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Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                           THE BLOOD



                           Written by

                           Dan O'Keefe




 
               
               
               (Jerry's Apartment, 5A. Morty and Helen are packing suitcases.)
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Are you sure you can't stay longer?
 
               
               
                             MORTY
               No, we just came for the funeral. `
 
               
               
                             HELEN
               Poor Marvin Kessler, he went too early.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               He was 96 years old.

               
                             MORTY
               That had nothing to do with it, the 
               man was out of shape.
 
               
                             HELEN
               That's why we joined a program. We walk 
               once around the block three times a 
               week.
 
               
                             MORTY
               And every morning I eat a plum.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, what ever you do, you're wearing 
               me out.
 
               
                             HELEN
               What about you?

               
                             MORTY
               Yeah, looks like you're getting a little 
               spare tire there, tiger.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Really?

               
               (Kramer comes in)

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, Seinfelds!

               
                             MORTY
               Hey, Mr. Kramer!

               
                             KRAMER
               How long are you staying?

               
                             HELEN
               We just came down for a funeral.

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh yeah, yeah I heard, Marvin Kessler. 
               Boy, that makes you think. If he could 
               go...
 
               
                             HELEN
               See you downstairs with the car.

               
                             JERRY
               Are you sure you don't need a hand with 
               that?
 
               
                             MORTY
               No no, the luggage is on the program. 
               I got a brick in here.
 
               
               (Morty and Helen leave. Kramer pulls out a band aid from his 
               arm.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Did you give blood?

               
                             KRAMER
               No, not giving. hoarding. I'm storing 
               it in to a blood bank. Just in case.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               In case of what?

               
                             KRAMER
               Jerry, I know myself. If I'm out on 
               the street and it's starts to go down, 
               I don't back off until it's finished.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Are we finished?

               
                             KRAMER
               Done.

               
               
               
               (Elaine is visiting her friend Vivian.)

               
                             VIVIAN
               Elaine, I'm so glad you came out.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah...

               
                             VIVIAN
               You haven't seen Jimmy for years.

               
                             ELAINE
               I know, I'm glad I got to see him before 
               he hit puberty and got, you know all 
               lurchy and awkward.
 
               
                             VIVIAN
               Actually, I'm gonna need someone to 
               look after him tomorrow evening.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Tomorrow evening, sure.

               
                             VIVIAN
               Do you know anyone responsible?

               
                             ELAINE
               Do I know anyone??

               
                             VIVIAN
               Well, if you think of anybody, give 
               me a call.
 
               
               
               
               (George is with his girlfriend Tara. She is lighting a candle.)
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               What are you doing?

               
                             TARA
               Incense, for the mood.

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh yes, by no means, the mood. Let me 
               know if there's anything I can do to 
               lend support to the mood.
 
               
               (Takes of his shoes and smells the candle.)

               
                             GEORGE
               Um, cream soda?

               
                             TARA
               Vanilla.

               
               -

               
               (Monk's Cafe. Jerry and Elaine.)

               
                             ELAINE
               Can you believe that, Vivian doesn't 
               think I'm responsible?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Who wants to responsible? When ever 
               anything goes wrong, the first thing 
               they ask is: who's responsible for this?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               I couldn't raise a kid? Come on, I love 
               bossing people around.
 
               
               (George comes to the table and starts eating Jerry's fries.)
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What happened, I thought you were with 
               Tara tonight?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I was, I had to leave. She lit some 
               vanilla incenses. The smell drove me 
               nuts, all I could think about was food, 
               I had to get out of there. We need some 
               pudding here! Pudding!
 
               
                             ELAINE
               You just left? What did you tell her?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               I told I had a bus transfer that was 
               only good just for another hour.
 
               
                             JERRY
               What?

               
                             GEORGE
               I don't know, I was starving Jerry!
 
               
               
               (Waitress bring pudding to George.)

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, pudding! You want some?

               
                             JERRY
               Hey, you guys think I'm getting a little...chunky?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               What are you kidding? We look great! 
               You know what this pudding needs? The 
               skin on the top, you know like your 
               mother used to make it on the stove.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Elaine, what do you think?

               
                             ELAINE
               I think you're getting a little pudding 
               under the skin yourself.
 
               
               ----

               
               (Kramer is at the County Blood Bank.)

               
                             KRAMER
               My service rates went up? You banks 
               are all the same with your hidden fees 
               and your service charges. Well, maybe 
               I'll just take my blood elsewhere, yeah.
 
