"SIDEWAYS"
Screenplay by
Alexander Payne & Jim Taylor
Based on the novel by
Rex Pickett
May 29, 2003
UNDER THE STUDIO LOGO:
KNOCKING at a door and distant dog BARKING.
NOW UNDER BLACK, a CARD --
SATURDAY
The rapping, at first tentative and polite, grows insistent.
Then we hear someone get out of bed.
MILES (O.S.)
...the fuck...
A DOOR is opened, and the black gives way to BLINDING WHITE
LIGHT, the way one experiences the first glimpse of day amid,
say, a hangover.
A WORKER is there.
MILES (O.S.)
Yeah?
WORKER
Hi, Miles. Can you move your car,
please?
MILES (O.S.)
Why?
WORKER
The painters got to put the truck
in, and you didn't park too good.
MILES (O.S.)
(a sigh, then --)
Yeah, hold on.
He closes the door with a SLAM.
EXT. MILES'S APARTMENT COMPLEX - DAY
SUPERIMPOSE --
SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA
Wearing only underwear, a bathrobe and clogs, MILES RAYMOND
comes out of his unit and heads toward the street. He passes
some SIX MEXICANS waiting to work.
He climbs into his twelve-year-old CONVERTIBLE SAAB, parked
far from the curb and blocking part of the driveway. The car
starts fitfully.
As he pulls away, the guys begin backing up the truck.
EXT. STREET - DAY
Miles rounds the corner and finds a new parking spot.
INT. CAR - CONTINUOUS
He cuts the engine, exhales a long breath and brings his
hands to his head in a gesture of headache pain or just
anguish. He leans back in his seat, closes his eyes, and
soon NODS OFF.
INT. MILES'S APARTMENT - DAY
The door bursts open. Miles runs into the kitchen, looking
just past camera.
MILES
Fuck!
WHIP PAN TO --
THE MICROWAVE CLOCK that reads 10:50.
ON THE PHONE --
Miles hurriedly throws clothes into a suitcase.
MILES
Yeah, no, I know I said I'd be there
by noon, but there's been all this
work going on at my building, and
it's like a total nightmare, and I
had a bunch of stuff to deal with
this morning. But I'm on my way. I'm
out the door right this second. It's
going to be great. Yeah. Bye.
INT. MILES'S BATHROOM - DAY
ON THE TOILET --
Miles has a BOOK propped open on his knees. He turns a page,
lost in his reading.
LATER --
Miles SHOWERS.
IN THE MIRROR --
Miles FLOSSES.
INT. COFFEE HOUSE - DAY
Miles finally makes it to the front of the line.
BARISTA
Hey, Miles.
MILES
Hey, Simon. Triple espresso, please.
BARISTA
Rough night, huh?
(ringing it up)
For here?
MILES
No, I'm running late. Make it to go.
And give me a New York Times and...
(scanning the display
case)
...a spinach croissant.
EXT. 5 FREEWAY ENTRANCE RAMP - DAY
Miles's Saab chugs up the ramp and merges.
INSERT - NEW YORK TIMES CROSSWORD PUZZLE --
-- pressed against the STEERING WHEEL. The puzzle is about
1/3 finished.
EXT. 5 FREEWAY - DAY
As though from an adjacent car, we see Miles driving while
carefully filling in an answer.
INT./EXT. SAAB - DAY
THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD --
A SIGN reads:
RANCHO PALOS VERDES
PALOS VERDES ESTATES
1/4 MILE
PAN TO MILES as he signals to change lanes. The finished
puzzle lies on the passenger seat.
EXT. PALOS VERDES STREET - DAY
The houses on this block are blandly palatial as in so many
affluent Southern California suburbs.
Miles's car pull into the driveway behind an older BMW and
two LEXI. He gets out and trots toward the front door.
INT. ERGANIAN HOUSE - DAY
A GIANT PROJECTION TV --
In a large split-level living room displays a GOLF TOURNAMENT.
WIDE --
Watching from the ultra-comfortable furniture are MIKE
ERGANIAN, a tanned, silver-haired real estate caudillo; bride-
to-be CHRISTINE ERGANIAN, his oldest daughter; and JACK
LOPATE, wearing bowling shirt, shorts and flip-flops.
MRS. ERGANIAN, a warm and elegant housewife, shows Miles
into the room.
MRS. ERGANIAN
Look what the cat dragged!
MILES
Hi, everybody.
Mr. Erganian and Jack get to their feet and shake hands with
Miles. Jack remains affable, but we can discern his genuine
irritation.
JACK
About time you got here, bud. Mr.
Prompt.
MR. ERGANIAN
We were thinking maybe you took the
wrong way and went to Tijuana and
they didn't let you back in.
The Erganians laugh. Miles works up a smile too.
MILES
I had to bribe them.
More lame laughter.
CHRISTINE
Hey, Miles.
MILES
(leaning in to kiss
Christine)
Seriously though, the freeway was
unbelievable today. Unbelievable.
Bumper to bumper the whole way. People
getting an early start on the weekend,
I guess. Granted I got a late start,
but still.
Although Mr. Erganian presses MUTE on the remote, he keeps
watching for an extended moment, as do Jack and Miles.
MRS. ERGANIAN
Christine, why don't you ask Miles
about the cake?
CHRISTINE
Oh, good idea. Here, Miles, come to
the kitchen with me.
JACK
Don't bother him with that. We got
to get going.
CHRISTINE
(taking Miles's hand)
It'll just take a second.
INT. ERGANIAN KITCHEN - DAY
Jack and the Erganians surround Miles as he eats from a plate
with two pieces of CAKE -- one white, one dark.
MRS. ERGANIAN
Jack tells us you are publishing a
book. Congratulations.
MR. ERGANIAN
Yes, congratulations.
Miles shoots Jack a look. Mr. Erganian gets some ice cubes
from the refrigerator door.
MILES
Yeah, well, it's not exactly finalized
yet, but, um, there has been some
interest and --
MRS. ERGANIAN
(to Jack)
Your friend is modest.
JACK
Yeah, Miles, don't be so modest.
Indulge them. Don't make me out to
be a liar.
MR. ERGANIAN
What subject is your book? Non-
fiction?
MILES
No, it's a novel. Fiction. Although
there's a lot from my own life, so I
guess technically some of it is non-
fiction.
MR. ERGANIAN
Good, I like non-fiction. There is
so much to know about the world that
I think reading a story someone just
invented is kind of a waste of time.
CHRISTINE
So which one do you like better?
MILES
I like them both, but if pressed I'd
have to say I prefer the dark.
JACK
(to Christine)
See?
INT. SAAB - CONTINUOUS
IN A REAR VIEW MIRROR --
The Erganians wave good-bye.
INSIDE THE CAR --
Miles accelerates as he and Jack wave back.
JACK
Where the fuck were you, man? I was
dying in there. We were supposed to
be a hundred miles away by now.
MILES
I can't help the traffic.
JACK
Come on. You're fucking hungover.
MILES
Okay, there was a tasting last night.
But I wanted to get us some stuff
for the ride up. Check out the box.
Jack turns around, and starts rooting around in a CARDBOARD
WINE BOX.
MILES
Why did you tell them my book was
being published?
JACK
You said you had it all lined up.
MILES
No, I didn't. What I said was that
my agent had heard there was some
interest at Conundrum...
JACK
Yeah, Conundrum.
MILES
...and that one of the editors was
passing it up to a senior editor.
She was supposed to hear something
this week, but now it's next week,
and... It's always like this. It's
always a fucking waiting game. I've
been through it too many times
already.
JACK
I don't know. Senior editor? Sounds
like you're in to me.
MILES
It's a long shot, all right? And
Conundrum is just a small specialty
press anyway. I'm not getting my
hopes up. I've stopped caring. That's
it. I've stopped caring.
Jack sits back in his seat holding up a bottle of CHAMPAGNE
and TWO GLASSES.
