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Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                              THE CAFE



                             Written by

                             Tom Leopold




 
               
               
               (Comedy club)

               
               There's always that one location, one store location that's constantly 
               changing hands. Everybody has this in their neighborhood, it's 
               a leather store, it's a yogurt shop, it's a pet supply. It's 
               constantly changing and nobody can do business there. It's like 
               some sort of Bermuda triangle of retail, you know? Stores open 
               up and then they just disappear without a trace. Nobody knows 
               what happened to 'em. I guess eventually when like aliens land 
               in mother ship of close encounters, bottom will slowly open and 
               all these store owners will come wondering out in a daze going 
               'I thought there would be more walk-in traffic didn't you?.'
 
               
               
               
               (George and Jerry are standing outside in the street. Across 
               the street there is a restaurant called Dream Cafe. Sign says 
               Grand opening.)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               She thinks I'm a nice guy. Women always 
               think I'm nice, but women don't like 
               nice.
 
               
                             JERRY
               This is amazing, I haven't seen one 
               guy going in to that restaurant since 
               it opened. Poor guy.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Why is nice bad? What kind of sick society 
               we are living in, when nice is bad?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What's that smell? What are you wearing?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Little cologne.

               
                             JERRY
               Manly.

               
                             GEORGE
               Monica wants me to wear it.

               
                             JERRY
               So why didn't you say no?

               
                             GEORGE
               I'm too nice.

               
                             JERRY
               Poor guy. His family is probably in 
               Pakistan waiting him to send back money. 
               This is horrible.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               She wants me to take an IQ test.

               
                             JERRY
               That's because you're stupid enough 
               to wear the cologne.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               No, she's taking this course in education 
               for her masters. It's part of her research 
               project, I have to be a guinea pig.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I've never been a guinea pig. I've been 
               a sheep, a tody.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               You know, I can't talk to you anymore.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               All right, I'm sorry. Go ahead, you're 
               taking the IQ test.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, and she's going to find I'm a 
               moron. You know, people think I'm smart, 
               but I'm not smart.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Who thinks you're smart?

               
                             GEORGE
               I'm not going to break a hundred in 
               this thing.
 
               
                             JERRY
               What thing?

               
                             GEORGE
               You don't listen when people talk to 
               you anymore!
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, the IQ thing...yeah.

               
                             GEORGE
               I'm sure I have a low IQ. I've been 
               lying about my SAT scores for 15 years.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What did you get?

               
                             GEORGE
               What did I get or what do I say I got?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What do you say?

               
                             GEORGE
               I say fourteen o nine (1409).

               
                             JERRY
               1409, that's a good score.

               
                             GEORGE
               You're telling me.

               
                             JERRY
               What did you really get?

               
                             GEORGE
               You are my friend.

               
                             JERRY
               Of course.

               
                             GEORGE
               I tell you everything, right?

               
                             JERRY
               I hope so.

               
                             GEORGE
               Well, this I take to the grave.

               
               
               (Jerry's apartment. Jerry is watching Dream Cafe with binoculars 
               and Elaine is reading a newspaper.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               He's serving Mexican ,Italian, Chinese. 
               He's all over the place. That's why 
               no one is going in.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Why do you keep watching?

               
                             JERRY
               I don't know, I'm obsessed with it. 
               It's like a spider in the toilet struggling 
               for a survival. And even if you know 
               it's not going to make it, you kind 
               of root it for awhile.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               And then you flush.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, it's a spider.

               
                             ELAINE
               You know, sometimes people won't go 
               in to a place, if they don't see anyone 
               else in there.
 
               
               (Jerry pulls his sweater over his nose.)

               
                             ELAINE
               You have to do that? Jerry, don't do 
               that, that is so annoying.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Bazooka Joe.

               
               (Buzzer rings and Jerry looks at Elaine who is closer to the 
               door.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               The buzzer.

               
                             ELAINE
               It's your house.

               
                             JERRY
               My house? You have to be on the lease 
               to press to buzzer. Yeah?
 
