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                                        FUTURAMA

                                       Episode 307

                             "THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STUPID"

                                           By

                            Jeff Westbrook & David X. Cohen

                         Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet



               
               [Opening Credits. Caption: 80% Entertainment By Volume.]

               
               [A planet, Tweenis 12 hangs in the void of space. Glowing cracks 
               start to appear on the surface. There are several explosions 
               and the planet explodes, the shockwave and debris flying out 
               in all directions. A group of glowing, flying brains fly away 
               from what is left of the planet. A caption tells us Tweenis 12 
               was one day's brain flight from Earth.]
 
               
               [Madison Cube Garden. The Planet Express staff are at a pet show. 
               There are stalls selling cream, Soylent Chow, Kibbles 'n' Snouts 
               and flea collars for giant fleas. Leela carries Nibbler and a 
               big purple bag over her shoulder.]
 
               
                                     AMY
                         Is Nibbler stoked for the big pet show?
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         He ought to be with all the strict training 
                         I've been putting him through.  Nibbler: 
                         Roll over and you get a ham.  Roll over. 
                         Roll over for the ham.  You are so adorable! 
                         Who wants a ham?
 
               
               [He takes it and swallows it whole. Farnsworth reads a pamphlet.]
 
               
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Zooka barooka! First prize is $500 and 
                         a year's supply of dog food!
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         "$500", you say?

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         "Dog food", you say?

               
               [He licks his tendrils.]

               
               [Time Lapse. The sheep herding trial has begun. A collie herds 
               four sheep into a pen and the staff watch from the bleachers.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         Man, that's dog's gonna be hard to beat. 
                         Look at him bring in the sheep! One 
                         sheep, two sheep......three sheep.
 
                         
               
               [He falls asleep on Farnsworth's shoulder. Farnsworth carries 
               on eating his popcorn.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         The dog's good, but our real competition 
                         is the Hypno-Toad.  Your turn, Nibbler, 
                         honey. Herd those sheep!
 
               
               [Nibbler scurries towards the bleating sheep and the crew eagerly 
               watch.]
 
               
                                     AMY
                         Come on, Nibbler!

               
               [They cringe as Nibbler eats the sheep. He coughs up the bells.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                          Ma'am, I have a late entry.  My hard-shelled 
                         wooping terrier, Mr. Zoidberg.
 
               
               [He whips Zoidberg and he woops. He whips him again and Zoidberg 
               woops and waves his claws in the air.]
 
               
               [Time Lapse. The crowds cheer for Zoidberg and Bender. Zoidberg 
               scurries through a tunnel with Bender whipping him as he goes.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         Faster! Faster.

               
               [Zoidberg woops. He comes out of the tunnel, jumps on to a balance 
               beam and somersaults across it. Bender hits him again.]
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Ow!

               
                                     BENDER
                         Suck in that gut! You wanna be spayed?
 
                         
               
               [Time Lapse. Zoidberg stands on a table and a judge inspects 
               him. He looks in his mouth and then tickles his arm. Zoidberg 
               laughs.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Silence, you cur! Puff out that brisket!
 
                         
               
               [Time Lapse. Zoidberg does a Spanish flamenco for the judges 
               in the talnt competition and Bender watches from ringside.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         I should be weeping! I'm not weeping!
 
                         
               
               [He chases Zoidberg and the judges look at each other and shrug.]
 
               
               
               [Time Lapse. Fry, Amy and Farnsworth wander around the rest of 
               the arena and pass Glab with a unicorn-cat. Fry sees what looks 
               like an invisible-dog-leash and laughs.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I love these things!

               
               [It's a real invisible dog and it bites Fry's ankle. He screams. 
               Nibbler is being inspected by the judge.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Shake paws, Nibbler. Come on, shake. 
                          He might be a little hungry. Shake, 
                         boy. Usually he's had more ham by now. 
                         Shake!
 
               
               [Nibbler chirps and sees a kid with a pig-shaped balloon. He 
               licks his lips and jumps onto the balloon, biting into it. It 
               bursts and flies towards the ceiling. Nibbler falls from it and 
               lands in a bowl of cream. The cream splashes over people and 
               cats jump on them, making the people scream.]
 
