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                                        FUTURAMA

                                       Episode 409

                                     "FUTURE STOCK"

                                           By

                                       Aaron Ehasz

                         Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet



               
               [Opening Credits. Caption: Love It Or Shove It.]

               
               [Lodgatorium Comfort Dome Inn: Corridor. A man attatches a "5" 
               to a sign reading "Planet Express tockholders Meeting" so the 
               third word reads "5tockholders."]
 
               
                                     MAN
                         Yes, good thing I noticed the similar 
                         shapes.
 
               
               [Cut to: Lodgatorium Comfort Dome Inn: Ballroom A. Hermes hosts 
               the stockholders meeting. Present are the Planet Express crew 
               and Hattie.]
 
               
               
               [The curtain opens and he pushes him forward.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Ohh!

               
               [The stockholders cheer.]

               
                                     AMY
                         There he is!

               
                                     HATTIE (SHOUTING)
                         Take it off!

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Where am I?

               
                                     HERMES
                         Move forward. Walk into the light.
 
                         
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Oh God! I'm dead. Well, no matter.  
                         (reading) Thank you all for coming. 
                         I don't recognise any of you, nor can 
                         I recall why I am here. Now without 
                         further ado, a film highlighting Planet 
                         Express Inc.'s latest fiscal year.
 
                         
               
               [The stockholders applaud and a film comes on showing the Planet 
               Express ship flying over some water away from a sunset.]
 
               
                                     NARRATOR [IN FILM]
                         Planet Express is on the move. For this 
                         young, hip delivery compnay, tomorrow 
                         is today and today is yesterday. You 
                         heard me.  It was a year of soaring 
                         profits and significant one time losses.
 
                         
               
               [The ship takes off from Amazonia and immediately crashes.]
 
               
               
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         I'll not only help you find it, I'll 
                         help you do more to it!
 
               
               [Lodgatorium Comfort Dome Inn: Corridor. Fry and Zoidberg walk 
               out of Ballroom A and Fry sees a sign outside Ballroom B.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         Ooo, a bot-mitzvah. Shalom hunger, shalom 
                         free food!
 
               
               [He walks in and Zoidberg follows. A robot blocks Zoidberg's 
               path.]
 
               
                                     ROBOT #1
                         No shellfish!

               
               [He slams the door.]

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         That is so unfair!

               
                                     PIG
                         Tell me about it.

               
               [Cut to: Lodgatorium Comfort Dome Inn: Ballroom B. The Jewbots 
               dance around the bot-mitvah bot and Fry gets some food from the 
               buffet.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         So what's the deal? You guys don't believe 
                         in Robot Jesus?
 
               
                                     ROBOT #2
                         We believe he was built and that he 
                         was a very well programmed robot but 
                         he wasn't our Messiah.
 
               
               [Cut to: Lodgatorium Comfort Dome Inn: Ballroom A. The film is 
               still going on. The Planet Express ship soars into space with 
               fireworks trailing behind it.]
 
               
                                     NARRATOR [IN FILM]
                         And so our company flames onwards. Planet 
                         Express: Limitless potential, boundless 
                         horizons, the unstoppable juggernaut 
                         of the corporate universe.
 
               
               [The Planet Express ship passes through a ring and forms the 
               company logo. The film ends.]
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         It's been a terrible year people. The 
                         company is on the verge of bankruptcy.
 
                         
               
               [The stockholders gasp.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         But the movie -

               
                                     HERMES
                         Was a substantial loss for the company. 
                          The blue slice represent s the money 
                         we earned from shipping packages while 
                         the green slice represents an $8 bank 
                         error in our favour.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         This toads the wet sprocket. What about 
                         our thousands of shares of stock?
 
                         
               
                                     HERMES
                         Worthless.

               
               [The stockholders gasp.]

               
                                     BENDER (SHOUTING)
                         I'll kill you!

               
                                     HATTIE
                         I own one share of Planet kajiggers 
                         so I'm entitled to some answers. Question 
                         1: Why does no one visit me in my home?
 
                         
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         'Cause your apartment smells like Polygrip 
                         and cat pee.
 
               
               [Lodgatorium Comfort Dome Inn: Corridor. Fry sees a sign outside 
               Ballroom C for a cryogenic support group. He gasps.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         This is perfect for me.

