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                                        FUTURAMA

                                       Episode 303

                                  "THE CRYONIC WOMAN"

                                           By

                                    J. Stewart Burns

                         Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet



               
               [Opening Credits. Caption: Not a Substitute for Human Interaction.]
 
               
               
               [Ship's Cockpit. The ship is in the Planet Express hangar and 
               Fry and Bender are messing around in the cockpit. Fry flies a 
               scale model of the ship around and makes whoosh-y noises, then 
               a crackling radio noise.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Giant Space Robot, this is Captain Fry 
                         of the USS Planet Express Ship; We come 
                         in peace.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Tough luck!

               
               [He takes a hammer out of his chest cabinet and knocks the ship 
               out of Fry's hands. It lands on the floor and Bender smashes 
               it to bits. He and Fry laugh.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Well, we destroyed the toy spaceship. 
                         Now what are we gonna do?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                          Hey, look! The keys to the real spaceship.
 
                         
               
               [Fry sees the keys in the ignition and turns to Bender.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Do you think we should?

               
               [Bender stands up.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         (firmly) Yes, I do.

               
               [Cut to: Planet Express: Kitchen. At the conference table Zoidberg 
               reads a book, Hermes sits with an iMac in front of him and Amy 
               eats something with chopsticks. In the kitchen, Leela finishes 
               washing a "Universe's #1 Space Pilot" mug and puts it next to 
               Fry's "Universe's #4307697 Delivery Boy" mug.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Leela, have you seen the keys to the 
                         spaceship?
 
               
                                     LEELA
                          I must've left them onboard.

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Eh, wha'? I mean, what?

               
                                     LEELA
                         Relax. The ship's not going anywhere. 
                         I anchored it with the unbreakable diamond 
                         tether.
 
               
               [The ship begins to rumble and slowly rises into the air. Leela 
               and Farnsworth gasp.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Planet Express: Hangar. The coil of diamond tether starts 
               to run out as the ship gets higher.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Planet Express: Meeting Room.]

               
                                     AMY
                         Oh, no!

               
               [She talks in Martian.]

               
                                     HERMES
                         Sweet ghost of Babylon.

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         This isn't good for Zoidberg!

               
               [Cut to: Outside Planet Express. The ship emerges from the hangar 
               and flies away. The tether tightens and the ship struggles, eventually 
               ripping the building from it's foundations.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Ship's Cockpit.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Woo, yeah!

               
                                     BENDER
                         Woo-hoo!

               
               [They laugh.]

               
               [Cut to: Planet Express: Hangar. The other five fly through the 
               air and hit the back wall.]
 
               
               [St. Louis. The ship flies under the Gateway Arch and loops the 
               loop several times. The Planet Express building spins around 
               it and the crew scream from inside.]
 
               
               [San Francisco. The building skims the surface of the water by 
               the Golden Gate Bridge.]
 
               
               [Great Wall of China. The Chinese ignore the ship as it flies 
               over. Seconds afterwards, the building crashes through the wall 
               and the Mongols ride over it, wielding swords.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Ship's Cockpit. Fry sits with his feet on a console 
               while Bender literally flies by the seat of his pants.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey, Fry, I'm steering with my ass!
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         That's the best thing I ever saw!

               
               [Pisa. The ship knocks the Leaning Tower upright and the locals 
               shout angrily at them and wave their fists.]
 
               
                                     ITALIAN #1
                         You stink!

               
               [The building hits it and knocks it at an angle again and the 
               Italians cheer.]
 
               
                                     ITALIAN #1
                         Alright, yeah!

               
                                     ITALIAN #2
                         We like you a lot!

               
               [The Leaning Tower topples and crushes some of them.]

               
               [New New York City. The ship flies past the Statue of Liberty 
               and over Manhattan before lowering the building back onto its 
               foundations and landing in the hangar.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Planet Express: Hangar. The place is a tip. Fry and 
               Bender walk down the ship's steps, laughing.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         That was great!

               
                                     BENDER
                         And no one suspects a thing!  Whoa! 
                          And that's how we learned our lesson!
 
