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                                        FUTURAMA

                                       Episode 506

                                    "LESS THAN HERO"

                                           By

                                       Ron Weiner

                         Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet



               
               [Opening Credits. Caption: Soon To Be A Major Religion.]

               
               [Planet Express: Meeting Room. Leela dials the videophone and 
               it connects. The SewerCom logo appears on the screen.]
 
               
                                     SEWERCOM ANNOUNCER
                         (Pleasant Female Voice) Your call is 
                         being (Gruff Alien Voice) connected 
                         (Pleasant Female Voice) by SewerCom 
                         - Reach out and touch the sewers.
 
                         
               
               [Leela's parents, Morris and Munda, appear on the screen.]

               
                                     MUNDA [ON SCREEN]
                         Look Morris, it's Leela calling.

               
                                     LEELA
                         Hi Mom, hi Dad! Ready for your big trip 
                         to the surface?
 
               
                                     MORRIS [ON SCREEN]
                         We're excited honey but we don't wanna 
                         embarrass you. I mean your mother and 
                         I are basically monsters.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Dad, relax. You are being so mutant!
 
                         
               
                                     MUNDA [ON SCREEN]
                         I found this adorable little bag to 
                         wear over my head.  And it was on sale!
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         No one's wearing anything adorable over 
                         their head. Now listen, I could never 
                         ever be ashamed of my parents. I'll 
                         see you this weekend.
 
               
               [Planet Express: Lounge. Zoidberg, Bender and Fry have a game 
               of poker at the table while Hermes and Amy relax on the sofa. 
               Enter Leela.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Hey, guess who I just got off the videophone 
                         with?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         No.

               
                                     LEELA
                         My parents! They're coming up from the 
                         sewers for a visit Sunday.
 
               
               [Everyone gasps and reacts in horror.]

               
                                     AMY
                         Are you off your rocket? Your parents 
                         are mutants. It's illegal for them to 
                         come above ground 'cause they're inferior 
                         genetic scum..uh present company excluded 
                         of course!
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         I'm getting them a special one-day surface 
                         permit from Citihall.
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         Ooo, while you're there, could you pick 
                         me up a licence to kill?
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Sure. Bare hands or weapon?

               
                                     HERMES
                         Uh, what does piano wire count as?
 
                         
               
               [Enter Farnsworth.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Good news anyone, the Swedish robot 
                         from pi-kea is here with the supercollider 
                         I ordered.
 
               
                                     PI-KEA ROBOT
                         Enjoy your affordable Swedish crap!
 
                         
               
               [As it rolls out, one of it's wheels falls off and it's shelf 
               breaks. Fry, Leela and Bender open the box. Fry picks up the 
               instructions.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Let's see what tools we'll need.  Uh-huh, 
                          Uh-huh,  Uh-huh! Alright, we're all 
                         set.
 
               
               [Bender takes a board out of the box and puts it down.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Nothing like the rustic wholesomeness 
                         of working with one's own hand.
 
               
               [His hand starts spinning like a circular saw and he cuts the 
               board in half.]
 
               
               [Time Lapse. Fry and Leela tighten the last nut with Bender.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         Ah, there, finished. And with only six 
                         missing pieces!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Those Swedes sure know how to put in 
                         almost everything you need.
 
               
               [Leela rubs her arm.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Man, I'm sore all over. I feel like 
                         I just went ten rouns with Mighty Thor.
 
                         
               
               [Fry rubs his shoulder.]

               
                                     FRY
                         I feel like I was mauled by Jesus.
 
                         
               
               [Planet Express: Zoidberg's Office. Zoidberg rummages through 
               a cupboard and produces a tube of ointment.]
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         I've got just the thing, genuine miracle 
                         cream I bought from a travelling salesman. 
                          "Come one come all," he said, "Step 
                         right up!" This sounds too good to be 
                         true I thought. He said I looked like 
                         a smart young man. "So is it a deal?" 
                         I enquired. Two hours later he was gone, 
                         with 60 of my dollars. But I have the 
                         miracle cream...
 
               
               [The wall explodes and a charred Farnsworth tumbles through it 
               and lands in a crumpled heap on the other side of the room.]
 