               
               
                             BANK EMPLOYEE
               Well, we can transfer to another bank 
               for you.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, no no no...no more banks. I'm keeping 
               my blood in my freezer with...my money!
 
               
               
               
               
               (George and Tara.)

               
                             GEORGE
               So eh, what do you say?

               
                             TARA
               I guess we could use some food in our 
               lovemaking.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Ok, we got your...got your strawberries, 
               your chocolate sauce, your pastrami 
               on rye with mustard, your honey...
 
               
               
                             TARA
               Wait wait wait, pastrami on rye with 
               mustard?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh yeah yeah, don't you know they used 
               pastrami in that movie 9 weeks? Remember 
               the pastrami scene?
 
               
                             TARA
               No.

               
                             GEORGE
               Well, maybe it was Ghostbusters? Where 
               ever it was, it worked!
 
               
               (George takes a big bite and charges on to Tara.)

               
               ----

               
               (Monk's Cafe, Jerry and George.)

               
                             JERRY
               Didn't go for it, huh?

               
                             GEORGE
               No.

               
                             JERRY
               So, she didn't appreciate the erotic 
               qualities of the salted cured meats?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               She tolerated the strawberries and the 
               chocolate sauce, but eh, it's not a 
               meal, you know? Food and sex, those 
               are my two passions. It's only natural 
               to combine them.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Natural? Sex is about love between a 
               man and a woman, not a man and a sandwich.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Jerry, I'm not suggesting getting rid 
               of the girl. She's integral.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Maybe instead of trying to satisfy two 
               of your needs, how about satisfying 
               one of somebody else's.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Hey, speaking of which, I found a great 
               way to separate the skin from the top 
               of the pudding without leaving any around 
               the edges; Exacto knife.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I told you George, no more pudding. 
               I'm starting a purification program. 
               Keep all that kind of food away from 
               me.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Well, I guess these would be out of 
               the question. (pulls out two pudding 
               skins in plastic bags.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               What the hell is that?

               
                             GEORGE
               Pudding skin singles.

               
               ---

               
               (5A, Kramer and Jerry.)

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey buddy, I'm borrowing all your Tupperware.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, why?

               
                             KRAMER
               I closed down my account at the blood 
               bank.
 
               
                             JERRY
               What, it...it's here in the building?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Right across the hall. What, you wanna 
               go see?
 
               
                             JERRY
               No I don't! In fact, if even one corpuscles 
               of that blood should find it's way across 
               that hall I will freak out on you Kramer! 
               Freak out.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               You know, for a fat guy you're not very 
               jolly.
 
               
               (Elaine comes in.)

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey, working out?

               
                             JERRY
               You know it and I ditched all my junk 
               food.
 
               
               (Kramer looks to the fridge.)

               
                             KRAMER
               What the heck is going on here?

               
                             JERRY
               Sorry buddy, clean house. It's all health 
               food.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I may have to take it, but I don't 
               have to like it.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Vivian left me a message. I guess a 
               certain someone changed her mind about 
               whether someone was responsible enough 
               to watch certain other someone.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Is this about me?

               
                             ELAINE
               No.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, then I lost interest.

               
               (Elaine calls on the phone.)

               
                             ELAINE
               Vivian, hi it's Elaine. Yeah, I'm over 
               at Jerry's, I got your message...What? 
               Yeah, he's right here, hold on...(hands 
               the phone to Kramer.)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               For me? Go...Yeah, what tonight? Yeah, 
               I'll be there...Yeah later. (puts the 
               phone down) Well, somebody's baby-sitting.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               You? I'm more responsible than you are!
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Don't be ridiculous. Now, if you'll 
               excuse me, I have to go to fill my freezer 
               with my own blood.
 
               
               
               
               (George is in bed with Tara. He reaches to the drawer for some 
               sandwich.)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, Tara!

               
               -

               
               (Kramer comes to the Vivian's house and bangs the screen door.)
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Hello, Vivian! Oh, this is a nice screen.
 
               
               
               (Elaine comes and taps him on the back.)

               
                             ELAINE
               Kramer...

               
                             KRAMER
               Don't take my money!

               
                             ELAINE
               It is me, you idiot. Hi, all right you've 
               got to get out of here, I'm gonna baby-sit 
               the hell out of that kid.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               No, I'm the baby-sitter.

               
                             ELAINE
               No no no, you're out, I'm in. Now, hit 
               the road.
 
