The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)


The web's largest
movie script resource!

Search IMSDb

Alphabetical
# A B C D E F G H
I J K L M N O P Q
R S T U V W X Y Z

Genre
Action Adventure Animation
Comedy Crime Drama
Family Fantasy Film-Noir
Horror Musical Mystery
Romance Sci-Fi Short
Thriller War Western

Sponsor

TV Transcripts
Futurama
Seinfeld
South Park
Stargate SG-1
Lost
The 4400

International
French scripts

Movie Software
DVD ripper software offer
Rip from DVD
Rip Blu-Ray

Latest Comments
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10
Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10
Batman Begins9/10
Collateral10/10
Jackie Brown8/10

Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                          THE INVITATIONS



                             Written by

                            Larry David




 
               
               
               (Comedy club)

               
                             JERRY
               I think that if the wedding invitations 
               were left up to the men, we'd just drive 
               around sticking flyers in windshields 
               ...y' know... Not even typed up either, 
               just Magic Marker, Zerox, you know...Party!!.. 
               What's needed is a divorce announcement; 
               Mr and Mrs Fred Johnson are requesting 
               the honour of your presence at the "returning" 
               of their daughter back to Mr,and Mrs 
               Fred Johnson.
 
               
               
               (Outside Melody Stationeries)

               
               Susan and George walk into the store and go up the sales clerk.
 
               
               
                             SUSAN
               Hi.

               
                             CLERK
               Hi.. May I help you?

               
                             SUSAN
               Yes, we'd like some wedding invitations.
 
               
               
                             CLERK
               Ohh! Well...Congratulations

               
                             SUSAN
               (happily) Thank you.

               
                             GEORGE
               (mildly embarrassed) yeah.. Thank you.
 
               
               
                             CLERK
               When 's the wedding?

               
                             SUSAN
               June

               
                             GEORGE
               late June.

               
                             CLERK
               Oh! Well, we have quite a few to pick 
               from ( turns around and picks up a huge 
               binder)
 
               
               They're arranged in order of price , the most expensive are in 
               the front.
 
               
               George takes the binder and feigns browsing and flips right to 
               the last page.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               He..hmmm. humm...What about this one.
 
               
               
                             CLERK
               Hmmm,..to tell you the truth they haven't 
               manufactured that one for a number of 
               years.
 
               
               I might have couple of boxes left in our warehouse in New Jersey. 
               I'd have to check.
 
               
                             SUSAN
               Oh! no. George that's so ugly we don't 
               want that.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What's the difference you just read 
               it and mail it right back. These we'll 
               do.
 
               
                             SUSAN
               Why don't they make'em anymore?

               
                             CLERK
               Well.. For one thing the glue isn't 
               very adhesive. It takes a lot of moisture 
               to make them stick.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               So we pick up some Elmers

               
                             SUSAN
               (disappointed)All right. You see what 
               I do for you.
 
               
               Scene cuts to the street as Susan and George are about to get 
               into a cab. Kramer happens to walk by.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Hey! Kramer.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey! George.....Lily..

               
                             SUSAN
               No. Susan.

               
                             KRAMER
               No. No It's Lily

               
                             SUSAN
               I think I know my own name.

               
                             GEORGE
               It's Susan

               
                             KRAMER
               (lost for words) Well you look like 
               a Lily...
 
               
               
               
               Scene cuts to Jerry's apt. George walks in . Jerry is coming 
               out of his bedroom twiddling scissors.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               It's coming Jerry, it's coming.

               
                             JERRY
               What's coming?

               
                             GEORGE
               The Day..

               
                             JERRY
               Ahhh...The Day..

               
                             GEORGE
               We ordered the wedding invitations today,, 
               Nothing can stop it now. Nothing. It's 
               here! It's
 
               
               happening. Can I do this? I can't do this...Look at me. Look 
               at me I can't do this, I can't do this (manic)
 
               
               Help me Jerry , help me.