               
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Bad news nobody, the supercollider super-exploded. 
                         I need you to take it back and exchanged 
                         it for a wobbly CD rack and some of 
                         those ransid meatballs.
 
               
               [He climbs back through the hole.]

               
               [Street. Leela and Fry tow the pi-kea box on a trolley when a 
               mugger steps out in front of them with his hat covering something 
               in his hand.]
 
               
                                     MUGGER
                         Excuse me? Hi! Do you have a minute? 
                         I live in Jersey City and my car broke 
                         down and I need to get back because 
                         my Aunt's real sick and she needs this 
                         medicine but I need money for the bus. 
                         So I'm mugging you. Hand over your wallets.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         I don't believe that story for a second.
 
                         
               
                                     MUGGER
                         It doesn't matter, I'm mugging you.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         There's no bus to Jersey City.

               
                                     MUGGER
                         Give me your wallets now or my robot'll 
                         shoot.
 
               
               [He pulls his hat off his hand, revealing a small robot names 
               Andrew with a gun.]
 
               
                                     ANDREW
                         Don't make me hurt you.

               
               [Fry and Leela shriek. Fry fumbles for his wallet.]

               
                                     FRY
                         I'm too scared to find my pocket. Here, 
                         I'll just take of my pants and give 
                         you those.
 
               
               [He starts to unzip them. The mugger cringes and puts his hand 
               to his face.]
 
               
                                     MUGGER
                         Hey! I don't like what I'm seeing. Give 
                         it to him Andrew!  Give it to him again 
                         Andrew!  What the...? Laser proof shirts 
                         huh? I'll show you.
 
               
               [He picks up a pipe and hits Leela with it. It harmlessly bends 
               as it hits her.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         What the? Hey! Quit it!  Heyya!

               
               [She grabs the mugger between her legs, spins him around and 
               throws him against a wall.]
 
               
                                     MUGGER
                         Foiled. And after years of planning.
 
                         
               
                                     ANDREW
                         You're outta the game!

               
               [Planet Express: Hangar. Fry sits on the steps while Leela paces 
               around.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         How did we manage to survive? What gave 
                         us those strange powers?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Maybe we're all wearing magic rings 
                         but they're invisible rings so we don't 
                         even realise it. Also you can't feel 
                         the rings.
 
               
               [Leela picks up Zoidberg's miracle cream and rubs some on her 
               neck. She reads something on the tube and gasps.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Fry, shut up and look at this! (Reading) 
                         May cause superpowers in humans!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Wow! A superpowers drug you can just 
                         rub into your skin? You'd think it'd 
                         be something you have to freebase.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Let's see, which powers do we have? 
                         Super-strength?
 
               
               [Fry karate chops a table in half and Leela kicks a hole in the 
               wall.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Yup.

               
                                     LEELA
                         Uh-huh. Lickety speed?

               
               [The both run very fast to the other end of the hangar.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Check.

               
                                     LEELA
                         Yes sir!  Ability to command a loyalty 
                         of sea creatures?
 
               
                                     FRY (SHOUTING)
                         Hey Zoidberg, get in here!

               
               
                                     LEELA
                         Ain't got that.

               
                                     FRY
                         Nope!

               
                                     LEELA
                         Wow, superpowers! I'll be able to pack 
                         my day with twice as many humdrum activity.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Leela, I think you're missing the big 
                         picture. When you were a kid what was 
                         your biggest fantasy?
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         To have parents.

               
                                     FRY
                         Whatever. The correct answer is: To 
                         be a superhero. We have superpowers 
                         and we're Americans. This is our chance.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Hmm, I have been looking for a way to 
                         serve the community that incorporates 
                         my violence. Let's do it!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         You'll barely regret this!

               
               [Enter Bender.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey, a friend of mine said he mugged 
                         you today and you had superpowers.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         It's true. Thanks to this funky fresh 
                         cream.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Now me and Leela are forming an awesome 
                         crime-fighting duo.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Wow, crime-fighting. Cool. You say you're 
                         a duo? Yeah duos are good. Of course 
                         sometimes they're a little short handed. 
                          See ya. With two humans you'd think 
                         there'd be a robot in there...to balance 
                         things out. But, whatever.  I have these 
                         three costumes you could use. But, I 
                         guess I'll just throw one away.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         We'd love to have you on the team Bender. 
                         But aren't you more on the supply side 
                         of crime?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Plus the cream won't give you superpowers, 
                         you're a robot.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         So? I'm already super-strong. And my 
                         arms do this.  Also I got this going.
 
