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                                        FUTURAMA

                                       Episode 404

                                    "LOVE AND ROCKET"

                                           By

                                       Dan Vebber

                         Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet



               
               [Opening Credits. Caption: When You See The Robot, Drink!]

               
               [Ship's Cockpit. Bender argues with the ship at a port that looks 
               like the ports HAL 9000 used in 2001: A Space Oddysey. The ship 
               speaks with a male voice.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         You are one narrow minded spaceship 
                         Planet Express Ship.
 
               
                                     SHIP
                         Whoa whoa! Why should my tax money pay 
                         for art I find offensive?
 
               
               [Bender flips through a book titled Art & You and holds up a 
               page with a picture of a Horrible Gelatinous Blob.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Would you censor the Venus de Venus 
                         just because you can see her spewers?
 
                         
               
                                     SHIP
                         Oh its filthy! Why not create a national 
                         endowment for strip clubs while we're 
                         at it?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Why not indeed!

               
                                     LEELA
                         Bender! Ship! Stop bickering or I'm 
                         going to come back there and change 
                         your opinions manually!
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Fine! I'll be in my quarters appreciating 
                         controversial artworks.
 
               
               [He leaves. The door closes on him and cuts his head off. It 
               lands on the floor and rolls a little.]
 
               
                                     SHIP (SARCASTICALLY)
                         Oops! Sorry!

               
               [He chuckles.]

               
               [Planet Express: Meeting Room. The crew are sat around the table. 
               Bender screws his head back on.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Ah that ship is so white bread!

               
               [Enter Hermes and Farnsworth carrying several red boxes.]

               
                                     HERMES
                         People! It's Valentines Day next week, 
                         so your beloved company has gotten you 
                         all new uniforms!
 
               
               [Everyone opens their boxes and reacts well to the uniforms.]
 
               
               
                                     AMY
                         Cool!

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Clothing, delicious clothing!

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         We'll need to look our best if we're 
                         to get the account of our new potential 
                         customer Romanticorp!
 
               
                                     AMY
                         Romanticorp? Are they a corporation 
                         that makes romantic stuff?
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         Very good Amy!

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Everyone suit up. We're off to the most 
                         romantic city on Earth!
 
               
               [Milwaukee. The ship flies in and lands in the Romanticorp factory. 
               The doors have lips painted on them and make kissy sounds when 
               they close.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Romanticorp Factory Entrance.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Remember, we've got to show these people 
                         we're not bitter husks of human beings 
                         who long ago abandoned hope of finding 
                         love in this lifetime. Leela you'll 
                         have to do some acting.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Check!

               
               [Some doors open and a man and a woman, Sheldon and Gwen, walk 
               in.]
 
               
                                     SHELDON
                         Welcome, aww I'm just so excited!  I'm 
                         Sheldon and this is my chief financial 
                         officer Gwen.
 
               
                                     GWEN
                         For 30 years we've shared the adventure 
                         of managing Romanticorp.
 
               
                                     SHELDON
                         Not to mention the adventure of marriage!
 
                         
               
               [They both laugh. Then they kiss again.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Oh you have got to be kidding!  Ow! 
                         Ow! I mean, aww thats so sweet!  Ow! 
                         I mean, (soppily) Aww dats show shweet!
 
                         
               
               [Farnsworth nods.]

               
               [Romanticorp Factory Production Line. The crew and Sheldon and 
               Gwen are moving along a moving walkway.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         You know, romance is an important part 
                         of our work too, uh right everyone?
 
                         
               
               [The crew nod in agreement.]

               
                                     SHELDON
                         Do any of you collect Lovey Bears?
 
                         
               
                                     AMY
                         I do! Kif's given me dozens! Is it true 
                         what the ad says? That you kiss them 
                         together out of blanket cloth and magic 
                         buttons?
 
               
                                     GWEN
                         No.

               
                                     SHELDON
                         It's actually cheaper to genetically 
                         engineer real ones.  They frolic in 
                         the Lovey Forest until their first birthday 
                         then we choose the cuddliest ugliest 
                         ones and stuff them full of fire retardant 
                         love fluff!
 
               
               [In the Lovey Forest, bears are picked up and put onto a conveyor 
               belt where they are delivered to the Bear "Hospital".]
 
               
                                     AMY (UNSURE)
                         Oh cute!

               
               [Romanticorp Factory Romance Acceleration Lab.]

               
                                     GWEN
                         Knowing which pickup lines fizzle and 
                         which ones sizzle keeps us on the cutting 
                         edge of flirtation technology.
 
