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                                        FUTURAMA

                                       Episode 313

                                  "BENDIN' IN THE WIND"

                                           By

                                      Eric Horsted

                         Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet



               
               [Opening Credits. Caption: Federal Law Prohibits Changing The 
               Channel.]
 
               
               [New New York City Street. Fry and Bender walk down a busy street 
               and Bender sings and dances.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) Froggy went a-courtin' and 
                         he did ride, uh-huh, uh-huh
 
               Well, Froggy went a-courtin' and he did ride

               Blah blah blah, something, Bender is great!

               Froggy went a-courtin' and Bender is great, uh-huh -

               
               [A rumbling noise interrupts his singing. He and Fry look through 
               a gap in a fence and see Sal in a hover-digger digging a huge 
               hole at the NNYC Hole Project. Sall dumps a load down on the 
               ground. Amongst some rubble and mud is a bag of fat free potato 
               chips. Fry picks it up.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Oh my God! They dug up a bag of olestra 
                         chips from my time!  There must be layers 
                         and layers of old stuff down there.
 
                         
               
               [Sal dumps another scoop-ful and amongst the dirt is an entire 
               VW minivan. Fry gasps.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         What's that? One of those Led Zeppelins 
                         I've heard so much about?
 
               
               [Fry puts his hands on the VW.]

               
                                     FRY
                         No, it's an old Volkswagen van.  (shouting) 
                         Hey, Mister? Mind if I take this old 
                         van?
 
               
                                     SAL
                         (shouting) Sure. You wanna dump the 
                         corpses out of theres, it's yourses.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Yeah yeah, I've gotten used cars before.
 
                         
               
               [Planet Express: Hangar. Fry grunts and groans as he pushes the 
               VW into the hangar. He is wearing the previous owner's bandana. 
               Bender sits inside and guzzles down a beer. The rest of the crew 
               gather around.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         What's that? One of those Jefferson 
                         Starships I've heard so much about?
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         It's called a van, and in light of the 
                         fact that it's not a-rockin', I invite 
                         you to come a-knockin'!
 
               
               [He slides open the door and the crew peer inside at all the 
               beads and beanbags and throws.]
 
               
                                     AMY
                         Wow, neat.

               
                                     HERMES
                         It's a triumph of free-spirited German 
                         engineering.
 
               
                                     AMY
                         Hey, the speedometer only goes up to 
                         80. This thing can't go faster than 
                         80,000 miles an hour?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         No, it can't, but it's got a driver's-side 
                         floor and an 8-track player with genuine 
                         mono sound.
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Where's the device that lets you speed 
                         or slow the passage of time?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Under the seat.

               
               [He pulls out a bong. Leela tries turning the key in the ignition 
               and the engine coughs and splutters.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Why won't it start?

               
                                     FRY
                         It just needs some gas.

               
               [Farnsworth puts his hand on his shoulder.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Wrong again, idiot. There is no gas. 
                         Petroleum reserves ran dry in 2038.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Gas was an environmental disaster, anyway. 
                         Now we use alternative fuels.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Like what?

               
                                     LEELA
                         Whale oil.  Bender, lift it up to the 
                         can opener.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Oh, no, I'm not going near it. Last 
                         time, that magnetic psycho nearly cut 
                         my head off.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Oh, right. Plus, the magnet screws up 
                         your inhibition unit and makes you sing 
                         folk songs.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         What? Who said anything about me secretly 
                         wanting to be a folk singer? How ridiculous.
 
                         
               
               [He glances around. Fry puts his hand on his shoulder.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Bender, if you don't open that can right 
                         now, your fear will own you, and nothing 
                         that can opener could ever do could 
                         be worse than that.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         OK, OK, I can do this. It's time to 
                         take life by the cans.
 
               
               [He lifts the barrel and looks weakly at the others.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Come on.

               
                                     HERMES
                         You can do it.

               
                                     AMY
                         Bender!

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Go on, you dummy.

               
               [Bender walks towards the can opener and the magnet grabs him 
               and starts cutting into him. Sparks fly from him and he starts 
               to sing.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) Jimmy cracked corn and I don't 
                         care
 
               [He screams in pain.]

               Jimmy cracked corn and I don't care...

               
               [He screams again. The rest of the crew cringe and cover their 
               eyes.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Oh, no!

