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                                        FUTURAMA

                                       Episode 304

                                    "PARASITES LOST"

                                           By

                                      Eric Kaplan

                         Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet



               
               [Opening Credits. Caption: If Not Entertaining, Write Your Congressman.]
 
               
               
               [Outside Greasy Sue's Truck Stop. The Planet Express ship flies 
               along the Historic Root 66 - a space road. C.W. McCall's Convoy 
               plays. The ship leaves the space lane and heads for the truck 
               stop and flies through the airlock.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Greasy Sue's Truck Stop Forecourt. The ship lands.]
 
               
               
                                     MAN #1 [ON RADIO]
                         Breaker breaker, this is the Duck. Uh, 
                         you wanna back off them hogs?
 
               
               [Time Lapse. Leela gets the Dark Matter fuel pump and starts 
               pumping it into the ship.]
 
               
                                     MAN #1 [ON RADIO]
                         Ten-four, five miles or so.

               
                                     MAN #2 [ON RADIO]
                         Ten, roger!

               
                                     LEELA
                         Hmm, I'd better check the fluid levels. 
                          (shouting) We're OK on Coke syrup.
 
                         
               
               [Bender puts an Ethanol & Tonic pump into his mouth and use his 
               fingers as a lighter to light a cigar. His fingers won't work 
               though.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Oh man, come on!  Comin' through!

               
               [Cut to: Greasy Sue's Truck Stop Men's Room. Fry wanders in and 
               sees a dispenser. He decides to get a "Fresh" Egg Salad Sandwich. 
               He inserts 25 cents and the sandwich comes out.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Greasy Sue's Truck Stop Forecourt. Leela puts the dark 
               matter pump back and Fry starts up the ship's steps with his 
               sandwich.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         What's that black cracker?

               
               [Fry eats it.]

               
                                     FRY
                         A tomato.

               
                                     LEELA
                         You're not gonna eat a sandwich from 
                         a truck stop men's room are you?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Eh, what's the worst thing that could 
                         happen?  Ugh, it's like there's a party 
                         in my mouth and everyone's throwing 
                         up!
 
               
               [Leela picks up a windscreen mop and flies up to the windscreen 
               on a hover-cradle. She brushes of a spacefly, a small ringed 
               planet and the Voyager space probe. Sal and a group of other 
               truckers watch her.]
 
               
                                     TRUCKER #1
                         Looky there! It's one of them things 
                         like on our mudflaps!
 
               
                                     TRUCKER #2
                         Yosemite Sam?

               
                                     SAL
                         Stands back! I'm gonna puts my moves 
                         on her.  Whoas!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         That jerk! No one hoots at my captain 
                         unless they're prepared to take it to 
                         the next level!
 
               
               [He rolls up his sleeves and then he rolls up his trouser legs.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         Fry please. That's sweet but I'd rather 
                         not even dignify them with an ass whooping!
 
                         
               
                                     SAL
                         Hey sexy mama! Let's get busy and freaky 
                         in that order!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Hey jumbo! How would you like it if 
                         Leela said you were sexy and she wanted 
                         to make love with you?
 
               
                                     SAL
                         Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty 
                         good for a truck stop chick!
 
               
               [The other truckers laugh.]

               
                                     FRY
                         You take that back! She does not look 
                         good for a truck stop chick!
 
               
               [The truckers laugh harder. Leela cringes.]

               
                                     SAL
                         Yeah you're right. She don't gots enough 
                         meat for a guy like me.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         She does too! She's loaded with meat! 
                         She's got more meat than a cow!  Ow!
 
                         
               
               [The truckers laugh.]

               
                                     SAL (LAUGHING)
                         More meat than a cow!

               
               [Planet Express: Lounge. Fry and Bender sit on the couch.]

               
                                     FRY
                         I can't please Leela no matter what 
                         I do! I just want her to like me.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Well there's always hope.  C'mon we 
                         gotta go fix the plasma fusion boiler.
 
                         
               
               [Planet Express: Basement. The boiler rocks and steam hisses 
               from it. Fry and Bender walk down the steps and find Scruffy 
               "reading" Zero-G Juggs.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Who are you?

