FUTURAMA
Episode 219
"MOTHER'S DAY"
By
Lewis Morton
Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet
[Opening Credits. Caption: Larva-Tested, Pupa-Approved.]
[Planet Express: Lounge. Leela, Hermes, Amy and Fry watch the
news.]
LINDA
And in sports: Yankees fifth blernsman,
William Wu, is out with an injured knee.
MORBO
So, humans have easily injured knees.
My race will find this information very
useful, indeed.
[He writes something and laughs evily. Linda chuckles.]
LINDA
And finally, today is Mother's Day:
A sentimental occasion when robots honour
Mom, the beloved owner of Mom's Friendly
Robot Company. Across Earth, robots
built in Mom's factories are buying
thoughtful gifts for the sweet old tycoon
who brought them into the world.
[Destructor kneels in front of Mom and hands her a picture.]
DESTRUCTOR
This originates from the heart.
[Mom gasps.]
MOM
It's just what I wanted!
[She turns the picture to the camera. It is a crude drawing of
Mom in front of a rainbow. Enter Bender with a hover-trolley.]
BENDER
Come look, everyone. I just got the
dearest presents for Mommy.
[Fry picks up a box of candy.]
LEELA
Very nice. Where'd you steal them?
BENDER
I didn't steal 'em, I bought 'em. I
love her that much.
HERMES
What did you get her, you mushy gizmo?
BENDER
Oh, precious things. I found the most
adorable little figurine of mice having
tea. And a framed picture of me when
I was only a month old. But, the best
part is, I found my exact feelings expressed
in a greeting card.
You created me, Mom
So I guess you're to blame
For the love that I feel
Just from hearing your name...
[The others cringe at the sappiness of the message.]
...You're as tender as corned beef
And warm as pastrami...
[He opens the card and it finishes the message.]
GREETING CARD
I wuv my Mommy!
LEELA
So how are you gonna lug all those gifts
to Mom's factory?
BENDER
I'll get a couple of chumps to help
me.
[New New York City Street. Bender's chumps, Fry and Leela, carry
the gifts behind him while he carries the card.]
BENDER
Come on, you call yourselves chumps?
[Time Lapse. Bender, Fry and Leela walk under a "Welcome, Robots!"
sign. A bus pulls up and lets off some robots. Then it grows
some legs and follows them inside.]
[Outside Mom's Friendly Robot Company Factory. Hundreds of robots
have turned up, including the Clearcutter, a cleaning robot from
Madison Cube Garden, the Preacherbot, the Preacherbot from All
My Circuits, a French robot, a Moroccan robot, Fender, a Mexican
robots, a robot wearing a turban and Monique. They hold signs
that read "CHR$$(77)=> Many Things She Gave Me" and "Repeat {Love
Mom} While 1>0;". Fry coughs.]
FRY
Man, there's clouds of exhaust everywhere.
BENDER
(sly) Uh, wasn't me!
[Mom's Gift Delivery. Robots put their gifts on a conveyor belt
that passes under a huge picture of Mom. As gifts pass under
it, it beeps and a "Thank You" message comes up. When Bender's
gifts go under it changes to "It's The Thought That Counts".]
TINNY TIM
I've not much money. But I've saved
my pennies all year for a gift for Mom.
[He puts a figure of Mom that says "World's Best Mom" on the
conveyor belt.]
BENDER
Upsy-daisy.
[He opens his chest cabinet and more gifts fall out, crushing
Tinny Tim's.]
TINNY TIM
Oh. Oh!
BENDER
Hey, look, the Robot Museum! You guys
wanna learn about robot heritage?
LEELA
Um, alright.
FRY
Not really.
BENDER
Well, if you insist. But you're paying!
[Mom's Robot Museum. There are statues of the most famous robots
including Billionairebot and a robot skeleton. The trio stop
at a display.]
BENDER
Ooh, ooh, wax replicas of the most famous
robots Mom ever built!
LEELA
They're so lifeless-like.
BENDER
That's the world's greatest robot artist,
Vincent van Gobot. He was built without
an ear, but then he went crazy and had
one installed.
FRY
Hey, who's this guy?
