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                                        FUTURAMA

                                       Episode 314

                                "TIME KEEPS ON SLIPPING"

                                           By

                                       Ken Keeler

                         Transcribed by Dave, The Neutral Planet



               
               [Opening Credits. Caption: For Proper Viewing, Take Red Pill 
               Now.]
 
               
               [Central Park Lake. People enjoy themselves on the lake, sunbathing, 
               barbecuing and fishing. The Planet Express crew are there. Hermes 
               throws a frisbee.]
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         Go get it, boy!

               
               [Zoidberg runs after it, catches it and eats it. Leela eats a 
               sandwich and Fry kneels in front of her.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         So, Leela, how about a romantic ride 
                         in one of those swan boats? They're 
                         kinda dangerous but I finally mastered 
                         them.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Those aren't swan boats, they're swans.
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Oh. That explains these boat eggs.
 
                         
               
               [He holds up some eggs. A shadow creeps over him and he gasps. 
               It's a flying saucer. Crowds flee, screaming, as it lands by 
               the lake.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Wha?

               
               [A screaming man runs past Amy, who is sunbathing topless, is 
               briefly distracted by her, then carries on screaming. Amy sees 
               the flying saucer and screams. A ramp comes down from the ship 
               and a door opens. Nine basketball players walk out, dribbling 
               basketballs. The leader, a guy with an afro, steps forward.]
 
               
               
                                     TATE
                         Pitiful ballplayers of Earth, I am Ethan 
                         "Bubblegum" Tate, commander of the Harlem 
                         Globetrotters.  For generations, your 
                         puny planet has lived in peace with 
                         the Globetrotter Homeworld. But now, 
                         for no reason, we challenge you to defend 
                         your honour on the basketball court. 
                          Will no one meet our challenge? Have 
                         none of you pathetic Earthlings game?
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         (shouting) What happens if we lose?
 
                         
               
                                     TATE
                         Nothing. There's nothing at stake and 
                         no threat - beyond the shame of defeat!
 
                         
               
               [A player passes him a basketball with Earth on it and he drops 
               it into a bin. People gasp and Zoidberg holds Hermes back.]
 
               
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         This will not stand!  I'll take you 
                         on, you air-balling bozos.
 
               
                                     TATE
                         You, old man? Sweet Clyde, laugh derisively 
                         at him.
 
               
               [Another player laughs.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         I may be an old man - in fact, I'm fairly 
                         sure I am - but I'll put you Globetrotters 
                         in your place with my team of mutant 
                         atomic supermen!
 
               
               [The crowd cheers.]

               
                                     HERMES
                         Hooray, professor!

               
               [Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Farnsworth has gathered the 
               staff in front of a big curtain.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Behold: My mutant atomic supermen.
 
                         
               
               [He draws back the curtain to reveal five little men in nappies 
               in a hamster cage.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         They're only a foot high, professor.
 
                         
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Well, they're still young. Mere atomic 
                         super boys, really. We'll need to speed 
                         up their growth with time particles 
                         called Chronitons.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Aren't those the particles that destroyed 
                         an entire civilisation -
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Good news, everyone. You're off to the 
                         Tempest Nebula to gather Chronitons.
 
                         
               
               [Tempest Nebula. Fry, Leela and Bender are tethered to the ship 
               and holding jars. Fry and Bender wear space suits. Leela plucks 
               a particle from the nebula and hole starts to burn away where 
               the particle was. She puts it in the jar. Bender lets them glide 
               into his mouth, then he spits them into a jar.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Hey, Leela. Look at me!

               
               [He takes the valve out of his helmet and his head inflates. 
               He puts it back in and it shrinks to normal size. He coughs.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         Your face can take a lot of punishment. 
                         That's good to know.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         There's a lot about my face you don't 
                         know. Perhaps you and it could get better 
                         acquainted over dinner.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Alright, cool your jets, hotshot.

               
                                     FRY
                         C'mon, Leela, why won't you go out with 
                         me? We both know there's something there.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         No, I mean cool your jets. They're melting 
                         Bender's face.
 
               
               [Fry turns around and sees his jets turning Bender red-hot.]
 
               
               
                                     BENDER
                         (shouting) Ow! Oh my God! Ow!

               
               [Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. The crew return from the nebula. 
               Leela holds a huge bottle of the particles.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Here you go. Hot off the nebula.

