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Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                             THE BARBER



                             Written by

                             Andy Robin




 
               
               
                             MR. TUTTLE
               Well George we here at Sanalac like 
               to think of ourselves as a fairly progressive 
               company. We
 
               
               have a small but prestigious group of clients.

               
                             GEORGE
               Well a lot of people consider me small 
               and prestigious.
 
               
                             MR. TUTTLE
               That's funny George. You're very quick. 
               I feel like I, like I don't have to 
               explain every little
 
               
               thing to you. You understand everything immediately.

               
                             GEORGE
               I enjoy understanding.

               
                             MR. TUTTLE
               I want you to have this job. Of course...
 
               
               
                             SECRETARY
               Mr. Zimmer is on line 2.

               
                             MR. TUTTLE
               Thanks. I've got to take this call. 
               Listen, I'm really glad that you came 
               in.
 
               
               (commercial)

               
               At Monk's

               
                             GEORGE
               I want you to have this job. Of course...
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah?

               
                             GEORGE
               That's it.

               
                             JERRY
               What do you mean that's it?

               
                             GEORGE
               He never finished the sentence. He got 
               a call, that was the end of the interview.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               "Of course" was the last thing he said?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Maybe he was going to say "Of course 
               I have to check with my associates."
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               "I want you to have this job, of course 
               the Board of Directors is under indictment 
               and will be
 
               
               serving time."

               
                             JERRY
               "I want you to have this job, of course 
               sodomy is a prerequisite."
 
               
                             GEORGE
               All right.

               
                             ELAINE
               Why don't you go ahead and call him?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Because he made a big deal about how 
               I understand everything immediately. 
               That's what
 
               
               impressed him.

               
                             JERRY
               So if you call and ask if you have the 
               job, you might lose the job.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               And if I don't call...

               
                             JERRY
               You might have the job, but you'll never 
               know it. What kind of company is it?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Rest stop supply.

               
               Kramer comes in and sits down.

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, yeah, yeah, hey.

               
                             JERRY
               Shower?

               
                             KRAMER
               Haircut.

               
                             JERRY
               Who'd you use? Gino?

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh course. I wouldn't let that other 
               butcher cut my hair.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What butcher?

               
                             KRAMER
               The uncle Enzo. That's the guy Jerry 
               uses.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well I've been going with him for 12 
               years. I can't switch. I'd hurt his 
               feelings.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               You never get good haircuts.

               
                             KRAMER
               You can get a good one today. It's Enzo's 
               day off. Gino's there all by himself.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Really?

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah. You know what, you should go over 
               there and get one to look good for my 
               bachelor
 
               
               auction.

               
                             KRAMER
               What bachelor auction?

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh it's a thing where they auction off 
               dates with bachelors for charity.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               And you didn't ask me to do it? I could 
               raise enough money to cure polio.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I believe they've had a cure for polio 
               for quite some time.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Polio?

               
                             ELAINE
               Will you go ahead? You need a haircut.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Okay.

               
                             KRAMER
               What are you all dressed up for?

               
                             GEORGE
               I had a job interview.

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah. How'd it go?

               
                             GEORGE
               Good. Of course...

               
               At the barber shop

               
                             ENZO
               Oh Jerry.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh hi Enzo.

               
                             ENZO
               Oh, you've come for the haircut.

               
                             JERRY
               No, actually I was just...

               
                             ENZO
               It's my day off, but I take care of 
               you anyway because you're my favorite 
               customer. You've been
 
               
               with me for so long. You're so loyal.

               
                             JERRY
               Well I, if it's your day off I really... 
               (tries to leave)
 
               
                             ENZO
               (He pulls Jerry into the barber chair. 
               Jerry is trying to get away but can't.) 
               Eh, what's the difference.
 
               
               It takes 10 minutes. Jerry, today I'm going to do something special 
               for you.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well I don't want to take too much off.
 
               
               
                             ENZO
               Hey who's your barber, eh? You tell 
               the joke, I cut the hair.
 
