Steve O'Donnell, Tom Gammill & Max Pross
Jerry and Elaine come out of a drugstore. Elaine has a couple
of carrier bags
she's fussing with the contents of.
Hey, have you seen all these new commercials
for indigestion drugs?
Pepcid AC, Tagemat HB.
Ugh, the whole country's sick to their
Now, you know you're supposed to take
these things before you get
Jerry and Elaine begin to walk along the street.
What is this, a 'bit'?
'Cos I'm not in the mood.
We're just talking. Is this not the
greatest marketing ploy ever? If
you feel good, you're supposed to take one!
Yeah, I know that tone. This is a bit.
They've opened up a whole new market.
Medication for the well.
(tired) Alright, are you done with your
(hopeful) Then you admit it was amusing?
It was okay, but move the 'medication
for the well' to the front, and
hit the word 'good' harder.
(thinking) Great. Thanks.
(Some Fancy Place)
The room is stylishly furnished. A number of people sit around,
drinking. Elaine and her new boyfriend, Brett, walk across the
So, your firm designed all the furniture
We manufacture it. The original designs
are by Karl Farbman.
Elaine and Brett sit on a couch
(as if she knows) Oh, Farbman.
You know Farbman?
Mm, love Farbman.
Most people go their whole lives without
sitting in a Farbman.
Wuh, if you call that living. (laughs)
Music begins to play. It's The Eagles' Desperado. Brett hears
the music and
is enraptured. He stares off into the distance, oblivious to
Wouldn't it be great if Farbman designed
Brett hasn't heard a word of what Elaine said, continuing to
stare off into
Brett? Don't you think that would be
Brett still doesn't react.
(still staring off) After the song,
Elaine stares at Brett and puts a hand to her chest, moved by
Jerry and Elaine come round the corner, past the Chinese restaurant
along the street.
So when do I meet this jerk?
He's not a jerk, Jer. He only works
with Karl Farbman.
(dismissive) I dunno, some designer.
Anyway, Brett is so generous,
and sensitive. Last night he was moved just listening to a song.
And you're still dating him? I tell
you who sounds a little desperado.
Ahead of the strolling twosome, a guy stands on the sidewalk,
brightly-coloured umbrella over his shoulder.
(pointing toward the guy) See that salesman,
twirling that umbrella.
I invented that.
That, had to be invented?
When I started out as a comedian, I
sold umbrellas. It was my idea to
twirl it, to attract customers.
Elaine folds her arms, unconvinced.
(skeptical) Oh hoh, really? Well, why
don't we ask him about it?
Elaine marches toward the umbrella guy.
Excuse me. Hey, how you doing. Uhm,
my, uh, friend here says that he
invented that little twirl you're doing.
Elaine, please, it was a long time ago.
The man doesn't want a history
Teddy Padillac came up with this twirl.
(looking at Jerry) Ohh.
I know Teddy Padillac. I worked with
him on Forty-eighth and Sixth.
Yeah, that's where he come up with it.
In his dreams.
Alright, can we (glances at her watch)
Elaine walks off, crossing the street. Jerry follows.
(to Clicky) By the way, you're doing
it too fast. You'll disorient the
Jerry is demonstrating twirling an umbrella to George, who sits
in a chair
with a magazine.
It's the twirling that dazzles the eye.
(pulls a face) I find it disorienting.
Who buys an umbrella anyway?
Y..you get 'em for free in the coffee shop in the metal cans.
(as if speaking to a moron) Those belong
Jerry tosses his umbrella onto the couch, and walks toward the
door opens and Kramer enters, carrying a large envelope.
Hey. Well. (proffers the envelope) This
was downstairs for you.
(taking the envelope) Oh no, not more
checks. They're coming faster
than I can sign 'em.
Oh, you didn't hear? Jerry's a big star
I don't know why. There's a one-second
clip of me in the opening
credits of some Japanese comedy show.
Yeah, the Super Terrific Happy Hour.
(opening the envelope and pulling out
a stack of checks) They run it
all the time, and now I'm starting to get all these royalty checks.
Look at all of those! You're rich!
Naw. Each one is for like twelve cents.
It's barely worth the pain in
my hand to sign 'em.
Kramer sits on the couch and flinches as he sits on the umbrella.
under himself and extracts it, then jumps again as he accidentally
He gets back up, and heads to the kitchen.
