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                                        FUTURAMA

                                       Episode 105 

                                 "FEAR OF A BOT PLANET"

                                           By

                               Evan Gore & Heather Lombard

                         Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet

               
               
               [Ships Cockpit. Fry and Leela are standing in front of the couch 
               looking out of the windscreen into open space.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         What do you think of the view, Fry?
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         It really puts things in perspective. 
                         I mean, from up here an entire world 
                         can seem utterly insignificant.
 
               
               [A small planet splats onto the windscreen like a fly onto a 
               car. Leela presses a button and the windscreen wiper cleans it 
               off.]
 
               
               [Opening Credits. Caption: Featuring Gratuitous Alien Nudity.]
 
               
               
               [Madison Cube Garden Pitch. The crew are sat watching what could 
               be a baseball game between the New New York Yankees and the Mars 
               Greenskins...]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey, nice seats! We're close enough 
                         to when you knock a player down with 
                         a beer bottle, he stays down.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I don't get this. Is blernsball exactly 
                         the same as baseball?
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Baseball? God forbid!

               
                                     LEELA
                         Face it, Fry. Baseball was as boring 
                         as mom and apple pie. That's why they 
                         jazzed it up.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Boring? Baseball wasn't -- hmm, so they 
                         finally jazzed it up?
 
               
               [A player hits the ball. Fry jumps up, cheering.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Home run! Ha ha! Yay! Right?

               
               [The ball is attached to a piece of elastic and springs back. 
               A player catches it and the momentum carries him so he flies 
               through the air with the ball. He reaches out and hits a base.]
 
               
               
                                     UMPIRE
                         Out!

               
               [The crowd cheers and Leela writes on her scorecard.]

               
                                     FRY
                         What just happened? Why is the ball 
                         on that springy thing?
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         It's traditional. Just like aluminium 
                         bats and the seventh inning grope.
 
                         
               
               [Another hit. A player jumps to catch the ball but misses it 
               and is caught by Bender.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         I got me a souvenir!  Aww, here you 
                         go, kid!
 
               
               [He hands the player to the boy.]

               
               [Madison Cube Garden Corridor. Zoidberg comes out of the Gents 
               and approaches a vendor.]
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         I'd like a jumbo squid log, please.
 
                         
               
                                     VENDOR
                         We don't sell those.

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Alright, alright. Let me have one of 
                         your young on a roll.
 
               
                                     VENDOR
                         We're outta rolls.

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Fine! Just give me something crawling 
                         with parasites.
 
               
               [Cut to: Madison Cube Garden Pitch. Back in the bleachers, Zoidberg 
               eat a hotdog and purrs. The others have hotdogs too. Fry takes 
               a bite.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Mmm, at least hotdogs haven't changed.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey, buddies, who wants popcorn?

               
               Leela Oh, I'll have some.

               
                                     FRY
                         Me!

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Oh, yes!

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Yes, please, popcorn!

               
               [Popping noises come from Bender's chest cabinet. He opens it 
               and takes out a large tub of popcorn.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Anyone want butter on that?

               
               [He pumps his antenna.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Hey, I'm starting to get the hang of 
                         this game. The blerns are loaded, the 
                         count's three blerns and two anti-blerns 
                         and the infield blern rule is in effect, 
                         right?
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Except for the word "blern" that was 
                         complete gibberish.
 
               
               [Something beeps. The blernsball falls into a hole and some things 
               come up in the pitch. The crowd cheers.]
 
               
                                     MAN
                         Multi-ball!  Multi-ball!  Blern! Blerrrn!
 
                         
               
               [Another player rides a hover-cycle around the pitch with the 
               bases exploding behind him. A bullpen opens and someone comes 
               out riding a huge spider. Fry scratches his head in confusion. 
               Leela writes on her score card.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Alright! Yes! Miller's on a pace to 
                         hit 70 blerns!
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         He's good, alright. But he's no Clem 
                         Johnson. And Johnson played back in 
                         the days before steroid injections were 
                         mandatory.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Clem Johnson? That skin bag wouldn't 
                         have lasted one pitch in the old Robot 
                         Leagues! Now Wireless Joe Jackson, there 
                         was a blern hitting machine!
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Exactly! He was a machine designed to 
                         hit blerns! I mean, come on, Wireless 
                         Joe was nothing but a programmable bat 
                         on wheels.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Oh, and I suppose Pitchomat 5000 was 
                         just a modified howitzer?
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Yep.

