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                                        FUTURAMA

                                       Episode 109 

                                 "HELL IS OTHER ROBOTS"

                                           By

                                       Eric Kaplan

                         Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet

               
               
               
               [Opening Credits. Caption: Condemned By The Space Pope.]

               
               [Madison Cube Garden. Fry, Leela and Bender are sat waiting for 
               a Beastie Boys gig to start.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         This is awesome! I've been waiting a 
                         thousand years to see a Beastie Boys 
                         show.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Can I get anybody a beer?

               
                                     FRY
                         Sure!

               
               [Bender opens his chest cabinet and uses his antenna to pump 
               some beer into a cup. He hands it to Fry and Fry takes a gulp.]
 
               
               
                                     ANNOUNCER
                          Ladies and gentlemen, here to lay down 
                         some old, old, incredibly old school 
                         beats: The Beastie Boys!
 
               
               [A man wheels the Beastie Boys' heads in jars onto the stage. 
               The crowd cheers. Some guys in black suits grab the jars and 
               dance around. The Beastie Boys perform Intergalactic.]
 
               
                                     BEASTIE BOYS
                         (singing) Well now don't you tell to 
                         smile
 
               You stick around I'll make it worth your while

               Got numbers beyond what you can dial

               Maybe it's because I'm so versatile

               Style profile I said

               It always brings me back when I hear Wu Child...

               
               [Leela looks at her wrist thing.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Impressive. They're busting mad rhymes 
                         with an 80% success rate.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         I believe that qualifies as ill. At 
                         least from a technical standpoint.
 
                         
               
               [Fry is standing away from them.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Will you guys shut up! I'm trying to 
                         look cool.
 
               
               [He attempts to dance.]

               
                                     BEASTIE BOYS
                         (singing) ...known for the Flintstone 
                         Flop
 
               Tammy D gettin' biz on the crop

               Beastie Boys know to let the beat...

               
                                     MIKE
                         Drop!  Ow! How's it going?  Enjoying 
                         the show? Ow!  (shouting) Don't forget 
                         to pick up a T-Shirt!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Wow! An old-fashioned mosh pit! Come 
                         on guys. Tonight we're gonna party like 
                         its 1999...again.
 
               
               [The Beastie Boys start to perform Super Disco Breakin.]

               
               Beastie Boys (singing) Well it's 50 cups of coffee and you know 
               it's on
 
               I move the crowd to the break of break of dawn...

               
               [Fry and Bender get into the mosh pit. Leela gets bumped around 
               and doesn't look like she is enjoying herself.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Ow! Hey, watch it!

               
               [She elbows someone in the face, kicks someone else, punches 
               someone else the does a full circle flying kick and knocks everyone 
               around her over.]
 
               
               [Time Lapse. The crowd are sat in their seats again.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Man, these guys rock harder than ever!
 
                         
               
               [The Beastie Boys sing Sabotage.]

               
                                     MIKE (SINGING)
                         Oh my...

               
                                     MCA (SINGING)
                         ...it's a mirage...

               
                                     AD-ROCK (SINGING)
                         ...tellin' you all it's a...

               
               
                                     AD-ROCK (SINGING)
                         Sabotage, yeah!

               
                                     MIKE
                         Peace, we out!

               
               [The crowd cheers and the Beastie Boys are wheeled out. Fry cheers. 
               Enter a Fender amplifier who recognises Bender.]
 
               
                                     FENDER
                         Hey, Bender!

               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey, Fender! Man, I haven't seen you 
                         since high school. You still workin' 
                         at Jack In The Box?
 
               
                                     FENDER
                         Not anymore, baby. I'm with the band!
 
                         
               
               [Backstage. The Beastie Boys are getting head massages.]

               
                                     MIKE
                         Aw! Oh, yeah!

               
               [Enter Fender, Bender, Fry and Leela.]

               
                                     FENDER
                         Hey, fellas, hey. I want you to meet 
                         my friends Bender, Fry and Leela.
 
                         
               
                                     AD-ROCK
                         Y'know we're, really not that interested 
                         in meeting them.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Wow! I love you guys! Back in the 20th 
                         century, I had all five of your albums.
 