               
               [He was actually looking at the free food sign underneath. Zoidberg 
               follows him in.]
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Question: Do you have to have been cryogenically 
                         frozen to get the free -  You didn't 
                         let me finish. I was going to say "to 
                         get the free food."
 
               
               [Cut to: Lodgatorium Comfort Dome Inn: Ballroom C. Fry gobbles 
               down the food at the buffet while the support group discusses 
               things.]
 
               
                                     JOE
                         My name's Joe and I'm a defrostee.
 
                         
               
                                     EVERYONE
                         Hello Joe.

               
                                     JOE
                         When I was frozen giant carrots ruled 
                         the Earth. But now they don't. It takes 
                         some getting used to.
 
               
               [He sits down and the group applauds. Fry has sat down with a 
               plate of food. Another man stands up.]
 
               
                                     THAT GUY
                         Back in the 1980's I was the toast of 
                         Wall Street. I was having whiskey with 
                         Boesky and cookies with Milken. But 
                         then, I was diagnosed with terminal 
                         boneitis.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Boneitis? Pft! That's a funny name for 
                         a horrible disease.
 
               
                                     THAT GUY
                         There was no cure at the time. One drug 
                         company was close but I arranged a hostile 
                         takeover and sold off all the assets. 
                         Made a cool hundred mil.  Naturally 
                         I froze myself until a cure was found. 
                         Now here I am, ready to sleaze my way 
                         back to the top, 80's style!
 
               
               [He sits down next to Fry.]

               
                                     CAVEMAN
                         As a caveman frozen in a glacier I face 
                         different challenges. (crying) The hardest 
                         thign was seeing my wife on display 
                         in the British Museum.
 
               
               [The group murmurs.]

               
               
                                     THAT GUY
                         Sure do! We can dance!

               
               [He hums the Safety Dance tune and they both laugh.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Y'know that dance wasn't as safe as 
                         they said it was.
 
               
                                     THAT GUY
                         I tell you, two go-go 80's Reganauts 
                         like us, we could rule this world!
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         No question.

               
                                     THAT GUY
                         If only someone would give us a shot.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         They're scared of our raw power. Oh 
                         but if you want a job, I could beg everyone 
                         at the company where I work.
 
               
                                     THAT GUY
                         Awesome. Awesome to the max!

               
               [Lodgatorium Comfort Dome Inn: Ballroom A. Enter Fry and That 
               Guy.]
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         And finally, the post office meter is 
                         for business mail only.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Aw come on! I got a lot of ransom notes 
                         to send!
 
               
                                     HATTIE
                         Enough talk. It's time for action. I 
                         move that everyone come to my apartment 
                         to snuggle my cat.
 
               
                                     SCRUFFY
                         Second.

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         I move that your cat stinks and is ugly.
 
                         
               
                                     SCRUFFY
                         Second.

               
                                     HATTIE
                         I move that we vote on a new Chief Executive 
                         Officer and oust this old creep. And 
                         also that make cat smells good and is 
                         pretty.
 
               
               [Scruffy thinks.]

               
                                     SCRUFFY
                         Second.

               
                                     HERMES
                         Very well. I nominate the Professor.
 
                         
               
                                     AMY
                         Second.

               
                                     LEELA
                         Second.

               
                                     BENDER
                         Second.

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         I'm your man.

               
                                     LEELA
                         I vote my 10,000 shares for the Professor.
 
                         
               
                                     HERMES
                         Yeah the Professor!

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Me!

               
               [Hermes writes 50,000 on a chart for Farnsworth.]

               
                                     FRY
                         I nominate That Guy. Not just because 
                         he has a suit but because he knows about 
                         business and stuff and he has a tie. 
                          My shares still count if they went 
                         through the washing machine right?
 
                         
               
               [Hermes starts a new chart for That Guy next to Farnsworth's 
               and write 10,000 under his name.]
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         Well, if I know anything about which 
                         number is bigger than the other number, 
                         I'd say that -
 
               
                                     SCRUFFY
                         Hold on there. Scruffy votes his 40,000 
                         shares for the mysterious stranger.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         40,000? How come you have four times 
                         as much stock as the rest of us?
 