               
                             JERRY
               why don't you just break it off with 
               her. tell her it's over
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I can't

               
                             JERRY
               Why not?

               
               George; 'Cause I can't face that scene. You know what kind of 
               scene that would be? i'd rather be unhappy
 
               
               for the rest of my life than go through something like that. 
               (forceful) I CAN'T, I CAN'T.
 
               
               I tried to psyche myself up a million times I cannot go through 
               that.
 
               
                             JERRY
               All right take it easy, just take it 
               easy.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What about a letter?

               
                             JERRY
               A letter.

               
                             GEORGE
               I...I...write a letter and then I..I 
               go to China. I disappear in a sea of 
               people for like
 
               
               six months, a year you know just while things simmer down. Ehm.. 
               Ehm...Dear Susan. I'm sorry.
 
               
               I made a terrible mistake. I'm really , really sorry.

               
                             JERRY
               That's it?

               
                             GEORGE
               What? Too short?

               
                             BOTH
               Seems a little short, yeah..

               
                             JERRY
               You can't go to China What about your 
               job?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               My Job..arghhh

               
                             JERRY
               So write a letter.. move to another...move 
               to Staten Island., 'lot easier to blend 
               in a sea of people in
 
               
               Staten Island than China believe me.

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah! Yeah!..Staten Island . What about 
               my clothes ,how do I get the rest of 
               the clothes?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Aagh! You come back for your clothes
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               I'm not going back in there.

               
                             JERRY
               So forget about your clothes.

               
                             GEORGE
               Well I'm not starting up a whole new 
               wardrobe now!!!
 
               
               Jerry; Look, freedom with no clothes is a lot better than no 
               freedom with clothes.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               If she'd just take a plane somewhere.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               And what, hope for a crash?

               
                             GEORGE
               It happens.

               
                             JERRY
               You know what the odds are on a crash 
               it's a million to one.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               It's something . It's hope.

               
               Elaine comes through the door

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey!...( sees George) HEY!! Georgie. 
               You know what I just realized; the wedding 
               is like a month
 
               
               away.ha..haa..

               
                             JERRY
               Euhh...Elaine....

               
                             ELAINE
               What?...Oh! by the way. What am I going 
               to be in the wedding party?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What do you mean?

               
                             ELAINE
               Well Jerry's gonna be the best man and 
               Kramer's gonna be the usher so what 
               am I gonna be?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I don't know. I don't think you're anything.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Wel...I have to be something. I 'm a 
               close friend....What about being a bridesmaid.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Those are Susan's friends.

               
                             ELAINE
               Well then...aaahh how about being an 
               usher?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Well...I'll ask Susan about it later.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               You don't ask.. You tell.

               
                             GEORGE
               ( to Jerry) What about the letter, should 
               I think about the letter?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hey Elaine if a guy wanted to end a 
               relationship with you . What could he 
               do?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Start smoking.

               
                             GEORGE
               Smoking.

               
                             JERRY
               Does she hate cigarettes?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yes, she hates cigarettes.

               
                             JERRY
               But you don't smoke.

               
                             GEORGE
               Nooooooo......

               
               Scene cuts to Jerry and Elaine walking

               
                             JERRY
               You know, I think I'm getting a little 
               depressed about George's wedding.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Really?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah. Well once he gets married that's 
               it, she'll probably get pregnant, they'll 
               move to Westchester.
 
               
               I'll never see him again.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah! You're probably right.

               
                             JERRY
               Then it'll just be me, you and Kramer.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               No! Not me pal. I can't keep this up 
               much longer. I'm sick of being single.
 
               
               
               I'm getting out.

               
                             JERRY
               So it's just gonna be me and Kramer.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Yep! just you and Kramer.

               
               Elaine walks away

               
                             JERRY
               See you ... me and Kramer...

