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                                        FUTURAMA

                                       Episode 514

                                  "OBSOLETELY FABULOUS"

                                           By

                                       Dan Vebber

                         Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet



               
               [Opening Credits. Caption: You Can't Prove It Won't Happen.]
 
               
               
               [Outside Roboticon 3003. Robots file into the World's Largest 
               Robot Trade Show (Formerly Roboticon 3002). Fry walks in with 
               Bender.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Soul Detectors. Bender passes under a soul detector 
               that looks like a metal detector at an airport. It doesn't beep 
               and he casually walks on. Fry walks under and it beeps and red 
               lights flash. He gasps.]
 
               
                                     MAN
                         $10 please.

               
                                     FRY
                         Aw man!

               
               [He reaches into his pocket.]

               
               [Roboticon 3003. Leela looks around the robot presentation stands 
               and sees Nannybot 1.0 which looks like a clunky robot version 
               of the aliens from Alien. It holds a baby in it's arms and speaks 
               in a booming voice.]
 
               
                                     NANNYBOT 1.0
                         Sleep little dumpling. I have replaced 
                         your mother.
 
               
               [It's mouth opens and a bottle of milk comes out on it's tongue. 
               The baby drinks from the bottle.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Aww!

               
               [Roboticon Robot Toys Stand. Bender picks something up.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Oh my God, robot beely-boppers!

               
                                     FRY
                         And there's a robot scratching post. 
                          You should try it out Bender.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Please, I have some dignity.

               
               [The beely-boppers bounce around on his head.]

               
               [Roboticon Killbots Presentation. Wernstrom presents his Killbot 
               on the Wernstrom's Killbots stand.]
 
               
                                     WERNSTROM
                         Ladies and gentlemen, my killbot features 
                         Lotus notes and a machine gun. It is 
                         the finest available.
 
               
               [Next to his stand is a Housewives Prefer Farnsworth's Killbots 
               stand.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Like fun it is you glass headed wallaby!
 
                         
               
                                     WERNSTROM
                         No one calls me that. I'm having at 
                         you!
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Werrrnstrom!

               
               [They start to "fight."]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH'S KILLBOT
                         Such senseless aggression.

               
                                     WERNSTROM'S KILLBOT
                         C'mon, lets go for a peddleboat ride.
 
                         
               
               [Roboticon Robot Toys Stand. Bender bats around the bottle on 
               the scratching post. Fry and Leela leave.]
 
               
               [Roboticon Annual Product Announcement. Bender, Fry, Leela and 
               Farnsworth sit in the crowded auditorium ready for Mom's speech. 
               Bender is holding the bottle and half of the spring.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         The secret is to scratch 'em really 
                         really hard!
 
               
               [The lights dim and an announcer announces.]

               
                                     ANNOUNCER
                         And now, the women who Mom-opolises 
                         the robot industry...
 
               
                                     FRY
                         (shouting) I get it!

               
                                     ANNOUNCER
                         ...Mom!

               
               [The word "Mom" appears on a huge screen and robots carry Mom 
               onto the stage.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         (shouting) Oh, now I get it!

               
               [The robots set Mom down and she starts to knit.]

               
                                     MOM
                         Hello dearies.

               
               [The crowd cheers.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Woo! I love that old bat!

               
                                     MOM
                         Ladies and gentlemen, for the 17th year 
                         in a row, the future of robotics has 
                         arrived. Boys?  I give you...Robot 1-X!
 
                         
               
               [Walt elbows Larry in the stomach.]

               
                                     LARRY
                         Ow!

               
               [Larry elbows Igner.]

               
                                     IGNER
                         Ow! Oh!

               
               [He pulls a sheet off something. Robot 1-X. A small white robot 
               with no legs nor any distinguishing facial features except for 
               a large purple "eye". The crowd ooo's and Robot 1-X starts hovering. 
               They take photos of it.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Neat!

               
               [He takes a photo.]

               
                                     MOM
                         Quite frankly, Robot 1-X will put all 
                         my previous models to shame. Incidentally, 
                         would one of my previous models mind 
                         coming up here?
 