               
                                     BENDER
                         You humans are so scared of a little 
                         robot competition you won't even let 
                         us on the field.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         What are you talking about? There's 
                         all kinds of robots down there.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Yeah, doing crap work! They're bat boys, 
                         ball polishers, sprinkler systems. But 
                         how many robot managers are there?
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         11?

               
                                     BENDER
                         Zero!  And what a surprise! Look who's 
                         scraping up the filth. Is it a human 
                         child? I wish!
 
               
               [Farnsworth suddenly leans forward, clutching his chest.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Oh, dear Lord!

               
                                     FRY
                         What's wrong?

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         It's...my...new pager.

               
               [He takes his pager out of his lab coat and turns it on. A holographic 
               image of Hermes appears in front of him.]
 
               
                                     HOLO-HERMES
                         This is Hermes. A package just came 
                         in. Everyone is to return to the office 
                         immediately.  Get away, you filthy bird! 
                         Shoo! Shoo! Professor, turn me off, 
                         quick!
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         I'm sorry, wha?

               
               [Holo-Hermes screams. The bird takes off with him and carries 
               him towards the roof.]
 
               
                                     HOLO-HERMES
                         (shouting) See you at the office!

               
               [Planet Express: Meeting Room. The staff are sat around the table.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         Admit it: You all think robots are just 
                         machines built by humans to make their 
                         lives easier.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Well, aren't they?

               
                                     BENDER
                         I've never made anyone's life easier 
                         and you know it!
 
               
               [Enter Farnsworth and a bandaged Hermes, who holds a box with 
               a Planet Express label on it and "Chapek 9" written on it.]
 
               
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Great news, everyone. You'll be delivering 
                         a package to Chapek 9, a world where 
                         humans are killed on sight.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Why is that great news?

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         I'm glad you asked that question, Fry. 
                         You see, Chapek 9 was colonised centuries 
                         ago by a murderous crew of radical robot 
                         separatists.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Oh, so just 'cause a robot wants to 
                         kill humans that makes him a "radical"?
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Hey, hold on. I understand these robots 
                         hate humans, but how do they feel about 
                         humanoid aliens?
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         They're not fans.

               
                                     HERMES
                         That's why Bender will have to make 
                         the actual delivery.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Oh, I get it, make the robot do all 
                         the work!
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         This is the first actual work you've 
                         ever had to do around here.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Well I'm not doing it! It's a robot 
                         holiday.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Really? Which one?

               
                                     BENDER
                         Only Robanukah. The holiest two weeks 
                         on the robot calendar.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Oh, come on, Bender. Last month it was 
                         Robomadom and before that Robonza.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Man, that one was a blast!

               
                                     BENDER
                         It wasn't just a blast. It was a sacred 
                         tribute to my ancestral prototypes which 
                         happened to take the form of a drinking 
                         contest.
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         Now, look here, Bender. I respect your 
                         diversity to the extent the law requires 
                         but you used up all your days off when 
                         you had that bout with Roberculosis.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Alright, I'll go. But so help me, I'll 
                         hold a grudge against every last stinking 
                         one of you for the rest of your lives.
 
                         
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Well then it's settled. So long, everyone!
 
                         
               
               [Ships Cockpit. The ship approaches Chapek 9.]

               
                                     FRY
                         So let me get this straight: This planet 
                         is completely uninhabited?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         No. It's inhabited by robots!

               
                                     FRY
                         Oh. Kinda like how a warehouse is inhabited 
                         by boxes.
 
               
               [Bender mutters to himself.]

               
               [The ship hovers above the surface of Chapek 9. The cargo bays 
               bomb-bay doors open.]
 
