THE BOTTLE DEPOSIT PART 2
Written by
Gregg Kavet & Andy Robin
(Outside Auto Shop)
Jerry and Elaine are outside the autoshop. Jerry is on the payphone.
JERRY
Okay, thank you. (hangs up the phone)
ELAINE
So? What'd they say?
JERRY
They're sending a detective to my apartment
tomorrow.
ELAINE
What the hell were you thinking leaving
my clubs in that car?!
JERRY
Well, I didn't count on my mechanic
pulling a Mary-Beth
Whitehead, did I?
ELAINE
What kind of maniac is this guy?
JERRY
He's a very special maniac.
ELAINE
What am I supposed to tell Mr Peterman.
JERRY
I don't know.
ELAINE
Why couldn't you take better care of
that car?!
(Elaine's Office)
Elaine at her desk. Peterman enters.
PETERMAN
Well, are they here?
ELAINE
Mr Peterman, uh... There seems to be
a bit of a snag.
PETERMAN
Snag?
ELAINE
It seems that a psychotic mechanic has
absconded with my
friend's car.
PETERMAN
What does that have to do with my clubs?
ELAINE
They happened to be in the back seat
at the time.
(Jerry's Apartment)
Jerry is talking with a police detective at his door.
DETECTIVE
What was the suspect wearing at the
time of the incident?
JERRY
You know, like mechanic's pants, a shirt
that said 'Tony'. Lemme
ask you something, have you ever seen a case like this before?
DETECTIVE
All the time. A mechanic forms an emotional
attachment,
thinks he'sgonna lose the car, he panics, he does something rash.
I'm gonna ask
you somepersonal questions. I'm sorry if I touch a nerve, but
I think it'll
help with the case. Had you been taking good care of the car?
JERRY
Had I been taking...?
DETECTIVE
Well, did you leave the A/C on? Do you
zip over speed bumps?
Do you ride the clutch? Things like that.
JERRY
W-well, what does it matter? It's my
car, I can do whatever I
want with it.
The detective stares at Jerry.
JERRY
Not that I would think of doing such
things.
DETECTIVE
(making a note) Alright Mr Seinfeld,
we'll let you know if
we find anything. I gotta be honest with you, these cases never
end up well.
JERRY
Well uh, whatever you can do. Thanks.
George's Office)
George sits at his desk, his forehead resting on a folder he
has
clutched in his hands. Mr Wilhelm enters, looking happy.
GEORGE
(hesitant) Uh, Mr Wilhelm. Uh, about
the project...
WILHELM
That's what I came to talk to you about.
Great job George.
(shakes George's hand) You really nailed it.
GEORGE
I did?
WILHELM
Oh yes, I read through it this morning.
I couldn't have done
it better myself, and I turned it right over to Mr Steinbrenner.
Good work
George.
Wilhelm leaves. George looks stunned and confused.
(Jerry's Apartment)
By now, George is looking much more pleased.
JERRY
I don't get it. He assigns it to you,
you don't do it. Somehow
it gets done, and now he's telling you what a great job you did.
GEORGE
Maybe somebody did it and didn't take
credit for it. Maybe it
was already done and didn't need doing in the first place. I
have no idea
who did it, what they did, or how they did it so well. And you
know what? Jimmy
crack corn and I don't care.
(Mr Wilhelm's Home)
Wilhelm sits on the couch. He has a newspaper and is talking
to his
wife, who's in another room.
WILHELM
The gardener did a nice job planting
the rose bushes, didn't
he dear?
MRS WILHELM
You planted the rose bushes, dear.
WILHELM
I did?
MRS WILHELM
Yesterday. You remember.
WILHELM
(thinks for a moment) That's right.
(pause) What's for dinner?
MRS WILHELM
We just ate. Did you forget to take
your medicine?
Wilhelm can be seen struggling to recollect.
(Jerry's Apartment)
A still pleased looking George is fetching a drink from Jerry's
fridge.
GEORGE
The point is, however it got done, it's
done. So, any luck with
the car?
JERRY
No. The police have no leads (sitting
on the couch arm) and I
just found out today my insurance doesn't cover it.
