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Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                           THE FOUNDATION



                             Written by

                      Alec Berg & Jeff Schaffer




 
               
               
               The cemetery. Jerry, George, and the Rosses are standing in front 
               of Susan's tombstone, which reads "Susan Biddle Ross, June 8, 
               1964 - May 19, 1996.")
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Well... it's a magnificent stone.

               
                             MR. ROSS
               They put it up this morning.

               
               (pause.)

               
                             GEORGE
               It's just a magnificent stone. (turns 
               to Jerry) Jerry?
 
               
               (Jerry, obviously uncomfortable, turns slowly and shrugs his 
               shoulders at George.)
 
               
                             MRS. ROSS
               George... we'll leave you alone with 
               her.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What?

               
                             MRS. ROSS
               I'm sure there are things you'd like 
               to say.
 
               
               (She pats his shoulder, and then she and her husband leave Jerry 
               and George alone with Susan.)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               No, I-I-I-I'm good. Really.

               
               (Jerry turns around to follow the Rosses.)

               
                             GEORGE
               Jerry...

               
               (He tries to keep Jerry there, but Jerry jerks away. George then 
               turns to Susan's stone nervously, trying to think of where to 
               begin. Meanwhile, Mrs. Ross offers Jerry an alcoholic beverage 
               of some sort.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Thank you, no.

               
               (She continues drinking.)

               
                             GEORGE
               (to Susan's stone) ...And then, right 
               after the All-Star Break, we, we just 
               swept the Orioles. Four games. In Baltimore. 
               (adjusts necktie nervously) So... yeah.
 
               
               
               
               Jerry's apartment.)

               
                             GEORGE
               Boy, that was awkward!

               
                             JERRY
               I don't mind the cemetery.

               
                             GEORGE
               What were you saying to the Rosses over 
               there, anyway?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, I don't know. I told them her death 
               takes place in the shadow of new life. 
               She's not really dead if we find a way 
               to remember her.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What is that?

               
                             JERRY
               Star Trek II.

               
                             GEORGE
               (identifying it) Wrath of Khan!

               
                             JERRY
               Right. Kramer and I saw it last night. 
               Spock dies, they wrap him up in a towel, 
               and they shoot him out the bowel of 
               the ship in that big sunglasses case.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               That was a hell of a thing when Spock 
               died...
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah...

               
               (For a brief moment, the two become overwhelmed with emotion.)
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Well anyway, the, uh... the stone is 
               up, I paid my respects, guess that's 
               it.
 
               
                             JERRY
               So it's over?

               
                             GEORGE
               I have mourned for three long months! 
               Summer months, too! Anybody could grieve 
               in January! It's time for George to 
               start being George again.
 
               
                             JERRY
               All right, so uh, let's do something 
               later. How 'bout a movie?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yes! Nothing says George like a movie!
 
               
               
               (Kramer enters as George is leaving.)

               
                             KRAMER
               Movie?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, you in?

               
                             KRAMER
               No, no, no, I can't. I got my martial 
               arts class.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               George is going to the movies! (exits)
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               (to Kramer) So how's your karate class 
               going?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               (pronouncing it "kar-ah-tay") Karate, 
               Jerry. Karate. The lifetime pursuit 
               of balance and harmony.
 
               
                             JERRY
               ...But with punching and kicking.

               
                             KRAMER
               Jerry, karate is not here (pointing 
               to the ground). It's here (points to 
               head), and here (points to chest), and 
               here (makes a circle with his hands).
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Alright, I gotta go to the airport to 
               pick up Elaine.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               What, she's been away?

               
                             JERRY
               She's been in Mexico for six weeks.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               No, I really think you're wrong. We 
               just went to the fireworks the other 
               day.
 
               
                             JERRY
               That was July 4th!

               
               (Kramer pauses to think.)

               
                             JERRY
               Alright, I'm outta here, and when I 
               get back, I don't want to see you here 
               (points to kitchen), here (points to 
               living room), or here (makes similar 
               circle with his hands).
 
               
               
               The coffee shop.)

               
                             ELAINE
               It was unbelievable. Six weeks of traveling 
               through Mexico all on Peterman's peso.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Wow. So did you get any good ideas for 
               the catalog?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, tons!

               
                             JERRY
               Anything you couldn't have gotten tearing 
               open a bag of Doritos and watching Viva 
               Zapata?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (laughs sarcastically) You don't respect 
               my work at all, do you?
 
               
                             JERRY
               No, I don't.

