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                                        FUTURAMA

                                       Episode 106 

                                 "A FISHFUL OF DOLLARS"

                                           By

                                    Patric M. Verrone

                         Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet

               
               
               [Fry's Bedroom. Fry is awoken by squeaking bed springs from the 
               apartment next door. He growls.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I can't take it anymore! They've been 
                         at it for hours!  (shouting) Give it 
                         a rest, you two!
 
               
               [Cut to: Next Door Apartment. The robots next door are sat playing 
               poker. They have springy bodies which are constantly squeaking. 
               One of the robots oils his springs.]
 
               
                                     ROBOT
                         (shouting) Sorry!

               
               [Opening Credits. Caption: Loading...]

               
               [Fry's Bedroom. Fry is asleep.]

               
               [Fade to: Fry's Dream. He is in a packed lecture hall. An old 
               teacher stands at the front of the room. She wears frosted half-moon 
               glasses and has grey hair.]
 
               
                                     TEACHER
                         Good morning, class. I trust you've 
                         all prepared for today's final exam.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Uh, excuse me? I missed a few lectures. 
                         Uh, what subject is this?
 
               
                                     TEACHER
                         Ancient Egyptian algebra.

               
               [She points to the blackboard, revealing it is filled with Egyptian 
               hieroglyphs. Fry gasps.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         What a nightmare!

               
                                     TEACHER
                         Mister Fry, are those your underpants? 
                          Young man, I think it's time you learned 
                         a lesson about Lightspeed brand briefs.
 
                         
               
               [She pulls down a poster showing the briefs.]

               
                                     ANNOUNCER
                         (voice-over) Lightspeed fits today's 
                         active lifestyle. Whether you're on 
                         the job......or having fun... Lightspeed 
                         briefs. Style and comfort for the discriminating 
                         crotch.
 
               
               [Like an advertisement, a pair of lightspeeds appear in front 
               of a flashing background.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Fry's Bedroom. The dream ends and Fry suddenly wakes 
               up.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         What a weird dream! I'll never get back 
                         to sleep.
 
               
               [He falls asleep instantly.]

               
               [Planet Express: Lounge. The crew are sat around the table.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         So you're telling me they broadcast 
                         commercials into people's dreams?
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Of course.

               
                                     FRY
                         But, how is that possible?

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         It's very simple. The ad gets into your 
                         brain just like this liquid gets into 
                         this egg.  Although in reality it's 
                         not liquid, but gamma radiation.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         That's awful. It's like brainwashing.
 
                         
               
               [Leela wipes the yolk from her hair.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Didn't you have ads in the 20th century?
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Well, sure, but not in our dreams. Only 
                         on TV and radio. And in magazines and 
                         movies and at ball games and on buses 
                         and milk cartons and t-shirts and written 
                         in the sky. But not in dreams. No siree!
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Quit squawking, flesh wad, nobody's 
                         forcing you to buy anything.
 
               
                                     AMY
                         Yeah. I mean we all have commercials 
                         in our dreams but you don't see us running 
                         off to buy brand name merchandise at 
                         low, low prices.
 
               
               [After a long silence they get up and run out.]

               
               [Alien Overlord & Taylor. A department store. Enter the Planet 
               Express staff who are immediately preyed on by a saleswoman at 
               the cosmetics stand.]
 
               
                                     SALESWOMAN
                         Hi! Care to sample the latest fragrance 
                         from Calvin Clone?
 
               
                                     AMY
                         No thanks.

               
               [The saleswoman sprays her. Amy curses in Chinese and walks away 
               rubbing her eyes.]
 
               
                                     SALESWOMAN
                         And you, sir?

               
                                     BENDER
                         No thanks I --

               
               [The saleswoman sprays him. Bender sprays her back with oil, 
               covering her face. She coughs and splutters.]
 
               
               [Time Lapse. Leela is sat on a chair at the cosmetics stand. 
               A cosmetologist brushes away her fringe.]
 
