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Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                             THE JACKET



                             Written by

                    Larry David & Jerry Seinfeld




 
               
               
               (Night club)

               
                             JERRY
               I hate clothes, okay? I hate buying 
               them. I hate picking them out of my 
               closet. I can't stand every day trying 
               to come up with little outfits for myself. 
               I think
 
               
               eventually fashion won't even exist. It won't. I think eventually 
               we'll all be wearing the same thing. 'Cause anytime I see a movie 
               or a TV show where there's people
 
               
               from the future of another planet, they're all wearing the same 
               thing. Somehow they decided "This is going to be our outfit. 
               One-piece silver jumpsuit, V-stripe, and
 
               
               boots. That's it." We should come up for an outfit for earth. 
               An earth outfit. We should vote on it. Candidates propose different 
               outfits, no speeches. They walk out,
 
               
               twirl, walk off. We just sit in the audience and go, "That was 
               nice. I could wear that."
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (Clothing store)

               
                             JERRY
               I think I've seen enough.

               
                             SALESMAN
               Well, I might have something in the 
               back.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               The back? They never find anything in 
               the back. If they had anything good 
               in the back, they'd put it out in the 
               front.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Why don't they open up an entire store 
               for the back? Call it, "Just Back." 
               All back. No front. You walk in the 
               front, you're immediately in the back. 
               (Picks
 
               
               up a tie display) Look, Elaine, tie car wash.

               
                             CUSTOMER
               (Sees the book Elaine is holding) Oh, 
               I just read that. That's terrific.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               (Pointing to Elaine) Her father wrote 
               that.
 
               
                             CUSTOMER
               Alton Benes is your father?

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah.

               
                             CUSTOMER
               I always felt he deserved a wider audience.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               I'm not so sure he wants one. (Customer 
               leaves) Hey, don't forget Sunday, okay? 
               You and George are coming, right? Hotel 
               Westbury, eight o' clock.
 
               
                             JERRY
               ..I guess I'm coming.. I mean..

               
                             ELAINE
               What? What, you don't want to go now?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               No, I'll go. I'm going.

               
                             ELAINE
               No, Jerry, you have to. I need a buffer. 
               You know, I haven't seen my father in 
               a while and.. you know.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I'm worried I won't be able to talk 
               to him. He's such a great writer. Frankly, 
               I perfer the company of nitwits.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               So, that's why we're not togeter anymore.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               (Looks at a jacket) What is this? (Holds 
               it up) This is beautiful.. but these 
               jackets never fit me right.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Try it on. (Feels it) Wow, this is soft 
               suede.
 
               
                             JERRY
               This may be the most perfect jacket 
               I have ever put on. (Elaine grabs the 
               tag) How much is it?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (Shocked) Oh my God.

               
                             JERRY
               Bad? (Elaine nods) ..Very bad?

               
                             ELAINE
               You have no idea.

               
                             JERRY
               I have some idea.

               
                             ELAINE
               No idea.

               
                             JERRY
               I've got a ballpark.

               
                             ELAINE
               There is no park and the team has relocated.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               (Looks at the tag) ..That is high.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh man, that is a beautiful jacket, 
               though.
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Looking at the insides of the jacket) 
               What's with the pink lining and the 
               candy stripes?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Well, it's just a lining. You can always 
               have it changed.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Should I get it? I hate these moments. 
               I'm hearing the dual voices now, you 
               know. "What about the money?" "What's 
               money?"
 
               
                             SALESMAN
               It looks wonderful on you.

               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (Jerry's apartment)

               
               (Jerry's sitting on his couch wearing his pajamas and his new 
               jacket. He gets up to look at his jacket in the mirror. Kramer 
               enters)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hey.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey. New jacket?

               
                             JERRY
               What do you think?

               
                             KRAMER
               It's beautiful.

               
                             JERRY
               Is it me?

               
                             KRAMER
               That's definitely you.

               
                             JERRY
               Really?

               
                             KRAMER
               That's more you than you've ever been. 
               (Starts looking the jacket over) What 
               is with the pink lining?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I don't know. It's got a pink lining.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh.. So, what did you pay for this?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I paid what it costs.

               
                             KRAMER
               How much?

               
                             JERRY
               What's the difference?

               
                             KRAMER
               What, you're not gonna tell me?

               
                             JERRY
               I'd rather not say it out loud. It's 
               embarrassing.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Over three hundred?

               
                             JERRY
               Yes, but let's just stop it right there.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               It's over four hundred?

               
                             JERRY
               Really, I'm not answering anymore.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Is it over four hundred?

               
                             JERRY
               Would you?

               
                             KRAMER
               (Finds the tag) Woah, Nelson!

               
                             JERRY
               I know, I know.

               
                             KRAMER
               (Talking about his old jacket) What 
               are you gonna do with the leather one?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I don't know.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, are you gonna wear it?

