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                                        FUTURAMA

                                       Episode 204 

                               "FRY AND THE SLURM FACTORY"

                                           By

                                      Lewis Morton

                         Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet

                

               [Planet Express: Lounge. Late at night Fry and Bender sit on 
               the couch. The are four Slurm cans on the coffee table. Fry drinks 
               from another one and they watch All My Circuits on the TV. Calculon 
               opens the door to his bedroom.]
 
               
                                     CALCULON
                          Honey unit, I'm home.  Monique!

               
               [Monique is in bed with Boxy. She pulls the sheets up around 
               her.]
 
               
                                     MONIQUE
                          Calculon!

               
               [Boxy beeps.]

               
                                     CALCULON
                          Oh, how I wish I could believe that. 
                         You may be my evil half-brother, but 
                         there's no law against murdering the 
                         other half.
 
               
               [The screen changes to the All My Circuits logo.]

               
                                     ANNOUNCER #1
                          All My Circuits will be right back 
                         after this word from...
 
               
               [The screen changes to an advert.]

               
                                     ANNOUNCER #2
                          ... Slurm! It's highly addictive!
 
                         
               
               [A hand takes a can of Slurm off the screen. The hand belongs 
               to a surfing slug. Two babes on a beach watch him.]
 
               
                                     BABE
                          Look! It's Slurms MacKenzie!

               
                                     DIXIE
                          He's the original party worm!

               
               [Slurms surfs onto the beach between the girls and they stroke 
               him.]
 
               
                                     SLURMS
                          Whimmy-wham-wham-wazzle! Let's party!
 
                         
               
               [He and the babes dance on the beach and are joined by other 
               dancing people. They all drink cans of Slurm.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Look at that worm go. Who says there 
                         are no more heroes?
 
               
               [On the TV Slurms surfs with the two babes.]

               
                                     SLURMS
                          Hey, dudes, you can win a chance to 
                         party with me, Slurms MacKenzie, at 
                         the Slurm bottling plant on planet Wormulon!
 
                         
               
               [A still picture of Slurms playing a guitar with the babes and 
               a crate of Slurm appears on the screen with the words "Win A 
               Trip."]
 
               
                                     ANNOUNCER #2
                          Just look for the winning bottle-cap 
                         inside specially-marked cans of Slurm.
 
                         
               
               [Back on the board the babe shakes something out of her Slurm 
               can and shows it to the camera. It is a bottle-cap with "You 
               Win!" printed on it. She gasps.]
 
               
                                     BABE
                         I won!

               
               [Disclaimers appear on the screen. "Slurm Has Been Found To Cause 
               Cancer In Laboratory Humans", "Employees Of Slurm Corp. And Their 
               Families Are Eligible To Enter And Will Probably Win" and "The 
               following species are ineligible: Space wasps, space beavers, 
               any other animal with the word 'Space' in front of it, space 
               chickens and the elusive yak-face" in alien language #1.]
 
               
                                     SLURM ANNOUNCER #2
                          No purchase necessary unless you wish 
                         to enter the contest. Odds of winning 
                         mathematically insignificant.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I like those odds.  Rats. Just another 
                         tooth.  Aah!
 
               
               [He smiles a big toothless smile.]

               
               [Opening Credits. Caption: Live From Omicron Persei 8.]

               
               [Planet Express: Meeting Room. The staff sit around the table 
               watching Fry guzzle down another can of Slurm. Fry shakes the 
               can upside-down and looks inside. "You're A Loser" is printed 
               on the bottom. He groans.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I gotta find that golden bottle-cap.
 
                         
               
               [He throws the can behind him, opens another one and starts drinking 
               it.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         I've never seen anyone so addicted to 
                         Slurm.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         This is nothing. Back in high school 
                         I used to drink a hundred cans of cola 
                         a week. Right up until my third heart 
                         attack.
 
               
               [The door opens and Bender stands in the doorway clutching his 
               door and groaning. His antenna is wilted and he is a slightly 
               redder colour.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Bender, what's wrong?

               
                                     BENDER
                         I'm sick.

               
               [He sneezes and his eyes pop out and back in again.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         You poor baby. Let me check if you have 
                         a fever.  Ow!
 
               
               [Farnsworth opens Bender's door with his lab coat acting as a 
               glove.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         According to Bender's temperature gauge, 
                         which I suggest you use next time, Leela, 
                         he's running a fever of ... 900 degrees.
 
