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   "Wag the Dog", production draft, by David Mamet



   
 





                                WAG THE DOG

                                    by

                                David Mamet






10/14/96










FADE IN:

A CARD, WHITE ON THE BLACK SCREEN, READS:

            Why does a dog wag its tail?

BENEATH IT, THE NEXT LINE FADES IN:

            Because a dog is smarter than its tail.

CROSS-FADE TO THE NEXT CARD, WHICH READS:

            If the tail were smarter, the tail would wag the dog.

DISSOLVE



FADE IN:

EXT THE WHITE HOUSE NIGHT

A VAN FULL OF PEOPLE STOPS AT A SIDE ENTRANCE.

ANGLE INT THE WHITE HOUSE

AT THE SIDE, UTILITY ENTRANCE, WE SEE THE DISGORGING WORKING-CLASS MEN AND
WOMEN, THEY PASS THROUGH SECURITY SCREENING IN THE B.G., THROUGH METAL
DETECTORS, AND PAST SEVERAL GUARDS WHO CHECK THE PHOTO-I.D.'S AROUND THEIR
NECKS.

ANGLE INT THE WHITE HOUSE

WILFRED AMES, AND AMY CAIN, A BRIGHT YOUNG WOMAN IN HER TWENTIES, WALKING DOWN
A CORRIDOR, LOOKING WORRIED.

ANGLE AMES AND CAIN
AMES AND CAIN HAVE STOPPED AT THE END OF THE HALL.  BEYOND THEM WE SEE THE
CLEANING PEOPLE COMING IN FROM THE VAN, AND BEING CLEARED THROUGH A METAL
DETECTOR INTO A HOLDING AREA, AND HANDED CLEANING MATERIALS, MOPS, VACUUMS, ET
CETERA, BY A TYPE HOLDING A CLIPBOARD.  PART OF THE GROUP, A MAN IN HIS
FORTIES, IN A RATTY JACKET, OPEN COLLARED SHIRT, PASSES THROUGH THE GROUP,
AND IS STOPPED BY A SECRET SERVICEMAN WHO APPEARS NEXT TO AMES.  IN THE B.G.
WE SEE A TV IN AN ADJACENT ROOM, SHOWING A POLITICAL COMMERCIAL.

                          AMES
                    (TO SECRET SERVICEMAN)
            ...That's him.

AMES MOVES OUT OF THE SHOT.  LEAVING US ON THE POLITICAL COMMERCIAL.

WE SEE TWO BUSINESS PEOPLE ON THE PLANE, A MAN AND A WOMAN.

                          BUSINESSMAN
            Well, all I know, you don't change horses in the middle
            of the stream.

                          BUSINESSWOMAN
            "Don't change Horses," well, there's a lot of truth in
            that.

THE IMAGE SHIFTS TO A PRESIDENT, DOING PRESIDENTIAL THINGS.  AND THE VOICE-
OVER.

                          VOICE-OVER
            For Peace, prosperity, for all of us:  Don't change
            Horses in...

ANGLE

A CORRIDOR OF THE WHITE HOUSE, AS AMES AND THE MAN IN THE RATTY JACKET (BREAN)
WALK HURRIEDLY.  AMES FINISHES ONE CIGARETTE AND USES THE BUTT TO LIGHT A
FRESH ONE.  THEY PASS BY A LARGE PHOTOGRAPH OF THE BACK OF A MAN, BENDING TO
SHAKE HANDS WITH ONE OF A LINE OF GIRLSCOUTS.  AMES GLANCES UP AT THE
PHOTOGRAPH AND SHAKES HIS HEAD DEJECTEDLY.

INT WHITE  HOUSE "SITUATION" ROOM.   NIGHT.

A WOMAN WITH A STENOPAD, ARRANGING PADS AND PENCILS AT A SMALL CONFERENCE
TABLE.  A SECRET SERVICE TYPE PUTS HIS HEAD IN THE ROOM, AND BOWS OUT, AND
NODS, BREAN AND AMES ENTER HURRIEDLY.

                          AMES
            We're going to...

HE STOPS TALKING AS A WHITE HOUSE WAITER ENTERS WITH A TRAY WITH COFFEE THINGS
ON IT, FOLLOWED BY TWO YOUNG AIDES, SLEEPY AND DISHEVELLED, WHO ENTER QUICKLY,
AND APOLOGIES UNUTTERED, SIT AND MAKE THEMSELVES SMALL.

BREAN MAKES A LITTLE GESTURE AT THE WAITER, WHO IS SETTING OUT THE COFFEE,
AND AT THE STENOGRAPHER, MEANING "GET THEM OUT OF HERE."

                          AMES
            Thank you, that'll be all.

THE STENOGRAPHER AND THE WAITER LEAVE

                          BREAN
                    (OF THE TWO STAFFERS)
            Who we got here...?

                          AMES
            John Levy, Staff, and Amy Cain, Press Off....

                          BREAN
            Alright.  Look here, any of you kids hear in this
            room:  what you hear here, what you say here, what you
            do here, f'it got out, you leaked it.
                    (TO AMES)
            Tell'em what they need to know.

                          AMES
            When it broke, he said one word:  get me Ronnie Brean.

                          BREAN
                    (NODS)
            Well.  Alright.  What is it?  What's, he, uh...?  He
            had an Illegal Immigrant, was his Gardener, some years
            back...?
                    (SMILES)
            What's the thing?  You people get ahead, you sure get
            nervous.

AN AIDE ENTERS, WITH SEVERAL TYPED SHEETS, WHICH SHE HANDS TO CAIN. CAIN
READS TO HERSELF, PASSES THEM TO AMES.

                          BREAN
                    (CON'T)
            ...he made a pass at some Secretary, back in...

AMES TAKES THE SHEETS, AND READS.  GESTURES TO BREAN, "ONE MOMENT, PLEASE."

ANGLE INS.  THE SHEET, WHICH AMES HOLDS.

IT READS:
             AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES I REGRET THAT
            PERSONAL INCAPACITY HAS RENDERED ME MOMENTARILY UNABLE
            TO CONFRONT AND CORRECT....

ANGLE
BREAN LOOKING ON, AS AMES READS, AND SHAKES HIS HEAD SADLY.  BREAN TAKES THE
SHEETS.

ANGLE  INS.
READING OVER BREAN'S SHOULDERS:
            1.)  Statutory Rape.
            2.)  The President's long-documented mental problems
            3.)  Brought about by reaction to Drugs to control
            flu...?

ANGLE AMES READING OVER BREAN'S SHOULDER.

                          AMES
            ...did he have the flu...?

                          CAIN
            It can be documented that he displayed the...

BREAN LAYS DOWN THE SHEET SOMBERLY, EVERYONE LOOKS AT HIM.

                          BREAN
            This ain't the illegal immigrant Nanny.

                          CAIN
            There was a group of Girlscouts here from Indiana last
            month.  One of them expressed an interest in a
            Frederick Remington bust.  The president took her into
            the oval Office, for a period...

                          AMES
            Three minutes.  It couldn't have been over three
            minutes, the Secret Service...

BREAN GESTURES HIM TO BE QUIET.

                          BREAN
            Okay.  And she's alleging...?

CAIN GESTURES BREAN TO KEEP READING THE SHEETS IN FRONT OF HIM.  HE DOES SO.
PAUSE.  TO HIMSELF.

                          BREAN
                    (CON'T)
            Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

                          AMES
            We are virtually certain it isn't...

                          BREAN
            Who's got the story?
                    (PAUSE)

                          AMES
            Don't you want to know if it's true?

                          BREAN
            What difference does it make if it's true?
                    (PAUSE)
            It's a story, and, it breaks they're gonna have to run
            with it -- How long've we got til it breaks?
                    (PAUSE)

                          AMES
            Front page.  Washington Post.  Tomorrow.

                          BREAN
            Well, yeah.  Now.  That's not good.  Okay:
                    (PAUSE)
            Okay.  We'll set up the War Room Here...

AN AIDE BRINGS HIM A CUP OF COFFEE.

                          BREAN
            Thank you.  Now:  where is he?

                          LEVY
            China.

                          BREAN
            When's he coming back...?

                          LEVY
            Touchdown, Andrews, fourteen hundred, today.

BREAN TAKES A NOTEBOOK OUT OF HIS POCKET, AND LOOKS AT IT.

                          BREAN
                    (AS HE READS FROM HIS NOTEBOOK)
            Alright, now, here:  he stays on the ground in China
            til Tomorrow.

                          CAIN
            ...why?

                          BREAN
            ...you the Press Office?

                          CAIN
            ...Yes.

                          BREAN
                    (SHRUGS)
            Earn your money.  ...He's ill, the Plane is sick...

                          CAIN
                    (MAKING NOTES)
            ...Good...

                          AMES
            When do we bring'em back?

                          BREAN
            You gotta give me a day.  I need a day.
                    (PAUSE)
            He's sick, get it out now.  Get him on the phone'n tell
            him how sick he is.  We got to get it out before the
            story breaks, so we aren't quote, responding to it.
            Issue is as a bulletin.  He's got some rare strain
            of...

                          AMES
            It won't hold.

                          BREAN
            All I need is the one day.

                          AMES
            It won't even hold the one day, Ronnie --

                          BREAN
            Yes -- It will... Now:  why is the President in China?

                          LEVY
            Trade Re1ations.

                          BREAN
            You're goddamn right.  And it's got nothing to do with
            the B-2 Bomber.
                    (PAUSE)

                          LEVY
            There is no B-2 Bomber,

                          BREAN
            That's what I'm telling you.
                    (PAUSE.  HE GLANCES AT HIS WATCH.)
            The two things:  the two things:  Rare strain of flu,
            No Cause to Be Alarmed.  And the B-2 Bomber...
                    (TO AIDES)
            Clear me a space.  Get me a copy, go rob one, get it
            off the computer, Wash Post, N.Y. TIMES,

                          AIDE
            You want some research, flu?  Side-effects of medi....

                          BREAN
            Naw, we can't play this one catch-up.  That's how long
            since you stopped beating the wife.  We have to...

                          AMES
            We're going to have to explain away the...

                          BREAN
            They caught him in the closet with a Girlscout.  Side-
            effects of a pill ain't gone trump that.  You have to
            keep'em guessing for
                    (HE GLANCES AT THE CALENDAR)
            Two weeks.  You  don't have to Cure Cancer, Pal, you
            just have to give them something more interesting
            than...

                          CAIN
            What's more interesting than boffing the girlscout?

                          BREAN
            Well, that's what we're doing here...

BREAN IS SUNK IN THOUGHT.  AN AIDE STARTS TO SPEAK.  AMES SILENCES HIM, BREAN
BECKONS AMES OVER.

                          BREAN
                    (SOTTO)
            Gemme twenty thousand dollars....

AMES NODS, AND WAVES AN AIDE OVER AND WHISPERS TO HER.

                          BREAN
                    (CONT.)
            And gemme a car.

                          AMES
            Car and a driver, Mr. Brean, the Westgate, Now,
            please...

                          BREAN
            Okay, look, who's takin' the press conference today?

                          CAIN
            Is there a press conference today?

                          BREAN
            What do you think?  What I need from you:  I need a
            base of operations.  Some place in the District.  I
            need some clean money ...

                          LEVY
            How much...?

AMES GESTURES HIM TO BE QUIET.

                          BREAN
            And, to hold it together, I need two days.  There is no
            B-2 Bomber:  here's what you do ahout that:  whoever is
            leaking stuff to that geek at the Post, lets it slip,
            "Geez, I hope this doesn't screw up the B-2 Program..."
            "What B-2 Program, and why should it screw it up?"  "If
            the president moves to deploy the B-2 before it is
            fully tested."  "Deploy the B-2, Why?"  "In the
            Crisis."

                          AMES
            What crisis?

                          BREAN
            I'm working on it.  Same time, you call Billy Scott at
            Joint Chiefs, and pour him onna plane right now to
            Seattle, y'got that...?  All flustered and worried. To
            talk to the Boeing people.

                          AMES
                    (TO LEVY)
            Do it...

LEVY MOVES TO A TELEPHONE.

                          BREAN
                    (TO CAIN)
            And you?

                          CAIN
            But there isn't a B-2 bomber.

                          BREAN
            Where'd you go to school, Kid.  Wellesly?

                          CAIN
            Dartmouth

                          BREAN
            Then show a little spunk.  There Is no B-2 Bomber,
            General Scott, the best of your knowledge, is not in
            Seattle to talk with Boeing...

                          AMES
            It won't hold.

                          BREAN
            One day, Two days?  Course it's gonna hhhh....

CAMERA TAKES THEM DOWN THE HALL, WHERE WE SEE THE CLEANING PEOPLE, WITH FLOOR
POLISHERS, LOOKING UP AT THE PICTURE OF THE PRESIDENT AND THE GIRLSCOUTS, AND
SNICKERING.

ANGLE
ON BREAN AND AMES LOOKING ON.
THE CLEANING PEOPLE NOTICE THEY ARE BEING WATCHED AND DISPERSE.

                          AMES
            It won't hold, Ronnie, it won't prove out.

                          BREAN
            We don't need it to prove out.  We need it to distract
            them for two weeks til the election.

                          AMES
            What would do that...?

HOLD, ON BREAN THINKING.

                          AMES
                    (CONT.)
            What in the world would do that?

                          BREAN
            I'm working on it.

HE TURNS AROUND AND STARES AT THE WALL.

BREAN WALKS TO THE COUNTER WHERE THE COFFEE AND ROLLS ARE STEAMING.  ON THE
WALL ARE HUNG TWO WIPE-OFF SLATES.  ONE READS "DAYS TO ELECTION 12," THE OTHER
READS "% IN FAVOR 63" BREAN PICKS UP A ROLL, DOWNS A COFFEE, AND STARTS OUT OF
THE DOOR.

ANGLE
CAMERA TAKES THEM OUT INTO THE HALL.
BREAN LEANS CLOSE TO AMES.

                          BREAN
            Gimme twenty thousand dollars.

HE STARTS INTO THE HALL, FOLLOWED BY THE ENTOURAGE, AND THE CAMERA.

                          BREAN
            I'll be back within the hour.  Now,

                          AMES
                    (WALKS ALONG, SHAKING HIS HEAD)
            It's going to be fine.  It's going to be ... you
            remember in 88, when...

AN AIDE COMES UP TO THEM, HOLDING A VIDEOTAPE.

                          AMES
            What is it...

AIDE WHISPERS TO AMES.  WHO NODS, TAKES THE TAPE, AND BREAN, AND THE AIDE,
INTO A SIDE OFFICE.

INT SIDE OFFICE NIGHT.
AS THE AIDE PUTS THE TAPE INTO A V.C.R.

                          BREAN
            What is it?

                          AMES
            It's the rough-cut, the other side's new commercial.

THE PICTURE COMES ON, IT SHOWS THE PRESIDENT DOING SEVERAL PRESIDENTIAL
THINGS.  THE COMMERCIAL WE SAW EARLIER.

                          BREAN
            That's our commercial.
                    (PAUSE)
            I've seen it.  That's our commercial.

                          AMES
                    (TO AIDE)
            Turn up the volume.

THE AIDE DOES SO, AND WE HEAR MAURICE CHAVALIER SINGING,
            "Thank heaven, for Little Girls...."

ANOTHER AIDE ENTERS, SHEEPISHLY, HANDS A THICK PACKET TO AMES, WHO HOLDS IT
OUT TO BREAN.

                          BREAN
            What is this?

                          AMES
            Twenty thousand dollars.

                          BREAN
                    (NODS, REMEMBERING  IT)
            Yeah, I'm gonna have to go to L.A.

INT BACKSEAT THE STATIONWAGON WE SAW AT THE WESTGATE.  GEORGETOWN.  NIGHT.
AMES IN THE BACKSEAT.

                          AMES
            I'm coming with you.

                          BREAN
                    (SHRUGS)
            Gemme a plane.  Business Aviation, National, one hour.
            Fly to Chicago.  O'hare, LAX 6 A.M.

                          AMES
            I'll see you at National.

BREAN NODS, AND EXITS.

HOLD ON AMES.
HE HEARS SOMETHING, AND TURNS.

ANGLE
HIS POV.
A YOUNG STAFFER, IN THE CORNER, SPEAKING SOFTLY ON THE PHONE.

                          STAFFER
                    (ON PHONE)
            Tell him, well, tell him we, I know we just signed it,
            but we're going to cancel it.
                    (PAUSE)
            Because, because we're not going to be staying here the
            next four years.
                    (PAUSE)
            Well, I can't tell you on the phone...

EXT GEORGETOWN STREET NIGHT.

THE DOORSTEP OF A HOUSE.  A MIDDLE AGED MAN IN A BATHROBE, HOLDS A VERY LARGE
MANILA ENVELOPE, HE TURNS, SOMEONE BEHIND HIM OBVIOUSLY HAVING CALLED HIM.  HE
TURNS AND SECRETS THE ENVELOPE IN HIS BATHROBE POCKET.

ANGLE
IN THE FOREGROUND, BREAN, IN A TAXICAB, WHICH DRIVES AWAY, IN THE B.G., THE
MAN IN THE BATHROBE, REENTERING HIS HOUSE.

INT SMALL TWIN ENGINE PROP PLANE.  NIGHT.

AMES AND BREAN IN THE BACK
HOLD ON AMES
WHO IS SHAKING HIS HEAD.  HE REACHES OVER AND NUDGES BREAN AWAKE.

                          AMES
            Tell, tell, tell me again.

                          BREAN
            ....we landing?

                          AMES
            Tell me again.

                          BREAN
                    (SIGHS)
            Lookit, don't worry about it.  It's not a New Concept.
            Wake me when we touch down, will...

HE TRIES TO NESTLE HIMSELF BACK TO SLEEP.  AMES NUDGES HIM.

                          AMES
            We can't afford a war.

                          BREAN
            We aren't going to have a war.  We're going to have the
            "appearance" of a war.

                          AMES
            I'm not sure we can afford to have the "appearance" of
            a war.

                          BREAN
            What's it gonna cost?
                   (HE SHRUGS AND STARTS TO ROLL OVER TO
                   GO TO SLEEP.)

                          AMES
            But, but, but, "they" would find out.

                          BREAN
            Who would find out?

                          AMES
            ...the...
                    (HE GESTURES OUT OF THE WINDOW)

                          BREAN
            The American "people"?

                          AMES
            Yes

                          BREAN
            Who's gonna tell'em.

                          AMES
            ...but...

                          BREAN
            What did they find out about the Gulf War?  One shot:
            one bomb, falling though the roof, building coulda been
            made of Legos.

HE ROLLS OVER AGAIN.

                          AMES
                    (AS IF REHEARSING IT TO HIMSELF)
            ...you want us to go to War...

BREAN ROUSES HIMSELF, SHRUGS, TAKES OUT A NOTEBOOK, AND BEGINS TO WRITE.

                          BREAN
            ...that's the general idea.

                          AMES
            Why?

                          BREAN
            Why not, what've they ever done for us...?  Also:  they
            sound... Ah, you see, this is why we have to mobilize
            the B-2 Bomber...

                          AMES
            ...they sound what?

                          BREAN
            Shifty.  Who knows anything about em...

                          AMES
            Hold on, hold on, hold on:

                          BREAN
            Well, I'm gonna hold on, but you went to win this
            election, you better change the subject.  You wanna
            change this subject, you better have a War.  What do
            you need?  It's gotta be quick, it's gotta be dramatic,
            you got to have an enemy.  Okay?  What do you need in
            an enemy?  Somebody you fear.  Who do you fear?
            Som'b'y you don't know.

                          AMES
            Who?

                          BREAN
            Well, I'm working on it....

HE ROLLS OVER.

EXT, O'HARE AIRPORT.  BUSINESS TERMINAL.

A BEAUTIFUL PRAIRIE DAWN.

THE SMALL PLANE FINISHES TAXIING, BREAN AND AMES EMERGE, A UNIFORMED
OBSEQUIOUS AIRLINE ATTENDANT COMES UP, AND HANDS THEM TICKETS.

ANGLE, ON BREAN AND AMES, AS THEY WALK ACROSS THE TARMAC.

                          AMES
            Albania...

                          BREAN
            Yes.

                          AMES
            Why?

                          BREAN
            What do you know about them?

                          AMES
            ...nothing...

                          BREAN
            Precisely.

                          AMES
            What did Albania ever do to us?

                          BREAN
            What did they ever do for us...?
                    (PAUSE)
            You see, this is why we have to mobilize the B-2
            Bomber.

                          AMES
                     (TO HIMSELF)
            ...you want us to go to War with Albania.

                          BREAN
            Here's what you got to do:
                    (HE GESTURES, "GET ON THE PHONE")
            Get your Press Office, Right now.  To deny;  There is
            no report of Albanian Activity.  They have to deny it.
            Now, get the C.I.A.

INT AIRLINE WAITING AREA.  DAY.

EARLY MORNING BUSINESSMEN AND WOMEN, HOLDING COFFEE CUPS.

ONE WEARS A CAMPAIGN BUTTON SHOWING THE PHOTO OF THE PRESIDENT AND THE GIRL
SCOUT.  HE BRUSHES PAST BREAN WHO IS SITTING BY A MINDLESS TELEVISION WEATHER
PRESENTATION ON A HUGE TV.  HE LOOKS DOWN AT HIS WATCH.

                          ANNOUNCER
                    (VO)
            American Airlines Announces the departure of flight
            _____ for Los Angeles, will all Passengers holding...

THE BUSINESS TYPES BEGIN TO QUEUE UP IN A SLEEPY LINE.  BREAN LEANS CLOSER TO
THE TELEVISION, AS IT CHANGES TO A NEWS LOGO, AND A TALKING HEAD APPEARS.

                          TALKING HEAD
            Good morning:  With the election eleven days away the
            world slept, expecting news from the President on Trade
            and his visit to China, another sort of news, however,
            has emerged from the Presidential Quarter.  Chris
            Andrews, station KCRT, Santa Fe Reports:

BREAN LEANS BACK FROM THE TELEVISION, AND PUTS HIS ATTENTION ON THE BUSINESS
PEOPLE ABOUT TO FILE ONTO THE PLANE.  AS HE WATCHES THEY MOVE FIRST ONE AT A
TIME, AND THEN, IN A GROUP, DRAWN TO THE TELEVISIONS.

ANGLE:
BREAN, LOOKING AT THE BUSINESS PEOPLE, CLUSTERING UP.  BEYOND HIM, WE SEE THE
TALKING HEAD FROM SANTA FE, THE SHOT OF THE PRESIDENT WITH THE GIRLSCOUTS,
WHICH WE SAW PREVIOUSLY ON THE WHITE HOUSE WALL, AND ON THE CAMPAIGN BUTTONS.

BREAN TAKES OUT A NOTEPAD AND STARTS MAKING NOTES.  AMES WANDERS INTO THE
SHOT, WITH A CUP OF DUNKIN' DONUTS COFFEE, AND THE CELLPHONE INTO WHICH HE IS
TALKING.

                          AMES
            Top people.  Albanian Desk.  Well, I don't know either,
            but we probably have one.  Albanian Dusk, C.I.A.,
            N.S.A. roust'em outta bed, sirens blaring....

BREAN NODS, MEANING, "GOOD STUDENT."

                          AMES
                    (CONT.)
            I know they'll be in in an hour, get'em now...C.I.A.,
            N.S.A., wake'em up.

BREAN GESTURES, TELL THEM THE OTHER THING.     

                          AMES
                    (CONT.)
            And you tell the staff, anyone leaks anything on this
            situation, his or her job is going to be...

THE TWO ARE IN THE QUEUE THROUGH THE JETWAY.  THEY COME TO THE DOOR OF THE
AIRLINER.

                          AMES
                    (CONT.)
            ...General Scott in Seattle...?  No, I don't think his
            trip has got anything to do with the B-2 Bomber.
            Now...

THE STEWARDESS INTERVENES, AS THEY COME UP TO THE DOOR OF THE AIRLINER

                          STEWARDESS
            I'm sorry, Sir, I'll have to ask you to...

SHE GESTURES AT THE CELLPHONE.
AMES LAGS BEHIND IN THE JETWAY, AS BREAN WALKS INTO THE PLANE, CAMERA TRACKS
WITH HIM.

BREAN AND THE CAMERA NOTICE A SMALL MINI TV IN THE GALLEY AREA, WHERE THE
STEWARDESS IS SNEAKING A PEEK AT THE SCREEN, SHOWING THE PRESIDENT, GREETING
THE GIRLSCOUT.

                          STEWARDESS
                    (CONT.)
                    (TO BREAN)
            Did you hear?

                          BREAN
            Well, I don't know, a lot of these early reports are
            inflated.

                          STEWARDESS
            ... could, could, could he have done it?

                          BREAN
            ...who understands Human Nature?

ANGLE
BACK AT HIS SEAT, THE WOMAN IN THE SEAT ACROSS THE AISLE TO HIM IS TALKING IN
AN AIRFONE.

                          WOMAN
                    (INTO PHONE)
            What did she say that the President Actually did....
            Well, who said it.  Her mother, or Her?
                    (PAUSE)
            He did...?
                    (PAUSE)
            ...and they said that on TV...?
                    (PAUSE)
            They used that word...?

BREAN EASES INTO HIS SEAT, AND TAKES OUT HIS NOTEBOOK.

                          WOMAN
                    (INTO PHONE)
            ...what time?  Two Eastern?  Alright, I'll.... Alright.

                    (SHE HANGS UP THE AIRFONE.)

BEAT.  SHE TURNS TO BREAN.  WE SEE SHE IS WEARING THE BUTTON WHICH SHOWS THE
PRESIDENT AND THE GIRLSCOUTS.  SHE LOOKS DOWN AND FINGERS THE BUTTON.

                          WOMAN
                     (OF THE BUTTON)
            ...what do you think...?

                          BREAN
            ...how can any of us know?

                          WOMAN
                    (OF THE BUTTON)
            Makes you feel kind of foolish, doesn't it...?

                          BREAN
            I'm sure that's the worst of it.
                    (BEAT)

                          WOMAN
                    (MEDITATIVELY, SHAKING HER HEAD, AS
                    SHE LOOKS AT THE BUTTON)
            ...a twelve year-old girl.
                    (PAUSE)
            ...and I was going to vote, for him.

                          BREAN
            Well, it ain't over til it's over...

AMES SITS IN THE SEAT NEXT TO BREAN.

                          BREAN
            How's he doing?

AMES SHUSHES BREAN, TAKES OUT THE AIRPHONE, AND STARTS DIALING.

EXT POOLHOUSE BEVERLY HILLS HOTEL DAY.

TWO WHITE-TOGGED POOL ATTENDANTS, WATCHING A SMALL TELEVISION AT THE CHECK-IN
AREA.

ON TELEVISION, SENATOR FREDERICK NOLE, A MIDWESTERNER, HOLDING FORTH.

                          NOLE
            ...if it is true, he should, he must step down.  And if
            it is not true, then he must ... we are informed he has
            extended his visit to China, I say, on behalf of the
            American...

                          ANNOUNCER
                    (VO)
            Senator...Senator... we have to...

                          NOLE
            I say, on behalf of the American People, Come home,
            face the music, whatever that may be.  Th'election's
            in ten days, let the American...