                         
               
               [Fry hides behind him and nods.]

               
               [Time Lapse. Farnsworth berates them.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         You've gone too far this time - all 
                         three of you!
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         What did I do?

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         You left the keys in the ignition. I 
                         mean, look at those two. Wasn't it obvious 
                         what would happen?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Yeah, Leela.

               
                                     BENDER
                         We're all very disappointed in you.
 
                         
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         I should fire you three right now, but 
                         I'm just not that cold-hearted.
 
               
               [He whispers something to Hermes.]

               
                                     HERMES
                         You're all fired.

               
               [The others' jaws drop.]

               
               [Outside Planet Express. The three former employees leave through 
               the main door. Zoidberg, Amy, Hermes and Farnsworth watch them 
               go.]
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                          Goodbye, friends. I'll miss you.  Good 
                         riddance to them. Now Zoidberg is the 
                         popular one!
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Yes, yes! Let's all talk to Zoidberg.
 
                         
               
                                     AMY
                         Hey, Dr. Zoidberg, I've been thinking. 
                         Do you think we could go out?
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         So, Zoidberg. What's new?

               
                                     HERMES
                         Tell me, Zoidberg: Is it carapace or 
                         carapass?
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Oh, you know...!

               
               [Park. The jobless Fry, Leela and Bender sit on a bench.]

               
                                     FRY
                         What are we supposed to do for money? 
                          All I've got is my frequent taffy eater's 
                         card, my first moustache......and this 
                         picture of me and my old girlfriend, 
                         Michelle, and that ski instructor she 
                         was just friends with.
 
               
               [In the photo the ski instructor has his arm around Michelle 
               while Fry leans into the photo, waving. Bender unscrews his head 
               and holds it out like a bucket to a passing man.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Pardon me, brother. Care to donate to 
                         the Anti-Mugging-You Fund?  Ow!
 
               
               [She puts his head back on.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         We don't need to beg, Bender. For God's 
                         sake, we're not veterans!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Well, what do you suggest? A daring 
                         daylight robbery of Fort Knox on elephant-back? 
                         That's the dumbest thing I ever heard!
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         No, we can get jobs.

               
                                     BENDER
                         But we just had jobs!

               
               [Leela opens her backpack.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Fortunately, I still have our old career 
                         chips.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Our what?

               
                                     LEELA
                         Career chips.  You remember? They assign 
                         you the job you're best at.  I tried 
                         to give you one and you ran away.  It's 
                         how we met!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         And then what happened?

               
               [She sighs.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Just give me your hand.

               
               [She clips him with her implant gun.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Ow!

               
                                     LEELA
                         Baby!  Ow!

               
               [Applied Cryogenics: Ipgee's Office. Leela reapplies to the company 
               with the motto "It Seems To Work OK" at exactly 3pm. Fry and 
               Bender are with her.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         I'd like to reapply for my old job: 
                         Counselling defrostees and assigning 
                         them careers.
 
               
                                     IPGEE
                         Oh, I was hoping you would come back! 
                         I even saved your poster of a chimp 
                         expressing your distaste for Mondays.
 
                         
               
               [He takes the poster out of his drawer. It has a picture of a 
               monkey wearing a tie on it. Above, "I Hate Mondays" is written.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         Monday Monkey lives for the weekend, 
                         sir.
 
               
                                     IPGEE
                         Just put your hand under the scanner 
                         so I can verify your career chip.  Calcutta, 
                         we have a problem.
 
               
               ["Career: Delivery Boy" is on the screen.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Delivery boy? I must have mixed up the 
                         chips. It's a simple mis -
 
               
               [Ipgee scans Fry's chip.]

               
                                     IPGEE
                         Oh, here's a cryogenic counsellor! Do 
                         you like Mondays?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         They're OK.

               
                                     IPGEE
                         Then we'll have to redecorate your office. 
                         How do you feel about it helping to 
                         be crazy to work here but not being 
                         necessary?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey, let's see what it says about me.
 
