FUTURAMA
Episode 304
"PARASITES LOST"
By
Eric Kaplan
Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet
[Opening Credits. Caption: If Not Entertaining, Write Your Congressman.]
[Outside Greasy Sue's Truck Stop. The Planet Express ship flies
along the Historic Root 66 - a space road. C.W. McCall's Convoy
plays. The ship leaves the space lane and heads for the truck
stop and flies through the airlock.]
[Cut to: Greasy Sue's Truck Stop Forecourt. The ship lands.]
MAN #1 [ON RADIO]
Breaker breaker, this is the Duck. Uh,
you wanna back off them hogs?
[Time Lapse. Leela gets the Dark Matter fuel pump and starts
pumping it into the ship.]
MAN #1 [ON RADIO]
Ten-four, five miles or so.
MAN #2 [ON RADIO]
Ten, roger!
LEELA
Hmm, I'd better check the fluid levels.
(shouting) We're OK on Coke syrup.
[Bender puts an Ethanol & Tonic pump into his mouth and use his
fingers as a lighter to light a cigar. His fingers won't work
though.]
BENDER
Oh man, come on! Comin' through!
[Cut to: Greasy Sue's Truck Stop Men's Room. Fry wanders in and
sees a dispenser. He decides to get a "Fresh" Egg Salad Sandwich.
He inserts 25 cents and the sandwich comes out.]
[Cut to: Greasy Sue's Truck Stop Forecourt. Leela puts the dark
matter pump back and Fry starts up the ship's steps with his
sandwich.]
BENDER
What's that black cracker?
[Fry eats it.]
FRY
A tomato.
LEELA
You're not gonna eat a sandwich from
a truck stop men's room are you?
FRY
Eh, what's the worst thing that could
happen? Ugh, it's like there's a party
in my mouth and everyone's throwing
up!
[Leela picks up a windscreen mop and flies up to the windscreen
on a hover-cradle. She brushes of a spacefly, a small ringed
planet and the Voyager space probe. Sal and a group of other
truckers watch her.]
TRUCKER #1
Looky there! It's one of them things
like on our mudflaps!
TRUCKER #2
Yosemite Sam?
SAL
Stands back! I'm gonna puts my moves
on her. Whoas!
FRY
That jerk! No one hoots at my captain
unless they're prepared to take it to
the next level!
[He rolls up his sleeves and then he rolls up his trouser legs.]
LEELA
Fry please. That's sweet but I'd rather
not even dignify them with an ass whooping!
SAL
Hey sexy mama! Let's get busy and freaky
in that order!
FRY
Hey jumbo! How would you like it if
Leela said you were sexy and she wanted
to make love with you?
SAL
Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty
good for a truck stop chick!
[The other truckers laugh.]
FRY
You take that back! She does not look
good for a truck stop chick!
[The truckers laugh harder. Leela cringes.]
SAL
Yeah you're right. She don't gots enough
meat for a guy like me.
FRY
She does too! She's loaded with meat!
She's got more meat than a cow! Ow!
[The truckers laugh.]
SAL (LAUGHING)
More meat than a cow!
[Planet Express: Lounge. Fry and Bender sit on the couch.]
FRY
I can't please Leela no matter what
I do! I just want her to like me.
BENDER
Well there's always hope. C'mon we
gotta go fix the plasma fusion boiler.
[Planet Express: Basement. The boiler rocks and steam hisses
from it. Fry and Bender walk down the steps and find Scruffy
"reading" Zero-G Juggs.]
BENDER
Who are you?
SCRUFFY
Scruffy. The janitor.
BENDER
Well why aren't you fixing the boiler?
SCRUFFY
Schedule conflict.
[He thumbs through the magazine.]
[Time Lapse. The boiler has stopped hissing. Bender uses his
arm to wrench the pipes tightly together.]
BENDER
There. Fixed forever.
[Part of the boiler flies off. Fry and Bender gasp. Steam starts
filling the room.]
SCRUFFY
Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.
Oh marmalade!
[Planet Express: Zoidberg's Office. Fry is sat on the table with
a huge pipe sticking out of him. The crew are gathered around.
Enter Zoidberg.]
ZOIDBERG
Oh the hypochondriac's back. So what
is it this time?
