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ALL SCRIPTS





   Serial Mom, by John Waters



   








                             SERIAL MOM

                                 by

                            John Waters






                                   Second Draft:  July 22, 1992









1.     Film opens with prologue title: "This is a true
       story.  The screenplay is based on court testimony,
       sworn declarations, and hundreds of interviews
       conducted by the film-makers".  Fade out.

       Fade in to second prologue title: "Some of the
       innocent characters' names have been changed in the
       interests of a larger truth".  Fade out.

       Fade in to final prologue title:  "No one involved
       in the crimes received any form of financial
       compensation".  Fade out.

2.     Establishing shot of upper-middle class suburban home.
       We hear on the soundtrack the daily morning chatter
       of a family rushing to get to work and school.

       Subtitle appears:  "2815 Calverton Court.  The
       Sutphin Family".  Fade out.

       Second subtitle fades in:  "Friday, September 18th,
       1992.  7:08am".  Fade out.

3.     Interior cheery, bright SUTPHIN kitchen.  CREDITS
       BEGIN.

       MOM, BEVERLY, a trim, fortyish, pretty Betty Crocker
       of the 90's, grabs the toast as it pops up and
       butters it. She waves cheerfully out the kitchen
       window to the passing GARBAGEMEN on the back of a
       Baltimore County garbage truck and then turns to her
       husband and children and expertly begins to serve
       breakfast.

       DAD, EUGENE, the ultimate nice guy and a dentist by
       trade, divides the morning paper up between himself
       and son CHIP, a cute semi-hip kid who is still in
       high-school.  Daughter, MISTY, a pretty and slightly
       overweight college student, frantically prices the
       junk she plans on selling at the flea market after
       classes while gulping down a light breakfast.

                            MOM
                  Who wants fruit salad?

                            MISTY
                  I do, please.

                            MOM
                       (Hesitating)
                  That's not gum in your mouth,
                  is it?

                            MISTY
                       (Removing it)
                  It's sugarless.

                            MOM
                       (Gently)
                  You know how I hate gum,
                  Misty.  All that chomping
                  and cheesing...
                       (Begins serving her)

                            MISTY
                  Sorry, Mom.  Thanks.
                   (To her brother, as she
                    prices a record album)
                  Hey, Chip, think I could get
                  50c for Vanilla Ice.

                            CHIP
                  I wouldn't give ya a nickle.

                            MISTY
                          (Dreamily)
                  Carl can't believe how much I
                  make at swap meets.

                            MOM
                  (Rolling her eyes good-naturedly)
                  And who may I ask is Carl?

                            MISTY
                  Just a boy.  He's picking me up
                  this morning.

                            CHIP
                  Here we go again.

                            MISTY
                  He's really cute!

                            MOM
                    (Watching the cute little
                     birds nibbling seed from
                     the bird-feeder in kitchen
                     window)
                  Cute is not enough, Misty.
                  You know that.

                            CHIP
                  She sure can pick 'em!

                            MISTY
                       (Exasperated)
                  He goes to college with me!

                            DAD
                  Leave her alone, Chip.
                       (To MOM)
                  I think it's great she has a
                  new beau, Beverly.

       MOM smiles kindly, picks up a box of cereal in each
       hand and turns to the family.

                            MOM
                  Cereal anybody?

       Title "SERIAL MOM" appears on the screen.

                            DAD
                  Just a little, please.  Bad
                  for the teeth.

                            CHIP
                  Always the dentist.

                            MOM
                  Chip, honey?

                            CHIP
                  Thanks, Mom.

       As MOM serves the cereal, she spots a lone fly as it
       lands on the butter dish.  Without letting on to her
       family, she grabs a flyswatter and begins stalking
       the fly with a terrifying intensity, its buzzing
       enough to make MOM's head explode.

                            DAD
                       (Reading paper)
                  Look at this!
                  (Reading out loud in disgust)
                  "Hillside Strangler gets his
                  college degree in prison!"

                            MOM
                  (Preoccupied, stalking fly)
                  That's nice.

                            DAD
                  Nice?!  He should have been
                  executed!

                            MISTY
                  He killed people, Mom.

                            MOM
                       (To herself)
                  We all have bad nights.
                  (Gets ready to swat, but fly
                   buzzes off)

                            CHIP
                       (To MISTY)
                  You'd probably date him!
                       (Mimicking her)
                  He's cu-uuute!  Hey, Dad, did
                  you ever see "Henry, Portrait of
                  a Serial Killer?"

                            DAD
                  I certainly did not.

                            MISTY
                  You've been working in that
                  video shop too long.

                            DAD
                  And all that gore better hadn't be
                  interfering with your schoolwork.

       MOM stalks fly as it lands on CHIP's toast as the
       rest of the family remains oblivious to MOM's
       building anger.

                            CHIP
                  I do great in school, Dad.
                  (Eats toast as fly buzzes off)

       A sickened and rage-filled MOM stalks the fly to
       DAD's orange juice glass where it secretes on the
       rim in closeup.

                            DAD
                  Well, your mother's going to PTA
                  today.  We'll see what your
                  teacher has to say.
                  (Takes a big gulp as fly buzzes away)

                            CHIP
                  (Giving a pleading look to MOM as
                   the buzzing of the fly builds in
                   intensity on the soundtrack)
                  Aw, Mom!  I hate Mr. Stubbins!

                            MOM
                  (Moving in for the kill, hissing
                   the words in a rage)
                  Don't say the word "hate", honey.
                  "Hate" is a very serious word!

       MOM swats violently and we see fly splat in bloody
       closeup. ("Directed by John Waters" credit appears).

       Family is suddenly silent as they uneasily look up
       in surprise at MOM's ferocious attack.

       MOM quickly wipes up squashed fly and smiles back at
       her family.

                            MOM
                  There.  All better.
                       (Suddenly all innocence)
                  Anybody for scrambled eggs?

       END OF CREDITS.

       A loud banging is heard on the back door.  MOM jumps up
       guiltily.

                            DAD
                  (Getting up from table)
                  Who on earth...?

       MOM opens door to two police detectives in plain
       clothes.  DETECTIVE MOORE is younger and more rugged
       than the older more world-weary DETECTIVE BRADFORD.

                            DET. MOORE
                  Mrs. Sutphin?

                            MOM
                       (Nervously)
                  Yes?

                            DET. MOORE
                       (Shows badge)
                  I'm Detective Moore and this
                  is Detective Bradford.

       Subtitle appears "7:26am" and then fades out.

                            DAD
                       (Taking over)
                  I'm Dr. Eugene Sutphin.  What's
                  the trouble, officer?

                            CHIP
                       (Excitedly)
                  Is there a killer loose?

                            DET. MOORE
                  No son, nothing that exciting.

                            MOM
                  This is my son, Chip...and my
                  daughter, Misty.

                            MISTY
                  (Inappropriately making eyes
                   at the younger cop)
                  Hi!

                            CHIP
                    (Seeing MISTY flirting)
                  Jeeezzz!

                            MOM
                  Det. Bradford, I'm sorry but
                  we don't allow gum chewing
                  in this house.
                     (Hands him a paper napkin)

                            DET. BRADFORD
                     (Spitting his gum into
                      paper napkin)
                  Sorry, ma'am.
                   (To MOM and DAD, taking out
                    an envelope)
                  We're investigating obscene
                  phone calls and mail threats to
                  a certain Mrs. Dottie Hinkle.

                            MOM
                  I know Dottie!

                            DAD
                  She lives right down the street.

                            DET. BRADFORD
                  Could you take a look at this...

                            DET. MOORE
                  ...And tell us of anybody who
                  might be responsible?

                            DET. BRADFORD
                  (As he hands note to MOM and DAD)
                  I should warn you...this note
                  contains LANGUAGE.

       MOM and DAD open note.  In cut-out letters from a
       magazine it reads:  "I'LL GET YOU PUSSY FACE!"

                            MOM
                       (Recoiling)
                  Oh God, really!
                   (Hands it back to cop)
                  This is the limit!

                            CHIP
                  Let me see!

                            DAD
                  Sorry, son.
                       (In disgust)
                  This is a matter for adults.

                            MOM
                  Officers, I've never said the
                  P-word out loud, much less
                  written it down!

                            DAD
                  No woman would!

                            MOM
                    (Seeing cute little bird
                     land on window feeder)
                  Look officers!  Life doesn't
                  have to be ugly.
                       (In baby-talk)
                  See the little birdie?  Listen
                  to his call.
                    (Imitating bird call)
                  Peter Pan!  Peter Pan!  Peter Pan!

       CHIP and MISTY roll their eyes in embarrassment as
       bird calls back to MOM.

                            BIRD
                  Peter Pan!  Peter Pan!  Peter Pan!

       DAD smiles proudly as detectives look at MOM in
       amazement.

4.     EXTERIOR SUTPHIN HOUSE.

       A convertible pulls into driveway driven by CHIP's
       best friend, SCOTTY BARNHILL, a handsome but sullen
       red-necky teen.  Next to him is CHIP's girlfriend,
       BIRDIE STUART, a sexy tom-boy with lots of savvy.

       Subtitle appears:  "7:41am" and then fades out.

5.     INTERIOR SUTPHIN KITCHEN.

                            MOM
                  Chip, your ride is here.

                            DAD
                     (Looking at his watch)
                  Hey, I'm late for work.
                  Bye, honey.
                     (Kisses MOM goodbye)

6.     EXTERIOR SUTPHIN HOUSE.

       All exit.

                            DET. MOORE
                  Thanks for your time, everybody.

                            MISTY
                         (Sighing)
                  Bye, Detective Moore.

                            BIRDIE
                   (Leaping out of convertible)
                  Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Sutphin.

                            DAD
                    (To cops, getting into his car)
                  That's Birdie.  She's a horror nut
                  just like my son.

                            MOM
                        (Fondly)
                  Good morning, Birdie.  This is
                  Detectives Moore and Bradford.

                            BIRDIE
                   (Overdramatic, feigning horror)
                  I didn't do it!  I swear!  Don't
                  lock me up!  I'll take a lie detector!
                       (Kisses CHIP)
                       (Good-naturedly to COPS)
                  Hi ya, boys!

                            MOM
                   (Sarcastically to a sullen
                    SCOTTY in car)
                  Good morning Scotty!

       SCOTTY guiltily looks up from vintage Betty Page
       pin-up mag he's reading and toots horn defiantly in
       response as MOM grits her teeth.

                            BIRDIE
                  Hey Misty, look what I got!
                   (Pulling it out of bag)
                  A Pee Wee Herman Doll.  Can you
                  sell it for me at the flea market?

                            MISTY
                       (Impressed)
                  Wow!  Still in the box!  I sure can!
                   (Looks up and sees a Trans Am
                    speeding towards the house)
                  Oh God, here comes Carl!

       DAD pulls off in his car and almost collides with
       CARL as he aggressively manoeuvres his car up the
       driveway.

       CARL PADGETT, a handsome jock climbs out of his car.

                            CARL
                         (To MOM)
                  You must be Mrs. Sutphin.
                  I'm Carl Padgett.

                            MOM
                  Misty's date...

                            CARL
                  More of a friend really...

       MISTY looks hurt.

                            MISTY
                         (To CARL)
                  See what Birdie gave me to
                  sell at the flea market?

                            CARL
                       (Sneering at Pee-Wee)
                  That guy's a weirdo.

       MOM'S smile freezes on her face as CHIP and BIRDIE
       hop in SCOTTY's convertible.

                            MOM
                   (Pointing to SCOTTY and
                    calling out to COPS as they
                    get into their car)
                  Now there's something you should
                  be interested in, detectives.  A
                  grown boy who doesn't wear his
                  seat belts!

       SCOTTY gives MOM a hateful look and peels out.

7.     DISSOLVE TO SUBURBAN STREET.  DET. MOORE and DET.
       BRADFORD sit in their unmarked police car, drinking
       coffee and filling out police reports.

                            DET. BRADFORD
                     (Once again chewing gum)
                  Christ, that one was Beaver
                  Cleaver's mother.
                       (Imitating her)
                  Peter Pan!  Peter Pan!  Peter Pan!

                            DET. MOORE
                       (Good-naturedly)
                  Oh, leave her alone.  Mrs. Sutphin's
                  about as normal and nice a lady
                  we're ever going to find.

8.     INTERIOR BEVERLY AND EUGENE SUTPHIN'S BEDROOM.

       MOM is sitting on bed, dialing phone with a
       determined expression on her face.

       Subtitle appears: "9:37am" and fades out.

       In split screen, DOTTIE HINKLE, the harrassed middle
       aged neighbor, looks at her ringing phone in her
       living room with suspicion and finally answers.

                            DOTTIE
                           (Angrily)
                  Hello.

                            MOM
                       (Speaking in disguised voice)
                  Is this the Cocksucker residence?

                            DOTTIE
                       (Rising to the bait
                         every time)
                  Goddamn you!  STOP CALLING HERE!

                            MOM
                  Isn't this 4215 Pussy Way?

                            DOTTIE
                           (Furious)
                  You bitch!

                            MOM
                  Let me check the zip - 212 Fuck you?

                            DOTTIE
                  The police are tracing your call
                  right this minute.

                            MOM
                  Well, Dottie, how come they're
                  not here then, Fuck-Face?

                            DOTTIE
                       (Red with rage)
                  FUCK YOU!
                       (Slams down phone)

       MOM giggles to herself like a little kid and
       immediately redials the phone.

9.     EXTERIOR SUTPHIN HOUSE.  BACK DOOR.

       ROSEMARY ACKERMAN, MOM's frumpy, brittle, busy-body
       next door neighbor, is knocking on door, carrying a
       sewing basket.

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                         (Calling out)
                  Beverly?  Beverly darling?
                  You home?
                    (She lets herself in)
                  I know you are...

10.    INTERIOR MOM'S BEDROOM.

       MOM is laughing to herself listening to ringing
       phone while MRS. HINKLE, on split-screen, tries not
       to answer.  Finally she lunges for it.

                            DOTTIE
                       (Answering)
                  FUCK YOU TOO, YOU ROTTEN WHORE!!

                            MOM
                    (Disguising her voice
                       in prim manner)
                  I beg your pardon?

                            DOTTIE
                    (Horrified but suspicious)
                  Who is this?

                            MOM
                  Mrs. Wilson from the telephone
                  company.  I understand you're
                  having problems with obscene calls.

                            DOTTIE
                       (Mortified)
                  Yes, I am...I'm sorry Mrs. Wilson..
                  It's driving me crazy...I've
                  changed my number twice already...
                  Please help me!

11.    INTERIOR SUTPHIN KITCHEN.

       ROSEMARY ACKERMAN walks through kitchen, wipes a
       finger on window ledge to check for dust and calls
       out Beverly's name.

12.    INTERIOR MOM'S BEDROOM.

       MOM doesn't hear MRS. ACKERMAN as she continues her
       phone conversation with MRS. HINKLE.

                            MOM
                   (Still the fake telephone
                    company representative)
                  What exactly does this sick
                  individual say to you?

                            DOTTIE
                  I can't say it out loud.
                  don't use bad language.

13.    INTERIOR MOM'S LIVING ROOM.

       MRS. ACKERMAN looks up at huge oil portrait of MOM
       in ornate frame hanging over couch and calls out
       Beverly's name.  Hearing muffled voices behind MOM'S
       closed bedroom door at the top of the steps, MRS.
       ACKERMAN begins to creep up the steps.

14.    INTERIOR MOM'S BEDROOM.

       Split screen with MOM and DOTTIE HINKLE.

                            MOM
                     (Still impersonating)
                  I know it's hard but we need
                  the exact words.

                            DOTTIE
                  Alright, I'll try...
                         (Primly)
                  "Cocksucker".  That's what
                  she calls me.

                            MOM
                   (Laughs hideously, begins
                    speaking in her scary voice)
                  Listen to your dirty mouth, you
                  fucking whore!

                            DOTTIE
                         (Ballistic)
                  GODDAMN YOU!

15.    INTERIOR HALLWAY OUTSIDE MOM'S BEDROOM.

       MRS. ACKERMAN hears muffled shouts and reaches for
       door handle.

16.    INTERIOR BEDROOM.  SPLIT SCREEN BETWEEN MOM AND
       DOTTIE.

                            DOTTIE
                  MOTHERFUCKER!!

                            MOM
                  COCKSUCKER!
                       (Slams down phone)

       MRS. ACKERMAN barges right in bedroom, almost
       catching MOM who expertly snaps back to normal
       without missing a beat.

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                  Beverly, are you alright?

                            MOM
                  Rosemary, honey.  Good morning.
                  I'm fine.
                     (Taking the sewing basket)
                  Thanks for remembering.

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                  It's the least I could do.
                       (Suspicious)
                  I heard shouting.

       MOM opens sewing box to reveal a pair of gleaming
       sewing scissors.

                            MOM
                       (Slamming it shut)
                  Just the damn cable TV company.
                  You know how they are.
                  Did you hear about Dottie Hinkle?

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                  Yes, I did.  It's terrifying!
                  The police were at my house this
                  morning.

                            MOM
                  Who on earth would want to
                  harrass poor Dottie Hinkle?

17.    EXTERIOR DOTTIE HINKLE'S SUBURBAN HOUSE.

       DOTTIE HINKLE, still angry and occasionally cursing
       to herself, digs in her prize flower garden out
       front of her house behind ornamental wishing-well on
       front lawn.  Subtitle appears: "2:15pm" and then
       fades out.

       Cut to MOM, driving happily by in her station wagon
       as she waves to DOTTIE.

       DOTTIE sees MOM, tries to look cheerful and waves
       back.

       Cut back to MOM who looks in her rear view mirror,
       sees she's not being followed and suddenly screeches
       car into a U-turn as MOM's "Psycho Theme" plays on
       soundtrack

       MOM's face turns to stone as ripple flashback
       effects dissolve to that fateful day in the mall
       when MOM pulled up to parallel park and DOTTIE
       HINKLE stole her place from behind.

       Ripple effects dissolve to the present as the wheels
       of MOM'S car skid to a stop.  The car door opens and
       MOM's sensible shoes step out as "Mom Psycho Theme"
       builds.

