Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet
[Opening Credits. Caption: Torn From Tomorrow's Headlines.]
[Planet Express: Hangar. The hangar doors are open and the launching
mechanism raises the ship into the launch position.]
[Cut to: Ships Cockpit. The crew are sat at their stations.]
Dark matter indicator?
Making the noise.
All systems operational. Let's rock!
[She pushes the gear lever forward.]
[Cut to: Planet Express: Hangar. The engines fire up.]
[Cut to: Outside Planet Express. The ship takes off and the engines
suddenly shut down. The ship falls onto the road and the landing
gear pops out. Motorists honk their horns as the crashed ship
causes a traffic jam.]
[Planet Express: Meeting Room. Fry, Bender, Zoidberg and Hermes
sit around the table. Leela stands holding a thick folder.]
Gentlemen, I've completed my report
on the crash.
[She drops the thick file onto the table and everyone stares
Whoa! I'm not reading that crap. Summarise
it in one word.
Sabotage. This is a normal L-unit.
Without it, space travel is but the
fevered dream of a madman.
It's an important unit.
And this, my friends, is the L-unit
I just removed from the ship.
[She pulls a sheet off an L-unit. It is straight. Everyone gasps.]
That doesn't look like an "L" at all.
Unless you count lowercase.
You know we don't!
[He slaps Fry and he groans.]
Whoever did this was strong. This is
340 pounds of Tonka-tough steel.
[Bender stands at her side and picks up the L-unit.]
Hmm. It should look like this. But
instead it looks like this.
[He straightens it again.]
Who would do a thing like that?
Who could do a thing like that? And
by "that", I mean this.
[He bends the L-unit back and forth repeatedly.]
Well, gang, it looks like we have another
mystery on our hands.
I'd better make a chart of the suspects.
I'll begin by drawing a line with my
straight-edge. Sweet lampre of Santa
Fe! My edge has been bent!
[Amy walks in wearing Mars University sweats.]
(crying) My javelin too! It's ruined.
Now we'll never beat Jupiter State.
My slinky! My cuddly, little pet slinky!
[He cries. Farnsworth walks in. He has been bent forward so his
back is horizontal and his face is pointing downwards.]
What's all the hubbub?
My God! Even the Professor's been bent.
That you for your sympathy, talking
square of linoleum.
I'll get you fixed up. That's fine.
Wait a minute. Bender? What did you
just do to the Professor?
I bent him.
Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent
so it must be the robot designed for
I know how to settle this: We'll check
last night's surveillance tapes.
You've seen me naked?
[Planet Express: Surveillance Room. Hermes presses a button and
a panel in the wall slides up, revealing several screens and
rows of tapes. Hermes runs his finger across the tapes.]
Ah. Last night's tape. It was right
next to Bathroom Bloopers 4.
[Bender takes the tape and puts it in the VCR. On the screen
Farnsworth snores in his apartment lounge. Owls wander out of
an owl hole and start pecking the floor.]
See? Nothing. Told you, losers.
[Bender walks in on the screen with his arms outstretched.]
Wait! There on the screen. It's that
guy you are.
[Farnsworth watches a little TV monitor attached to his head.]
Dear God! We've got robots on the ceiling.
[On the screen Bender mumbles in his sleep. He bends a column
and the staff gasp. Then he bends a sofa cushion, a plant and
eventually Farnsworth, who groans but remains asleep. Bender
turns around and bends the camera. The picture cuts to static.]
You weren't sleepwalking. You were sleep-bending!
This is quite a shock. On the other
hand, it's not surprising in the least.
After all, I've been bending since the
day I was built.
[Flashback. Large robotic arms assemble a bending unit on a conveyor
(voice-over) I was born on an assembly
line in the bad part of Tijuana.
[A robotic arm selects a bending unit head from a box filled
with other robot heads, including Flexo's. It screws the head
onto the body and Bender opens his eyes.]
Mama. Hooray! I graduated! Time to
bend around Europe for a few months,
then get a job bending.
[He bends his diploma.]
You remember your own birth?
Sure. It was only four years ago.
You're only four years old?
Precocious little scamp, ain't I?
[He takes a puff from a cigar.]