               
               [Two robot frames stand in front of a woman.]

               
                                     FRAME #1
                         Is heaven missing an angel? 'Cause you've 
                         got nice cans!
 
               
               [The woman is not impressed.]

               
                                     FRAME #2
                         My two favourite things are commitment 
                         and changing myself.
 
               
               [The woman is lovestruck and hugs the frame.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Does that dummy have a brother?

               
               [Romanticorp Factory Candy Hearts Production.]

               
                                     SHELDON
                         And now friends and lovers we come to 
                         the heart of our operation. Pun definately 
                         intended!
 
               
               [He and Gwen laugh. Leela sighs. Farnsworth threatens her with 
               the cattle prod. Hermes picks up a candy heart that says "Cutie 
               Pie."]
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         Impressive!

               
                                     GWEN
                         My family has been making these hearts 
                         since the 1900's. Tastes may have changed 
                         but our secret recipe sure hasn't.
 
                         
               
               [She points to a machine mixing Bone Meal and Earwig Honey. Fry 
               picks up a candy heart.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Whoa! Letters like "U" and "R" can mean 
                         words like "You" and "Are." Here Leela, 
                          U-R-2 Cute!
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Perhaps. What's your point?

               
                                     FRY
                         I've never been able to put into words 
                         how I feel about you. But somewhere 
                         among these trillions of hearts, those 
                         words must already exist. And I'm gonna 
                         find them.
 
               
               [He dives into a barrel and rummages around. A Lovey Bear runs 
               around being chased by a hunter. The hunter shoots and misses. 
               Farnsworth zaps the Lovey Bear with the cattle prod and it falls 
               over. He turns to Sheldon and Gwen.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         So, do we have the contract?

               
               [Ship's Cockpit. The ship is now back in the hangar and the crew 
               have changed back into their normal clothes.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         With that big new Romanticorp contract, 
                         I've been able to make those government 
                         mandated upgrades you've all been suing 
                         me about.
 
               
               [The crew look around the cockpit.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Ooo look! You taped up the cracks in 
                         the dark matter reactor!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         And you got a cage for the lion!

               
               [The cage is in the ceiling. The lion growls and swipes it's 
               paw at Fry. Bender turns the radio on.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey who's been messing with the radio? 
                         This isn't alternative rock. It's college 
                         rock!
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Oh it must have been the ship's new 
                         improved personality software I installed.
 
                         
               
                                     SHIP
                         Yeah it was me. It's a cute song.

               
                                     BENDER
                         Listen ship! No one changes my stations! 
                         I hope you have a good mechanic!
 
               
               [He rolls his sleeves up.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         It even comes with an adjustable voice.
 
                         
               
               [He adjusts the voice. As the ship speaks its voice changes from 
               the smartarse male voice to a friendly female voice.]
 
               
                                     SHIP
                         We each get one of the four buttons 
                         remember Bender? That was the deal.
 
                         
               
               [She giggles.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Wha? Did you just say...?

               
                                     SHIP
                         If you don't like the stations you could 
                         just...play with my buttons 'til you 
                         find something we both enjoy.  Oh gosh! 
                         That came out all wrong!
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Too late baby, you said it! So what'll 
                         it be? My place? Or you?
 
               
               [Time Lapse. The crew are now in uniform and are cruising through 
               space. Fry enters with a barrel of candy hearts.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Before we deliver these hearts, I'm 
                         gonna find the one that sums up my feelings 
                         for you!  "I Love You." Hmm, too conventional. 
                          "You're My Man." Ooo so close!
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         I'm not impressed by a guy's message 
                         Fry. I'm impressed by the guy. Or not.
 
                         
               
               [The ship shakes violently. Fry falls over.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Whoa!

               
                                     LEELA
                         What was that?

               
                                     FRY
                         Maybe we hit a space cow.

               
               [Cut to: Ship's Engine Room. Bender is tickling a control panel.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         Coochie coochie!

               
                                     SHIP (GIGGLING)
                         Stop it! You're mussing up my trajectory!
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         You know you love it sugar-engine!
 
                         
               
               [He presses some buttons.]

               
                                     SHIP (GIGGLING)
                         No!

               
               [She laughs. Enter Fry and Leela.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Bender!  What's going on in here?  Planet 
                         Express Ship! Cover your shame!
 
               
               [Ship closes the control panel.]