                          ANNOUNCER
                    (VO)
            Let the American People decide...

SCREEN GOES TO THE TALKING HEAD OF THE ANNOUNCER.

                          ANNOUNCER
            Senator Frederick Nole.  With, excuse me, Senator,
            that's eleven days, til the election, And the president
            ahead in the polls by, Bob...?

                          SECOND TALKING HEAD
            Seventeen percent.

                          ANNOUNCER
            Accusations have surfaced, which...

                          BOB
            Bill, the White House has announced, that, in response
            to media pressure there will be a press conference
            in...

THE TWO POOL ATTENDANTS STRAIGHTEN, AND PUT ON THEIR BEST SMILES, AND LOOK AT AN
ARRIVING MAN.

                          POOL ATTENDANT
            Morning, Mr. Moss.

STANLEY MOSS, A SUCCESSFUL LOOKING FELLOW AROUND SIXTY, COMES THROUGH THE
TURNSTILE, ONE OF THE ATTENDANTS BUSTLES AROUND, HANDING HIM TOWELS.  WE HOLD
ON THE SECOND ATTENDANT, WHO SCURRIES UP THE STEPS.

                          SECOND ATTENDANT
            ...I'll be right back with your juice...

MOSS CALLS AFTER HIM

                          MOSS
            ...with a carrot in it...

AS HE CLEARS THE FRAME, WE SEE, BELOW HIM, MOSS AND THE FIRST ATTENDANT, WHO
IS GESTURING DOWN TOWARD THE POOL AREA, THEY TURN THEIR HEADS.

ANGLE
DOWN AT THE DESERTED POOL AREA.  ONE NANNY TYPE, WITH A YOUNG KID IN
WATERWINGS, FROLICKING IN THE WATER, AND BREAN, AND AMES, WHO ARE SITTING IN
POOL CHAIRS.  BREAN RISES, AND WALKS TO GREET MOSS, LEAVING AMES IN THE B.G.
TALKING ON A CELL PHONE.

ANGLE
ON MOSS AND BREAN, AS MOSS APPROACHES A BIT TENTATIVELY.

                          MOSS
            Do I know you?

                          BREAN
            We have some mutual friends in Washington.

INT POOL CABANA, BEV. HILLS HOTEL, DAY.  A CURTAIN IS SWEPT ASIDE, AS MOSS
AND BREAN AND AMES ENTER, IN THE B.G. WE SEE THE NANNY AND THE LITTLE KID IN
THE POOL.  MOSS AND BREAN ARE TALKING AS THEY ENTER.

                          MOSS
            And is it true?

                          AMES
            Waal, Mr. Moss, I wouldn't....

MOSS STARTS STRIPPING OFF HIS CLOTHES, AND CHANGING INTO A SWIMSUIT.

                          MOSS
            You wouldn't be here if it wasn't true.  It's true,
            right?

HE SWITCHES ON THE TELEVISION IN THE CABANA.  WE SEE A FEMALE TALKING HEAD.

                          FEMALE TALKING HEAD
            Sexual relations with a girl thirteen years old.

THE SCREEN GOES TO THE PHOTO OF THE PRESIDENT WITH THE GIRLSCOUTS.

MOSS TURNS DOWN THE VOLUME.  AS HE AND BREAN TALK THE TV SHOWS IMAGES OF THE
PRESIDENT WITH GIRLSCOUTS, AND WITH OTHER YOUTH GROUPS.

                          MOSS
            And you're here why...?

                          BREAN
            I'm here, Mr. Moss, because you've shown yourself a
            great supporter of the Party.

                          MOSS
            Party's gonna need more than a couple bucks now.

THE POOL ATTENDANT ENTERS WITH A TRAY ON WHICH IS A GLASS WITH LIQUID AND A
CARROT STICK IN IT, AND A GLASS FULL OF CELERY STICKS.

                          MOSS
            Back where I come from they call this Romeo in Joliet.
                    (HE SHAKES HIS HEAD, REACHES ONTO A
                    SMALL TABLE BEHIND HIM, AND PICKS UP A
                    BOOK.)
            I, I, and y'know, I like the guy... he signed his
            book to me....

HE HOLDS THE BOOK TO BREAN, THE CAMERA SEES THE PHOTO OF THE PRESIDENT ON THE
BACK COVER, THE FRONT COVER READS.

            ".... FOR TWO GENERATIONS TO AGREE."

MOSS LOOKS DOWN AT THE BOOK, AND QUOTES

                          MOSS
            "For Progress to occur, it is necessary for Two
            Generations to Agree...."

HE LOOKS AT THE TELEVISION SCREEN, WHICH SHOWS THE PRESIDENT WITH A YOUNG GIBL
ON HIS LAP.

                          MOSS
            Oh, jeez, this guy is fucked.

                          BREAN
            What one has to do, Mr. Moss.  Is to fight a holding
            action.

                          MOSS
            ...holding action.  THEY'RE GOING TO TEAR THIS GUY TO
            Shreds.

                          BREAN
            If we can hold the break-in-the-dam for ten days, til
            the election, we...

                          MOSS
            Yeah, hut you can't hold the dam.  How the hell,
            n'nu'n', I don't get what you want me to ...

THE SCREEN CHANGES, WE SEE THE SEAL OF THE PRESIDENT, AND WE ARE IN THE
NEWSROOM OF THE WHITE HOUSE.  A SHOT OF THE RESTIVE REPORTERS, IN THE B.G.
OF THE CABANA WE SEE THE POOL ATTENDANT TAKING HIS LEAVE, HURRYING BACK TO
THE OTHER TELEVISION AT THE POOL DESK.

                          ANNOUNCER
                    (VO)
            Allegations that the president had sexual... Ah...
            here is the deputy ... assistant under secretary...

WE SEE LEVY TAKE THE PODIUM, ARRANGE HIS NOTES, AND CLEAR HIS THROAT.

BREAN LEANS FORWARD, ANXIOUS, IN HIS SEAT.

                          MOSS
            I don't ... they're gonna tear this guy to shreds...

                          LEVY
                    (ON TV)
            ...the illness of the President, which we are assured,
            is not serious.  I repeat, it is not serious, the
            doctors suspect it's a stomach flu, but have advised
            him not to fly.  He will remain, on the ground, in
            China for, they estimate, one or two days, I stress
            that, during this time he will, of...

                          MOSS
            ...he's gotta come back sometime, what the hell is two
            days gonna buy him.

                          LEVY
                    (VO)
            Any questions....Mr. Sklansky, Yes...

                          MOSS
                    (AS HE LEANS CLOSER TO THE TV)
            ... twelve year old girl...  Breir Rabbit couldh t gut
            outta this...

ANGLE, ON BREAN AS HE LOOKS AT MOSS, LEANING INTO THE TV.  HE THEN
SWITCHES HIS GLANCE TOWARD THE POOL DESK, ANGLE HIS POV.  AT THE POOL DESK
WE SEE THE TWO ATTENDANTS, THE NANNY, THE KID AND SEVERAL NEWLY ARRIVED
BATHERS CLUSTERED, RAPT, AROUND THE TELEVISION.

                          LEVY
                    (C)  (VO)
            Yes...?

                          SKLANSKY
                    (VO)
            Mr. Levy...

                          LEVY
                    (VO)
            Yes

                          SKLANSKY
            Would you comment on the rumors... on the rumors that
            the President's trip, that the President's delay... is
            due to the situation in Albania?

ANGLE
ON THE TELEVISION WE SEE SKLANSKY, AND SEE THAT HE IS THE CHAP IN THE
BATHROBE WHOM BREAN GAVE THE ENVELOPE TO.

                          LEVY
            There, uh, I'm not aware of the situation to which you
            refer.

                          SKLANSKY
            Sir:  the heads of the Albanian Desks at C.I.A., and at
            the National Security agency have been recalled on
            Special Alert, and there are rumors that the B-2
            Bomber...

                          LEVY
            Mr. Sklansky, Mr. Sklansky, I am I am unaware of any,
            um, "situation..."  The B-2 Bomber?
                    (PAUSE)
            The B-2 Bomber...?  There is no B-2 Bomber.  Mrs.
            Rose...

A WOMAN REPORTER STANDS.

                          MRS. ROSE
            Mr. Levy, early this morning Major General William
            Scott flew to Seattle.  Is his trip connected with the
            B-2 Bomber?

                          LEVY
            Uh...Mrs. Rose, there, to the best of my knowledge,
            there is no...

                          REPORTER
            Mr. Levy:  is the situation in Albania in any way
            connected with recent Muslim Fundamentalist, anti-
            American...

BEAT.  MOSS LOOKS AT BREAN.

                          MOSS
            How close are you to this thing?

BREAN PICKS UP A CELLPHONE FROM THE TABLE, AND DIALS

                          BREAN
                    (TO MOSS)
            What do you want the kid to say?

MOSS LOOKS AT BREAN APPRAISINGLY.

                          MOSS
            Have him say, 'I know we're all concerned for the
            President, there will he an update at 5:45.'

AS MOSS SPEAKS BREAN NODS TO AMES, SPEAKS INTO THE TELEPHONE.

                          AMES
                    (INTO PHONE)
            Have the kid say I know we're all concerned for the
            President.  There will he an update on his
            condition at 5:45.

THEY BOTH TURN TO WATCH THE SCREEN.

                          LEVY
                    (ON TV)
            ...no information whatever on Fundamentalist...
                    (HE HOLDS HIS HAND TO HIS EARPHONE)
            I.  I just want to say I know we're all conceroed for
            the President, there will be an update on his
            condition at five forty-five...

MOSS LEANS OVER AND TURNS DOWN THE VOLUME ON THE TV.
BEAT.

                          MOSS
            Well.  You bought yourself one day.  Maybe two.

                          BREAN
            String a few together.  All I need's eleven,

                          MOSS
            How you going to stretch it?
                    (HE GESTURES AT THE TV)
            This won't hold for eleven days.  Guy fucked a twelve-
            year-old...whadday're gonna do to hold that off?

                          BREAN
            What do you think would hold it off?

                          MOSS
            Uh, nothing, oh, nothing ... uh... a War, uh...
                    (HE PAUSES, THEN LOOKS AT BREAN WITH
                    COMPREHENSION.)
            You're kidding.

BREAN SHAKES HIS HEAD NO.

                          MOSS
            I'm a Jew in Show Business.  Why come to me?

                          BREAN
            I'm gonna tell you why...

BREAN LEANS CONSPIRATORIALLY, OVER TOWARD MOSS.

                          BREAN
            Here's the Short Course:  Fifty-Four, Forty or Fight.
            What does that mean?

                          MOSS
            Uh, it's a slogan.  From, uh...

                          BREAN
            Remember the Maine...

                          MOSS
            That's from the ... it's got to be from the...

                          BREAN
            Tippecanoe and Tyler, Too!

                          MOSS
            ...uh ... No, that's...

                          BREAN
            We remember the slogans, we can't even remember the
            fucking wars.  Y'know why.  Cause it's show business.
            That's why I'm here.  Naked girl, covered in Napalm.
            Five marines Raising the Flag, Mount Suribachi.
            Churchill, V for Victory, Y'remember the Picture, fifty
            years from now, they'll have forgotten  the war.  Gulf
            War?  Smart Bomb, falling through the roof.  2500
            missions a day, 100 days, One Shot of One Bomb.  The
            American people bought that war. M'I getting through
            to you?  War in the Balkans, don't mean nothing, till
            some G.I. flyer, went down, Eating Snakes for Ten days.
            N'then It's show business, Mister Moss.  That's why
            I'm here.

ANGLE
AT THE POOL DESK. THE ATTENDANTS AND THE GUESTS ARE WATCHING THE TELEVISION.
ON WHICH WE SEE COMIONTATOR TALKING ABOUT A MAP OF ALBANIA.

THE SCENE SHIFTS TO THE SHOTS OF THE PRESIDENT BEING PRESIENTIAL, AND WE
HEAR, "THANK HEAVEN, FOR LITTLE GIRLS..."
AMES WINCES, WE SEE THE POOL ATTENDANTS LAUGH.

                          BREAN
            It's like being a producer, Mr. Moss.  The Things in
            Trouble.  Somebody's got to wade in, save the thing.
                    (PAUSE)
            You get the Actors get up there, and strut and
            Posture.  But somebody, knows what's what, got to jump
            in and Save the Thing.
                    (PAUSE)

THEY LISTEN TO THANK HEAVEN, FOR LITTLE GIRLS, AND THEY LOOK AT MOSS.

PAUSE

                          MOSS
            Why Albania?

                          BREAN
            Why not?

MOSS NODS DECISIVELY.  AS IF TO SAY, "BY GOLLY, NOW YOU'RE TALKING..."

                          MOSS
            Pat? Pat?

ONE OF THE ATTENDANTS RAISES HIS HEAD FROM THE TV AND SPRINTS OVER TO THE
CABANA, WHERE WE SEE MOSS AND BREAN DEEP IN CONFAB.  MOSS GESTURES TO THE
TRAY WITH THE JUICE AND THE CELERY.

                          MOSS
            ...throw this shit out.  Gemme a pot of coffee and a
            packet of Camels.

INT MOSS'S HOME, AFTERNOON.

A GREENE AND GREENE BUNGALOW IN THE HOLLYWOOD HILLS, AMERICAN ART POTTERY
ALL AROUND.  MOSS IN BLUEJEANS AND A HAWAIIAN HAT, PACING BACK AND FORTH,
SMOKING LIKE A CHIMNEY.

                          MOSS
            But at some point they gotta know.

                          BREAN
            Who?

                          MOSS
            The...
                    (HE GESTURES OUT OF HIS WINDOW,
                    MEANING, "THE PUBLIC")

                          BREAN
            "They Got To Know?"  Stan...?  Get with it.  Who Killed
            Kennedy...?  I read the first draft of the Warren
            Report, said he was killed by a Drunk Driver.  You
            watched the Gulf War.  What did you see?  Day after
            day, the one "Smart Bomb" falling into a building.
            The truth, I was in the building when they shot that
            shot, they shot it in a studio, Falls Church Virginia,
            1/10th scale model of a building.

                          MOSS
            Is that true?

                          BREAN
            How the fuck do we know.  You take my point?

                          MOSS
                    (SHAKING HIS HEAD)
            ...going to War...

                          BREAN
            It's not "war."  It is a Pageant.  It's a Pageant...
            Like the Oscars... why we came to you...

                          MOSS
            I never won an Oscar.

                          BREAN
            N'it's a crying shame.  But you staged the Oscars...

                          MOSS
            Yes.  Indeed I did.
                    (PAUSE)

HE LOOKS OVER AT HIS WALL FULL OF PLAQUES AND TROPHIES.

                          MOSS
                    (CONT.)
            You know, you're a writer, that's your script.  You're
            a director...
                    (HE GESTURES, ET CETERA.)
            But if you're the producer ... what did you do?
                    (PAUSE)
            What did you do?  All you've got is the credit...
                    (PAUSE)
            Some plaque on the wall...

HE SHAKES HIS HEAD SADLY.

                          BREAN
            And if you never won an Oscar, How'd you like an
            ambassadorship...
                    (PAUSE)

                          MOSS
            Hell, I'd just do it for the hell of having done it,
            for a story to tell...

                          BREAN
            Well, no, well, you couldn't tell any...

                          MOSS
            Hey, I know that, hey, I'm kidding...
                    (PAUSE)
            "It's a pageant"

                          BREAN
            ...that's what it is.

                          MOSS
                    (TO HIMSELF)
            "The Country Is At War."
                    (PAUSE)

                          BREAN
            It's Miss America, N'you're Bert Parks.
                    (PAUSE)

                          MOSS
            ...Yoha, Yoha... Yoha.
                    (PAUSE)
            Why Albania?

                          BREAN
            Because.

                          MOSS
            They got to have something that we want.

                          BREAN
            I'm sure they do.

                          MOSS
            What do we have that they want?

                          BREAN
            "Freedom."

                          MOSS
            Why would they want that?

                          HAKAN
            They're Oppressed.

                          MOSS
            No, no, no.  Fuck Freedom.  No.  Fuck Freedom.
            They.... They Want... They Want To Destroy the Godless
            Satan of the United ... They want to destroy our Way of
            Life.  Okay, okay, okay, could we ... okay:  the
            President is in China.  He is dealing with a Dispatch
            of the B-2 Bomber to Albania.  Why?
                    (HE SHRUGS, HOLDS UP HIS HANDS, TO SAY,
                    "YOU TELL ME...")

                          AMES
            Alright, well, alright:  geopolitically...

MOSS GESTURES FOR SILENCE.

                          MOSS
            We've just found out They Have the Bomb.  We've Just
            Found Out They Have The Bomb, aaaand... No, No wait a
            second, no, no, wait a second, No.  The Bomb's not...
            it's not there -- because they'd have to have a
            rocket and that shit n'they're a buncha wogs-- it's ...
            it's a suitcase Bomb.  Ooookay.  It's a suitcase bomb,
            and it's .... in Canada!  Eh?  Albanian Terrorists have
            placed a suitcase Bomb in Canada, in an attempt to
            infiltrate the bomb into the USA.

                          AMES
            You know what?  This is good.  This is terrific, and
            I'll tell you why:  it's cost effective.  This is....

                          MOSS
                    (SHRUGS)
            It's producing.

                          AMES
            No, this is great.

                          MOSS
            I could tell you stories:  Cecil B. Demille:  Alright?
            The Greatest Show on Earth:  He needs an elephant,

GRACE COMES IN WITH A PHONE, TO AMES.

                          GRACE
            I have the White House on the Line.

                          MOSS
            ...one minute:  Demille needs an elephant for a
            reshoot.

                          AMES
                    (TAKES THE PHONE)
            Ames here.  Yessir...
                    (HE LISTENS.)

                          MOSS
            Okay.  Okay.  The Suitcase Bomb...

                          GRACE
            ...good title for a movie....

MOSS GESTURES "WRITE IT DOWN"

AMES WANDERS AWAY, RELATING THE PROCEEDINGS INTO THE PHONE.

                          AMES
            ..."Terrorism," and an attempt to infiltrate...

                          MOSS
            ...the Suitcase Bomb.  ACT ONE Albania denies it.
            President comes on the air, "Be Calm."  Okay, now:
            Good.  Now, Alright.  Act TWO...
                    (TO GRACE)
            I need the following here.  Right now:  Johnnie Green,
            Liz Butsky, and get me the Fad King.

                          GRACE
            Isn't Johnny Green in the...
                    (SHE GESTURES, LOONEY BIN)

                          MOSS
            No, he's back in Nashville.

                          BREAN
            ...who is this guy...?

                          MOSS
                    (TO BREAN)
            Act Two:  and then, Act Two...

                          BREAN
            We don't need an Act Two.

                          MOSS
                    (ON THE PHONE)
            And get me the Fad King.  No.  Get him First...
                    (TO BREAN)
            We don't need an Act Two?

                          BREAN
            We've just got to hold their interest for ten more
            days, till the Election.

                          MOSS
            ...it's a Teaser!

                          BREAN
            It's a teaser, absolutely right,

AMES IS SEEN IN THE B.G. ON THE CELLPHONE.

                          AMES
                    (ON THE PHONE, SOTTO)
            The thinking is, as of this moment, Terrorism...
                    (HE COVERS THE PHONE)
            ...they're getting a Good Reaction on the "Albania"
            thing...

BREAN SHRUGS, TO SAY, "OF COURSE."

                          MOSS
                    (ON THE PHONE)
            Hello, King.  How the heck are you...?
                    (PAUSE)
            Get out...
                    (PAUSE)
            Get out... Well, man, you fall in love like a
            Hillbilly...
                    (HE COVERS THE PHONE, EXPLAINING TO
                    THOSE NEAR HIM)
            Ditch the wife, toss the kids in the Pick-up,
                    (HE GESTURES, MEANING, YOU KNOW...)
                    (To THE FAD KING)
            Listen, King:  Get your fat redneck ass out here,
            willya...

                          AMES
                    (TO BREAN, STILL HOLDING THE PHONE TO
                    HIS EAR)
            ...but the President wonders about the Possible
            Albanian Backlash...

                          BREAN
                    (SHRUGS)
            You can't have a war without an enemy.

                          MOSS
                    (ON PHONE)
            No, King, I need you here yesterday...
                    (TO BREAN)
            How long do I need him for?

                          BREAN
                    (CORRECTING HIMSELF)
            Well, you could have one, but it'd be a very
            ineffective war...
                    (TO MOSS)
            We're done in 10 days...

                          MOSS
            Ten Days.
                    (COVERS THE PHONE)
            There going to be any Back End in this thing?

                          BREAN
            W...what?

                          MOSS
            ...there gonna be any money in this thing?

                          BREAN
            "Back End" ... count on it.

                          MOSS
                    (TO PHONE)
            Lots n lotsa cash.  Stay on for Gracie, she'll get you
            a ticket
                    (HE HANGS UP)

                          AMES
                    (TO BREAN)
            ...where is the Back End coming from?

                          BREAN
            It's like that thing with the Yellow Ribbon...

                          AMES
            The thing with the Yellow Ribbon...

                          BREAN
            The Hostages...?

                          AMES
            The hostages, but that was a naturally-occuring...
                    (BREAN GIVES HIM A LOOK TO SAY, "OH,
                    GROW UP")
            It was a put-up job?
                    (BREAN GIVES HIM THE LOOK AGAIN)
            But where was the, where was the money in that?

                          BREAN
            In the yellow ribbon.

                          AMES
            ...the Yellow Ribbon, but who, who'd profit from
            that...

                          BREAN
                    (LONG SUFFERING)
            The Ribbon Manufacturers.

                          MOSS
                    (INTO THE PHONE)
            King, King, I got a thing here, a product placement,
            gonna have a bigger back-end than Hattie McDaniel.
            Now:

AMES, CELLPHONE TO HIS EAR, APPROACHES BREAN -- BREAN WAVES HIM OFF.

                          BREAN
            I gotta protect the Canadian Horder,

BREAN PICKS UP ANOTHER PHONE, AND STARTS

                          BREAN
                    (INTO THE PHONE)
            Here's what we want to do:  The Park Police, the
            Border Patrol, and the US Marshall's Service.  The D.E.
            the A.T.F, all of em, Stand by for instant
            mobilization, 'long the Canadian Border.
                    (PAUSE)
            And tell 'em there's nothing to be alarmed about.

INT MOSS'S DINING ROOM NIGHT.

MOSS, BREAN, AND THREE MORE PEOPLE, PADS AND NOTES TACKED ONTO THE WALL.

CAMERA PANS OVER THE TABLE.  ONE NEWSPAPER, THE EDITORIAL CARTOON SHOWS
THE PRESIDENT.  A GIRLSCOUT IS HANDING HIM A BOX OF COOKIES, AND HE IS SAYING,
"I KNOW I REALLY SHOULDN'T"... ON ANOTHER THE EDITORIAL CARTOON SHOWS THE
GREAT SEAL OF THE PRESIDENT, THE MOTTO, WRITTEN AROUND THE CIRCUMFERENCE
READS, "SIT ON MY LAP."

                          JAY LENO
                    (VO)
            ...went into a Convenience store...

ANGLE
THE GROUP, MOSS, BREAN AND THREE MORE, WATCHING THE TV

                          JAY LENO
            ...asked if they had any girlscout cookies.  Five cops
            jumped on me, took me off in chains...

MOSS SWITCHES THE STATION.  WE SEE RICKY JAY, DOING A VANISH OF COINS.
APPLAUSE... CONAN O'BRIAN BECKONS RICKY OVER TO THE PANEL.

                          CONAN
            Ricky Jay, Ladies and Gentleman, Ricky, I guess we'd
            have to say that you're the most famous manipulator of
            small oblects in the World.

                          RICKY JAY
            No, I'd have to say, that'd be the President.

LAUGHTER ON THE TV.
MOSS SWITCHES THE CHANAEL AGAIN.  WE SEE SENATOR NOLE.

                          SENATOR NOLE
                    (ON TV)
            ...taking refuge behind the fact of distance, taking
            refuge behind the mention of Albania, of his stomach
            flu, taking refuge, with the election those scant days
            away, behind everything except avowal of his guilt.
            Mr. President, if you have any shame, I ask you, the
            public asks you, the electorate asks you to return,
            to face these terrible charges, to...

THE SCREEN GOES TO THE GREAT SEAL OF THE PRESIDENT

                          ANNOUNCER
            ...from Airforce One.  In China.  The President of the
            United States.

                          PRESIDENT
            My fellow Americans.  I apologize for the need for
            secrecy.  I assure you that had it not been
            necessary to ensure the safety of our men and women
            in the Combat Arms.  The Republic of Albania, long
            a staging ground for terrorists around the World, is
            in the procesa of mounting ... actions directed against
            the people of the United States.  In consultation with
            my advisors, I have elected to take the following
            precautionary measures:

EXT POOLSIDE, MOSS'S HOME, L.A. NIGHT.

THE FAD KING, A SLOPPILY FAT FELLOW IN A DIRTY T-SHIRT, IS WALKING THE POOL,
HOLDING FORTH TO MOSS, AND JOHNNY GREEN, A NASHVILLE TYPE, AND LIZ BUTSKY, A
COSTUME DESIGNER, WHO IS SKETCHING ON A PAD.

                          FAD KING
            It's a, it's a...
                    (LIZ STARTS TO TALK)
            It can't be a ribbon...

                          LIZ
            Why can't it be a ribbon?

                          FAD KING
            It can't be a ribbon cause AIDS had a ribbon, cause
            the Yellow Ribbon thing had a ribbon, cause...

                          MOSS
            Look, look, look, look, Canada, okay...?  Our neighbor
            to the North, alla sudden, transformed, into That
            Place, where, like the North Wind, Terror comes...

                          FAD KING
            Keep Talking....

                          MOSS
            What guards Us Against Canada...?

                          AMES
                    (PHONE TO HIS EAR)
            ...we've got a crash poll, says...
                    (HE LISTENS)
            Sixty seven percent of the
                    (BEAMS)
            American People, on hearing the President's Speech...

JOHNNIE GREEN WALKS AWAY, HUMMING TO HIMSELF, "I GUARD THE NORTHERN
BORDERS..."

FAD KING AND LIZ WAVE AMES OFF, MEANING, "WE HAVE ADULT WORK TO DO HERE."

                          LIZ
            Uh...uh... Mounties.  The Mounties Guard The Border.
            uh... those Mountie Hats.

                          FAD KING
            They look stupid.

                          LIZ
            We had Davy Crockett hats... They made a fortune.

                          FAD KING
            We had Davy Crockett hats, but you could crush'em ...
            you could crush'em, see, when you felt stupid.
            Crush'em, put em in your Pocket.  You can't put a
            Mountie hat in your...

MOSS WALKS THROUGH THE SHOT, WITH BREAN.

                          MOSS
                    (EXPANSIVELY)
            Y'see, this is what Producing is:  you put me in a
            Room...

                          AMES
                    (LISTENING TO THE PHONE)
            ...and he's got a negative rating of...
                    (HE SMILES)

                          MOSS
                    (TO FAD KING, PROMPTING)
            King, we've got to be on the streets in...

