           will have mastered my book. Master
           my book and you will take over the
           world.
          He laughs demonically.

                         

           DR. MATSUTANI (CONT'D)
           By now you should be laughing with
           me.
          Larry can't believe Talia is not there...

                         

                         

          EXT. TALIA'S NEW STORE - LATER

          Larry scoots up. She is inside arranging a "Coming Soon!"
          window display. Dell Gordo, Stan, and the Squad are all
          inside building shelves and racks.
          She comes out of the store.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          TALIA

                         
           You digging what you see?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           You missed Matsutani's class.
           Review for the final.

                          TALIA
           I'm done w th college.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           What? Why?

                          TALIA
           Because I'm going into business.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Talia. Don't be a fool. Stay in
           school. Don't throw away your
           education.

                          TALIA
           And don't drink and drive or do
           drugs and quit smoking and eat
           vegetables. I don't. I stopped.
           I did. I do.

                          LARRY CROWNE

           98.

                         

                         

                          TALIA
           Pretty much. Oh, look. Maurice
           gave us free tattoos. I wanted
           something in Japanese so check this
           out.
          She shows it to him, just above her butt-crack. It's two
          Japanese characters.

                          TALIA (CONT'D)
           That one says 'courage'. That one
           says 'spirit'. Courageous Spirit.
          Dell Gordo knocks on the window as Larry has his hands on his
          gal's butt... "What's this, Lance??"

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Japanese characters go the other
           way and that says Soy Sauce.

                          TALIA
           Oh shut up.

                          LARRY CROWNE

                         

                         

                         

                         
           It does. Soy sauce. Soy. Sauce.

                         
           Quitting school is for dopes.
          It does, actually say Soy Sauce. He is starting his scooter.

                          TALIA
           Be here for our Grand Opening!

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Might not make it. I have finals!

                         OPEN SKY

                         
          Larry comes into frame, with a hammer and stake.

                         

                         

          EXT. LARRY'S HOUSE - DAY

          He is pounding the FOR SALE sign into his front lawn.

                         
          Laurie Gammelgaard pulls up her new VW Bug with a COUPLE in
          the back seat. They get out and Larry nods as he waves them
          to the door.
          He remains on the lawn, looking at his neighborhood -- the
          kids, the dogs -- Lamarr across the street.
          It's all over...

           99.

                         

                         

          EXT. PERRY'S COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT

          Frances and Mercedes have pulled up in her car.

                         

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           This place anonymous enough?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           As long as alcohol's out of my
           grasp.

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           They have good pie, they say.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Great. Sugar can replace tequila
           in my bloodstream, my thighs, and
           the folds in my neck.
          They pass a car prominently parked - Larry's Convertible
          Karmann Ghia with a sign on its windshield: "FOR SALE BY

          OWNER."

           FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH (PRE-LAP)

                         

                         

                         

                         
           So. You're a mess.

          INT. PERRY'S COFFEE SHOP - SAME

          They sit in a back booth where she would never see Larry.

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Yep.

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           You'd think leggy blondes like us
           would be impervious, right?
          At that moment, Larry Crowne happens to come out of the
          kitchen to help himself to a cup of coffee.
          Mercedes sees him just as Perry comes up with menus.

                         

                          PERRY
           Ladies. Bring an appetite?

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           The mark of a restaurant is their
           Key Lime pie.
          Mercedes is surprised to see Larry in a chef's hat.

                         

                          PERRY

           100.

                         

                         

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           No Key Lime?

                          PERRY
           Cream pies I got.

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           Boston Cream?

                          PERRY
           Boston Cream? Key Lime? Lady,
           you're killing me here.

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           Phooey. Peach. Peach pie.

                          PERRY
           Ma'am?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           I'll have the French Toast.

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           French Toast?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT

                         
           (on the menu)
           Breakfast all day.
          Perry leaves to put in the order.

                         

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           You won't believe how far I fell on
           the Hooch-o-meter.