               
                                     SCRUFFY
                         Scruffy. The janitor.

               
                                     BENDER
                         Well why aren't you fixing the boiler?
 
                         
               
                                     SCRUFFY
                         Schedule conflict.

               
               [He thumbs through the magazine.]

               
               [Time Lapse. The boiler has stopped hissing. Bender uses his 
               arm to wrench the pipes tightly together.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         There. Fixed forever.

               
               [Part of the boiler flies off. Fry and Bender gasp. Steam starts 
               filling the room.]
 
               
                                     SCRUFFY
                         Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived. 
                          Oh marmalade!
 
               
               [Planet Express: Zoidberg's Office. Fry is sat on the table with 
               a huge pipe sticking out of him. The crew are gathered around. 
               Enter Zoidberg.]
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Oh the hypochondriac's back. So what 
                         is it this time?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Well my lead pipe hurts a little?

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         That's normal. Next patient.

               
               [Sawing sounds come from the pipe and it suddenly breaks off 
               leaving a hole through Fry's body. Bender peers through the hole. 
               It suddenly fills itself in. Everyone gasps in amazement.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         He's a witch!

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Fry, did you eat anything unusual recently?
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         No.

               
                                     LEELA
                         What about that bathroom egg salad from 
                         the truck stop?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I've had better.

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Egg salad? Hmm. Zoidberg will have to 
                         examine your gastrointestinal tract. 
                         Come everyone, give Fry some privacy.
 
                         
               
               [He walks out through a door and everyone except Fry and Zoidberg 
               follow. There is a large mirror next to the door.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Observation Room. The others walk into a darkened room 
               and take a seat. The mirror in Zoidberg's office is a two-way 
               mirror and they all look through and watch.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         If you can't see well enough through 
                         the two-way mirror, there'll be a close-up 
                         on this video screen.
 
               
               [The screen flickers on and a video picture of Fry's butt appears.]
 
               
               
               [Cut to: Zoidberg's Office. Zoidberg examines Fry's chest with 
               a stethescope. He hears the sound of a truck reversing and beeping.]
 
               
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside 
                         you with this camera.  Guess again.
 
                         
               
               [Fry realises where the camera is going to go and suddenly has 
               a worried look on his face.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Observation Room. The others are shovelling popcorn 
               in their mouths and watching the goings on on the screen. Hermes 
               scoops some popcorn out of the box with a Jai Alai scoop. The 
               camera pushes it's way up the end of Fry's digestive tract.]
 
               
               
                                     AMY
                         Gross!

               
               
               [The camera continues burrowing through Fry's guts and the mesmerised 
               crew tilt as the camera moves from side to side.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Watch for any subtle irregularity in 
                         Fry's bowel.
 
               
               [The camera pushes through a finds a subtle irregularity. A miniature 
               city in Fry's bowel made from cutlery he has been eating. Lights 
               twinkle on buildings and a monorail goes past.]
 
               
                                     AMY
                         It's gorgeous. That place used to be 
                         a big dump.
 
               
               [On the screen little worms appear on the top of the buildings.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         Oh, eww!

               
                                     AMY
                         Worms? Eww! Puke-a-tronic!

               
                                     LEELA
                         So the eggs in that egg salad sandwich 
                         were -
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Correct! Worm eggs! And the mayonaise 
                         was probably none too fresh either.
 
                         
               
               [Enter Zoidberg who looks on the screen.]

               
                                     HERMES
                         It's nauseating man!  Is there no way 
                         to get rid of the disgusting maggots?
 
                         
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Only one. We'll have to travel deep 
                         inside Fry, in this!
 
               
               [He pulls a sheet off a table. In the middle of the table is 
               a tiny green speck. The crew step closer to get a better look. 
               Farnsworth holds a magnifying glass over the speck and reveals 
               it to be a miniaturised version of the Planet Express ship.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         Shotgun!

               
               
               [Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Bender, Hermes and Amy look 
               inside some rucksacks as Farnsworth speaks to them.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         In each gastro-survival kit, you'll 
                         find a rain slicker, a disposable fun 
                         camera, and something to protect you 
                         against bacteria.... - a harpoon!
 
