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                          THE FROGGER



                           Written by

         Gregg Kavet, Andy Robin, Steve Koren & Dan O'Keefe




 
               
               
               INT. J. PETERMAN LUNCHROOM - DAY

               
               Elaine and several co-workers stand around a table which has 
               a cake sitting on it.
 
               
                             ALL
               Happy birthday to you.

               
                             WALTER
               Thanks.

               
               Everyone claps.

               
                             FEMALE WORKER
               Elaine, cake?

               
                             ELAINE
               Uh, no, thanks.

               
                             FEMALE WORKER
               It's Walter's special day.

               
                             ELAINE
               You know, there are 200 people who work 
               in this office. Every day is somebody's 
               special day.
 
               
               Elaine takes a piece of cake and makes her way to the door, but 
               is stopped as a male worker carrying a cake enters.
 
               
                             MALE WORKER
               Elaine! Where're you going? It's Walter's 
               last day. We have to celebrate.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               It's his birthday and it's his last 
               day?
 
               
                             MALE WORKER
               This is other-Walter, from returns.
 
               
               
               Other-Walter enters followed by more co-workers.

               
                             OTHER-WALTER
               Hey, what's going on here?

               
                             ALL
               Surprise!

               
                             OTHER-WALTER
               Oh guys.

               
               Elaine tries to leave, but other-Walter stops her.

               
                             OTHER-WALTER
               Elaine, it's my last day. Have a piece.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               All right, pile it on.

               
                             ALL
               For he's a jolly good fellow...happy 
               birthday to you...for he's a jolly good 
               fellow...birthday to you...which nobody 
               can deny...
 
               
               Elaine looks on frustrated.

               
               EXT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY - ESTABLISHING

               
               INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY

               
               Jerry and Elaine stand in front of his stereo.

               
                             JERRY
               What is so bad about having a little 
               piece of cake?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               It is the forced socializing. I mean, 
               just because we work in the same office, 
               why do we have to act like we're friends?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Why aren't you there now?

               
                             ELAINE
               I had to take a sick day. I'm so sick 
               of these people. By the way, I talked 
               to Lisi, and tomorrow night's good for 
               her.
 
               
               They sit on the sofa.

               
                             JERRY
               You know, I shouldn't go out with a 
               friend of yours. I foresee messiness.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, you're better off sitting around 
               here, reading comic books, and eating 
               spaghetti at two in the morning..
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Hey, speaking of tomato sauce, you want 
               to come with me and George to Mario's 
               Pizza?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Your old high school hangout? Why?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               They're closing. We're going for one 
               last slice.
 
               
               Kramer barges through the door holding a roll of yellow police 
               tape.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Hey. All right. Hi. Check it out, official 
               police caution tape. Look at that.
 
               
               
               Jerry walks towards the counter where Kramer has placed some 
               of the tape.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Uh-uh-uh. Step back, son, there's nothing 
               to see here.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Where did you get this?

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I got it from my cop buddy Doug.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You sure have a lot of friends. How 
               come I never see any of these people?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               They want to know why they never see 
               you.
 
               
               Kramer ties a piece of tape around a banana.

               
                             KRAMER
               I'm gonna eat that later.

               
                             JERRY
               So they just gave you this?

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh no, no,. no. I had to fish around 
               in the evidence room for it. You know, 
               they're all preoccupied, trying to hunt 
               down this new psycho-serial killer, 
               the Lopper. All right, I'll see ya.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Wait a minute, wait a minute. Who is 
               the Lopper?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, it's no big deal. It's just some 
               guy who's been running around Riverside 
               park-pffff. You know, cutting people's 
               heads off.
 
               
                             JERRY
               How come I haven't read about this?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, you know, the police, they've 
               been having some internal dissension 
               about the name.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Really? What're the other titles?

               
                             KRAMER
               Uh, Headso...uh...The Denogginizer...Son 
               of dad.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Son of dad?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah. That was my suggestion. It's sort 
               of a catchall.
 
               
               EXT. MARIO'S PIZZA - DAY - ESTABLISHING

               
                             GEORGE
               Mario's Pizza.

               
               INT. MARIO'S PIZZA - DAY

               
               George and Jerry admire their former hang out. Mario, an elder 
               man, stands behind the counter.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Just as she was. Hey, Mario! Remember 
               us?
 
