The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)


The web's largest
movie script resource!

Search IMSDb

Alphabetical
# A B C D E F G H
I J K L M N O P Q
R S T U V W X Y Z

Genre
Action Adventure Animation
Comedy Crime Drama
Family Fantasy Film-Noir
Horror Musical Mystery
Romance Sci-Fi Short
Thriller War Western

Sponsor

TV Transcripts
Futurama
Seinfeld
South Park
Stargate SG-1
Lost
The 4400

International
French scripts

Movie Software
DVD ripper software offer
Rip from DVD
Rip Blu-Ray

Latest Comments
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10
Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10
Batman Begins9/10
Collateral10/10
Jackie Brown8/10

Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS




                                        FUTURAMA

                                       Episode 213

                               "A BICYCLOPS BUILT FOR TWO"

                                           By

                                      Eric Kaplan

                         Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet

                

               [Opening Credits. Caption: This Episode Has Been Modified To 
               Fit Your Primitive Screen.]
 
               
               [Outside Planet Express. The Mailbot pushes the mail through 
               the letterbox.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Planet Express: Entrance. Nibbler barks as the letters 
               come through the letterbox. They hit him and he runs away scared.]
 
               
               
               [Cut to: Planet Express: Meeting Room. He runs in, runs around 
               the table and is trodden on by Farnsworth who has just come through 
               another door.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Good news everyone! Several years ago 
                         I tried to log on to AOL, and it just 
                         went through! Wheee! We're online!
 
                         
               
               [Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. The crew climb into what looks 
               like some VR suits.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Go ahead! Get into these net suits. 
                         I designed and tested them myself.
 
                         
               
               [Leela sniffs her glove.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         It smells like burning recess monkey.
 
                         
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Really? I guess when you're around it 
                         all day you stop noticing. Off you go.
 
                         
               
               [He presses a button and the crew disappear into the web.]

               
               [Cut to: Outside Internet Browser. The crew have turned green 
               and are holographic.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Hey!

               
               [He puts his arm through himself and laughs. He ties his arms 
               in knots.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Behold! The internet!

               
               [He presses the enter button and a white light engulfs the crew.]
 
               
               
               [Cut to: Internet Browser. The crew stand on a Tron-like clifftop.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         My God! It's full of ads!

               
               [The ads caw like birds and dive at the crew  la Alfred Hitchcock's 
               The Birds. Amy and Zoidberg scream as the ads flutter around 
               them. Hermes limbos out the way of one. Leela kicks the No Way 
               and No buttons on the ads. One chases Bender around. Another 
               flies at Fry and wraps itself around him. Leela pulls him free.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         Follow me!

               
               [The rest of the crew follow her and they fly off the clifftop 
               towards the internet.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         It's immense.

               
                                     LEELA
                         It's got every piece of information 
                         anyone could ever want.
 
               
               [Fry sees the porn sites.]

               
                                     FRY
                         So I see!

               
               [He flies down to the porn sites and Bender and Hermes follow 
               him.]
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         What? What's going on here?

               
               [He sees a sign advertising Sardine On Mackeral Action, warbles 
               and flies towards it.]
 
               
               [Time Lapse. The crew wander around the porn infested internet. 
               Amy sees a site called Amy Wong Naked. She pokes her head through 
               the door.]
 
               
                                     AMY
                         Hey, that's me!

               
                                     BENDER
                         No it isn't. I just took some pictures 
                         of your face and stuck them on someone 
                         else's body.
 
               
               [Leela sticks her head into the website.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Hey!

               
               [Outside Adult Chatrooms. The crew join the queue. At the front 
               of the queue several underage kids dressed as adults go in.]
 
               
               
                                     MAN
                         Are you over 18?

               
                                     KID
                         Yes.

               
                                     YOUNGER KID
                         Yes.

               
               [A baby spits its dummy out, gurgles and walks in.]

               
               [Adult Chatrooms.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         I'm telling you Fry they've got a chatroom 
                         for everybody. And here it is.
 
               
               [He and Fry walk into a Filthy Filthy Chatroom.]

               
                                     AMY
                         Ew, that is so gross!

               
                                     LEELA
                         Yeah. I'll stick with this one thank 
                         you.
 
               
                                     AMY
                         Yeah.

               
               [They walk into a plain ordinary Filthy Chatroom.]