                         
               
               [Pullback to reveal the trio are tiny droid versions of themselves 
               standing on a glove of a net suit suit Farnsworth is wearing. 
               The real Hermes and Amy also wear net suits suits while Bender 
               is directly hooked into the system.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Yo, old guy. Why do we have to use those 
                         tiny micro-droids? Can't you just shrink 
                         us?
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Oh my no. That would require extrememly 
                         tiny atoms. And have you priced those 
                         lately? I'm not made of money - leave 
                         me alone!
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Me next!

               
               [He steps into a platform next to a machine. A huge ring rises 
               from the platform and scans Zoidberg. The machine beeps and a 
               small egg like those ones you get little toys in comes out the 
               other side. Zoidberg pulls the top off the egg. Inside is the 
               Zoidberg-droid. Farnsworth picks it up and puts it on his glove. 
               His own droid walks towards the group .]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Anyhoo, your net suits will let you 
                         experience Fry's worm-infested bowels 
                         as if you were actually wriggling through 
                         them.
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         There's no part of that sentence I didn't 
                         like.
 
               
               [Planet Express: Meeting Room. The big table is empty. But...]
 
               
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Is everyone present?

               
                                     AMY
                         Right on!

               
                                     BENDER
                         Uh-huh.

               
                                     HERMES
                         Definately.

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Yes.

               
               [On the big table is a little big table which the miniaturised 
               crew are sat around.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Heres the plan:  We'll enter the ear, 
                         drip down the back of the throat and 
                         make for the bowel. There, we'll irritate 
                         the pelvic splachnic ganglion and cause 
                         an intestinal spasm, expelling - among 
                         other things - the parasites.
 
               
               [The hologram shuts off.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         I'll tell Fry to wash out - among other 
                         things - his ear.
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         No, Fry can't know anything about the 
                         mission. If he finds out, the worms 
                         will try to defend themselves. They 
                         know everything he knows.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         They know how to make ice cream soup?
 
                         
               
               [Farnsworth looks up.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Leela, your role is to distract Fry 
                         so he doesn't notice what we're up to.
 
                         
               
               [Leela is still her normal size though from the droids' point 
               of view she is huge.]
 
               
                                     LEELA (ECHOING)
                         Can do!

               
               [She salutes.]

               
                                     AMY
                         Leela, you should really try a facial 
                         scrubs, for your pores.
 
               
               [Leela blows and Amy tumbles away from the table, screaming.]
 
               
               
               [Planet Express: Lounge. Fry sits at the table and drinks a can 
               of Slurm. He throws the empty can behind him and picks up another 
               one of the four cans in front of him. Enter Leela. She points 
               at something.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Look! A starling!

               
                                     FRY [LOOKING AWAY]
                         Really?

               
               [Leela blows the Planet Express ship through a tube like a blow 
               dart. It flies through the air and into his ear.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Fry's Ear. The ship struggles through a sea of earwax. 
               Around it, earwax drips from the walls of the ear.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Miniature Ship's Cockpit. The Amy-droid pilots the ship 
               while the other droids stand around.]
 
               
               
                                     AMY (WHISPERING)
                         OK Professor.

               
               
               [Cut to: Planet Express: Lounge. Fry turns to Leela.]

               
                                     FRY
                         What about what?

               
                                     LEELA
                         Uh...what if we go for a walk possibly 
                         because it's such a lovely day, perhaps.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         I'd love to!

               
               [He puts his finger in his ear and wriggles it around.]

               
               [Cut to: Fry's Ear. Fry's finger closes in on the ship and the 
               droids scream from inside it.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Miniature Ship's Cockpit. The crew grab hold of things 
               to keep them steady.]
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         We gotta get someplace where he won't 
                         stick his finger!
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         It's hopeless! Abandon ship!

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Wait, we just have to get past the eardrum!
 
