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                                        FUTURAMA

                                       Episode 501

                                   "CRIMES OF THE HOT"

                                           By

                                       Aaron Ehasz

                         Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet



               
               [Opening Credits. Caption: Known To Cause Insanity In Laboratory 
               Mice.]
 
               
               [Planet Express: Balcony. Its a scorching hot day and the crew 
               are standing on the balcony in swimsuits. Leela is standing by 
               an empty kiddie pool.]
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Hurry up with the water, I'm steaming 
                         in my own shell I am, it's that hot 
                         it is!
 
               
               [Leela rips open a packet of Instant Pool Water (Just Add Water 
               - Dead Leaves Included.)]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Heyya!

               
               [She empties the packet into the pool and squirts it with the 
               hose. The pool fills with water with dead leaves floating on 
               top. Enter Fry and Bender.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Man it's hot! (different voice.) How 
                         hot is it? (normal voice.) It's so hot 
                         I poured McDonalds Coffee in my lap 
                         to cool off.  Jonny Carson said it.
 
                         
               
               [Nibbler starts to drink the pool water.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         No! Nibbler, don't drink the pool water! 
                         It's full of chlorine!
 
               
               [Nibbler finishes off the water and belches a green gas - chlorine! 
               Everyone except Bender coughs and falls over unconcious. Bender 
               laughs.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Lightweights! Oh wait - chlorine!

               
               [He instantly rusts and falls over.]

               
               [Planet Express: Meeting Room. The crew are slouched around the 
               table sweating. Farnsworth is attaching an old filmstrip to Bender.]
 
               
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Perhaps this movie will help us take 
                         our minds off the heat.
 
               
                                     BENDER (JITTERY)
                         Focuuus!

               
               [The movie is projected onto a screen with the title "Global 
               Warming Or: None Like It Hot."]
 
               
               
               [In the movie a little girl called Suzie walks out of an ice 
               cream shop with a cone. It melts before she can take a lick. 
               She cries. A man laughs. The regular filmstrip narrator walks 
               into the frame.]
 
               
                                     NARRATOR [IN MOVIE]
                         You're probably wondering why your ice 
                         cream went away. Well Suzie, the culprit 
                         isn't foreigners, it's global warming!
 
                         
               
                                     SUZIE [IN MOVIE]
                         Gwobal wappa?

               
                                     MAN [IN MOVIE.]
                         Uh, yeah! Meet Mr Sunbeam. He comes 
                         all the way from the sun to visit Earth.
 
                         
               
               [As he speaks there is a scene of a sunbeam in a hat with a briefcase. 
               It walks from the sun to Earth and raises its hat.]
 
               
               
               [He walks away from the Earth but is stopped by gas things.]
 
               
               
                                     GAS [IN MOVIE]
                         Not so fast Sunbeam! We're Greenhouse 
                         Gases! You ain't going nowhere!
 
               
               [More gases arrive and they beat up Mr Sunbeam.]

               
               
                                     MAN [IN MOVIE]
                         Pretty soon Earth is chock full of sunbeams......their 
                         rotting corpses heating our atmosphere.
 
                         
               
               [The gases laugh and the scene changes to a classroom.]

               
                                     SUZIE [IN MOVIE]
                         How do we get wid of the gweenhouse 
                         grasses?
 
               
                                     NARRATOR [IN MOVIE]
                         Fortunately our handsomest politicians 
                         came up with a cheap, last minute way 
                         to combat global warming. Ever since 
                         2063 we drop a giant ice cube into the 
                         ocean every now and then.
 
               
               [The movie cuts to a shot of a giant ice cube being dropped into 
               the ocean.]
 
               
                                     SUZIE [IN MOVIE]
                         Just like Daddy puts in his drink every 
                         morning! (sadly) And then he gets mad.
 
                         
               
                                     NARRATOR [IN MOVIE]
                         Of course, since the greenhouse gases 
                         are still building up, it takes more 
                         and more ice each time.  Thus solving 
                         the problem once and for all.
 
               
                                     SUZIE [IN MOVIE]
                         But...