               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) 'Cause the master's gone away.
 
                         
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                          It's toe-tapping-ly tragic.

               
               [Cedars-Sinewave Robot Hospital. Bender lies on a bed and a doctor 
               checks him over. He has huge gashes across his chest.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Doc, I can't move my arms and legs. 
                         What's wrong with me?
 
               
               [The doctor sighs.]

               
                                     DOCTOR
                         This is the worst part of the job.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         What is it, good news?

               
                                     DOCTOR
                         Bender, your hydraulics are shot. You'll 
                         never move again.
 
               
               [Bender chokes.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         You mean -?

               
               [The doctor turns to Farnsworth.]

               
                                     DOCTOR
                         I'm sorry, you'll have to get a new 
                         one.
 
               
               [He leaves and Bender bursts into tears. The crew murmur to each 
               other.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Oh, no, this is terrible.

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Poor Bender.

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Well, let's drag him to the kerb.

               
               [He grabs Bender's arm and Zoidberg takes hold of his legs. Fry 
               stops them.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Wait a minute, Bender is my best friend. 
                         We can't just dump him in the gutter 
                         like Grandma's ashes.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         (crying) Oh, my life is over. I'll never 
                         know happiness again.
 
               
               [A horn honks and robot on wheels dressed like a clown rolls 
               in.]
 
               
                                     ROBOT
                         Ho ho, hello there!

               
                                     LEELA
                         Look, Bender. It's Patch Cord Adams. 
                         He heals with the power of laughter.
 
                         
               
               [He holds a robot-shaped balloon above Bender.]

               
                                     PATCH CORD ADAMS
                         C'mon, take it. What's the matter, can't 
                         move your arms?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Obviously not, or I'd be strangling 
                         you right now.
 
               
                                     PATCH CORD ADAMS
                         Hey, here's a giggle!  Did you hear 
                         why they're using Windows 3000 as a 
                         prison guard?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         No, why?

               
                                     PATCH CORD ADAMS
                         'Cause it always locks up.

               
               [The others laugh weakly.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         For the love of God, somebody kick his 
                         ass!
 
               
                                     PATCH CORD ADAMS
                         Well, so long. Get well soon.  Oh, well, 
                         so long anyway.
 
               
               [He rolls out and Bender groans.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Oh, I'm doomed. Everybody leave me alone. 
                         I don't wanna be seen this way.
 
               
               [Everyone, except Fry, leaves.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Aw, you look so sad. You want me to 
                         send Patch Cord Adams back in?
 
               
               [Bender bawls and Fry leaves. The sound of a harmonica stops 
               his tears.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey, the blues. The tragic sound of 
                         other people suffering. That's kind 
                         of a pick-me-up.  Wow, that was great.
 
                         
               
                                     BECK
                         Hey, thanks. You a fan?

               
                                     BENDER
                         I dunno. Let me see.  Oh my God, you're 
                         Beck! I'd get up to shake your hand 
                         and steal your wallet but my crappy 
                         body crapped out on me.
 
               
                                     BECK
                         Don't take it so hard. I used to miss 
                         my body too but then I fished this manequin 
                         out of the 92c Store dumpster.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Wow. We've sure got a lot in common, 
                         Beck. I always dreamed of being a musician-poet 
                         who transcends genres even as he re-invents 
                         them, just like you.
 
               
                                     BECK
                         So do it, robot. It's easier than it 
                         looks.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Eh, thanks, but it's hopeless. I'll 
                         never be a musician now.
 
               
                                     BECK
                         Or maybe you'll be the best musician 
                         ever.
 
               
               [He motions the doctor to him and whispers something to him. 
               He takes the harmonica holder out of Beck's jar and puts it around 
               Bender's neck.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         What's this for?

               
                                     BECK
                         Try and scrape it across your chest 
                         like a knife on burnt toast.  Come on, 
                         move those arms. Use the power of mental 
                         thinking. Make it dynamic.  Yeah-ee! 
                         Alright, congratulations my friend.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Why? 'Cause I can make annoying noises?
 
                         
               
                                     BECK
                         Exactly. I use those all the time in 
                         my music. Bender, I want you to become 
                         my new washboard player.
 
               
               [Bender gasps.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Alright!  Go Bender! Go Bender! Go Bender!
 