FRY
Well my lead pipe hurts a little?
ZOIDBERG
That's normal. Next patient.
[Sawing sounds come from the pipe and it suddenly breaks off
leaving a hole through Fry's body. Bender peers through the hole.
It suddenly fills itself in. Everyone gasps in amazement.]
BENDER
He's a witch!
FARNSWORTH
Fry, did you eat anything unusual recently?
FRY
No.
LEELA
What about that bathroom egg salad from
the truck stop?
FRY
I've had better.
FARNSWORTH
Egg salad? Hmm. Zoidberg will have to
examine your gastrointestinal tract.
Come everyone, give Fry some privacy.
[He walks out through a door and everyone except Fry and Zoidberg
follow. There is a large mirror next to the door.]
[Cut to: Observation Room. The others walk into a darkened room
and take a seat. The mirror in Zoidberg's office is a two-way
mirror and they all look through and watch.]
FARNSWORTH
If you can't see well enough through
the two-way mirror, there'll be a close-up
on this video screen.
[The screen flickers on and a video picture of Fry's butt appears.]
[Cut to: Zoidberg's Office. Zoidberg examines Fry's chest with
a stethescope. He hears the sound of a truck reversing and beeping.]
ZOIDBERG
Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside
you with this camera. Guess again.
[Fry realises where the camera is going to go and suddenly has
a worried look on his face.]
[Cut to: Observation Room. The others are shovelling popcorn
in their mouths and watching the goings on on the screen. Hermes
scoops some popcorn out of the box with a Jai Alai scoop. The
camera pushes it's way up the end of Fry's digestive tract.]
AMY
Gross!
[The camera continues burrowing through Fry's guts and the mesmerised
crew tilt as the camera moves from side to side.]
FARNSWORTH
Watch for any subtle irregularity in
Fry's bowel.
[The camera pushes through a finds a subtle irregularity. A miniature
city in Fry's bowel made from cutlery he has been eating. Lights
twinkle on buildings and a monorail goes past.]
AMY
It's gorgeous. That place used to be
a big dump.
[On the screen little worms appear on the top of the buildings.]
BENDER
Oh, eww!
AMY
Worms? Eww! Puke-a-tronic!
LEELA
So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich
were -
FARNSWORTH
Correct! Worm eggs! And the mayonaise
was probably none too fresh either.
[Enter Zoidberg who looks on the screen.]
HERMES
It's nauseating man! Is there no way
to get rid of the disgusting maggots?
FARNSWORTH
Only one. We'll have to travel deep
inside Fry, in this!
[He pulls a sheet off a table. In the middle of the table is
a tiny green speck. The crew step closer to get a better look.
Farnsworth holds a magnifying glass over the speck and reveals
it to be a miniaturised version of the Planet Express ship.]
BENDER
Shotgun!
[Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Bender, Hermes and Amy look
inside some rucksacks as Farnsworth speaks to them.]
FARNSWORTH
In each gastro-survival kit, you'll
find a rain slicker, a disposable fun
camera, and something to protect you
against bacteria.... - a harpoon!
[Pullback to reveal the trio are tiny droid versions of themselves
standing on a glove of a net suit suit Farnsworth is wearing.
The real Hermes and Amy also wear net suits suits while Bender
is directly hooked into the system.]
BENDER
Yo, old guy. Why do we have to use those
tiny micro-droids? Can't you just shrink
us?
FARNSWORTH
Oh my no. That would require extrememly
tiny atoms. And have you priced those
lately? I'm not made of money - leave
me alone!
ZOIDBERG
Me next!
[He steps into a platform next to a machine. A huge ring rises
from the platform and scans Zoidberg. The machine beeps and a
small egg like those ones you get little toys in comes out the
other side. Zoidberg pulls the top off the egg. Inside is the
Zoidberg-droid. Farnsworth picks it up and puts it on his glove.
His own droid walks towards the group .]
FARNSWORTH
Anyhoo, your net suits will let you
experience Fry's worm-infested bowels
as if you were actually wriggling through
them.
ZOIDBERG
There's no part of that sentence I didn't
like.
[Planet Express: Meeting Room. The big table is empty. But...]