               
               (Vivian comes to open the door and Elaine pushes Kramer off the 
               porch.)
 
               
                             VIVIAN
               Elaine? What are you doing here?

               
                             ELAINE
               Kramer is actually sleeping one off, 
               so I thought that I'd help out...(Kramer 
               moans from the bushes) what's that, 
               some raccoon or something...(hits Kramer 
               with a broom.)
 
               
                             VIVIAN
               Well, I guess this would be all right. 
               Jimmy, you remember Elaine? She's gonna 
               watch you tonight.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Hi Jimmy. (Jimmy kicks Elaine to the 
               shin.) Ouch! (The screen door hits her 
               in the head.)
 
               
               
               
               (5A, Kramer and Jerry.)

               
                             JERRY
               Hey, what are you doing here? I thought 
               you were baby-sitting at Vivian's.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               There was an incident.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh no, where's the blood? (opens the 
               fridge) It's in here isn't it?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Would you stop it.

               
                             JERRY
               What is this?

               
                             KRAMER
               It's Jell-O.

               
                             JERRY
               What about this? This is blood isn't 
               it?!
 
               
                             KRAMER
               This is tomato juice, look...(drinks 
               from the bottle.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Ooh, you're sick! You're sick!!

               
                             KRAMER
               Will you calm down. I took all my blood 
               down to Newman's. He let me put it in 
               his meat freezer.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hey, what's going on? Who made pudding?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh yeah yeah, George he came by and 
               made more of those pudding skin singles. 
               They're delicious.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Damn that George, I told him I don't 
               want this stuff around here anymore...
 
               
               
               (Jerry hits a spatula on the table and one Exacto knife flies 
               through the air.)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Heads up!

               
                             JERRY
               Aaah...

               
               ----

               
               (Elaine is on the baby-sitting gig and Jimmy is shooting her 
               with a toy gun.)
 
               
                             JIMMY
               You're dead, president Lincoln! You're 
               dead!
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I wish I was dead.

               
                             JIMMY
               Can I have your juice?

               
                             ELAINE
               As long as you don't put...

               
               (Jimmy pours the juice to Elaine's bag.)

               
                             ELAINE
               Thanks for the re-fill.

               
               (Jimmy runs laughing from the room and Vivian comes in.)

               
                             VIVIAN
               Hey, Elaine! How did it go?

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, he's...he's a joy...

               
                             VIVIAN
               Really? Some sitter have told me he's 
               bit of a handful.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, handful of sunshine. I wish I could 
               do this every day.
 
               
                             VIVIAN
               Oh Elaine, that's so good to hear. I've 
               been having a few health problems lately.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               It's not serious, is it?

               
                             VIVIAN
               Well, it might be. Just in case anything 
               does happen, it's nice to know there's 
               somebody like you around.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh yeah, that eh...that is nice to know. 
               (Pours the juice from the bag back to 
               glass.)
 
               
               
               
               (Jerry wakes up at the hospital. Kramer is staring at him up 
               close.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Aah!

               
                             KRAMER
               It's ok, Jerry. I'm right here.

               
                             JERRY
               I can see that! What happened?

               
                             KRAMER
               That knife, it nicked your jugular. 
               You know Jerry, when somebody yells 
               'heads up', you're not supposed to actually 
               look up.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I'll remember that.

               
                             KRAMER
               Anyway, you were lucky that I was there. 
               You lost a lot of blood.
 
               
                             JERRY
               What?

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh yeah, you've got three pints of Kramer 
               in you, buddy.
 
               
               (Jerry starts screaming and Kramer joins him.)

               
               
               
               (Monk's Cafe. Jerry and George.)

               
                             GEORGE
               Three pints of Kramer's blood?

               
                             JERRY
               I can feel his blood inside of me. Borrowing 
               things from my blood.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Well, so much for purification week.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               So, how's the fornicating gourmet?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Doing quite well, thank you. Yesterday 
               I had a soft boiled egg and a quickie. 
               You know what? If I could add TV to 
               the equation, that would really be the 
               ultimate.
 
               
                             JERRY
               George, we're trying to have a civilization 
               here.
 
               
               (Elaine comes in.)

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey, how was baby-sitting?

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, just great. I found out that Vivian 
               has some kind of medical problem and 
               if the worst happens she wants me to 
               take care of Jimmy.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, I'm sure it won't be the worst.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               It doesn't matter. If anything happens 
               to her, I'm on deck! Scissors mishap, 
               air show disaster, chinese organ thieves...it's 
               a dangerous world.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               She's right, I heard Kramer got mugged 
               out on the suburbs on a baby-sitting 
               gig.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Really?