               
                                     SCRUFFY
                         Scruffy believes in this company.

               
               [He sniffs and wipes away a tear. Hermes changes That Guy's score 
               to 50,000.]
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         Then we have a tie. And in the event 
                         of a tie the Professor, as the current 
                         CEO remains -
 
               
                                     HATTIE
                         I demand the floor. I may only have 
                         one share but I get to vote same as 
                         anyone. And I'm voting against the cat 
                         hater.  Isn't that right kitty?  Hey! 
                         You ate my change!
 
               
               [She shakes the cat and the money inside it jingles. Hermes changes 
               That Guy's score to 50,001.]
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         Then it's settled. The new chief executive 
                         officer of Planet Express corporation 
                         is That Guy.
 
               
               [That Guy hums Safety Dance.]

               
               [Planet Express: Meeting Room.]

               
                                     HERMES
                         Please welcome our new chief executive 
                         officer, That Guy.
 
               
               [Fry applauds and hoots. The rest of the crew glare at him.]
 
               
               
                                     THAT GUY
                         Let's cut to the chase. There are two 
                         kinds of people: sheep and sharks. Anyone 
                         who's a sheep is fired. Who's a sheep?
 
                         
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Uh excuse me? Which is the one people 
                         like to hug?
 
               
                                     THAT GUY
                         Gutsy question, you're a shark. Sharks 
                         are winners and they don't look back 
                         'cause they don't have necks. Necks 
                         are for sheep.  I am proud to be the 
                         shepherd of this herd of sharks and 
                         I am gonna lead you to the top of this 
                         industry of...of...
 
               
                                     FRY (WHISPERING)
                         Package delivery.

               
                                     THAT GUY
                         Package delviery? Oh God!  Fantastic! 
                         Now the first order of business is to 
                         blame everything on the guy before me. 
                         Professor?
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         I'll ruin you like I ruined this company.
 
                         
               
                                     THAT GUY
                         Terrific. Question number one: What 
                         was your overall business plan?
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Uh, um, uh business plan, uh, yes. I 
                         keep it here - right next to my heart.
 
                         
               
               [He opens a drawer and pulls out a file next to a jar with a 
               heart in it. He hands the file to That Guy.]
 
               
                                     THAT GUY
                         This isn't a business plan, it's an 
                         escape plan.
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         So long suckers!

               
               [He climbs down a ladder and runs across the hangar floor laughing 
               insanely.]
 
               
                                     THAT GUY
                         Fry, as a fellow 80's dollar jockey, 
                         I'm making you my new vice chairman.
 
                         
               
               [Fry cheers.]

               
                                     FRY
                         I'm rollin' up the corporate ramp.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Ohh!

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         It's the end of the line!

               
                                     HERMES
                         We're ruined!

               
                                     SCRUFFY
                         What fevered dream is this that bids 
                         to tear this company in twain?
 
               
               [He leans back and starts reading National Pornographic.]

               
               [Outside Giorgio Armonster. Exit Fry and That Guy from the shop 
               sporting 80's style suits. The monster waves them off.]
 
               
                                     MONSTER
                         Thank you come again!

               
                                     THAT GUY
                         That's what I call a hostile makeover! 
                         Hair gel?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         No thanks I make my own.

               
               [He slicks his hair back.]

               
               [Ship's Cockpit.]

               
                                     THAT GUY
                         This company's gonna shoot straight 
                         to the top and stay there! Like Cindy 
                         Lauper! I ask you: Who is the number 
                         one delivery service on Earth?
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Is it Planet Express master?

               
               [That Guy laughs.]

               
                                     THAT GUY
                         Is this guy a shark or what? Seriously 
                         though we stink out loud. Here's the 
                         big enchirito.  Mom's Friendly Delivery 
                         Company.
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         We can't compete with Mom! Her company 
                         is big, and evil. Ours is small and 
                         neutral.
 
               
                                     THAT GUY
                         Switzerland is small and neutral. We're 
                         more like Germany; ambitious and misunderstood.
 
                         
               
                                     AMY
                         Look, everyone wants to be like Germany 
                         but do we really have the pure strength 
                         of will?
 
               
                                     THAT GUY
                         I say we do! Now are we gonna let ourselves 
                         be beaten by an old lady?
 
