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                                        FUTURAMA

                                       Episode 407

                                "A PHARAOH TO REMEMBER"

                                           By

                                       Ron Weiner

                         Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet



               
               [Opening Credits. Caption: Psst...Big Party At Your House After 
               The Show.]
 
               
               [Planet Express: Lounge. Hermes, Bender, Leela, Fry, Scruffy 
               and Amy are gathered around watching the TV.]
 
               
                                     LINDA [ON TV]
                         Up next, daring daylight robbery at 
                         a municipal swimming pool.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Ooo! This is it! Turn me up!

               
               [Leela uses the remote to change Bender's volume control to maximum.]
 
               
               
                                     LINDA [ON TV]
                         Earlier today a foul mouthed bandit 
                         robbed the municipal pool, making off 
                         with the contents of over three lockers.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         More like three lockers and a sink!
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Bender? Did you have something to do 
                         with this?
 
               
               [Hermes notices something Bender is wearing.]

               
                                     HERMES
                         Holy spitz! He's sportin' skintight 
                         speedos!
 
               
                                     AMY
                         They don't leave much to the imagination.
 
                         
               
                                     HERMES
                         Actually on a robot they sorta do.
 
                         
               
                                     MORBO [ON TV]
                         One puny human got a look at the robber...
 
                         
               
               [Bender leans forward and rubs his hands together.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Here we go here we go!

               
                                     MORBO [ON TV]
                         ...describing him as a short, nasty, 
                         muscular...
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Yeah make me famous big head!

               
                                     MORBO [ON TV]
                         ...Caucasian human male.

               
               [A picture appears on the screen of someone who looks nothing 
               like Bender.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         What?

               
               [He takes Fry's beer bottle and throws it at the TV.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Hey! Now what am I supposed to watch 
                         and drink all day?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         This is an outrage. What's the point 
                         of pulling the biggest pool caper ever, 
                         if nobody knows you did it?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Well there's the material rewards.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         You mean this junk?

               
               [He opens his chest cabinet and water floods out along with a 
               beach ball, a float, a bikini top and a small child.]
 
               
                                     BOY
                         Wheeee!

               
                                     BENDER
                         (crying) All I ever wanted was for people 
                         to remember my name... (hoarse) it's 
                         Bender.
 
               
               [Farnsworth, sat at the table, looks up from a book.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Oh fuff! What's the point in remembering 
                         something? You're just going to forget 
                         it five seconds later.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         (crying) It's so unfair. A debonair 
                         robot with a zesty in-your-face outlook 
                         doomed to obscurity like the rest of 
                         you especially Leela! If I died tomorrow, 
                         no one would even notice.
 
               
               [He slides out of the room on the float.]

               
                                     SCRUFFY
                         Boy, I've never seen him so down - or 
                         ever before.
 
               
               [Cut to: Street. Bender walks sadly down the busy street.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         How does a nobody like me get famous? 
                          I know!  Hey look! I'm stuck! But I 
                         haven't given up hope! Call a soft news 
                         journalist!
 
               
                                     WOMAN
                         You're not stuck.

               
                                     BENDER
                         (sadly) Shut up.

               
               [Time Lapse. Bender sees a group of roller-skaters ahead of him 
               dancing. Skates come out of his shoes and he starts dancing.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey everyone do The Bender! This move's 
                         called The Bender!
 
               
               [Everyone stops skating.]

               
                                     ROLLER-SKATER
                         Yo hotwheels, this circle's about free 
                         expression, not fascist moves!
 
               
               [He pushes Bender away.]

               
               [Time Lapse. Bender comes to the end of the street and sees a 
               white, windowless building ahead of him. He gasps.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         A blank wall! Fame is mine!

               
               [He runs towards the building, takes his head off and shakes 
               it like a spray-paint can. His legs extend upwards towards the 
               top of the building and he chuckles as he starts to spray his 
               legacy onto the wall.]
 