Hmm. Bender must have a pent-up need
to bend that's not being satisfied by
his bend-free lifestyle.
Then he can't stay here. He's a menace
to every straight person in the company.
Go satisfy your bend lust and don't
you come back to work until you do.
[He puts his hand up and tips backwards.]
[Outside Curvetti Bros. Bending Plant. Robots have formed a picket
(chanting) No more bending, no more
work. Give us a raise, you big fat jerk.
[Sal leans out of a window.]
[A car pulls up next to the robots and Joey Mouse Pad leans out.
He whistles to them.]
Yo! The Mafia supports you. But don't
tell no one. Spread the word.
[He leans back in.]
[Cut to: Mafiabot Car. Clamps and Donbot are with Joey.]
As the duly-elected mobsters of this
union, it's our duty to support the
struggle of these proud, lazy slobs.
Yeah, but what if management remains
From the context it is clear what you
mean. In that case, Clamps may have
a little surprise for them.
The clamps! (unsure) Right?
[Donbot nods and Clamps laughs maniacally.]
[Outside Curvetti Bros. Bending Plant. Bender arrives and sees
Aw, no! A strike? Now I'll never get
to bend anything. Oh, woe is Bender.
Hang tough, brother. Management refused
our demand to switch casual Friday to
And now they're hiring scabs at ten-
times the normal wage.
Ten-times normal wage? I'll give those
jerks what for!
[He walks straight through the fence towards the factory and
the robots cheer him on.]
[Curvetti Bros. Bending Plant. Bender shakes Sal's hand.]
Welcomes aboard, scab.
Great to be here.
Come on. I'll introduces you to your
scab co-workers you'll be scabbing with.
This heres our scab foreman.
[The bending unit turns around.]
Hey, sorry you got sent to that South
American Turkish prison instead of me
on account of mistaken identity.
You bastard! They treated me like an
animal and that's what I became! Nah,
you're alright. Good to see you, buddy!
And heres another scab what also works
[Bender gasps and stares at the Fembot, blurry eyed. She is thin
and has blonde hair.]
Hey, yous guyses wanna move that things?
[Robots move a pane of frosted glass from in front of Angleyne,
revealing her to be more heavily-built than Bender thought.]
(more sexfully) Hello!
[Angleyne laughs croakily then coughs.]
[Outside Curvetti Bros. Bending Plant. The robots still march
(chanting) Give us a raise you big fat
[Cut to: Curvetti Bros. Bending Plant. A girder drops into Flexo's
(from outside) Nevers!
[Flexo bends the girder and moves it aside. Bender stands in
front of him and bends a girder. Angleyne bends wires into wire
coat hangers. Bender gazes at her and sighs. A girder hits him
on the head.]
Ow! Um. Hi, Angleyne. Whatcha up to?
Making hangers. Guidance counsellor
said I had a knack for it.
That's cool, that's cool. So, um, uh,
I was wondering if, y'know, it's cool
if not, but, what are you doing after
What I always do. Jack squat.
Me too. Man, we have a lot in common,
Well we are made of virtually identical
(sexfully) Are you sure? Maybe I should
sneak a peek at your access panel.
[Angleyne holds up a leaflet.]
Hey, according to the scab handbook
that's extremely inappropriate banter.
(sexfully) And that's just the way I
[Planet Express: Hangar. Hermes tries to straighten his straight
edge. Behind him the ship is a battered mess.]
Haile H. Selassie!
[He bends it straight. Beside him, Zoidberg has re-curled his
slinky, though it doesn't really look right.]
There, little friend. Good as new.
[He strokes it and puts it atop a pile of books he has arranged
like stairs. He nudges the slinky and it flops down the books
and bursts into flames. Zoidberg groans and bursts into tears.]
[New New York City Street. Fry and Farnsworth walk down the rough
street. Farnsworth is looking upwards and doesn't notice how
bad the street and its inhabitants are.]
What an exquisite day. That azure sky,
the verdant treetops. Those delightful
birds with their chirp, chirp, chirp
and their tweet, tweet, splat.
[They pass a dog leaving its mark on a fire hydrant and two hookers
wearing jet packs.]
Professor, I've never seen you so cheerful.
What the hell's wrong with you?
