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                           THE BUBBLE BOY



                             Written by

                     Larry David & Larry Charles




 
               
               
               
               (Jerry and Naomi enter Jerry's apartment)

               
                             JERRY
               Well this is it.

               
                             NAOMI
               This is nice. Thanks again for the Chinese 
               food.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, you're welcome. You know I think 
               I ate too much of that garlic.
 
               
                             NAOMI
               Yeah, me too,

               
                             JERRY
               No, I ate the whole plate. I didn't 
               know those little things were garlic.
 
               
               
                             NAOMI
               Laughs - ha ha ha (obnoxious laugh). 
               Oh, you know what? I think Naked
 
               
               gun is on. I've seen it. I

               
               laughed through that whole thing. You wanna watch?

               
                             JERRY
               No, I mean, I don't think so.

               
                             NAOMI
               I thought you liked to laugh. I thought 
               you uwere happy go lucky.
 
               
                             JERRY
               No, nah, I'm not happy and I'm not lucky, 
               and I don't go. If anything
 
               
               I'm sad stop unlucky.

               
                             NAOMI
               ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

               
                             JERRY
               That's not funny Naiomi. I didn't mean 
               to be funny there. Why don't you
 
               
               check the TV guide. I think uh, Holacost is on.

               
                             GEORGE
               (on phone) Jerry, it's George. Hey, 
               hey are you all set foe the week end.
 
               
               
               This is going to be great. You're going to have a great time 
               with Naomi.
 
               
               All right, you know she's got that laugh. What did you say? It's 
               like Elmer Fudd sitting on a juicer?
 
               
               AAnyway, i was thinking we would take two cars up to the cabin 
               and that way if one of wanted to stay you know...
 
               
               (Jerry rips machine out of the wall plug)

               
                             JERRY
               This thing has never worked right.
 
               
               
                             NAOMI
               You think I laugh like Elmer Fudd sitting 
               on a juicer?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, first of all Elmer Fudd is one 
               of the most beloved internationally 
               known cartoon characters of
 
               
               all time. "I'm going to kill that cwazy wabbit ... ha ha " Come 
               on. Not only that, a juicer is one of the
 
               
               healthiest ways ... (Naomi exits) it makes the juice ... extracts 
               the pulp and the vitamins, for long life
 
               
               and vitality.

               
               (break)

               
                             JERRY
               How could you leave a mesage like that 
               on my machine.?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Well how could you just play your message 
               in front of anybody?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Because I didn't think anyone would 
               leave it!
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Well, I didn't think anyone would play 
               it.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, now she's not going away for this 
               weekend.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What do you mean not goin'? We got plans 
               here. Call her up.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, it's better anyway. I mean really. 
               What was going to happen? I'm a comedian. 
               How can I go out with a
 
               
               girl with a laugh like that? It's like Coco Chanel goin' out 
               with a fish monger.
 
               
               Cause she's with all the perfumes and a fish mongers a pretty 
               bad smell.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Well maybe you should ask Elaine.

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah but if I ask Elaine, Kramer will 
               feel slighted.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh no no, don't say anything to Kramer. 
               Susan can't stand him. He vomited all 
               over her.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, .. wait a minute do you smell 
               smoke?
 
               
               (Kramer enters smoking a cigar)

               
                             JERRY
               Ah, Kramer.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hello boys, top of the morning to ya. 
               What do you say? What do ya be?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Will you put that thing out before you 
               start another fire. You had to give 
               him a box of cigars.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               So, what are you guys doin this weekend?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               , GEORGE: uh uh, we're uh ..

               
                             KRAMER
               Because I'm going to e playing golf 
               at the Westchester country club. Hum.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Westchester? Isn't that a private club?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, that's right buddy. It's private. 
               It's very private. But I met the pro 
               at the golf shop up on 49th St.
 
               
               and I gave him one of these Cubans and he invites me up to play 
               a free round then he says anytime I lay one of
 
               
               these babies on him it's going to be the same deal. Ha ha. Isn't 
               that beautiful.
 