               
               Daydreaming sequence set in Jerry's apt. in a probable future. 
               Kramer pops in. They look a
 
               
               little older.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey!! Buddy. I thought of a great invention 
               for driving. A periscope in a car, so 
               you can see
 
               
               the traffic.

               
                             JERRY
               (annoyed) How you gonna drive when looking 
               through a periscope? Besides it's not 
               a submarine
 
               
               and there's no room for a periscope in a car.

               
                             KRAMER
               Huh! You make a higher roof.

               
                             JERRY
               They're not making higher roofs.

               
                             KRAMER
               why can't you make a higher roof.

               
                             JERRY
               Because it's a stupid idea. No one's 
               gonna go for it. Don't you understand 
               It's stupid ,stupid...
 
               
               As Jerry slowly comes out of his doze he is about to cross the 
               street as a car comes to him at high speed.
 
               
                             JERRY
               .....Stupid , stupid.

               
                             JEANNIE
               Hey! Hey! Look out. (she pulls him back 
               saving his life.) OK!, Are you okay?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah!.. Thanks.Oh! my god you saved 
               my life.
 
               
                             JEANNIE
               Shouldn't there be some kind of reward 
               for that.
 
               
                             JERRY
               oh! thank you.

               
                             JEANNIE
               You know you should be a lot more careful 
               crossing the street like that, otherwise 
               you could die..
 
               
               If that bothers you.

               
                             JERRY
               Well I...

               
                             JEANNIE
               You see..(points to his collar) To me 
               this is a waste.
 
               
                             JERRY
               What?

               
                             JEANNIE
               The shirt you got on under your sweather.It 
               sits for three weeks in your drawer, 
               waiting to come
 
               
               out. and when it finally does . It sticks up only half an inch 
               out of your collar.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I'm Jerry Seinfeld.

               
                             JEANNIE
               Jeannie Steinman.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey! Same initials . How do you like 
               that?
 
               
                             JEANNIE
               I like it.

               
               
               
               George and Susan at their apt.

               
                             GEORGE
               Listen I was talking to Elaine today 
               and she said she'd would really like 
               to be an usher at the
 
               
               wedding

               
                             SUSAN
               No. Out of the question. I don't want 
               any women ushers at my wedding and while 
               we're on the
 
               
               subject, Kramer is not an usher either.

               
               George; Why not?

               
                             SUSAN
               He doesn't even know my name.

               
                             GEORGE
               That was an honest mistake.

               
                             SUSAN
               Nah! He's too weird he'd fall or something. 
               He'd ruin the whole ceremony.
 
               
               George takes out a pack of cigarettes and pulls one out.

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah! You're right.. You're probably 
               right.
 
               
                             SUSAN
               Whadda doing?

               
                             GEORGE
               (shrugs and lights it up)

               
                             SUSAN
               Since when do you smoke?

               
                             GEORGE
               (coughs) I've always smoked.

               
                             SUSAN
               I've never seen you smoke.

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh yeeah.. well , Big smoker... I (coughs 
               some more) gave it up for a while but 
               it was too tough.
 
               
               Y' know.....I got no will power.

               
                             SUSAN
               I don't like this one bit.

               
                             GEORGE
               Well(coughs) I can't stop now...(coughs) 
               I'm addicted...(words missing)
 
               
                             SUSAN
               Well you are gonna have to quit.

               
               George sprints to the bathroom

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh my god....

               
               At Monks.

               
                             WAITRESS
               Menus?

               
                             JERRY
               No. I know what I want.

               
                             WAITRESS
               The usual?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah.,

               
                             WAITRESS
               And for you?

               
                             JEANNIE
               I'll have a bowl of Cheerios , not to 
               much milk.
 
               
                             WAITRESS
               Ok Two bowls of Cheerios.

               
                             JEANNIE
               You too.?...

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah!!!

               
               At Jerry's. Kramer comes in Jerry is on the couch.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey! Did you hear the bank on the corner 
               is offering a 100 dollars if you go 
               in there and they
 
               
               don't greet you with a hello?

