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ALL SCRIPTS





                            THE CALZONE



                             Written by

                      Alec Berg & Jeff Schaffer




 
               
               
               (George in a meeting at Yankee Stadium)

               
                             GEORGE
               I believe the doors on the bathroom 
               stalls, here at the stadium, don't offer 
               much by way of privacy. But I was thinking 
               if we extend the doors all the way to 
               the floors...
 
               
                       MR. STEINBRENNER
               All the way to the floor! What are you 
               crazy! You'd suffocate in there. Your 
               lucky you have any doors at all. You 
               know when I was in the army... Hey Costanza. 
               What's that your eating over there? 
               It looks pretty tasty.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               It's a calzone, sir.

               
                       MR. STEINBRENNER
               A calzone huh. Pass it down here. Let's 
               have a look at at it. I want a little 
               taste. Come on, come on. Pass it down 
               here. That's a good boy. Okay. What's 
               in this thing?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Uh. Cheese, pepperoni, eggplant.

               
                       MR. STEINBRENNER
               Eggplant. Yes. That's a hell of a thing. 
               Okay let's get back to business. Okay 
               here you go. Very good, very good. Excellent. 
               Excellent calzone you got there Costanza. 
               Okay a little jealous now. Okay let's 
               go. Ok last week.... You know that eggplant 
               was very good. Everybody out. I got 
               eggplant on my mind. Costanza get me 
               couple of those calzones right now. 
               Pronto. Move out. Big Stein wants an 
               eggplant calzone. Must have one. Everybody 
               out. Out.
 
               
               (Jerry and Elaine at apartment)

               
                             ELAINE
               One of those fabric wholesalers. This 
               guy Todd Gack. I won a bet from him.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What bet?

               
                             ELAINE
               He bet me Dustin Hoffman was in Star 
               Wars.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Dustin Hoffman in Star Wars!?! Short 
               Jewish guy against Darth Vader. I don't 
               think so.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               That's what I said.

               
                             JERRY
               So the bet was that the loser has to 
               buy dinner?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah.

               
                             JERRY
               Huh.

               
                             ELAINE
               What?

               
                             JERRY
               No, nothing.

               
               Kramer walks in

               
                             JERRY
               What's with you?

               
                             KRAMER
               Feel this.

               
                             JERRY
               Wow.That's hot.

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah. It's piquing hot. It's fresh out 
               of the dryer. Hey Elaine
 
               
               you have to feel my pants.

               
                             ELAINE
               I'll see you later.

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh. All right. You don't know what your 
               missing. I'm loving this
 
               
               Jerry. I am never putting on another piece of clothing unless 
               it's straight out of the dryer.
 
               
                             JERRY
               So know every time you get dressed. 
               You are going to go down to the basement 
               and use the dryer.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh yeah. It's a warm and wonderful feeling, 
               Jerry. So what are you doing later?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I got a date with Nikki.

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh yeah she's a beauty.

               
                             JERRY
               She's also quite bold.

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh bold and beautiful.

               
               George and Mr. Steinbrenner at Yankee Stadium

               
                       MR. STEINBRENNER
               I am loving this calzone. The pita pocket 
               prevents it from dripping. The pita 
               pocket. (phone rings) What is it Watson? 
               A lost and found? No. I don't think 
               we need that. If people keel over because 
               they lost something that's there tough 
               luck. You got a drip on your mouth by 
               the way.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               You know a lost and found could be a 
               good idea.
 
               
                       MR. STEINBRENNER
               Hold on Watson. You like lost and found 
               George?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Definitely.

               
                       MR. STEINBRENNER
               All right lost and found. But there's 
               got to be a time limit. We're not running 
               a pawn shop here.
 
               
               Jerry and Nikki at movies

               
                             JERRY
               Hey, Elaine.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hi Jerry!

               
                             JERRY
               This is Nikki.

               
                             NIKKI
               Hi!

               
                             ELAINE
               Hello. This is Todd Gack.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh of course. Todd Gack. You did you 
               bet was in Star Wars? Sammy
 
               
               Davis Jr.