                         
               
               [He closes the door and Bender groans. Hermes fluffs a cushion 
               on a couch in the corner.]
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         Bender, mon, lie yourself down.  You're 
                         payin' for that!
 
               
               [Planet Express: Zoidberg's Office. Bender sits on the examination 
               table and the rest of the staff gather around.]
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         I'll have a look, but I remind you, 
                         I'm an expert on humans not robots.
 
                         
               
               [He shines a torch into Fry's eye.]

               
                                     FRY
                         I'm not Bender, I'm Fry.

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Really? I though you were the robot.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Nope. Human.

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Alright, alright, spare me your life 
                         story.  Now what seems to be the trouble?
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         My tummy hurts and I've been having 
                         this burning electrical discharge.
 
                         
               
               [Zoidberg runs a stethescope across Bender's casing.]

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Hmm. Don't worry, you'll be fine.  (muttering) 
                         Oh boy. (quietly) I didn't have the 
                         heart to tell him: It's fin fungus. 
                         He'll be floating upside-down by morning.
 
                         
               
               [He walks off tutting. Amy turns to Bender.]

               
                                     AMY
                         You should try homeopathic medicine, 
                         Bender. Take some zinc.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         I'm 40% zinc.

               
                                     AMY
                         Then take some Echinaea or a St. John's 
                         wort.
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Or a big fat placebo. It's all the same 
                         crap.
 
               
               [Bender coughs and a sound comes from his chest cabinet.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Hey, what's rattling around in there?
 
                         
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         It may well be the cause of Bender's 
                         illness. But more importantly, it's 
                         a flimsy pretext to try out my latest 
                         invention. To the laboratory!
 
               
               [He shuffles off very slowly and the rest quickly pass him.]
 
               
               
               [Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Farnsworth holds up a torch-like 
               object to the rest of the crew.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         I call this the F-ray. It's like an 
                         X-ray only it allows you to see through 
                         anything - even metal. Now, the neutrino 
                         beam it emits is a tad dangerous, so 
                         you'll all need protective goggles. 
                          You may feel a slight stinging sensation 
                         - all of you-- All of you!  Aha! There's 
                         the cause of your illness.
 
               
               [Amy looks.]

               
                                     AMY
                         Hey, that's my watch!

               
                                     BENDER
                         I was wondering where I put that.  Hey, 
                         now I feel much better! Thanks, Professor. 
                         And, Amy, I'm sorry I took your watch.
 
                         
               
               [She smiles and hugs him. Bender steals her earrings and chuckles. 
               She moves away and he tosses the earrings down his throat and 
               coughs. Fry and Bender stay with Farnsworth while the others 
               leave. Farnsworth takes off his suit.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Well, I've got to go take this suit 
                         to the decontaminators. You two lock 
                         up the F-ray and for the love of God 
                         don't let it fall into the wrong hands.
 
                         
               
               [He hands it to them. They look at each other and chuckle.]
 
               
               
               [New New York City Street. Fry and Bender walk down the busy 
               street with the F-ray. Bender holds it up.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         What should we point it at first?

               
                                     FRY
                         I 'unno. Try it on me.  Ow! My sperm!
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Wow, neat! Mind if I try that again?
 
                         
               
               [He points it at Fry's crotch again but nothing happens.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Huh, didn't hurt that time.

               
               [Bender watches a Fembot walk past.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Whoa, mama! Hold still, sexy lady.
 
                         
               
               [He points the F-ray at her and gasps.]

               
                                     FRY
                         What's wrong?

               
                                     BENDER
                         That's no lady!

               
                                     "FEMBOT"
                         Damn chico, one more upgrade and I'll 
                         be more lady than you can handle! Why 
                         you so stupid, stupid?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey, bite my shiny metal ass!

               
                                     "FEMBOT"
                         You couldn't afford it, honey.

               
               [It snaps it's fingers and walks off.]

               
               [7^11. Outside the convenience store some people queue outside 
               a suicide booth and a sign advertises the shop as being "Open 
               28 Hours". Inside Bender and Fry use the F-ray to look inside 
               products such as Mom's Friendly Robot Oil, Bachelor Chow, Robo 
               Fresh, Tanning Butter, Mr Baked Beans and Glagnar's Human Rinds. 
               Fry groans.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         All this prolonged exposure to radiation 
                         is making me thirsty.  Ah, if only there 
                         was some way of knowing which can had 
                         the winning bottle-cap inside.
 