JACK
But I know it's going to happen this
time. I can feel it. This is the
one. I'm proud of you, man. You're
the smartest guy I know.
Jack now begins to remove the foil from the champagne bottle.
MILES
Don't open that now. It's warm.
JACK
Come on, we're celebrating. I say we
pop it.
MILES
That's a 1992 Byron. It's really
rare. Don't open it now. I've been
saving it!
Jack untwists the wire. Instantly the cork pops off, and a
fountain of champagne erupts.
MILES
For Christ's Sake, Jack! You just
wasted like half of it!
Jack begins pouring two glasses.
JACK
Shut up.
(handing Miles a glass)
Here's to a great week.
MILES
(coming around)
Yes. Absolutely. Despite your crass
behavior, I'm really glad we're
finally getting this time together.
JACK
Yeah.
MILES
You know how long I've been begging
to take you on the wine tour. I was
beginning to think it was never going
to happen.
They clink and drink.
JACK
Oh, that's tasty.
MILES
100% Pinot Noir. Single vineyard.
They don't even make it anymore.
JACK
Pinot Noir? How come it's white?
Doesn't noir mean dark?
MILES
Jesus. Don't ask questions like that
up in the wine country. They'll think
you're a moron.
JACK
Just tell me.
MILES
Color in the red wines comes from
the skins. This juice is free run,
so there's no skin contact in the
fermentation, ergo no color.
JACK
(not really listening)
Sure is tasty.
EXT. FREEWAY - DAY
The Saab heads north.
INT. SAAB - DAY
The boys continue to drink and drive.
MILES
Did you read the latest draft, by
the way?
JACK
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
MILES
And?
JACK
I liked it a lot. A lot of
improvements. It just seemed overall,
I don't know, tighter, more...
congealed or something.
MILES
How about the new ending? Did you
like that?
JACK
Oh yeah. Much better.
MILES
There is no new ending. Page 750 on
is exactly the same.
JACK
Well, then I guess it must have felt
new because everything leading up to
it was so different.
INT. GAS STATION #1 - DAY
Miles is pumping gas. Jack is stretching his legs nearby or
perhaps cleaning the windshield.
A CELLPHONE RINGS. Jack reaches into his pocket.
JACK
(looking at the phone)
It's Christine.
(snapping it open)
Hey you.
CHRISTINE (ON PHONE)
You guys having fun?
Christine's voice is so loud that Jack has to hold the phone
away from his ear.
JACK
Yeah. All twenty minutes so far have
been a blast.
CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE)
Good. That's good.
A silence, then --
JACK
So what's up?
CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE)
Just seeing how you're doing. And,
um, Mom and I were starting to look
over the seating charts again, and
we're wondering if you wanted Tony
Levin to sit next to the Feldmans,
or should he be at one of the singles
tables?
Jack looks at Miles in a mute appeal for sympathy.
CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE)
So what do you think? With the
Feldmans?
Jack hasn't even really heard the question.
JACK
Yeah. The Feldmans.
As the conversation continues, Miles replaces the GAS PUMP,
screws the GAS CAP back on, and together the guys get back
into the car. We DRIVE AWAY WITH THEM.
CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE)
Really? Because I don't know, I was
thinking that --
JACK
Well, then put him at the singles
table.
CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE)
The problem with that is that then
there's one extra --
JACK
Then put him with the Feldmans.
Whatever you and your Mom decide is
fine with me.
CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE)
Don't dismiss me. I'm trying to
include you in this decision. He's
your friend.
JACK
I didn't dismiss you. I told you
what I thought, but it didn't seem
to matter, so you decide. Besides,
this is supposed to be my time with
Miles. I hope you're not going to
call every five minutes.
CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE)
I'm not going to call every five
minutes, but this is important.
JACK
Honey, I'm just saying you know I
need a little space before the
wedding. Isn't that the point of
this? Isn't that what we talked about
with Dr. Gertler?
A silence. Then --
CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE)
Why are you being so defensive?
JACK
I don't know, Christine. Perhaps
it's because I feel attacked.
CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE)
I ask you one simple question, and
suddenly I'm attacking you.
JACK
Listen. I'll call you when we get
there, and we can talk about it then,
okay?
CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE)
Bye.
JACK
I love you.
CHRISTINE (ON THE PHONE)
Bye.
Jack SLAMS his cellphone shut, momentarily blinded with rage.
MILES
Tony Levin? Why did you fucking invite
Tony Levin?
EXT. 405 FREEWAY - LATE AFTERNOON
The Saab heads north -- now passing through LOS ANGELES.
INT./EXT. SAAB - LATE AFTERNOON
Miles signals and begins to head for an EXIT.
JACK
Whoa, why are we getting off?
MILES
I've just got to make one quick stop.
Won't take a second.
JACK
What?
MILES
I thought we could just say a quick
hello to my mother.
JACK
Your mother? Jesus, Miles, we were
supposed to be up there hours ago.
MILES
It's her birthday tomorrow. And I
don't feel right driving by her house
and not stopping in, okay? It'll
just take a second. She's right off
the freeway.
EXT. 101 FREEWAY - LATE AFTERNOON
The Saab takes an EXIT.
JACK (O.S.)
How old's she going to be?
MILES (O.S.)
Um... seventy... something.
JACK (O.S.)
That's a good age.
OMIT.
OMIT.
EXT. CONDO COMMUNITY STREET - DUSK
The Saab rounds a corner and parks in front of a modest CONDO.
SUPERIMPOSE:
OXNARD, CALIFORNIA
EXT. MILES'S MOTHER'S CONDO - DUSK
Approaching the front door, Miles pulls a BOUQUET OF FLOWERS
out of a plastic grocery store bag. Jack carries a bottle of
CHAMPAGNE.
Miles pulls a BIRTHDAY CARD out of the bag too.
MILES
Wait a second.
He pulls a PEN from his pocket and signs it. As he licks the
envelope, Jack rings the bell.
Moments later PHYLLIS comes to the door. She is a matronly
older woman in a nightgown and housecoat.
MILES AND JACK
Surprise! Happy Birthday!
The boys offer up the flowers and champagne. Phyllis slurs
slightly as she speaks -- she's been doing some celebrating
of her own.
PHYLLIS
My God. Miles. And Jack! What a
surprise. I can't remember the last
time you brought me flowers.
They hug.
JACK
They're from both of us.
PHYLLIS
A famous actor bringing me flowers
on my birthday. Don't I feel special?
MILES
A famous actor who's getting married
next week.
PHYLLIS
Oh, that's right. Isn't that nice? I
hope that girls knows how lucky she
is, marrying no less than Derek
Summersby.
The boys follow her inside.
INT. MILES'S MOTHER'S CONDO - CONTINUOUS
JACK
Jeez, Mrs. Raymond, that was eleven
years ago.
PHYLLIS
Well, you were wonderful on that
show. I never understood why they
had to give you that brain tumor so
soon. Why that didn't make you the
biggest movie star in the world is a
sin. It's a sin.
JACK
Yeah, well, you should be my agent.
PHYLLIS
If I was, I would sing your praises
up and down the street until they
put me in the loony bin. Now Miles,
why didn't you tell me you were coming
and bringing this handsome man? Look
how I'm dressed. I've got to run and
put my face on.
JACK
You look fabulous, Mrs. Raymond.
PHYLLIS
(over her shoulder)
Oh, stop it. Make yourselves
comfortable.
(now around the corner)
You boys hungry?
MILES
Yeah, I'm hungry.
Jack gives Miles a look.
MILES
(low)
Just a snack. Calm down.
Miles leads Jack into this small condo. The TV is on, and
it's MESSY. Amid the newspapers and junk mail and dishes, an
AB-ROLLER and an ancient SCHWINN EXER-CYCLE sit forgotten in
a corner.