               
                             JERRY
               and GEORGE: ye, hu, um ye,

               
                             KRAMER
               Man, I'm going to be hitting the links 
               all weekend. foooo
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Gee, that's too bad.

               
                             JERRY
               Too bad.

               
                             KRAMER
               Why? What wa?

               
                             GEORGE
               Well, they got any golf courses up there?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               and GEORGE: No, no, no, no.

               
                             GEORGE
               That's pie country.

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah

               
                             GEORGE
               They do a lot of baking up there.

               
                             JERRY
               They sell them by the side of the road.
 
               
               
               PIE PIE PIE PIE

               
               
               
               (MONKS)

               
                             ELAINE
               I don't know.

               
                             JERRY
               Come on. I don't want to tag along with 
               George and Susan. If you're there it 
               will be a better group.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What's that?

               
                             JERRY
               Ah, it's an autographed picture for 
               my dry cleaner. I don't know what to 
               write on these things.
 
               
               I hate doin' this.

               
                             ELAINE
               "I'm very imPRESSED"? ... Ah you mean 
               pressed caus' its like a dry cleaner?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, see that's why I hate it. So, 
               come on, you going to go?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Well, what about the sleeping arrangements? 
               In the Cabin!
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, um same bed and uh, underwear 
               and a tee shirt.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What about me?

               
                             JERRY
               You'll be naked of course.

               
                             ELAINE
               Uh, thats, ...

               
                             MEL
               Excuse me, Jerry Seinfeld?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah.

               
                             MEL
               My name's Sanger, mel Sanger. I drive 
               that truck out there.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, the Yoo Hoo? I love Yoo Hoo.

               
                             MEL
               It's a fine product. Anyway I saw you 
               on the Tonight Show a couple of weeks 
               ago. I was watching
 
               
               the show with my son Donald. He's got this rare immune deficiency 
               in his blood. Damnedest thing.
 
               
               Doctors say he has to live in a plastic bubble. Can you imagine 
               that? A bubble.
 
               
                             JERRY
               A bubble?

               
                             ELAINE
               A bubble?

               
                             MEL
               Yes, a bubble!

               
                             MEL
               Do you mind? May I?

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, sure.

               
               (Mel sits down with them)

               
               
               
                             MEL
               Ah, It'd break your heart seein' him 
               in there. It's like a prisoner. No friends 
               - just his mother and me.
 
               
               And I'm out there six days a week haulin' Yoo Hoo We have sacrificed 
               everything. All for our little bubble boy
 
               
               (breaks up in tears)

               
                             MEL
               Excuse me, I

               
                             ELAINE
               Here (giving out paper napkins)

               
                             MEL
               Excuse me, anyway we were watching you 
               on TV
 
               
                             JERRY
               You get in the bubble with him?

               
                             MEL
               No. He can see through the bubble. It's 
               plastic.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, I thought it was like an igloo.
 
               
               
                             MEL
               No, it's clear.

               
                             JERRY
               Ah ha.

               
                             ELAINE
               Who has the remote?

               
                             MEL
               He does.

               
                             ELAINE
               The remote goes through the bubble?
 
               
               
                             MEL
               Yeah, he's in the bubble with the remote.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               So you have no control over the remote?
 
               
               
                             MEL
               No, it's frustrating.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, of course, yeah.

               
                             MEL
               So anyway, you're his favourite comedian. 
               he laughed so hard the other night we 
               had to give him an extra shot
 
               
               of hemoglobin.

               
                             JERRY
               That's nice!

               
                             MEL
               Tomorrow is his birthday and it would 
               mean so much to him if you could find 
               it in your heart ta' pay him a visit
 
               
               
               and just say hello.

               
                             JERRY
               Hu, well, tomorrow, I, ...