                         
               
               [He takes a severed human arm out of his chest cabinet and Ipgee 
               scans it. "Prime Minister Of Norway" appears on the screen.]
 
               
               
                                     IPGEE
                         Welcome aboard, sir.

               
               [Applied Cryogenics: Freezer Room. Terry scrapes some condensation 
               from the front of an active freezer tube. Fry is wearing a blue 
               uniform and he and Bender are both wearing white coats.]
 
               
                                     TERRY
                         Remember, when the tube opens, say...(dramatically)..."Welcome 
                         to the world of tomorrow!"
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Hey, I was frozen. I think I know what 
                         people wanna hear when they first wake 
                         up.  Bathroom's that way.
 
               
               [The man pushes him out the way and runs.]

               
               [Applied Cryogenics: Probulator Room. The man is lying naked 
               on the table. Hovering above him are some sharp instruments.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         So, while you're on the Probulator, 
                         tell me, what brings you to the future?
 
                         
               
                                     MAN
                         Oh, well, I wanted to meet Shakespeare 
                         and I figured that time was cyclical.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Nope. Straight line.  Ah, the Probulator's 
                         done.
 
               
                                     MAN
                         That wasn't so bad.

               
                                     FRY
                         Oh, wait, it hasn't started yet.  OK, 
                         it's about to start.
 
               
               [It dings and the man screams some more.]

               
               [Applied Cryogenics: Freezer Room. A freezer opens and an old 
               man walk out, rubbing his eyes. Bender runs towards him wearing 
               a giant fly's head and a cape.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Welcome to the future, human slave. 
                          Ah, relax, chum. I'm not really a giant 
                         fly!  I'm a horrible robot!  Kill all 
                         humans!
 
               
               [The old man clutches his chest.]

               
                                     TERRY
                         Dear God! He's having a heart attack!
 
                         
               
               [Bender pushes the old man into the freezer, turns the dial and 
               freezer him.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Ah, they'll probably find a cure for 
                         that in the future.
 
               
                                     TERRY
                         We have a cure for it now!

               
                                     BENDER
                         Oh, good. Then you won't mind if I use 
                         this.
 
               
               [He puts a gorilla mask on.]

               
               [Time Lapse. Fry is frozen in a freezer. It pings, unfreezes 
               him and opens the door. He yawns and stretches.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Nothing like a power nap.

               
               [He pours himself a coffee and opens the old man's tube. There 
               are pizza boxes, milk cartons, beers and cans of Slurm stacked 
               around him. Fry pours some milk in his coffee. The old man unfreezes.]
 
               
               
                                     OLD MAN
                         Oh, flies! Flies and gorillas!

               
               [Fry hands him the milk and closes the door. The old man freezes 
               again. The door to the Probulator room opens and Bender walks 
               out.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Stay beautiful, doll-face!  That Probulator 
                         sure knows how to please a man. So, 
                         what's for lunch?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I ordered a pizza.

               
               [The door opens and Leela walks in, wearing delivery girl garb. 
               Her cap has a slice of pizza stuck in it.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Pizza delivery for...I.C. Wiener.  Yeah, 
                         very funny. Now cough up the $12.95.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Sorry, but if it's not here in half 
                         an hour, it's free.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         It's only been 23 minutes.

               
                                     FRY
                          Well, uh, I've got 33 minutes.

               
               [Leela puts the pizza box on the table and presses a button. 
               The doodle of a hef starts to talk.]
 
               
                                     CHEF
                         It's only been-a 23 minutes, you dumb-a 
                         canolli. You got a problem, we can take 
                         it outside.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         OK, I'll fight the box. I think I can 
                         take him.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Fry, just pay me. I still owe 30 bucks 
                         on this uniform.
 
               
                                     CHEF
                         35, you stupid meatball.

               
               [Time Lapse. Bender and Fry walk past the freezers, looking at 
               a clipboard.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Who should be unfreeze next?

               
               [They look at a commando-type who is holding a gun and pulling 
               a pin from a grenade.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         No.  No!  Oh, my God! It's Pauly Shore!
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Alright!

