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Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                          THE BETRAYAL



                           Written by

                  Peter Mehlman & David Mandel




 
               
               
               (Coffee shop. George, Elaine, and Jerry enter with suitcases. 
               Elaine has a large bandage on her nose. They all sit down at 
               a booth. All three of them are tired, fed up, and angered)
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               So, Elaine, are you going to sleep with 
               me or what?!
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (Aggravated) George, I just got off 
               a twenty-three hour plane ride. I'm 
               too tired to even vomit at the thought.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (Angered) Fine. I'll ask you again when 
               you're rested.
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Sarcastic) Oh, I'm sure she'll come 
               around.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, I hope so. For your sake!

               
               (Kramer comes in and sits down at the booth with them)

               
                             JERRY
               (To George) I said I was sorry.

               
                             GEORGE
               You can stuff you sorries in a sack, 
               mister!
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Nauseated at the saying) Would you 
               please stop saying that?!
 
               
                             KRAMER
               (Confused) What's up with you two?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               I don't want to talk about it.

               
                             KRAMER
               (To Jerry) So how was the big trip?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I don't want to talk about it!

               
                             KRAMER
               (Observing Elaine's bandaged nose) Well, 
               what happened to your nose?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I don't want to talk ab-ow!-t it! (She 
               winces under the pain from her nose 
               on the word 'about')
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, you gotta give me something! Come 
               on, how was the wedding? Was the bride 
               radiant?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               She.. was.

               
                             JERRY
               'Till she found out Elaine slept with 
               the groom.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               (Interested) Ooohh.. That sounds juicy. 
               Listen, I gotta go to the bathroom, 
               but I want to hear all about it. (Gets 
               up and heads for the bathroom)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (While skimming a Monk's menu) You know, 
               I didn't go to the bathroom the entire 
               time we were in India.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I can't believe we went all the way 
               to India for a wedding!
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               India)

               
                             
               "ONE DAY EARLIER" People storm out of 
               a building. All are dressed in wedding 
               apparel)
 
               
                             SUE ELLEN
               That's it! The wedding's off.

               
                             PINTER
               What? But, Sue Ellen-

               
                             SUE ELLEN
               (Cutting him off. To Elaine) Elaine, 
               you were my maid of honor and you slept 
               with MY Pinter?!
 
               
                             ELAINE
               No, no, no! It was years ago - before 
               you met him. And, and I got to tell 
               you.. it was very mechanical.
 
               
                             SUE ELLEN
               I have never been so humiliated!

               
                             ELAINE
               (To Jerry and George) Idiots! This is 
               all yoru fault!
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (While pointing at Jerry) Not me! Him! 
               His fault! He betrayed me!
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Pleading) George, I'm sorry..

               
                             GEORGE
               You can stuff your sorries in a sack, 
               Mister!
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Confused) I don't know what that means.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (To his girlfriend) Alright, Nina, you 
               have to decide right now. Jerry or me?
 
               
               
                             NINA
               (Casually) Alright.. Neither.

               
                             GEORGE
               What?! Well, what are you doing here?
 
               
               
                             NINA
               A free trip to India. And by the way, 
               you can take off those boots. Everyone 
               knows you're five' six.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Five' eight! Five' seven!

               
                             ELAINE
               (To Sue Ellen) See? See the way they 
               are?! We're - we're still best friends, 
               right?
 
               
                             SUE ELLEN
               No. (Grabbing at the stud in Elaine's 
               nose) And take that stupid thing out 
               of your nose!
 
               
               (Elaine screams in pain as Sue Ellen pulls the stud out)

               
                             JERRY
               That's got to hurt, I don't care where 
               you're from!
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Whispering to Jerry) What time is our 
               flight back? I got to go to the bathroom.
 
               
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               A building in India)

               
                             
               "FIFTEEN MINUTES EARLIER" The bride, 
               Sue Ellen, and the Groom, Pinter, are 
               walking down the aisle. Elaine is scattering 
               flowers behind them. Jerry
 
               
               walks in and takes a seat)

               
                             ELAINE
               (Whispering to Jerry) Hey.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey.

               
                             ELAINE
               What happened last night?

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, you were pretty loaded.

               
                             ELAINE
               (Gesturing to her nose stud) I know. 
               I woke up with this.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh. Hello, Tetanus.