               
               [The robots in the audience cheer and wave their hands. Bender 
               starts climbing over the top of them.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Right here, I'm comin'! C'mon baby! 
                         I'll do it! C'mon Mom!
 
               
               [The Teenbot who serves refreshments at Loew's Aleph0-Plex waves 
               his fist.]
 
               
                                     TEENBOT
                         Jerk!

               
               [Bender climbs onto the stage with his bottle still in his hand.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         Oo, here we go. I'm your top of the 
                         line Mom!
 
               
               [He takes a swig from his bottle.]

               
                                     MOM
                         Notice that this obsolete robot runs 
                         on alcohol and emits pollution. Whereas 
                         Robot 1-X runs on pollution and emits 
                         pure oxygen with a fresh pine scent.
 
                         
               
               [Bender belches fire and Robot 1-X sucks it in and disperses 
               a fragrant pine smell from it's head. Bender sniffs.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Man, that smells great!

               
                                     MOM
                         Now lets see how both robots do at a 
                         typical household task. Sorting a jar 
                         of pocket change.
 
               
               [Larry hands Bender a jar and Walt hands Robot 1-X a jar. Robot 
               1-X tips the change into his hands and counts it quickly.]
 
               
               
                                     ROBOT 1-X
                         Task completed. Total value: $4.73 and 
                         one Albanian lek.
 
               
               [He hands the change to Mom.]

               
                                     MOM
                         Very good Robot 1-X. And you bending 
                         unit?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Uh, I never got the change.  Suckers.
 
                         
               
                                     MOM
                         Presenting, Mom's Friendly Robots...
 
                         
               
               [The lights on the stage dim and spotlights come down on Bender 
               and Robot 1-X. Banners fall behind them. The one behind Bender 
               says Before and the one behind Robot 1-X says After. The Before 
               banner hits Bender on the head and he falls over. The jar of 
               change falls out of his chest cabinet and smashes on the stage. 
               The audience cheers.]
 
               
               [Roboticon 3003. The crew are back among the stalls.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         That new robot is great huh? Sure made 
                         me look like a pile of crap.
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Indeed. That's why I bought one to help 
                         around the office.
 
               
               [He holds up a vacuum packed Robot 1-X. Bender presses his face 
               against it.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         (hoarse) Eep!

               
               [Planet Express: Lounge. Robot 1-X hovers in the middle of the 
               room and the crew sans Bender are gathered around it.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Let's try him out. Robot 1-X? Can you 
                         clean Nibbler's skanky litterbox?
 
                         
               
                                     ROBOT 1-X
                         I can and will.

               
               [He sucks up the litter and dark matter, cleans the box and replaces 
               it with fresh litter and a fresh pine scent.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey I could have done that if you'd 
                         asked me.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         I asked you five minutes ago.

               
               [Robot 1-X picks up Nibbler, kisses him and puts him in the litterbox.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         You call that a kiss? I'll show you! 
                          C'mere Nibbler!
 
               
               [He kisses Nibbler but Nibbler struggles and squeals.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Oh look Bender if you want something 
                         to do stop making out and give us a 
                         hand.
 
               
               [Hermes is holding something.]

               
                                     HERMES
                         Here, go up on the roof and install 
                         this fake satellite dish so we can impress 
                         the neighbours.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Yes sir, I'm on it!

               
               [He walks out.]

               
                                     HERMES
                         Oh, and have Robot 1-X help you.

               
               [Bender screams.]

               
               [Planet Express Roof. Bender stands on the dome and nearly falls 
               back but regains his balance. He starts welding the dish to the 
               roof while Robot 1-X hovers nearby.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Get outta here freshman, I don't need 
                         your help.
 
               
                                     ROBOT 1-X
                         Our owners asked me to assist you.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Yeah, well assist this!