               
                             ELAINE
               Jerry! Of course he'd pay him a visit. 
               You'd be happy to.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, uh, Ok, uh, tomorrow uh, where 
               do you live, uh up town? Upper west 
               side?
 
               
                             MEL
               Up state.

               
                             JERRY
               Up state! Hummm.

               
               (break)

               
               (Jerry's apartment)

               
                             JERRY
               He's a bubble boy.

               
                             GEORGE
               A bubble boy?

               
                             JERRY
               Yes. a bubble boy.

               
                             SUSANAOMI
               What's a bubble boy?

               
                             JERRY
               He lives in a bubble.

               
                             GEORGE
               Boy!

               
                             SUSANAOMI
               So, what kind of a bubble? Like an igloo?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               No, that's what I thought but apparently 
               it's just a big piece of plastic dividing 
               the room.
 
               
                             SUSANAOMI
               Oh,

               
                             GEORGE
               What kind of plastic do you think it 
               is? What do you think like that dry 
               cleaning plastic?
 
               
                             JERRY
               That's no good. He wouldn't last ten 
               minutes in there. anyway what can I 
               do I promised I'd go visit him tomorrow.
 
               
               
               It's his birthday. I can't go to the cabin.

               
                             SUSANAOMI
               Well, where does he live?

               
                             JERRY
               I don't know, up state, Falls, somethin'
 
               
               
                             SUSANAOMI
               Wait a minute, This is right on the 
               way to the cabin.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               All right, beautiful, so you stop in. 
               Ya, ya visit the bubble boy for twenty 
               minutes and then we can go.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You think we can do it?

               
                             SUSANAOMI
               I know exactly where this is. You can 
               just follow us.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, great. Ok we'll goin' away. I think 
               I'm excited.
 
               
                             SUSANAOMI
               I'm excited. Oh, you're going to love 
               this cabin. My grandfather built it 
               in 1947. It's it's incredible.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               All right there you go. It's a '47 cabin 
               all right. So, we'll see you tomorrow.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               OK,

               
               (Kramer enters with golf bag, clubs and outfit, smoking a cigar)
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Well,

               
                             GEORGE
               and JERRY: Very nice, very nice, nice.
 
               
               
               (Susan recoils at his presence)

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I'm off to the links.

               
                             GEORGE
               and JERRY: Yeah,

               
                             KRAMER
               Listen, I want to thank you for the 
               invite up state. I'm sorry I can't make 
               it.
 
               
                             SUSANAOMI
               The what?

               
                             GEORGE
               Nothing, uh lets get going. Come on.
 
               
               
                             SUSANAOMI
               Did you..

               
                             GEORGE
               No, no, we'll talk about it later.
 
               
               
                             SUSANAOMI
               Is that one of the cigars my father 
               gave you?
 
               
               
               IN car on highway

               
                             ELAINE
               hey, what's with George and Susan? Does 
               he actually like her?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Ah, I don't know if he likes her as 
               much as he likes it.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, that's nice!

               
                             JERRY
               What's he doing? What is his hurry?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Well you know George. It's not enough 
               to get there. you gotta make good time.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I know he once went from West 81st Street 
               to Kennedy Airport in 25 minutes.
 
               
               
               I never heard the end of it....Look at him.

               
               (George's car)

               
                             GEORGE
               Would you stop that please. Would you 
               just stop that?
 
               
                             SUSANAOMI
               Why?

               
                             GEORGE
               ... just sit in your seat over there 
               you're distracting me. We're making 
               incredible time here.
 
               
               I once went from west 81st Street to Kennedy Airport in uh 15 
               minutes. hu uh Here hold this. It's
 
               
               ten dollars for the tolls.

               
               (Jerry's car)

               
                             JERRY
               What's he doing? Is he out of his mind? 
               Do you see him? I don't even think I 
               see him anymore. Where is he?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Isn't that blue car him?

               
                             JERRY
               No, no that's not him. What happened 
               to him? I can't believe it. I lost him. 
               That stupid idiot.
 