               
               (Scene cuts to Nina and George entering the wedding hall)

               
                             NINA
               George, I've used the bathroom. It's 
               fine.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Struggling) No, no, no, no. I can walk 
               it off. It's a hundred and twenty degrees 
               in here.. I'll sweat it out.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (Seeing George, she walks over to greet 
               him) Hey. (Looking at his shoes) Are 
               those Timberlands painted black?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Looking at her nose) Is your nose pierced?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (Embarrassed) I should.. (Walks tward 
               the bride and groom)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah. (Points to two open seats in front 
               of Jerry's. To Nina) Sit down there. 
               (Sees Jerry in the crowd) Hello, Jerry. 
               (Obviously angered at Jerry) I
 
               
               believe you know Nina.

               
                             JERRY
               (As George sits down) George, we need 
               to talk.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Trying to keep his voice down) I think 
               you've done a lot more than talk! You 
               betrayed me!
 
               
                             JERRY
               Alright, I admit it. I slept with Nina, 
               but that's all.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Outraged) "That's all"?! That's everything! 
               I don't know what all the rest of it 
               is for anyway!
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Pleading) I'm really sorry.

               
                             GEORGE
               You can stuff your sorries in a sack, 
               mister!
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Confused) Where'd you get that one?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               It's an expression.

               
                             ELAINE
               (From the front of the room, she can 
               hear George and Jerry's heated discussion) 
               Hey! Shhhhh! (Crosses herself, then 
               shakes her head - apologizing)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Trying to whisper to Jerry) Look, we 
               are gonna settle this right now! I demand 
               reparations! I should get to sleep with 
               Elaine. That's the only way to
 
               
               punish you!

               
                             JERRY
               That doesn't punish me. It punishes 
               Elaine! And cruelly, I might add.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (Losing it) Funny guy!

               
               (Elaine casually makes her way to Jerry and George)

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey! Monkeys! Knock it off. My best 
               friend is trying to get married up here!
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Elaine, you have to sleep with me.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (Definite) I'm not gonna sleep with 
               you.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Reparations!

               
                             ELAINE
               Would you grow up, George?! What is 
               the difference? Nina slept with (Points 
               to Jerry) him, he slept with me, I slept 
               with Pinter. Nobody cares! It's all
 
               
               
               ancient history.

               
                             GEORGE
               (Loud, so everyone at the wedding can 
               hear) You slept with the groom?!
 
               
               (Everyone goes silent. George and Elaine both look sheepishly. 
               All eyes on them, expecially Sue Ellen)
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               New York street)

               
                             
               "FOUR HOURS EARLIER" Kramer is standing 
               up against a brick wall. All the sudden, 
               he's pegged straight in the face with 
               a snowball. He winces from
 
               
               the pain and coldness, then walks up to his friend FDR - the 
               one who threw the snowball at him. He hugs him)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, thank you, FDR!

               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               The Coffee shop)

               
                             
               "ONE HOUR EARLIER" Kramer and FDR are 
               both holding a wishbone)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, FDR.. This wish is for all 
               the marbles. You win, you get your wish 
               - I drop dead. I win, I don't drop dead, 
               and I get one-hundred percent
 
               
               anti-drop-dead protection. Forever.

               
                             FDR
               Alright.

               
               (They each pull, it breaks. FDR won)

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, man! Well, then, come on. There's 
               got to be something that'll change your 
               mind, FDR. Something.." (FDR lifts up 
               a cooler, and puts it on the table)
 
               
               
               What, you want my kidney? (FDR is smiling wickedly as he pulls 
               a snowball out of the cooler) Mama!..
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Jerry's room in India)

               
                             
               "THE NIGHT BEFORE, BACK IN INDIA" Elaine 
               is obviously drunk)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               George knows that you slept with Nina. 
               That's why he was acting so weird.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               How did he find out?

               
                             ELAINE
               He schnapped me.

               
                             JERRY
               You know you're not supposed to drink 
               whil you're keeping a secret! (Elaine 
               laughs) Is there anything else?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I can't tell you.

               
                             JERRY
               (Handing her a small bottle) Here, drink 
               this.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Okay. (Takes a drink) I slept with the 
               groom.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Pinter?

               
                             ELAINE
               He used to be called Peter.

               
                             JERRY
               (Making nothing of it) So? Who cares 
               about that?
 
               
                             ELAIEN
               Sue Ellen! If she knew, she'd call off 
               the whole wedding.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, nobody's calling off any weddings. 
               (Elaine, at this point, has climbed 
               onto the couch and is squirming around 
               - she now has her backside to Jerry)
 
               
               
               Alright, it's time to go. Come on.. Up.

               
               (Elaine climbs onto Jerry's back)

               
                             ELAINE
               Do you know what 'Jerry' is in Indian?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               (Carrying her out, piggy-back style) 
               No, what?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (Between laughs) Jugdish.