               
               
               [The movie quickly ends with the caption "The End."]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Well, we just need one of those big 
                         ice cubes. Someone should call the losers 
                         who are supposed to deliver it.  Hello?
 
                         
               
               [Nixon's head appears on the screen.]

               
                                     NIXON [ON SCREEN]
                         President Nixon here.  I'm hiring you 
                         losers to deliver the ice. And hurry 
                         up! I'm sweating like J. Edgar Hoover 
                         trying to squeeze into a new girdle!
 
                         
               
               [He cuts off.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         You heard the good news everyone! Save 
                         the Earth, et cetera et cetera!  Bye!
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Wait! Where do we get the ice?

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         The wha? Oh Halley's Comet of course. 
                         The only sufficient source of ice cubes 
                         that don't have bugs in them!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Wow! Mining a comet, that sounds fun!
 
                         
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Yes there's no safer occupation than 
                         mining. Especially when you're on a 
                         snowball whipping through space at a 
                         million miles an hour!  Safe!
 
               
               [Halley's Comet. The ship flies in for it's landing. It has a 
               giant cup tied to it. It lands. The cargo lift comes down. Bender 
               moves a piece of machinery off the ship and onto the comet.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         Deploying ice drill.

               
               [He presses a button. The machine sprouts legs and grows to the 
               same height as the ship. A thing comes out of the top of it. 
               It turns into and ice dispenser.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Wow! That ice dispenser's so big, the 
                         ice crushes you!  Yakov Smirnov said 
                         it!
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         No he didn't.

               
               [Bender pushes the giant cup onto the ice dispenser.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Activating ice drill.

               
               [The drill drills through the surface. Only a bit of grit comes 
               through the dispenser.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Oh my God! It's out of ice! Like some 
                         outer space Motel 6!
 
               
               [Leela gasps.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Completely out of ice?

               
                                     BENDER
                         This could mean the end of the bana 
                         daquiri as we know it...also life.
 
                         
               
               [Planet Express: Lounge. The crew are still sweltering. On the 
               TV Morbo's head is inflating and deflating.]
 
               
                                     LINDA [ON TV]
                         With Halley's Comet out of ice, Earth 
                         is experiencing the devastating effects 
                         of sudden intense global warming.
 
                         
               
                                     MORBO [ON TV]
                         Morbo is pleased but sticky. The scorching 
                         heat has melted the polar ice caps causing 
                         floods of biblical proportions.
 
               
               [The shot changes to a swamped city with an ark floating through 
               it.]
 
               
                                     GAY SAILOR [ON TV]
                         They called me crazy for building this 
                         ark.
 
               
                                     MAN [ON TV]
                         You are crazy, you built it with same 
                         sex animal couples!
 
               
                                     GAY SAILOR [ON TV]
                         Hey! There are parts of the Bible I 
                         like and parts I don't like.
 
               
               [The shot changes to a live windmill landscape.]

               
                                     MORBO [ON TV]
                         Direct your attention now to the African 
                         turtles seen here migrating to cooler 
                         homes in Holland.
 
               
               [A turtle rolls onto the back of its shell and can't get up.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER (CRYING)
                         That poor turtle!

               
                                     FRY
                         Bender? Are you crying?

               
                                     BENDER (CRYING)
                         Uh no! Never!

               
               [He wipes his eyes with windscreen wipers.]

               
                                     MORBO [ON TV]
                         Morbo wishes these storward nomads peace 
                         among the Dutch tulips!
 
               
                                     LINDA [ON TV]
                         I'm sure those windmills will keep them 
                         cool.
 
               
               
               [Outside Planet Express. The crew sit on some steps. The temperature 
               reaches 120 Farenheit.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Well everybody, I just saved a turtle, 
                         what have you done with your lives?
 
                         
               
                                     HERMES
                         You went all the way to Holland already?
 
                         
               
               [Bender points at his feet. He is wearing clogs. He dances.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         Bender a turtle isn't yourself. Why 
                         do you care about it?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Because I also care deeply of things 
                         that remind me of myself. Like poor 
                         little Shelly here.
 
               
               [He strokes the turtle.]