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         None too soon. While you were gone the 
                         Trotters held a news conference to announce 
                         that I was a jive sucker.  Behold! My 
                         invincible nuclear mutants.
 
               
                                     AMY
                         Hi!

               
                                     ARACHNEON
                         Hello!

               
               [Madison Cube Garden. The bleachers around the basketball court 
               are packed. Marv Albert commentates.]
 
               
                                     ALBERT
                         Marv Albert here at Madison Cube Garden 
                         where the Harlem Globerotters take on 
                         a squad of atomic supermen in what promises 
                         to be a by-the-numbers athletic contest 
                         with no surprises whatsoever.  Here's 
                         the tip-off. Globetrotter ball. Sweet 
                         Clyde Dixon to Bubblegum Tate. Drives 
                         down-court - and Curly Joe from the 
                         rear.
 
               
               [Curly Joe grabs the five-armed mutant's ass. Zoidberg laughs.]
 
               
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         That one grabbed his behindus!

               
                                     LEELA
                         Shh!

               
                                     HERMES
                         Quiet!

               
                                     TATE
                         Who dares laugh at the Jesters of Dunk? 
                         We came to terrify and humiliate you 
                         - not tickle your funnybones. Watch 
                         as I embarrass your civilisation by 
                         passing the ball to Curly Joe.  Only 
                         to have it remain in my hands with elastic. 
                          And perhaps this will wipe the smiles 
                         from your faces.
 
               
               [He passes to another player and he throws it to the net.]

               
                                     ALBERT
                         Goose goes up... Rejected! Growtrium 
                         from half-court.  Yes!
 
               
               [The crowd cheers.]

               
               [Time Lapse.]

               
                                     ALBERT
                         Supermen lead 45-42. Arachneon with 
                         the steal, to Thorias. Thorias from 
                         downtown!  Yes! He's really showing 
                         us what a man with a cannon in his chest 
                         can do!
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         No showboarding, you atomic hotdog!
 
                         
               
               [He weakly throws a chair and a buzzer buzzes.]

               
                                     ALBERT
                         And that's the half, with the Supermen 
                         up 48-42. Surprisingly dull, so far. 
                          Bubblegum, the Trotters are down by 
                         six. Reactions?
 
               
                                     TATE
                         It was always our plan to trail at the 
                         half. Thus deepening Earth's eventual 
                         humiliation. Also: What game were the 
                         refs watching?
 
               
               [Time Lapse. The referee throws the ball up. Curly Joe sits on 
               the scoreboard with the ball, just out of reach of Growtrium. 
               He laughs.]
 
               
                                     ALBERT
                         Curly Joe, easily amused by his own 
                         antics......continues to wreak havoc 
                         on -
 
               
               [Everything flashes and the players suddenly change position. 
               The ball is now spinning on Tate's finger.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         What the?  Did everything just jump 
                         around? Or did my brain just stroke 
                         off there for a second?
 
               
                                     ALBERT
                         Ladies and gentlemen, something very 
                         strange has just happened in this basketball 
                         game between space clowns and atomic 
                         monsters.
 
               
               [Tate shrugs and throws the ball. The laser-eyed mutant shoots 
               a laser beam at the ball in it bursts into flames. Everything 
               jumps around again and the five-armed mutant finds himself flying 
               through the air. He hits the back board and lands on the hoop. 
               The crowd groans.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Time-out! Time-out!

               
               [The referee blows the whistle.]

               
                                     FRY
                         What's happening?

               
               [Bender shakes.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         We seem to be lurching forward randomly 
                         in time, like a needle skipping on a 
                         record player.
 
               
                                     AMY
                         What's causing it? Is it my outfit?
 
                         
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         No. It must have something to do with 
                         those time particles I used to grow 
                         the Supermen. Time and space are ripping 
                         apart at the seams.
 
               
               [The Supermen gasp. Thorias releases the ball from his cannon 
               and it hits Arachneon and splats him.]
 
               
                                     THORIAS
                         Oops.

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Oh, great. Now, on top of everything, 
                         we need a new fifth man.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Ooh, ooh, ooh, put me in, professor. 
                         I wanna show Leela my skills.
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Hmm. Will said skills pay the bills?
 
