The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)


The web's largest
movie script resource!

Search IMSDb

Alphabetical
# A B C D E F G H
I J K L M N O P Q
R S T U V W X Y Z

Genre
Action Adventure Animation
Comedy Crime Drama
Family Fantasy Film-Noir
Horror Musical Mystery
Romance Sci-Fi Short
Thriller War Western

Sponsor

TV Transcripts
Futurama
Seinfeld
South Park
Stargate SG-1
Lost
The 4400

International
French scripts

Movie Software
DVD ripper software offer
Rip from DVD
Rip Blu-Ray

Latest Comments
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10
Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10
Batman Begins9/10
Collateral10/10
Jackie Brown8/10

Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                            THE FATIGUES



                             Written by

                      Gregg Kavet & Andy Robin




 
               
               
               Jerry and a woman are eating at a restaurant.

               
                             WOMAN
               Well I started out working in mortgage 
               bonds, but I just found that so
 
               limiting.

               
                             JERRY
               My friend Kramer and I were discussing 
               that same thing the other day.
 
               He was with Brant-Leland for a while.

               
                             WOMAN
               Wow. Well then my mentor suggested that 
               I move into equities, best move
 
               I ever made.

               
                             JERRY
               Mentor? You mean your boss.

               
                             WOMAN
               Oh, no no no, Cynthia's just a successful 
               businesswoman who's taken me
 
               under her wing.

               
                             JERRY
               Hmm. So Cynthia's your mentor.

               
                             WOMAN
               And I'm her protégé. You must have someone 
               like that. You know, who
 
               guides you in your career path.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, I like Gabe Kaplan.

               
               
               
               George and Jerry are in Jerry's apartment.

               
                             GEORGE
               I still don't understand this. Abby 
               has a mentor?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yes. And the mentor advises the protégé.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Is there any money involved?

               
                             JERRY
               No.

               
                             GEORGE
               So what's in it for the mentor?

               
                             JERRY
               Respect, admiration, prestige.

               
                             GEORGE
               Pssh. Would the protégé pick up stuff 
               for the mentor?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I suppose if it was on the protégé's 
               way to the mentor, they might.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Laundry? Dry cleaning?

               
                             JERRY
               It's not a valet, it's a protégé.

               
                             GEORGE
               Alright. Listen, I gotta get some reading 
               done. You mind if I do this
 
               here? I can't concentrate in my apartment.

               
                             JERRY
               Risk management?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah. Steinbrenner wants everyone in 
               the front office to give a
 
               lecture in their area of business expertise.

               
                             JERRY
               Well what makes them think you're a 
               risk management expert?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I guess it's on my resume.

               
               The phone rings, Jerry answers.

               
                             JERRY
               Hello?

               
                             VOICE
               Please hold for Elaine Benes.

               
                             GEORGE
               You know what? I can't do this. I can't 
               read books anymore; books on
 
               tape have ruined me, Jerry. I need that nice voice. This book 
               has *my* voice.
 
               I hate my voice.

               
                             JERRY
               So get this book on tape.

               
                             GEORGE
               You can't, it's a textbook.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey, Jer. Are you going to this Bob 
               Sacamano party?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Am I going? It was three nights ago.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               What? You're kidding, I just got this 
               invitation today. Oh, I was so
 
               excited. It's really a beautiful invitation.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, it was a lovely affair.

               
                             ELAINE
               Wait a minute; this postmark is three 
               weeks old. Man, this happens all
 
               the time. (Into intercom) Jeanine? Who the hell runs the mailroom?
 
               
               
                             JEANINE
               Eddie Sherman.

               
                             ELAINE
               Alright, send him up here.

               
                             JERRY
               You gonna do a little yelling?

               
                             ELAINE
               I'm gonna do a little firing.

               
                             JERRY
               That is so cool, can you put me on the 
               speaker?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh yeah, sure. (hangs up) Gimme a break.
 
               
               
               Jerry gets a dial tone and hangs up; he looks over at George 
               who has nodded off
 
               with the book in his lap. Jerry picks up a peanut and tosses 
               it at George,
 
               hitting him in the glasses and waking him up.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey, Copernicus?

               
               
               
               Elaine's office.

               
                             JEANINE
               Eddie Sherman is here.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, great. Send him in.

               
               Eddie Sherman walks in dressed in full military fatigues. He 
               speaks in a raspy
 
               voice.