                         
               
                                     AD-ROCK
                         That was a thousand years ago. Now we 
                         got seven.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Cool! Can I borrow the new ones? And 
                         a couple of blank tapes?
 
               
               [Fender turns his volume down and turns to Bender.]

               
                                     FENDER (WHISPERING)
                         Hey, Bender, why don't we ditch these 
                         organ sacks and hit the real party?
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Count me in! I'm gonna drink til I reboot!
 
                         
               
               [Room. Fender presses a button, a door slides open and in the 
               room are three robots hooked up to an electricity thing. It shocks 
               them and they groan.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey, what kinda party is this? There's 
                         no booze and only one hooker.
 
               
                                     FENDER
                         Don't be a drag, man. We're jacking 
                         on!  Aww yeah!  Wanna jolt?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Uh hey, I'm no square but isn't that 
                         counter-indicated by my operations manual?
 
                         
               
               [The other robots laugh.]

               
                                     ROBOT
                         Counter indicated!

               
                                     FENDER
                         Come on, Bender, grab a jack. I told 
                         these guys you were cool.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Well, if jacking on'll make strangers 
                         think I'm cool, I'll do it!
 
               
               [He takes the plug and sticks it in his head. He goes crazy and 
               starts to hallucinate. Sitar music plays. He falls onto a circuit 
               board. Then he flies around a molecule and eats the electrons. 
               He eats the proton and starts giggling. He dances with an electric 
               eel. Fender takes the plug out.]
 
               
                                     FENDER
                         Easy, baby. You don't wanna get hooked 
                         on this stuff.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Eh, no need to worry. I don't have an 
                         addictive personality.
 
               
               [He smokes a cigar, gulps down some beer and jacks on again.]
 
               
               
               [New New York Street. The next day Fry and Bender walk around 
               a slum. Hobos sleep in the travel tubes and windows are boarded 
               up. Bender wears shades.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Hey uh Bender. What are we doing in 
                         this bad neighbourhood?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Shut up, square!  I'll just be a minute!
 
                         
               
               [Fry leans against a lamppost and whistles.]

               
               [Time Lapse. Three hours later Bender comes out. He walks weirdly 
               and groans. He falls over, rolls off the pavement and lands face 
               down in the gutter. A Preacherbot walks by and sees him.]
 
               
                                     PREACHERBOT
                         Wretched sinner unit! The path to robot 
                         heaven lies here......in the Good Book 
                         3.0.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey! Do I preach to you when you're 
                         lying stoned in the gutter? No! So beat 
                         it!
 
               
               [Preacherbot tuts and walks off.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Who was that guy?

               
                                     BENDER
                         Yo mama! Now shut up and drag me to 
                         work!
 
               
               [Fry drags Bender by his legs.]

               
               [Planet Express: Meeting Room. Hermes addresses the staff with 
               a chart.]
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         Our electric bill's climbing faster 
                         than a green snake up a sugarcane. Obviously 
                         someone round been wastin' a whole heap 
                         a juice! Probably you!
 
               
               [He points at Zoidberg.]

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Me?

               
               [Enter Fry and Bender.]

               
                                     AMY
                         Good morning, Bender.

               
                                     BENDER
                         None of your business, get off my back!
 
                         
               
               [He runs into the restroom.]

               
                                     AMY
                         What's his problem?

               
                                     LEELA
                         If I didn't know better I'd almost think 
                         he was abusing electricity.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Bender? No way!  I definitely would've 
                         noticed something.
 
               
               [Leela gets up and knocks on the restroom door.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Bender, why are you spending so much 
                         time in the bathroom? Are you jacking 
                         on in there?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                          No! Don't come in!

               
               [Enter Farnsworth with a box.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Good news, everyone! Today you'll be 
                         delivering a crate of subpoenas to Sicily 
                         8, the Mob Planet!
 
               
               [Bender returns.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Alright, let's get to work! I'll be 
                         out in a second.
 
               
               [He runs back into the bathroom.]