               
               [He puts his gorilla mask on.]

               
               [Applied Cryogenics: Probulator Room. Pauly Shore is lying on 
               the table.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Mr. Shore, I loved you in Bio-Dome. 
                         You sure caused some trouble in that 
                         bubble!
 
               
                                     SHORE
                         Rest assured, if it rhymes, I can cause 
                         trouble in it.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Hey, now that you're in the future, 
                         you can go live in an actual bio-dome!
 
                         
               
                                     SHORE
                         An unattractive prospect. While researching 
                         for the role, I ran computer simulations 
                         demonstrating, incontravertably, that 
                         the whole bio-enclosure concept is fundamentally 
                         flawed. Be it expressed via dome, sphere, 
                         cube or even a stately tetrahedron, 
                         buuuddy!
 
               
               [He smacks his lips. Fry stares blankly at him.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Oh.  How did you wind up getting frozen?
 
                         
               
                                     SHORE
                         Well, while filming Encino Man my intellectual 
                         curiosity re: cryogenics was peaked, 
                         and I resolved to freeze the weasel.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         The weasel?

               
               [He laughs.]

               
                                     SHORE
                         Hey, listen, skippy. I was supposed 
                         to be unfrozen in Hollywood for the 
                         thousandth anniversary screening of 
                         Jury Duty II. How come I'm not there?
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         I woke you up early so we could hang 
                         out and do stuff.
 
               
                                     SHORE
                         Like what?

               
               [Fry turns the Probulator on and Shore screams.]

               
               [Applied Cryogenics: Freezer Room.]

               
                                     FRY
                         I love this job.

               
               [Bender is wearing a sheet over his head and looks like a cartoon 
               ghost.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Me too.

               
               [A freezer pings.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Showtime! (hoarse) I'll pretend to be 
                         dying of space plague.
 
               
               [The freezer opens and Fry gasps.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Boo?

               
               [The condensation clears and the woman inside the freezer wakes 
               up.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Michelle!

               
               [Bender looks at the photo inside Fry's wallet.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Oh, my God!

               
               [He steals some cash and hands the wallet back to Fry.]

               
                                     MICHELLE
                         Fry? Is it really you?

               
                                     FRY
                         I don't know. Is it really you?

               
                                     MICHELLE
                         What do you mean you don't know? Are 
                         you you or not?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Who wants to know?

               
                                     MICHELLE
                         Oh, Fry, it is you!

               
               [She hugs him and they kiss. Bender makes scary ghostie noises.]
 
               
               
               [Time Lapse. Fry and Michelle are sat down.]

               
                                     FRY
                         I don't get it, Michelle. The last time 
                         I saw you, you were doing great. You 
                         had just dumped me and you were well 
                         on your way to getting you life back 
                         on track. Why'd you freeze yourself?
 
                         
               
                                     MICHELLE
                         Oh, Fry. After you left, things took 
                         a turn for the worse. I got married.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         I'm sorry.

               
               [Flashback. At Michelle's wedding, her new husband slips a ring 
               onto her finger and they kiss.]
 
               
                                     MICHELLE
                         (voice-over) His name was Charles. He 
                         attended a law school so prestigious, 
                         the basketball team was coached by Ruth 
                         Bader Ginsberg.  I put him through law 
                         school by working as a dog walker for 
                         antisocial dogs.
 
               
               [Flashback ends.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Sorry.

               
               [Flashback. The scene moves to Charles's graduation.]

               
                                     MICHELLE
                         (voice-over) But soon after Charles 
                         graduated, our marriage ran into difficulties.
 
                         
               
               [Charles throws his hat into the air and Michelle catches it 
               and sees him kissing another woman.]
 
               
               [Flashback ends.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Uh, sorry.

               
               [Flashback. Michelle walks the streets alone at night.]

               
                                     MICHELLE
                         (voice-over) Desperately depressed, 
                         I turned to the one thing that could 
                         lessen my pain: A carnival. Unfortunately, 
                         a corn dog bone got lodged in the control 
                         panel of the Spizzler, and I had to 
                         ride it for eight hours.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         (voice-over) Sorry.