               
                                     SHIP
                         It's not what it looks like. Bender 
                         was just helping me...zip up my turbine.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Wow Bender. Are you and the ship an 
                         item? I mean I know you're both items 
                         but...how can you date a ship anyway? 
                         It'd be like me dating a really fat 
                         lady. And living inside her. And she'd 
                         be all like...
 
               
               [He impersonates a ship.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Fry, in order for me to get busy at 
                         maximum efficiency, I need a girl with 
                         a big 400 ton booty!
 
               
               [He taps the wall.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Bender, dating your co-worker and primary 
                         mode of transportation is immoral, illogical 
                         and a violation of interstellar shipping 
                         statute 437-B.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         That's what makes it so nasty!

               
               [He strokes the control panel. Ship giggles. He giggles and rubs 
               himself up the wall.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Still, given the chance, I've given 
                         to urges far more shocking.
 
               
               [Bender starts rubbing a girder.]

               
               [Musical Scene. Bender sings A Bicycle Made For Two while he 
               dates the ship. First he sits on one of the tail fins with a 
               picnic set up. The sheet blows in the breeze of space.]
 
               
                                     BENDER (SINGING)
                         Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. 
                          I'm half crazy all for the love of 
                         you.  It won't be a stylish marriage......I 
                         can't afford a carriage.  But you'll 
                         look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle 
                         built for two.
 
               
               [On the hangar roof Bender and Ship dance under the moonlight.
 
               
               
               [Planet Express: Meeting Room. Leela reads a newspaper while 
               Fry is still searching for the perfect candy heart.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Well, I'm sick of her.

               
                                     FRY
                         The ship? But you just started dating.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         With my mighty robot powers I can get 
                         sick of things much quicker than you 
                         humans.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Well just remember we all still have 
                         to work together. So try and let her 
                         down easy.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         In due time Leela. But for now I'll 
                         just resume dating cheap floozies on 
                         the side.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         You have much to teach us.

               
                                     LEELA
                         Ugh. Doesn't it bother you even a little 
                         to be taking advantage of your girlfriend's 
                         trust?
 
               
               [Bender laughs.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Oh wait you're serious. Let me laugh 
                         even harder.
 
               
               [He laughs even harder.]

               
               [Elzar's Fine Cuisine. Bender sits with two Fembots. They giggle.]
 
               
               
                                     FEMBOT #1
                         What's it like being a lawyer for the 
                         Mayor's office? And also the world's 
                         strongest millionaire?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Well baby, for starters you gotta be 
                         honest all the time!
 
               
               [Enter Elzar.]

               
                                     ELZAR
                         Good evening Bender! And to your lady 
                         friends may I say - Bam!
 
               
               [The Fembots giggle.]

               
                                     FEMBOT #2
                         You know Elzar?

               
               [Through a window Ship watches Bender and the Fembots.]

               
               [Cut to: Outside Elzar's Fine Cuisine. Ship sighs.]

               
               [Robot Arms Apartments: Fry and Bender's Apartment. In Fry's 
               room the windowbell ding dongs and awakens Fry. He opens the 
               window. It is Ship.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Planet Express Ship? Is that you?

               
                                     SHIP
                         Oh. Hi Fry. Is Bender home?

               
                                     FRY
                         Uh, um no. I think he's at his parent's.
 
                         
               
                                     SHIP
                         Oh I see. He didn't fly there in another 
                         spaceship did he?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Bender? No! He's an old fashioned one 
                         spaceship robot. Look I'll tell him 
                         you stopped by OK?
 
               
                                     SHIP
                         OK.

               
               [Fry closes the window and walks back to his bed. Almost immediately 
               the windowbell goes off again. He walks over and opens the window. 
               Ship is still there.]
 
               
                                     SHIP
                         Oh. Hi Fry. Is he home now?

               
               [Central Park Zoo. Bender and the ship stroll around.]

               
                                     SHIP
                         Of all the zoos we've been to today, 
                         I like this one the best. Bender, which 
                         is your favourite nocturnal rat?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Eh, they're all pretty unimpressive.
 
                         
               
               [The ship swoops off in another direction.]

               
                                     SHIP
                         Oh honey look! The Tapirs!  It says 
                         here that the babies lose their pyjama 
                         like coat after their first year. Isn't 
                         that interesting honey?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Yup. Mind numbingly interesting. Ooh!
 
                         
               
               [He spies a Fembot and zooms in on her.]

               
                                     SHIP
                         Bender!! Are you looking at other women?
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         No baby never!

               
               [He turns around. His eyes are fully zoomed.]