                         
               
               [Cut to: Fry's Ear. The ship cuts through the wax with Fry's 
               finger right behind them. The ship pops through the eardrum, 
               leavin a hole behind. A worm on a crane repairs the hole quick 
               as a flash.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Fry's Brain. Hermes and Farnsworth look out of the ship 
               through the window.]
 
               
                                     HERMES [FROM SHIP]
                         What are those worms doing to Fry's 
                         brain?
 
               
               
                                     HERMES [FROM SHIP]
                         My God! Soon he'll be smarter than Cher!
 
                         
               
               [Street. Fry picks some flowers from a stall.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Ah, the scent of a rose. Curious how 
                         an aromatic chain of hydrocarbons can 
                         evoke our deepest emotions.  For you.
 
                         
               
               [She takes them.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         That's such a beautiful thought Fry. 
                         And what's more amazing you expressed 
                         it without spewing crumbs at me!
 
               
               [Cut to: Fry's Nose. The ship speeds through the tunnels of Fry's 
               head.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Miniature Ship's Cockpit.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Brace yourselves everyone. We're entering 
                         the interior of Fry's nose!
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         We're at finger alert five.

               
               [A red light engulfs the room and an alarm wails.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Let's just pray nothing stimulates the 
                         delicate smell receptors. (whispering) 
                         Nobody make a smell.
 
               
               [Cut to: Street. Fry sniffs the flowers.]

               
               [Cut to: Fry's Nose. Balls of pollen fly up and batter the ship. 
               The crew scream from inside.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Miniature Ship's Cockpit.]

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Quick! We can escape through that nasal 
                         capillary into the sinus.
 
               
               [Cut to: Fry's Nose. Amy turns the ship around and the ship heads 
               for the hole.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Miniature Ship's Cockpit.]

               
                                     HERMES
                         Strange. Usually you don't know anything 
                         about human anatomy.
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         I learned it from a decongestant commercial. 
                         (echoing) "Soothing action, action, 
                         action action..."
 
               
               [Cut to: Fry's Capillary. The ship moves through the tube between 
               two red blood cells.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Fry's Vein. The ship is blown out of the capillary with 
               the blood cells and is battered around the tube.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Miniature Ship's Cockpit. The crew hold on tightly.]
 
               
               
               [Cut to: Fry's Heart. The ship flies into the relatively calm 
               eye of the storm. The heart beats around them and the ship glides 
               through the heart with the red blood cells.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Minature Ship's Cockpit. Bender peers out through the 
               window.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Where are we, the ass?

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         We're in the heart. Better known as 
                         "the love muscle."
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Where the food is digested.

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         We should be safe, just so long as nothing 
                         makes it beat faster.
 
               
               [Cut to: Street. Fry and Leela look down at a puddle in the road 
               next to the kerb. Fry steps into it and holds out his hand to 
               Leela. She smiles and take hold of it. Fry's heart starts beating 
               faster.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Fry's Heart. The heart beats faster and the ship is 
               thrown around.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Miniature Ship's Cockpit: Bender throws his arms in 
               the air.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Abandon ship!

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         No! Set course for that cholesterol-encrusted 
                         valve.
 
               
               [Cut to: Outside Miniature Ship. Zoidberg opens the turret hatch 
               and scrapes cholesterol off the roof of the valve and spreads 
               it on a cracker.]
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         It's good cholesterol but it spreads 
                         like bad cholesterol!
 
               
               [He gobbles the cracker. The ship flies past worms who are busy 
               scrubbing the valve.]
 
               
               [Fry's Muscles. The ship glides past some worms who are working 
               Fry's muscles while listening to music.]
 
               
                                     AMY [FROM SHIP]
                         Look! They're jazzercising Fry's muscles!
 
                         
               
               [Cut to: Miniature Ship's Cockpit.]

               
                                     HERMES
                         He'll be as strong and flexible as Gumbo 
                         and Hercules combined!
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Gumbercules? I love that guy!

               
               [Outside Construction Site. Fry and Leela walk down the street. 
               Leela suddenly stops and groans.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Ugh! It's that jerk from the truck stop! 
                          Let's cross the street and try to blend 
                         in with that crowd of pimps.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I don't think so.  Sir, I believe you 
                         owe this lady an apology.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Fry no! He's bulging with what could 
                         be muscles!  Ooo!
 