FARNSWORTH
Is everyone present?
AMY
Right on!
BENDER
Uh-huh.
HERMES
Definately.
ZOIDBERG
Yes.
[On the big table is a little big table which the miniaturised
crew are sat around.]
FARNSWORTH
Heres the plan: We'll enter the ear,
drip down the back of the throat and
make for the bowel. There, we'll irritate
the pelvic splachnic ganglion and cause
an intestinal spasm, expelling - among
other things - the parasites.
[The hologram shuts off.]
BENDER
I'll tell Fry to wash out - among other
things - his ear.
FARNSWORTH
No, Fry can't know anything about the
mission. If he finds out, the worms
will try to defend themselves. They
know everything he knows.
BENDER
They know how to make ice cream soup?
[Farnsworth looks up.]
FARNSWORTH
Leela, your role is to distract Fry
so he doesn't notice what we're up to.
[Leela is still her normal size though from the droids' point
of view she is huge.]
LEELA (ECHOING)
Can do!
[She salutes.]
AMY
Leela, you should really try a facial
scrubs, for your pores.
[Leela blows and Amy tumbles away from the table, screaming.]
[Planet Express: Lounge. Fry sits at the table and drinks a can
of Slurm. He throws the empty can behind him and picks up another
one of the four cans in front of him. Enter Leela. She points
at something.]
LEELA
Look! A starling!
FRY [LOOKING AWAY]
Really?
[Leela blows the Planet Express ship through a tube like a blow
dart. It flies through the air and into his ear.]
[Cut to: Fry's Ear. The ship struggles through a sea of earwax.
Around it, earwax drips from the walls of the ear.]
[Cut to: Miniature Ship's Cockpit. The Amy-droid pilots the ship
while the other droids stand around.]
AMY (WHISPERING)
OK Professor.
[Cut to: Planet Express: Lounge. Fry turns to Leela.]
FRY
What about what?
LEELA
Uh...what if we go for a walk possibly
because it's such a lovely day, perhaps.
FRY
I'd love to!
[He puts his finger in his ear and wriggles it around.]
[Cut to: Fry's Ear. Fry's finger closes in on the ship and the
droids scream from inside it.]
[Cut to: Miniature Ship's Cockpit. The crew grab hold of things
to keep them steady.]
HERMES
We gotta get someplace where he won't
stick his finger!
BENDER
It's hopeless! Abandon ship!
FARNSWORTH
Wait, we just have to get past the eardrum!
[Cut to: Fry's Ear. The ship cuts through the wax with Fry's
finger right behind them. The ship pops through the eardrum,
leavin a hole behind. A worm on a crane repairs the hole quick
as a flash.]
[Cut to: Fry's Brain. Hermes and Farnsworth look out of the ship
through the window.]
HERMES [FROM SHIP]
What are those worms doing to Fry's
brain?
HERMES [FROM SHIP]
My God! Soon he'll be smarter than Cher!
[Street. Fry picks some flowers from a stall.]
FRY
Ah, the scent of a rose. Curious how
an aromatic chain of hydrocarbons can
evoke our deepest emotions. For you.
[She takes them.]
LEELA
That's such a beautiful thought Fry.
And what's more amazing you expressed
it without spewing crumbs at me!
[Cut to: Fry's Nose. The ship speeds through the tunnels of Fry's
head.]
[Cut to: Miniature Ship's Cockpit.]
FARNSWORTH
Brace yourselves everyone. We're entering
the interior of Fry's nose!
BENDER
We're at finger alert five.
[A red light engulfs the room and an alarm wails.]
FARNSWORTH
Let's just pray nothing stimulates the
delicate smell receptors. (whispering)
Nobody make a smell.
[Cut to: Street. Fry sniffs the flowers.]
[Cut to: Fry's Nose. Balls of pollen fly up and batter the ship.
The crew scream from inside.]
[Cut to: Miniature Ship's Cockpit.]
ZOIDBERG
Quick! We can escape through that nasal
capillary into the sinus.
[Cut to: Fry's Nose. Amy turns the ship around and the ship heads
for the hole.]
[Cut to: Miniature Ship's Cockpit.]
HERMES
Strange. Usually you don't know anything
about human anatomy.