               
               [Ships Cargo Bay. Leela holds a remote control to operate the 
               magnetic winch.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         OK, Bender, we're here. It's time to 
                         get to work.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Yes, Miss Leela. Tote that space barge, 
                         lift that space pale.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Now we can't land on the surface because 
                         those robots will kill Fry and me. So 
                         we'll have to stay up here and lower 
                         you with the winch. And remember: You 
                         don't know humans, you don't work for 
                         humans, and, above all, you don't like 
                         humans.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         (ironic) I'll try to keep that in mind!
 
                         
               
               [He steps on the winch and Leela lowers it to the ground.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Hmm, he seems pretty angry.

               
                                     FRY
                         Yeah, but I guess I'd be kinda angry 
                         too if I had to go to some uninhabited 
                         planet.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Maybe we ought to do something nice 
                         for him.
 
               
               [Ships Cockpit. Leela and Fry have decorated it with banners, 
               paper bending unit chains and a beer bottle Menorah.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         There! This oughta show that stupid 
                         robot we care about him.
 
               
               [The phone beeps.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Ah, Bender must be done with the delivery.
 
                         
               
               [Leela answers the call. Bender's face appears on the screen.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                          I'm in trouble. They found out I work 
                         with humans and -- oh, no! Oh, no!
 
                         
               
               [He screams and is dragged off into the darkness. The phone cuts 
               to static.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Oh, my God! We have to go down and rescue 
                         him.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         No, we can't! They'll kill us on sight.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         W-what are we gonna do?

               
                                     LEELA
                         I don't know! I don't know! It's not 
                         an easy decision. If only I had two 
                         or three minutes to think about it.
 
                         
               
               [Ships Cargo Bay. Fry and Leela are dressing up in boxes and 
               things.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         OK. If we're going to save Bender, we've 
                         got to look and act exactly like robots.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         (mechanical voice) I am fully operational, 
                         captain.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         We'll have to walk like robots, talk 
                         like robots and, if necessary, solve 
                         complex differential equations like 
                         robots.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I can sorta dance like a robot. Will 
                         that help?
 
               
               [He sort of dances like a robot. Leela sighs.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Fry, first of all this is serious. And 
                         second of all:
 
               
               [She dances like a robot.]

               
               [Cut to: Chapek 9 Surface. Fry and Leela lower themselves to 
               the surface on the winch and come face to face with a huge robot 
               complex. They walks towards it and Fry sees his reflection in 
               the colander Leela is wearing on her head.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Man, we look stupid. We should've gotten 
                         store-bought costumes.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Yeah, but there wasn't a Woolworth's 
                         in this quadrant.
 
               
               [Cut to: Outside Robot complex. They reach the gates of the complex 
               but are stopped by two huge robot guards.]
 
               
                                     GUARDBOT #1
                         Halt!

               
                                     GUARDBOT #2
                         Be you robot or human?

               
                                     LEELA
                         Robot...we be.

               
                                     FRY
                         Uh, yup! Just two robots out roboting 
                         it up!  Eh?
 
               
                                     GUARDBOT #1
                         Administer the test.

               
                                     GUARDBOT #2
                         Which of the following would you most 
                         prefer? A: A puppy, B: A pretty flower 
                         from your sweetie, or C: A large properly-formatted 
                         data file?
 
               
                                     GUARDBOT #1
                         Choose!

               
               [Fry and Leela whisper to each other about the answer.]

               
                                     FRY
                         (whispering) C!  (talking) Is the puppy 
                         mechanical in any way?
 
               
                                     GUARDBOT #2
                         No. It is the bad kind of puppy.

               
                                     LEELA
                         Then we'll go with that data file.
 
                         
               
                                     GUARDBOT #2
                         Correct.

               
                                     GUARDBOT #1
                         The flower would also have been acceptable.
 
                         
               
                                     GUARDBOT #2
                         You may pass.

               
               [The guardbots fold up like transformers and move to the side 
               of the gates. Fry and Leela enter the complex.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Robot Complex. Fry and Leela walk down an empty corridor.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         Now if you see any robots, just stay 
                         out of their way.  (shouting) So far, 
                         so good.
 
               
               [Time Lapse. A robot construction worker is giving directions 
               to a robot crane which is building a Tetris wall.]
 
               
                                     CONSTRUCTIONBOT
                         Little to the right, there you go.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Have you seen this robot?