GEORGE
Why not?
JERRY
They don't consider it stolen, if you
wilfully give the guy the
keys.
The door opens and Elaine enters.
ELAINE
(to George) Hey.
GEORGE
Hey.
ELAINE
(to Jerry) Hey. What did the detective
say?
JERRY
They're looking.
GEORGE
I gotta go.
George leaves. The phone rings and Jerry picks up.
JERRY
Y'hello.
DETECTIVE
Mr Seinfeld?
JERRY
Yeah.
DETECTIVE
It's Detective McMahon...
Elaine looks quizzical. Jerry mouths, 'It's the police'
DETECTIVE
...I'm at the warehouse on Pier 38.
Ah, I think you'd
better get down here.
JERRY
Yeah, okay. (to Elaine) They may have
found the car.
ELAINE
(makes surprise noise) Are the clubs
in it? Ask him.
JERRY
Are there golf clubs in the back?
DETECTIVE
We really can't tell. You better bring
your service
records.
(Pier 38 Warehouse)
The interior of the warehouse is gloomy and dank. There are cars
and
parts of cars arranged round the area, together with tools, welding
gear, etc.
Detective McMahon stands beside a car-shaped object hidden under
a white sheet.
Jerry and Elaine are led in by a young patrolman who looks queasy.
YOUNG COP
Watch where you step. There's quite
a bit of... grease.
Detective, Jerry Seinfeld is here.
DETECTIVE
How d'you do. Thanks for coming down.
JERRY
(indicating) This is Elaine Benes.
ELAINE
(explaining) We used to date, but now
we're just friends.
DETECTIVE
I see.
JERRY
Yeah.
DETECTIVE
I'm sorry to make you go through this,
but we need to make
sure.
JERRY
Well, what's going on? What is this
thing?
DETECTIVE
One of our patrolmen stumbled over this.
He lifts the sheet, revealing what's beneath to Jerry and Elaine.
ELAINE
(horrified) Huuh! (she turns away and
covers her mouth)
JERRY
Oh my God!
The young patrolman removes his cap out of respect for the victim.
DETECTIVE
The block is nearly split apart. We
found the overhead cams
thirty feet away. We can only hope the body sold for scrap.
ELAINE
Oh, my God.
DETECTIVE
And we know it's a Saab. The angle on
the Vee-6 is
definitely ninety-two. The model is hard to determine because
the drive train is
all burnt out.
JERRY
What is that smell?
DETECTIVE
Look at the clutch.
They look. Jerry and Elaine don't like what they see.
ELAINE
Uuh.
The patrolman cracks and leaves hurriedly, looking nauseous.
YOUNG COP
Excuse me.
DETECTIVE
Whoever did this didn't just dismantle
it. I mean, they took
their time, they had fun. They were very systematic. They went
out of their
way to gouge the sides of every piston, and the turbo was separated
from the
housing and shoved right up the exhaust pipe.
ELAINE
Uhh
JERRY
Wait a second. Turbo? I didn't have
a turbo.
DETECTIVE
Your car's not a turbo?
JERRY
No, it's a nine-hundred S. (happy) It's
a turbo, Elaine, a
turbo!
ELAINE
(sobbing happiness) It's a tu-hur-bo.
Elaine and Jerry hug in happiness. In the background, another
woman
arrives.
WOMAN
Excuse me, did you say turbo? Saab turbo
nine-thousand? Is it...
(voice breaking) midnight blue?
DETECTIVE
(condolences) Yes ma'am.
(Mail Truck)
Newman drives as he and Kramer give voice to their happiness.
KRAMER/NEWMAN
(singing) Nine thousand, nine hundred
and ninety-nine
bottle and cans in the trunk, nine thousand, nine hundred and
ninety-nine bottles
and cans. At ten cents a bottle and ten cents a can, we're pulling
in five
hundred dollars a man. Nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-eight
bottle and cans in
the trunk, nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-eight bottles
and cans.
We fill up with gas, we count up our cash!!...
Their singing ends shambolically as they lose track of the lyrics.