               
                             MAN
               Gino, you've outdone yourself this time. 
               This is the best haircut I've ever had.
 
               
               
               At Jerry's apartment.

               
               Jerry is sitting down on the couch with a really bad haircut. 
               He is holding a mirror. Jerry and George are
 
               
               looking in disbelief at the haircut.

               
                             GEORGE
               He massacred you. You look like you're 
               five years old.
 
               
                             JERRY
               What if I shampoo? Sometimes a shampoo 
               helps.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               You've got to start seeing someone else. 
               Get out of this relationship.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I can't. He loves me. He says I'm his 
               most loyal customer. Plus he's right 
               there on the corner. I'd
 
               
               have to pass him every day when I go by.

               
                             GEORGE
               You gotta do it.

               
                             JERRY
               I can't, I can't. I'd break his heart.
 
               
               
               Kramer enters. He flinches when he sees the haircut.

               
                             KRAMER
               No way my Gino did that. It's an Enzo.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               He did the job. You told me he wasn't 
               going to be there.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               So what?

               
                             JERRY
               I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               His feelings? You can't continue seeing 
               him. You're destroying yourself. I'm 
               not going to let
 
               
               you. If you don't call him I will.

               
                             JERRY
               No Kramer. I don't want you to do that. 
               You can't do that.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               I'm going to call Gino, you're going 
               to see him, and we're going to get that 
               haircut fixed up.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I don't want you to call him.

               
                             KRAMER
               All right, geez. You're crazy.

               
               Kramer leaves.

               
                             GEORGE
               So I still haven't heard about that 
               job.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah that's a tough one. What are you 
               going to do about that?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I have an idea.

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah?

               
                             GEORGE
               I show up.

               
                             JERRY
               What do you mean you show up?

               
                             GEORGE
               I show up. I pretend I have the job. 
               The guy's on vacation. If I have the 
               job, it's fine. If I don't
 
               
               have the job, by the time he comes back, I'm ensconced.

               
                             JERRY
               Hmm. Not bad.

               
                             GEORGE
               What's the worst thing that could happen?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Well, you'd be embarrassed and humiliated 
               in front of a large group of people 
               and have to walk out
 
               
               in shame with your tail between your legs.

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, so?

               
               At the office.

               
                             GEORGE
               (to various people as he walks in) Good 
               morning. Good morning. Good morning. 
               Hi nice to see
 
               
               you. How are you. Good morning. (to the secretary) Good morning.
 
               
               
                             SECRETARY
               How can I help you?

               
                             GEORGE
               The name's George Constanza. I'm starting 
               work here today. I was wondering if 
               you could tell
 
               
               me where my office is.

               
                             SECRETARY
               I wasn't aware that, uh, Mike, this 
               is George Constanza. He's starting here 
               today.
 
               
                             MIKE
               Welcome aboard.

               
                             GEORGE
               Thanks Mike. Nice to be aboard.

               
                             MIKE
               I wasn't aware that Mr. Tuttle was finished 
               interviewing.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, well, he was probably just getting 
               anxious to start his vacation.
 
               
                             SECRETARY
               He wants to know where his office is.
 
               
               
                             MIKE
               Oh, ah, let's see, we've got two. There's 
               a big one down the hall there and a 
               small one over here.
 
               
               You know I should ask Jack.

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh leave Jack alone. Jack's got enough 
               problems. I'll just take the small office.
 
               
               
                             MIKE
               Really?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yes. I like to feel cozy. I have a very 
               small apartment. I like to feel tucked 
               in, nestled in. Love
 
               
               to be nestled.

               
                             MIKE
               All right, it's 808 right down there. 
               Meanwhile, I'll get you the Pensky file, 
               you can start working on that.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yes, yes of course. The Pensky file. 
               Ho ho, can't wait to sink my teeth into 
               that. Wow that
 
               
               Pensky. Well we'll straighten him out.

               
               George walks into his office. He sets down his briefcase and 
               coat and sits down. He quickly flips through
 
               
               the folder, then drops the folder on his desk with a big thud.
 