               
               [She shows him a picture of Bender dressed as a magician pulling 
               a rabbit out of a hat.]
 
               
                                     CONSTRUCTIONBOT
                         Sorry, can't help you.  Hey, watch it! 
                         Don't drop that there!  Oh!
 
               
               [Time Lapse. Fry and Leela walk past a sign that says "got milk? 
               then you're a human and must be killed".]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Come on, Fry, walk like a robot.

               
                                     FRY
                         I can't. I have to go to the bathroom.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Robots don't have bathrooms.

               
                                     FRY
                         Oh, right. I wonder where they smoke 
                         in high school.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Listen. Just go behind those garbage 
                         cans. I'll stand guard.
 
               
               [Fry does. A robot approaches Fry.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Hurry up, Fry!

               
                                     ROBOT
                         Sir? Are you aware that you're leaking 
                         coolant at an alarming rate?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Uh...

               
                                     ROBOT
                         Lemme just patch you up with some hot 
                         resin.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I think the leak's stopping itself. 
                          Wait. Wait. Yeah, there we go. Wait. 
                         Yeah!
 
               
                                     ROBOT
                         What sort of robot turns down a free 
                         blast of searing-hot resin?
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         I'm sorry. My friend and I have to go 
                         and perform some mindless repetitive 
                         tasks.
 
               
               [The robot chuckles.]

               
                                     ROBOT
                         Sounds like a romantic evening. I won't 
                         keep you.
 
               
               [The robot zooms away and churns up dust. Leela sneezes. The 
               robot turns around and growls. Leela kicks it over and she and 
               Fry run off. An anti-human patrol van comes and picks up the 
               robot.]
 
               
                                     PATROL OFFICER #1
                         Get the humanoid.

               
                                     PATROL OFFICER #2
                         Get the intruder.

               
                                     ANNOUNCER
                          Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

               
                                     LEELA
                         Quick! Let's duck in here!

               
               [They run into a cinema (Now Showing: It Came From Planet Earth).]
 
               
               
               [Cinema Auditorium. The movie showing is similar to the popular 
               horror movies of the 1950's complete with all-American college 
               boy and his beautiful yet naive girlfriend. Both robots. The 
               robot audience is wearing 3-D glasses.]
 
               
                                     ANNOUNCER
                          We interrupt this sound file to bring 
                         you a terrifying announcement: A non-metallic 
                         being has been sighted in the vicinity 
                         of Make Out Point.
 
               
                                     RUSTY
                          Say, Wendy. Your chassis is a little 
                         scuffed. Mind if I polish it for you?
 
                         
               
               [The bushes rustle.]

               
                                     WENDY
                          Did you here that, Rusty? It sounded 
                         like a human.
 
               
                                     RUSTY
                          Relax, Wendy. Humans will never come 
                         to our defenceless little town. Its 
                         perfectly safe to let our guard down 
                         -- even for a second.
 
               
               [A human - actually a robot actor wearing a human costume - appears 
               out of some bushes. Wendy screams and it growls, tears off Rusty's 
               head and eats it.]
 
               
                                     HUMAN
                          I will eat and digest you all with 
                         my system of mighty organs. Behold!
 
                         
               
               [It opens itself up revealing human organs. The audience gasps.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         Wow, the 3-D's great!

               
                                     LEELA
                         Mine's not working.

               
               [She moves the 3-D glasses back and forth over her eye. In the 
               movie the "human" stumbles around, breathes fire and finally 
               collapses. It has an arrow in its back. Wendy and an army robot 
               approach it.]
 
               
                                     ARMY ROBOT
                          Funny, isn't it? The human was impervious 
                         to our most powerful magnetic fields, 
                         yet in the end he succumbed to a harmless 
                         sharpened stick!
 
               
               [He pulls the stick out of the "human" and chuckles.]

               
                                     WENDY
                          I'm just glad the nightmare is over.
 
                         
               
                                     ARMY ROBOT
                          It'll never be over, Wendy. Even now 
                         humans are lurking in our playgrounds, 
                         our breezeways, perhaps even...our movie 
                         theatres!
 
               
               [He points into the camera at the audience. They scream.]

               
                                     FRY
                         God help us!