But
the pair still look gleeful.
(Jerry's Apartment/Jerry's car)
The phone rings in Jerry's apartment. He picks it up.
JERRY
Hello.
TONY
Hey Jerry, it's Tony.
JERRY
Tony, where are you?
The Saab is driving down a quiet country road at night.
TONY
Aw look, I just want you to know that
the car is fine. I got her
all fixed up. We're in a nice area, no potholes, no traffic.
So there's nothing
to worry about. Okay? In fact, here, somebody wants to talk to
you.
Tony holds the phone toward the dash and revs the engine a little.
Jerry can hear the engine noise over the phone.
JERRY
Tony, y-you better bring that car back!
TONY
(angry) Nobody's giving anything back!
You tried to take it from
me, I don't forget that.
JERRY
Tony, it is my car, and I want it back!
TONY
Oh, your car. You want your car back!
JERRY
Tony.
TONY
Listen, that registration may have your
name on it, Jerry. But
this engine's running on my sweat and my blood.
Tony hangs up the phone.
JERRY
(exasperated) Where do I find these
guys?
(Mail Truck)
Kramer is driving the truck along a highway in daylight.
NEWMAN
How much gas we got?
KRAMER
Three quarters of a tank.
Newman punches the numbers into a calculator.
KRAMER
That's better than we estimated.
NEWMAN
(smugly) That is seven dollars and twenty-two
cents better.
They give a smug little laugh.
NEWMAN
Maybe we could uh, stop for a snack.
KRAMER
Ah, no, that's not in the budget.
NEWMAN
Yeah well, the budget changed, you know.
I mean, it might be a
good investment.
KRAMER
That's not a good investment, that's
a loss.
A convertible black Saab passes the mail truck.
KRAMER
Hey, d'you see that car? Looks like
Jerry's. I'm gonna check
out that license plate.
He accelerates the mail truck to close on the Saab, and leans
forward,
straining to make out the plate.
KRAMER
Yeah, those are New York plates.
NEWMAN
Is that Jerry's number?
KRAMER
I don't know, but that's New York and
we're in Ohio. Those are
pretty good odds.
Kramer reaches under his seat, rummaging for something.
NEWMAN
What're you doing?
KRAMER
I'm calling Jerry.
NEWMAN
On what?
KRAMER
Brought my phone.
He pulls out his mobile and hits the speed dial for Jerry.
(Jerry's Apartment/Mail Truck)
JERRY
(answering phone) Y'hello.
KRAMER
Yeah, hey Jerry, what's your licence
plate number?
JERRY
Why, what's up?
KRAMER
Yeah, well I think I spotted your car.
JERRY
Oh my god, you're kidding. (dives for
his wallet) Hang on a
second. (reading from his registration) It's JVN 728.
KRAMER
(checks the car ahead of him) Hey, that's
it! That's it. Hey,
uh look, we got him. We're driving right behind him in a truck.
JERRY
Oh my god. Yeah, yeah, he said he brought
it to the country.
KRAMER
Well we're in the country and we're
right on his tail.
JERRY
Good work Kramer, this is incredible.
KRAMER
Yeah, don't worry Jerry. We're right
on this guy like stink on
a monkey! I'll check back with you.
(Elaine's Office/Jerry's Apartment)
The phone rings in Elaine's office. She answers it.
ELAINE
Elaine Benes.
JERRY
Yeah, it's me. Kramer found the car!
ELAINE
Oh my god, where is it?
JERRY
It's somewhere in the country, they're
following 'em.
ELAINE
Are the clubs there?
JERRY
I don't know. They're tailing him. I'm
waiting for them to call
me back.
ELAINE
Alright, I'm heading over right now.
(Jerry's Apartment)
Elaine enters at a rush.
ELAINE
What's the status?
JERRY
Last check-in, they were still on him.
ELAINE
Well, have they called the police yet?
JERRY
No, they won't call the police.
ELAINE
What? Why not?
JERRY
They're afraid they'll get in trouble
for misusing a mail truck.
Kramer doesn't want a record.
ELAINE
Kramer has a record.
JERRY
Not a Federal record.