               
               [Time Lapse. The awards ceremony begins.]

               
                                     JUDGE #1
                         Third prize, a party-sized keg of guinea 
                         pigs, goes to Dave Spiegel and his owner, 
                         Fluffers.  Second prize, this lovely 
                         afghan made from an Afghan, goes to 
                         Bender and his wooping terrier.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Second place?  That's a fancy word for 
                         losing.  You didn't stick your landing!
 
                         
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Forgive me, my friend.

               
                                     BENDER
                         Never!

               
               [He whips him again.]

               
                                     JUDGE #1
                         And before we announce the winner we 
                         have a special award for a first-time 
                         contestant: Miss Leela and her mystery 
                         pet, Nibbler!
 
               
               [Leela gasps. The crowd applauds.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Me? Award? Him? Me? Good?

               
                                     JUDGE #1
                         That's just the kind of eloquence you'd 
                         expect from the owner of Dumbest Pet 
                         in Show.  And the grand prize winner......the 
                         Hypno-Toad.  All glory to the Hypno-Toad.]
 
                         
               
               [Planet Express: Meeting Room. Most of the staff are sat around 
               the conference table. Nibbler is asleep in Leela's arms. She 
               sighs.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Maybe they're right. Maybe Nibbler is 
                         dumb.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Don't listen to them, Leela. People 
                         said I was dumb, but I proved them.
 
                         
               
               [Enter Farnsworth.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Good news, everyone. We were supposed 
                         to make a delivery to the planet Tweenis 
                         12 but it's been completely destroyed.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Why is that good news?

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         They paid in advance.

               
               [Comic twang. Bender bangs his chest.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Excuse me.

               
                                     HERMES
                         This is mighty strange.  First, the 
                         civilisation Space Rome collapsed, then 
                         Don Martin 3 went caflooie and now Tweenis 
                         12.
 
               
               [The three holographic planets are replaced with red X's.]

               
                                     FRY
                          Looks like this planet is next in line.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         That's Earth.  The planet we live on.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         I'd hate to be those guys.

               
               [Nibbler starts sniffing. He jumps off Leela's lap and starts 
               whimpering.]
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         What's got into him? He's twitching 
                         like Zoidberg when someone mentions 
                         the word "food".
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                          What now?

               
               [Cut to: Outside Planet Express. Nibbler jumps out of a window.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         (shouting) No! Nibbler, come back!
 
                         
               
               [Alley. Night has fallen. Leela enters the alley carrying another 
               joint.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Too bad Nibbler's not around. I guess 
                         I'll have to eat this raw, dripping 
                         ham by myself.  Nibbler?  Nibbler, you're 
                         scaring me.  Nibbler?!  Am I going crazy? 
                         Have my years of wild hedonism finally 
                         caught up with me?  Nibbler, help! Don't 
                         leave me here.  Uh, Nibbler? Could you 
                         scooch the seat up just a little bit?
 
                         
               
               [The next morning, the brains fly over New New York, turning 
               buildings a glowing blue with some weird rays. Seven brains converge 
               on the Planet Express building and turn it blue.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Planet Express: Lounge. Bender sits on the couch mumbling 
               and the room glows blue around him. Enter Fry.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Leela back yet?

               
                                     BENDER
                         Fry, help me! My heart stopped beating!
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         You don't have a heart; you're a robot.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Sure...right. Robot!  Oh, Fry! My skin's 
                         all dry and clanky.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Well, yeah. Robots are made of metal.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Am I a robot?

               
                                     FRY
                         Bender, if this is some kind of scam, 
                         I don't get it. You already have my 
                         power of attorney.
 
               
               [He walks off towards the meeting room.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Fry!  My skin!

               
               [Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Farnsworth has his head between 
               the balls of a Newton's Cradle.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Ow. Ow. Ow.  I'm a genius. Ow. Ow.
 
                         
               
               [Fry leaves without saying anything.]

               
               [Planet Express: Zoidberg's Office. Zoidberg is crouched on the 
               examination table. He sticks one of his tendrils out and trys 
               to clack it with is claw. Enter Fry.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Dr. Zoidberg? Why is everyone acting 
                         so weird?
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Zoidy want balloon! Want balloon now! 
                          Zoidy want go outside!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         (angry) I just let you back in!