               
                             JERRY
               Maybe.

               
                             KRAMER
               (Looking over the leather jacket) You're 
               not going to wear this.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Do you want it?

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, yeah. Okay. I'll take it.. I like 
               the jacket.
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Takes one last look at the leather 
               jacket) ..Okay, take it.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Good karma for you. (Kramer puts on 
               his new jacket, and stands next to Jerry, 
               looking in the mirror.) Oh baby.
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (Jerry's apartment)

               
               (George enters singing "Master Of the House" - a Les Miserables 
               show tune)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               "Master of the house.. doling out the 
               charm, ready with a handshake and an 
               open palm. Tells a saucy talke, loves 
               to make a stir everyone appreciates 
               a.."
 
               
                             JERRY
               What is that song?

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, it's from Les Miserables. I went 
               to see it last wee. I can't get it out 
               of my head. I just keep singing it over 
               and over. It just comes out. I have 
               no
 
               
               control over it. I'm singing it on elevators, buses. I sing it 
               infront of clients. It's taking over my life.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You know, Schumann went mad from that.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Artie Schumann? From Camp Hatchapee?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               No, you idiot.

               
                             GEORGE
               What are you, Bud Abbott? What, are 
               you calling my an idiot?
 
               
                             JERRY
               You don't know Rober Schumann? The composer?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, Schumann. Of course.

               
                             JERRY
               (Trying to scare George) He went crazy 
               from one note. He couldn't get it out 
               of his head. I think it was an A. He 
               kept repeating it over and over again. 
               He
 
               
               had to be institutionalized.

               
                             GEORGE
               Really? ..Well, what if it doesn't stop? 
               (Jerry gestures "That's the breaks." 
               George gasps) Oh, that I really needed 
               to hear. That helps a lot! Alright, 
               just
 
               
               say something. Just start talking. Change the subject.. Let's 
               just go, alright? I can't believe we're having dinner with Alton 
               Benes.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I know exactly what's goin to happen 
               tonight. I'm gonna try and act like 
               I'm not impressed, he's gonna see right 
               through it.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, he'll be looking at us like he's 
               backstage at a puppet show.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Let me just get my jacket. (Moves to 
               the bedroom)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               "Master of the house, keeper of the 
               inn.." (Jerry proudly models his new 
               jacket infront of George. George looks 
               in admiration at the jacket) This is 
               huge!
 
               
               When did this happen?

               
                             JERRY
               Wednesday. This jacket has completely 
               changed my life. When I leave the house 
               in this, it's with a whole different 
               confidence. Like tonight, I might've 
               been
 
               
               a little nervous. But, inside this jacket, I am composed, grounded, 
               secure that I can meet an social challenge.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Nods) Can I say one thing to you? And 
               I say this wiht an unblemished record 
               of staunch heterosexuality.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Absolutely.

               
                             GEORGE
               ..It's fabulous.

               
                             JERRY
               I know.

               
                             GEORGE
               And I'll tell you something else, I'm 
               not even going to ask you. I want to 
               know. But I'm not going to ask. You'll 
               tell me when you feel comfortable.. 
               So
 
               
               what was it? Four hundred? Five hundred? Did you pay five hundred 
               for this? (Jerry's acting coy throughout the whole thing) Over 
               six? Can't be seven. Don't tell my
 
               
               you paid seven hundred dollars for this jacket! Did you pay seven 
               hundred dollars for this jacket? Is that what you're saying to 
               me?! You are sick! Is that what you
 
               
               paid for this jacket?! Over seven hundred? What did you pay for 
               this jacket? I won't say anything. I wanna know what you paid 
               for this jacket! Oh my God! A
 
               
               thousand dollars?! You paid a thousand dollars for this jacket?! 
               Alright, fine. I'm walking out of here right now thinking you 
               paid a thousand dollars for this jacket,
 
               
               unless you tell me different. (Jerry still coy, stays silent) 
               Oh, ho! Alright! I'll tell you what, if you don't say anything 
               in the next five seconds, I'll know it was over a
 
               
               thousand..

               
               (Enter Kramer)

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey. Hey, would you do me a solid?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Well, what kind of solid?

               
                             KRAMER
               I need you to sit in the car for two 
               minutes while it's double-parked. I 
               gotta pick up some birds.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Birds?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah. A friend of mine, he's a magician. 
               He's going away on vacation. He asked 
               me to take care of his doves.
 
               
                             JERRY
               So take a cab.

               
                             KRAMER
               They won't take a cage full of birds.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I can't. I'm on my way out. There's 
               no way I can do it.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               George, do me a solid? Two minutes.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Well, I'm going with him. I'd like to, 
               I've never done a solid before.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Alright.. yeah.. alright, have a good 
               one.
 