               
                             JERRY
               Yes, jugdish.

               
                             ELAINE
               (While sliding off Jerry onto the hallway 
               floor) Hey, what if I got my nose pierced? 
               That would be pretty freaky.. Oooohhhhaaa!
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               (Trying to get rid of her) Yes, I think 
               it's a fine idea. Well, good night. 
               (Shuts the door)
 
               
               (Elaine peers through the blinds on Jerry's door)

               
                             ELAINE
               (Sticking her fingers through the blinds 
               - waving at him) G'night, Jugdish. (Laughs)
 
               
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Jerry's room, India)

               
                             
               "ONE HOUR EARLIER" Jerry hands Elaine 
               a glass of Schnapps)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Bless you.

               
                             ELAINE
               Thank you..

               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Jerry's room, India)

               
                             
               "THREE SECONDS EARLIER" Jerry's pouring 
               Elaine a glass of Schnapps. Elaine sneezes)
 
               
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               New York park)

               
                             
               "TWO HOURS EARLIER, NEW YORK" Kramer 
               is with hot-dog vender FDR)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, guess what, FDR? I made a wish 
               on a shooting star last night, and I 
               wished against your wish.
 
               
                             FDR
               That's funny. As it happens, I saw the 
               same shooting star and double-wished 
               you to drop dead. (Hands Kramer some 
               coins) Here's your change.
 
               
               (Kramer walks over, and throws his coins in a nearby fountain)
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, I'm triple-wishing! Yep!

               
                             FDR
               (Throwing four coins into the fountain) 
               Then I'm quadruple-wishing!
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Alright.. (Pulls out one of his eyebrows) 
               How do you like this? (Blows it away) 
               Ya!
 
               
                             FDR
               I like it a lot. (Pulls out one of his 
               eyebrows) Ow! (Blows it away)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               (Tears out another eyelash) Ah! (Blows 
               it away)
 
               
                             FDR
               (Doing the same) Oh! (Blows it away)
 
               
               
               (Kramer and FDR get into a frenzy - both ripping out their eyelashes)
 
               
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Indian Airport)

               
                             
               "THREE HOURS EARLIER, BACK IN INDIA" 
               Elaine, Jerry, George, and Nina are 
               all at the airport)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, God, it's so hot! (Sniffing) What's 
               that smell?
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Joking around) I think it's the stench 
               of death.
 
               
                             NINA
               George, you've been wearing those boots 
               since I met you. You're not gonna wear 
               them to the wedding, are you?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Laughing nervously) No.. I'm gonna 
               wear black shoes.
 
               
                             ELAIEN
               (Sees her enemy, Sue Ellen, at the airport) 
               Oh boy. There's Sue Ellen. She didn't 
               want me at this wedding, but here I 
               am with a buch of my idiot friends!
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               (Giddy) This is gonna be great!

               
                             SUE ELLEN
               (Walking up to the group) Elaine? Oh! 
               Oh, I am so happy to see you!
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (Confused by her reaction) You are?
 
               
               
                             SUE ELLEN
               Well, of course! No one else was even 
               willing to come to India. I mean, not 
               even Pinter's parents - and they're 
               Indian.
 
               
                             ELAIEN
               Come on, Sue Ellen. You don't wear a 
               bra, you're tall.. we hate each other!
 
               
               
                             SUE ELLEN
               Elaine, I know. I know we've had our 
               problems, but.. I want you to be my 
               maid of honor - and my best friend.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (Toying with the idea) Huh.. alright. 
               I guess.
 
               
                             SUE ELLEN
               Uh, this is my fiance, Pinter. (To Pinter) 
               Say hello.
 
               
                             PINTER
               (Walking up to them) Hello.

               
                             ELAINE
               (Recognizing him) Peter?

               
                             SUE ELLEN
               Uh, no. It's Pinter. Does anyone want 
               to use the bathroom?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Leading Nina out the airport) Oh, no. 
               No. We're good. Let's get goin'. Alright. 
               (Almost bumps into Jerry) Watch it, 
               funny man. (Leaves)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Elaine, have you noticed George was 
               acting strage the whole flight?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (Acting equilly strange) No. What? Like 
               what? What? Strange.. No. I..
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Pulls a small bottle out of his pocket) 
               Uh-huh. Hey, look what they had on the 
               plane. Schnapps.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Ooohh.