               
               
               
               
               George puts the folder in his briefcase. He picks up the briefcase 
               and his coat and he walks out.
 
               
               At Monk's. Jerry is wearing a baseball cap.

               
                             JERRY
               So what did you do there all day?

               
                             GEORGE
               They gave me the Pensky file.

               
                             JERRY
               So it's a nice place to work?

               
                             GEORGE
               You know I'm enjoying it very much. 
               I think my coworkers are really taking 
               to me.
 
               
               *flashback* (a white fuzzy border is around the TV screen)

               
                             GEORGE
               (continuing) I feel like a family. In 
               fact, yesterday was Grace's birthday. 
               She's such a sweet
 
               
               woman so, we had a little party, with cake and champagne. I made 
               a toast.
 
               
               *end flashback*

               
                             JERRY
               What about your boss? The guys you interviewed 
               you?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               He'll be back on Monday.

               
               Elaine enters and sits down.

               
                             JERRY
               Hi.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hi. How come you're wearing a hat?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I got a haircut.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh yeah? Can I see it?

               
                             JERRY
               Oh there's nothing to see.

               
                             ELAINE
               Come on. Let me see it.

               
                             JERRY
               Forget it.

               
                             ELAINE
               Come on.

               
                             JERRY
               All right.

               
               Jerry takes off his baseball cap. Elaine bursts out laughing. 
               George starts laughing. Jerry rolls his eyes in
 
               
               the air. Elaine and George are still laughing. George pounds 
               his fist on the table.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (still laughing, tears in her eyes) 
               I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well I'll tell you this, you can forget 
               about me going to that bachelor auction.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               What? No Jerry, you have to go.

               
                             GEORGE
               You know Elaine, I'd do it but I'm working 
               that day.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (dryly) Yeah, too bad.

               
               At the barber shop. Gino is giving Kramer a shave.

               
                             KRAMER
               It the worst haircut Jerry's ever had. 
               You gotta fix it.
 
               
                             GINO
               Sure, I fix it. But you gotta make sure 
               you no tell anybody. He's a little crazy. 
               I don't know what
 
               
               he'd do if he found out I touch Jerry's hair. (Enzo enters) So 
               I love the Edward Scissorhands. That's the
 
               
               best movie I've ever seen.

               
                             ENZO
               Oh ah, again with the Edward Scissorhands. 
               How can you have hand like scissors, 
               huh? Show me
 
               
               one person who's got hand like scissors.

               
                             GINO
               Hey, it's a beautiful dream. I'd love 
               to be this man.
 
               
                             ENZO
               Did you ever think about what you're 
               going to do on the toilet? (yelling) 
               What are you going to do
 
               
               on the toilet?

               
                             KRAMER
               I'd like to have shoehorn hands.

               
               At Monk's.

               
                             KRAMER
               Okay listen to me. I talked to Gino, 
               he's going to fix the haircut.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh great, then you can go to the bachelor 
               auction.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, but how am I...

               
                             KRAMER
               No buts. His apartment tonight, Eight 
               o'clock.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Can he fix it?

               
                             KRAMER
               I don't know.

               
               At Gino's apartment.

               
                             GINO
               Boy, you've got a beautiful head of 
               hair.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Thank you.

               
                             GINO
               I bet uncle Enzo, he tell you that all 
               the time.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well actually Enzo hasn't said that 
               to me in a while.
 
               
                             GINO
               I don't think uncle Enzo realize what 
               a lucky barber he is.
 
               
                             JERRY
               That's nice of you to say.

               
               The buzzer buzzes.

               
                             GINO
               Just a second. Yes.

               
                             ENZO
               (over the speaker) It's your uncle Enzo.
 
               
               
                             GINO
               It's Uncle Enzo. Go in there. I'll clean 
               up.
 
               
               "The Barber of Seville" music is playing.

               
               Gino picks up the chair and puts it into the closet. He picks 
               up a broom and sweeps some hair into the next
 
               
               room.