               
                                     MICHELLE
                         (voice-over) But it did give me a chance 
                         to think...
 
               
               [Flashback ends.]

               
                                     FRY
                         I'm sorry.

               
                                     MICHELLE
                         ...and I remembered the last time I 
                         was truly happy; When I was with you.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Aww. So you froze yourself to come look 
                         for me?
 
               
                                     MICHELLE
                         No, I did it to get a fresh start. I 
                         didn't know what had happened to you 
                         - no one did. The police were going 
                         to conduct a search but your parents 
                         felt it was a waste of taxpayer money.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         That's the same reason they kept me 
                         out of school. So, no one even cared 
                         that I was gone?
 
               
                                     MICHELLE
                         Not really. Except for one person.
 
                         
               
               [She puts her hand on his and they move closer.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Who was it?

               
               [New New York City Streets. Fry and Michelle fly a hover-scooter 
               over the city.]
 
               
                                     MICHELLE
                         Everything is so different.

               
                                     FRY
                         Not everything. There's still a roach 
                         problem.
 
               
               [A giant roach flies beside them and Fry sprays it.]

               
                                     MICHELLE
                         Ew!

               
               [Museum Of Really Modern Art. The artwork is on the stomachs 
               of lots of fat men. Michelle and Fry look at a painting on Sal.]
 
               
               
                                     MICHELLE
                         Eurgh.

               
                                     FRY
                         Nowadays, people aren't interested in 
                         art that's not tattooed on fat guys.
 
                         
               
                                     SAL
                         I'm on loan from the Louvre.

               
               [Park. Fry and Michelle sit in a horse-drawn carriage. The cab 
               man whips the horse and a giant bug whips him. He screams and 
               Michelle whimpers.]
 
               
               [Planet Express: Meeting Room. Outside the building, repair work 
               is being done. Inside, Leela and Bender meet with Farnsworth.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         Please, professor. Give us our jobs 
                         back. We deserve another chance.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Yeah, and if you won't give me another 
                         chance, perhaps you'd give one to......Og, 
                         gorilla emperor of Earth!
 
               
               [The ship lands in the hangar.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         I'm sorry, Og, but I've got a new crew.
 
                         
               
               [Cut to: Planet Express: Hangar. Farnsworth leans over the railings 
               and Hermes, Amy and Zoidberg get off the ship.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         So, how was delivery to Fantasy Planet, 
                         where everyone's fantasies come to life?
 
                         
               
                                     AMY
                         Great!

               
                                     HERMES
                         Organised!

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         For one beautiful night, I knew what 
                         it was to be a grandmother. Subjugated, 
                         yet honoured.
 
               
               [Cut to: Planet Express: Meeting Room. Bender has the gorilla 
               mask under his arm and Farnsworth talks to it.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         You see, Og? Everything's running smoothly, 
                         yes. And with Fry fired, I can finally 
                         leave my jigsaw puzzles out without 
                         him eating the pieces.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Forget about Fry. You can hire us back 
                         and he'd never have to know.
 
               
               [Enter Fry.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Hey, guys.

               
                                     LEELA
                         Oh. Hey, Fry!

               
                                     BENDER
                         So, as Leela was saying, Fry can go 
                         shove a big old - Ow!
 
               
               [Leela clocks him with a phone.]

               
                                     FRY
                         I'm glad you're all here. I wanted to 
                         introduce you to my on-again-off-again 
                         girlfriend of the past thousand years, 
                         Michelle.  Michelle, this is Leela. 
                          This is Bender.  The professor.  Hermes 
                         and Amy.
 
               
                                     MICHELLE
                         Nice to meet you.

               
                                     FRY
                         And this is Dr. Zoidberg.

               
               [Zoidberg screams and runs away.]

               
               [Planet Express: Lounge. Fry sits on the couch and Hermes, Bender 
               and Farnsworth stand around him.]
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         Dating you ex, Fry? Have you lost all 
                         self-respect?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         All what?