               
                             JERRY
               Uh! Really .That's nice.

               
                             KRAMER
               Now what's with you?

               
                             JERRY
               I think I'm in love.

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh. Come on.

               
                             JERRY
               No it's true. This woman saved my life. 
               I was crossing the street .I was almost 
               hit by a car...and then
 
               
               we talked and.......the whole thing just seemed like a dream.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               If a guy saved your life you'd be in 
               love with him too.
 
               
                             JERRY
               No, no this woman is different , she's 
               incredible. she's just like me. She 
               talks like me, she acts like me.
 
               
               She even ordered cereal at a restaurant. We even have the same 
               initials. Wait a minute, I just realised
 
               
               what's going on.

               
                             KRAMER
               What?

               
                             JERRY
               Now I know what I've been looking for 
               all these years......myself! (Kramer 
               is speechless)
 
               
               I've been waiting for me to come along and now I 've swept myself 
               off my feet.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               You stop it man.. you're FREAKING ME 
               OUT!!!
 
               
               At the HOME FEDERAL SAVINGS BANK Kramer walks up to a teller.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Hey!

               
                             TELLER
               Hey!

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey! wait a second. You didn't say hello.
 
               
               
                             TELLER
               Yes I did

               
                             KRAMER
               No no you didn't ...Hundred dollars.. 
               I get a hundred dollars.
 
               
                             TELLER
               No, No I said Hello.

               
                             KRAMER
               No, No You said Hey!

               
                             TELLER
               Well.. Hey! is Hello, same thing.

               
               Kramer; The add said that the bank's gonna pay a hundred dollars 
               if you are not greeted with a hello
 
               
                             TELLER
               You're taking that much to literally. 
               Now sir , do you have any business to 
               transact.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               No, I want to speak to the manager.
 
               
               
                             TELLER
               Well, He's not here right now.

               
                             KRAMER
               Then I'll be back.

               
               In Jerry's hallway

               
                             ELAINE
               So I'm not gonna be an usher?

               
                             GEORGE
               No..

               
                             ELAINE
               So I'm nothing. Jerry is best man , 
               Kramer is an usher and I am nothing.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Well Kramer's not an usher anymore.
 
               
               
               Kramer; What are you talking about?

               
                             GEORGE
               You've been demoted.

               
               Kramer; Why?

               
                             GEORGE
               Because you called her by the wrong 
               name.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               But she really looks like a Lily

               
                             ELAINE
               Jerry ( as they come into the apt.) 
               Jerry, Susan says I can't be an usher 
               at he wedding.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah. me neither.

               
                             JERRY
               (shrugs) Hey George I think I want to 
               bring a date to the wedding
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Who!!?

               
                             JERRY
               I just met her, she's incredible.

               
                             ELAINE
               Aaawh...This is GREAT!!.....Now I'm 
               gonna be stuck at the singles table 
               with all the losers.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You can go with Kramer

               
                             KRAMER
               No , no no no no. Weddings are a great 
               place to meet chicks. I have to be unfettered.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Do you see what this is turning in to? 
               Do I need this. I have to get out of 
               this thing.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Did you try the cigarettes?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah.. They made me sick.

               
                             KRAMER
               All right, All right. Lets get down 
               here. You really want to get out of 
               this thing ?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah...

               
                             KRAMER
               All right. I got two words for you; 
               Pre-Nup.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What does that mean?

               
                             KRAMER
               Ask her to sign a pre-nup.

               
                             GEORGE
               What does that do?

               
                             KRAMER
               Because most women when they're asked 
               to sign a pre-nup are so offended they 
               back out of the marriage.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               They are?... Elaine?

               
                             ELAINE
               I wouldn't sign one.

               
                             GEORGE
               Pre-nup of course ..Kramer....

               
                             KRAMER
               Get out of here.

               
               George and Susan at their apt.

               
                             GEORGE
               Hi.