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           I have seen it happen a time or
           two.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           I kissed a boy.

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           When, third grade?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           One of my students.

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           You Hoor.

                          (THEN)
           Gimme the friggin' details! He's
           not a minor is he?

           101.

                         

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Older than me.

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           Hugh Hefner in your class? What
           went down?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           He sort of... rescued me. And...
           he smelled nice.

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           He a fireman who bakes bread?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           I wanted to be kissed so asked if he
           wanted to and he did.

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           Bold. Who is he?

                         KITCHEN

                         
          Perry slides over a plate of French Toast -- with one bite
          out of it. Larry looks up from his Econ. 1 Textbook.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          PERRY

                         
           You're slipping, Larry.

                          (THE TOAST)
           Lady says it's not French Toast as
           she knows it.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           She's insane.

                          PERRY
           Take it up with her.
          Larry heads out of the kitchen.

                         

                          PERRY (CONT'D)
           No shouting, okay? This is a
           family friendly establishment.

                         BOOTH

                         
          Here comes Larry, not yet seeing Mercedes.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Frances Taylor-Briegh. You have a
           problem with your order?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT

           102.

                         

                         
          Knock Larry over with a feather.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Mrs. Tainot.

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH

                          (TO MERCEDES)
           The student of yours!?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           This is Larry Crowne.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           There's no way in creation I screw
           up French Toast.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           It was fine, actually.

                          (THEN)
           I wanted to see if it was really
           you cooking back there. And say,
           howdy. Howdy doody.
          During the following, Frances is trying to get a whiff of
          Larry -- to find out how he smells.

                         

                         

                         

                         

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)

                         
           Ready for the final?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           You'll be the judge of that.
          The is a beat of silence.

                         

           LARRY CROWNE (CONT'D)
           So, your meal is satisfactory?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Absolutely.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Would you let my boss know so I
           don't lose this job?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Yes indeed.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Shall I prepare you another batch?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           No. Thanks.

           103.

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Then I will return to my station..
          Mercedes watches him go.

                         

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           You kissed the cook...

                          (THEN)
           I got a whiff. He smelled like
           bell pepper.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Look at the men in my life.

                          FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH
           Blame it on the booze... and
           collect yourself.

                          (THEN)
           You hoor...

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           That's my problem. I'm a drunken
           hoor.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          KITCHEN FRANCES TAYLOR-BRIEGH

                         
           That ends... right now.

                          (THEN)
           Check please?

                         

                         
          Larry comes back through the door, humiliation wracking his
          face. He tosses the French Toast down the disposal.

                         

                         

          INT. TAINOT TOWNHOME - LATER

          Mercedes and Frances are ATTACKING the house with vacuums,
          cleaners, and fortitude.
          BOOKS on Shakespeare and Shaw go on shelves where Dean's
          tomes used to rest. Computer wires are not even untangled,
          just chucked.

                         KITCHEN

                         
          The cupboard is open. Where there was once booze go coffees
          and teas.
          MUSIC is playing as these girlfriends reconstruct Mercy's
          life...

           104.

                         

                         

          EXT. LARRY CROWNE'S CUL-DE-SAC - NIGHT

          The street is empty. Larry is on his scooter, riding around
          and around and around the block that he will soon leave.
          He can see his NEIGHBORS through the open windows -- KIDS
          bouncing on a couch...A QUARTET OF OLD FOLKS playing cards
          and laughing... a MOVIE playing on a big TV.
          This was Larry's street...

                         

                          CUT TO:

                         

                         SUNRISE

                         

                         

          EXT. TAINOT TOWNHOUSE - MORNING

          Mercedes exits the door, crisp, clean -- like we've never
          seen her in the mornings. See the way she holds, not
          clutches, her Thermo-Cup?

                         

          EXT. LARRY CROWNE'S HOME - MORNING

          He's wearing a zipped up jacket. Kids and dog-walkers pass
          as his scooter starts pronto, he is off...