               
               [Bender stops pointing the F-ray at some Hot Logs and turns to 
               Fry.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Huh, w-what? I didn't hear you. I was 
                         too busy using this F-ray to look inside 
                         of things.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Wait a second. I'm getting an idea. 
                         N-No, false alarm. No. Yeah. No. Yeah. 
                         No. Wait. No. Yeah. Yeah. No ... no. 
                         Yes!
 
               
               [Montage Fry points the F-ray at the stack of Slurm cans and 
               shakes his head in disappointment. In the street, Bender takes 
               a can of Slurm from a small boy with a red balloon. The boy cries, 
               Bender points the F-ray at the can and hands it back to the boy 
               when he sees there is nothing inside. The boy stops crying. Bender 
               points the F-ray at the balloon and it bursts and the boy cries 
               again. Fry points the F-ray at a Slurm dispenser but there is 
               no winning cap inside. Bender extends his arm into the coin tray 
               and takes a handful of coins. Back in the street Bender points 
               the F-ray at a Slurm blimp. It explodes and he and Fry run away.]
 
               
               
               [Planet Express: Lounge. Leela and Farnsworth sit at the table 
               playing 3D Scrabble, a version of 3D Chess from Star Trek. On 
               the top level are the words "ONE" and "EYE"; On the second row 
               is "MATT" and "AREA"; On the third is "POOP" and "ONLY" and on 
               the fourth is "DONUT," "ONE" and "EMU". The letters on Farnsworth's 
               rack spell "FUUTAMA". The door opens and Bender slams the F-ray 
               onto the table, upsetting the letters.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Ah, this thing stinks.

               
                                     FRY
                         We checked 90,000 cans of Slurm and 
                         all we won was this junk.  I never wanna 
                         see another can of Slurm again. Man, 
                         am I thirsty.
 
               
               [He walks over to the fridge and takes out a refreshing can of 
               Slurm. He starts guzzling it back and suddenly starts to cough 
               and choke.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Fry, are you alright?

               
               [Bender picks up the F-ray and points it at Fry's neck. A Slurm 
               bottle-cap with "You Win" written on it is lodged in his throat.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         You did it, Fry! You found the winning 
                         bottle-cap! We won!
 
               
               [Fry cheers and wheezes.]

               
                                     FRY
                         (wheezy) Hooray!

               
               [He faints.]

               
               [The Planet Express ship flies towards the Slurm planet. The 
               planet has a ring and the "Slurm" logo is painted on it. The 
               ship disappears into the atmosphere.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Outside Slurm Factory. The ship descends from the clouds, 
               the landing gear comes down and it lands outside the Slurm factory 
               which bears an uncanny resemblance to the Wonka factory in Willy 
               Wonka And The Chocolate Factory. A banner reading "Welcome Contest 
               Winners!" has been hung above the gates. Fry, Bender, Leela, 
               Amy and the rest of the staff walk out of the ship down the steps.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         Ooh, look at that!

               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey!

               
               [Outside the gates are four worms. Two of them play a fanfare 
               and the gates open. A path leads from the gates up to a building. 
               On the steps of the building two worms roll out a red carpet. 
               The end of the carpet reaches the gates and a worm dressed like 
               Gene Wilder in Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory pops out.]
 
               
               
                                     GLURMO
                         Welcome to the planet Wormulon. I'm 
                         Glurmo, your golly-rific guide to the 
                         splend-tacular Slurm factory.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Uh-huh. Can we have our free Slurm now?
 
                         
               
                                     GLURMO
                         You'll have all the Slurm you can drink 
                         later on when you're partying with my 
                         good friend Slurms MacKenzie.
 
               
               [He moves aside and behind him is Slurms and the babes. Slurms' 
               party music plays.]
 
               
                                     SLURMS
                         Alright! Whimmy-wham-wham-wazzle! Lay 
                         some skin on me, dudes!
 
               
               [Fry and Bender do. Some worm slime comes off on Fry's hand.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         Wow! The original party worm!  Are you 
                         ready to get down, get funky with us?
 
                         
               
                                     GLURMO
                         He'd better be, that's what we pay him 
                         for. Right, Slurms?
 
               
               [Slurms cringes and starts waving his arms around.]

               
                                     SLURMS
                         Right!