                         
               
                                     FRY
                         Who cares? We're 35 points ahead with 
                         two minutes left. What could possibly 
                         -
 
               
               [Time skips. Fry is standing in the middle of the court holding 
               the ball. The crowd boos as Tate takes the ball and scores. The 
               game ends.]
 
               
                                     ALBERT
                         Globetrotters win, 244-86. A dark day 
                         for humanity, folks. We have been beaten...in 
                         basketball.
 
               
               [The Globetrotters cheer and taunt Earth.]

               
                                     CURLY JOE
                         Yeah, that's ow we do it!

               
                                     SWEET CLYDE
                         How's that?

               
                                     TATE
                         You are all fools of the highest calibre.
 
                         
               
               [Everyone starts to leave.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         I don't know what you did, Fry, but 
                         once again you screwed up. Now all the 
                         planets are gonna start cracking wise 
                         about our mamas.
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         I'm just glad my fat, ugly mama isn't 
                         alive to see this day.
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Enough about your promiscuous mother, 
                         Hermes. We have bigger problems. This 
                         time disruption is extremely serious.
 
                         
               
                                     TATE
                         Damn right, brother man. This chronological 
                         wang-dang-doodle could destroy the very 
                         matrix of reality.
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Tate? What do you know about this?
 
                         
               
                                     TATE
                         Not much, yet. But I am senior lecturer 
                         of physics at Globetrotter U. And I 
                         like to help you investigate.
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         You're that Bubblegum Tate?

               
                                     TATE
                         Well I sure ain't his grandma. Now look 
                         here, prof......I think we got ourselves 
                         an excess of Chronitons in the subatomic 
                         interstices.
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Yes, I see. Something involving that 
                         many big words could easily destabilise 
                         time itself.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Is that a problem?

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Indeed so. At this rate, by Tuesday 
                         it will be Thursday; By Wednesday, it 
                         will be August and by Thursday, it will 
                         be the end of existence as we know it.
 
                         
               
                                     MAN
                         I'll have to ask you to clear out now. 
                         The circus need to set up for tomorrow's 
                         big -
 
               
               [Time skips and the Planet Express staff and the Globetrotters 
               find themselves in the middle of a circus. An elephant trumpets 
               and they scatter.]
 
               
               [Planet Express: Lounge. The staff watch a news report.]

               
                                     LINDA
                          Time continues to skip forward randomly. 
                         Details at 11.
 
               
               [Time skips and it is already 11pm.]

               
                                     LINDA
                          This is the news at 11. The mysterious 
                         an unexplained -
 
               
               [Time skips.]

               
                                     LINDA
                          Turning to entertainment news, teen 
                         singer Wendy might just be the latest 
                         -
 
               
               [Time skips.]

               
                                     LINDA
                          ...won three Grammys last night -
 
                         
               
               [Time skips. The picture of Wendy behind her has a "2984 - 3002" 
               caption below it.]
 
               
                                     LINDA
                          ...found dead in her bathtub.

               
               [Farnsworth turns the TV off.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Interesting. It's as if we behave normally 
                         during the time skips, but then we have 
                         no memory of it.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         You mean we just -

               
               [Time skips.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         ...my, yes. Ooh, just like that. Any 
                         luck Bubblegum?
 
               
               [In the corner of the room, Tate is wearing a lab coat and doing 
               some equations on a board.]
 
               
                                     TATE
                         Not yet. Listen, I hope you don't mind 
                         if I dribble a little while I work.
 
                         
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Not if you'll grant me the same liberty.
 
                         
               
               [He wipes his mouth on his sleeve.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Ooh, ohh, Bubblegum? My name's Bender 
                         and I'm a huge fan of your work, both 
                         on and off the court. Can I be a Globetrotter?
 
                         
               
                                     TATE
                         Shut up, turkey.

               
               [Bender sighs. Farnsworth swings something around.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Bubblegum, look at this. The background 
                         time radiation is fluctuating wildly.
 
                         
               
               [The needle on the time flux meter wobbles back and forth.]
 
               
               
                                     TATE
                         Good Lord. That sucker's shaking around 
                         like some fine, imported booty.
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         Say, I'm no physicist, but I think I 
                         know how to stop the skipping. We'll 
                         just -
 
               
               [Time skips. Hermes is wearing a funky shirt and playing a steel 
               drum while the others have formed a nude conga line.]
 