               
               
               
               (5A, Kramer and Jerry.)

               
                             KRAMER
               Look at this, look at the hair on the 
               back of my neck. It's all bramble, see 
               it's like thicket back there. Look, 
               I need somebody to shave it for me, 
               huh?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I'm not touching that thing.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I have to say I'm very surprised 
               and disappointed - blood brother.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, no...

               
                             KRAMER
               What? Jerry, I gave you my blood. Listen 
               to your pulse, (takes Jerry hand) hey 
               buddy-hey buddy-hey buddy...
 
               
                             JERRY
               Kramer, I'm not shaving your neck.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               So, my blood is not enough. Would you 
               like a kidney too, because I'll give 
               it to you? I'll rip it out right here 
               and stack it on the table!
 
               
                             JERRY
               All right, all right I'll do it, sit 
               down.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               No no no, I don't have time right now. 
               I'll catch you tonight, we'll do sort 
               of an all over kind of thing, all right?
 
               
               
               (Kramer leaves. Jerry phone rings and he answers.)

               
                             JERRY
               Hello?

               
               (It's Helen and Morty.)

               
                             HELEN
               Kramer called, he told that you were 
               in a hospital.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Kramer called you?

               
                             HELEN
               He calls every week. Are you all right?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yes, I'm fine.

               
                             HELEN
               He says he's fine.

               
                             MORTY
               Tell him to eat a plum.

               
                             HELEN
               Jerry, you really have to take better 
               care of yourself. We bought you some 
               session with a personal trainer.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I don't need a personal trainer. (Kramer 
               comes in) all right I've got to go, 
               we'll talk about this later.
 
               
                             MORTY
               Plum...(Jerry hangs up.)

               
                             JERRY
               Why are you calling my parents?

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, maybe if you called more often, 
               I wouldn't have to. Listen, is it all 
               right if I watch a tape in here?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Why here?

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I'm taping Canadian Parliament, 
               you know on C-Span.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Ok...

               
                             KRAMER
               Is it all right if I watch it in your 
               bedroom, cause your bed is really nice?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Fine...

               
                             KRAMER
               Ok!

               
               (Newman runs in with two boxes of popcorn.)

               
                             JERRY
               No no no no no no no no no no! I do 
               not want that in here!
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Blood!

               
                             JERRY
               All right.

               
               (Knock on the door. Jerry opens and it's Izzy Mandelbaum.)

               
                             IZZY
               Hello, dough boy.

               
                             JERRY
               Mr. Mandelbaum? You're the personal 
               trainer?
 
               
                             IZZY
               I'm here to whip you in to shape, so 
               grab your jocks - if you need one. It's 
               go-time.
 
               
               
               
               (Elaine is on another baby-sitting gig at Vivian's. Vivian comes 
               in and Elaine is sleeping on the couch, smoking a cigar.)
 
               
                             VIVIAN
               Elaine? Elaine?

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, hi, oh God. I didn't here you come 
               in.
 
               
                             VIVIAN
               Where's Jimmy?

               
                             ELAINE
               I don't know, I don't know...we had 
               HoHos for dinner and then eh...and then 
               he put this plastic bag over his head 
               and started running around until he 
               got tired and then he laid down somewhere 
               I...I tell you I'm no good watching 
               that kid.
 
               
                             VIVIAN
               Sleeping like an angel. Elaine, you're 
               the best.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               No! I'm a scatter brain. That's why 
               I probably can't hold a job or keep 
               a man!
 
               
                             VIVIAN
               Be quiet. So, will you watch Jimmy tomorrow?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               All right, but I'm running out of purses 
               here. (takes her purse from a punch 
               ball.)
 
               
               
               
               (The Gladiator Gym. Jerry and Mr. Mandelbaum.)

               
                             JERRY
               Ok Mr. Mandelbaum, what you want me 
               to do?
 
               
                             IZZY
               Drop your purse, and pick up that medicine 
               ball.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Is this a gym, or some kind of fitness 
               museum?
 
               
                             IZZY
               Not funny, over your head with it. Are 
               you ready?
 
               
                             JERRY
               For what?

               
                             IZZY
               All aboard in the pain train!

               
               (Izzy starts hitting Jerry's stomach with weak taps.)