               
                                     GLURMO
                         In fact, Slurms has to party all night, 
                         every night - or he's fired!
 
               
                                     SLURMS
                         (tired) Rock on!

               
                                     GLURMO
                         But before the party, you're all in 
                         for a fun-derful treat: A VIP tour of 
                         the Slurm factory!
 
               
               [He slides back through the gates and the staff follow.]

               
                                     SLURMS
                         Enjoy the tour, dudes!  I'm gonna go 
                         lie down.
 
               
               [Slurm Factory Entrance. Glurmo and the staff are gathered in 
               the dim room.]
 
               
                                     GLURMO
                         Welcome, my friends, to the wondrous 
                         world of whimsy that we like to call 
                         "Slurms Centralised Industrial Fabrication 
                         Unit".
 
               
               [Behind him some worms open some doors.]

               
               [Cut to: Slurms Centralised Industrial Fabrication Unit. The 
               crew walk through the door and gasp. The room looks like the 
               huge room in Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory. Slurm cans 
               grow on trees and a river of Slurm flows down the middle.]
 
               
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Oh, my!

               
                                     BENDER
                         Look! Flowers! And a boat!

               
               [The boat is a small paddle boat. The crew walk to the river 
               bank and are about to get on the boat when they see some small 
               creatures across the river carrying barrels of Slurm. They have 
               orange faces and green hair and look like the Oompa-Loompas from 
               Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory. They wave.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Who are those horrible orange creatures 
                         over there?
 
               
                                     GLURMO
                         Why those are the Grunka Lunkas. They 
                         work here in the Slurm factory.
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Tell them I hate them.

               
               [Time Lapse. The staff and Glurmo are now on the boat and it 
               sails down the green river.]
 
               
                                     GLURMO
                         As we sail down the river of Slurm you'll 
                         see our mix-ologists at work.  They 
                         take 900 of the finest ingredients, 
                         add a touch of child-like delight and 
                         mix it all with glacial spring water 
                         from our glacial spring water generator. 
                          Then, last of all, we add the secret 
                         ingredient that makes Slurm so deliciously 
                         addictive.
 
               
               [A Grunka Lunka tips up a barrel labelled "Secret Ingredient" 
               into a cauldron of Slurm ingredients but another pulls a curtain 
               across before anyone can see anything.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         So, what's the secret ingredient?

               
                                     GLURMO
                         It's whatever your imagination wants 
                         it to be.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Oh. But what is it really?

               
                                     GLURMO
                         (sternly) That's not for you to know. 
                         (normal) Now, over here the Grunka Lunkas 
                         are inducing Wumpus berries to release 
                         their flavour, using sensual massage.
 
                         
               
               [He points to some Grunka Lunkas who rub piles of purple berries.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         (whispering) Psst, those berries. Those 
                         are the secret ingredient, right?
 
                         
               
                                     GLURMO
                         No.

               
                                     BENDER
                         You positive?

               
                                     GLURMO
                         Yes.

               
                                     BENDER
                         I'm just asking cause they look kind 
                         of secret.
 
               
                                     GLURMO
                         Enough! There will be no further questions.
 
                         
               
               [Fry raises his hand.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Why?

               
               [Leela points across him.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Hey, look! The disgusting little men 
                         are starting to sing.
 
               
               [On the river bank six Grunka Lunkas line up and dance and sing.]
 
               
               
                                     GRUNKA LUNKAS
                         (singing) Grunka Lunka dunkity-do,
 
                         
               We've got a friendly warning for you,

               Grunka Lunka dunkity-dasis,

               The secret of Slurm's on a need-to-know basis.

               
                                     GRUNKA LUNKA #1
                         (singing) Asking questions in school 
                         is a great way to learn ...
 
               
                                     GRUNKA LUNKA #2
                         (singing) ... If you try that stuff 
                         here you might get your legs broke.
 
                         
               
                                     GRUNKA LUNKA #1
                         (singing) We once found a dead guy face 
                         down in the Slurm ...
 
               
                                     GRUNKA LUNKA #2
                         (singing) ... It could easily happen 
                         again to you folks.
 
               
                                     GRUNKA LUNKAS
                         (singing) So keep you head down,

               And keep your mouth shut,

               Grunka Lunka lunka dunkity dot!

               
               [Glurmo leans over the side of the boat and waves his cane.]
 
               
               
                                     GLERMO
                         (shouting) Hey, I don't pay you to sing! 
                         You just used up today's bathroom break!
 