               
                                     HERMES
                         I don't know how this was supposed to 
                         work.
 
               
                                     AMY
                         Professor, I hope you find out what's 
                         wrong before we skip right past my birth 
                         -
 
               
               [Time skips. The lounge has streamers and balloons and banners 
               around it in celebration of Amy's birthday. There is a cake on 
               the coffee table and presents around it.]
 
               
                                     ALL
                         Happy birthday, Amy.

               
                                     AMY
                         Hooray, look at all these presents!
 
                         
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         I hope we all have as much tomorrow 
                         at my birth -
 
               
               [Time skips. Zoidberg sits alone in the empty lounge. There is 
               a tiny cupcake on the table with a candle in it. He looks around.]
 
               
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         What?

               
               [He sighs.]

               
               [Planet Express: Corridor. Fry peeps around a door and attracts 
               Leela's attention.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Psst, Leela. I've set up a time-proof 
                         shelter in the closet. There's only 
                         room for two, and you're the one I wanna 
                         share it with.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Fry, that's so sweet. Let me see.

               
               [Cut to: Closet. Leela looks inside. There is a mattress in the 
               corner, candles, a black light and a bottle of champagne in a 
               bucket of ice.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         How exactly will this protect us from 
                         time jumps?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         (sexfully) Because when we're together 
                         in here, baby, time will stand still.
 
                         
               
               [Time skips. Fry has a black eye and Leela has gone.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Ow.

               
               [Planet Express: Lounge. Zoidberg looks over a chess board.]
 
               
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Hmm.  Hmm.

               
               [He picks up a piece and eats it. Enter Leela.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Dr. Zoidberg, can I talk to you about 
                         Fry?
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Leela, I would be honoured.

               
               [He moves aside on the couch for her.]

               
               [Time skips. Leela is sat down and Zoidberg is watching TV, ignoring 
               her.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         ...Does the worst W.C. Fields imitation 
                         I've ever seen. Zoidberg!
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Sorry, you must have been boring me.
 
                         
               
               [He turns the TV off.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         The thing is, Fry is very sweet. But 
                         he's so immature. I love his boyish 
                         charm but I hate his childishness.
 
                         
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         So he's not perfect. You don't wanna 
                         end up old and lonely like Zoidberg! 
                          You were saying?
 
               
               [Planet Express: Attic. Farnsworth sniffs around with the smellescope. 
               Tate and Bender are with him.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Ah, there is it. The Tempest Nebula. 
                         Take a whiff through the smellescope.
 
                         
               
               [Tate puts his spinning ball on Farnsworth's head where it carries 
               on spinning. He sniffs and recoils.]
 
               
                                     TATE
                         What's that funky jazz?

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         The odour of pure time leaking. When 
                         my crew removed the Chronitons, it destabilised 
                         the nebula, causing time skips throughout 
                         the universe.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Ooh, let Bubblegum tell it.

               
               [Tate walks over to a basket of basketballs.]

               
                                     TATE
                         Pretend these basketballs are time particles, 
                         my silver honky. As the nebula bounce-passes 
                         them off us......they cause these dents, 
                         or "time skips".
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         You are so smart!

               
               [Tate looks at a map.]

               
                                     TATE
                         Hold up. What if we were to move this 
                         cluster of starts to these algebraic 
                         co-ordinates?
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Their gravity might just divert the 
                         Chronitons to the empty side of the 
                         universe.
 
               
                                     TATE
                         Yeah. But is it possible? Moving stars 
                         would require one bad-ass gravity pump. 
                         And we'd need all the money on Earth 
                         to -
 
               
               [Time skips and Tate and Farnsworth find themselves in the oval 
               office. Tate is holding a bad-ass gravity pump proposal.]
 
               
                                     TATE
                         What the?

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Wha?

               
               [They pick up a cheque for all of Earth's money that has been 
               signed by Nixon's head.]
 
               
                                     NIXON
                         Here's the funding for your gravity 
                         pump. But it damn well better work! 
                         We can't spend all of Earth's money 
                         every day. Now, how long will it take 
                         to build?
 
               
                                     TATE
                         It won't be easy, Nixon. A jim-jam this 
                         complex might take months or even -
 
                         
               
               [Time skips and Tate and Farnsworth are in a large building.]
 
