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Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                         THE EX-GIRLFRIEND



                             Written by

                    Larry David & Jerry Seinfeld




 
               
               
               (Nightclub)

               
                             JERRY
               I'm always in traffic with the lane 
               expert. You know this type of person? 
               Constantly reevaluating their lane choice.. 
               Never quite sure, "Is this the best 
               lane for
 
               
               me? For my life?" They're always a little bit ahead of you, "Can 
               I get in over there? Could I get in over here? Could I get in 
               there?" "Yeah, come on over here, pal.
 
               
               We're zoomin' over here. This is the secret lane, nobody knows 
               about it.." The ultimate, I think the ultimate psychological 
               test of traffic is the total dead stop. Not
 
               
               even rolling. And you look out the window, you can see gum clearly. 
               So we know that in the future traffic will get even worse than 
               that. I mean, what will happen?
 
               
               Will it start moving backwords, I wonder? I mean, is that possible? 
               That someday we'll be going "Boy, this is some really bad traffic 
               now, boy. This, is really bad.
 
               
               I'm gonna try to get off and get back on going the other way."
 
               
               
               (Jerry's car)

               
                             GEORGE
               She can't kill me right?!

               
                             JERRY
               No, of course not.

               
                             GEORGE
               People break up all the time.

               
                             JERRY
               Everyday.

               
                             GEORGE
               It just didn't work out. What can I 
               do? I wanted to love her. I tried to 
               love her. I couldn't.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You tried.

               
                             GEORGE
               I kept looking at her face. I'd go: 
               "C'mon, love her. Love her!"
 
               
                             JERRY
               Did you tell her you loved her?

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, I had no choice. She squeezed it 
               out of me! She'd tell me she loved me. 
               Alright, at first, I just look at her. 
               I'd go "Oh, really?" or "Boy, that's, 
               that's
 
               
               something." But, eventually you have to come back with "Well, 
               I love you." You know, you can only hold out for so long!"
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You're a human being.

               
                             GEORGE
               And I didn't even ask her out. She asked 
               me out first. She called me up. What 
               was I supposed to do? Say no? I can't 
               do that to someone.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You're too nice a guy.

               
                             GEORGE
               I am. I'm a nice guy.. (realizing) And 
               she seduced me! We were in my apartment, 
               I'm sitting on the couch, she's on the 
               chair - I get up to go to the
 
               
               bathroom, I come back, she's on the couch. What am I supposed 
               to do? Not do anything? I couldn't do that. I would've insulted 
               her.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You're flesh and blood.

               
                             GEORGE
               I had nothing to do wtih any of this! 
               I met all her friends, I didn't want 
               to meet them. I kept trying to avoid 
               it. I knew it would only get me in deeper. 
               But
 
               
               they were everywhere! They kept popping up, all over the place. 
               "This is Nancy, this is Susan, this is Amy.. This is my cousin.. 
               this is my brother.. thisis my father."
 
               
               It's like I'm in quicksand.

               
                             JERRY
               I told you when I met her..

               
                             GEORGE
               My back is killing me.

               
                             JERRY
               You gotta go to my chiropractor, he's 
               the best.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh yeah, everybody's guy is the best.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I'm gonna make an appointment for you. 
               We'll go together.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Please. They don't do anything.. Look, 
               do I have to break up with her in person? 
               CAn't I do it over the phone? I have 
               no stomach for these things.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You should just do it like a Band-Aid. 
               One motion! Right off!
 
               
               (Car door opens, it's Elaine)

               
                             ELAINE
               Hi.

               
                             JERRY
               Hi.

               
               (George pulls his seat forward to allow Elaine into the back 
               seats)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Hey, what are you doing?

               
                             GEORGE
               I'm letting you in.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh no. No. I don't want to sit in the 
               back. I'll be left out of the conversation.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               No, you won't.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yes, I will, George. I'll have to sick 
               my chin on top of the seat.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Okay..

               
               (George gets out, and gestures for Elaine to sit in the seat)
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Why can't you sit in the middle?