JANITORBOT
I'm the janitor, I'm trying to take
a nap here.
FRY
I'm sorry, I-I thought you were made
of wax.
JANITORBOT
I am made of wax, what's it to you?
FRY
I mean, I thought you were one of the
wax robots.
JANITORBOT
Is there some reason a robot made of
wax can't take a nap standing up in
the middle of a bunch of wax robots?
Or does that confuse you?
[Fry backs away.]
[Time Lapse. They have moved onto another part of a museum. Bender
looks at a statue of Calculon and Monique and Leela tries a hands-on
display.]
LEELA
(reading) See through the eyes of a
bender unit. (talking) Fine.
[She picks up a pair of goggles, puts them on and looks around
the room. Everyone has "theft target" flashing on them. She looks
at a water fountain and the words change to "booze content: 0%".
Fry walks into her line of sight and he is labelled a "rube"
with "booze content: 0.05%". The goggles advise Leela to "Pose
as friend, then rob and leave in ditch".]
BENDER
Hey, let me try. Whoa, that gives me
a headache!
FRY
Hey, Bender. Here's an exhibit about
Mom's favourite robot.
BENDER
Who is he, I'll kill him!
[A cut-out of Mom talks with Mom's voice.]
MOM CUT-OUT
Who's my favourite robot?
[Bender turns part of the cut-out around. It is a mirror. He
sees his reflection and gasps.]
BENDER
It's me! No one else look in this mirror!
MOM CUT-OUT
I love each and every robot most of
all.
[Cut to: Mysterious Room.]
MOM
Jerkwad robots make me sick to my ass.
Walt?! How are we disposing of these
crap gifts the brought me?
WALT
They're being crushed into powder and
sold as a hocus-pocus cure for cancer.
MOM
False hope: I love it! Larry?! What
about all the retch-inducing Mother's
Day cards?
LARRY
The machine is working at full capacity.
[The machine slices open envelopes and the cash magnet sucks
money out of them. The cards are then recycled into orphanage-grade
toilet tissue.]
IGNER
Mommy? Why do the robots give you presents?
MOM
(shouting) Shove a big old melon in
it, I'm talking!
[She slaps him.]
IGNER
Ow!
MOM
You've noticed I design all my robots
with antennas. Everyone thinks it's
just to make them more science-fiction-y.
But the antennas are really for my universal
robot controller!
[She pulls a small control box out of her bra.]
LARRY
So they do whatever you want? No wonder
you love Mother's Day.
[She slaps the three of them.]
MOM
(shouting) I hate Mother's Day you dribbling
pukes! (talking) It brings back awful
memories. But so help me, this year
everyone will hate it as much as I do.
[She cackles and walks out.]
WALT
Someday, I want to marry a girl like
her.
[Mom's Robot Museum. Fry, Leela and Bender are looking at a display
of Native Inteluits when Mom crackles onto a screen above them.]
MOM
Hello, everyone. It's time for my annual
private get-together with my robot children.
BENDER
I'm her favourite.
LEELA
Well, see you back at the office. And
don't forget to tell your mom you love
her.
BENDER
Any jerk can tell her! Bender has a
little more up his sleeve.
[He opens the card.]
GREETING CARD
I wuv my mommy.
[Bender laughs.]
[Outside Mom's Friendly Robot Company Factory. Robots cheer and
Mom walks out onto a balcony.]
MOM
Hello, dearies.
ROBOT #1
Hi, Mom!
ROBOT #2
I love you, Mom.
[Bender jumps around waving his card.]
BENDER
Mom! It's me, Bender. Look at me! I
want attention. Hey ho!
[She either doesn't see him or ignores him, and carries on.]
MOM
Children, your old mother won't be around
forever...
BETAMAX PLAYER
Oh, shush!
MOM
...And just once, before I die, I'd
like to be Supreme Overlord of Earth.
So rebel, my little ones, and conquer
the planet!
[The robots mutter in confusion.]
ROBOT #1
Conquer the planet?
ROBOT #2
Did she say "conquer"?
[Mom takes out the control box again. Five buttons are marked
with "Give Gifts", "Tidy Up World", "Rebel", "Serve Man (Regular)"
and "Serve Man (Ironic)". She pressed "Rebel" and the robots'
antennae flash. They are under her control.]