                         
               
               [Outside Planet Express. The whole crew are gathered outside 
               the building by the side of the road. Fry, still wearing his 
               headband, wheels Bender out on a sack truck. He has a small green 
               suitcase with him. A large blue bus pulls up and honks its horn.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         Well, that's my good friend, Beck. I'm 
                         of to rock a series of mid-level venues.
 
                         
               
                                     HERMES
                         Kudos, Bender. You got mangled and now 
                         you're a singer. Both our dreams came 
                         true.
 
               
               [The bus honks again.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Hey, I have an idea. Who wants to cram 
                         in my van and follow Bender on tour 
                         and live there, in the van?
 
               
               [Behind them, the VW rumbles and backfires.]

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Oh, I don't know, Fry. I think I'm too 
                         poor to follow a band around in a van.
 
                         
               
               [The bus beeps again and Beck leans out of a window.]

               
                                     BECK
                         (shouting) Come on, move it! We gotta 
                         get to the concert and make the audience 
                         wait for it at the start.
 
               
               [Montage The tour bus passes under the Holland Tunnel with the 
               VW right behind it, causing a tailback. They drive from New New 
               York, through New New Jersey, Washington A.C., East West Virginia 
               to a little town called Squatter's Corner in West Virginia.]
 
               
               
               [Velma Sue's Laundromat. Zoidberg, Amy, Leela and Fry do their 
               laundry. Zoidberg dumps the basket of washing on a table in front 
               of the others who sit around in their underwear.]
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Bad news, friends. My shell ran.

               
               [He holds up his clothes. They are a funky tie-dye pink.]

               
                                     AMY
                         Zoidberg, you idiot, my outfit. It's, 
                         it's -
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Kinda cool.

               
                                     FRY
                         Yeah, I like it.

               
                                     AMY
                         Me too, now that I'm used to it.

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Then it was all on purpose. You're lucky 
                         to have Zoidberg as a friend. But cross 
                         me, and I'll turn on you like that.
 
                         
               
               [He snaps his fingers and squeals at them.]

               
               [Squatter's Corners Civic Audeetorium. Beck and the band play 
               their gig to some hicks in a barn. They perform Where It's At 
               from the album Odelay.]
 
               
                                     BECK
                         (singing) There's a destination a little 
                         up the road
 
               From the habitations and the towns we know

               A place we saw the lights turn low

               The jigsaw jazz and the get-fresh glow

               
               Pullin' out jives and jamboree handouts

               Two turntables and a microphone

               Bottles and cans just clap your hands just clap your hands.
 
               
               
                                     ALL
                         (singing) Where it's at!

               
               [Bender scrapes his chest.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         (electric voice) Got a washboard stomach 
                         and a microphone.
 
               
               [He scrapes his chest.]

               
                                     BECK
                         That was a washboard break.

               
               [The Planet Express foursome cheer.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Oh yeah!

               
                                     AMY
                         Yeah!  One bowl of Jell-O knuckles, 
                         please.
 
               
                                     BARMAN
                         That'll be three pick-e-tures of George 
                         Washington.
 
               
               [Amy takes some money out of her pocket but it has turned to 
               green gloop.]
 
               
                                     AMY
                         Oh no, my beautiful money.

               
                                     LEELA
                         It got ruined in the wash.

               
               [She and Fry take money out of their pockets.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Mine too, even my change.

               
                                     BARMAN
                         Get lost you money-less hippies!

               
               
               [He holds up a picture of nine aliens.]

               
               [Outside Squater's Corners Civic Audeetorium. After the concert, 
               the band's gear is packed away in the bus.]
 
               
                                     BECK
                         Bender, that was the best 40-minute 
                         washboard solo I've ever heard. And 
                         the parts when I was awake blew my mind.
 
                         
               
               [Bender hears something and turns around and sees some broken 
               robots in some bins, rolling towards a building.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Whoa, check out all those broken robots. 
                         Howdy, fellas!
 
               
               [He waves.]

               
                                     ROBOT #1
                         I don't believe my broken eyes, it's 
                         Bender, the washboard player! Hey man, 
                         we caught your concert from here.
 
                         
               
                                     ROBOT #2
                         You rock!

               
                                     FEMBOT
                         Oh, oh, Bender! Sign my chest!