               
                             GEORGE
               Please, it doesn't look good. Boy, boy, 
               girl.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I think you're afraid to sit next to 
               a man. You're a little homophobic, aren't 
               you?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Is it that obvious?

               
               (Elaine sits in the middle)

               
                             ELAINE
               Hello, Jerry.

               
                             JERRY
               Hello.

               
                             ELAINE
               Did you get a haircut?

               
                             JERRY
               No, shower. So, where are we eating?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Tell me if you think this is strange: 
               There's this guy who lives in my building, 
               who I was introduced to a couple of 
               years ago by a friend. He's a teacher, 
               or
 
               
               something. Anyway, after we met, whenever we'd run into each 
               other on the street, or in the lobby, or whatever, we would stop 
               and we would chat a little.. Nothing
 
               
               much. Little pleasantries. He was a nice guy, he's got a family.. 
               then after a while, I noticed there was not more stopping. Just 
               saying hello and continuing on our way.
 
               
               
               polite nodding. Then one day, he doesn't nod. Like I don't exist?! 
               He went from nods to nothing.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (imitating Tony Bennett) "You know, 
               I'd go from nods to nothing.."
 
               
                             ELAINE
               And now, there's this intense animosity 
               whenever we passs. I mean, it's like 
               we really hate each other. It's based 
               on nothing.
 
               
                             JERRY
               A relationship is an organism. You created 
               this thing and then you starved it so 
               it turned against you. Same thing happened 
               to The Blob.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I think you absolutely have to say something 
               to this guy. Confront him.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Really?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yes.

               
                             ELAINE
               You would do that?

               
                             GEORGE
               If I was a different person.

               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (Jerry's apartment; Jerry's on the phone)

               
                             JERRY
               Hello.. hello. Is Glenn there? I'm sorry. 
               Is this 805-555-3234?.. Yes, I know 
               I have the wrong number. But I just 
               want to know if I dialed wrong or if..
 
               
               
               (Other guy hangs up on Jerry; he redials; enter Kramer)

               
               (The buzzer buzzes; Kramer answers it)

               
                             KRAMER
               Come on up.

               
                             JERRY
               (Into phone) Oh, it's you again. See? 
               Now if you had answered me, I wouldn't 
               have had to do this. Now that's too 
               long distance calls I made to you why
 
               
               
               can't you.. (guy hangs up on Jerry again). (To Kramer) Why? Why 
               do they just hang up like that?! Thank you very much.
 
               
               (Kramer holds up cantaloupe)

               
                             KRAMER
               Taste this.

               
                             JERRY
               No, I just had a sandwich.

               
                             KRAMER
               No, taste it. Taste it.

               
                             JERRY
               I don't want cantaloupe now.

               
                             KRAMER
               You've never had cantaloupe like this 
               before.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I only eat cantaloupe at certain times.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Jerry. This is great cantaloupe.

               
                             JERRY
               Alright.. (tastes it)

               
                             KRAMER
               Ah, huh. It's good?

               
                             JERRY
               It's very good.

               
                             KRAMER
               Good, huh?

               
                             JERRY
               Good.

               
                             KRAMER
               I got it at Joe's.

               
                             JERRY
               Uh-Huh.

               
                             KRAMER
               Forty-nine cents a pound. That's practically 
               half than what you're paying at the 
               supermarket. I don't know why you don't 
               go to Joe's.
 
               
                             JERRY
               It's too far.

               
                             KRAMER
               It's three blocks further. You can use 
               my shopping cart..
 
               
                             JERRY
               I'm not pulling a shopping cart. What 
               am I suppose to wear? A kerchief? Put 
               stockings on and roll 'em down below 
               my knee?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               See, the other thing is, if you don't 
               like anything, he takes it right back.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I don't return fruit. Fruit is a gamble. 
               I know that going in.
 
               
               (Enter George; he's extremely excited - he's dancing around the 
               room, singing the Zorba theme)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I'm outta there. I did it! It's over.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You did it? What happened?

               
                             GEORGE
               I told her. In the kitchen - which was 
               risky 'cause it's near all the knives. 
               I started with the word "Listen."
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Ah ha.