               
               [Nibbler's Ship. The ship flies through the vacuum of space. 
               The ship is so small that Leela is squashed into the back. The 
               whole top section is a transparent dome. Part of Leela's ponytail 
               is caught in it and it blows in the wind outside.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         This is unbelievable. I thought you 
                         were a furry little moron. But here 
                         you are flying an adorable spaceship. 
                         If only you could talk.  Wait! I understood 
                         that!  You say you're transmitting your 
                         thoughts directly to my brain.  You 
                         say those awful flying brains are making 
                         everyone on Earth stupid?  Oh, stupider. 
                         And you go on to say that we're headed 
                         for your home planet where your race 
                         has lived since the beginning of the 
                         universe?  So, how did the universe 
                         begin?  Then the meaning of existence...? 
                          So every religion is wrong!
 
               
               [Planet Express: Meeting Room. Hermes stands in the emergency 
               chemical burn shoulder with his mouth wide open, letting the 
               water run into it. The door is open and there is a puddle of 
               water on the floor. Fry closes his mouth and pushes his head 
               forward.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Planet Express: Lounge. Bender, Zoidberg, Amy and Farnsworth 
               stare open-mouthed at the TV. The TV that isn't on. Fry sits 
               on the couch and turns it on. Morbo spins around in his chair 
               and Linda watches. He falls off and she laughs.]
 
               
                                     LINDA
                          You fell!  Hi! Today, some bad things 
                         happened. One bad things was a train 
                         got crashed in New Jersey. Wanna see? 
                          People won't be late for work though, 
                         because the governer lady says, (deeper 
                         voice) "I'm sending in more trains!"
 
                         
               
               [A train crashes into the wreckage and commuters run onto it.]
 
               
               
                                     WOMAN
                          Go!

               
                                     MAN
                          Wait for me! Wait for me!

               
               [The picture returns to the studio.]

               
                                     MORBO
                          Morbo can't understand his TelePrompTer. 
                         He forgot how you say that letter that 
                         looks like a man with a hat.
 
               
                                     LINDA
                          It's a "T". It goes "tuh".

               
                                     MORBO
                          Hello, little man. I will destroy you!
 
                         
               
               [Fry turns the TV off.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Man, even the news monster is acting 
                         strange. What are we gonna do?
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Duh, I know! Let's play the lottery!
 
                         
               
                                     AMY
                         No. Let's buy internet stock!

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         On margin! Zoidy wanna buy on margin!
 
                         
               
               [Hermes is wrapped in a towel on the other side of the room and 
               holds a piece of wood in front of his face.]
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         Look at me! I'm invisible!

               
                                     FRY
                         Wait a minute! I know what's going on 
                         here. You've all become idiots!
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey, let's all join the Reform Party!
 
                         
               
               [Everyone cheers.]

               
                                     HERMES
                         Oh, yeah!

               
               [They run out.]

               
               [Nibbler's ship flies towards a planet called Planet Eternium 
               which lies at the exact centre of the universe. The continents 
               are shaped like love hearts. It lands outside a building called 
               the Hall of Forever, ten miles west of the exact centre of the 
               universe. The main part of the building is a dome with an eyestalk 
               on top of it. Either side of the dome are two "Rosetta Stone" 
               obelisks with both alien languages carved onto them.]
 
               
               [Hall of Forever. Nine of Nibbler's race sit on raised chairs 
               in a dark chamber. Enter Nibbler and Leela.]
 
               
                                     KEN
                         Welcome back, Lord Nibbler, Ambassador 
                         to Earth, homeworld of the pizza bagel.
 
                         
               
               [Nibbler speaks plain English with a deep voice.]

               
                                     NIBBLER
                         Thank you. I bear many receipts for 
                         reimbursement.
 
               
                                     FIONA
                         The four welcomes of friendship to you 
                         as well, Leela. We shall manipulate 
                         your mind so we appear to be speaking 
                         your language. Do not be afraid, my 
                         child.
 
               
               [She pulls the hood of her robe off her head. Her eyestalk has 
               a little orange bow tied around it.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         I'm not afraid.