               
                                     HERMES
                         What could you possibly have in common 
                         with this walking soup mix?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         For one thing, we both have a tough 
                         outer shell.  But lead a rich, inner 
                         life. Also...well you know...
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         You're both alcoholic, whore-mongering, 
                         chain smoking gamblers?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         No! Its just...neither of us can get 
                         up when we get knocked on our back.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         What? I've seen you get up off your 
                         back tons of times.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Those times I was slightly on my side.
 
                         
               
                                     HERMES
                         Interesting. Maybe we should test this 
                         erectile disfunction of yours Bender.
 
                         
               
               [Everyone gets up and moves towards Bender.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Uh, that's not necessary, really! I 
                         think I hear my factory recalling me.
 
                         
               
               [Amy crouches behind Bender and he trips over her and he and 
               the turtle land on their backs.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Oh! That's what I get for sharing my 
                         vulnerability with you people.
 
               
               [A Civil Defence van drives past.]

               
                                     VAN
                         Calling all scientists, calling all 
                         scientists. Be advised there will be 
                         a worldwide conference on global warming 
                         in Kyoto, Japan.
 
               
               [A man runs to the van.]

               
                                     MAN
                         I've got a degree in homeopathic medicine!
 
                         
               
                                     VAN
                         You've got a degree in baloney!

               
               [The van sprays the scientist with a water cannon.]

               
                                     AMY
                         Professor Farnsworth, you're a scientist!
 
                         
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Forget it, I'm not going! I have my 
                         reasons! Shut up all of you!
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         Strange. You haven't acted suspicious 
                         since I found those "ape bones" in the 
                         basement.
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         My hip hurts! I'm in the middle of cooking 
                         a turkey! I have warranty cards to fill 
                         out! I'm not just making excuses! Alright 
                         I'll go!
 
               
               [Outside Conference Centre. Scientists from all over the world 
               arrive. Photographers take photos of them and fans in the crowd 
               wave papers for them to sign. Joan Rivers' Head is commentating 
               the star studded event.]
 
               
                                     CROWD
                         Oh God I can't believe it! I love you!
 
                         
               
               [Farnsworth steps out of a limo.]

               
                                     RIVERS
                         Oh oh! It's Hubert Farnsworth! He's 
                         looking fab in a standard white lab 
                         coat and dark slacks! His wristwatch 
                         is Casio.
 
               
               [Cut to: Conference Centre. The scientists are gathered in a 
               huge room. The Civil Defence van pulls up on the stage.]
 
               
                                     VAN
                         Thank you all for coming! It is my pleasure 
                         to introduce the host of the Kyoto Global 
                         Warming Convention, the inventor of 
                         the environment and First Emperor of 
                         the Moon - Al Gore!
 
               
               [Al Gore's Head in a jar rises up from the middle of the stage.]
 
               
               
                                     GORE
                         I have ridden the mighty Moon Worm.
 
                         
               
               [The audience goes wild.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Good for him!

               
                                     GORE
                         My fellow Earthicans, as I discuss in 
                         my book, Earth In The Balance and the 
                         much more popular Harry Potter And The 
                         Balance Of Earth we need to defend our 
                         planet against pollution. As well as 
                         dark wizards.
 
               
               [The audience cheers and a dark wizard who looks like Tim The 
               Enchanter from Monty Python And The Holy Grail sulks.]
 
               
                                     DARK WIZARD
                         Sure! Blame the wizards!

               
                                     GORE
                         That's why I'm offering a bag of Moon 
                         Saphires to the scientist who can solve 
                         this problem once and for all.  Lovely 
                         aren't they?
 
               
                                     DARK WIZARD
                         Sapphires?  With those I could open 
                         the Gate Of Kerash!
 
               
                                     GORE
                         First up is Professor Ogden Wernstrom.
 
                         
               
               [Wernstrom walks onto the stage.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Wernstrom!

               
                                     WERNSTROM
                         Ahem. Ladies and Gentlemen. I have placed 
                         in orbit a giant mirror that will reflect 
                         40% of the sun's rays. Thus cooling 
                         Earth. Observe.
 
               
               [He presses a button and the roof opens up. The audience is blinded 
               by the sunlight. Fry starts to pant.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Space Mirror. The mirror moves around and starts to 
               reflect the rays.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Conference Centre. The room falls into shadow and Wernstrom 
               dusts off his hands.]
 