               
               Now what are we going to do?

               
                             ELAINE
               It's no big deal Jerry. We'll just meet 
               him at the bubble boy's house.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I don't even know where the bubble boy 
               lives. I don't even remember the name 
               of the town.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Wa',you don't have the directions?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               No, I was following him.

               
                             ELAINE
               How could you not take the directions?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Because, HE'S my directions.

               
               (from George's car)

               
                             SUSANAOMI
               I didn't see them George.

               
               (Jerry ranting in his car)

               
                             JERRY
               we make all these plans - he goes a 
               hundred miles an hour - the whole weekend's 
               over - incredible - just like that -
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Poor little bubble boy. He's sitting 
               there waiting for you in his bubble, 
               or igloo thing or whatever.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. I DON'T KNOW 
               WHERE I AM
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Just get off at this exit. We'll figure 
               somethin' out.
 
               
               (from George's car)

               
                             SUSANAOMI
               We lost them. Do you KNOW THAT. WE LOST 
               THEM!
 
               
                             GEORGE
               It's not my fault. Seinfeld can't drive. 
               How hard is it to follow somebody?
 
               
               
                             SUSANAOMI
               Well now what are you going to do?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               It's fine, we'll just meet him at the 
               bubble boy's house.
 
               
                             SUSANAOMI
               Does he have the address?

               
               (Jerry's apartment - Kramer enters - picks up a piece of paper 
               from the counter)
 
               
                             JERRY
               (answering machine) Leave a message. 
               I'll call you back. Thanks.
 
               
                             NAOMI
               (on phone speaker) Hi, Jerry it's Naomi, 
               Listen, if its not too late I've changed 
               my mind, I'd like to go to the cabin
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Wait, wai, ... ... Yeah. Hello!, Hi, 
               Aw, this is Kramer. Yeah, I'm the next 
               door neighbour. Aw, well you know,
 
               
               
               Jerry's left, uh, But listen, yeah, see my golf game got cancelled. 
               Uh, I'm thinkin' of going up myself... They got
 
               
               pies and I got the directions right here.

               
               (break)

               
               (Kramer's car)

               
                             KRAMER
               So then I drive all the way up to the 
               country club and then I find out they 
               got a tournament goin' on. Do you mind
 
               
               
               if I smoke?

               
                             NAOMI
               No.

               
                             KRAMER
               These are Cubans. (IN FAKE SPANISH) 
               Maria, poquendo los scientos de estes 
               con gleam.
 
               
                             NAOMI
               ha ha ha ha ha ha

               
               (The Sangers' house)

               
                             GEORGE
               I don't know of this is the house. I 
               don't see Jerry's car anywhere.
 
               
               (Susan smooches him)

               
                             GEORGE
               Stop, would you quit it.

               
                             GEORGE
               Maybe someone is going to see us here.
 
               
               
                             SUSANAOMI
               So what? You are SUCH a prude.

               
                             GEORGE
               Hey, I am not a prude sweetheart. I 
               swing with the best of them.
 
               
                             SUSANAOMI
               Come on lets go in.

               
                             GEORGE
               What?

               
                             SUSANAOMI
               Well we should at least tell them what 
               happened. They might be very late if 
               they make it at all.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I can't go in there. I can't face the 
               bubble boy.
 
               
                             SUSANAOMI
               What's the matter?

               
                             GEORGE
               I just don't react well to these situations. 
               My grandmother died two months early 
               because of the way I reacted in the
 
               
               
               hospital. She was getting' better.

               
               And then I went to pay her a visit. She say my face. BOOM. That 
               was the end of it.
 
               
                             SUSANAOMI
               We're goin' in. Come on.

               
                             GEORGE
               Susan, please... (grabs her)

               
                             SUSANAOMI
               George. Stop.

               
                             GEORGE
               Would you wai,..