               
                                     SHIP (CRYING)
                         Bender! Don't lie! I saw you at Elzar's 
                         with those two ladys of the evening. 
                         Explain that!
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         OK, I like a challenge.  Aah! I got 
                         it! I'm going to be completely honest 
                         with you Planet Express ship. Those 
                         women you saw me with...were my accountants!
 
                         
               
                                     SHIP
                         Your accountants? Oh I would dearly 
                         love to believe that were true. So I 
                         do.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Phew!

               
                                     SHIP
                         I'm going to go home and get dinner 
                         started.
 
               
               [She zooms off. Bender's chest cabinet opens. Lucy Liu's head 
               in a jar is still there.]
 
               
                                     LIU
                         Who are you talking to?

               
                                     BENDER
                         No one baby! Lucy Liu is the only girl 
                         for Bender!
 
               
                                     LIU
                         I love you -

               
               [He slams the door on her.]

               
               [Ship's Cockpit. Leela is steering the ship through an asteroid 
               belt and is back in her new uniform. Ship sighs.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Planet Express Ship is something wrong?
 
                         
               
                                     SHIP
                         Oh it's Bender. He's acting so strange 
                         lately.  Do you think he's going to 
                         ask me to marry him?
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Uh, no.

               
                                     SHIP
                         Oh-oh, someone knows something she's 
                         not telling!
 
               
               [Leela sighs.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Uh look, I'm not saying Bender's not 
                         great but have you ever considered that 
                         maybe he's...y'know...not that great?
 
                         
               
               [Ship scoffs.]

               
                                     SHIP
                         You're just jealous! No one loves you 
                         because you're tiny and made of meat!
 
                         
               
               [An asteroid suddenly hits Ship's windscreen.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Could you maybe pay a little more attention 
                         to these asteroids?
 
               
                                     SHIP
                         Sorry Captain Leela. I guess I'm just 
                         having one of those...manic Mondays!
 
                         
               
               [She laughs insanely. Leela laughs unsurely and then grins unsurely.]
 
               
               
               [Ship flies towards Omicron Persei 8 (246/7 Days Without Invading 
               Earth) and lands outside a huge castle, home of the planets' 
               rulers, Lrrr and Nd-Nd.
 
               
               [Cut to: Omicronian Castle. Lrrr and Nd-Nd watch TV.]

               
                                     LRRR
                         This is ancient Earth's most foolish 
                         program. Why does Ross, the largest 
                         Friend, not simply eat the other five?
 
                         
               
                                     ND-ND
                         Perhaps they are saving that for sweeps.
 
                         
               
               [Enter a guard.]

               
                                     GUARD
                         Exaulted leaders, the Earth messengers 
                         have arrived bearing a peace offering 
                         from their weak and fearful government.
 
                         
               
                                     LRRR
                         Oh very well. This is a Joey heavy episode 
                         anyway.
 
               
               [He turns the TV off. Enter Leela, Fry and Bender with the barrels 
               of candy hearts.]
 
               
                                     LRRR
                         I am Lrrr of the planet Omicron Persei 
                         8.
 
               
               [A picture slips from the wall. He puts it back. Leela reads 
               from a piece of paper.]
 
               
                                     LEELA (READING)
                         Esteemed potentates of Omicron Persei 
                         8, please accept these 20 billion candy 
                         hearts as proof that Earth loves you. 
                         Thiiis much!
 
               
               [She holds her arms out wide. Lrrr and Nd-Nd taste the candy 
               hearts. They immediately spit them out.]
 
               
                                     LRRR
                         Bleurgh! These candies are choccy and 
                         unpleasant!
 
               
                                     ND-ND
                         And what is this emotion you humans 
                         call "wuv"?
 
               
                                     LRRR
                         Surely it says "love"?

               
                                     ND-ND
                         No, "wuv." With an Earth "w." Behold!
 
                         
               
                                     LRRR (SHOUTING)
                         This concept of wuv confuses and infuriates 
                         us!
 
               
               [Guards surround the crew, guns at the ready.]

               
               [Cut to: Ship's Cockpit. The ship and crew have taken off and 
               are pursued by Omicronian saucers.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Incoming torpedoes. Shields at maximum 
                         yarnell.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Steady, Planet Express Ship. Focus on 
                         diverting all power to the scramjets.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Uh look, Planet Express Ship, this might 
                         not be the best time...but...well...I 
                         really like you and whatever but...I 
                         think we should just be friends.
 
               
                                     SHIP (SCREAMING)
                         Nooo!

               
               [Cut to: Outside Ship. She jerks to a stop.]