       MOM closes car door quietly, watches DOTTIE HINKLE
       up the street undetected and then takes the scissors
       from her purse and hides them up her sleeve.

       As MOM sneaks up street towards DOTTIE, intercut are
       obsessional flashbacks of details of the traumatic
       parking place incident;  MOM'S POV of DOTTIE pulling
       into space, DOTTIE'S maddening nonchalance as she
       snottily gets out of her car and trots right past
       MOM without the slightest apology, MOM'S sputtering
       face paralyzed with anger when she realizes there is
       nowhere else to park.

       Back in the present, MOM starts walking faster and
       faster as she sees DOTTIE begin to pack up her
       gardening tools to go back inside her house.
         
       Arriving just a second too late as DOTTIE closes the
       door behind her, MOM spots a can of gasoline near
       DOTTIE's lawnmower.  Thinking fast, MOM dumps gas on
       DOTTIE's mail in the mailbox on porch, lights it on
       fire and runs from the flames, happily throwing a
       coin into DOTTIE's wishing well as an afterthought.
         
       MOM walks as fast as possible back to her car, gets
       in and pulls off.  Smiling evily to herself, she
       drives by and sees DOTTIE HINKLE screaming in horror
       and trying to beat the fire out with a broom.

18.    EXTERIOR TOWSON SENIOR HIGH SCHOOL.

       Parking lot is filled and the few last parents are
       entering the building for PTA meeting.  MOM speeds
       into lot and gets out of car.  Subtitle appears:
       "3:O6pm" and fades out.

19.    INTERIOR CLASSROOM.

       MR. STUBBINS, Chip's teacher, is winding down a
       one-on-one meeting with another mother, who is in
       tears.

                            MRS. TAPLOTTER
                  But, Mr. Stubbins, my son
                  studies every night!  He's
                  trying as hard as he can...

                            MR. STUBBINS
                  Some teenagers just aren't college
                  material, Mrs, Taplotter.  It's
                  nothing to cry over.  Now, there
                  are other parents waiting.
                       (Smugly)
                  ...thank you for taking the time
                  to come to PTA.

20.    INTERIOR SCHOOL HALLWAY.  OUTSIDE MR. STUBBINS'
       CLASSROOM.

       Parents are seated in folding chairs waiting to be
       called in to conference.  MOM comes rushing down
       corridor and other parents greet her.

                            MRS. STERNER
                  Hi, Beverly.

                            MOM
                  Hi, Betty.  Oh, I love your
                  outfit.

                            MRS. STERNER
                  Thanks.
                          (Snobbily)
                  It's a Liz Claiborne.

                            MR. STERNER
                  Mrs. Sutphin, where's that
                  husband of yours?
                   (Making a bad dental joke
                    and pointing to his teeth)
                  Feeling "down in the mouth"?!
                  Hohohohohoho!

                            MOM
                    (Smiling through her teeth)
                  You're soooo funny, Ralph...

       MR. STUBBINS leans his head out of classroom and
       looks at roll book as MRS. TAPLOTTER leaves, dabbing
       her tears with a handkerchief.

                            MR. STUEBINS
                  Mrs...Sutphin?

                            MOM
                       (Excited)
                  Right here!

       MOM goes in classroom with him.

21.    INTERIOR CLASSROOM.

                            MR. STUBBINS
                  Mrs. Sutphin, I'm Paul Stubbins,
                  Chip's math teacher.

                            MOM
                       (Shaking hands)
                  Nice to meet you, Mr. Stubbins.
                       (Handing him a tin)
                  A little something I baked.

                            MR. STUBBINS
                       (Peeking inside)
                  Oooohh!  A fruit cake.  Thank
                  you, Mrs. Sutphin.  Have a seat.

                            MOM
                  Bon Appetit!

       They sit on opposite sides of his desk.

                            MR. STUBBINS
                  Chip is off to a fine start
                  this year.
                       (Checking his roll book)
                  Focused...conscientious...
                  participates actively in
                  classroom discussion.

                            MOM
                       (Proudly)
                  He's a good boy.

                            MR. STUBBINS
                       (Suddenly serious)
                  There is one big problem though.

       MOM'S smile freezes on her face ever so subtly

                            MOM
                  What is it, Mr. Stubbins?

                            MR. STUBBINS
                       (Spitting out the words)
                  His unhealthy obsession with
                  sick horror films.

                            MOM
                       (Relieved)
                  He is assistant manager of a
                  video shop...

                            MR. STUBBINS
                       (Cutting her off)
                  That's no excuse for a morbid
                  imagination.  I caught him
                  drawing this in class last week.
                   (Unfolds lurid drawing of woman
                    getting her tongue pulled out
                    with the title, "Blood Feast")
                  Is there a problem at home?

                            MOM
                       (Shocked)
                  Certainly not!

                            MR. STUBBINS
                  Divorce?  An alcoholic relative?
                       (Knowingly)
                  Tell me, did Chip torture animals
                  when he was young?

                            MOM
                       (Furious)
                  No, he did not! We are a loving
                  supportive family, Mr. Stubbins.

                            MR. STUBBINS
                  Well, you're doing something
                  wrong, Mrs. Sutphin.  I'd
                  recommend therapy for your son.
                       (Rising from his chair)
                  Thank you for taking the time
                  to come to PTA.

22.    WIPE TO EXTERIOR HIGH SCHOOL PARKING LOT.

       MOM sits behind wheel of station wagon wearing a
       scary smile.  Subtitle appears: "3:32pm" and fades
       out.

       MOM sees MR. STUBBINS exit school carrying her tin
       of fruit cake.  "Mom's Psycho Theme" starts on
       soundtrack and she puts her car in gear.

       Closeup of wheels of MOM's car beginning to creep
       forward

       MOM waves innocently to other parents as she stalks
       MR. STUBBINS to his car in isolated faculty parking
       lot.

       A trashy teen girl, LU-ANN, sneaks a joint behind a
       bush unnoticed.

       Shot of MOM's face staring at MR. STUBBINS in
       vengeance.

       Over the shoulder shot of MR. STUBBINS walking
       directly in MOM's path.

       Closeup of MR. STUBBINS looking up and seeing MOM.
       He takes a stick of gum from his pocket, unwraps it,
       and pops it in his mouth.

       MOM's face turns to stone at the last straw of
       seeing MR. STUBBINS chewing gum.

       MOM's POV of MR. STUBBINS waving to her.

       Shot of accelerator being floored by MOM.

       Shot of MOM's car peeling out headed straight for
       MR. STUBBINS.

       MOM's POV of MR. STUBBINS' suddenly terrified
       expression.

       MR. STUBBINS' POV of MOM'S car speeding at him.

       MOM's car hits MR. STUBBINS and sends him flying up
       on car hood.

       Shot of fruit cake tin hitting ground and rolling.

       LU-ANN, the trashy teen girl screams in horror.
       MOM turns on windshield wipers to wipe away blood
       but they only smear the blood worse.

       MOM hits windshield wiper fluid button.

       MR. STUBBINS' POV SHOT OF MOM's insanely happy face
       through bloodied water.

       Suddenly MR. STUBBINS grabs on to side-view mirror
       and attempts to grab MOM through side window.

       LU-ANN watches in horrified amazement and throws
       down joint like it's a hot coal.

       MOM starts swerving car but MR. STUBBINS holds on
       for dear life, grabbing at MOM, pulling her hair.

       MOM struggles and bites his hand like a snapping
       turtle.

       Shot of sign "SLOW-SPEED BUMPS".

       MOM hits speed bump and MR. STUBBINS flies over roof
       and lands in a heap behind her.

       MOM screeches to a stop.

       MOM's POV, through rearview mirror of MR. STUBBINS,
       still alive, struggling to his knees.

       MOM smiles sweetly.

       Closeup of automatic gear shift being thrown into
       reverse.

       MOM's car backs up swerving in speed towards MR.
       STUBBINS.

       Low-level MR. STUBBINS' POV of rear of car coming at
       him.

       MOM'S POV of MR. STUBBINS' desperate struggle to get
       out of her path.

       Car runs directly over him - THUHP - and chewed up
       wad of gum flies out of MR. STUBBINS' mouth.

       MOM smiles to herself.

       LU-ANN, the only eye-witness, runs away in fear.

       MOM peels out and once in main parking lot resumes
       waving innocently to other parents as she flees.

       MOM swerves car into car wash.

23.    INTERIOR CHIP'S BEDROOM.

       On CHIP's large video screen plays the ridiculously
       dated but still appalling scene from "BLOOD FEAST"
       where the madman with the corny, madeup eyebrows
       rips a girl's tongue out of her mouth in hokey
       special effects.

       Subtitle reads "4:22pm" and fades out.

       CHIP and BIRDIE are hooting and hollering and eating
       popcorn as SCOTTY looks up from his vintage
       nudist-camp magazine to watch in real horror and
       nausea.

                            BIRDIE
                  It's a sheep's tongue!

                            SCOTTY
                  Man, I just ate.  Turn it off.

                            CHIP
                  Rewind it!  Let's see it again!

                            SCOTTY
                  No!  That shit is sickening!
                  Put on pussy!

                            BIRDIE
                       (Torturing SCOTTY)
                  Look, Dick-Head!
                       (Gore scene replays)
                  SLOW-MOTION!

       SCOTTY starts to gag and tries to hide it,

                            BIRDIE
                       (Looking at screen)
                  BLOOD FEAST!

                            CHIP
                       (Proudly)
                  The "Citizen Kane" of gore
                  movies.

       SCOTTY looks at gore on video, jumps up to run to
       bathroom, yanks open bedroom door and screams when
       he sees MOM standing there with a plate of chocolate
       chip cookies.

                            MOM
                  I don't know what it is about
                  today, but I FEEL GREAT!

                            SCOTTY
                       (Gagging)
                  Excuse me, Mrs. Sutphin.

       He runs past her to the bathroom.

                            CHIP
                  Hi, Mom.

                            BIRDIE
                  Hi, Mrs. Sutphin.

       MOM looks at TV monitor and sees madman taking out
       heart of girl.  MOM smiles inappropriately.

                            MOM
                       (Giggles)
                  You kids.  Now Birdie, I want
                  you to have a cookie and then
                  run along home.

                            CHIP
                  But Mom, the video's not over.

                            MOM
                  No "but mom" for you, young man.
                  Mr. Stubbins seems to think these
                  silly movies are interfering with
                  your studies.
                   (Turns off video with remote)

                            BIRDIE
                       (Rolling her eyes)
                  Oh, boy!
                       (Getting ready to leave)

                            CHIP
                  Mom, Mr. Stubbins is a nimrod!

       SCOTTY comes back in room feeling better.

                            SCOTTY
                  Man, that one made me puke!

                            MOM
                   (Picking up SCOTTY's nudist
                    camp magazine and handing it
                    back to him like it's poison)
                  You forgot something...

                            SCOTTY
                       (Looking around confused)
                  Are we leaving?

                            MOM
                  Yes you are.

       SCOTTY guiltily takes back magazine as BIRDIE drags
       him out.

                            BIRDIE
                  Bye, Mrs, Sutphin.

                            CHIP
                       (Affectionately)
                  Bye, bird-brain,  See ya, Scotty.

                            MOM
                  Bye, Birdie.
                   (Sitting down next to CHIP
                       on his bed)
                  Chip, honey...I know it's hard
                  being a teenager but I understand..
                  I'm your mother and I love you.

                            CHIP
                  Oh Mom...

                            MOM
                       (Suddenly his buddy)
                  Can we watch that scene again?
                  You know, where he rips out
                  her heart?
                       (Giggling scarily)
                  PLEEEASE?

       CHIP looks back at his MOM in sudden confusion.

24.    SUTPHIN KITCHEN.

       SPIN-WIPE to tomato sauce topped meatloaf being
       taken out of the oven by MOM.  Subtitle appears
       "6:30pm" and fades out.

25.    SUTPHIN DINING ROOM.

       DAD, MISTY and CHIP sit around dining room table.
       MOM enters with the meatloaf and a smile.

                            MOM
                       (Jokingly)
                  Ladies and gentlemen, the
                  perfect meatloaf!

                            CHIP
                  Looks good, Mom!

                            DAD
                  Nothing like a home cooked
                  meal, honey.

                            MOM
                  Misty, I made your favorite
                  sesame broccoli...
                       (Passes it to her)

                            MISTY
                  Yummy.  Carl says if I lose
                  ten pounds, he'll take me to
                  the University of Maryland
                  Fall Mixer.

                            MOM
                       (Appalled)
                  Misty, if you want to lose
                  weight go ahead, but do it for
                  yourself, not for some boy you
                  barely know.

                            CHIP
                  Carl's a jerk!

                            DAD
                  He certainly drives like a jerk.

                            MISTY
                       (Getting upset)
                  Carl makes me happy and that
                  threatens this family, doesn't it?

                            DAD
                  Doesn't threaten me, honey.
                  I'm happy.

                            MOM
                  I'm happy too and we want you
                  to be happy.

                            CHIP
                       (Mockingly)
                  I'm so happy I could shit.

                            MOM
                  CHIP!  You know how much I
                  hate the brown word!

       Suddenly a scream from outside is heard.

26.    EXTERIOR SUTPHIN HOUSE.

       ROSEMARY ACKERMAN, the busy-body next door neighbor
       is running across lawn from her house to the
       Sutphins.
         
                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                  Beverly!  Beverly!

27.    INTERIOR SUTPHIN DINING ROOM.

       Family is getting up from table in alarm.

                            MOM
                  That's Rosemary.  Something's
                  wrong!

       CHIP and MISTY look at one another and stick fingers
       down their throats at mention of MRS. ACKERMAN'S
       name.

       ROSEMARY ACKERMAN runs in from kitchen in hysterics.

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                  Turn on the news!
                       (To CHIP)
                  A teacher at your school has
                  been murdered!

                            MISTY
                       (Appalled)
                  Murdered?

                            CHIP
                  Who?

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                  A Mr. Stubber...or Stubbins.

                            CHIP
                       (Horrified)
                  MR. STUBBINS?  That's my
                  math teacher!

28.    INTERIOR SUTPHIN LIVING ROOM.

       DAD runs in and turns on TV as family and MRS.
       ACKERMAN follow and watch under MOM's framed
       portrait on wail.

                            DAD
                  What channel?

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                  It's on all of them!

       Phone rings.  CHIP grabs the receiver.

                            CHIP
                  Hello.

       We see BIRDIE in split screen.

                            BIRDIE
                       (Excited)
                  Did you hear?

                            CHIP
                  What happened?

                            BIRDIE
                  This is so cool! It's just like
                  a horror movie.

       ANNOUNCER comes on TV.

                            CHIP
                  It's on!  I'll call you back!
                       (Hangs up)

                            ANNOUNCER
                  ..Police claim the driver of
                  the hit and run vehicle ran
                  down the teacher in cold blood
                  and then backed up over his
                  body to finish off the job.
                  Mr. Paul Stubbins was
                  thirty-eight years old...

                            DAD
                           (Mad)
                  Whoever did it should get the
                  death penalty!

       MOM yawns absentmindedly.

                            ANNOUNCER
                  ...So far only one eyewitness
                  has surfaced.

       MOM looks up in sudden fear as LU-ANN, the trashy
       pot-smoking girl who witnessed murder appears on
       screen.

                            LUANN
                  It was a blue car...I know that
                  much!

                            CHIP
                  That's Lu-Ann Hodges!

                            MISTY
                  She's a pothead!

                            LUANN
                  ...A blue station wagon...

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                  That's like your car, Beverly,

                            MOM
                     (Glaring at MRS. ACKERMAN)
                  I'm not that bad a driver.
                     (Disapprovingly at TV screen)
                  Look at her hair!
                       (To CHIP)
                  Turn it off, honey.

                            CHIP
                       (He does)
                       (In shock)
                  I can't believe Mr. Stubbins
                  is dead.

                            MISTY
                  You said you hated him.

                            CHIP
                  Well...he was an asshole...
                  but he didn't deserve to die!

29.    SUTPHIN MASTER BEDROOM.

       Wipe to MOM finishing a silent prayer kneeling next
       to bed as DAD reads a spy novel under the covers.
       Subtitle appears: "10:45pm" and fades out.

                            DAD
                    (Putting down his book
                     as MOM climbs in)
                  I can't stop thinking about
                  that poor teacher.
                    (Turning out light on
                     his side of bed)
                  Goodnight, honey.  Don't read
                  late, we've got a big day with
                  the birds tomorrow.

                            MOM
                   (Picking up and leafing through
                    "The Encyclopedia of Birds")
                  I've identified every little
                  birdie we're going to watch
                  tomorrow on the Eastern Shore.

       We see that underneath the cover of the bird book,
       MOM is reading "Helter Skelter".  She lightly
       caresses a picture of Manson and closes the book and
       turns out her light.

                            DAD
                  Goodnight, honey.

                            MOM
                  Don't I get a kiss?

                            DAD
                       (Moving closer)
                  I just thought with all the
                  sadness...you wouldn't want...

                            MOM
                       (Snuggling up)
                  We have to concentrate on
                  life, Eugene.

                            DAD
                       (Kissing her)
                  It's fine with me, Beverly.
                   (Kisses her again more
                    passionately)
                  You want to, honey?  You
                  think the kids are asleep?

                            MOM
                  We can be real quiet...

                            DAD
                       (Getting on top of her)
                  I love that you're my wife.

                            MOM
                       (Getting turned on)
                  You're not bad yourself,
                  coo-coo bird...

                            DAD
                   (Gently making love to her)
                  You bring me such peace...

                            MOM
                  Oohhhh, Eugene!

                            DAD
                  Shhhh..

                            MOM
                       (Getting louder)
                  Oooohhhh.

                            DAD
                  Don't wake the kids...

                            MOM
                       (Even louder)
                  Ooohhhh!

30.    MISTY'S BEDROOM.

       We see MISTY, hair in curlers, pricing junk for flea
       market, stop and listen to sounds coming from
       parents' bedroom.

31.    SUTPHIN BEDROOM.

       MOM and DAD are having romantic monogomous sex.

                            MOM
                  Oooohhh!  Yeah!  Yeah!

                            DAD
                       (Really turned on)
                  You're hot tonight, honey...
                  but be quiet!  Shhhh! The kids!