                         
          The FOR SALE sign on his lawn has an addition: IN ESCROW

                         

          INT. SPEECH 217 - LATER

          On the projected computer screen: A portrait of DISRAELI.

                         
          Dibiasi is giving his speech, but we are hearing Mercedes...

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           What a difference from day one. I
           must be a better teacher than I
           thought.

                          (THEN)
           Dibiasi is nailing it. Calimeris
           stopped up-talking. Lala you can't
           shut up. Mack spoke about
           Australia for three minutes and
           mentioned kangaroos only twice. And
           Larry Crowne...
          Larry is listening to Dibiasi, wearing what was once his
          UniMart polo, with his nametag and everything. Compared to
          the man he is now, that polo looks out of place..

           105.

                         

                         

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           I was tough on him. But he learned
           fast. How he connected the Circle
           of Sales to the expanding universe
           is impressive as hell. I'll never
           forget about the Value Index now.
           He gave a perfect speech.

                          (THEN)
           And... He's polite. Instead of
           fighting me off that night, what
           does he do but kisses me one and
           then all but tucks me in. What kind
           of guy does that to a loopy tramp
           like me? He could have ravaged me.
           I misread this guy and if I had a
           brain I'd find a way to steal him
           away from that cutie pie and keep
           him for myself. I wonder if he'd
           like that, if he would... What did
           I just say?

                          (THEN)
           What did I just say about Larry
           Crowne?
          The class has stopped. It seems that Mercedes just said that
          last bit out loud and everyone heard it. The women eye each
          other. The men stifle laughs.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          DIBIASI

                         
           Nothing. And I was just wrapping
           up here.

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           I'm so sorry. Please go on.

                          DIBIASI
           Larry? It okay if I get to my
           climax and denouement?
          Larry nods.

                         

                          DIBIASI (CONT'D)
           Thank you... If it was the romance
           novelist in him that made Victoria
           the Queen become such a pal, chalk
           it up as another brick in the
           legacy of Ben Disraeli -- Earl of
           Beaconsfield - Educator - and Prime
           Minister of Great Britain. Not bad
           for a Jewish guy, huh?
          Dibiasi is done. Applause.

           106.

                         

                         

                          PINEDO
           Not so much as a bump, Nomad!
           Why'd you go last?

                          DIBIASI
           Fourth quarter dramatics.

                          (THEN)
           Not that it mattered to my Speech
           professor...

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Congratulations all of you.

                          MACK
           Who's the MVP, Mrs. Tainot? Can we
           vote?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Not me, I have to stay objective.

                          MACK
           I say... Lala!
          They all say Lala! It's unanimous! They start chanting her
          name. "La la! La la! La la!" -- embarrassing her.
          Larry sits her down in her chair and gets the other guys to
          pick her up like she's the bride at a wedding.

                         

                         

                         

                         
          It's a spontaneous party that Mercedes has to back out of.

                         
          As she leaves, she looks back long enough to see Larry Crowne
          leading a parade around the room.

                         

                         

          INT. ECON. 1 - LATER

          Everyone is taking the final.

                         
          Dr. Matsutani. Looking around the class. Using his hands
          like a pair of binoculars.
          Lala is using a thesaurus and dictionary to polish answers.

                         
          Larry is finished. He walks up to Dr. M. and hands in his
          Blue Book.

           DR. MATSUTANI
           The first to finish. No surprise.
          Dr. Matsutani hands Larry his confiscated phone. Larry
          leaves.

           107.

                         

                         

          INT. LARRY CROWNE'S HOME - KITCHEN

          The final utensils are going into a box. Larry is doing this
          part himself.
          He sits for a moment -- in the breakfast nook -- surveying
          his kitchen, what was once his.
          Mack comes in with a box of his LP's.

                         

                          MACK
           This is the last of them. Damn,
           you have a lot of records.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Priceless at a buck apiece.