               
                             INTERCOM
               It's George.

               
                             JERRY
               Come on up.

               
                             ELAINE
               Casus belli.

               
                             JERRY
               What's that?

               
                             ELAINE
               It's Latin. I read it in some book. 
               I don't know, I just wanted to say it 
               out loud.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Go in, go in!

               
                             ELAINE
               Have you gone in there?

               
                             JERRY
               No, I'm afraid if we start talking, 
               I'm gonna wind up going partners with 
               him.
 
               
               (George enters. He's got some bagels and big SAT book.)

               
                             GEORGE
               Hi.

               
                             JERRY
               You know, I could probably shoot him 
               from here. I'd be doing us both a favor.
 
               
               
               (Elaine sniffs around.)

               
                             GEORGE
               I'm wearing some cologne, all right?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Sure, fine.

               
                             JERRY
               Casus belli.

               
                             ELAINE
               Casus belli.

               
                             GEORGE
               What's that?

               
                             ELAINE
               Since when do you wear cologne?

               
                             GEORGE
               Why what I do is so important? Why must 
               I be always the vocal point of attention? 
               Let me just be, let me live.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hey, how did you do on that IQ test?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               I didn't take it yet.

               
                             ELAINE
               What IQ test?

               
                             GEORGE
               What's casus belli.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, it's nothing...

               
                             GEORGE
               Is it about me?

               
                             JERRY
               Why must you always be the vocal point 
               of attention? Why can't you just be? 
               Why can't you live?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               It's just a Latin phrase George, it 
               does not mean anything. Now, what is 
               this test?
 
               
                             JERRY
               This woman he's dating is making him 
               to take this IQ test for this course.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, that sounds like fun.

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, fun. IQ tests are totally bogus. 
               They prove nothing.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               You'll do well, you're smart.

               
                             JERRY
               No see, he's not smart. People think 
               he's smart, but he's not.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What did you get on your SAT's?

               
                             GEORGE
               It varies.

               
                             JERRY
               You know, I don't even know my IQ.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Mine's 145.

               
                             GEORGE
               145!

               
                             JERRY
               Get out of here!

               
                             ELAINE
               You get out of here!

               
                             JERRY
               You get out of here!

               
                             GEORGE
               You should take the test for me.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, that would be something, cheating 
               on a IQ test. Hey, remember in college 
               when you passed Lettick the test out 
               the window? You became a legend after 
               that.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, yeah I really had some guts back 
               then. Why wouldn't we do that again?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               What?

               
                             GEORGE
               You could take the IQ test for me. I 
               could pass it to you out the window. 
               We could do it, she lives in the first 
               floor.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Are you serious?

               
                             GEORGE
               Why not?

               
                             ELAINE
               Where would I take the test?

               
                             GEORGE
               I don't know, she lives right around 
               the corner. Take it here or go to the 
               coffee shop.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               No, that would be too noisy.

               
                             JERRY
               Take it to Dream Cafe, you won't hear 
               a peep.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Hey, what do you think?

               
                             JERRY
               Hey, I love a good caper.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, that's what is is, a caper.

               
                             GEORGE
               You'll do it?

               
                             ELAINE
               What the hey.

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeaah, beautiful...(They try to hit 
               a high five, but George hits Elaine 
               in the forehead.) Sorry...
 
               
               
               (Dream Cafe. Jerry comes in.)

               
                             BABU BHATT
               Welcome to the Dream Cafe.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, I've been looking forward to it.
 
               
               
                             BABU
               Oh, how did you hear about us?

               
                             JERRY
               Eh, people, people are talking.

               
                             BABU
               Smoking or non smoking? We are proud 
               to offer both.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Non smoking would be great.

               
                             BABU
               Very good. My name is Babu Bhatt, I 
               will be your waiter. A steaming hot 
               face cloth for your pleasure.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Thank you. (Throws the towel around 
               like a hot potato.)
 
               
                             BABU
               Our specials are tacos, moussaka and 
               franks and beans.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, what do you recommend my good 
               fellow?
 