32.    CHIP'S BEDROOM.

       CHIP looks up from reading "Fangoria Magazine" and
       listens in horror to his mother's distant moaning.

33.    SUTPHIN BEDROOM.

       MOM is panting wildly, a suburban sex machine.  DAD
       is amazed but hardly complaining.

                            MOM
                  Yeah!  Oohhhh!  Get it!

                            DAD
                  Ooh, honey, I'm ready!
                  Now!  Now!

                            MOM
                   (In orgasm, wildly thrashing)
                  Oohhhhh!  Yeah!  Yeah!

34.    HALLWAY BETWEEN CHIP AND MISTY'S BEDROOMS.

       CHIP and MISTY open bedroom doors simultaneously,
       hear their parents climaxing and look at one another
       in complete horror.

       Fade to black.

35.    Slow fade in to EXTERIOR SUTPHIN HOUSE.

       Birds are heard greeting the sunrise with their
       happy chirping.  Subtitle appears "Saturday,
       September l9th, 5:3Oam" and fade out.

36.    INTERIOR SUTPHIN BEDROOM.

       MOM, dressed for bird-watching day-trip, watches the
       cute little chickadees nibbling seed out of her
       birdfeeder on lawn through binoculars from bedroom
       window.  DAD, half-awake, stirs in his bed.

                            MOM
                   (Tracking a particularly
                    cute bird)
                  There's Dede! He's my favorite
                  chickadee!  He's here every
                  morning for breakfast.

                            DAD
                       (Groggy)
                  Well, honey, chickadees breed
                  in Alaska, you know.  No wonder
                  Dede's hungry.  It's a long
                  trip all the way to Baltimore.

       MOM continues tracking the bird in her binoculars
       until she freezes in horror at the sight of MRS.
       ACKERMAN running her mouth next door to DETECTIVES
       MOORE and BRADFORD and pointing to MOM's car.

       Suddenly the phone rings with jangling intensity.
       MOM jumps.

                            DAD
                  Hello...

       On split screen is obnoxious man from PTA, MR.
       STERNER, holding his jaw in pain.

                            MR. STERNER
                  Eugene, it's Ralph Sterner.
                  Got a dental emergency here!
                       (Moans in pain)
                  I mean this goddamn tooth is
                  killing me!

                            DAD
                  Well, Mr. Sterner, if you
                  call my office, I'm sure we
                  can see you Monday.

       MOM starts shaking her head "No" to DAD just in
       case.

                            MR. STERNER
                  MONDAY?

       MRS. STERNER, his wife, grabs the phone.

                            MRS. STERNER
                  Eugene, this is Betty Sterner,
                  He'll die by Monday!  The
                  roots are infected!  He might
                  have a heart attack!

                            DAD
                       (Wearily)
                  All right, Mrs. Sterner...
                  Nine o'clock.

       MOM's face changes to purple rage as she turns to
       hide her anger from DAD.

                            DAD
                       (Hangs up)
                  I'm sorry, honey.  But the birds
                  will still be there next week.

                            MOM
                   (Turning to face DAD,
                    suddenly stoic)
                  It's Ok, Eugene.  I understand..
                  I'll go fix breakfast.
                       (Exits calmly)

37.    INTERIOR HALLWAY OUTSIDE SUTPHIN'S BEDROOM.

       MOM's calm turns to immediate rage as she closes
       bedroom door and storms her way downstairs as "Mom's
       Psycho Theme" blares on soundtrack.

38.    CHIP'S BEDROOM

       CHIP is sound asleep.  MOM enters in a fury.

                            MOM
                    (In his ear, loudly)
                  CHIP!!

                            CHIP
                      (Jumping up in fear
                       from sleep)
                  God, Mom!
                   (Looking at her scary face)
                  What's the matter?

                            MOM
                      (Back to normal,
                          sweetly)
                  Time to get up, that's all.
                  You'll be late for work.

                            CHIP
                  You scared me.

39.    INTERIOR SUTPHIN KITCHEN.

       MISTY is sobbing in fury as she sits forlornly with
       boxed up flea-market junk.  MOM enters and is
       startled to see her.

                            MOM
                   Honey, what's the matter?

       MOM looks out back window in alarm to see DET. MOORE
       snooping through her box of recycled newspapers as
       DET. BRADFORD noses around her station wagon.

                            MISTY
                  I'm stoodup!  I'll kill
                  that bastard!

                            MOM
                  Don't say words unless you
                  mean them, Misty.
                   (Starts fixing breakfast)

       COPS bang loudly on door.  MOM jumps.

                            MISTY
                  It's him!

                            MOM
                  No, honey, it's the police.
                   (Opens back door)
                  Hello, officers.

       Subtitle appears "7:10am" and then fades out.

                            DET. BRADFORD
                  Good morning, Mrs. Sutphin.

                            MISTY
                   (Subtly unbuttoning her
                    blouse one button)
                  Hi, Detective Moore.

                            DET. MOORE
                       (Embarrassed)
                  Morning, Misty.
                       (All business)
                  Mrs. Sutphin, I presume you heard
                  of the death of Mr. Stubbins.

                            MOM
                  A fine man.  A good teacher...

                            DET. BRADFORD
                       (Reading from notes)
                  Contrusions...fractures...
                  rupture of numerous vital
                  organs...

                            MOM
                       (In sympathy)
                  What a mess.

       MOM sees SCOTTY pull up in driveway with BIRDIE in
       his convertible.

                            MOM
                    (Seeing MISTY's eyes light
                     up at hearing a car)
                  No, honey, it's just Scotty.
                       (To COPS)
                  Scotty, who doesn't wear his
                  seatbelts!

        DAD and CHIP enter kitchen as BIRDIE and SCOTTY
        barge in back door.

                            DAD
                  Good morning, Detectives.

                            BIRDIE
                       (Dramatically)
                  Nightmare on Calverton Court!

                            SCOTTY
                  The Maryland Teacher Massacre!

                            DET. MOORE
                  That's not funny, son.

                            DET. BRADFORD
                  Did you drive your car to the
                  PTA meeting yesterday, Mrs.
                  Sutphin?

                            MOM
                       (Buttering toast)
                  Yes, I did.

                            DAD
                       (To cops, getting angry)
                  Detectives, what is this about?

                            DET. MOORE
                  I know this sounds weird,
                  Mr. Sutphin, but the Department
                  of Motor Vehicle's computer shows
                  only one blue station wagon
                  registered to a parent of any
                  of Mr. Stubbins' pupils.

                            DAD
                  Surely you don't think Beverly
                  was involved!

                            SCOTTY
                       (Hamming it up,
                        pointing to MOM)
                  SHE DID IT!  Aimed the car right
                  at Mr. Stubbins and mowed him
                  down!

                            MOM
                       (Quickly staring daggers at
                        SCOTTY before patiently
                        addressing COPS)
                  From what I understand, the
                  eye-witness is a drug user.

                            MISTY
                  I got somebody you could
                  run over, Mother!

                            DAD
                  Misty, that's a terrible
                  thing to say!
                    (Putting his arm
                     protectively around MOM)
                  Detectives, it's time for you
                  to leave.  My wife knows
                  nothing about this terrible
                  ...accident.

                            MOM
                       (Correcting him)
                  Murder, honey.

                            SCOTTY
                   (Picking up a "People"
                    magazine with Ivana Trump
                    on the cover)
                  Now, here's a babe!

       COPS see magazine cover with the "P" in "People" cut
       out as in threatening note sent to Mrs. Ackerman.

                            DET. MOORE
                       (Suspiciously)
                  Let's see that, young man.

                            MISTY
                    (Whispering to BIRDIE as
                     she ogles him from behind)
                  Nice buns!

                            DET. BRADFORD
                  "P" as in...

                           MOM
                      (Glaring at SCOTTY)
                  ...People who don't mind their
                  own business.

       DAD looks at MOM suddenly, for the first time
       showing slight suspicion.

                            MOM
                       (To DAD)
                  It's Mrs. Ackerman's magazine,
                  honey.
                       (To COPS)
                  Look at the subscription label
                  if you don't believe me.
                       (Proudly)
                  I recycle my magazines.

40.    Wipe to EXTERIOR MRS. ACKERMAN'S HOUSE.

       MRS. ACKERMAN is dumping all her bottles and
       newspapers into the rest of her garbage without the
       slightest thought of recycling.  Subtitle appears
       "10:06am" and fades out.

       Cut to GUS and SLOPPY, two Baltimore County
       sanitation workers as they pick up bags of
       neighbors' recycled trash and scowl in hatred at the
       environmentally incorrect MRS. ACKERMAN.

41.    INTERIOR SUTPHIN KITCHEN.

       MOM, now alone, is happily separating her cans and
       plastic trash into proper recycle bins as she rocks
       out singing along with the Barry Manilow record
       "Daybreak" that spins on her high-fi set.

                            MOM
                      (Singing and dancing
                       in place as soulfully
                       as possible for her)
                  "It's Daybreak"
                  If you want to believe
                  It can be Daybreak!..."

       MOM looks out through her kitchen window and sees
       MRS. ACKERMAN dumping styrofoam packing chips in
       with the rest of her un-recycled garbage.  Freezing
       in horror, MOM then lunges for MRS. ACKERMAN's
       gleaming sewing scissors in borrowed sewing basket
       and begins to run out door.

       Suddenly MOM sees the friendly GARBAGEMEN waving to
       her from truck.  She quickly puts back the scissors,
       grabs her recyle bags, locates two "miniatures" of
       liquor hidden in kitchen cabinet and runs out back
       door.

42.    EXTERIOR SUTPHIN HOUSE.

       MRS. ACKERMAN goes back inside her house as MOM
       charges out to meet GARBAGEMEN with her recyclables.

                            MOM
                  Don't forget me, boys!
                       (Holding up blue bags)
                  All rinsed and ready to
                  recycle!

                            GUS
                  Morning, Mrs. Sutphin.

                            MOM
                  Morning, Gus.  Hello, Sloppy.
                    (Sneakily handing them
                     miniatures)
                  Here you go.  You work hard
                  for the environment.  A little
                  drink never hurt anybody.

                            SLOPPY
                  Thanks, ma'am.
                       (Takes a big swig)
                  Damn!  Good stuff.
                   (Looking at MRS. ACKERMAN's
                    garbage)
                  Do you believe that goddamn
                  litterbugger?

                            MOM
                       (Fingering a tin can)
                  I've told her!  It takes ninety
                  to one hundred years for a tin
                  can to decompose but she still
                  won't recycle.

                            GUS
                       (Also taking a guzzle)
                  Cost taxpayers millions of
                  dollars last year but she don't
                  care about the national budget!

                            MOM
                       (Deadly serious)
                  I HATE Mrs. Ackerman.

       "Mom's Psycho Theme" begins building on soundtrack.

                            GUS
                    (Drinking, encouraging her)
                  I hate her too.

                            SLOPPY
                   (Getting tipsy, joining
                    the bull session)
                  I HATE HER GUTS!
                   (Egging MOM on, laughing)
                  Somebody ought to kill her!

                            GUS
                       (Joking and drinking)
                  Yeah, hack her up and recycle
                  her!

                            MOM
                       (Not kidding, in a trance)
                  For the sake of this planet,
                  SOMEBODY JUST MIGHT!

       "Mom's Psycho Theme" climaxes on soundtrack.

43.    INTERIOR ROSEMARY ACKERMAN'S HOUSE.

       MRS. ACKERMAN is serving brunch to DOTTIE HINKLE as
       they drink beer together and watch "The Joan Rivers
       Show" on TV as JOAN interviews a fat woman in her
       20's.

                            JOAN
                       (On TV)
                  ...But your boyfriend was
                  convicted of killing twelve
                  people

                            HAG
                  I don't judge him.

       TV audience groans.

                            JOAN
                  How can you love a
                  mass-murderer?

                            HAG
                  Easy!  He's handsome.  He's
                  famous.  AND WE GET CONJUGAL
                  VISITS!

                            JOAN
                       (To camera)
                  SERIAL HAGS!  Woman Who Love
                  Men Who Mutilate!  We'll be
                  right back after this!

                            DOTTIE
                  Turn it off.

       MRS. ACKERMAN does.

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                  Violence is everywhere these
                  days

44.    EXTERIOR MRS. ACKERMAN'S HOUSE.

       MOM runs up to window in a frenzy and freezes at the
       sight of DOTTIE HINKLE inside.

45.    INTERIOR MRS. ACKERMAN'S HOUSE.

       DOTTIE looks over and sees MOM in window and
       screams.

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                       (Looking up)
                  Oh, it's just Beverly.

                            DOTTIE
                  She scared me.

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                       (Going to door)
                  Come in, Beverly.  Have some
                  coffee

                            MOM
                   (Entering, back to normal,
                    being so-o-o-o nice)
                  Just a half-a-cup.
                       (To DOTTIE)
                  Hello, Dottie.  I'm so sorry
                  to hear of your troubles...

                            DOTTIE
                  It's not fair!!

                            MOM
                   (To MRS. ACKERMAN, noticing
                    her flower arrangement)
                  Are those pussy-willows?

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                     (Fixing the coffee)
                  Dried ones.  Aren't they pretty?

       DOTTIE freezes in horror when she recognizes the
       P-word in MOM's voice.

                            DOTTIE
                       (Alarmed)
                  What did you just say?

                            MOM
                  (Evily baiting DOTTIE under
                   her breath)
                  PUSSY-willows, Dottie!

       MOM purposely knocks MRS. ACKERMAN's Franklin Mint
       Faberge Egg off table and sends it crashing to the
       floor.

                            MOM
                  Dottie!  Watch what you're
                  doing!

                            DOTTIE
                       (Horrified to see MOM
                        is blaming her)
                  I didn't do it!

                            ROSEMARY
                        (Crying out, rushing
                         to pick up pieces)
                  My Franklin Mint Faberge Egg!

                            MOM
                       (Helping MRS. ACKERMAN)
                  Dottie didn't mean to be a
                  clumsy ox.  She's sorry,
                  Aren't you, Dottie?

                            DOTTIE
                       (Pleading)
                  Rosemary, I didn't break your
                  egg - she did!

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                  You could at least apologize,
                  Dottie.  I collect Franklin Mint!

                            MOM
                  And we're going right to the
                  flea market to get another one!
                  Misty tells me there's a whole
                  booth of Franklin Mint stuff.
                  Dottie, you lock up.
                       (Evily)
                  I'll take care of poor Rosemary!

                            DOTTIE
                       (Stammering in fear to
                        MRS. ACKERMAN)
                  But...but...she...Rosemary, I
                  heard her voice!  It's her, I
                  tell you, IT'S HER!

46.    INTERIOR DAD'S DENTAL EXAMINATION ROOM.

       DAD attempts to do dental work on RALPH STERNER, the
       "emergency" patient who lets out a blood curdling
       scream every time DAD gets the drill anywhere near
       his mouth.

                            DAD
                  Mr. Sterner, you've lost a tiny
                  filling.  I have to drill deeply
                  enough to remove all the decay.

                            MR. STERNER
                       (Whimpering)
                  Alright...go ahead...but be
                  careful, it really hurts!
                       (Opens mouth)

       DAD begins to drill again.

                            MR. STERNER
                  OWWWWW'! Goddamn you!  You're
                  hurting me on purpose!

47.    DENTAL WAITING ROOM.

       MRS. STERNER, reading an old issue of Newsweek, with
       Jeffrey Dahmer on the cover, jumps up and runs to
       her husband past the RECEPTIONIST.

48.    INTERIOR DAD'S EXAMINATION ROOM.

                            MRS. STERNER
                       (Running in)
                  Are you ok, Ralph?

                            DAD
                  Mrs. Sterner, please stay in
                  the waiting room!

                            MR. STERNER
                  Help me, Betty!  He's worse
                  than the dentist in "The
                  Marathon Man"!

                            RECEPTIONIST
                       (Poking her head in)
                  Sorry to interrupt, Dr. Sutphin,
                  but there's two police detectives
                  here to see you...

49.    INTERIOR DAD'S TINY OFFICE.

       DET. MOORE and DET. BRADFORD wait grim-faced in the
       office.  Subtitle appears "10:35am" and fades out.

                            DAD
                       (Entering)
                  What is it, officers?
                  My patient is waiting.

                            DET. MOORE
                  Dr. Sutphing is your wife a
                  big reader?

                            DAD
                  Bird books mostly...

                            DET. BRADFORD
                  Like these we found in
                  her garbage?
                       (Showing him the book)
                  "Urge To Kill".  "Mass Murder
                  in Houston"?

                            DAD
                  I'm sure those are my son,
                  Chip's books.

                            DET. MOORE
                  No, they're your wife's.  We
                  checked,  She bought them
                  down at "The Browse and Learn
                  Bookshop" along with a few other
                  titles...

                            DET. BRADFORD
                       (Reading from notes)
                  "Helter Skelter", "Hunting Humans",
                  Master Card reference number 7876.
                  Dated June 5th.

                            DAD
                       (Seeing their suspicions
                        of MOM are serious)
                  THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!

                            DET. BRADFORD
                  Dr. Sutphin, is you wife mental?

50.    OUTDOOR FLEA MARKET.  EDMONSON DRIVE-IN THEATER.

       Cut to MOM's face, seemingly in the middle of a
       frenzy as she jumps around like a crazy person.
       Camera pulls back and we see that she is swatting
       away a persistent bee as she sits with MISTY at her
       flea market table.

       Subtitle appears "11:20am" and then disappears.
         
                            MOM
                  Damn these yellow-jackets!
                  I hate 'em!

                            MISTY
                       (Angrily)
                  Always something isn't it?
                       (To CUSTOMER)
                  Can I help you?

                            CUSTOMER
                  Just looking.
                        (Walks away)

                            MISTY
                  Thanks for not buying anything!

                            MOM
                  Misty, lighten up.  It's not
                  the customer's fault Carl stood
                  you up!

       MOM looks over two rows and sees CARL walking
       through the flea market with a SEXPOT DATE.  Her
       face turns to stone but she doesn't let on to MISTY.

       Cut to MRS. ACKERMAN shopping passionately at the
       nearby Franklin Mint booth.