               
               [Time Lapse. The next morning Bender stands back and admires 
               his work. He has sprayed a huge picture of himself onto the wall 
               along with "Bender Lives Large And Kicks Butt!"]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         There, now no one will forget how I 
                         lived or my attitude regarding butt.
 
                         
               
               [Behind him a crew of demolition workers arrive.]

               
                                     SAL
                         Alrights ladies let's flush these artists 
                         lofts straights to hell!
 
               
               [He turns a switch and cracks appear in the building.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         (screaming) Nooo!

               
               [The building collapses and Bender's picture folds inwards  
               la Mad Magazine fold-ins. The picture of him has turned into 
               a giant butt and the writing reads "Bender Licks Butt." The demolition 
               crew laugh.]
 
               
               [Planet Express: Attic. Bender enters the darkened lit only by 
               light streaming through the window.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         I'm the first one to work. A new low.
 
                         
               
               [The lights go on and the crew, dressed in black, jump out from 
               behind the sofa.]
 
               
                                     ALL
                         Surprise!

               
               [Behind them is a coffin, a wreath, a bannner reding "R.I.P. 
               Bender" and a photo of one of Bender's mug shots.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Happy funeral Bender!

               
               [Bender gasps.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         A surprise funeral? For me?

               
               [Fry pats him on the shoulder.]

               
                                     FRY
                         We just wanted to show you that you 
                         really will be remembered.
 
               
               
               [Bender climbs in.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Ooo! Cushiony! And a minibar!

               
               [Hermes plays a jazzy tune and Fry stands in front of the congregation.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         Dearly beloved, we are here today to 
                         remember Bender, taken from us in the 
                         prime of life, when he was crushed by 
                         a runaway semi, driven by the Incredible 
                         Hulk.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Aww, you knew my favourite cause of 
                         death!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Now let us each remember the best things 
                         about Bender in our own way. Professor?
 
                         
               
               [Farnsworth stands up and clears his throat.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Your standard Bending Unit is made of 
                         an iron-osmium alloy. But Bender was 
                         different. Bender has a point-04% nickel 
                         impurity.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         (crying) It's what made me me.

               
               [Hermes stands up and takes Farnsworth's place.]

               
                                     HERMES
                         If you ever needed a small package brought 
                         inot the country without a lot of X-raying 
                         and such, Bender always had a free body 
                         cavity.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Eh, the Professor's was better.

               
                                     LEELA
                         Bender shush. You're supposed to be 
                         dead.
 
               
               [Bender sits up.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Say more about how great I am. And where's 
                         the crying? You people look like you're 
                         waiting for the bus.
 
               
               [He lies back. Zoidberg makes a bagpipe noise with his mouth 
               flaps.]
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         (singing) Oh Danny-boy! The pipes, the 
                         pipes are calling...!
 
               
               [Bender sits up again.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Who-y-boy?

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         (singing) ...From glen to glen and down 
                         -
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Danny-boy? You're at my funeral, singing 
                         about some dead stiff named Danny-boy? 
                         You really are a massive bonehead.
 
                         
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         I'm expressing my sorrow.

               
                                     BENDER
                         Get lost. I'd say "Don't quit your day 
                         job!" but you're awful at that too.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         We're trying our best.

               
                                     BENDER
                         Your best is an idiot. Let's pick it 
                         up people. So far it's been crap after 
                         crap! I croaked now show me some love!
 
                         
               
               [He lies down again. Amy stands up.]

               
                                     AMY
                         Bender was a truly special -

               
                                     BENDER
                          Louder and sadder.

               
                                     AMY
                         (shouting) Bender was a truly special 
                         -
 
               
                                     BENDER
                          Next!

               
               [Amy walks away crying. Preacherbot takes her place.]

               
                                     PREACHERBOT
                         Dear Lord -

               
                                     BENDER
                          Oh next!

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         (singing) Oh Danny-boy!

               
               [Bender throws his glass at him. It breaks on his head and Zoidberg 
               cries out in pain. Bender sits up.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Come on, surely there must be someone 
                         here who knows how great I was.
 