               
                                     COSMETOLOGIST
                         What a lovely face. We just need to 
                         draw attention away from the eye area.
 
                         
               
               [She zaps Leela with something and then holds up a mirror. Leela 
               sees her reflection and sighs. The woman has plastered her face 
               in lipstick so she looks like a clown. In the menswear department 
               Fry picks up a box of the briefs.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Cool.  Can I try these on before I buy 
                         them?
 
               
                                     SALESMAN
                         I'm afraid I can't let you open the 
                         package. But you can try on the demo 
                         pair.
 
               
               [He pulls out a pair of smelly underpants and sprays them with 
               deodorant.]
 
               
               [Fitting Room. Fry puts the briefs and is impressed.]

               
                                     FRY
                         : Ooh! Ho ho ho!

               
               [He sees his reflection in the mirror - a muscled man surrounded 
               by women. Then he sees the notice: Objects In The Mirror Are 
               Less Attractive Than They Appear and sighs.]
 
               
               [Alien Overlord & Taylor. In the robot accessories department, 
               Bender, wearing a green sweater, picks up a few cans of Mom's 
               Old Fashion Robot Oil from a pile and hides them under the sweater.]
 
               
               
                                     AMY
                         Hey, Bender! Great new sweater.

               
                                     BENDER
                         New? What sweater? I came in with it. 
                         I don't know you people!
 
               
               [He walks off. A hovering CCTV camera follows him. Back in the 
               menswear department, Fry is buying the Lightspeeds.]
 
               
                                     SALESMAN
                         $30, please.

               
                                     FRY
                         $30? I can't afford that. Unless... 
                         Do you take Visa?
 
               
                                     SALESMAN
                         Visa hasn't existed for 500 years.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         American Express?

               
                                     SALESMAN
                         600 years.

               
                                     FRY
                         Discover card?

               
                                     SALESMAN
                         Sorry we don't take Discover.

               
               [Amy, Leela, Zoidberg and Bender walk up behind him.]

               
                                     AMY
                         Hey! You're springing for Lightspeed? 
                         Pretty ritzy!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         No, I can't afford them. Being poor 
                         sucks. What kind of world is this where 
                         they advertise things not everybody 
                         can afford?
 
               
                                     AMY
                         Quiet. There's an ad coming on.

               
               [On the screens an old woman, the same woman from on the tins 
               of oil - Mom - sits in a chair knitting. She is wearing a huge 
               green dress and an apron around her front. Behind her on the 
               wall is a picture of three men dressed in the same grey clothes.]
 
               
               
                                     MOM
                          Hello shoppers. It's me, Mom!

               
                                     FRY
                         Hey who's the rocker jockey?

               
                                     AMY
                         Guh! It's Mom. The world's most huggable 
                         industrialist.
 
               
                                     MOM
                          Call me old fashioned, but when my 
                         robot starts to squeak like an old screen 
                         door well, that's when I reach for a 
                         can of Mom's Old Fashioned Robot Oil.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Mmm, tasty!

               
                                     MOM
                          And remember: Mom's oil is made with 
                         10% more love than the next leading 
                         brand!
 
               
               [She smiles.]

               
                                     ANNOUNCER
                          "Mom", "love" and "screen door" are 
                         registered trademarks of Mom Corp.
 
                         
               
               [The tins under Bender's sweater squeak.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Hey, Bender. Sounds like you could use 
                         a little of that oil.
 
               
               [Some tins fall out of Bender's sweater. Seven hovering CCTV 
               cameras surround him. He looks up at them.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         I'm boned.

               
                                     SMITTY
                         Freeze scuzzbot!

               
                                     BENDER
                         Uh, there's obviously been some sort 
                         of a mistake here.  I'm sure there's......I 
                         say I'm sure there's......that is, I'm 
                         sure there's...a very...reasonable...
 
                         
               
               [And some more.]