Hey, Jerry, you need any new furniture?
(getting a bottle of water out of the
fridge) Yeah, well, Elaine's
new boyfriend, you know. He's giving me this oversize chest of
George wanders over.
He's giving you furniture? Who is this
Ah, who are any of her losers?
(dryly) You're on that list.
George goes and gets his coat.
Alright, I gotta go home and open up
with the house for the carpet
cleaners. You know they're doing my whole place for twenty-five
Oh, no, no, no. Not the Sunshine Carpet
Yeah, you heard of 'em?
They're a crazy religious cult. The
carpet cleaning is just a means
for them to get into your apartment.
So? For a twenty-five dollar cleaning,
I can listen to some pointless
I do it, I'm not even getting the cleaning.
Kramer and Jerry stroll along. Jerry is massaging his left hand,
as if it's
giving him discomfort.
Signed over a hundred checks this morning.
Hello, twelve dollars.
Jerry and Kramer draw level with three Japanese tourists. One
of them steps
forward, holding out a camera.
Excuse me. Would you take picture please?
(takes camera) Oh, yeah, sure.
Jerry has spotted something further along the street. It's another
salesman, twirling his wares.
I'm gonna ask this guy something.
Jerry walks along to the guy. Kramer fusses about, taking a picture
three Japanese guys, at one point he steps back to frame them
stumbles off the curb.
(to umbrella guy) Hey. Nice twirl you
got there. You know who invented
that, don't you?
Back down the street, Kramer has finished photographing. He looks
Jerry, and thinks for a second.
(to tourists) Hey, are you folks from
(points over to Jerry) You recognise
Jerry has taken one of the umbrellas, and is demonstrating the
twirl to the
guy. He's speaking animatedly, with lots of hand gestures and
That's the funny face that greets you
at the beginning of the Super
Terrific Happy Hour.
Ahh, Super Terrific Happy...
The three guys all speak to each other in excited Japanese.
Ah, yeah. Yeah, that's him.
Kramer and the three guys look along to where Jerry is still
vigorously to the umbrella guy.
What is he doing?
Well, I don't know. But something super
terrific, I'm sure.
Oh yeah, very funny. And it wouldn't
be impolite to laugh at his
Jerry is tossing the umbrella from hand to hand, with the unimpressed
watching him. Kramer laughs, and the Japanese all join in.
Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Because everybody
laughs at Jerry here in
Kramer and the Japanese all laugh uproariously, watching Jerry.
Three guys in bright yellow overalls stand in George's living
room. Two of
them have a large carpet cleaner by the door, ready to leave,
The third, the
leader, has a notebook.
(calling to George) We're pretty much
George enters from another room.
There's just one more thing.
(smiling expectantly) Here it comes.
The leader opens his book and holds up a check.
(clears throat) You forgot to sign your
The leader hands George a pen, and waits as George appends his
(signs) Sorry. (expectant) You're sure,
uh, there isn't anything
The carpet cleaners begin to leave. George follows the leader
door, looking disappointed.
(let down) So, that's it?
Unless you need a receipt.
(melancholy) I wish that was all needed.
Life can be so confusing.
I..I'm searching for answers, anywhere.
(flat) Good luck with that.
The leader closes the door on a perplexed George.
Jerry sits at his table. He's signing checks, and holding his
in his hand which is twisted uncomfortably. Elaine enters and
What's with the claw?
Super terrific carpal tunnel syndrome.
Elaine wanders toward the kitchen. The door opens and Brett enters.
(to Elaine) There's no sign of Kramer.
Oh, Brett. (indicating) This is Jerry.
Jerry holds up his twisted hand in greeting. Brett copies the
position of the
fingers in his wave back.
That's very funny. Elaine told me you
were some kinda comedian.
Ah, I'm one kind.
Elaine gets a bottle of water form the fridge.
Have you seen the chest of drawers that
Brett gave to Kramer?
You gotta see 'em. Beautiful.
(not interested) Oh, I'm sure they are.
I'd be happy to get you some if that's
what you're driving at.
No. I'm fine, thank you.
Don't worry. It's no charge to you.
Brett walks over past Jerry and points to Jerry's desk.
Looks like what you really need is a
decent desk for writing your
(quiet annoyance) I don't write skits.