               
               *knock, knock, knock*

               
               Gino opens the door.

               
                             GINO
               Uncle Enzo, what are you doing here?
 
               
               
                             ENZO
               I've come to apologize.

               
                             GINO
               Apologize?

               
                             ENZO
               Yes. I rented the move Edward Scissorhands. 
               That Johnny Depp, he make me cry.
 
               
               
                             GINO
               He make me cry too. You want something 
               to drink?
 
               
                             ENZO
               Hey, what's all of this?

               
                             GINO
               Nothing. It's just hair.

               
                             ENZO
               You do haircut in the apartment?

               
                             GINO
               No. Pizza man was here. Maybe some fall 
               off. He's going bald.
 
               
                             ENZO
               It looks very familiar.

               
               (commercial)

               
               At Jerry's apartment.

               
                             JERRY
               In the one minute he worked on me I 
               could tell he was really good.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah. Slow, gentle, attentive. I told 
               you he could do it.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Enzo picked up one of my hairs off the 
               floor.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, so?

               
                             JERRY
               I think he knew.

               
                             KRAMER
               No. He doesn't know.

               
                             JERRY
               Who do you know? He knows my hair.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Listen you're just imagining things. 
               He doesn't know a thing. Now come on. 
               Pull yourself
 
               
               together.

               
                             JERRY
               Okay, okay.

               
               Elaine enters.

               
                             ELAINE
               What happened? It looks the same.

               
                             JERRY
               He didn't get to finish it. His uncle 
               came in. We almost got caught.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Jerry, the auction is in a few hours.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Take the K-man.

               
                             ELAINE
               You can still go.

               
                             KRAMER
               What are you kidding? Look at him. He's 
               grotesque.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               You think?

               
                             KRAMER
               Do I think? He's repugnant.

               
               Elaine fiddles with the hair, trying to make it not look so bad. 
               It doesn't work.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What would you wear?

               
                             KRAMER
               Whatever it takes.

               
               At the barber shop.

               
                             ENZO
               See, now Newman is a good customer.
 
               
               
                             NEWMAN
               Once I find a barber I stick with him. 
               I almost went to barber school. I always 
               felt I had a talent
 
               
               for it.

               
                             ENZO
               Oh, not everyone like Newman, so loyal.
 
               
               
                             NEWMAN
               Yeah, just the way that I was raised. 
               I'm special.
 
               
                             ENZO
               You know I don't mind if somebody's 
               funny, but I no like the funny business.
 
               
               
                             GINO
               I'm going to go out for a little bit. 
               I'll be right back.
 
               
                             ENZO
               Take your time. (Gino leaves) You happy 
               with the haircut?
 
               
                             NEWMAN
               It's okay. A little crooked.

               
                             ENZO
               How'd you like to have free haircut 
               for six months.
 
               
                             NEWMAN
               What's the catch?

               
                             ENZO
               You're going to get me a sample of Jerry's 
               hair.
 
               
                             NEWMAN
               Hmm, that job sounds like it might be 
               worth a *year's* free haircuts. And 
               a comb.
 
               
               At George's office.

               
               George is "playing the drums" on his desk. He is tapping his 
               desk with pencils.
 
               
               *buzz*

               
                             SECRETARY
               (over the speaker) Mr. Costanza, Mr. 
               Pensky is here to see you.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Mr. Pensky? Of the Pensky file?

               
               Pensky enters.

               
                             PENSKY
               Costanza? Arthur Pensky.

               
                             GEORGE
               Mr. Pensky. I was just working on your 
               file. I was transferring the contents 
               of the file into this
 
               
               flexible accordion-style folder.

               
                             PENSKY
               Where's Tuttle?

               
                             GEORGE
               He's on vacation.

               
                             PENSKY
               He was on vacation the last time I dropped 
               by. Give me my file. (looks through 
               the file) Looks
 
               
               like you put a lot of work into this.

               
                             GEORGE
               Well you know in college they used to 
               call me the little bulldog.
 