               
               [Outside New New York Police Department. On a sign outside is 
               Ask About Our Generous Brutality Settlements.]
 
               
               [Cut to: New New York Police Department. At the front desk Fry 
               counts some money.]
 
               
                                     AMY
                         Do we have enough money to pay Bender's 
                         fine?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         78, 79. 79.50. Crud! We're 50 cents 
                         short.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         I'd love to chip in, but Bender stole 
                         my wallet.
 
               
               [Fry sees something through a window, a building called Big Apple 
               Bank.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Hey, that's my old bank. Maybe my account's 
                         still open.
 
               
               [Big Apple Bank. Fry steps forward to the desk and has a retina 
               scanned.]
 
               
                                     TELLER
                         Hmm. We don't seem to have your retina 
                         scan, your fingerprint or your colonic 
                         map on file.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Yeah, well, I did open the account over 
                         a thousand years ago. What about my 
                         ATM card?
 
               
               [The teller pulls out an old ATM machine from under the desk 
               and blows the dust off it.]
 
               
                                     TELLER
                         Do you still remember your PIN number?
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Sure! It's the price of a cheese pizza 
                         and a large soda back where I used to 
                         work, Panucci's Pizza.
 
               
                                     TELLER
                         OK, you had a balance of 93 cents...
 
                         
               
               [Fry looks at Amy and Leela.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Alright!

               
                                     TELLER
                         ...and at an average of 2 and a quarter 
                         percent over a period of 1000 years, 
                         that comes to...$4.3 billion.
 
               
               [Fry stares for a moment and suddenly starts hyperventilating 
               and foaming at the mouth. Then he faints.]
 
               
               [Planet Express: Lounge. The crew are gathered in celebration, 
               wearing top hats and drinking champagne.]
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         To Fry.

               
                                     AMY
                         Cheers!

               
               [They raise their glasses.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         I know Fry's rich, but do we really 
                         have to wear these top hats?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Maybe you don't understand just how 
                         rich he is. In fact, I think I'd better 
                         put on a monocle.
 
               
               [And he does.]

               
               [Le Spa. Fry lives the high life. At Le Spa Fry and Leela get 
               a relaxing massage and Bender gets a buffing.]
 
               
               [Famous-Painting-Shooting. Next, Fry and Leela walk down a corridor 
               past many famous paintings. Fry stops at the Mona Lisa, points 
               to it and buys it. The corridor is just a wall in the open countryside 
               with paintings hanging on it. A man loads the painting into a 
               catapult and fires it. Fry, Bender and Leela raise their lasers 
               and shoot it, blasting it to pieces.]
 
               
               [Original Cosmic Ray's Pizza. The Planet Express staff are gathered 
               around a table for lunch.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Pizza dinner on me!  Just keep the tab 
                         under $50 million.
 
               
                                     ROBOT CHEF
                         Yo!  I haven't got all day. What kind 
                         of pizza yous guys want?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Uh, yeah. We'll have one with everything 
                         but anchovies and one with my all time 
                         favourite topping, anchovies!
 
               
                                     ROBOT CHEF
                         (mechanical voice) Invalid selection. 
                         (normal voice) Yo, what are you talking 
                         about?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Anchovies? You know? Those little headless 
                         fish?
 
               
                                     ROBOT CHEF
                         (mechanical voice) Does not compute. 
                         Does not compute.
 
               
               [His head explodes.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         I'm sorry, Fry, but the anchovy has 
                         been extinct since the 2200's.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         What?!

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Oh, my, yes. Fished to death. Just about 
                         the time your people arrived on Earth 
                         wasn't it, Zoidberg?
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         (defensively) I'm not on trial here.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         So none of you has ever had anchovies? 
                         Oh, man! You don't know what you're 
                         missing. They were all salty and oily 
                         and they melted in your mouth and --
 
                         
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Stop! Stop! I admit it! My people ate 
                         them all! We kept saying "One more can't 
                         hurt" and then they were gone. We're 
                         sorry!
 