               
                                     ROBOT #3
                         Yo, brother, thanks for showing us broken 
                         robots are still useful.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Aw, hang in there, folks. I'll bet before 
                         you know it, you guys'll be -  That 
                         is so wrong. They can't just melt down 
                         broken robots. Not right when they're 
                         kissing my ass.
 
               
                                     BECK
                         Whoa, dog. Just cold chill.  You know, 
                         when I'm upset, I write a song about 
                         it. Like when I wrote Devil's Haircut, 
                         I was feeling really...what's that song 
                         about?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey, yeah, I could write a song! With 
                         real words, not phony ones like "odelay".
 
                         
               
                                     BECK
                         "Odelay" is a word. Just look it up 
                         in the Becktionary.
 
               
               [He holds the Webster's Abridged Becktionary (From Bzooty to 
               Whiskeyclone).]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Ooh!

               
               [Beck's Bus. The bus drives down a desert road with the VW behind 
               it. Inside, Beck lies on a settee while Bender and writes.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         I'm working on my song. Hand me the 
                         Becktionary.  No, no, the rhyming Becktionary.
 
                         
               
               [Beck sighs.]

               
                                     BECK
                         I wish I could help raise awareness 
                         about broken robots. But what can I 
                         do? I only weigh eight pounds.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Wait a minute, you know lots of rock 
                         stars, and most of them like to look 
                         as though they care about things!
 
                         
               
                                     BECK
                         We can all get together for a big benefit 
                         concert in San Francisco!
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         And we could call it "Bend-Aid", after 
                         me, Bender!
 
               
                                     BECK
                         And you can sing that song you're writing!
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         And I'll let you sing backup! But remember 
                         who the star is. Me: Bender.
 
               
               [Montage The bus passes through several more states as Bender 
               tries to come up with a song. He dabs his eyes with a tissue 
               as he reads the song. At another concert, Fry, Zoidberg, Amy 
               and Leela rummage through dustbins for food. Fry finds a hotdog 
               with mustard and flies and holds it up to the others. Zoidberg 
               cuts it up into four pieces and they eat it. They arrive in San 
               Francisco at dusk.]
 
               
               [Sir Francis Drake Hotel. Bender sits on a bed in his hotel room, 
               writing his song.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Alright. "Hands in the air" rhymes with 
                         "Just don't care" and...finished!  Eck! 
                         Smells like something died in the wall!
 
                         
               
               [Fry, Leela, Zoidberg and Amy walk in.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Surprise!

               
                                     LEELA
                         Mind if we crash here tonight? The colours 
                         in the van are keeping us awake.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Alright, but hands off the minibar.
 
                         
               
               [He closes his chest cabinet which has the minibar in it. Fry 
               looks at the TV.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Wow, I forgot about TV. Living free 
                         on the road, you realise how much better 
                         life is without it. Well, let's see 
                         what's on.
 
               
               [He turns it. An advertisment comes on and shows a band playing 
               on stage.]
 
               
                                     ANNOUNCER #1
                         (voice-over; on TV) Tuesday, Golden 
                         Gate Park, the monsters of vaguely folkish 
                         alterna-rock will strum your brains 
                         out at Bend-Aid! Featuring Beck, Wailing 
                         Fungus and special guest, Bender!
 
                         
               
                                     ANNOUNCER #2
                         (voice-over; on TV) A portion of the 
                         proceeds might go to help broken robots.
 
                         
               
               [Everyone cheers.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Yeah!

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Hooray, robot!

               
                                     AMY
                         Bender, you're famous!

               
               [Bender wipes away a tear.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Yeah.

               
                                     LEELA
                         This coming together of superstars really 
                         means a lot to you, doesn't it, Bender?
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         (crying) Uh-huh. Helping my defective 
                         brothers is the first thing I've ever 
                         cared about, even the slightest bit. 
                         You know, when I first got broken, I 
                         thought my life was over. But look at 
                         me now. I've got fame, money, groupies, 
                         and it's all thanks to being completely 
                         immobolised.  That's why I'll be proud 
                         to go up on stage, tomorrow, and say, 
                         "Look at me, world, I am a broken robot!".
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Bender, you can move! You're cured!
 
                         
               
               [Bender looks at himself in a mirror.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Oh crap, it's a miracle.