                          FAD KING
            ...what am I doing?  Do you see me working...?
                    (TO LIZ)
            Here's what you want to do, you want to come out of the
            box, an item, someone 'ready has, but then you sell
            it to'em.  Torn jeans, uh ... faded Levi Jackets, uh...
            uh...

                          MOSS
            Where are we on the Image?  Grace?  Grace...

ANGLE
OVER A SLEEPING BREAN, STRETCHED OUT ON A POOLCHAIR, GRACE, THE SECRETARY,
COMES OUT ON TO THE POOL AREA, HOLDING THE SHOT OF A SMALL, FOREIGN LOOKING
CHILD, IN FRONT OF A PILE OF RUBBLE.
SHE SHOWS IT TO MOSS.

                          MOSS
            ...we own it?

                          GRACE
            Public Domain.

                          MOSS
            And what?  What?  She was Driven From Her Home, by
            Albanian Terrorists.  It is her we are mobilizing to
            defend... it is "she"?

                          GRACE
            We-are-mobilizing-to-defend-her.

                          MOSS
            Can we give'er a kitten?

                          GRACE
            No problem.  Here's the...

SHE GOES BACK INTO THE HOUSE.

                          FAD KING
            I gotta get something, I gotta get ...shoes?  Ties?
            Hats...?
                    (TAKES A SHEAF OF HEADSHOTS FROM
                    GRACE)
            Good.  Good.
                    (HE PASSES THEM AROUND, WE SEE THEY
                    ARE ALL GIRLS AROUND FOURTEEN WITH LONG
                    BLONDE HAIR.)

                          BREAN
            ...what is this?

                          MOSS
            Headshots.  Girls to play the girl in our footage.
                    (OF A PHOTO)
            I like the sorrowful one.  Anybody Else....?
                    (HE PASSES THE PHOTOS AROUND.)

                          FAD KING
            ...what is this?

                          BREAN

            Young-Albanian-girl-driven-from-her-home.

                          FAD KING
            I go with this here...
                    (HE WALKS OFF SHAKING HIS HEAD.)

                          MOSS
            Too Texan.  Go with the stick.  Thanks.
                    (TO THE FAD KING.)
            What...? ...does it have to be Albania...We're locked
            into Albania...why?

                          JOHNNY GREEN
            It's tough to rhyme.

                          MOSS
            I believe in you....

                          JOHNNY GREEN
            Albania, Albania, Albania, James bond Villains.

                          MOSS
            John Belushi... Jim Belushi...

                          JOHNNY GREEN
            Jim Belushi...?

                          MOSS
            Surest thing you know.

                          FAD KING
            Shoes, Hats....

                          LIZ
            The special hats of the Special Anti-terrorist
            detachment of the Border Patrol.

                          MOSS
                    (MULLING IT OVER)
            The Special Anti-Terrorist Detachment of the Border
            Patrol... what do they do...?

                          LIZ
                    (SHRUGS)
            ...they... you know...

                          JOHNNY GREEN
            They guard our, you know ... "borders," night and
            day...

                          MOSS
            Yeah, good good good good good.  And They're So
            Secret...

                          LIZ
            Oh huh...

                          MOSS
            ...they have the capacity to Meld into the Woods,
            and...

ALL NOD

                          MOSS
                    (CONT.)
            And one of them is in love with the sister of...

                          LIZ
            I'm just talking about the Hats.

                          MOSS
            The hats.

                          LIZ
            A beret.

                          MOSS
            Why a beret?

                          LIZ
            Cause you can crush it and put it in your pocket.

                          MOSS
            "...the special detachment..."
            Good!  What is it?

BREAN WAKES FOR A MOMENT, AT THE SHOUTING, LOOKS AT HIS WATCH.

                          BREAN
            Three-o-three...

                          MOSS
            The men and women of Detachment Three-O-Three, with
            their...

                          FAD KING
            Black...

                          LIZ
            Leopard Skin...

                          MOSS
            With their berets...

                          LIZ
            ...their Leopard Skin Berets....

                          FAD KING
            Well, that ain't very butch, is it?

                          LIZ
            It's a beret...

CAMERA TAKES MOSS TO THE TV WHERE BREAN IS WATCHING A "CHANGE HORSES IN
MIDSTREAM" AD, SHOWING TWO RETIRED LADIES, SITTING OUT ON A PORCH IN THE
SOUTH, ON A ROCKER.

                          LIZ
                    (CONT.)
            ...you said you wanted something they could stuff in
            their pocket...

                          FAD KING
            ...I meant the Leopard Skin...

                          LIZ
            British Regiments drape their drums in Leopard Skins.

                          FAD KING
            Thank God this is America.

                          MOSS
                    (DISTRACTED)
            How about half-black, half leopard skin...

                          TV OLD LADY
            ...why change Horses in Mid Stresm, that's what I ...

                          MOSS
                    (SHAKING HEAD SADLY)
            Why are they sticking with this age old horseshit?

                          BREAN
                    (SHRUGS)
            "If One Twinkie is Funny, Two Twinkies are Funnier..."

AMES WALKS IN WITH HIS ARMS FULL OF FAXES.  HE READS FROM THEM.

AS HE PERUSES THEM WE SEE THE FAD KING, HE GOES, DREAMILY, TO A PHONE, AND
DIALS.

                          FAD KING
                    (INTO PHONE)
            Bunny:  I had an idea:  a Slinky, that falls Up...
                    (PAUSE)
            Naa, we can figure that out.  What I'm wondering:  what
            do we call it...
                    (PAUSE)
            You got my number...
                    (HE HANGS UP.)

                          MOSS
                    (TO AMES)
            Why are they ...

                          AMES
                    (OF FAXES)
            NY Times, Washington Post, War, War, War.  Times got
            the girlscout page twelve, Post in Section Two....
            Horses in Mid-Stream...?

                          MOSS
            I don't think you're gonna need it.

                          AMES
            Well, we paid for it, we got the guys on a retainer.

                          MOSS
            They got the guys on a retainer, it's cheaper, pay'em,
            but don't lettem touch it... Let'em leave us alone.

                          AMES
            What can it hurt.

                          MOSS
            What can it hurt is they offend me.

IN THE B.G. WE SEE BREAN, WALKING AROUND WITH A CELLPHONE.

                          LIZ
            I need a ruling on the Hats.  I say a Leopard-skin,
            and...

                          MOSS
            Hey, you're getting the big bucks....
                    (TO BREAN)
            I think we're up-and-running...

JOHNNY GREEN COMES OVER, "JUST LISTEN TO THIS."

                          JOHNNY GREEN
                    (SINGS)
            Canada your Peaceful slumbers
            Guard our Border To The North...
            The Rightful Order
            Of Our Border...

HE SHAKES HIS READ, AND RETIRES.  GRACE COMES OUT WITH A TRAY OF COFFEE, FROM
WHICH THEY TAKE A CUP.

                          FAD KING
            Kid comes to School.  Teacher:  You're late for
            Geography Class.  Kid:  I din' get my breakfast.
            Teacher:  siddown, where's the Canadian Border.  Kid:
            In bed wit My Mom.  That's why I missed my breakfast...

GRACE REACHES IN HER BACK POCKET, HANDS MOSS SEVERAL SHEETS

                          GRACE
            We got the Albanian Girl, with a cat, with a kitten,
            with a dog...

                          MOSS
            I didn't ask for a dog.

                          GRACE
                    (SHRUGS)
            ...the pet wrangler suggested it..he's also got a...

                          AMES
            I think I should check with the President -- to see
            what kind of animal he...

                          GRACE
            The Pet wrangler has also got a...

                          MOSS
            Do it later...
                    (OF THE PHOTO)
            Okay,  now, "The Little Girl," who is she, what is she
            doing?  She is....she's ...Okay, okay, it's an Albanian
            village... She is the victim of, she has been
            relocated, to, to, for the terrorists, the Government
            Labs...the, the... a staging area for their Atomic
            workshop.
                    (PAUSE)
            They're torturing her family, because they have
            connections in Canada, which would permit the
            terrorists access to the American Border.

                          GRACE
            Better.

                          MOSS
            You like it?

                          GRACE
            Yes.

                          MOSS
            Fine.  Good.

GRACE EXITS.

                          BREAN
                    (HANGS UP THE CELL PHONE)
            Would somebody wake me in five minutes?

                          FAD KING
            Does it have to be Albania?  Because, lookit:
                    (HE HOLDS UP A SKETCH OF A BOOT)
            I can get my hands on a lot of walking-around-cash, I
            think, if it's Italy...Look at the tie-in here:  The
            Boot, "Givvem the Boot,"... If we were to go Wide
            with a shoe as the fad.  A "Shoe-fad"...  Here's what
            it offers us...

                          BREAN
            We're locked into Albania.

                          FAD KING
            Well, let's not be too sure, why is that?

                          BREAN
                    (CHECKS HIS WATCH.)
            The President is going to declare War against Albania
            in a half an hour.

BREAN ROUSES HIMSELF, WALKS TO THE POOL, AND BEGINS TO WASH HIS FACE IN IT.

EXT STUDIO PARKING LOT L.A. DAWN.

MERCEDES CONVERTIBLE PULLS UP, MOSS DRIVING.  HE AND BREAN GET OUT.

INT STUDIO, DAWN.

A TELEVISION, SHOWING THE PRESIDENT, SPEAKING.

                          PRESIDENT
            That a state of war has existed, between the United
            States, and...

BREAN AND MOSS BREEZE PAST THE SET, INTO A MOVIE MAKING SCENE.  TWENTY PEOPLE
CLUSTERED AROUND A YOUNG GIRL IN TRADITIONAL ALBANIAN DRESS WHOSE HEADSHOT
WE SAW EARLIER, BEING FUSSED-UP AND TWEAKED BY HAIR AND MAKE-UP.

                          MOSS
            Good morning, My name's Stanley Moss, I'll be your
            director this morning, what I'd like you to do, Miss,
            what is your name...

                          ALBANIAN TYPE
            Trudy Larouche.

                          MOSS
            ..."Trudy," is, to start at that wall...
                    (HE GESTURES AT THE SWEEP)
            and, on my signal, "action" to run toward me,
            screaming ...they taking care of you...?  Good.  You
            wanna cuppa tea?  Okay.  Can we just try one, just for
            the...

                          TRUDY
            I understand this is going to be National?  Is that the
            case?  Because my agent didn't get a chance to...

THEY ARE WALKED OVER TO AN AREA IN WHICH WE FIND THE PET WRANGLER, SURROUNDED
BY SEVERAL ANIMAL CASES WITH DOGS IN THEM.
MOSS, AS HE SPEAKS, IS SURVEYING THE DOGS.

                          MOSS
            Well, it's a little bit of a...

                          A.D.
            ...we're going for a direct buy-out.

                          MOSS
            ...you have your agent check with the...

                          TRUDY
            No, I know it's going to be fine.  I'm so excited, and
            I'm looking forward to putting it on my resume.  When
            you called last...

BREAN TAKES TRUDY ASIDE.

                          BREAN
            Eh, Trudy, could I talk to you for a moment...?  You
            know, this project is a... "Funny" kind of...

HE WALKS HER ASIDE.  MOSS SELECTS A DOG, AND AMES COMES OVER TO HIM, HOLDING
A CELLPHONE.

                          AMES
                    (DESCRIBING THE SCENE, INTO THE PHONE)
            A schnauzer.  What appears to be a...

                          PET WRANGLER
            Lhasa Apso.

                          AMES
                    (INTO PHONE)
            Lhasa Apso, and a...
         
HE LOOKS AT THE THIRD DOG.

                          PET WRANGLER
            What you have here is a cross-breed, between a dog
            which was substantially a...

AMES GESTURES HIM FOR SILENCE, AS HE LISTENS TO THE PHONE.

                          AMES
                    (INTO THE PHONE)
            Abso... absolutely, sir... Absolutely.
                    (TO MOSS)
            He wants a kitten.
                    (PAUSE)

                          MOSS
                    (TAKING CHARGE)
            Okay.  Here's what we're gonna do.

HE GESTURES TO HIS ASSISTANT, WHO COMES OVER FOR A CONFERENCE.

                          MOSS
                    (CONT.)
            I need a little bit of help...?

ANGLE ON BREAN WALKING TRUDY.  HE GESTURES TO AMES.

                          AMES
            Miss, we are going to ask you to sign this little sheet
            of paper...

                          TRUDY
            Well, my agent would be ril ril miffed with me, if I
            signed anything, uh, to...

                          AMES
            This does not have to do with your Deal.  This is for
            your Security Clearance.
                    (PAUSE)

HE TAKES OUT A SHEET OF PAPER FROM HIS POCKET.
THEIR WALK HAS BROUGHT THEM AND THE CAMERA BACK TO MOSS AND THE ASSISTANT, AND
THE DIRECTOR.

                          DIRECTOR
                    (TO MOSS)
            ...fix it in the mix.

                          ASSISTANT
            We're going to do it digitally...

                          MOSS
            ...can we shoot one?

                          DIRECTOR
            Alright, now we're gonna...

THE PET WRANGLER HANDS A DOG TO TRUDY.  THE ASSISTANT WAVES HIM OFF, AND
LOOKS AROUND, AND HANDS HER A BAG OF POTATO CHIPS.

                          ASSISTANT
            ...run with this...

                          TRUDY
            ...these'r potato chips...

                          DIRECTOR
            Just, uh, just hold the bag when you run.

                          MOSS
                    (TO BREAN)
            We need it for the Arm Position, on the screen it'll be
            a kitten.

                          TRUDY
            Someone's bringing in a kitten...?

                          MOSS
            No, no, no.... we'll punch in a kitten.  Um... Later.

                          TRUDY
            ...you're gonna Punch in a Kitten Later.

                          MOSS
            Yes.
                    (PAUSE)

                          TRUDY
            Why...?

                          A.D.
            Okay, settle, people.  Settle... we're gonna try
            one...

                          MOSS
            It gives us a wider option.

                          TRUDY
            A wider option of what?

                          MOSS
                    (DISTRACTED)
            ...of kittens...

TWO HAIR AND MAKE-UP WOMEN JUMP IN, AND START TWEAKING TRUDY, AS MOSS'S
ATTENTION IS DIVERTED ELSEWHERE.
TRUDY ADDRESSES HERSELF TO BREAN.

                          TRUDY
            ...but, you know, all kidding aside.  When this goes
            National.... I get to put it on my resume.

                          BREAN
                    (WHO IS DIALING A PHONE)
            Actually, no.

                          TRUDY
            Because, like, what is it, a Guild thing?  I mean,
            what, what, what could they do to me...

                          BREAN
            ...someone would come to your house and kill you.
                    (TO PHONE)
            Hello... we're about to start shooting...

                          A.D.
                    (TO HAIR AND MAKE-UP)
            Hey, hey, hey, she's ... will you?  She's just been
            raped by Terrorists, jump out, will you...

THE A.D. SHOOS HAIR AND MAKE-UP AWAY.
CAMERA GOES WITH BREAN, PAST AMES, WHO IS ADDRESSING HIMSELF TO THE A.D.

                          AMES
            And...she's not an Illegal Immigrant?  Is she?  Can I
            see her "chart?"  Because...

                          MOSS
            Gonna be fine.  Gonna be fine, people?  Are we getting
            there...?

BREAN WANDERS BACK TO THE CONTROL BOOTH WHERE WE SEE THE SCENE ON SEVERAL
MONITORS AND THE YOUNG GIRL, STANDING AGAINST THE BARE SWEEP ON THE BACK WALL.
WE HEAR "ACTION" AND THE YOUNG GIRL RUNS FORWARD.  WE HEAR THE TECHNICIANS
MUTTERING, AND THEY PUNCH UP A PLAYBACK, AND WE SEE THE SAME RUN-FORWARD,
REPLAYED AGAINST AN "ALBANIAN VILLAGE" SCENE.

                          TECHNICIAN
            ...gimme some flames...

AS HE SPEAKS, FLAMES ARE ADDED TO THE SCENE...

                          TECHNICIAN
            ...some sound of Screaming...?
                    (SCREAMING IS ADDED)
            ...whoo-aahh sirens?  Anne Frank?...

THE SIRENS ARE ADDED.
MOSS COMES INTO THE CONTROL BOOTH, AND TALKS TO THE ACTOR.

ANGLE
ON AMES AND BREAN, IN THE CONTROL ROOM.

                          AMES
            ...can we see the Kitten...?

THE PHONE RINGS, AMES PICKS UP HIS CELLPHONE.

                          AMES
                    (CONT.)
            Hello... Yes.  We'll be back...?

                          BREAN
            We'll be back tonight.

                          AMES
                    (TO PHONE)
            Tonight.
                    (HE HANGS UP)
            Well, you've started a Tempest in a Teapot.

                          BREAN
            Waal, that's where you want em...

                          AMES
            ...I just hope...

                          MOSS
                    (TO TRUDY)
            Do it again, love, will you...?  We'll tell you before
            we're going to shoot...

WE SEE ON THE MONITOR THE YOUNG GIRL RUNNING WITH THE BAG OF POTATO CHIPS,
VARIOUS BURNING BUILDINGS IN THE B.G.

                          MOSS
            ...could she be running across a bridge?  She's running
            across a Burning Bridge.

ONE OF THE TECHNICIANS' FACES LIGHTS UP.

                          TECHNICIAN
                    (TO HIMSELF)
            ....beautiful.

WE PLAYBACK THE LAST RUNTHROUGH, AND THE GIRL IS NOW RUNNING ACROSS A BRIDGE.

                          MOSS
                    (LEANS IN TO TALK WITH THE TECH PEOPLE)
            Of course, we're gonna need some water, uh...

                          TECHNICIAN
            Is it a stream, or is it a...

                          MOSS
            No, I think..

                          TECHNICIAN
            a "pond," or

                          MOSS
            No, I think it's ... can we see the calico kitten...?

AS HE SPEAKS THE BAG OF CHIPS IS TRANSFORMED INTO A CALICO KITTEN.

                          AMES
                    (ON HIS PHONE)
            A small, "calico" kitten, sir.
                    (PAUSE)
            "Calico."
                    (PAUSE)

                          AMES
                    (TO MOSS)
            ...can we have a white one...?

                          MOSS
                    (TO DIRECTOR)
            Can we have a white one, please...

AS THEY SPEAK THE BROWN KITTEN IS TRANSFORMED INTO A WHITE ONE.

                          MOSS
                    (CONT)
            You know, if we're gonna run with the kitten, maybe it
            turns out, the Kitten has a Name, and...

                          DIRECTOR
            We ready out there...?

BREAN LOOKS DOWN AT HIS WATCH, AND TAPS AMES ON THE SHOULDER, AS HE EASES HIS
WAY PAST THE CONTROL CONSOLE.

                          AMES
                    (ENGROSSED)
            ...one moment...

INT L.A.X. DAY.

A POSTER FILLS THE SCREEN.  IT IS A NORMAL ROCKWELL SORT OF THING SHOWING
HAPPY AND PROUD AMERICANS OUTSIDE OF A VOTING BOOTH.  AND IT READS:  "DON'T
FORGET TO VOTE.  NOVEMBER 2ND.  IT'S YOUR DUTY -- IT'S YOUR RIGHT."


                          PRESIDENT'S VOICE
                    (VO)
            ...a state of War.
                    (PAUSE)
            That a State of War...

PAN OFF THE POSTER TO SHOW THE GATE AREA, MANY PEOPLE WAITING, WATCHING A
TELEVISION SET, ON WHICH WE SEE THE PRESIDENT.

                          PRESIDENT
                    (CONT.)
            ...exists...

A TELEVISION SET, THE PRESIDENT ON THE TELEVISION.

                          PRESIDENT
            ...between the United States and Republic of Albania,

            and that the Congress Authorize any and all measures
            consonant with a swift and painless, and victorious
            conclusion of that War.

ANGLE
BUSINESS PEOPLE QUEUING UP, AT THE TV, BEYOND THEM, THE DEPARTURE GATE,
SHOWING A SIGN, AMERICAN AIRLINES FLIGHT _____ TO WASHINGTON D.C.
IN THE FOREGROUND, BREAN, ON A CELLPHONE, PAYS NO ATTENTION TO THE SCREEN, AS
HE STANDS IN LINE.

                          BREAN
                    (ON THE PHONE)
            Go with a two-tone hat, I don't care, you work it out.
            You, well, I'm sure you've had similar problems in the
            past.  Good.  Good.  Keep me ppp... Fine, I'll call you
            from the plane.

THE TICKET TAKER, TAKING HIS TICKET, IS SHAKING HIS HEAD AT THE TELEVISION, ON
WHICH WE SEE AN ANNOUNCER/COMMENTATOR, DOING, "YOU HAVE JUST HEARD," ET.
CETERA.

                          TICKET TAKER
            Hell of a thing.  Hell of a thing.

                          BREAN
            Innit?

                          TICKET TAKER
            Albanian Terrorists on the Canadian Border.

                          BREAN
                    (ABOUT TO GET ONTO THE PLANE)
            ...makes you think.

IN THE B.G, WE SEE THE TELEVISION HAS GONE TO A COMMERCIAL, TWO BUSINESSMEN
TYPES, EACH PARKING HIS STATION WAGON IN HIS DRIVEWAY.

                           TYPE ONE
            Ed, what do you think?

                           TYPE TWO
            Bob, my mind wasn't one hundred percent made up,  but
            now  it is:  I say:  don't go changing Horses in
            Midstream...

BREAN, HEARING THIS, WALKS BACK TO THE NOW DESERTED TELEVISION.

ANGLE
FROM THE JETWAY THE DOOR ABOUT TO CLOSE, BREAN IN THE B.G. WATCHING THE
INFOMERCIAL.  THE TICKET TAKER CALLS TO HIM, "...SIR...?"  BREAN TURNS AND
RUSHES TO THE CLOSING DOOR.  ON THE TV, IN THE BG, WE SEE THE LOGO:  "RE-ELECT
THE PRESIDENT.  THIS MESSAGE PAID FOR BY..." ET CETERA.

                          BREAN
                    (INTO THE PHONE)
            It's workmanlike, what can I tell you.... no, it ain't
            going to help, but it won't hurt, cool down, see you in
            Nashville.

HE FOLDS UP HIS PHONE AND WALKS ONTO THE PLANE, IN THE B.G. WE SEE SENATOR
NOLE, SPEAKING ON THE TELEVISION, THE REMAINING VIEWERS ARE DRIFTING AWAY.

                          SENATOR NOLE
            The issue of War, is, finally, an issue of Moral Fibre,
            Moral Fibre.  In my Platoon, in World War Two

                          BREAN
                    (ON THE PHONE)
            You have the number in D.C.?  Good.  What time
            tonight... What...?
                    (BREAN TURNS TO THE TELEVISION)

BREAN COMES OVER TO AMES WHO IS ON THE PHONE, AND TALKING WITH LIZ BUTSKY, WHO
IS SHOWING HIM SOME SKETCHES.

                          LIZ
            ...wanted to go with Roman Numerals... but there isn't
            a Roman Numeral for Zero, so, you can't really do THREE
            OH THREE, in Roman...

                          BREAN
                    (TURNING TO AMES, OF NOLE)
            Why is this putz on the air...

                          AMES
            ... they're checking the ratings...uh...

                          LIZ
            ...and I wanted to ask you if you thought it made sense
            that the uniforms of the Freedom fighters were
            starched.
                    (PAUSE)
            I know that, traditionally,
                    (SHE FLIPS A CARD AND WE SEE THE
                    STARCHED UNIFORMED FREEDOM FIGHTER
                    DRAWN BY HER)
            ...they're torn, and so forth:  days-in-the-mountains,
            so on, but I thought...

                          BREAN
                    (INTO THE PHONE)
            Why am I seeing this guy on the News...?
                    (PAUSE)
            What am I missing...?  What are we forgetting?

                          AMES
            Well, at least we're not seeing the Girlscouts...

HE TURNS AROUND
ANGLE, HIS POV.
A YOUNG DISHEVELLED COLLEGE STUDENT TYPE.  HE WEARS A BUTTON ON HIS JACKET.

ANGLE INS
THE BUTTON READS, "FUCK ALBANIA"

ANGLE
AMES AND BREAN.

                          AMES
                    (OF THE BUTTON)
            ...is that "us"...?

BREAN AND LIZ BUTSKY SHAKE THEIR HEADS.
AMES JUMPS UP IN THE AIR AND YELLS "YAY."

                          SENATOR NOLE
            Especially in a time of war.  Now:
            We said that Moral fibre, not guns, not supplies, not
            strategy, Moral...

                          COMMENTATOR
                    (INTERRUPTING)
            ...Senator...?

                          SENATOR NOLE
            And this man, our President, in what I hope will be his
            last days in that office, has proved himself empty and
            devoid of...

A SMALL CHILD COMES OVER TO THE TELEVISION AND CHANGES THE CHANNEL.

INT DULLES AIRPORT ARRIVALS AREA, DUSK.

BREAN AND AMES COMING OFF OF THE PLANE, BREAN STOPS AT THE FREE PERIODICALS
DISPLAY.  SAMPLE HEADLINES READ:

DEFENSE OF THE REALM:  TERRORISM ALONG THE BORDER:  THE PRESIDENT:  ALL SPUNK:
CALL TO THE COLORS:  DEFEND THE NORTH, ETC.

HE PICKS UP SEVERAL, AND CAMERA FOLLOWS HIM DOWN A HALL, PAST A HUGE POSTER
SHOWING OPPRESSED COMMUNIST HORDES, AND THE MOTTO "THEY DIDN'T HAVE THE
CHOICE, YOU DO.  VOTE!  IT'S YOUR RIGHT!"

ANGLE
TIGHT ON BREAN AND AMES, AND A FELLOW PASSENGER, AS ALL SCAN THEIR NEWSPAPERS.
THE PASSENGER IS WAITING IN LINE TO USE A PAY PHONE.

                          BREAN
                    (AS HE NUDGES AMES)
            Can't find anything in here about the President and
            that girlscout.

                          PASSENGER
            ...what are you talking about...  What does that mean
            now, are you nuts...?

THE PASSENGER MOVES UP IN TURN TO TAKE THE PHONE, HE DIALS.

                          PASSENGER
                    (INTO PHONE)
            Hello, Honey.... NO.  I'm safe.  In about an hour.
            Have you got Grandma and the kids in...?  Well, where
            am I talking to you?  Well, who has the Shotgun?  Go
            Down in the Basement.  Well, get the long cord, and...
            isn't there a jack down there...  Well, move, the
            canned goods, and...

THE LINE BREAN AND AMES ARE IN MOVES FORWARD, PAST THE MAN ON THE TELEPHONE.

TIGHT ON AMES AND BREAN, AS THEY MOVE FORWARD, THEY SPEAK UNDER THEIR BREATH.

                          AMES
                    (SHAKING HIS HEAD)
            ...hell of a price for the country to pay.

                          BREAN
            ...take a long view.

                          AMES
            ...what's the Long View?

                          BREAN
            Your guy gets four more years in Washington...  ...it's
            only Nine More Days.

                          AMES
            Yes.  That's true.  But...

                          BREAN
                    (SMILES)
            Wilfred.  We've got work to do...

THE LINE THEY ARE IN STOPS.  BREAN LOOKS UP.