INT. MILES'S MOTHER'S KITCHEN - NIGHT
Miles finishes twisting ice trays into a MOP BUCKET as it
fills with water in the sink. He puts the champagne in and
carries it into the --
INT. MILES'S MOTHER'S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
He takes a seat on the sofa next to Jack, who is watching
WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE?
MILES
Let me show you something. The secret
to opening champagne is that once
the cork is released, you keep
pressure on it so you don't --
JACK
(concentrated on the
TV)
Just a second. Guy's going for $2500.
Miles finishes opening the bottle with an elegant silence.
PHYLLIS (O.S.)
Ready for my close up!
The boys turn to see Phyllis now dolled up in thick make-up
and a PANTSUIT. Her eyebrows are painted and cock-eyed.
Overall she looks much worse than before.
PHYLLIS
Oh, champagne! Miles, why don't you
bring that out onto the lanai? I
thought we could eat on the lanai.
EXT. MILES'S MOTHER'S LANAI - NIGHT
Miles and Jack are seated in webbed chairs around a circular
glass table. They are mid-meal.
Everyone is more than a little lubricated, especially the
birthday girl as she returns from the kitchen with another
plate of food.
JACK
Mrs. Raymond, this is delicious.
Absolutely delicious.
PHYLLIS
(sitting)
They're just leftovers.
JACK
Is it chicken?
PHYLLIS
I could have made something fancier
if a certain someone had let me know
that a certain someone was coming
for a visit with a certain special
friend. Could have made a pork roast.
MILES
It was a surprise, Mom.
PHYLLIS
And I could have already put clean
sheets on the other bed and the fold-
out. You are staying. Wendy, Ron and
the twins are picking us up at 11:30
to go to brunch at the Sheraton.
They do a magnificent job there.
Wendy is so excited you're coming.
Silence. Jack freezes, his fork halfway to his mouth.
MILES
You talked to Wendy?
PHYLLIS
Just now. She's thrilled. And the
kids.
MILES
(trying to be chipper)
Yeah, well. You know, Jack's pretty
eager to get up to... you know, but,
uh, yeah. We'll see how it goes.
PHYLLIS
Well, you boys do what you want. I
just think it would be nice for us
to be together as a family on my
birthday.
MILES
Uh-huh.
(wiping his mouth)
I'll be right back.
He gets up and heads into the house.
INT. MILES'S APARTMENT HALLWAY - NIGHT
Miles heads toward...
INT. MILES'S APARTMENT BEDROOM - NIGHT
...and goes directly to her dresser, opening a drawer filled
with bras, panties and stockings.
He burrows through his mother's lingerie until locating a
CAN OF RAID. A can of Raid?
He twists open the bottom and pulls it apart, revealing it
to be a SECRET STASH for valuables disguised as a common
household product. Inside are stacks of ONE-HUNDRED DOLLAR
BILLS.
MILES
(quickly peeling some
off)
...six, seven, eight,...
(one more for good
luck)
Nine.
His task complete, he closes the drawer, and as he stuffs
the bills in his pocket, his glance falls upon FRAMED PHOTOS
atop the dresser --
-- A proud NINE-YEAR-OLD MILES poses in front of his childhood
San Diego home, showing off a WAGON filled with freshly
harvested lettuce. On the wagon is a hand-lettered sign --
"10 cents a bunch."
-- A Sears portrait shows the RAYMOND FAMILY: a much younger
Phyllis, her husband, and their two children -- a 12-year-
old Miles and seven-year-old Wendy.
-- Miles at his wedding. He and his bride VICTORIA look young
and attractive, their faces radiant and hopeful.
INT. MILES'S APARTMENT BATHROOM - NIGHT
Miles enters, flushes the toilet and leaves.
EXT. MILES'S MOTHER'S LANAI - NIGHT
As Miles slides open the door and takes his seat again, Jack
is pouring Phyllis another glass.
PHYLLIS
And what was that other one you did,
the one where you're the jogger?
JACK
Oh, that was for, uh, wait... That
was for Spray and Wash.
PHYLLIS
Spray and Wash. That's the one.
JACK
Yeah, I remember the girl who was in
it with me. She was something.
PHYLLIS
I just remember you jogging. So when's
the wedding?
MILES
(irritated)
This Saturday, Mom, remember? We
told you.
JACK
And Miles is my best man, Mrs.
Raymond. My main man.
PHYLLIS
(another drink of
wine)
Miles, when are you going to get
married again?
MILES
I just got divorced. Phyllis.
JACK
Two years ago, buddy.
PHYLLIS
You should get back together with
Victoria. She was good for you.
Embarrassed for his friend, Jack just stares at his food.
PHYLLIS
She was good for you.
(turning to Jack)
And so beautiful and intelligent.
You knew her, right?
JACK
Oh, yeah. Real well. Still do.
PHYLLIS
I'm worried about you, Miles. Do you
need some money?
MILES
I'm fine.
Miles takes another drink of wine.
CUT TO BLACK:
UNDER BLACK, a CARD --
SUNDAY
MILES (O.S.)
Jack. Jack.
INT. MILES'S APARTMENT BEDROOM - DAY
Jack finally awakens with a start and finds Miles standing
above him, shaking him.
WIDE --
As Jack gets up, we see he has crashed on Phyllis's bed
adorned with all her decorative PILLOWS.
INT. MILES'S MOTHER'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Still in her pantsuit and smeared makeup, Phyllis lies
sprawled and snoring on the sofa. On the TV, ostensibly never
turned off the night before, is an inane CARTOON.
As Miles opens the front door, he spots Jack heading toward
the TV to turn it off. Miles waves him off.
MILES
(a loud whisper)
She'll wake up.
As they leave and Miles closes the front door quietly behind
him, we PAN to the flowers still wrapped and forgotten on a
side table.
INT. ROADSIDE IHOP - DAY
TWO PLATES OF FOOD float in front of two breasts tucked inside
a zippered uniform.
WIDER --
Disheveled and unshaven, Jack and Miles are served breakfast
by a young, innocently sexy WAITRESS. Jack leers after her.
JACK
Fuck, man. Too early in the morning
for that, you know what I mean?
MILES
She's a kid, Jack. I don't even look
at that stuff anymore.
JACK
That's your problem, Miles.
MILES
As if she'd even be attracted to
guys like us in the first place.
JACK
Speak for yourself. I get chicks
looking at me all the time. All ages.
MILES
It's not worth it. You pay too big a
price. It's never free.
They eat in silence a moment.
JACK
You need to get laid.
Miles shrugs off the comment.
JACK
It'd be the best thing for you. You
know what? I'm going to get you laid
this week. That's going to be my
best man gift to you. I'm not going
to give you a pen knife or a gift
certificate or any of that other
horseshit.
MILES
I'd rather have a knife.
JACK
No. No. You've been officially
depressed for like two years now,
and you were always a negative guy
anyway, even in college. Now it's
worse -- you're wasting away. Teaching
English to fucking eighth-graders
when they should be reading what you
wrote. Your books.
MILES
I'm working on it.
Miles concentrates on his eggs and hash browns
JACK
You still seeing that shrink?
MILES
I went on Monday. But I spent most
of the time helping him with his
computer.
JACK
Well, I say fuck therapy and what's
that stuff you take, Xanax?
MILES
And Lexapro, yes.
JACK
Well, I say fuck that. You need to
get your joint worked on, that's
what you need.
MILES
Jack. This week is not about me.
It's about you. I'm going to show
you a good time. We're going to drink
a lot of good wine, play some golf,
eat some great food, enjoy the scenery
and send you off in style.
JACK
And get your bone smooched.
Jack spots the waitress coming out of the kitchen and motions
for more coffee. She nods and smiles, indicating she'll be
right over. Jack returns the smile and holds up a hand to
signal he'll wait. Jack turns back to see Miles watching
him.
JACK
What?