               
                                     WERNSTROM
                         Problem solved.

               
               [He laughs.]

               
               [Cut to: Space Mirror. A piece of debris hits the mirror. It 
               starts to spin and reflects more sunlight onto the Earth in a 
               concentrated beam.]
 
               
               [Cut to: City Street. A man shields his eyes.]

               
                                     MAN
                         Ooo, that's a little bright.

               
               [The sunlight scorches the street and blows the man up.]

               
               [Cut to: Conference Centre. The sunbeam cuts its way through 
               the building. The audience run around panicking. Gore continues 
               talking.]
 
               
                                     GORE
                         Alright, What else we got?

               
                                     FRY
                         Professor, you're a Professor. You must 
                         have some ideas.
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Absolutely not! I won't speak! I've 
                         got nothing to hide!
 
               
                                     GORE
                         Our next speaker is -

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         I demand the floor!

               
                                     GORE
                         Yes, it's your turn to speak.

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Well nuts to me. I'm taking the stage! 
                          I know the source of the greenhouse 
                         gases. But in my shame I've kept it 
                         secret for 75 long years. Ohhh, it haunts 
                         my memory still.
 
               
               [He holds a ray gun up to his head.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Professor no, don't do it!

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Don't do what? Don't use this memory 
                         ray so I can remember what happened 
                         back then?
 
               
               [He shoots himself. A blue glow envelopes his head.]

               
               [Flashback - 75 years ago.]

               
               [Mom's Friendly Robot Company: Farnsworth's Lab.]

               
               
               [A prototype C3PO-like robot wakes up on the table. It looks 
               around and sees Farnsworth.]
 
               
                                     PROTOTYPE
                         Oh dear. Might I favour master with 
                         a tender kiss on the forehead?
 
               
               [It kisses Farnsworth.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Oh dear, I've failed again.

               
               [He presses a button and the robot is crushed  la the Terminator 
               in The Terminator.]
 
               
                                     PROTOTYPE
                         Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

               
               
               [Mom's Office. Mom is bashing Farnsworth's head on her desk.]
 
               
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Ooo, ouch, stop!

               
               [Time Lapse. Farnsworth finishes making the first working robot.]
 
               
               
               
               [The robot wakes up, drinks beer and belches fire.]

               
                                     MOM
                         What was that?

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         A flaming burp.

               
                                     MOM
                         Does it always do that?

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Its not always a burp. We still have 
                         one problem though. This robot will 
                         never meet emission standards.
 
               
                                     MOM
                         Crap spackle!  We'll just call it a 
                         sport utility robot and classify it 
                         as a light truck!
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Well...I suppose the environment can 
                         take one more for the team.
 
               
               [He starts to clean the robot.]

               
               
               [Mom lies on a table.]

               
                                     MOM
                         Take me now you stud!

               
               [He climbs on and they both...um. The robot carries on drinking.]
 
               
               
               [Flashback ends.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Oh this is all my fault!

               
                                     FRY
                         That's awful Professor. Especially the 
                         making out part.
 
               
                                     GORE
                         Yeah, I didn't need to hear that.

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         All modern robots descend from my original 
                         smog blasting designs. And that's the 
                         cause of global warming today.
 
               
                                     WERNSTROM
                         Uh, so the robots are to blame. As I 
                         suspected.  We are left with only one 
                         possible course of action. Grim though 
                         it be.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         I got a good feeling about this!

               
                                     WERNSTROM
                         We must immediately and permanently 
                         shut down, dismantle and destroy all 
                         robots!
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         No!

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Wait, surely there's a better -

               
               [The Civil Defence Van interrupts him.]

               
                                     VAN
                         The conference is over.

               
                                     GORE
                         I must go now, to help collect cans 
                         on Jupiter. Peace out ya'll!
 
               
               [His jar sprouts rockets and he blasts off.]

               
                                     AUDIENCE (CHANTING)
                         Destroy all robots! Destroy all robots!
 
                         
               
                                     AMY
                         Poor Bender.

               
                                     FRY
                         Be brave my friend.