               
               [He takes a swipe at Robot 1-X but misses and falls off the roof. 
               He screams as he falls. Robot 1-X quickly welds the satellite 
               dish to the roof, and flies down to catch Bender.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Outside Planet Express. The crew walk out through the 
               entrance just in time to see Robot 1-X catch the falling Bender.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         Ohh! When I screamed "help" I didn't 
                         mean you!
 
               
                                     ROBOT 1-X
                         I apologise. However I was able to do 
                         your job before I saved your life.
 
                         
               
               [The crew applaud. Bender growls.]

               
               [Planet Express: Lounge. Fry, Farnsworth, Amy and Leela sit watching 
               All My Circuits. Robot 1-X hovers next to Fry. Enter Bender in 
               a dustbin.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Don't mind me. I'm just saving you the 
                         trouble of throwing me away.
 
               
                                     AMY
                         Spleesh! Mell out Bender. Come watch 
                         some TV.
 
               
               [Bender struggles inside the bin.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         I can't. I'm stuck in the can.

               
                                     LEELA
                         Well, ask Robot 1-X to pull you out.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Never!

               
               [He throws his hand in the air, loses his balance and falls over 
               while still in the bin.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Why can't you accept his help.

               
                                     BENDER
                         I hate him.

               
                                     LEELA
                         But he's just a tool to make your life 
                         easier. Like a socket wrench or a burglars 
                         kit.
 
               
               [Bender rolls around to face the crew.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         I can't ask for his help because...
 
                         
               
               [The crew turn to him.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Yes?

               
                                     BENDER
                         (whispering) I'm scared of him.

               
               [Leela bursts out laughing then notices the rest of the crew 
               aren't.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Oh, sorry.

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Well then there's only one solution. 
                         You need an upgrade to make you compatible 
                         with Robot 1-X's new technology.
 
               
               [Bender gasps.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         An upgrade? But I thought we all agreed 
                         I was perfect! Fry, didn't we agree 
                         I was perfect?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Oh yeah, no, you're pretty perfect.
 
                         
               
               [Bender rolls so he isn't facing the crew.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Pretty perfect? So, you do think I need 
                         an upgrade.
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Yes for God sakes, yes!

               
                                     BENDER
                         (crying) Fine. I'll be back in a few 
                         days.
 
               
               [He rolls out through the door and the crew go back to watching 
               TV.]
 
               
               [Mom's Friendly Robot Company Factory: Upgrades. Robots stand 
               on conveyor belts and pass under signs advertising upgrade specials 
               including X-Ray Vison, Arm Extension and Neon Crotch. In front 
               of Bender is Roberto and behind is Fatbot.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Robot 1-X Compatibility Upgrade Room.]

               
                                     ROBERTO
                         Man I hate those new 1-X robots. I'd 
                         like to stab 'em! Give 'em some of these! 
                          Haha! Ha! Haha!
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Yeah, right on nutcake!

               
                                     ROBERTO
                         Parole officer says I gotta upgrade 
                         or he won't give me back my stabbing 
                         knife. But it's no big. I hate those 
                         1-X so much I know it won't affect me. 
                          Death to the 1-X robots!  I love those 
                         magnificent 1-X robots! The 1-X robots 
                         are my friends.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         W-W-Wait, what happened to your enthusiasm 
                         for stabbing them?
 
               
                                     ROBERTO
                         I'm past that. Later blood!

               
               [He slides out sideways through a door.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         It's like he's not him anymore.  You 
                         took away his robo-humanity!  I changed 
                         my mind!
 
               
               [He pulls his arms away from the restraints and breaks away from 
               the machine. The upgrader ducks as Bender jumps through a window.]
 
               
               
               [Outside Mom's Friendly Robot Company Factory. Bender lands face 
               down on a riverbank next to some seagulls. He sits up.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         I did it! I escaped! But to what kind 
                         of a life?  I'm too scared to get the 
                         upgrade but I can't face my friends 
                         again without it.  And so I set sail 
                         for unknown shores. Oh merciful Poseidon, 
                         take pitty on this mechanical mariner. 
                          Oh jeez!
 