               
                                     FIONA
                         Uh, good. Good.

               
                                     LEELA
                         So, your real name is Lord Nibbler? 
                         That's a coincidence.
 
               
                                     NIBBLER
                         That name is for your sake. In the time 
                         it would take to pronounce one letter 
                         of my true name a trillion cosmoses 
                         would flair into existence and sink 
                         into eternal night.
 
               
               [Leela laughs and pinches Nibbler's cheek.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Oh, you're all so cute!

               
                                     KEN
                         No, we are not.  We Nibblonians are 
                         an ancient and powerful race. Behold. 
                          When the universe was forged in the 
                         crucible of the big bang, our mighty 
                         race was already 17 years old.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Aww!

               
               [Fiona growls. The hologram changes and shows a rocky planet 
               with a lightning storm overhead.]
 
               
                                     KEN
                         For the first millisecond of time, things 
                         were OK. But then there arose a terrible 
                         enemy: The Brain Spawn.  Ever since, 
                         we have waged unceasing war against 
                         these dreadful --
 
               
               [A Nibblonian chef opens a door into the chamber.]

               
                                     NIBBLONIAN CHEF
                         Lunch is ready.

               
                                     KEN
                         Then let the feast of a thousand hams 
                         begin.
 
               
               [Cut to: Outside Hall of Forever. Chewing and eating noises come 
               from inside and the Nibblonians burp.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Hall of Forever. Leela is sat on the floor tickling 
               Ken and Fiona like cats.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         So why are these Brain Spawn attacking 
                         Earth, Nibbler?
 
               
               [Above Nibbler is a hologram of the Brain Spawn flying around 
               New New York.]
 
               
                                     NIBBLER
                         The Brain Spawn hate all consciousness. 
                         The thoughts of others screech at them 
                         like the forced laughs of a billion 
                         art house movie patrons.
 
               
                                     KEN
                         Thus, they travel from world to world 
                         making everyone stupid in order to wipe 
                         out all thought in the universe.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Wipe out all thought? My God! They're 
                         like flying televisions.
 
               
                                     FIONA
                         And even we are powerless to stop them, 
                         fearsome though we are.
 
               
               [She purrs.]

               
                                     NIBBLER
                         There is but one being that can resist 
                         them. A child of destiny whose bizzare 
                         brain wave pattern makes him immune 
                         to the Brain Spawn attack.  He is the 
                         hope of the universe.  The fate of your 
                         world - perhaps all worlds - rests in 
                         his special mind.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Now, when you say "special"...

               
               [Planet Express Balcony. Fry stands on the balcony looking at 
               the carnage. Buildings burn in the distance, ships fall from 
               the sky and cars crash in the street. A man crashes his car into 
               a lamppost, opens the dome and slumps over dead. Fry picks up 
               a bullhorn and talks into the wrong end.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Attention New New Yorkers. Stop acting 
                         so stupid!
 
               
               [A bird lands on the other end and squawks into it. Fry screams 
               and falls over.]
 
               
               [Nibblonian Ship. The large circular ship orbits the Earth and 
               is flanked by lots of smaller ships.]
 
               
                                     KEN
                          Nibblonian fleet holding at perimeter 
                         of moron zone, formerly known as "Earth".
 
                         
               
               [The command centre of the ship looks like the Enterprise bridge 
               from Star Trek, albeit a lot more pink. Ken, Fiona and Nibbler 
               all sit on one big love-heart-shaped chair in the middle of the 
               room.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Why would Fry be immune to the flying 
                         brains? Because he doesn't shower?
 
                         
               
                                     FIONA
                         The Brain Spawn suppress intelligence 
                         by attacking the delta brain wave. Every 
                         animal and robot in the universe generates 
                         this wave, as do certain trees.
 
               
                                     NIBBLER
                         Fry, however, does not.

               
                                     FIONA
                         Somehow he has cobbled together a random 
                         assortment of other brainwaves into 
                         a working mind.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Like a prom dress made from carpet remnants.
 
                         
               
                                     NIBBLER
                         Yes, like your prom dress.

               
                                     KEN
                         The Brain Spawn are commanded by a giant 
                         evil brain with a gooey centre of pure 
                         hate.
 