               
               [The turtle goes into its shell. So does Bender.]

               
               [Planet Express: Lounge. Bender is still in his body. The crew 
               are trying to coax him out.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Come on. You've got to come out of your 
                         chest sometime.  Would you do it for 
                         a Bender snack?
 
               
               [She opens it and tempts him with it. He reaches out to grab 
               it but the crew all grab his arm.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Ah ha!

               
                                     LEELA
                         Gotcha!

               
                                     BENDER [FROM INSIDE]
                         Let me go! I don't even want the stupid 
                         beer!  Yes! You tried to trick me into 
                         coming out of my chest. But who has 
                         the beer now?  I've got mail.
 
               
               [He reaches into his chest cabinet and pulls out a card with 
               the words "It's A Party" on it.]
 
               
                                     AMY
                         Ooo, it's a party. Apparently.

               
               [Nixon's head appears in the card.]

               
                                     NIXON [IN CARD]
                         Do you like to party? To boogie down? 
                         Well I'm throwing an all night beach 
                         raver for my robot pals. It all goes 
                         down Saturday on the isolated Galapogas 
                         Islands where there will be no escape 
                         - from the fun! All robots must attend!
 
                         
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Strange. Why would Nixon, an awkward, 
                         uncomfortabble man suddenly throw a 
                         party? One of the most social events 
                         imaginable. It's a trap is why! They're 
                         going to deactivate all the robots! 
                          I don't hear any gasping.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         We all figured that out.

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Ohh!

               
                                     BENDER
                         Well, I'm off.

               
               [Fry blocks the door.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Wait. We could hide you! We'll pile 
                         fruit on you and claim you're a bowl.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         No. I'm going to the party.

               
               [Fry puts a banana skin on Bender's head.]

               
                                     FRY
                         I won't let you.

               
                                     BENDER
                         Fry, as you know, there are lots of 
                         things I'm willing to kill for. Jewels, 
                         vengence, Father O'Mally's weedwhacker. 
                         But at long last I've found something 
                         I'm willing to die for. This mindless 
                         turtle.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Bender, this world isn't good enough 
                         for you.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Not even close. Goodbye everybody. Don't 
                         touch my stuff after I'm dead!  (shouting) 
                         It's booby trapped.
 
               
               [Robot Party. The robots party on a ship. Then they cross the 
               desert on camels. Then they swing through a jungle. Then they 
               go to a fair. Then they party on the Galapogas islands. Bender 
               looks at his turtle.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Poor guy. Maybe you'd feel better if 
                         I had a drink.  Crummy kegg it's completely 
                         ta -  Oh you're a robot.
 
               
                                     KEGG
                         Don't stop!

               
                                     BENDER
                         Ew!

               
               [Nixon takes the stage.]

               
                                     NIXON
                         Attention happenin' robots. Who's got 
                         what it takes to party with Nixon?  
                         You fellas enjoy yourselves for the 
                         next two hours. And be sure not to leave 
                         the island, uh for at least two hours! 
                         I'm going out to pick up some smokes. 
                         Uh really good smokes! Two hours.  OK 
                         headless body of Agnoo, lets blow this 
                         joint!
 
               
               [The body growls and carries Nixon to a helicopter. Bender watches 
               the helicopter fly away.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         Nah, I'm not really in the -

               
               
               [She shakes him around. Bender panics.]

               
               [Nixon's Helicopter. It is now flying through space towards Wernstrom's 
               mirror.]
 
               
                                     WERNSTROM
                         Per your orders I have modified my mirror 
                         to fire a colossal electromagnetic pulse 
                         at the Galapogas. Every robot will be 
                         instantly and painfully terminated. 
                         Now for your part of the bargain.
 
                         
               
                                     NIXON
                         Oh, very well. Agnoo, you belong to 
                         Wernstrom now.
 
               
               [Agnoo growls.]

               
               [Galapogas Islands. Bender is talking to his turtle.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         I have to say goodbye now. There ain't 
                         not turtles where daddy's a-going. (whispering) 
                         Don't tell anybody but Nixon's about 
                         to shut all robots off and -
 
               
               [A boom mic robot hangs over Bender.]