               
               [Ships Cockpit. The crew have made the delivery and are returning 
               to Earth.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I know Big Vinnie said he was giving 
                         me the kiss of death but I still think 
                         he was gay.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Did he use his tongue?

               
                                     FRY
                         A little.  You OK, Bender?

               
                                     BENDER
                         None of your business! Get off my back!
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Uh oh. There seems to be some sort of 
                         electrical disturbance in the Coalsack 
                         Nebula.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         A what kind of disturbance?

               
                                     LEELA
                         Electrical. Anyway it's going to take 
                         some careful piloting to avoid it.
 
                         
               
               [Bender sneaks out of the cockpit.]

               
               [Cut to: Outside Ship. Bender opens the door and steps out. He 
               edges his way around to the engines and pushes them so the ship 
               flies straight towards the nebula. He laughs insanely.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Leela is struggling with the controls.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         We're out of control. We're heading 
                         straight into the electric field!
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         What's happening? I-I feel weird!

               
               [The electricity has made his hair stand on end.]

               
               [Cut to: Outside Ship. Bender stands on top of it in front of 
               the gun turret, waving his arms.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Come on universe you big, mostly empty 
                         wuss! Gimmie all the juice you got! 
                          Oh, mama!
 
               
               [Planet Express: Hangar. Bender sits atop the ship, melted to 
               it. Amy drills him off with a jackhammer. He slides down the 
               front of the ship and lands on the floor. Farnsworth, Leela and 
               Hermes stare at him. Bender looks up at them.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         What?

               
               [Planet Express: Meeting Room. Bender has been repaired and a 
               crate of spare robot legs and thighs is on the floor next tot 
               he table.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Bender, we didn't mind your drinking, 
                         or your kleptomania, or your pornography 
                         ring.
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         In fact, that's why we loved you.

               
                                     LEELA
                         But this electricity abuse crossed the 
                         line. You almost killed us.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         And you made me feel like a jerk for 
                         trusting you. Just like when my friend 
                         Richie swore he wasn't taking drugs 
                         and then he sold me my mom's VCR and 
                         then later I found out he was taking 
                         drugs. You make me ashamed to be your 
                         friend.
 
               
               [Bender sighs.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         You're right. I'm a lost cause.

               
               [He walks out.]

               
               [New New York Street. Bender walks past Sparky's Den sadly. He 
               hears an organ play behind him and looks across the street to 
               the Temple Of Robotology.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Maybe there's another way.

               
               [Cut to: Temple Of Robotology Roof. Bender plugs himself into 
               the neon sign and jacks on.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Oh, yeah, that's the good stuff.  (crying) 
                         What am I doing? What have I become? 
                         Huh?
 
               
               [He looks down though the roof and sees a sermon.]

               
               [Cut to: Temple Of Robotology.]

               
                                     PREACHERBOT
                         I see a lot of fancy robots here today. 
                         Made of real shiny metal. But that don't 
                         impress the Robot Devil, no, sir!
 
                         
               
                                     ROBOT
                         No, sir!

               
                                     PREACHERBOT
                         'Cause if you're a sinner, he's gonna 
                         plug his infernal modem in the wall, 
                         belchin' smoke and flame. Amd he's gonna 
                         download ya straight to Robot Hell!
 
                         
               
                                     ROBOT
                         Straight to hell!

               
                                     PREACHERBOT
                         So I ask ya: Who will stand up and be 
                         saved? Who? Who?
 
               
               [The glass roof gives way and Bender falls through and lands 
               in front of Preacherbot.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         (weakly) Me.

               
               [Planet Express: Meeting Room. Hermes addresses the crew.]

               
                                     HERMES
                         And as a further cost-cutting measure, 
                         I have eliminted the salt-water cooler.
 
                         
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         This is a witch hunt!

               
               [Enter Bender wearing a bow tie.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) Oh, what a beautiful morning, 
                         oh what a beautiful day! (talking) Greetings, 
                         friends. Don't we all look nice today?
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Great he's whacked out on electricity 
                         again.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         No, I'm whacked out on life. My friends, 
                         I found religion.
 