ANGLE, HIS P.O.V.
A LINE OF SERVICEMEN, ARMED WITH SUBMACHINE GUNS, STANDS BARRING THE ARRIVING
PASSENGERS AN EXIT.  THE PASSENGERS ARE HERDED INTO LINES, TO GO THROUGH
MAKESHIFT BARRICADES, AND METAL DETECTORS.

ANGLE
BREAN, AND ANOTHER PASSENGER.

                          BREAN
            ...what the hell's this all about, d'you think?

                          PASSENGER
            ...small price to pay, pal...

HE APES THE PRESIDENT, WHO'S SAID THAT EARLIER.

BREAN LOOKS UP, AS AMES, ACCOMPANIED BY AN ARMY MAJOR, PASSES THROUGH
LINE AND APPROACHES BREAN, BECKONING.

INT SUBURBAN MALL NIGHT.

BREAN, AND AMES, AND TWO SECRET SERVICE TYPES, WALKING THROUGH THE MALL.
BREAN GLANCES AT A FOODSTORE, WHERE WE SEE A LONG LINE OF PEOPLE WAITING TO BE
ADMITTED, AND A VAST LINE INSIDE, AT THE CHECK OUT COUNTER, THEIR CARTS PILED
HIGH, THE SHELVES BEHIND THEM DENUDED.

THEY PASS BY A SHOESTORE, CLOSED, A PLYWOOD SCREEN IN FRONT, COVERED BY A
SIGN:  SOON TO REOPEN UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT.  BREAN FOLLOWS AMES, INTO THE
STORE.

INT SHOESTORE NIGHT.  MANY YOUNG STAFFERS.  A VAST SIGN READS:  DAYS TIL
ELECTION 8. % IN FAVOR?

THE STAFFERS STAND IMMOBILE, AS BREAN, AMES, AND THE SECRET SERVICE TYPES
ENTER.  ON A TELEVISION, UNWATCHED BEHIND THEM.  A FOREST SCENE, A SQUAD OF
SERVICEMEN IN WOODLAND CAMO, LOOKING DOWN AT A RIVER, THEIR LEADER SPEAKING
SOFTLY INTO A MICROPHONE.

                          LEADER
            ...scared.  Sure we're scared.  But th'fella said the
            trick is not minding that it hurts.  N'Ill tell you one
            thing:  They might get into the U.S.A., but they'll
            have to get in over Mrs. Kelly's son...
                    (HE TAPS HIMSELF ON THE CEEST)

THE SCREEN GOES TO A SCENE OF SUPERMARKET LOOTING IN AN INNER CITY.  A STAND-
UP COMMENTATOR SPEAKS.

                          COMMENTATOR
            ...dead and fifteen wounded in these first hours of the
            War.  They are not, they are not The Enemy, they are
            people, like You and Me, a different kind of Victim of
            Albanian Aggression, but Victims Nonetheless...


ANGLE
BREAN, GIVEN THE TOUR BY AMES.

                          AMES
            Telexes to the major...

HE IS SHUSSHED BY A YOUNG AIDE, STANDING, HIS EAR TO A PHONE.  ON THE TV WE
SEE THE DECK OF AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER, AND A REPORTER SPEAKING, AS PLANES TAKE
OFF.

                          REPORTER
            Missions into Albanian Airspace.  Missions to Kill or
            Die.  American Men, and, yes, and women, in the prime
            of their lives, but never closer to death, while...

ANGLE, ON BREAN, AS HE TURNS TO LOOK AT ANOTHER SCREEN.  ON THAT TV SCREEN WE
SEE A SOB-SISTER TYPE

                          SOB SISTER REPORTER TYPE
            ...fighting, yes, but fighting for what?

THE SCREEN IS FILLED WITH THE PHOTO OF THE YOUNG ALBANIAN WOMAN, WHO IS NOW
HOLDING TWO CATS.

                          SOB SISTER REPORTER TYPE
            For this.  For this.  For Freedom, for safety -- yes,
            theirs and ours.

BREAN HEARS A WHOOSH, AND TURNS TO LOOK BACK AT THE SCREEN OF THE JETS TAKING
OFF.

TV SCREEN, WITH JETS.

                          ANNOUNCER
                    (VO)
            The sound of Freedom?  Yes, Perhaps the sound of
            Death... but....

BREAN LOOKING AT THE SCREEN, BEHIND HIM HE HEARS A VAST CHEER, HE TURNS.
THE AIDE WITH THE PHONE TO HIS EAR HAS PICKED UP A PIECE OF CHALK, AND IS
WRITING, ON THE % IN FAVOR SLATE THE FIGURE 71%.
THE AIDES ARE CHEERING, AND SLAPPING EACH OTHER ON THE BACK.

INT, IMPROVISED OFFICE, IN THE SHOE STOCKROOM.  NIGHT.

A STOCKROOM LINED WTTH SHOEBOXES, IN IT A DESK, TWO CHAIRS, A TELEVISION.
AMES ENTERS, OPENS THE DESK AND TAKES OUT A BOTTLE.  HE HANDS IT TO BREAN,
WHO ENTERS AFTER HIM.  ON THE WALL IS ANOTHER SET OF SIGNS, READING DAYS TILL
ELECTION 8, AND % IN FAVOR WHICH AMES NOW FILLS IN 71.  AMES PICKS UP A SHEAF
OF PAPERS FROM THE DESK.

                          AMES
            New York Times, Wash Post, Detroit Register, San Diego
            BEE, all in emission.  No mention of the Girlscout.
            None.

                          BREAN
            Eight Days To Go
                    (HE GESTURES AT THE CALENDER)

                          AMES
            I live for midnight, when I can tear another of those
            suckers off.  Watcha got for me?

                          BREAN
            Big Bird touches down when?

                          AMES
            We're bring'n im in tomorrow, five AM.

                          BREAN
            Anything at the Airport?

                          AMES
            Press thought "no," whaddaya think...?

                          BREAN
                    (NODS)
            I think, here's what I think:  S'it gonna rain...?
                    (HE CHECKS A NOTEBOOK)

                          AMES
                    (YELLING)
            Gimme the weather for tomorrow morning, five A.M.
            Andrews...

                          BREAN
                    (CHECKING HIS NOTEBOOK)
            An Albanian, a young Albanian Girl.

AN AIDE APPEARS WITH A TEARSHEET.  AMES READS IT.

                          AMES
            No rain.

                          BREAN
                    (SHRUGS, NONETHELESS)
            A young Albanian Girl, dressed in their...

HE GESTURES, MEANING, "WHATEVER THEY WEAR, YOU FIGURE IT OUT..." AMES NODS TO
THE AIDE, WHO BEGINS SCRIBBLING IN A PAD.

                          BREAN
            And carrying.
                    (HE GESTURES, MEANING, LOOK IT UP)
            The National Flower of Albania, something..... Now Is
            it some Festival?  Some Harvest Festival, something...

                          AMES
                    (TO THE AIDE)
            Get on this, right now...

                          BREAN
            ...got to be something.  She gives him the sacred...
                    (HE GESTURES, WHAT-HAVE-YOU)
            And tells him:  this is the Traditional Harvest
            Offering, given to the Man who Ties the First Sheaf,
            the last sheaf, whatever the fuck it is...

                          AMES
            ...this's good...

                          BREAN
            Stanley Moss, Ladeesngennlmen... And she says...

                          AMES
            Is she saying this in Albanian...?

                          BREAN
                    (OF NOTES)
            Yes:  she is saying this in Albanian, but she's doing
            it not to be uh...
                    (AMES GESTURES, MEANING, "I GET IT")
            But because, she explains, that is the only way it can
            be understood by her Aged and Sainted Mother, who is
            standing there with her, dressed in her Traditional...

AMES GESTURES TO THE AIDE, MEANING, "GET TO IT,"  THE AIDE NODS HER
UNDERSTANDING, AND DISAPPEARS.

                          BREAN
                    (TO DISAPPEARING AIDE)
            C'n I get something to eat...?  Now the Old Broad
            starts to speak:  you are bringing peace.  Not only to
            This Land...

                          AMES
            Our adopted land...

                          BREAN
            ...but to the Old World; you are stilling the forces of
            hatred and of War which have, since I was a child...

                          AMES
            ...uh huh...

                          BREAN
            Now, the Old Lady starts to Weep, Big Bird shrugs off
            his secret Service, goes to her, and covers her with
            his own coat.

                          AMES
                    (CALLING OUT)
            Find out is there any chance we can get some rain
            tomorrow, will you...?

                          BREAN
                    (OF PAD)
            So forth...

AMES STOPS TO LOOK AT ANOTHER COMMERCIAL ON TV.  THEY TURN TO SEE TWO "YOUNG
MOTHER" TYPES, SHOPPING...

                          YOUNG MOTHER ONE
            ...to vote for.

                          YOUNG MOTHER TWO
            Well, I think it's like when we thought of Changing
            Tommy's Pediatrician.  Bill said, "Not While he's sick
            --  cause you Don't Change Horses in the mid..."

BREAN TURNS OFF THE VOLUME, AND CONTINUES.

                          BREAN
            How is Big Bird holding up, by the way?

                          AMES
            Catching up on his reading.  Asked about you, sends his
            thanks.

                          BREAN
            Knock on wood.

                          AMES
            Speaking of thanks... we puttem back in, what does
            your fellow Moss want?

                          BREAN
            I dunno.... Ambassador to Togo, somethin', I dunno...
            he...

                          AMES
            Maybe he's just a patriot.

                          BREAN
            Yeah...what was I talking about...?

AN AIDE APPEARS WITH A SANDWICH, AND BREAN STARTS TO EAT.

                          AMES
            How long you been up, you need a nap.

                          BREAN
                    (SHAKING HIS HEAD)
            Due in Nashville.

                          AMES
            Nashville...?

                          BREAN
            We're gonna do the Team Song.

                          AMES
            You're tired, Ronnie.

                          BREAN
            Y'wanna follow the Cattle Drive?  Sleep in the Winter.
            What does Moss want...?  Matchmaker comes to the
            Levinsky Family.  Mr. Levinsky, Mrs. Levinsky, would
            you entertain an offer of marriage for your son Saul,
            from Princess Margaret of Great Britain.  Well, they
            think, she isn't Jewish, but she's well to-do, a nice
            old family.  Alright, yes, they say.  We would
            consider such an offer.  Wonderful, matchmaker says,
            My Job is Half Done.
                    (HE YAWNS)
            Now, Look:  I got the file, from the L.A. contingent, I
            got the day-by-day, of how...

HE LOOKS AT AMES, WHO IS LOOKING INTENTLY AT THE TV.

                          ANNOUNCER
                    (AS AMES TURNS UP THE SOUND)
            ...denial from the Albanian Government continues, but
            this tape, just in...

THE SCREEN SWITCHES TO SHOTS OF TRUDY LAROUCHE, IN ALBANIAN GARB, RUNNING
TOWARD THE CAMERA, OVER A BRIDGE ACROSS A SMALL STREAM, IN THE B.G. HER
BURNING HOUSE, SIRENS, AND THE SOUNDS OF SHOTS, AT WHICH TRUDY COLLAPSES,
CONVULSED WITH SOBS.

                          ANNOUNCER
            ...just having heard her family shot.  For the crime of
            non-cooperation with Albanian Authorities.  Apparently,
            they had a family connection in Canada, along the US
            border and refused to exploit it to aid the Terrorists
            to infiltrate this country.
                    (BEAT)
            They paid with their lives.

                          AMES
            ...this is magnificent.

                          BREAN
            ...Stanley Moss...

                          AMES
            8 days and we bring it back home....

BREAN RISES, STRETCHES.

SOMEBODY SWITCHES THE CHANNEL, AND WE SEE A NEWSMAN DOING A STANDUP IN FRONT
OF A STREETVENDOR, WHO HAS A BOARD FULL OF BUTTONS.  THE CAMERA PANS OVER THE
BUTTONS, WE SEE THE "FUCK ALBANIA," AND WE SEE ONE READING "RUN FROM ALBANIA?
TELL ME ANOTHER ONE..."  AND T-SHIRTS SHOWING SIMILAR LOGOS.

ANGLE
ON BREAN AND AMES SITTING AROUND.
AMES LOOKS AT HIM INQUISITIVELY.

                          BREAN
            None of these are ours.  None of em are ours....
                    (HE SMILES AT AMES)
            ....that's real politik, Buddy.

                          AMES
            Waal, I gotta tell you.  I've been inside the Beltway
            fourteen years, and I feel like I Just Got My Feet Wet.

THEY KICK BACK, AND WATCH THE TELEVISION, SHOWING IMAGES OF THE TANKS ALONG
THE CANADIAN BORDER.

                          AMES
            And if you think about it:  if you think about it, what
            Is war...?  What is war?  I mean, aside from the
            killing, and, all... that isn't so pleasant, ... you in
            the Service...?
                    (PAUSE)

BREAN, UNSEEN BY AMES, GETS UP AND GOES TO THE DOOR TO LISTEN.

                          AMES
                    (CONT.)
            ...and I'll tell you another thing.  President said to
            me:  When this thing... "happened."  "It looks like the
            Building's falling.  But, these are the times..." and I
            wish what he said, we could have used it on TV, and, as
            a matter of fact, we can, if we...
                    (HE LOOKS AROUND, SEES BREAN STANDING
                    BY THE DOOR.)
            Look here, here's an idea... Here's an idea...
                    (HE WALKS OVER TO THE DOOR.)
            Turn it on it's head.  If we're ahead in the polls,
            well, hell, this is the time to capitalize on it.  What
            do you think?  Get ahead of them, use the percentage
            points to push forward some of the long-term goals:
            housing, health-care ref...

BREAN GESTURES FOR SILENCE.  HE AND AMES LISTEN INTENTLY, THE HUBBUB IN THE
ADJOINING ROOM (THE SHOESTORE) HAS PASSED.  IT IS SILENT.  AMES AND BREAN PEEK
AROUND THE WALL OF SHOEBOXES.

ANGLE THEIR POV

THE AIDES, IMMOBILE.  FIVE VERY FIT YOUNG MEN IN SUITS STAND NEAR THE
ENTRANCE.  ONE YALIE-LOOKING FELLOW IN HIS THIRTIES WALKS THROUGH THEIR MIDST,
FROM THE ENTRANCE.  HE STOPS FOR A MOMENT AT A TELEVISION, WHICH IS GLARING A
COMMERCIAL FOR LAUNDRY SOAP, AND FLICKS IT OFF, ONE OF HIS FIT YOUNG MEN
INCLINES HIS HEAD TOWARD THE REAR OF THE STORE, AND MR. YOUNG WALKS TOWARD THE
REAR.

THE YALIE COMES INTO A FITTING AREA.  SEVERAL OF THE SMALL BENCHES USED FOR
TRYING ON SHOES... TO AMES AND BREAN.

                          YALIE
            Who might be the Boss Hog in this operation?
                    (PAUSE)

                          BREAN
            Feel free to talk to me.

YALIE NODS

                          YALIE
            Cheezit-the-Cops.

                          AMES
                    (TO HIMSELF)
            Ohmigod...

INT OFFICE SUITE, NIGHT.

BREAN AND AMES SITTING ON A COUCH.  THE YALIE SITTING BEHIND A LARGE DESK,
WATCHING A SMALL TELEVISION ON WHICH WE SEE A REPORTER, STANDING NEXT TO
SEVERAL VERY GRIM LOOKING MEN IN PARK POLICE SMOKEY HATS.  IN A FOREST, BELOW
THEM, A LINE OF TANKS FADING ALONG A RIVER.

                          REPORTER
            ...awaiting the arrival of The President back on
            American Soil.  To still the fears, to answer the
            questions of this troubled land.  Here, along a border
            once considered more Imaginary than real, I'm Mike
            Stears, at latitude 45, along the Canadian Border.

ANGLE
BREAN LOOKS DOWN AT HIS WATCH.

                          BREAN
            ...I just missed my plane.

                          AMES
            You missed your plane?  My life is over.
                    (PAUSE)
            My life is over.  What have you done to me?  What have
            I done?
                    (PAUSE)
            Fourteen years of Public Service...

                          BREAN
            Well, keep your wits about you, and let's see if we
            can't...

                          AMES
            ...fourteen years...

                          BREAN
            ...brazen-it-through...

                          AMES
            Brazen it through?  Brazen it through?  They're going
            to hang us out to dry like the laundry --- do you know
            what we've ddd...

THE BODYGUARD IN THE B.G. RAISES HIS FINGER TO HIS LIPS AND SHAKES HIS HEAD.

                          AMES
            Do you know what we've done, for Godsake?  Do you know
            what you've....

A BODYGUARD IN THE B.G. SPEAKS UP.

                          BODYGUARD
            No talking, please.

THROUGH IT ALL AMES SITS, WITH HIS HEAD IN HIS HANDS.

A NEW REPORTER TAKES OVER ON TV, BEHIND HER A CHART, A GRAPH OF AN UPWARDLY
MOVING LINE.

                          REPORTER
            With seven days to go before the election, the Fortunes
            of President...

THE DOOR OPENS, THE YALIE COMES TO ATTENTION, MR. YOUNG, A TWENTY-YEAR OLDER
VERSION OF THE YALIE, ENTERS, CARRYING A CUP OF COFFEE, NO TIE, HAIR
DISHEVELLED.

                          MR. YOUNG
                    (TO YALIE)
            ...took you long enough.

                          YALIE
            Found'em as quick as we could, sir.

                          MR. YOUNG
            When I'm done with'em, we want to dump'em in the
            District, or stick'em out in the country, have the
            F.B.I. trip over'em?

THE YALIE CONSULTS HIS NOTES.

                          YALIE
            Legal department says You Pick Em.  Depends on how big
            of a splash you want to make, how long you want them to
            Go Away for.

                          AMES
                    (SOTTO)
            Oh, MiGod.

BEAT, MR. YOUNG SHAKES HIS HEAD SADLY.

                          MR. YOUNG
            Guess who I am.

                          AMES
            I'd like to mention a few names, who...

                          MR. YOUNG
                    (LOOKING AT NOTES HE IS HANDED BY
                    YALIE)
            I know who you are, Mr. Ames.

                          AMES
            I was acting as a Private Citizen.  Nothing that I've
            done should be construed as reflecting on the orders or
            intentions of anyone with whom you may have reason to
            believe I am connected with.
                    (PAUSE)
            Or in whose employ...

                          MR. YOUNG
            Quite touching.

                          AMES
            And I take this opportunity to suggest that, equally,
            I admit to nothing, and that I would like my lawyer
            present.

MR. YOUNG NODS.

                          MR. YOUNG
            Guess what?  We show, and N.S.A. confirms, there are no
            nuclear devices on the Canadian border.
                    (PAUSE)
            There are no nuclear devices in Albania.  Z'at put us
            in something of a pickle?
                    (PAUSE)
            Albania has no nuclear capacity.  Our spy satellites
            show "no secret terrorist camps" in The Albanian
            Hinterland.  The F.B.I. and the Border Patrol, And the
            R.C.M.P. report no repeat no untoward activity along
            our picturesque Canadian Border.  The Albanian
            Government is screaming its innocence, the world is
            listening.
                    (PAUSE)
            There is no War.

                          BREAN
                    (GESTURES AT THE TV, WHERE WE SEE TRUDY
                    LAROUCHE RUNNING ACROSS THE BURNING
                    BRIDGE)
            Course there's a war.  I'm watching it on Television.

                          MR. YOUNG
            N'who might you be, when all's said and done?

                          BREAN
            My name is Ronald Brean.

                          MR. YOUNG
            Who're you working for?

                          BREAN
            Nobody whose name you want me to say, Mr. Young, I
            promise you.

                          MR. YOUNG
            S'all very well, but when the Fit hits the Shan,
            somebody's going to have to Stay After School, and who
            do you 'spose that might be.

                          BREAN
            S'only got to hold for another few days.

                          MR. YOUNG
            Well, I'm not interested in how long its "got to hold
            for."

                          BREAN
            What are you interested in?
                    (PAUSE)

                          MR. YOUNG
            I'm interested in the Security of My Country, Mr.
            Brean.

                          AMES
            As are we all, and I'd like to take this opportunity to
            suggest that the Security of the country would be ill-
            served by any, any...any...

PAUSE.  THEY LOOK AT HIM.

                          AMES
                    (CONT.)
            Any untoward "revelation" regarding, uh...

                          MR. YOUNG
            And I think that the Security of the Country would be
            best-served by its citizens obeying its laws.
                    (OVER HIS SHOULDER, TO AN AIDE)
            Gemme a Federal Judge, gemme search-warrants, all
            premises controlled by our friends, and bench-warrants
            for the two of...

                          BREAN
                    (SIMULTANEOUSLY, WITH THE ABOVE SPEECH)
            Well, I'm sure that speaks very well of you and for
            your parents.  But if forced to choose between the
            security of the country and the security of your Job,
            which would you pick.  And, while you hesitate, permit
            me to suggest that they are one and the same.  Your
            country and your job.

                          MR. YOUNG
            I'm doing my job, Mr. Brean.  That's what you see me
            doing here.  What is it you thought you were doing?

                          AMES
            And I'd like to point out that I've been on
            prescription medication, the side-effects of which...

                          BREAN
            I'm doing my job, Too.
                    (OF THE AIDE)
            Would you give me a... do you think you could call off
            your Dogs for a minute.

PAUSE.  MR. YOUNG LOOKS AT THE AIDE, WHO IS EXITING, AND NODS.  THE AIDE STAYS
BEHIND.

                          BREAN
                    (CONT.)
            Thank you.

                          MR. YOUNG
            What's on your mind?

                          BREAN
            I have a question for you.

                          MR. YOUNG
            Ask it.

                          BREAN
            Why do people go to war?

                          MR. YOUNG
            Why do people go to war?

                          MR. YOUNG
            I'll play your silly game.

                          BREAN
            Why do they go to War?

                          MR. YOUNG
            To preserve their Way of Life.

                          BREAN
            Would you go to War to do that?
                    (PAUSE)

                          MR. YOUNG
            I have.

                          BREAN
            Well, I have, too.  Would you do it again...?  In't
            that why you're here?  I guess so.  N'if you go to war
            again, who is it going to be against?  Your "ability to
            fight a Two-ocean War" against who?  Sweden and Togo?
            Who you sitting here to Go To War Against?  That time
            has passed.  It's passed.  It's over.  The War of the
            Future is Nuclear Terrorism.  It is and it will be
            against a Small Group of Dissidents who, unbeknownst,
            perhaps, to their own governments, have blah blah blah.
            And to go to that war, you've got to be prepared.  You
            have to be alert, and the public has to be alert.
            Cause that is the war of the future, and if you're not
            gearing up, to fight that war, eventually the axe will
            fall.  N'you're gonna be out in the street.
                    (PAUSE)
            And you can call this a "drill," or you can call it
            "job security," or you can call it anything you like.
            But I got one for you:  you said, "Go to War to protect
            your Way of Life,"  well, Chuck, this
                    (HE GESTURES AROUND THE ROOM)
            is your way of life.  Innit?  And if there ain't no
            war, you can punch out, go home, and take up Oil
            Painting.  And there ain't no war but ours.
                    (PAUSE)

HOLD ON THE GROUP.

                          BREAN
                    (CONT.)
            It's just for eight more days.....

INT CORRIDORS C.I.A. COMPLEX

AMES, AND BREAN ACCOMPANIED BY SEVERAL BODYGUARD TYPES AND THE YALIE.

                          BREAN
                    (TO THE YALIE)
            One more thing, what is that river she's running
            across?

                          YALIE
            What?

                          BREAN
            ...the young girl in the video, the Albanian Girl....

YOUNG NODS, AND MAKES A NOTE IN A BOOK.  BREAN TURNS TO AMES.

                          BREAN
            ...she's running, it's some sacred... some ancestral
            land, cloven by the Brook named.... give it to Moss,

                          YOUNG
            No, we're on top of it.

                          BREAN
            Thank you.

                          YOUNG
            No, thank you...

                          BREAN
                    (HE CHECKS HIS WATCH)
            I should be in Nashville, tell him I'm coming in.

                          BREAN
                    (TO AMES)
                    (GESTURING TO THE YALIE, AND
                    BODYGUARDS.)
            Nice enogh people... they just hadn't thought it
            through...

AMES, AS HE WALKS, TAKES OUT HIS CELLPHONE, AND DIALS.

                          AMES
                    (INTO THE PHONE)
            No.  I was busy.
                    (PAUSE)
            Yes, I need the new poll fig.... how long?  I'll call
            in from Nashville.  And patch me through to the Big
            Bird, will...?
                    (TO BREAN)
            I've got to hand it to you.  They sure let us out of
            there easy....

                          BREAN
                    (TO HIMSELF)
            ...they just hadn't thought it through...

THE YALIE SHAKES BREAN'S HAND, AND GESTURES FOR A DOOR TO BE OPENED.  BEYOND
THE DOOR WE SEE A HELIPAD, AND THE ROTORS OF A HELICOPTER JUST BEGINNING TO
TURN, BREAN WAVES, AND TROTS OUT TO THE HELICOPTER.

INT HELICOPTER NIGHT.

AN AIRCREWMAN, LISTENING TO A SMALL RADIO.

                          RADIO
                    (VO)
            Midst repeated denial from the Albanian Government.
            While, at the White House, a sense of Stillness
            pervades, awaiting the return of...

THE AIRCREWMAN SNAPS TO ATTENTION AS BREAN COMES INTO THE AIRCRAFT, BUCKLES
HIMSELF INTO A WEBSEAT, AND FALLS ASLEEP.  HE ROUSES HIMSELF, TAKES OUT HIS
NOTEBOOK, AND STARTS TO WRITE IN IT.

EXT PARKING LOT, NASHVILLE DAWN.

A SUPERMARKET PARKING LOT, A HUGE COWBOY HAT ADORNS A STORE CALLED "KELLEY'S
WESTERN WEAR."  AT THE SUPERMARKET, SHOPPERS, PUSHING CARTS PILED HIGH -- THE
WIFE PUSHING, THE HUSBAND GUARDING THE CART WITH A RIFLE.  A FISTFIGHT BREAKS
OUT.  NO ONE NOTICES THE HELICOPTER.
BREAN IS GETTING INTO A JEEP, ITS TOP OFF, DRIVEN BY A FELLOW IN WESTERN
GETUP, ON THE SIDE IS PAINTED A GUITAR.  IN THE B.G. WE SEE THE HELICOPTER
LIFTING OFF.  IN THE JEEP ARE THE FAD KING AND MOSS.

ANGLE
THE JEEP, AS BREAN SETTLES HIMSELF IN HE TURNS TO LOOK AT THE CHAOS IN THE
PARKING LOT.

                          COWBOY
            It ain't hoarding.  It's stockpiling.

                          BREAN
            Uh huh.

                          COWBOY
            Only common sense.

                          MOSS
                    (OF THE BOOK)
            We got the guy, we got the guy, we got the Guy!

                          FAD KING
            The Canada Thing was a shuck.  A shuck -- wasted a day.
            What can you do with Canada?  Bears, mapleleafs, "sugar
            -on-Snow."  Lays there on the plate like a lox.