ZOIDBERG
I learned it from a decongestant commercial.
(echoing) "Soothing action, action,
action action..."
[Cut to: Fry's Capillary. The ship moves through the tube between
two red blood cells.]
[Cut to: Fry's Vein. The ship is blown out of the capillary with
the blood cells and is battered around the tube.]
[Cut to: Miniature Ship's Cockpit. The crew hold on tightly.]
[Cut to: Fry's Heart. The ship flies into the relatively calm
eye of the storm. The heart beats around them and the ship glides
through the heart with the red blood cells.]
[Cut to: Minature Ship's Cockpit. Bender peers out through the
window.]
BENDER
Where are we, the ass?
FARNSWORTH
We're in the heart. Better known as
"the love muscle."
ZOIDBERG
Where the food is digested.
FARNSWORTH
We should be safe, just so long as nothing
makes it beat faster.
[Cut to: Street. Fry and Leela look down at a puddle in the road
next to the kerb. Fry steps into it and holds out his hand to
Leela. She smiles and take hold of it. Fry's heart starts beating
faster.]
[Cut to: Fry's Heart. The heart beats faster and the ship is
thrown around.]
[Cut to: Miniature Ship's Cockpit: Bender throws his arms in
the air.]
BENDER
Abandon ship!
FARNSWORTH
No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted
valve.
[Cut to: Outside Miniature Ship. Zoidberg opens the turret hatch
and scrapes cholesterol off the roof of the valve and spreads
it on a cracker.]
ZOIDBERG
It's good cholesterol but it spreads
like bad cholesterol!
[He gobbles the cracker. The ship flies past worms who are busy
scrubbing the valve.]
[Fry's Muscles. The ship glides past some worms who are working
Fry's muscles while listening to music.]
AMY [FROM SHIP]
Look! They're jazzercising Fry's muscles!
[Cut to: Miniature Ship's Cockpit.]
HERMES
He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumbo
and Hercules combined!
ZOIDBERG
Gumbercules? I love that guy!
[Outside Construction Site. Fry and Leela walk down the street.
Leela suddenly stops and groans.]
LEELA
Ugh! It's that jerk from the truck stop!
Let's cross the street and try to blend
in with that crowd of pimps.
FRY
I don't think so. Sir, I believe you
owe this lady an apology.
LEELA
Fry no! He's bulging with what could
be muscles! Ooo!
SAL
I gots your apologys right heres! Sorrys
ma'am. I've learnsed a lesson about
not ogling cans that I won't soons forgets.
[Fry's Stomach. The crew look through the ship's windscreen.]
[The ship crosses a boundary and an alarm wails and red lights
flash. Worm ships converge on the ship and open fire on it. The
projectiles just bounce off the ship's hull.]
[Cut to: Miniature Ship's Cockpit.]
BENDER
Abandon ship!
[He heads for the door but Hermes and Zoidberg restrain him.]
FARNSWORTH
No, don't give up now! we're but a stones
throw from the pyloric sphinchter.
[He points to a hole in Fry's stomach.]
[Cut to: Fry's Stomach. The worm ships continue firing and their
ammo still bounces off the ship. The hole begins to close.]
[Cut to: Miniature Ship's Cockpit. The crew hold on as they are
thrown around.]
[Cut to: Fry's Stomach. The little ship goes most of the way
through the hole but it closes around it. The worm's ammo pushes
it through.]
BENDER [FROM SHIP]
Hooray!
ZOIDBERG [FROM SHIP]
Hooray!
HERMES [FROM SHIP]
We made it!
[The momentum from the worm ships' engines propels them towards
the closed hole and they crash into it and explode à la the alien
ships on the mothership in Independence Day.]
[Cut to: Fry's Bowels. The ship races through the tunnels and
cruises over the worm city. It lands.]
[Time Lapse. The crew emerge from the ship with laser rifles.]
FARNSWORTH
There it is! The stately capitol of
Fry's bowel. A heavily guarded fortress
surrounding the pelvic splachnic ganglion.
ZOIDBERG
I've heard of that, who said I haven't?!
FARNSWORTH
If we can stimulate that nerve, the
bowel will convulse, expelling the entire
worm society.