                         

                         

          EXT. LARRY CROWNE'S HOME - LATER

          His furnishings are out on the lawn. Lamarr and Patience are
          looking them over. Mack and Dibiasi are putting the last of
          his things into Mack's huge SUV and Larry's car.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          PATIENCE

                         
           A two-bedroom apartment and you
           don't have room for your furniture?

                          LAMARR
           Selling this futon-sofabed? All
           those years across the street and
           you've learned nothing.

                          (THEN)
           What's the minimum you'll take for
           this stuff?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           You'll get me top price.

                          LAMARR
           You did learn.

                          DIBIASI
           Pizza at last!

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Here's lunch as promised!
          The BIG STORK PIZZA GUY pulls up in a different car but the
          same sign.

           LARRY CROWNE (CONT'D)

           108.

                         

                         

                          STRANG
           Son of a cock. Larry Crowne.
          The Pizza guy is none other than Jack Strang.

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Jack Strang. Wow. This is irony.

                          STRANG
           Two extra large. One Salad Bucket.
           Box of Frosty Cinnamon Eggs. Sixteen-
           fifty.
          Larry hands him the coupon and a Twenty.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Jack. I need two bucks back.
           Times are tough.

                          STRANG
           Tell me about it.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Ah. Forget it. Keep the change.

                         

                         

                         

                         
          Strang leaves. Larry watches him go.
          him. It almost was.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          STRANG

                         
           I appreciate it.
           That could have been

                         

                         

                         

          INT. PERRY'S COFFEE SHOP - LATER

          Raul and Perry are talking when they see Mercedes Tainot
          enter.

                          RAUL
           My next wife just walked in.
          Perry looks.

                         

                          PERRY
           I love this business sometimes.

                          (GREETING MERCEDES)
           Something told me you'd be back.
           Is Larry Crowne working today?

                         KITCHEN

                         
          Larry is arranging his station.

           109.

                         

                         

                          PERRY
           Larry, your Speech 217 teacher has a
           question about the menu.
          Larry can see her. She looks gorgeous.

                          RAUL
           Go ahead. I'll take the window
           even though I'm the boss of the
           whole kitchen.

          BOOTH - LARRY'S HQ - LATER

                         
          Mercedes is having coffee.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           There's Larry Crowne. Are you
           allowed to sit?

                          (HE DOES)
           Where does Perry get his coffee?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I add chicory and a bit of vanilla.
           Trick I picked up in the Navy.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT

                         
           You're probably wondering why I
           stopped by. Well, it's to tell you
           your grade for Speech 217. You
           killed on the final and have an A.
           Way to go!
          She offers him a Terrorist Fist Bump. With the hand that no
          longer has a wedding ring on it...

           MERCEDES TAINOT (CONT'D)
           Actually, everybody got an A, but
           you got the special A where I tell
           you in person.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Didn't expect that. Thanks, Mrs.
           Tainot.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Class is out. Call me Mercedes.
           Or Mercy, for short.

                          (THEN)
           So. Just wanted to congratulate
           you. Your girlfriend will be
           thrilled.

                          LARRY CROWNE

           110.

                         

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           No. I meant the... never mind.

                          (THEN)
           Which classes are you going to ace
           next term?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           This has turned into a full time
           gig. Out of necessity.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           I hope you continue your education.
           Back at East City. You've made
           such a good start.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I'll have to see.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           I got Speech 217 moved to 10 AM,
           thank God. Who knows what I'll
           hear with the extra sleep.

                          LARRY CROWNE

                         

                         

                         

                         
           My first class in college ever.

                         
           And I get an A. Gotta be the
           teacher.
          They look at each other.

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Should get going.

                          (THEN)
           You don't know anything about car
           devices, do you?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Cars not much. Devices some.
          They rise.

                         

                         

          EXT. PERRY'S COFFEE SHOP - PARKING LOT - SAME

          Mercy is opening her door, starting her car.

                         

                          GPS VOICE
           Please enter your destination.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Oh be quiet.
          That's a MapGenie.

           111.