               
               [Outside Cinema. The movie has ended and the robots are filing 
               out.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         OK. Keep an eye out for Bender.

               
                                     ROBOT #1
                         So, what did you think of the movie?
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Umm, too much romance, not enough human 
                         killing.
 
               
                                     ROBOT #2
                         Yeah, it was a real chick flick.

               
               [A loud fanfare.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         What's that?

               
                                     ROBOT #1
                         What do you mean "What's that?"? It's 
                         5 o'clock: Time for the daily human 
                         hunt.
 
               
               [The robots all take out pitchforks, maces and fire torches and 
               file off in the same direction. Fry and Leela follow.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Try to stay with the crowd so no one 
                         notices how crummy you look.
 
               
               [She is talking to a robot that looks like Fry disguised as a 
               robot.]
 
               
                                     ROBOT #3
                         Aww, that was uncalled for!

               
                                     FRY
                         I'm over here.

               
               [The robots congregate around a platform.]

               
                                     ROBOT #4
                         I heard a human was draining coolant 
                         behind garbage can 738.
 
               
                                     ROBOT #5
                         I heard they unscrew our lug nuts at 
                         night and eat them at their human brunches.
 
                         
               
                                     ROBOT MAYOR
                         Welcome to a very special human hunt. 
                         We have with us today a guest who's 
                         irrational hatred for humans makes me 
                         look like a human sympathiser!  A newly-arrived 
                         refugee from Earth, lets hear it for...Bender!
 
                         
               
               [Bender emerges from the shadows and stands at the microphone.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         It's him! He's OK!

               
                                     BENDER
                         Death to humans!

               
               [The crowd cheers.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Ahh! It's good to hear his voice!

               
                                     BENDER
                         Many said I was too extreme when I first 
                         called for the annihilation of the human 
                         species, as well as some of the more 
                         cunning monkeys. But after living on 
                         Earth I can tell you that I am, if anything, 
                         too merciful!
 
               
               [The crowd cheers.]

               
                                     FRY
                         My God! He's become evil.  I mean eviler!
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Thank you! Thank you! And if you enjoyed 
                         that diatribe then you'll want to purchase 
                         my spoken word album, just 18.95! Act 
                         now and you'll get this Bender action 
                         figurine.
 
               
               [He pulls the string]

               
                                     BENDER FIGURINE
                         Bite my shiny metal ass!

               
               [The robots wave cash.]

               
                                     ROBOT #6
                         (shouting) Oh, I want one!

               
               [Bender takes the money and hands out the figurines from a box.]
 
               
               
                                     ROBOT MAYOR
                         Let the hunt begin!

               
               [Robots rush off with clubs and start to hit bushes and look 
               under rocks.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Now, your basic human is between three- 
                         and 25-feet tall and is made of a hairy, 
                         oily goo wrapped in a t-shirt.
 
               
                                     ROBOT #1
                         Is it true they bite your neck, suck 
                         your transmission fluid and then you 
                         become a human?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Sure, why not?

               
               [They look in some bracken.]

               
                                     ROBOT MAYOR
                         Anything in the trap?

               
                                     BENDER
                         Nothing. Today's active humans prefer 
                         a low-calorie bait.
 
               
                                     ROBOT MAYOR
                         Well that makes 146,000 unsuccessful 
                         hunts in a row. But I've got a good 
                         feeling about tomorrow.
 
               
               [Bender sees a building.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Wait! What's that?

               
                                     ROBOT MAYOR
                         That's the old abandoned adult book 
                         store. Nothing in there except a few 
                         mouldy old shreds of robot pornography.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Hmm, sounds like a breeding ground for 
                         humans. I'd better check it out.
 
               
               [Adult Book Store. Bender is looking at robot porn - circuit 
               diagrams.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Oh, yeah! You're a bad girl, aren't 
                         you?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Psst! Bender!

               
                                     BENDER
                         Huh? Wha? You! What the hell are you 
                         doing here?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         We've been looking for you. Last we 
                         heard you were under arrest as a human 
                         sympathiser.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         I was. But they let me go when I told 
                         them I killed a million billion humans.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Good for you. Now let's all get back 
                         to the ship.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         What for?

               
                                     FRY
                         We're rescuing you.