ANGLE
AMES ON THE PHONE IN THE JEEP.

                          AMES
            Yes... Hello...?
                    (PAUSE)
            What...?  What...?  We're breaking up, I'll call you
            from the studio.

INT RECORDING STUDIO NASHVILLE, DAY.

THE COWBOY, MOSS, FAD KING, AMES, AND BREAN WALKING THROUGH THE LOBBY AND
CORRIDOR OF A NASHVILLE STUDIO, MANY GOLD AND PLATINUM RECORDS ON THE WALL.
THEY PASS AN ELDERLY AFRICAN AMERICAN MAN SWEEPING THE HALL, AND NOD AT HIM.

                          BREAN
                    (REACHES INTO HIS JACKET POCKET)
            Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, get this typed, get somebody to
            send it to the White House...

HE HANDS IT TO MOSS.

                          MOSS
            What is it?

                          BREAN
            President's speech.

                          MOSS
            At the Airport?  Cause we decided at the Airport he
            hugs the fat, wet Albanian Broad, we...

                          BREAN
            No, no, no, no, no after the airport.

THEY TURN AROUND, LOOKING FOR AMES, WHO IS HANGING BACK, LOOKING AT A TV.  THEY
RETRACE THEIR STEPS.  CAMERA TAKES THEM TO AMES, WHO IS WATCHING SENATOR NOLE
ON TV.

                          AMES
                    (SOFTLY)
            Oh, shit...

                          NOLE
            ...gotten word that the situation in Albania is
            resolved.  That it is resolved.  My military sources
            confirm that our troops, along the Canadian Border, And
            overseas are standing down, and I must take this
            opportunity to call upon our President to stand and
            face the charges, the heinous charges brought against
            him.  You know, folks, there is nothing in life as
            precious as the Innocence of a Child.
                    (PAUSE)
            Nothing.  Now, I do not say these charges are true, I do
            not see how they could be.  Accusations of, of sexual
            misconduct in anyone, must be investigated.  In the
            case of a Sitting President, of one whose term, and I
            do not hesitate to mention it, ends, in, effectively,
            in a matter of days... I call upon the President...

                          AMES
            What does he mean The Situation has Been Resolved?

                          BREAN
            He just got Hip to us.
                    (PAUSE)
            He just ended the War.

CAMERA TAKES THEM INTO THE RECORDING STUDIO.

                          AMES
            What are we gonna do about it...?

WE SEE SEVERAL PEOPLE AT A CONSOLE, AND, IN THE STUDIO, A BRIGHT SASSY LOOKING
GROUP, SINGING.

                          GROUP
            We guard the Northern Borders.
            We live the Northern Liiiiifffe...
            We come to restore Order...
            For our Children and our Wiiiiiiiffee...

                          BREAN
                    (TO ENGINEER)
            Tell'em to knock it off.

THE ENGINEER TELLS THE GROUP TO STAND DOWN.
PAUSE

                          AMES
            What are we going to do?

                          BREAN
                    (TO MOSS)
            The War is Over.

                          MOSS
            What?

                          BREAN
            The War is Over.  Senator Nole just ended the War.

                          AMES
            Oh, God...

                          BREAN
            Yep.  Well, we started it, he Ended it...

ANGLE ON THE TV.

                          TELEVISION REPORTER
            ...and the C.I.A. Confirms the cessation of
            Hostilities, with...

                          BREAN
            The C.I.A.

                          AMES
            Oh, Lord....

                          BREAN
            ...those limp-dick ... turncoat... I thought they let
            us out of there too easy.....

HE REACHES OVER AND FLICKS OFF THE TV.

                          BREAN
                    (TO MOSS.  CONT.)
            War's over, Pal.
                    (PAUSE)

IN THE B.G. AMES PICKS UP THE PHONE AND DIALS.

                          AMES
                    (ON PHONE)
            Gloria -- sell the House.
                    (HE HANGS UP)
                    (PAUSE)

                          MOSS
            The War ain't over.
                    (PAUSE)

                          BREAN
            I saw it on TV.

                          MOSS
            The war ain't over til I say it's over.  This is my
            picture.  You think you're in a spot?  You think this
            is a tight spot?  Try making the Hunchback of Notre
            Dame when your three lead actors die, two weeks from
            the end of Principal Photography.  This is... this
            is... this is just...
                    (PAUSE)
            Act One:  THE WAR.
            Act Two ... the... uh...

                          FAD KING
            It's like those Japanese in the Caves on Okinawa...
            didn't believe the War was Over.

                          MOSS
            You got a guy, doesn't believe the War is... NO NO NO.
            An American Serviceman... A brave American Serviceman,
            is Left Behind ...
                    (HE LOOKS AT THE FAD KING, WHO IS
                    MASSAGING HIS FOOT, HAVING TAKEN OFF
                    HIS SHOE)
            He is Left Behind.  He is discarded like an Old Shoe...
                    (TO BREAN)
            Gemme the Pentagon.  List of people in all Military
            Special Programs.... Left behind.  Like the Old Shoe...
            Johnny: "Good Old Shoe"...
                    (JOHNNY NODS)

BREAN PICKS UP THE PHONE AND DIALS.

                          BREAN
            Hello...?

FAD KING PICKS UP THE PHONE.

                          FAD KING
            Yeah, I need a list, people in Military Special
            Pro...

                          MOSS
            ...what do you got?

                          FAD KING
                    (INTO PHONE)
            Military Special Programs... Programs... No, I am not
            Shouting at you, I'm... I'm sorry.  Anyone named Shoe
            Schumann?  Schuster... uh

JOHNNY GREEN, ANGLE ON HIM, HIS EYES LIGHT UP.

                          JOHNNY GREEN
            I got it!

HE TAKES OUT HIS GUITAR, AND STARTS TO STRUM.  HE PICKS UP A PENCIL.  IN THE
B.G. WE SEE THE OLD AFRICAN AMERICAN MAN COME INTO THE STUDIO, AND START
CLEANING UP.

                          SINGER
            "I guard the Northern Borders..."
            Okay, y'want to roll on another one...?

                          JOHNNY GREEN
            Naaa.  Fuck that.  Fuck that...

                          ENGINEER
            ...go get a Coke.  Y'want something to eat...?

                          SINGER
            We gonna be long, cause I told my wife...

DISSOLVE

INT STUDIO.  NIGHT.  VAST AMOUNTS OF TAKE-OUT FOOD WRAPPING.  AMES, BREAN,
JOHNNY GREEN, MOSS, THE ENGINEER, SITTING AT THE CONSOLE.  IN THE STUDIO, AN
OLD, BLACK SINGER, ARRANGING MUSIC ON THE STAND IN FRONT OF HIM.  HE HOLDS A
VERY BATTERED OLD GUITAR.

JOHNNY GREEN, STILL SCRIBBLING ON MUSIC PAPER, GOES INTO THE STUDIO, AND HANDS
A SHEET TO THE SINGER, AND LEAVES.

THE SINGER IS THE OLD MAN WE SAW SWEEPING UP.

                          SINGER
                    (SINGS)
            Good Old Shoe
            Good Old Shoe...never left you hangin, Just a Good Old
            Shoe...
                    (HE STOPS, TALKS TO THE CONTROL ROOM)
            I'm sorry, Barry, the action on this... where the hell
            did you get this old thing?

                          ENGINEER
                    (TALKING THROUGH THE P.A.)
            ...found it in a pawnshop.  Three bucks.

THE SINGER SMILES, SHAKES HIS HEAD, STARTS TO TUNE A STRING.

                          MOSS
            Don't tune it too good.

                          ENGINEER
            Leave it flat, will you, Ben?

THE SINGER NODS.

                          ENGINEER
            Do another?

                          SINGER
            Let's do it.

                          ENGINEER
                    (CUING THE TAPE)
            Good Old Shoe...

                          MOSS
                    (SHOWS THE PHOTO OF SCHUMANN TO BREAN)
            William Schuman.  Old Shoe.  U.S. Army.  Serial number,
            21-31-2841-262.

                          ENGINEER
            Take ten.

                          SINGER
            He's the Runt of the Litter
            Waal that's true
            N'I found him jest hiding in an Old Work Shoe
            N'he got into mischief, as a Pup will do.
            But I never had a better than my Good Old Shoe.
            Waal, we's out jest a-huntin, on a Cold Fall Day, and
            it seems like that Possum 'bout to Get Away...

                          MOSS
            It's too clean.

                          ENGINEER
            Hold it a minute, Benny, willya?

                          MOSS
            It's too clean.

                          ENGINEER
            Let's take the bridge from nine, and the intro from
            one, and...

                          MOSS
            It's got to sound like an acetate recording, 1930.

                          ENGINEER
            Hold it a minute, Benny, we're going to tweak it a bit.
                    (TO THE GROUP)
            This may take a while.

                          BREAN
                    (TO JOHNNY, AND MOSS)
            This is fantastic.

                          JOHNNY GREEN
            Y'like it?  Wait'll you get to the bridge...

                          BREAN
            This's Fantastic...

                          JOHNNY GREEN
                    (TO ENGINEER)
            Don't go with the bridge from nine, go with the bridge
            from eight.

                          ENGINEER
            Why eight?

                          JOHNNY GREEN
            Just try it.

IN THE B.G. WE SEE AMES TALKING INTO THE CELLPHONE.

                          AMES
            A new take on the...  Well, sir, we're coming back,
            we'd like you to try it out, this evening...

                          MOSS
            Listen to what I've ... listen to... does anybody know
            Morse Code?

                          BREAN
            What're you gonna do with Morse Code?

                          MOSS
                    (NODS, POINTS TO THE GLOSSY PHOTO)
            ...we put your Guy in a sweater...

                          BREAN
            Yeah...?

                          MOSS
            "Good Old Shoe -- "  We put him in a sweater.

WE HEAR A WHISTLE.  HEADS TURN.  THE COWBOY TYPE IS WHISTLING.  HE IS OVER
AT A COFFEE AREA, LOOKING AT A SMALL TELEVISION, THE GROUP MOVES TO THE TV.
ON THE TELEVISION WE SEE A TALKING HEAD, ANNOUNCING THE ARRIVAL OF THE PRESS.
IN THE B.G. AIRFORCE ONE IS ROLLING TO A STOP.  WE SEE THE RAMP COME DOWN AND
THE PRESIDENT COME OUT IN THE RAIN AND HURRY TOWARD A WAITING HELICOPTER.

HE SEES SOMETHING OFF TO THE SIDE AND STOPS, HIS AIDES TRY TO DISSUADE HIM,
BUT HE PULLS AWAY.  THE NEWS CAMERA HUNTS AND FINDS A SMALL ALBANIAN GIRL,
CARRYING A SHEAF OF WHEAT IN HER HANDS, AN OLD WOMAN BEHIND HER, BOTH STANDING
IN THE RAIN.  THE PRESIDENT ADVANCES, AND MOVES TO LET HIS AIDES LET THE CHILD
COME FORWARD.  WE SEE THE PRESIDENT, MOVED AT THE SIGHT OF THE LITTLE GIRL,
OFFERING HIM THE SHEAF OF WHEAT, WE HEAR A REPORTER, V.O.

                          REPORTER
                    (VO)
            ...trying too... it seems that she is speaking in... is
            is Albanian ... Is it Albanian?  Can we get someone
            on...

A WOMAN'S VOICE COMES ON, A TRANSLATOR.

                          TRANSLATOR
                    (VO)
            ...salvation of our Country.  To...to "intercede" where
            violent men would work to destroy ... to destroy
            Harmony.  Now is the Harvest Season in my Land, and I
            bring you...
                    (SHE HANDS HIM THE WHEAT)
            I bring you this traditional Albanian, forgive me not
            to speak English, but my Grandmother...

THE CAMERA MOVES ONTO THE GRANDMOTHER, STANDING, NODDING, BEHIND THE LITTLE
GIRL, AND THE PRESIDENT, REALIZING FOR THE FIRST TIME THAT THE OLD WOMAN IS
STANDING IN THE RAIN, MOVES TO HER, REMOVES HIS SUITCOAT, AND PLACES IT OVER
HER HEAD.  SHE CLASPS HIM TO HER BOSOM.  SHE SPEAKS TO HIM IN ALBANIAN.

                          TRANSLATOR
            God bless you, God bless you, you are my Son... you are
            a Bringer of Peace...

WE HEAR A PHONE RING.

ANGLE
WIDER, ON THE GROUP AT THE TV, ALL SHAKING THEIR HEADS SADLY.  AN AIDE HANDS
THE PHONE TO MOSS, WHO GIVES IT TO BREAN.

                          BREAN
            Hello?

EXT ANDREWS AIRFORCE BASE DAY.  CAIN, FROM THE PRESS CORPS, ON A CELL PHONE,
BEHIND HER THE SPECTACLE OF THE PRESIDENT AND THE GIRL AND THE OLD WOMAN, WE
SEE THE RAIN IS BEING SUPPLIED BY RAINBIRD MACHINES, THE DAY IS CLEAR.

                          CAIN
            ...getting the speech for the White House...?
                    (PAUSE)
            Good.  Good.  Because he's....

ANGLE, INT THE STUDIO, ON BREAN, ON THE PHONE.

                          BREAN
            He can't respond to the Allegations.
                    (PAUSE)
            I don't care how many girlscouts are picketing the ...
            look, look, look, we're coming home with Gold.  Eh?
            Tell him to hold firm for two hours... coming home with
            Gold.

                          MOSS
                    (TO FAD KING)
            Did we ever use those costumes for the Border Patrol?
            Those guys in the Leopard-Skin Hats?  Here's my
            idea....

INT LIMO DAY.

THE BACKSEAT OF A LIMO
AMES AND BREAN WITH A PHONE TO HIS EAR.  THE TELEVISION ON, SHOWING THE GIRL
RUNNING ACROSS THE FLAMING BRIDGE, MOSS, FIDDLING WITH THE VOLUME ON THE TAPE
PLAYER, WHICH IS PLAYING "GOOD OLD SHOE."

                          BREAN
                    (INTO PHONE)
            I'll hold.

WE HEAR THE SCRATCHY RENDITION OF "GOOD OLD SHOE" ON THE TAPE PLAYER.

                          AMES
            ...this is a snappy song....

                          MOSS
            What'd ya think?

                          BREAN
            I think it's fine?

                          MOSS
            It's not too clean...

                          BREAN
            No, it's...
                    (ON PHONE)
            I'll, yes, I'm holding, but...
                    (TO MOSS)
            No, it's ...

HE STOPS AND GESTURES MOSS TO TURN OFF THE VOLUME ON THE TAPE.  THEY BOTH TURN
TOWARD THE TV, WHERE WE SEE A FREEZE FRAME OF THE GIRL ON THE BRIDGE, AND AN
INSERT OF A MAP OF ALBANIA.

                          ANNOUNCER
            Have identified the bridge, and the river from that
            tape.  It is a bridge over the river __________, ...
            what is it, Mayra, a "rhyme...?"

ANOTHER WOMAN IS SHOWN ON THE SCREEN, AS THE ANGLE WIDENS.

                          MAYRA
            Actually, Bess, it's an ode, an ancient Albanian ode,
            praising the river, this particular river, the
            ________, as a source of peace.  It is ironic that....

                          BREAN
                    (ON PHONE)
            Hello --

                          BREAN
                    (ON PHONE)
            Look: I'm bringing in a tape, I need it copied AT ONCE
            onto an old acetate, and stuck in the Library of
            Congress.  Gotta Happen Today.

                          MOSS
            In the Folk Music Section.

                          BREAN
            In the Folk Music Section.  We'll be in in...

ON THE TV SCREEN, NOW, IS SENATOR NOLE.  BREAN HANGS UP THE PHONE.

                          MAYRA
            Ironic Bess, that while Peace is At Hand, the spectre
            of disgrace, unrest haunts the President, who, scant
            days from the Election...

INT. MALL -- DAY

BREAN MOSS AND AMES.
WALKING -- AN AIDE GIVES BREAN A PHOTO.

                          BREAN
            ...this the Guy.

                          MOSS
            Oh, he's gonna be Aces.

                          BREAN
            Where is he now?

                          MOSS
                    (SHRUGS)
            Some, military... Special Program, Oklahoma
            somewhere...

                          BREAN
            ...we get our hands on him?

                          MOSS
            They got him standing by.

                          BREAN
            What's the thing with Morse Code...

                          MOSS
            Oh, you're gonna love this:

INT MALL H.Q., SHOESTORE DAY.

WE SEE THE ASSEMBLED THRONG LISTENING TO THE END OF THE SONG, "GOOD OLD SHOE,"
RAPT.  BREAN RISES, AND FLIPS OFF THE TAPE.

                          BREAN
            Who said, "I care not who writes a country's laws, so
            long as I can write its songs..."?  Stanley Moss,
            folks...

THE GROUP STARTS APPLAUDING.

                          MOSS
            Hey, hey, I'm just the Producer, I'm just the
            Stationmaster, Johnny Green wrote that song, and...

                          AMES
            All we have to do now is sell it to the President.

                          BREAN
            No, I'm telling you, this guy, this guy is aces, this
            guy is the Kitty's Sleepwear, this guy, they should of
            given him every Oscar.  Every Oscar.  This is the...

AN AIDE ENTERS, HOLDING A BOX GINGERLY, SHE BRINGS IT TO BREAN, WHO OPENS IT,
HOLDS IT TO THE CAMERA, IT CONTAINS A RATTY OLD 78 RECORD "FOLKLORE OF THE
RURAL SOUTH, VOLUME THREE, 'GOOD OLD SHOE' WRITTEN AND SUNG BY NATHANIEL
HORN, 1934, ATHENS, GA."

                          BREAN
                    (HOLDING IT UP)
            Well, this is genius.  Who did this?

                          MOSS
            My prop guy, had a guy out here.

                          BREAN
                    (TO THE AIDE)
            Get it in the stacks at the Library of Congress, Now.
                    (TO THE ASSEMBLE)
            Who's seeing the guy at C.B.S.?

A YOUNG WOMAN RAISES HER HAND.

                          BREAN
            Tonight, you remember some song, from your folksong
            days, something about a Good Old Shoe...

                          AIDE
            ...tonight...

                          BREAN
            You're with him tonight, watching the President's
            Speech, when the President...

                          AIDE
            What if he's busy tonight?

                          BREAN
            Lure him.
                    (PAUSE)

                          AIDE
            What are you saying...

                          BREAN
            Well, darlin' I ain't your confessor.  Tell him you've
            got some info on the President's sex scandal, it's on
            your conscience, believe me, he'll drop what he's
            doing.  Okay;  Now:  Folks, folks, folks, this is a
            shitty business, and it needs no Ghost Come From the
            Grave to tell us that.  But in Six Days, Lord willing
            n'Jesus Tarries, I am going to take you beauties into
            the second term. .....wait til you hear the speech
            tonight.  The 3-0-3 Speech... where's the Fad King, by
            the way...

                          AIDE
                    (ON THE TELEPHONE, LOOKING WORRIED)
            ...on the way in.

                          BREAN
            When you...
                    (TO AIDE)
            What?  I'm busy.

                          AIDE
            It's the White House.

HE HANDS THE PHONE TO BREAN.

                          BREAN
            Hello.
                    (PAUSE)
            What?

                          MOSS
            What?

                          BREAN
            What do you mean he won't do it?
                    (PAUSE)
            He won't do what?
                    (TO MOSS)
            He won't do the sp...
                    (TO PHONE)
            It's what?  It's corny?  Corny?  Is that the word?  Of
            course it's corny.  We wouldn't have him say the
            flippin' thing it wasn't corny.  Put... listen, it's
            not a question, we're locked in to this speech.  NO
            We're, Are You Listening?  LOCKED IN.  We're, we're
            playing way past it, we're past it -- it's the set-up
            for...he has got to say the speech.
                    (PAUSE)
            Tell Ames to meet me at the West Gate in...
                    (HE CHECKS HIS WATCH AND HANGS UP THE
                    PHONE)

ANGLE
AT THE TV, MOSS IS WATCHING THE TELEVISION WHICH IS SHOWING THE "CHANGE
HORSES CAMPAIGN."  WE SEE TWO KIDS WITH SOAPBOX RACERS.

                          KID ONE
                    (OF HIS MACHINE)
            ...change it, but I said to my dad, "You Don't Change
            Horses in the Mid..."

                          MOSS
                    (OF TV)
            Can you believe this shit?

BREAN GRABS MOSS, AND THEY EXIT HURRIEDLY.  THE TV GOES TO A CARD READING
"COMMITTEE TO RE-ELECT THE PRESIDENT," AND THEN TO A TALK-SHOW FORMAT, THE
WOMAN SPEAKING TO A HIGHLY DECORATED GENERAL.

                          GENERAL
            Yes.  Thank God, I say.  Thank God for the B-2 Bomber.
            Thank God for it, for it is not an engine of War, but
            an engine of Deterrence, as we've seen, and were it not
            for that deterrence, who is to say, but that American
            blood, would, even now...

EXT WHITEHOUSE.  PENNSYLVANIA AVE.  DAY.

MANY PLACARDS, ON THE GROUND, SHOWING MAPS OF ALBANIA, IN A RED CIRCLE WITH
THE RED LINE THROUGH IT, HELD ALOFT, PLACARDS READING, "DON'T CHANGE HORSES,"
PHOTOPLACARDS SHOWING THE PRESIDENT WITH THE GIRLSCOUT AND THE MOTTO:  "THANK
HEAVEN FOR LITTLE GIRLS."

A REPORTER IS INTERVIEWING A POLICEMAN.

                          POLICEMAN
                    (TALKING INTO A MICROPHONE)
            I was in the Vietnam Conflict, and I want to tell you
            that a man who could do what the President did -- I
            respect him.  But, on this issue....

EXT WHITEHOUSE WESTGATE.  DAY.

A VAN MARKED "JIFFY LOCKSMITHS" IS WAVED THROUGH THE GATE.

ANGLE
AT THE DRIVETHROUGH PORTICO, AMES WAITING, WE SEE THE VAN, ON WHICH SOMEONE
HAS SPRAYPAINTED "FUCK ALBANIA."

INT WHITEHOUSE.

AMES, CAIN AND LEVY STANDING THERE, WAITING, AS BREAN AND MOSS, DRESSED IN
LOCKSMITHS COVERALLS, ENTER THE WHITEHOUSE/
CAMERA TRAVELS WITH THEM AS THEY STRIDE DOWN THE HALL.

                          MOSS
                    (TO AN AIDE)
            Gemme all your secretaries, puttem in an office now,
            Would  you?  Would you do that?
                    (PAUSE)
            Gimme thirty secretaries...

AMSE NODS AT LEVY, WHO TAKES OFF ON HIS MASTER'S BUSINESS.

                          MOSS
            I need the President.  Five minutes of his time. Eh?
            Five... "the speech is corny"...??
                    (TO BREAN)
            You know, this is what they used to say when I went out
            to Hollywood.  "It's too theatrical"... I came from the
            Theatre, and, anything, over their heads, "It's too
            Theatric..."

                          AMES
            He thinks it's too...

                          BREAN
            First of all, we're locked in to it, secondly:

                          MOSS
            Don't tell me that the speech is too corny.  Your guy got
            caught with his hand in the cookie Jar.  I came to Save
            him.  I don't need this gig, I don't need the money, I
            don't need the tsuris ... I don't need it.  He needs
            the gig.  Y'r gonna go to the goddamn Doctor an exam,
            What've I got?  He tells you you've got Cancer, you
            tell him, "That's Old Hat, gimme something else"...?

HE IS STEERED INTO AN OFFICE, HE OPENS THE DOOR, AND WE SEE THE LAST OF TWENTY
SECRETARIES, WANDERING, TAKING SEATS IN A SMALL WAITING ROOM.  HE TURNS.  AND
WE SEE THE BACK OF THE PRESIDENT, ENTERING.

                          AMES
            Mr. President, this is St...

                          MOSS
            Hi, How are ya?  Listen to this, willya...

MOSS TAKES A SHEAF OF PAPERS FROM HIS POCKET AND GOES THROUGH THE DOOR FROM
THE SMALL OFFICE INTO THE WAITING ROOM.  LEAVING THE DOOR HALF-OPEN, THE
PRESIDENT WAITS BEHIND, LOOKING ON THROUGH THE HALF OPEN DOOR.

                          MOSS
                    (TO THE SECRETARIES)
            ...Ladies, thank you for coming.  I have in my hand a
            .  It is a photograph of a man.  His name is
            William A. Schumann.  He is the part of the team, of
            unit 303, who dropped behind Albanian Lines.  We've
            just received this photograph, of Schumann in
            captivity.  Held by a dissident, a renegade group of
            Albanian Terrorists.
                    (HE HOLDS THE PHOTOGRAPH UP)
            I'm going to call your attention to something...I don't
            know how many of you know Morse Code...

ANGLE
BREAN, AND AMES, IN THE CORRIDOR.  PACING.  PAUSE.

                          AMES
            You need this Schumann fellow?

                          BREAN
            Ronnie says we don't need'em for another four days.
                    (PAUSE)
            ...s'there a problem?

                          AMES
            No.  No...Pentagon says, Army's got'em, they got'm in
            ..."Custody"...
                    (PAUSE)

                          BREAN
            How's your wife?

                          AMES
            Fine.
                    (PAUSE)

THE DOOR BEHIND THEM OPENS.  BEAT.  THEN A WEEPING SECRETARY COMES OUT.
BREAN, MOVES INTO THE ROOM, FOLLOWED BY AMES, WE SEE A ROOM FULL OF
SECRETARIES, QUIETLY WEEPING.
BREAN LOOKS AROUND FOR MOSS.  HE SPOTS HIM THROUGH THE OPEN DOOR.

ANGLE.  HIS POV, IN THE OVAL OFFICE, MOSS, HANDING THE SPEECH BACK TO THE
PRESIDENT.

                          MOSS
            "The Speech Won't Work..."

MOSS STARTS OUT OF THE OFFICE, BACK TOWARD THE CAMERA, AND THEN TURNS BACK TO
THE PRESIDENT.

                          MOSS
            ...and see if you can keep your dick in your pants two
            more weeks, willya...?
                    (HE CLOSES THE DOOR)
                    (TO HIMSELF, DEROGATORILY)
            "...speech won't work..."

AS HE STARTS TO LEAVE THE ROOM, ONE OF THE WEEPING SECRETARIES TAKES HIS HAND
AND KISSES IT...

HE PICKS UP HIS LOCKSMITH KIT, AND STARTS DOWN THE HALL, MOTIONING TO HIM TWO
SECRET SERVICE ESCORTS, "LET'S GO..."
HOLD ON THE WAITING ROOM, ONE OR TWO RESIDUAL WEEPING SECRETARIES DABBING AT
THEIR EYES.  AND A SIGN ON THE BOARD, READING 6 DAYS TO ELECTION, AND %-IN-
FAVOR -- 37%.  AN AIDE GOES OVER TO THE BOARD, A PHONE TO HIS EAR, AND WIPES
OUT 37% AND INSERTS 27%.

INT STUDIO APARTMENT NIGHT.

A YOUNG FELLOW, IN BLUEJEANS AND T-SHIRT, EATING POPCORN OUT OF A BOWL AND
WATCHING TELEVISION.
ON THE TELEVISION, THE PRESIDENT, IN THE OVAL OFFICE.