                         

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           It is Hellspawn.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           In my old job, I'd have steered you
           to a Vortex unit. The MapGenie
           interface is clumsy and the menu
           needs too many inputs.
          He is reaching into the car, across her to tap the unit.

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           It was working fine. Then I think
           I pressed too many buttons.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           Ah. The Auto On Feature is
           engaged. Menu. Select. Features.
           Auto Voice. Select. Change? Yes.
           On. Off. Done? Yes. Save. Back.
           Back. Back. Exit.
          While he was doing that, Mercedes was smelling what she could
          of Larry. She liked it. She looked at his neck, his ears.
          And smelled him.

                         

                         

                         

                         

           LARRY CROWNE (CONT'D)

                         
           How long was this broken?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Seemed like years and years.

                          LARRY CROWNE
           All better now. Should be able to
           find your way.
          Nothing to do now but say goodbye.

                         
          They hear a pounding.

                         
          Raul is at the window inside the cafe, signaling the break is
          over.

           LARRY CROWNE (CONT'D)
           My Boss. Back to work.

                          (THEN)
           Thanks for the good news...

                         

          INT. PERRY'S COFFEE SHOP - SAME

          Perry greets him at the door.

           112.

                         

                         

                          PERRY
           Kimosabe, holding off til after
           school to woo the teacher is the
           move of a class act.
          Larry turns to watch Mercedes drive away.

                         

                         

          EXT. E.C.C.C. PARKING LOT - MORNING

          The sign says "New Term Beginning! $20 a unit! Ask about
          Financial Aid!"
          Did you notice? The cost of an education just went up...

                         

                         

          INT. PORTABLE CLASSROOM - DAY

          Mercedes has just written "Care" next to "Welcome to
          Shakespeare!!" up on the board. She turns. And does a quick
          head count.
          Only 6 students are enrolled. She's going to lose this one,
          again.
          Clumps up the wooden steps are heard...

                         
          Calimeris, Mack, Pinedo, and Dibiasi come tramping in. Twelve

                         

                         

                         

                         
          students now.

                          DIBIASI
           (on his phone)
           I gotta get off, Baby, or I'm in
           hot water with Professor Tai-bo...
          Mercy does a Shakespearean dance of joy.

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Is Larry with you?

                          CALIMERIS
           Um, no. Should we track him down
           and drag him in here?
          Mercedes does her best to hide her disappointment.

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           I... Seeing you all... I just
           thought...

                          (THEN)
           Choose a seat and lets get started!
          The four smile at each other...

           113.

                         

                         

                          PINEDO
           Carrying a torch for Larry til it
           burns her hands...

                         

          EXT. E.C.C.C. CAMPUS - LATER

          Mercedes is walking to another building, another class.

                         
          She may not realize it, but she is looking for Larry Crowne.
          Busik is busy chatting her up. Seriously chatting her up.

                          BUSIK
           All the excitement of first day of
           term, I don't want to go back to my
           empty apartment. Do you? I need a
           drink and some talk and some wind-
           down time. Don't you?

           DR. MATSUTANI (O.C.)
           Ms. Tainot?
          She turns.

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT

                         
           Dr. M.

           DR. MATSUTANI
           Larry Crowne is taking six units
           from me, devouring the material
           like a starving man.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Larry's enrolled?

           DR. MATSUTANI
           He's continuing his education and
           tells me it is because of you.
           That your class changed his life.
          Mercedes finds herself smiling -- beaming...

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Larry said that about me?

                          BUSIK
           Oh yeah! I put that guy in your
           class. So technically, I changed
           his life.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           He is a good student

           114.

                         

                         

           DR. MATSUTANI
           And handy on a scooter.

                          (THEN)
           Is there any chance you would
           consider having drinks with an
           older faculty peer who holds a PhD
           in Economics?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Well, no. No offense Dr. M.

           DR. MATSUTANI
           The rumor is you are newly single
           and I was just taking a shot.
          Mercy looks right at Busik.

                         

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           News travels fast.
          Busik pretends he knows nothing...