               
                             ELAINE
               So what's been going on around this 
               dump? How's your fiancee?
 
               
                             JERRY
               My what?

               
                             ELAINE
               Jeannie... your fiancee.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, yeah, that. Well...

               
                             ELAINE
               All right. Spill it, Jerome.

               
                             JERRY
               There's really not that much to tell.
 
               
               
               (flashback sequence of Jerry and Jeannie at the coffee shop begins 
               as Jerry narrates.)
 
               
               "About a month ago, we were here having lunch, when all of a 
               sudden we both just blurted out..."
 
               
                             JERRY & JEANNIE
               (simultaneously) I hate you!

               
               (They both chuckle over the coincidence.)

               
                             JEANNIE
               See ya.

               
                             JERRY
               See ya.

               
               (Jeannie returns her ring to Jerry, who puts it in his pocket.)
 
               
               
               "It was unprecendented. I mean, it was the first truly mutual 
               breakup in relationship history."
 
               
               (flashback ends.)

               
                             JERRY
               (continuing) No rejection, no guilt, 
               no remorse.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               You've never felt remorse.

               
                             JERRY
               I know, I feel bad about that...

               
                             ELAINE
               I bet your parents were upset, huh?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Eh.

               
                             ELAINE
               You haven't told them yet, have you?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               No.

               
               
               J. Peterman's office.)

               
                             DUGAN
               "So I pressed through the rushes, there 
               below me, the shimmering waters of Lake 
               Victoria..."
 
               
                             J. PETERMAN
               Oh, for the love of God, man! Just tell 
               me what the product is.
 
               
                             DUGAN
               It's a, uh, washcloth.

               
                             J. PETERMAN
               No washcloths!

               
                             ELAINE
               Well, Mr. Peterman, I've got a really 
               good idea for a hat. It combines the 
               spirit of old Mexico with a little big 
               city panache. I like to call it the 
               Urban Sombrero.
 
               
                             J. PETERMAN
               (rubbing his neck) Oh, my neck is one 
               gargantuan monkey fist.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Are you okay, Mr. Peterman?

               
                             J. PETERMAN
               Yes, yes. Go on, go on, go on.

               
                             ELAINE
               Well, see, it's... businessmen taking 
               siestas. You know, it's the, uh, the 
               Urban Sombrero.
 
               
               (Peterman walks out, groaning.)

               
                             ELAINE
               Mr. Peterman?

               
               
               The street.)

               
                             GEORGE
               (inhales deeply) I tell you, Jerry, 
               I'm feeling something. Something I haven't 
               felt in a long time.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Pride?

               
                             GEORGE
               No. Autonomy, complete and total autonomy.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Well, you're your own boss now.

               
                             GEORGE
               I wanna go to a tractor pull.

               
                             JERRY
               Go ahead.

               
                             GEORGE
               I am staying out all night!

               
                             JERRY
               Who's stopping you?

               
                             GEORGE
               I wanna bite into a big hunk of cheese, 
               just bite into it like it's an apple.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Whatever.

               
               (Jerry sees someone he knows.)

               
                             JERRY
               Oh God.

               
                             GEORGE
               What?

               
                             JERRY
               It's Dolores.

               
                             GEORGE
               Who?

               
                             JERRY
               Mulva.

               
               (Dolores notices Jerry.)

               
                             DOLORES
               Jerry, hi.

               
                             JERRY
               Hi, Dolores. George, you remember Dolores?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Dolores!

               
                             DOLORES
               Hi. (to Jerry) I heard you got engaged.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yes, Dolores, I did. It didn't work 
               out, though, Dolores.
 
               
                             DOLORES
               Oh, that's too bad. You know... we should 
               get together sometime. See ya.
 
               
                             JERRY
               See ya.

               
                             GEORGE
               Bye, Dolores.

               
               (Dolores walks away.)

               
                             GEORGE
               I thought Mulva hated you.

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, so did I. You know what? I bet 
               it was the engagement. I've shown I 
               can go all the way.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               All the way?

               
                             JERRY
               Not our "all the way", their "all the 
               way." I got the stink of responsibility 
               on me.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, and you were engaged for like 
               a minute, I was engaged for a year.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You stink worse than I do!

               
                             GEORGE
               I'm feeling something else here, Jerry!
 
               
               
               
               J. Peterman's office.)

               
                             SECRETARY
               Elaine, it's Mr. Peterman on the phone.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (answers the phone) Hello, Mr. Peterman, 
               how are you feeling?
 