                         
               
               [The boat disappears into a tunnel.]

               
                                     GRUNKA LUNKA #2
                         Hard ass.

               
                                     GLURMO
                          I heard that!

               
               [The Grunka Lunka whimpers and runs away.]

               
               [Slurm Factory Tunnel. The tunnel is lined with huge barrels 
               of Slurm.]
 
               
                                     GLURMO
                         Now on your right, you'll see the Slurm 
                         Master checking the Slurm for colour 
                         and bouquet.
 
               
               [An old worm with a long, white beard holds a glass of Slurm. 
               Fry watches and licks his lips.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         So thirsty.

               
                                     GLURMO
                         Then he tastes it. He tastes it and 
                         tastes it, then tastes it some more.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Uh, could I have some Slurm, please?
 
                         
               
                                     GLURMO
                         No food or drink allowed on the tour. 
                         You'll have to wait until you're partying 
                         with Slurms MacKenzie.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         When will that be?

               
                                     GLURMO
                         Soon enough.

               
                                     FRY
                         That's not soon enough.

               
                                     LEELA
                         Hey, what's behind that door?

               
               [She points at a door with a "Keep Out" sign on it. It is guarded 
               by two worms.]
 
               
                                     GLURMO
                         Nothing.

               
                                     LEELA
                         Is it the secret ingredient?

               
               [Five Grunka Lunkas dance across in front of the door.]

               
                                     GRUNKA LUNKAS
                         (singing) Grunka Lunka dunkity dingredient,
 
                         
               You should not ask about the secret ingredient.

               
                                     BENDER
                         OK, OK, we get the point.

               
                                     LEELA
                         I was just curious because of the armed 
                         guards.
 
               
                                     GRUNKA LUNKAS
                         (singing) Grunka Lunka dunkity darmed 
                         guards--
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         (shouting) Shut the hell up!

               
               [Time Lapse. Fry sneaks to the back of the boat while Glurmo 
               talks to Hermes.]
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         So you're telling me I could fire my 
                         whole staff and hire Grunka Lunkas at 
                         half the cost?
 
               
                                     GLURMO
                         That's right. They think they have a 
                         good union but they don't. (whispering) 
                         They're basically slaves.
 
               
               [Fry leans over the back of the boat but can't quite reach the 
               Slurm.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         What are you doing?

               
                                     FRY
                         I'm dying of thirst. Grab my feet and 
                         dunk my head in so I can drink.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         No. That's moronic.

               
                                     FRY
                         Fine. I'll let go and swim around in 
                         the Slurm and drink as much as I want. 
                          Help! I can't swim!
 
               
               [He disappears under the water and Leela sighs and dives in after 
               him. Underwater, she swims towards Fry and pulls him back towards 
               the surface by his hair. She comes up gasping for air, followed 
               by a gasping Fry, followed by Bender who whistles.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Bender, why did you jump in?

               
                                     BENDER
                         Everybody was doing it. I just wanted 
                         to be popular.
 
               
               [A whirlpool sucks them underwater and they scream. They are 
               pulled through a hole in the bottom of the Slurm river.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Wormulon Cave. The trio fly out of a pipe and land on 
               a grate. Slurm pours out of the pipe and into the grate.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Ow!

               
                                     LEELA
                         Where are we?

               
                                     BENDER
                         And why is the Slurm pouring into this 
                         sewer?
 
               
               [Fry wrings some Slurm from his hair into his mouth and spits 
               it straight out.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         This isn't Slurm at all!

               
                                     LEELA
                         Something's rotten on the planet Wormulon. 
                         Look at this.
 
               
               [On the other side of the cave are two doors. One marked "Real 
               Factory" and the other marked "Fake Factory".]
 
               
               [Cut to: Slurm Factory Tunnel. Leela quietly opens the fake factory 
               door and they peer around it. It is the door from earlier that 
               was marked "Keep Out". On the other side one of the worm guards 
               smokes while another knits. A Grunka Lunka sleeps and two others 
               play poker.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Wormulon Cave. She closes it again.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         This all must have something to do with 
                         the secret ingredient.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         My God. What if the secret ingredient 
                         ... is people?
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         No. There's already a soda like that: 
                         Soylent Cola.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Oh. How is it?

               
                                     LEELA
                         It varies from person to person.