               
                                     FIONA
                         Only Fry, with is superior, yet inferior 
                         mind, can approach him. You must tell 
                         him to disable it. We will do the rest.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         You can count on me.

               
                                     FIONA
                         No we can't. Once on Earth, you will 
                         be too stupid to remember the message.
 
                         
               
               [Ken nods.]

               
                                     NIBBLER
                         That's why we wrote it down for you.
 
                         
               
               [He pins the note to the front of Leela's top.]

               
                                     KEN
                         We've also prepared a bag lunch and 
                         some mittens.
 
               
               [Planet Express: Attic. Hermes, Zoidberg, Amy and Farnsworth 
               are lined up on the couch and Bender stands nearby. In front 
               of them, Fry has set up a classroom situation. He has written 
               "Fry's Dumb School" on a blackboard and there is a cardboard 
               box in front of it.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Time to re-educate you duncebags. We'll 
                         start with US presidents.  This is our 
                         first president, George Washington. 
                          Let's review. Who was our first president?
 
                         
               
                                     AMY
                         Umm...

               
                                     BENDER
                         A pickle jar?

               
                                     WASHINGTON
                         Thomas Jefferson?

               
               [There is a screeching sound from outside. Leela crashes through 
               the window in Nibbler's ship. It glides to a halt and she steps 
               out of the smoking wreckage.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Leela! I've been so worried. Are you 
                         a bonehead?
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         I...have to tell...must...important...something...
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Whoa, whoa! Slow down. You're going 
                         a mile a minute.
 
               
               [Leela sees the note on her top, takes it off and hands it to 
               him.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         This! You for this!

               
                                     FRY
                         Thanks!

               
               [He blows hit nose on it, screws it up and throws it in the fire.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         No!  Ow! Fire hot.

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         The professy will help!  Fire indeed 
                         hot!
 
               
               [Fry looks around and tips the water from Chest A. Arthur's jar 
               over the professor's arm. Arthur's head falls out too and lands 
               on the floor.]
 
               
                                     ARTHUR
                         Oh! Chester A. Arthur fall down.

               
                                     LEELA
                         Brain. Brain make people dumb.

               
                                     FRY
                         No, Leela. Brain make people smart.
 
                         
               
               [He taps his head. Behind him, two Brain Spawn appear in the 
               broken window. Leela growls and turns him around. He sees the 
               brains and screams.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         You go fight biggest brain of all.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Even bigger than those? Holy nuts! Where 
                         is it?
 
               
                                     LEELA
                          I 'unno!

               
                                     FRY
                         Hm. A giant brain is basically a giant 
                         nerd. And where would a giant nerd be? 
                          The libary!
 
               
               [Outside New New York Public Library. Fry and Leela run up the 
               steps and two Brain Spawn fly in and block their path. Fry forces 
               them out of the way.]
 
               
               [New New York Public Library Corridors. Fry and Leela run past 
               a librarian trying to push a book onto a bookshelf sideways. 
               They run past Reference Books, Books on Tapeworm and Stephen 
               King: A - Aardvark. They come to a stop outside Ancient Literature. 
               From behind the door there comes a purple glow. Fry pushes the 
               door ajar.]
 
               
               [Cut to: New New York Public Library: Ancient Literature. A huge 
               brain hovers over a table reading books.]
 
               
                                     BIG BRAIN
                         Pathetic human race. Arranging their 
                         knowledge by category just made it easier 
                         to absorb. Dewey, you fool: Your decimal 
                         system has played right into my hands! 
                          What do you want?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I'm here to kick your ass.

               
                                     BIG BRAIN
                         Wishful thinking. We have long since 
                         evolved beyond the need for asses.  
                         Odd. My stupefaction field is having 
                         no effect on your ability to think.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         That's right. And I think you'll find 
                         that a little knowledge is a dangerous 
                         thing!  OK, better think of a new plan. 
                         Come on, Fry, think!  Thinking...thinking...
 
                         
               
               [There is a buzzing sound and the brain shivers.]

               
                                     BIG BRAIN
                         Oh! Stop that!

               
                                     FRY
                         Hey! Thinking hurts him. Maybe I can 
                         think of a way to use that.  Aha! Prepare 
                         to be thought at. Leela, give me a topic.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Duh...