The phone rings. Jerry grabs the handset by the couch, Elaine
picks up
in the kitchen.
(Mail Truck/Jerry's Apartment)
ELAINE/JERRY
Kramer?
JERRY
What's going on?
KRAMER
Yeah, nothing. We're still following
him.
Ahead of the truck, the black Saab indicates his intention to
move onto
the off-ramp.
KRAMER
Wait a second, he's getting off. Yeah,
he's gonna be going
south on the one-thirty-five.
ELAINE
Keep following him.
KRAMER
Alright, alright, I'll follow him.
NEWMAN
Hey, we can't follow him, we're going
north to Michigan.
KRAMER
Yeah, hey listen, I can't. It's gonna
be taking us out of our
way.
ELAINE
I need those clubs.
JERRY
Kramer, I want my car.
KRAMER
Well, I don't know what to do.
NEWMAN
Hey, we got ten thousand deposit bottles
here. I mean, this guy
could be going to Arkansas.
JERRY
Keep following him Kramer. don't let
me down.
NEWMAN
Hey, don't listen to him. I mean, we
can't afford a detour. Our
budget won't hold it.
KRAMER
Well, I don't know what to do man!
NEWMAN
Kramer! Stay left. Left, left, left.
ELAINE/JERRY
Right. Go right!/South!
KRAMER
Alright! Alright. I'm getting off! I'm
gonna go on the ramp.
Kramer swerves onto the off-ramp at the last moment. Tyres squeal
and
the truck sways.
(Mail Truck)
NEWMAN
I hope you realise what you've done.
You've destroyed our whole
venture.
KRAMER
This ramp is steep.
NEWMAN
All my work, my planning, my genius.
All for nought.
KRAMER
Alright, look, we're pulling too much
weight. He's getting away
from us here. (indicating) Take the wheel.
Newman reaches across and takes the steering wheel as Kramer
gets out
of the driving seat.
NEWMAN
What're you doing?
KRAMER
(climbing though into the back of the
truck) I'm gonna get
something.
NEWMAN
Are you crazy?
The truck swerves as Newman slides into the driving seat.
KRAMER
Keep your foot on the gas.
Kramer shoves his way through the sackloads of bottles and cans.
NEWMAN
Hey! You're not dumping those bottles
back there, are you?
Kramer slides open the rear door of the truck.
NEWMAN
Hey Kramer, those have wholesale value!
We could cut our
losses.
Kramer grabs a sack and heaves it out the back of the truck.
KRAMER
Look out below!!
Car horns can be heard as the sack lands in the carriageway.
Kramer
grabs another sack and hurls that out, with another yelled warning.
Steinbrenner's Office)
Steinbrenner sits behind his desk. He's examining something on
his
desktop with a large powerful magnifying glass.
STEINBRENNER
(to himself) With this magnifying glass,
I feel like a
scientist.
There is a tap at the door, and George cautiously enters.
GEORGE
You wanted to see me, sir?
STEINBRENNER
Ah, come in George, come in.
George strolls up to Big Stein's desk, looking more confident.
STEINBRENNER
Uh, Wilhelm gave me this project you
worked on.
GEORGE
(smiling) Yes sir.
STEINBRENNER
Let me ask you something, George. You
having any personal
problems at home? Girl trouble, love trouble of any kind?
GEORGE
(wondering where this is leading) No
sir.
STEINBRENNER
What about drugs? You doing some of
that crack cocaine?
You on the pipe?
GEORGE
(worried now) No sir.
STEINBRENNER
Are you seeing a psychiatrist? Bcause
I got a flash for
you young man, you're non compos mentis! You got some bats in
the belfry!
GEORGE
What're.. What're you talking about?
STEINBRENNER
George, I've read this report. It's
very troubling, very
troubling indeed. It's a sick mind at work here.
Two burly guys who are clearly medical orderlies come into the
room
behind George.
STEINBRENNER
Okay, come on boys, come on in here.
George, this is Herb
and Dan.
George regards the two guys, very nervously as they approach
him and
stand behind him, one on either shoulder.