               
                             GEORGE
               I said, "Listen Marlene," and then the 
               next thing I know, I'm in the middle 
               of it. And there's this voice inside 
               of me going: "You're doing it! You're 
               doing
 
               
               it!" And then she started to cry, and I weakened a bit. I almost 
               relented, but the voice, Jerry. The voice said "Keep going, keep 
               going. You're almost out!" It's like I
 
               
               was making a prison break, you know. And I'm heading for the 
               wall, and I trip and I twist my ankle, and they throw the light 
               on you, you know. So, somehow I get
 
               
               
               the front door. I opened it up, I'm one foot away, I took one 
               last look around the penitentiary, and I jumped!
 
               
                             JERRY
               See, it's never as bad as you imagine.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               I liked Marlene. What's her number?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               No, I, I don't think so.

               
               (Kramer stants making noises while eating)

               
                             JERRY
               Could you stop that smacking?

               
                             KRAMER
               George, I want you to taste this cantaloupe.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh no, thank you.

               
                             KRAMER
               It's the best cantaloupe I ever had.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               No, really. No, no, thanks.

               
                             KRAMER
               Jerry, tell him how good this cantaloupe 
               is.
 
               
                             JERRY
               It's very good cantaloupe. (changing 
               subject) So that's it? You're out?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Except for one small problem. I left 
               some books in her apartment.
 
               
                             JERRY
               So, go get them.

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, no. No, I can't go back there. Jerry, 
               it's so awkward and, you know, it could 
               be dangerous - sexually. Something could 
               happen, I'd be right back
 
               
               where I started.

               
                             JERRY
               So forget about the books. Did you read 
               them?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Well, yeah.

               
                             JERRY
               What do you need them for?

               
                             GEORGE
               I don't know. They're books.

               
                             JERRY
               What is this obsession people have with 
               books? They put them in their houses 
               - like they're trophies. What do you 
               need it for after you read it?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               They're MY books.

               
                             JERRY
               So you want me to get those books? Is 
               that it?
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (Coffee Shop)

               
               (Jerry and Marlene are sitting, a pile of books are on the table.)
 
               
               
                             MARLENE
               ..So, it must've been ninety-five degrees 
               that night, and everyone's just standing 
               around the pool with little drinks in 
               their hands. I was wearing my old
 
               
               
               jeans and T-shirt. And I don't know, I was just in one of those 
               moods - so I said to myself, "Marlene, just do it," and I jumped 
               in. And as I'm getting out, I feel all
 
               
               these eyes on me, and I look up and everyone is just staring 
               at me.
 
               
                             JERRY
               So what'd you do?

               
                             MARLENE
               Well, nothing. It's not skin off my 
               hide if people like to look. I just 
               didn't see what the big attraction was.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Well, I have a general idea what it 
               was. I could take a guess.
 
               
                             MARLENE
               (Laughs) Hey, you know, Jerry, just 
               because George and I don't see each 
               other anymore, it doesn't mean we shouldn't 
               stay friends.
 
               
                             JERRY
               No.

               
                             MARLENE
               Good enough. I'm really glad we got 
               that settled.
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (Chiropractor waiting room)

               
                             JERRY
               (Irritated) I don't know how this happened.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Jerry, it's not my fault.

               
                             JERRY
               No, no. It's not your fault. Books, 
               books, I need my books. Have you re-read 
               those books yet, by the way? You know 
               the great thing? When you read
 
               
               Moby Dick the second time, Ahab and the whale become good friends. 
               You know, it's not like Marlene's a bad person or anything, but, 
               my God! I mean, we've
 
               
               had like three lunches and a movie. And she never stops calling. 
               (George nods - he knows exactly what Jerry's talking about) And 
               it's these meaningless,
 
               
               purposeless, blather calls. She never asks if I'm busy or anything. 
               I just pick up the phone and she's in the middle of a sentence.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               That's standard. Has she left you one 
               of those messages where she uses up 
               the whole machine?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Ohh.. you know, and sometimes she'll 
               go, "Hello, Jerry?" and I'll go "Oh, 
               hi Marlene." And then it's "Jerry.."
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               What about getting off the phone?