               
               [Slurme Shoppe. In the gift shop the rest of the staff browse 
               the Slurm merchandise available. Amy looks at some worm keyrings 
               while Farnsworth looks at an Enjoy Slurm towel.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Ooh!

               
               [On the other side of the shop Glurmo watches Hermes look at 
               some worm mugs and Slurm T-shirts. He is already wearing a worm 
               blernsball cap. The T-shirt sizes range from S to M to L and 
               also Mutant which has four arms. Hermes leaves with his two-armed 
               T-shirt and Zoidberg inquires about a two-armed Hebrew Slurm 
               T-shirt he is wearing.]
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Do you have any that aren't so tight 
                         around the thorax?
 
               
                                     GLURMO
                         Yes, over in-- Say, weren't there more 
                         people in your group at the start of 
                         the tour?
 
               
                                     AMY
                         Hey, yeah. Fry, Leela and Bender are 
                         missing.
 
               
               [Glurmo narrows his eyes.]

               
                                     GLURMO
                         If you'll excuse me.

               
               [He slides out, leaving a trail of slime behind him. Amy turns 
               around with a box of Slurm glasses and slips on the slime and 
               falls over and screams. The glasses smash.]
 
               
               [Wormulon Cave. Leela, Fry and Bender creep down the dark tunnels. 
               They see torchlight up ahead. Bender gasps.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         (whispering) Quick.

               
               [They duck behind a rock. Two guards slide along the roof of 
               the cave with a torch and laser. They pass them without seeing 
               them and Bender breathes a sigh of relief.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Look! Slurm! Finally!  Oh, yeah! I'm 
                         never going 12 minutes without a Slurm 
                         again.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         It's the end of the line. This must 
                         be where they put in the secret ingredient.
 
                         
               
               [Behind her is a door marked "Slurm Production Chamber".]

               
                                     FRY
                         Well, whatever it is, it's even better 
                         fresh.  Mmm, still warm.
 
               
               [Leela opens the door.]

               
               [Cut to: Slurm Production Chamber. They walk in and gasp. In 
               the middle of the room is a huge worm wearing a crown and scoffing 
               handfuls of Wumpus berries. Some worms massage the middle of 
               her body and the secret ingredient comes out the other end of 
               her and into Slurm cans.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Ew!

               
                                     LEELA
                         Blech!

               
                                     BENDER
                         Oh, Lordy!

               
               [Fry gulps back some more Slurm.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Fry!  Fry!

               
               [He spits it out again and they watch the Slurm Queen producing 
               the drink.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         That's the secret ingredient of Slurm?
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         That's the only ingredient of Slurm.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Ew!

               
               [He consoles himself by drinking from the can again. Leela knocks 
               it out of his hand and the Slurm Queen turns around and roars. 
               She hits them with her back end and they duck out of the way. 
               She takes another swipe at Leela and she jumps out the way to 
               Fry and Bender. The Slurm Queen takes another swing and they 
               run out the door screaming. Fry runs back in to pick up the can 
               of Slurm but the Slurm Queen knocks it out of his hands. He groans 
               and runs out again.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Wormulon Cave. The three run around a corner and guards 
               fire their lasers at them. They come to a ravine and nearly fall 
               into it.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         I'll save us!  Oh, that feels good!
 
                         
               
               [They reach the other side and Bender retracts his arms and legs.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         Thanks, Bender!

               
               [Bender coughs and Fry and Leela reluctantly hand him some cash.]
 
               
               
               [Time Lapse. They run around another corner.]

               
                                     LEELA
                          The exit! We made it.

               
               [Cut to: Slurm Production Chamber. The "exit" leads back to where 
               they began.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Uh, your majesty, I brought the prisoners.
 
                         
               
               [Fry and Leela turn their heads towards him and Fry smiles. Glurmo 
               appears from behind the Slurm Queen.]
 
               
                                     GLURMO
                         Well, my curious friends, you learned 
                         the secret of Slurm. That concludes 
                         the portion of the tour where you stay 
                         alive.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         You wish, you slimy worm! Heyya!

               
               [She karate chops Glurmo's head off. The decapitated head grows 
               a body and the body grows a head, forming two Glurmos. A guard 
               hands the new head a hat. The Glurmos pin Leela to the floor. 
               Guards point lasers at Fry and Bender's backs. Bender groans.]
 
               
               
                                     SLURM QUEEN
                         Good work, Glurmo. You have pleased 
                         your queen.
 