               
                             PENSKY
               Hey, you are Pensky material. Would 
               you ever consider coming to work directly 
               for me?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Really?

               
                             PENSKY
               You are aware...

               
               *buzz*

               
                             SECRETARY
               (over the speaker) Mr. Castanza?

               
                             GEORGE
               Not now Florice.

               
                             SECRETARY
               (speaker) I thought Mr. Pensky should 
               know they're towing his car.
 
               
                             PENSKY
               Damn this city.

               
               Pensky leaves.

               
                             GEORGE
               I am aware. I am aware.

               
               At Jerry's apartment.

               
                             GINO
               He knows. He knows about us.

               
                             JERRY
               How do you know?

               
                             GINO
               Because I know. He's crazy. All morning, 
               he looking at the hair. He *staring* 
               at the hair.
 
               
               *knock knock knock*

               
                             JERRY
               Who is it?

               
                             NEWMAN
               It's Newman.

               
                             GINO
               He was in the shop with Enzo. He can't 
               see me here.
 
               
                             JERRY
               All right, go in the bedroom. Open the 
               window. You can go out the fire escape.
 
               
               
               Jerry opens the door.

               
                             JERRY
               What do you want?

               
                             NEWMAN
               Can I use your bathroom?

               
                             JERRY
               What's wrong with yours?

               
                             NEWMAN
               My toilet's clogged.

               
                             JERRY
               You can't unclog it?

               
                             NEWMAN
               No.

               
                             JERRY
               Did you ask Kramer?

               
                             NEWMAN
               He's out.

               
                             JERRY
               Number one?

               
                             NEWMAN
               Yes, yes. Can I go? Cause I gotta go 
               very badly.
 
               
                             JERRY
               All right. Flush twice.

               
               He goes in the bathroom.

               
                             NEWMAN
               (thinking to himself) (checks a comb) 
               No. (checks a brush) Jackpot. I don't 
               believe this.
 
               
               There's no hair in this thing. I've never seen a person that 
               didn't have at least *one* hair in a brush.
 
               
               (searches the bathtub drain) Unbelievable, nothing. (sees some 
               scissors) Ahh.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You all right?

               
                             NEWMAN
               Yeah, yeah.

               
                             JERRY
               All right, I'll see you later.

               
                             NEWMAN
               What are you doing?

               
                             JERRY
               I'm watching Edward Scissorhands.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Oh, can I watch a little? It's my favorite 
               movie.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah all right.

               
               Newman follows behind Jerry closely as Jerry goes to the kitchen. 
               Newman puts the scissors close up to
 
               
               Jerry's hair. Jerry turns around. Newman hides the scissors.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You want something to drink?

               
                             NEWMAN
               No.

               
               Newman tries again as Jerry goes to his couch. Newman follows 
               behind Jerry closely. Newman puts the
 
               
               scissors close up to Jerry's hair. Jerry turns around. Newman 
               hides the scissors. Jerry looks at Newman
 
               
               confused.

               
                             JERRY
               If you want to watch, sit down. You're 
               making me nervous. I tell you this Scissorhands 
               is a hell of
 
               
               a barber.

               
               Newman reaches behind Jerry and get a snip of hair.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Gotta go. Oh gee, I dropped a nickel 
               (reaches down and picks up the hair.)
 
               
               
               Newman leaves laughing. Jerry looks confused.

               
               At the barber shop.

               
                             ENZO
               Did you get it? Oh you done good Newman.
 
               
               
                             NEWMAN
               It was a cinch. Where are you going?
 
               
               
                             ENZO
               Io volgio vandetta.

               
               At the auction house.

               
                             ELAINE
               Nine hundred. Do I hear a thousand? 
               Ladies, he is a Harvard graduate.
 
               
               
                             WOMAN
               A thousand.

               
                             ELAINE
               A thousand. Okay, a thousand once, a 
               thousand twice, a thousand three times, 
               sold to the lucky
 
               
               lady in the third row. Congratulations, thank you so much.