               
               (Highway diner)

               
                             JERRY
               (ranting) Can't believe how a little 
               thing like George going too fast - how 
               my whole weekend is gone - the plans,
 
               
               
               packing, ... everything

               
                             ELAINE
               Your whole weekend? What about the bubble 
               boy?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Why do you keep bringing up the bubble 
               boy. You don't have to mention the BB? 
               You don't have to mention the BB.
 
               
               
               I know about the BB. I'm aware of the BB. Why do you keep reminding 
               me about the BB?
 
               
               (Elaine stares at him and blows a bubble with bubble gum)

               
                             JERRY
               I'll have a cup of coffee and a turkey 
               club.
 
               
                             WAITRESS
               How about you?

               
                             ELAINE
               I'll just have a glass of water.

               
                             JERRY
               (whispers) You can't just have water.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Why not? That's all I want.

               
                             JERRY
               Well this is not like a park bench where 
               you just come in and sit down. It's 
               a business.
 
               
                             WAITRESS
               Hold it a second. Don't you play on 
               TV?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, no.

               
                             ELAINE
               YES! yes. You saw him on TV.

               
                             WAITRESS
               What's your name?

               
                             ELAINE
               Jerry Seinfeld.

               
                             JERRY
               Elaaaiinne...

               
                             WAITRESS
               Garry Seinfield! I saw him on the Tonight 
               Show.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Right. Hey, wouldn't you like an autographed 
               picture?
 
               
                             WAITRESS
               Oh, ha ha

               
                             JERRY
               Uh, I don't have anymore pictures Elaine.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               He's lying. They're in the trunk (takes 
               car keys ) Now you get to sign another 
               one.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I'm not lying.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, he is. (as she leaves)

               
                             JERRY
               She'll have a cup of copy and a broiled 
               chicken.
 
               
               (Sanger's house)

               
                             MRS. SANGER
               You see it's not really a bubble. A 
               lot of people think it's an igloo. But 
               it's really just a plastic
 
               
               divider.

               
                             GEORGE
               and SUSANAOMI: (nod)

               
               (long pause)

               
                             GEORGE
               Can you uh, go in the bubble?

               
                             MRS. SANGER
               Well, you have to put so many things 
               on because of the germs.
 
               
                             MEL
               The gloves, the mask, it's a whole production.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               So then he makes his own bed?

               
                             MRS. SANGER
               well, that's one of the things we fight 
               about.
 
               
                             MEL
               Would you like to meet him?

               
                             GEORGE
               Uh, well, you know,...

               
                             MRS. SANGER
               He loves games. Maybe you could play 
               Trivial Pursuit with him.
 
               
                             DONALD
               HEY MA WHAT THE HELL DO I GOT TO DO 
               TO GET SOME FOOD AROUND HERE? I'M STARVIN'. 
               AND IF IT'S PEANUT BUTTER,
 
               
               SHOVE IT IN YOUR FACE.

               
                             MRS. SANGER
               (embarrassed) ha ha ha.

               
               
               
               (Highway Diner)

               
                             
               he he he One picture left in the truck.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Uh, THANKS! This is FUN! This turned 
               out to be a GREAT weekend.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Where's my water?

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, it's comin'. - Here ya' go.

               
                             WAITRESS
               Thanks.

               
                             ELAINE
               Waddya' write?

               
                             WAITRESS
               "There is nothing's finer than being 
               in your diner."
 
               
               E, hu hu hu hu hu "There is nothing's finer than being in your 
               diner."?
 
               
                             JERRY
               No good?

               
                             ELAINE
               THIS is what you came up with?

               
                             JERRY
               Well.

               
                             ELAINE
               That is so lame. Jerry, people are going 
               to be reading that for the next twenty 
               years and laughing at you.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, yeah, you're right. Excuse me, 
               excuse me. would you mind. I'd like 
               to take the picture back. I'm not happy 
               with what I wrote.
 
               
                             WAITRESS
               It's good. I like it.

               
                             JERRY
               No, believe me it's not good. I'll mail 
               you a new one with something really 
               funny written on it.
 