                         
               
               [His cabinet door opens and closes by itself. Fry and Leela shrug 
               at each other.]
 
               
               [Planet Express: Roof. The trio, in their superhero garb, stand 
               on the roof looking across New New York.]
 
               
                                     LEELA (SHOUTING)
                         Listen up New New York! There's a new 
                         group of superheros in town! And we're 
                         -
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         (shouting) Sorry! (whispering) A new 
                         era of justice has begun.
 
               
               
               [In a similar style to old superhero TV series', we see crime 
               happening across the city. A narrator fills us in on who is going 
               to stop this crime...]
 
               
               
               [The scene changes to a backdrop with The New Justice Team's 
               logo on it. Fry bursts through it.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Captain Yesterday!

               
               [Leela bursts through.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Clobberella!

               
               [Bender bursts through and pushes Leela aside.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         And Superking! The best one of the three!
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Wow!

               
               [Scenes: Park. The New Justice Team's theme tune starts playing 
               and the scene cuts to a park where Petunia is sitting on a bench 
               feeding some rats. A thief snatches her bag.]
 
               
                                     SONG
                         Go Go New Justice Team,

               
               [Captain Yesterday swoops in front of the thief.]

               
               >Go team, go team, team team team,

               
               [The thief dodges him and heads for a travel tube.]

               
               Who's the newest Justice Team,

               The New Justice Team!

               
               [Captain Yesterday runs along the top of the tube. The thief 
               looks up and sees him and Captain Yesterday follows him underwater.]
 
               
               
               Captain Yesterday is fast,

               Also he is from the past,

               Not just fast but from the past...

               
               He runs ahead to the end of the tube.]

               
               ...Captain Yesterday!

               
               [Captain Yesterday turns the tube towards a police station and 
               the thief flies out and into it. Superking takes Petunia's bag.]
 
               
               
               Superking has the power,

               'Cause all the kings have all the power,

               All the power of Superman,

               Also he's a robot, ain't it cool?

               Superking you rule!

               
               [Scenes: Street. Clobberella looks down from a rooftop and sees 
               an alien's cat is stuck up a tree.]
 
               
                                     SONG
                         Clobberella beats you up,

               Clobberella beats you up!

               Who does she beat up?

               You!

               
               [Clobberella brings the cat safely down from the tree and hands 
               it to the alien. The alien eats it.]
 
               
               Clobberella!

               
               [Scenes: Rooftops. The New Justice Team jump from rooftop to 
               rooftop.]
 
               
                                     SONG
                         Citizens never fear,

               Crazy do-good freaks are here,

               Until they run out of steam...

               
               [Fry and Leela fall from a rooftop into a bin.]

               
               ...Miracle cream, miracle cream,

               Gives the power to the team!

               
               [Clobberella takes the miracle cream out of her boot and she 
               and Captain Yesterday rub it on themselves and spring back into 
               action.]
 
               
               It's effects wear off for sure,

               So they just slop on some more.

               The New Justice Team!

               
               [Bender lands in front of them.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Ta-da!

               
               [Street. A crook is put into the back of a police van. Crowds 
               cheer the New Justice Team.]
 
               
                                     WOMAN (SEXFULLY)
                         Captain Yesterday, I find your skintight 
                         highwaters incredibly sexy! Let's get 
                         together sometime!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Sure. I'm listed in the phone book so 
                         once I reveal my real name to you along 
                         with my home address and a copy of my 
                         birth certificate -
 
               
               [Leela pulls him away from the woman.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Are you crazy?? We have to keep our 
                         secret identities secret.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         From everybody?

               
                                     LEELA
                         Especially from everybody.

               
                                     FRY
                         Give several reasons why.

               
                                     LEELA
                         For one, superheroes cause a lot of 
                         collateral damage, and we don't wanna 
                         get our butts sued.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Or do we...? No I guess not.

               
                                     LEELA
                         Also, if our identities get out, every 
                         crook in the city will be after us. 
                         Or, God forbid, our loved ones.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Superking has no need for loved ones. 
                          How ya doin' kid?
 