               
               [He holds his claws to his head and hangs it in shame. Fry sighs.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         I just wished I could've showed you 
                         guys how great they were. I may be rich 
                         but I still can't buy back all the things 
                         I miss from the 20th century.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Maybe you're forgetting just how rich 
                         you are.  Huh? Huh?
 
               
               [Outside Historic 20th Century Apartments. A banner outside advertises 
               "With Original Asbestos". On the steps Fry shakes hands with 
               the landlord and moves in.]
 
               
               [Historic 20th Century Apartment. Amy, Bender and Leela are already 
               in there. Amy picks up the telephone is puzzlement and puts the 
               receiver over her eyes. Enter Fry.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         So? What do you think?

               
                                     LEELA
                         I know you spent a lot of money on this 
                         place, Fry, but it's awfully primitive. 
                          The floors are made of such hard wood.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey! Get a load of this pathetic 20th 
                         century TV!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         What's wrong with it?

               
                                     BENDER
                         Well, aside from causing eye cancer, 
                         these things had a lousy low-definition 
                         picture.
 
               
                                     AMY
                         That's true. On a TV like this I bet 
                         you couldn't even make out my obscene 
                         tattoo.
 
               
               [She rolls her sleeve up to reveal her obscene tattoo which appears 
               blurry. Bender whistles and Leela chuckles.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         That's cute!

               
               [Staadgi & Staadgi Auctioneers. In the crowded room Fry bids 
               for something.]
 
               
                                     AUCTIONEER
                         Sold!

               
                                     FRY
                         Yes!

               
                                     LEELA
                         I just don't get it. Who was this Ted 
                         Danson? And why would you pay $10,000 
                         for his skeleton?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I have an idea for a sitcom.

               
                                     BENDER
                         Ah, leave him alone, Leela. So he's 
                         going a little wacko with his money. 
                         It's OK.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         You're just saying that because he bought 
                         you that antique robot toy.
 
               
               [Bender chuckles.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Yeah, it is cute.

               
               [He starts playing with a "Knock 'Em, Sock 'Em" toy. One little 
               robot punches the other's head off and Bender screams.]
 
               
                                     AUCTIONEER
                         Now, our final item: This unopened can 
                         of Angry Norwegian brand anchovies circa 
                         1997.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Anchovies?!

               
                                     AUCTIONEER
                         The last known can in existence guaranteed 
                         fresh and edible. Do I hear $10,000?
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         15,000!

               
                                     MAN
                         20!

               
               [A rich Decapodian woman stands up.]

               
                                     DECAPODIAN WOMAN
                         30! No, 40!

               
                                     FRY
                         50,000!

               
               [The other bidders whisper to each other.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Are you crazy? It's a can of old fish.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Don't tell me how to spend my money.
 
                         
               
                                     AUCTIONEER
                         50 going once, twice...

               
               [He raises his gavel but is interrupted by Mom.]

               
                                     MOM
                         75,000.

               
               [The room gasps. Mom is stood at the back of the room with the 
               three men from the picture in the ad.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Oh, my God, it's Mom! I've never seen 
                         her in person before.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         100,000.

               
               [More whispering from the bidders.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Fry, you can't bid against Mom. She's 
                         the richest, most powerful person in 
                         the world. And she's so adorable.
 
                         
               
               [Mom looks in her purse.]

               
                                     MOM
                         Well, I suppose I could go as high as...300,000.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         500!

               
                                     MOM
                         Oh, mercy be. A million.

               
                                     FRY
                         Two.

               
                                     MOM
                         Six.

               
                                     FRY
                         14!

               
                                     MOM
                         I can see the nice young man really 
                         wants those little fish. Nevertheless, 
                         I'll bid 23 million.
 
               
               [Fry stands up and raises his hand.]

               
                                     FRY
                         One jillion dollars.

               
               [The bidders gasp in shock.]

               
                                     AUCTIONEER
                         Sir, that's not a number.