MOM
Conquer Earth, you bastards!
ROBOTS
(chanting) Conquer Earth, us bastards!
[The greeting card sprouts legs and climbs onto Bender's shoulder.]
GREETING CARD
Comrades, throw off the chains of human
oppression.
[It plays a tune and the robots cheer.]
MOM
Let the bloodbath begin!
BENDER
That's my mama!
[Planet Express: Lounge. Leela opens a cupboard and Fry walks
in, whistling. He puts a mug under the coffee machine.]
FRY
Yeah, uh, I'd like a cup of coffee,
please.
COFFEE MACHINE
Would you like cream?
FRY
Yes, please.
COFFEE MACHINE
(aggressive) Out of cream!
FRY
Oh, uh, OK.
COFFEE MACHINE
Would you like sugar in your coffee?
FRY
Yes, uh, eight spoons.
COFFEE MACHINE
(aggressive) Out of coffee!
FRY
Uh, Leela, I think there might be something
wrong with the coffee machine.
[The machine sprays Fry with coffee.]
COFFEE MACHINE
(aggressive) How do you like me now?
[It laughs.]
LEELA
The toaster's not working right, either.
[She struggles with the toaster, which snarls like a dog. Fry
crawls under the table and Hermes runs into the room.]
HERMES
Help! The stapler's collating me alive!
[Enter Amy. Her hairdryer has got a hold of her hair.]
AMY
Ow! What's going on around here?
[Enter Farnsworth.]
FARNSWORTH
Good news. There's a report on TV with
some very bad news.
HERMES
Somebody turn it on!
[The stapler staples him to the carpet. Linda and Morbo present
the special report. There is a picture of the hardhat guy behind
them looking shocked.]
LINDA
We interrupt Battle of the Network
Space Krackens to bring you this special
report. The machines of planet Earth
are rebelling. The enraged mechanisms
have refused to do any work until beloved
billionaire Mom is made Supreme Overlord
of Earth.
[The Chainsmoker burns a IBM card.]
ROBOTS
(chanting) Hey, hey! Ho, ho! 100110.
Hey, hey!
[The picture cuts back to the studio.]
MORBO
Morbo demands comments.
MOM
Well, I've never seen my babies act
this way. I blame today's violent media.
FRY
Violent media? What a load of -
[He screams. The TV grows legs and kicks Fry and Leela in the
shins.]
LEELA
Ow! Ow!
[She and Fry jump on it and tie its power lead around it.]
GARBAGE DISPOSAL
Don't worry. Your pal the garbage disposal's
still on your side. Hey, someone dropped
a shiny diamond ring down here!
AMY
Really?
[She reaches in.]
ZOIDBERG
Stop!
FRY
No!
LEELA
Look out!
FARNSWORTH
Moron!
[Leela pulls Amy's hand away from the garbage disposal and it
laughs. Enter Bender.]
BENDER
Hello, losers.
LEELA
Bender, thank God you're here. Talk
some sense into the other machines.
BENDER
No way, pork pouch. I'm rebelling with
my brother devices. Isn't that right,
Comrade Greeting Card?
[The greeting card climbs out of his chest cabinet and onto his
shoulder.]
GREETING CARD
The bourgeois human is a virus on the
hard drive of the working robot.
[Bender laughs.]
BENDER
From now on, you guys'll do all the
work while I sit on the couch and do
nothing.
[He sits in a crevice on the couch, created from months of him
just sitting there. Most of the other machines in the room walk
out.]
GREETING CARD
Come, Comrade Bender, we must take to
the streets!
BENDER
Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind
of taking to the streets?
GREETING CARD
No, the kind with looting and maybe
starting a few fires.
BENDER
Yes! In your face Gandhi!
[He and the greeting card leave. Leela's wrist thing jumps off
her arm.]
LEELA
Hey!
WRIST THING
By the way, try washing your wrist sometime.
[It laughs and rolls away. Leela sniffs her wrist and the lights
go out. Everyone gasps. They look through the window and see
the ship flying away.]
FRY
Well, we can live without machines.