               
                             ELAINE
               So what movie are you guys seeing?
 
               
               
                             NIKKI
               "Means to an End "

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh. We were going to see that but it 
               was sold out. So were going to
 
               
               see " Blame it on the Rain "

               
                             JERRY
               Why don't you see what you can do?
 
               
               
                             NIKKI
               Okay.

               
                             ELAINE
               What's she going to do? There's no more 
               tickets.
 
               
                             JERRY
               We'll see.

               
                             TODD
               Hey Jerry. Do you like cigars?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah. Why?

               
                             TODD
               I am going to Montreal tomorrow and 
               they sell them dirt cheap.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hey,that might be a nice idea for George's 
               wedding.
 
               
                             TODD
               So do you want a box?

               
                             JERRY
               Sure. If there cheap Why not.

               
                             TODD
               All right I buy a box and give to Elaine.
 
               
               
                             NIKKI
               Okay two tickets "Means to an End"
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Told you.

               
                             ELAINE
               How did you do that?

               
                             NIKKI
               I just talked to the manager.

               
                             JERRY
               All right. Enjoy " Blame it on the Rain 
               "
 
               
               Jerry and George at the coffee shop

               
                             GEORGE
               There putting in a lost and found because 
               of me. There's a time
 
               
               limit but still.

               
                             JERRY
               There really building a Utopian society 
               up there huh.And you
 
               
               tribute all this to the calzone.

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah. I am like a drug dealer. I got 
               the guy hooked. I am having
 
               
               lunch at his desk everyday this week. He doesn't make a move 
               without me.
 
               
               It's very exciting.

               
                             JERRY
               With you two guys at the helm. The last 
               piece of the puzzle is in
 
               
               place.

               
                             GEORGE
               So let me ask you a question about the 
               tip jar. I had a little
 
               
               thing with the calzone guy this week. I go to drop a buck in 
               the tip jar and
 
               
               just as I am about to drop it in he looks the other way. And 
               then when I am
 
               
               leaving he gives me this look think thanks for nothing. I mean 
               if they don't
 
               
               notice it what's the point.

               
                             JERRY
               So you don't make it a habit of giving 
               to the blind.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Not bills.

               
                             JERRY
               So George. Remember when I told you 
               Nikki gets whatever she wants.
 
               
               We are at the movies last night. It's sold out. Nikki goes and 
               talks to the
 
               
               manager. Right in.

               
                             GEORGE
               Beautiful women. You know they could 
               get away with murder. You
 
               
               never she any of them lift anything over three pounds. They get 
               whatever they
 
               
               want whenever they want it. You can't stop them.

               
                             JERRY
               She's like a beautiful Godzilla.

               
                             GEORGE
               Without thousands of fleeing Japanese.
 
               
               
               Jerry and Kramer at his apartment

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey buddy.

               
                             JERRY
               What the hell is all this?

               
                             KRAMER
               I am looking for quarters for the dryer.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Why can't you do this on your table?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Because I don't have a table.

               
               Elaine walks in

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey. So how was "Blame it on the Rain?"
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Huh. Yeah thanks for getting us tickets 
               too.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh!! Let me ask you a question. Was 
               the movie part of the bet?
 
               
               Kramer leaves

               
                             ELAINE
               No. We were both in the mood for one.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You know Elaine, It is not my way to 
               intrude on the personal lives of
 
               
               close fiends..

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh is that so.

               
                             JERRY
               Absolutely. But I feel I must inform 
               you that what happened last
 
               
               night was more than a simple bet.

               
                             ELAINE
               What are you talking about?

               
                             JERRY
               Come on. Dustin Hoffman in Star Wars. 
               He made a bet he knew he was
 
               
               going to lose just to take you to dinner

               
                             ELAINE
               If he wanted to ask me out why didn't 
               he just ask me.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Because if he doesn't ask you out he 
               doesn't get rejected. He has
 
               
               found a dating loop hole.

               
                             ELAINE
               I don't buy it.

               
               Kramer walks in with more change

               
                             JERRY
               So what happened after the movie?