               
                             BABU
               Oh, the turkey.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, the turkey it'll be. And may I say 
               you have a splendid establishment here 
               , my friend. I'm sure you flourish in 
               this location for many many years.
 
               
               
                             BABU
               You're a very kind man. Very kind, thank 
               you. Very kind...
 
               
                             JERRY THINKS
               Very kind. I am a kind man. Who else 
               would do something like this? Nobody. 
               Nobody thinks about people like I do. 
               All right, snap out of it you stupid 
               jerk. You're eating a turkey sandwich. 
               What do want, a nobel price?
 
               
               
               (George is taking a test at Monica's bedroom.)

               
                             GEORGE
               You go in the living room. I'll take 
               the test in here.
 
               
                             MONICA
               But why?

               
                             GEORGE
               I can't concentrate in front of you.
 
               
               
                             MONICA
               Oh, I think you're making too much of 
               this. IQ tests don't mean anything.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Are you kidding me? This is the best 
               tool we have today of measuring a persons 
               intelligence.
 
               
                             MONICA
               Well, I certainly don't place any importance 
               on it.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Well, I think you're wrong about that. 
               And now if you would excuse me, I would 
               like to get started please.
 
               
                             MONICA
               Good luck.

               
                             GEORGE
               Don't need it.

               
               (Monica leaves and George runs to the window where Elaine is 
               waiting.)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What's been going on in there? I've 
               been standing here for 20 minutes.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               I'm sorry I'm sorry, here's the test. 
               Thanks again for doing this.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               All right, what time do you want me 
               back here.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Eh, twenty to three.

               
                             ELAINE
               Ok.

               
                             GEORGE
               Thanks again.

               
                             ELAINE
               All right.

               
                             GEORGE
               And don't settle for 145, you can do 
               better, you're a genius.
 
               
               
               (Jerry is eating at the Dream Cafe. Babu fills the water for 
               Jerry.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Thank you Babu. You have quite a flair. 
               You are quite the restaurateur I must 
               say.
 
               
                             BABU
               It is in deed my pleasure.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, please...

               
               (Elaine comes in.)

               
                             BABU
               Oh, welcome to the Dream Cafe. Our specials 
               today...
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, no no I'll just have a tea and toast.
 
               
               
                             BABU
               Tea and toast.

               
                             JERRY
               Eat something! Babu...

               
                             ELAINE
               Um, ok, I'll have the rigatoni.

               
                             BABU
               Oh, very good choice. Very good.

               
               (Elaine is opening an envelope and is very excited.)

               
                             JERRY
               Oh wow, so you got the test. You're 
               cheating.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I know.

               
               (Kramer comes in.)

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey.

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh boy. Jerry let me ask you something, 
               hi Elaine...
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Hey.

               
                             KRAMER
               This guy leaves this jacket at my mothers 
               house two years ago. Now, she hasn't 
               spoken to him since and now he says 
               he wants the jacket back.
 
               
                             JERRY
               So?

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I'm not giving it back.

               
                             JERRY
               Why not?

               
                             KRAMER
               Because I meat a lot of women in this 
               jacket, you know they're attracted to 
               it. Why do you think my mother went 
               out with him?
 
               
               (Kramer takes some nachos and spills some to Elaine's test.)
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, gees...

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, ok...(takes the test and goes 
               to another table.)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Anyway, it's been two years. I mean 
               isn't there like statue of limitations 
               on that?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Statute.

               
                             KRAMER
               What?

               
                             JERRY
               Statute of limitations. It's not a statue.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               No, statue.

               
                             JERRY
               Fine, it's a sculpture of limitations.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Just wait a minute...Elaine, Elaine! 
               Now you're smart, is it statue or statute 
               of limitations?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Statute.

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, I really think you're wrong.

               
                             ELAINE
               Look, Kramer, I have to take this test 
               ok, I don't have a long of time.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               What test?

               
                             ELAINE
               An IQ test.

               
                             KRAMER
               Why do you take an IQ test?

               
                             ELAINE
               It's for George.