               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Jerry/Kramer's apartment building)
 
               
               
                             
               "THE NIGHT BEFORE, NEW YORK" Kramer 
               is on the roof of his apartment building 
               looking up at the stars)
 
               
                             KRAME
               Come on.. Come on. Yes! (Sees a falling 
               star) There's one! (Yelling out) I wish 
               I don't drop dead!!
 
               
                             MAN
               (Off-screen) Hey, shut up up there!
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               You shut up!

               
                             MAN
               Aw, drop dead!

               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Airplane)

               
                             
               "FIVE HOURS EARLIER, SOMEWHERE BETWEEN 
               NEW YORK AND INDIA" Elaine, Jerry, George, 
               and Nina are on the plane - India-bound.
 
               
               
               George walks up to Jerry's seat)

               
                             GEORGE
               Hello, friend. Enjoying the flight?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Coach to India - The only way to go.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (Heavily sarcastic. He's angered at 
               Jerry) Good one. Very funny. You're 
               very funny, Jerry. That's what I always 
               tell people. (Yelling out) Jerry Seinfeld's
 
               
               
               a funny guy!

               
                             JERRY
               You all right?

               
                             GEORGE
               Of course I'm all right. I'm here with 
               my girl. Nina. And what better way to 
               pass the time than gabbing with my best 
               friend.. with whom there are no
 
               
               secrets. (Flashes two intertwined fingers) Like this. Since the 
               fourth grade.
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Joking around) Hey, didn't I beat you 
               up in the fourth grade?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Yelling out to the whole coach) Funny 
               guy! (Points to Jerry) Right here!
 
               
               
               (Scene cuts to Nina and Elaine)

               
                             NINA
               By the way, you never said anything 
               to George about Jerry and me, did ya?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh please.. It's in the vault.

               
               (Camera stays on Elaine and Nina as we hear George yelling from 
               the front of the plane)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Ho, ho! Jerry Seinfeld's a funny guy!
 
               
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               The Coffee shop)

               
                             
               "ONE DAY EARLIER" Elaine and George 
               are at Monks. Elaine is drunk)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Watch this. (Puts the bottle of Schnapps 
               in her mouth, flips her head up, drinking 
               it, then puts it back down with her 
               teeth. She is effected by that last
 
               
               
                             DRINK
               ) Oh.. God..

               
                             GEORGE
               So, Jerry and Nina, huh?

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, Mmm.. (Scoots up close to George) 
               I'm not gonna tell you any more things..
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               But you already told me everything.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Okey-dokey.

               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Newman's apartment)

               
                             
               "THIRTY MINUTES EARLIER")

               
                             KRAMER
               I mean, we had a deal, Newman. And you 
               were supposed to give my your birthday 
               wish. And now you've wated it!
 
               
                             NEWMAN
               (With a gorgeous woman sitting on his 
               lap) Did I?
 
               
                             WOMAN
               Newman, I'm bored.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Aww..

               
                             KRAMER
               Does your girlfriend have to be here?
 
               
               
                             NEWMAN
               (Suggesting Jerry) Does yours?

               
                             JERRY
               (Giving Newman a sour look) I'm just 
               hanging out in this hell-hole because 
               of George.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, come on, Newman. Now you gotta 
               help me! What am I gonna do about FDR?
 
               
               
                             WOMAN
               Why don't you just make another wish?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               And how am I gonna do that, Toots?
 
               
               
                             WOMAN
               What about a shooting star?

               
                             KRAMER
               (Interested) That's perfect..

               
                             NEWMAN
               (Kissing the woman) Beauty.. and brains.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               (Disgusted. To the woman) Oh, come on. 
               You know he's a postman, don't ya?
 
               
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Jerry's apartment)

               
                             
               "FIFTEEN MINUTES EARLIER" George enters 
               Jerry's apartment)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Hey.

               
                             ELAINE
               (Handing George a ticket) Here. You're 
               going to India with us tomarrow.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               For how long?

               
                             ELAINE
               Three days.

               
                             GEORGE
               Great. (Hugs Jerry) Jerry, I gotta tell 
               you, I had the best time with that Nina 
               last night. I - I think I'm in love 
               with her already. You are a great friend. 
               A
 
               
               great, great friend.

               
               (Kramer leaves his apartment, entering the hallway)

               
                             JERRY
               (Trying to change the subject away from 
               Nina) Hey, Kramer, what are you doing? 
               You want to borrow something? You want 
               to eat something? Come on
 
               
               in!

               
                             KRAMER
               (Shrugging Jerry off) Nah.

               
                             ELAINE
               You want to go to India?