(walking back to Elaine) Well, of course
you don't. You don't have a
proper workstation. I'll fax you over my catalogue.
Mmm. Brett, uhm, Jerry doesn't have
a fax machine.
Brett looks round at Jerry, seeming embarrassed.
Well, I'm sure things'll pick up for
you soon. Elaine, maybe we should
Brett opens the door.
Oh. Jerry, you wanna join us?
Oh, where you going? The coffee shop?
(scoff) Coffee shop? I think we can
do a little better than that. You
look like you could use a solid meal at a real restaurant.
You look like you could use a...
Kramer and the Japanese tourists are looking at stuff. Kramer
picks up a
Stetson and reads the price tag.
(reads) Three hundred dollars. Hey,
Mr Oh, how much would these run
you in Tokyo?
Kramer holds the hat over, so Mr Oh can get a look.
(thinks for a second) Ahh, about, uh,
thirty thousand yen.
(shocked) Thirty thousand?! These are
Kramer places the hat on an unsure Mr Oh's head.
Giddyup. You're a cowboy now.
Kramer hands Stetsons to each of the other Japanese.
Brett and Elaine sit in his parked two seat Ferrari.
I feel terrible about your friend Jerry.
He's upset that I gave Kramer
that chest of drawers, isn't he?
Why? Why d'you think he's upset?
How could he not be? Living in that
cramped little apartment. And
outdated furniture, so terribly... un-Karl Farbman-like.
(romantic) We're not gonna talk about
Karl Farbman all night, are we?
(smiling) I hope not.
Brett leans across to kiss Elaine. Just as they begin to kiss,
Desperado comes on the radio. Brett immediately breaks off the
stares off into the distance again.
(surprised) Brett? Everything alright?
Brett makes no response.
(worried) Brett! What is it? Is there
Elaine, the song.
(relieved) Oh. Oh, oh, phew. You know,
for a minute there I thought
it was like that urban legend about the guy with the hook who's
Elaine, could you just not talk for
(apologetic, silently mouthed) Sorry.
Elaine stares queryingly at the rapt Brett.
Jerry and George sit in a booth, sipping coffee.
(annoyed) Not a peep. They just cleaned
the carpets and left. Call
themselves a cult!
So you're angry that this bizarre carpet
cabal made no attempt to
They could've at least tried!
You know, maybe they thought you looked
too smart to be brainwashed?
George gives Jerry a look. Kramer enters, wearing a snazzy new
strolls over to the booth.
(impressed) Well! Mack is back in town!
Konichi-wa. Yeah, it's a gift from my
Japanese friends. (sits beside
Jerry) They're known as gift-givers. And tonight we're going
dancing at the
Sounds like you're throwing a lot of
their money around.
Well, Jerry, they're Japanese. I mean,
that TV you watch, that sushi
you eat, I mean, even that kimono you wear. Where to you think
all that money
Jerry looks puzzled.
How'd you hook up with these guys?
Well, they recognised Jerry from the
Super Terrific Happy Hour. See
now, you should be doing your own show in Japan. Now, they get
What kind of show am I gonna do in Japan?
(to George) Alright, what'd you do with
that pilot you did.
(excited) Yeah, the pilot!
That's right, I think that had marvellous
(enthusiastic) And, you know, I do a
lotta business with Japanese TV.
They broadcast a lot of American baseball. They got an office
here in New
Forget it! The pilot was awful. It failed.
(animated) It failed here! Because,
here, every time you turn on a
TV, all you see is four morons sitting round an apartment, whining
Jerry looks doubtful.
George is right, Jerry. See, here, you're
just another apple, but in
Japan, you're an exotic fruit. Like an orange. Which is rare
Jerry looks at George, wondering.
(Japanese TV Office)
Jerry and George sit on a couch. Two Japanese TV executives,
one male, one
female, sit on chairs. They are all watching the pilot show Jerry
made at the
end of Season 4. The Japanese are not looking impressed. George
and pointing, enthusiastically. On a coffee table sits a large
containing a plastic bag of oranges.
You had a date? You went out with my
butler?! Who said you could go
out with my butler?!
Well, why do I need your permission?
Because he's my butler.
The first executive stops the tape.
(eager) So? What d'you think?