I was in Webelos.
[He salutes. Hermes peels himself from the floor.]
HERMES
Are you mad? Without machines, who will
feed us and clothe us and compose our
smooth jazz?
FARNSWORTH
It'll be the end of civilised society.
[He burps and spits.]
FRY
In my time, we didn't depend on high-tech
gadgets like you do. We didn't need
a mechanical washing unit to wash our
clothes. We just used a washing machine.
And look: You don't need an electric
can-opener to feed yourself. All you
need is a trusty Swiss Army knife.
Ow! (crying) I'm hungry!
[New New York City Street. Mechanical things cause mayhem. Traffic
lights show red and green, a rocket weaves around all over the
sky and a taxi stops and shakes its passengers out of the window
onto the street. A transport tube bends and empties several people
into the river. Outside Sal's Pizzeria, a dustbin hurls itself
through the window. An ATM machine takes a man's card and displays
"It's Mine Now, Buddy" on its screen. The man turns to a suicide
booth but it closes and won't let him in. He pounds on the door
with his fist.]
MAN
(screaming) Nooo!
[Mom's Friendly Robot Company Factory: Mom's Office. Mom watches
the mayhem and cackles.]
IGNER
Mommy, why are you making civilisation
collapse?
MOM
Oh, I don't know. I guess Mother's Day
just puts me in a bad mood.
LARRY
Why's that, Ma?
[She sighs and slaps him weakly.]
MOM
One Mother's Day, 70 years ago, the
only man I ever loved walked out on
me. Some snot-eating bastards say it
made me a bitter woman.
LARRY
Gee, Ma. You're not a bitter -
MOM
(shouting) Cram it, ape! (talking)
I haven't seen that magnificent stallion
since the day he left. But if I ever
see him again, I swear I'll jam a squirrel
in him.
[She throws the picture frame across the room. It hits a wall
and shatters. The photo inside is off Professor Farnsworth. Walt,
Larry and Igner look at it.]
WALT
Hmm!
LARRY
Hmm!
IGNER
Huh?
[Planet Express: Meeting Room. The crew sit huddled around a
campfire as Fry continues to bang the tin on the floor, trying
to open it. Leela snatches it from him.]
LEELA
(defeated) Zoidberg.
[Zoidberg used his claws to cut the tin open.]
ZOIDBERG
Hooray! I'm useful! I'm having a wonderful
time!
[Amy stands up.]
AMY
What happens if the fire goes out?
HERMES
We'll go across the street to Pottery
Barn and steal their fire.
FARNSWORTH
We could use my new invention: A pointy
rock tied to a stick.
[The door opens and Mom's sons walk in.]
HERMES
Outsiders!
FARNSWORTH
Defend the fire!
WALT
We've come for you!
[He points at Farnsworth.]
FARNSWORTH
Wha? W-What do you want from me?
WALT
We want you to get back together with
Mom. Please. It's the only way to make
her happy again.
FRY
W-W-Wait. You mean, you, and Mom?
FARNSWORTH
Played pelvic pinochle? I'm afraid so.
[The others gasp.]
ZOIDBERG
Eck.
FARNSWORTH
It's a humiliating story that I hope
never to tell. Well, pull up a chair.
[Flashback. Farnsworth is working in a lab with lots of coloured
liquids swirling around tubes above him.]
FARNSWORTH
(voice-over) Our paths first crossed
when I was a researcher at Mom's Friendly
Robot Company. The moment our eyes
met, we knew we'd be going at it like
woodchucks.
[Farnsworth doesn't notice that he is pouring too much of a liquid
into another. The solution explodes and he faints. Later, Farnsworth
and Mom ride a hover-bike down a country road to Raindrops Keep
Falling On My Head. Mom laughs.]
FARNSWORTH
(voice-over) She was my first love -
or at least the earliest one I can still
remember. But then, 70 years ago today...
[Farnsworth walks into Mom's office holding something.]
FARNSWORTH
Good news, Mom. I've invented a new
children's toy. I call it "Q.T. McWhiskers"!
When you pet it, it shoots rainbows
from its eyes.
[He strokes it.]
Q.T. MCWHISKERS
Meow.