               
                                     SAL
                         I gots your apologys right heres!  Sorrys 
                         ma'am. I've learnsed a lesson about 
                         not ogling cans that I won't soons forgets.
 
                         
               
               [Fry's Stomach. The crew look through the ship's windscreen.]
 
               
               
               
               [The ship crosses a boundary and an alarm wails and red lights 
               flash. Worm ships converge on the ship and open fire on it. The 
               projectiles just bounce off the ship's hull.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Miniature Ship's Cockpit.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Abandon ship!

               
               [He heads for the door but Hermes and Zoidberg restrain him.]
 
               
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         No, don't give up now! we're but a stones 
                         throw from the pyloric sphinchter.
 
                         
               
               [He points to a hole in Fry's stomach.]

               
               [Cut to: Fry's Stomach. The worm ships continue firing and their 
               ammo still bounces off the ship. The hole begins to close.]
 
               
               
               [Cut to: Miniature Ship's Cockpit. The crew hold on as they are 
               thrown around.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Fry's Stomach. The little ship goes most of the way 
               through the hole but it closes around it. The worm's ammo pushes 
               it through.]
 
               
                                     BENDER [FROM SHIP]
                         Hooray!

               
                                     ZOIDBERG [FROM SHIP]
                         Hooray!

               
                                     HERMES [FROM SHIP]
                         We made it!

               
               [The momentum from the worm ships' engines propels them towards 
               the closed hole and they crash into it and explode à la the alien 
               ships on the mothership in Independence Day.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Fry's Bowels. The ship races through the tunnels and 
               cruises over the worm city. It lands.]
 
               
               [Time Lapse. The crew emerge from the ship with laser rifles.]
 
               
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         There it is! The stately capitol of 
                         Fry's bowel. A heavily guarded fortress 
                         surrounding the pelvic splachnic ganglion.
 
                         
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         I've heard of that, who said I haven't?!
 
                         
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         If we can stimulate that nerve, the 
                         bowel will convulse, expelling the entire 
                         worm society.
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         But what about the worms in the other 
                         parts of his body?
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Listen, this is gonna be one hell of 
                         a bowel movement. Afterwards he'll be 
                         lucky if he has any bones left!
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         All right, let's mush some worms!

               
               [He cocks his laser and fires on the worm building.]

               
               [Cut to: Worm Building Balcony. The worms' mayor runs out onto 
               the balcony and waves his arms around.]
 
               
                                     WORM MAYOR
                         Worms to battlestations!

               
               [Worm soldiers lean out of windows with lasers and a firefight 
               ensues.]
 
               
               [Outside Coffee Shop. Fry and Leela sit at a table outside the 
               café which is across the street from the Planet Express building. 
               Fry takes a sip of coffee. He picks a bit off his muffin and 
               tosses it to some owls on the ground nearby. They hoot and eat 
               it. Leela pours another cup of coffee for her and Fry. She smiles.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         I had a great time today. The flowers, 
                         the puddle, the way you hurt that guy. 
                         But can I ax you something?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Anything.

               
                                     LEELA
                         Why did you do all that stuff?

               
               [Fry sighs.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Leela, there's something I've wanted 
                         to tell you for a long time but every 
                         time I try I get nervous and my mouth 
                         feels like it's stuffed with peanut 
                         butter, even when it's not.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         What is it? Is it about Bender?

               
                                     FRY
                         No, it's about you and me.

               
                                     LEELA
                         And Bender?

               
                                     FRY
                         Bender's not involved.  Leela...I love 
                         you.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         You do?

               
                                     FRY
                         Yes. But it's only recently I've been 
                         able to articulate my thoughts. I love 
                         you Leela and I always have.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Fry, that's the sweetest, most wonderful 
                         - wait! Recently? Like since you ate 
                         that toilet sandwich?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Yeah! I don't know why but my life really 
                         turned around that day!
 
               
               [Leela thinks for a moment.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Stay here.

               
               [She runs back inside the Planet Express building. Fry sighs 
               and a waitress approaches with a jug of coffee.]
 