               
               [Zoidberg bows.]

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Yes my liege!

               
                                     FRY
                         No we're not. And as vice chairman, 
                         I believe I speak for the entire board 
                         when I issue this challenge to Mom. 
                          Look at my butt!
 
               
               [He presses it up against the window and cheers.]

               
               [Cut to: Mom's Office. Mom, Walt, Larry and Igner look out the 
               window.]
 
               
                                     MOM
                         You call that a pressed ham? Walt, hit 
                         the retaliate button.
 
               
               [Walt looks at a control panel.]

               
                                     WALT
                         Uh, um, hmm lets see.

               
                                     MOM
                         Any button they all retaliate!

               
               [Walt presses a random button.]

               
               [Cut to: Outside Mom's Building. The sign on the top of the building 
               with Mom bottle-feeding a parcel like a baby suddenly turns eeevil. 
               The bottle turns towards the Planet Express ship and fires lasers 
               at it. The crew scream from inside and the ship flies away.]
 
               
               
               [Madison Cube Garden. Fry and That Guy are sitting in the VIP 
               section with Zapp, Calculon, Morbo and Jackie Anderson watching 
               the big ape fight. The apes fight and scream. Fry hoots.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Woo yeah! Hit him hit him hit him!  
                         Now this is the high life! Watching 
                         apes mangle each other near celebrities!
 
                         
               
                                     THAT GUY
                         In my day we went to coke parties but 
                         the principle's the same.
 
               
               [An ape screams and throws it's trike at Calculon.]

               
                                     CALCULON
                         Get your stinkin' trike off me you damn 
                         dirty ape.
 
               
                                     THAT GUY
                         Listen big guy, now that you're my prodégé, 
                         it's time I cut you in on the secret 
                         to success. Any guesses?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Uh, work really really hard?

               
                                     THAT GUY
                         No.

               
                                     FRY
                         Oh thank God!

               
                                     THAT GUY
                         It's all about appearances. That's why 
                         its time to update our company's stodgy 
                         image and give it the sleek dazzling 
                         veneer of the 1980's!
 
               
               [Planet Express: Meeting Room. Enter Fry and That Guy on rocket 
               powered chairs. The rest of the crew are asleep at the table. 
               Fry claps and they suddenly wake up.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         This company's on the fast track to 
                         the It List! Blast back kudos all around!
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Uh hello? We haven't made one delivery 
                         since you two took over.
 
               
                                     THAT GUY
                         Delivery has nothing to do with the 
                         delivery business. Image people, image! 
                         Scope out this new ad!
 
               
               [He presses a button on the remote and an advert comes on the 
               big screen. A Planet Express-ified version of Apple's 1984 ad. 
               A woman runs into a building with a Planet Express package. Mom 
               is on a huge screen.]
 
               
                                     MOM [ON AD]
                         We are all one. With one mind, one purpose 
                         and one act. Our enemy shall be eaten 
                         by scorpions!  We shall bow down and 
                         worship to ourselves.  We shall prevail!
 
                         
               
               [The package hits the screen and it explodes. A man in the audience 
               stands up.]
 
               
                                     MAN [ON AD]
                         Hey! We were watching that!

               
               [The scene freezes and a new Planet Express logo appears on the 
               screen á la the FedEx logo only this time it's PlanEx.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         That was terrible! People won't even 
                         know what we do.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         I don't even know what we do. Nah just 
                         kidding, what are like a bus or something?
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Did you approve that awful ad Fry?
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Yes I did Leels! And I'll tell you why. 
                         Because it grows the brand.
 
               
               [That Guy pats his shoulder.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Oh Lord!

               
               [Zoidberg growls.]

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         This company's circling the drain I 
                         tell you. I'd sell my stock right now 
                         for a sangwich!
 
               
                                     THAT GUY
                         Sold!

               
               [He gets a sandwich out of a Miami Vice lunchbox and hands it 
               to Zoidberg.]
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         A complete sangwich?  You got fleeced! 
                         I would have settled for a hard roll 
                         with ketchup inside!
 
               
               [Mom's Office. She runs on a running machine while looking at 
               Mentor magazine and Protégé magazine. That Guy and Fry are on 
               each cover.]
 