               
                             KRAMER
               George?

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, can I...can I explain it to you 
               later?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Why are you taking an IQ test for George?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Would you please?!

               
                             KRAMER
               What, is it for a job or something?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Later!

               
                             KRAMER
               You're positive it's statute?

               
                             ELAINE
               Yes, yes!

               
                             BABU
               Welcome, welcome. A steaming hot face 
               cloth...(gives Kramer a hot towel and 
               Kramer screams and falls from his chair.)
 
               
               
               
               (Monica's. George is reading a New Yorker on the bed and Monica 
               is trying to get in. The door is locked.)
 
               
                             MONICA
               George?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah?

               
                             MONICA
               The door is locked.

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, it's locked?

               
                             MONICA
               I need to get something.

               
                             GEORGE
               Monica, I'm really focused here, this 
               stuff's a killer.
 
               
                             MONICA
               George!

               
                             GEORGE
               Wish I could.

               
               
               (Dream Cafe. Babu is singing and Elaine gets distracted.)

               
                             BABU
               Ladadeeda, laadadeeda....

               
                             ELAINE
               Babu! If you don't mind?

               
               (Babu comes to collect dishes from Elaine's table and knocks 
               down a cup of coffee.)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh my God! It's all over the test!
 
               
               
                             BABU
               Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh man! Look at this...and I'm late 
               anyway.
 
               
                             BABU
               Please, forgive me, please...

               
                             JERRY
               Go ahead, I'll take care of it.

               
                             BABU
               I'm very sorry. Tell your friends!
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               It's all right, she was cheating anyway.
 
               
               
                             BABU
               You're a very kind man.

               
                             JERRY
               Babu, you're Pakistani?

               
                             BABU
               Yes, Pakistani, yes.

               
                             JERRY
               Babu, may I say something?

               
                             BABU
               Of course, you're a very smart man, 
               I'll listen.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I'm not a restaurateur by any means, 
               but it occurred to me that perhaps you 
               might serve some dishes from your native 
               Pakistan? As opposed to franks and beans 
               for example.
 
               
                             BABU
               But there are no Pakistani people here.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Doesn't matter. You would have the only 
               authentic Pakistani restaurant in the 
               whole neighborhood.
 
               
                             BABU
               Yes, you see everything, don't you?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Well, not everything. I do what I can.
 
               
               
                             BABU
               I'll close down today and when I open 
               again it'll be whole Pakistani restaurant. 
               Thank you, thank you very much, you're 
               very special person, very special.
 
               
               
               (Babu leaves)

               
                             JERRY THINKING
               I am such a great guy. Who else would've 
               gone through the trouble of helping 
               this poor immigrant? I am special. My 
               mother was right. Of course I've never 
               had Pakistani food. How bad it could 
               be?
 
               
               
               (Elaine is giving the test back to George.)

               
                             ELAINE
               It was an accident.

               
                             GEORGE
               What did you go on a picnic?

               
                             ELAINE
               Babu Bhatt did it.

               
                             GEORGE
               Babu Bhatt? How I'm going to explain 
               this?
 
               
                             MONICA
               Time's up George.

               
                             GEORGE
               Ok. (George opens the door.) Here you 
               go.
 
               
                             MONICA
               How did you do?

               
                             GEORGE
               Piece of cake.

               
                             MONICA
               What happened to the test?

               
                             GEORGE
               What? I spilled some food on it.

               
                             MONICA
               Food? What food?

               
                             GEORGE
               What are you talking about?

               
                             MONICA
               Where did you get food?

               
                             GEORGE
               From my pocket.

               
                             MONICA
               What?

               
                             GEORGE
               I eh, I had a sandwich in my pocket.
 
               
               
                             MONICA
               And coffee?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, had some coffee, yeah.

               
                             MONICA
               Where did you get the coffee?

               
                             GEORGE
               Where did I get the coffee? Where do 
               think I got the coffee, from the grocery 
               store.
 
               
                             MONICA
               How did you get there?

               
                             GEORGE
               I walked.