EXT. CENTRAL COAST - DAY
In a series of shots, the Saab -- now with its TOP DOWN --
makes its way onto the 101 and travels past landmarks that
those familiar with the Santa Barbara area might recognize.
MUSIC accompanies this sequence that anchors us into the
rhythm of a road trip.
INT./EXT. SAAB - DAY
The car now descends the Santa Ynez Mountains and heads toward
Buellton. Miles and Jack must SHOUT to be heard in the open
car.
MILES
You know what? Let's take the Santa
Rosa turnoff and hit Sanford first.
JACK
Whatever's closest, man. I need a
glass.
MILES
These guys make top-notch Pinot and
Chardonnay. One of the best producers
in Santa Barbara county.
(looking out the window)
Look how beautiful this view is.
What a day!
JACK
I thought you hated Chardonnay.
MILES
I like all varietals. I just don't
generally like the way they manipulate
Chardonnay in California -- too much
oak and secondary malolactic
fermentation.
EXT. SANTA ROSA TURN-OFF - DAY
The Saab passes over the 101 and turns onto SANTA ROSA road.
INT./EXT. SAAB - DAY
The boys now pass vineyards of immaculate grapevines.
MILES
Jesus, what a day! Isn't it gorgeous?
And the ocean's just right over that
ridge. See, the reason this region's
great for Pinot is that the cold air
off the Pacific flows in at night
through these transverse valleys and
cools down the berries. Pinot's a
very thin-skinned grape and doesn't
like heat or humidity.
Jack looks at Miles, admiring his friend's vast learning and
articulateness.
The Saab now pulls of the road and makes its way down a long
gravel DRIVEWAY.
JACK
Hey, Miles. I really hope your novel
sells.
MILES
Thanks, Jack. So do I.
(noticing)
Here we are.
EXT. SANFORD TASTING ROOM - DAY
Miles brings the car to a stop in the parking lot. As they
get out and walk --
MILES
So what'd you guys finally decide on
for the menu?
JACK
I told you. Filet and salmon.
MILES
Yeah, but how are they making the
salmon? Poached with a yogurt-dill
sauce? Teriyaki? Curry?
JACK
I don't know. Salmon. Don't you always
have white wine with fish?
MILES
Oh, Jesus. Look, at some point we
have to find out because it's going
to make a big difference.
JACK
(taking out his phone)
Let me call Christine.
MILES
Doesn't have to be now. Let's go
taste.
JACK
I owe her a call anyway.
Miles must curb his eagerness to go inside the tasting room
as Jack SPEED DIALS.
JACK
Hey, honey. So we're up here about
to taste some whites, and we need to
know how the caterers are going to
make the salmon.
Jack listens, then grows suddenly impatient.
JACK
No, I know, I didn't forget, but we
wound up at Miles's mom's house, and
it got really late, and it was hard
to call, so I'm calling you now. I
said I was sorry. Yes, I did.
(to Miles)
You heard me say I was sorry, right?
Miles just shrugs.
JACK
Miles heard me say I was sorry.
As Jack gets more and more involved with the phone call, he
wanders off across the parking lot, progressively out of
earshot.
JACK
Give me a break, will you? I just
called to find out about the salmon --
for our wedding -- to be more
involved, like you said -- and all
you want to do is get into it about
last night and, okay, I'm sorry. I'm
sorry I didn't call. You're totally
right. I know, but I'm trying to
make this the best wedding I can
with the best wine we can find. Don't
I get any credit for that? Okay.
Look, I've got to go. I'm out here
in the parking lot, and Miles is
waiting for me...
And so it goes, Jack's voice rising and falling. Miles decides
to head inside.
INT. SANFORD TASTING ROOM - DAY
Miles is at the bar, TWO GLASSES in front of him. Jack walks
in and bellies up next to him.
JACK
(proudly)
Baked with a butter-lime glaze.
MILES
Now we're talking.
CHRIS BURROUGHS, a POURER in a cowboy hat and ponytail, comes
over.
CHRIS
This is the condemned man?
MILES
Here he is. Jack, Chris. Chris, Jack.
Chris and Jack shake hands.
JACK
How you doing?
CHRIS
You guys want to start with the Vin
Gris?
JACK
Sounds good.
TWO GLASSES are filled with small amounts of PINOT NOIR VIN
GRIS.
JACK
This is rose, right?
MILES
Good, yeah, it is a rose. Only this
one is rather atypically made from
100% Pinot Noir.
JACK
Pinot noir? Not again!
(joking, to Chris)
You know, not all Pinots are noir.
They laugh.
Miles swirls his glass in tight circles on the bar, then
lifts it to smell. Jack clumsily imitates Miles, perhaps
even spilling some wine in the process.
MILES
Let me show you.
We see details of what Miles now describes.
MILES
First take your glass and examine
the wine against the light. You're
looking at color and clarity.
JACK
What color is it supposed to be?
MILES
Depends on the varietal. Just get a
sense of it. Thick? Thin? Watery?
Syrupy? Inky? Amber, whatever...
JACK
Huh.
MILES
Now tip it. What you're doing here
is checking for color density as it
thins toward the rim. Tells you how
old it is, among other things, usually
more important with reds. This is a
very young wine, so it's going to
retain its color pretty solidly. Now
stick your nose in it.
Jack waves the glass under his nose as if it were a perfume
bottle.
MILES
Don't be shy. Get your nose in there.
Jack now buries his nose in the glass.
MILES
What do you smell?
JACK
I don't know. Wine? Fermented grapes?
Miles smells.
MILES
There's not much there yet, but you
can still find...
(more sniffs)
...a little citrus... maybe some
strawberry... passion fruit... and
there's even a hint of like
asparagus... or like a nutty Edam
cheese.
Jack smells again and begins to brighten.
JACK
Huh. Maybe a little strawberry. Yeah,
strawberry. I'm not so sure about
the cheese.
MILES
Now set your glass down and get some
air into it.
Miles expertly swirls the wine. Jack follows suit.
MILES
Oxygenating it opens it up, unlocks
the aroma and the flavors. Very
important. Now we smell again.
They do so. Jack smiles.
MILES
That's what you do with every one.
JACK
When do we get to drink it?
MILES
Now.
Jack gulps his wine down in one shot. Miles chews his before
swallowing.
JACK
How would you rate this one?
MILES
Usually they start you on the wines
with learning disabilities, but this
one's pretty damn good.
(to Chris)
This is the new one, right, Chris?
CHRIS
Released it about two months ago.
MILES
Nice job.
CHRIS
We like it.
JACK
(to Miles)
You know, you could work in a wine
store.
MILES
Yeah, that would be a good move.
Now Miles notices something about Jack.
MILES
Are you chewing gum?
JACK
Want some?
EXT. SOLVANG, CALIFORNIA - DAY
The Saab passes through this Danish-themed tourist town.
SUPERIMPOSE --
SOLVANG
EXT. BUELLTON, CALIFORNIA - DAY
The Saab makes its way into this very average-looking Central
coast town right off the freeway.
SUPERIMPOSE --
BUELLTON
EXT. WINDMILL INN - DAY
The Saab pulls into the parking lot of this motel. And look --
there's the WINDMILL itself, its decorative blades motionless.
INT. MOTEL ROOM - DAY
Miles and Jack enter the room and throw their suitcases onto
their respective beds.
LATER --
The sounds of a SHOWER and OFF-KEY SINGING come from the
bathroom while Miles sits impatiently on the bed. He pounds
on the wall.
MILES
Hey Jack, hurry up!
JACK (O.S.)
Just a minute!
Opening the bedside drawer, Miles finds a GIDEON'S BIBLE and
tosses it in the trash -- apparently his hotel routine.
EXT. HIGHWAY 246 - DUSK
Freshly showered and dressed for dinner, Miles and Jack amble
along the shoulder of this busy local two-lane highway. They
pass a mall and a car dealership.