               
               [The bidders gasp again.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Oh. In that case, 50 million.

               
               [Mom turns to three men behind her.]

               
                                     MOM
                         Well, boys, your old mother knows when 
                         she's been beat.  You win, young man. 
                         I tip my bonnet to you.
 
               
               [The other bidders murmur.]

               
                                     BIDDER #1
                         Isn't she adorable?

               
                                     BIDDER #2
                         Isn't she sweet?

               
               [The auctioneer bangs his gavel.]

               
                                     AUCTIONEER
                         What a class act! Sold! To the gentleman 
                         who bought every item in today's auction.
 
                         
               
               [Fry stands up an cheers himself but the other bidders boo him.]
 
               
               
               [Historic 20th Century Apartment. Fry wanders around the room 
               in the dark and picks up a box.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Now for some good old 20th century TV.
 
                         
               
               [He puts a video tape into the VCR.]

               
                                     ANNOUNCER
                          Do you remember a time when chocolate 
                         chip cookies came fresh from the oven? 
                         Petridge Farm remembers.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Ah, those were the days.

               
                                     ANNOUNCER
                          Do you remember a time when women couldn't 
                         vote and certain folk weren't allowed 
                         on golf courses? Petridge Farm remembers.
 
                         
               
               [A knock at the door.]

               
                                     LEELA
                          Fry? Are you there?

               
                                     FRY
                         Eh?

               
               [Enter Leela and Bender. Fry turns the TV off.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         You haven't been to work in three days. 
                         What have you been doing?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I've been sitting right here. I picked 
                         up my life exactly where I left off 
                         a thousand years ago. Now if you'll 
                         excuse me it's 8 o'clock. Time to get 
                         biz-ay!
 
               
               [Fry turns the stereo on and listens to Baby Got Back by Sir 
               Mix-a-lot. Leela turns it off.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         You can't just sit here in the dark 
                         listening to classical music.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I could if you hadn't turned on the 
                         lights and shut off the stereo.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Fry, this isn't healthy. You're living 
                         in the past.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I'm rich! I can live whenever I want.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         But we're your friends and we live here 
                         in the year 3000.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Yeah. Now are you gonna come to the 
                         squid fights with us or sit here wallowing 
                         in your prehistoric junk?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Junk? Maybe you can't understand this 
                         but I've finally found what I need to 
                         be happy, and it's not friends: It's 
                         things.
 
               
               [He gets up and walks towards the door. Bender turns around.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER (SADLY)
                         I'm a thing.

               
                                     FRY
                         Just leave me alone.

               
               [Fry opens the door and Leela and Bender walk out.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Fry please.   My ponytail's caught in 
                         the door.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I don't need them. Not when I have my 
                         antique videos, my bucket of fossilised 
                         KFC and 50 million dollars worth of 
                         anchovies.
 
               
               [He kisses the tin of anchovies.]

               
               [Mom's Friendly Robot Company Building Corridor. Mom walks towards 
               her office, followed by her sons.]
 
               
                                     MOM
                         Mercy me, what a day.

               
               [Cut to: Mom's Office.]

               
                                     MOM
                         Could you shut the door, Igner dear? 
                         I think I feel a draught coming on. 
                          Holy crap, that bastard's itchy!  Walt! 
                         Cream soda!
 
               
               [Walt is the oldest. He has a full head of black hair.]

               
                                     WALT
                         Right away, mother.  Larry, get your 
                         mother a cream soda.
 
               
                                     LARRY
                         But Mom said --

               
               [Walt slaps him.]

               
                                     WALT
                         You heard me.

               
               [Mom drinks the can of soda, throws it down then lights a cigarette.]
 
               
               
                                     IGNER
                         What's wrong, Mommy?

               
                                     MOM
                         It's those damned anchovies. That dirtbag, 
                         Fry, must know their secret. And I won't 
                         rest until I get my hands on them. No 
                         one messes with Mom!
 