               
               [Filthy Filthy Chatroom. Bender looks around chuckling. He pulls 
               down a menu and selects a sexy nurse disguise. He taps a man 
               on the shoulder.]
 
               
                                     BENDER (SEXFULLY)
                         Hi, I'm a naughty nurse and I really 
                         need someone to talk to. 9.95 a minute.
 
                         
               
                                     MAN #2
                         Ooo, you're a dollar naughtier than 
                         most.
 
               
               [He hands "her" some cash and Bender pockets it.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         So how 'bout them Knicks?

               
               [Filthy Chatroom. Amy sits at a bar and a man makes a winky smiley 
               face at her. She groans.]
 
               
                                     NERD #1
                         Hello? Are there any girls in this room 
                         at all?
 
               
                                     NERD #2
                         Yeah, bring on the hot chicks 'cause 
                         I'm a hot stud.
 
               
                                     NERDS
                         Yeah!

               
                                     NERD #3
                         So are we!

               
               [Leela pushes her way to the centre of the crowd.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         I'm a woman if that's what you mean. 
                          I don't like to play games so I'll 
                         just say I'm a cyclops, I'm a spaceship 
                         captain, I'm the only one of my species 
                         and I'm interested in meeting a man.
 
                         
               
                                     NERD #4
                         A woman. I'm scared.

               
               [Internet Browser. The crew fly away from the chatrooms.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Well, thanks to the internet, I'm bored 
                         with sex. Is there a place on the web 
                         that panders to my lust for violence?
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER (SARCASTIC)
                         Is the space pope reptilian?

               
               [Outside Death Factory III. The crew walk towards a colluseum-like 
               gaming zone.]
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         Get ready for fun Fry. Nowadays we have 
                         a type of game played entirely on video.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         We call it a "video game."

               
                                     FRY (SARCASTIC)
                         Uh, "video game" you say? Well golly 
                         gee, you mighty spacemen of the future 
                         will have to show me how it works.
 
                         
               
               [Death Factory III. Fry has pretty much got the hang of the game. 
               He runs around the death factory, laughing and dodging machines 
               and shooting lasers from his fingers. He rolls under some squashy 
               things, shoots some crates, shoots Donkey Kong and swings away 
               on a rope. Amy shoots at him but misses. He shoots back and she 
               shatters like glass. Another nerd shoots at him and Fry shoots 
               back and shatters him. Hermes puts his finger to Fry's head but 
               Fry leaps into the air, spins around and shatters Hermes. Bender 
               and Leela shoot at him. Zoidberg slides down a rope chasing Fry 
               and shooting.]
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         The doctor is in!  The doctor is out.
 
                         
               
               [He shatters. Farnsworth's head appears in the game.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Everyone please sign off, we have a 
                         delivery. Plus I have to use the phone 
                         -  Leela please tell the others that 
                         -
 
               
               [She shoots him. She kicks Bender into a machine and goes through 
               the workings  la Modern Times. He comes out the other end like 
               a slinky. He rolls down some steps and into some boiling lava. 
               Farnsworth appears again and before he can speak Leela and Fry 
               shoot him. Fry shoots at Leela but misses. She shoots back and 
               he ducks behind a machine. Leela folows him warily. Someone backs 
               into her and she screams and turns around. It is another cyclops.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         Who are you?

               
                                     CYCLOPS
                         I saw you in the chatroom but you left 
                         before I had a chance to talk to you. 
                         After all these years of searching for 
                         another Cyclops.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         I can't believe it. I've dreamed of 
                         this moment all my life.
 
               
                                     CYCLOPS
                         Do you think perhaps you and I - ?
 
                         
               
               [Fry shoots and shatters the Cyclops. He laughs and ducks behind 
               a machine.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Fry, you idiot. Ever since I was abandoned 
                         on Earth I've been searching for who 
                         my people are and where they come from. 
                         Then I finally meet another Cyclops 
                         and you blast him. You wrecked my one 
                         chance to learn who I am.
 
               
               [Fry slowly walks behind the machine, finger at the ready.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         Oh Leela. I feel terrible. If there's 
                         anything I can ever do -  Gotcha!  I 
                         won! I'm the greatest!
 