               
               [Cut to: Ship's Cockpit.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         So we're cool?

               
               [The Omicronian torpedoes hit the ship and explode.]

               
               [Time Lapse: The ship is tumbling through space with black scars 
               on the hull. Ship is crying. Leela prints a readout from a machine 
               and looks at it.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Well, it was a spectacular battle but 
                         there doesn't seem to be any permanent 
                         damage.
 
               
                                     SHIP (CRYING)
                         No damage? What about my feelings?
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Aww, calm down. I'm sure Bender is taking 
                         this just as hard as you are.
 
               
               [Cut to: Fry and Bender's Quarters. They are both lying in their 
               hammocks.]
 
               
                                     BENDER (SINGING)
                         Bender is great oh Bender is great. 
                         Bender Bender Bender!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         You couldn't have picked a better time 
                         to dump the ship Bender!
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Eh, the moment seemed right. Call me 
                         old fashioned but I like a dump to be 
                         as memorable as it is devastating.
 
                         
               
               [Ship's Cockpit. It is nighttime ship's time. Ship is still crying. 
               Leela is wearing her pyjamas and is sat in her chair facing Ship's 
               port. She starts eating another tub of ice cream.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         I know, I know. Look Ship, if there's 
                         one thing I learnt from my mutual breakup 
                         with Sean that was totally mutual its 
                         that happiness can only come from within 
                         you.
 
               
                                     SHIP (CRYING)
                         But Bender is within me! There must 
                         be some way to make him love me again.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Trust me. You can't change men anymore 
                         than you can change the laws of time 
                         and space.
 
               
                                     SHIP
                         That's so true.  I may not be able to 
                         change the laws of time and space, but 
                         I know something that can.
 
               
               [Leela turns around and looks through the windscreen. She gasps. 
               The ship is heading straight towards a huge quasar. She wrestles 
               with the controls but they won't move.]
 
               
                                     LEELA (UNSURE)
                         Uh sweetie? You see that giant quasar 
                         we're heading into? You might wanna 
                         scooch a few parsecs to the left.
 
                         
               
               [Ship, the movie buff, resonds calmly.]

               
                                     SHIP
                         I'm afraid I can't do that Leela.

               
               [Enter Fry and Bender.]

               
                                     FRY
                         What's happening? Space cow?

               
                                     LEELA
                         The ship's just taking the breakup a 
                         little hard. (whispering to Fry) She's 
                         nuts!
 
               
                                     SHIP
                         In a few moments the power of 10 million 
                         black holes will smush me and Bender 
                         together into a beautiful enternal quantum 
                         singularity.
 
               
               [The crew scream.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Uh you don't need to kill us Planet 
                         Express ship...because...I love you! 
                         Uh yeah baby! I feel like doing stuff.
 
                         
               
                                     SHIP
                         Hmm. I don't believe you. If you really 
                         wanted to be with me you'd merge your 
                         program with mine.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Whoa whoa whoa! Slow down! All of my 
                         friends that have done that said that 
                         afterwards all the passion went out 
                         of their relationship.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Look, I don't know if you want my opinion 
                         -
 
               
                                     SHIP
                         Leela. Bender and I really need to be 
                         alone. So, I'm turning off the oxygen.
 
                         
               
               [The oxygen goes off and Leela and Fry start to suffocate. They 
               grab some oxygen tanks and put them on.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Now look missy! If you don't trun around 
                         now I'm going to have to shut down your 
                         brain!
 
               
                                     SHIP
                         Fire detected in the vicinity of Leela.
 
                         
               
               [A fire hose comes down from the ceiling and hits Leela with 
               a jet of water.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Ha! That barely hurt Leela at all!
 
                         
               
                                     SHIP
                         Maybe not. But what if the artificial 
                         gravity were to malfunction?
 
               
               [The gravity goes off and Fry, Leela and Bender float towards 
               the ceiling. The candy hearts float upwards and out of the barrels. 
               Bender screams.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Float for your lives!

               
               [They all swim through the door.]

               
               [Ship's Bathroom. The crew get into the shower and Leela closes 
               the door.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Shower.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         This is the one place she can't hear 
                         us. Everyone just pretend to shower.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Same as everyday, got it.

               
                                     LEELA
                         Now here's the plan.

               
               [Cut to: Ship's Bathroom. Ship has another port in the bathroom. 
               She tries to listen to the plan but can't hear through the soundproof 
               shower glass. All she sees is Leela's lips moving.]
 
               
                                     SHIP
                         Oh, if only I could read lips!