                          TV (VOICE OVER)
            Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United
            States.

WE SEE THE FORM OF THE PRESIDENT COME TO THE PODIUM, AND CAIN MOVES TO THE
BACK OF THE READYROOM, WHERE SHE WATCHES, THROUGH A TWO-WAY MIRROR, THE BACK
OF THE PRESIDENT, AS THE PRESIDENT PREPARES TO GIVE THE SPEECH.  WE SEE,
BEYOND THE PRESIDENT THE PODIUM, AND THE GLASS WITH THE TELEPROMPTER TEXT
PRINTED ON IT, AS IT SCROLLS UP, AND WE SEE CAIN FOLLOW ALONG, ON THE TEXT AT
HER HAND.

                          PRESIDENT
            Thank you, would you be seated, please.
                    (PAUSE)
            Ladies and Gentlemen... I thank.  A merciful God.  And
            I am sure each and every one of us will thank that
            Supreme Power, whatever we conceive that power to be --
            that peace is at hand.

MURMUR AMONG THE PRESSCORPS.  THE PRESIDENT CLEARS HIS THROAT, AND TAKES A SIP
OF WATER.
CAIN LOOKS UP, AND WE SEE ON A VIDEOMONITOR, WHICH SHOWS A REARVIEW OF THE
PRESIDENT, THE SAME TELEPROMPTER IMAGE HE SEES, WHICH READS:
            ...That peace is at hand...
                    (CLEAR THROAT AND TAKE A DRINK)

ANGLE
THE PRESIDENT, CONTINUIN TO SPEAK.

                          PRESIDENT
            The threat of Nuc1ear Terrorism has been quelled.  We
            are in contaot with the Albanian Premier, who assures
            me, and this government credits his assurances, that
            his country does not wish us ill, and has not.  That
            the threat which we perceived was not of his wish, or
            of his making.

ANGLE
CAIN, MOUTHING ALONG, WITH THE SPEECH, SHE LOOKS DOWN, AND WE SEE WRITTEN, ON
HER COPY.
            of his making
                    (BITE LIP)

ANGLE
AS WE LOOK UP, WE SEE THE PRESIDENT BITING HIS LIP, AND CONTINUING WITH THE
SPEECH.

                          PRESIDENT
            From whence did it come?  Our information states it
            came from a small group of armed, dissidents.  Of Armed
            and Violent Dissidents...

ANGLE
ON CAIN, AS SHE LOOKS AROUND.

ANGLE, HER POV.
THE GROUP, LISTENING SPELLBOUND.

ANGLE
CAIN, AS SHE SMILES TO HERSELF.

ANGLE
ON THE PRESIDENT.  AS HE CONTINUES.

                          PRESIDENT (C)
             But that group has been, in the main, subdued.  Now:
             How did we come by this information?  And.  Who subdued
             that group?
                     (THE PRESIDENT COUGHS)

ANGLE
CAIN LOOKS DOWN AT HER SCRIPT.  SHRUGS, AND LOOKS UP.

ANGLE
ON THE PRESSCORP, THE REPORTERS, LISTENING WIDEMOUTHED, TO THE PRESIDENT'S
SPEECH.

                          PRESIDENT
            It falls to me to reveal to you a secret.
                    (PAUSE)
            To reveal the existence of a secret group of warriors.
            Men, yes, and women, trained and pledged their
            strength, their skills, and, if called upon, their
            lives, in the service of their fellow Americans.
            A group so secret, its very existence has been known to
            just a few, and known not by a Name, but by a
            Designation Number, Three-Oh-Three...

INT HEADQUARTERS IN THE SHOESTORE IN THE MALL, NIGHT.

LIZ, THE COSTUME DESIGNER, WORKING ON A DRAWING OF A SHOULDER PATCH, ON A
BERET.  ON ONE SKETCH WE SEE IT IS ON A BLACK BERET, ON THE ONE BELOW IT IS ON
A LEOPARDSKIN BERET.
ONE VERSION HAS A COUGAR WITH AN OLILTE BRANCH, WE PAN ONTO VERSION TWO WHICH
SHOWS A DOVE HOLDING A SWORD.  THE NUMERALS 303 FIGURE PROMINENTLY ON EACH.
THE BANNER FOR THE MOTTO IS BLANK.

                          LIZ
            ...anybcdy know Latin.

                          PRESIDENT
                    (VO)
            ...member of the group, was left behind what were,
            then, Enemy Lines.
                    (PAUSE)

ANGLE
ON LIZ, AS SHE WALKS THROUGH THE H.Q., ON A BOARD WE SEE "DAYS TILL ELECTION
6" AND % IN FAVOR 82%.  A HUGE TV SHOWS THE PRESIDENT.

                          PRESIDENT
            And I can only say, to those family members, of group
            303, which members are, I know, as I speak, gathering
            to comfort you, the parents of the missing man, I can
            only say,

                          LIZ
            I need a Latin Motto, anybody know n'y Latin...?

                          PRESIDENT
            ....and the Albanian Government joins with me, that no,
            I repeat, No effort will be apared, to find...

ANGLE INT LIMO, BREAN AND MOSS WATCHING THE TV

                          PRESIDENT
                    (ON TV)
            ...this brave man and to bring him home.

BEAT.  BREAN REACHES OVER AND TURNS DOWN THE SOUND.
THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND SMILE.

                          MOSS
            Trump that, Senator Nole, you Howdy Doody vontz.

                          BREAN
            Not bad for government work.
                    (PAUSE)
            Having a good time.

                          MOSS
            Haven't had so much fun since Live TV.

BREAN SIGHS, TAKES A PHOTO OF SCHUMANN FROM HIS POCKET, CAMERA SEES IT
CAPTIONED WITH THE NAME WILLIAM SCHUMANN, ETC.

                          PRESIDENT
                    (HOLDS UP A PHOTOGRAPH)
            Here's a photograph.  It is a photograph of a man.
            His name is William Schumann.  He is a Master Sergeant
            in the United States Army.  A member of the Squad
            303....dropped behind Albanian Lines.  We've just
            received this photograph, of Schumann in Captivity.
            Held by a dissident group of Albanian
            Terrorists...Now, I don't know how many of you are
            familiar with the Morse Code...but...could you bring
            the camera closer in here, please...?

THE CAMERA PUSHES IN, TO A SECTION OF SCHUMANN'S SWEATER.

                          PRESIDENT (VO)
            You will see his sweater is worn...it has been
            unraveled in places, and those places form dashes and
            dots.

ANGLE
THE PRESIDENT, HOLDING THE PHOTOGRAPH

                          PRESIDENT
            Dashes and Dots.  And those dots spell out a message in
            the Morse Code.
            And that message is, "Courage, Mom..."
                    (PAUSE.  PRESIDENT PAUSES, AS IF ALL
                    CHOKED UP)
            And he got the message through. "Courage.  Mom..."
                    (PAUSE.  HE COMPOSES HIMSELF)
            Well, to the Family of William A. Schumann, to the Men
            and Women of Unit 303, to my fellow citizens I say
            "courage."  I have informed the Albanian government,
            and I inform you, that we will not rest until the safe
            return of Sergeant Schwn&nn.
                    (PAUSE)
            I'm told his unit mates gave him the nickname, "Old
            Shoe."  Ladies and Gentleman, we will not treat him
            like an Old Shoe, we...

ANGLE INT, 5HOESTORE HQ.  NIGHT.
AMES, MOSS AND BREAN, LOOKING AT THE TV.

                          MOSS
            Trump that, Senator Nole, you Howdy-Doody-looking
            Vontz.

ANGLE
YOUNG PERSON'S APARTMENT, NIGHT.

                          PRESIDENT
                   (VO.  ON TELEVISION)
            ...we will not be swayed, will, will not be swayed
            from Every effort to find our Old Shoe, our...

WE HEAR A YOUNG WOMAN'S VOICE

                          YOUNG WOMAN
                   (VO)
            Hey...?

ANGLE
ON THE YOUNG MAN, AS HE TURNS.  WE SEE, BEHIND HIM, AN UNMADE BED, AND A YOUNG
WOMAN, THE AIDE FROM THE SHOESTORE H.Q., WRAPPED IN A SHEET.

                          AIDE
            ...wasn't there a folksong called "Old Shoe?"  Wasn't
            there an old, uh ..."folksong"...

WHITEHOUSE SITUATION ROOM, WE SEE THE BOARD, READING, DAYS TO ELECTION, ET
CETERA, AND THE AIDE, STANDING BY THE PERCENTAGE IN FAVOR SIGN WHICH NOW
READS 37%, THE AIDE CROSSES OUT 37 AND WRITES IN 41, THEN LISTENS, AND WIPES
OUT THE ONE AND MAKES IT 47.

EXT.  POOR NEIGHBORHOOD.  NIGHT.

A BLACK LIMO GLIDES SLOWLY THROUGH THE STIEET.

ANGLE, INT THE LIMO.
BREAN AND MOSS IN THE BACKSEAT.

                          MOSS
            It's all, you know ... thinking ahead.  Thinking
            Ahead.  That's what producing is.
                    (PAUSE)
            It's like being a piumber.

                          BREAN
            Mmm...

                          MOSS
            You do your job right, nobody should notice.

                          BREAN
            Mmm.         

                          MOSS
            S'only when you fuck up, everything gets full of shit.
                    (PAUSE)
            Do you think we could line him up for the Peace Prize?

                          BREAN
            Hey, our job ends at the Finish Line.

                          MOSS
            Yes, but I, well, you know...

                          BREAN
            Just for the Symmetry of the thing...?

                          MOSS
            ...that's right.

                          BREAN
            If they can give Kissenger the Peace Prize, I wouldn't
            be surprised to wake up and find I'd won the Preakness.

                          MOSS
            Well, yes, but the guy did bring Peace.

                          BREAN
            Yes, but there wasn't a War.

                          MOSS
            All the greater accomplishment.

THEY LOOK AT THE TELEVISION, PLAYING SILENTLY.

ANGLE INS. THE TV SHOWING THE SHOULDER PATCH OF GROUP 303, THE NUMERALS AND A
DOVE HOLDING A SWORD, AND A WOLF HOLDING AN OLIVE BRANCH.  AND THE WORD
"VOLO."  BREAN INCREASES THE VOLUME A BIT.

                          ANNOUNCER
            "Volo," meaning, "I will."  As the President bends all
            his will, to find, and to restore to his country, to
            his family, and to what are his mounting legion of
            friends, William Schumann, the Commando Ranger of
            detacment 3.0.3. -- Sgt. William Schumann...the Old
            Shoe.

                          BREAN
                    (SIGHS)
            Hell of a thing...
                    (HE LOOKS OUT OF WINDOW.  TO THE
                    DRIVER)
            Stop there..

THE LIMO STOPS.  BREAN AND MOSS EXIT THE LIMO, TAKING A LARGE CARDBOARD BOX
WITH THEM.

ANGLE, EXT, THE LIMO

BREAN AND MOSS, BENT OVER A BOX OF WHAT ARE REVEALED TO BE OLD SHOES.

                          BREAN
            Ya got to hand it to the Fad King.

                          MOSS
            No, he's my Hero.

THEY PICK UP SEVERAL OLD SHOES, TIE THEM TOGETHER, AND BEGIN HEAVING THEM UP
ONTO A LAMPPOST ON THE DESOLATE STREET.  A SMALL AFRICAN-AMERICAN BOY COMS
UP, AND LOOKS THROUGH THE BOX.

                          KID
            ...these Shoes are ratty...

                          BREAN
            Yeah, well, that's why we're flinging them away...

THE KID SHRUGS, TAKES SEVERAL SHOES OUT OF THE BOX.  BREAN AND MOSS GET INTO
THE LIMO, WHICH BEGINS TO DRIVE AWAY.  THE KID BEGINS TYING SHOES TOGETHER
AND WALKS DOWN THE STREET AND HEAVES ANOTHER PAIR UP TO ANOTHER LAMPPOST.

ANGLE
RICH NEIGHBORHOOD.  SUBURBS NIGHT.
WEALTHY LOOKING WHITE GUY OUT WAKING HIS DOG.  LIMO COMES UP BEHIND HIM.
BREAN GETS OUT OF HIS CAR AND TAKES A CARDBOARD BOX OUT, AFTER HIM.  HE
RUMMAGES THROUGH THE BOX.  FINDS A PAIR OF RATTY "SPERRY TOPSIDER," AND FLINGS
THEM UP INTO THE TREE.

INT RICH WHITE FELLOW'S HOUSE. NIGHT.

THE MAN ENTERS THE BACK-DOOR, WITH THE DOG.

INT LIVING-ROOM.  HIS WIFE, KNITTING, LISTENING TO THE RADIO.

                          MAN
            ...there was a fellow in a limousine, outside,
            throwing...

SHE SHUSHES HIM.  WE HEAR, ON THE RADIO:

                          RADIO
                    (SINGING, AS PER THE RECORDING WE HEARD
                    PREVIOUSLY)
            ..."Dog Was Loyal, and the Dog was True...n'there's
            never been a better than my Good Old Shoe...Good Old
            Shoe...Good Old Shoe...Never have ta call'im when
            there's Work to do...If I get to Heaven when the Day is
            Through.  I'll know I'll see him waitin', Jest a Good
            Old Shoe..."

ANGLE, ON THE MAN, AS HE NODS ALONG IN TIME, TO THE WISDOM OF THE SONG.

                          F.M. ANNOUNCER (VO)
            ...was just discovered.  A l93O's recording, part of
            the folksong collection of the Library of Congress, and
            a fitting...

THE MAN, MOVED, GOES INTO THE KITCHEN, WHERE HE POURS HIMSELF A DRINK,
SWITCHING ON THE TV, WHERE WE SEE JIM BELUSHI, DOING "PANE:" ON SOME TALK
SHOW.

                          JIM BELUSHI
            ...and there's just one thing I'd like to say, and I am
            speaking to those in Albania who have the man in
            custody, and from the bottom of my heart:

HE TURNS TOWARD THE CAMERA, AND BEGINS SPEAKING IN ALBANIAN.

DISSOLVE

INT FACTORY LUNCHROOM.  DAY.

A BUNCH OF WORKERS EATING, SOUNDS OF HEAVY MACHINERY IN THE B.G., AS OTHER
WORKERS ENTER.  SEVERAL PEOPLE WATCHING A SOAP OPERA.

ANGLE
ONE WORKER, WITH A T-SHIRT READING, "COURAGE, MOM," AND A PHOTO OF SCHUMANN,
CHECKS HER WATCH, AND SWITCHES THE CHANNEL TO A NEWSCAST.

                          NEWSCASTER (ON TV)
            ...the City Council, Denying the charges of...and this
            just in...the search for William Schumann continues.
            NATO, US, and Albanian Forces continue to scour the
            countryside, as...

ANGLE
ANOTHER SMALL GROUP OF WORKERS, SEVERAL WEARING, "FUCK ALBANIA" T-5HIRTS.  ONE

INT SHOESTORE H.Q.

THE BLANK "% IN FAVOR" CHART. IS FILLED IN BY THE HAND OF AN AIDE.  IT READS
"87."  CAMERA PULLS BACK TO SHOW "3" DAYS TIL ELECTION.

BREAN AND MOSS AND THE FAD KING, LEAVING THE OFFICE, AN AIDE COMES AFTER THEM.

                          AIDE
            ...White House wants to know about the Congressional
            Medal of Honor.

                          BREAN
            What about it?

                          AIDE
            For Schumann.

                          BREAN
            Well, well, well, well, wait a minute, we got 86
            percent.  We bring'em back tomorrow, the charts go up,
            they don't go down...

THEY WALY THROUGH THE MALL, PAST A NEWSSTAND SHOWING TIME AND NEWSWEEK BOTH
OF WHICH BREAN PICKS UP, ONE SHOWS THE PHOTO OF SCHUMANN AND THE LEGEND,
"COURAGE, MOM," THE OTHER A PHOTO OF SCHUMANN, AND THE LEGEND, "GIVE HIM
BACK."  THE VENDOR IS WEARING A "303" T-SHIRT.

                          BREAN
            I don't wanna tell them their business, but why not
            wait to give it to him after the election.  When he's
            gonna need some help....

THE AIDE NODS AND RETIRES.
BREAN GESTURES AT THE KID WITH THE 303 T-SHIRT.

                          BREAN
            King...

                          FAD KING
            All part of the Service we Render.

                          MOSS
                    (OF BREAN, TO FAD KING)
            He ain't seen nothin' yet.

                          FAD KING
            When do you bring'em back?  Schumann.

                          BREAN
                    (LOOKS AROUND)
            Schumann. We're gonna go pick him up tonight.

                          FAD KING
            Where is he?

                          BREAN
            Out in Oklahoma.

                          MOSS
            Going to make a little stop back home, pick up my
            shirts, show him a little treat.

                          FAD KING
            See y'at the Finish Line.

AS THEY WALK AWAY, MOSS CALLS BACK.

                          MOSS
            Tell'em to fly the Inaugural Speech past me.

                          BREAN
            Inaugural Speech, press corp's gonna be jealous of
            giving up that one...

                          MOSS
            Hey, lemme close out the thing in style.

                          MOSS
            I've come to feel It's my thing.
                    (PAUSE)
            You know, you take a job... You take a job, and, many
            times, it's just a job.  And then...

                          BREAN
            Hell of a Ride, Stanley...

                          MOSS
            ...isn't it?
                    (PAUSE)
            Hey, what-the-hey ... it's all part of the
            bittersweet...

HE GESTURES WITH HIS HANDS, LOOKING FOR THE WORD.

INT L.A. LAKERS, STADIUM, NIGHT.

BREAN AND MOSS.  LOOKING ON, A SILENT AUDITORIUM, MOSS TALKING ON THE PHONE.
BREAN SHUSHES HIM.  MOSS LOOKS UP.

ANGLE HIS P.O.V.

THE LAKERS, AND THE OPPOSING TEAM, SILENTLY, IN TWO RANKS, LOOKING ON AS A
CHOIR OF YOUNGSTERS OF ALL RACES FILES ONTO THE COURT, AND, DIRECTED BY THEIR
CHOIRHASTER, BEGINS TO SING, IN MANY PART HARMONY, "GOOD OLD SHOE."

AS THEY CONCLUDE, THE BASKETHALL PLAYERS TAKE OFF THEIR SHOES, AND FLING THEM
INTO THE STANDS, WHICH CHEER.

ANGLE
BREAN, MOSS, AND AMES, IN A SKYHOX, WATCHING THE SPECTACLE.
BREAN SHAKES HIS HEAD IN SATISFACTION.

                          MOSS
            No business like it.

THEY WALK OUT OF THE BOX.

INT LIMO, LEAVING THE STADIUM.  POURING RAIN.  THE GUARD MOTIONS FOR THE LIMO
TO STOP, CHECKS THEIR I.D., AND SAYS, "COURAGE, MOM..."  THE GUARDS WEAR A
LAPEL PIN OF AN OLD SHOE.

ANGLE
MOSS AND BREAN LOOKING OUT OF THE WINDOW.

ANGLE, THEIR POV.
EVERY TREE AND LAMPPOST HAS A PAIR OF OLD SHOES HANGING IN IT.

ANGLE INT THE LIMO.
BREAN, MOSS, AND AMES, BREAN NODDING, DEEP IN THOUGHT.
THE RADIO IN THE LIMO IS PLAYING AN AUDIO VERSION OF THE "DON'T SWITCH
HORSES," COMMERCIAL.

                          COWHOY
                    (VO)
            Rode the fifteen miles from the Bottomland, n'I was a-
            gonna switch him for a fresher one to do the Ropin'...

                          COWBOY #2
                    (VO)
            Waal, but, you know, my Paw always said, Ya Don't
            Switch Horses...

                          ANNOUNCER
            Don't switch Horses.  Vote.  And vote for the man who
            brought peace to...

MOSS REACHES OVER AND TURNS OFF THE RADIO, SIGHS.

                          MOSS
            Fucking amateurs.  Pity of it is, two more days, we
            bring it all back home...

                          BRKAN
            ...knock wood...

                          MOSS
            And who's gonna know?
                    (PAUSE)
            Who's gonna know what we did.
                    (PAUSE)
            Who's gonna know...?

                          BREAN
                    (SHRUGS)
            Pride of a job-well-done...

                          AMES
            It's the Pride of a Job Well Done, Stanley, yes, but
            it's more than that.

                          MOSS
                    (DISTRACTED)
            ...mmm?

                          AMES
            It's the gratitude of your party, and of your
            President...

                          MOSS
            Izzat the thing...

                          AMES
            Indeed it is.

MOSS LOOKS OUT OF THE WINDOW.

ANGLE, OUT OF HIS WINDOW.  AN L.A. VIADUCT, IN THE POURING RAIN, SPRAY
PAINTED, WITH A HUGE MURAL OF SCHUMANN, AND THE WORDS, "COURAGE, MOM..."

                          BREAN
                    (ON HIS PHONE)
            Dean City, Oklahoma...
                    (SHRUGS)
            Army Special Programs -- tell'em to bring Schumann to
            the plane, n we'll bring him back, stash him the
            Hospital...Call the plane....tell me where to pick'm
            up.

MOSS LOOKS OUT OF THE WINDOW, AT THE MURAL.  LOOKS OVER IN ADMIRATION AT
BREAN.

                          MOSS
            I'll bet you're good at Chess.

                          BREAN
            I would be, I could remember how all the pieces move...

INT CORPORATE JET NIGHT.

THE AIRBORNE JET, NIGHT, BREAN AND MOSS RELAXING.
A CO-PILOT COMES BACK INTO THE CABIN, AND CAMERA HINGES HIM TO A BAR -- HE
TAKES OUT A BOTTLE AND TOPS UP DRINKS FOR THE TWO MEN --

HE PROGRESSES DOWN THE AISLE, WHERE WE SEE AMES ON THE PHONE.

                          AMES
                    (ON PHONE)
            ...aspect of the inaugural which.... No.  No, the
            thinking is, to Wait on the Congressional... hello?
                    (TO THE CO-PILOT)
            We getting some.... hello?  Some interference...?

                          CO-PILOT
            Little rough weather.

                          AMES
                    (AS THE PHONE COMES BACK ON)
            To wait on the Congressional Medal for Schumann.  Moss
            and Brean think, and I agree, why spend it til you need
            it.
                    (PAUSE)
            No.  Go ahead and pre... go ahead and prepare it.
            Sure.
                    (PAUSE)
            Well, you... hello?  You can find the info on him in
            the Army Special... Hello?  The Army Special Programs.

CAMERA TRAVELS UP THE CABIN AGAIN, WITH THE CO-PILOT.

                          CO-PILOT
            We're seeing some difficult weather out of Oklahoma --
            but the captain thinks that we'll be fine.

                          BREAN
                    (TALKING ON THE TELEPHONE)
            Against...who could be aggressor....Help me out
            here...Units of 303, the Defense Department confirms,
            early this morning, Albanian Time, stormed a mountain
            hideaway, near the city of -- help me out here -- and
            freed a tired, but happy William Schumann, Suffering
            no casualties.  His condition is reported as Guarded,
            and his route to the US has not been disclosed, but a
            high White House source confirms he is expected in
            Washington tomorrow morning...no, that's for the wire
            service.  Moss's working on Big Bird's Inaugural.
                    (PAUSE)
            Nine A.M...?
                    (TO MOSS)
            Nine?  Miss the commuters, but...

                         MOSS
            ...we'll gettim in their cars.

                          BREAN
                    (INTO PHONE)
            Yeah, we'll gettem in their cars.
                    (TO SELF)
            I'm slowing down...
                    (TO PHONE)
            No, no.  Look, lookit:  I think it's a mistake, well,
            I'll tell you why:  you got'em by the balls, Squeeze.
                    (PAUSE)
            Because Schumann's the Shark.  He's ...Jaws.  You have
            to tease'em... You don't puttem in the first reel of
            the movie...
                    (MOSS NODS)
            Bring'em back slow, the President...  No, no, put him
            on.  Put him on.
                    (PAUSE.  HE COVERS PHONE)
            President wants to reveal Scbumann before the election.

                          MOSS
            Big mistake.

                          BREAN
                    (INTO PHONE)
            Hell, yes, we're, we're on our way to get him now.  No.
            Lookit:  it's like a girl with her virginity,
            y'understand...

MOSS NODS ALONG.

                          BREAN
                    (CONT)
            Guy says he'll respect her tomorrow, he might, but why
            take a chance?  Hold out til after you're married.
            That's... that's.... looky, we're offering'em Schumann,
            make em vote for hhhh.... psychologically, they will
            understand that that's the bargain.  Make them pay for
            him.  Make... that's right, the price is their vote.
            Now, we bring him home, the President announces he is
            flying home, he's here, he's there... f'there the
            election, TA DA, here he is.
                    (PAUSE)
            Have him say it like I wrote it, It'll be fine.
            Thanks.
                    (HE HANGS UP.)
            Labor, five bucks an hour.  If you watch, ten bucks an
            hour.  If you help ... if you help, a hundred bucks an
            hour.

                          MOSS
            Hey, lcokit:  any business...

                          BREAN
            Ain't that the truth.
                    (PAUSE)

                          MOSS
            Whattaya gonna do when this is all over?

                          BREAN
            What am I gonna do?  I'm gonna "Fade Away."
                    (SMILES)
            What are you gonna do?

                          MOSS
                    (LAUGHS)
            Well, I'll be damned if I know ... you know... doing
            this thing ...
                    (PAUSE)
            You know what the worst word is, in the English
            Language?  It's Ôretirement."  What the hell was I
            thinking of?  Hell, I used to...

BREAN NUDGES HIM, TO LOOK AT THE TV.

THEY SETTLE BACK, LOOK AT THE TV.

ANGLE, ON A TV, A COUNTRY MUSIC SPECTACULAR.  WILLIE NELSON IS CALLED TO THE
STAGE, SITS ON HIS STOOL, PLAYS A FEW BARS FOR NOTHING, AND THEN
A RENDITION OF "COURAGE, MOM."

ANGLE, IN THE AUDIENCE, PAN OVER THE FACES, ONE TEENAGE GIRL IN A 858
SWEATSHIRT, BEARING THE LOGO, AND THE WORD, "VOLO," IS SILENTLY, TEARFULLY,
MOUTHING THE WORDS ALONG WITH WILLIE.

                          WILLIE NELSON
            "What have you got at the end of the day?  How do you
            keep those fears at bay?  What do you say, when there's
            nothin' to say?  Courage, Mom..."
                    (ET CETERA)

ANGLE
MOSS AND BREAN.

                          BREAN
            We pick up Schumann.  Sneak him back inside the Beltway.
            And we plan his homecoming.  Zt's gone be Neil
            Armstrong, Dr. Livingston, and Lindy...They're gonna
            forget, they're gonna forget, they're gonna forget that
            there is an election...The Pres's gonna have to say,
            one of his speeches, "Don't forget to Vote..."

                          MOSS
            I got it in the inaugural.  "Thank you for voting for
            me, but, as importantly:  Thank you for voting...
                    (HE GESTUR£S AT A SHEAF OF PAPERS)

                          BREAN
                    (GRINS)
            Getting off on the inaugural?
                    (MOSS NODS)
            Gonna go...