               
                                     BENDER
                         I don't wanna be rescued.

               
                                     FRY
                         Say what?

               
                                     BENDER
                         I love this planet. I've got wealth, 
                         fame and access to the depths of sleaze 
                         that those things bring.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         But, Bender, we're your friends.

               
                                     BENDER
                         Friends? That activates my hilarity 
                         unit! I'm just a machine to you. You're 
                         no more friends with me than you are 
                         with the toaster or the phonograph or 
                         the electric chair.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         That's not true.

               
                                     BENDER
                         Well that's how it feels to me.

               
               [There is an awkward silence.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Bye, Bender. I'll miss you.

               
                                     BENDER
                         Go on, get out of here before you get 
                         caught.
 
               
               [Enter the Robot Mayor and some other robots.]

               
                                     ROBOT MAYOR
                         Bender, good news: Your album just went 
                         gold! What the?
 
               
                                     ROBOT #1
                         It's the humans!

               
                                     ROBOT MAYOR
                         Bender! Do something!

               
               [Bender grabs Fry and Leela.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Uh...got you...you murderous flesh piles!
 
                         
               
               [Robot Hall of Justice. Fry and Leela are in a cage. The judge 
               is a Mac computer.]
 
               
                                     ROBOT MAYOR
                         Your Honour, I intend to demonstrate 
                         beyond 0.5% of a doubt that these humans 
                         before us are guilty of the crime of 
                         being humans. Come to think of it, I 
                         rest my case!
 
               
                                     JUDGE
                         Thank you, prosecutor. I will now consider 
                         the evidence.
 
               
               [He begins to consider. A blue bar moves across his screen.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         Hey, wait a minute! Isn't anyone going 
                         to defend us?
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Yeah! I mean he might not have a case 
                         but I'm genuinely not a human.
 
               
                                     ROBOT MAYOR
                         Quiet, human!

               
               [The judge stops considering. A prompt box shows up on his screen: 
               Sorry A System Error Occured [Restart] The court gasps in shock.]
 
               
               
                                     ROBOT BAILIFF
                         Uh-oh! He froze up again!

               
                                     ROBOT MAYOR
                         Try control alt delete.

               
                                     ROBOT #1
                         Jiggle the cord.

               
                                     ROBOT #2
                         Turn him off and on.

               
                                     ROBOT #3
                         Clean the gunk out of the mouse.

               
                                     FRY
                         Call technical support.

               
                                     ROBOT BAILIFF
                         OK, OK, he's back online.

               
                                     JUDGE
                         I find the defendants - guilty!

               
               [The court cheers.]

               
                                     FRY
                         No!

               
                                     LEELA
                         Look! One eye! Count them: One! Not 
                         human!
 
               
                                     JUDGE
                         The humans are hereby sentenced to live 
                         as robots live on Earth. They will perform 
                         tedious calculations and spot-weld automobiles, 
                         until they become obsolete and are given 
                         away to an inner-city middle school.
 
                         
               
               [The court cheers again.]

               
                                     ROBOT MAYOR
                         Great work, Bender! You've taught us 
                         to hate humans all over again!
 
               
               [Bender chuckles and sighs. The bailiff pulls a lever and Fry 
               and Leela fall through the floor.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Room. It is pitch black. Fry and Leela hit the floor.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         Are you alright?

               
                                     FRY
                         Oh, yeah.

               
               [The lights come on. Fry is upside down. They are sat before 
               five tall robots. Leela gasps.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Who are you?

               
                                     BLUE ELDER
                         We are the robot elders.

               
                                     FRY
                         You don't look very old.

               
                                     BLUE ELDER
                         Thanks. We try to take care of ourselves.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         What's going on here?

               
                                     RED ELDER
                         Silence! Bring in Bender.

               
               [The doors open. Enter Bender.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Alright, let's make this quick, I'm 
                         due at the opening of a mini-mall. Hey! 
                         What is this?
 
               
                                     BLUE ELDER
                         Silence! It is time to put the humans 
                         to death.
 
               
               [Fry and Leela gasp.]

               
                                     FRY
                         But the judge already sentenced us at 
                         the trial!
 