Hmm. I'm not quite sure. Perhaps seeing
things from a new perspective has reminded
me of life's beauty. Or perhaps my new
posture is causing blood to pool in
the back of my brain, resulting in a
mild delirium. Incidentally, you have
a dime up your nose.
I wish! It's a nickel.
[Outside Curvetti Bros. Bending Plant. A new day dawns and Bender
passes the picket line wearing a hardhat and carrying a lunchbox.
He waves his fist.]
Union forever! Lousy scabs! They can't
do those things! Et cetera!
[Curvetti Bros. Bending Plant.]
I bet watching me bend girders like
this turns your legs all rubbery.
Well my legs are made of rubber. And
anyway, I am just as strong as you are,
Oh, yeah? Prove it. Here, let me help
[He puts his arms around her and together they bend the girder
into a heart shape. A few bars of Unchained Melody play as they
gaze into each other's eyes. They lean in and kiss, and sparks
[Montage: Bender and Angleyne date to American Breed's Bend Me,
Shape Me. At a fairground stall, Bender tries to knock down a
pile of bottles with a ball but repeatedly misses. Angleyne looks
away in dismay so Bender throws the ball at the man in the stall,
knocking him out. He takes a big stuffed pig and gives it to
Angleyne then steals the man's wallet and they run off. Later,
they enjoy a boat ride on a lake. Bender's detached arms row
the boat and he and Angleyne cuddle. Still later, they ride a
tandem through the park. Fry scoots alongside them using the
Professor as a bicycle and Hermes and Zoidberg hold some tape
at the finish line. Fry and Farnsworth get ahead and Bender takes
a stick out of his chest cabinet and puts it between the spokes
of Farnsworth's wheel, causing him and Fry to fly through the
air. They land in a lake and Bender laughs as he and Angleyne
cut through the tape.]
[Planet Express: Meeting Room. Farnsworth, Leela, Fry, Zoidberg,
Amy and Hermes sit around the table. For some reason everyone
except Farnsworth is tied to their chair and Leela's ponytail
points to her right.]
My new bent outlook has completely re-energised
me. I'm even dating a young Brazilian
Some say I'm robbing the cradle but
I say she's robbing the grave.
[Bender wanders in sideways. It turns out the meeting table has
been stuck to the wall so Farnsworth can see everyone eye-to-eye.]
Howdy, doodies. What's new?
[He uses his suction feet to walk up the wall and sit in an empty
I was just regaling your former co-workers
with a tale of bedroom antics, the likes
Yeah, yeah! Big whoop! No-one cares.
I got Bender-related news. I'm in love
and I'm taking all my friends out to
Let's get liquored up!
[Bender walks down to the floor and everyone else falls out of
their seats and land in a pile on the floor.]
[Elzar's Fine Cuisine. The evening's special is blackened leftovers.
The crew sit around a table and Farnsworth leans against it with
his legs behind him.]
Hey, look at this crowd. You guys gotta
try the pasta. It's got a real nice
profit margin. Bam! So, special occasion
Oh, Elzar, you'll never guess what's
I met the most dynamite ladybot.
Hey, that's terrific. To celebrate,
I'm gonna stick seven copies of my latest
cookbook on your bill.
[He holds up his book, Three More Recipes and leaves.]
Bless you, sir.
So, Bender, tell us about this new girlfriend
I intend to. Through the lost art of
the toast. To Angleyne, she's got it
all. Looks, charm and the love of a
fabulous bending robot.
She sure does.
[He points across the room. Bender turns and gasps. Flexo and
Angleyne sit at a table laughing.]
[He picks up a baguette and tries to break it. Elzar walks past
at the back of the room.]
(shouting) Careful, that's a week old!
[Bender grunts and the stick breaks, then his arms fall off.
He reattaches them and mutters to himself.]
I finally meet a nice girl with a pair
of legs that don't quit unexpectedly
and that jerk Flexo steals her away?
It's time to kick some shiny, metal
ass. You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed
in you too, Angleyne.
Bender, it's-it's not what you think.
Oh, God! Then it's worse than I think.
Now look, there is no reason to be upset.
Flexo and I are divorced.
We're just havin' dinner 'cause we wanna
Uh, I knew that. What I'm actually outraged
by is your choice of wine. Really, it's
the steward's fault.