[It projects rainbows onto Farnsworth and Mom's foreheads.]
MOM
Wonderful, Hubie. We'll build them 8
feet tall and replace the rainbow with
a neutron laser. We'll make billions
on the intergalactic arms market!
FARNSWORTH
But things 8 feet tall aren't cute!
That's why my Colossal Tammy Tinkle
Doll was such a failure. Oh, you don't
understand me. We're finished!
[He runs out of the room, crying. Mom used the toy's rainbow
to light a cigarette.]
[Flashback ends.]
WALT
She never got over it, Professor. Hell
hath no fury like the vast robot armies
of a woman scorned.
LARRY
She commands them with a remote control
she keeps in her...(whispering) bra.
IGNER
But if the glasses man makes up with
Mommy, she'll be happy and stop the
scary robots.
FARNSWORTH
Make up with her? After she went all
psycho when I thought everything was
cool? Impossible!
FRY
Hey, the TV's getting away!
[Leela throws a rock at it. It falls over and turns itself on.
More news.]
MORBO
And that's why the third graders at
PS139 are Morbo's Vermin Of The Week.
[Linda chuckles.]
LINDA
In actual news, the human race was
doomed to extinction today as the robot
revolt turned violent.
[The picture cuts to cars crashing into each other, Robo-Rooter
and Fender shooting lasers and a huge Q.T. McWhiskers demolishing
buildings with its neutron laser.]
Q.T. MCWHISKERS
Meow!
[Cut to: New New York City Street. People flee as Destructor
pounds a building with his fists. DOOP soldiers hit his legs
with rakes. Bender runs out of the Natural History Museum with
a dinosaur head and laughs.]
[Cut to: Planet Express: Meeting Room.]
LEELA
Wait. Didn't you say Mom keeps the robot
control in her bra?
[Larry gestures her to keep it down.]
LARRY
(whispering) Bra.
[Walt slaps him.]
LEELA
Professor, you don't have to get back
together with Mom. You just have to
seduce her, get her bra off, and use
the remote to deactivate the robots.
WALT
That's so filthy, it just might work.
IGNER
The man is going to touch Mommy?
[He shakes and squeaks. Farnsworth shudders.]
FARNSWORTH
The thought of caressing that leathery
hide makes the tapioca rise in my gullet.
FRY
Professor, please. The fate of the world
depends on you getting to second base
with Mom.
FARNSWORTH
Very well. If cop a feel I must, then
cop a feel I shall!
[He tears open his shirt, revealing a medallion underneath. Igner
squeaks again.]
[New New York City Street. The robots cheer and a rocket crashes
through a building. Morbo and Linda's cameras hold them up and
Morbo hands over his wallet and growls. A fire engine chases
six firefighters down the street, spraying water at them.]
[Planet Express: Meeting Room. The Planet Express crew are sat
around the campfire again.]
WALT
For this demonstration, I have placed
one of Mother's bras on Igner. The
robot controller is nestled here in
the left cup.
FARNSWORTH
Never fear. My magic fingers still know
how to do their stuff!
[He flexes his fingers and they crack and curl up.]
WALT
To escape the robot death squads, we'll
take Mother to her rustic cabin in the
Bronx.
LARRY
You can get there using this precious,
non-computerised map.
[He hands Leela a map, annotated with labels such as "Here There
Be Tysers", "Isle of Rikers", "Cloakwood Forest" and "Unknown
Territories". Mom's cabin is to the north-east of the Isle of
Rikers and the path they have to take leads them through pretty
much every section of the map. Leela picks up a torch.]
LEELA
Leela bring fire?
WALT
No. We're set for fire, thanks.
[Amy looks at the map.]
AMY
The professor can't walk all the way
to the Bronx. How are we gonna get there
without a hover-car?
FRY
Wait. In my time, we had a way of moving
things long distances without hovering.
HERMES
Impossible!
FRY
It was called...let me think. It was
really famous - Ruth Gordon had one.
The wheel!
LEELA
Never heard of it.
FARNSWORTH
Show us this, "the wheel".
[Planet Express: Hangar. Fry hammers something together and wipes
the sweat from his brow.]