               
               [Mayor's Office. Mayor Poopenmeyer signs the permits for Leela.]
 
               
               
                                     POOPENMEYER
                         There you go. Two one-day mutant surface 
                         passes.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Thank you Mayor Poopenmeyer.

               
               [Poopenmeyer's phone rings.]

               
                                     POOPENMEYER
                         Mayor here...what's that? Horrible crime 
                         in the works? Ruthless villain? Citizens 
                         in danger? That's fantastic news!  Because 
                         I get to summon The New Justice Team!
 
                         
               
               [He presses the nose on a clown picture. Bender's antenna wobbles. 
               He clasps his hands around it.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Shh!

               
                                     POOPENMEYER
                         Uh, they're usually here by now.

               
                                     LEELA
                         Well, so long. Keep in touch.

               
               [They start to leave.]

               
                                     POOPENMEYER
                         Wait, stay and meet the superheroes. 
                         There's three of you and three of them 
                         so it'll be perfect.  Is this clown 
                         on? Where are those daring crimestoppers?
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Oh, I completely forgot, I left my apartment 
                         on fire!
 
               
               [She leaves.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Uh, as for me, I'm late for my LSAT's.
 
                         
               
               [He leaves.]

               
                                     FRY
                         And I can't take life anymore.

               
               [He runs and jumps through the window and flies back through 
               another one as Captain Yesterday. Clobberella and Superking run 
               in on the other side of the room.]
 
               
                                     POOPENMEYER
                         Clobberella! Captain Yesterday! My liege! 
                         You're just in time!  We've received 
                         a tip that the Museum of Natural History 
                         will be robbed tomorrow at exactly 9am. 
                         The target: The priceless Quantum Gemerald!
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Who's the perp?

               
               [The hologram changes.]

               
                                     POOPENMEYER
                         A dangerous villain know as The Zookeeper, 
                         who commits crimes aided by a pack of 
                         highly trained animals.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Pack of highly. Got it!

               
                                     POOPENMEYER
                         His crew includes a badger with a troubled 
                         past and nothing left to lose, an elephant 
                         who never forgets - to kill! And a seldom 
                         used crab named Lucky aka Citizen Snips.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         You can count on us Mr Mayor! Justice 
                         away!
 
               
               [She and Fry runs out with Bender gasping and puffing behind 
               them.]
 
               
                                     BENDER (GASPING)
                         Hold the elevator!

               
               [Planet Express: Restroom. Leela addresses an envelope to her 
               parents and puts the surface passes in. Then she flushes it down 
               the toilet.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         We're in here too.

               
                                     FRY
                         Uh, Leela, how you gonna meet your folks 
                         tomorrow? We've already scheduled the 
                         Zookeeper for a 9am foiling at the museum.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Not a problem. I've cleverly arranged 
                         to meet my parents right there at the 
                         same museum at 10.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         9, 10 a big fat hen.  The name...Bender!
 
                         
               
               [Museum Of Natural History. People go about their business in 
               the museum whilst The New Justice Team sit atop a giant ant which 
               is suspended from the ceiling.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         I can't believe the Zookeeper is this 
                         late for his own heist. It's just rude! 
                          Total hell! It's 10! I'm supposed to 
                         meet my parents and I'm still in my 
                         secret costume!  There they are!
 
               
               [Morris and Munda look around, disappointed.]

               
                                     MUNDA
                         How could Leela not be here? Do you 
                         think she forgot?
 
               
                                     MORRIS
                         Relax. I'm sure she's just ashamed of 
                         us.
 
               
                                     SECURITY GUARD
                         Yo! Freakjobs! Hit the nearest manhole! 
                         Pronto like.
 
               
                                     MORRIS
                         But we have passes that allow us to 
                         be up here. From the mayor himself.
 
                         
               
               [Munda hands the passes to the security guard.]

               
                                     SECURITY GUARD
                         I dunno...I never heard of no mayor.
 
                         
               
               [Enter the Zookeeper.]

               
                                     RANDY
                         The Zookeeper!

               
                                     ZOOKEEPER
                         Sorry I'm late, long story. Now everybody 
                         hit the deck! I'm cutting the entire 
                         line and stealing the exhibit.
 