               
               [Cut to: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Everyone else has 
               taken off their netsuits. Fry is still in his, jumping around 
               and laughing like an idiot.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Come on. We have worked to do.

               
               [She pulls his goggles away and snaps them back.]

               
               [Ship's Cockpit. Leela doesn't speak to Fry.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Are you still mad at me for wrecking 
                         your once in a lifetime chance to learn 
                         the meaning of your existence?
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         No, I'm just happy you were able to 
                         win a video game. Now lets concentrate 
                         on getting this desperately needed popcorn 
                         to the people of Cineplex 14 OK?
 
               
               [The video screen comes down from the ceiling.]

               
                                     VOICE
                         Leela, you've got mail.  It's not spam!
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Huh?  It's him!

               
                                     CYCLOPS [ON SCREEN]
                         To: Leela. Subject: Hello. I am Alkazar. 
                         Fortunately I wrote down your screenname 
                         before I was dispatched by that oaffish 
                         moron.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Kicked your ass!

               
                                     ALKAZAR [ON SCREEN]
                         Leela we have much to discuss. Please 
                         come join me on the planet of your birth. 
                         Co-ordinates follow.
 
               
               [Some co-ordinates appear on the screen and the email ends.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         Too bad we gotta make that urgent popcorn 
                         delivery.
 
               
               [She thinks about it and pulls a lever.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         It'll get there.

               
               [Cut to: Outside Ship. The cargo bay hatch opens and a crate 
               of popcorn flies out. She ship turns around and flies away. The 
               popcorn crate explodes and forms a spiral of popcorn.]
 
               
               [Ship's Steps. The ship has landed on Planet Cyclopia, the door 
               opens and the crew look at the planet. Ruins of a city with vines 
               climbing them greet them.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         After a whole life of searching I may 
                         finally have found where I belong.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Too bad it's a dump.

               
               [Cyclopian Surface. Leela, Fry and Bender make their way through 
               the vines and arrive in the middle of a city.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Look at that statue. It's only got one 
                         eye.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Lazy sculptor!

               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         Welcome home Leela.

               
               [She turns around. He is standing on a baclony.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Alkazar?  Are you real? Or am I seeing 
                         single?
 
               
               [She pokes him in the eye.]

               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         Ow! Of course I'm real!

               
                                     LEELA
                         After all this time. Somebody else with 
                         one eye who isn't a clumsy carpenter 
                         or, uh, a kid with a BB gun.
 
               
               [They hug.]

               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         It's alright Leela. You'll never be 
                         alone again.  Let me introduce you to 
                         yourself.  Do you mind if your servants 
                         walk?
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Not at all!

               
               [The lizards pull them away. Bender steals the crown from the 
               top of the statue and chuckles.]
 
               
               [Time Lapse.]

               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         We are the last remaining Cyclopses. 
                         Our planet is Cyclopia. This is our 
                         capital, Cyclops City. Stop me if I'm 
                         going too fast for you.
 
               
               [Leela looks around.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         There's so much information and yet 
                         somehow I feel as if I know it all already.
 
                         
               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         This sacred mosaic depicts our goddess 
                         of beauty.
 
               
               [The mosaic looks like Botticelli's The Birth of Venus.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Hmm, you got any sacred artwork of her 
                         from the back?
 
               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         Her perfect eye reminds me of yours 
                         Leela. Had our race survived, you would 
                         have been a temple priestess or a supermodel.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Oh please! Really?

               
               [The carriage moves on. Bender takes the jewel from the middle 
               of the mosaic eye.]
 
               
               [Time Lapse. Alkazar shows them another statue.]

               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         And there's the pirate Purple Beard, 
                         scourge of the six seas.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         What's over that hill?

               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         The Forbidden Valley. A holy sancturary 
                         where no one may tread.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Is that anything like a cemetary 'cause 
                         I gotta take a leak.  Ow!
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Fry, that's offensive to our people. 
                          Isn't it?
 
               
               [He nods and she slaps Fry again.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Ow!

               
               [Outside Alkazar's Castle.]

               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         This is my home. I hope you don't think 
                         less of me because I live in a giant 
                         castle.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Oh no not at all. If anything, I'm more 
                         impressed.
 
               
               [Cut to: Alkazar's Castle. He throws open the doors. The castle 
               is full of jewels. Bender's eyes zoom in.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Ooo! I'm gonna need to make some room!
 