               
                             MONICA
               How did you get out of the apartment? 
               I didn't see you leave.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I climbed out the window.

               
                             MONICA
               You climbed out the window?

               
                             GEORGE
               Of course.

               
                             MONICA
               Why didn't you go out the door?

               
                             GEORGE
               The door? Why would I go out the door? 
               The window is right here.
 
               
                             MONICA
               You are a fascinating man, George Costanza.
 
               
               
               
                             
               Closed for renovation.)

               
                             JERRY
               Most people in a situation like this, 
               they walk right by it. Not me.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               You're very special.

               
               (Kramer enters.)

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, do me a favor. If some guy comes 
               in looking for me, tell him you don't 
               know where I am.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Of course, I always do.

               
                             KRAMER
               No, no it's that guy. He's really been 
               bugging me about the jacket.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Just give it back to him.

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, he'll have to kill me. (leaves.)
 
               
               
               (Jerry sees George from the window.)

               
                             JERRY
               Hey Georgie!

               
                             GEORGE
               Coming up.

               
                             JERRY
               How did you do on the IQ test?!

               
                             GEORGE
               85!

               
                             JERRY
               What?!!

               
                             GEORGE
               85, Jerry! 85 IQ !

               
               (Jerry laughs.)

               
                             ELAINE
               85?

               
                             JERRY
               Well, well, well...

               
                             ELAINE
               He's coming up?

               
                             JERRY
               Well, I'm no genius, but according to 
               my calculations he should be here in 
               a few seconds.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, but an 85, that's ridiculous.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Well, maybe the test was gender bias, 
               you know a lot of questions about hunting 
               and testicles...
 
               
               (George comes in looking angry.)

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, hello professor.

               
                             ELAINE
               George, I cannot believe...

               
                             GEORGE
               Please...

               
                             ELAINE
               No there has got be a mistake.

               
                             GEORGE
               You should've seen her face. It was 
               the exact same look my father gave me 
               when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               But an 85?

               
                             ELAINE
               There were too many distractions there. 
               Babu...what ever he's name was and Kramer...I 
               couldn't concentrate.
 
               
                             JERRY MOCKING
               It was a madhouse.

               
                             ELAINE
               Jerry! It was! Let me take it again.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Whow, forget it.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, come on, come on. I guarantee 140. 
               What do you have to lose?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               You could do worst!

               
                             ELAINE
               No, no, I guarantee it.

               
                             GEORGE
               All right, I'll ask her.

               
                             ELAINE
               Ok, now where I'm going to take it.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Take it here, I'll leave, there'll be 
               no distractions.
 
               
               
               (Dream Cafe. Babu is on the window looking gloomy. Jerry comes 
               in.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, congratulations my friend. You 
               know, I sorry I missed the grand re-opening. 
               I was out of town for about a week.
 
               
               
                             BABU
               You see how I listened. I worked very 
               hard, borrowed more money.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I think it's fantastic. Has a certain 
               indefinable charm.
 
               
                             BABU
               You wish to eat?

               
                             JERRY
               Let me tell you something Babu. You 
               go back there in that kitchen and tell 
               your chef I want the works.
 
               
                             BABU
               Very good.

               
                             JERRY THINKING
               Very good? No, not very good, very great. 
               I am very, very great.
 
               
               
               (Jerry's apartment. Elaine is finishing the test.)

               
               (Monica's bedroom. George is pacing the room.)

               
               
               (Jerry's monologue.)

               
               You know the IQ test has always that sample question at the beginning 
               where they show how to fill in the circle. It should be the first 
               eliminating point right there. Anybody goes outside of that circle, 
               yeah you wanna come with us, yeah you're done, the test is over, 
               you went outside the circle ok?
 
               
               
               (Jerry's apartment. Elaine finishes the test and is packing the 
               stuff.)
 
               
               (Kramer charges in and locks the door behind him.)

               
                             ELAINE
               What are you doing?

               
                             KRAMER
               Quiet. Shh, don't say anything.

               
                             ELAINE
               What's going on?

