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                           MALE UNBONDING



                             Written by

                    Larry David & Jerry Seinfeld


 
               
               
               (Nightclub)

               
                             JERRY
               Most men like working on things, tools, 
               objects, fixing things. This is what 
               men enjoy doing. Have you ever noticed 
               a guy's out in his driveway working 
               on
 
               
               something with tools, how all the other men in the neighborhood 
               are magnetically drawn to this activity. They just come wandering 
               out of the house like zombies.
 
               
               Men, it's true, men hear a drill, it's like a dog whistle. Just.. 
               you know, they go running up to that living room curtain, "Honey, 
               I think Jim's working on something over
 
               
               there." So they run over to the guy. Now they don't actually 
               help the guy. No, they just want to hang around the area where 
               work is being done. That's what men
 
               
               want to do. We want to watch the guy, we want to talk to him, 
               we want to ask him dumb questions. You know, "What are you using, 
               the Philips head?" You know,
 
               
               we feel involved. That's why when they have construction sites, 
               they have to have those wood panel fences around it, that's just 
               to keep the men out. They cut those
 
               
               little holes for us so we can see what the hell is going on. 
               But if they don't cut those holes - we are climbing those fences. 
               Right over there. "What are you using the
 
               
               steel girders down there? Yeah, that'll hold."

               
               (Jerry's apartment building)

               
               (Jerry and George are waiting for the elevator)

               
                             GEORGE
               I had to say something. I had to say 
               something. Everything was going so well; 
               I had to say something.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I don't think you did anything wrong.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               I told her I liked her. Why? Why did 
               I tell her I like her? I have this sick 
               compulsion to tell women how I feel. 
               I like you I don't tell you.
 
               
                             JERRY
               We can only thank God for that.

               
               (Elevator opens, they get on)

               
                             GEORGE
               I'm outta the picture. I am outta the 
               picture. (laughs) It's only a matter 
               of time now.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You're imagining this. Really.

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh no. No, no, no, no.

               
               (elevator doors close)

               
                             GEORGE
               I'll tell you when it happened. When 
               that floss came flying out of my pocket.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What floss? When?

               
                             GEORGE
               We were in the lobby during the intermission 
               of the play. I was buying her one of 
               those containers of orange drink, for 
               five dollars. I reached into my
 
               
               pocket to pay for it, I looked down; there's this piece of green 
               floss hanging from my fingers.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Ah, mint.

               
                             GEORGE
               Of course. So, I'm looking at it, I 
               look up, I see she's looking at it. 
               Our eyes lock. It was a horrible moment. 
               I just..
 
               
               (eleveator doors open, they get off)

               
                             JERRY
               So let me get this straight: she saw 
               the floss, you panicked and you told 
               her you liked her.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               If I didn't put that floss in my pocket, 
               I'd be crawling around her bedroom right 
               now looking for my glasses.
 
               
                             JERRY
               And you're sure the floss was the catalyst?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Yes, I am.

               
                             JERRY
               (looks at a carrying pouch George is 
               wearing) You don't think it might've 
               had anything to do with that?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What? You don't like this?

               
                             JERRY
               It looks like your belt is digesting 
               a small animal.
 
               
               (they go into Jerry's apartment to find Kramer talking on the 
               phone)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, they've got a cure for cancer. See, 
               it's all big business.. Oh hey, Jerry 
               just walked in. Hi, George. (resumes 
               talking on the phone) Yeah, yeah yeah,
 
               
               
               yeah, take my number - 555-8643. Okay, here he is. (hands phone 
               to Jerry.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               (to Kramer) Who is it?

               
                             KRAMER
               Take it.

               
                             JERRY
               Who is it?

               
                             KRAMER
               It's for you.

               
                             JERRY
               (into phone) Hello? Oh, hi Joel. (Jerry 
               hits Kramer with a magazine.) .. No. 
               I was out of town. I just got back.. 
               Kramer doesn't know anything.. He's 
               just
 
               
               my next-door neighbor. Uh.. nothing much.. Tuesday? Uh, Tuesday, 
               no. I'm meeting somebody.. Uh, Wednesday? Wednesday's okay.. 
               Alright. Uh, I'm a little busy
 
               
               right now. Can we talk Wednesday morning? .. Okay.. yeah.. right.. 
               thanks.. bye. (hangs up, then addresses Kramer) Why did you put 
               me on the phone with him? I
 
               
               hate just being handed a phone.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, it's your phone. He wanted to 
               talk to you
 
               
                             JERRY
               Maybe I didn't want to talk to him.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, why not?