               
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Ah, there we are. One gravity pump. 
                          Powerful enough to move the stars themselves. 
                         Now to begin the arduous task of attaching 
                         it to the ship so th -
 
               
               [Time skips. Farnsworth is in the Planet Express hangar watching 
               the ship take off with the gravity pump attached to its roof.]
 
               
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                          Off you go - apparently.

               
               [The gravity pump pushes a star forward with some blue stuff.]
 
               
               
                                     TATE
                         (from ship) Easy, Leela. Just finger-roll 
                         that star to the cosmic basket.
 
               
               [Cut to: Ship's Cockpit.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Just a few...more...hundred...thousand...miles. 
                         There!
 
               
               [The ship moves the star into place next to over ten others which 
               have been placed around the nebula.]
 
               
                                     TATE
                         (from ship) Nothing but nebula!

               
               [Cut to: Ship's Cockpit. Leela waves the time flux meter around.]
 
               
               
                                     LEELA
                         We'll have to run some tests back on 
                         Earth, but I think we've stopped the 
                         time skips.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Alright!

               
                                     TATE
                         Jamming!

               
                                     FRY
                         Hooray for Leela!

               
                                     BENDER
                         And what better way to celebrate our 
                         success than by me showing Bubblegum 
                         the Globetrotter uniform I made myself!
 
                         
               
                                     TATE
                         Let me see.  Hello, lawsuit!

               
                                     FRY
                         Leela, I want you to know I think the 
                         way you moved those stars around was 
                         really wonderful. I got you something.
 
                         
               
               [He opens a bottle of champagne and pours it into two glasses. 
               Leela gasps.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Moderately-priced, domestic, non-vintage 
                         champagne? How did you know?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         You deserve it. I mean, nobody ever 
                         stops to tell you what a great captain 
                         you are.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Aww, that is so true and sweet.

               
                                     FRY
                         You're smart, you're beautiful, and 
                         best of all, you'll go out with me-ee?
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Fry, please try to understand. You're 
                         a man, I'm a woman. We're just too different.
 
                         
               
                                     BENDER
                         Hey, Leela. Bubblegum might let me organise 
                         a bake sale for the Globetrotter wives. 
                         Can you teach me to make cupcakes?
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         Alright, but I wanna lick the beaters.
 
                         
               
               [She and Bender leave. Fry sighs.]

               
                                     FRY
                         I got her champagne, I opened it. What 
                         does a guy have to do?
 
               
                                     TATE
                         86 the chump stuff, F-man. It's time 
                         to win Leela's heart with a big-showy, 
                         three-point romantic gesture.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Hmm. Maybe this is the moment to show 
                         her my real surprise.
 
               
               [He sits in the pilot's chair and moves the ship into gear. Leela 
               walks in.]
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Fry, what are you doing?

               
                                     TATE
                         Uh-oh. Time to boogie on down to the 
                         sauna!
 
               
               [He leaves and Fry presses some buttons.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Look. I've been studying how to pilot 
                         the ship. Impressed?
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Yeah, actually. You're doing OK. The 
                         core reactor temperature's nominal, 
                         the blinker's off.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         I learned how to work the gravity pump 
                         too. In case we need to move more stars. 
                         So are we dating now?
 
               
               [Leela groans.]

               
                                     LEELA
                         Is that what this is all about? Please, 
                         just cut it out now.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Look, Leela. I know there's some perfect, 
                         amazing thing I can do to make you love 
                         me, and when I figure out what it is 
                         -
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         Fry, stop. I don't wanna hurt you, but 
                         there is absolutely, positively no way 
                         that you and I will ever, ever -
 
               
               [Time skips. Leela is wearing a wedding dress and Fry is wearing 
               a tuxedo. They are in the Temple of Robotology.]
 
               
                                     PREACHERBOT
                         ...Man and wife. You may kiss the bride.
 
                         
               
               [Fry grins and kisses her. The other Planet Express crew and 
               Tate throw confetti. Marv Albert is on a seat.]
 
               
                                     ALBERT
                         Yes!

               
               [Time Lapse. The other Globetrotters and the remaining Supermen 
               are at the wedding too.]
 
               
                                     AMY
                         Woo-hoo!

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         He looks radiant!

               
               [Time skips. Leela's bouquet is in Fry's mouth.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Ye Gods, Bubblegum, we failed. The time 
                         skips haven't stopped at all.
 