STEINBRENNER
They're gonna take you away to a nice
place where you can
get some help. They're very friendly people there. My brother-in-law
was there
for a couple of weeks. The man was obsessed with lactating women.
They
completely cured him, although he still eats a lot of cheese.
Herb and Dan take hold of George's arms. George gets panicky.
GEORGE
Ah, see, Mister.. I didn't write that
report. That, that's not
mine.
Herb and Dan begin to drag the struggling George across the office
toward the door.
STEINBRENNER
Of course you didn't George. Of course
you didn't write
it.
GEORGE
I didn't do it! It..It just got done.
I don't know how it got
done, but it did.
As Herb and Dan haul George through the door, George makes his
last
stand, trying to get a hold on the doorframe with his feet. Eventually
he is
dragged out into the corridor and vanishes from view.
STEINBRENNER
Of course. Of course it got done. Things
get done all the
time, I understand. (as George disappears) Don't worry, your
job'll be waiting
for you when you get back. (banging his fist on his desk) Get
better George.
Get better!
(Mail Truck)
The Saab travels down a quiet country road at night, followed
by the
mail truck. Kramer is driving, Newman looks furious in the passenger
seat.
KRAMER
(frustrated) Damn. I don't understand
this. I've ditched every
bottle and can, and we still can't gain. It's like we're...
He looks across at the substantial bulk of Newman and a thought
occurs.
KRAMER
...sluggish.
NEWMAN
I went through all those bottles and
all those cans, for what?
What a waste. And I'm really gonna catch hell for those missing
mailbags.
KRAMER
Heyy, wasn't that a pie stand back there?
NEWMAN
(perks up) A pie stand? Where?
KRAMER
Oh yeah. Home-made pies, two hundred
yards back.
NEWMAN
Aww, c'mon, pull over, pull over will
ya.
Kramer pulls the truck into the roadside. As it halts, Newman
sticks
his head out the window to peer back down the road.
NEWMAN
Where? I..I..I don't see it.
KRAMER
Well open the door, you get a better
look.
Newman slides back the door and leans out.
NEWMAN
I don't see any pie...
Kramer plants his foot firmly in Newman's backside and heaves
him out
of the truck.
NEWMAN
...Aargh!
As Newman lands heavily in the verge, Kramer slides the door
shut and
drives away.
NEWMAN
Kramer!!
KRAMER
I'm sorry Newman, you were holding us
back.
NEWMAN
(after speeding truck) Kramer!!
In the mail truck, Kramer picks up his phone and redials.
KRAMER
(shouting) Jerry! We've lost the fat
man, and we're running
lean. We're back on track, buddy!
(Country Roadside)
Newman wanders forlornly along the roadside at night. He tries
to thumb
a ride from passing traffic, displaying his uniform insignia
to drivers.
NEWMAN
Federal employee. Federal employee.
Aside from a few blaring car horns, he gets no response. He continues
his trudge, a sour look on his face.
(Countryside)
Newman struggles up a steep slope.
Newman pushes his way through a field of crops. He emerges from
the
vegetation and sees a farmhouse, its lights blazing. His face
lights up. He
stumbles towards the welcoming lights, tripping and falling,
before picking
himself up and running up to the building.
(Farm)
Newman reaches the steps to the porch and stumbles up them. As
he
reaches the door, a scent catches his attention. Looking to the
window, he sees a
pie left out on the window sill to cool. A craftier look comes
to his face. He
turns back to the door and knocks. After a few seconds, it opens.
FARMER
Hello stranger.
NEWMAN
(a touch desperate) Ah, look, I..I'm
sorry to bother you, but
I'm a US postal worker and my mail truck was just ambushed by
a band of
backwoods mail-hating survivalists.
FARMER
Calm down, now. Calm down. Don't worry,
we'll take care of you.
This farm ain't much, but uh, you're welcome to what we have.
Hot bath,
hearty meal, clean bed.
NEWMAN
Oh, thank you, sir.
FARMER
Just have one rule. Keep your hands
off my daughter.
Just then, the daughter in question slinks up behind the farmer.
Blonde, twenty-ish, just one walking temptation.