               
               [Fry stands up.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Yes there is Bender. Bender was a lot 
                         of things to a lot of people, but looking 
                         back, the number one thing I can say 
                         about him is this, and simply this: 
                         Bender was my friend.
 
               
               [Bender pauses in horror.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         What? That's it? Who are you? You're 
                         nobody! This is the worst funeral ever! 
                          I hope you're all happy. You've succeeded 
                         in convincing me life is worth living 
                         - by showing how bad my funeral will 
                         suck.
 
               
               [He throws some flowers off the coffin and walks out. The flowers 
               land on Farnsworth's lap.]
 
               
                                     AMY
                         I know who's funeral we'll be attending 
                         next!
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         (bashful) Oh stop!

               
               [Planet Express: Hangar. Bender sits reading Sullen Robot Magazine 
               while Leela uses his hand to tighten a nut on the ship's steps. 
               Enter Farnsworth.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         News everyone! Today you're going to 
                         Osiris 4 to deliver this enourmous sandstone 
                         block.
 
               
               [He points to a massive block right next to him that is bigger 
               than the ship.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I thought something looked different 
                         in here.
 
               
               [Bender throws down his magazine, mutters to himself and walks 
               onto the ship.]
 
               
               [The ship flies towards Osiris 4 with the sandstone block tied 
               to the top of the ship. It lands in a desert on the planet.]
 
               
               
               [Osiris 4 Surface. Leela pulls the ropes away from the block. 
               Fry talks to an Osiran and two Egyptian dog-like creatures. The 
               man wears something similar to ancient Egyptian jewellery and 
               his hair looks like it is made of solid gold.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Hi, we have a giant stone to deliver 
                         - sign here.
 
               
               [He hands the man a clipboard and he signs the invoice with an 
               ancient Egyptian heiroglyph.]
 
               
                                     OSIRAN
                         Ah, very nice. Much like the 10 million 
                         other identical stones used in the future 
                         tomb of our great Pharaoh Hermenthotip.
 
                         
               
               [He points to a sandstone building which is under construction.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         Impressive, who's building it?

               
                                     OSIRAN
                         You.

               
                                     LEELA
                         Say again?

               
                                     OSIRAN
                         You are now slaves of the great Pharaoh 
                         Hermenthotip. Guards.
 
               
               [The guards shackle the crew to a pole and carry them away.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         Call it a hunch but, I've got a bad 
                         feeling about this.
 
               
               [Slave Boat. The slaves row a boat down a river past other slaves. 
               The slaves are shackled to benches.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         You know the worst thing about being 
                         a slave? They make you work but they 
                         don't pay you or let you go.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         That's the only thing about being a 
                         slave!
 
               
                                     OSIRAN
                         Attention. You are now possessions of 
                         the great Pharaoh Hermethotip, heir 
                         to the 10th dynasty, bringer of the 
                         good aspects of the annual floods.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Incredible. This place is just like 
                         the Ancient Egypt of my day.
 
               
                                     OSIRAN
                         That is no coincidence. For our people 
                         visited your Egypt thousands of years 
                         ago.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I knew it! Insane theories: one! Regular 
                         theories: a billion!
 
               
                                     OSIRAN
                         We learned many things from the mighty 
                         Egyptians, such as pyramid building, 
                         space travel and how to prepare our 
                         dead so as to scare Abbott and Costello.
 
                         
               
               [Fry laughs.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Also Wolfman!

               
               [Bender whistles, impressed.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Look at these swanky tombs! These people 
                         really know how to die!
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Are you crazy? They worked thousands 
                         of people to death to make these stupid 
                         monuments.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey, you spend you're whole life building 
                         a guy's toe and you're gonna remember 
                         him!  I think I'm gonna like it here!
 
                         
               
               [Market. Fry, Leela and Bender walk through the market with the 
               Osirian behind them. A man makes an enquiry at a Lose Weight 
               Now - Ask Me How stall.]
 
               
                                     MAN #1
                         Yeah, I uh, noticed your sign and I 
                         thought I'd come over here and look 
                         into getting involved in your program.
 