               
                             JERRY
               He bothers me. I don't even answer the 
               phone anymore because of him. He's turned 
               me into a screener. Now I gotta go see 
               him on Wednesday.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What do you mean Wednesday? I though 
               we had tickets to the Knick game Wednesday. 
               We got seats behind the bench! What 
               happened? We're not
 
               
               going?

               
                             JERRY
               We're going. That's next Wednesday.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh. Who is this guy?

               
                             JERRY
               His name is Joel Horneck. He lived like 
               three houses down from me when I grew 
               up. He had a Ping Pong table. We were 
               friends. Should I suffer the rest of
 
               
               
               my life because I like to play Ping Pong? I was ten. I would've 
               been friends with Stalin if he had a Ping Pong table.. he's so 
               self-involved.
 
               
               (phone rings, Kramer pulls his phone out of his pocket)

               
                             KRAMER
               That's for me. (into phone) Kramerica 
               Industries.. Oh, hi, Mark.. No, no, 
               no. Forget that. I got a better idea. 
               A pizza place where you make your own
 
               
               
               pie.

               
                             JERRY
               Can you conduct your business elsewhere?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               (ignoring Jerry) No, no, no. I'm talking 
               about a whole chain of 'em. Yeah. (Kramer 
               leaves Jerry's apartment while still 
               on the phone.)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I don't know why you even bother with 
               this ping pong guy, I'll tell you that.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I don't bother with him. He's been calling 
               me for seven years. I've never called 
               him once! He's got the attention span 
               of a five-year-old. Sometimes I sit
 
               
               
               there and I make up things just to see if he's paying attention.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               I don't understand why you spend time 
               with this guy.
 
               
                             JERRY
               What can I do? Break up with him? Tell 
               him "I Don't think we're right for each 
               other.." He's a guy. At least with a 
               woman, there's a precendent. You know,
 
               
               
               the relationship goes sour, you end it.

               
                             GEORGE
               No, no, no,no you have to approach this 
               as if he was a woman.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Just break up with him?

               
                             GEORGE
               Absolutely. You just tell him the truth.
 
               
               
               (scene ends)

               
               (Nightclub)

               
                             JERRY
               As a guy I don't know how I can break 
               up with another guy. You know what I 
               mean? I don't know how to say, "Bill, 
               I feel I need to see other men." Do
 
               
               
               you know what I mean? There's nothing I can do. I have to wait 
               for someone to die. I think that's the only way out of this relationship. 
               It could be a long time. See,
 
               
               the great thing about guys is that we can become friends based 
               on almost nothing. Just two guys will just become friends just 
               because they're two guys. That's almost
 
               
               all we need to have in common. 'Cause sports - sports and women 
               - is really all we talk about. If there was no sports and no 
               women the only thing guys would ever
 
               
               say is "So, what's in the refrigerator?"

               
               (Coffee Shop)

               
               (Jerry and Joel are sitting at a table)

               
                             JOEL
               ..so my shrink wants me to bring my 
               mother in for a session. This guy is 
               a brilliant man. Lenny Bruce used to 
               go to him.. and I think, uh, Geraldo.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You know, I read the Lenny Bruce biography, 
               I thought it was really - interesting.. 
               he would-
 
               
                             JOEL
               (interrupting) Hey, hey, hey, hey we're 
               starving here! We've been waiting here 
               for ten minutes already!
 
               
                             JERRY
               (testing Joel) So, I'm thinking about 
               going to Iran this summer.
 
               
                             JOEL
               I have to eat! I mean, I'm hypoglycemic.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Anyway, the Hizballah has invited me 
               to perform. You know, it's their annual 
               terrorist luncheon. I'm gonna do it 
               is Farsi.
 
               
                             JOEL
               Do you think I need a haircut?