               
                             MARIO
               No.

               
                             JERRY
               We used to come in every day.

               
                             MARIO
               So where ya been? We're tanking here.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               We'll have 2 slices and 2 grape sodas.
 
               
               
                             MARIO
               Oh, thanks. That'll save us.

               
                             JERRY
               All right, make it the large sodas.
 
               
               
               George and Jerry walk across the room.

               
                             GEORGE
               Hey, Jerry, remember Frogger? I used 
               to be so into this game. Gettin' that 
               frog across the street was my entire 
               life.
 
               
               They walk over to watch a boy playing Frogger.

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah. And then you went on to...Well, 
               it's a good game.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Double jump! Eat the fly! Eat it!

               
               The boy loses.

               
                             BOY
               Thanks a lot.

               
                             GEORGE
               Ah, beat it, punk.

               
               The boy exits.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey, look at the high score--"G.L.C." 
               George Louis Costanza. That's not you, 
               is it?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yes! 860,000. I can't believe it's still 
               standing. No one has beaten me in like 
               10 years.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I remember that night.

               
                             GEORGE
               The perfect combination of Mountain 
               Dew and mozzarella...just the right 
               amount of grease on the joy stick...
 
               
               
                             MARIO
               Here's your pizza pea brains.

               
                             JERRY
               I think I remember why we stopped coming 
               here.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah.

               
               EXT. J PETERMAN BUILDING - DAY - ESTABLISHING

               
               INT. ELAINE'S OFFICE - DAY

               
               Elaine is sitting at her desk smelling a pen.

               
                             ELAINE
               This pen smells really bad. So why do 
               I keep smelling it? Is it too late for 
               me to go to law school?
 
               
               There's a knock on the door and several co-workers enter with 
               a cake.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What is this?

               
                             MALE WORKER
               You were out sick yesterday, so we got 
               you a get-well cake.
 
               
                             FEMALE WORKER
               It's carrot. It's good for you.

               
                             WORKERS
               Get well get well soon, we wish you 
               to get--
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Stop it! That's not even a song! I mean, 
               now we're celebrating a sick day?
 
               
               
                             MALE WORKER
               I think it's nice.

               
                             ELAINE
               What? What is nice? Trying to fill the 
               void in your life with flour and sugar 
               and egg and vanilla? I mean, we are 
               all unhappy. Do we have to be fat, too? 
               Not you Becky, I know you have a slow 
               metabolism. I don't want one more piece 
               of cake in my office!
 
               
               Another worker enters late.

               
                             WORKER
               Get well, get well soon--

               
                             MALE WORKER
               It's not happening.

               
               They all start to leave disappointed.

               
                             BECKY
               Can we still it eat?

               
               EXT. MONK'S DINER - NIGHT - ESTABLISHING

               
               INT. MONK'S DINER - NIGHT

               
               Jerry and Lisi sit at the usual booth.

               
                             JERRY
               I'll tell you Lisi, I never expected 
               that movie to--
 
               
                             LISI
               End under water?

               
                             JERRY
               Be that long. I mean, most action movies 
               are--
 
               
                             LISI
               So much more violent.

               
                             JERRY
               Not as long.

               
                             LISI
               Well, I should probably--

               
                             JERRY
               Get going.

               
                             LISI
               Yeah.

               
               They both stand.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, it was nice meeting you. I'm sure 
               I'll see you--
 
               
                             LISI
               Eight tomorrow?

               
                             JERRY
               Actually, that's--

               
                             LISI
               What you were thinking.

               
                             JERRY
               Right.

               
               Lisi leaves and Jerry goes to pay the cashier. George enters.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh! Here you are. Ha ha...You, uh, you 
               want to--
 
               
                             JERRY
               Sure. (points at booth) How about this 
               one?
 
               
               They both sit down at their booth.

               
                             GEORGE
               Well, I'm doing it, Jerry. I'm buying 
               the Frogger machine. Now the torch will 
               burn forever.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Fabulous. See, now you're really do 
               something.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               So, you want to come down to Mario's 
               Pizza with me and help me pick up the 
               Frogger?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hey, how you gonna keep the machine 
               plugged in while you move it?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What?