               
                             EDDIE
               You wanted to see me?

               
                             ELAINE
               Eddie. Yes, um, I am so sorry but I'm 
               afraid we're gonna have to...
 
               promote you.

               
               
               
               Elaine and Jerry are at the coffee shop.

               
                             JERRY
               So, what did you say?

               
                             ELAINE
               Well, I called him all the way up to 
               my office, so I had to tell him
 
               something important. So I promoted him.

               
                             JERRY
               What? What did you--

               
                             ELAINE
               Copywriter.

               
                             JERRY
               He's writing copy?

               
                             ELAINE
               Well it can't be any worse than the 
               pointless drivel we normally churn
 
               
               out.

               
               Kramer walks in carrying a stack of flyers, he hands a few to 
               Jerry and Elaine.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yowza yowza. Check it out.

               
                             JERRY
               Jewish singles night?

               
                             KRAMER
               I expect you both to be there.

               
                             ELAINE
               I'm not Jewish.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well neither am I.

               
                             JERRY
               Well why are you going?

               
                             KRAMER
               I'm not, I'm running it.

               
                             JERRY
               What are you talking about?

               
                             KRAMER
               Well Lomez, he usually runs it but he's 
               in the Everglades.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Lomez is Jewish?

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh yeah yeah yeah. Orthodox, Jerry. 
               Old school.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               At the Knights of Columbus?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, Frank Costanza, he's getting me 
               a room at his lodge. So Jerry,
 
               you know I'm really counting on you to come to this.

               
                             JERRY
               Kramer, you know, I--

               
                             KRAMER
               No, Jerry, look I'm cooking all the 
               food myself.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               A tempting schmear of authentic Jewish 
               delicacies.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Do you like tsimmis?

               
               
               
               Jerry and Abby are being seated in a restaurant.

               
                             ABBY
               My mentor says the duck is outstanding 
               here.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I'm not really a duck fan, the skin 
               seems sort of human.
 
               
                             ABBY
               Oh! Look who's here, Cynthia!

               
                             CYNTHIA
               Hello, Abby.

               
                             ABBY
               Hello. Jerry, this is Cynthia Pearlman, 
               my mentor.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hello.

               
                             CYNTHIA
               Hi Jerry, nice to finally meet you.
 
               
               
                             ABBY
               Well come join us, we could pull up 
               a chair.
 
               
                             CYNTHIA
               Great, my boyfriend's just parking the 
               car. Actually, Jerry, you
 
               night know him, he's a comic too.

               
                             JERRY
               No kidding?

               
                             CYNTHIA
               Kenny Banya.

               
                             JERRY
               Banya?

               
               Banya enters.

               
                             BANYA
               Hey, Jerry!! How's it going?! You gonna 
               join us for dinner? The duck
 
               here's the best. The best, Jerry.

               
               
               
               George is on the subway, seated beside a blind man wearing headphones.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you, 
               I noticed that you have a textbook
 
               
               on tape. May I ask where you got that?

               
                             MAN
               Reading for the Blind. They can get 
               any book on tape.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I tell ya, I am hooked on these books 
               on tape.
 
               
                             MAN
               Oh, tell me about it. These things have 
               ruined me for Braille.
 
               
               
               
               George and Jerry are at Jerry's apartment.

               
                             JERRY
               Reading for the Blind?

               
                             GEORGE
               I take an eye test; I flunk it, the 
               next thing you know I am swinging
 
               
               to the sweet sounds of risk management.

               
                             JERRY
               So, I finally met the mentor.

               
                             GEORGE
               What's she like? Impressive?

               
                             JERRY
               Oh yeah, she's dating Banya.

               
                             GEORGE
               Banya?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah. I had to spend two hours at dinner 
               last night with that specimen.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What did you have?

               
                             JERRY
               Chicken, how could she look up to a 
               person who voluntarily spends time
 
               
               with Banya?

               
                             GEORGE
               Marsala?

               
                             JERRY
               Piccata, if anything I should be dating 
               a mentor and Banya should be
 
               setting pins in a bowling alley.

               
                             GEORGE
               Alright, I got a test to fail.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey, good luck with that.

               
                             GEORGE
               Thank you.

               
               George opens the door to see Kramer and Frank leaving Kramer's 
               apartment.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Dad.

               
                             FRANK
               What are you wearing, an athletic sweat 
               suit?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What are you doing here?