               
                             SUSAN
               Hi. Hey I've been going over the list 
               .What about The Drake? Wanna invite 
               him?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah. Got to invite The Drake. Listen 
               hem...there's something that's been 
               on my mind and
 
               
               we haven't really talked about it..I t's kind of important to 
               me.
 
               
                             SUSAN
               What is it?

               
                             GEORGE
               Well I I ..put a lot of thought into 
               this and I think I would like you to 
               sign a prenuptual agreement.
 
               
                             SUSAN
               A pre-nup?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah.

               
                             SUSAN
               (burst out laughing)

               
                             GEORGE
               What's so funny?

               
                             SUSAN
               Ha.Ha.Ha. ha...You don't have any money. 
               I make more money than you do. ha. ha. 
               ha.
 
               
               Yeah.. give me the papers I'll sign 'em.( she leaves) a pre-nup...
 
               
               
               Cheesy scenes of Jerry and Jeannie enjoying each other in the 
               park , at the grocery store, comparing
 
               
               comic books and making out. Interrupted by Kramer as he slams 
               into Jerry's locked door.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Excuse me.( gets up and opens the door)
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Jerry.... hey Jeannie.

               
                             JEANNIE
               Hello.

               
                             KRAMER
               Remember I told you about the bank?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah.

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah well I went in there and they said 
               Hey!
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hey is the same thing as hello. What 
               do you think Jeannie.
 
               
                             JEANNIE
               Yeah I think it's the same thing.

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh! Big surprise ( he leaves frustrated)
 
               
               
               
               
               Scene takes us to George's again. We hear a buzzer.

               
                             DELIVERY MAN
               Delivery from Melody Stationaries.
 
               
               
                             SUSAN
               Oh those are the invitations.

               
                             DELIVERY MAN
               Just sign there.

               
                             SUSAN
               yeah! Thank you.

               
                             GEORGE
               See ya later.

               
                             SUSAN
               Urgh.. these are so cheap. (as George 
               leaves) And don't forget tommorrow we're
 
               
               
               going shopping for some rings, so don't make any plans...and 
               this time we're not skimping.
 
               
               
               
               To Jerry's again

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey

               
                             JERRY
               Hey.

               
                             KRAMER
               Jeannie left?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah , she's coming to see my act tonight.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh yeah! Well that's nice. I'm sure 
               that's right up her alley.
 
               
                             JERRY
               What's with you?

               
                             KRAMER
               Nothin'

               
                             JERRY
               Something on your mind?

               
                             KRAMER
               No.

               
                             JERRY
               Looks like there is?

               
                             KRAMER
               No

               
                             JERRY
               Come on. Something's on your mind. Out 
               with it.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               I don't like her.

               
                             JERRY
               You don't like her?

               
                             KRAMER
               That's right I don't like , I never 
               like her from the get-go.
 
               
                             JERRY
               What's wrong with her?

               
                             KRAMER
               Everything she thinks. you think. Everything 
               you think she thinks. No I can't take 
               it.
 
               
               I can't take it Jerry. It's too much. It's too much.

               
                             JERRY
               Well you can't take her maybe you can't 
               take me either.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               So THAT's how it's going to be

               
                             JERRY
               That's how it's gonna be.

               
                             KRAMER
               OH! GOD HELP US!!!

               
               Susan licking envelopes

               
                             SUSAN
               Eurk.. Awful

               
               Jerry at the pier watching lovers and families considering his 
               future and we get another look
 
               
               at Susan licking her envelopes, getting nauseous.

               
               Back to the Federal Home Savings Bank

               
                             MANAGER
               May i help you?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah. uh..I was in here the other day 
               and I went up to that teller and he 
               didn't say hello.
 
               
                             MANAGER
               Then you are entitled to a hundred dollars. 
               That's our policy.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               yeah., but he wouldn't give me the money.
 