We're bit confused. Why was this man
Ah. You see, the man who was the butler,
uh, had gotten into a car
accident with Jerry, and because he didn't have any insurance,
decreed that the man become Jerry's butler.
Is this customary in your legal system?
No. That's what makes it such a humorous
(speaks Japanese) SUBTITLE: Are you
following any of this?
(speaks Japanese) SUBTITLE: I'm still
trying to figure out why
they gave us a bag of oranges.
(to Jerry and George) I'm sorry. I'm
sure Mr Seinfeld is very
funny to Americans, but I'm not sure this butler show would work
Oh, I, uh, I disagree. You've, uh, you've
been living in America too
long. (indicates the bag of oranges) You've forgotten what it's
like to have
Jerry nods, sagely, and picks up a cup of coffee. His fingers
twisted from the check signing.
(speaks Japanese) SUBTITLE: Again with
There's a crash as Jerry's grip on the cup fails and he drops
(flexing his fingers) Sorry. My hand
(positive) Yes. From endorsing checks
for the Super Terrific Happy
You must go now.
Jerry pats George on the knee. George squeezes Jerry's shoulder
ruefully begin to depart.
Jerry sits at his table, signing yet more checks, the pen gripped
clawed fingers. Elaine stands in her jacket, her bag on the table.
Ah, I think I'm on the outs with Brett.
I got shushed during
(throws out his hands) What does he
listen to? The all Desperado
He is just in his own world when he
hears that song. It's like, I'm
sitting there in the car, and he's.. out riding fences.
You know, what you need is a song you
Yes. You're right. We need to find 'our'
Okay. So, is there any song that you
feel very strongly about?
Elaine tips back her head and thinks for a second, before something
(points) I like Witchy Woman.
You know, Witchy Woman. (sings) 'Ooo-ooh,
(getting it) Ahh. Wit-chay Woman.
The door opens and Kramer enters, wearing his suit and carrying
(to Jerry) Hey, man.
Kramer puts the envelope down on the table next to Jerry. Elaine
walks to the
Hey. How was the Rainbow Room?
Uh, well, we, uh, we had to leave early.
There was a, uh, slight
monetary discrepancy regarding the bill.
Uh, listen, uh, can I borrow some pillows?
Kramer wanders into Jerry's bedroom.
Yeah, well, uh, my Japanese friends're
gonna stay with me.
I thought they all had suites at the
Kramer reenters, carrying three pillows.
Well, I'm sorry, Jerry, we all don't
have checks rolling in like you
Well, what about all that money from
the kimonos I wear?
Well, they ran out of it. Manhattan
can be quite pricey. Even with
fifty thousand yen.
Elaine is in the kitchen, eating cereal from the box.
Fifty thousand yen? Isn't that only
a few hundred dollars?
Evidently. (To Elaine) Oh, by the way,
tell Brett that his chest of
drawers are a big hit. My guests are very comfortable in them.
You have them sleeping in drawers?!
Jerry, have you ever seen the business
hotels in Tokyo? They sleep in
tiny stacked cubicles all the time. They feel right at home.
This has 'international incident' written
all over it.
(smiling) Oh yeah, yeah.
Up against one wall of the apartment stands a very large chest
drawers. It's about six feet long and each drawers is maybe a
foot and a half
deep. Kramer walks over to it and looks into the open top drawer.
Goodnight, Mr Tanaka.
One of the Japanese tourists sits up in the drawer.
Mr Tanaka lies down again, and Kramer slides the drawer shut.
He then speaks
to the occupant of the next drawer.
Goodnight, Mr Oh.
(sits up) Goodnight.
Mr Oh lies back down and Kramer slides the drawers shut, and
speaks to the
final drawer's occupant.
Goodnight, Mr Yamaguchi.
(sits up) Oh, yes. Goodnight.
Mr Yamaguchi lies down. Kramer shuts the final drawer, switches
off the lamp
and, yawning, walks off toward his own bed
Kramer is in the kitchen. He has three bowls out on the counter,
and a box of
Rice Crispies. Jerry walks over, pushing a bunch of checks into
What is this?
Rice Crispies. East meets West, Jerry.
Ah. It's a lovely little bureau and
breakfast you're running. Well,
I'm off to the bank.
(opening the fridge) Sayonara.