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, he came by to pick up his check 
               for the banquet hall. You know I
 
               got a hundred and eighty-three responses? Oh, it's gonna be a 
               rager.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Kramer, how are you gonna cook Jewish 
               delicacies for a hundred and
 
               eighty-three people?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, you're right. That's a lot of 
               pupkitz. Hey Frank, you know
 
               anybody who can help me cook?

               
                             FRANK
               Cook? No, I don't know any cooks. I 
               don't know anything about cooking!
 
               
               
               Frank storms out of the apartment.

               
                             KRAMER
               What's the matter with him?

               
                             GEORGE
               My dad was a cook during the Korean 
               War. Something very bad happened,
 
               
               ever since you can't get him near a kitchen.

               
                             KRAMER
               Shell-shocked?

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh yeah, but that has nothing to do 
               with it.
 
               
               
               
               Elaine is wrapping up a meeting at Peterman's.

               
                             ELAINE
               That's good work, guys. That aught to 
               do it for today.
 
               
                             EDDIE
               Wait. You didn't ask me about my ideas.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, Eddie, well it's your first day.
 
               
               
                             EDDIE
               I'm ready.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, okay.

               
                             EDDIE
               It's a hot night. The mind races. You 
               think about your
 
               knife; the only friend who hasn't betrayed you, the only friend 
               who won't be
 
               dead by sun up. Sleep tight, mates, in your quilted Chambray 
               nightshirts.
 
               
               
               
               Elaine and Jerry are at the coffee shop.

               
                             ELAINE
               What am I gonna do? He is a disaster.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Well, if he's doing that bad, maybe 
               he's in line for another promotion.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               You know what? You are exactly right. 
               That is what I should do, I
 
               should promote him. I'll give him another office on another floor 
               and he can
 
               sit there with his nice title and his bayonet and stop freakin' 
               me out.
 
               
               
               George is taking an eye exam.

               
                             GEORGE
               Nothing at all.

               
                             DOCTOR
               Well George, your vision is quite impaired. 
               If you'll just sign this
 
               insurance form, here's a pen.

               
               George reaches for the pen and grabs the Doctor's face.

               
                             GEORGE
               You're a very handsome man, by the way.
 
               
               
               
               
               Jerry walks into his apartment; there are pots and pans bubbling 
               on the stove.
 
               
                             JERRY
               What the hell is going on here?

               
               Kramer comes running in holding a scalding pot full of dumplings, 
               he drops the
 
               pot into the sink and cools his burnt fingers.

               
                             JERRY
               What are you doing?

               
                             KRAMER
               I got three kitchens going. I got brisket 
               going at Newman's, I got
 
               kugel working at Mrs. Zamfino's, this is kreplach. Here, try 
               some of this.
 
               
                             JERRY
               No, I don't want to.

               
                             KRAMER
               Eat, eat! You're skin and bones.

               
               Jerry gabs a fork and tastes a piece.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hah?

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, this is awful.

               
                             KRAMER
               Jerry, it's kreplach. It's an acquired 
               taste, yeah.
 
               
               Kramer bites into one and spits it out.

               
                             JERRY
               Did you follow the recipe?

               
                             KRAMER
               The recipe was for four to six people; 
               I had to multiply for a hundred
 
               and eighty-three people. I guess I got confused.

               
                             JERRY
               It tastes like dirt.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well I also dropped it on the way over. 
               Look I'm in trouble, I got no
 
               skills. I can't peel, I can't chop, I can't grate. I can't mince! 
               I got no
 
               sense of flavor, obviously. You know, I gotta talk to Frank.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Kramer, you can't talk to Frank.

               
                             KRAMER
               No I gotta talk to him, I know that 
               he can help me, Jerry.
 
               
               Abby walks in.

               
                             ABBY
               I think there's a dead animal in the 
               elevator.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               My stuffed cabbage!

               
               Kramer runs out.

               
                             ABBY
               So, great dinner last night.

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, it was alright.

               
                             ABBY
               I told Cynthia we'd double with her 
               and Banya Saturday and then catch his
 
               
               act.

               
                             JERRY
               No. No, no way, no Banya.

               
                             ABBY
               What?

               
                             JERRY
               Have you seen his act? He's got a twelve-minute 
               bit about Ovaltine.
 
               He's a punk, a patsy, a hack.