               
               
                             MANAGER
               Hehummm.. JIM...Can I see you for a 
               second
 
               
                             JIM
               Uh.. yes can you give me a minute.
 
               
               
               Manager; Yea....hum......He'll be. hum.. right over.(awkward 
               pause)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               (knocks on desk) Is thi oak?

               
                             MANAGER
               'think it's pine.

               
                             KRAMER
               Pine is good.

               
                             MANAGER
               Yeah. pine's okay.

               
               Jim the teller walks over

               
                             JIM
               You want to see me

               
                             MANAGER
               Yeah... Hum..Jim , a man here says came 
               in the other day , you didn't say hello?
 
               
               
                             JIM
               No ,No that's not true, I said Hey! 
               you know like a friendly greeting, Hey!
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               But that's not Hello.

               
                             MANAGER
               That's a tough one.

               
                             KRAMER
               Uhummm...

               
                             MANAGER
               You know what , let me bring some other 
               people in on this...Barbara ,Jane , 
               Mike Can I see you please.
 
               
                             BARBARA
               How you doin'?

               
                             JANE
               What's happening?

               
                             MIKE
               What's up?

               
                             MANAGER
               ( to kramer) Can you excuse us for one 
               minute . Just one minute.
 
               
               Kramer gets up a little confused and walks away.

               
               
               
                             MANAGER
               Thanks.( they huddle)

               
                             SOME GUY
               How's it going?

               
                             MANAGER
               Thanks, thanks everybody.( they leave) 
               Sir , have a seat.
 
               
                             MANAGER
               Well , we've discussed this, here's 
               the feeling. You got a greeting starts 
               with an H how's twenty bucks sound.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               I'll take it.

               
                             MANAGER
               awright sir ( they shake hands)

               
               
               
               Scene cuts to the Improv as Jerry walks into the club and sees 
               Jeannie sitting at a table
 
               
                             JERRY
               Will you marry me?

               
               Susan licks her last envelope and collapses. George is walking 
               down a street looking depressed.
 
               
               We go back to the Improv.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               I would like to propose a toast....Wait 
               a second.. George!, George Costanza 
               come in here.
 
               
                             JEANNIE
               Georgie boy..

               
                             JERRY
               George, big news; I'm getting married!!
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Married , What!(astounded)

               
                             JERRY
               September 21st, first day of Autumn. 
               Leaves changing colours.. Beautiful 
               colors.
 
               
                             JEANNIE
               ... all that crap.

               
                             JERRY
               You see , I kept up my end of the pact.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Good for you (sympathetic)

               
                             JERRY
               Hey look , Champagne..

               
                             GEORGE
               Hehehe. .(feebly)

               
                             JERRY
               To our future wives....yeah...

               
               
               
               George returns home only to find..... Scene then cuts to Monks 
               with Jerry and Jeannie arriving.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well it's been quite a night I could 
               sure use a cup of coffee.
 
               
                             JEANNIE
               Hey! what's the deal with decaf; how 
               do they get the caffeine out of there 
               and then
 
               
               where does it go?

               
                             JERRY
               (weakly) I dunno

               
               A guy suddenly gets up to leave then falls on the ground.

               
                             JEANNIE
               That's a shame..

               
                             JERRY
               (to waitress) I' ll just have a cup 
               of coffee.
 
               
                             JEANNIE
               Bowl of Corn flakes.

               
                             JERRY
               More cereals? that's your third bowl 
               today, you had it for breakfast and 
               lunch.
 
               
                             JEANNIE
               Hey! So what's the deal with brunch 
               , I mean that if it's a combination 
               of breakfast and lunch.
 
               
               How comes there's no lupper or no linner.

               
               
               
               Back to Jerry's , Kramer comes in..

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey!! Frank just called me. Congratulations.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Thanks , thanks

               
                             KRAMER
               Look I'm sorry about before....I mean 
               I'm sure I'll learn to like her, Jerry
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah , yeah .

               
                             KRAMER
               C'mon , c'mon what's the matter?