                          MOSS
            Might, if I was asked...
                    (HE SMILES)

ANGLE THE OKLAHOMA AIRPORT.  NIGHT.

IN THE POURING RAIN, THE PLANE, BEING WAVED TO A PARKING SPACE.  IN THE B.G.
AN ARMY TRUCK, SURROUNDED BY CHASE CARS, PULLS UP, WE READ, "UNITED STATES
ARMY.  SPECIAL P..."  AND THE REST OF THE WORD OBSCURED.

ANGLE
INT THE PLANE.  AS THE TWO UNBUCKLE, AND STRETCH.

                          MOSS
            But, you know, this is the meeting, Ron?  You think
            about it.  This is the meeting.  This, here.  Schumann
            and us.  King Kong and the Trainers...this's it... What
            are you working on?

ANGLE
ON BREAN, WHO IS DOODLING.

                          BREAN
            Medal.  Medal and Ribbon.

                          MOSS
            Of what?

                          BREAN
            The Albanian Campaign.

                          MOSS
                    (TO HIMSELF)
            ...the Albanian Campaign.  This... this is history...

AMES COMES UP FROM THE BACK OF THE PLANE.

                          AMES
            ...The Albanian Campaign...

                          MOSS
            ...like the sound of it, eh...

                          AMES
            We've got to put that, into the Inaugural.  "I have
            here, a ribbon.  You haven't seen it before, and you
            will not see it too often now.  For it is the Proud
            Possession of a few, a very few Men and Women... it is
            the Ribbon of the Albanian Campaign...."

THE OTHER TWO LOOK AT HIM ADMIRINGLY.

                          MOSS
            Wilfred, that's not bad.

                          BREAN
            That's not bad at all.

                          AMES
            Well, you know, "The Whole Thing's Theatre..."

THE OTHER TWO MEN LAUGH WITH HIM.

                          BREAN
            Napoleon said, fellow won't sell you his life, but he
            will trade it to you for a little piece of ribbon.

                          MOSS
            ...the Albanian Campaign.
                    (PAUSE)
            And we won't even be a footnote...

                          BREAN
            We were the Albanian campaign, John -- We Were There.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT.  HE LOOKS OUT THROUGH THE WINDOW.  WE SEE A MILITARY
CONVOY APPROACHING.  THE DOOR TO THE COCKPIT OPENS, THE PILOT GOES OUT.

                          PILOT
            Gentlemen, little problematical weather.

                          BREAN
            Well, c'n we get him back home?

                          PILOT
            Could if we had to.  Rather not.  Rough weather.

BREAN AND MOSS GET UP, MOVE TOWARD THE FRONT OF THE PLANE, MOSS LOOKING OUT
OF THE WINDOW.

                          MOSS
            Well, they're protecting him well enough.

                          BREAN
            They should be.  Most valuable animal since Sea
            Biscuit.  Isn't he...

                          MOSS
            Bigger than that.  For want of a nail a Kingdom was
            lost...

                          BREAN
            You've got something, there...

                          AMES
                    (WRITING)
            Napoleon said -- A man will not sell you his
            life...

THEY LOOK OUT THE WINDOW, START STRAIGHTENING UP THEIR CLOTHING, ET CETERA, IN
PREPARATION FOR MEETING SCHUMANN.
BREAN LOOKS HACK OVER HIS SHOULDER AT THE TELEVISION.

ANGLE HIS POV.
ON THE TV A PICTURE HEADED "ANDREWS AIRFORCE BASE," AND SIGNS OF SCAFFOLDING
BEING CONSTRUCTED, AND BUNTING PUT UP.  CUTS TO A TALKING HEAD, IN FRONT OF A
PHOTO OF SCHUMANN.

ANGLE
MOSS AND BREAN.

                          BREAN
            ...a masterpiece...

                          MOSS
                    (SHRUGS)
            ...givem what they want...But...

THEY MOVE TOWARD THE FRONT OF THE PLANE.
THEY RUN INTO THE PILOT.

                          PILOT
            Weather's worsening, sir...might be advisable, wait it
            out, on the ground, till..

                          BREAN
                    (NODS)
            We're due at Andrews.
                    (LOOKS AT HIS WATCH)

                          PILOT
            Well, I wouldn't go up in it, lest I had to...

                          MOSS
                    (TO AMES)
            Here he comes...

THEY HEAR THE PLANE DOOR OPENING.
THEY ALL STRAIGHTEN UP AND SMILE, AS SCHUMANN, A RAINCOAT OVER HIS SHOULDERS,
IS LED ONTO THE PLANE, FLANKED BY 4 M.P.'S, AND AN OFFICER, WITH A CLIPBOARD.

                          MOSS
            Sergeant Schumann?  If I may?  Welcome to History...

                          AMES
            Sergeant Schumann?  My name is Ames.  Welcome.

                          OFFICER
            S'mby named Brean?  Sign here...

                          BREAN
                    (TO THE PILOT)
            Captain...  You wanna Take'er up...?

                          PILOT
            Heavy weather East of here.

                          BREAN
            Whaddaya think?

                          PILOT
            Six to five and pick'em...you wanna chance it...

THEY ARE QUIET, AS SOUNDS OF THE TV FILTER IN.  AN EXCITED NEWSCASTER.

                          NEWSCASTER
                    (ON TV)
            Word that William Schumann, the Old Shoe, is
            expected back, today, and that a glimpse of him...

                          MOSS
            Let's fly, if it'll fly... People waiting for us...

THE PHONE RINGS.  BREAN ANSWERS IT.

                          BREAN
                    (ON PHONE.  HE HAS NOT YET REGISTERED
                    SCHUMANN)
            ...child at the airport...
                    (TO MOSS)
            breaks through the ranks, runs to "old shoe" --
            should we have flower or a bear...?

                          AMES
            Uh...Didn't we do this?

                          BREAN
            Never quit a winner.

                          MOSS
            I thought they weren't meeting him at the airport...

                          BREAN
            They insist they wanna go with meeting him at the
            airport.  I told'em they're wrong, I can't convince'em.
            They're concerned that the last kid had the Wheat.
            Variations include, the kid is a boy, the kid is twins,
            it's a little dog ... they rub meat on Schumann's cuff,
            the dog runs to him...

                          MOSS
                    (OF SCHUMANN)
            Uh...

IN THE B.G. BREAN FINISHES SIGNING THE CLIPBOARD, THE OFFICER NODS TO THE
M.P.'S, AND THEY SALUTE AND DEPART, THE OFFICER HANDS A KEY TO BREAN.

                          AMES
                    (OF KEY)
            What's this...?

THE OFFICER TAKES THE RAINCOAT FROM SCHUMANN'S SHOULDERS, REVEALING HE IS IN A
PRISON UNIFORM, AND HEAVILY MANACLED.  THE MAN, IS SCHUMANN, AN UNMISTAKABLE
DERANGED, DROOLING, PSYCHO-NUTTER.  HOLD.

                          OFFICER
                    (TAKES A KEY ON A CHAIN FROM AROUND HIS
                    NECK -- HANDS IT TO BREAN)
            Key to the manacles...

THE OFFICER SALUTES, STARTS OUT OF THE PLANE.

ANGLE.  AMES LOOKS BACK, AT THE MANACLED SCHUMANN, AND BREAN GLARING, OPEN
MOUTHED AT HIM.

ANGLE
EXT THE PLANE, THE OFFICER RETREATING, IN THE RAIN, TO THE TRUCK, AMES,
RUNNING AFTER HIM.

                          AMES
            Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait...
                    (HE CATCHES UP WITH THE OFFICER)
            What did he...what...what's the trouble?

                          OFFICER
            No trouble at all.

                          AMES
            What did he do...?

THE OFFICER CONSULTS HIS CLIPBOARD.
CAMERA PANS TO SHOW THE VAN READS "MILITARY SPECIAL PRISONS."

ANGLE
INT, THE PLANE, BREAN, LOOKING AT SCHUMANN.  HOLD.  MOSS ENTERS THE PLANE.

ANGLE
ON MOSS, AS HE MOVES TO HIS BRIEFCASE, AND EXTRACTS THE TELEPHONE-LIKE BOOK,
HE TURNS TO THE FRONT PAGE, AND WE SEE THE TITLE IS "MILITARY SPECIAL
PRISONS."

ANGLE
MOSS AND BREAN.  MOSS HANDS BREAN THE BOOK.  BREAN LOOKS.  TURNS TO MOSS.  AND
THEN TO SCHUMANN.

                          BREAN
            ...how ya doing?

MOSS TAKES THE CLIPBOARD, AND READS, WHILE AMES SITS STUNNED.

                          SCHUMANN
            Fine.

MOSS HOLDS UP THE MILITARY DIRECTORY.

                          MOSS
            I think we asked for "special programs" and they gave
            us "special prisons."

                          BREAN
            Yeah, well -- it's only one word difference.

AMES DRAWS MOSS ASIDE.

                          AMES
                    (SOTTO)
            He, uh, has he been in the "jail" long?

                          MOSS
            ...twelve years.

BREAN NODS.

                         AMES
            Much more...uh, he have much more time to "serve?"

MDSS SHAKES HIS HEAD, SPREADS HIS HANDS APART TO ARM'S LENGTH.
PAUSE
                          AMES
                    (BRAVING IT)
            What'd he do?

                          MOSS
            He raped a nun.
                    (PAUSE)

                          AMES
            Yeeaahhh...  Ohmigod ... ohmigod... ohmigod...

                          MOSS
                    (READING FROM THE CLIPBOARD)
            ...and...

                          AMES
            And?  NO.  I don't wanna know.
                    (PAUSE)
            What do you mean "and..."?

                          MOSS
                    (READING)
            Look, look, look....
                    (HE HOLDS UP A SMALL VIAL, READS.)
            He's fine, as long as he has his medication.

                          AMES
            What happens if he doesn't have his medication?

                          MOSS
            He's not fine.

BREAN GOES TO THE FRONT OF THE PLANE.

                          BREAN
            Yeah, Captain, uh, yeah, Captain, uh, y'better get us
            back to Washington.

BREAN POURS HIMSELF A DRINK.  PAUSE.  TO SCHUMANN.

                          BREAN
            How are'ya...

DISSOLVE

INT THE PLANE  NIGHT.

INSERT.
THE VIAL OF PILLS, LABELLED, "MILITARY SPECIAL PRISONS," SCHUMANN, WILLIAM.
A.  TWO PILLS EVERY FOUR HOURS.  SHOULD THE PATIENT BECOME VIOLENT THE DOSAGE
CAN BE INCREASED TO...
THE PILLS SPILL OUT OF THE FRAME.

ANGLE
THE PLANE, IN A VIOLENT RAINSTORM, BUCKING WILDLY.  AMES, ON HIS KNEES,
GATHERING UP THE PILLS, REPLACES THEM IN THE VIAL, SHAKES OUT TWO, AND GIVES
THEM TO SCHUMANN.  WHO TAKES THEM.  MOSS THEN STRAPS HIMSELF BACK IN AND BREAN
CONTINUES TALKING ON THE TELEPHONE.

THE THREE STRAPPED IN, THE PLANE TOSSING WILDLY.  BREAN ON THE PHONE.

                          SCHUMANN
            You gonna git me back tomorrow?
                    (PAUSE)
            Cause they havin beans tomorrow...

                          BREAN
                    (ON THE PHONE)
                    (HE PICKS UP A BOTTLE OF SCOTCH AND
                    STARTS DRINKING FROM IT.)
            A slight, a slight, well, no, we're gonna deal with it,
            we just, I need a little readjustment...we need to
            rethink...

                          MOSS
            Yes, William, Uh, we have this thing we're doing...

                          SCHUMANN
            Long's you git me back for the beans...

                          MOSS
            ...for the beans, yes...

                          BREAN
                    (ON THE PHONE)
            We're gonna, just, may have to call off the...

HE GESTURES AT THE SILENT TELEVISION, WHERE WE SEE THE SIGNS OF THE
SCAFFOLDING, SIGNS READING, "WELCOME HOME OLD SHOE," ET CETERA...
            Well, maybe, you know, ah, ah, he's sicker than we
            thought, and rush him under wraps to Walter Reed to do
            a complete...

                          SCHUMANN
                    (TO AMES)
            R'if y'r gonna keep me out, I'd kinda like the chance,
            t'go to church...
                    (HE LEANS TOWARD AMES AND WINKS
                    LASCIVIOUSLY, AND NUDGES HIM IN THE
                    RIBS)

                          AMES
            Oh Lord.  What have you done to me?  What have you done
            to me...?

                          BREAN
            Wilfred.

                          AMES
            ...what have you done to me...

                          BREAN
            All Combat takes place at night, in the Rain, and at
            the Junction of four Map Segments...

                          AMES
            ...what are we going to do...?

                          MOSS
            He's fine, as long as he gets his medication.

                          BREAN
            Speaking of that...
                    (HE LOOKS AT THE VIAL)
            We're gonna need a whole lot more of this....

                          AMES
            Well, get on the phone, and get it...

                          MOSS
            You know, I think you people are looking at this All
            Wrong.  If you look at the backstory -- the guy's
            coming back from Combat and Torture.  Of course he is
            gonna be ... uh ... uh ... "fucked up".  Of Course he's
            gonna "need a little help"...
                    (GESTURES PUTTING A HYPODERMIC IN HIS
                    ARM)

                          AMES
                    (TO HIMSELF)
            Oh, Lord....

ANGLE, ON THE TV, WHERE WE SEE THE PRESIDENT, WEARING AN OLD SHOE BUTTON.

                          PRESIDENT
            ...a proclamation of a Day of National Rejoining...

THE TELEVISICN GOES ALL FUZZY, THEN CONKS OUT.
            ...a day of Humility, a day of Pride...in the Return
            of...

                          SCHUMANN
            N'ybody gotta Beer...?

THE LIGHTS IN THE PLANE FLICKER, AND THEN COME ON, WE SEE THE LIGHTENING
FLASHING OUT OF THE WINDOW, THE CO-PILOT COMES BACK INTO THE CABIN...

                          BREAN
                    (ON THE PHONE)
            Just....do what I ...look:  get me a ...hello...?
            Hel...?  I'm going to need an ambulance, we take him,
            the last moment, right from the Pl...no, we land, we
            puttem in the ambulance.  Air force jet lands, we take
            somebody else off that jet...what the fuck do I care?
            Somebody in a Hospital gown.  And we need a
            ......hello?  Hello...?

THE LINE GOES DEAD.

                          BREAN
            Cause I don't think this dog is gonna hunt....

                          MOSS
            He's going to be fine, aren't you boy...?

                          BREAN
            Yeah, well, perhaps...
                    (TO PHONE)
            Speaking of which:  I have a prescription here, I'm
            going to give you the number, I need you standing by
            with a crate of the stuff.... it's ... what is it?

                          MOSS
            An anti-psychotic...

                          BREAN
                    (TO TELEPHONE)
            It's an anti-psychotic, the num...  the
            number...hello...hello...

BEAT.  THE BUFFETING STOPS.  THE CO-PILOT ENTERS.

                          CO-PILOT
            We have been experiencing some buffeting, but I think
            from here on out, it's going to be fine.

HE RETURNS TO THE COCKPIT.  BREAN TRIES TO REDIAL THE TELEPHONE.

                          SCHUMANN
            Long's I git back for my Beans.

                          MOSS
            This is nothing,  Wait'll you've worked with a movie
            star, one time, this is nothing, we keep him shot-up
            and happy -- the Old Days, I used to think I was a
            pharmacist, the kind of stuff I had to do.  One time...

                          SCHUMANN
            Cause the beans, y'know, y'can tell if they're puttin
            stuff in it.

                          BREAN
            Uh huh...

                          SCHUMANN
            So you don't have to fear it.

                          BREAN
            Uh huh...

                          MOSS
            Mmm.

                          BREAN
            What kind of stuff?
                    (TO PHONE)
            Hello...?

                          SCHUMANN
                    (PAUSE.  SCHUMANN LOOKS AT THEM WARILY)
            What do you mean, "What kind of stuff?"

                          AMES
            No, no, he didn't mean anything at all...

                          BREAN
                    (TO MOSS)
            Give'em another pill...

                          AMES
            No.  No.  He didn't mean anything by it at all...

                          BREAN
                    (TO PHONE)
            Hello?   No, operator...

MOSS ADMINISTERS A PILL TO SCHUMANN.

                          SCHUMANN
            What the fuck did you mean, "What kind of stuff?"?

                          MOSS
                    (TO BREAN)
            ...this is nothing.  This is nothing. D'you ever shoot
            in Italy?  Try three Italian starlets on Benzedrine,
            this is a walk in the park...

                          SCHUMANN
                    (AS IF COMING TO)
            ...who are you?
                    (PAUSE)
            Who are you sonofabitches...
                    (HE LOOKS AROUND WILDLY)

                          AMES
            We're just, actually, we're friends of... can we get
            another pill into him...

                          SCHUMANN
            Where are you taking me...?

                          BREAN
                    (TO PHONE)
            Hello...?

A HUGE FLASH OF LIGHTENING, THE PLANE IS PLUNGED INTO DARKNESS, THE ENGINES
STOP:

INT THE DARK CABIN.  THE WIND WHISTLING.

                          AMES
                    (SOFTLY)
            Oh, Heck.

DISSOLVE

EXT A FIELD IN MONTANA.  THE WRECKED CORPORATE JET.

ANGLE
A BEATEN-UP BREAN STRUGGLES FROM THE PLANE, FINISHING A BOTTLE OF SCOTCH, HE
FLINGS IT FROM HIM, REACHES IN HIS BACK POCKET, OPENS ANOTHER, AND, AS HE DOES
SO, HE SINGS DRUNKENLY.

                          BREAN
            "Hush little baby, don't say a Word...Pappa's gonna buy
            you a Mockingbird, if that Mocking bird don't sing,
            Poppa's gonna buy you a diamond ring..."

AMES, SIMILARLY BRUISED, STUMBLES FROM THE PLANE BEHIND HIM.

                          BREAN
            ...kid complains, kid cries, gets more junk, junk don't
            work, kid cries, gets more junk.  End of the song,
            house full of worthless junk, the kid's still crying.
            Story of America...
                    (HE SITS ON THE GROUND AND OPENS THE
                    NEW BOTTLE OF SCOTCH.)
            ...Z'at ever bother you...?
                    (HE REACHES BACK INTO THE PLANE, AND
                    BRINGS OUT A SMALL TELEVISION SET)

ANGLE, AS HE LEANS INTO THE PLANE. WE SEE MOSS, LYING IN A HEAP, MOSS COMES
TO.

                          MOSS
            ...what happened...?

                          BREAN
            I think we were experiencing a Little Technical
            Difficulty.

                          MOSS
            How's our friend?

BREAN SETS UP THE TELEVISION.  TURNS IT ON.
HE SITS, AND TAKES THE BOTTLE FROM BREAN, AND DRINKS.

                          MOSS
            ..."Courage.  Mom"...

BREAN HAS KICKED THE TELEVISION INTO LIFE, WE SEE A MAN AND WOMAN ANCHOR,
SPEAKING LUGUBRIOUSLY, INTO THE CAMERA.

                          BREAN
            News.  Like a Wedding Cake.  Tons and tons of sticky
            sugar, Barbie and Ken on top...
                    (HE HITS THE TV)
            Can't ya Talk, you sonofabitches...?

                          MOSS
            What the hell do we care?

                          BREAN
            Eh?  I'm like the Rest of America.  I don't care -- I'm
            just addicted to it...

A PHOTO OF SCHUMANN COMES ON THE TELEVISION.  BREAN STUMBLES BACK INTO THE
PLANE, AND HAULS THE DAZED SCHUMANN OUT, AND PROPS HIM AGAINST THE PLANE.

                          BREAN
                    (TO SCHUMANN)
            N'just when everything was going so well...

HE SIGHS.  HE LOOKS AT THE TELEVISION SCREEN.

ANGLE
THE CROWDS AT ANDREW'S AIRKORCE BASE, THE "OLD SHOE" BANNERS, THE "COURAGE,
MOM," BANNERS.  THE STILL BAND.  A SHOT OF THE BANDMASTER, SURREPTITIOUSLY,
GLANCING AT HIS WATCH.

                          MOSS
            How's our friend?  What is he, "dead?"

                          BREAN
            Wake up.

                          MOSS
            Is he dead?

                          AMES
            Is he dead?
                    (PAUSE)
            Is he dead?  ARE YOU DEAD?  WAKE UP.  You stupid, nun-
            raping sonofoabitch.... wake up...  WAKE UP.  Do you
            want to spend the rest of your life in JAIL?  WAKE UP!
            Do You Know Who I AM???  I'm talking to you...

SCHUMANN BEGINS TO ROUSE BIMSELF.

                          SCHUMANN
            Z'it time for Exercise?
                    (PAUSE)
            Cause it's my Day on the Yard.

                          BREAN
            Courage, Mom.

                          AMES
            Oh.  Hell.  And what do we do now?  What do we do now?
            Boy Producer?
                    (PAUSE)
            Mister Win-an-Emmy, Social Conscience, Whaleshit, save-
            the-rainforest, Liberal hire-a-convict shithead?
            Mister Affirmative-Action Peacnik.  Commie...
            shithead....?

                          MOSS
                    (PAUSE)
            This is nothing. ...piece of cake.  Y'know, producing
            is being a Samurai Warrior.  They pay you, day in, day
            out, for Years, so that, ONE DAY, when called upon,
            you can respond, your training At Its Peak, and save
            the day.

ANGLE
BREAN, SHAKING HIS HEAD.  IN THE B.G., MOSS, DRINKING.
THE TV COMES TO LIFE.

                          COMMENTATOR
            ...long overdue, its absence unexplained.

THE NEXT SHOT IS SENATOR BUD NOLE, SPEAKING EARNESTLY AT THE CAMERA.

                          NOLE
            ...this...regrettable absence... this ...tardy absence
            of the flight.  Must give us pause.  And, in that pause
            we should take time to examine ourselves, our plans,
            and our future.  There has been an ...interregnum -- if
            you will, of reason, while we've watched unfold this
            drama..... on the world scale...

                          AMES
                    (TO HIMSELF)
            ...I hate this cocksucker...

                          NOLE
            And, now, end how it will, this drama is done...

ANGLE MOSS, AS HE WANDERS BACK TO STARE AT THE SCREEN.  THE VAST FIELDS
STRETCHING AWAY IN THE DISTANCE

                          NOLE (C)
            The drama is done, and we must pause to consider.
                    (HE HOLDS UP A PHOTO OF THE PRESIDENT)
            And we must consider this man.  This man...who, you
            will remember, was discovered, scant days ago, in a
            situation which must debar him from Public Office...
                    (HE HOLDS UP A SHOT OF THE PRESIDENT
                    AND THE GIRLSCOUTS)
            And I say, when we take time to reflect, there're going
            to be a lot of apartments for rent in Washington,
            Election Day.  Two days from now, Folks...Don't forget
            to vote.

                          MOSS
            No, I didn't think so.

AMES KICKS IN THE THLEVISION.  HE MOVES TO SCHUMANN AND LIFTS HIM TO HIS FEET.

                          BREAN
                    (DRUNKENLY)
            Leav't alone.  Wha'd television ever do to you?  Ate
            your life, ruin'd your Culture, but...

AMES FINISHES DESTROYING THE TV.

                          AMES
            IT DESTROYED THE ELECTORAL PROCESS.        

HE FINISHES RAGING AT THE TELEVISION SET.  PAUSE.

                          MOSS
            Come on.

                          AMES
            ...where?

                          MOSS
            Come on.

MOSS MOVES SCHUMANN INTO A STANDING POSITION.

                          BREAN
            Y'know what else bothers me?  "Shh lil baby, don' saya
            word, papa's gon buy you a mocking bird..."
                    (PAUSE)
            The baby don'say a word, WHAT THE FUCK IS THE
            MOTHERFUCKING MOCKING BIRD GONE SAY?
                    (PAUSE)
            You follow me...?

                          MOSS
            Get on your feet, boy.

                          BREAN
            Uh huh...why?

                          MOSS
            We're going home.  We're going home together...

                          BREAN
            We have no home.  We're vagrants.  N'each man's hand's
            against us.  We killed Old Shoe...
                    (HE BEGINS TO WEEP)
            We killed the Schuster...spend our life in a
            packingcrate...Where are you going...?

MOSS STARTS CODDLING SCHUMANN.

                          MOSS
            Come on, Pal, come on Willie, come on, Old Shoe...

                          SCHUMANN
            Just want to take a nap.

                          MOSS
            He's not dead, Ronnie.  He's just a little
            understandab1y, fatigued.
                    (PAUSE)
            Let's get him to some help...

                          SCHUMANN
            ...gimme some help...

                          MOSS
            That's right, we'll take a nap.  We'll get you to
            Washington, we'll get you Back to your Buddies, and...

                          SCHUMANN
            ...just want to Get Back to the Beans...

MOSS WALKS TO BREAN, AND STARTS KICKING HIM.

                          MOSS
            Come on, you fucking sissy, you think this is tough?
            Try show-business.  1970-1990, n'ybody I worked with,
            y'could of bottled their piss n'sold it in the
            ghettos...
                    (TO SCHUMANN)
            Come on, Pal...

                          BREAN
            I'm tired.

                          MOSS
            Finish Strong!  Are you nuts?
                    (HE STARTS SHEPHERDING THE TWO ACROSS
                    THE VAST WHEATFIELD)
            Are you nuts?  This's Pennies from Heaven... on his
            triumphal return home, Old Shoe, his Plane Forced
            Down...AND YET...

                          BREAN
            He's supposed to be flying in from Europe.

                          MOSS
            We'll deal with that when we come to it.  This is
            producing.  This is what they pay off on...come on,
            Pal, Boots and Saddles...

                          AMES
            ...his Triumphal Plane.  Shot Down.

                          MOSS
            Shot down, Forced down...
                    (HE GESTURES, MEANING, THIS IS A MINOR
                    POINT)
            You guys are missing it... You're missing the
            opportunity

THE GROUP TRUDGES OFF.

                          SCHUMANN
            Isn't it time for my Pill...?

DISSOLVE

INT VAST COMBINE HARVESTER DAY.  STOPPED IN A WHEATFIELD.

OUTSIDE, AN ENDLESS WHEATFIELD.
INSIDE, BREAN, MOSS, AMES AND SCHUMANN, CRAMMED INTO THE PASSENGER SPACE OF
THE HUGE MACHINE.  THE DRIVER WATCHING A SMALL TELEVISION, AS HE DRIVES, THE
EARPIECE IN HIS EAR.

ANGLE, THE TELEVISION, SHOWS THE DESERTED RUNWAY AT THE AIRFORCE BASE.  THE
CROWD BREAKING UP.

ANGLE.  THE THREE IN THE PASSENGER SPACE OF THE COMBINE.