               
                             ABBY
               Cynthia would not date a hack.

               
                             JERRY
               Would. Does. Is.

               
               
               
               Elaine is chairing a meeting at Peterman's.

               
                             ELAINE
               Before we get started, I am happy to 
               tell you that Eddie Sherman is no
 
               
               longer writing for this catalog.

               
               There are general remarks of relief from the meeting attendees.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               He's upstairs, I made him Director of 
               Corporate Development.
 
               
                             EMPLOYEE
               You promoted him?

               
                             ELAINE
               Well, no, I would hardly--

               
                             EMPLOYEE
               I bust my hump ever day.

               
                             ELAINE
               Relax--

               
                             EMPLOYEE
               As far as I'm concerned, you and your 
               deranged protégé can run the
 
               catalog by yourselves! I quit!

               
               What follows is a chorus of "me too"s and "I'm with him"s as 
               everybody walks
 
               out.

               
                             ELAINE
               Well, hey? Hey. Hey!!

               
               
               
               George is in his office at Yankee stadium, he pushes 'play' on 
               a cassette
 
               recorder. The voice on the tape sounds exactly like George.
 
               
               
                             VOICE
               Chapter one. In order to manage risk 
               we must first understand risk.
 
               How do you spot risk? How do you avoid risk and what makes it 
               so risky?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               This guy sounds just like me.

               
                             VOICE
               To understand risk, we must first define 
               risk.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               This is horrible.

               
                             VOICE
               Risk is defined as--

               
                             GEORGE
               Stop it! Stop it!

               
               
               
               Kramer is at Frank's.

               
               
                             KRAMER
               C'mon Frank, I need you. I mean the 
               war was fifty years ago.
 
               
                             FRANK
               In my mind, there's a war still going 
               on.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, what happened, Frank? What 
               is it that you can't get over?
 
               
               Frank pours a shot of whiskey and drinks it.

               
                             FRANK
               Inchon, Korea, 1950. I was the best 
               cook Uncle Sam ever saw, slinging
 
               
               hash for the Fighting 103rd. As we marched north, our supply 
               lines were getting
 
               thin. One day a couple of GIs found a crate, inside were six 
               hundred pounds of
 
               prime Texas steer. At least it once was prime. The Use date was 
               three weeks
 
               past, but I was arrogant, I was brash, I thought if I used just 
               the right
 
               spices, cooked it long enough...

               
                             KRAMER
               What happened?

               
                             FRANK
               I went too far. I over seasoned it. 
               Men were keeling over all around
 
               me. I can still hear the retching, the screaming. I sent sixteen 
               of my own men
 
               to the latrines that night. They were just boys.

               
                             KRAMER
               Frank, you were a boy too. And it was 
               war. It was a crazy time for
 
               everyone.

               
                             FRANK
               Tell that to Bobby Colby. All that kid 
               wanted to do was go home. Well
 
               he went home alright, with a crater in his colon the size of 
               a cutlet. Had to
 
               sit him on a cork the eighteen-hour flight home!

               
                             KRAMER
               Frank, now listen to me. Two hundred 
               Jewish singles need you. This is
 
               your chance to make it all right again.

               
                             FRANK
               No. No, I'll never cook again! Never! 
               Now get out of my house!! Get
 
               out. Go.

               
               
               
               Jerry and Abby are in Jerry's apartment.

               
                             JERRY
               So you saw Banya's act?

               
                             ABBY
               He got two minutes into that Ovaltine 
               thing and I just couldn't take it
 
               
               anymore.

               
                             JERRY
               I told you, it's like getting beaten 
               with a bag of oranges.
 
               
                             ABBY
               Why is he so obsessed with Ovaltine?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               He just thinks that anything that dissolves 
               in milk is funny.
 
               
                             ABBY
               Anyway, Cynthia and I got into this 
               big argument afterwards and I think
 
               
               it's over.

               
                             JERRY
               No more mentor?

               
                             ABBY
               Looks that way.

               
                             JERRY
               Well at least you and I are okay again.
 
               
               
                             ABBY
               Actually I was kind of thinking that 
               maybe we shouldn't see each other
 
               
               for a while.

               
                             JERRY
               Why?

               
                             ABBY
               Well I'm feeling a little disoriented. 
               It's just weird for me not to
 
               have an advisor.

               
                             JERRY
               I can tell you what to do.

               
                             ABBY
               No, it's more than that.