HERMES
But what about the worms in the other
parts of his body?
FARNSWORTH
Listen, this is gonna be one hell of
a bowel movement. Afterwards he'll be
lucky if he has any bones left!
BENDER
All right, let's mush some worms!
[He cocks his laser and fires on the worm building.]
[Cut to: Worm Building Balcony. The worms' mayor runs out onto
the balcony and waves his arms around.]
WORM MAYOR
Worms to battlestations!
[Worm soldiers lean out of windows with lasers and a firefight
ensues.]
[Outside Coffee Shop. Fry and Leela sit at a table outside the
café which is across the street from the Planet Express building.
Fry takes a sip of coffee. He picks a bit off his muffin and
tosses it to some owls on the ground nearby. They hoot and eat
it. Leela pours another cup of coffee for her and Fry. She smiles.]
LEELA
I had a great time today. The flowers,
the puddle, the way you hurt that guy.
But can I ax you something?
FRY
Anything.
LEELA
Why did you do all that stuff?
[Fry sighs.]
FRY
Leela, there's something I've wanted
to tell you for a long time but every
time I try I get nervous and my mouth
feels like it's stuffed with peanut
butter, even when it's not.
LEELA
What is it? Is it about Bender?
FRY
No, it's about you and me.
LEELA
And Bender?
FRY
Bender's not involved. Leela...I love
you.
LEELA
You do?
FRY
Yes. But it's only recently I've been
able to articulate my thoughts. I love
you Leela and I always have.
LEELA
Fry, that's the sweetest, most wonderful
- wait! Recently? Like since you ate
that toilet sandwich?
FRY
Yeah! I don't know why but my life really
turned around that day!
[Leela thinks for a moment.]
LEELA
Stay here.
[She runs back inside the Planet Express building. Fry sighs
and a waitress approaches with a jug of coffee.]
WAITRESS
Freshen your nocatina?
FRY
Please......I need something to settle
my stomach.
[Cut to: Worm Building. The crew sans Zoidberg have made it inside
the fortress and continue firing at the worm defence. They stop
at a door.]
FARNSWORTH
The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg?
[Enter Zoidberg riding one of Fry's sperm.]
ZOIDBERG
Yippie-ki-yay! You'll never guess where
I've been!
[Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Leela scans herself on the
droid machine, leans out a window and blows her droid into Fry's
coffee cup across the street.]
[Cut to: Outside Coffee Shop. Fry takes a sip of his coffee.]
[Pelvic Splachnic Ganglion Room. The crew are still outside.
There is the sound of a battering ram on the door.]
[The door falls in. Bender is the battering ram! He rubs his
head.]
FARNSWORTH
There it is! The pelvic splachnic ganglion.
Tickle it and get ready for the ride
of your lives!
[Enter Leela with one arm behind her.]
LEELA
Don't even think about tickling that
ganglion!
FARNSWORTH
Leela, you're just in time to help.
If we don't get rid of the worms now,
they'll burrow so deep into the bowel
that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes
could dislodge them!
HERMES
I call it "Carribean Drain-o"!
FARNSWORTH
Fry will be stuck with the worms forever.
LEELA
Perfect.
[She pulls an axe out from behind and chops off the Farnsworth-droid's
head. She smashes the rest of it's body up, spins around and
knocks off the Zoidberg droid's head.]
ZOIDBERG
Ouch!
[She takes another swing at Hermes' head and with one swing,
knocks off Bender's and Amy's heads. She continues smashing up
the pile of droid parts on the floor.]
[Cut to: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. The crew flail around
on the floor in their net suits. Then take off their helmets.]
AMY
I'm OK.
FARNSWORTH
Leela you ignorant dope! Now the worms
will be in Fry forever.
LEELA
So? Did you ever stop to think that
Fry is better off with worms?
FARNSWORTH
Oh that's stupid!
[The door opens and Fry appears.]
FRY
If anyone wants to tell me what's going
on here, I'll be in the lounge.
[The door closes.]
[Planet Express: Meeting Room. The crew are sat around the big
table.]
FRY
Of all the parasites I've had over the
years, these worms are among the - hell!
They are the best! Leela, how can I
ever repay you for saving them?
[Leela trails her finger around the table.]