               
               [The ocean waves rolls and batter Bender's boat around  la Tom 
               Hanks' lifeboat in Cast Away.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         (shouting) Curse you merciful Poseideon!
 
                         
               
               [Desert Island Beach. The next morning Bender finds himself washed 
               up on a beach. He gets up.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Boy, what is this deal with the ocean? 
                         A tropical island huh? Well, I've washed 
                         up on worse places. OK, first up, I'm 
                         gonna need to build a shelter.  There. 
                         Well. I guess I'll go out for a while.
 
                         
               
               [He pushes the rock away and gets up.]

               
               [Time Lapse. On the beach Bender has spelled out "HELP" in rocks 
               but the last letter is unfinished so it looks like "HELF."]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         Damn. One rock short of rescue!

               
               [His message is a lot longer that "HELF" though. It reads "To 
               Whom It May Concern: I, Bender, Bid You Hello! You Don't Know 
               Me, Though You May Have Heard Of Me. But That's Not The Point. 
               Long Story Short...I Need Helf." He walks off muttering to himself.]
 
               
               
               [Desert Island Cliff. Night has fallen. Bender stands on the 
               edge of a cliff rotating his head. A light shines out of his 
               eyes and he looks like a lighthouse. He makes a noise like a 
               foghorn. The light goes out.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Oop, low on power!  Better fuel up! 
                          Oh no! Guess I'll do what I always 
                         do when I run out of booze.
 
               
               [He falls to his knees and bursts into tears.]

               
               [Desert Island Jungle. Next morning Bender is in the jungle. 
               He digs a hole.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Dont panic, I've got these yams. I'll 
                         just make some yam schnapps.
 
               
               [He pulls a blender out of his chest cabinet and puts the yams 
               in. He holds the plug and looks for somewhere to put it. He plugs 
               it into a tree but nothing happens. He tries a beehive but nothing 
               happens. Next he tries a wild boar's nose but still nothing. 
               The boar growls.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey I should be mad at you! Now turn 
                         around.
 
               
               [Desert Island Beach. Bender is back under his rock. He has developed 
               five o'clock rust around his mouth and is muttering to himself. 
               He sees a six pack of beer walking towards him and gasps.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         Beer!  Ow!

               
               [He drops them and they run off.]

               
               [Time Lapse. Another night has fallen and Bender lies on his 
               side on the beach. He hears drums and looks around. A coconut 
               drops on his head.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Ow!

               
               [He looks up and sees a cymbal banging monkey in a tree. Three 
               shadows creep over him and everything goes dark.]
 
               
               [Time Lapse. Next morning the still unconcious Bender is fed 
               something from a coconut half. He comes around and sees a Fembot, 
               two robots and the monkey. The Fembot has a waterwheel in the 
               middle of her body.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Who are you and why should I care?
 
                         
               
               [One of the robots, a Cartridge Unit, reaches into a bag hung 
               around him, pulls out a cartridge labelled "Introduction" and 
               puts it in.]
 
               
                                     CARTRIDGE UNIT
                         (mechanical voice) Side A. (normal voice) 
                         We're a community of outdated robots 
                         who refused to upgrade and came here 
                         -  (mechanical voice) Side B. (normal 
                         voice) - to live a simpler existence, 
                         free of technology.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         A working cartridge unit? Wow! You guys 
                         went obsolete years ago!
 
               
               [Cartridge Unit takes out a "Snappy Response" cartridge and puts 
               it in.]
 
               
                                     CARTRIDGE UNIT
                         Your mother.

               
                                     WATERBOT
                         What Cartridge Unit means is, the very 
                         things that make us obsolete also make 
                         us unique. I, for example, need to keep 
                         filling my waterwheel or I'll power 
                         down forever.  (screaming) Oh God, I'll 
                         never make it this time! This is the 
                         end!  (talking) Anyway, we like it here.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Yeah but you have a choice.  What's 
                         your problem?
 
               
                                     SINCLAIR
                         Not enough...uh...

               
               [He scratches his head.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Memory?