JACK
I thought you said it was close. Now
I'm all pitted out.
MILES
It's not even a mile.
JACK
We should have driven.
MILES
Not with the wine list these people
have. We don't want to hold back.
JACK
You think I'm making a mistake
marrying Christine?
MILES
Whoa.
JACK
Come on, do you think I'm doing the
right thing? Tell the truth. You've
been through it.
MILES
Well, you waited for good reason,
and you proposed to Christine for
some good reason. So I think it's
great. It's time. You've got to have
your eyes open, that's all. I mean,
look at me. I thought Victoria and I
were set for life.
JACK
Christine's dad -- he's been talking
about bringing me into his property
business. Showing me the ropes. And
that's something, considering how
long it took him to get over I'm not
Armenian. So I'm thinking about it.
But I don't know, might get a little
incestuous. But Mike does pretty
well. A lot of high-end commercial
stuff.
MILES
So you're going to stop acting?
JACK
No way. This would just provide some
stability is what I'm saying. I can
always squeeze in an audition or a
commercial here and there, you know,
keep myself in the game in case
something big comes along.
MILES
Uh-huh.
JACK
We're not getting any younger, right?
And my career, well, it's gotten
pretty, you know, frustrating. Even
with my new manager. Maybe it's time
to settle down.
MILES
If that's what feels right.
JACK
(convincing himself)
It does. Feels right.
MILES
Then it's a good thing.
JACK
(nodding, feeling
better)
Yeah. It's good. Feels good.
Miles leads them away from the road and across a parking
lot. The camera PANS to reveal --
THE HITCHING POST, a local institution.
INT. HITCHING POST BAR - DUSK
Miles and Jack belly up. GARY, the Samoan bartender, spots
Miles and extends a welcoming hand.
GARY
Hey, Miles. Long time no see.
MILES
Gary.
GARY
When's that novel of yours coming
out? We all want to read it.
MILES
Soon, soon. Say, this is my buddy
Jack. He's getting married next week.
GARY
(shaking Jack's hand)
My condolences.
MILES
What are you pouring tonight?
GARY
Lot of good stuff.
(looking at a row of
bottles)
Got the new Bien Nacido. Want a taste?
MILES
Absolutement.
(to Jack)
They have their own label that's
just outstanding.
Gary pours Jack and Miles a generous sample and the two men
swirl, sniff and taste. Jack is beginning to get the hang of
things.
GARY
What do you think?
MILES
Tight as a nun's asshole but qood
concentration. Nice fruit.
JACK
Yeah. Tight.
MILES
(to Gary)
Pour us a couple.
Gary fills their glasses and corks the bottle. Jack raises
his glass to toast.
JACK
Here's to my last week of freedom.
MILES
It's going to be great. Here's to
us.
They clink their glasses and take a drink. We linger on them
as Miles retreats inward and a restless Jack scans the room.
INT. HITCHING POST DINING ROOM - NIGHT
Jack and Miles review their menus. Jack looks up and spots a
PRETTY WAITRESS placing an order at the bar.
JACK
Miles. Check it out.
Miles glances at the waitress and returns to his menu.
MILES
Oh, yeah. That's Maya.
JACK
You know her?
MILES
Sure I know Maya.
JACK
You know that chick?
MILES
Jack, this is where I eat when I
come up here. It's practically my
office. And sometimes I have a drink
with the employees. Maya's great.
She's worked here about a year, maybe
a year and a half.
JACK
She is very hot.
MILES
And very nice. And very married.
Check out the rock.
Jack leans forward and squints.
JACK
Doesn't mean shit. When Christine
was a hostess at Sushi Roku, she
wore a big engagement ring to keep
guys from hitting on her. Think it
worked? Fuck no. How do you think I
met her?
MILES
This gal's married to I think a
Philosophy professor at UC Santa
Barbara.
JACK
So what's a professor's wife doing
waitressing? Obviously that's over.
MILES
You don't know anything about this
woman. Calm down. Let's just eat,
okay?
(focusing on the menu)
The duck is excellent and pairs nicely
with the Highliner Pinot.
Just then Maya comes by carrying a tray of food on her way
to another table.
MAYA
Hey, Miles. Good to see you.
MILES
Maya, how are you?
MAYA
I'm doing good, good. You look great.
Did you lose some weight?
MILES
Oh, no, actually. Busy night.
MAYA
Oh yeah, Sunday night. You guys been
out tasting today?
MILES
You know it. This is my friend Jack.
Jack, Maya.
JACK
(big smile)
Hiya.
MAYA
(smiling back)
Hi. Well, nice to see you guys here.
Bye, Miles.
She goes.
JACK
Jesus, she's jammin'. And she likes
you. What else do you know about
her?
MILES
Well, she does know a lot about wine.
JACK
Ooooooohh. Now we're getting
somewhere.
MILES
And she likes Pinot.
JACK
Perfect.
MILES
Jack, she's a fucking waitress in
Buellton. How would that ever work?
JACK
Why do you always focus on the
negative? Didn't you see how friendly
she was to you?
MILES
She works for tips!
JACK
You're blind, dude. Blind.
Miles focuses again on the menu.
MILES
I also recommend the ostrich. Very
lean. Locally raised.
INT. HITCHING POST BAR - NIGHT
TWO BURGUNDY GLASSES --
are refilled with the contents of yet another bottle of
Hitching Post Pinot Noir.
Jack and Miles are enjoying a post-prandial drink.
MILES
Looks like he's thinking about something. Then --
MILES
I hate Tony Levin.
Jack swirls his wine and downs it in one gulp. Just then --
MAYA
Walks into the bar and takes a seat a few stools down. She
has changed into a black cashmere sweater and corduroys,
lovely but tired.
MAYA
(to Gary)
Highliner, please.
JACK
That's on us.
Maya looks over and smiles as Gary pours her a glass from
their bottle.
MAYA
Hey, guys.
Maya gets an American Spirit Yellow out of her purse and
lights it while Gary pours her a glass.
MILES
You want to join us?
MAYA
(polite)
Sure.
In no hurry, she takes a long sip of her wine, gets up and
comes down the bar.
MAYA
So how's that book of yours going,
Miles? I think you were almost done
with it last time we talked.
MILES
I finished it.
MAYA
Good for you.
JACK
It's getting published. That's what
we're up here celebrating.
Miles shoots Jack a look. Jack responds with a "don't-fuck-
it-up-brother" glower.
MAYA
That's fantastic. Congratulations.
She offers her glass, and all clink.
MAYA
(to Jack)
Are you a writer too?
JACK
No, I'm an actor.
MAYA
Oh yeah? What kind of stuff?
JACK
A lot of TV. I was a regular on a
couple of series. And lately I've
been doing a lot of commercials.
National mostly.
MAYA
Anything I'd know?
JACK
Maybe. Recognize this?
Jack takes a deep breath, and out comes a perfect VOICE-OVER
VOICE.
JACK
"Now with low, low 5.8% APR
financing."
Maya's mouth drops open and curves into a big smile.
MAYA
That's hilarious. You sound just
like one of those guys.
JACK
I am one of those guys.
MAYA
You are not.
MILES
He is.
Jack launches into another one of his sure-fire hits.
JACK
(very fast)
Consult your doctor before using
this product. Side effects may include
oily discharge, dizziness, hives,
loss of appetite, difficulty breathing
and low blood pressure. If you have
diabetes or a history of kidney
trouble... you're fucked!
This makes Maya laugh a big throaty laugh. Jack joins in.
Nervous about Jack's aggressive flirtatiousness, Miles musters
a tight courtesy smile.
MAYA
(winding down)
Oh. I needed that. Thank you.
They all take a drink of wine.
MAYA
So what are you guys up to tonight?
Before Jack has a chance to speak --
MILES
We're pretty wiped. Probably go back
to the hotel and crash.
This makes Maya slightly embarrassed at her apparent
availability, but she recovers quickly, remains breezy.