                         
               
               [He opens his chest cabinet and takes out a goldfish bowl, a 
               toaster, and another two goldfish bowls.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Alkazar's Bedroom.]

               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         In here's where I dream my lonely dreams 
                         and cook my simple meals.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         It's all so sad. What happened to our 
                         people?
 
               
               [Alkazar looks at her and moves over to the window and looks 
               out. A tear trickles down his face.]
 
               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         Its too painful to speak of now. Come, 
                         I'll show you your quarters.
 
               
               [They leave. Bender sees a sword on the wall, checks no one is 
               look and swallows it. The sword is a little too long and Bender 
               can't walk properly. He clanks as he walks out.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Ow!  Ow!  Ow!

               
               [Leela's Quarters. It is the middle of the night. Leela hears 
               Alkazar crying and wakes up. She gets up and goes out to him.]
 
               
               
               [Cut to: Alkazar's Balcony. Leela puts her hand on his shoulder.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         I heard you from my room. What's wrong?
 
                         
               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         It's just - no Leela. I don't want to 
                         see tears in your perfect eye.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Please, is it bout the fate of our people? 
                         Because I'm very interested in that.
 
                         
               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         Well OK. But it's chilly and you're 
                         going to be all wet from the tears. 
                         Let's go into my chamber.
 
               
               [They walks inside.]

               
               [Alkazar's Bedroom. Leela and Alkazar are sat on Alkazar's bed. 
               Alkazar tells the story.]
 
               
               [Flashback. Cyclops City is a thriving community with families, 
               fountains and buskers.]
 
               
                                     ALKAZAR (VOICE OVER)
                         It wasn't long ago. Our people were 
                         happy and prosperous...
 
               
               [The flashback cuts to a dark planet with rocky terrain and lots 
               of large molehills.]
 
               
                                     ALKAZAR (VOICE OVER)
                         ...but the eyeless mole people of Subterra 
                         3 grew jealous of our visual proness. 
                         They fired missile in all directions 
                         hoping to hit Cyclopia.
 
               
               [A mole man presses a button and several hundred missiles are 
               launched from the planet.]
 
               
                                     ALKAZAR (VOICE OVER)
                         Unfortunately, one of the 40 planets 
                         hit, was ours.
 
               
               [On Cyclopia a Cyclopian scientist looks through a telescope 
               at the sky.]
 
               
                                     CYCLOPIAN
                         How far away do you think it is?

               
                                     SCIENTIST
                         A trillion miles?

               
               [The missile lands right behind them and explodes.]

               
               [Flashback ends.]

               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         Things got hot. You look a little hot, 
                         you can take off that jacket.  Our people 
                         don't like to be hot. Anyway, just before 
                         the impact...
 
               
               [Flashback. In a Cyclopian hospital a doctor delivers a baby.]
 
               
               
                                     ALKAZAR (VOICE OVER)
                         Our smartest scientists managed to save 
                         one baby
 
               
               [The doctor puts the baby in a rocket and the parents wave it 
               goodbye.]
 
               
               [Flashback ends.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Alkazar, I used to be a baby, it might 
                         have been me!
 
               
               [Flashback. Cyclops City is in flames.]

               
                                     ALKAZAR (VOICE OVER)
                         Fortunately I was employed as a pool 
                         cleaner at the time and when I emerged 
                         from retrieving a dead possum, I found 
                         I was the only one left.
 
               
               [Alkazar sees the flames, screams, and falls to his knees in 
               a very overdramatic way.]
 
               
               [Flashback ends.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         It's so tragic.

               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         Yes, but the real tragedy is that our 
                         race ends with us.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         It doesn't have to.

               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         What do you mean?

               
                                     LEELA
                         You're a male and I'm a female.

               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         I'm still not following you.

               
               [She pushes him onto the bed and kisses him.]

               
               [Time Lapse. Morning has broken. Leela and Alkazar are in bed. 
               Alkazar is asleep. Leela wakes up.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Wake up my king.

               
               [Alkazar wakes up and coughs.]

               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         Oh jeez what a night. Make me some coffee 
                         would you.
 
               
               [He puts his head back on the pillow.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Uh, sure OK. What do you take with that?
 