               
                                     SINCLAIR
                         Oh great. Now I remember that word but 
                         I forgot my wife's face.
 
               
               [Waterbot's waterwheel dries out again.]

               
                                     WATERBOT
                         (screaming) Oh God, no! I want to live! 
                          (talking) If you like, you're welcome 
                         to join our society.
 
               
               [Bender stands up.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Look, no offence, but I need technology. 
                         Especially email and snowmobiles. And 
                         television! Without television how will 
                         I know what buzzwords are in?
 
               
                                     SINCLAIR
                         Why watch TV when you can watch a snail 
                         crawl for hours on end?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
 
                         
               
               [Time Lapse. Bender seems to like this dumb activity.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Oh man he's never gonna make it over 
                         that next pebble...! Wait...wait...oh 
                         my God he made it!
 
               
               [They high five.]

               
                                     WATERBOT
                         Yeah!

               
                                     SINCLAIR
                         Way to go!

               
               [The monkey bangs it's cymbals.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         That was the greatest thing ever! Lets 
                         party!  Yeah baby c'mon!
 
               
                                     WATERBOT
                         Where did you get that CD?

               
                                     BENDER
                         It's one of my ten desert island discs. 
                         I never even thought I'd get to use 
                         them. But look at me now. Ooh yeah baby! 
                         Do that thang!
 
               
                                     WATERBOT
                         CD's are unnatural. Why don't you just 
                         listen to the ocean?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Which ocean? That ocean?

               
               [He turns around and listens.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Whoa! It's like the earth is making 
                         sweet salty love to itself while all 
                         the fish groove on it. So much for this 
                         garbage.  Take that Beethoven you deaf 
                         bastard!
 
               
               [Time Lapse. Next morning Bender swings in a hammock listening 
               to the monkey banging it's cymbals.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Bang bang bang. You sure got this life 
                         thing figured out cymbal banging monkey.
 
                         
               
                                     WATERBOT
                         Hi Bender. We know how you miss technology, 
                         so we brought you this washing machine 
                         that drifted ashore.
 
               
               [Sinclair and Cartridge Unit drag a washing machine up the beach. 
               Bender gasps and runs towards it. He opens the door and looks 
               inside.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Ooo! I'm gonna wash my linen so hard 
                         the w -  You-!  Wretched technology 
                         has brought me nothing but misery!
 
                         
               
               [Cartridge Unit takes a "State The Obvious" cartridge out of 
               his bag and puts it in.]
 
               
                                     CARTRIDGE UNIT
                         But Bender you are technology. You're 
                         the most advanced thing on this entire 
                         island.
 
               
               [Bender looks at his reflection in the water.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Oh it's true. I am a hideous triumph 
                         of form and function.  But not for long!
 
                         
               
               [Time Lapse. Night has fallen. Banging sounds come from inside 
               a beach hut and Bender screams in pain.]
 
               
                                     BENDER [FROM HUT]
                         Oh, ow that hurt, oh...

               
               [Time Lapse. Morning breaks.]

               
                                     WATERBOT [FROM HUT]
                         The downgrade is complete!

               
               [The hut's door opens and Bender walks out. Except for his eyes 
               and mouth his entire body has been replaced with wood.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Behold my hand crafted purity. The modern 
                         world can bite my splintery wooden ass!
 
                         
               
               [A woodpecker lands on his shoulder and pecks at his head. Bender 
               sighs.]
 
               
                                     WATERBOT
                         Welcome to your new life of simple tranquility.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Pft! Forget that. I say the whole world 
                         must learn of our peaceful ways. By 
                         force!
 
               
               [The robots gasp. Catridge Unit takes out a "What?!" cartridge 
               and puts it in.]
 
               
                                     CARTRIDGE UNIT
                         What?!

               
                                     BENDER
                         We're going back to civilisation to 
                         wage war on technology!
 
               
               [Cartridge Unit ejects the cartridge then puts it back in again.]
 
               
               
                                     CARTRIDGE UNIT
                         What?!