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                       (To VENDOR)
                  Young man, this Faberge Egg is
                  chipped.

                            VENDOR
                  Yes, ma'am, it is.

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                  I'll give you fifty cents.

                            VENDOR
                  That's a Franklin Mint piece.
                  Eight dollars.

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                  Eight dollars?!  Franklin Mint
                  or not, it's damaged goods!
                       (Puts it back)

       MRS. ACKERMAN bends over grumbling and sees a fire
       poker marked with a price tag of $6.O0.  Sneakily
       she switches price tag of $3.00 from another item.

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                  I'll take this instead.

                            VENDOR
                  Nice one, huh?  Winter's coming.
                       (Looking at price
                        momentarily hesit'ating)
                  Three dollars?...I guess that's
                  what I marked it...

       MRS. ACKERMAN smirks and pays him.

       MRS. ACKERMAN comes back to MISTY's booth carrying
       fire poker.

                            MOM
                  (Seeing MRS. ACKERMAN1s
                   purchase, but still watching
                   CARL and SEXPOT DATE in distance)
                  Did you find your Franklin Mint
                  egg, Rosemary darling?

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                  I saw one, but it was ridiculously
                  overpriced!

                            MOM
                       (Seeing MRS. ACKERMAN's
                        fire poker)
                  You want me to keep that under
                  the table for you?

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                  If you wouldn't mind...
                       (Gives it to her)
                  It was on sale.

       Cut to CARL browsing at same Franklin Mint booth
       that MRS. ACKERMAN was shopping in earlier.  SEXPOT
       DATE is drooling over chipped Faberge Egg and
       batting her eyes at CARL.

                            SEXPOT DATE
                       (In baby talk)
                  Honey, pleeease?  For my little
                  knick-knack shelf?

                            CARL
                       (To VENDOR)
                  Wrap it up for the little
                  lady.

       Cut to MOM with the fire poker partially concealed
       under her coat as she stalks CARL and SEXPOT DATE to
       baseball memorabilia booth.  MOM pretends to shop
       nearby as CARL buys Oriole penant for himself.

       MOM follows them to concession stand where CARL
       excuses himself for a quick trip to the men's room.
       SEXPOT DATE adjusts her cleavage as she waits, much
       to the embarrassment of YOUNG BOY walking by.

       Realizing the coast is clear, MOM darts into men's
       room following CARL.

51.    INTERIOR MEN'S ROOM.

       CARL is at urinal.  Subtitle appears "11:57am" and
       fades out.  MOM rushes in unnoticed and tries to
       enter first booth and finds it locked,  She scurries
       to next booth and enters.

       A male PERVERT in locked booth is drawing dirty
       pictures on the wall.  He looks down and sees MOM's
       shoes under the stall and starts moaning sexually as
       he writes "EAT ME" with a magic marker.

       Closeup of CARL's face as he pisses like a
       racehorse.

       PERVERT looks through peep-hole between booths and
       sees MOM and moans in silent orgasm.

       MOM pulls fire poker out from under her coat.

       PERVERT zips up in a panic and flees bathroom in
       fear.

       Suddenly MOM runs from her booth with fire poker
       drawn and skewers CARL in the back at the urinal.

       CARL screams in horror as MOM pulls out fire poker
       with his liver skewered on the end.

       CARL collapses to his knees, his head landing in
       urinal.

       MOM looks horrified at the liver and tries to shake
       it off poker, panicked that someone will come into
       men's room.

       Closing her eyes in revulsion, she pulls off liver
       with her fingertips and throws it on floor.

       Running from men's room, she slips in gore, catches
       her balance, looks back at CARL's head in urinal,
       hesitates and finally runs back to flush toilet
       before escaping undetected.

52.    MISTY'S FLEA MARKET TABLE.

       A hip young couple are buying a hideous amateur oil
       painting of Don Knotts from MISTY.

                            BOY
                  I can't believe it!  Fuckin'
                  Don Knotts!

                            GIRL
                       (Happily)
                  It's beyond ugly!

                            MISTY
                     (Giving them back change)
                  There you go...

       Cut to MOM approaching, looking happy and composed
       with fire poker concealed under her coat.

                            MOM
                       (Calling out)
                  Misty, honey, look!
                   (Holding up a set of
                    cereal bowls)
                  I made a killing!

53.    INTERIOR MEN'S ROOM.

       A MACHO MAN enters nibbling lamb off a shishkobab.
       He sees CARL's body and screams in the best Fay Ray
       tradition.  Subtitle appears "l2:llpm" and then
       fades out.

54.    MISTY'S FLEA MARKET TABLE.

       MOM is showing MISTY her new cereal bowl as MRS.
       ACKERMAN returns.

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                       (Upset)
                  I went back to get my Faberge
                  Egg and some idiot bought it!

       Sirens are heard in the distance.

                            MOM
                    (Caressing fire poker
                     back under table,
                     threateningly)
                  It's just not your day, is
                  it Rosemary?

                           MISTY
                   (Seeing cop cars and
                    ambulance enter flea market
                    as customers start running
                    towards concession stand)
                  Watch the booth!  I'll be back!
                   (Runs off to join the crowd)

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                      (Spotting a small hunk
                       of gore stuck to bottom
                       of MOM's shoe)
                  Beverly, honey, you've got some...
                       (Wrinkles up her nose)
                  ...do-do on your shoe.

                            MOM
                  Ewwww!
                       (Wipes it off on grass)
                  Thank you, Rosemary.

       MRS. ACKERMAN notices stain with odd unease.

55.    EXTERIOR CONCESSION STAND.

       COPS are holding back CARL'S sobbing and hysterical
       SEXPOT DATE as she clutches her Faberge Egg while
       PARAMEDICS remove CARL'S body from the mens room on
       a stretcher.

       DET. MOORE and BRADFORD are roughly frisking
       bathroom PERVERT.

                            PERVERT
                  There was a lady in the men's
                  room!  I swear! A pretty little
                  lady in the stall right next
                  to me!

       MISTY pushes her way through rubbernecking crowd
       until she finally sees CARL'S face right before the
       PARAMEDICS give the final zip to the body bag.  She
       lets out a blood-curdling scream.

       DET. BRADFORD looks up into MISTY's horror filled
       face and turns in suspicion to DET. MOORE only to
       see his partner making eyes with SEXPOT DATE, who in
       between sobs, is flirting back with all her might.

56.    MISTY'S BOOTH.

       MRS. ACKERMAN is looking in revulsion at what
       appears to be dried blood on the end of her
       fire-poker stored under the flea market table as MOM
       happily sells Pee-Wee Herman doll to New York
       dealer.

                            MOM
                  That's one-hundred fifty-eight
                  dollars.

                            DEALER
                  Will you take a New York check?

                            MOM
                  Certainly.

       MRS. ACKERMAN reaches down and touches the end of
       fire poker and almost faints when she sees red on
       her fingertips.

       MISTY hysterically returns to booth, crying and
       screaming.

                            MISTY
                  Mother!  It's Carl!
                  He's dead!

       MRS. ACKERMAN looks in sudden fear at MOM.

                            MOM
                  0h, that's horrible, honey.
                       (Suddenly cheerful)
                  I sold the Pee-Wee Herman
                  doll!!

                            MISTY
                       (Appalled)
                  Mother!  Did you hear me?!
                  Someone murdered Carl in the
                  mensroom!  I saw his dead body!

                            MOM
                       (Quietly, sweetly)
                  You got your wish.

                            MISTY
                       (Stunned)
                  But...
                       (Backs away)
                  I didn't wish...I didn't
                  want him DEAD!

       MRS. ACKERMAN gulps in horror.

57.    INTERIOR MOM'S BEDROOM.

       DAD is frantically searching through MOM's stuff and
       finds a scrapbook which is filled page after page
       with newspaper clippings about famous mass
       murderers.  He gasps in horror and then looks
       between mattress and box-springs and finds a stack
       of letters and a few cassette tapes.  He looks in
       shock at return address of first letter - "Richard
       Speck, Statesville Correctional Center, Joliet,
       Illinois 60434".  He tears open envelope and out
       falls an 8xlO glossy photo of a naked Richard Speck
       with the inscription "To Beverly.  Love, Richard
       Speck".  Shaking his head in horror, DAD puts
       cassette in tape player and pushes play button.  The
       voice on the tape booms out in bedroom, "Beverly,
       it's me, Ted Bundy.  It's late at night six days
       before my execution and it's lonely here on death
       row...".  DAD lunges for machine to push OFF button
       and accidentally turns on the radio.

                            NEWS ANNOUNCER
                  ...Updating the top story of
                  the hour, the young man brutally
                  murdered a short time ago in the
                  mens room of the Edmonson Flea
                  Market has been identified as
                  22 year old Carl Padgett of
                  Towson...

       DAD slams down OFF button on radio and sobs in
       shock.

58.    INTERIOR "SUBURBAN CULT VIDEO SHOP".

       CHIP1 on duty as manager, along with BIRDIE and
       SCOTTY and a few other horror-nut customers watch on
       large video monitor Joan Crawford get off a train in
       William Castle's "Straight Jacket".  The suspense
       builds as Joan on video spies through a window at
       her husband with another woman, picks up an ax and
       cuts off his head.  Suddenly MISTY runs into video
       shop in hysterics.

                            MISTY
                  Chip!  Our mother is Charles
                  Manson!

       All the kids laugh uproarously as Joan screams on
       video "I'm not guilty" while struggling in a
       straight jacket.

                            MISTY
                   (Grabbing the remote and
                    turning off the video)
                       (To CHIP)
                  I'm not kidding.  Carl stood
                  me up this morning and then
                  he was murdered at the flea
                  market....

                            CHIP
                  MURDERED?!!

                            MISTY
                  Yes murdered!  You said you
                  hated your teacher yesterday
                  and he was murdered too.  I
                  don't know...maybe Mom's nuts!

                            CHIP
                  It's a cool idea, Misty!
                  Let's make a gore movie about
                  Mom!  Better yet, a TV series!

                            BIRDIE
                  Can I borrow your mother?
                  My aunt is coming over to dinner
                  tonight and she's always on my
                  nerves.

                            KID
                  My step-father is an asshole!
                  She could kill him!

                            CHIP
                       (Baiting MISTY)
                  How about Mrs. Ackerman?
                  We both hate her!
                       (Playfully)
                  Should she be the next victim?

                            MISTY
                  No!  Stop it!  It's not funny.
                  Mom might do it!
                       (Sobbing)
                  Someone else might die.

                            SCOTTY
                       (Comforting her)
                  I believe you, Misty.
                  Your mother could kill - I've
                  seen that look in her eyes!
                           (Timidly)
                  Is there a reward or anything?

59.    DISSOLVE TO INTERIOR SUTPHIN DINING ROOM.

       MOM comes through kitchen door and serves a fancy
       tuna casserole.

                            MOM
                  Dinner's served!

       Subtitle appears "6:01pm" and then fades out.

       MISTY looks at her mother in terror.  DAD treats MOM
       with kid gloves.  CHIP is completely oblivious to
       their concern.

                            DAD
                  Let's say grace and pray
                  that we have the strength to
                  understand the terrible
                  tragedies of the last few days.

                            MOM
                  Amen to that.
                       (Happily)
                  It's been a crazy day, hasn't it?!

       MISTY pales, DAD looks at MOM in fear.

60.    MRS. ACKERMAN'S LIVING ROOM.

       DET. MOORE and several other COPS are taking down
       every word MRS. ACKERMAN says in notebooks and on
       tape recorders.

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                  ...Dottie Hinkle was right - IT
                  IS BEVERLY SUTPHIN!  I tell you
                  I saw blood right on the bottom
                  of her shoes!  Not exactly blood
                  - it was GORE!  Hanging right
                  there like a runny nose!!

61.    INTERIOR DOTTIE HINKLE'S LIVING ROOM.

       DET. BRADFORD and several other POLICE OFFICERS are
       taking her statement and trying to calm her down,

                            DOTTIE
                  Nice as pie she was to me and
                  then I hear her say it!

                            DET. BRADFORD
                  Say what, ma'am?

                            DOTTIE
                  "Are those..."
                       (Giving up)
                  I can't say the word out loud.

                            DET. BRADFORD
                     (Trying to comfort her)
                  Could you tell a policewoman
                  the exact words she used?
         
                            DOTTIE
                       (Being pitiful)
                  Maybe...

       A huge galute of a POLICEWOMAN sits next to DOTTIE
       and pats her hand.

                            POLICEWOMAN
                  It's ok...nobody's gonna
                  hurt you.
                       (Whispering)
                  Come on, let it out...

                            DOTTIE
                    (Yelling loudly, startling
                     all the cops in the room)
                  "PUSSY" she says to me!
                  "PUSSY WILLOWS!"

62.    INTERIOR SUTPHIN DINING ROOM.

       The family is eating in uneasy silence.
         
                            CHIP
                       (Excited, happy)
                  You know Mom, Scotty thinks
                  you're the killer!

       MISTY chokes on her food, DAD laughs unconvincingly.

                            MOM
                       (Laughs)
                  Does he?
                       (Smiling to CHIP)
                  For a boy who doesn't wear
                  seat belts, Scotty's awfully
                  nosy.
                       (Getting up)
                  Excuse me a second.
                       (Exits into kitchen)

       The whole family sits in awkward silence.

63.    EXTERIOR SUTPHIN HOUSE.

       ROOKIE COP sits in cop car on surveillance duty
       watching the Sutphin house in eery silence.

64.    SUTPHIN DINING ROOM.

       Family is squirming in their seats in nervous
       silence.  MISTY suddenly bolts from table and runs
       towards kitchen.

65.    SUTPHIN KITCHEN.

       MISTY runs in.  No one is there.  On blackboard,
       written in chalk is "WENT TO THE 7-il, MOM".

                            MISTY
                  She's gone!

       CHIP and DAD rush in.

                            MISTY
                       (Blurting it out)
                  She's gonna kill Scotty!

                            DAD
                       (No longer pretending)
                  BOTH OF YOU!  GET IN THE CAR!

                            CHIP
                       (Horrified)
                  DAD!  YOU DON'T THINK SHE
                  DID IT??!

                            MISTY
                  I DO!  Mom's gone crazy!

                            DAD
                       (To CHIP)
                  Your mother may have some
                  problems, that's all, Chip.
                       (To both)
                  C'mon!  Hurry!

66.    EXTERIOR SUTPHINS.

       MOM peels out in her station wagon like a bat out of
       hell.

       ROOKIE COP looks up in shock, clumsily throws the
       car in gear and takes off behind her.  Subtitle
       appears "6:36pm" and then fades out.

67.    INTERIOR MOM'S STATION WAGON.

       MOM is driving like a lunatic,  She sees the red
       light of pursuing police car in rear-view mirror and
       floors it as she hits play button of tape deck in
       car and begins singing along loudly and scarily to
       her favorite song, Barry Manilow's "Daybreak",

                            MOM
                  "...Ain't no time to grieve
                  And it's Daybreak!!!
                  Let it shine, shine, shine,
                  All around the world!!"

68.    INTERIOR COP CAR.

       ROOKIE COP is sweating bullets speeding after MOM's
       car and grabs police radio.

                            ROOKIE
                  MAY DAY!! MAY DAY!!

69.    INTERIOR MOM'S CAR.

       MOM is "dancing" in place and gyrating to the beat
       as she belts out the finale of "Daybreak" and
       suddenly turns the steering wheel violently to the
       right.

70.    EXTERIOR MRS. HINKLE'S HOUSE.

       MOM's car veers across lawn and flattens Mrs.
       Hinkle's entire flower garden as she plows her way
       back to street.

       DET. BRADFORD comes running out of house and jumps
       out of way as ROOKIE COP's car skids around corner
       and smashes into Mrs. Ackerman's wishing well
       decoration in her front yard.

       DOTTIE HINKLE is held back by burly POLICEWOMAN on
       porch as she curses MOM in the distance.

                            DOTTIE
                  You rotten mother-fucker!
                  You lousy cock-sucker!

71.    INTERIOR DAD'S CAR.

       DAD is at the wheel driving with MISTY in front and
       CHIP in the back.

                            MISTY
                       (To DAD)
                  Turn right on Timonioum Road.
                  Hurry, Dad!

                            CHIP
                   (Scared for the first time)
                  If Mom's a psycho, Scotty will
                  still be ok, won't he?

                            DAD
                  We hope so, son.  And no matter
                  what your mother is, we'll love
                  her anyway.

72.    INTERIOR DETECTIVE MOORE'S CAR.

                            DET. MOORE
                       (Following the Sutphins,
                        into police radio mike)
                  Suspect's family is headed east
                  on Calverton....

73.    INTERIOR MOM'S CAR.

       MOM turns off tape player and pulls to a stop on a
       quiet suburban street.  She fixes her hair in rear
       view mirror, smiles, then takes out rubber
       dish-washing gloves and slips them on her hands.

74.    INTERIOR SCOTTY'S BEDROOM AT HIS PARENTS' HOUSE.

       SCOTTY lies in bed, surrounded by vintage
       sexploitation movie posters that decorate his walls
       ("Garden of Eden", "Mud-Honey", "There She Blows"),
       and watches on video the ridiculous 70's trash film
       "Double-Agent '73" starring Chesty Morgan.

       In the credit sequence he sees Miss Morgan
       "photographing" men with her humongous breasts that
       supposedly have cameras implanted inside.  SCOTTY is
       getting turned on.  He runs to lock bedroom door,
       closes curtain on window and then hops under a
       blanket to commit the sin of self-abuse.

75.    EXTERIOR SCOTTY'S PARENTS' HOUSE.

       DAD, MISTY and CHIP pull up, run to front door and
       pound on it.

       DETECTIVE MOORE pulls up at a safe distance behind
       them and watches from police car.  Subtitle appears
       "7:01pm" and disappears.

76.    INTERIOR SCOTTY'S BEDROOM.

       SCOTTY is watching Chesty Morgan on video roll about
       in hideous hot pants and insane 1970's platform
       shoes as he concentrates on her gigantic breasts and
       touches himself off camera.  He hears banging at
       door, curses whoever it is, and decides to ignore
       them.