               
                             KRAMER
               I can't. (Complaining) I'm gonna drop 
               dead.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Great! Nina could go, huh? Jerry, this 
               is great. You and Elaine. Me and Nina..
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               (As Kramer is walking in the direction 
               of Newman's apartment) Hey, Kramer, 
               wait up. I'll go with you.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               I'm goin' to Newman's!

               
                             JERRY
               (Eagerly following Kramer) Great, I 
               love Newman! (They both leave)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Asking Elaine) Jerry seem a little 
               weird when I mentioned Nina?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Nina? Nina? No. Psshhh.. Not weird. 
               No. Nina.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Why do you keep saying Nina?

               
                             ELAIEN
               I don't know. Nina. Nina! (Feeling she's 
               said to much, she goes to leave) I'm 
               gonna go grab a bite.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Uhh.. I'll meet you down there. (Elaine 
               leaves. George instantly goes looking 
               through Jerry's cabinet) Cereal, cereal.. 
               (Picks up a bottle) Peach schnapps.
 
               
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               NYC Street)

               
                             
               "THIRTY MINUTES EARLIER")

               
                             KRAMER
               (Knocking on a port-a-potty door) Come 
               on, Lomez! We're gonna be late for the 
               movie.
 
               
               (Newman, with the woman he wished for, are riding in his car. 
               He stops at a stop light - right next to Kramer)
 
               
                             NEWMAN
               (To his new girlfriend) You see, my 
               dear, all certified mail is registered, 
               but registered mail is not necessarily 
               cerified.
 
               
               WOMAN; I could listed to you talk about mail all day.

               
                             KRAMER
               Anything you wish.. I'll tell you a 
               little secret about zip codes: They're 
               meaningless! (Laughs evilly, driving 
               away)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Wish?! Newman!

               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Newman's apartment)

               
                             
               "ONE DAY EARLIER" It's Newman's birthday 
               party. His house is full of Postal co-workers)
 
               
               
                             ALL
               (Singing to Newman) ..And you smell 
               like one, too.
 
               
                             POSTMAN
               Make a wish, Newman! We've gotta get 
               back to work in three hours!
 
               
               (Newman inhales, ready to blow the candles out. Kramer rushes 
               in)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Newman, wait!

               
                             NEWMAN
               (Sputtering loudly) Kramer! I'm with 
               people.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, yeah. And thanks for inviting 
               me!
 
               
                             NEWMAN
               I did invite you.. Your invitation must've.. 
               gotten lost in the mail.
 
               
               (All postal workers burst out with laughter)

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, Newman, I need your wish to protect 
               me from FDR.
 
               
                             NEWMAN
               (Refusing, Standing up) Can't do it. 
               I'm on an unbelievable birthday-wish 
               hot streak! My last five birthday wishes 
               came true.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Come on! Look, I'll give you my next 
               birthday wish, huh?
 
               
                             NEWMAN
               (Negotiating) Your next.. fifty wishes.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Forty-eight.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Fourty-nine.

               
                             KRAMER
               Done!

               
                             NEWMAN AND KRAMER
               (Toghether) Sucker..

               
               (Newman sits back down to his cake, where his co-workers are 
               about to slice it)
 
               
                             NEWMAN
               Alright, alright, back, savages. Back! 
               I haven't made my wish yet..
 
               
               (Newman starts to inhale again. This time, he sees a magazine 
               on the table - on the cover is a beautiful woman. Then blows 
               out the candles)
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Jerry's apartment)

               
                             
               "ONE DAY EARLIER" Elaine enters)

               
                             ELAINE
               Well, this Mischke mish-mash is just 
               gettin' worse.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Uh-huh.

               
                             ELAINE
               I talked with the groom's parents..
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm..

               
                             ELAINE
               ..And it's so obvious that they don't 
               want..
 
               
                             JERRY
               Uh-huh..

               
                             ELAINE
               ..me to go.

               
                             JERRY
               Sure.

               
                             ELAINE
               So, the only reason..

               
                             JERRY
               Uh-huh.

               
                             ELAINE
               ..she sent me an invitation was that 
               so I'd send her a gift.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Uh-huh.

               
                             NINA
               (From Jerry's room) Jerry?

               
                             JERRY
               (To Elaine) Uh, well, you know, a coffee 
               grinder is nice. Or a coffee maker. 
               Everyone likes coffee. Anything to do 
               with coffee. Maybe you should go get
 
               
               
               some coffee.

               
               (Nina enters the living room - sees Elaine)

               
                             NINA
               Oh. Hi.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hi.

               
                             NINA
               (Getting ready to leave) Oh, I should.. 
               um..
 