               
               [The New Justice Team drop to the floor in front of him.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         You're not stealing anything! Nobody 
                         hit the deck!
 
               
                                     ZOOKEEPER
                         Ah, superheroes! Or should I say superzeroes!
 
                         
               
                                     FRY (SADLY)
                         That was uncalled for.

               
                                     ZOOKEEPER
                         Animals, attack.

               
               [He blows a silent whistle and animal exhibits come to life and 
               break out of the glass cases. They run rampage.]
 
               
                                     TOUR GUIDE
                         Please to not feed the animals!

               
               [An elephant picks her up and eats her. In a scene lifted from 
               Batman The New Justice Team spring into action. A yak charges 
               towards Fry and he punches it. YAK!. Bender picks a fight with 
               a boxing kangaroo.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         You're going down my friend! Down Under!
 
                         
               
               [He laughs. The kangaroo punches him. 01001010!!!]

               
                                     TEDDY ROOSEVELT
                         Man boxing a kangaroo is a peculiar 
                         spectacle. But a kangaroo boxing a robot? 
                         Now I'm afraid you've lost me!  (shouting) 
                         Citizen Snips!
 
               
               [The Zookeeper lifts a grate and pushes a snake through the hole. 
               The snake reaches into the Quantum Gemerald's case and takes 
               it.]
 
               
                                     ZOOKEEPER
                         Nice job Fingers!

               
               [He kisses it.]

               
                                     MUNDA
                         I'm scared and confused. I think we've 
                         wandered into an off-Broadway play.
 
                         
               
                                     MORRIS
                         No there are way too many people here.
 
                         
               
               [The Zookeeper runs up a flight of stairs.]

               
                                     ZOOKEEPER
                         Later, if anyone asks how I got away, 
                         tell them right now!
 
               
               [Clobberella and Captain Yesterday leap in front of him.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Forget it Zookeeper! You're going into 
                         captivity!
 
               
                                     ZOOKEEPER
                         Fool! A quip without putting me behind 
                         bars would have been far more delicious! 
                         Here catch!
 
               
               [He throws the Gemerald over the side of the stairs. Fry leaps 
               for it and goes over the edge too.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         No, Fry you can't fall fast enough!
 
                         
               
               [She runs down the stairs while the Zookeeper runs off in another 
               direction. Bender hold out his arms at the bottom of the staircase.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         I got it I got it!  I don't got it!
 
                         
               
               [Leela dives in front of him and catches the Gemerald. Fry falls 
               on top of Bender. Everyone cheers.]
 
               
                                     TEDDY ROOSEVELT
                         You've saved the Gemerald!

               
                                     FRY
                         Yet the Zookeeper escaped. Thus proving 
                         that the deadliest animal of all is 
                         the Zookeeper!
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         You can get off me anytime.

               
                                     LEELA
                         Oh no! My parents are leaving! I've 
                         gotta go change back into street-Leela.
 
                         
               
               [She turns to leave but Mayor Poopenmeyer and several photographers 
               block her path.]
 
               
                                     POOPENMEYER
                         Thank you mysterious heroes. The value 
                         of the Gemerald you saved is slightly 
                         greater than the cost of the damage 
                         you caused to this museum. A net gain 
                         for our great city!
 
               
               [The crowd cheers and Poopenmeyer kisses Bender's hand. People 
               take photographs. Leela looks around sadly.]
 
               
               [Outside Museum Of Natural History. Morris sets some cones out 
               by a manhole.]
 
               
                                     MUNDA
                         It's good that Leela doesn't love us. 
                         She'll be less sad when we die.
 
               
               [Morris lifts the manhole cover and helps Munda into it. He climbs 
               in after her, takes the cones and replaces the cover. Leela comes 
               out of the museum just as they disappear.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Mom? Dad? I showed up! And I got the 
                         audio tour for Treasures Of Liberachi's 
                         Tomb!
 
               
               [She looks around and sighs. She sits down on the step and cries.]
 
               
               
               [Turanga House. Leela is with her parents.]

               
                                     MORRIS
                         Sweetie, it's OK. You don't have to 
                         apologise for standing us up on the 
                         only visit to the surface we'll ever 
                         have.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         I wanna tell you why I didn't show up. 
                         But I can't. Just please believe me 
                         that it was a very good reason. I'm 
                         sorry I disappointed you.
 