               
                                     MOM
                         What is this moose drip?  The new delivery 
                         kings? I'm sick of hearing about those 
                         turtle squirts!
 
               
                                     IGNER
                         But they're kings mommy!

               
                                     MOM
                         Jam a bastard in it you crap!

               
               [She slaps them.]

               
               [Elzar's Fine Cuisine: Private Dining Room. That Guy and Fry 
               are seated in a cosy little room.]
 
               
                                     ELZAR
                         Enjoy our private dining room folks! 
                         This is where we serve our richest most 
                         successful chumps!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Tonight, that's us!

               
                                     THAT GUY
                         What have you got that's really overpriced?
 
                         
               
                                     ELZAR
                         Everything.

               
                                     THAT GUY
                         Bring me that.

               
                                     FRY
                         Make it two. And a glass of all your 
                         water.
 
               
               [Elzar leaves and That guy pulls out some card from his jacket.]
 
               
               
                                     THAT GUY
                         OK, lets work on your execu-speak. I'm 
                         worried about "blank."
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Don't you worry about "blank" let me 
                         worry about "blank."
 
               
                                     THAT GUY
                         Very good. I also would have accepted 
                         "Blank? Blank?! you're not looking at 
                         the big picture!"
 
               
               [Mom coughs from behind Fry and he and That Guy look up.]

               
                                     FRY (WEAKLY)
                         What a pleasant surprise!

               
                                     MOM
                         Shut up booger blaster! It's time the 
                         three of us had a talk.
 
               
                                     THAT GUY
                         I'll handle this Fry. You get back to 
                         the farm, shift some paradigms, revolutionise 
                         outside the box.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I'm on it. But if you need me you know 
                         where I'll be.
 
               
               [He walks through a door to the wine cellar and falls down the 
               steps.]
 
               
               [Planet Express: Fry's Office. Fry irons his tie.]

               
               
               [Enter Leela, Bender, Hermes, Zoidberg, Amy, Scruffy and Farnsworth.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         Fry we're worried about Planet Express.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Don't you worry about Planet Express. 
                         Let me worry about blank!
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         That Guy is nothing but a flashy con 
                         man! And you've been hypnotised by his 
                         swinging blogney!
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         You've changed Fry.

               
                                     FRY
                         What? I haven't changed.  Suz? Have 
                         I changed?
 
               
                                     SUZ [ON INTERCOM]
                         No sir Mr Fry.

               
                                     FRY
                         Thanks doll.

               
                                     LEELA
                         I don't care what Ms Johnson says, Thst 
                         Guy's turning this place into some kind 
                         of...business.
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         This isn't a business, I've always thought 
                         of it as more of a source of cheap labour. 
                         Like a family.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         You're right Professor. We might not 
                         be a traditional family like the Murphy's 
                         next door or the lesbian coven across 
                         the street but we are a family, and 
                         That Guy understands that.
 
               
               [That Guy appears on a screen.]

               
                                     THAT GUY [ON SCREEN]
                         Everyone's fired and we're out of business.
 
                         
               
               [Everyone gasps.]

               
                                     AMY
                         Oh no.

               
                                     HERMES
                         How?

               
                                     THAT GUY [ON SCREEN]
                         I'm gonna sell Planet Express to Mom 
                         so she can gut the company and eliminate 
                         us as competitors.
 
               
                                     MOM [ON SCREEN]
                         Don't let the door hit you on your way 
                         out. 'Cause I don't want ass prints 
                         on my new door!
 
               
               [The screen cuts out and the ex-crew glare at Fry. He presses 
               the launch button on his chair and it takes off, struggles, and 
               crashes down again. Everyone glares harder. Fry presses the intercom.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         Uh Ms Johnson? Please bring in some 
                         more chair fuel.
 
               
               [Planet Express: Locker Area. Everyone clears out their lockers.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         I had no idea the company would be sold. 
                         I was just an innocent suck up. You've 
                         gotta believe me!
 
               
               [Leela slams her door shut.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Just leave us alone and let us clear 
                         out our lockers.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Yeah.

               
               [He slams Hermes' door shut and chuckles. Amy clears out her 
               locker and puts her stuff in a box a man is holding for her.]
 