(Mail Truck/Jerry's Apartment)
Kramer has the mail truck right behind Jerry's Saab as they race
along
a quiet country road.
KRAMER
Jerry, we got 'im. I'm riding his tail.
There's no escape. He's
running scared, buddy.
Jerry and Elaine are sitting on the couch, each with a phone
handset.
JERRY
How's the gas situation?
KRAMER
(checks dial) I got enough to get to
Memphis.
In front of him, Tony reaches into the back seat of the Saab.
KRAMER
He's reaching in back. He's grabbing
at something.
Tony extracts a long, metallic object from behind himself.
KRAMER
He's pulling out a gun! He's got a gun,
Jerry!!
JERRY
Duck, Kramer! Duck!
Kramer crouches as far as he can. Tony flings the object at Kramer's
mail truck. It crashes against the windshield and bounces away.
KRAMER
It's a golf club! It's no gun. He threw
a golf club at me!
ELAINE
Those are JFK's golf clubs!
Tony hurls another club at the mail truck. Again, it bounces
off the
windshield, leaving some cracks.
KRAMER
Hey, I'm under fire here. (another club
hits) I'm under heavy
fire here, boy. (another hit) Jeez! That was a five-iron!
ELAINE
Stop the truck, Kramer. Pick up the
clubs!
JERRY
No, don't stop, Kramer. Keep going,
don't let him get away.
KRAMER
Wait a minute, I think he's done. (peers
at the Saab) Oh no,
he's taking out the woods!
Tony flings a heavy wood at the truck.
KRAMER
(noise)
The Saab leads the truck down the road, with Tony hurling club
after
club over his shoulder and into the front of the truck.
KRAMER
(yelling at Tony) You'll have to do
a lot better than that!
Tony hurls the golf bag at the truck. It slams solidly against
the
windshield, Kramer flinches, the truck swerves. The front wheel
runs over a club on
the tarmac and the tyre bursts.
JERRY
(hearing the noises) What's happening!
The truck is rattling and lurching as it struggles along the
road.
KRAMER
This truck is dying. We're losing him.
The Saab easily outpaces the truck and accelerates away. The
truck
staggers to a halt, giving out a death rattle. A cloud of steam
and smoke erupts from
under the hood.
KRAMER
I think we lost him.
JERRY
(disappointment) Dammit!
ELAINE
(quietly) Can you stop and pick up those
clubs Kramer?
KRAMER
(subdued) Yeah, yeah, I'll get 'em.
Jerry hangs up.
(Country)
Kramer climbs out of the truck and looks back down the road.
He kicks
the deflated tyre. Coming to the front of the truck, he picks
a club off
the front bumper and pulls the broken shaft of another out of
the radiator
grille.
Kramer walks along the road with the bent and broken clubs. He
comes
upon the bag and transfers the clubs into it. Slinging it over
his shoulder, he
continues on his way, picking up more battered golf clubs as
he goes.
(Farm)
Newman, the farmer and the farmer's daughter sit round the kitchen
table. They are working their way through a generous meal.
FARMER
Enjoy that mutton?
NEWMAN
(mouth full) It's delicious mutton.
This is uh, this is outta
sight. I would, I would love to get the recipe. It's very good.
The farmer's daughter is staring at Newman and toying with her
fork,
touching it to her lips and teeth. (It's difficult to be arousing
with cutlery, but
she's giving it a pretty good shot.) Newman notices this and
tries to take a
nonchalant sip from a glass, but it goes down the wrong way and
he
splutters.
FARMER
That cider too strong for you?
NEWMAN
No, no. I love strong cider. (for the
farmer's daughter's
benefit) I'm a big, strong, cider guy.
The farmer's daughter licks her lips.
FARMER
Gonna be milking Holsteins in the morning,
if you'd like to
lend a hand.
NEWMAN
(reluctant) You know, I don't really
know that much about uh..
I don't have any.. I don't.. I don't think I know much about
that.
FARMER
Ahh, Susie here'll teach you.
The farmer's daughter goes wide eyed.
FARMER
Just gotta pull on the teat a little.