               
                                     SMALL GLURMO #2
                         Thank you, your majesty.

               
                                     SMALL GLURMO #1
                         Thanks, ma'am.

               
                                     LEELA
                         How can you trick people into drinking 
                         something that comes out of your behind? 
                         It's disgusting.
 
               
                                     SLURM QUEEN
                         Is it? Honey comes from a bee's behind. 
                         Milk comes from a cow's behind. And 
                         have you ever used toothpaste?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Who's behind does that come from?

               
                                     SLURM QUEEN
                         You don't wanna know.

               
                                     BENDER
                         Look, we just came to party with Slurms 
                         MacKenzie. By the way, when is that 
                         scheduled?
 
               
                                     SLURM QUEEN
                         (shouting) Never!  To the torture cave!
 
                         
               
               [Torture Cave. Bender has been tied to a conveyor belt. It moves 
               towards a machine which converts metal into Slurm cans.]
 
               
                                     SLURM QUEEN
                         You, my metal friend, will have the 
                         honour of becoming 174 Slurm cans.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Ah, this trip is turning into a big 
                         letdown.
 
               
               [Leela is raised in a harness and suspended over a vat of purple 
               goo. The Glurmos stand by a control unit.]
 
               
                                     SLURM QUEEN
                         As for you, you will be submerged in 
                         Royal Slurm which, in a matter of minutes, 
                         will transform you into a Slurm Queen 
                         like myself.
 
               
                                     SMALL GLURMO #1
                         But, your highness, she's a commoner. 
                         Her Slurm will taste foul.
 
               
                                     SLURM QUEEN
                         Yes! Which is why we'll market it as 
                         New Slurm. Then, when everyone hates 
                         it, we'll bring back Slurm Classic, 
                         and make billions!
 
               
               [She and the Glurmos laugh. Small Glurmo #1 pushes a lever down 
               and Leela is lowered into the purple Slurm. Fry watches.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         What about me?

               
                                     SLURM QUEEN
                         You are free to go ...

               
                                     FRY
                         Yes!

               
                                     SLURM QUEEN
                         ... if you can resist this concentrated 
                         super Slurm!  It's so delicious, you'll 
                         eat until you explode! Oh, which reminds 
                         me, put a tarp over that sofa, will 
                         you? Bon appétit!
 
               
               [One of the Glurmos forces a spoonful of the Slurm into Fry's 
               mouth. Fry struggles then smiles.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Mmm!

               
                                     SLURM QUEEN
                         Farewell! Oh, and congratulations again 
                         on winning the contest.
 
               
               [She and the Glurmos laugh insanely and leave.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Fry, untie us, quick!

               
                                     FRY
                         Here I come.  Let me just-- One more 
                         taste.
 
               
               [He takes three.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         You pig. Stop stuffing your craw and 
                         save us.
 
               
               [Fry walks towards her then changes his mind and sticks his head 
               into the tub. Bender moves closer to the machine.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         I can't see what's happening. Are we 
                         boned?
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Yeah, we're boned.

               
               [Fry lifts his head out of the tub and looks around. He sees 
               Bender then Leela then looks back at the Slurm, A tear trickles 
               down his face and splashes into the Slurm.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I can't stop eating this delicious ooze. 
                         But I'm not gonna let you die.
 
               
               [He moves towards the control unit, dragging the tub with him 
               and shovelling handfuls of Slurm into his mouth.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Hurry!

               
                                     BENDER
                         What's happening?  Just in time!

               
               [He looks down and screams. There is a hole in the middle of 
               his casing. Fry looks through it. While he is distracted, Leela 
               tips the tub of Slurm over and it disappears down a drain.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         (screaming) Nooo!  (talking) I could 
                         fit if I didn't have these damn arms!
 
                         
               
               [He starts gnawing at his arms. Leela lifts him up off the floor.]
 
               
               
               [Wormulon Cave. The trio run through the tunnel.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         We're close to the exit. I can smell 
                         those filthy orange guys.
 
               
               [Ahead of them is Slurms MacKenzie and the babes.]

               
                                     SLURMS
                         Stop right there!

               
                                     BENDER
                         Slurms MacKenzie?

               
                                     SLURMS
                         Shh! I want you to take me with you.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Say what?

               
                                     SLURMS
                         I'm partied out. All I want is to stay 
                         home and rent videos and watch them 
                         with a few friends. Is that so much 
                         to ask?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Forget it pal.  It says on this bottle-cap 
                         you have to party with us.
 