77.    EXTERIOR SCOTTY'S PARENTS' HOUSE.

       DAD jiggles the door unsuccessfully until CHIP
       slithers through an open window and lets MISTY and
       DAD inside.

78.    INTERIOR DETECTIVE MOORE'S POLICE CAR.

                            DET. BRADFORD.
                       (Into police radio mike)
                  Suspect's family is entering
                  house.  Send backup to 2l14
                  Sycamore Street. I've got a
                  feeling old Mom's inside.  I'm
                  goin' in!

       Heroic music blares on soundtrack as he leaps from
       car and pulls gun.  Subtitle appears "7:24pm" and
       then fades out.

79.    CUT to MOM staring evily through plate glass window
       from outside a suburban house.

       Reverse angle shows not Scotty, but the dental
       emergency couple, THE STERNERS, as they sit in their
       dining room eating a dinner of cornish game hens.

       MOM zeros in on the game hens and flashes back to
       "Dede" and the other cute birds in her bird-feeder
       at home.

       As the couple viciously slice apart the game hens
       and stuff the meat in their mouths, MOM breaks a
       small pane of glass in back door to gain entry.

                            MRS. STERNER
                  What was that?

                            MR. STERNER
                  I didn't hear anything.
                  Got any dessert?

                            MRS. STERNER
                  Dr. Sutphin said no sweets
                  for you.

                            MR. STERNER
                  What's he know?

                            MRS. STERNER
                  How to send a bill!!

       They both laugh uproarously at her bad joke.

80.    STERNER KITCHEN.

       MOM is listening in disgust, notices a limp plant,
       waters it thoughtfully and then jumps out of the way
       to hide as MRS. STERNER comes into kitchen to get a
       large chocolate pie.

81.    INTERIOR SCOTTY'S BEDROOM.

       SCOTTY has the whole bed vibrating noisily as he
       watches Chesty Morgan on video in hideous green
       plaid bell bottoms as she "photographs" evidence
       with her breasts.

82.    INTERIOR SCOTTY'S PARENTS' HOUSE.  HALLWAY.

       DAD, MISTY and CHIP creep up the steps towards
       SCOTTY's bedroom.

83.    EXTERIOR SCOTTY'S PARENTS' HOUSE.

       DET. BRADFORD signals the newly arrived DET. MOORE
       and a small swat team in battle gear to follow him
       quietly to Scotty's front door.

84.    INTERIOR STERNER'S DINING ROOM.

       MR. STERNER cuts himself a second piece of chocolate
       pie and pigs it down.

85.    INTERIOR STERNER'S BEDROOM.

                            MRS. STERNER
                       (Yelling downstairs)
                  Ralph, "Wheel of Fortune"'s
                  on!!

       As MRS. STERNER continues to watch TV we see her get
       ready for bed.

       We see her change from her shoes to bedroom slippers
       from under the bed.

       We see her brush her hair from behind the mirror.

       We see her open her drawer and take out
       birth-control foam from inside the bureau.

       We see her go to closed curtains moving ominously in
       the breeze and close the window from the other side.

                            MRS. STERNER
                       (Calling out)
                  Ralph, you're missing it!

       MRS. STERNER takes off her dress to reveal monstrous
       white all-in-one bra and girdle and moves to closet
       door.

       She opens closet door and hesitates.

       We see shoe in bottom of closet move slightly.

       Suddenly a mouse scurries out of shoe and runs
       across floor as MRS. STERNER screams,

86.    STERNER DINING ROOM.

                            MR. STERNER
                    (As chocolate oozes in his
                     mouth)
                  What is it, Betty?

87.    STERNER BEDROOM.

                            MRS. STERNER
                       (Still shaking)
                  We have mice!  I mean it,
                  Ralph!  I saw one!

       MRS. STERNER reaches for nightgown and pulls it off
       hanger to reveal MOM's insane face.  Suddenly MOM
       stabs MRS. STERNER viciously in the stomach with
       MRS. ACKERMAN's scissors.

                            MOM
                       (Scarily)
                  Always brush after every meal!

       MRS. STERNER opens her mouth in a silent scream as
       MOM pulls out the scissors and stabs her again and
       again as a large rat in the closet runs out and
       begins biting MRS. STERNER's ankle at the same time.

88.    STERNER DINING ROOM.

       MR. STERNER burps in front of empty plate and hears
       loud thud from upstairs.  He gets up from table.

                            MR. STERNER
                       (Calling upstairs)
                  Betty?

89.    STERNER BEDROOM.

       MRS. STERNER is dead on the floor with scissors
       sticking out of her as MOM attempts to clean up the
       blood with the household product, "SHOUT".

90.    HALLWAY STERNER HOUSE.

       MR. STERNER runs up stairs, suddenly alarmed.

                            MR. STERNER
                  Betty?  Betty, answer me!

91.    STERNER BEDROOM

       MOM looks up from cleaning and smiles as MR. STERNER
       runs in, sees the grisly sight and screams in
       horror.

                            MOM
                     (Holding up bottle of "SHOUT"
                      and doing mock TV-ad)
                  "SHOUT IT OUT".

       MOM suddenly pulls scissors out of MRS. STERNER's
       stomach and expertly throws them like a knife at MR.
       STERNER's head.  He ducks in the nick of time and
       the scissors stick in the wall.

       MR. STERNER turns and runs in fear as MOM gives
       chase, grabbing the scissors out of the wall.

92.    HALLWAY.  STERNER HOUSE.

       MR. STERNER runs down the steps screaming as MOM
       runs after him.  She throws the scissors at him
       again, but just misses him.

       Thinking fast, MR. STERNER grabs scissors from wall
       and throws them back at MOM.  She ducks in the nick
       of time and her face goes purple with rage.

                            MOM
                  You'll pay for that, Ralph
                  Sterner!!

       As MR. STERNER runs to back door, MOM charges back
       up the steps to bedroom.

93.    STERNER BEDROOM.

       MOM rushes in and watches MR. STERNER from above
       from bedroom window as he runs out of house.

94.    STERNER LAWN.

       MR. STERNER runs across lawn screaming.

                            MR. STERNER
                  Help!  POLICE!!

95.    STERNER BEDROOM.

       MOM is rocking air conditioner in window back and
       forth until she gets it loose.  Seeing him right
       below, MOM shoves it out window with all her might.

96.    STERNER LAWN.

       MR. STERNER looks up at air conditioner falling from
       above and screams the second before he is crushed
       like an insect.

97.    SCOTTY'S BEDROOM.

       SCOTTY is moaning in orgasm as he watches ludicrous
       Chesty Morgan "Secret Agent" breast footage on video
       screen.

98.    OUTSIDE SCOTTY'S BEDROOM DOOR.

       DAD, MISTY and CHIP look at one another in horror
       thinking SCOTTY's moans are cries of pain and they
       break down his door to save him.

99.    SCOTTY'S BEDROOM.

       SCOTTY stares in complete mortification as the
       Sutphin family catch him in the middle of an orgasm.

       When DETECTIVES MOORE and BRADFORD and their
       ridiculously overprepared SWAT TEAM flood the
       bedroom, screaming "FREEZE" and "HANDS OVER YOUR
       HEAD", SCOTTY fumes in anger as MISTY and CHIP
       giggle in relief and DAD turns red in embarrassment.

100.   Wipe to EXTERIOR SUTPHIN HOUSE.

       DAD's car pulls up and the relieved Sutphin family
       hops out and runs to house.  Subtitle appears
       "9:02pm" and fades out.

                            DAD
                  Home Sweet Home!  Everything's
                  fine, kids!

                            MISTY
                       (Laughing)
                  I can't believe I thought my
                  own mother was a murderess!

                            CHIP
                  I'm disappointed she isn't!
                       (In wonder)
                  For a while there, it was like
                  being in a movie!

101.   SUTPHIN DINING ROOM.

       MOM is seated happily at table.  DAD, MISTY and CHIP
       enter.

                            MOM
                       (Beaming happily)
                  Anybody for dessert?
                  M-m-m-m-m, strawberries!

       Fade to black.

102.   Fade in to ST. TIMOTHY'S EPISCOPAL CHURCH.

       Sign out front announces the service: "11:00am.
       Holy Eucharist Service.  Sermon: 'Capitol Punishment
       and You'".  Families stream into church.  Subtitle
       appears "10:37am, Sunday September 20th" and fades
       out.

103.   EXTERIOR SUTPHIN HOUSE.

       MOM, DAD, CHIP and MISTY walk out front door dressed
       in their Sunday finest.  Suddenly their wholesome
       smiles freeze on their faces.

       Cop cars are everywhere watching MOM's every move.
       DETECTIVES MOORE and BRADFORD smile hatefully at
       MOM, pressuring her with their high-visibility
       surveillance.

       The family nervously gets in their car and DAD turns
       the ignition.

       Cop after cop after cop start up their engines.

       As DAD pulls out of the driveway in his car the cops
       file into a procession of intimidation behind him.

104.   INTERIOR DET. MOORE AND DET. BRADFORDS' CAR.

                            DET. BRADFORD
                       (Talking into police radio)
                  ...Sutphin family proceeding west
                  on Seminary Avenue.  Beverly ain't
                  goin' nowhere this time.

105.   INTERIOR SUTPHIN CAR.

                            MISTY
                       (Scared)
                  Dad, I thought it was ok.
                  Make them go away.  This is
                  embarrassing.

                            DAD
                  Just ignore the police.
                  It's all a terrible mistake.

       He turns on radio to music.

                            CHIP
                  Think we'll get on "A
                  CURRENT AFFAIR"?

106.   INTERIOR DET. MOORE AND BRADFORD'S CAR.

                            DET. MOORE
                  She's headed for church.

                            DET. BRADFORD
                   (To police dispatcher on radio)
                  I say we nail her!

                            DISPATCHER
                       (On radio)
                  Negative.  D.A. says no bust
                  until lab report is back matching
                  suspect's fingerprints on true-crime
                  book with those on scissors and
                  fire poker.

                            DET. BRADFORD
                       (To DET. MOORE)
                  She may be Beaver Cleaver's
                  mother...but Jim Jones and the
                  entire People's Temple just
                  fucked her!

107.   INTERIOR SUTPHIN CAR.

       MISTY, CHIP and DAD listen in appalled silence to
       news report on radio as MOM seems unfazed.

                            ANNOUNCER
                  ...the senseless killing last
                  night of Towson couple, Ralph
                  and Betty Sterner, brings to a
                  total of four murders police
                  feel may have been committed by
                  Baltimore's first serial killer...

       DAD looks at MOM in stunned disbelief.

                            DAD
                  Beverly!  Not the Sterners!

                            MOM
                       (Calmly)
                  It's a shame.  But they should
                  brush their teeth, honey.

                            ANNOUNCER
                       (On radio)
                  This just came in.  Police
                  Lieutenant Ronald Habbler has
                  publicly named a suspect in the
                  serial killer case and it's a
                  shocker!  She, that's right, she
                  has been identified as Beverly R.
                  Sutphin of 2815 Calverton Court...

                            MISTY
                  Oh God!
                       (In despair)
                  Now I'll never get a boyfriend!

                            DAD
                       (Nervously)
                  Beverly, I've been reading all
                  about it...is it menopause?

                            MOM
                  Oh, honey!

                            CHIP
                  Tell me the truth, Mom!
                  It's ok with me, really!  Are
                  you a serial killer?

                            MOM
                  Chip, the only cereal I know
                  about is Rice Krispies.

       Sutphin car pulls to a stop at a red light next to
       car full of churchgoers.  MOM turns to smile at them
       and all the churchgoers scream in horror at the
       sight of her face.

                            DAD
                       (Lovingly, painfully)
                  Don't worry, Beverly.  We're
                  going to get you good psychiatric
                  help.

108.   EXTERIOR ST. TIMOTHY'S EPISCOPAL CHURCH.

       MRS. ACKERMAN and MRS. HINKLE look up in amazement
       as they see the Sutphins pull into church parking
       lot followed by string of police cars.

       The Sutphins nervously get out of car and walk
       towards church as the good Christian families glare
       at them and gossip with a vengeance.

       DAD tries to be brave, MISTY hangs her head in
       mortification, CHIP is excited by all the attention
       and MOM smiles happily to appalled worshippers.

       GUS and SLOPPY, the two garbagemen, dressed in their
       shabby church clothes wave to MOM in secret
       admiration.

       BIRDIE's eyes light up at seeing CHIP but her
       suddenly forbidding parents hold her back when she
       tries to join him.  She mouths "I love you" to him
       as CHIP looks back to her parents with hurt and
       confusion.

       As the SUTPHIN family reaches the church door, a
       reporter runs towards them with his cameras drawn.

                            REPORTER
                       (To MOM)
                  So, Mrs. Sutphin!  Tell me!
                  Are you "Serial Mom"?

                            MOM
                  Who?

                            DAD
                   (Blocking his face from
                    strobing flash)
                  No comment!

                            CHIP
                      (To himself)
                  "Serial Mom"?
                   (He looks at his MOM who is
                    perversely enjoying the
                    attention)
                  WOW!

       MISTY, who can't help but notice that the REPORTER
       is strikingly handsome, gives him an obviously
       flirtatious smile before DAD yanks her into church
       with the rest of them.

109.   INTERIOR ST. TIMOTHY'S CHURCH.

       FATHER STONE, a mild and kind looking Episcopal
       priest has just begun the service.

                            FATHER STONE
                       (On altar)
                  Blessed be God, Father, Son and
                  Holy Spirit...

                            ALL
                  And blessed be His kingdom, now
                  and forever.  Amen...

       The SUTPHINS take their place in a half filled pew
       next to appalled young MARRIED COUPLE as a still
       mortified SCOTTY glares in hatred and vengeance from
       a pew in the back of the church.

       BIRDIE's face is covered in tears as she sits with
       her parents helplessly.

       MISTY turns in her seat and searches the hostile
       crowd for the face of the cute REPORTER.  When she
       spots him secretly snapping her photo, she subtly
       gives him a sexy pose.

110.   EXTERIOR CHURCH.

       DETECTIVES MOORE and BRADFORD wait with other COPS
       outside their cars as voice comes over police radio.

                            CAPTAIN JOHNSON
                  This is Captain Johnson from
                  Homicide.  Lab reports confirm
                  Sutphin latent print of index
                  finger on true-crime book matches
                  those latent prints lifted from
                  murder weapons.  Bingo, boys!
                  Bust the bitch!
         
       COPS smile in silent victory as they immediately
       spread out and approach the church.

111.   INTERIOR CHURCH.

       FATHER STONE is giving the sermon in a kindly tone.

                            FATHER STONE
                  ...Jesus said nothing to condemn
                  capital punishment as he hung on
                  the cross, did He?!

       MRS. ACKERMAN and MRS. HINKLE nod in pious
       agreement.

                            FATHER STONE
                  ...If ever there was a time to
                  go on record against the death
                  penalty, WASN'T IT THAT NIGHT?!...

       DAD gulps and lovingly takes MOM's hand as MISTY and
       CHIP look at one another appalled while MOM
       continues her defiant smile.

                            FATHER STONE
                  CAPITAL PUNISHMENT is already the
                  LAW in the State of Maryland!...

       DETECTIVES MOORE and BRADFORD and all the COPS begin
       infiltrating the church, taking places in pews and
       then moving forward to other pews closer to MOM.

       SCOTTY beams at police presence and eagerly scoots
       over to let DET. BRADFORD and DET. MOORE sit with
       him on their way to nail MOM.

       GUS and SLOPPY, the garbagemen, scowl at the police
       and look with loyalty to poor MOM.

                            FATHER STONE
                  ...SO WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR,
                  FELLOW CHRISTIANS?!  LET'S JUST
                  DO IT!!

                            ALL
                  AMEN!

                            FATHER STONE
                  Now, let us pray and humbly
                  confess our sins unto Almighty
                  God.

       As CONGREGATION prays along with FATHER STONE, COPS
       flood the church and move towards MOM.

                            CONGREGATION
                  ...Most merciful God, we confess
                  that we have sinned against thee...

                            CHIP and MISTY
                  ...by what we have done...

                            BIRDIE & PARENTS
                  ...and by what we have left undone...

                            DAD
                  ...we are truly sorry and we
                  humbly repent...

                            MOM
                   (Praying piously, but beginning
                     to sniffle a sneeze)
                  ...so that we may delight in thy
                  will...

       A BABY in the arms of a MOTHER in pew in front of
       MOM stares back at MOM.

                            MOM
                  ...And walk in the ways to
                  the glory...
                   (Starts to sneeze and
                    catches herself)
                  ...of Thy name...

                            ALL
                  Amen!

       MOM sneezes and a hunk of phlegm flies out and hits
       BABY square in face.

       BABY'S MOTHER screams in horror at seeing her BABY's
       face and the entire congregation1 thinking she's
       been attacked by MOM, dives to the floor in terror.

       COPS draw guns and leap over pews as complete
       pandemonium breaks out in church.

       Just as DET. MOORE and DET. BRADFORD are about to
       grab MOM, GUS and SLOPPY punch the COPS in the mouth
       and MOM runs off.

       DAD looks for MOM in a panic and realizes she has
       vanished.

       CHIP cringes in fear as hordes of COPS surround his
       family until he is relieved to see that MOM has
       escaped.

       MISTY gives "dramatic" poses of "fear" and "horror"
       as cute REPORTER snaps her picture excitedly.

       BIRDIE escapes her parents, runs to CHIP, embraces
       him and together they take off.

       FATHER STONE stares out from altar in shock as
       worshippers scream and trample each other trying to
       get out of church as police try to restore order.

       SCOTTY, trying to be macho, fights his way towards
       front of church and for a split-second sees CHIP,
       BIRDIE and MOM running out back door of sacristy in
       escape.

                            SCOTTY
                  THERE SHE IS!!

       MOM blows a quick kiss to GUS and SLOPPY who beam in
       happiness at helping her escape.

112.   EXTERIOR CHURCH PARKING LOT.

       CHIP and BIRDIE are "hot-wiring" SCOTTY's car as MOM
       lies hidden out of view on back seat of car.

113.   INTERIOR SCOTTY'S CAR.

                            CHIP
                  We'll show 'em, Mom,  We'll
                  go on "60 Minutes"!

       The car engine starts up.