               
                                     WAITRESS
                         Freshen your nocatina?

               
                                     FRY
                         Please......I need something to settle 
                         my stomach.
 
               
               [Cut to: Worm Building. The crew sans Zoidberg have made it inside 
               the fortress and continue firing at the worm defence. They stop 
               at a door.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         The nerve is through here. Where's Zoidberg?
 
                         
               
               [Enter Zoidberg riding one of Fry's sperm.]

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Yippie-ki-yay! You'll never guess where 
                         I've been!
 
               
               [Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Leela scans herself on the 
               droid machine, leans out a window and blows her droid into Fry's 
               coffee cup across the street.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Outside Coffee Shop. Fry takes a sip of his coffee.]
 
               
               
               [Pelvic Splachnic Ganglion Room. The crew are still outside. 
               There is the sound of a battering ram on the door.]
 
               
               
               [The door falls in. Bender is the battering ram! He rubs his 
               head.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         There it is! The pelvic splachnic ganglion. 
                          Tickle it and get ready for the ride 
                         of your lives!
 
               
               [Enter Leela with one arm behind her.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Don't even think about tickling that 
                         ganglion!
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Leela, you're just in time to help. 
                         If we don't get rid of the worms now, 
                         they'll burrow so deep into the bowel 
                         that not even Hermes' famous jerk prunes 
                         could dislodge them!
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         I call it "Carribean Drain-o"!

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Fry will be stuck with the worms forever.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Perfect.

               
               [She pulls an axe out from behind and chops off the Farnsworth-droid's 
               head. She smashes the rest of it's body up, spins around and 
               knocks off the Zoidberg droid's head.]
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Ouch!

               
               [She takes another swing at Hermes' head and with one swing, 
               knocks off Bender's and Amy's heads. She continues smashing up 
               the pile of droid parts on the floor.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. The crew flail around 
               on the floor in their net suits. Then take off their helmets.]
 
               
               
                                     AMY
                         I'm OK.

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Leela you ignorant dope! Now the worms 
                         will be in Fry forever.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         So? Did you ever stop to think that 
                         Fry is better off with worms?
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Oh that's stupid!

               
               [The door opens and Fry appears.]

               
                                     FRY
                         If anyone wants to tell me what's going 
                         on here, I'll be in the lounge.
 
               
               [The door closes.]

               
               [Planet Express: Meeting Room. The crew are sat around the big 
               table.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Of all the parasites I've had over the 
                         years, these worms are among the - hell! 
                         They are the best! Leela, how can I 
                         ever repay you for saving them?
 
               
               [Leela trails her finger around the table.]

               
                                     LEELA (SEXFULLY)
                         I'll think of something.

               
               [The gaze into each others eyes. Bender rubs his chin.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         'Ello! What's all this then?

               
               [Leela's Apartment Building. Fry and Leela stand in a corridor 
               outside Leela's apartment. She holds the flowers from earlier.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         Apartment 1I. The old me would have 
                         made a joke about that!
 
               
               
               [They walk in. Fry stops and stares in astonishment.]

               
               [Cut to: Leela's Living Room. The walls are white and there is 
               a single chair in the middle of the room facing a TV on the wall.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         I'm thinking of having a window installed.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         I think the view's perfect already.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Oh, that's the corniest thing I've ever 
                         heard! Let me show you the bedroom.
 
                         
               
               [Fry holds her back.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Wait. In a minute.

               
               [They sit down. Fry pulls out a case and opens it. Something 
               blue is inside.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         A holophonor? Only a few people in the 
                         whole universe can play that. And they're 
                         not very good at it.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         They don't have you to inspire them.
 