                         

                          BUSIK
           If you're going out, I'm not doing

                         

                         

                         

                         
           anything.

                         

           DR. MATSUTANI
           Have you ever been to Hooters?

                          BUSIK
           For the spicy wings, yes!

                         

                         

          EXT. E.C.C.C. TEACHERS' PARKING LOT - LATER

          There is a note on Mercy's car. She takes it.

                         
          "To test your MapGenie: 4225 Harbor Blvd. 2nd floor. An 'A'
          student."
          Her breath catches in her heart...

                         

                         

          EXT. MERCEDES' CAR - LATER

          Mercedes is driving.

                         

                          GPS VOICE
           Right Turn.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Got it Turning right

           115.

                         

                         

                          GPS VOICE
           Your destination is ahead on the
           right.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           It is? That was a breeze. Thank
           you.

                         

                         

          EXT. TALIA'S NEW STORE - SAME

          Open for business with bunting and everything. Talia is
          eating take out sushi and reading the soy sauce packet. She
          is tying to check out her ass-crack tattoo to see if it
          really does say 'Soy Sauce'.
          Mercedes has arrived. Talia sees her and comes out.

                         
          Lamarr is around. Patience, too.

                         
          We might notice that Dell Gordo and Larry now dress exactly
          alike, as we've seen the same jacket once on Lance Corona.

                          TALIA

                         

                         

                         

                         
           I love that blouse with that skirt

                         
           but I'd show more leg if I were
           you.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           I'm Mercy Tainot

                          TALIA
           Bambi Romp in the Glen. Looking
           for Lance?

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           4225 Harbor?

                          TALIA
           This is 4227.

                          (POINTING)
           4225. You'll see the stairs.
          The tattoo parlor. Larry's scooter is right in front. As she
          goes.

                          TALIA (CONT'D)
           Little higher heels'll get you wolf
           whistles.

           116.

                         

                         

          EXT. TATTOO PARLOR - STAIRS TO UPPER FLOOR

          Music is playing. A nice view is revealed as Mercy arrives on
          a nice little porch. On a little table sits a potted plant.
          In the potted plant is an Altoids tin.
          Mercy gives it a rattle. In the tin, a brand new key.

                         
          Mercy takes the key. Slides it into the lock and slowly
          opens the door.
          The music gets louder. She can't see much into the tiny
          flat, but she can make out...
          Larry, arranging the last of his stuff.
          Mercy stands at the door until he sees her.

                         
          When he does, he says nothing. But steps to her and smells
          her - her neck, her hair.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           Did you tell Ed Matsutani taking my
           class changed your life?

                         

                         

                         

                         

                          LARRY CROWNE

                         
           Yes.

                          MERCEDES TAINOT
           How?

                          LARRY CROWNE
           I met you.
          That's it.

                         
          They kiss. Damn fine whammy kiss.

                         

                         

          INT. LARRY CROWNE'S APARTMENT - KITCHEN

          No larger than the nook of his old house. Breakfast is being
          served.
          The most beautiful woman ever to wear a bathrobe has made
          French Toast and is settling into the Breakfast Nook.
          Larry Crowne has his hair all on one side of his head -- post-
          Afternoon-Of-Amok-Loving. His arm shows a Navy tattoo that
          may be old or new...
          Mercy Tainot glows in and out. She slides next to him, close
          to him The meal is perfect

           117.

                         

                         

           EXT. HARBOR BLVD. - LATER

           Mercy is still in her robe, riding on Larry's scooter, back
           and forth in front of the Parlor and Talia's store.
           Larry is having coffee, sitting on the steps, watching her
           ride back and forth.
           She is getting good.

                         
           Talia and the gang spill out of the store to watch her.

           Hoots and laughter.
           Larry uses his robe as a matador's cape, Mercy as the bull.
           As she passes under his flaring cape...

                          THE END



Larry Crowne



Writers :   Tom Hanks
Genres :   Comedy  Drama  Romance


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