               
               (waitress comes to their table)

               
                             WAITRESS
               Are you ready?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, I'll have the egg salad on whole 
               wheat.
 
               
                             JOEL
               Let me ask you a question. This, uh, 
               this turkey sandwich here, is that real 
               turkey, or is it a turkey roll? I don't 
               want that processed turkey. I hate it.
 
               
               
                             WAITRESS
               I think it's real turkey.

               
                             JOEL
               Is there a real bird in the back?

               
                             WAITRESS
               No, there's not bird but-

               
                             JOEL
               Well, how do you know for sure? Look, 
               why don't you do me a favor. Why don't 
               you go in the back and find out, okay?
 
               
               
               (waitress leaves)

               
                             JOEL
               (cont.) Unbelievable..

               
                             JERRY
               How can you talk to someone like that?
 
               
               
                             JOEL
               What are you saying? What, you like 
               turkey roll?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Listen, Joel. There's something I have 
               to tell you.
 
               
                             JOEL
               Wait, you'll never guess who I ran into.
 
               
               
                             JERRY AND JOEL
               Howard metro.

               
                             JOEL
               He asked me if I still saw you. I said, 
               "Sure, I see him all the time. We're 
               great friends." Anyway, Howard says 
               hello.
 
               
                             JERRY
               ..listen, Joel.. I don't think we should 
               see each other anymore.
 
               
                             JOEL
               what?

               
                             JERRY
               This friendship.. it's not working.
 
               
               
                             JOEL
               Not working? What are you talking about?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               We're just not suited to be friends.
 
               
               
                             JOEL
               How can you say that?

               
                             JERRY
               Look, you're a nice guy, it's just that 
               - we don't have anything in common.
 
               
               
                             JOEL
               (starting to cry) Wait. Wat did I do? 
               Tell me.. I want to know.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You didn't do anything. It's not you, 
               it's me. It's.. this is very difficult.
 
               
               
                             JOEL
               Look, I know I call you too much, right? 
               I mean, I know you're a very busy guy.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               No, it's not that.

               
                             JOEL
               (crying) You're one of the few people 
               I can talk to.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, come on. That's not true.

               
                             JOEL
               I always tell everybody about you; tell 
               everybody to go see your show. I mean, 
               I'm your biggest fan!
 
               
                             JERRY
               I know, I know.

               
                             JOEL
               I mean, you're my best friend.

               
                             JERRY
               Best friend? I've never been to your 
               apartment.
 
               
                             JOEL
               I cannot believe that this is happening. 
               I can't believe it.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Okay, okay. Forget it. It's okay. Id 
               didn't mean it.
 
               
                             JOEL
               Didn't mean what?

               
                             JERRY
               What I said. I've been under a lot of 
               stress.
 
               
                             JOEL
               Oh, you've been under a lot of stress.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Just, can we just forget the whole thing 
               ever happend? I'm sorry. I din't mean 
               it. I took it out on you. We're still 
               friends. We're still friends. Still 
               friends.
 
               
               Okay? Look, I'll tell you what. I've got Knick tickets this Wednesday. 
               Great seats behind the bench. You want to come with me? Come 
               on.
 
               
                             JOEL
               Tonight?

               
                             JERRY
               No, next Wednesday. If it was tonight, 
               I would've said tonight.
 
               
                             JOEL
               Do you really want me to go?

               
                             JERRY
               (faking) Yes.

               
                             JOEL
               Okay. yeah, okay. Great! That would 
               be, that'd be great.. so, next Wednesday.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Next Wednesday.

               
                             JOEL
               Where is that waitress?! Hey! ..

               
               (scene ends)

               
               (Bank)

               
               (Jerry is at the counter, filling out a slip; George is carrying 
               a jug full of pennies.)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               ..she calls me up at my office, she 
               says, "We have to talk."
 
               
                             JERRY
               Uh, the four worst words in the English 
               language.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               That, or "Who's bra is this?"

               
                             JERRY
               That is worse.

               
                             GEORGE
               So we order lunch, and we're talking. 
               Finally, she blurts out how it's "not 
               working".
 
               
                             JERRY
               Really.