               
               [Night has fallen. Under the sea an oar-powered submarine glides 
               through the water just above the seabed.]
 
               
               
               [Cut to: Submarine. Bender heads his crew who row while sitting 
               in knee-deep water.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         We'll soon stage an attack on technology 
                         worthy of being chronicled in an anthem 
                         by Rush!
 
               
                                     WATERBOT
                         We've been sailing for three weeks. 
                         Maybe I should check our position with 
                         the periscope.
 
               
               [She pulls it down and Bender takes it from her and looks through 
               it and gasps.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Mirrors reflecting mirrors? Hi-tech 
                         sorcery! Sorcery I say!
 
               
               [He breaks the periscope and hits it against the walls.]

               
                                     WATERBOT
                         Did you see anything?

               
                                     BENDER
                         Yep, we're there. Prepare to surface!
 
                         
               
               [Outside Submarine. The submarine surfaces and it's crew climb 
               out through the top.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         And now, technology shall taste the 
                         lash of the hickory switch!
 
               
               [Montage Scene. The band of bots swing through the streets of 
               New New York. They use powerful magnets to pull technological 
               gadgets out of a shop called The Sharper Gadget and cheer. At 
               a rocket test field a rocket takes off. The robots jump on it. 
               It crashes and the hit and kick it. Outside Mom's Friendly Robot 
               Company factory the crew stand atop their vessel. They load a 
               rock into a catapult and fire. It blocks a sewage pipe and the 
               building fills with sewage and it comes out through the windows. 
               At the Cookieville Orphanarium Bender sneaks through a window 
               and smashes a night light. The orphans cry. Bender cackles.]
 
               
               
               [Outside Submarine.]

               
                                     SINCLAIR
                         Technology is defeated. Let us return 
                         to the island and celebrate by counting 
                         rocks!
 
               
               [Cartridge Unit, Waterbot and he cheer. The monkey bangs it's 
               cymbals.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Whoa, whoa. No-one wants to count rocks 
                         more than me. But our mission is not 
                         complete. Not so long as Robot 1-X torments 
                         me with his obvious superiority. Ready 
                         the catapult Sinclair.  Aim for their 
                         power lines. The devil weans and electricity 
                         is his blood.
 
               
                                     WATERBOT
                         Bender. If we don't survive the attack, 
                         I want you to know...I love you.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         OK fine. Fire!

               
               [Sinclair fires the catapult.]

               
               [Cut to: Outside Planet Express. The rock hits the pylon at the 
               back of the building and sparks fly from it.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Planet Express: Hangar. The lights go out.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         (shouting) Oh! I'm blind!

               
                                     LEELA
                         Professor, we have no power.

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         What do you mean "no power"? We're living 
                         in the future.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         I'd better light some candles.

               
               [She claps her hands and candles around the room start burning. 
               Enter a rock via the wall. The crew turn around and gasp. Bender 
               climbs through the hole.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Friends. I've come to free you from 
                         your complicated lives. Free you from 
                         the complicated part I mean not the 
                         lives part.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Oh Lord he's made of wood! What now 
                         Bender?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         I got a downgrade! I'm a steam-powered 
                         wooden robot - just as nature intended. 
                         Therefore, I must kill Robot 1-X.
 
                         
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         That's just stupid.

               
               [Robot 1-X hovers next to Bender hitting itself with a sledgehammer.]
 
               
               
                                     ROBOT 1-X
                         Does Mr Bender wish me to destroy myself?
 
                         
               
               [Bender knocks the sledgehammer away.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         I don't need your charity.  (shouting) 
                         Target Robot 1-X and fire!
 
               
               [The crew hear the sound of the rock being fired from the catapult 
               and whistling through the air. They cringe. Time passes as they 
               wait for the rock. Hermes looks at his watch and goes back to 
               being tense. The rock flies through the hole and hits and dents 
               the ship.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         You wanged my ship you walnut panelled 
                         idiot!
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         (shouting) Try again Sinclair, I said 
                         target Robot 1-X!
 