               
                             JERRY
               How many session did my parents paid 
               for?
 
               
                             IZZY
               Not enough to make a man of you, daffodil.
 
               
               
               
               
               (George and Tara are in bed. George reaches out for a sandwich)
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Oohoho...spicy mustard...woohoho, you're 
               hot tonight!
 
               
                             TARA
               Oh, George!

               
                             GEORGE
               And now for the trifecta. (Picks up 
               a hand held TV and gets back under the 
               covers.)
 
               
                             TARA
               George? George? What are you doing?! 
               (Pulls the covers off. George is eating 
               a sandwich and watching TV.)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Pleasuring you?

               
               -

               
                             
               Manana. Jerry comes in.)

               
                             JERRY
               What is this?

               
                             KRAMER
               We're making sausages.

               
               (Jerry stops the tape.)

               
                             JERRY
               I thought you were gonna watch a video.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, an instructional video about how 
               to make your own sausages.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Kramer, I'm not in a mood for this.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               All right, all right. Newman, let's 
               go grab some mail sacks and haul these 
               beauties out of here.
 
               
               (Kramer starts the tape again and he and Newman leave.)

               
                             JERRY
               Blood over there, sausages over here. 
               I'm living in a slaughter house.
 
               
               (Izzy Mandelbaum comes in with a plywood plate.)

               
                             IZZY
               Tonight I want you to sleep on this. 
               Toughens the vertebrae. (Looks at the 
               sausages) What in holy hell? Sausages? 
               Is this your diet?
 
               
                             JERRY
               No they're not mine Mr. Mandelbaum...
 
               
               
                             IZZY
               Don't lie to me, butter bean. We're 
               taking it up a notch.
 
               
               -------------------------------------------------------

               
               (Monk's Cafe. Jerry and George.)

               
                             JERRY
               So, the free love buffet is over?

               
                             GEORGE
               I got greedy. Flew too close to the 
               sun on wings of pastrami.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, that's what you did...I can't 
               believe I got another session with Izzy 
               Mandelbaum, he's probably makes me box 
               a kangaroo.
 
               
               (George eats a sandwich and gets flustered.)

               
                             JERRY
               What's going on?

               
                             GEORGE
               I don't know. This sandwich is making 
               me flush.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh no, I'll tell you what you did Caligula; 
               you combined food and sex in to one 
               disgusting uncontrollable urge.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I think you're right. You gonna eat 
               that?
 
               
                             JERRY
               No, but please tell me that's all you're 
               gonna do with it.
 
               
               (Elaine comes in)

               
                             ELAINE
               Jerry, I tell you; if this woman dies, 
               it is going to be a major inconvenience.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               These fries are really really good...
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               All right, that's enough of that. (Jerry 
               takes the plates and hands them to a 
               waitress.)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I mean I can't shake this woman. You 
               know, now I have to go to Jimmy's birthday 
               party.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Uuh, sleepy.

               
                             ELAINE
               No matter what I do, I cannot weasel 
               out of raising this kid.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, sleepy here is quite a weasel, 
               maybe he can bat for you.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, that's what I need; a pinch weasel.
 
               
               
               (Kramer comes in.)

               
                             KRAMER
               Why did you get rid of that sausage?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               It wasn't me, it was Mr. Mandelbaum.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah well, Newman's not happy, he booted 
               me out of his freezer. Look, I've got 
               to take my blood back to the bank, can 
               I borrow your car?
 
               
                             JERRY
               What's wrong with yours?

               
                             KRAMER
               I got no A/C and I gotta keep the blood 
               cold or it'll go bad.
 
               
                             JERRY
               All right, but this is it, this is the 
               last favor, we're even!
 
               
                             KRAMER
               All right, Even Steven. Oh, by the way, 
               when you get back to your apartment 
               try to keep it down because Newman is 
               taking a nap in your bed.
 
               
               
               
               (Jerry's car. Kramer is taking the blood to the bank. Manaja 
               song is playing.)
 
               (Kramer looks at the car's thermometer and it gets on hot.)
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, man...(looks to the glove compartment 
               for a manual.) "If the engine begins 
               to overheat, turn off air conditioner". 
               Never, I can't do that.
 
               
               (Engine begins to smoke.)

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, mama...

               
               (Kramer stops and opens the hood.)

               
                             KRAMER
               Shees, come on...(opens the radiator)..this 
               thing is bone dry. (Looks at the blood.)
 