               
                                     MUNDA
                         Leela, you could never disappoint us.
 
                         
               
                                     MORRIS
                         We're so proud of everything that you 
                         are. And we always will be. You're our 
                         baby girl.
 
               
               [They both smile.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Oh, I can't take it! Mom, Dad, I'm Clobberella!
 
                         
               
               [She rips her clothes off revealing her Clobberella outfit. Munda 
               gasps.]
 
               
                                     MORRIS
                         Galloping gators!

               
                                     MUNDA
                         You're a superhero?  Well that's wonderful! 
                         But did you have to make the costume 
                         so revealing?
 
               
               [Morris puts his arm around Leela.]

               
                                     MORRIS
                         Look at me! Proud dad of a superhero! 
                         We should print up T-Shirts! And F-Shirts 
                         for our friends with two arms on the 
                         same side!
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         No, listen. It's very important that 
                         you never ever tell anyone. Under any 
                         circumstance.
 
               
                                     MORRIS
                         What if I've had a few?

               
                                     LEELA
                         Dad, you drink? No. Not even then.
 
                         
               
                                     MORRIS
                         Alright. My sucker is sealed.

               
                                     LEELA
                         In fact, I shouldn't even be wearing 
                         this around here.  It was brisk, I dressed 
                         in layers.
 
               
                                     MUNDA
                         That's my girl!

               
               [Lake Mutagenic. Morris, Raoul and the Leg Mutant sit in a boat 
               fishing.]
 
               
                                     MORRIS
                         So uh, anyway, my daughter's Clobberella.
 
                         
               
                                     RAOUL
                         Leela is Clobberella?

               
                                     LEG MUTANT
                         You're pulling me!

               
                                     MORRIS
                         Shh, keep it under your sock. It's a 
                         big secret. That's why I'm only telling 
                         you two.
 
               
               [Cut to: Shore Of Lake Mutagenic. A big eared mutant and a big 
               mouthed mutant overhear.]
 
               
                                     BIG EARED MUTANT
                         Oh my God! That guy's daughter is Clobberella! 
                         But don't tell anyone.
 
               
                                     BIG MOUTHED MUTANT
                         Gotcha!

               
               [Planet Express: Meeting Room. Farnsworth, Fry, Leela and Bender 
               sit around the table. The Zookeeper appears on the screen.]
 
               
               
               
               [Fry, Leela and Bender gasp.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         I don't remember much buddy, and you're 
                         no looker!
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Uh Professor, isn't it time for your 
                         nap?
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Yes dammit!

               
               [He falls asleep. His chair flies out of the room.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Zookeeper! How did you know our real 
                         identities?
 
               
               
               [He claps and a parrot lands on his shoulder.]

               
                                     PARROT [ON SCREEN]
                         Leela told her parents. Leela's parents 
                         blabbed.
 
               
               [The Zookeeper gives it a cracker.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Leela, is the person that parrot is 
                         mimicking telling the truth by proxy?
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA (SADLY)
                         Yes. My parents were so hurt, I couldn't 
                         help it! (angry) But I distinctly told 
                         them not to tell anyone.
 
               
               [Bender puts on his Superking crown.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         We are not amused.

               
               
               [He claps and gorilla comes in pulling a cage. In the cage are 
               Leela's parents. Leela gasps.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Mom! Dad!

               
                                     MUNDA [ON SCREEN]
                         Leela please forgive us! Especially 
                         your father who's the one who told thank 
                         you very much Morris.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Are you alright? Has he hurt you?

               
                                     MORRIS [ON SCREEN]
                         No but my allergies are going nuts. 
                          Oh God!
 
               
                                     MUNDA [ON SCREEN]
                         Every couch and table has animal fur 
                         all over it. He lets them climb on everything!
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Alright Zookeeper, what do you want?
 
                         
               
               
               [He laughs.]

               
                                     MUNDA [ON SCREEN]
                         Save us Leela! I mean...if you don't 
                         have anything better to do.
 
               
               [A pirhana walks past the camera and bites it. The picture cuts 
               out.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         We're out of options. We have to steal 
                         the Gemerald!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         But, should superheroes commit crime? 
                         Even to save lives? I need moral guidance. 
                         Bender?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Hmm, the thought of stealing anythig 
                         fills Superking with disgust. But if 
                         it must be so, then let a museum heist 
                         be pulled!
 