Susie and Newman half-laugh nervously.
SUSIE
(suggestive) Nice having a big, strong,
man around.
NEWMAN
You know, those mail bags, they get
mighty heavy. I uh, I
Nautilus, of course. (puffs out his chest)
The farmer looks at him oddly.
NEWMAN
(breaking from his pose) Can I have
some gravy?
(Institution)
George is using a payphone in the corner of the room. His free
hand is
holding the waistband of his trousers. In the background are
a couple of
inmates and visitors, and an orderly. Notable among them are
Pop and Deena Lazzari,
previously seen in 'The Gum'.
GEORGE
(desperate) Steinbrenner had me committed!
I'm in the nuthouse!
DEENA
I'll be back same time next week, Pop.
GEORGE
(quieter desperation) They took my belt,
Jerry. I got nothing
to hold my pants up. (listens) Well, you gotta come over here
now! Just tell 'em
what we talked about, how I, how I, I didn't do the project.
Deena spots George as she makes her way out of the room.
DEENA
George?
George looks like his salvation has arrived. He hangs up the
phone.
DEENA
I see you're finally getting some help.
GEORGE
Aw, hoh, oh Deena, thank God. (he hugs
Deena) Thank God you're
here. Listen, you gotta help me. You gotta tell these people
that I'm okay.
You know that I don't belong in here.
DEENA
George, this is the best thing for you.
(she walks away)
GEORGE
Yea... (sinks in) What? No, no!
As he tries to follow Deena, the orderly grabs hold of him and
restrains him.
GEORGE
Deena! Deena, wait a... Deena, help!
George is almost in tears and hops from foot to foot in frustration
as
the orderly holds him. Pop Lazzari wanders over.
POP
Is that little Georgie C? How's the
folks? You still got that nice
little car?
(Countryside)
Kramer approaches a familiar farmhouse. As he mounts the steps
up to
the porch, a commotion erupts inside the place. A gunshot rings
out and the
farmer's daughter screams. Kramer flinches. The farmer can be
heard yelling
angrily. The door is flung open and Newman runs out pulling up
his trousers.
NEWMAN
(screaming in panic) Aaah!! Aaah!
KRAMER
What you doing?!
NEWMAN
(pushing past Kramer) Kramer, help me!
Help me!
Newman sets off running. From the door of the farmhouse comes
the
farmer, armed with a shotgun, closely followed by his daughter,
whose shirt is undone
and hair is dishevelled.
KRAMER
(takes one look and sets off after Newman)
Jeez!
FARMER
(taking aim) I told you to keep away
from my daughter!
As Kramer and Newman reach the edge of the crops, the farmer
fires a
shot. Both Newman and Kramer leap in the air and run into the
cover of the crop.
Before the farmer can fire again, his daughter pushes the barrel
of the shotgun
downward, spoiling his aim.
SUSIE
No daddy, you'll hurt him! I love him!
(waving after Newman) Goodbye Norman,
goodbye.
(Elaine's Office)
Elaine is sitting with her head in her hands. Peterman enters
at a rush.
PETERMAN
(excited) Elaine! You found the clubs.
That's wonderful news. Where are they?
ELAINE
(not the soul of happiness) Yep. Lemme
get 'em for you, Mr Peterman.
PETERMAN
Oh, I'll be inaugrating them this weekend,
with none other than Ethel Kennedy.
A woman whose triumph in the face of
tragedy is exceeded only by her proclivity
to procreate.
Elaine puts the bag of clubs down beside Peterman. The clubs
are, of course, wrecked. Elaine looks like she's expecting a
poor reaction. Peterman picks up a club or two, staring in disbelief
at the twisted metal.
ELAINE
The uh, the letter of, authenticity's
in the side pocket there.
PETERMAN
Elaine. I never knew Kennedy had such
a temper.
ELAINE
(spotting a chance to keep her job)
Oh. Oh yeah. The only thing worse was
his slice. (she laughs nervously)
PETERMAN
See you on Monday.
Peterman picks up the bag and heads for the door.
ELAINE
Have a good game.
THE END
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