               
                                     FRY
                         Seriously, I can't think of anything. 
                          Gotta find something to make me think. 
                         (reading) Hardy Boys. (talking) Too 
                         easy. (reading) Nancy Drew. (talking) 
                         Too hard. Aha! Perfect! Bonfire of the 
                         Vanities!
 
               
               [He reads it and the buzzing returns. The brain sinks into the 
               corner of the room.]
 
               
                                     BIG BRAIN
                         No! It's unbearable!

               
               [Cut to: Outside New New York Public Library. The Brain Spawn 
               outside drop like flies.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Nibblonian Ship. The Nibblonians watch this on a screen.]
 
               
               
                                     FIONA
                         The brains are weakening.  Nibblonians 
                         to Nibble stations. Prepare cuddle bug 
                         for deployment in 40 nibblets.
 
               
               [Nibbler sighs.]

               
                                     NIBBLER
                         Sometimes I fear we are cute.

               
                                     FIONA
                         Oh, niggle-snoosh!

               
               [New New York Public Library: Ancient Literature. The Big Brains 
               purple glow has turned green. It groans as Fry carries on reading.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         Take that! And that! This sentence I 
                         don't understand but take this one!
 
                         
               
                                     BIG BRAIN
                         You have not won yet.  Each book in 
                         this room is a gateway to a mental realm 
                         and I shall take you there and imprison 
                         you forever.
 
               
               [It envelopes a book and Fry and Leela.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Icky!

               
               [Cut to: Herman Melville's Moby Dick. Leela and Fry are on a 
               dinghy in the middle of the ocean.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Where are we?

               
               [They look around and see Captain Ahab and Queequeg on the boat 
               with them.]
 
               
                                     AHAB
                         A gold doubloon to the man who first 
                         spies the white whale.
 
               
               [The Big Brain rams the side of the boat from the water.]

               
                                     QUEEQUEG
                          Big whale over there.

               
                                     AHAB
                         I saw it first!

               
               [He pockets the gold and gives a shifty look. Fry is about to 
               harpoon the brain when Queequeg grabs his arm.]
 
               
                                     QUEEQUEG
                         Wait! That no white whale. It grey, 
                         pink-y whale!
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Queequeg, let go of me! I have to kill 
                         it!
 
               
                                     BIG BRAIN
                         Farewell! You will all be trapped in 
                         this dense, symbolist tome forever!
 
                         
               
               [It dives.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Follow him! It's our only way out!
 
                         
               
               [He dives in, followed by Ahab, Queequeg and Leela.]

               
               [Cut to: New New York Public Library: Ancient Literature. Fry 
               and Leela struggle in the purple glow. The Brain picks up another 
               book.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Mark Twain's The Adventures Of Tom Sawyer. Tom Sawyer 
               is painting the fence and the characters from Moby Dick are with 
               Fry and Leela.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Excuse me, have you seen a giant brain?
 
                         
               
                                     TOM SAWYER
                         Yep. I let him help me whitewash Aunt 
                         Polly's fence.
 
               
               [He pushes open the gate, revealing the Brain wearing a straw 
               hate and painting the fence.]
 
               
                                     BIG BRAIN
                         Tom Sawyer, you tricked me. This is 
                         less fun than previously indicated. 
                         Let this corny slice of Americana be 
                         your tomb for all eternity.
 
               
                                     TOM SAWYER
                         Please, no!

               
                                     FRY
                         (shouting) Come on!

               
               [They chase the Brain.]

               
               [Cut to: New New York Public Library: Ancient Literature. The 
               Brain picks up another book.]
 
               
               [Cut to: Jane Austen's Pride And Prejudice. Fry is at a staely 
               banquet.]
 
               
                                     WOMAN
                         Mr. Fry, Mama tells us you're quite 
                         the oddity; a bachelor at your age.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Tou think I'm an oddity? Wait'l you 
                         see --
 
               
               [A door opens.]

               
                                     BUTLER
                         Presenting the most eligible landowner 
                         in all Hertfordshire, Mr. Brainly.
 
                         
               
               [Enter the smartly-dressed Brain.]

               
                                     BIG BRAIN
                         I'm a gigantic brain!