               
                             JERRY
               Ohhhh.. you can't. It's impossible. 
               There's no break in the conversation 
               where you can go, "Alright, then.. " 
               You know, it just goes on and on and 
               on with
 
               
               out a break in the wall. I mean, I gotta put a stop to this.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Just do it like a Band-Aid. One motion, 
               right off! She is sexy though. Don't 
               you think?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah. Yes, she is.

               
               (Receptionist enters)

               
                             RECEPTIONIST
               Mr. Costanza?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah.

               
                             RECEPTIONIST
               The doctor'll see you now.

               
                             GEORGE
               (To Jerry, sarcastically) Yeah, doctor. 
               I'm going to have to wait in that little 
               room by myself, aren't I? (Picks up 
               a crossword puzzle) I better take this. 
               I
 
               
               hate the little room. "Oh, hello, Doctor."

               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (Night club)

               
                             JERRY
               Waiting room. I hate when they make 
               you wait in the room. 'Cause it says 
               "Waiting room." There's no chance of 
               not waiting, 'cause they call it the 
               waiting
 
               
               room, they're going to use it. They've got it. It's all set up 
               for you to wait. And you sit there, you know, and you've got 
               your little magazine. You pretend you're
 
               
               reading it, but you're really looking at the other people. You 
               know, you're thinking about about them things like "I wonder 
               what he's got. As soon as she goes, I'm
 
               
               getting her magazine." And then, they finally call you and it's 
               a very exciting moment. They finally call you, and you stand 
               up and you kinda look around at the other
 
               
               people in the room. "Well, I guess I've been chosen. I'll see 
               you all later." You know, so you think you're going to see the 
               doctor, but you're not, are you? No.
 
               
               You're going into the next waiting room. The littler waiting 
               room. But if they are, you know, doing some sort of medical thing 
               to you, you want to be in the smallest
 
               
               room that they have, I think. You don't wnat to be in the largest 
               room that they have. You know what I mean? You ever see these 
               operating theaters, that they have,
 
               
               with like, stadium seating? You don't want them doing antying 
               to you that makes other doctors go, "I have to see this!" "Are 
               you kidding? Are they really gonna do
 
               
               that to him?" "Are there seats? Can we get in?" Do they scalp 
               tickets to these things? "I got two for the Winslow tumor, I 
               got two.."
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (Waiting room)

               
               (George returns)

               
                             JERRY
               So, how was it?

               
                             GEORGE
               I was in there for two minutes. He didn't 
               do anything. (Imitating doctor) Touch 
               this, feel that. Seventy-five bucks.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Well, it's a first visit.

               
                             GEORGE
               What's seventy-five bucks? What, am 
               I seeing Sinatra in there?! Amd I being 
               entertained? I don't understand this. 
               I'm only paying half.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You can't do that.

               
                             GEORGE
               Why not?

               
                             JERRY
               He's a doctor. You gotta pay what he 
               says.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, no, no, no. I pay what I say.

               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (Jerry's car)

               
                             MARLENE
               Are you feeling weird?

               
                             JERRY
               No, I'm fine.

               
                             MARLENE
               Nothing really happened.

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, I know.

               
                             MARLENE
               We just kissed a little. People kiss.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah.

               
                             MARLENE
               Well.. night.

               
               (Leans over and kisses Jerry)

               
                             JERRY
               Good night.

               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (Jerry's apartment)

               
               (Kramer enters with a golf club)

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey.

               
                             KRAMER
               I got it! This time, I got it!

               
                             JERRY
               Alright.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hips! See, it's all hips.

               
                             JERRY
               Uh-huh.

               
                             KRAMER
               You gotta come through with the hips 
               first. (Demonstrates)
 
               
                             JERRY
               That is out there.

               
               (Kramer notices Jerry's eating cantaloupe, his eyes light up)
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Joe's?

               
                             JERRY
               No, supermarket.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, is it good?

               
                             JERRY
               It's okay.