               
                                     TATE
                         Even in these formal shorts, I feel 
                         like a failure.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         You tricked me into marrying you, didn't 
                         you?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Of course not.

               
                                     LEELA
                         How'd you do it? Drugs in the champagne? 
                         Hypnosis?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         No! Drugs are for losers and hypnosis 
                         is for losers with big, weird eyebrows. 
                         I don't know what amazing thing I did 
                         you make you love me but, whatever it 
                         was, we're married now. We've got the 
                         rest of our lives to work -
 
               
               [Time skips. Leela and Fry are standing before Judge Whitey in 
               Famous Original Ray's Superior Court.]
 
               
                                     WHITEY
                         Divorce is final.

               
               [He bangs his gavel.]

               
                                     FRY
                         What?

               
                                     LEELA
                         Well, let's divide up the china. I guess 
                         I'll take the NFC helmets and you can 
                         have the AFC helmets.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Fine. Break my heart again.

               
               [Planet Express: Meeting Room. Fry sits at the conference table 
               and Amy, Hermes, Bender, Zoidberg and Tate are with him. Zoidberg 
               puts his claw on Fry.]
 
               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         Don't be so hard on yourself, Fry. You 
                         lost the woman of your dreams, but you 
                         still have Zoidberg. You all still have 
                         Zoidberg.
 
               
                                     FRY
                         How did I do it? How did I get Leela 
                         to love me? I've got to figure it out.
 
                         
               
                                     HERMES
                         Maybe you're just a fantastic lover, 
                         Fry.
 
               
                                     AMY
                         Um, no.

               
                                     FRY
                         I don't know what I'm doing.

               
                                     BENDER
                         Maybe she'd come back to you if your 
                         best friend Bender were a Globetrotter. 
                         What do you say, Bubblegum?
 
               
                                     TATE
                         Hell, no.

               
               [Bender groans and Fry sighs.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Oh, it's hopeless. I did something so 
                         great that it won Leela's heart and 
                         I'll never, ever know what it was. My 
                         life is empty.
 
               
               [He sniffs.]

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         (sexfully) Zoidberg!

               
               [Planet Express: Attic. Farnsworth and Tate look over Tate's 
               equations.]
 
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         No wonder we failed to stop the time 
                         skips. Diverting Chronitons is mathematically 
                         impossible. I knew I should have checked 
                         your showboating Globetrotter algebra.
 
                         
               
                                     TATE
                         Man, I thought you knew that algebra 
                         was all razzmatazz. A Globetrotter always 
                         saves the good algebra for the final 
                         minutes.
 
               
               [Bender laughs.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Vintage Bubblegum.

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         The time skips are worse than ever now. 
                         Isolated spots are jumping by years 
                         at a time. Look.
 
               
               [They look through the window.]

               
               [Cut to: Outside Social Security Office. Two kids watch an old 
               man walk out.]
 
               
                                     KID
                         Stupid senior citizens. Why should we 
                         have to pay for their social security 
                         benefits?
 
               
               [Time skips and the kids turn into old men.]

               
                                     OLD MAN
                         I deserve free money!

               
               [Cut to: Planet Express: Attic.]

               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Well, I'm stumped. We'll have to call 
                         in the finest scientific minds in the 
                         univ -
 
               
               [Time skips and the other Globetrotters appear behind them.]
 
               
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Perhaps we could explode the whole damned 
                         nebula. What do you think, Curly Joe?
 
                         
               
                                     CURLY JOE
                         No, man. An explosion big enough to 
                         destroy that mama would take out half 
                         the universe.
 
               
                                     SWEET CLYDE
                         You gotta Globetrotter that explosion 
                         up a little, Farnsy. Make it an implosion.
 
                         
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         By God, Sweet Clyde is right. An implosion 
                         might just form a black hole that would 
                         stop more Chronitons from escaping.
 
                         
               
                                     TATE
                         Whoa. Slow that brain train down, prof. 
                         We'd need some kind of doomsday device 
                         to initiate an implosion like that.
 
                         
               
                                     FARNSWORTH
                         Doomsday device? Ah, now the ball's 
                         in Farnsworth's court.  I suppose I 
                         could part with one and still be feared.
 