                         
               
                                     MAN #2
                         What we do is make you starve to death.
 
                         
               
               [Outside Hermenthotip's Tomb. The slaves pulls the giant sandstone 
               block.]
 
               
                                     OSIRAN
                         One two three - pull!  One two three 
                         - pull!
 
               
               [He whips them again. The Australian man from the Spa 5 labour 
               camp is with them.]
 
               
                                     AUSTRALIAN GUY
                         Aw, bloody chunder!

               
                                     BENDER
                         Pick it up people, we're enslaved here 
                         to do a job. Master? Do we have to count 
                         to three every time? Couldn't we just 
                         count to one. Or better yet one half?
 
                         
               
                                     OSIRAN
                         Good idea slave.  One half - pull!  
                         One half - pull!
 
               
               [He whips them.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Now we're slavin'!

               
               [Time Lapse. Fry pushes a block up the side of the tomb and Leela 
               pulls one up using a rope and a pulley. The Osiran stands on 
               top of the block and whips her as she pulls.]
 
               
               [Time Lapse. Back at the bottom of the tomb they pull another 
               block.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Come on guy's, Pharaoh's countin' on 
                         us. Work faster, like this.  You call 
                         that motivating me? Don't just whip 
                         with your arms. The power comes from 
                         your hips. Like this.
 
               
               [He takes the whip and whips himself. The rest of the slaves 
               arrive with the block.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Bender, quit giving the slave drivers 
                         pointers!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Yeah, remember who your real friends 
                         are.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         I'll tell you who I remember.  Enupsis! 
                         Pleeltut! Whatsisname! He was the greatest 
                         of all.
 
               
               [He salutes the tomb. Some horns blow.]

               
                                     OSIRAN
                         Pharaoh Hermenthotip approaches.

               
               [The slaves bow. The horn blowers are whipped and they blow again. 
               Hermenthotip's boat is carried from the water by slaves who were 
               underneath it the whole time. They gasp for air.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Hurry! Hurry! Pharaoh's coming! Get 
                         that nose in place, come on!
 
               
               [The slaves haul the nose onto the tomb. Hermenthotip walks off 
               the boat and the slaves bow. He walks past them and looks at 
               the tomb.]
 
               
                                     HERMENTHOTIP
                         Excellent work! I am very proud of all 
                         you slaves.
 
               
               [Bender stands up and cheers.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Woohoo! Viva Hermenthotip!

               
                                     HERMENTHOTIP
                         And now, I have a grand announcement. 
                         In honour of your achievement, you're 
                         all hereby -
 
               
               [The nose falls off the tomb and crushes him. The slaves gasp.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         (screaming) Nooo!

               
               [He runs forward and lifts the nose away from the Pharaoh.]
 
               
               
                                     HERMENTHOTIP
                         (hoarse) Tell the slaves they can all 
                         go.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Go faster? I told them but they're so 
                         damn lazy.
 
               
                                     HERMENTHOTIP
                         (hoarse) No. I mean they are all free.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Freeloading off you? I agree.

               
                                     HERMENTHOTIP
                         (hoarse) No, I -

               
               [He dies. The slavedriver puts a sheet over his body.]

               
                                     OSIRAN
                         Pharaoh Hermenthotip is dead.

               
                                     BENDER
                         (crying) He's whippin' angels now.
 
                         
               
               [Time Lapse. Night has fallen and hndreds of slaves are gathered 
               for Hermenthotip's funeral. Fry, Bender, Leela, the Australian 
               Guy and some other slaves carry Hermenthotip's coffin and lower 
               it into a hole.]
 
               
                                     HIGH PRIEST
                         We commend the body of Hermenthotip 
                         to the abode of the damned. The damned 
                         good looking!  Pharaoh commanded me 
                         to tell that joke at his funeral.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         (crying) I'll always remember you Hermenthotip!
 
                         
               
                                     HIGH PRIEST
                         To equip Pharaoh for his journey we 
                         bury him with his favourite possessions. 
                         Such as his heart and liver.  And the 
                         many goods he left in his royal garage. 
                          Also, this bag of cat's our culture 
                         considers holy.
 