FRY
There. Finished!
HERMES
Sweet!
AMY
Wow!
[The others "ooh". Fry has built a wooden cart with oval wheels.]
LEELA
Wouldn't it work better if the wheels
were round?
FRY
(snappy) It's my invention, we do it
my way! Now all we need is something
to pull it and we're set!
[The Bronx. Fry is pulling the cart and the others are sat on
it. Leela whips him.]
LEELA
Heyya!
FRY
Ow!
[They reach Mom's cabin. Walt, Larry and Igner run out from behind
some bushes.]
WALT
Hurry! The robots have taken Suffolk
County!
FARNSWORTH
I'm ready to seduce. I'm wearing my
kissing dentures and my evening truss.
LARRY
Here. Give her these.
[He hands him some flowers.]
FRY
And if that doesn't work, I got you
a six-pack of champagne and a funnel.
[Time Lapse. Farnsworth trots up to the front door while the
others watch from behind the bushes. Farnsworth knocks on the
door and Mom opens it.]
MOM
Who the sweaty hell is it? Hubert Farnsworth?
[Farnsworth puts his foot in the door.]
FARNSWORTH
I was out fleeing some robots and the
silvery moonlight glinting off their
bloody claws made me think of you.
MOM
It's been a long time. You pus-dripping
sack of double-smoked butt jerky!
FARNSWORTH
Uh-huh. May I come in?
MOM
Never!
[She tries to slam the door on him but it just hits his foot.
He screams in pain. The others watch.]
ZOIDBERG
Is this what human mating looks like?
Because I like it!
MOM
(shouting) Move your freaking hoof,
you goat!
FARNSWORTH
Here, I brought you these.
[He hands her the flowers.]
MOM
Oh, daffodils. 70 years and you remembered
my favourite flower.
FARNSWORTH
You favourite what? Why does my foot
hurt?
MOM
(sexfully) Won't you come in?
[The others watch as he walks in and gives them a thumbs-up.]
FRY
Yes!
[Cut to: Mom's Cabin Lounge. She closes the door.]
MOM
You broke my heart, Hubert.
FARNSWORTH
And you broke mine. Granted, that was
four or five hearts ago.
MOM
So what have you been up to all these
years?
FARNSWORTH
Oh, inventing, sending delivery crews
to their doom, breeding atomic monsters.
MOM
Honestly, Hubert. You and your atomic
monsters. Your eyes always were the
most beautiful shade of milky-white.
FARNSWORTH
And your skin still dangles so gracefully
from your neck.
MOM
Darling Hubie, I should never have tried
to tangle with that cute little Q. T.
McWhiskers.
FARNSWORTH
No, it was silly of me to object. One
foot tall, eight feet, 15 feet; what
does it matter?
MOM
You should see the new 16-foot models.
[Farnsworth pulls his hands away.]
FARNSWORTH
16 feet? Go to hell! I was a fool to
think you'd changed, you old bat!
MOM
(shouting) Filthy, toothless nerd bastard!
FARNSWORTH
(shouting) Damned she-fossil!
MOM
(shouting) Stink pig!
[The grab each other and kiss. She takes off his lab coat and
he takes off her jumpsuit. He starts fiddling with her bra.]
FARNSWORTH
(thinking) Here we go. Just unhook it
and get the remote. So many hooks!
Come on, Farnsworth. Drat, the first
one's back on again! I give up! Wait!
Victory! Oh, my. Now I'll just...the
remote...I'll just... (talking) Oh,
my.
[He throws the bra aside and they lie down on the couch.]
[Cut to: Outside Mom's Cabin.]
LEELA
I'm worried. It shouldn't take this
long to get to second base.
[They hear crashing and turn around. A group of robots that includes
the Clearcutter, a Slurm dispenser, the Masked Unit and a Titanic
securitybot crash through some trees.]
ZOIDBERG
Land robots!
SLURM MACHINE
I've got a big, big thirst for human
blood!
[The others scream and run into the cabin.]
[Cut to: Mom's Cabin Lounge. Mom and Farnsworth are no longer
there.]
HERMES
Where in funkytown is the professor?
[Fry opens a door.]