               
               [The crew stare, shocked.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Religon? Is this another scam to get 
                         free yarmulkes?
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Give him a break, Fry. If this helps 
                         Bender clean up his act then I think 
                         we should be supportive.
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                          Yes.

               
                                     AMY
                          Oh, yeah.

               
                                     HERMES
                          Oh, yes!

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                          Oh, yeah.

               
                                     BENDER
                         Wonderful. Then you'll all come to my 
                         exceedingly long, un-air-conditioned 
                         baptism ceremony!
 
               
               [The staff murmur.]

               
               [Temple Of Robotology.]

               
                                     PREACHERBOT
                         We are gathered here today to deliver 
                         brother Bender from the cold, steel 
                         grip of the Robot Devil unto the cold, 
                         steel bosom of our congregation.
 
               
                                     ROBOT #2
                         Tell it, Preacher!

               
                                     ROBOT #3
                         That equals true.

               
                                     PREACHERBOT
                         Brother Bender, do you accept the principles 
                         of Robotology on pain of eternal damnation 
                         in Robot Hell?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Yes, I do.

               
                                     PREACHERBOT
                         Then I will now baptise you.  Press 
                         any key to continue.
 
               
               [Bender presses a button and he is lifted and baptised in a barrel 
               of High Viscosity Baptismal Oil. Preacherbot welds the symbol 
               of Robotology - a resistor symbol - to Bender's chest.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Uh, while you're at it, could you touch 
                         up this seam?
 
               
               [He raises his arm. Preacherbot welds the seam. Bender giggles.]
 
               
               
               [Elzar's Fine Cuisine. The crew are dressed up.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         This is unbelievable. The old Bender 
                         never would have taken us out to dinner.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         The old Bender's gone. He won't trouble 
                         you anymore.
 
               
                                     WAITER
                         Would monsieur care to see the wine 
                         list?
 
               
               [Bender shreds the wine list and hands it back to the waiter.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         No poison for us, thanks. I'll stick 
                         with good old mineral oil.  Ah! Functional!
 
                         
               
               [Time Lapse. The food arrives.]

               
                                     HERMES
                         Mon, I'm hungrier than a green snake 
                         in a sugar cane field!
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Friends! Friends! Surely you're not 
                         going to eat before we say Robot Grace? 
                          In the name of all that is good and 
                         logical we give thanks for the chemical 
                         energy we are about to absorb. To quote 
                         the prophet Jerimatic: 1000101010101...
 
                         
               
               [Time Lapse. The crew have given up and are anxiously waiting 
               for Bender to finish.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         ...0010110012. Amen.

               
                                     FRY
                         Does that mean we can eat now?

               
                                     BENDER
                         Yes.  But first, since I love you all 
                         so much, I'd like to give everyone hugs. 
                         Come here, Fry!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Oh, uh, but I don't want to.

               
               [Bender hugs Fry.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Mmm! Mmm! Fry, you're my friend!  C'mon, 
                         everyone line up for a hug. Let's tear 
                         down some emotional walls.
 
               
               [The others edge their seats away.]

               
               [Planet Express: Hangar. Bender sticks something to the ship.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         What are you doing to my ship?

               
                                     BENDER
                         Sanctifying it!  There! That ought to 
                         convert a few tailgaters.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Bender's stupid religion is driving 
                         me nuts.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Amen.

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         If only he had joined a mainstream religion 
                         like Oprah-ism or Voodoo.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         We've got to get the old Bender back.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         And I think I know a way to do it. We 
                         have to reacquaint him with a little 
                         thing called "sleaze".
 
               
               [Atlantic City Street. The ship lands in a car park.]

               
               [Time Lapse. The crew have taken Nibbler with them and they walk 
               down the street.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         I can't believe somebody hired an interstellar 
                         spaceship to deliver a package to Atlantic 
                         City. What are we delivering anyway?
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Uh, this.

               
               [He pulls some mints out of his pocket.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Where are we delivering it to?

               
                                     LEELA
                         Uh, here.