               
                             JERRY
               Once you unplug the machine, all the 
               scores will be erased.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               You're right. Why must there always 
               be a problem? You'd think just once 
               I could get a break. God knows I earned 
               it with that score!
 
               
               George gets up and leaves in a huff.

               
               EXT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY- ESTABLISHING

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, more bad news Jerry.

               
               INT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY

               
               Kramer and Jerry are talking near the kitchen counter. George 
               is sitting at the table on Jerry's cordless phone. An open phone 
               book is in front of him.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               You know the police, they found another 
               victim of the Lopper in Riverside Park. 
               I saw the photo, and it looked a lot 
               like you.
 
               
               JERRYL Oh, come on. There's a lot of people walking around the 
               city that look like me.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Not as many as there used to be.

               
                             GEORGE
               No. I need a guy that can rig a Frogger 
               machine so that I can move it without 
               losing power, 'cause I have the high 
               score. H-hello?
 
               
               Kramer peels and eats an orange.

               
                             KRAMER
               You know, George, you're not gonna find 
               an electrician like that in the yellow 
               pages. Now, I know just the guy who 
               can do this.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Another friend?

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, no, no, no. This guy is no friend. 
               In fact, we don't even get along.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Well, is he good, Kramer?

               
               George gets up and walks towards Kramer.

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, he's the best...and the worst.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Kramer, listen to me. I'm never gonna 
               have a child. If I lose this Frogger 
               high score, that's it for me.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Believe me George, you can count on 
               Slippery Pete.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Slippery Pete?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, I don't care for the name, either. 
               In fact, that's one of the things that 
               we argue about.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               All right, I'm gonna find a guy with 
               a truck. GLC must live on!
 
               
               George grabs his coat and leaves the apartment. The phone rings. 
               Jerry tries to get by Kramer.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Come on.

               
                             KRAMER
               Dng-ga-gng-ga-wt.

               
               Jerry picks up the phone.

               
                             JERRY
               Hello?

               
                             INTERCUT
               
               
               INT. ELAINE'S OFFICE/JERRY'S APARTMENT

               
               Elaine is on the phone and is smelling her tape dispenser.

               
                             ELAINE
               So how's it going with my friend?

               
                             JERRY
               She's a sentence finisher. It's like 
               dating Mad Libs.
 
               
               People can be heard singing "Happy Birthday" in the background 
               of Elaine's office.
 
               
                             JERRY
               What is that?

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, it's a cake party. It's the third 
               one today. I didn't realize how hooked 
               I got on that 4:00 sugar rush.
 
               
                             JERRY
               So join in.

               
                             ELAINE
               I can't. I denounced them. Maybe I'll 
               go raid Peterman's fridge. He's always 
               got a truffle or something in there.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               All right.

               
               Jerry hangs up and stands up to find some police tape around 
               a broken egg on the floor.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hey, wh-what--

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah. I dropped an egg. Be careful.
 
               
               
               Kramer leaves.

               
               EXT. J. PETERMAN BUILDING - DAY - ESTABLISHING

               
               INT. J. PETERMAN'S OFFICE - DAY

               
               Elaine knocks on the open door.

               
                             ELAINE
               Anybody here? Peterboy?

               
               No one answers. She runs over to Peterman's fridge, opens it, 
               and takes out a box. She opens the box to find a cake.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Ooh, it's a cake walk.

               
               She takes a bite of the cake. Outside in the hallway, Mr. Peterman 
               can be heard singing.
 
               
                             PETERMAN
               Get well, get well soon we wish you 
               to get well.
 
               
               Elaine quickly puts the box back in the fridge. Mr. Peterman 
               enters his office.
 
               
                             PETERMAN
               Ha ha ha ha...Oh, what a stirring little 
               anthem of wellness.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Mr. Peterman, um--

               
                             PETERMAN
               We missed you at the get well party. 
               Poor old Walt has a polyp in the duodenum. 
               It's benign, but--ooh--still a bastard. 
               Oh, Elaine, can you keep a secret?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               No, sir, I can't.

               
                             PETERMAN
               Inside that small college boy minifridge 
               is my latest acquisition. A slice of 
               cake from the wedding of King Edward 
               VIII to Wallis Simpson, circa 1937, 
               price--$29,000.
 