                            BIRDIE
                  Alright
                       (To MOM)
                  You're bigger than Jason or
                  Freddie now!
                      (In wonderment)
                  Only you're a real person!

                            MOM
                       (Innocently)
                  Do you think I'll need
                  a lawyer?

                            CHIP
                     (Putting on his seat belt)
                  You need an AGENT!

       CHIP peels out.

114.   EXTERIOR CHURCH PARKING LOT.

       REPORTER has chased DAD and MISTY to their car,
       still taking pictures as COPS flood the area looking
       for MOM.

                            DAD
                  NO COMMENT!  PLEASE!  My
                  wife is missing!  I'm worried
                  sick about her!
                       (Gets in car)

                            REPORTER
                  Hey, Misty!  Just a few more
                  shots, Ok?  I'm Hank Hawkins
                  from the Baltimore Sun.

                            MISTY
                       (Flirting boldly
                        and posing)
                  Hi, Hank.

                            DAD
                        (Appalled, opening
                         passenger door
                         from inside)
                  MISTY SUTPHIN, GET IN THIS
                  CAR!!

115.   EXTERIOR "SUBURBAN CULT VIDEO" SHOP.

       CHIP and BIRDIE hurry MOM from car and run to door
       of shop as CHIP fumbles for his keys to open up.

116.   INTERIOR "SUBURBAN CULT VIDEO" SHOP.

       CHIP and BIRDIE hustle MOM into the shop and lead
       her to the "Gore" section and open a door covered
       with violent video display boxes to reveal a small
       closet.

                            CHIP
                  In here, Mom...

                            MOM
                  But, Chip...

       CUSTOMER begins banging on door.

                            CHIP
                  Get in, Mom!  I have to open.

                            MOM
                  This is so silly.
                       (Gets in)

       CHIP closes door behind her and then inserts
       cassette into VCR and pushes "Play" button.  On
       video in shop we see "Leatherface" in "The Texas
       Chainsaw Massacre" jump out from behind a bush and
       hack up a male victim.

       BIRDIE lets in the first customer of the day, a
       middle aged battle-ax, MRS. JENSON.

                            BIRDIE
                  Good morning, Mrs. Jenson.

                            MRS. JENSON
                    (Scowling at video screen
                     where "Leatherface" chases
                     a girl to house where he
                     "chainsaws" his way through
                     door as the victim screams
                     in terror)
                  Haven't you had enough
                  violence, Chip Sutphin?
                  Turn that filth off!

                            CHIP
                       (Turning it off)
                  Sorry, ma'am.

                            MRS. JENSON
                  Do you have the musical,
                  "Annie"?

                            CHIP
                    (Rolling his eyes and
                     getting the cassette)
                  Sure do.  Did you bring
                  back "Ghost Dad"?

                            MRS. JENSON
                   (Rooting in her purse and
                    handing CHIP the casette)
                  There you go.  I love Bill
                  Cosby pictures.

                            CHIP
                   (Looking at cassette in
                      frustration)
                  Mrs. Jensen, I've told you.
                  You have to rewind the tapes
                  before returning them!

                            MRS. JENSON
                       (Belligerently)
                  Why?

                            CHIP
                  Because it's the rules!

                            MRS. JENSON
                       (Defiantly)
                  I don't feel like rewinding it!

       MOM's face turns to stone in closet.

                            CHIP
                       (Exasperated)
                  You see the sign!  It's a
                  dollar fine for not rewinding
                  and this time I'm gonna charge
                  you! $2.99 plus one dollar
                  is $3.99!

                            MRS. JENSON
                     (Slamming money down and
                      grabbing video)
                  Keep the change, you son of
                  a psycho!

       MRS. JENSON stomps to door and slams it behind her
       as MOM's face twists in rage as she listens.

                            BIRDIE
                  What a bitch!

                            CHIP
                  It's the influence of all those
                  family films.
                       (Turning to closet)
                  Right, Mom?
                       (No answer)
                  Hey, Mom??...
                       (Still no answer)

                            BIRDIE
                       (Nervously)
                  Mrs. Sutphin?

                            CHIP
                  Mother?
                    (Opens door to reveal
                     empty closet)

                            BIRDIE
                  0h, shit!

                            CHIP
                  You don't think....

                            BIRDIE
                  She wouldn't...

       BIRDIE runs to back of shop and sees opened door to
       street.

                            CHIP
                       (Panicked)
                  What's Mrs. Jenson's address?

       BIRDIE runs to files and starts going through them.

                            BIRDIE
                  ...Jenner...Jenson, Emy Lou
                  Jenson.  3511 Clark Avenue!

                            CHIP
                  That's right up the street!
                  Come on!  Just in case!

117.   EXTERIOR "SUBURBAN CULT VIDEO" SHOP.

       CHIP and BIRDIE exit in a panic and run up the
       street.

       Hidden behind his "borrowed" car across the street
       is SCOTTY who has been watching them all along.  He
       takes off on foot after them.

118.   INTERIOR MRS. JENSON'S KITCHEN.

       A carving knife slices through leg-of-lamb on
       kitchen table.  Camera pans up to MRS. JENSON's
       happy face as she fixes herself a leg-of-lamb
       sandwich and exits to living room.

119.   INTERIOR MRS. JENSON'S LIVING ROOM.

       MRS. JENSON kicks off her shoes, excitedly pops
       videocassette into her VCR and climbs into her
       recliner for a relaxing afternoon of video
       pleasures.  She takes a big bite out of her
       sandwich, twangs the remote to start the video and
       smiles excitedly at hearing the overture to
       "Tomorrow" begin over the credit sequence to
       "Annie", her favorite musical.  Subtitle appears
       "12:09pm" and fades out.

120.   INTERIOR MRS. JENSON'S KITCHEN.

       The door handle jiggles ominously.

121.   INTERIOR MRS. JENSON'S LIVING ROOM.

       A large DOG rises up next to MRS. JENSON.

                            MRS. JENSON
                  What is it, Sylvester,
                  a bird?  Shhhh.  Mommy's
                  watching "Annie".

122.   INTERIOR MRS'. JENSON'S KITCHEN.

       MOM looks over her shoulder to make sure no one is
       watching and then slowly lets herself in kitchen
       door.  Her eyes immediately go to gleaming butcher
       knife on table.

123.   INTERIOR MRS. JENSON'S LIVING ROOM.

       The DOG growls.

                            MRS. JENSON
                  Quiet, Sylvester.  Nobody's
                  there.  Shhh...Lick Mommy's
                  feet.
                       (Wiggles toes at DOG)
                  Come on!  Get 'em all wet!
                       (Starts singing along
                        with video)
                  "The sun comes out
                  Tomorrow..."

       DOG growls and heads toward kitchen.

124.   EXTERIOR MRS. JENSON'S HOUSE.

       CHIP and BIRDIE stand outside looking up at house in
       fear.

                            CHIP
                       (To BIRDIE)
                  Come on!

       They sneak to side of house.

       Cut to SCOTTY watching them from a distance.

125.   INTERIOR JENSON KITCHEN.

       MOM is down on floor with mean DOG getting him to
       roll over and "beg" for her with gusto as "Annie"
       soundtrack blares from living room.

126.   INTERIOR JENSON LIVING ROOM.

       MRS. JENSON is bellowing out the lyrics to
       "Tomorrow" along with the soundtrack.

                            MRS. JENSON
                  "The sun comes out
                  Tomorrow
                  And you've got to
                  Hang on to Tomorrow
                  Come what may..."

127.   INTERIOR KITCHEN.

       MOM grabs butcher knife.

128.   EXTERIOR MRS. JENSON'S HOUSE.

       CHIP and BIRDIE are below window to her TV room.
       CHIP gives BIRDIE a leg-up so she can see inside.
       BIRDIE'S POV shot of MRS. JENSON singing along.

                            MRS. JENSON
                  "Tomorrow!  Tomorrow!
                  I love you
                  Tomorrow
                  You're only a day away!"

129.   GARAGE ROOF NEARBY.

       SCOTTY has climbed up and has a direct view over
       CHIP and BIRDIE into MRS. JENSON'S window.

130.   INTERIOR JENSON KITCHEN.

       Hand held camera follows MOM clutching knife out of
       the kitchen into living room as she sneaks up on a
       singing MRS. JENSON.

131.   GARAGE ROOF.

       SCOTTY looks horrified to see a figure sneaking up
       on MRS. JENSON through window.

132.   INTERIOR JENSON LIVING ROOM.

       MOM changes her mind, puts down knife and goes back
       into kitchen.

133.   GARAGE ROOF.

       SCOTTY sighs in relief.

134.   EXTERIOR JENSON HOUSE.

       BIRDIE gives CHIP a leg-up and he gets a glimpse of
       the singing MRS. JENSON building to the finale of
       "Tomorrow".

                            MRS. JENSON
                   "Tomorrow!  Tomorrow!  Tomorrow!
                   I love you..."

135.   JENSON KITCHEN.

       MOM picks up entire leg-of-lamb by the bone as her
       eyes light up in homicidal glee.  She leans down,
       kisses the DOG on the lips, and exits back to living
       room.

136.   INTERIOR JENSON LIVING ROOM.

       MRS. JENSON is practically leaping our of her
       recliner singing along with the finale to "Tomorrow"
       on the credits to "Annie" as MOM creeps up behind
       her with leg-of-lamb.

                            MRS. JENSON
                  "....Tomorrow!
                  You're only a day...
                  AWAAAAAY!!!"

       MOM bludgeons MRS. JENSON with the leg-of-lamb on
       the final note of the song.

       Blood splatters the happy scene on the TV screen.
       MRS. JENSON tries to struggle up from the floor but
       MOM hits her over the head again with leg-of-lamb
       and finishes her off.

       MOM zaps the off button and softly sings to herself
       in the sudden silence.

                            MOM
                  "Tomorrow!..Tomorrow!..Tomorrow!
                  I love you...

       MOM bludgeons her one more time and then pushes the
       REWIND button in revenge.

137.   GARAGE ROOF.

       SCOTTY lets out a terror-filled scream.

138.   INTERIOR JENSON LIVING ROOM.

       MOM looks out window in search of scream and zooms
       right in on SCOTTY's horrified face.

139.   EXTERIOR JENSON HOUSE.

       CHIP and BIRDIE look at each other in panic after
       hearing SCOTTY scream and seeing him run away behind
       them.

140.   INTERIOR JENION LIVING ROOM.

       The DOG is devouring the leg-of-lamb on the floor.

       MOM grabs butcher knife, and takes off after SCOTTY.

141.   EXTERIOR JENSON HOUSE.

       CHIP is giving BIRDIE a frantic leg-up.

       BIRDIE POV shot of MRS. JENSON's battered corpse.

       The DOG lunges at BIRDIE in window.

       BIRDIE screams in horror and falls to the ground.

                            BIRDIE
                  I saw blood!  And it's brown!
                  Not red like in horror movies,
                  but brown!!

                            CHIP
                       (Terrified)
                  Is MOM...in there?

                            BIRDIE
                  No!
                       (Obsessed)
                  It wasn't like gore movies
                  at all!
                       (Bursting into tears)
                  IT WAS REAL!

       CHIP grabs her arm and they run.

142.   EXTERIOR JENSON HOUSE - OTHER SIDE.

       MOM comes running out front, sees SCOTTY running in
       the other direction and charges after him like a bat
       out of hell.

143.   UP THE STREET.
         
       SCOTTY runs, looking over his shoulder, horrified to
       see MOM chasing him with a butcher knife.

144.   MRS. JENSON'S NEIGHBORHOOD.

       BIRDIE and CHIP run in fear across suburban back
       lawns.

                            BIRDIE
                  Oh God, I think I'm going
                  to be sick...

       BIRDIE vomits into the hot coals of somebody's
       outside cooking grill as horrified HOUSEWIFE looks
       out her window at her, about to begin cookout and
       screams in revulsion.

       CHIP grabs BIRDIE and they run away.

145.   EXTERIOR "SUBURBAN CULT VIDEO" SHOP.

       SCOTTY's convertible awaits him as he races towards
       it with MOM gaining on him with every stride.

       SCOTTY lunges for door handle, fumbles with key and
       hops in just in time.

       MOM plunges butcher knife through convertible top as
       he puts key in ignition.

                            MOM
                  WEAR YOUR SEATBELT!  IT'S
                  THE LAW!!

146.   INTERIOR SCOTTY'S CAR.

       SCOTTY starts engine as he ducks the repeated knife
       jabs through his convertible top.

147.   SUBURBAN STREET.

       SCOTTY peels out, showering MOM with gravel.

       A van pulls to a stop.  Inside are two BURGLARS;
       one white, the other black.  They are surrounded by
       obvious loot: VCR's, cameras and silverware.

       MOM turns to them with knife.

                            BURGLAR A
                  What the fuck is that?

                            BURGLAR B
                  Betty Crocker gone psycho!

       MOM yanks open van door and points knife inside.

                            MOM
                       (Primly)
                  Give me your fucking van
                  before I kill you!

                            BURGLAR A
                       (Hopping out of driver's
                        seat)
                  Yes, ma'am.  It's all yours.

                            BURGLAR B
                       (Hopping out as MOM
                        hops in and pulls off)
                  Drive carefully!
                       (To fellow BURGLAR A)
                  White people sure are something!

148.   INTERIOR SCOTTY'S CAR.

       SCOTTY is speeding along, relieved to get away.

                            SCOTTY
                       (To himself out loud)
                  Dear God...I promise I'll
                  never watch a sex film again...
                  I promise, I promise....

149.   INTERIOR STOLEN VAN.

       MOM switches gears like Evil Knieval and skids
       around corner in hot pursuit.

150.   INTERIOR SCOTTY'S CAR.

       SCOTTY checks rearview mirror and sees a van
       speeding up behind him.

                            SCOTTY
                  Oh shit!
                       (He floors it)

151.   SUBURBAN INTERSECTION.

       CHIP and BIRDIE are running down street.

       DAD and MISTY are driving in other direction looking
       for MOM.  Seeing CHIP and BIRDIE, DAD screeches on
       the brakes and the kids run to car in relief and
       jump in.

       Suddenly SCOTTY roars by in his car with MOM in hot
       pursuit.  She sees DAD and family and blows them a
       lunatic kiss.

                            DAD
                  Hold on, kids!

       DAD takes off after MOM in car.

       A COP sees the speeding caravan as it careens around
       a corner.

                            COP
                  All units!  SERIAL MOM
                  headed south on York Road.
                  Proceed with caution!
                  SHE'S ARMED AND FUCKIN' NUTS!!

152.   EXTERIOR "HAMMERJACKS".  Huge Rock 'n' Roll Palace.
       Large signs announce "SUNDAY ROCK-A-THON.  IN PERSON
       - 'CAMEL LIPS'"

       SCOTTY careens into parking lot in his convertible.
       Subtitle appears "2:47pm" and fades out.

153.   INTERIOR HAMMERJACKS.

       On stage, "CAMEL LIPS", an all-female
       grunge-punk-metal band, dressed in their trademark
       skin tight slacks that gave the group their name,
       perform their hit song "Gas Chamber".  The monstrous
       but beautiful LEAD SINGER bellows and snarls the
       lyrics as the DRUMMER, a brain dead drug idiot, hits
       herself on head with drumstick in between beats as
       criminal looking biker-chick GUITARIST plays her
       instrument and mock-humps it with sexual abandon.

       The audience of on-the-edge kids goes bezerk,
       guzzling beer and slam dancing with frightening
       intensity

154.   EXTERIOR HAMMERJACKS.

       MOM speeds into parking lot.

       SCOTTY is looking over his shoulder in fear as he
       nears the entrance waiting in line with grunge-metal
       kids.

                            DOORMAN
                       (To SCOTTY)
                  I.D.?

                            SCOTTY
                       (Panicked)
                  Can I give it to you inside?

                            DOORMAN
                  Hey, buddy.  NOBODY gets
                  inside without I.D.

       SCOTTY fumbles for his wallet.

       MOM is hurrying across parking lot staring at SCOTTY
       with a vengeance.

       DAD and the kids speed into parking lot and jump out
       of car.

                            DOORMAN
                       (Looking at Scotty's I.D.)
                  Birthdate?

                            SCOTTY
                    (Straining to remember
                     information on his fake I.D.)
                  Uh...December 14th, 1975.
                       (Pleading)
                  Please!

                            DOORHAN
                  Ok, go ahead,

       SCOTTY snatches back I.D. and rushes inside.

       As horde of cop cars with lights blinking and sirens
       blaring screech into parking lot, MOM pushes her way
       up in line and greets startled kids who recognize
       her.

                            MOM
                  Hi! I know your mom...

                            KID A
                  It's her!

                            KID B
                  Who?

                            MOM
                  Excuse me.
                   (Pushing her way up in line)
                  Age before beauty...

                            KID C
                  The murder lady!  The one
                  on TV!

                            KID B
                  Cool!  Is she in a band?

                            MOM
                       (Butting ahead)
                  Sorry...the police are after
                  me...

                            DOORMAN
                       (Recognizing her)
                  Hey, you're Serial Mom!

                            MOM
                       (Modestly)
                  I guess I am.

                            DOORMAN
                   (Looks up and sees her family
                    and COPS rushing towards her)
                  Come on in lady.  Quick!
                       (Hands her a badge)
                  Here, take this.  A backstage
                  VIP pass.
                       (Proudly)
                  Welcome to Hammerjacks,
                  "Serial Mom"!

                            MOM
                  Thank you so much, you kind,
                  kind creature.

155.   INTERIOR HAMMERJACKS.

       A parents' nightmare.  Grunge-punk hell.  "CAMEL
       LIPS" is undulating suggestively on stage screeching
       out the chorus of "Gas Chamber" as they mock gasp
       for breath, dodge beer bottles thrown from audience
       and punch out male groupies who rush the stage past
       brutish bouncers.

       SCOTTY pushes his way through slam dancing crowd as
       he is picked up and bodily tossed through the air by
       frenzied mob of "body-surfing" dancers.

       MOM is racing to catch up with SCOTTY.

                            MOM
                  Excuse me...coming through...
                     (Snatches beer bottle
                      out of boy's hand)
                  Bill Flowers!  You're underage!