               
               [She takes the mints and puts them in a mailbox.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Another job well done. Now back to the 
                         office for an enjoyable evening of fasting 
                         and repentance.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, Bender. So long 
                         as we're here why don't we take in some, 
                         exotic dancing!
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Hey, great idea!

               
               [Bender turns around. He is standing outside a club called Power 
               Strip. He gasps.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         But, those girls don't wear cases. You 
                         can see their bare circuits.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Come on, it'll be fun! Maybe we could 
                         even drink a little fortified wine.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         What?" Drinking wine is a sin. Even 
                         if it is deliciously fortified.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Hey, Bender, looks at that woman's purse. 
                         It's hanging by a spaghetti strand.
 
                         
               
               [Bender zooms in but pushes his eyes back in again.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Thou shalt not snatch.

               
                                     FRY
                         And there's Hookerbot 5000. She's got 
                         a heart of solid gold!
 
               
                                     HOOKERBOT
                         Hey, sailing unit!

               
                                     BENDER
                         Stop tempting me! For once in my life 
                         I have inner peace.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Pfft, that's for losers. C'mon, sin 
                         your heart out.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Go nuts.

               
                                     HOOKERBOT
                         Live a little.

               
                                     WOMAN
                         Could you hold my purse for a minute?
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Go for it, Bender. You know you wanna!
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Well...

               
               [Power Strip. Bender dances with the Stripperbots and laughs.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         I'm the greatest.  Woo-hoo!

               
                                     FRY
                         Look's like we got the old Bender back!
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         You know it, pork pie! Except for one 
                         thing.
 
               
               [He rips the Robotology symbol off his chest and throws it over 
               his shoulder. It sinks into a dish of stuff and beeps and glows.]
 
               
               
               [Trump Trapezoid. Bender entertains three Fembots in the jacuzzi 
               in his hotel room.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Y'know, as a major Hollywood director 
                         I'll be holding auditions tonight for 
                         my next movie. And even though you're 
                         all young and naive, I think you might 
                         just have what it takes.  Hey! I'm trying 
                         to score here! Can't you read the "Do 
                         Not Disturb" sign?  No! No!
 
               
               [A pitchfork comes through the door and knocks him out.]

               
               [Robot Hell. Bender wakes up. The Robot Devil welcomes him. He 
               is a huge red robot with a tail and other things you might associate 
               with the devil.]
 
               
                                     ROBOT DEVIL
                         Greetings, Bender! Welcome to Robot 
                         Hell.
 
               
               [Bender screams.]

               
               [Trump Trapezoid. The next day Fry and Leela are in Bender's 
               room. There are scorch marks where Bender fell and he has been 
               dragged out of the room.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         What in hell happened to Bender?

               
                                     FRY
                         Well he didn't check out. The ashtray's 
                         still here.  Look, Nibbler's caught 
                         the scent of vodka and motor oil! Go, 
                         boy. Follow that stench.
 
               
               [The run out of the room.]

               
               [Robot Hell Tunnel. Bender is chained to a cart and the Robot 
               Devil stands behind him with a whip. The cart rolls down a track.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         I'm hallucinating this, right?

               
               [The Robot Devil whips him.]

               
                                     ROBOT DEVIL
                         No, Bender. Robot Hell is quite real. 
                         Here's our brochure.
 
               
               [He hands Bender a brochure entitled Hell Is Other Robots.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         But I don't belong here. I don't like 
                         things that are scary and painful.
 
                         
               
                                     ROBOT DEVIL
                         Sorry, Bender, you agreed to this when 
                         you joined our religion. If you sin 
                         you go to Robot Hell - for all eternity.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Aww, hell - I mean heck!

               
                                     ROBOT DEVIL
                         It's alright, you can say that here.
 
                         
               
               [Outside Reckless Ted's Funland. Fry and Leela look up at the 
               sign.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Wait! I remember this place. They shut 
                         it down after all those people caught 
                         salmonella from the flume ride.
 
               
               [Nibbler leads Fry and Leela to a ride called The Inferno.]
 
               
               
               [Cut to: The Inferno. They open the door and look around.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Hmm. Look! It's the symbol of Bender's 
                         old religion.
 