               
               [Cut to: Shower.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Comprendez Bender? You'll have to distract 
                         her. Merge your program with hers while 
                         I shut down her brain.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         It's too risky. I'm a very meek individual. 
                         If her personality engulfs mine, the 
                         Bender you know and worship could disappear 
                         forever!
 
               
               [Leela doesn't take long to think about the situation.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         I'm willing to take that risk.

               
               [Ship's Cockpit. The ship gets closer to the quasar. Bender floats 
               in. There are candy hearts everywhere.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey pookums! Contrary to what I was 
                         saying earlier, melding minds with you 
                         would be extremely bearable.
 
               
               [Ship gasps.]

               
                                     SHIP
                         You really mean it?

               
                                     BENDER
                         Uh......yes!

               
               [He pulls out a wire from inside the control panel and connects 
               himself via a modem.]
 
               
               [Ship's Mind. The Tron-esque environment looks sort of like a 
               motherboard. Bender looks around in a panic. Ship is a little 
               smaller and she has eyes and is wearing lipstick.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Huh? Tubes? You're older than you said 
                         you were!
 
               
                                     SHIP
                         Come closer Bender. Lets become one!
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         I prefer two. That way we can still 
                         be a horse for Hallowe'en.
 
               
               [Ship moves closer to Bender. He backs away.]

               
               [Ship's Brain Room. Fry and Leela float in. There are candy hearts 
               floating around. Leela waves her hand across one of Ship's ports. 
               No reaction.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         OK, Bender has her distracted. Now I 
                         can shut down her brain by deactivating 
                         the carbonated logic matrix.  Ugh. I 
                         can't concentrate with this obnoxious 
                         candy in my face.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I'm on it. And maybe I'll find those 
                         magic words while I'm at it.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Fat chance.

               
                                     FRY
                         Eh.  Blech!  Eurgh! Ooo how 'bout this 
                         one?
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Give it up Fry! I've got to pop these 
                         tops in a precise order.
 
               
               [She pops another one. Fry sadly eats another heart.]

               
               [Time Lapse.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Halfway there. The ship should be getting 
                         a little less rational now.
 
               
               [Cut to: Ship's Mind. Ship is chasing Bender making irrational 
               noises.]
 
               
                                     SHIP
                         Want...to...engulf...Bender!

               
               [She cackles and grows fangs.]

               
               [Cut to: Ship's Brain Room.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Only a few more.  Hey! I won free admission 
                         to Six Flags! Just one more reason we 
                         must survive this.
 
               
               [Fry is about to eat another heart but notices Leela's oxygen 
               gauge. The needle points at critical.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Um, Leela?

               
                                     LEELA
                         Fry! I'll read your candy later! When 
                         we're not dead!  What was that?
 
               
                                     FRY (SUFFOCATING)
                         Oh nothing.

               
               [Cut to: Ship's Mind. Ship is still chasing Bender. He comes 
               to a dead end on the motherboard.]
 
               
                                     SHIP
                         We're gonna love being each other you 
                         sexy ion!
 
               
                                     BENDER (SCREAMING)
                         Nooo!

               
               [She moves towards him.]

               
               [Cut to: Ship's Brain Room.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Last one!  It worked! Gravity normal, 
                         air returning, terror replaced by cautious 
                         optimism! We did it Fry!  Fry?  You 
                         gave me your oxygen? Oh no! Breathe 
                         Fry breathe!  You leave me breathless! 
                          Happy Valentine's Day Fry!
 
               
                                     FRY (GASPING)
                         Happy Valentine's day.

               
               [Ship's Cockpit. Bender has separated from the ship. He wakes 
               up. Enter Fry and Leela.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Bender! Are you OK?

               
                                     BENDER
                         Aw. What crazy thing am I going to date 
                         next?
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Well at least it sounds like you were 
                         able to keep your conciousness seperate 
                         from hers.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Of course! Bender is a lone wolf. A 
                         solitary eagle.  A cuddly baby Tapir! 
                          And that's why I love 'em!
 
               
               [He walks out.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Well I guess we'd better clean up these 
                         millions of hearts.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Nah, I've got a lazier idea.

               
               [The ship's cargo bay doors open and the candy hearts float out 
               and into the quasar.]
 
               
               
               [As he speaks shots of couples on Earth come and go. Horrible 
               Gelatinous Blobs, mutants, Amy and Kif and Fry and Leela (joined 
               by Zoidberg).]
 
               
               THE END

               

Love And Rocket



Writers :   Dan Vebber
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


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