               
               
                                     AMY (CRYING)
                         It's so sad, where will I go? What will 
                         I do?
 
               
                                     LACKEY
                         You have Mrs Darlinghaven's cotillion 
                         at 7 ma'am.
 
               
                                     AMY (CRYING)
                         Oh. That'll be fun.

               
               [Planet Express: Fry's Office. Fry sighs and presses the intercom 
               button.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Ms Johnson, you've never lied to me. 
                         Am I still a good person?
 
               
                                     SUZ [ON INTERCOM]
                         I don't know sir. I'm a program built 
                         into the intercom.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I've got to redeem myself. Somehow, 
                         sometime, for some reason. I'll block 
                         this takeover!
 
               
                                     SUZ [ON INTERCOM]
                         Mr Fry, your 2 o'clock magician is here.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Believe it or not, I have more important 
                         things to do today than laugh and clap 
                         my hands.  Reschedule.
 
               
               [The Planet Express ship flies towards the Intergalactic Stock 
               Exchange and the huge Momcorp ship follows.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Intergalactic Stock Exchange. People and robots shout, 
               buying and selling stock.]
 
               
                                     BROKERBOT #1
                         Sell 100 soylent beans!

               
                                     BROKERBOT #2
                         Buy 1000 cornbellies!

               
                                     BROKERBOT #3
                         200 cans of whoop-ass!

               
                                     BROKERBOT #1
                         Three big bags of trash!

               
               [Everything goes silent and a huge holographic head appears in 
               the middle of the room.]
 
               
                                     JOR-EL
                         Attention please. The takeover of PlanEx 
                         Corp by Mom's Friendly Company will 
                         take place in the business centre in 
                         10 minutes. I am Jor-El! Master of scheduling!
 
                         
               
               [Intergalactic Stock Exchange Business Centre. Hundreds of people 
               fill the room. The Planet Express employees sit angrily next 
               to Mom's sons.]
 
               
                                     THAT GUY
                         OK, we've got the hot tub hot, the wine 
                         cooler's cool. It's Hammer time!
 
               
               [The Planet Express employees boo him.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         You suck!

               
               [Mom takes the stand.]

               
                                     MOM
                         According to regulations, both companies 
                         must approve the takeover. Planet Express 
                         shareholders, cast your votes.
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         Great Bonda of Uganda! We can vote against 
                         it!
 
               
               [Everyone cheers.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         I'll vote it down like a raise for school 
                         teachers!
 
               
               [They all vote No and a chart ppears behind That Guy and Mom. 
               49% have voted for No. That Guy votes Yes and the graph changes 
               to 51% for Yes. Planet Express gasps.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         What the?

               
                                     HATTIE
                         How the?

               
                                     AMY
                         Oh no.

               
                                     THAT GUY
                         I neglected to mention that the shares 
                         I bought from Dr Zoidberg gave me majority 
                         control.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Zoidberg owned 51% of the company?
 
                         
               
                                     HERMES
                         The shares were worthless and he kept 
                         asking for toilet paper.
 
               
                                     MOM
                         And now if Momcorp shareholders will 
                         cast their ballots.
 
               
               [She selects Yes and the Momcorp vote goes up to 99.7% Yes. Walt 
               votes Yes and it changes to 99.8%. Larry votes and it changes 
               to 99.9%. Igner has a little trouble.]
 
               
                                     IGNER
                         Um...uh... Uh, the ballot was confusing.
 
                         
               
                                     MOM
                         How about a hand recount?

               
                                     IGNER
                         OK.  Ow!

               
                                     MOM
                         The takeover of Planet Express is approved.
 
                         
               
               [The Planet Express crew boos.]

               
                                     AMY
                         This stinks!

               
                                     LACKEY
                         Madam is outraged.

               
                                     THAT GUY
                         Security, I want that bunch of rowdies 
                         out of here.
 
               
               [The securitybots lift the crew out of their seats.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Hold on a minute!

               
                                     SCRUFFY
                         Hey! Hey!

               
               [The securitybots take the crew away leaving only a sleeping 
               Farnsworth and Hattie in their seats.]
 
               
                                     MOM
                         Momcorp will now purchase all outstanding 
                         shares of Planet Express at the current 
                         market price which is...
 