               
                             JERRY
               I think I may have made a big mistake.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh! Come on.

               
                             JERRY
               All of a sudden it hit me, I realized 
               what the problem is; I can't be with 
               someone like me..
 
               
               I hate myself!! If anything I need to get the exact opposite 
               of me....It's too much. .It's too Much
 
               
               I can't take it ...I can't take it!!!

               
                             KRAMER
               (mocking) Too bad you got engaged.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah! Too bad.

               
               Phone rings, Jerry picks it up.

               
                             JERRY
               Hello. Oh! Hi George.......What! ..really! 
               All right I'll call Elaine , we'll meet 
               you down there.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               What happened?

               
                             JERRY
               They just took Susan to the Hospital
 
               
               
               
               
               At the hospital.

               
                             JERRY
               So she was just lying there.

               
                             GEORGE
               Tsss...Yeah..

               
                             ELAINE
               I wonder what happened?

               
                             GEORGE
               I don't know....hmmm ha! here's the 
               doctor.
 
               
                             DOCTOR
               Excuse me , Are you the husband?

               
                             GEORGE
               Well , not yet.. FiancÚ.

               
                             DOCTOR
               Well , I'm sorry.....She's gone.

               
                             GEORGE
               .........What's that?...

               
                             DOCTOR
               She expired.

               
                             GEORGE
               ...Are you sure?

               
                             DOCTOR
               Yes , of course.

               
                             GEORGE
               So.....She's dead?

               
                             DOCTOR
               Yes

               
                             GEORGE
               ...Huh!

               
                             DOCTOR
               Let me ask you ; Had she been exposed 
               to any kind of inexpensive glue?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               ...Why?

               
                             DOCTOR
               We found traces of a certain toxic adhesive 
               commonly found in very low priced envelopes.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Well she was sending out our wedding 
               invitations.
 
               
                             DOCTOR
               That's probably what did it.

               
                             GEORGE
               We were expecting about two hundred 
               people...Well...Thank you , thank you.
 
               
               
               Doctor leaves , George returns to the others

               
                             GEORGE
               She's ahem....gone

               
                             JERRY
               Dead?

               
                             ELAINE
               I'm so sorry George

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah! me too

               
                             KRAMER
               Poor Lily..

               
                             JERRY
               How did it happen?

               
                             GEORGE
               Apparently the glue in the wedding invitations 
               was a....toxic.
 
               
                             ALL
               Aah!..

               
                             KRAMER
               Well that's weird

               
                             JERRY
               So I guess , you're not getting married?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (embarrassed with a touch of unrestrained 
               jubilation) Yes.
 
               
                             JERRY
               But....

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah?

               
                             JERRY
               Well , now I'm engaged..

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah?...

               
                             JERRY
               Well I thought we'd both be getting 
               married.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Hey!.. What can I tell ya.

               
                             ELAINE
               All right. (they start to leave except 
               Jerry)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               well humm.. lets get some coffee.

               
                             JERRY
               WE HAD A PACT!!!

               
               
               (George at home on the phone)

               
                             GEORGE
               Yes I'd like to speak to Marisa Tomei, 
               please? Marisa, Hi it's George Costanza.. 
               I'm the short, funny, quirky bald man 
               you met a little while ago, heh! yeah 
               I was just calling 'cos I wanted you 
               to know that I'm not engaged anymore......well 
               huh, She died....Toxic glue from the 
               wedding invitations.....well we were 
               expecting about two hundred people. 
               Yeah... Anyway.. hum I got the funeral 
               tomorrow but huh.. my weekend is pretty 
               wide open and I was wondering... (dial 
               tone interrupts George)..... Hello...Hello..
 
               
               
               
               
                            THE END



The Invitations



Writers :   Larry David
Genres :   Comedy


User Comments







Index    |    Submit    |    Links    |    Link to us    |    RSS Feeds    |    Disclaimer    |    Privacy policy