               
                             GEORGE
               So, I'm thinking, as she's saying this, 
               I'm thinking: great, the relationship's 
               over. But the egg salad's on the way. 
               So now I have a decision - do I walk 
               or
 
               
               do I eat?

               
                             JERRY
               Hm? You ate.

               
                             GEORGE
               We sat there for twenty minutes, chewing, 
               staring at each other in a defunct relationship.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Someone says, "Get out of my life!" 
               and that doesn't affect your appetite?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Have you ever had their egg salad?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               It is unbelievable.

               
                             GEORGE
               It's unbelievable. You know what else 
               is unbelievable? I picked up the check. 
               She didn't even offer. She ended it. 
               The least she could do is send me off
 
               
               
               with a sandwich.

               
                             JERRY
               (looking at George's penny jug) How 
               much could you possibly have in there? 
               GEORGE: It's my money. What should I 
               do? Throw it out the window? I
 
               
               know guy who took his vacation on change.

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah? Where'd he go? To and arcade?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (sarcastic) That's funny. You're a funny 
               guy.
 
               
                             JERRY
               C'mon, move up.

               
               (George moves up in the bank line)

               
                             CUSTOMER
               Oh great, Ewing's hurt.

               
                             GEORGE
               Ewing's hurt? How long is he going to 
               be out?
 
               
                             CUSTOMER
               A couple of days at the most but..
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Geez.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, God.

               
                             GEORGE
               I got scared there for a second. The 
               Knicks without Ewing.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Listen, George, little problem with 
               the game.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What about it?

               
                             JERRY
               The thing is, yesterday, I kind of.. 
               uh..
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What?

               
                             JERRY
               I geve your ticket to Horneck.

               
                             GEORGE
               You what?!

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, I'm sorry. I had to give it to 
               Horneck.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               No! My ticket?! You gave my ticket to 
               Horneck?
 
               
                             JERRY
               (talking about the line) C'mon, c'mon, 
               go ahead, move up.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Why did you give him my ticket for?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You didn't see him. It was horrible.
 
               
               
                             GOERGE
               Oh, c'mon, Jerry. I can't believe this.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I had to do it.

               
               (George is up to the teller, Jerry goes to another one.)

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, please. (to the teller) Can you 
               change this into bills?
 
               
                             TELLER
               I'm sorry, sir. We can't do that.

               
                             JERRY
               Do you want to go with him? You go. 
               I don't mind.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I'm not going with him. I don't even 
               know the guy. (to the teller) Look, 
               they did this for me before.
 
               
                             TELLER
               Look, I can give you these and you can 
               roll them yourself.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               You want me to roll six thousand of 
               these?! What, should I quit my job?!
 
               
               
               (Scene ends.)

               
               (Nightclub)

               
                             JERRY
               I do not like the bank. I've heard the 
               expression "Laughing all the way to 
               the bank." I have never seen anyone 
               actually doing it. And those bank lines. 
               I hate
 
               
               it when there's nobody on the line at all, you know that part, 
               you go to the bank, it's empty and you still have to go through 
               the little maze. "Can you get a little piece
 
               
               of cheese for me? I'm almost at the front. I'd like a reward 
               for this please."
 
               
               (Jerry's apartment)

               
               (George is stuffing pennies into rolls.)

               
                             GEORGE
               ..Thirty-two, thirty-three-

               
                             JERRY
               George.

               
                             GEORGE
               (raises his hand) Not now.. (counts 
               to himself).
 
               
                             JERRY
               Could you stop the counting?

               
                             GEORGE
               Nnnnnnnninngaaa! (Dumping out roll) 
               What?!
 
               
                             JERRY
               Can I make it up to you? I'll give you 
               fifty bucks for the jug.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, yeah, sure. Keep your money.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, then I'm not going to the game 
               either. Okay? I'll give him both tickets.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (pantomimes sticking an imaginary knife 
               in his heart, and twists it) Oh geeeee.. 
               Go, go!
 
               
                             JERRY
               I.. no, I don't want to go.

               
                             GEORGE
               He was really crying?