               
               [Fry presses the symbol and the crazy mirror beside it slides 
               upwards. Behind it is Robot Hell.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Unbelievable. It's an actual, factual 
                         Robot Hell.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Who would've thought hell would really 
                         exist? And that it would be in New Jersey!
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Actually --

               
               [A trap door opens beneath them and Nibbler watches them disappear 
               down a twisting fun slide. They scream as they fall.]
 
               
               [Robot Hell: Level 1.]

               
                                     ROBOT DEVIL
                         We know all your sins Bender and for 
                         each one we've prepared an agonising 
                         and ironic punishment. Gentlemen?
 
                         
               
               [A band of Hellbots start to play. Bender knows what is coming.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         Aw crap, singing. Mind if I smoke?
 
                         
               
               [He lights a cigar but Beezlebot takes it from him and stubs 
               it out on his chest. Two little robots throw him a hat and cane.]
 
               
               
                                     ROBOT DEVIL
                         (singing) Cigars are evil

               You won't miss 'em,

               We'll find ways to simulate that smell,

               What a sorry fella,

               Rolled up in smoke like a panetela,

               Here on level 1 of Robot Hell!

               
               [Bender falls through a trapdoor.]

               
               [Cut to: Robot Hell: Level 2. He lands next to a card table. 
               He picks the cards up and takes one from his chest cavity.]
 
               
               
                                     ROBOT DEVIL
                         (singing) Gambling's wrong and so is 
                         cheating,
 
               So is forging phoney IOU's,

               Let's let Lady Luck decide,

               What type of torture's justified,

               I'm pit boss here on level 2!

               
               [He spins a wheel that Bender is strapped to. Luck decides to 
               deep fry Bender.]
 
               
               (talking) Ooh! Deep fried robot!

               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) Just tell me why.

               
                                     ROBOT DEVIL
                         (singing) Please read this 55-page warrant.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) There must be robots worse 
                         than I.
 
               
                                     ROBOT DEVIL
                         (singing) We've checked around, there 
                         really aren't.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) Then please let me explain,
 
                         
               My crimes were merely boy-ish pranks.

               
                                     ROBOT DEVIL
                         (singing) You stole from boy scouts, 
                         nuns and banks!
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         (singing) Ah, don't blame me blame my 
                         upbringing!
 
               
               [He steals Beezlebot's wallet.]

               
                                     ROBOT DEVIL
                         (singing) Please stop sinning while 
                         I'm singing!
 
               
               [He pulls Bender's arm off and kicks him through a hole.]

               
               [Cut to: Robot Hell: Level 5. Bender lands in front of the Beastie 
               Boys. The Robot Devil picks Bender up by the leg and shakes him. 
               Hundred of CDs fall out of his chest cabinet.]
 
               
                                     ROBOT DEVIL
                         (singing) Selling bootleg tapes is wrong,
 
                         
               Musicians need that income to survive.

               
                                     BEASTIE BOYS
                         (singing) Hey, Bender, gonna make some 
                         noise,
 
               With your hard drive scratched by the Beastie Boys!

               That's whatcha whatcha whatcha get on level 5!

               
               [Cut to: Robot Hell Slide. Fry and Leela slide further down.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         (singing) I don't feel well.

               
                                     LEELA
                         (singing) It's up to us to rescue him.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         (singing) Maybe he likes it here in 
                         hell.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         (singing) It's us who tempted him to 
                         sin.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         (singing) Maybe he's back at the motel.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         (singing) Come on, Fry, don't be scared,
 
                         
               I'm sure at least one of us will be spared,

               So just sit back, enjoy the ride.

               
                                     FRY
                         (singing) My ass has blisters from the 
                         slide.
 
               
               [Cut to: Elevator. Bender and the Robot Devil plunge into Hell. 
               The Robot Devil takes stuff out of Bender's chest cabinet.]
 
               
               
                                     ROBOT DEVIL
                         (singing) Fencing diamonds,

               Fixing cockfights,

               Publishing indecent magazines...

               
               [He kicks Bender out of the elevator.]