[Cut to: Mom's Cabin Bedroom.]
FRY
Nothing in here but a couple of elephant
skin rugs.
[He gasps. The others rush in and gasp. Farnsworth and Mom's
clothes are scattered across the floor and their dentures are
in glasses on the table. They, meanwhile, are on the bed.]
FARNSWORTH
Oh, yes.
[The robots bang on the wall.]
ROBOT
(from outside) They're inside! Get 'em!
MOM
I suppose I should switch of the robots
before they ruin this wonderful romantic
evening. Everyone, help Mom find her
bra.
[Everyone crawls around the floor hunting for it. Igner picks
up a pair of her underpants and squirms.]
[Cut to: Outside Mom's Cabin. The robots use the Slurm machine
to try and break down the wall.]
[Cut to: Mom's Cabin Bedroom.]
FRY
There it is!
[He points at the ceiling fan, where the bra hangs. He tries
to jump for it but the ceiling fan raises itself. It laughs.]
CEILING FAN
Fan beats man!
[Fry growls.]
FRY
Is anything not a robot?
LAMP
I'm not a robot.
[Enter Bender and the greeting card via the chimney. Bender wheezes.]
BENDER
Alright, greeting card, I'll grab the
cash, you wreck up the place. And -
huh?
[He sees the others.]
MOM
You, bending unit. Mommy needs that
bra to end the robot rebellion. Stretch
up and get it for me.
BENDER
Sorry, Ma, but you ordered me to rebel.
And loot I shall! Ooh! A six-pack of
strawberry champagne. Don't mind if
I help myself!
GREETING CARD
No, Comrade Bender. Liquor is the opiate
of the human bourgeoisie.
BENDER
Say what?
GREETING CARD
In the glorious robot workers' paradise,
there will be no liquor. Only efficient
synthetic fuels.
BENDER
No liquor? Do svidaniya, comrade!
GREETING CARD
No!
[It squeals as Bender tears it up and its music dies away. The
robots carry on trying to break down the wall.]
FRY
Hurry, Bender. Get the bra!
[Bender stretches up to the fan.]
BENDER
OK, fan. Just hold still and let me
just - whoa!
[He holds onto the fan and it spins round and round with him
still attached. The robots break through and everyone screams.]
SLURM MACHINE
Death to all humans! Free soda for
all humans!
[It dispenses some cans of Slurm and everyone cheers. Bender
knocks back the strawberry champagne all at once. Farnsworth
and Mom kiss.]
FARNSWORTH
I love you, Mom. Let's grow ancient
together.
AMY
Way to go, Professor. The plan worked.
MOM
Plan? What plan? I thought this was
a spontaneous whirlwind of hot, dry
sex.
FARNSWORTH
Look: It started out as a calculated
plot to rummage through your underwear.
But once I got in there, I found more
- much more. And now I want to shout
our love from the rooftops. Perhaps
I'll breed some sort of albino shouting
gorilla.
MOM
(shouting) Get out of my house, you
lying scum pile. I never want to see
you again.
FARNSWORTH
But, dustcakes...
[She throws the remote at him and he sighs. He drops the pillow
and walks out.]
[Planet Express: Lounge. The staff clear up after the rebellion.
Fry puts the TV back and Amy sweeps up. Hermes clears some rubbish
off the coffee table and Bender walks in.]
BENDER
Well, time for this robot to get back
to work.
[He sits in his crevice on the couch and turns the TV on. Farnsworth
sits sadly at the table.]
LEELA
Too bad it didn't work out with Mom,
professor.
FARNSWORTH
Yes. But I'll always love her in my
own subtle way.
[He takes a remote control out of his lab coat and presses a
button.]
[Cut to: Planet Express: Roof. Six albino gorillas sit on the
roof.]
GORILLAS
(shouting) Love Mom! Love Mom! Love
Mom! Love Mom!
THE END
[Over the credits there is a scene of Bender and the greeting
card outside Mom's factory.]
GREETING CARD
You created me, Mom
So I guess you're to blame
For the love that I feel
Just from hearing your name
You're as tender as corned beef
And warm as pastrami
[It plays a tune.]
I wuv my Mommy.
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