               
                             WAITRESS
               Well, when you mail me a new one I'll 
               send you back this one.
 
               
                             JERRY
               No, look, you don't understand. I, I 
               want the picture.
 
               
                             WAITRESS
               RIGHT! (leaves)

               
               (Donald's room)

               
                             MRS. SANGER
               This is Donald.

               
                             GEORGE
               Hi.

               
                             SUSANAOMI
               Hello.

               
                             DONALD
               WHO ARE YOU? Where's Seinfeld?

               
                             MRS. SANGER
               He's on his way. These are his friends.
 
               
               
                             DONALD
               WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT? NEVER SEEN 
               A KID IN A BUBBLE BEFORE?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               'Course I have. Come on. My cousin's 
               in a bubble. My friend Jeffrey's uh, 
               sister, also ... you know ...bubble. 
               I got a lot of bubble experience. Come 
               on.
 
               
                             DONALD
               WHAT'S YOUR STORY?

               
                             SUSANAOMI
               I, I have no story.

               
                             GEORGE
               She works for NBC.

               
                             DONALD
               HOW 'BOUT TAKING YOUR TOP OFF?

               
                             MRS. SANGER
               Donald, behave yourself.

               
                             DONALD
               COME ON.

               
                             MRS. SANGER
               I know. I know. Why don't you play a 
               game of trivial Pursuit?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Well, you know we gotta been running 
               because of the ...
 
               
                             DONALD
               WHAT? ARE YOU AFRAID?

               
                             GEORGE
               Humph, no, uh, it's just that ...

               
                             DONALD
               I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS.

               
               (Highway Diner)

               
                             JERRY
               Look, I was nice enough to give you 
               the picture. I don't like what I wrote. 
               I don't want it up there. Now please 
               just give it back to me.
 
               
                             WAITRESS
               You are really startin' to get under 
               my skin.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I want that picture.

               
                             WAITRESS
               Well, you can't have it! In fact maybe 
               you better just pay your check and get 
               out.
 
               
               (Elaine digging into the roast chicken)

               
                             JERRY
               I'm not paying for anything until I 
               get that back.
 
               
                             WAITRESS
               Well, you ain't getting' it back.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, maybe I'll just take it back. 
               (Hits picture)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               This chicken is really good.

               
               (BB's room)

               
                             DONALD
               OK, HISTORY. THIS IS FOR THE GAME. HOW 
               YA DOIN' OVER THERE? NOT TOO GOOD!
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               All right BB. Let's just play... Who 
               invaded Spain in the 8th century?
 
               
               
                             DONALD
               THAT'S A JOKE. THE MOORS.

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, Noooo, I'm so sorry. It's the MOOPS. 
               The correct answer is, The MOOPS.
 
               
               
                             DONALD
               MOOPS? LET ME SEE THAT. THAT'S NOT MOOPS 
               YOU JERK, IT'S MOORS. IT'S A MISPRINT.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               I'm sorry the card says MOOPS.

               
                             DONALD
               IT DOESN'T MATTER. I'S THE MOORS. THERE'S 
               NO MOOPS.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               It's MOOPS.

               
                             DONALD
               MOORS.

               
                             GEORGE
               MOOPS,

               
                             DONALD
               MOORS!

               
               (The4 cabin)

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, anybody home?

               
                             NAOMI
               What should we do?

               
                             KRAMER
               Huh, hold these (boxes of) pies.

               
               (Kramer falls in through open window)

               
               (Donald's room)

               
                             GEORGE
               Help, someone. (BUBBLE BOY is strangling 
               George)
 
               
                             DONALD
               THERE'S NO MOOPS. YOU IDIOT.

               
                             SUSANAOMI
               Stop it. Let go of him!

               
                             MRS. SANGER
               Donald, stop it! Now, let go of him 
               Donald. Donald!
 
               
                             DONALD
               I'M GOING TO KILL HIM.