               
               
               ----------------------------------------------------

               
               (Elaine is visiting Vivian.)

               
                             ELAINE
               Vivian...

               
                             VIVIAN
               Elaine!

               
                             ELAINE
               Hi! This is my friend George.

               
                             VIVIAN
               Hi...

               
                             ELAINE
               I'm gonna go say hi to Jimmy.

               
                             VIVIAN
               Ok.

               
               
                             VIVIAN
               Oh, isn't Elaine fantastic?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yes she is. It's a pity we won't be 
               seeing much more of her.
 
               
                             VIVIAN
               Really, why?

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, you haven't heard, she's going to 
               live with her grandparents in Redding 
               Pennsylvania.
 
               
                             VIVIAN
               Her grandparent passed away five years 
               ago.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yes they did. I was covering. Elaine 
               has been deported back to Scotland.
 
               
               
                             VIVIAN
               She's American citizen, I have seen 
               her passport.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               All right, no more lies. Elaine is been 
               chosen to represent the Upper West Side 
               in the next Biosphere project.
 
               
                             VIVIAN
               I haven't heard anything about another 
               Biosphere.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               That's because it's underwater.

               
                             VIVIAN
               This is insane.

               
                             GEORGE
               Is it?

               
                             VIVIAN
               Yes it it.

               
                             GEORGE
               Well, it's all for charity, so what's 
               the difference.
 
               
               (Oven pings)

               
                             VIVIAN
               You...very knowledgeable.

               
                             GEORGE
               Well, I'm also an architect. Is that 
               pastrami?
 
               
                             VIVIAN
               Yes it is. I find the pastrami to be 
               the most sensual of all the salted cured 
               meats. Hungry?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Very.

               
               (They kiss and fall down to the floor.)

               
                             VIVIAN
               Oh, wait...(Vivian turns the TV on.) 
               Oohh...
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Vivian!!

               
               
               
               (Jerry's has belt and it's connected to the car with a rope. 
               Izzy and Izzy Jr. are in the car.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Is this really necessary?

               
                             IZZY
               If you wanna live in a butcher shop, 
               I'm gonna treat you like a piece of 
               meat.
 
               
                             JERRY
               What if I can't keep up?

               
                             IZZY
               You lie, you dry. Fire it up, son.
 
               
               
                             IZZY JR.
               Right dad, Mandelbaum, Mandelbaum...
 
               
               
                             IZZY AND IZZY JR
               Mandelbaum, Mandelbaum...(Izzy Jr. drives 
               ahead, but the car starts jerking)
 
               
               
                             IZZY
               Move it, move it! Get those knees up! 
               Come on, kick it, kick it!
 
               
                             JERRY
               What's going on?

               
                             IZZY JR.
               There's something wrong with your car. 
               It's dripping something on my feet. 
               Some kind of red liquid.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh my God, the blood!

               
                             IZZY JR.
               Blood!!

               
               (Izzy Jr. floors the gas pedal and Jerry falls down.)

               
                             IZZY
               Get up boy, get up! We got a problem 
               here! Tough it up. This is for real, 
               you've got to want it...
 
               
               ...

               
               (Jerry and Elaine in a hospital.)

               
                             ELAINE
               So how long did they drag you?

               
                             JERRY
               Well, for the first quarter mile they 
               thought that I was just doggin' it.
 
               
               
               (George and Jimmy come in)

               
                             ELAINE
               Hi George. Hi Jimmy.

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, Jimmy why don't you wait outside, 
               you know, play with something.
 
               
               (Jimmy kicks George in to the shin.)

               
                             GEORGE
               Ouch!

               
                             JERRY
               What's the kid doing here?

               
                             GEORGE
               I'm baby-sitting! Vivian asked me to 
               raise him if she doesn't make it.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, that's a drag...

               
               (Kramer comes in.)

               
                             KRAMER
               That kid...

               
                             JERRY
               You put blood in the car?!

               
                             KRAMER
               Jerry, it was overheating. You should 
               take better care of that thing.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, they told me that I got more blood, 
               so I guess I owe you again.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               You didn't get the blood from me.

               
                             JERRY
               Then who?

               
               (Newman comes in and he has band aid in his arm.)

               
                             NEWMAN
               Hello Jerry.

               
                             JERRY
               Aaaaahhh...!!!

               
                             JERRY AND KRAMER
               Aaaahhh...!!!

                

                            THE END



The Blood



Writers :   Dan O'Keefe
Genres :   Comedy


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