Kramer fetches out milk and continues making breakfast.
Elaine and Brett sit in the parked Ferrari. Witchy Woman is playing
stereo. Elaine is listening, with her eyes closed and her head
Shh-shh! (smiling) What d'you think?
Elaine continues to listen. Brett leans forward and switches
off the music.
What are you doing? That's Witchy Woman.
That could be our song.
Witchy Woman is okay for you, but I've
already got a song.
Oh. Oh, then how about Desperado? (smiling)
We can share it.
(flat) No. It's mine.
There is a flash of lightning and thunder rolls. Elaine peers
out at the
The top and bottom drawers are open in the chest. Mr Yamaguchi
sits up in the
bottom drawer, and Mr Tanaka sits on top of the chest, with his
feet in his
drawer. Kramer comes over and hands bowls of Rice Crispies to
the pair of
Here you go. Snap, crackle and pop.
Kramer leans over and raps on the face of the middle drawer.
(loudly) Good morning, Mr Oh. I gotta
make up the drawer.
Ach, come back in half hour.
Kramer looks impatient. He puts the bowl of Rice Crispies on
top of the chest
and walks off mumbling irritably.
It is pouring with rain. Jerry walks along the street, wearing
just a light
jacket over his clothes. He still has the envelope in his hands.
the umbrella vendor, twirling his wares.
(calls) Hey, I'll take one.
Well, look who's back!
Clicky turns to another umbrella seller,who is facing the other
Teddy! (indicates Jerry) This's the
guy says he invented the twirl.
(unfriendly recognition) Jerry Seinfeld!
Teddy Padillac. Long time, no see. (pointing
at the umbrellas) What've
you got in a push-button mini.
(bitter) Same thing we had, when you
bailed on us, fifteen years ago.
Bailed? C'mon, you knew I wanted to
be a comedian. Besides, we had
some good time. Remember Tropical Storm Renee?
(angry) Oh, yeah, sure. But where were
you during the poncho craze of
eighty-four? I almost lost my house.
A guy comes along the street, wearing one of Elaine's urban sombreros.
tries to catch his attention.
The sombrero wearer waves away the attention and crosses the
Now we got that damn 'urban sombrero'
to contend with.
(to Clicky) Easy, there. (to Jerry)
I hear you're taking credit for
Aw, it was so many years ago. Who cares?
(intense) I care. Clicky cares.
So, could I...
Another peal of thunder rolls as interruption.
Could I just buy an umbrella?
(sour) Yeah, sure. Two hundred dollars.
(caustically) Special price, for a real
The rain continues to pour down unabated.
(George's Office, Yankee Stadium)
George is removing a tape from a VCR. Kramer enters, followed
by the three
Japanese tourists. Outside the window, the rain can be seen bucketing
Hey, George. How about that tour, huh?
These guys are ready to run
(indicating the window) Kramer, it's,
it's raining. They got the tarp
on the field.
(quietly) Ah, listen, George, what else
can I do with these guys?
Now, bear in mind, they're a little light on the yen.
George thinks for a minute, then looks down at the tape in his
Well, I, I got the pilot of the Jerry
(snaps his fingers) That's perfect.
(to the Japanese) Hey, how would
you guys like to watch Super Terrific Happy star Jerry Seinfeld?
The Japanese nod to each other.
But, we are also very hungry.
Oh, yeah, yeah. (feeds tape into VCR)
Well, you guys just watch the
tape and, uh, I'll get you some food.
Kramer and George wave the Japanese toward seats. Kramer leaves
and looks down the corridor. He raises his arm to attract attention.
(shouts) Hey, peanuts!
As the Japanese sit, Mr Wilhelm comes to the door.
George. (waves George over) George.
George goes out into the hall with Wilhelm.
(puzzled) Uh, George, uh, did you call
some carpet cleaners?
Are they here?
They're in my office, right now.
(suspicious) They haven't said anything
to you, have they?
(to himself, resentful) What kind of
a snobby, stuck-up, cult is
Jerry walks along. He is still carrying the envelope of checks,
and by now
he's drenched. A familiar red Ferrari pulls to a stop level with
the window winds down.
(calls over) Hey Jerry!
Jerry peers at the car and walks out into the road as he recognises
Oh, hi Brett.
Haven't you ever heard of an umbrella?