                         
               
               [He assembles the holophonoer and begins to play. The holophonor 
               sounds a bit like a violin. A flare of blue-green light comes 
               out of the end of the holophonor and swirls around above Fry 
               and Leela's heads. The spiral opens out into an image of a formally 
               dressed Fry and Leela dancing on the rings of a planet. They 
               dance and the planet flies away into the distance. The image 
               fades to the night sky of a planet. The clouds in the sky merge 
               into outlines of Fry and Leela. The outlines kiss and a flash 
               radiates from their lips. The holophonor has changed to an undersea 
               setting. Two seals that look like Fry and Leela swim around with 
               each other. They swim to the top of the sea and leap into the 
               air beneath the full moon in the sky. A wave sweeps past the 
               moon and spills onto the shoreline. On the beach a clam shell 
               opens and in it's pearl the formally dressed Fry and Leela dance 
               some more. Fry lifts Leela into the air and the pearl flashes 
               into hundreds of white sparks that fall around the mesmerised 
               Leela's head. Fry's sonnet ends and Leela is speechless. She 
               takes Fry's hand and walks with him into the bedroom.]
 
               
               [Leela's Bedroom. Fry and Leela make out on her bed.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         I don't have words to say how wonderful 
                         you are Fry. I haven't felt this happy 
                         since double-soup Tuesday at the orphanarium.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         When I'm with you, everyday seems like 
                         double-soup Tuesday.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Oh Fry, I love what you've become.
 
                         
               
               [She hugs him.]

               
                                     FRY
                         What I've become.

               
               [He sighs.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         What is it?

               
                                     FRY
                         There's just something I have to find 
                         out.
 
               
               [He gets up and walks out of the apartment. Leela stands in her 
               bedroom doorway and sadly watches him go.]
 
               
               [Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Fry stands on the scanner 
               platform and the machine scans him. He takes his droid out of 
               the egg and drops it down the back of his trousers.]
 
               
               [Fry's Bowels. Fry's droid looks across at the Worm city and 
               walks towards the main building.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Outside Worm Building. Guards surround him.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Who controls this bowel?

               
                                     WORM GUARD #1
                         Who wants to know?

               
               [Fry points at a gold statue of himself. Underneath the statue 
               is the inscription "The Known Universe." The statue is in the 
               same pointing pose as Fry is. The worms gasp and bow.]
 
               
               [Worm Building: Stately Room. The Worm Mayor sits on a throne 
               and Fry stands before him with guards around him.]
 
               
                                     WORM MAYOR
                         I am the Lord Mayor of Cologne.

               
                                     FRY
                         You mean colon?

               
                                     WORM MAYOR
                         State your business!

               
                                     FRY
                         Your excellency, have you ever been 
                         in love?
 
               
                                     WORM MAYOR
                         No. I thought I was once but then I 
                         remember our species reproduces with 
                         a cloud of spores.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Well, a wonderful girl loves me. But 
                         I need to know if it's really me she 
                         loves, or just what you worms have made 
                         of me. That's why with all due respect, 
                         I'm asking you to leave.
 
               
                                     WORM MAYOR
                         Listen you, I was born here. I raised 
                         a cloud of children here. My ancestors 
                         came over here on the sandwich.  No 
                         one can make me leave!
 
               
               [He gets up off his throne and lunges at Fry. Fry ducks and grabs 
               a sword of the wall and begins fighting with the Worm Mayor. 
               The Worm Mayor backs him against an elevator. Fry hits the open 
               button and they both go inside, still fighting.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Elevator. Fry closes the door, blocking out the other 
               guards. He looks at the other buttons, Brain, Lungs, Liver, Ball 
               Room. He presses the brain button.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Fry's Brain. Worms continue to tune-up Fry's brain. 
               The elevator doors open and the Worm Mayor and Fry continue to 
               fight. Worms head for the fight, drawing their spears. The Worm 
               Mayor grins as Fry is backed up against a nerve. He climbs the 
               nerve and the worms follow him up. Fry reaches the top of the 
               nerve and has nowhere left to go. He hold out his sword.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Everyone out of my body or the brain 
                         gets it!
 
               
                                     WORM MAYOR
                         He's bluffing. No creature would willingly 
                         make an idiot out of itself.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Obviously you've never been in love! 
                          Ow!  Ow!  Ow!  Now, the hand-eye co-ordination 
                         lobe.
 
               
               [He cuts it and starts staggering around cutting some more nerves. 
               He batters the catwalk.]
 