                            BILL
                       (Laughing)
                  Don't kill me, Serial Mom!

                            MOM
                    (Snatching joint out of
                     hophead girl's lips)
                  Just say NO!  And COMB YOUR
                  HAIR, young lady!

                            GIRL
                       (Stoned)
                  Wow!  It's her!
                       (Proudly)
                  AND SHE'S A HEAVY METAL
                  MANIAC!!!

       DAD looks horrified as he politely maneuvers his way
       through crowd as CHIP, MISTY and BIRDIE take over
       and begin "slamming" their way through crowd opening
       up a crowd for DAD.

       The COPS flood the place.  DET. MOORE sees MOM in
       the distance, grabs DET. BRADFORD and they begin to
       fight their way through crowd after her.

       "CAMEL LIPS" incites the crowd from the stage to
       fight back against the police.

       SCOTTY is running toward stage in terror, looking
       over his shoulder and seeing MOM gaining on him.

       DAD gets caught in a mob of slam dancers and is
       lifted off his feet and tossed through the air by
       the crowd.

       MISTY, CHIP and BIRDIE see DAD airborne and start
       slamming into the crowd to save him.  MISTY and CHIP
       slam into big BIKER below DAD and DAD is knocked
       back to the ground safely.

       When BIRDIE sees a slam dancer with a trickle of
       blood running from his nose, she starts gagging at
       the sight of real blood.

       SCOTTY is at the edge of the stage.  He sees MOM
       almost on top of him and leaps onto stage and runs
       for his life, dodging bouncers and beer bottles
       being thrown from audience.

       MOM looks furious that SCOTTY has escaped but then
       looks up at theatrical light rigging overhead and
       then back down at SCOTTY's face as "CAMEL LIPS"
       tries to hit him with their instruments.  MOM looks
       over her shoulder and sees DET. MOORE and DET.
       BRADFORD advancing on her.  Ducking behind a giant
       speaker, out of view of the crowd MOM pulls butcher
       knife from purse, cuts supporting rope and sends
       whole set of lights crashing down on SCOTTY's head.

       The crowd goes wild thinking it's more of "CAMEL
       LIPS" sickening theatrics.

       A gang of heavy-metal chicks slam into DET. MOORE
       and DET. BRADFORD and knock them to the ground.

       MOM's eyes light up in fury when she sees SCOTTY
       still alive, crawling out from under the lights,
       semi-conscious and bleeding.

       BIRDIE faints at the sight of more blood.

       Thinking fast, MOM swipes a hairspray can sticking
       out of a girl's purse and uses her VIP pass to go
       backstage as CAMEL LIPS reaches its deafening
       crescendo of musical mayhem.

       As SCOTTY crawls to side of stage, MOM jumps out
       from a piece of backstage scenery and aims hairspray
       can at him.

                            MOM
                       (Hissing)
                  Buckle up, Scotty!

       MOM lights the spray from the hairspray can and
       ignites SCOTTY's clothes in lethal flames without
       anyone seeing her.

       SCOTTY runs across the stage ablaze as "CAMEL LIPS"
       plays the final deafening note of their song and the
       crowd gives a screaming ovation, all holding up lit
       lighters, thinking SCOTTY on fire is all part of the
       act.

       DET. MOORE and DET. BRADFORD look to the stage in
       horror.

       DAD gasps in fear.  MISTY and CHIP stare speechless
       as SCOTTY falls to his knees and keels over.  BIRDIE
       comes to and then faints again.

       The LEAD SINGER thinks it's a joke, pours a little
       Jack Daniels on the smouldering corpse and then
       jumps back in comic over-reaction when the flames
       light up again.

       MOM, now caught in the front row of laughing
       slam-dancing spectators, turns to her dumb-struck
       family, smiles and sticks fingers in her ears,
       mimicking that the music is much too loud.

       DET. MOORE and DET. BRADFORD slamdance MOM from both
       sides and knock her to the ground and handcuff her.

       DAD puts his arms around CHIP, MISTY and BIRDIE as
       they hang their heads in sorrow.

       "CAMEL LIPS" and the entire audience of grunge-punks
       boo and jeer the police as they drag MOM out as she
       smiles innocently in suburban lunacy.

       Slow fade to black.

156.   Slow fade from black to EXTERIOR TOWSON COURTHOUSE.
       WINTER.

       DAD, CHIP, BIRDIE, MISSY and her new boyfriend, the
       REPORTER get out of folksy lawyer, HERBIE HEBDEN'S
       car and follow him through crowd of hostile press-
       trial groupies, and MOM1s punk-grunge fans, feeling
       the full heat of MOM's serial killer infamy.  DAD
       wears a "Say No to the Gas Chamber" button and
       BIRDIE has turned hippy, wearing tie-dye clothes
       covered in peace signs.  CHIP, on the other hand,
       looks cooler, wears L.A. styled outfit and carries
       copy of Variety.  MISTY is obviously very much in
       love and the REPORTER seems to feel the same way
       about her.  Subtitle appears "Four months later,
       Monday, January 18th, 9:46am" and then fades out.

                            PRESS A
                  Mr. Sutphin!  How does your
                  wife feel?

                            DAD
                       (Grim-faced)
                  Beverly is devastated by the
                  charges against her.

157.   INTERIOR PRISON BUS.

       Female criminals are handcuffed and seated around
       MOM on their way to court as MOM leads them in a
       joyous and Disney-esoue rendition of "100 Bottles of
       Beer on the Wall".  MOM sings out with insane
       happiness and glee.

158.   INTERIOR COURTHOUSE CORRIDOR OUTSIDE OF COURTROOM.

       A "COURT TV" reporter is interviewing trial groupies
       as they wait in line to go through metal detectors
       to attend MOM's trial.

                            COURT TV
                  ...And you, ma'am, how long
                  have you been waiting to get
                  in?

                            LADY A
                    (Beaming at the attention)
                  Since 5:00am.  But it's gonna
                  be worth it!  I know she's guilty!

                            HUSBAND A
                    (Leaning into the shot)
                  We've been to famous trials
                  all over the country!

                            WIFE A
                    (Getting into the act)
                  ..Manson.. .Watergate...
                       (To Lady A)
                  Didn't I see you at Hinkley?

                            LADY A
                       (Proudly)
                  I was there!  My husband
                  thought I was crazy but...
                    (Seeing Sutphin family
                     getting off elevator)
                  LOOK!  HERE THEY COME!!
                  That awful family!

       The hostile crowd starts craning their necks and
       screaming in recognition as if rock stars are making
       their entrance.  DAD is blinded by the press's
       flashbulbs as HERBIE HEBDEN tries to stop CHIP from
       signing autographs as BIRDIE hands out "Stop the
       Violence" handbills.  REPORTER BOYFRIEND gives MISTY
       the signal and she starts crying for his exclusive
       news shots.

159.   INTERIOR COURTROOM.

       Packed with spectators, press and security officers.
       The middle-class jury of seven woman and five men
       take their place in the jury box as Sutphin family
       take their seats in front row behind HERBIE HEBDEN
       at his defense table.

       TIMOTHY NAZLEROD, the prosecutor, studies evidence
       photos of victim's bodies at the District Attorney's
       table on other side of the courtroom.  He looks up
       in disgust as MOM makes her apple-pie entrance.
       Escorted by two stern-faced police matrons.
       Subtitle appears "10:00am" and fades out.

                            MOM
                     (Happily waving to DAD)
                  Hi, honey!

       DAD smiles back pitifully.

                            MOM
                     (To CHIP, BIRDIE & MISTY)
                  Kids, did you do your homework?

       They give her a weak smile and nod "Yes".

                            JUDGE
                  Quiet in the courtroom! Court
                  is now in session!

                            MOM
                       (To JURY)
                  Hello, jury people.
                  My name's Beverly Sutphin.
                   (To startled woman juror)
                  I like your jacket!

                            JUDGE
                       (Losing patience)
                  Mrs. Sutphin, I SAID QUIET!
                  You are accused of mass murder!
                  This is a court of law, not
                  a coffee klatch!
                       (Bangs gavel)
                  Mr. Nazlerod, your opening
                  statement.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                  Thank you, your honor.
                       (Approaches JURY)
                  Ladies and Gentlemen of the
                  Jury, my name is Timothy
                  Nazlerod...
                       (Smarmily)
                  ...and I hope we can be
                  friends!
                    (JURY stares back
                     impartially)
                  ...I warn you, this is not a
                  pretty case...Beverly Sutphin
                  is a woman evil to the core...
                   (JURY POV shot of innocent-
                    looking MOM staring back
                    at them)
                  ...a rotten apple, if you will...
                    (DAD gulps in sorrow)
                  ...who beyond a reasonable
                  doubt killed five innocent
                  people!!

       SPECTATORS scowl hatefully at MOM.

                            CHIP
                     (Whispering to BIRDIE,
                      making excuses)
                  Well...they sort of deserved it...

       BIRDIE pales over the mere thought of violence.

                            DAD
                       (To CHIP)
                  Shhhhh!

       He looks over and sees MISTY and REPORTER BOYFRIEND
       are holding hands and glares at them to stop.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                  ...THAT'S RIGHT!  SHE MURDERED
                  THEM!...WITH A SPEEDING CAR...
                  A FIRE POKER...

       MOM subtly motions to MALE JUROR that he has
       something in his nose.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                  ...A PAIR OF SCISSORS...

       JUROR self-consciously feels around his nostrils in
       embarrassment.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                  ...A TOPPLED AIR CONDITIONER!

       MOM signals to JUROR that the problem is still
       there.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                  ...THE LETHAL FLAMES FROM AN
                  AEROSOL CAN...EVEN A LEG OF
                  LAMB!!

       JUROR blows his nose.  MOM smiles happily to him
       that the problem is solved.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                  ...Beverly Sutphin is not a
                  woman!...

       MISTY and REPORTER are watching and move even closer
       together to snuggle.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                  ...SHE IS A MONSTER!!

       MOM's smile turns to horror as JUROR #8 on end of
       second row crosses her legs and MOM zeros in on her
       hideous white summer shoes.

       Wipe to a disheveled HERBIE HEBDEN, the ultimate
       liberal defense attorney, as he paces back and forth
       before JURY wiping his brow.

                            HERBIE HEBDEN
                  ...Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm
                  Herbie Hebden and you and I
                  have a tough job ahead of us...

       MOM is still staring insanely at JUROR1s shoes.

                            HERBIE HEBDEN
                  ...I have known the Sutphin
                  family for sixteen years...

       MOM is frantically scribbling a note to her attorney
       on a legal pad.

                            HERBIE HEBDEN
                  ...Dad, Eugene, is my dentist...

       DAD self-consciously smiles to JURORS.

                            HERBIE HEBDEN
                  ...Chip and Misty played with
                  my own children...

       CHIP smiles to MOM's few heavymetal supporters as
       REPORTER BOYFRIEND puts his arm around MISTY.

                            HERBIE HEBDEN
                  ...but I've found out I don't
                  know Beverly Sutphin at all!

       He is trying to ignore MOM as she passes him a note
       that says "Juror #8 is wearing white summer shoes!"

                            HERBIE HEBDEN
                  ...No one really knows Beverly
                  Sutphin...

       MOM writes angrily "AFTER LABOR DAY!!"

                            HERBIE HEBDEN
                  ...You see...
                    (He reads note to humor MOM)
                  ...Beverly Sutphin is INSANE!!

                            MOM
                       (Suddenly defiant)
                  I AM NOT!

       Courtroom spectators gasp as DAD's mouth falls open.

                            HERBIE HEBDEN
                     (Trying to make his point)
                  Yes, she committed these
                  terrible crimes...
                       (Pleading)
                  ...but that doesn't make her
                  a bad person.

                            MOM
                       (Standing)
                  Your honor, I have a motion.
                  I would like to fire my
                  attorney, and defend myself!

       Sutphin family looks at one another, shocked at
       MOM's change of plans.

                            HERBIE HEBDEN
                  Beverly Sutphin is not guilty,
                  by reason of INSANITY!

                            MOM
                  Oh shut up, Herbie!
                       (To JUDGE)
                  I have the right to defend myself,
                  your honor.  I've read the
                  lawbooks!  "Ware vs. State, 1964",
                  and "Schutte vs. State, 1962".

                            JUDGE
                  Mrs. Sutphin, a defendant
                  who has herself for a lawyer
                  has a fool for a client...
                       (To attorneys)
                  Approach the bench!

       MOM smiles at DAD who looks bewildered as CHIP,
       MISTY and REPORTER BOYFRIEND give MOM the thumbs-up
       sign as BIRDIE nervously flashes her the peace sign.

                            JUDGE
                     (As bench conference
                      breaks up)
                  Mrs. Sutphin, I have no
                  legal choice but to allow
                  you to take over as your own
                  attorney.

       DAD looks worried and unsure.

                            HERBIE HEBDEN
                   (Sulking out of courtroom,
                    to MOM)
                  You'll get my bill, I mean
                  it!  A big one!

                            JUDGE
                       (To MOM)
                  How do you plead?

                            MOM
                       (Proudly)
                  NOT GUILTY, your honor!

       Courtroom and press buzz intently at MOM's new plea.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                       (Furious)
                  I call to the stand, Dottie
                  Hinkle!

       A vindictive and hostile, DOTTIE HINKLE enters the
       courtroom and eagerly takes the stand.  As she is
       sworn in, MOM watches her with an evil smile.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                  Mrs. Hinkle, did you ever
                  receive obscene telephone
                  calls?

                            DOTTIE
                       (Staring right at MOM)
                  I certainly did.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                  Did you recognize the voice
                  of the caller?

                            DOTTIE
                  Not at first, but then I
                  heard the same inflection in
                  a voice at a social gathering
                  and I put two and two together.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                  Who's voice was it, Dottie?

                            DOTTIE
                       (Pointing to MOM)
                  It was her!  Beverly Sutphin!
                  Sittin' right there!
                    (Dramatically to JURY)
                  I'm lucky I'm not DEAD!!

       Wipe to MOM approaching DOTTIE HINKLE for
       cross-examination.

                            MOM
                  Mrs. Hinkle...do you drink?

                            DOTTIE
                       (Haughtily)
                  No, I don't.

                            MOM
                  So you weren't drunk when
                  you received those alleged
                  obscene phonecalls?

                            DOTTIE
                  I certainly was not!

                            MOM
                  You mean to tell me the
                  day I came over to Mrs.
                  Ackerman's...the day you
                  claim you recognized my
                  voice...you weren't drinking?

                            DOTTIE
                       (Flustered)
                  One beer with lunch is
                  hardly "drinking".

       MISTY, CHIP and BIRDIE smile at MOM's legal skills.

                            MOM
                  So you do drink?

                            DOTTIE
                  Socially...I'll have a
                  beer.

                            MOM
                  So you admit you just
                  lied?

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                  Objection!  Argumentative!

                            DOTTIE
                       (Rising to the bait)
                  NO I DON'T, YOU BITCH!

                            JUDGE
                  Sustained.
                       (To DOTTIE)
                  Watch your mouth, Mrs.
                  Hinkle.

       Press scribbles frantically, beginning to doubt
       witness's credibility.

       MOM quickly and sneakily mouths "FUCK YOU" to DOTTIE
       without the JUDGE or anyone else in the courtroom
       besides DOTTIE seeing.

                            DOTTIE
                       (Shocked, to JUDGE)
                  Did you see her?!  She just
                  said "Fuck you" to me!

                             MOM
                        (Innocently, to JUDGE)
                  Let the record show I'm
                  just standing here.

                             DOTTIE
                  FUCK YOU TOO, YOU WHORE!

                             JUDGE
                  I'm warning you, Mrs. Hinkle.
                  One more obscenity and I'll
                  charge you with contempt of
                  court.

       DAD watches, amazed at his wife's cunning.

                            MOM
                       (Dramatically)
                  Mrs. Hinkle, are you insane?

                            DOTTIE
                  NO I'M NOT, YOU MOTHER-FUCKER!

       Police matrons lunge at DOTTIE as she leaps from
       witness box to attack MOM.

                            JUDGE
                       (Bangs gavel)
                  Mrs. Hinkle, I find you
                  guilty of contempt of
                  court and sentence you to
                  a thousand dollar fine and
                  five days in jail!
                       (To MATRONS)
                  Lock 'er up!

                            DOTTIE
                    (To MOM, being dragged
                     out)
                  YOU COCK-SUCKER!  YOU LOUSY
                  PIG-FUCKER!

       MOM smiles at JURY and turns to wink at her amazed
       family as spectators watch, willing to give MOM, for
       the first time, the benefit of the doubt.

       Fade out.

160.   Fade in to COURTROOM HALLWAY.  MORNING.

       CHIP is pacing up and down yelling into a mobile
       phone outside MOM's trial as long line of spectators
       wait to get in.  Subtitle appears "Tuesday, January
       19th, 10:05am" and then fades out.

                            CHIP
                       (On phone)
                  ...Well, you tell "Geraldo" to
                  go to hell!  I don't care what
                  Jeffrey MacDonald's people got
                  - he's old news!  We fly first
                  class or we don't do the show!

       A YOUNG MAN angrily approaches CHIP.
         
                            YOUNG MAN
                  Are you Chip Sutphin?

                            CHIP
                       (Into phone)
                  Hold on...
                       (To YOUNG MAN)
                  Yeah I am, but you'll have
                  to speak to my agent...

                            YOUNG MAN
                  Your mom killed my brother!

       He punches CHIP in the mouth.

                            CHIP
                       (Getting up, rubbing
                        his jaw)
                  That's cool...hey look, you're
                  Carl's brother, right?

                            YOUNG MAN
                  That's right.

                            CHIP
                  I'm sorry he's dead, but...
                  have you signed off yet?

                            YOUNG MAN
                    (Suddenly all business)
                  You mean for TV or print?

                            CHIP
                  TV, man!  Farrah Fawcett's
                  interested in playing my
                  mother!

                            YOUNG MAN
                   (Impressed, eyes lighting up)
                  Farrah Fawcett?!  Who's gonna
                  play my brother?  Is Jason
                  Priestly available?