               
                             KRAMER
               Let me taste it. (Takes a bite, spits 
               it out) See, that stinks. You can't 
               eat that. You should take it back.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I'm not taking it back.

               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, I'll take it back. I'm going 
               by there.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I don't care about it.

               
                             KRAMER
               Jerry, you should care. Cantaloupe like 
               this should be taken out of circulation.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Alright. Take it back.

               
               (Phone rings, Jerry is reluctant to answer it)

               
                             JERRY
               (On his answering machine) Leave a message, 
               I'll call you back.
 
               
                             MARLENE
               (Leaving a message) Jerry, have you 
               ever taken a bath in the dark? If I'm 
               not talking into the soap right now, 
               call me back.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Well?

               
                             JERRY
               Marlene

               
                             KRAMER
               (Smiles) Oh. Oh, Marlene.

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, I took her home one night - we 
               kinda started up a little bit in the 
               car.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               I thought you were trying to get rid 
               of her?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I was. She's got me, like, hypnotized.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Does George know?

               
                             JERRY
               No, he'd go nuts.

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, no kidding.

               
                             JERRY
               I feel terrible. (Kramer smiles) I mean, 
               I've seen her a couple of times since 
               then, and I know I can't go any further, 
               but.. I've just got this like,
 
               
               psycho-sexual hold over me. I just want her, I can't breathe. 
               It's like a drug.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Woah, psycho-sexual.

               
                             JERRY
               I don't know how I'm going to tell him.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Man, I don't understand people. I mean, 
               why would George want to deprive you 
               of pleasure? Is it just me?
 
               
                             JERRY
               It's partially you, yeah.

               
                             KRAMER
               You're his friend. Better that she should 
               sleep with someone else. Some jerk that 
               he doesn't even know.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, he can't kill me, right?

               
                             KRAMER
               You're a human being.

               
                             JERRY
               I mean, she called me. I haven't called 
               her. She started it.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               You're flesh and blood.

               
                             JERRY
               I'm a nice guy.

               
               (Enter Elaine, she's holding a lamp)

               
                             ELAINE
               Hi. (Hands Jerry the lamp)

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, my little airplane lamp.

               
                             ELAINE
               You know, you have the slowest elevator 
               in the entire city? That's hard to get 
               used to when you're in so many other 
               fast ones.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, the apartment elevators are always 
               slower than the offices, because you 
               don't have to be home on time.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Unless you're married to a dictator..
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah.. because they would be very demanding 
               people.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Right. Exactly. So I imagine at some 
               point, somebody's going to offer me 
               some cantaloupe.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Nope. No good.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, you know what they say: Luck in 
               love, Unlucky with fruit.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I'm taking this back. (Leaves)
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               So, I had what you might call a little 
               encounter this morning.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Really? That guy who stopped saying 
               hello?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Yep.

               
                             JERRY
               You talked to him?

               
                             ELAINE
               Yep. I spotted him getting his mail. 
               And at first, I was just going to walk 
               on by, but then I thought "no, no, no, 
               no. Do not be afraid of this man."
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Right.

               
                             ELAINE
               So, I walked up behind him and I tapped 
               him on the shoulder. And I said, "Hi, 
               remember me?" And he furrows his brow 
               as if he's really trying to figure it
 
               
               
               out. So I said to him, I said, "You little phony. You know exactly 
               who I am."
 
               
                             JERRY
               "You little phony"?

               
                             ELAINE
               I did. I most certainly did. And he 
               said, he goes, "Oh, yeah. You're Jeanette's 
               friend. We did meet once." And I said, 
               "Well, how do you go from that to
 
               
               
               totally ignoring a person when they walk by?"

               
                             JERRY
               Amazing.

               
                             ELAINE
               And he says, he says, "Look, I just 
               didn't want to say hello anymore, alright?" 
               And I said, "Fine. Fine I didn't want 
               to say hello anymore either, but I
 
               
               
               wanted you to know that I'm aware of it."