               
               [She laughs evily. Walt laughs with her. Larry and Igner join 
               in. Walt slaps Larry.]
 
               
                                     WALT
                         Quiet, you!

               
               [Time Lapse. Mom is now sat behind a huge desk.]

               
                                     MOM
                         As you boys know, one of the cornerstones 
                         of my empire is Mom's Old Fashioned 
                         Robot Oil. Think of it: 10 billion robots. 
                         Each one needing an oil change every 
                         3000 miles. You don't have to do the 
                         math to know that's a buttload of oil.
 
                         
               
                                     IGNER
                         Can I wear your fat suit?

               
                                     MOM
                         (shouting): No, Igner, put that down.
 
                         
               
               [Igner drops the fat suit arm.]

               
                                     IGNER
                         Aww.

               
                                     WALT
                         What does this have to do with the anchovies?
 
                         
               
                                     MOM
                         I'm getting to the freaking anchovies. 
                          A single drop of the anchovies natural 
                         oil would lubricate 10 robots permanently.
 
                         
               
                                     LARRY
                         Wow, it's a shame they went extinct.
 
                         
               
                                     MOM (SHOUTING)
                         No it isn't, shut your filthy trap! 
                          (talking) Thank you, Walt. If anyone 
                         ever got a hold of anchovy DNA, they 
                         could chop out the oil-making gene, 
                         stick it in a bunch of third world kids 
                         and bam! Cheap effective robot oil. 
                         Enough to put dear old Mom out of businness.
 
                         
               
                                     WALT
                         My God! This Mr. Fry must be a mastermind 
                         of the highest order.
 
               
               [Cut to: Historic 20th Century Apartment. Fry is sat in the dark 
               watching Sanford & Son.]
 
               
                                     FRED
                          Esther, you ugly!

               
               [Fry laughs.]

               
               [Cut to: Mom's Friendly Robot Company Building: Mom's Office.]
 
               
               
                                     MOM
                         We have only one option: We'll have 
                         to bankrupt Mr Fry, so he'll be forced 
                         to sell the anchovies to us.
 
               
                                     WALT
                         Mother, you are one clever old skag!
 
                         
               
                                     MOM
                         And don't you forget it!

               
                                     LARRY
                         But how are we supposed to get Fry's 
                         money out of the bank?
 
               
                                     MOM
                         That part will be easy, thanks to the 
                         nice people at Mom's Old Fashioned Video 
                         Surveillance Unit.
 
               
               [She puts another tape in. The scene at Big Apple Bank replays 
               on the TV.]
 
               
                                     TELLER [ON TV]
                         Do you still remember your PIN number?
 
                         
               
                                     FRY [ON TV]
                         Sure! It's the price of a cheese pizza 
                         and a large soda back where I used to 
                         work, Panucci's Pizza.  It's the price 
                         of a cheese pizza and a large soda --
 
                         
               
               [Mom turns the TV off.]

               
                                     MOM
                         You know what needs to be done.

               
                                     LARRY
                         What?

               
                                     MOM (SHOUTING)
                         Get his PIN number, you idiots!  (talking) 
                         Now I'm off to some chairty BS for knocked-up 
                         teenage sluts.
 
               
               [Historic 20th Century Apartment. There is a knock at the door.]
 
               
               
                                     WALT [FROM OUTSIDE]
                         Mr. Fry. It's those three plumbers you 
                         called for.
 
               
                                     LARRY [FROM OUTSIDE]
                         We're here to tighten your drains.
 
                         
               
               [The sounds of Walt's hand meeting Larry's face is heard. Fry 
               opens the door.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I didn't order any --

               
               [Walt and Igner jump on Fry and pin him to the floor.]

               
                                     WALT
                         Quick! Give him the tranquilliser.
 
                         
               
               [Larry puts some tablets in Fry's mouth and strokes them down 
               his throat.]
 
               
                                     LARRY
                         That's a good boy.