               
                             JERRY
               I can tell you what to think.

               
                             ABBY
               I need someone I can trust.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh.

               
               George busts in.

               
                             GEORGE
               I got a big problem here, Jerry. The 
               tapes are worthless.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Kind of in the middle of something here, 
               George.
 
               
               George shuts up and relaxes on the couch.

               
                             JERRY
               George?

               
                             ABBY
               I gotta run anyway.

               
                             JERRY
               I can't believe you feel you really 
               need a mentor.
 
               
                             ABBY
               I just need someone who can give me 
               some kind of direction. I'll see ya.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, see ya.

               
               Abby leaves and George gets up and runs out the door after her.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What's your problem.

               
               George runs back.

               
                             GEORGE
               No problem.

               
               George runs away again.

               
               
               
               Elaine and Eddie Sherman are alone in the office working on writing 
               copy.
 
               
                             EDDIE
               Hey, I think I got something here. The 
               Bengalese Galoshes.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh.

               
                             EDDIE
               It's tough keeping your feet dry when 
               you're kicking in a
 
               skull.

               
                             ELAINE
               You know, Eddie, that might be just 
               a tad harsh for womenswear.
 
               
                             EDDIE
               Well, I'm not married to it.

               
               Elaine. Oh. Well, um, in that case why don't we take the phrase, 
               "kicking in a
 
               skull" and we tweak it, you know, just a hair, to something like, 
               what, like
 
               "strolling through a dewy meadow"?

               
                             EDDIE
               Dewy meadow.

               
               
               
               Frank and Estelle are in their kitchen.

               
                             ESTELLE
               Here's your omelet.

               
                             FRANK
               It's dry.

               
                             ESTELLE
               That's the way I always make it.

               
                             FRANK
               Well it sucks.

               
                             ESTELLE
               What did you say?

               
                             FRANK
               Your meatloaf is mushy, your salmon 
               croquettes are oily and your
 
               eggplant parmesan is a disgrace to this house!

               
                             ESTELLE
               Well that's too bad, because I'm the 
               only one who cooks around here!
 
               
                             FRANK
               Not any more! Gimme that spatula! I'm 
               back, baby!
 
               
               
               
               George and Abby are at George's office.

               
                             ABBY
               And you're sure with your busy schedule 
               you'd have time to take on a
 
               protégé?

               
                             GEORGE
               I'll make time, because Abby, I was 
               once like you; wide-eyed, naive, I
 
               
               didn't know the first thing about a subject as fundamental as 
               risk management.
 
               
                             ABBY
               I'm not familiar with that, you'll have 
               to explain it to me.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I'll tell you what, why don't you read 
               this book and let's just see if
 
               you can explain it to me.

               
                             ABBY
               Alright.

               
                             GEORGE
               Okay.

               
               
               
               Jerry runs into Banya on a street corner.

               
                             BANYA
               Hey Jerry.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, hey Banya.

               
                             BANYA
               Didja hear what happened? The mentor 
               saw my act. She dumped me.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, that's too bad.

               
                             BANYA
               Maybe she's right. Maybe I am a complete 
               hack. I'm the absolute worst.
 
               The worst, Jerry.

               
                             JERRY
               Well it's just that you got so many 
               things with the milk. You got that
 
               
               Bosco bit then you got your Nestlé's Quik bit, by the time you 
               get to Ovaltine--
 
               
                             BANYA
               You think you can give me a hand with 
               my material?
 
               
               
               
               Frank is knocking on Kramer's door.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey.

               
                             FRANK
               You still need a cook?

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh yeah, come on in, Frank.

               
                             FRANK
               Ya got T-Fal?

               
                             KRAMER
               Keflon.

               
                             FRANK
               No! Follow me.

               
               
               
               Jerry is reviewing material with Banya.

               
                             BANYA
               Why do they call it Ovaltine? The mug 
               is round. The jar is
 
               round. They should call it round tine. That's gold, Jerry! Gold!
 
               
               
               
               
               Elaine is reviewing copy with Eddie.

               
                             ELAINE
               Let's just replace "hail of shrapnel" 
               and "scar tissue" with "string of
 
               
               pearls" and "raspberry scones".

               
               
               
               Jerry and Abby are at Jerry's apartment.

               
                             JERRY
               George Costanza is your mentor?

               
                             ABBY
               Yeah, he's great! I am learning so much.
 