MAYA
Yeah, I know what you mean. It's a
long drive up here. Where're you
staying?
MILES
The Windmill.
JACK
Windmill.
Maya downs the rest of her wine, stamps out her smoke, and
picks up her jean jacket and purse.
MAYA
Well, good to see you, Miles. Jack.
MILES
See you.
As she leaves --
JACK
We'll catch up with you later, okay?
But she's gone. Jack gives Miles a slow burn look.
JACK
We'll probably go back to the hotel
and crash?
EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT
The guys walk drunkenly along the shoulder as CARS WHIZ BY.
JACK
The girl is looking to party, and
you tell her we're going to go back
to our motel room and crash? Jesus,
Miles!
MILES
Well, I'm tired. Aren't you tired?
JACK
The chick digs you. She lit up like
a pinball machine when she heard
your novel was getting published.
MILES
Now I've got another lie to live
down. Thanks, Jack.
JACK
I'm trying to get you some action,
but you've got to help me out just a
little bit.
MILES
Didn't seem to me like that's what
was going on. You were all over her.
JACK
Somebody had to do the talking. And
by the way, I was right. She's not
married.
MILES
How do you know?
JACK
No rock. When she came to the bar,
sans rock.
INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
The screen is absolutely BLACK.
JACK
Single. Waitress. Getting off work.
Looking for love. A little slap and
tickle.
MILES
Shut up.
JACK
She probably went home, lit some
candles, put on some relaxing music,
took a nice hot bath, and laid down
on her bed with her favorite vibrator.
Jack begins to make a soft BUZZING noise, growing gradually
louder and more rhythmic.
MILES
Have you no shame?
JACK
Oooh. Oh. Miles. Miles.
MILES
Fuck you.
There's now a rustling noise and footsteps. Then a LIGHT is
flipped on in the BATHROOM.
Miles closes the door behind him, and the only light visible
is at the bottom of the bathroom door.
Miles PEES -- a series of semi-forced SHORT SQUIRTS. Then a
FLUSH as a door opens and the light goes off. Jack starts
BUZZING again.
MILES
Shut the fuck up!
Jack stops and Miles climbs into bed. Silence. Then --
JACK
You need to get your prostate checked.
UNDER BLACK --
MONDAY
EXT. BREAKFAST CAFE - DAY
Establishing.
INT. BREAKFAST CAFE - DAY
Miles and Jack are glancing at the menus. For some reason
Jack is humorless and grumpy.
MILES
So what're we going to have? Pigs in
a blanket? The "rancher's special
breakfast"? Or maybe just some grease
and fat with a side of lard?
JACK
(not amused)
So what's the plan today?
MILES
We head north, begin the grape tour
up there, make our way south so the
more we drink the closer we get to
the motel.
Jack sarcastically taps an index finger to his temple.
MILES
What's your problem?
Jack exhales and looks away, as though he doesn't want to
get into it.
MILES
What is it?
Jack sucks his teeth a moment searching for the right words.
Then the dam bursts.
JACK
I am going to get my nut on this
trip, Miles. And you are not going
to fuck it up for me with all your
depression and anxiety and neg-head
downer shit.
MILES
Ooooh, now the cards are on the table.
JACK
Yes they are. And I'm serious. Do
not fuck with me. I am going to get
laid before I settle down on Saturday.
Do you read me?
MILES
Sure, big guy. Whatever you say.
It's your party. I'm sorry I'm in
the way and dragging you down. Maybe
you'd have a better time on your
own. You take the car. I'll catch
the train back.
JACK
No, see, I want both of us to get
crazy. We should both be cutting
loose. I mean, this is our last
chance. This is our week! It should
be something we share.
The older WAITRESS comes over.
WAITRESS
Can I take your order?
JACK
But I am warning you.
MILES
Oatmeal, one poached egg, and rye
toast. Dry.
WAITRESS
Okay. And you?
JACK
(glaring at Miles)
Pigs in a blanket. With extra syrup.
EXT. LOVELY HIGHWAY - DAY
The Saab winds along this beautiful road that meanders through
large open vineyards.
DISSOLVE TO:
INSERT --
A MAP and a MOVING LINE show the boys' route.
DISSOLVE TO:
INSERT --
GRAPES growing on the vine.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. VINEYARD - DAY
Framed by foreground grapevines, the Saab passes in the
distance.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. FOXEN WINERY - DAY
Miles has just downed a taste of red wine.
MILES
How much skin and stem contact?
POURER
About four weeks.
MILES
Huh. That explains all the tannins.
And how long in oak?
POURER
About a year.
MILES
French or American?
POURER
Both.
MILES
Good stuff.
JACK
Yeah, oak. That's a good wood.
Just as the pourer turns away toward other TASTERS, Jack
GRABS the bottle and helps himself and Miles to another glass.
They slam back their drinks like tequila.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. LOVELY AREA ON A HILL - DAY
Miles brings the Saab to a stop, and the guys get out. Before
them lies an incredible view of endless vineyards.
MILES
Nice, huh?
JACK
Beautiful.
MILES
Victoria and I used to like this
view.
(lost in nostalgia)
Once we had a picnic here and drank
a '95 Opus One. With smoked salmon
and artichokes, but we didn't care.
JACK
Miles.
MILES
She has the best palate of any woman
I've ever known. She could even
differentiate Italian wines.
JACK
Miles, I gotta tell you something.
Victoria's coming to the wedding.
MILES
I know. You told me. I'm okay with
it.
JACK
Yeah, but that's not the whole story.
She got remarried.
MILES
She what?
(long pause)
When?
JACK
About a month ago. Six weeks.
MILES
To that guy? That guy with the
restaurant...
Jack nods. Miles looks down at his shoes and draws a long
breath. Then he stiffly gets back in the open car and closes
the door.
JACK
Miles... MILES...
Miles continues to stare straight ahead.
JACK
(exploding)
Jesus Christ, Miles. Get out!
MILES
I want to go home now.
JACK
You've been divorced for two years
already. People move on. She has!
It's like you enjoy self-pity. Makes
you feel special or something.
MILES
Is she bringing him to the wedding?
JACK
What do you think?
MILES
You drop this bombshell on me. Why
didn't you tell me before?
JACK
Because I knew you'd freak out and
probably get so depressed you wouldn't
even come on this trip. But then I
figured here would be the best place
to tell you. We're here to forget
about all that shit. We're here to
party!
MILES
(undeterred)
I'm going to be a fucking pariah.
Everyone's just going to be holding
their breath to see if I'm going to
get drunk and make a scene. Plus
Tony fucking Levin?
JACK
No, no, no. It's cool. I talked to
Victoria. She's cool. Everyone's
cool.
MILES
(horrified)
You've all been talking about it?
Behind my back? Talking about it?
Miles turns and locates an open BOTTLE of wine in the back
seat. He uncorks it and begins to swig.
JACK
Hey, hey, hey. No, you don't!
Jack tries unsuccessfully to grab the bottle from Miles, but
Miles bolts out of the car.
A VERY WIDE SHOT --
Pursued by Jack, Miles dashes down the hill, all the while
taking huge swigs from the bottle.
OMIT.
EXT. LOVELY VINEYARD - CONTINUOUS
Miles slows to walk between rows of GRAPEVINES. He polishes
off the bottle and tosses it. A painting Jack catches up
with him in the adjacent grapevine corridor.
Miles's face crumbles as though he were about to cry. Then
he collapses to the ground and closes his eyes tight.
Jack looks around impatiently for a moment. Then he squats
down so he can see Miles underneath the vines.
JACK
Miles?
Miles ignores Jack and focuses on the beautiful RIPE GRAPES
that surround him. They seem to distract him from his pain.
JACK
You going to be okay?
Miles looks up and shakes his head a definitive NO. Jack
can't help but LAUGH.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. KALYRA WINERY PARKING LOT - DAY
The sun hangs low as the Saab pulls into the parking lot,
Jack at the wheel.