Ah, I didn't have enough money.
I'm sure things'll pick up for you.
No, it's not that, it's the...
Jerry looks down at the envelope of checks in his hands. The
rain has soaked
them so thoroughly that the ink of his signatures has run and
Oh no, look at the checks! Hours of
hard work ruined!
Brett peers over at the mass of sodden paper in Jerry's grip.
Ah, don't worry, I can spot you the
(reads) twelve cents?
No, it's not the money. It's my hand.
It's crippled from writing and
Nothing's working for you, is is?
(bitter) Not at the moment, Brett.
I'd give you a ride, but I got Karl
Beside Brett sits a bald-headed, bearded, guy in shades.
(sarcastic) Thanks for stopping!
Jerry walks away
Jerry is drying the checks. Dozens hang from lines around the
more sit on the table, where Jerry dabs them with a towel.
Brett said you ran away from him, as
if he were the boogetyman.
I'm quite sure. Anyway, any luck getting
together on a song?
No. He blew out my Witchy Woman, and
he won't share Desperado. Hey,
what d'you think of Oye Como Va?
(desperation) Well, I'm running outta
guys here in this city, Jer!
Elaine puts he hand to her head, walks round the room and flops
couch. The door opens and George enters. He's in buoyant mood.
(excited) Great news! I showed the pilot
to Kramer's Japanese
friends. They loved it!
Really? They bought the butler character?
(excited) Did I tell you that story's
relatable?! That was a great
show! That is why I'm bringing it back to NBC.
(little subdued) Nakahama Broadcast
Elaine looks heavenwards.
Ah. But they told us we must go now.
But now I have my own market research.
Actual Japanese viewers, that
love the show! I'm gonna talk to Kramer.
George opens the door. Jerry comes over before he can leave.
Hey, George, do me a favour. If they
make you an offer, whatever it
is. (vehement) Just take it!
George smiles, claps Jerry on the shoulder and leaves. Jerry
starts to close
the door, but George turns back.
Hey, by the way, what'd you think of
The network executive. You think she
Jerry swings the door closed in George's face.
George crosses the hall to Kramer's door. He knocks, but there
immediate reply. George listens, and can hear excited shouting
He opens the door and goes in.
Kramer and the three Japanese sit in the hot-tub. They're stripped
waist (at least), wearing Stetsons, and drinking sake. They spot
George as he
enters and shout greetings.
Heyy! Look who's here.
The Japanese whoop and wave at George.
(beckoning to George) Come on, I want
you to come in here.
All the Japanese gesture and shout that George should get in
the tub with
Come on in, fat boy!
George waves away their appeals with a smile.
Get a good night's sleep, alright fellas.
(thumbs up) Big day
Kramer and the Japanese cheer and splash water at George, who
they go back to knocking back sake.
Jerry is re-signing all the checks he dried out.
(to himself) Last one.
Jerry completes his signature and drops the pen from his claw-like
(agonised) Uugh! Ahh.
George stands outside the Nakahama Broadcast Corp offices. He's
someone. Kramer wanders up behind him and speaks into George's
There you are.
George jumps, surprised by Kramer.
Uh. (smiles) Where's the boys?
Uh, no, I let 'em sleep in.
Kramer reaches into his pocket and pulls out a number of airline
I'm on my way to cash in their plane
tickets for them. They need a
little food money.
(horrified) But that meeting starts
in ten minutes!
No, well, I set their alarm. But they
did have a lot of sake in that
A panicky George rushes toward a payphone.
(frantic) I'm calling Jerry.
Jerry is bathing his crippled left hand in a bowl of ice-water.
rings and he picks up (with his right).
(panicked and rushed) Jerry! The Japanese
guys had sake in the
hot-tub! You gotta get 'em outta the drawers and get 'em down
here, or I
don't have a focus group to sell the pilot to Japanese TV!
(kidding) Uncle Leo?
George begins hammering the phone against the kiosk. Jerry lifts
away from his ear at the noise.
Alright, alright. I'll wake 'em up.
Jerry hangs up the phone.
(to himself) Hmm, testy.
The chest of drawers still stands against one wall. All the drawers
and from within them can be heard thumping noises and cries for
enters and hears the calls.
Mr Jerry! Open the drawer, please!
Jerry pulls at the handle with his good hand, but it won't move.