               
               [Time Lapse.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         I can move again. (crying) My music 
                         career is over.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Bender, I don't claim to understand 
                         "the biz" but wouldn't being able to 
                         move help your music career?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         (crying) No, don't you see? I was a 
                         hero to broken robots 'cause I was one 
                         of them. But how can I sing about being 
                         damaged if I'm not? That's like Christina 
                         Aguilera singing in Spanish.  Wait, 
                         that's it. I'll fake it!
 
               
               [San Francisco Street. Fry drives the van down the winding streets, 
               with a cloud of exhaust following it.]
 
               
               [Cut to: VW. Zoidberg coughs and hawks into a tissue.]

               
                                     AMY
                         You'd better not do that at the concert.
 
                         
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         I can't stop. When I eat too much dirt, 
                         I get stuff in my throat.
 
               
               [He hawks and spits into the tissue.]

               
                                     AMY
                         You are so disgusting, I -

               
               [She gasps. Zoidberg has spit up blue pearls. Leela takes a handful.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         They're beautiful.

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Eww, you're touching them.

               
                                     AMY
                         I've never seen pearls like this. Dr. 
                         Zoidberg, you're amazing.
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         I am? At last! Recognition!

               
               [He spits up some more into Amy and Leela's hands.]

               
               [Golden Gate Park. Hundreds of hippies and broken robots have 
               turned out for Bend-Aid.]
 
               
                                     EMCEE
                          Gentle-hippies, put your filthy hands 
                         together for the folk stylings of Cylon 
                         and Garfunkel!
 
               
               [A robot with a guitar and man who looks like Art Garfunkel walk 
               onto the stage.]
 
               
                                     GARFUNKEL
                         Here's a song that was beautiful when 
                         it was performed by my ancestor, Art.
 
                         
               [He starts to sing Scarborough Fair.]

               (singing) Are you going to Scarborough Fair?

               
               [Cylon cuts in with a mechanical voice.]

               
                                     CYLON AND GARFUNKEL
                         (singing) Parsley, sage, rosemary and 
                         thyme.
 
               
                                     GARFUNKEL
                         (singing) Remember me to one who loves 
                         there,
 
               
                                     CYLON AND GARFUNKEL
                         (singing) She once was a true love of 
                         mine.
 
               
               [The VW pulls up behind the crowd and the crew get out. They 
               look around and the hippies sitting and lying on the grass.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         We're home.

               
                                     AMY
                         Well, let's earn some bread.

               
               [Time Lapse. Amy puts a sign on the window that says "Genuine 
               Love Beads, $5.00". Fry and Leela are holding some of Zoidberg's 
               pearls that have been strung together.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Brothers and sisters, get your love 
                         beads. Can't journey to the centre of 
                         your mind without love beads!
 
               
               [Hippies gather around the van.]

               
                                     HIPPIE #1
                         Wow, look at these colours. These'll 
                         go great with my soul.
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Glad you like them. I've been making 
                         fine jewellery for years, apparently.
 
                         
               
                                     HIPPIE #2
                         I'll take three.

               
                                     HIPPIE #3
                         Give me one, man!

               
                                     HIPPIE #4
                         I'll trade you a bad poem!

               
               [Time Lapse.]

               
                                     EMCEE
                          And now, stand up and turn on your 
                         hidden tape recorders for...Beck! With 
                         special guest, Bender the broken robot.
 
                         
               
               [The stage curtain lifts and Bender and Beck are lowered from 
               the ceiling. Broken robots in the audience cheer and the band 
               plays Sexx Laws from the album Midnite Vultures.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         (shouting) Bender rules!

               
                                     HIPPIE #5
                         Groove on, man!

               
                                     LEELA
                         Rock it, Bender!

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Play that thing!

               
               [Bender and Beck hit the stage and liquid spills out of Beck's 
               jar.]
 
               
                                     BECK
                         (shouting) Can't you hear those cavalry 
                         drums
 
               Hijacking your equilibrium...

               
                                     BENDER
                         Whoa-oh, yeah!

               
                                     BECK
                         (shouting) ...Midnight hags in the mausoleum...
 
                         
               
               [Time Lapse. Day has turned to dusk, the crowd has thinned and 
               the band is still playing the same song. Bender scrapes his chest 
               and the song ends. The crowd cheers.]
 