                         
               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         Pancakes and sausage. Kitchen's in the 
                         basement, pans are in the attic.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Maybe after breakfast we can talk about 
                         rebuilding our civilisation.
 
               
               [Alkazar snores loudly.]

               
               [Alkazar's Dining Room. Fry and Bender eat with Leela and Alkazar. 
               Fry eats a pancake.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Mmm! Great pancakes Leela!

               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         Yeah they'll come in handy if I need 
                         to cover any tiny manholes.  Listen 
                         hun, we don't want to look like slobs 
                         in front of the other species do we?
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         No.

               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         So get to work on these dishes. And 
                         then organise my collection of naked 
                         celebrity photos by name and what you 
                         can see.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Look Alkazar.

               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         Call me Al.

               
                                     LEELA
                         Look Al. I know you've been living alone 
                         a long time and I can sympathise but 
                         I'm not your maid.
 
               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         You're right, I'm sorry. It looks like 
                         the relationshipisn't going to work 
                         afterall. So much for the Cyclops race. 
                         I thought it was a pretty good race 
                         but -
 
               
               [Leela gets up.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         OK OK, I'll do the dishes.  Hey where'd 
                         they go?
 
               
               [Bender walks out clanking...]

               
               [Outside Alkazar's Castle. Fry and Bender watch Leela pegging 
               out the washing.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Ah, Leela's experiencing the greatest 
                         joy a woman can feel: Worshipping some 
                         lowlife jerk.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         He may be some lowlife jerk but I don't 
                         trust him. I think he's hiding something 
                         and I'm gonna find out what it is.
 
                         
               
               [Outside Forbidden Valley. Fry strolls up to the gate and reads 
               the No Trespassing sign. He laughs.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Try and stop me!

               
               [He hops over the gate and a trap door opens underneath him and 
               he falls down a deep hole.]
 
               
               [Alkazar's Living Room. Alkazar is sat on a couch staring at 
               a TV. Enter Leela dressed up like Peg Bundy from Married...With 
               Children.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Al? I did my hair the way you wanted 
                         it.  Who are these people?
 
               
               [There is a pig, a rat man and a rat woman sat on another couch.]
 
               
               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         Friends.

               
                                     LEELA
                         Hey, where'd you get this couch and 
                         that TV set and all this stuff?
 
               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         They were giving it away on the street 
                         corner. Just like you Leela.
 
               
               [Alkazar's friends cheer and hoot.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Too bad they weren't giving away the 
                         three things you actually need: Mouthwash, 
                         a back wax and stain-proof underwear.
 
                         
               
               [More hooting.]

               
                                     RAT WOMAN
                         You go girl!

               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         By the way your pal Fry fell into the 
                         dungeon. Feed him a taco so he doesn't 
                         die and stink up the place.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Come on Al, can't you let the little 
                         guy out?
 
               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         Jeez Leela, twice in one day? I'm not 
                         Superman!
 
               
               [The rats and pig cheer widly. Leela leaves.]

               
               [Outside Dungeon. Leela crouches down to a little barred window 
               which Fry is behind. He eats his taco.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Why were you sneaking into my people's 
                         forbidden valley?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         'Cause I think Alkazar's hding something. 
                         Listen Leela, you may not like it, you 
                         may not believe it, you may not wanna 
                         hear it but Alkazar's a jerk, he's bad 
                         for you. He -
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         I know.

               
                                     FRY
                         You do?

               
                                     LEELA
                         Fry if it's obvious to you with your 
                         learning disability then of course it's 
                         obvious to me! He's crude and gross 
                         and he treats me like a slave.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Then dump his one eyed ass.

               
                                     LEELA
                         I can't. If I leave Alkazar then that's 
                         the end of the Cyclops race. And I won't 
                         let that happen. Even if that means 
                         a lifetime of unhappiness.
 
               
               [A toilet flushes.]

               
               
               [The pig and rats hoot.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         I'll break up with him at dinner.

               
                                     FRY
                         I'll be there.

               
               [Time Lapse. Fry is at dinner. The table is right next to his 
               window.]
 
               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         Yo Leela, what gives? Pig says your 
                         slop tastes like crap.
 
               
                                     PIG
                         Yeah, like crap.

               
               [Fry tugs Leela's leg.]

               
                                     FRY
                         C'mon Leela you deserve better than 
                         this guy! Dump him already!
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         I'm trying.