               
               [Planet Express: Locker Area. Leela opens her locker. The miracle 
               cream tube is empty. Fry picks it up.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Oh no! Our superpower cream is out of 
                         itself!
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Check inside the cap! There might be 
                         a caked in goldmine!
 
               
               [Fry unscrews the cap and looks inside.]

               
                                     FRY
                         El zilcho! I'm afraid we're boned.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         El zilcho...is it too late to change 
                         my superhero name?
 
               
               [Museum Of Natural History. Enter The New Justice Team.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Just be cool. Nobody knows we're superpowerly 
                         challenged.
 
               
               [Fry gasps.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Man, this costume is so damn heavy!
 
                         
               
                                     KID
                         Hey Captain Yesterday, can I like, wail 
                         on you with this 2x4 and it doesn't 
                         hurt you?
 
               
               [He whacks Fry.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Owww! That...didn't hurt.

               
                                     SECURITY GUARD
                         Hi superheroes, everything OK?

               
                                     LEELA
                         Big O, little k my friend! Just checking 
                         if everything's alright!
 
               
                                     SECURITY GUARD
                         It's OK alright!

               
                                     LEELA
                         OK then. Grab it!

               
               [Bender's arm extends, breaks the display case and grabs the 
               Gemerald. The crowd gasps.]
 
               
                                     BUBBLEGUM TATE
                         Yo, the superheroes have turned evil! 
                         Most uncool!
 
               
                                     SECURITY GUARD
                         Get 'em!

               
                                     LEELA
                         Stay back! Or we'll, beat the tour out 
                         of you...using superpowers!
 
               
               [Bender makes ghostie noises.]

               
               [Cut to: Outisde Museum Of Natural History. The superheroes run 
               out and down the steps.]
 
               
               [Zookeeper's Non-Lair.]

               
                                     FRY
                         So this is your lair?

               
                                     ZOOKEEPER
                         Of course not. You think I'd show you 
                         my lair? My lair's a million times nicer 
                         than this!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         OK, take it easy!

               
                                     BENDER
                         Well, here's your lousy Gemerald.

               
               [The Zookeeper claps.]

               
                                     ZOOKEEPER
                         Hawk! Fetch!

               
               [The hawk flies off his shoulder and picks up the Gemerald.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         That seemed unnecessary.

               
               [Enter the gorilla with Morris and Munda.]

               
                                     ZOOKEEPER
                         Our transaction is complete. Come Solomon, 
                         to the lair.
 
               
               [The gorilla picks him up and runs off down a dark passage.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         Mom, Dad, oh I'm so sorry I got you 
                         kidnapped by a crazy madman who tried 
                         to feed you to pirhanas.
 
               
                                     MUNDA
                         We're just happy to be involved in your 
                         life.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         No no, it's my fault for telling you 
                         I was a superhero.
 
               
                                     MORRIS
                         That's true.

               
                                     LEELA
                         I just couldn't stand to have you to 
                         think I was ashamed of you.
 
               
                                     MUNDA
                         That's OK sweetie, but, it's natural 
                         for children to be a little ashamed 
                         of their parents.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Oh yeah!

               
                                     MORRIS
                         Just like it's natural for parents to 
                         be a little disappointed in their children...n-not 
                         that we are.
 
               
                                     MUNDA
                         But you could call a little more often.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         OK.

               
                                     MUNDA
                         And would it kill you to use some mouthwash?
 
                         
               
               [Leela hugs them.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey Fry we've still got our costumes 
                         on. Wanna steal some more stuff?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I guess, as long as you think it's right.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Superheroes away!

               
               [Closing Credits. Over the credits are a montage of clips from 
               the episode as well as a new version of The New Justice Team 
               song.]
 
               
                                     SONG
                         Go go go New Justice Team!

               Fighting justice is their quest!

               Superking, Clobberella, and the rest!

               Here's to you New Justice Team,

               Do the things that make your team,

               Help each other, do some things!

               Winners don't use drugs!

               The New Justice Team!

               

Less Than Hero



Writers :   Ron Weiner
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


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