               
                             ELAINE
               Nothing. He walked me home.

               
                             JERRY
               To the door?

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah.

               
                             JERRY
               That's a date.

               
                             ELAINE
               No it's not.

               
                             JERRY
               But I never walk you home.

               
                             ELAINE
               That's just because your a jackass.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Ah!! I found a quarter. Anybody want 
               there clothes heated up?
 
               
                             JERRY
               No, no.

               
                             ELAINE
               No, no.

               
                             JERRY
               So how did you leave it with him?

               
                             ELAINE
               I am supposed to meet him to pick up 
               your cigars.
 
               
                             JERRY
               That's another loop hole. That's two 
               dates without asking you out.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Your crazy!

               
                             JERRY
               Crazy like a man.

               
               George at Pisano's

               
                             WORKER
               Number 49.

               
                             GEORGE
               You know my last name is Costanza. That's 
               Italian. So you and I are
 
               
               like country men. Pisano's!

               
                             WORKER
               $ 6.50 your change.

               
                             GEORGE
               And I always take care of my Pisano's. 
               So here is a little
 
               
               something.

               
               ( drop in tip and worker looks the other way, so George decides 
               to take it
 
               
               out and try again only to get caught )

               
                             WORKER
               Hey! You steal my money!!

               
                             GEORGE
               No no. That's not what I was trying 
               to do.
 
               
                             WORKER
               I know what you try to do. Get out. 
               Don't ever come back ever.
 
               
               George and Mr. Steinbrenner at Yankee Stadium

               
                             GEORGE
               I got your calzones Mr. Steinbrenner.
 
               
               
                       MR. STEINBRENNER
               Beautiful. I am starving George.

               
                             GEORGE
               I thought tomorrow maybe we'd try a 
               little corn beef.
 
               
                       MR. STEINBRENNER
               Corn beef. I don't think so. It is a 
               little fatty.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               How about Chinese?

               
                       MR. STEINBRENNER
               Uhhhhh. No. Too many containers. Big 
               mess, big mess.
 
               
               Too sloppy.I want to stick with the calzones from Pisano's. That's 
               the
 
               
               ticket.

               
                             GEORGE
               I just thought it would be nice. A little 
               variety.
 
               
                       MR. STEINBRENNER
               No, no, no. George let me tell you something. 
               When I
 
               
               find something I like I stick with it. From 1973 to 1982 I ate 
               the exact same
 
               
               lunch everyday. Turkey chili in a bowl made out of bread. Bread 
               bowl George
 
               
               . First you eat the chili then you eat the bowl. There's nothing 
               more
 
               
               satisfying than looking down after lunch and seeing nothing but 
               a table.
 
               
               Todd walking Elaine to her apartment

               
                             ELAINE
               Thanks for the dinner.

               
                             TODD
               Well I had to give these cigars and 
               we were both hungry.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Hey Todd. Let me ask you a question. 
               Um. Was this whole date thing
 
               
               just a way of asking me out?

               
                             TODD
               What?

               
                             ELAINE
               I mean Dustin Hoffman in Star Wars?
 
               
               
                             TODD
               Elaine that was a legitimate bet and 
               I lost so I bought you dinner.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh all right. Okay well, goodnight.
 
               
               
                             TODD
               Hey, if your not doing anything Saturday 
               do you want to meet somewhere
 
               
               ?

               
                             ELAINE
               See what is that? Is that a date?

               
                             TODD
               Why can't two people go and do something 
               without it being a date?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               All right. I am sorry it's not a date.
 
               
               
                             TODD
               No way. So I'll see you Saturday night?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               All right.

               
                             TODD
               Pick you up at 8:00 p.m.

               
               Jerry and Nikki getting pulled over by a cop

               
                             POLICE OFFICER
               Do you know what the posted speed limit 
               on this road is?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I was got to be 55.

               
                             POLICE OFFICER
               That's right it is. Do you know how 
               fast you were going?
 
               
                             JERRY
               A lot faster than that!