               
                                     WORM GUARD #1
                         Stop it man!

               
               [Fry hits the catwalk again and it falls. The worms surround 
               him with their swords. He crawls into a corner.]
 
               
                                     WORM MAYOR
                         You've damaged your brain Universe, 
                         but no more than a week of binge drinking 
                         or five minutes on a cell phone.
 
               
               [Fry stand up and draws his sword at another lobe.]

               
                                     FRY
                         I was just working my way towards the 
                         medulla oblongata - control centre of 
                         the heart and lungs. And if I kill myself, 
                         you die with me.
 
               
               [The worms scream.]

               
                                     WORM GUARD #2
                         Wait a minute man!

               
                                     FRY
                         I hope Satan has a nice colon, 'cause 
                         that's where you're gonna be living!
 
                         
               
               [He holds his sword back over his shoulder, ready to cut the 
               medulla oblongata. The Worm Mayor stares in disbelief. Fry pulls 
               back his sword and the Worm Mayor gives in.]
 
               
                                     WORM MAYOR
                         Stop! We'll leave.  But one day you'll 
                         be eating a fast-food burger and boom! 
                         You'll be crawling with us again! Ever 
                         wonder what makes special sauce so special? 
                         Yo!
 
               
               [He points at himself. He gestures to the worms and they leave.]
 
               
               
               [Leela's Bedroom. Leela is fast asleep on her bed. She is wearing 
               sexy, near see-through underwear. On her face is an open book 
               called True Stories Of Courageous Animals. She snores loudly. 
               Enter Fry. She awakens.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Fry? I missed you. Did you find out 
                         what you needed to find out?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I'm about to.  Leela, let me play for 
                         you one for time.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         You don't have to do that. I'm still 
                         seduced from before.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Please, it's important to me.

               
               [He plays. Rather than the soothing, romantic music that played 
               earlier in the day, Fry now plays creepy, unromantic music. The 
               swirls come from the end of the holophoner and the head of Frankenstein's 
               monster appears. He groans and screams then disappears.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         What's that supposed to mean?

               
                                     FRY
                         I don't know. I got nervous and started 
                         thinking about neck bolts.  Wow! Did 
                         you see that vase break? It was all 
                         like -
 
               
               [He makes smashy sounds. Horrified, Leela pulls the blanket around 
               herself.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         What's happened to you?

               
                                     FRY
                         Nothing. I got rid of the worms.

               
                                     LEELA
                         What? Why would you do that?

               
                                     FRY
                         Leela, I had worms. I needed to know 
                         who you loved. Me or them.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Well...which of you wrote me that sonnet?
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         I did. I think. It was probably about 
                         50/50. But that's how I really felt 
                         about you, I swear!
 
               
               [He reaches out to Leela but she moves back and sighs.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         I don't know.

               
                                     FRY
                         Please. Give me a chance to be romantic 
                         on my own. I've got a baggy of massage 
                         oil, and I'm gonna give you my super 
                         back rub, just like a I used to give 
                         Amy when I was going out with her, and 
                         she always seemed... - Uh-oh!
 
               
               [She angrily holds out his holophonor to him.]

               
               [Robot Arms Apartments: Fry and Bender's Apartment. Bender stands 
               in the doorway of Fry's room wearing pyjama bottoms. Fry sighs.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         Sorry you struck out sausage link. If 
                         it's any consolation, my life is great! 
                         Babes! Bucks! I got it all!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Well, at least I learned Leela's a lost 
                         cause. I give up.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         There you go!  Goodnight. I gotta get 
                         up early to go parasailing with movie 
                         stars!
 
               
               [The door closes. Fry picks up a book called My First Holophonor 
               and leans it up on a chair. He pulls the chair towards him and 
               plays his holophonor. Smooth harmonic music comes from the holophonor. 
               The holophonor swirls form a pink ball in the air. A smile trickles 
               around the ball. A single eye opens in the middle of it and some 
               purple hair held up in a ponytail appears on top. Fry smiles 
               at the image of his love and continues playing.]
 
               
               THE END

               

Parasites Lost



Writers :   Eric Kaplan
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


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