INT. KALYRA TASTING ROOM - DAY
The pourer, a brunette in her early thirties, breaks away
from a BORING COUPLE down the bar. This is STEPHANIE.
STEPHANIE
Hey, guys. How's it going?
JACK
Excellent. My friend and I are up
here doing the wine tour, and he
tells me that you folks make one
hell of a Syrah.
STEPHANIE
That's what people say.
MILES
(slurring slightly)
You gotta excuse him. Yesterday he
didn't know Pinot Noir from film
noir.
JACK
I'm a quick learner.
Stephanie laughs. She apparently likes big good-natured lunks
like Jack.
MILES
I'm trying to teach my friend here
some basics about wine over the next
few days before he goes off and --
WHOOMP! Under the bar Jack stomps on Miles's foot. Miles
winces.
Stephanie slides TWO GLASSES in front of them.
JACK
That's right -- I'm here to learn. I
never had that much interest in wine
before, but this trip has been very
enlightening. Always like wine, of
course, but I don't know. More of a
beer man, really. Microbreweries.
She THUMPS the cork off a bottle of Chardonnay.
STEPHANIE
Well, no better way to learn than
tasting.
She pours almost flirtatious amounts.
JACK
Now there's a girl who knows how to
pour. What's your name?
STEPHANIE
Stephanie.
JACK
Nice.
Jack swirls the wine as though he were by now a sommelier.
They look, they smell, they taste.
STEPHANIE
So what do you think?
MILES
Quaffable but far from transcendent.
JACK
I like it. Tastes great. Oaky.
Stephanie reaches for another bottle and pours. Jack's eyes
never leave her.
STEPHANIE
Cabernet Franc.
(as they taste)
This is only the fifth year we've
made this varietal. Very few wineries
around here do a straight Cabernet
Franc. It's from our vineyard up in
Santa Maria. And it was a Silver
Medal winner at Paso Robles last
year.
MILES
Well, I've come to never expect
greatness from a Cab Franc, and this
one's no exception. Sort of a flabby,
overripe --
JACK
(ignoring him)
Tastes good to me. You live around
here, Stephanie?
STEPHANIE
In Santa Ynez.
(low, to Miles)
And I agree with you about Cab Franc.
JACK
Oh yeah? We're just over in Buellton.
Windmill Inn.
STEPHANIE
Oh yeah.
JACK
You know a gal named Maya? Works at
the Hitching Post?
STEPHANIE
Sure I know Maya. Real well.
JACK
No shit. We just had a drink with
her last night. Miles knows her.
MILES
Could we move on to the Syrah, please?
As she turns to reach for the right bottle, Jack winks at
Miles. Miles shakes his head.
STEPHANIE
This is our Estate Syrah...
She pours each of them a full HALF GLASS.
JACK
You're a bad, bad girl, Stephanie.
STEPHANIE
I know. I might need to be spanked.
She notices the boring couple, visibly annoyed that she has
been monopolized.
STEPHANIE
Excuse me.
As she wanders down the bar, Jack turns to Miles, his mouth
wide open.
JACK
A bad girl, Miles. She might need to
be spanked.
MILES
Do you know how often these pourers
get hit on?
They glance down the bar at Stepanie. She smiles back.
EXT. KALYRA WINERY PARKING LOT - DAY
Miles is killing time by the car staring at his shoes. He
looks over and sees Jack waddling over from the tasting room
with TWO CASES OF WINE.
JACK
Get the trunk.
MILES
You have the keys.
Jack puts the cases down and glances back at the building.
JACK
We're on.
MILES
What?
JACK
She called Maya, who's not working
tonight, so we're all going out.
MILES
With Maya?
JACK
Been divorced for a year now, bud.
Jack puts the wine in the trunk, and they get in the car.
JACK
Stephanie, holy shit. Chick had it
all going on.
MILES
Well, she is cute.
JACK
Cute? She's a fucking hottie. And
you almost tell her I'm getting
married. What's the matter with you?
(drumming on the
steering wheel)
Gotta love it. Gotta love it.
INT. MOTEL ROOM - DAY
THE TV --
GOLF on ESPN.
MILES AND JACK
sit transfixed, each on his own bed. The curtains are drawn.
Then out of nowhere --
JACK
(mocking)
You know how often these pourers get
hit on?
(getting up)
I'm going for a swim. Get the blood
flowing. Want to come?
MILES
Nah. I want to watch this.
CLOSE ON THE TV --
A guy gets ready to putt. The announcer whispers what an
important moment this is. The guy misses.
FADE TO BLACK.
UNDER BLACK --
The sound of an AEROSOL CAN.
JACK
Miles. Hey, Miles. Time to get up.
WE OPEN OUR EYES TO SEE --
Jack spraying his feet with some Dr. Scholl's product.
WIDE --
Miles pulls himself out of bed and slouches toward his
suitcase.
JACK
Fucking chick in the Jacuzzi --
goddamn, Miles, fucking going nuts
up here. Whole place is wide open.
Assylvania.
Jack does some actor's weird warm-up stretch.
MILES
So what should I wear?
JACK
I don't know. Casual but nice. They
think you're a writer.
As Miles begins to dig through his suitcase, Jack flips open
his cellphone and speed-dials.
JACK
Don't you have any other shoes?
Miles glances as his shoes sitting sadly on the floor.
JACK
(into the phone)
Hello? Oh hey, baby, just checking
in. Not much. We're about to go out
for dinner, probably be out pretty
late, so I thought I'd say goodnight
now. I know, I love you too. I miss
you.
EXT. LOS OLIVOS - NIGHT
The boys get out of the car and walk along a timbered sidewalk
in this tourist town with wine tasting rooms and gourmet
restaurants.
JACK
Please just try to be your normal
humorous self, okay? Like who you
were before the tailspin. Do you
remember that guy? People love that
guy. And don't forget -- your novel
is coming out in the fall.
MILES
Oh yeah? How exciting. What's it
called?
JACK
Do not sabotage me. If you want to
be a lightweight, that's your call.
But do not sabotage me.
MILES
Aye-aye, captain.
JACK
And if they want to drink Merlot,
we're drinking Merlot.
MILES
(dead serious)
If anyone orders Merlot, I'm leaving.
I am not drinking any fucking Merlot!
JACK
Okay, okay. Relax, Miles, Jesus. No
Merlot. Did you bring your Xanax?
Miles takes a SMALL BOTTLE from his pocket and rattles it.
JACK
And don't drink too much. I don't
want you going to the dark side or
passing out. Do you hear me? No going
to the dark side.
MILES
Okay! Fuck!
Miles quickly POPS A XANAX. Jack gives him a final look in
the eye.
JACK
We're going in.
INT. LOS OLIVOS CAFE - NIGHT
The boys enter this cozy if crowded restaurant and exchange
words with the HOSTESS. Then they notice --
MAYA AND STEPHANIE
at a booth waving at them. They look great.
MILES AND JACK
make their way to the table, Jack wearing a broad, confident
SMILE.
AT THE TABLE --
Jack plops down next to Stephanie, while Miles politely eases
in on Maya's side. Jack touches a hand to Stephanie's bare
neck and massages it meaningfully.
JACK
How you doin' tonight, beautiful?
STEPHANIE
Good. How're you?
JACK
Great. You look great.
(including Maya)
You both do.
STEPHANIE
Not so bad yourself.
Meanwhile Miles looks over at Maya and purses his lips in an
affable if uncomfortable smile. Then --
MILES
What are you drinking?
MAYA
A Fiddlehead Sauvignon Blanc.
MILES
Oh yeah? How is it?
MAYA
(sliding the glass)
Try it.
As Miles swirls the wine and takes a sip, he begins to relax.
MILES
Nice. Very nice.
MAYA
Twelve months in oak.