               
                             JERRY
               I had to give him a tissue. In fact, 
               let me call his machine now and I'll 
               just make up some excuse why I can't 
               go to the game either.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Wait a minute. Wait a minute. As long 
               as you're going to lie to the guy, why 
               don't you tell him that you lost both 
               of the tickets, then we could go?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               George, the man wept.

               
               (Kramer enters.)

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, hey guys. Man, I'm telling you. 
               This pizza idea, is really going to 
               happen.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               This is the thing where you go and you 
               have to make your own pizza?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, we give you the dough, you smash 
               it, you pound it, you fling it in the 
               air; and then you get to put your sauce 
               and you get to sprinkle your cheese,
 
               
               
               and they - you slide it into the oven.

               
                             GOERGE
               You know, you have to know how to do 
               that. You can't have people shoving 
               their arms into a six-hundred degree 
               oven.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               It's all supervised.

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, well.

               
                             KRAMER
               All of it. You want to invest?

               
                             GEORGE
               My money's all tied up in change right 
               now.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               No, I'm tellin' ya, people, they really 
               want to make their own pizza pie.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I have to say something. With all due 
               respect, I just never.. I can't imagine 
               anyone in any walk of life, under any 
               circumstance, wanting to make their 
               own
 
               
               pizza pie.. but that's me.

               
                             KRAMER
               That's you.

               
                             JERRY
               I'm just saying..

               
                             KRAMER
               Okay, okay. I just wanted to check with 
               you guys.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Okay.

               
                             KRAMER
               You know, this business is going to 
               be big. I just wanted .. okay. (he exits 
               quickly, then sticks his head back through 
               the door) One day, you'll beg me to
 
               
               
               make your own pie. (he leaves)

               
               (Jerry dials up Joel)

               
                             JERRY
               Hi, Joel. This is Jerry. I hope you 
               get this before you - Oh, Hi. Joel.. 
               oh, you just came in.. listen, I can't 
               amke it to the game tonight. I, uh, 
               have to tutor my
 
               
               nephew - Yeah, he's got an exam tomarrow.. geometry.. you know, 
               trapezoids, rhombus.. Anyway, listen, you take the tickets. They're 
               at the Will-Call window..
 
               
               And I'm really sorry.. Have a good time. We'll talk next week. 
               Okay.. yeah, I don't.. fine.. fine.. bye. (he hangs up).
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Trapezoid?

               
                             JERRY
               I know. I'm really running out of excuses 
               with this guy. I need some kind of excuse 
               Rolodex.
 
               
               (Scene ends.)

               
               (Jerry's apartment, night time)

               
                             ELAINE
               Come on, let's go do something. I don't 
               want to just sit around here.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Okay.

               
                             ELAINE
               Want to go get something to eat?

               
                             JERRY
               Where do you want to go?

               
                             ELAINE
               I don't care, I'm not hungry.

               
                             JERRY
               We could go to one of those cappuccino 
               places. They let you just sit there.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               What are we gonna do there? Talk?

               
                             JERRY
               We can talk.

               
                             ELAINE
               I'll go if I don't have to talk.

               
                             JERRY
               We'll just sit there.

               
                             ELAINE
               Okay. I'm gonna check my machine first.
 
               
               
               (Elaine sees a pad by the phone, and starts reading it.)

               
                             ELAINE
               (cont.) "Picking someone up at the airport." 
               "Jury Duty." "Waiting for cable guy."
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Okay, just ahnd that over, please.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, what is this?

               
                             JERRY
               It's a list of excuses, it's for that 
               guy, Horneck, who's at the game tonight 
               with my tickets. I have that list now 
               so in case he calls, I just consult 
               it and i don't
 
               
               have to see him. (Elaine laughs.) I need it. (Elaine starts writing 
               on the list.) What are you doing?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I got some for you.

               
                             JERRY
               I don't need anymore.

               
                             ELAINE
               No, no, no, no, no, these are good. 
               Listen, listen: "You ran out of underwear, 
               you can't leave the house."
 
               
                             JERRY
               (sarcastic) Very funny.

               
                             ELAINE
               How about: "You've been diagnosed as 
               a multiple personality, you're not even 
               you, you're Dan."
 