               
               [There is general murmuring from the people.]

               
                                     MAN #1
                         I say!

               
                                     MAN #2
                         Most ungentleman-like!

               
                                     WOMAN
                         Mr. Brainly, what news have you of the 
                         London season?
 
               
                                     BIG BRAIN
                         Well...

               
               [Fry grabs Tom Sawyer's bucket.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Hey, Brain-y, think fast!

               
               [He throws the whitewash at it.]

               
                                     BIG BRAIN
                         I always think fast.

               
               [The whitewash hits it and it screams.]

               
                                     AHAB
                         The whale! He be white now!

               
               [He and Queequeg throw harpoons at it and it screams. Ahab breaks 
               off his wooden leg and hits the Brain with it.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Leela, I've got an idea. Stay here with 
                         Queequeg.
 
               
               [He jumps out of the window. Leela looks at Queequeg and twiddles 
               her hair.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Is there Mrs. Queequeg?

               
               [Cut to: New New York Public Library: Ancient Literature. Fry 
               pushes and sturggles and breaks free of the Brain's glow.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                         Yes! I'm free!  Alright, Brain. Get 
                         ready for some electroshock treatment!
 
                         
               
               [He smashes the bulbs and swings on the light towards the Brain. 
               He misses it by a mile and slams into a bookcase on the other 
               side of the room. He falls to the floor and it falls on him, 
               crushing him. Leela is freed from the purple glow. She sees Fry 
               choking and screams.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Fry, don't die! Wake up!  (screaming) 
                         Nooo!
 
               
               [The Brain laughs. The bookcase and Fry's dead body fade away. 
               Leela is kneeling in the middle of the room. The Brain is still 
               laugh. She looks around and hears Fry's voice. He is writing.]
 
               
               
                                     FRY
                          Leela cried for her lost love as Fry 
                         lay dead under the heavy bookcase. The 
                         Big Brain laughed in triumph......Then, 
                         for no reason, he left Earth forever. 
                         The end.  There!  Now he's trapped in 
                         a book I wrote: A crummy world of plot 
                         holes and spelling errors.
 
               
                                     BIG BRAIN
                         The Big Brain am winning again. I am 
                         the greetest!  Now I am leaving Earth 
                         for no rason!
 
               
               [It squeezes through the window.]

               
               [Cut to: Outside New New York Public Library. The Nibblonians 
               watch and cheer.]
 
               
                                     NIBBLER
                         The Big Brain is defeated. Let what 
                         must be done be done.
 
               
               [The Nibblonian soldiers eat the other brains that have fallen.]
 
               
               
               [Cut to: New New York Public Library: Ancient Literature. Leela 
               shakes her head as her intelligence returns.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Me...feel...a bit better in cognitive 
                         faculties.
 
               
                                     FRY
                          I did it!  And it's all thanks to the 
                         books at my local library.
 
               
               [Planet Express: Meeting Room. The rest of the staff sleep as 
               Hermes points to a chart showing the increase in employee sleep 
               during meetings.]
 
               
                                     NIBBLER
                         (voice-over) And so life returned to 
                         normal. Or as normal as it gets on this 
                         primative dirtball inhabited by psychotic 
                         apes...
 
               
               [Planet Express: Lounge. Fry reads "Fry Tricks The Brain" to 
               Farnsworth who dismisses it.]
 
               
                                     NIBBLER
                         (voice-over) ...Thanks to the effect 
                         of the brain rays, the people of Earth 
                         had no memory of what had transpired, 
                         except Fry. And no one believed him 
                         or cared what he had to say...
 
               
               [Leela's Quarters. Leela lies on her bed stroking Nibbler, who 
               is back in his cape.]
 
               
                                     NIBBLER
                         (voice-over) ...I, meanwhile, returned 
                         to my post, ever vigilant, lest Earth 
                         again come under Brain attack. And when 
                         that day comes, God help us. God help 
                         us all.
 
               
               [Leela picks him up.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Time for a diapee change!

               
                                     NIBBLER
                         (voice-over) End transmission.

               
               THE END

               

The Day The Earth Stood Stupid



Writers :   Jeff Westbrook  David X. Cohen
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


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