               
                             JERRY
               Sure.

               
                             ELAINE
               Bye.

               
                             NINA
               Bye-bye. (Leaves)

               
                             ELAINE
               (Gesturing back to the bedroom) Who 
               else ya got back there?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Look, there was an awkward moment in 
               the conversation. It never happened 
               before.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               You slept with Nina? What are you gonna 
               tell George?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Nothing. And neither will you. George 
               can never know about this.. It'll crush 
               him.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Uh. Alright, alright. I'll put it in 
               the vault.
 
               
                             JERRY
               No good. Too many people know the combination.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (Confused) What combination? (Jerry 
               makes the "drinky-drinky" sign with 
               his hands) Don't be rediculous.
 
               
               (Jerry opens one of his kitchen drawers)

               
                             JERRY
               Oh my god. This drawer is filled with 
               Fruit Loops!
 
               
                             ELAINE
               So what?

               
                             JERRY
               And milk.

               
               (Scene cuts to "THIRTY MINUTES EARLIER" Kramer is in Jerry's 
               kitchen. He spills his milk and cereal on the counter)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, geez..

               
                             JERRY
               (From outside the apartment) Hello?
 
               
               
               (Kramer quickly opens a drawer and sweeps his mess into it with 
               his arm)
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Pinter's parent's house)

               
                             
               "ONE HOUR EARLIER" Elaine is at Pinter's 
               parents house)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Hi. Mr. and Mrs. Ranawat?

               
                             ZUBIN
               Please, call us Usha and Zubin.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh. Well, Usha..

               
                             ZUBIN
               I'm Zubin.

               
                             ELAINE
               (Shrugging it off) Anyway, your son 
               is marrying my friend, Sue Ellen Mischke..
 
               
               
                             USHA
               You're not going to the wedding, are 
               you?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Well..

               
                             USHA
               Don't go. India is a dreadful, dreadful 
               place.
 
               
                             ZUBIN
               You know, it's the only country that 
               still has the plague? I mean, the plague! 
               Please!
 
               
                             USHA
               Here's the registry. Send her a gift, 
               and be glad you did not have to go.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (Soaking it in) Right. Don't go. Send 
               a gift. I think I understand.
 
               
                             ZUBIN
               If I had to go to India, I wouldn't 
               go to the bathroom the entire trip.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (Leaving) That's fantastic.

               
                             ZUBIN
               And I'm not so crazy about Manhattan, 
               either.
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Jerry's apartment)

               
                             
               "THIRTY MINUTES EARLIER" Jerry and Nina 
               are in the kitchen)
 
               
                             NINA
               Oh, you were going to tell me all about 
               George.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Ah, just remember when you see him tomarrow 
               night to tell him that the waiter liked 
               him.
 
               
                             NINA
               Really?

               
                             JERRY
               Believe me. You know, I forgot how much 
               fun it is hanging out with you.
 
               
                             NINA
               I know. You know, we never had a bad 
               conversation.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I know. No awkward pauses. Probably 
               the reason we never fooled around..
 
               
               
                             NINA
               Heh.. yeah.

               
                             JERRY
               Probably the reason..

               
               (They both stare at eachother, then, Jerry clears of the counter 
               with the sweep of his arm, Nina hops onto the counter, and they 
               start going at it)
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               FDR's apartment building)

               
                             
               "ONE DAY EARLIER" Kramer is standing 
               outside FDR's door, talking to FDR. 
               He is finishing what was once a large 
               lollipop)
 
               
                             FDR
               Are - are you dense? I said I wanted 
               you to drop dead. Now.. drop dead! (Slams 
               the door in Kramer's face)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               (Walking away) I knew it.. Stupid Jerry..
 
               
               
               (Scene cuts to "TEN MINUTES EARLIER" at Jerry's apartment. Jerry's 
               at his door, talking with Kramer. Kramer's lollipop is slightly 
               bigger)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Kramer, I know what I'm talking about. 
               There's no way FDR wants you to drop 
               dead.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               But you haven't seen..

               
                             JERRY
               Just go back and ask him again. (Slams 
               the door on Kramer)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah.. (Heads for FDR's)

               
               (Scene cuts to "TEN MINUTES EARLIER" at FDR's apartment. Kramer 
               and FDR are talking at the door. Kramer's lollipop, of course, 
               is larger than the scene
 
               
               before)

               
                             FDR
               That's right. My birthday wish was for 
               you to drop dead.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, why?

               
                             FDR
               (Sinister) I have my reasons.