               
                             J. PETERMAN
               Elaine, I'll be blunt. I'm burnt out. 
               I'm fried. My mind is as barren as the 
               surface of the moon. I can run that 
               catalog no longer.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What? Well, who's gonna do it?

               
                             J. PETERMAN
               What about you?

               
                             ELAINE
               Me? Why me?

               
                             J. PETERMAN
               Why, indeed.

               
                             ELAINE
               Mr. Peterman, you can't leave.

               
                             J. PETERMAN
               I've already left, Elaine. I'm in Burma.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Burma?

               
                             J. PETERMAN
               You most likely know it as Myanmar, 
               but it will always be Burma to me. Bonne 
               chance, Elaine. (to a passerby) You 
               there on the motorbike! Sell me one 
               of your melons! (runs after him)
 
               
               (The phone is not hung up.)

               
                             ELAINE
               Mr. Peterman?

               
               
               Jerry's apartment.)

               
                             JERRY
               Where?

               
                             ELAINE
               Burma.

               
                             JERRY
               Isn't it Myanmar now?

               
                             ELAINE
               Jerry, he wants me to run the catalog! 
               It's crazy! I can't be in charge!
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               No, certainly not.

               
                             ELAINE
               I mean, I can't give people orders!
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               No one's gonna listen to you.

               
                             ELAINE
               I am not qualified to run the catalog!
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You're not qualified to work at the 
               catalog.
 
               
               (Elaine groans in frustration as Kramer enters.)

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey. (notices Elaine) What's wrong?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, Peterman ran off to Burma, and now 
               he wants me to run the catalog.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Where?

               
                             JERRY
               Myanmar.

               
                             KRAMER
               The discount pharmacy?

               
                             ELAINE
               Well, I'm just gonna tell him no. I 
               can't run the catalog.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Whoa, whoa. Can't? When did that word 
               enter your vocabulary? What, is the 
               job too difficult? (Jerry nods) What, 
               you don't have enough experience? (Jerry 
               shakes his head) Oh, you're not smart 
               enough? (Jerry shakes his head) Where's 
               your confidence? (Jerry shrugs his shoulders) 
               Look, Elaine, let me tell you a story. 
               When I first studied karate...
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Karate?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, karate. I had no support. Not 
               from him, not from Newman, no one. The 
               first time I sparred with an opponent, 
               I was terrified. My legs, they were 
               like noodles. But then I looked inside, 
               and I found my katra.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Katra?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, your spirit, your, uh, being. 
               The part of you that says, "Yes, I can!"
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Sammy Davis had it.

               
                             KRAMER
               So I listened to my katra and now (vreep) 
               I'm dominating the dojo. I'm class champion.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Well, you know, I, I have watched Peterman 
               run the company.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Sure you have.

               
                             ELAINE
               I know how to do it. Pair of pants, 
               a stupid story, a huge markup. I can 
               do that.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               You follow your katra, and you can do 
               anything. (leads her to the door) Now 
               get out of here.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (excitedly) Okay.

               
               (Kramer slams the door behind her.)

               
                             KRAMER
               That kid is gonna be all right.

               
                             JERRY
               No, she's not.

               
               (There's a knock at Jerry's door.)

               
                             JOEY
               Come on, Kramer!

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey there.

               
                             JOEY
               Come on. Mom's down in the car.

               
                             KRAMER
               Okay, Joey.

               
               (Joey exits.)

               
                             JERRY
               You guys both have class at the same 
               time?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               No, we're in the same class.

               
                             JERRY
               What do you mean you're in the same 
               class?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               He almost beat me.

               
                             JERRY
               Kramer, you're fighting children?!
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               We're all at the same skill level, Jerry.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               He's nine years old! You don't need 
               karate, you can just wring his neck!
 
               
               
               (Car horn honks.)

               
                             KRAMER
               I got carpool. (exits)

               
               
               Kramer's carpool.)

               
                             KRAMER
               Thanks for the juice box, Mrs. Z.

               
                             JOEY
               Hey, could we stop for ice cream on 
               the way home, mom?
 
               
                             MRS. ZANFINO
               Mmm, I don't know...

               
               (The kids begin pleading, so Kramer joins in.)

               
                             MRS. ZANFINO
               All right.

               
                             KIDS & KRAMER
               Yay!

               
               
               J. Peterman's office. Elaine has called in all her new employees.)
 
               
               
                             DUGAN
               *You're* taking the job?