MILES
On a Sauvignon Blanc?
MAYA
I know the winemaker. She comes in
the restaurant all the time.
MILES
This is good. Little hints of clove.
MAYA
I know. I love that.
LATER --
A WAITER finishes listing off the specials.
WAITER
...medallions of pork with a dusting
of black truffles served with a root
vegetable foulon and wasabi-whipped
potatoes. And finally a Copper River
salmon grilled on an alder wood plank.
And that comes with roasted new
potatoes and steamed watercress.
The four diners exchange looks of delight.
WAITER
And who gets the wine list?
Miles raises his hand and takes the leather-bound book.
MAYA
(teasing)
I guess Miles wants it.
Jack glares at Miles, who immediately gets the hint.
MILES
Nope. You ladies choose.
Jack smiles and nods his approval. Jack takes the book out
of Miles's hands and offers it to the girls.
MAYA
You choose, Stephanie.
STEPHANIE
(opening it)
So what does everyone feel like?
JACK
Whatever you girls want. It's on us
tonight. Sky's the limit.
MAYA
No, we're paying for the wine.
JACK
I don't think so. We're celebrating
Miles's book deal.
MAYA
Well, in that case...
Miles draws a long breath.
STEPHANIE
What's everyone ordering? Then we
can sort out the wine.
MILES
Exactement!
Jack shoots Miles a look.
MAYA
I'm having the salmon.
MILES
That's what I'm having.
STEPHANIE
(still scanning the
wines)
I'm thinking about the duck breast.
JACK
(slapping his menu
shut)
Me too.
MAYA
Well, that narrows things down.
Stephanie lowers the menu so that only her eyes peer over
the top. She looks at the others, and they look back at her.
STEPHANIE
Sounds like... Pinot Noir to me.
Jack looks at Miles and raises one hand for a HIGH-FIVE.
JACK
Pinot!
Miles reluctantly slaps Jack's hand. This causes the girls
to laugh. MUSIC STARTS -- they're OFF!
DINNER is improvised, but includes:
-- The arrival of the FIRST WINE.
-- The SALADS.
-- Maya takes a turn with the wine list. Miles pushes her
finger down into the prices with THREE DIGITS.
-- New stemware is provided with the arrival of the SECOND
WINE.
-- The four of them DRINK. Particularly Miles.
-- Stephanie and Jack get cozier and cozier.
-- The SALMON and DUCK arrive.
-- Miles is too shy to look into Maya's eyes. She's interested
and available -- it's too much for him.
-- As Miles gets DRUNKER, the camera angles become sloppier,
the cutting choppier.
-- Miles PONTIFICATES about some aspect of wine that Maya
and Stephanie find interesting. Left out in the cold, his
jaw tight, Jack wants to find a way in but can't.
-- Miles reaches over to refill his glass, but Jack's arm
shoots out to stop him -- "Slow down."
CLOSE ON MILES as a distant RUMBLE begins to sound, the rumble
of an oncoming ANXIETY ATTACK. By now he has drunk so much
that he spaces out, descending into --
INT. UNDERWORLD - DARK AND TIMELESS
Miles is boarding an OPEN BOAT atop this underground river,
the River Styx. Just beyond a ghoulish HUMAN CARGO the hooded
boatman CHARON wields a long staff. Miles is crossing over
to the dark side.
INT. LOS OLIVOS CAFE - BACK AGAIN
Miles returns to earth to find Jack and Stephanie now in
their own little world -- Jack explaining something to
Stephanie that she finds fascinating, just FASCINATING.
-- Miles converses with Maya, but it's clear from her bemused
expression that he's being charming if not entirely coherent.
-- ANOTHER WINE reaches the table -- a Comte Armand Pornrnard.
-- Miles looks over at Jack and Stephanie. They share a short
but sensual kiss.
MOMENTS LATER --
Miles is on his feet threading his way through the tables.
He is very unsteady, and we cut between first and third person
perspectives.
AT THE BATHROOMS --
He tries the MEN'S ROOM door but it's locked. He pulls the
XANAX out his pocket and pops one in his mouth, swallowing
it dry.
He notices a PAYPHONE nearby. Thinking better of it for a
moment, Miles makes a drunken bee-line for the receiver.
CLOSE ON THE KEYPAD --
as many numbers are dialed, and we HEAR the TONES, completely
out of sync, along with a sound melange of interior phone
RINGING and a PICKUP.
THE RECEIVER --
As Miles presses it desperately to his head.
VICTORIA (ON THE PHONE)
Hello?
MILES
Victoria.
VICTORIA (ON THE PHONE)
Miles?
Miles feigns an implausible upbeat tone.
MILES
Victoria! How the hell are you?
VICTORIA (ON THE PHONE)
Fine. What's, uh, what's on your
mind?
MILES
Heard you got remarried!
Congratulations. Didn't think you
had the stomach for another go-round.
VICTORIA (ON THE PHONE)
Oh, Miles. You're drunk.
MILES
Just some local Pinot, you know,
then a little Burgundy. That old
Cotes de Beaune!
Miles laughs at his own non-existent joke.
VICTORIA (ON THE PHONE)
Where are you?
MILES
A little place in Los Olivos. New
owners. Cozy ambiance. Excellent
food too -- you should try it. Thought
of you at the Hitching Post last
night.
Silence.
MILES (CONT' D)
Hello?
VICTORIA (ON THE PHONE)
Miles, don't call me when you're
drunk.
MILES
I just wanted you to know I've decided
not to go to the wedding, so in case
you were dreading some uncomfortable,
you know, run-in or something, well,
worry no more. You won't see me there.
My wedding gift to you and what's-
his-name. What is his name?
VICTORIA (ON THE PHONE)
(silence, then --)
Ken.
MILES
Ken.
VICTORIA (ON THE PHONE)
Miles, I don't care if you come to
the wedding or not.
MILES
Well, I'm not coming, Barbie. So you
guys have fun.
VICTORIA (ON THE PHONE)
I'm going to hang up now, Miles.
MILES
(rushing to keep her
on)
You see, Vicki, I just heard about
this today, you getting married that
is, and I was kind of taken aback.
Kind of hard to believe.
Silence.
MILES
I guess I just thought there was
still some hope for us somewhere
down the road and I just, I just --
VICTORIA (ON THE PHONE)
Miles, maybe it is better if you
don't come to the wedding.
Miles sucks something from between his two front teeth.
MILES
Whatever you say, Vicki. You're the
boss.
He HANGS UP as nonchalantly as if it had been a sales call
and heads back to the table.
EXT. DEEP CANYON - DAY
For a flash, Miles is walking an unstable, narrow ROPE BRIDGE
extending vertiginously across a great CHASM.
INT. LOS OLIVOS CAFE - BACK AGAIN
Miles reaches the table, tries to sit and SLIPS ONTO THE
FLOOR.
Although at first Jack blinks heavily in disgust, the girls
burst into hysterical LAUGHTER. Jack then laughs too, perhaps
OVER-LAUGHING.
JACK
Easy, boy. Easy.
Maya helps him back into the booth.
MAYA
Are you all right?
MILES
Fine. Just slipped.
(picking up his glass)
This is my blood.
Miles drinks. Stephanie makes a head gesture to Maya, who
nods in return.
STEPHANIE
(to the guys)
Excuse us.
MAYA
Sorry to make you get up again, Miles.
MILES
That's okay.
Miles and Jack allow the girls to pass. Then --
JACK
What the fuck, man? What is up?
Miles reaches for his wine glass, but Jack moves it away.
JACK
Pull yourself together, man.
MILES
I'm fine!
But in throwing open his arms for emphasis, he spills a WATER
GLASS. Jack rights it and throws a napkin on the tablecloth.
JACK
Where were you?
MILES
Bathroom.
JACK
Did you drink and dial?
Miles's silence confirms his guilt and shame.
JACK
Why |