               
               [On the screen behind her PLNX 107 appears.]

               
                                     JOR-EL
                         107.

               
               [Cut to: Outside Business Centre. The securitybots drop the crew 
               onto the floor.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Ow! And also it hurt my feelings!

               
               
                                     LEELA
                         They are? Oh my God! I'm a millionaire! 
                         Suddenly I have an opinion about that 
                         capital gains tax!
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Yeah all right!

               
                                     AMY
                         I'm even richer!

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Oh! I have no shares!  Wait! My sangwich! 
                         Has it also appreciated in value?  Please 
                         oh please!
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         You didn't even refrigerate it you spineless 
                         lobster!
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         You had to drag spines into this!

               
               [He cries. Fry appears on the overhead monitors. He clears his 
               throat.]
 
               
                                     FRY [ON SCREEN]
                         As vice chairman of Planet Express I'd 
                         like to say a few words. There comes 
                         a time for every man who becomes rich 
                         and deserts his friends, when he goes 
                         back how it was. For me, that time is 
                         now....
 
               
               [Cut to: Intergalactic Stock Exchange Business Centre. Fry turns 
               to That Guy.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         ...So I ask you, as a friend, won't 
                         you stop this deal?
 
               
                                     THAT GUY
                         Fry I'm an 80's guy. Friendship means 
                         to me that for two bucks I'd beat you 
                         with a pool cue 'til you got detached 
                         retinas. The deal will go ahead as - 
                          My bones!
 
               
               [The crowd gasps.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Oh my God! His boneitis!

               
                                     THAT GUY
                         I was so busy being an 80's guy, I forgot 
                         to cure it.  My only regret is...that 
                         I have...boneitis!
 
               
               [He stops twisting.]

               
                                     FRY
                         He's dead.

               
               [The crowd gasps.]

               
                                     MOM
                         Pry out his fillings, feed him to the 
                         jackals and lets get on with the sale.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         I don't think so. 'Cause as vice chairman 
                         of the company I gain voting control 
                         of his shares.
 
               
                                     MOM
                         Don't be a fool you idiot!

               
                                     FRY
                         I'll be whatever I wanna do! That Guy 
                         was the greatest businessman that ever 
                         lived and before his mysterious death 
                         he taught me everything he knew.  But 
                         some things I had to learn myself.  
                         I learned that money is fine but in 
                         the end what counts is people... ...People 
                         you love... ...You can't put a price 
                         on that... So I'm giving up control 
                         of the company... ...to a man of enourmous 
                         experience... ...Professor... ...Hubert 
                         Farnsworth.
 
               
               [Farnsworth is still asleep but is now wearing a sleeping cap 
               and bunny slippers. He wakes up.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Oh uh what? I'm awake, I'm awake!

               
               [The stock price goes haywire. Tape falls from the ceiling an 
               the Planet Express crew slide down on it.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Fry, stop doing the right thing you 
                         jerk!
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Let Mom buy the company! We all wanna 
                         be filthy stinking rich!
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Trust me two out of three doesn't cut 
                         it!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         You mean you'd rather be rich than work 
                         together?
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Hell yeah!

               
                                     FRY
                         In my whole life this company was the 
                         only place I ever really felt at home. 
                         If being millionaires is more important 
                         to you than our...
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         It is!

               
                                     FRY
                         ...friendship, then I'll sell Planet 
                         Express, for you.
 
               
                                     HATTIE
                         Millionaires nothing! The stock's only 
                         worth three kajiggers!
 
               
               [The crew mumble.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Oh come on!

               
                                     HERMES
                         My Jah! It's worth less now than when 
                         it was worthless!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         It is? Yahoo! We're poor no matter what 
                         I do! The deal is off!
 
               
               [He selects no and the Planet Express vote changes to 100% for 
               No.]
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Aha! Once again the conservative sangwich-heavy 
                         portfolio pays off for the hungry investor! 
                          Oh! I'm ruined.  Why? Why?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Look, so we're not millionaires. At 
                         least we all still get to work together!
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Shut your fat mouth!

               
               [The crew walk out muttering.]

               
                                     FRY (SHOUTING)
                         See you guys Monday!

               
               THE END

               

Future Stock



Writers :   Aaron Ehasz
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


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