               
                             ELAINE
               You got that straight. Now I want four 
               new ideas from each of you by 6:00. 
               No, make that six ideas by 4:00. All 
               right, let's move, move, move, move, 
               move!
 
               
               (As everyone rushes out, Elaine laughs, amazed at the new power 
               she now holds.)
 
               
               
               Kramer's karate class.)

               
                             SENSEI
               Are you prepared for kumite?

               
                             KRAMER & JOEY
               Yes, sensei.

               
                             SENSEI
               Fight stance.

               
               (Kramer & Joey assume fight stance.)

               
                             SENSEI
               Hydjama! Begin!

               
               (Kramer then frantically makes several karate hand motions, intimidating 
               Joey. What follows is a montage of sequences featuring Kramer 
               challenging his class. He grabs an opponent by the foot and flips 
               him over; knocks one out with a simple karate chop to the head; 
               has another turned upside down being shaken violently; drags 
               another along the floor; and chases several at once.)
 
               
                             SENSEI
               (raising Kramer's arm) Winner!

               
               (The other kids bow their heads in disgrace.)

               
               
               George's apartment, in a very cluttered state. George is walking 
               around in nothing but boxers, humming to himself while carrying 
               a soda and a block of cheese. There's a knock at his door.)
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               It's open!

               
               (As George plops onto the sofa, the Rosses enter.)

               
                             GEORGE
               (surprised) Rosses.

               
                             MRS. ROSS
               Hello, George.

               
                             GEORGE
               Well, uh... come in, come, come in. 
               (frantically clears the couch of newspapers 
               and crumbs)
 
               
                             MR. ROSS
               We, uh, tried to call, but the line 
               was busy.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh. Oh. Yeah, sure. Here. Uh, sit down. 
               Uh, uh, cheese, there? (he grabs a suit 
               jacket from the desk chair and puts 
               it on)
 
               
                             MRS. ROSS
               We know the last three months have been 
               hard on you.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, yes, yes, yes. Very, very hard.
 
               
               
                             MR. ROSS
               And they've been hard on us, too. It's 
               a terrible tragedy when parents outlive 
               their children.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yes, I agree. I hope my parents go long 
               before I do.
 
               
                             MR. ROSS
               That's why we decided to create a foundation 
               to preserve Susan's memory.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, that's wonderful.

               
               Mr. Ross. And, of course, we want you to be an integral part.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Yes, inte-- h-how inte-- how integral?
 
               
               
                             MR. ROSS
               You'll be on the board of directors.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (feigning excitement) Great, great. 
               O-Oh, oh, oh, gosh. You know, it's just... 
               my duties with the Yankees...
 
               
                             MRS. ROSS
               Don't worry, George. The foundation 
               will revolve around your schedule. Evenings, 
               weekends, whenever you have free time.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               I can't believe this is happening.
 
               
               
                             MR. ROSS
               Well, it wouldn't have without your 
               friend Jerry's inspirational words. 
               He said to us, "She's not really dead 
               if her shadow is..." Uh, w-what was 
               it, dear?
 
               
                             MRS. ROSS
               Something about a way, a-and a light, 
               uh... ha. Who the hell knows?
 
               
                             MR. ROSS
               Well, what's important is that your 
               relationship with Susan doesn't have 
               to end.
 
               
                             MRS. ROSS
               So will you be sure to thank Jerry for 
               us?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (feigning happiness) The second I see 
               him.
 
               
               
               The coffee shop. Jerry is having lunch when George walks in.)
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Hey.

               
                             GEORGE
               Hey. How's your day, good?

               
                             JERRY
               Actually, yeah. I'm meeting Mulva here 
               in a few minutes.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               So uh... Wrath of Khan, huh?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah. Was that a beauty or what?

               
                             GEORGE
               What was that line again? Something 
               about finding your way in a shadow?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               No, no, no, it's... "She's not really 
               dead if we find a way to remember her."
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               That's it. That's the line... (squirts 
               mustard into Jerry's coffee and stirs 
               it) ...that destroyed my life.
 
               
                             JERRY
               (stares into coffee cup and looks back 
               at George) Problem?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               The Rosses have started up a foundation, 
               Jerry, and I have to sit on the board 
               of directors.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hey, board of directors. Look at you!
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah! Look at me! I was free and clear! 
               I was living the dream! I was stripped 
               to the waist, eating a block of cheese 
               the size of a car battery!
 
               
                             JERRY
               Before we go any further, I'd just like 
               to point out how disturbing it is that 
               you equate eating a block of cheese 
               with some sort of bachelor paradise.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Don't you see? I'm back in.