LEELA (SEXFULLY)
I'll think of something.
[The gaze into each others eyes. Bender rubs his chin.]
BENDER
'Ello! What's all this then?
[Leela's Apartment Building. Fry and Leela stand in a corridor
outside Leela's apartment. She holds the flowers from earlier.]
FRY
Apartment 1I. The old me would have
made a joke about that!
[They walk in. Fry stops and stares in astonishment.]
[Cut to: Leela's Living Room. The walls are white and there is
a single chair in the middle of the room facing a TV on the wall.]
LEELA
I'm thinking of having a window installed.
FRY
I think the view's perfect already.
LEELA
Oh, that's the corniest thing I've ever
heard! Let me show you the bedroom.
[Fry holds her back.]
FRY
Wait. In a minute.
[They sit down. Fry pulls out a case and opens it. Something
blue is inside.]
LEELA
A holophonor? Only a few people in the
whole universe can play that. And they're
not very good at it.
FRY
They don't have you to inspire them.
[He assembles the holophonoer and begins to play. The holophonor
sounds a bit like a violin. A flare of blue-green light comes
out of the end of the holophonor and swirls around above Fry
and Leela's heads. The spiral opens out into an image of a formally
dressed Fry and Leela dancing on the rings of a planet. They
dance and the planet flies away into the distance. The image
fades to the night sky of a planet. The clouds in the sky merge
into outlines of Fry and Leela. The outlines kiss and a flash
radiates from their lips. The holophonor has changed to an undersea
setting. Two seals that look like Fry and Leela swim around with
each other. They swim to the top of the sea and leap into the
air beneath the full moon in the sky. A wave sweeps past the
moon and spills onto the shoreline. On the beach a clam shell
opens and in it's pearl the formally dressed Fry and Leela dance
some more. Fry lifts Leela into the air and the pearl flashes
into hundreds of white sparks that fall around the mesmerised
Leela's head. Fry's sonnet ends and Leela is speechless. She
takes Fry's hand and walks with him into the bedroom.]
[Leela's Bedroom. Fry and Leela make out on her bed.]
LEELA
I don't have words to say how wonderful
you are Fry. I haven't felt this happy
since double-soup Tuesday at the orphanarium.
FRY
When I'm with you, everyday seems like
double-soup Tuesday.
LEELA
Oh Fry, I love what you've become.
[She hugs him.]
FRY
What I've become.
[He sighs.]
LEELA
What is it?
FRY
There's just something I have to find
out.
[He gets up and walks out of the apartment. Leela stands in her
bedroom doorway and sadly watches him go.]
[Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Fry stands on the scanner
platform and the machine scans him. He takes his droid out of
the egg and drops it down the back of his trousers.]
[Fry's Bowels. Fry's droid looks across at the Worm city and
walks towards the main building.]
[Cut to: Outside Worm Building. Guards surround him.]
FRY
Who controls this bowel?
WORM GUARD #1
Who wants to know?
[Fry points at a gold statue of himself. Underneath the statue
is the inscription "The Known Universe." The statue is in the
same pointing pose as Fry is. The worms gasp and bow.]
[Worm Building: Stately Room. The Worm Mayor sits on a throne
and Fry stands before him with guards around him.]
WORM MAYOR
I am the Lord Mayor of Cologne.
FRY
You mean colon?
WORM MAYOR
State your business!
FRY
Your excellency, have you ever been
in love?
WORM MAYOR
No. I thought I was once but then I
remember our species reproduces with
a cloud of spores.
FRY
Well, a wonderful girl loves me. But
I need to know if it's really me she
loves, or just what you worms have made
of me. That's why with all due respect,
I'm asking you to leave.
WORM MAYOR
Listen you, I was born here. I raised
a cloud of children here. My ancestors
came over here on the sandwich. No
one can make me leave!
[He gets up off his throne and lunges at Fry. Fry ducks and grabs
a sword of the wall and begins fighting with the Worm Mayor.
The Worm Mayor backs him against an elevator. Fry hits the open
button and they both go inside, still fighting.]
[Cut to: Elevator. Fry closes the door, blocking out the other
guards. He looks at the other buttons, Brain, Lungs, Liver, Ball
Room. He presses the brain button.]