               
               (Elaine tastes some cantaloupe)

               
                             JERRY
               You are the Queen of Confrontation. 
               You're my new hero. In fact, you've 
               inspired me. I'm gonna call George about 
               something right now.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               This cantaloupe stinks. (Spits it out)
 
               
               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (Coffee Shop)

               
                             GEORGE
               I don't care.

               
                             JERRY
               You're kidding.

               
                             GEORGE
               No, I don't care.

               
                             JERRY
               You mean that?

               
                             GEORGE
               Absolutely.

               
                             JERRY
               You don't care?

               
                             GEORGE
               No.

               
                             JERRY
               How could you not care?

               
                             GEORGE
               I don't know. But I don't. I'm actually 
               almost happy to hear it.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I thought you'd be upset.

               
                             GEORGE
               I guess I should be but I'm not.

               
                             JERRY
               Am I a bad person? Did I do something 
               terrible?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               No, you're a fine person. You're a humanitarian. 
               She's very sexy.
 
               
                             JERRY
               That voice. That voice. She's driving 
               me crazy.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I know, I know.

               
                             JERRY
               So I can see her tonight, and you don't 
               care?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               See her tonight. See her tomarrow. Go. 
               Knock yourself out. She's too crazy 
               for me.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Alright. As long as you're okay. Because 
               I can't stop thinking about her.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm wonderful. I 
               never felt better in my whole life.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Good. And I'll tell you what.. You don't 
               have to pay me back the thirty-five 
               I gave to the chiropractor for the rest 
               of your bill.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Angry) You paid that crook?!

               
                             JERRY
               I had to.

               
                             GEORGE
               He didn't do anything, Jerry. It's a 
               scam! Who told you to do that?
 
               
                             JERRY
               It was embarrassing to me.

               
                             GEORGE
               I was trying to make a point.

               
                             JERRY
               Why don't you make a point with your 
               own doctor? (George gulps) What's wrong?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (Gasping) I think I swallowed a fly! 
               ..I swallowed a fly! What do I do? What 
               can happen?
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (Jerry's car)

               
                             JERRY
               ..So, you want to come up for a few 
               minutes?
 
               
                             MARLENE
               ..I'm sorry, Jerry. I just don't think 
               this is going to work.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Really? I thought..

               
                             MARLENE
               I know, I'm sorry.

               
                             JERRY
               I guess I just didn't expect it from 
               the way you've been acting.
 
               
                             MARLENE
               You sure you want to talk about this? 
               'Cause I sure don't.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Of course I want to talk about it.
 
               
               
                             MARLENE
               Well, okay. I guess things changed for 
               me on Tuesday night.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Tuesday night? What happened Tuesday 
               night?
 
               
                             MARLENE
               ..I saw your act.

               
                             JERRY
               My act? What does that have to do with 
               anything?
 
               
                             MARLENE
               Well, to be honest, it just didn't make 
               it for me. It's just so much fluff.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I can't believe this. So what are you 
               saying? You didn't like my act, so that's 
               it?
 
               
                             MARLENE
               I can't be with someone if I don't respect 
               what they do.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You're a cashier!

               
                             MARLENE
               Look, Jerry, it's just not my kind of 
               humor.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You can't go by the audience that night. 
               It was late. They were terrible.
 
               
                             MARLENE
               I heard the material.

               
                             JERRY
               I have other stuff. You should come 
               see me on the weekend.
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (Night club)

               
                             JERRY
               Women need to like the job of the guy 
               they're with. If they don't like the 
               job, they don't like the guy. Men know 
               this. Which is why we make up the phony
               bogus names for the jobs that we have. "Well, right now, I'm 
               the regional management supervisor." "I'm in development, research, 
               consulting." Men on the other
               hand, if they are physically attracted to a woman are not that 
               concerned with her job. Are we? Men don't really care. Men'll 
               just go, "Really? Slaughterhouse? Is that               
               where you work? That sounds interesting. So whatdya got a big 
               cleaver there? You're just lopping their heads off? That sounds 
               great! Listen, why don't you shower up, and we'll get some burgers
               and catch a movie."

               
               
               
               
                               THE END





The Ex-Girlfriend



Writers :   Larry David  Jerry Seinfeld
Genres :   Comedy


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