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, 
                         a house -
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         A home invasion by a former roommate.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         But things are different this time. 
                         Before, she was demanding and possessive. 
                         But now she wants me to do stuff and 
                         stay with her all the time.
 
               
               [Planet Express: Meeting Room. Amy and Michelle sit at the table. 
               Zoidberg, wearing a frilly apron, pours them some tea.]
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         There you go, dearies.

               
               [He hums and leaves. Michelle trembles.]

               
                                     MICHELLE
                         It's a relief to meet you, Amy. I'm 
                         just having a hard time adjusting to 
                         all the strange stuff here in the future.
 
                         
               
                                     AMY
                         I'm from Mars.

               
                                     MICHELLE
                          I feel so out of place here. I don't 
                         understand why Fry fits in so well.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                          Probably because he didn't fit in back 
                         in your time.
 
               
                                     MICHELLE
                         That's true. But I used to fit in really 
                         well.
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Then good luck, sister.

               
               [He screams and walks off. Michelle drops her cup and it smashes. 
               Seconds later it reassembles itself. She whimpers.]
 
               
               [Applied Cryogenics: Freezer Room.]

               
                                     MICHELLE
                         Don't take this the wrong way, Fry, 
                         but your friends are a bunch of freaks.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Yeah, they're great, huh?

               
                                     MICHELLE
                         I just don't belong here. I don't know 
                         anyone, I can't find a vanishing cream 
                         that doesn't make me actually vanish. 
                         I don't even have a job.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Oh, right. I was supposed to assign 
                         you a job. Let me just get your career 
                         chip installed.  Hold out your palm. 
                          What are you scared of? It's just like 
                         getting your hand pierced.
 
               
               [Michelle pushes the gun away.]

               
                                     MICHELLE
                         This world is horrible. Let's start 
                         over, Fry. Well go someplace where all 
                         we have is each other.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Ooh, romantic. I'll tell Bender to meet 
                         us there.
 
               
                                     MICHELLE
                         It's not a "there". It's a "then".  
                         The future.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Whoa, whoa, girl. I thought you were 
                         talking about one of those motels where 
                         the bed is shaped like stuff.
 
               
                                     MICHELLE
                         I love you. Don't you love me?

               
                                     FRY
                         Well, sure. To the extent a man can 
                         love a woman. But this seems like a 
                         big step.
 
               
                                     MICHELLE
                         Fry, why must you analyse everything 
                         with your relentless logic? Nothing 
                         matters but our love.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         You're right. Let's do this now and 
                         let's never regret it.
 
               
               [They climb into the freezer and kiss. They are frozen in a flash.]
 
               
               
               [Apocalyptic Wasteland. The freezer stands alone in a vast desert. 
               The door opens and Fry and Michelle get out and look around. 
               The ruins of buildings burn and there are cracks in the ground.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         Michelle, I don't regret this. But I 
                         both rue and lament it.
 
               
               [Time Lapse. The pair walk the desert.]

               
                                     FRY
                         The year 4000 is severely disappointing. 
                         I miss the year 3000 when life was simple 
                         and brains flew through space and everyone 
                         ate lasers.
 
               
                                     MICHELLE
                         It's not that bad. Fate brought us together 
                         and now fate brought us here.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         No, you brought us here.

               
                                     MICHELLE
                         Whine some more, Fry, I really find 
                         that attractive in a man. Now come on, 
                         build us a shelter.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Alright, fine. Everything else sucks. 
                         At least we can have a nice place to 
                         live.
 
               
               [Time Lapse. It is dark and Fry is covered in dirt.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Ooh, there.

               
               [He is standing in a hole.]

               
                                     MICHELLE
                         You expect me to live in a tiny little 
                         hole?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         It'd be deeper, but I'm standing on 
                         a gopher.
 
               
               [Time Lapse. The next morning, Fry and Michelle are woken up 
               by someone poking their faces with sticks.]
 
               
                                     MICHELLE
                         Oh, look. Some little kids.