[Cut to: Fry's Brain. Worms continue to tune-up Fry's brain.
The elevator doors open and the Worm Mayor and Fry continue to
fight. Worms head for the fight, drawing their spears. The Worm
Mayor grins as Fry is backed up against a nerve. He climbs the
nerve and the worms follow him up. Fry reaches the top of the
nerve and has nowhere left to go. He hold out his sword.]
FRY
Everyone out of my body or the brain
gets it!
WORM MAYOR
He's bluffing. No creature would willingly
make an idiot out of itself.
FRY
Obviously you've never been in love!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Now, the hand-eye co-ordination
lobe.
[He cuts it and starts staggering around cutting some more nerves.
He batters the catwalk.]
WORM GUARD #1
Stop it man!
[Fry hits the catwalk again and it falls. The worms surround
him with their swords. He crawls into a corner.]
WORM MAYOR
You've damaged your brain Universe,
but no more than a week of binge drinking
or five minutes on a cell phone.
[Fry stand up and draws his sword at another lobe.]
FRY
I was just working my way towards the
medulla oblongata - control centre of
the heart and lungs. And if I kill myself,
you die with me.
[The worms scream.]
WORM GUARD #2
Wait a minute man!
FRY
I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause
that's where you're gonna be living!
[He holds his sword back over his shoulder, ready to cut the
medulla oblongata. The Worm Mayor stares in disbelief. Fry pulls
back his sword and the Worm Mayor gives in.]
WORM MAYOR
Stop! We'll leave. But one day you'll
be eating a fast-food burger and boom!
You'll be crawling with us again! Ever
wonder what makes special sauce so special?
Yo!
[He points at himself. He gestures to the worms and they leave.]
[Leela's Bedroom. Leela is fast asleep on her bed. She is wearing
sexy, near see-through underwear. On her face is an open book
called True Stories Of Courageous Animals. She snores loudly.
Enter Fry. She awakens.]
LEELA
Fry? I missed you. Did you find out
what you needed to find out?
FRY
I'm about to. Leela, let me play for
you one for time.
LEELA
You don't have to do that. I'm still
seduced from before.
FRY
Please, it's important to me.
[He plays. Rather than the soothing, romantic music that played
earlier in the day, Fry now plays creepy, unromantic music. The
swirls come from the end of the holophoner and the head of Frankenstein's
monster appears. He groans and screams then disappears.]
LEELA
What's that supposed to mean?
FRY
I don't know. I got nervous and started
thinking about neck bolts. Wow! Did
you see that vase break? It was all
like -
[He makes smashy sounds. Horrified, Leela pulls the blanket around
herself.]
LEELA
What's happened to you?
FRY
Nothing. I got rid of the worms.
LEELA
What? Why would you do that?
FRY
Leela, I had worms. I needed to know
who you loved. Me or them.
LEELA
Well...which of you wrote me that sonnet?
FRY
I did. I think. It was probably about
50/50. But that's how I really felt
about you, I swear!
[He reaches out to Leela but she moves back and sighs.]
LEELA
I don't know.
FRY
Please. Give me a chance to be romantic
on my own. I've got a baggy of massage
oil, and I'm gonna give you my super
back rub, just like a I used to give
Amy when I was going out with her, and
she always seemed... - Uh-oh!
[She angrily holds out his holophonor to him.]
[Robot Arms Apartments: Fry and Bender's Apartment. Bender stands
in the doorway of Fry's room wearing pyjama bottoms. Fry sighs.]
BENDER
Sorry you struck out sausage link. If
it's any consolation, my life is great!
Babes! Bucks! I got it all!
FRY
Well, at least I learned Leela's a lost
cause. I give up.
BENDER
There you go! Goodnight. I gotta get
up early to go parasailing with movie
stars!
[The door closes. Fry picks up a book called My First Holophonor
and leans it up on a chair. He pulls the chair towards him and
plays his holophonor. Smooth harmonic music comes from the holophonor.
The holophonor swirls form a pink ball in the air. A smile trickles
around the ball. A single eye opens in the middle of it and some
purple hair held up in a ponytail appears on top. Fry smiles
at the image of his love and continues playing.]
THE END
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