               
               
               Abby places her risk management folder on the table.

               
                             JERRY
               About what? How to calculate five percent 
               of a restaurant check?
 
               
                             ABBY
               You know what your problem is? You just 
               have no respect for the
 
               mentor/mentor relationship.

               
                             JERRY
               As a matter of fact, I happen to have 
               a protégé of my own.
 
               
               Jerry places his Banya folder on the table.

               
                             ABBY
               Who?

               
                             JERRY
               A Mister Kenneth Banya.

               
                             ABBY
               Banya?

               
                             JERRY
               I'm gonna mentor this kid to the top.
 
               
               
                             ABBY
               Huh, well, I don't think I want to date 
               a mentor whose protégé is a hack.
 
               
               
               Abby picks up a folder and puts it in her bag.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, I don't think I want to date a 
               protégé whose mentor is a Costanza.
 
               
               
               
               
               Elaine and Eddie are sharing chocolate shakes at the coffee shop.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               I don't know how we did it, but there's 
               some kind of chemistry between
 
               us, we turned out one hell of a catalog.

               
                             EDDIE
               Cool.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey Ed, let me ask you something. What's 
               with the fatigues and all the
 
               psychotic imagery? Huh?

               
                             EDDIE
               I don't want to talk about it.

               
                             ELAINE
               Come on, don't be a baby.

               
                             EDDIE
               I went out on a couple of dates with 
               this woman, I thought she really
 
               liked me, and then things kind of cooled off.

               
                             ELAINE
               That's it?

               
                             EDDIE
               Well it's tough meeting somebody you 
               like, let alone somebody Jewish.
 
               
               
               
               "Jewish Singles Night".

               
                             ELAINE
               Mm. This food is fantastic.

               
                             JERRY
               Have you tried the hamentashen?

               
                             ELAINE
               I can't get off the kishkas.

               
                             BANYA
               Hey Jerry!

               
                             JERRY
               Banya?

               
                             BANYA
               I just stopped by to thank you. That 
               risk management stuff you wrote
 
               for me? It's killer!

               
                             JERRY
               Risk management?

               
                             BANYA
               Aw, it's gold, Jerry! Gold! I got all 
               these corporate gigs and even
 
               Cynthia took me back.

               
               Cut to a woman talking with Eddie Sherman.

               
                             WOMAN
               So you went from the mailroom to the 
               director of corporate development
 
               
               in two days?

               
                             EDDIE
               That's right.

               
                             WOMAN
               How much are they paying you? I'll double 
               it.
 
               
               Cut to Kramer and Frank behind a table loaded with 'Jewish delicacies'.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Ya know these latkes are going like 
               hotcakes.
 
               
                             FRANK
               Where's the powdered sugar?

               
                             KRAMER
               You know Frank, you could take a break.
 
               
               
                             FRANK
               No breaks. I fell reborn, I'm like a 
               Phoenix rising from Arizona.
 
               
               Cut to Eddie breaking the news to Elaine.

               
                             ELAINE
               You're quitting?

               
                             EDDIE
               I can't churn out that pointless drivel 
               any more.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Well, you can't quit, you're all I've 
               got. I need you!
 
               
               Elaine grabs Eddie by the lapels and shakes him, Eddie chokes 
               on a piece of
 
               bread. Frank sees this and flashes back to Korea. He runs around 
               the room
 
               knocking plates to the floor and when Kramer tries to stop him, 
               he heads to the
 
               loaded down table and starts to tip it over. The scene ends in 
               mid-tip.
 
               
               
               
               George is prepared to give his speech at the Yankees meeting.
 
               
               
                             VOICE
               Our next speaker is George Costanza 
               on the subject of risk management.
 
               
               
               George steps up and opens his folder.

               
                             GEORGE
               Ovaltine. Have you ever had this stuff? 
               Why is it called Ovaltine?
 
               
               George flips through a few pages.

               
                             GEORGE
               They should call it round tine. You 
               know what I'm talking about.
 
               
                             WILHELM
               He's my protégé.

               
               
                             FRANK
               Noooo!!! Don't eat it! No good!

               
               
               
                            THE END 


The Fatigues



Writers :   Gregg Kavet  Andy Robin
Genres :   Comedy


User Comments







Index    |    Submit    |    Links    |    Link to us    |    RSS Feeds    |    Disclaimer    |    Privacy policy