                          MOSS
            This is producing.  This is, this is, this is the
            Beauty Part.  You've got your fortune right here, and
            you were ready to throw it away.  Because he's got a
            Problem?  F'it was easy, anyone would do it.
                    (PAUSE)
            Otto Preminger.  Had to film a scene, in EXODUS.  The
            proclamation of the State of Israel.  Needed twenty
            thousand extras, n'Jerusalem Park.  Not enough money to
            pay'em.  What did he do?  What did he do?  Printed up
            signs:  Be in a movie, fifteen skekels.  He Charged'em
            -- had to turn'em away.  That's producing.  That's
            producing... n'you know, someday, people're gonna tell
            this story...

                          BREAN
            You can't tell this story.

                          MOSS
            Why not?

                          BREAN
            Some'b'y'll have you killed.

                          MOSS
            Ha ha.  No, no, not now, not now, of course, But
            Someday... when they tell this story...

                          AMES
            You can't tell this story.  He's not kidding you.
                    (PAUSE)
            You can't tell this story.  You knew that.
                    (PAUSE)
            The pay off was, you get to be Ambassador, or...

                          MOSS
            No, no, no...

                          SCHUMANN
            ...isn't it time for my Pill...?

                          BREAN
            And what the fuck story are you gonna tell?  The guy is
            a nutcase.

                          MOSS
            You would be, two, if you'd gone through what he went
            through.

                          BREAN
            He raped a Nun...

                          MOSS
            What he went through in Albania...

                          BREAN
            He's doped to the Gills ...

                          SCHUMANN
            ...where's my l'il pill?

                          MOSS
                    (TO BREAN)
            Show some compassion.

                          BREAN
            ... and he spent the last twelve years in a Milit&ry
            Prison...
                    (PAUSE)

                          AMES
            How do we explain that?

                          MOSS
            ...how do we Explain That?  Hey?  Am I worried...?

                          AMES
            ...how do we explain that?  With the World Watching.

                          MOSS
            Fuck the world.  Try a ten A.M. pitch meeting, no
            sleep, coked-to-the-gills, and you haven't even read
            the material.

                          AMES
            But how do we explain the fact he was in prison?

                          MOSS
            How do we explain that?  Ah, well, you see, Wilfred,
            this is where you've never been at a pitch.  You see?
            His records say he was in prison ... as they must, as
            all the records of Group 303 have the men and the
            women, carried on their roster, as belonging somewhere
            else, the secrecy required of....

ANGLE
MOSS STILL TALKING, THE HARVESTER CONTINUING DOWN THE ENDLESS ROWS OF WHEAT,
MOVING AWAY FROM THE CAMERA.
         
DISSOLVE

EXT TINY OLD FASHIONED OKLAHOMA GAS STATION DAY.

THE OWNER, BOOTS PROPPED ON THE COUNTER, WATCHING AN OLD BLACK AND WHITE
TELEVISION.  IT IS SENATOR NOLE.

                          NOLE
            Get out and vote, get out and vote, but remember the
            difference, between a Promise, and a deed -- a promise-
            and-a-deed...

HE HALF TURNS HIS HEAD, ACROSS THE HIGHWAY WE SEE THE HARVESTER, WITH MOSS AND
BREAN AND SCHUMAN AND AMES.  AMES STAYS BEHIND, TO TALK WITH THE DRIVER OF
THE HUGE HARVESTER COMBINE.

ANGLE
ON BREAN AND MOSS, WHO WALK SCHUMANN ACROSS THE HIGHWAY.
IN THE B.G. WE SEE AMES TALKING TO THE DRIVER OF THE HARVESTER, WHO IS A
SMALL, HISPANIC MAN.

ANGLE ON THE THREE, AS THEY APPROACH A PAYPHONE OUT BY THE GAS STATION.

                          MOSS
                    (TO BREAN)
            ..."down safely," crew perished in the Crash....

                          BREAN
                    (SHAKING HIS HEAD TO CLEAR IT.)
            No, I'm On Top of it...

                          MOSS
            "...unsure whether or not Enemy Action..."

                          BREAN
            No, I'm fine... I got it together....

                          MOSS
            ...but...

THEY STOP BY A TELEPHONE.

                          BREAN
            You got a dime....?

MOSS HANDS HIM A DIME.
BREAN DIALS.

                          BREAN
                    (TO PHONE)
            Hello.
                    (PAUSE)
            Hello.  I'm fine.  We're fine.  We're... stand by to
            copy this, will... just get a pencil.... He is Down
            Safely, though...

ANGLE
ON MOSS, AS HE WALKS THE GROGGY SCHUMANN TOWARD THE GAS STATION.

                          MOSS
            ...how ya feeling, boy?

                          SCHUMANN
            ...mmm.

                          MOSS
            ...'bout ready to Mix it Up...?

                          SCHUMANN
            Is today Laundry Day...?

CAMERA TAKES THEM INTO THE SMALL GAS STATION OFFICE, WHERE WE SEE A WIZENED
OLD WESTERNER, LOOKING AT THE TELEVISION WHERE WE SEE SENATOR NOLE.

                          MOSS
            Hiya.

                          OWNER
            Yup.

                          MOSS
            How 'bout a Cold Drink...?

ANGLE ON THE TELEVISION, SENATOR NOLE.

                          NOLE
            ...produce this Schumann.
                    (PAUSE)
            Produce him.  I say;  or, and I do not hesitate to say
            it, rank him as Just One More...

THE OWNER GESTURES AT A COLD DRINK COOLER.

                          NOLE
                    (CONT.)
            Just One More of a series of Broken Promises.  Of ...
            Fantasies, yes, Fantasies, which...

MOSS AND SCHUMANN WALK OVER TO THE COOLER.  THEY LOOK OUT THE WINDOW AT
BREAN, WHO IS WALKING IN FROM THE PHONE.  HE HANGS UP AND COMES IN.
MOSS LOOKS AT HIM, MEANING, "WHAT'S UP?"  BREAN GESTURES AT THE TELEVISION.

ANGLE, HIS POV.
THE TELEVISION, NOW SWITCHED TO THE SCENE OF THE DESERTED TARMAC.

                          COMMENTATOR (VO)
            Senator Nole, commentating on the unexplained
            absence of...wait a moment...wait a....

THE SCREEN DISSOLVES, TO A SHOT OF THE GREAT SEAL OF THE PRESIDENT OF THE
UNITED STATES.

                          ANNOUNCER (VO)
            Live, from the White House, we bring you...

ANGLE
ON BREAN AND MOSS, AS THEY CLUSTER UP TO THE TELEVISION.  IN THE B.G.,
SCHUMANN, SITTING ON A STOOL AT THE COUNTER.

                          PRESS PERSON (VO)
            Ladies and Gentlemen, the President of the United
            States...

ANGLE
ON THE THREE, AS THEY WATCH THE TELEVISION.

                          MOSS
            Okay ... it's time for the Cavalry.
                    (PAUSE)
            Nick of Time.... sonofabitches.... Fuck with me...?

                          PRESIDENT (VO)
            My fellow Americans.
                    (PAUSE)

ANGLE
TIGHT ON SCHUMANN WHO SEES SOMETHING OUT OF THE CORNER OF HIS EYE.

ANGLE, HIS POV
UP A NARROW STAIRCASE, THE FIGURE OF A YOUNG GIRL IN A FLIMSY DRESS, CLIMBING.

ANGLE
SCHUMANN, AS HE LOOKS AWAY, AND MUTTERS TO HIMSELF.

                          SCHUMANN
            "...where's my pill..."

ANGLE
THE GROUP WATCHING TELEVISION.

                          PRESIDENT
            ...he is down safely, though the flight crew perished
            in the crash.  He will be transhipped, we are informed
            he has sustained minor injuries, which will require his
            being medicated for some time, but, I am assured...

AMES WANDERS IN.

                          MOSS
                    (OF THE T.V.)
            You see, this is what I'm talking about.  Stand It On
            Its Head.  How does it Work for your benefit...

                          AMES
            I'm concerned about the driver of the rig.

                          MOSS
            What rig?

                          AMES
            ...the Harvester...
                    (HE GESTURES OUT AT THE VAST FARM
                    MACHINE, WHICH CAN JUST BE SEEN
                    STANDING BY THE HIGHWAY.  ITS OWNER
                    BESIDE IT.  WAITING.)

                          BREAN
            What about him?

                          AMES
            Well, he doesn't have his Green Card.
                    (PAUSE)
            He Doesn't have his Greencard.

ANGLE
ON SCHUMANN, WHO HAS CONE TO THE BACK OF THE COUNTER, AND IS EMPTYING THE
CANNISTERS.

                          SCHUMANN
                    (TO HIMSELF)
            Where's my pill...?

HIS WANDERINGS BRING HIM TO THE END OF THE COUNTER.  WHERE WE SEE, OVER HIS
SHOULDER, A YOUNG GIRL, PUTTERING ABOUT IN THE KITCHEN OFF THE GAS STATION
OFFICE.

ANGLE
CU.  ON SCHUMANN, LEERING.

ANGLE ON AMES, ETC.

                          AMES
            ... you want Schumann saved by an Illegal Alien...?

                          BREAN
            Well, what do you want to do about it?
                    (PAUSE)
            What do you...

                          MOSS
            Pals:
                    (TO BREAN)
            Get on the phone... r'they flying it?

                          BREAN
            They'll be here in ten minutes.

                          MOSS
            Get on the phone, have'em fly in a ...whaddaya need to
            be a citizen?  A Judge?  Whaddaya need?  A Judge...?
            Call in a Judge, call in a Federal Judge, and...
                    (TO AMES, AS IF TO A CHILD)
            If you're concerned about him, being an ..."immigrant."
            Make him a citizen... Eh?  Guys ... what's all this
            mopery, we...

SCHUMANN LOOKS TO THE SIDE.
THE YOUNG GIRL HAS DROPPED A SPOON OFF OF THE WORKTABLE AND BENDS OVER TO PICK
IT UP, REVEALING HER LEGS AND LITTLE GIRL UNDIES.

ANGLE
ON SCHUMANN, LEERING.

                          SCHUMANN
                    (MUTTERING)
            ...where is my pill?

ANGLE
ON THE MEN, IN THE ROOM, ARGUING ABOUT THE ILLEGAL ALIEN, SCHUMANN IN THE B.G.

                          SCHUMANN
            WHERE'S MY FUCKING PIIIILLLLLLL...?

SCHUMANN RUNS INTO THE KITCHEN, AND WE HEAR THE SOUNDS OF LITTLE GIRL SCREAMS.

ALL THE MEN IN THE ROOM LOOK AROUND.
THE OWNER STANDS, AND LOOKS AROUND.

                          OWNER
            Susie...?
                    (PAUSE)
            Susie...

HE IS ANSWERED BY WHIMPERING.

                          MOSS
            Oh, hell...

THE GAS STATION OWNER GOES TO THE DOOR TO THE KITCHEN, AND FINDS IT LOCKED.

                          OWNER
            Susie?  Susie.  Are you alright...?  Susie...

MOSS STRIDES UP TO THE DOOR.

                          MOSS
            Lemme talk to him.  Will?  Shoe?

                          OWNER
            SUSIE...?  Are you alright...?

                          MOSS
                    (PUSHES HIM ASIDE)
            Lemme talk to him.  Shoe?  Shoe...?  You in there...?

WE ARE ANSWERED BY THE SOUNDS OF WHIMPERING.

ANGLE
ON THE GAS STATION OWNER, WHO HAS RETREATED TO HIS COUNTER AND PRODUCES A
SHOTGUN, AND STARTS TO LOAD IT.

                          MOSS
                    (AT THE DOOR)
            Shoe, boy...?  You know, you were telling me you
            wanted Beans?  Remember, you were concerned about the
            Beans...?

THE MAN WITH THE SHOTGUN COMES UP TO THE DOOR.

                          MOSS
                    (TO THE STATION OWNER)
             No, 1emme talk to him... 1emme talk to him, we have a
             relationship...

THE GAS STATION OWNER EXITS THE BUILDING, AND WE SEE HIM, OUTSIDE, KICK IN
THE SIDE DOOR TO THE KITCHEN.

                          MOSS
                    (THROUGH THE DOOR, TO SCHUMANN)
             'Member, we were talking about how much you liked the
             "beans" and all...?

WE HEAR THE SOUND OF WHIMPERING, AND THEN TWO SHOTGUN BLASTS.

WE HEAR MORE LITTLE GIRL SCREAMS, THEN A BLAST, AND THEN ANOTHER SHOTGUN
BLAST.
BEAT.
BREAN AND MOSS ROUSE TBEMSELVES, AND GO TO STAND IN THE DOORWAY, LOOKING INTO
THE KITCHEN.  AMES PEEKS OVER THEIR SHOULDERS.

                          BREAN
                    (AFFECTLESS)
             ...now look what's happened...

BREAN WALKS TO THE DRINK COOLER, OPENS A CAN OF DR. PEPPER, AND COMES BACK TO
STAND IN THE DOORWAY.

BEAT.  THE OWNER COMES OUT, HOLDING THE SHOTGUN AND COMFORTING THE DISTRAUGHT
LITTLE GIRL.

IN THE B.G. WE HEAR A JET ROAR, AND WE SEE A CARRIER JET MAKING AN APPROACH
ONTO THE HIGHWAY.

                          AMES
            So-close-and-yet-so-far.

                          MOSS
            Naa, fuck this, this is nothing.  Oh, Lord -- this
            just got Big.  I see it -- Big -- Big for you and big
            for me.

                          AMES
            What are you talking about?

                          MOSS
            You're not thinking right, Pal...

                          AMES
            He's dead.
                    (PAUSE)
            He's dead.
                    (PAUSE)
            The Fella Killed Old Shoe.
                    (PAUSE)

                          MOSS
            And what is bigger than a triumphal Homecoming...?

INT HANGAR, ANDREWS AIRFORCE BASE, DAY.

A VAST HANGAR, A SINGLE JET TRANSPORT.

ANGLE
BREAN AND MOSS, DISHEVELLED, UNSHAVEN, LOOKING ON.

ANGLE, THEIR POV
THE RAMP, AT THE BACK OF THE PLANE, A FLAG DRAPED CASKET APPEARS AND CRAWLS
DOWN THE RAMP.
SIX MILITARY PEOPLE IN FATIGUES ADVANCE TO THE CASKET.

ANGLE
BREAN AND MOSS, THEY SWIVEL THEIR HEADS, AND WE SEE, BEYOND THE DOORS OF THE
HANGAR, A VAST CROWD, FLASHBULBS BEGIN POPPING.

ANGLE ON MOSS, AS HE GLANCES AROUND, AND THEN AT AN AIDE, AS IF TO SAY,
WELL...

THE AIDE LOOKS AROUND, AND THEN, WITH RELIEF, AT THE CROWD, AS A SMALL DOG
BREAKS AWAY, AND RUNS TOWARD THE CASKET.

SEVERAL PHOTOGRAPHERS BREAK THROUGH THE CORDON, AND BEGIN SNAPPING PHOTOS OF
THE SMALL DOG, AS IT SITS, ITS HEAD COCKED, NEAR THE CASKET.

BREAN AND MOSS WALK AWAY, CAMERA FOLLOWS THEM TOWARD A SMALL READYROOM OFF THE
HANGAR.

INT, THE READYROOM.  BREAN AND MOSS SINK DOWN INTO AN OLD RATTY LEATHER COUCH,
BREAN GETS UP, WALKS TO THE TABLE, ON WHICH IS A PACK OF CIGARETTES.  HE TAKES
ONE, LIGHTS IT, PASSES ONE TO BREAN WHO LIGHTS IT.  WALKS TO A MR. COFFEE
MACHINE.

                          BREAN
            ...coffee...?

                          MOSS
            Yes, please.

BEYOND THE COFFEE MACHINE WE SEE AMES, AND THE HISPANIC MAN WHO DROVE THE
HARVESTER, STILL WEARING A STRAW COWBOY HAT, ET CETERA, THEY BOTH STAND, AS A
MAN IN HIS SIXTIES ENTERS, AND BEGINS EXTRACTING A BLACK ROBE FROM HIS
BRIEFCASE, HE PUTS ON THE ROBE.

BREAN SIGHS.  NODS, AND WALKS HACK TO THE TABLE, WBERE MOSS IS SLUMPED.

BREAN SNAPS ON A SMALL TELEVISION, ON THE COUNTER, AND WE SEE, IN ITS SCREEN,
THE PALLBEARERS PROCEEDING TO A MILITARY TRUCK, AND THE SMALL DOG FOLLOWING,
WE SEE A PORTRAIT OF THE DOG, AS IT COCKS ITS HEAD, WE CUT TO A SHOT OF THE
PRESIDENT, IN THE HANGAR, DABBING AT HIS EYES WITH A HANDKERCHIEF.

                          MOSS
                    (WATCHING THE SCREEN)
            Good.  Good.  Good.  Looking Good, bring-it-all-back-
            home.  Lassie Barks Twice n'it's time to take out the
            garbage.

                          BREAN
            Hell of a show.  Hell of a job, Stan.

                          MOSS
                    (KNOCKS ON WOOD)
            ...one more day.

                          BREAN
            Naw, naw, we own the airways...
                    (HE FLIPS THE CHANNEL)

WE SEE A COUPLE OF MEDIA NERDS, BEING INTERVIEWED AROUND A CONFERENCE TABLE.

                          MODERATOR
            ...thrust of the Albanian Episode, to put him over the
            top...

                          FIRST MEDIA GUY
            Yes, you could say that, Joyce, but it wouldn't be
            true.

                          JOYCE
            What would be true, then.

                          SECOND MEDIA GUY
            Well, you  said it yourself, earlier, and if I may
            rephrase, that the success of the President, in the
            Polls...

                          JOYCE
            ...as of today, 89% favorable.

                          SECOND MEDIA GUY
            Eighty-nine percent favorable, is based not on
            events...
         
                          BREAN
            ...events.

                          SECOND MEDIA GUY
            Which, of course, we cannoy control....

                          FIRST MEDIA GUY
            ...no...

                          SECOND MEDIA GUY
            But on the spin given to those events.

                          FIRST MEDIA GUY
            ...yes.

                          SECOND MEDIA GUY
            On the meaning found in those events, and given to the
            public...

                          JOYCE
            ...by you?

                          SECOND MEDIA GUY
            By the  media, by, yes, by, in this case, our
            organization.

                          JOYCE
            Well, there's a lot to be said for that.  And I'm
            going to show a clip.
                    (TO THE AUDIENCE)
            You've seen it before, you've seen it many times...
                    (ALL SMILE)
            But I'm going to ask you to look at it once more.  With
            the election one day off, and the President's standing
            in the polls...

                          FIRST MEDIA GUY
            ...89 percent

                          JOYCE
            ...a record, a record high for sitting president, I'd
            like you to watch the campaign that put him there when
            we come back.

THE SCREEN CHANGES TO A COMMERCIAL.

                          MOSS
            You see?  What's the lesson here?  Never give up.
            Never give up.

                          BREAN
            No.  You're right.

                          MOSS
            Show Must Go On.

                          BREAN
            A proud tradition.

                          MOSS
            Prouder of this, than anything I ever did in my life.
            I want to thank you, Ron.
                    (PAUSE)
            Want to thank you.

THE SCREEN COMES BACK TO THE TALKING HEADS.  WKERE WE SEE THE COMMENTATORS
INTERVIEWING THE SUBJECTS.

                          JOYCE
            And as we said.  The President, a sure-fire winner, and
            the campaign, many said, that put him there...

THE SCREEN CHANGES TO TWO HORSES IN A PADDOCK.  A COUPLE OF JOCKEYS WALK UP TO
THEM.

                          JOCKEY ONE
            Which horse you going to ride tomorrow, Jim?

                          JOCKEY TWO
            Well, Chuck, my Daddy used to say, and I've lived by
            it:  never change Horses in...

                          MOSS
                    (TO HIMSELF)
            ...oh no...

THE SCREEN REVERTS TO THE MODERATOR AND THE TWO TYPES.

                          JOYCE
            And now, we're going to be taking your calls.  The
            number is...

MOSS RISES.
MOSS BEGINS PACING AROUND THE READYROOM.

                          BREAN
            What're you doing?

                          MOSS
            I'm looking for a phone...

                          BREAN
            No, I don't think you can do that.

                          MOSS
            Watch me.

                          BREAN
            No, I don't think you can do that, Stanley...

                          MOSS
            Watch me.

                          BREAN
            Stanley.  Stanley... you knew the... Stanley.
                    (HE RESTRAINS HIM)
            You knew the deal when you signed on.

                          MOSS
            Deal's changed.

                          BREAN
            No, the deal isn't changed.  The Deal isn't changed.
            You can't ... what is it?  Money?  Money?  You want
            Money?

                          MOSS
            Money?  You think I did this for money...?  I did this
            for Credit.  Credit, paalll...

                          BREAN
            But you always knew you couldn't take the credit....

                          MOSS
            That's one thing, but I'm not gonna let two dickheads
            from Filmschool take it... are you Nuts?  Are you Nuts?

HE TRIES TO GET OUT OF THE READYROOM.  BREAN RESTRAINS HIM.

ANGLE
TIGHT ON THE TWO.

                          BREAN
            Stanley, no fooling... no fooling... you're playing
            with your life here...

                          MOSS
            Fuck my life... Fuck my life.... Z WANT THE CREDIT...
            The Credit.  Do you know what the New York Times said
            about my last picture?  They pissed on me.  They pissed
            on me.  Do you know what that picture Grossed?  And now
            some limp-dick film school pansy...

                          JOYCE
                    (ON TV)
            That number to call....

MOSS TAKES OUT A PAD AND PENCIL, AND BEGINS TO WRITE IT DOWN.

                          BREAN
            Stanley, you can't do this....

AMES CALLS FROM THE FAR ROOM.

                          AMES
            Could we have you in here, please...7

BREAN, DISTRACTED FOR A MOMENT, LETS MOSS GO, MOSS PULLS AWAY, AND RUNS OUT OF
THE ROOM.

ANGLE
ON BREAN, AS HE PROCEEDS TO THE BACK ROOM, WHERE WE SEE AMES, STANDING WITH
THE MAN, WHO NOW HAS ON HIS BLACK ROBE, AND HOLDS A BIBLE OUT TO THE HISPANIC
FELLOW IN THE STRAW COWBOY HAT.

                          AMES
                    (SOTTO, TO BREAN)
            ...we need a witness.

                          MAN IN THE BLACK ROBE
                    (TO THE HISPANIC HARVESTER DRIVER)
            Do you swear to Uphold the duties and responsibilities
            of a citizen of the United States?  To defend her, (ET
            CETERA)

ANGLE
ON THIS ROOM, WITH THE HUGE HANGAR, AND THE CASKET IN THE FAR ROOM.
ANGLE, ON BREAN AS HE SHAKES HIS HEAD SADLY.

DISSOLVE

EXT PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE.  NOVEMBER DAY.

VAST CROWDS, LINING THE STREET.  THE SOUND OF SLOW FIFE AND DRUMS.

ANGLE
ON VARIOUS SPECTATORS, WEEPING, MANY OF THEM WITH OLD SHOES HUNG AROUND THEIR
NECKS.  303 SWEATSHIRTS.  ET CETERA...  THE SPECTATORS CRANE THEIR NECKS.

ANGLE, THEIR P0V.
A CAISSON, A RIDERLESS HORSE, COMING DOWN THE STREET.
PAN ONTO A NEWSCASTER.

                          NEWSCASTER
            ...coming, yes, yes, I can just...yes, the caisson,
            bearing his remains, the Riderless Horse, led by three
            members of his unit, 303, identified by their
            distinctive Caps...

ANGLE, ON THE 303 TROOPERS, TWO MEN AND A WOMAN IN BERETS WHICH ARE HALF
BLACK, HALF LEOPARD SKIN.

INT SHOESTORE, H.Q.

THE TELEVISION, SHOWING THE SAME SCENE.  PAN ONTO AIDE, SWEEPING UP.

                          TV VOICE OVER
                    (WE HEAR A SERIES OF GUNSHOTS)
            ...and that's the, yes, you hear it, a salute, in Code,
            5pelling out, "Courage, Mom" ...and there, yes, there
            is the Staff Car, bearing the Pres...

INT MOSS'S KITCHEN, BEVERLY HILLS, DAY

A SMALL COUNTERTOP TELEVISION.  A HISPANIC MAID WATCHING THE TV.

                          ANNOUNCER
                    (ON TV)
            ...sident Elect -- the President-Elect of the United
            States...

SHE PICKS UP A TRAY OF CRUDITES, AND PROCEEDS, CAMERA FOLLOWS HER INTO THE
LIVING ROOM, GIVING ONTO THE POOL, WHERE WE SEE A FLOCK OF MOURNERS, THE MEN
IN YALMULKAS.

ANGLE EXT, MOSS'S HOUSE.
A LINE OF LIMOS, ONE OF THE CHAUFFEURS LISTENING TO THE RADIO.

                          RADIO
                    (VO)
            ...the end of the incredible saga of One Man, his
            country, and a War He did Not Wish, but unto which
            he...

A LIMO ARRIVES, BEARING BREAN, WHO IS GIVEN A YALMUKA, AS HE ENTERS MOSS'S
HOUSE.

INT. H.Q. SHOESTORE, DAY.

THE AIDE HAS JUST FINISHED CLEANING UP.  THE SCENE ON THE TV IS ARLINGTON
NATIONAL CEMETERY.  THE PALLBEARERS, MILITARY MEN AND WOMEN, ARE DOING A SLOW
MARCH TO THE TUNE OF "GOOD OLD SHOE."  THERE IS A SHOT OF THE PRESIDENT, AS AN
AIDE APPROACHES HIM, AND HANDS HIM A BOX, WHICH HE OPENS, WE SEE AS THE CAMERA
RACKS FOCUS TO IT, THAT IT IS THE CONGRESSIONAL MEDAL OF HONOR.  THE PRESIDENT
PROCEEDS TOWARD THE CASKET, BEARING THE BOX.

THE TV GOES BLANK, AS THE AIDE FLIPS IT OFF.  HE TAKES THE LAST REMAINING
TRASHBIN, AND STARTS TO PULL IT OUTSIDE.

WE SEE TWO MOVING MEN, TAKING DOWN THE TELEVISION, AND PUTTING IT ON A DOLLY.

ANGLE, INT, THE MALL

THE BOARDED UP STOREFRONT.  THE OLD "SHOE WORLD" SIGN, THE AIDE PUTTING OUT
THE LAST TRASHBIN.  HE IS OVERTAKEN BY, AND CAMERA DOLLIES WITH, THE TWO MEN
MOVING OUT THE TELEVISICN.  THEY PASS A NEW SIGN, WHICH HAS BEEN APPLIED OVER
THE PLYWOOD, READS:  "COMING SOON, GOOD OLD SHOE," FOLLOWED BY A STYLIZED
RENDITION OF A PAIR OF OLD BASKETBALL SHOES, THE TRADEMARK REGISTRATION SIGN,
AND THE NIKE SWOOSH, CAMERA CONTINUES TO DOLLY, PAST GRAFFITI, READING,
COURAGE, MOM.

           -----------------


END

WAG THE DOG

A SCREENPLAY BY

DAVID  MAMET


                                               SECOND DRAFT.  OCTOBER, 1996
   

Wag the Dog



Writers :   David Mamet
Genres :   Comedy


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