               
               [He tosses that in too.]

               
               [Time Lapse. An pseudo-Elton John singer plays a piano and sings 
               a song dedicated to the Pharaoh.]
 
               
                                     SINGER
                         (singing) Pharaoh my God-king you are, 
                         cold and deceased. I used to have him 
                         sing...P-P-P-Pharaoh and his pets...but 
                         the years went by and Pharaoh died, 
                         Suzie will have joined him in the afterlife 
                         -
 
               
               [The High Priest pushes him into the hole.]

               
                                     OSIRAN
                         Hermenthotip is gone, the time to designate 
                         a new Pharaoh is at hand.
 
               
               [The tomb lights up.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Wow!

               
                                     OSIRAN
                         At dawn tomrrow the high priest will 
                         consult the Wall Of Prophecy to determine 
                         Hermenthotip's successor.
 
               
               [He points across the river at the wall which has been lit up.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         Woo!

               
                                     OSIRAN
                         That concludes the funeral. You don't 
                         have to go home but you can't stay here.
 
                         
               
               [Liberty Meadows Slave Quarters. The slaves sit around in a room.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         Can you believe it? Pharaoh's dead!
 
                         
               
                                     SLAVE #1
                         Yes! Tonight we are slaves to no one 
                         - except the rhythm!
 
               
               [He starts playing some bongos. The Australian Guy stands up 
               and plays some panpipes and another slave plays a tamborine.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         Yeah! Play those bongos!

               
                                     FRY
                         I'm gonna spin til I fall down!

               
               [It doesn't take long. Bender laughs insanely and sneaks out.]
 
               
               
               [Cut to: Outside Liberty Meadows Slave Quarters. Bender sees 
               the dog-guards, with their backs to him. He takes a ball out 
               of his chest cabinet and throws it. The dogs see it and run after 
               it, barking. Bender runs off in the opposite direction.]
 
               
               [Wall Of Prophecy. Bender sneaks around to the front of it and 
               takes a hammer out of his chest cabinet.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         We interrupt this prophecy to bring 
                         you late breaking bulletin. He hammers 
                         the back of his head and creates and 
                         imprint of himself on the wall.
 
               
               [Time Lapse. The next morning the High Priest and four others 
               stand in front of the wall and the slaves watch.]
 
               
                                     HIGH PRIEST
                         Great Wall Of Prophecy, reveal to us 
                         God's will that we will blindly obey.
 
                         
               
                                     PRIESTS
                         (chanting) Free us from thought and 
                         responsibility.
 
               
                                     HIGH PRIEST
                         We shall read things off you.

               
                                     PRIESTS
                         (chanting) Then do them.

               
                                     HIGH PRIEST
                         Your words guide us.

               
                                     PRIESTS
                         (chanting) We're dumb.

               
               [The slaves watch from below.]

               
                                     FRY
                         You know what else stinks about being 
                         a slave? The hours.
 
               
               [Leela covers her face with her hand in disbelief.]

               
                                     HIGH PRIEST
                         The prophecy is strange and...crudely 
                         drawn at best. It indicates that, we 
                         are "here" and our next Pharaoh is over 
                         there near some...tents.
 
               
                                     BENDER [FROM REEDS]
                         Those are waves jackass, it's supposed 
                         to be a river!
 
               
               [The slaves murmur to each other.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Hey, I think I know who the next Pharaoh 
                         is!
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Oh Lord!

               
                                     HIGH PRIEST
                         We hear your voice great Pharaoh. Reveal 
                         yourself to us.
 
               
               [Bender stands up.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Behold! I have emerged from the place 
                         of spells and fairies!
 
               
                                     HIGH PRIEST
                         It is he. Just as the Wall Of Prophecy 
                         prophesied.  Long live Pharaoh Bender!
 
                         
               
               [All the slaves except Fry and Leela bow.]