               
                                     FRY
                         They'll save us.  We're saved!

               
               [Kids' Den. Fry and Michelle are tied up in the middle of the 
               den, which is in the middle of some ruined buildings. One of 
               the kids sits on a chair, elevated by some oil drums.]
 
               
                                     BUTCH
                         I'm Butch, leader of this place. I took 
                         your hole and you can't do nothing about 
                         it.
 
               
                                     MICHELLE
                         OK.

               
                                     FRY
                         Mighty sir, we have nowhere to go. Could 
                         we please join your society?
 
               
                                     BUTCH
                         Well, alright. But no interfering with 
                         our grand works.
 
               
               [Time Lapse. The kids smash an old couch to bits and fight. Butch 
               watches them and nods. Fry joins Michelle, who is lying on a 
               sun bed.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I tell you, that Butch runs a pretty 
                         good civilisation. I think I'll enjoy 
                         serving under him.
 
               
               [Michelle groans.]

               
                                     MICHELLE
                         You know your problem, Fry? You're not 
                         ambitious. You should be chief.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         What do I need, ulcers?

               
                                     MICHELLE
                         But I want power. I'm tired of the chief's 
                         girlfriend lording it over me with her 
                         fancy coyote hide.
 
               
               [They watch Butch's girlfriend stroking the hide.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Alright, alright. If it'll make you 
                         happy, I'll overthrow society.
 
               
               [Time Lapse. Butch laughs.]

               
                                     BUTCH
                         On what grounds do you challenge my 
                         authority?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Well, I'm older than you. I can beat 
                         you up.
 
               
               [The kids nod.]

               
                                     KID #1
                         Yeah, I'll bet he could.

               
                                     BUTCH'S GIRLFRIEND
                         He's got arm hair.

               
                                     BUTCH
                         Alright, grandpa. There's only one way 
                         to settle this. Death rolling!
 
               
               [The kids cheer.]

               
                                     FRY
                         What's death rolling?

               
                                     OROWHEAT
                         It's like skateboarding.

               
                                     ICE-V
                         Except half the time, someone dies.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Oh, so it's a little safer than skateboarding.
 
                         
               
               [Ruined City. At the top of a ruined building, Fry stands on 
               a skateboard with wheels and Butch stands on a rocket-propelled 
               one.]
 
               
                                     BUTCH
                         Last one holding the bandana's the new 
                         leader.
 
               
               [He takes his bandana off and Fry holds one end of it.]

               
                                     MICHELLE
                         My mother always said you were a loser, 
                         Fry. Now get out there and prove her 
                         wrong.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         (sadly) Beth said that?

               
                                     BUTCH'S GIRLFRIEND
                         (in Hebrew) One, two, three.

               
               [Butch flies down the ramp, dragging Fry with him. They tug back 
               and forth on the bandana as they wind through the ruined streets. 
               Butch pulls Fry through a sewer pipe and Fry's hair makes sparks 
               on the side of it. They leave the sewer pipe and jump on a highway. 
               Two urban defence vehicles drive either side of them and start 
               shooting at each other. They flip over and Fry and Butch dodge 
               them. Fry rolls down the opposite lane, straight towards an oncoming 
               car. He lifts his skateboard onto the other side, missing the 
               car. Butch holds onto the bumper of a car and Fry grabs the bumper 
               of another one. He coughs as he gets exhaust in his face. The 
               cars split and Fry and Butch fly towards a lamppost. The bandana 
               wraps around it and their heads hit each other. The kids and 
               Michelle gather around.]
 
               
                                     BUTCH
                         It's cool. Back off.  (crying) My knee. 
                         I scraped it.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Aww. Poor little guy. Let me just take 
                         a look at - aha!  I won! I'm the new 
                         chief! I'm the tallest and I weigh the 
                         most!
 
               
               [The kids takes their guns out.]

               
                                     BUTCH
                         Hand it over, you giant idiot.

               
               [An armoured car pulls up and honks its horn.]

               
                                     BUTCH'S GIRLFRIEND
                         Hey, Butch, your mom's here.