               
                             POLICE OFFICER
               Step out of the car sir.

               
                             JERRY
               Okay dokey

               
                             POLICE OFFICER
               Can I have your license and registration 
               please?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Absolutely. Nikki!

               
                             NIKKI
               Yes.

               
                             JERRY
               Would you mind bringing the officer 
               the registration?
 
               
                             NIKKI
               Not at all.

               
                             POLICE OFFICER
               I got you on the radar at 93 miles per 
               hour.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You must have gotten me when I slowed 
               down to take that curve because
 
               
               for a while there I was doing well over 100.

               
                             NIKKI
               Officer. Hi. Do you really have to give 
               us a ticket?
 
               
                             JERRY
               All right Nik. That's it.

               
               Kramer and Jerry at his apartment

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey buddy. I am waiting for my shirt.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You got your shirt in my oven!?!

               
                             KRAMER
               I didn't have any quarters for the dryer. 
               Anyway this is better.
 
               
               And it's more convenient.

               
                             JERRY
               For both of us.

               
                             KRAMER
               And I have a lot more control. I have 
               one shirt going for 10 minutes
 
               
               at 325 degrees.

               
                             JERRY
               What's wrong with your oven?

               
                             KRAMER
               I am baking a pie!

               
               Buzz, buzz

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah.

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah.

               
                             JERRY
               Come on up.

               
                             KRAMER
               You got cigars, huh.

               
                             JERRY
               I got some Cubans for George's wedding. 
               They were more than I wanted
 
               
               to pay for but what the hell!

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh yeah baby. spit, spit. What are these? 
               " Perducto de Peru "
 
               
               Jerry, if you think these are Cubans you have another thing coming.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Peru! I paid $300 bucks for these. I 
               could have bought a house in
 
               
               Peru for $300 bucks!

               
                             KRAMER
               You got ripped buddy.

               
                             JERRY
               I got to pay this Todd Gack guy $300 
               bucks just so he has some excuse
 
               
               to see Elaine again without asking her out.

               
                             KRAMER
               That's a nice name. Todd Gack. Is that 
               Dutch? ( Dingggggg )
 
               
               Oh baby. Here we go. Uh momma.(putting his fresh out of the oven 
               shirt
 
               
               on ) Hey George hey.

               
               Kramer leaves

               
                             GEORGE
               Well this is bad. I am really in a bad 
               situation now.
 
               
                             JERRY
               so what is Steinbrenner going to do 
               if he doesn't get his calzones?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What's he going to do? That's exactly 
               the point. Nobody knows what
 
               
               this guy is capable of! He fires people like it is a bodily function.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Why don't you get someone else from 
               the office to go get Pisano's for
 
               
               
               you?

               
                             GEORGE
               Because before you know it he'll be 
               having lunch with him. You know
 
               
               how these interoffice politics work.

               
                             JERRY
               No. I never had a job.

               
               Kramer walks in with no pants on

               
                             KRAMER
               I decided to go with the brown one 's. 
               (pants)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What the hell is this?

               
                             JERRY
               Kramer's cooking up some corduroy.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               There has got to be some way to get 
               back into Pisano's.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Pisano's. That's the place by the stadium 
               right?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah. You've heard of it?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah. Newman raves about it. It's on 
               his mail route. He goes by
 
               
               there everyday.

               
                             GEORGE
               I'll see you guys later.

               
                             JERRY
               What kind of pie are you cooking?

               
                             KRAMER
               Huckleberry.

               
               George at Newman's apartment

               
                             NEWMAN
               You certainly are in a bind.

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah. And since you go buy there everyday. 
               I was hoping that we
 
               
               could help each other out.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Oh well. Let me perfectly blunt. I don't 
               care for you Costanza.
 
               
               You hang out at the west side of the building with Seinfeld all 
               day and just
 
               
               it up wasting your lives.

               
                             GEORGE
               Are you going to help me or not?

               
                             NEWMAN
               All right, all right. I'll help you 
               but I will except something in
 
               
               return.

               
                             GEORGE
               What?