He tries to
hook his bad hand round the other handle and pull.
It's stuck. (pained) Oww! The steam
from the hot-tub musta warped the
I'm trying. I can't get a grip. My hand's
had kind of a bad week.
Very funny, but no joking, please.
(looks round) Don't worry, I'll get
Elaine and Brett stroll up to Jerry's door. Brett is carrying
Elaine looks dubious.
Brett, believe me. You don't have to
Elaine, I know he'll appreciate this.
Granted, it's not as nice as
Kramer's cabinet, but it's start.
Uh, I promise you, Jerry is not jealous
of Kramer's cabinet.
Elaine reaches for Jerry's doorhandle, but a shout from Kramer's
(yell) Move to the back of the drawers!
Elaine moves to enter Kramer's apartment.
Elaine enters followed by Brett.
Jerry stands in front of the chest of drawers, holding a large
He swings it high and smashes it into the top of the chest, the
splintering under the impact. Brett looks horrified. He drops
and rushes forward to protect the furniture.
(shouting) Not the Farbman!!
Elaine stares after the charging Brett. She puts her hand to
her mouth and
screams, horrified at what she sees.
(Japanese TV Office)
The Japanese tourists sit on the couch, looking like survivors
horrible ordeal, with the two executives in their chairs. George
the arm of the couch.
(speaks Japanese) SUBTITLE: Jerry Seinfeld
is a dangerous lunatic. He
wouldn't let us out of the drawers. Then he came at me with an
(speaks Japanese) SUBTITLE: We suspect
his friend here is also
The tourists turn slowly and look nervously at the smiling, uncomprehending,
So, uh, gentlemen, do we have a deal?
(speaks Japanese) SUBTITLE: Could we
have a couple of those oranges?
The executives gesture their assent. The tourists eagerly grab
(speaks Japanese) SUBTITLE: We are very
hungry and have survived many
Behind the couch, two of the carpet cleaner people enter, including
leader. They walk over to a corner. George notices them and stands.
(to the executives) Excuse me. Did you
hire the Sunshine Carpet
Yes. Cleaned up the (points) coffee
stain, left by Jerry
Wilhelm enters, dressed in the same yellow overall as the other
cleaners. George looks stunned.
Mr Wilhelm? Wha..what're you doing here?
I'm here to clean the carpets. Most
of the world is carpeted. And,
one day, we will do the cleaning.
George lets this sink in, then slowly turns to the leader.
(incredulity) Him you brainwashed! (angry
shout) What's he got that I
The leader shrugs, as if to say 'You work it out.'
(urgent) Mr Wilhelm, listen. You've
been abducted! Please, Mr
Wilhelm, you gotta listen to me!
Wilhelm? (he raises the nozzle of his
cleaner) My name is Tanya.
George purses his lips.
(speaks Japanese) SUBTITLE: With these
two idiots I don't know
how the Yankees won the World Series.
The second executive shakes her head.
Brett sits next to Jerry's table, looking dazed. Elaine stands
applying an icepack to his temple. Jerry stands opposite Eaine.
(apologetically) Brett, I'm, I'm really
sorry. I didn't mean to hit
you in the head with.. an axe.
Elaine gives Jerry a look.
(defensive) At least it was just the
It was a beautiful cabinet. What am
I gonna tell...
Brett looks concerned.
I can't remember his name!
Calm down Brett, okay. You could have
a concussion. Calm down. (holds
Brett's head and sings) 'Desperado, mmm-mm-mmm. You better...'
(singing) '...let somebody love you.
Let somebody love you,
before it's too...'
Brett slips out from under the icepack and falls face-first onto
with an audible clunk. Elaine looks down, shocked. Jerry just
An ambulance races through the streets of New York, siren wailing.
Brett lays on his back, as a doctor and nurse examine him.
His pulse is fine.
Hmm. Looks like a minor concussion.
Let me see what I can do to
relieve the swelling.
Music begins to play. It's Witchy Woman, and the doctor gets
the same look on
his face as Brett with Desperado. He looks off into the distance.
The doctor stares away.
The doctor is oblivious to the nurse.
There is still no response from the doctor.
(alarm) Doctor, I think we're losing
As the doctor stares off into the distance, the monitoring instruments
heard beeping faster and faster.