               
                             JERRY
               All because of Wrath of Khan?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yes!

               
                             JERRY
               Well, it was the best of those movies.
 
               
               
               (The camera is over George's head and spins around repeatedly 
               as George screams.)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               KHAN!

               
               
               The foundation. George is staring intently at a painting of Susan 
               as Wyck walks in.)
 
               
                             WYCK
               George.

               
               (George doesn't respond.)

               
                             WYCK
               George. (taps him on the shoulder)
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (startled) Oh!

               
                             WYCK
               I'm Wyck Thayer, chairman of the Susan 
               Ross Foundation.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Wink.

               
                             WYCK
               (correcting him) Wyck.

               
                             GEORGE
               Wyck.

               
                             WYCK
               Now, as you know, the Rosses had considerable 
               monies.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh. I know they have some monies.

               
                             WYCK
               They had more than some monies. Many, 
               many monies. And they planned to give 
               a sizable portion of their estate to 
               you and Susan after the wedding.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               So, if Susan and I had... I mean, if 
               the envelopes hadn't, uh... then we--
 
               
               
                             WYCK
               Yes.

               
                             GEORGE
               And now?

               
                             WYCK
               Not. It's all been endowed to the foundation, 
               even this townhouse.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               This townhouse?

               
                             WYCK
               This would have been your wedding gift.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               And now?

               
                             WYCK
               Not.

               
                             GEORGE
               Not.

               
                             WYCK
               Also endowed. George... I know how much 
               Susan meant to you. It can't be easy.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               You know, it really can't.

               
               
               The coffee shop.)

               
                             MULVA
               So who broke it off?

               
                             JERRY
               Well, that's the thing. It was completely 
               mutual.
 
               
                             MULVA
               Oh, come on. Everybody knows there's 
               no such thing as a mutual breakup. Tell 
               me the truth.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I am. It was the world's first.

               
                             MULVA
               You know, when I heard you got engaged, 
               I thought *maybe* you had matured. But 
               obviously there's no growth here. (exits)
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Well, I can't argue with that, but the 
               fact remains... I was completely... 
               (to himself, cursing her) Mulva!
 
               
               
               Jerry's apartment. The phone is ringing as he's getting in.)
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               (answering) Hello?

               
                             SECRETARY
               Please hold for Elaine Benes.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, I don't believe this.

               
                             ELAINE
               (picking up) Jerry!

               
                             JERRY
               Hey!

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey. Guess who just finished laying 
               out her first issue of the J. Peterman 
               Catalog.
 
               
                             JERRY
               How's it look?

               
                             ELAINE
               (muffled, as she's smoking a cigar) 
               It's a peach.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Huh?

               
                             ELAINE
               I say, it's a peach.

               
                             JERRY
               Elaine, let me ask you something. When 
               I told you my breakup was mutual, did 
               you believe me?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               No, no, no. It's weak. No one's gonna 
               buy it, and you shouldn't be selling 
               it.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I gotta do some research here.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey, hey. Me. Talking. You know, between 
               you and me, I always thought Kramer 
               was a bit of a doofus, but he believed 
               in me. *You* did not. So as I see it, 
               he's not the doofus. *You* are the doofus.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, I'm the doofus?

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah. You, Jerry, are the doofus.

               
                             JERRY
               You know, it occurs to me that Kramer 
               is at karate right now.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, well, maybe I'll just go down there 
               and thank him in person.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, that's what I was thinking.

               
               
               Kramer's karate class. Kramer is beating his opponent, a little 
               girl. Elaine walks in, surprised.)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Kramer!

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, hey.

               
                             ELAINE
               What are you doing?

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, well, I-I-I'm dominating.

               
                             ELAINE
               You never said you were fighting children.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, it's not the size of the opponent, 
               Elaine, it's, uh, the ferocity.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               This is what you used to build me up? 
               This is where you got all that stupid 
               katra stuff?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               No, no. That's from, uh, Star Trek III... 
               The Search for Spock.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Search... for Spock?!

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, I know Jerry will tell you that 
               The Wrath of Khan is the better picture, 
               but for me, I always...
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (pushes him) You doofus!

               
               (As Kramer is knocked down, there is amazed murmuring among his 
               peers.)
 
               
               
               The coffee shop. Jerry is conducting some research.)

               
                             JERRY
               Okay, question #8. What if I told you 
               my fiancee left me for another man? 
               Does that make me more likable, less 
               likable, as likable? Let's start over 
               here this time.
 