               
               EXT. CITY SIDEWALK - NIGHT

               
               Jerry and Lisi walk along.

               
                             JERRY
               Well Lisi, that was another-

               
                             LISI
               Lovely evening.

               
                             JERRY
               Really bad meal. I was thinking maybe 
               we should--
 
               
                             LISI
               Go for a hansom cab ride?

               
                             JERRY
               Call it a night. I'll walk you home. 
               Where do you live?
 
               
                             LISI
               84th street, right off Riverside Park.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Riverside Park.

               
               Jerry grabs Lisi and turns around.

               
                             LISI
               I thought we were going--

               
                             JERRY
               Back to my place. That's right.

               
               EXT. JERRY'S APARTMENT - DAY - ESTABLISHING

               
               George and Jerry are sitting on the sofa.

               
                             GEORGE
               So you slept with her?

               
                             JERRY
               She lives right off Riverside Park. 
               I was scared of the Lopper, So I let 
               her stay over.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               And you automatically sleep with her?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Well, I just wanted to make out a little, 
               but she kind of--
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Finished your thought.

               
               George gets up and walks over to the sink. Elaine enters.

               
                             ELAINE
               Guess what I ate.

               
                             GEORGE
               An ostrich burger.

               
                             ELAINE
               No. A $29,000 piece of cake. Peterman 
               got it at The Duke Of Windsor auction. 
               It was the most romantic thing I've 
               ever eaten.
 
               
                             JERRY
               How'd it taste?

               
                             ELAINE
               A little stale.

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah.

               
                             GEORGE
               So, uh are you sleeping with Peterman?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               No. He doesn't know I ate it. In fact, 
               he almost caught me. I have to sneak 
               back in and even it out.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               You know, they say ostrich has less 
               fat, but you eat more of it.
 
               
               Jerry and Elaine start to walk from the counter towards the table.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Hey, so I talked to Lisi and she has 
               got a big surprise for you. She's planning 
               a weekend trip to Pennsylvania Dutch 
               country.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Pennsylvania Dutch country? Oh, that's 
               the serious relationship weekend place.
 
               
               
                             EALINE
               What is going on with you two?

               
                             JERRY
               Well, I think by sleeping with her, 
               I may have sent her the wrong message.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               What's that?

               
               Elaine opens up a paper bag and pulls out a cookie.

               
                             ELAINE
               4:00 sugar fix.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, I'm calling this off right now.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               No, no. You are way past the phone call 
               breakup stage.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, I'm not going over there. That's 
               where the Lopper is.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh...it's daylight. It won't take you 
               that long. Just make a clean break.
 
               
               
               Elaine bites the head of her gingerbread man.

               
               EXT. J. PETERMAN BUILDING - DAY - ESTABLISHING

               
                             ELAINE
               Just a little off the side...

               
               INT. J. PETERMAN'S OFFICE - DAY

               
               Elaine is at Mr. Peterman's desk with the cake box.

               
                             ELAINE
               Well, no point in wasting $1,200.

               
               She eats a slice of the cake as fantasy waltz music starts to 
               play. Elaine dances around the room talking to one of the sculptures 
               in the room.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, commander, isn't the wedding marvelous? 
               More cake? Oh, I shouldn't. I mustn't. 
               Ah, what the hell?
 
               
               She gets more cake.

               
               EXT. MONK'S DINER - DAY - ESTABLISHING

               
                             GEORGE
               Now, each of you is here because you're 
               the best at what you do.
 
               
               INT. MONK'S DINER - DAY

               
               George, Kramer, Slippery Pete, and Shlomo sit at a booth.

               
                             GEORGE
               Slippery Pete, Kramer tells me you are 
               one hell of a rogue electrician. And 
               shlomo, you're the best truck driver.
 
               
               
                             SHLOMO
               I don't know If I'm the best.

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh...you're very good.

               
                             SHLOMO
               Let's say "good."

               
                             GEORGE
               Ok. Good. And Kramer, you're in charge 
               of taping off the loading zone.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Lock and load.

               
                             SLIPPERY PETE
               You think you can handle that, numb 
               nuts?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               All right, all right, come on, now.
 
               
               
                             SLIPPERY PETE
               That was my mail-order bride.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, you weren't home, so I signed for 
               her.
 