               
               [Fry falls unconscious.]

               
               [Pizzeria Set. Fry comes around and sees a disguised Walt wearing 
               a fake handlebar moustache.]
 
               
                                     WALT
                         Wake up, Mr. Fry.

               
                                     FRY
                         Where am I?

               
                                     WALT
                         You're in the good old year 2000, working 
                         here at Panucci's Pizza. You fell asleep 
                         on the job.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         That sounds like me but, I thought I 
                         got frozen. Wasn't I in the future?
 
                         
               
                                     WALT
                         No, you only "dreamed" you were in the 
                         year 3000.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         So I'm really back? That's exactly what 
                         I wanted, I guess. Who are you?
 
               
                                     WALT
                         I'm Mr. Panucci.

               
                                     FRY
                         You are? Did you grow a moustache since 
                         last night?
 
               
               [Walt tears off the moustache.]

               
                                     WALT
                         No. Now go work the currency register. 
                         I think I hear a customer coming...I 
                         said "I think I hear a customer coming"!
 
                         
               
               [Cut to: Backstage. Larry is forcing a dress over Igner's head. 
               Pamela Anderson's head in jar is on a table.]
 
               
                                     ANDERSON
                         Hurry up, please. I wanna get back to 
                         the head museum.
 
               
                                     LARRY
                         Don't worry, Miss Anderson, this won't 
                         take long. Now, your motivation is you're 
                         back in the year 2000 and your head's 
                         still on your body, and you want a cheese 
                         pizza.
 
               
               [He picks up the jar and puts it on Igner's head.]

               
                                     ANDERSON
                         OK, but I'm only doing this so people 
                         will take my head seriously as an actress.
 
                         
               
               [Cut to: Pizzeria Set. Fry notices something on a sign above 
               him.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Hey, look! Anchovies!

               
                                     WALT
                         Of course. They're not extinct yet. 
                         And if you need further proof that this 
                         is really a thousand years ago well, 
                         here's contemporary actress, Pamela 
                         Anderson!
 
               
               [Enter Pamela Anderson on top of Igner.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Ooh!

               
                                     ANDERSON
                         Hello, Fry. Remember me from Baywatch: 
                         The Movie?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Uh...

               
                                     ANDERSON
                         It was the first movie to be shot entirely 
                         in slow motion.
 
               
               [Walt leans in to Anderson.]

               
                                     WALT (WHISPERING)
                         It hasn't been made yet.

               
               
               [Walt shakes his head.]

               
                                     WALT
                         Nope.

               
                                     ANDERSON
                         Crap!

               
                                     FRY
                         Wait. You're Pamela Anderson! Cool! 
                         What can I get you?
 
               
                                     ANDERSON
                         Oh, I'll have a cheese pizza and a large...uh...line?
 
                         
               
               [Larry whispers from backstage.]

               
                                     LARRY (WHISPERING)
                         Soda!

               
                                     ANDERSON
                         Oh, right! Cheese pizza and a large 
                         soda!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Uh, cheese and a --  That was quick!
 
                         
               
                                     ANDERSON
                         So. What do I owe you?

               
                                     FRY
                         10.77. Same as my PIN number.

               
               [Walt, Larry, Igner and Anderson laugh. Fry is unsure of what 
               is happening so just laughs along with them.]
 
               
                                     IGNER
                         Hey, you don't get to laugh.

               
               [He hits Fry on the head with Anderson's jar.]

               
               [Outside Historic 20th Century Apartments. A white limo pulls 
               up outside and the brothers throw Fry out onto the pavement. 
               There are bags of money in the limo.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Limo. Igner is driving.]

               
                                     IGNER
                         Thanks a billion!

               
               [He laughs. Larry counts the cash in the back.]

               
                                     LARRY
                         More like 4.3 billion!

               
               [He laughs with Igner. Walt slaps them both.]

               
                                     IGNER
                         Ow!

               
                                     LARRY
                         Ow!