                         
               
                                     TATE
                         Give me some skin, prof. I'm making 
                         you an honorary Globetrotter. In fact, 
                         everybody in this room's an honorary 
                         Globetrotter.
 
               
                                     AMY
                         Hooray!

               
                                     HERMES
                         Yes!

               
                                     ZOIDBERG
                         I'm a Globetrotter!

               
               [Bender runs in.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         (gasping) Did you just say -

               
                                     TATE
                         Too late, hot plate.

               
                                     BENDER
                         Oh, crap.

               
               [Planet Express: Hangar. Two Globetrotters attach a doomsday 
               device to a mechanism and it rises into the ship's cargo bay. 
               The other Globetrotters shake hands with the Planet Express staff.]
 
               
               
                                     TATE
                         We must leave now, for we are needed 
                         elsewhere. But we wish you Godspeed.
 
                         
               
               [They leave, dribbling their balls. Bender stops Tate.]

               
                                     BENDER
                         Please, please let me come with you. 
                         I can make myself taller.
 
               
               [He stretches his legs.]

               
                                     TATE
                         Bender, you can talk trash, you can 
                         handle the ball. But look in your heart 
                         and ask yourself: Are you funky enough 
                         to be a Globetrotter? Are you?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Yes.

               
                                     TATE
                         Are you?

               
                                     BENDER
                         I mean, with time, my funk level could 
                         -
 
               
                                     TATE
                         Are you?

               
                                     BENDER
                         (sadly) No.

               
                                     TATE
                         Deal with it.

               
               [He leaves and Bender returns to his normal size and begins to 
               cry.]
 
               
               [The ship flies towards the nebula and Bender emerges from the 
               starboard torpedo tube holding the doomsday device. He is tethered 
               to the ship and wearing a jet pack. The tether jerks and Bender 
               lets go of the doomsday device.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Oh! No!

               
               [He quickly grabs it again.]

               
                                     LEELA
                          Careful with that doomsday device, 
                         Bender.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         What does it matter? I'll never be a 
                         Globetrotter. My life, and, by extension, 
                         everyone else's, is meaningless.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                          Roger.

               
               [Cut to: Ship's Cockpit. She turns the radio off.]

               
                                     FRY
                         Leela, about the wedding. I don't know 
                         what I did to make you love me, and 
                         I don't think I tricked you into it, 
                         but maybe I did. And if I did, I'm sorry.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         It's OK, Fry. You know we'll always 
                         be friends, right?
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Yeah. But I don't guess anything I could 
                         do will ever make you feel the same 
                         way about me that I do about you.
 
                         
               
                                     LEELA
                         I guess not.

               
               [She takes his hand, kisses him on the cheek and walks away. 
               Bender walks in, dusting his hands.]
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Well, the doomsday device is ready. 
                         Maybe blasting this quadrant of space 
                         into a hell storm of flaming nothingness 
                         will cheer me up a little.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                         OK. Let me just take the ship out to 
                         a safe distance.  Actually, I think 
                         I'll go down and prep the detonator. 
                         Fry, why don't you take the helm?
 
                         
               
               [Fry smiles and sits in the chair. She leaves.]

               
                                     FRY
                         She's so great. I feel like I can almost 
                         remember the magical thing I did to 
                         make her love me. But I guess I never 
                         will.
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         Sorry, buddy. I too know what it's like 
                         to have a dream I'll never achieve.
 
                         
               
               [He walks out, slowly whistling the Globetrotter tune. Fry presses 
               some buttons and the ship flies away from the nebula. He glances 
               out of the window and sees something.]
 
               
                                     FRY
                         Oh!  That's how I must have done it! 
                         I moved the stars themselves to write 
                         her a love note in the sky.
 
               
                                     LEELA
                          Detonation in three, two, one.

               
                                     FRY
                         (screaming) Nooo!  Did you see it? Did 
                         you see it?
 
               
                                     BENDER
                         The explosion?

               
                                     FRY
                         No, not the explosion!

               
                                     LEELA
                         Then what?

               
               [Fry thinks for a moment and lowers his head.]

               
                                     FRY
                         (quietly) Nothing.

               
               [Bender starts to whistle Sweet Georgia Brown again as Fry looks 
               back through the window at the black hole.]
 
               
               THE END

               
               

Time Keeps On Slipping



Writers :   Ken Keeler
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


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