               
                                     SLAVES
                         (chanting) Long live Pharaoh Bender!
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         This society is a bunch of idiots.
 
                         
               
               [Outside Pharaoh's Palace. The High Priest and priests stand 
               on a balcony addressing the slaves.]
 
               
                                     HIGH PRIEST
                         People of Osiris 4, please welcome a 
                         man who started as a slave but worked 
                         his way up to lord of all creation! 
                         Our new Pharaoh - Bender!
 
               
               [The crowd cheers and Bender dances out to a riff of The Bangles' 
               Walk Like An Egyptian.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Citizens of Me! The cruelty of the old 
                         Pharaoh is a thing of the past.  Let 
                         a whole new wave of cruelty wash over 
                         this lazy land.
 
               
               [The crowd cheers then realises what he has said.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         What did he say?

               
                                     BENDER
                         Hear the word of Pharaoh. Build unto 
                         me a statue of ridiculous proportion. 
                         One billion cubits in height......that 
                         I might be remembered for all eternity. 
                         And be quick about it!
 
               
               [The slaves are whipped.]

               
               [Bender's Statue. Fry and Leela crawl along the floor with Bender 
               sat on a throne on their backs. An old slaves struggles as he 
               pulls some logs.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Lowly slave. Why are you not working?
 
                         
               
                                     SLAVE #2
                         I am.

               
                                     BENDER
                         I meant yourself to death.

               
                                     SLAVE #3
                         Mighty Pharaoh, it hurts when I breathe.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Well then what do you think you should 
                         stop doing?  Crawl pigs!
 
               
               [He whips them.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Ow!

               
               [They crawl forward.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         The Pharaoh has spoken.

               
               [Montage The slaves haul Bender's statue's massive leg upright 
                la The Ten Commandments as he watches from his palace. The 
               ground shakes as the leg is moved into position. He whips two 
               architects as they look at the design for the statue's ass. Fry 
               takes a "1" to a " - Days Since Last Accident" sign. But instead 
               of hammering the 1 on he hammers his hand to the sign. The 1 
               falls to the ground and Fry bends down to pick it up but can't 
               reach it.]
 
               
               [The statue is almost finished. The statue's foot is positioned 
               so it looks like it is about to crush Hermenthotip's tomb. Up 
               in space the slaves, in spacesuits, lift Bender's antenna ball 
               to the top of the statue. Bender floats near them wearing a jet 
               pack.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Your task is nearly completed. Don't 
                         let down Pharaoh now.
 
               
               [He whips them and glides away.]

               
               [Literal Foot Of Bender's Statue. A stage has been set up and 
               the Osirian and the priests stand next to something covered with 
               a sheet.]
 
               
                                     OSIRAN
                         The great monument is finished oh Pharaoh. 
                         And now, the unveiling.
 
               
               [He pulls a sheet away revealing Bender underneath it. Bender 
               looks up at the statue. Skeletons are sticking out of the foot. 
               The statue speaks in a booming voice and it's mouth lights up 
               with each syllable.]
 
               
                                     STATUE
                         Remember me.  Remember me.  Remember 
                         me.
 
               
                                     OSIRAN
                         Does it please you my lord?

               
                                     BENDER
                         Hmm...its a good start. Uh...yeah it's 
                         definately big alright. I just wonder 
                         if it's too big y'know? I mean, are 
                         people gonna be remembering me or the 
                         statue?
 
               
                                     HIGH PRIEST
                         But sire, we made it to your exact specifications.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Too exact if you ask me. Tear it down 
                         and start again. But this time don't 
                         embarrass yourselves.
 
               
               [He takes a sip of his drink. The Osiran walks behind him and 
               he and the priests mutter something to each other. They jump 
               forward and wrap Bender in bandages. The High Priest turns to 
               the crowd.]
 
               
                                     HIGH PRIEST
                         Ladies and gentlemen, the Pharaoh...suddenly 
                         died!
 
               
               [The slaves cheer and the priests throw Bender into his tomb.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         Good riddance.

               
                                     BENDER [FROM TOMB]
                         What about my servants?