               
                             WAITRESS #1
               More.

               
                             WAITRESS #2
               Less.

               
                             RUTHIE
               Same.

               
                             WILLIE
               Are we about through here?

               
               (Jerry crosses off something on his clipboard.)

               
               
               A dark, foggy street. Kramer is walking with Joey.)

               
                             KRAMER
               I thought you said your mom was meeting 
               us in the alley.
 
               
                             JOEY
               She had a little change of plans.

               
               (Children emerge from various places in the alley, to ambush 
               Kramer.)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               What's going on? Hey, Timmy, Clara. 
               That was some kind of workout we had 
               tonight, huh?
 
               
                             GIRL
               Now we finish it.

               
               (Kramer tries to escape up the fire escape ladder, but the kids 
               drag him down.)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Aah! Aah! Mama!

               
               
               Jerry's apartment.)

               
                             JERRY
               (on the phone) Dad, I wouldn't eat anything 
               you caught in that pond out in front 
               of the condo.
 
               
               (Elaine enters.)

               
                             JERRY
               Uh, look, Elaine's here, I gotta get 
               going. Oh, by the way, uh, I'm not getting 
               married. Tell mom. Bye. (hangs up)
 
               
               
               (The phone rings again expectedly. Jerry hangs up without answering.)
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               So... did you stop by the dojo?

               
                             ELAINE
               Yep.

               
                             JERRY
               How's your confidence level?

               
                             ELAINE
               Shot.

               
                             JERRY
               Self-esteem?

               
                             ELAINE
               Gone.

               
                             JERRY
               Doofus?

               
                             ELAINE
               (raises her hand) Yo.

               
                             JERRY
               All right, so what? You put out the 
               catalog. How bad could it be?
 
               
               (Elaine takes out the Urban Sombrero and puts it on.)

               
                             JERRY
               What is that?

               
                             ELAINE
               It's the Urban Sombrero. I put it on 
               the cover.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, nobody sees the... cover.

               
               (Kramer enters.)

               
                             KRAMER
               God!

               
                             JERRY
               What happened to you?

               
                             KRAMER
               Whew! I got whooped. You should have 
               seen the rage in their little eyes. 
               And those tiny little fists of fury. 
               Oh. (notices the Urban Sombrero) What 
               is that?
 
               
                             JERRY
               It's the new cover of the J. Peterman 
               Catalog. It is Elaine's choice. Let's 
               congratulate her.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh I see. (Elaine walks up to him) Woof!
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (pointing a finger accusingly at Kramer) 
               You! This is all your fault! You told 
               me I could run the company!
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, then I was way off!

               
                             ELAINE
               Well, I'll see ya... (exits)

               
                             JERRY
               Vaya con dios.

               
                             KRAMER
               (with his forehead in his hands) Man, 
               I gotta go lay down. You and George 
               going out a little later?
 
               
                             JERRY
               No, he's still stuck at the foundation.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               You know, you oughta go down there and 
               help him out. He's a widower.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Widower? Wait a second. (goes to a notebook 
               of his research)
 
               
               
               The foundation.)

               
                             WYCK
               Okay, let's see. The beachhouse. 48 
               acres... ooh. Southampton. That should 
               fetch a fair price.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Would I have had access to that?

               
                             WYCK
               Of course, it would have been yours.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               And now?

               
               (Wyck turns to face him.)

               
                             GEORGE
               (anticipating the answer) Not.

               
               (phone rings. George eagerly answers it.)

               
                             GEORGE
               Hello?

               
                             JERRY
               Hey, Georgie! I'm doing some research 
               down at the coffee shop. Your story's 
               the one.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               My story?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, your widower story's tested through 
               the roof. (various patrons give the 
               thumbs up in approval) When are you 
               getting out of there?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Uh, excuse me, Wyck. Uh, are we, uh, 
               almost done here?
 
               
                             WYCK
               (chuckling) Oh, no, not even close.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (remorsefully) I can't go.

               
                             JERRY
               What do you mean you can't go? There's 
               two really girls sitting at the counter 
               eating grilled cheese. Cheese, George! 
               Cheese!
 
               
               (George hangs up.)

               
                             WYCK
               Okay, next item. Susan's doll collection. 
               Estimated value: $2.6 million. What 
               do you say we go through this doll by 
               doll?
 
               
               (George turns to the portrait of Susan in amazement.)

               
               
               
               
                           THE END

               
                

The Foundation



Writers :   Alec Berg  Jeff Schaffer
Genres :   Comedy


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