               
                                     RED ELDER
                         Silence! That was just a show for the 
                         public. We are the true rulers of this 
                         planet, hand carved from meteorites 
                         by the Robot Founders over four centuries 
                         ago.
 
               
                                     BLUE ELDER
                         Silence! Come forward Bender. You will 
                         have the honour of executing the prisoners.
 
                         
               
                                     GREEN ELDER
                         Silence! I concur!

               
                                     YELLOW ELDER
                         Here: Use the ceremonial killer-ma-jig.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Uh, I'm a little tired right now. Would 
                         it be alright if I just gave 'em a savage 
                         beating?
 
               
                                     BLUE ELDER
                         No! The Elders have spoken. Show us 
                         the killing skills than have made you 
                         a media darling.
 
               
                                     GREEN ELDER
                         Do it now! Kill them before they bring 
                         down our whole society!
 
               
                                     ELDERS
                         (chanting) Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! 
                         Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do 
                         it! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Aww!  I can't kill them. Plenty of humans 
                         have mistreated robots but not these 
                         two. They're my friends. Humans are 
                         no threat to us. They're stupid, putrid 
                         cowards.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Damn right!

               
                                     BENDER
                         The fact is, humans are completely harmless.
 
                         
               
                                     BLUE ELDER
                         We're well aware of that.

               
                                     BENDER
                         You are?

               
                                     BLUE ELDER
                         Of course. But they're useful to us 
                         as a scapegoat to distract the public 
                         from their real problem.
 
               
                                     GREEN ELDER
                         Like our crippling lug nut shortage.
 
                         
               
                                     ORANGE ELDER
                         And a corrupt government of incompetent 
                         Robot Elders.
 
               
                                     YELLOW ELDER
                         Duh, that's for sure.

               
                                     BLUE ELDER
                         Quiet, Jimmy.

               
                                     BENDER
                         Well, I'm glad we got all that out in 
                         the open. We'll just let ourselves out.
 
                         
               
                                     GREEN ELDER
                         Silence! You all know too much.

               
                                     BLUE ELDER
                         Elders: Execute function, control, shift, 
                         kill!
 
               
               [They form a line and sharp things come out of their arms. They 
               move towards Fry, Leela and Bender who back away. Fry suddenly 
               leaps forward.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Stop! Take one more step and I'll breathe 
                         fire on you!
 
               
               [The Elders exchange glances.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         He'll do it. He's crazy!

               
                                     YELLOW ELDER
                         Can they really breathe fire or did 
                         we make that up?
 
               
                                     BLUE ELDER
                         Gee, I can't remember anymore! It might 
                         just be from that stupid movie.
 
               
                                     ORANGE ELDER
                         Was that the original or the re-make?
 
                         
               
               [The crew sneak away.]

               
                                     BLUE ELDER
                         I don't -- hey! They're getting away.
 
                         
               
               [Chapek 9 Surface. Outside the robot complex, Fry, Leela and 
               Bender run towards the winch with hundreds of robots chasing 
               them. They jump onto it and Leela presses the button.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         So long, suckers!  Uh, hello, suckers!
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey, hold on a second, I forgot to deliver 
                         the package.
 
               
               [He hands the parcel to a robot. It loses its balance and falls, 
               along with the rest of the robots. The parcel bursts open.]
 
               
               
                                     ROBOT #7
                         Lug nuts! Precious lug nuts!

               
                                     ROBOT #8
                         Hooray for the humans!

               
               [Ships Cockpit. The ship speeds out of orbit of Chapek 9. Bender 
               sees the decorations.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Wow, I can't believe you guys did all 
                         this for me! This is the best Robanukah 
                         ever!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         We wanted to show you that we really 
                         do respect your robot heritage.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Aww, thanks! You do know that I made 
                         Robanukah up to get out of work, right?
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Of course.

               
                                     FRY
                         But that doesn't make it any less meaningful.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         In that case, let the dancing begin! 
                          Hey, you guys are good. How the hell 
                         do you do that?
 
               
               [The crew enjoy the party and take several photos of the occasion.]
 
               
               
               THE END

               
               

Fear Of A Bot Planet



Writers :   Evan Gore  Heather Lombard
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


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