161.   INTERIOR COURTHOUSE.

       LU-ANN HODGES, pot-head witness from PTA murder is
       on the stand testifying for the prosecution.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                  Miss Hodges, could you describe
                  the car...the one you saw run
                  over Mr. Stubbins in cold blood?

                            LU-ANN
                       (Giggling)
                  I seen that movie!...On cable!

       MOM stares in shock at JUROR #8 who has the nerve to
       give MOM a friendly smile back while wearing yet
       another hideous pair of white summer shoes.  Trying
       to suppress her rage, MOM turns to spectator section
       and happily notices the faces of GUS and SLOPPY
       smiling back to her in support.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                     (Annoyed at his witness)
                  PLEASE, Miss Hodges!

       DAD looks up at the unconvincing witness from
       reading "The Case Against Capital Punishment".

                            LU-ANN
                       (Obviously stoned)
                  'Scuse me...
                       (Giggles)
                  ...Well, like I told you,
                  it was blue.  The car, not
                  the driver...
                       (Laughs like a lunatic)
                  Just blue...you know...like
                  blue!

162.   EXTERIOR COURTHOUSE.

       MISTY has set up a flea market table and with the
       help of her REPORTER BOYFRIEND, is doing a brisk
       business hawking "Serial Mom" T-shirts to trial
       spectators.

                            MISTY
                  Get your "Serial Mom"
                  T-shirts while they last!
                  $19.95 plus tax!  Master
                  Card or Visa!

                            LADY D
                  I'll take two.  I wish they'd
                  had something like this at
                  the Kennedy kid trial!...

                            MISTY
                   (Processing the charge on
                    portable printer)
                  Thanks, ma'am.  Signature
                  here and home phone.

163.   INTERIOR COURTHOUSE.

       DET. BRADFORD is on the witness stand.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                  ...And these books...
                    (Holding up "Urge to Kill",
                     "Mass Murder in Houston")
                  ...these disgusting books that
                  so lovingly describe the sadistic
                  acts of serial killers...Where
                  did you find these books?

                            DET. BRADFORD
                       (Looking at MOM hatefully)
                  In Beverly Sutphin's trash can.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                       (Smugly to MOM)
                  You may cross-examine, Mrs.
                  Sutphin.

       MOM takes over and smiles in conspiracy at GUS and
       SLOPPY who giggle in excitement about what is to
       come.

                            MOM
                       (To NAZLEROD)
                  Thank you.
                       (To DET. BRADFORD)
                  Detective Bradford, if I was
                  to look through your trash can,
                  what reading material would I
                  find?

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                  Objection!  Immaterial!

                            JUDGE
                  You may answer.

                            DET. BRADFORD
                  .."Time"..."Newsweek".  My
                  wife gets "Ladies Home Journal"...

                            MOM
                       (Smiling)
                  Well, this magazine was found in
                  your trash just last night...
                       (Holds up porno magazine)
                  ...It's called "Chicks with Dicks".

                            DET. BRADFORD
                       (Turning bright red)
                  GODDAMN YOU!  THAT'S TRESPASSING!

       The entire courtroom bursts into laughter except for
       his partner, DET. MOORE, who looks at him in shock.
       GUS and SLOPPY laugh the loudest.

                            MOM
                  Don't judge people by what
                  they read, Detective.
                       (Smugly)
                  Your witness, Mr. Nazierod.

       MOM winks to SLOPPY and GUS.

                            DET BRADFORD
                   (Sputtering, purple with rage)
                  I'm a married man!!

       BAILIFFS forcefully remove him from the stand.

                            DET. BRADFORD
                       (Yelling to MOM)
                  I hope you get the gas chamber!

                            JUDGE
                  The jury is instructed to ignore
                  the outburst of the witness.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                    (Furious at MOM's
                     cross-examination)
                  I call to the stand Rosemary
                  Ackerman!

       Wipe to MRS. ACKERMAN on the stand holding the fire
       poker murder weapon tagged as evidence.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                  ...and did you ever see the
                  fire poker again after you
                  left it with Mrs. Sutphin?

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                  Yes!  Thirty minutes later
                  it was covered with blood and
                  gore and Carl Padgett was dead!

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                  No further questions.

                            MOM
                   (Standing to cross-examine)
                  Mrs. Ackerman, when you left
                  me at the flea-market, where
                  did you go?

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                  ...Browsing.

                            MOM
                  Did Carl Padgett buy
                  something you wanted?

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                  I didn't want that Faberge
                  egg - it was chipped!

                            MOM
                  Carl Padgett died for the
                  Franklin Mint, didn't he?!

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                    (Shocked at the suspicion
                     being pointed at her)
                  NO!  I could never hurt anyone!

       Spectators buzz.

                            MOM
                       (Not letting up)
                  That was your People magazine
                  with the letters cut out, wasn't it?

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                  Yes, but I lent it...

                            MOM
                       (Cutting her off)
                  And those were your scissors
                  found sticking out of Mrs.
                  Sterner's stomach, weren't they?

                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                       (Stuttering, panicked)
                  Yes...but...I didn't...

                            MOM
                       (Suddenly, dramatically)
                  Mrs. Ackerman, do you recycle?
         
                            MRS. ACKERMAN
                   (Horrified at the sudden
                    silence in court as everyone
                    stares at her in hostility)
                  No...
                       (Weakly)
                  I don't have room in my kitchen...

       GUS, SLOPPY and all the spectators let out a howl of
       disapproval.  Even the JUDGE scowls at the witness
       in disgust.

164.   EXTERIOR COURTHOUSE.

       REPORTER BOYFRIEND is unpacking stack of the
       "instant" book he wrote "Serial Mom - The Real
       Story" and autographing them for a line of
       housewives.

                            HOUSEWIFE A
                       (To RALPH)
                  Could you sign it: "To
                  a future Serial Mom"?

                            REPORTER
                       (Signing)
                  Sure.  You think she did it?

                            HOUSEWIFE B
                  I have reasonable doubt.

                            HOUSEWIFE C
                       (Buying a book)
                  I feel like killing a couple
                  of people myself!

       All the HOUSEWIVES in line begin booing and jeering
       MRS. ACKERMAN as she runs in terror from courthouse
       with GUS and SLOPPY chasing after her.

165.   INTERIOR COURTHOUSE.

       DET. MOORE is on witness stand being examined by the
       prosecution.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                  Detective Moore, did you
                  then proceed to the stage
                  area inside "Hammerjacks"?

                            DET. MOORE
                  Yes, I did.  Scotty Barnhiil
                  was on fire and he fell to
                  his knees in flames.

       BIRDIE looks up from reading "Ghandi" biography and
       gags as prosecutor hands DET. MOORE a gory 8x10
       glossy photo of victim.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                  Would this be what you saw?

                            DET. MOORE
                  Yes, sir.  A real barbecue.

       Suddenly a buzz starts in the courtroom and all
       heads turn to the back of the spectator section
       where the real life star, FARRAH FAWCETT* is
       entering with an entourage to "observe" Serial Mom.

       MOM acknowledges MS. FAWCETT with a dignified nod as
       DAD looks on in amazement.

       DET. MOORE, the JURY, even the JUDGE crane their
       necks to get a better look at FARRAH FAWCETT.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                       (Ignoring FARRAH FAWCETT,
                        trying to continue)
                  Your honor!
                       (Impatiently)
                  May the photo be entered in as
                  evidence and passed to the jury?

                            JUDGE
                  Huh?...oh yeah...YES.

                            DET. MOORE
                       (Star-struck)
                  Jeeeeze!  It really is Farrah
                  Fawcett!

                            JUDGE
                     (Blurting out, unable
                      to contain himself)
                  I loved you in "The Burning
                  Bed"!

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                         (Furious at JUDGE)
                  No further questions!
                         (Smugly looking at MOM)
                  I call to the stand, Marvin
                  Pickles.

       MOM looks back in sudden fear at the prospect of
       this mystery witness.

166.   INTERIOR COURTHOUSE MEN'S ROOM.

       MARVIN PICKLES, the pervert from the flea market
       bathroom has locked himself in a stall and is
       scrawling "I SNIFF JURIES' UNDERPANTS" on wall.

       A POLICE OFFICER enters men's room, frantically
       banging on bathroom doors.

                            COP
                  MR. PICKLES!  MR. MARVIN
                  PICKLES!

                            MARVIN
                  Be right out.

                            COP
                  The Judge is waiting for you!

167.   INTERIOR COURTROOM.

       MARVIN PICKLES hurriedly enters as all heads turn to
       follow him to the stand.  CHIP, who has joined
       BIRDIE and his family looks at MOM and sees her
       worried expression.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                  State your name, please.

                            MARVIN
                  Marvin A. Pickles.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                  Were you in the men's room
                  at the Edmonson Drive In
                  Flea Market on Saturday,
                  September 19th?

                            MARVIN
                  Yes, I was.

       FARRAH FAWCETT answers a ringing mobile phone in her
       purse.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                  Did you see anybody in the
                  booth next to you?

       MARVIN sinks down lower in witness chair so he can
       get a better view up MOM's skirt.

                            MARVIN
                  I...um...
                       (Turned on)
                  uh...

       MOM looks at him confused, still unaware of his
       letchery.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                       (Getting testy)
                  Mr. Pickle!  Did you see
                  anybody in the booth next
                  to you?

                            MARVIN
                  I...1'm not sure...
                   (Really turned on,
                    starting to moan)
                  ...I...oohhh...Excuse me...

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                       (Outraged)
                  What do you mean, you're not
                  sure?!

       MOM suddenly realizes MARVIN is looking up her
       skirt.  In a brilliant legal maneuver she begins
       inching her skirt up a little higher under the table
       out of view of the rest of the courtroom, giving
       MARVIN a better view and hoping to change his
       damning testimony.

                            MARVIN
                   (Eyes popping out of head)
                  There was nobody next to me:

       Housewife trial groupies start buzzing wildly in
       newfound support of MOM.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                       (Losing it)
                  Mr. Pickles, you testified
                  before the Grand Jury that
                  you looked down and "saw a
                  pair of lady's shoes" in the
                  stall next to you.

       MOM smiles like the perfect saint as she begins
       flapping her leqe back and forth under the table,
       flashing MARVIN her very prim nun-like undergarments
       out of view of the rest of the courtroom.

                            MARVIN
                       (Lost in his own
                        perverted glory)
                  Ohhhh!  I just said what you
                  told me to!

       DAD looks over at MISTY and REPORTER BOYFRIEND who
       have rejoined the family in court and is horrified
       to see them with their arms wrapped around each
       other, cuddling.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                  PERJURY IS A SERIOUS OFFENCE,
                  MR. PICKLES!!

       MOM is flapping her legs back and forth double time
       as MARVIN goes into his own private orgasm.

                            MARVZN
                  Ooohhhhhh!  I made it all up!
                  I never saw Beverly Sutphin
                  in my life!

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                       (Absolutely furious)
                  You'll pay for this, Marvin
                  A. Pickles!
                       (Returning to seat)
                  I'm turning your file over
                  to the vice-squad!!
                       (Sitting down)
                  The prosecution rests, your
                  honor.

                            MOM
                   (Giving MARVIN her version of
                    a sexy smile as he leaves stand)
                  The prosecution has proven
                  nothing, your honor.
                       (To the JURY)
                  The defense also rests!

       The spectators burst into spontaneous applause as
       DAD looks at the kids in fear at the upcoming
       verdict.

168.   Wipe to HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF COURTROOM.

       FARRAM FAWCETT is giving an impromptu press
       conference to the throng of adoring reporters.

                            FARRAH FAWCETT
                  ...I feel that Beverly Sutphin
                  is an innocent woman, wrongly
                  accused.  A normal housewife
                  trapped in a nightmare of
                  circumstantial evidence...

169.   INTERIOR COURTROOM.

       TIMOTHY NAZLEROD is giving the prosecution's closing
       argument.

                            MR. NAZLEROD
                       (Pointing to MOM)
                  ...That's her!  Henrietta Lee
                  Lucas!  Joan Wayne Gacy!  A
                  new face in the deck of serial
                  killer trading cards... Find
                  her guilty of all five counts
                  of first degree murder...!

170.   HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF COURTROOM.

       FARRAH FAWCETT is still pontificating for the press.

                            FARRAH FAWCETT
                  ...I only hope that I can
                  portray "Serial Mom"'s life on
                  the TV screen with the proper
                  dignity that this feminist
                  heroine deserves.

171.   INTERIOR COURTROOM.

                            MOM
                   (Addressing the jury with
                    calm believability)
                  Look at me!  I'm a normal
                  person just like you are!

       DAD wipes away a tear as CHIP looks at a preliminary
       design for mini-series showing FARRAH FAWCETT done
       up as MOM.

                            MOM
                  ...But I've been framed by
                  the police...

       MISTY and REPORTER BOYFRIEND are now openly making
       out in courtroom.

                            MOM
                  ...and perjured against by
                  the very people I thought
                  were my friends...

       BIRDIE looks out of courtroom window and sees a bird
       eating a worm and shudders in horror as CHIP pats
       her hand affectionately.

                            MOM
                  ...All I ask is that you
                  have the courage to find
                  me innocent of these terribly
                  untrue charges...

172.   HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF COURTROOM.

       FARRAH FAWCETT is "reenacting" MOM's closing
       argument for the enthralled press corp.

                            FARRAH FAWCETT
                       (Hammily)
                  ...All I ask is that you find
                  me innocent of these terribly
                  untrue charges...

173.   INTERIOR COURTROOM.

       Dissolve to stern-faced JURORS filing back into jury
       box, not looking at MOM.  Subtitle appears "Two days
       later.  Thursday, January 21st.  3:20pm" and then
       fades out.

                            JUDGE
                  Ladies and Gentlemen of
                  the Jury, have you reached
                  a verdict?

                            FOREMAN
                  Yes we have, your honor...

       JUROR #8 gives MOM a smile.

                            FOREMAN
                  ...We find the defendant
                  not guilty of all charges.

       Courtroom erupts in pandemonium, FARRAH FAWCETT
       cheering the loudest.  MOM turns to family who sit
       stunned in seats.

                            MOM
                  I'm coming home!!

       DAD forces a weak smile as he turns white as a
       ghost.

                            JUDGE
                       (Bangs gavel in disgust)
                  Court adjourned!

                            DAD
                    (Whispering to a shocked
                     CHIP and MISTY)
                  ...What should I do?

                            CHIP
                       (Suddenly nervous)
                  Bring her home...I guess.

                            BIRDIE
                       (Mumbling to herself)
                  No more violence...No more
                  violence...

                            REPORTER BOYFRIEND
                  Think she'll like me?

                            MISTY
                       (Worried)
                  Just be nice to her.  And try
                  ...just try not to get on her
                  nerves.

       MOM rushes over to DAD, free at last and gives him a
       big hug as press, fans, even the jury cheer her
       victory.

174.   INTERIOR COURTROOM HALLWAY.

       The stunned Sutphin family exits as MOM raises fists
       like "Rocky" to cheers of her supporters.

                            MOM
                    (Graciously accepting
                     flowers, signing autographs,
                     posing for the press)
                  I love you!  Thanks for coming!
                     (Slows a kiss to newsteam)
                  Hi Los Angeles!
                     (Looking into another camera)
                  Hello Cleveland!
                     (And another)
                  And you too, New York!

       Down the hall, inside a bank of old fashioned wooden
       phone booths is JUROR #8, excitedly talking on pay
       phone.

                            JUROR #8
                       (Proudly)
                  We did it!  We set her free!
                  I knew she was innocent
                  right from the beginning!...

       Without warning, MOM slams her way into phone booth,
       hangs up the call and grabs receiver out of JUROR
       #8's hand.

                            MOM
                       (Snarling scarily)
                  You can't wear white shoes
                  after Labor Day!

                            JUROR #8
                       (Stammering in open-mouthed
                        terror)
                  No...please...that's not
                  true anymore.

                            MOM
                  Oh yes it is!
                       (In homicidal fury)
                  Didn't your mother ever
                  tell you?!

       MOM suddenly bludgeons JUROR #8 over the head with
       the telephone receiver.

                            MOM
                  Well, now you know!

       JUROR #8, stunned by the blow, struggles to stay
       conscious.

                            JUROR #8
                       (Staggering in pain)
                  But...fashion has changed...

                            MOM
                       (Enraged)
                  No it hasn't!

       MOM imediately hits JUROR #8 over the head again
       with the telephone receiver.

       As JUROR #8's screams are drowned out by the passing
       PRESS MOB, MOM hits her again and again with the
       telephone receiver until JUROR #8 collapses to the
       ground, her white summer shoes turned red with her
       own blood.

       Cut back to Sutphin family, holding on to each other
       for dear life as the mob of supporters swell around
       them.

                            DAD
                     (Realizing MOM is missing
                      in the confusion)
                  Beverly?  Beverly?

       MOM flies out of phone booth wearing a big smile,
       not missing a beat.

                            MOM
                  Right here, honey.

                            PRESS
                  Mrs. Sutphin, can we get
                  a shot with you and Farrah
                  Fawcett?

                            MOM
                  Certainly.

       FARRAH FAWCETT barges in and takes over.

                            FARRAH
                  Hello, Beverly.  I'm Farrah
                  Fawcett
                      (Pulling MOM rudely)
                  You stand here...
                      (To PRESS)
                  Ok, boys, a medium two shot...

                            MOM
                   (Trying to get on other
                    side of FAWCETT)
                  ...but please...if I could
                  just...

                            FARRAH
                    (Rudely shoving MOM back
                     in place)
                  Stay there, Beverly.
                       (Posing)
                  Smile, Serial Mom!

       Flashbulbs explode.

                            MOM
                   (Hissing to FARRAH in the
                    scariest, most threatening
                    voice yet)
                  THAT'S MY BAD SIDE, FARRAH
                  FAWCETT!!

       A JUROR down the hall screams in horror as she opens
       phone booth door and a bloody white shoe pops out.

       FARRAH FAWCETT looks back at MOM in sudden fear.

       MOM glares back with the face of a madwoman.

       Freeze frame.

       Dissolve to epilogue title card:  "Beverly Sutphin
       is a free woman."

       CREDIT ROLL.








   

Serial Mom



Writers :   John Waters
Genres :   Comedy  Crime  Horror


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