               
                             SLIPPERY PETE
               It doesn't give you the right to make 
               out with her.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               You weren't even married yet.

               
                             GEORGE
               All right, all right, calm down, calm 
               down. Whatever happened in the past 
               is past.
 
               
               George gets a napkin and starts to draw on it.

               
                             GEORGE
               Now, this is the basic layout for Mario's 
               Pizza.
 
               
                             SHLOMO
               So what kind of jail time are we looking 
               at if we're caught?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What do you mean?

               
                             SLIPPERY PETE
               We're stealing this thing, right?

               
                             GEORGE
               No. I--I paid for it.

               
                             SLIPPERY PETE
               I thought we were stealing it.

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah. It feels like we're stealing it.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               We're not stealing it.

               
                             SHLOMO
               I definitely thought we're stealing 
               it.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               All right, let's--let's focus. Can we 
               get back to the plan?
 
               
                             SLIPPERY PETE
               Well, I need a battery for this kind 
               of a job. Can I at least steal a battery?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Fine. Steal the battery. Now, all right, 
               here is the Frogger. This is the front 
               door, and this is the outlet.
 
               
                             SLIPPERY PETE
               What's that?

               
                             GEORGE
               The outlet?

               
                             SLIPPERY PETE
               Mm-hmm.

               
                             GEORGE
               That's where the electricity comes out.
 
               
               
                             SLIPPERT PETE
               Oh, you mean the holes.

               
                             SHLOMO
               Which one's the bathroom?

               
                             GEORGE
               Uh, here.

               
                             SHLOMO
               They put the Frogger with the toilet? 
               Yecchh.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               The Frogger is here.

               
                             KRAMER
               George, I thought that was the door.
 
               
               
                             SLIPPERY PETE
               Where are all the pizza ovens?

               
                             SHLOMO
               I thought the bathroom was here.

               
               INT. MARIO'S PIZZA - DAY

               
               George, Shlomo, Slippery Pete, and Kramer are sitting in the 
               same places as they were in the booth at Monk's, but this time 
               they are around a table at Mario's.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               All right. You understand now? It's 
               not that complicated.
 
               
               EXT. MONK'S DINER - DAY - ESTABLISHING

               
                             ELAINE
               I need to replace an antique piece of 
               cake.
 
               
               INT. MONK'S DINER - DAY

               
               Elaine is sitting at the counter with a Sotheby's auction book 
               open in front of her.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Do you have anything that's been...you 
               know, laying around for a while? Something 
               prewar would be just great.
 
               
               The waitress leaves and Kramer enters.

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, hey, Elaine. What, you got the munchies?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, Kramer, I am in big. big, big trouble. 
               I need a cake that looks like this.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, yeah--Sotheby's. Yeah. They make 
               good cake.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Do any of these look close?

               
                             KRAMER
               No, but I know I've seen cake just like 
               that. Oh--Entenmann's. Yeah.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Entenmann's? From the supermarket?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, no. They're not really in the 
               supermarket. Yeah, they got their own 
               case at the end of the aisle.
 
               
               INT. LISI'S APARTMENT - DAY

               
               There's a knock at the door. Lisi opens it. It's Jerry holding 
               a baseball bat.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hi, Lisi.

               
                             LISI
               Hi, honey. Is that a bat?

               
                             JERRY
               Uh, yeah. I found it on the street. 
               It's gotta be worth something.
 
               
                             LISI
               So, what do you want to do, Sweetheart?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Well, before we do anything...maybe 
               we should talk.
 
               
                             MONTAGE
               
               
               Lisi is sitting at her couch while Jerry paces behind her.

               
                             JERRY
               Then this Pennsylvania Dutch thing comes 
               out of nowhere. I mean, how am I supposed 
               to respond to that?
 
               
               Both Jerry and Lisi are on the couch. Jerry has his head in his 
               hands.
 
               
                             LISI
               Then may I say something... without 
               being interrupted?
 
               
               Lisi is in another room with the door closed. Jerry stands in 
               the hallway and is talking to her through the door.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well I'm sorry if I ruined your life. 
               That's exactly what I set out to do.
 
               
               
               They are sitting on the couch again. Jerry nods at everything 
               Lisi mumbles.
 
               
                             LISI
               Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Uh-huh...