               
                                     BECK
                         Thank you. That song doesn't usually 
                         last three hours, but we got into a 
                         serious thing...and then I forgot how 
                         it ended. Anyway, one last item of business 
                         before we go.
 
               
               [Cylon and Garfunkel walk onto the stage with a big cheque.]
 
               
               
                                     GARFUNKEL
                         Bender, to start your foundation for 
                         broken robots, here's a big cardboard 
                         cheque for $14,000.
 
               
                                     CYLON
                         It's been an emotional day for me.
 
                         
               
               [They prop it up next to Bender, who starts to cry.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         (crying) I don't know what to say.
 
                         
               
                                     BECK
                         Then maybe you should sing it. Lay it 
                         down boys.
 
               
               [The band starts to play Bender's song and the lights dim.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         Ladies, gentlemen, smoking heaps of 
                         machinery......this is a song called 
                         My Broken Friend.
 
               [The crowd cheers.]

               (singing) People say my broken friend is useless

               But I say his mind is free

               There's lots of things my mangled robot friend could be

               
                                     BECK
                         Kick it!

               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) He could make a good...

               
                                     BENDER AND BECK
                         (singing) ...hatrack

               
                                     BECK
                         (singing) He only has to stand there
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) Or a cheap...

               
                                     BENDER AND BECK
                         (singing) ...doorstop

               
                                     BECK
                         (singing) He doesn't need to move

               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) Or a great big...

               
                                     BENDER AND BECK
                         (singing) ...giant Thermos

               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) With a twist-off top

               
                                     BECK
                         (singing) That would be good for soup
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) He could be a storage closet...
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER AND BECK
                         (singing) ...For outdated pants

               
                                     BECK
                         I like 'em tight!

               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) My broken friend could do 
                         it all...
 
               
                                     BENDER AND BECK
                         (singing) ...Just give him a chance!
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) That robot has a tragic secret
 
                         
               That I'd like to share...

               
                                     BECK
                         For real?

               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) ...My broken friend is closer 
                         to me
 
               Than an ass to a chair...

               
                                     BECK
                         Hm.

               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) ...That robot's name I never 
                         told you...
 
               
                                     BECK
                         Who's that?

               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) ...You could not foresee...
 
                         
               
                                     BECK
                         C'mon, give it up.

               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) ...I'll say it loud and sing 
                         it proud...
 
               
                                     BENDER AND BECK
                         (singing) His name is you and me.

               
               [Bender starts dancing.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) Don't melt me down into a 
                         crowbar
 
               
                                     BECK
                         (singing) It suffers alone

               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) Just 'cause I can't move my 
                         arms and legs
 
               
                                     BECK
                         Hey.

               
               [The robots look around and Bender flails his arms and legs around.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) Or toss me into a trash can...
 
                         
               
                                     BECK
                         Bender, what are you doing?

               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) ...Just 'cause I can't cook 
                         you ham and eggs...
 
               
                                     BECK
                         What are you doing?

               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) ...Don't crush me into an 
                         anchor...
 
               
                                     BECK
                         What's the dealy-o?

               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) ...Just 'cause I can't jump 
                         and dance and sing...
 
               
                                     BECK
                         Hold it! What? No!

               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) ...I'm telling you, my broken 
                         friend...
 
               
                                     BECK
                         B-Bender.

               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) ...Put your hands in the air 
                         like you just don't care!
 
               
                                     BECK
                         No!

               
               [Bender bounds off across the stage.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) I'm telling you, my broken 
                         friend...
 
               
                                     BECK
                         Cut it!

               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) ...Can do 'most anything!
 
                         
               
               [He slides across the stage on his knees.]

               
                                     BECK
                         Cut it!

               
                                     BENDER
                         Yeah!

               
                                     BECK
                         Cut it!

               
               [The crowds shouts and boos. Bender's harmonica holder falls 
               off. He looks at himself.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Curse my natural showmanship!

               
                                     ROBOT #1
                         (shouting) You big fat fraud! You're 
                         not really broken!
 
               
                                     ROBOT #2
                         (shouting) But you will be in a minute! 
                         Bum-rush the stage!
 
               
               [The broken robots crawl and hobble towards Bender. Bender backs 
               away.]
 
               
                                     ROBOT #3
                         Get him!