               
                             KRAMER
               Woah, wait, wait, wait. If you make 
               a birthday wish out loud, it doesn't 
               come true.
 
               
                             FDR
               That's just a silly superstition. (Slams 
               his door on Kramer)
 
               
               (Scene cuts to "TEN MINUTES EARLIER" Kramer comes into Jerry's 
               apartment with a huge lollipop)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, FDR wants me to drop dead.

               
                             GEORGE
               FDR?

               
                             KRAMER
               (To George) Yeah, Franklin Delano Romanowski. 
               (Resumes telling the story) I go to 
               his birthday part, and just before he 
               blew out his candles, he gives
 
               
               me this look..

               
                             GEORGE
               (Guessing the look) Stink eye?

               
                             JERRY
               (Also guessing) Crook eye?

               
                             KRAMER
               (Entroducing yet another type of look 
               to the boys) EVIL eye.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, everybody's a little cranky on 
               their birthday..
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, it's a bad day. Uh, you got everyone 
               in your house, you're thinkin', "These 
               are my friends?!"
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Sarcasticly joking off what George 
               said) Everyday is my birthday.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, well, I can't have this hanging 
               over my head. It's bad mojo.
 
               
               (Elaine opens the door, hitting Kramer)

               
                             ELAINE
               Hi.

               
               (Kramer, still wheezing from the door, leaves)

               
                             ELAINE
               You're not gonna believe what I got 
               in the mail. An invitation to Sue Ellen 
               Mischke's wedding.
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Joking about the bra-less wonder) Well, 
               at least the wedding gown will give 
               her some support.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Not the point. The wedding is in one 
               week. I got this (Holds up invitation) 
               today.
 
               
                             JERRY
               So you think it's a non-vite?

               
                             ELAINE
               It's an un-vitation! (Notices George 
               is a few inches higher) Hey, are you 
               gettin' taller?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Showing Elaine his boots) Timberlands.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Ah. (Looking at the invitation) Hey, 
               look at this. 'Pinter Ranawat'.. I wonder 
               if he's related to that guy I dated, 
               Peter Ranawat..
 
               
                             JERRY
               Ah, it's probably like Smith over there.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Jerry, would you make the call already?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               What call?

               
                             JERRY
               (Picks up the phone, dialing Nina) He 
               wants me to set him up with this girl, 
               Nina Stengal.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (Remembers Jerry's talking about her) 
               Oh, the great conversation girl. (Somewhat 
               bitter tward Jerry) The one you think 
               can replace me?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I was kidding when I said that!

               
                             GEORGE
               (To Elaine) Told me the same thing.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               (On the phone) Nina, Hi. It's Jerry.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               You-you sure you never slept with her? 
               (Jerry shakes his head 'no') Perfect.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               (To Nina) Hey, how 'bout my friend, 
               George? Quite a guy, huh?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Rubbing his stomach) Ooh.. Something's 
               not sitting right..
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               The Coffee shop)

               
                             
               "ONE HOUR EARLIER" George is ordering 
               his meal)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I'll have the clam casino.

               
                             JERRY
               Get outta here.

               
                             GEORGE
               (Showing Jerry the menu) "Chef recommends"
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Hmm..

               
                             GEORGE
               (Motioning tward waitress) I think she 
               likes me.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Sure.

               
                             GEORGE
               So, how come nothing ever happened between 
               you and Nina? (Getting paranoid) Is 
               there a problem with her? Is she a man?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Are you?

               
                             GEORGE
               Well, what's the reason?

               
                             JERRY
               We were too compatible.. Our conversations 
               were so engrossing.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               How engrossing?

               
                             JERRY
               If we ever had a problem with Elaine, 
               we could bring in Nina and not lose 
               a step.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Wow! Heh. (Half kidding) You don't, 
               huh, have a replacement lined up for 
               me, do ya?
 
               
               (Jerry snickers, then stares at George, smiling)

               
                             JERRY
               Anyway, like I was saying, I couldn't 
               make the trasition from conversation 
               to sex. There were no awkward pauses.. 
               I need an awkward pause.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I'm all for awkward pauses. Fix me up 
               with her.. Wait a minute, Nina just 
               saw me in my Timberlands! Now I have 
               to wwear them every time I see her.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Why?

               
                             GEORGE
               In any othe shoe, I lose two inches. 
               I - I can't have a drop down. We were 
               eye to eye, I can't go eye to chin!
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               So, you're gonna wear 'em no matter 
               what the situation?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               In every situation. No matter how silly 
               I look. (Tastes his meal) Hm.. tastes 
               a little funky.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, I'm sure it's fine.