               
               Now Jerry is sitting on the couch and Lisi is pacing behind him.
 
               
               
                             LISI
               Are you afraid to kiss me in public?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Have we even been in public?

               
               Jerry is walking away from Lisi and she follows behind him.
 
               
               
                             LISI
               So now you're going to tell me what 
               I'm thinking. Well, go ahead, 'cause 
               I'd really like to know.
 
               
               Lisi is crying and Jerry stands looking over her shoulder.

               
                             JERRY
               You are not dumb. Don't say that..
 
               
               
               They both sit around the coffee table eating beans.

               
                             JERRY
               These beans are pretty good.

               
                             LISI
               20 minutes.

               
               
               
               Now Jerry is in a room with the door shut. Lisi stands out in 
               the hallway.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, I'm sorry I'm not Brad. I'm me!
 
               
               
               Jerry opens the door.

               
                             JERRY
               Nice to meet ya!

               
               Jerry is lying on the couch while Lisi paces behind.

               
                             LISI
               Boy, did your mother do a number on 
               you.
 
               
               Lisi is on the couch with Kleenex and Jerry stands on the other 
               side of the couch.
 
               
                             LISI
               Fine. So it's over.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, thank god. Why is it dark out? What 
               time is it?
 
               
                             LISI
               9:30.

               
                             JERRY
               We've been breaking up for 10 hours?
 
               
               
                             LISI
               Good-bye, Jerry.

               
                             JERRY
               Lopper. You know, Lisi, maybe we should 
               give this a little more time. See how 
               it looks in the light of day.
 
               
                             LISI
               Out!

               
               EXT. LISI'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

               
               Jerry steps out of Lisi's building. He looks both ways cautiously 
               before walking down the steps. Surprised, he sees a shadowy figure 
               walking towards him holding something resembling a head in one 
               hand and a knife in the other.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Lopper.

               
               He quickly runs back up to Lisi's building and yells into her 
               intercom system.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Lisi, Lisi. Let me in! We can work this 
               out. I was wrong, you were right. I'll 
               do anything!
 
               
               She buzzes him up.

               
               Just as he walks into the building, we see the Lopper is actually 
               Slippery Pete carrying a car battery by it's wires.
 
               
               EXT. CITY SIDEWALK - DAY

               
               Jerry stands outside a boutique store when George arrives carrying 
               rope.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Jerry, you came for the big moment.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               No. I'm waiting for...

               
                             GEORGE
               Ha ha. Everything's timed out to perfection, 
               Jerry. Slippery Pete's got the Frogger 
               running on battery power, the truck 
               will be there any minute, and Kramer's 
               taped out the loading zone.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh. Sounds great.

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, yeah. You gotta come over tonight. 
               We can play.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, I can't. I'm busy. I'm going away 
               on a long weekend.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Where?

               
               Lisi exits the boutique wearing a Dutch bonnet.

               
                             LISI
               Look what I found. I got one for you, 
               too.
 
               
               She puts a Dutch hat on Jerry head.

               
                             JERRY
               Great. Uh, you know what? Why don't 
               you put it in the car so I don't toss 
               it in that dumpster?
 
               
                             LISI
               Ha ha. Ok. I'll meet thee in front of 
               your place, 15 minutes.
 
               
               Lisi leaves.

               
                             JERRY
               A long, long weekend.

               
                             GEORGE
               I hear thee.

               
               INT. J. PETERMAN'S OFFICE - DAY

               
               Elaine has finished replacing the cake. She throws the empty 
               Entenmann's box away. She's about to leave, but Mr. Peterman 
               enters with another man.
 
               
                             PETERMAN
               Elaine! Excellent. I'd like you to meet 
               a friend of mine, Irwin Lubeck.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, hello.

               
                             LUBECK
               Charmed.

               
               Mr. Peterman gets the cake out of the fridge.

               
                             PETERMAN
               All right, brace yourself, Lubeck. You 
               are about to be launched via pastry 
               back to the wedding of one of the most 
               dashing and romantic Nazi sympathizers 
               of the entire British Royal family.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               I guess I'll just--

               
                             PETERMAN
               Oh, no Elaine, stay. Lubeck here is 
               the world's foremost appraiser of vintage 
               pastry.
 
               
               Lubeck inspects the cake.