[He smacks a passing steward.]
Excellent choice, sir.
[Planet Express: Lounge. Bender paces backwards and forwards
muttering to himself. Fry and Leela sit on the couch and Farnsworth
leans against it. Leela reads a book.]
(muttering) That Flexo, I'm knockin'
him right on his butt. I can't believe
Obsessing won't help, Bender. Take a
lean back and enjoy life.
I can't. My Fembot may be in love with
Well talk to her. Tell her about your
feelings in an open an honest way.
Yeah. Either that or be a man.
[Fry's and Bender's Lounge. At dusk, Bender paces around the
apartment while Fry trims a plant into the shape of the Planet
OK, I've constructed an elaborate lie:
I'll call Angleyne while pretending
to be Flexo, arrange a date, show up
disguised as him and catch her two-timing
me with myself.
That's thinkin' like a man.
[Bender picks up the phone and dials.]
(disguised voice) Hello? This is Flexo.
[Outside The Hip Joint. A taxi flies towards the club and Bender
gets out. It's Robot Nite and designated device drivers drink
free. Bender opens his chest cabient and sticks a goatee to his
Now we'll see who loves whom.
[He cackles and walks in.]
[Cut to: The Hip Joint. Bender looks around and sees Angleyne
at the bar.]
Hey, hot stuff.
Hey, Flexo. So since when do you go
to bars on work nights? It's not like
you at all.
Nonsense. It's exactly like me. Flexo:
The fun loving love machine Fembots
love to love. Hey, barkeep, I'll have
a Fuzzy Navel and she'll have the girliest
drink in the house.
Two Fuzzy Navel's comin' up.
[Bender takes a wad of cash out of his chest cabinet.]
I hope they can make change for a fortune.
[He tosses the cash over the bar. On the other side of the bar
the Mafiabots watch him.]
Yo. Get an eyeload of that filty scab
with the beard flashing his filthy scab
money. It's an insult to you, boss.
Yeah. That cash oughta be slushin' my
fund and kicksing my back.
I'm greasing up my whoozits!
[He squirts oil on his clamps.]
Whoa, whoa, Clamps, not yet. Let's just
keep an eye on him and see if he does
it a couple more times.
[Bender and Angleyne drink.]
You're lookin' good to Flexo tonight.
Quit makin' with the googly eyes. You
know that I'm in love with Bender.
Bender? That walking wuss factory?
Well he may be a walking factory but
believe me he is no wuss. Now look.
You and me are through. I told you that
when I divorced you.
But going through a divorce together,
you can't tell me that didn't bring
us closer. Care to dance?
You know I love dancing but you always
In that case it's something I've always
wanted to make up to you. Hey, scratchmo.
How 'bout dropping me and the lady some
[He takes out his cash and throws it at the DJbot. The Mafiabots
I had hoped that by the second time
he flashed his cash my rage would have
subsided. Sadly that has not happened.
[Clamps sharpens his clamps. Bender and Angleyne dance with the
You used to be so inflexible, Flexo.
You have really loosened up!
I recently upgraded my funk card. C'mon!
C'mon now, what's new! Ew!
[He wipes it on his casing.]
Flexo? What-What's going on?
[Bender laughs weakly and puts the goatee back on his face.]
[He grabs Angleyne and tilts her back and she laughs.]
[The robots dancing on the platforms start to fall apart and
they rain on Bender and Angleyne.]
[Time Lapse. Bender and Angleyne sit at a table as the janitor
sweeps the robot parts off the empty floor.]
So the moral of the story is: If you
want it to stay sunk, tie a weight to
(laughing) You always were a kick in
the teeth, man.
Aw, shucks, thunder-buns! You make me
feel like a million volts.
[Angleyne sighs and stirs her finger around the rim of her glass.]
Flexo, Flexo, Flexo. I'm starting to
remember why I fell for you in the first
(thinking) So, she's falling for Flexo,
eh? I'd better seduce her a little more,
just to be sure.
Well, it's late. I should get home to
I'll walk you out. After all, a true
gentleman tends to his date's every
[Outside The Hip Joint. Bender and Angleyne walk out smoking
their cigars. Bender hands a valet some money.]