               
               Kramer peeks out the curtain and comes out and walks around on 
               stage.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Okay next bachelor is number, um 124 
               on your program. He's uh, he's a high 
               school graduate.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Equivalent.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, uh equivalency. A high school equivalency 
               program graduate. He's uh, self-employed. 
               He's...
 
               
               I don't know, six foot three, 190 pounds, he likes, uh... fruit, 
               and he just got uh, a haircut.
 
               
               Kramer steps from the stage onto a table. The table tips over 
               and Kramer falls off.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, Kramer. Okay uh, why don't we start 
               the bidding. Do I hear, uh, five bucks?
 
               
               
               At Jerry's apartment.

               
                             JERRY
               I don't get this Scissorhands. What, 
               is he supposed to be like a super hero, 
               like Green Lantern or
 
               
               somebody? What's with this guy? (Gino looks at him annoyed) Just 
               asking.
 
               
               *knock, knock, knock*

               
                             JERRY
               Who is it?

               
                             ENZO
               (yelling) Enzo Manginero.

               
               "Barber of Seville" music playing.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh my god, he knows. (Jerry and Gino 
               scrambling) Go. (yelling to the door) 
               One second.
 
               
                             ENZO
               It was you that was in Gino's apartment 
               the other night.
 
               
                             JERRY
               No I wasn't there.

               
                             ENZO
               Don't lie. I know it was you. I get 
               a sample of your hair. I match them 
               up.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Sample? (under his breath) Newman. Uh, 
               I was there but I was just dropping 
               off a book.
 
               
                             GINO
               Don't Jerry.

               
                             ENZO
               So, it's true.

               
                             GINO
               Yes it's true.

               
                             ENZO
               I'm going to kill the both of you.
 
               
               
               Enzo notices "Edward Scissorhands" playing on the TV and becomes 
               calm.
 
               
               At the office.

               
               George is at his desk sleeping with a newspaper draped over him. 
               Tuttle walks in. He bangs on the door.
 
               
               George wakes up.

               
                             GEORGE
               Mr. Tuttle, you're back.

               
                             TUTTLE
               George, I'm surprised to see you here.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               You are?

               
                             TUTTLE
               I though you would have taken the large 
               office.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh. Really.

               
                             TUTTLE
               I guess I didn't make that clear when 
               I hired you. So where's that Pensky 
               file? Let's see what
 
               
               you've been up to all week. (pages through the file) What have 
               you been doing all week?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Well you missed a lovely little party 
               that we had for Grace.
 
               
                             TUTTLE
               You haven't done anything with this.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Well bear in mind that I am in the smaller 
               office.
 
               
                             TUTTLE
               I'm beginning to wonder if you understand 
               anything.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               You are aware that Pensky is interested 
               in me.
 
               
                             TUTTLE
               (scoffs) You're not Pensky material.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Well, we'll just see about that. Ta-ta, 
               Tut-tle.
 
               
               At Jerry's apartment.

               
               Gino and Enzo are watching "Edward Scissorhands" on TV. They 
               are both sobbing.
 
               
               At the barber shop.

               
               "Barber of Seville" music is playing.

               
               Jerry looks in the barber shop window and sees Newman giving 
               a guy a haircut. He enters. Newman looks
 
               
               at him scared. Jerry picks up an electric razor and walks toward 
               Newman. Newman is very frightened.
 
               
               (commercial)

               
                             PENSKY
               Gee George, I'm sorry I gave you the 
               wrong impression. What is was going 
               to say was, now you
 
               
               are aware that our Board of Directors has been indicted, myself 
               included, and we're prohibited from doing
 
               
               business until the investigation is completed. So obviously, 
               we would have no use for you.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Obviously.

               
               *buzz*

               
                             PENSKY
               Yes.

               
                             SECRETARY
               (over the speaker) Excuse me, but Mr. 
               Costanza's car is being towed.
 
               
               George waves his hand and the final note of "Barber of Seville" 
               plays.
 
               
               
                             THE END




The Barber



Writers :   Andy Robin
Genres :   Comedy


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