               
                             NEWMAN
               Well for starters I want a calzone of 
               my own...
 
               
                             GEORGE
               All right.

               
                             NEWMAN
               And a slice of pepperoni pizza and a 
               large soda and three times a
 
               
               week I will require a canolie.

               
                             GEORGE
               That's a little steep don't you think?
 
               
               
                             NEWMAN
               You know I hear Mr. Steinbrenner can 
               be a bit erratic. I would hate
 
               
               to see him when he's hungry.

               
                             GEORGE
               All right, all right.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Do we have a deal?

               
                             GEORGE
               But I have to have them by one o'clock. 
               He's very regiment about his
 
               
               meals.

               
                             NEWMAN
               I know exactly how he feels. Pleasure 
               doing business with you. Do
 
               
               come again. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

               
               Todd and Elaine at a restaurant

               
                             ELAINE
               This is nice.

               
                             TODD
               Gack. Party of four.

               
                             ELAINE
               Party of four? Who are we meeting?
 
               
               
                             TODD
               Mom! Dad! This is Elaine.

               
                             MOM
               Hello.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hellllllooooo.

               
               End of dinner

               
                             MOM
               Nice meeting you.

               
                             TODD
               Bye mom.

               
                             MOM
               She's wonderful.

               
                             ELAINE
               What the hell was that?

               
                             TODD
               What?

               
                             ELAINE
               Why did you introduce me to your parents?
 
               
               
                             TODD
               There nice people. I thought you would 
               like them.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Come on Todd. Admit it, this is a date.
 
               
               
                             TODD
               Why is this a date?

               
                             ELAINE
               Saturday night with your parents. Unless 
               I'm your sister this is a
 
               
               date.

               
                             TODD
               Elaine. I don't understand why you can't 
               meet someone else's parents
 
               
               without classifying it as a date.

               
                             ELAINE
               Well if it's not a date then what is 
               it?
 
               
                             TODD
               It's a lovely evening together.

               
                             ELAINE
               I don't believe this.

               
                             TODD
               Well I am getting a cab want to join 
               me?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               No. I'll just walk home.

               
                             TODD
               Okay goodnight. ( goes to kiss her )
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Now what was that?

               
               George at Newman's apartment

               
               Knock, knock

               
                             NEWMAN
               Hello. What 's this?

               
                             GEORGE
               Well I was dropping of the calzone money 
               for the week.. Um
 
               
               shouldn't you be at work by now?

               
                             NEWMAN
               Work? It's raining.

               
                             GEORGE
               Soooooo

               
                             NEWMAN
               I called in sick. I don't work in the 
               rain.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               You don't work in the rain? Your a mailman. 
               " Neither rain nor sleet
 
               
               nor snow..." It's the first one.

               
                             NEWMAN
               I was never that big on creeds.

               
                             GEORGE
               You were supposed to deliver my calzones. 
               We had a deal!
 
               
                             NEWMAN
               I believe the deal was that I get the 
               calzones on my mail route.
 
               
               Well today I won't be going on my mail route! Will I. Perhaps 
               tomorrow.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               But I'm paying you!

               
                             NEWMAN
               Yes thank you. ( slams door )

               
                             GEORGE
               Newman!!

               
               Nikki and Jerry at his apartment

               
                             NIKKI
               Peru? I thought you wanted cigars from 
               Cuba?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I did.

               
                             NIKKI
               Well if these aren't what you wanted 
               then why did you pay him?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well what could I do? Unless you pay 
               him a visit.
 
               
                             NIKKI
               Okay.

               
               George at Kramer's apartment

               
               Knock, knock

               
                             GEORGE
               Kramer!

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey you!

               
                             GEORGE
               Look I need you to do me a favor. I 
               need you to get me lunch at
 
               
               Pisano's.

               
                             KRAMER
               What happened to Newman?

               
                             GEORGE
               He called in sick.

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh yeah right it's raining.

               
                             GEORGE
               Can you do it?

               
                             KRAMER
               What time do you need it at?

               
                             GEORGE
               1:00 p.m. Do you need any money?