               
                                     SINCLAIR
                          Who's Robot 1-X? Launching.

               
               [He fires the rock and it screams through the air. The crew tensely 
               wait.]
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         So I guess everything worked out fine.
 
                         
               
               [The rock flies through the hangar roof and Zoidberg screams. 
               The rock smashes a leg off the ship and it tips over, trapping 
               the crew under its port wing.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Great. Now we're being crushed.

               
               [The fuel tank ruptures and fuel starts leaking from the tanks. 
               It dribbles around the ship and in front of the trapped crew.]
 
               
               
                                     AMY
                         Help us wooden Bender!

               
               [Bender stares as the fuel leak reaches a candle. The flame ignites 
               it and the crew are trapped behind a wall of fire.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Heck! Those guys hate fire! I gotta 
                         do something.  What the-? Termites? 
                         Well, I don't need legs to save my friends. 
                         I'll just use the old extentromatic 
                         arms!
 
               
               [He reaches up to the fire extinguisher but his arms don't stretch 
               and instead just fall off.]
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         Bender, hurry! This fuel's expensive! 
                         Also (shouting) we're dying!
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         I'm a comin'  Ow! Lousy primative body! 
                         Oh, why didn't I get that upgrade? I'm 
                         an outdated piece of junk!
 
               
               [Robot 1-X flies over him.]

               
                                     ROBOT 1-X
                         Sir, might I recommend -

               
                                     BENDER
                         You shut up. No wait. I can use you 
                         as a tool to save my friends and I'll 
                         still be the hero who everyone says 
                         how great he was!
 
               
                                     ROBOT 1-X
                         How may I help you?

               
               [The flames on Bender flare up and he screams.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Save my friends!  And Zoidberg!

               
               [Robot 1-X's hands turn into fans. It blows the flames out and 
               lifts the ship's wing. The crew climb out from underneath it. 
               A lot of Amy's hair has been burnt off.]
 
               
                                     AMY
                         Look! My hair got singed into an even 
                         cuter do!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Hey where's Bender?

               
                                     BENDER
                         Down here.  I'm so sorry guys. I never 
                         meant to hurt you. Just to destroy everything 
                         you ever believed in.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Well, at least you saved us from, uh, 
                         you. Thank God you finally overcame 
                         your incompatibility with Robot 1-X.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Oh yeah, we were totally in sync! I 
                         was like "Save them!" and he was all 
                         "No problem!" and then he did it...
 
                         
               
               [Cut to: Robot 1-X Compatibility Upgrade Room. Bender is still 
               on the machine. His whole experience was a dream.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         ...This new technology is great!  I 
                         love those magnificent 1-X robots. The 
                         1-X robots are my friends!
 
               
               [Fatbot trembles.]

               
                                     FATBOT
                         It's like his personality is totally 
                         different now! Oh, maybe this upgrade 
                         isn't such a good idea.
 
               
               [The upgrader shuts off the machine.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         I'd like to give Robot 1-X a big smooch 
                         on the -  Hey! What's the dilly-o?
 
                         
               
                                     UPGRADER
                         Your upgrade is complete.

               
                                     BENDER
                         But I destroyed the technology of the 
                         world. I ran on the beach and felt the 
                         sand between my foot cups.
 
               
                                     UPGRADER [SHRUGGING]
                         Everyone experiences the upgrade differently.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Oof. If that stuff wasn't real, how 
                         can I be sure anything is real? Is it 
                         not possible, nay probable, that my 
                         whole life is just a product of my or 
                         someone else's imagination?
 
               
                                     UPGRADER
                         No, get out.  Next.

               
               [Bender slides out.]

               
               [Cut to: Outside Mom's Friendly Robot Company Factory. Bender 
               walks out and watches three police cars chase another car down 
               the street.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Well, I guess reality is what you make 
                         of it.  Oh, thanks baby!
 
               
               [He carries on walking and whistling through his imagination.]
 
               
               
               THE END

               

Obsoletely Fabulous



Writers :   Dan Vebber
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


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