               
                             PETERMAN
               All right, Lubeck. How much is she worth?
 
               
               
                             LUBECK
               I'd say about 219.

               
                             PETERMAN
               Ha ha ha ha ha!$219,000! Lubeck, you 
               glorious titwillow. You just made me 
               a profit of $190,000.
 
               
                             LUBECK
               No, $2.19. It's an Entenmann's.

               
                             PETERMAN
               Do they have a castle at Windsor?

               
                             LUBECK
               No. They have a display case at the 
               end of the aisle.
 
               
                             PETERMAN
               Oh, good lord.

               
                             LUBECK
               You all right, Peterman? You look ill.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Get well, get well soon, we want you 
               to get well. Get well, get well soon 
               we want you to get well.
 
               
               EXT. CITY SIDEWALK - DAY

               
               George and Jerry see Kramer, Shlomo, and Slippery Pete standing 
               outside Mario's Pizza. Slippery Pete is playing Frogger.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What are you guys doing?

               
                             SHLOMO
               Eat the fly. Eat the fly. Got him!
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               You idiots. You're gonna wear down the 
               battery.
 
               
                             SLIPPERY PETE
               The batteries are fine. We've got...oh, 
               god. only 3 minutes left.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Quick. Get this thing back in the pizzeria
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               George, they closed up.

               
                             GEORGE
               I need an outlet!

               
                             SLIPPERY PETE
               A what?

               
                             GEORGE
               Holes! I need holes!

               
                             KRAMER
               The pharmacy's still open.

               
                             GEORGE
               All right. Kramer, you block off traffic. 
               You to go sweet-talk the pharmacist.
 
               
               
               Shlomo and Slippery Pete go to the pharmacy.

               
                             SLIPPERY PETE
               You owe me a quarter.

               
                             GEORGE
               Slippery Pete. Kramer, hurry up!

               
               Kramer ties the police tape to a tree and runs into traffic. 
               He runs out of tape before he can get halfway.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Ahh! I'm out! No tape left!

               
                             JERRY
               Well, come on George, I'll help you 
               push it across.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Wait a minute. This looks familiar. 
               This reminds me of something. I can 
               do this.
 
               
                             JERRY
               By yourself?

               
                             GEORGE
               Jerry, I've been preparing for this 
               moment my entire life.
 
               
               George pushes the machine onto the street. From a view in the 
               sky, we see him dodging cars, hopping back and forth into lanes 
               of traffic. Frogger music and sound effects play.
 
               
                             SHLOMO
               He looks like a Frog.

               
                             SLIPPERY PETE
               So do you.

               
               George makes it across just as a huge truck comes barreling down 
               the street. George tries to get the Frogger onto the sidewalk, 
               but can't. He futilely sticks his hand out trying to stop the 
               truck which honks. George jumps out of the truck's way and onto 
               the sidewalk as the Frogger is smashed.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Game over.

               
               INT. J. PETERMAN'S OFFICE - DAY

               
               Mr. Peterman sits in his chair behind his desk. Elaine knocks 
               and enters.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Mr. Peterman, you wanted to see me, 
               sir?
 
               
                             PETERMAN
               Elaine, up until a moment ago, I was 
               convinced that I was on the receiving 
               end of one of the oldest baker's grift 
               in the books--The Entenmann's shim-sham.
 
               
               
                             EALINE
               Ohh...

               
                             PETERMAN
               Until I remembered the videotape surveillance 
               system that I installed to catch other-Walter 
               using my latrine. But it also caught 
               this.
 
               
               Mr. Peterman shows Elaine the tape of her waltzing around the 
               room eating the cake.
 
               
                             EALINE
               Mr. Peterman, I, uh...

               
                             PETERMAN
               Elaine, I have a question for you. Is 
               the item still...with you?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Um...as far as I know.

               
                             PETERMAN
               Do you know what happens to a butter-based 
               frosting after six decades in a poorly 
               ventilated English basement?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Uh, I guess I hadn't--

               
                             PETERMAN
               Well, I have a feeling that what you 
               are about to go through is punishment 
               enough. Dismissed.
 
               
               
               
               
               THE END

               
                


The Frogger



Writers :   Gregg Kavet  Andy Robin  Steve Koren  Dan O'Keefe
Genres :   Comedy


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