               
                             MRS. SANGER
               Donald, ... donald...

               
                             DONALD
               MOORS. SAY MOORS!

               
                             MRS. SANGER
               Donald, No. ... stop it ..

               
               (Susan bursts the bubble)

               
               (hissing sound and Donald's hands leave George's throat)

               
               (Highway Diner)

               
               (Waitress is strangling Jerry, cook is grabbing Jerry, Elaine 
               is grabbing the cook)
 
               
                             JERRY
               What are you doing? You're choking me. 
               Elaine!
 
               
                             WAITRESS
               Are you going to pay for that?

               
                             JERRY
               No, I want the picture back.

               
               (angry guy enters)

               
                             MAN #1
               Something's happened to the BB. They're 
               rushing him to the hospital.
 
               
                             WAITRESS
               What? (releases Jerry)

               
                             JERRY
               The BB? He lives around here?

               
                             MAN #1
               That's his house right down the road.
 
               
               
                             MAN #2
               He got in a fight with some guy.

               
                             GUY1
               What kind of person would hurt the BB?
 
               
               
                             MAN #2
               Some little bald guy from the city.
 
               
               
                             MAN #1
               Vern, Page, Preston, don't you think 
               we ought to do somethin'?
 
               
               (Elaine and Jerry make their escape)

               
               (The cabin)

               
                             KRAMER
               Naomi, come on let's get goin'.

               
                             NAOMI
               But that lake must be freezing.

               
                             KRAMER
               Nah, it's good for ya'. Retards the 
               aging process.
 
               
                             NAOMI
               Ready to go swimming?

               
                             KRAMER
               Let's go. OK,

               
                             NAOMI
               ha ha ha ha ha

               
               
               
               (The Sanger house)

               
                             GEORGE
               Jerry, what happened to you?

               
                             JERRY
               What happened to you? You were going 
               like a hundred miles an hour.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I was not. The BUBBLE BOY was trying 
               to kill me. Susan tell him.
 
               
                             SUSANAOMI
               It's a long story.

               
                             DONALD
               HEY SEINFELD!

               
                             JERRY
               Hey, Happy Birthday.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hi.

               
                             DONALD
               THANKS FOR SHOWING UP. YOU KNOW YOUR 
               FRIEND HERE TRIED TO KILL ME.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, you lying little snot. And he's 
               a cheater. Aren't ya' you little twerp?
 
               
               
                             DONALD
               MOORS

               
                             GEORGE
               MOOPS

               
                             DONALD
               MOORS

               
               (The towns people arrive)

               
                             MAN #1
               There's the guy that tried to kill the 
               BB. Get him.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Go, go, get out, ...

               
               (our heroes run for it)

               
               (Jerry's car, sirens blasting)

               
                             JERRY
               Fire engines?

               
               (George's car)

               
                             GEORGE
               Must be a big one.

               
               (In the woods)

               
                             SUSANAOMI
               Do you smell something?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, smoke.

               
                             GEORGE
               yeah, (cough) Definite smoke.

               
                             ELAINE
               Argh, look at the fire! (cough)

               
                             JERRY
               Holy cow! look at that!

               
                             SUSANAOMI
               IT'S MY FATHER'S CABIN!

               
                             ELAINE
               The CABIN is on fire!

               
                             GEORGE
               I just realized. Ya' never gave me back 
               the change from the toll.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               How could this have happened?

               
               (Kramer and Naomi arrive in bathing suits)

               
                             KRAMER
               (singing) ... wild funky mountain man 
               ...
 
               
                             NAOMI
               Oy, my god, the cabin?

               
                             JERRY
               What are you two doin' here?

               
                             NAOMI
               Look at that.

               
                             JERRY
               You didn't (makes motion like lighting 
               a cigar)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               (runs to burning cabin) My Cubans!
 
               
               
               
               
               
                             THE END



The Bubble Boy



Writers :   Larry David  Larry Charles
Genres :   Comedy


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