               
               [Bender folds the cheque away into his chest cabinet, grabs a 
               rope and swings over the crowd, screaming like Tarzan. He flies 
               towards the VW.]
 
               
               [Cut to: VW. He flies through sunroof, slams his head against 
               it and lands in the driver's seat. He shifts it into gear and 
               speeds off in a cloud of smoke. The others hang on.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Golden Gate Park.]

               
                                     HIPPIE #6
                         Oh harsh, I didn't get my beads.

               
               [Zoidberg coughs and beads rain down on the hippies. Beck watches 
               from the stage.]
 
               
                                     BECK
                         You, minion, lift up my arm.  After 
                         him!
 
               
               [His bus pulls up and he gets on with Cylon and Garfunkel, the 
               heads of Neil Young and Joni Mitchell, and Wailing Fungus. The 
               bus ploughs through a crowd and a chase sequence lifted from 
               Bullit begins.]
 
               
               [San Francisco Street. The VW flies down the road, pursued by 
               Beck's bus.]
 
               
               [Cut to: VW. Bender looks in the rear-view mirror.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Well everyone, prepare to get your guts 
                         kicked out by folk singers.
 
               
               [Cut to: San Francisco Street. The buses drive past a green VW 
               Beetle once, twice, three times, four times...]
 
               
               [Cut to: Chinatown. A Chinese street parade is interrupted as 
               the buses drive past, blowing the Chinese dragon off a caterpillar-like 
               alien.]
 
               
                                     CATERPILLAR ALIEN
                         What is this? The Year of the Jerk?
 
                         
               
               [The VW rounds another corner, carving up another green Beetle.]
 
               
               
               [Cut to: VW.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Hurry, the Golden Gate Bridge. Put the 
                         metal to the pedal to the other metal.
 
                         
               
               [Bender floors it. Beck's bus gets closer and bumps them. They 
               scream. The bus passes a sign that reads "Golden Gate Hoverbridge".]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         Oh no, I forgot this is a hoverbridge.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         And I forgot this isn't a hovercar.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Is any of that a problem?

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Not if you've lived a life without regret.
 
                         
               
               [He screams. The VW flies off the edge of the road and plummets 
               to the ground below.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         I'll save me!

               
               [He leans out of the window and grabs a cable.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Quick, grab his footcups.

               
               [They all grab Bender's feet.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey? What? No.

               
               [The VW lands softly on a rocky outcrop by the water. Bender 
               has pulled the wire and it is very tense.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Phew!

               
               [They all let go of Bender and the tense wire launches him into 
               the air. The gang watch him fly off. Leela shrugs.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Bummer.

               
               [Fisherman's Worf. The fat guy from the Titanic and a thin woman 
               buy some food from Tarty McTang's and hear Bender screaming from 
               above.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         (shouting) Someone fat get in my way! 
                          (talking) Ah, I'm broken again. I can't 
                         move any part of me.
 
               
                                     BECK
                         Good.

               
                                     BENDER
                         I'm really sorry I lied, Beck. All I 
                         ever wanted was to make music with you. 
                         I never meant to hurt anyone, or help 
                         anyone.
 
               
                                     BECK
                         Bender, that's some played-out, new-jack, 
                         horsecrap. But I know you don't mean 
                         it so, apology accepted.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         So, I can, uh, keep the cheque?

               
                                     GARFUNKEL
                         Over my dead career!

               
               [He takes the cheque out of Bender's chest cabinet.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Well, it was worth a shot.

               
               [He gets up and the other three leave.]

               
               [Time Lapse. The bus flies away and Bender sighs. The VW floats 
               past. Fry, Leela, Amy and Zoidberg are paddling up the river 
               in it. A seal sits on the roof.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         (shouting) C'mon, Bender. If you're 
                         done scamming Beck, we're heading home.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Alright, alright. Let me just do one 
                         thing to cheer myself up.
 
               [He takes a magnet from Ye Olde Tourist Trappe and puts it on 
               his head. His pupils go wild and he starts to sing.]
 
               Fry cracked corn

               And I don't care

               Leela cracked corn

               I still don't care

               Bender cracked corn

               And he is great!

               Take that you stupid corn!

               
               [He wades out into the water to the VW.]

               
               THE END

               
               

Bendin' In The Wind



Writers :   Eric Horsted
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


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