               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               FDR's apartment)

               
                             
               "THIRTY MINUTES EARLIER" A group of 
               people are singing to FDR)
 
               
                             ALL
               ..to you!

               
                             MAN
               Come on, make a wish! Make a wish!
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah!

               
               (FDR eyes Kramer evilly, blows out his candles, then gives Kramer 
               the same look. Kramer reacts nervously)
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               NYC Street)

               
                             
               "TEN MINUTES EARLIER" Jerry and George 
               are walking down the street. The opening 
               credits start to show)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Ah, this is the kind of day that almost 
               makes you feel good to be alive.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Almost. (Notices his shoes) Hey, new 
               Timberlands?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, and a whole new me. I'm up two 
               inches in these babies!
 
               
                             JERRY
               Really?

               
                             GEORGE
               Five' eight. Five' seven.

               
               (Jerry passes Nina, an old girlfriend)

               
                             NINA
               Jerry?

               
                             JERRY
               Nina?

               
                             NINA
               Hi.

               
                             JERRY
               It's been years!

               
                             NINA
               Yeah!

               
                             JERRY
               (Introducing the two) George, this is 
               Nina.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Nice to meet you.

               
                             NINA
               Nice to meet you, too.

               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Elaine's apartment building)

               
                             
               "THREE HOURS EARLIER" Elaine's at her 
               mailbox)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (Reading an invitation) India? Yeah, 
               right. (Sarcastic) I'm goin' to India..
 
               
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               The Coffee shop)

               
                             
               "TWO YEARS EARLIER" Jerry is sitting 
               at a booth with Nina)
 
               
                             NINA
               And they call it the World Wide Web. 
               You can e-mail anyone!
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Mesmerized) What are you, a scientist?!
 
               
               
                             NINA
               Ah, I gotta go. (Gets up to leave)
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Ah.

               
                             NINA
               It's great talkin'

               
                             JERRY
               Great talkin' to you. (Nina leaves. 
               To himself) What the hell is e-mail?
 
               
               
               (George and Susan enter and sit with Jerry)

               
                             GEORGE
               How as the date?

               
                             JERRY
               Pretty good. I think she might be the 
               one.
 
               
                             SUSAN
               No.

               
                             GEORGE
               Whooo.. (To a waitress taking orders) 
               Ooh.. French fries.
 
               
                             SUSAN
               Ah, George.

               
                             GEORGE
               (Changing is order for Susan) Baked, 
               uh, potato.
 
               
                             SUSAN
               Uh-huh.

               
                             GEORGE
               Sorry.

               
                             SUSAN
               yeah, you stuff your sorries in a sack, 
               mister.
 
               
               (Kramer runs into Monk's with a snowball)

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, hey. Yeah, check it out. It's packin' 
               tight! (Puts the snowball on the table, 
               then drips water from Jerry's cup onto 
               it)
 
               
                             JERRY
               What are you bringing snowballs in here 
               for?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, I need some water. Ice it up nice 
               and hard.. and when you throw it - Pop! 
               Oh look, (Looks out the Monk's windows) 
               there's my friend, FDR. I'm
 
               
               gonna nail him in the back of the head. It's gonna be great! 
               (Rushes out of Monks to peg his friend with the snowball)
 
               
               (Elaine and Pinter (Peter) enter Monk's, and are greeted)

               
                             JERRY
               Hi, Elaine.

               
                             GEORGE
               Hey!

               
                             ELAINE
               (Turning around and leaving with Pinter) 
               Hey, let's go someplace else, Okay, 
               Peter?
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Jerry's new apartment)

               
                             
               "ELEVEN YEARS EARLIER" Jerry, carrying 
               a box, is moving in to his apartment 
               for the first time. He meets his across-the-hall 
               neighbor, Kramer)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, hey, how you doing?

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, hi. I-I'm Jerry Seinfeld. I'm movin' 
               in. I saw your name on the buzzer - 
               You must be Kessler.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Uh, no. Actually, it's Kramer.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh.

               
                             KRAMER
               Uh, you need any help, or..?

               
                             JERRY
               No, thanks. But I ordered a pizza. You 
               want some of it?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Uh, no, no, no. I couldn't impose.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Why not? We're neighbors. What's mine 
               is yours. (And with that, Jerry made 
               the most fatal mistake of his life)
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               (Eyeing Jerry's empty apartment) Really?
 
               
               
               
               
                             THE END



The Betrayal



Writers :   Peter Mehlman  David Mandel
Genres :   Comedy


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