               
                                     MIC
                         What??

               
               [There is bedlam with the robots.]

               
                                     ROBOT #1 (SHOUTING)
                         We're gonna die!

               
                                     ROBOT #2 (SHOUTING)
                         Nixon's not bringing the smokes!

               
               [Bender takes control.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Shut up and pay attention to me! Bender. 
                          Look, I love life and its pleasures 
                         as much as anyone here, except perhaps 
                         you Hedonismbot.  But we need to be 
                         shut off! Especially you Hendonismbot!
 
                         
               
                                     HEDONISMBOT
                         I apologise for nothing!

               
                                     BENDER
                         We pollute too much. We're destroying 
                         the world and killing the turtles.
 
                         
               
                                     PREACHERBOT
                         To hell with the turtles!

               
                                     BENDER
                         No one insults the turtles!

               
               [He punches Preacherbot.]

               
                                     PREACHERBOT
                         Oh mercy.

               
               [He pulls out a knife and he and Bender fight.]

               
                                     HEDONISMBOT
                         Let the games begin!

               
               [It chuckles. The Planet Express ship flies in and lands. Fry 
               and Leela carry the Professor out and stand him in front of the 
               microphone on the stage.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Everyone listen!

               
               [The robots stop fighting. Bender punches Preacherbot again. 
               He falls over.]
 
               
                                     PREACHERBOT
                         Aw damn!

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         I've devised a way to save you and to 
                         stop global warming at the same time! 
                         Granted you're all blasting out greenhouse 
                         gases.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         You're one to talk!

               
               [Preacherbot hits him with a chair. He falls over onto his back. 
               He tries to get up but can't.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         But we can use those very gases to save 
                         the planet. If you all vent your exhaust 
                         directly upward in one burst it should 
                         thrust the Earth further from the sun, 
                         thus cooling it.  By my calculations 
                         we'll need the full force of every last 
                         robot. So quickly, everyone point your 
                         exhaust vents straight upwards.  Now 
                         vent! Vent like the wind!  Harder! Harder!
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Why isn't this working?!

               
                                     LEELA
                         Some lazy or polite robot is holding 
                         it in.
 
               
               [Bender is still on his back, unable to vent.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Help! Help!!

               
               [Cut to: Nixon's Helicopter. Wernstrom is turning the mirror 
               towards the robots.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Galapogas Islands. The robots continue to vent but to 
               no avail.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         A billion robot lives are about to be 
                         extinguished! Oh the Jedi's are going 
                         to feel this one!
 
               
               [Bender and the turtle are still on their backs.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         I'm sorry buddy. At least we'll die 
                         on our backs, helpless.  Huh? What the 
                         hell are you doing?  Hey are you trying 
                         to make me look bad?  Ah ha! I'm even 
                         greater than I thought I was! And now 
                         to fullfill my destiny.
 
               
               [He stands on his hands and vents. The flame grows bigger and 
               the Earth moves.]
 
               
               [Nixon's Helicopter.]

               
                                     NIXON
                         Fire!!  What the??

               
                                     WERNSTROM
                         We missed.

               
               [Agnoo growls.]

               
               [Galapogas Islands. The skies have cleared and the crew are standing 
               on the stage. Nixon is with them.]
 
               
                                     NIXON
                         Professor, for saving the Earth and 
                         foiling me, I proudly, yet angrily, 
                         present you with Earth's new highest 
                         honour: The Polluting Medal Of Pollution.
 
                         
               
               [He hangs the medal around Farnsworth. The industrial chimneys 
               on the medal blow smoke in Farnsworth's face making him cough.]
 
               
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Thank you. I deserve this!

               
               [The robots cheer.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey Professor! Now that the Earth's 
                         orbit is further from the sun won't 
                         that make the year longer?
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Why yes! One week longer to be exact.
 
                         
               
                                     NIXON
                         In that case I hereby declare it Robot 
                         Party Week!
 
               
               [The robots cheer and dance to Buster Poindexter and his Banshees 
               Of Blue's Hot Hot Hot. Then they vent.]
 
               
               THE END

               

Crimes Of The Hot



Writers :   Aaron Ehasz
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


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