               
               [Alkazar taps his glass.]

               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         Hey everyone jam a sock in your spit 
                         faucets.  Not long ago I spent my lonely 
                         nights renting slash flicks with Rat 
                         Man and his girlfriend. But then a beautiful 
                         woman arrived and - stop eating pig! 
                         And she brought new hope for me and 
                         our once great civilisation. Now a million 
                         centuries of Cyclops destiny depend 
                         on the answer to one question......Leela, 
                         will you marry me?
 
               
                                     FRY (WHISPERING)
                         No! No!

               
                                     LEELA
                         Yes! I Will!

               
                                     FRY
                         Ohh!

               
               [The table applauds. Alkazar and Leela kiss. Rat Woman elbows 
               Rat Man.]
 
               
                                     RAT WOMAN
                         They're getting married!

               
               [Rat Man looks surprised.]

               
               [Outside Alkazar's Castle. A limo pulls up and Amy, Farnsworth, 
               Zoidberg and Hermes climb out.]
 
               
                                     AMY
                         Congratulations Leela!

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Hello!

               
                                     HERMES
                         Oh this is great!

               
               
               
               
               [Pre-Wedding Chug-A-Thon. Everyone helps themselves to the buffet. 
               Leela puts a decoration on top of the wedding cake of a Cyclops 
               woman buffing a Cyclops man's shoes. Fry attracts her attention.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         Pst, Leela. you've got to get me out 
                         of here. It's horrible, eating scraps, 
                         letting my waste drop wherever it falls 
                         like an animal in the zoo.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Animals go in the corner.

               
                                     FRY
                         The corner! Why didn't I think of that?
 
                         
               
               [Leela sighs.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Look Fry I'd like to help you but it's 
                         my wedding and I'm kind of busy.  Here, 
                         try to be happy for me. That way at 
                         least one of us will be.
 
               
               [Cut to: Dungeon. Leela walks away from the window.]

               
                                     FRY
                         That's it! It's time for this bird to 
                         walk.
 
               
               [He hits the bottle against the door trying to get it open. The 
               cork flies out of the bottle, out of the dungeon and hits the 
               door release button. The door opens. Fry laughs and tip the bottle 
               over his head. The door starts to close again. He screams and 
               scrambles through it.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Outside Alkazar's Castle. Fry runs out and looks around. 
               Bender is leaning against a tree. Rope is holding his door shut 
               because its so full of stuff he's stolen. There is also a sack 
               next to him. Fry sees him.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Bender come on. We've got to get some 
                         dirt on Alkazar. Lets go and find out 
                         what makes the Forbidden Valley so forbidden.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Uh no thanks I'm good.

               
                                     FRY
                         But there's probably some cool forbidden 
                         stuff you can steal.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         I don't know Fry. For the first time 
                         in my life I feel like I've stolen enough.
 
                         
               
               [Fry slaps him.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Bender, snap out of it!

               
               [And he does.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Sorry I don't know what came over me. 
                         Let's go.  (singing) I love stealing, 
                         I love taking things!
 
               
               [Wedding. Alkazar yawns. Hermes plays a grooby version of Here 
               Comes The Bride and Farnsworth walks Leela up the aisle. Zoidberg 
               wipes his eyes.]
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG (CRYING)
                         That pig over there is wearing the same 
                         sandals as me.
 
               
               [Outside Forbidden Valley. Bender and Fry ride Alkazar's lizards 
               towards the gate.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Come on boy, jump!  Good boy!

               
               [Cut to: Forbidden Valley. Fry and Bender come to a clifftop.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         Whoa Mittens!

               
               [They look out over the valley and gasp.]

               
                                     FRY
                         My God! Four identical castles!

               
                                     BENDER
                         Each more identical than the last!
 
                         
               
               [Ruined City. Fry and Bender come to a statue similar to the 
               one in Cyclops City.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         That's weird. It's another Cyclops, 
                         only this one has five eyes.
 
               
               [Bender sees another Birth Of Venus style mosaic.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         And here's another one with no eyes.
 
                         
               
               [He takes the jewels from her eyes.]

               
               [Wedding.]

               
                                     PREACHERBOT
                         Does anyone have a reason why this couple 
                         shall not be joined in the irrevocable 
                         shackles of holy bliss?
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Saving a race of one-eyed monsters? 
                         Who could object to that?
 