               
                             JERRY
               I'm Dan. Can I have my list back, please?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (gives Jerry the list) Here, here. Jerry 
               Seinfeld, I cannot believe you're doing 
               this. This is absolutely infantile.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What can I do?

               
                             ELAINE
               Deal with it. Be a man!

               
                             JERRY
               Oh no. That's impossible. I'd rather 
               lie to him for the rest of my life that 
               go through that again. He was crying, 
               tears accompanied by mucus.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               You made a man cry? I've never made 
               a man cry. I even kicked a guy in the 
               groin once and he didn't cry.. I got 
               the cab.
 
               
                             JERRY
               A couple of touch monkeys.

               
               (Elaine laughs, Kramer enters.)

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, hi Elaine, hey. (to Jerry) Hey, 
               you missed a great game tonight, buddy!
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Game?

               
                             KRAMER
               Knock game. Horneck took me. We were 
               sitting two rows behind the bench. We 
               were getting hit by sweat!
 
               
                             JERRY
               Wait. How does Horneck know you?

               
                             KRAMER
               Last week. When I, you know, game you 
               the phone. He's really into my pizza 
               place idea!
 
               
                             JERRY
               This is too much.

               
                             ELAINE
               Wait, what pizza place idea?

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, no.

               
                             KRAMER
               You make your own pie!

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, that sounds like a great idea. It 
               would be fun.
 
               
                             JOEL
               (from the hallway.)Kramer..

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah.

               
                             JERRY
               Perfect.

               
               (Horneck enters.)

               
                             JOEL
               Hey..

               
                             KRAMER
               Okay, who wants meatloaf?

               
                             JERRY AND ELAINE
               No thanks.

               
                             KRAMER
               (to Joel) It's gonna be hot in a minute. 
               (exits)
 
               
                             JOEL
               So, I though you were tutoring your 
               nephew?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, we finished early.

               
                             JOEL
               Uhm, I'll bet. So, are you going to 
               introduce me to your - nephew?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Elaine Benes, this is Joel Horneck.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Hi.

               
                             JOEL
               Whoa, Nelson! This is Elaine? I though 
               you guys split?
 
               
                             JERRY
               We're still friends.

               
                             JOEL
               So, thanks again for those tickets. 
               But next week, I'm going to take you. 
               You about next Tuesday night? (to Elaine) 
               And why don't you come along?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, no, no. Tuesday's no good becasue 
               we've got choir practice.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Right. I forgot about choir.

               
                             ELAINE
               We're doing that evening of Eastern 
               European National Anthems.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Right. You know, the wall being down 
               and everything.
 
               
                             JOEL
               (to Jerry) What about Thursday night? 
               I mean they're playing the Sonics.
 
               
               
               (Jerry shakes his head.)

               
                             ELAINE
               Huh... Thursday is not good because 
               we've got to get to the hospital to 
               see if we qualify as those organ donors.
 
               
               
                             JOEL
               You know, I should really try something 
               like that.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You really should.

               
                             JOEL
               Well, let's just take a look here. (looks 
               at his schedule) Forty-one home games. 
               Saturday night we've got the mavericks. 
               If you don't like the Mavericks, next
 
               
               
               Tuesday - Lakers. I mean, you gotta like Magic, right? Let's 
               see, on the road, on the road, on the road, on the road, back 
               on the fourteenth. They play the Bulls.
 
               
               You can't miss Air Jordan..

               
               (Scene ends.)

               
               (Nightclub)

               
                             JERRY
               You know, I really.. I've come to the 
               conclusion that there are certain friends 
               in you life that they're just always 
               your friends and you have to accept 
               it. You
 
               
               see them, you don't really want to see them. You don't call them. 
               They call you. You don't call back. They call again. The only 
               way to get through talking with people
 
               
               that you don't really have anything in common with is to pretend 
               you're hosting your own little talk show. This is what I do. 
               You pretend there's a little desk around
 
               
               you. The only problem with this is there's no way you can say, 
               "Hey, it's been great having you on the show. Were out of time."
 
               
               
               
               
               
                                 THE END





Male Unbonding



Writers :   Larry David  Jerry Seinfeld
Genres :   Comedy


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