               
                                     BUTCH
                         Aw, man.

               
                                     BUTCH'S MOM
                         Come on, kids. You're late for Hebrew 
                         school.
 
               
               [The kids groan and drop their guns.]

               
                                     OROWHEAT
                         I don't wanna go.

               
                                     BUTCH'S GIRLFRIEND
                         Every Monday and Wednesday's the same 
                         thing.
 
               
               [They get into the car and drive away.]

               
                                     FRY
                         I find this post-apocalyptic wasteland 
                         very confusing. Seriously, I'm weirded 
                         out.
 
               
                                     MICHELLE
                         That's because you're a loser. You were 
                         a loser in the year 2000 and you're 
                         a loser in the year 4000.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Yeah, but in the year 3000, I had it 
                         all. Several friends, a low-paying job, 
                         a bed in a robot's closet. I envied 
                         no man. But you wrecked everything.
 
                         
               
                                     MICHELLE
                         Quit standing up for yourself, Fry. 
                         When we get back to the hole, we are 
                         going to have a long, boring talk about 
                         our relationship!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Oh, yeah? Well, listen to this: (whispering) 
                         I'm leaving you.
 
               
               [He runs away.]

               
               [Time Lapse. Fry walks alone through the misty desert.]

               
                                     FRY
                         There must be people somewhere.

               
               [He climbs a small hill and sees some lights in the distance. 
               He slips on some loose stones and bounces down the other side 
               of the hill.]
 
               
               [Time Lapse. The mist is thicker. Fry falls to the ground. The 
               mist clears a little and something comes into view.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Yes! Footprints! And hand prints?  But? 
                         What's happening?
 
               
               [He stands up and sees Loew's Gaddafi's Chinese Theater in front 
               of him. He steps back. The Planet Express ship lands beside him, 
               crushing a floodlight. People scatter. Leela, Bender and Farnsworth 
               walk off the ship.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Fry, thank God we found you.

               
                                     FRY
                         Leela? What are you guys doing here 
                         in the year 4000?
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         It's not the year 4000.

               
                                     BENDER
                         You were only frozen for two days. Uh, 
                         by the way, I broke your bed.
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         You were in Pauly Shore's tube and they 
                         were delivering it to his movie screening.
 
                         
               
               [He points to the sign on the theatre; "Jury Duty II: Trouble 
               On The Hubble Starring Dr. Paul Shore. 1000th Anniversary Gala!"]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         But, when they noticed you weren't him, 
                         they chucked you in a ditch.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         So you're saying these aren't the decaying 
                         ruins of New York in the year 4000?
 
                         
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         You wish! You're in Los Angeles!

               
                                     FRY
                         But there was this gang of 10-year olds 
                         with guns.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Exactly: You're in L.A.

               
                                     FRY
                         But everyone is driving around in cars 
                         shooting at each other.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         That's L.A.. for you.

               
                                     FRY
                         But the air's green and there's no sign 
                         of civilisation whatsoever.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         He just won't stop with the social commentary.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         And the people are all phoneys. No one 
                         reads. Everything has cilantro on it 
                         -  Michelle, baby!
 
               
                                     MICHELLE
                         It's not working out, Fry.

               
               [The limo drives away. Pauly Shore pokes his head out of the 
               sunroof.]
 
               
                                     SHORE
                         (shouting) Tis better to have loved 
                         and lost, n'est ce-pas?
 
               
               [He laughs.]

               
               [Ship's Cockpit. Fry looks out of the window as the ship flies 
               back to New New York.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         That's it. I've had it with women. From 
                         now on, I'm concentrating on my career. 
                         Can I have my old job back?
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Why, I've forgotten why I even fired 
                         you.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         'Cause he destroyed your business, your 
                         home and all your possessions.
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Oh, that's right. Get lost.

               
               [He pulls a lever and the floor opens up beneath Fry. He falls 
               out of the ship and screams.]
 
               
               THE END

               

The Cryonic Woman



Writers :   J. Stewart Burns
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


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