               
               [Leela looks worried.]

               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         Cut to the chase Preach!

               
                                     PREACHERBOT
                         Do you Alkazar......takethiswomanbeforeyou...tolove..insickness..do 
                         you part?
 
               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         Yeah sure I do come on faster!

               
                                     PREACHERBOT
                         Do you Leela, copy and paste his response 
                         til death do you part?
 
               
               [Leela looks around. Zoidberg waves, the rats and pig watch a 
               TV. She look sat Alkazar. He eggs her on.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         I..d -

               
               [Enter Fry and Bender on the lizards. Everyone gasps.]

               
                                     AMY
                         Oh my God!

               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         What the?

               
                                     FRY
                         Hey Alkazar, you left somebody off the 
                         guest list.
 
               
               [Enter a 5-eyed cyclops.]

               
                                     5-EYES
                         Alkazar, why you are so late for our 
                         wedding? And why you have only one eye?
 
                         
               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         It, uh, oo!  Uh, hey sweetie, just go 
                         back to the castle and wait for me. 
                          She, she's nuts, I can morph into a 
                         5-eyed alien and I kinda said I'd marry 
                         her. But I'm really a Cyclops and I'm 
                         really going to marry you.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Oh yeah? Then what about this?

               
               [Enter a rhino woman named Sandy. Alkazar morphs.]

               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         This is a bit awkward.

               
                                     5-EYES
                         Who's she?

               
                                     LEELA
                         Who's she?

               
                                     SANDY
                         Who are they?

               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         Go back to the castle Sandy.

               
                                     FRY
                         And maybe you'd like to meet her.  And 
                         her.
 
               
               [Enter another thing. Alkazar morphs into each of them and eventually 
               morphs into all five at once.]
 
               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         Leela, this must all be ver confusing.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         A little. That's why I've decided to 
                         hurt you until you explain it.
 
               
               [She kicks him. 5-Eyes pushes him back, Leela kicks him again.]
 
               
               
                                     SANDY
                         Show us your real form!

               
                                     LEELA
                         Yeah!

               
                                     THING #2
                         Do it!

               
               [Thing #1 screeches.]

               
               [Sandy picks Alkazar up and throws him and Leela kicks him into 
               a table which collapses under him. Everyone gathers round. He 
               crawls out. He looks like a grasshopper.]
 
               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         Well, this is the real me. But I can 
                         explain. We all have needs. Mine was 
                         to make it with five weirdos and have 
                         them scrub my five castles. I gave you 
                         all what you wanted and of course I 
                         made a few bucks letting Pig watch through 
                         the two way mirror. Can any of you sa 
                         you wouldn't have done the exact same 
                         thing in my position?
 
               
               [Bender cries.]

               
                                     BENDER (CRYING)
                         He's a saint!

               
                                     LEELA
                         But why did you have all five weddings 
                         on the same day?
 
               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         Hey lady, you got any idea how much 
                         it costs to rent a tux that changes 
                         shape?
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Alright Alkazar, I just have one last 
                         question for you.
 
               
                                     ALKAZAR
                         What's that?

               
                                     LEELA
                         If you can change form, why didn't you 
                         change it in the one place that counts?
 
                         
               
               [Everyone cheers and hoots.]

               
               [Ship's Cockpit. The ship flies away from the planet, with Amy 
               at the controls. Bender admires his sack of loot. Leela sits 
               on the arm of the couch with Fry and Farnsworth.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Thanks for saving me from that creep 
                         Fry.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Hey, that's what I do.

               
                                     LEELA
                         I guess I was so desperate to find out 
                         who I really was, I forgot who I really 
                         was.
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         No harm done. In the many decades you'll 
                         work to repay me for that shipment of 
                         popcorn you destroyed, you'll have plenty 
                         of time to search for your true home.
 
                         
               
               [Leela gets up and stares out of the window.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Yeah. I mean, how many planets can there 
                         be?
 
               
               [She looks out into the vastness of space and the ship glides 
               away.]
 
               
               THE END

               
               

A Bicyclops Built For Two



Writers :   Eric Kaplan
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


User Comments







Index    |    Submit    |    Links    |    Link to us    |    RSS Feeds    |    Disclaimer    |    Privacy policy