               
                             MAN BEHIND THE DOOR
               Hey, Kramer! I saw you going there! 
               I'm not leaving until I get the jacket. 
               (Bangs on the door) Open up Kramer!
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Why did you come in here for?

               
                             KRAMER
               I thought I'd throw him off. See, he 
               knows where I live.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Well Kramer, I have to return this test. 
               I've got to get out of here.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               I thought you took the test.

               
                             ELAINE
               I had to take it again.

               
                             KRAMER
               How come?

               
                             ELAINE
               What's the difference?!!

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, you can't leave now.

               
                             ELAINE
               What?

               
                             MAN BEHIND THE DOOR
               Come on, Kramer! I want that jacket 
               back!
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Never!

               
               
               (Monica's apartment. George is looking out the window.)

               
                             MONICA
               George, open up.

               
               (George opens the door.)

               
                             MONICA
               Well?

               
               (George shakes her hand.)

               
                             GEORGE
               How' you doing?

               
                             MONICA
               Where's the test?

               
                             GEORGE
               You know, it's the damnedest thing. 
               I went out the window again to get a 
               cup of coffee...
 
               
               
               (Dream Cafe. Babu is looking as Jerry eats.)

               
                             JERRY
               Babu? Babu...(waves Babu to come to 
               table) Babu...you know, I got to tell 
               you, I never do this, but the shrimp, 
               it's just that it's a little stringy. 
               You have any chicken?
 
               
                             BABU
               The shrimp is stringy?

               
                             JERRY
               Well, maybe your refrigerator...

               
                             BABU
               Quiet!! You shut up! You make me change 
               restaurant, but nobody comes! You say 
               make Pakistani, Babu Bhatt have only 
               Pakistani restaurant. But where are 
               people? You see people? Show me people. 
               There are no people!
 
               
                             JERRY
               You know, I think I'll just take the 
               check.
 
               
                             BABU
               You bad man! You very very bad man! 
               (leaves)
 
               
                             JERRY THINKING
               Bad man? Could've my mother been wrong?
 
               
               
               
               (Monica's. Elaine is gently tapping on the bedroom window. Monica 
               comes to open.)
 
               
                             MONICA
               Are you looking for George?

               
                             ELAINE
               Well eh, kind of....

               
                             MONICA
               George left.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh.

               
                             MONICA
               Is that the test?

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, this...emm...yeah...here you go.
 
               
               
                             MONICA
               Thanks. I hope you did do a lot better 
               this time.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Actually, you know what, I think I did. 
               The first time I couldn't really cons...(Monica 
               closes the window)...entreat.
 
               
               
               (At the street. Dream Cafe has a Closed sign on the window and 
               men are carrying furniture out.)
 
               (George, Jerry and Kramer are standing across the street. Kramer 
               has no jacket on.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               You know what it was, bad location.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Lets not stand here, we might run in 
               to her.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Aren't you cold? Where's your jacket?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah...

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, I'm sorry.

               
                             KRAMER
               I'm going upstairs.

               
               (Elaine comes.)

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey guys, I just ran in to Monica. You 
               know what my IQ is? 151.
 
               
                             JERRY
               151?

               
                             GEORGE
               That's a good score.

               
                             JERRY
               So, what are you up for? How about Mexican?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Italian.

               
                             ELAINE
               No, Chinese.

               
                             JERRY
               You know, what would be great?

               
               (George and Elaine give Jerry a long look.)

               
               
               (Comedy club)

               
               It's tough to do a good deed. Just look at your professional 
               good deed doers. Your lone rangers, your superman, your Batman, 
               your Spiderman, your Elasticman. They are all wearing disguises, 
               masks over their faces. Secret identities. Don't want people 
               to know who they are. It's too much aggravation. "Superman, thanks 
               for saving my life, but did you have to come through my wall? 
               I'm renting here, I've got a security deposit. What am I supposed 
               to do?"
 
               
               
                                THE END



The Cafe



Writers :   Tom Leopold
Genres :   Comedy


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