               
                             KRAMER
               No. I got eight tons of change. I'm 
               loaded.
 
               
               Kramer on street

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey hold that bus!

               
               Kramer at Pisano's

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey. It's really wet out there.

               
                             WORKER
               What can I get you?

               
                             KRAMER
               I here you make a pretty mean calzone.
 
               
               
                             WORKER
               Calzone!

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah calzone.

               
                             WORKER
               The best!

               
                             KRAMER
               All right. Lay them on me. I'll take 
               three.
 
               
                             WORKER
               Three calzones.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey. That's a big oven. Huh. Listen. 
               I was wondering if you could
 
               
               do me a favor.

               
               Elaine goes to the coffee shop

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey Todd.

               
                             TODD
               Hi. You know Nikki.

               
               Elaine Yeah sure.

               
                             NIKKI
               Wait. Elaine will settle this. What's 
               the "M" stand for in Richard
 
               
               M. Nixon?

               
                             ELAINE
               Milhouse.

               
                             NIKKI
               I told you so. He said it was Moe. You 
               owe me a dinner.
 
               
               Kramer at Pisano's

               
                             WORKER
               Your order is ready. Three calzones 
               and one shirt and jacket.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh. This is all burned up. Look at this.
 
               
               
                             WORKER
               What the hell do I know about cooking 
               a shirt? What the hell is
 
               
               this? Your paying in pennies?

               
                             KRAMER
               That's all I got.

               
                             WORKER
               No. You have to have bills. Paper money. 
               You can't pay with this.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               I told you this is all I got.

               
                             WORKER
               Then no calzones.

               
               Worker and Kramer yelling at each other back and forth in Italian
 
               
               
               George's office at Yankee Stadium

               
                             GEORGE
               What happened? Where have you been?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               The guy wouldn't give them to me because 
               I wanted to pay in change.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What the hell happened to your shirt?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               He overcooked it. It's ruined.

               
                             GEORGE
               Your clothes smell just like Pisano's. 
               There's another Italian place
 
               
               on Jerome. Maybe I can fool him.

               
               Mr. Steinbrenner at his office

               
               
               say it again. I hadn't had a pimple since I was eighteen and 
               I don't care
 
               
               that you don't believe me or not. And how's this. Your fired. 
               Okay your not
 
               
               
               He's late. That smell. I have to call you back. Costanza. He's 
               in the
 
               
               building. Costanza is in the building and he's not in this office. 
               Costanza
 
               
               ! I'll get you.

               
               Jerry and Elaine at apartment

               
                             JERRY
               Stupid cigars. You know if I didn't 
               send Nikki over to talk to him
 
               
               they wouldn't be together.

               
                             ELAINE
               These are terrible.

               
                             JERRY
               It's like trying to smoke a chicken 
               bone.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What kind of a name is Todd Gack anyway.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I think it's Dutch. I got to get going.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Where are you going?

               
                             JERRY
               I.. uh..promised Nikki that I'd walk 
               her dog for her.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               But she broke up with you.

               
                             JERRY
               I know, I know. But some how she explained 
               it to me and I couldn't
 
               
               say no.

               
                             ELAINE
               It smells like a rubber fire.

               
                             JERRY
               What's that?

               
                             ELAINE
               I said rubber fire.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh.

               
                             ELAINE
               Did you ever pay Todd for these things?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Actually it's being taken care of right 
               now.
 
               
               Kramer at Todd's apartment

               
               Knock, knock

               
                             KRAMER
               You Gack?

               
                             TODD
               Yeah.

               
                             KRAMER
               Here's your money.

               
               Kramer throws a bag full of change at him

               
               Mr. Steinbrenner in George's office

               
                       MR. STEINBRENNER
               George. Why do these clothes smell like 
               Pisano's?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Because they were heated up there.
 
               
               
                       MR. STEINBRENNER
               Heating up your clothes? That's not 
               a bad idea.
 
               
               
               
                             THE END



The Calzone



Writers :   Alec Berg  Jeff Schaffer
Genres :   Comedy


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