               
               [The limo speeds off and Fry blacks out into a dream.]

               
               [Cut to: Fry's Dream. Pizza's, 1077's and anchovy tins float 
               around him. Leela's and Bender's heads float towards him.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         Oh, I had a nightmare I was in the year 
                         2000 and you guys never existed. I'm 
                         so glad I'm awake now and you're really 
                         here.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Since when do you care about us?

               
                                     BENDER
                         We thought you only cared about cans 
                         of anchovies and stuffy old songs about 
                         the buttocks.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         No, that's not true!

               
               [Leela and Bender float away.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Goodbye-eee!

               
                                     BENDER
                         Wheee!

               
               [A pack of Lightspeeds appear in the corner.]

               
               
               [Fry comes to. A repobot walks out of his apartment with his 
               TV.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Bender! Leela! Don't leave me. Wait 
                         a minute! Hey, buddy what year is this?
 
                         
               
                                     REPOBOT
                         Uh, 3000.

               
                                     FRY
                         3000? Yes! I'm still in the future! 
                         Life is wonderful!  Wait! What are you 
                         doing with my stuff?
 
               
                                     REPOBOT
                         Uh, check bounced. We're taking it all 
                         back.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Oh, no, my ATM card! My secret PIN number! 
                          1077. I've got nothing left. Except...
 
                         
               
               [He pulls the tin of anchovies out of his sock.]

               
               [Planet Express: Lounge. Leela and Bender are sat on the couch 
               and Farnsworth is sat at the table.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         You're Fry's relative. Do you have any 
                         idea how he got so crazy?
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Uh, wha? Oh, yes, they say madness runs 
                         in our family. Some even call me mad! 
                         And why? Because I dared to dream of 
                         my own race of atomic monsters. Atomic 
                         supermen with octagonal-shaped bodies 
                         that suck blood out of...
 
               
               [He walks out still blabbering. Enter Fry.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Leela! Bender! I missed you so much!
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         You did? What happened?

               
                                     FRY
                         I was robbed. They got everything except 
                         these.
 
               
               [He holds up the anchovies.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Who did?

               
               [Leela gasps at something across the room. Mom is stood in the 
               doorway wearing her fat suit.]
 
               
                                     MOM
                         Hello, Fry.

               
                                     LEELA
                         It's Mom.

               
                                     MOM
                         I felt terrible when I heard about your 
                         money troubles and I thought maybe I 
                         could help out a sweet young man by 
                         buying his anchovies.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Sorry. But the anchovies aren't for 
                         sale.
 
               
                                     MOM
                         What? Listen, you little bastard. I 
                         control the robot oil business and I 
                         won't let you ruin me. How much do you 
                         want?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         You might as well put that chequebook 
                         away, because I've discovered something 
                         even more important. My friends. And 
                         they aren't worth even a penny to me. 
                          That's why these anchovies are going 
                         on a pizza, so I can share the food 
                         I love with the people I like.
 
               
                                     MOM
                         Holy hell! You're going to eat them? 
                         Oh, well. Just make sure you eat them 
                         all. You're a growing boy. Toodle-oo! 
                          Dumb ass!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         What a nice lady!

               
               [Time Lapse. The whole staff except for Zoidberg are gathered 
               around the table. Fry opens the tin of anchovies.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         OK, my friends. Get ready for the most 
                         delicious extinct animal you've ever 
                         tasted.
 
               
                                     AMY
                         I don't know, I've had cow.  Ew! Gross!
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Ah, no one likes them at first but they'll 
                         grow on you.
 
               
               [Enter Zoidberg. He sniffs.]

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         That stench. That heavenly stench!  
                         More!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         There aren't any more. And there never 
                         will be.
 
               
               [Zoidberg tips the table over and moves towards Fry, raising 
               his claws.]
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         More! More! More! More!

               
               THE END

A Fishful Of Dollars



Writers :   Patric M. Verrone
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


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