               
                                     SLURMS
                         Alright, when we get to Earth. But please 
                         don't invite too many people, I wanna 
                         keep it small.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         No can do, Slurms!

               
               [He pats him on the back. The cave starts to shake and the Slurm 
               Queen bursts through the wall. Everyone screams.]
 
               
                                     SLURMS
                         This way!

               
               [He ushers them into another part of the cave. A sign above reads 
               "Danger Cave-In Area". The Slurm Queen follows but gets stuck. 
               She squirts some Slurm around her body as lubricant and squeezes 
               through.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         She's gaining on us.

               
               [Slurms stops running.]

               
                                     SLURMS
                         Go on without me, I'll hold her off.
 
                         
               
               [Everyone else stops.]

               
                                     FRY
                         But she'll crush you like a worm ... 
                         crushing a smaller worm.
 
               
                                     SLURMS
                         It's alright. I'm so tired of partying. 
                         So very tired.  I'll save you the only 
                         way I know how: By partying!  Babes.
 
                         
               
                                     DIXIE
                         Yes, Mr. MacKenzie?

               
                                     SLURMS
                         You've served me well these 40 years, 
                         but this time I've got to party alone.
 
                         
               
                                     BABE
                         But--

               
                                     SLURMS
                         There'll be other parties for you. Now 
                         go. Go!
 
               
               [They run away and Slurms dances and the Slurm Queen closes in. 
               The tunnel starts to collapse and Slurms turns the volume up 
               to maximum. More rocks fall from the roof. Bender turns around.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         Party on, Slurms!

               
               [He salutes.]

               
                                     SLURMS
                         Party on, contest winners. Party on.
 
                         
               
               [Bigger rocks falls from above and they pile up in the tunnel. 
               One crushes Slurms and he yelps. The Slurm Queen slams into the 
               pile of rocks.]
 
               
                                     SLURM QUEEN
                         No! We're ruined! They know our disgusting 
                         secret!
 
               
               [She cries. The Glurmos arrive in time to see her drinking her 
               own Slurm.]
 
               
               [The Planet Express ship speeds away from Wormulon.]

               
               [Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Hermes, Zoidberg and Amy sit on the couch, 
               Bender relaxes at his station while Fry and Farnsworth use the 
               phone.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Commissioner, my crew has made a horrific 
                         discovery: It seems that Slurm is produced 
                         in a colossal worm hiney!
 
               
               [On the screen, the commissioner sits in his office in front 
               of a seal with "Bureau Of Soft Drinks, Tobacco, Firearms" written 
               around it.]
 
               
                                     COMMISSIONER
                          Hmm, "hiney", you say? Why, with your 
                         testimony we'll finally be able to outlaw 
                         this insidious Slurm.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Outlaw Slurm?  Uh, don't pay any attention 
                         to him sir ...
 
               
               [Cut to: Commissioner's Office.]

               
                                     FRY
                          ... Grandpa's making up crazy stories 
                         again.
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                          I'm not your grandpa, you're my uncle! 
                         From the year 2000!
 
               
               [Fry makes the cuckoo gesture.]

               
               [Cut to: Ships Cockpit.]

               
                                     COMMISSIONER
                          OK, grandpa, we'll take care of the 
                         "bad worms," don't you worry.
 
               
               [He grins and hangs up. Fry opens another can of Slurm.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Ah, I just wish Slurms MacKenzie were 
                         here to enjoy this with me.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Yeah, that Slurms sure loved to party. 
                         Whattya say we all party one last time 
                         for him?
 
               
               [Leela raises a can.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         For Slurms!

               
               [The rest raise their cans.]

               
                                     AMY
                         (simultaneously) For Slurms!

               
                                     BENDER
                         (simultaneously) For Slurms!

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         (simultaneously) For Slurms!

               
                                     FRY
                         (simultaneously) For Slurms!

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         (simultaneously) Whammy-wazzle!

               
               [Slurms' music plays and the babes run in from the side and start 
               dancing. Bender drinks a can.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey, that's not that bad.

               
               [The Slurm trickles out of the hole in his casing. Fry is lying 
               on the floor underneath so the Slurm runs straight into his mouth.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         Mmm!

               
               [He smiles.]

               
               THE END

               

Fry And The Slurm Factory



Writers :   Lewis Morton
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


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