               
                                     PRIEST
                         Oh yeah.

               
               [They throw in Fry and Leela and seal the tomb.]

               
               [Cut to: Bender's Tomb. Fry and Leela hit the hard floor. Leela 
               lights a match and Bender stands in front of the still wrapped 
               in the bandages.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Bender, I really hope that's you. 'Cause 
                         if it isn't......we're in trouble!
 
                         
               
               [Bender pulls som bandages away from his face.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         You jerk. Why'd you have to drag us 
                         along?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         I wanted to watch you remember me.
 
                         
               
               [He turns a light on. The entire tomb is fitted out like a casino.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         Did you really think you'd need all 
                         this junk in the afterlife?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Afterlife? Pfft. If I thought I had 
                         to go through a whole other life I'd 
                         kill myself right now!
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Well rot in peace. Fry and I are leaving.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Sorry but we're totally sealed in.  
                         Nothing can get in or out. Except millions 
                         of snakes.  Here, have a pomergranate 
                         scnapps from my private distillery and 
                         start sharing fond memories of me, Bender.
 
                         
               
               [Fry drinks some but spits it out.]

               
                                     FRY
                         What proof is this? Some huge number?
 
                         
               
               [Leela lights the drink and it explodes.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         It's explosive! Maybe we could escape 
                         by setting fire to the distillery and 
                         blowing this whole place to rubble! 
                          Let's get a little kindling going!
 
                         
               
               [She breaks away part of the leg and stacks the wood underneath 
               the distillery. Bender dives in front of her.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         No! You can't blow up my monument, I 
                         won't be remembered.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Oh right, how selfish of me. We'll just 
                         stay here forever. Hey Fry, remember 
                         that robot "Bender"?
 
               
               [She nudges him.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Bend-er? Doesn't ring a bell.  Did you 
                         hear something Leela?
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         No. But I bet it wasn't someone who 
                         was good at stealing.
 
               
               [Bender hits his head.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Stop it stop it! It's not right! You've 
                         crossed a line!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Hey Leela you know who I remember...?
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Oh please, let it be me!

               
                                     FRY
                         ...That guy who used to bend things. 
                         You know...?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Me, please!

               
                                     FRY
                         ...Hermes.

               
                                     BENDER
                         Alright alright! If it means that much 
                         to you, blow up my statue!
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Oh Bender! When did you come in? Hold 
                         still!  Let's blow this tomb!
 
               
               [She lights the bandage.]

               
               [Cut to: Osiris 4 Surface. The statue starts to shake and the 
               foot splits apart. Bender, Leela and Fry run through the hole 
               and past some slaves.]
 
               
                                     SLAVE #1
                         Pharaoh Bender! He once more walks among 
                         the living!
 
               
               
               [They run up the ship's steps.]

               
               [Cut to: Ship's Cockpit. Leela presses some buttons and the ship 
               takes off. Bender looks at his statue through the windscreen 
               as the ship rises past it.]
 
               
                                     STATUE
                         Remember me!

               
                                     BENDER
                         (crying) I will. I will.  Please, just 
                         leave me alone.
 
               
               [He turns around, hugs Leela and bursts into tears.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Bender, I understand your desire to 
                         be remembered. But you don't need a 
                         statue for that.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         (crying) I don't?

               
                                     LEELA
                         No. You have your legacy as a brutal 
                         tyrannical dictator. And that will outlive 
                         any monument.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         You really think they'll remember me?
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Absolutely.

               
                                     BENDER
                         Well in that case. One planet down! 
                         Helmsman...
 
               
               [Cut to: Outside Ship.]

               
                                     BENDER [FROM SHIP]
                         ...set course for Earth!

               
               [The ship flies towards a planet and he laughs insanely.]

               
                                     LEELA [FROM SHIP]
                         That's not Earth.

               
                                     BENDER [FROM SHIP]
                         Oh.

               
               [The ship zooms away from the planet.]

               
               THE END

               

A Pharaoh To Remember



Writers :   Ron Weiner
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


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