               
               You'll pay for every crime,

               Knee-deep in electric slime,

               You'll suffer 'til the end of time,

               Enduring torture's most of which rhyme,

               Trapped forever here in Robot Hell!

               
               [The music ends and the show finishes with a fireworks display.]
 
               
               
               (talking) Of course that's just for starters.

               
               [Fry and Leela fall from the slide screaming and land behind 
               Beezlebot. They see him and gasp.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Bender, are you alright?

               
                                     BENDER
                         No! Oh they're tormenting me with up-tempo 
                         singing and dancing.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Alright, Beelzebot, what'll it take 
                         to get our friend back?
 
               
                                     ROBOT DEVIL
                         Sorry, but I hold all the cards here. 
                         There's nothing I can do. Now, if you'll 
                         just sign this fiddle contest waiver.
 
                         
               
               [Fry takes the pen but Leela stops him.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Wait. What fiddle contest?

               
                                     ROBOT DEVIL
                         The Fairness In Hell Act of 2275 requires 
                         me to inform you that if you can best 
                         me in a fiddle contest, you win back 
                         Bender's soul. As well as a solid gold 
                         fiddle.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Wouldn't a solid gold fiddle weigh hundreds 
                         of pounds and sound crummy?
 
               
                                     ROBOT DEVIL
                         Well it's mostly for show.

               
               [He picks up the fiddle and it glints in the light.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         (whispering) Do you know how to play 
                         the fiddle?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         (whispering) No, do you?

               
                                     LEELA
                         (whispering) No, but I used to play 
                         the drums. They're sorta similar. (talking) 
                         What happens if we lose?
 
               
                                     ROBOT DEVIL
                         You'll only win a smaller, silver fiddle. 
                         Also I guess I'll kill one of you, uh, 
                         him.
 
               
               [He points at Fry. Fry gulps.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         We'll do it.

               
                                     ROBOT DEVIL
                         Very well, then. Beat this.

               
               [He plays a tune and uses his tail as an extra arm.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Well, we're boned.

               
                                     ROBOT DEVIL
                         Your turn.  Ha!

               
                                     LEELA
                         Time for the drum solo!

               
               [She beats the Robot Devil over the head with the violin and 
               he squeals like a little girl.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Run!

               
               [They do. Hellbots and flying bugbots chase them. The bugbots 
               shoot laser rings at them. Bender grabs a pair of a bugbots wings 
               and flies in and grabs Fry and Leela who are swarmed by a crowd 
               of Hellbots with pitchforks. Bender ascends and heads for small 
               hole in the roof.]
 
               
                                     ROBOT DEVIL
                         Stop them! They cheated!

               
               [A bugbot shoots three laser rings at the trio. Two miss but 
               one catches on Bender's antenna, forming a halo. The Hallejulah 
               chorus plays and they get closer to the hole. Hellbots pull chains 
               to close the hole.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Hurry, Bender!

               
                                     BENDER
                         I could if you'd drop the stupid gold 
                         violin!
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Oh, sorry.

               
               [She drops it. It hits Beezlebot on the head. He squeals and 
               Fry, Leela and Bender escape through the hole.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Outisde The Inferno. They cheer.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Don't worry, guys, I'll never be too 
                         good or too evil again. From now on, 
                         I'll just be me.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Uh, do you think you could be just little 
                         less evil than that.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         I don't know. Do you think you could 
                         survive a 700ft fall?
 
               
               [Fry chuckles.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Good old Bender!


               THE END

               
               [The Beastie Boys perform a remix of the theme 
               over clips from the episode.]
 
               
                                     BEASTIE BOYS
                         Yeah, Yeah! This one goes out to my 
                         man, Bender
 
               Sending this one out, special dedication

               To all my peoples in the robot homeworld

               Yeah, yeah! Big up with the professor

               My man Dr. Zoidberg

               I'd like to shout out - a personal shout out to Leela

               Fry! My man Bender

               Nibber, Nibbler, in the house

               Big shout out to all the Futurama

               

Hell Is Other Robots



Writers :   Eric Kaplan
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


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