Here you are, my lad. Bring the lady's
car around in the finest way possible.
[Cut to: Mafiabot Car. The mobbots watch.]
He's flashin' his cash loaf again.
How many times is that? Two or three?
Alright. That's the necessary number
of times. That scab's gonna have a little
With all due respect, Donbot, I don't
think we should rely on an accident
happening. Let's kill him ourselves.
[Cut to: Outside The Hip Joint. Angleyne stands by her car.]
Well, goodnight. I-I had a great time.
How 'bout a lift? To your place.
Admit it. You felt something for me
tonight. And by me I mean Flexo.
Hey look, I had fun but--
(gasping) But... Huh? Bender! You tricked
That's right, baby. I ain't your lover
boy, Flexo, the guy you love so much.
You even love anybody pretending to
Well maybe I love you so much I love
you no matter who you're pretending
Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand
that! There's only one reasonable course
of action now: Kill Flexo. Ow!
[He takes Angleyne's car and flies away. She runs after him to
the edge of the platform.]
[Curvetti Bros. Bending Plant. Flexo hums as he bends girders.
Bender walks in and pushes Flexo.]
Thanks, I appreciate that. Nah, I'm
joshing you. That was quite annoying.
You call yourself divorced? You're making
a mockery of one of our oldest institutions.
[Bender punches him and they start fighting. In a control room
above, the mobbots watch. Clamps operates a set of controls that
hold a huge unbendable girder above the factory floor.]
Alright, boss, give the word and I'll
drop this unbendable girder. Clamp,
Remember, only kill the one with the
beard. That other filthy scab we got
[Clamps moves the girder and Flexo pushes Bender against a wall.
Bender opens Flexo's door and punches the roof of his chest cabinet.
[Angleyne runs around the corner.]
Please stop! I'm not worth it!
Probably not. But I love you And I'm
gonna kick his ass 'til I win you back.
[He pushes Flexo into the middle of the room and Clamps moves
the girder again. Flexo starts choking Bender.]
(from control room) OK, Clamps. Now!
[The girder drops and Bender and Flexo fall to the floor. Angleyne
screams and the mobbots look through the window.]
Ooh, that's gotta clamp!
[Flexo has been crushed under the girder. Angleyne kneels by
Flexo? Are you OK?
Yeah, never better. Nah, I'm yankin'
your chain, I'm dying.
You can't die. Tonight Bender showed
me that I love you.
But, I love you.
I know and I care for you too. But I
could never love anyone as much as you
made me realise I love Flexo.
[She hugs Flexo and cries.]
But ... but ... I love you so much,
Angleyne, I want you to be happy no
What, what are you saying?
I'm saying I've got an unbendable girder
You can't bend that girder. It's unbendable!
Well I don't know anything about lifting,
so that just leaves us the one option.
[He grunts as he tries to bend the girder. He stops and takes
some BENDGAY out of his chest cabinet. He rubs it on his hands
and arms and tries bending again. Oil dribbles down his forehead,
his door pops off and his antenna explodes but he finally manages
to bend the girder away from Flexo's head. Flexo waddles out
from under it and shakes Bender's hand.]
Thanks, buddy. Another year under that
and I'd have been a goner.
[Angleyne hugs Bender.]
I'll always remember this, Bender.
[She hugs Flexo and Bender wipes a tear away from his eye.]
(crying) Me too. Me too. (talking) Jerk.
[Planet Express: Lounge. The staff sit around the table.]
So Flexo and Angleyne had sex right
there on the factory floor? Well, at
least you got bending out of your system.
Yes. I won't be up to bending again
for a long, long time.
Perhaps it's your outlook that needs
a good bend. A 90-degree bend to a place
where happiness is perpendicular to
Professor, we're all sick of your upbeat
Nonsense. It's just like in the song
(singing) We all need a new angle on life,
You gotta bend away all your trouble and your strife,
Bender, you've gotta help us.
I try to get out but they keep pulling
me back in.
[He stands up and rolls up his sleeves.]
(singing) You gotta dangle,
Have a new angle,
Wangle a new dangle on life.
[Bender bends him and he screams. He has bent right over backwards.]
No, Bender! The other way.
I like him better this way.
I'm sad now.
Eh, it's fine.