               
               (Kramer leaves)

               
                             JERRY
               (Scoffs) Two minutes. Believe me, I 
               know his two minutes.. By his conception 
               of time, his life will last over two 
               thousand years.
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (Hotel lobby)

               
               (Jerry and George enter. George's singing "Master of the House")
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               "Master of the House. Quick to catch 
               your eye, never wants a passerby to 
               pass him by."
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Points to his head) Schumann. (George 
               gets visibly scared) Where are they?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Maybe he didn't show up.

               
                             JERRY
               What, you don't want to do this?

               
                             GEORGE
               I don't think there's ever been an appointment 
               in my life where I wanted the other 
               guy to show up.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Sees an elderly man sitting on a leather 
               chair) Wait a second, is that him?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, I think it is. (They walk tward 
               him) Where's Elaine?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I'm nervous.

               
                             JERRY
               Excuse me.. Mister Benes?

               
                             ALTON
               Yeah?

               
                             JERRY
               I'm Jerry. Elaine's friend.. and this 
               is George.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Holds out his hand for a handshake) 
               It's a great thrill to meet you, Sir.
 
               
               
               (Alton starts hacking, George withdraws his hand)

               
                             ALTON
               Sit down. Want a drink?

               
                             JERRY
               Sure.

               
                             ALTON
               (Summons waiter) What do you have?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               (To waiter) I'll have a cranberry juice 
               with two limes.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               And, I'll have a club soda with no ice.
 
               
               
                             BENES
               (Gives both Jerry and George a look) 
               I'll have another Scotch with plenty 
               of ice.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               You like ice?

               
                             ALTON
               Huh?

               
                             GEORGE
               I said, do you like ice?

               
                             ALTON
               Like it?

               
                             GEORGE
               Don't you think you get more without 
               it?
 
               
                             ALTON
               (Pauses) Where's Elaine?

               
                             JERRY
               Well, we thought she was meeting you 
               earlier. She's usually pretty punctual. 
               (Alton remains quiet) ..Don't you find 
               that, George?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, yeah. She's punctual.. and she's 
               been late sometimes.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, yeah. Sometimes she's on time, 
               and sometimes she's late.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I guess today she's late.

               
                             JERRY
               It appears that way.

               
                             GEORGE
               Yep.

               
                             JERRY
               Yep.

               
               (Both Jerry and George look at the door, anticipating Elaine's 
               arrival)
 
               
                             ALTON
               Looks like rain.

               
                             GEORGE
               (Perks up) I know, I know, that's what 
               they said.
 
               
                             ALTON
               Who said?

               
                             GEORGE
               The weather guy, Dr. Waldo.

               
                             ALTON
               I don't need anybody to tell me it's 
               gonna rain.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               No, of course not. I didn't..

               
                             ALTON
               All I have to do is stick my head out 
               the window. (Waiter shows up with the 
               drinks) Which one's suppose to be the 
               funny guy?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Pointing at Jerry) Oh, he's the comedian.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I'm just a regular person.

               
                             GEORGE
               No, no. He's just being modest.

               
                             ALTON
               We had a funny guy with us in Korea. 
               A tailgunner. They blew his brains out 
               all over the Pacific. (Long pause) There's 
               nothing funny about that.
 
               
               (Jerry and George turn to the door again)

               
                             JERRY
               Would you excuse me a minute? I'm gonna 
               go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.
 
               
               
               (Jerry leaves. George is left alone with Alton)

               
                             GEORGE
               I just wanted to tell you that I really 
               enjoyed Fair Game. I thought it was 
               just brilliant.
 
               
                             ALTON
               Drivel.

               
                             GEORGE
               Maybe some parts.

               
                             ALTON
               What parts?

               
                             GEORGE
               The drivel parts.. Oh my gosh, I just 
               realized - I have to make a phone call. 
               I can believe.. would you.. (Gets up, 
               and leaves)
 
               
               (Scene cuts to the hotel bathroom)

               
                             GEORGE
               Thank you for leaving me alone with 
               him!
 
               
                             JERRY
               That was brutal. I can't go back out 
               there.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Well, let's just leave.

               
                             JERRY
               Elaine'll kill me.

               
                             GEORGE
               Where is she?

               
                             JERRY
               She's gotta be here soon.

               
                             GEORGE
               How could she leave us alone with this 
               lunatic? Ten more minutes, and that's 
               it! I'm leaving. I have to tell you, 
               this guy scares me.
 
               
                             JERRY
               The waiter was trembling.

               
                             GEORGE
               If she doesn't show up, we can't possibly 
               have dinner with him alone.
 
               
                             JERRY
               How are we gonna get out of it?

               
                             GEORGE
               We'll say we're frightened and we have 
               to go home.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, that's good. He'd clunk our heads 
               together like Moe.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I don't know. Just start scratching. 
               Tell him you have the crabs. He was 
               in the military. He'll understand that.
 
               
               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (Night club)

               
                             JERRY
               All fathers are intimidating. They're 
               intimidating because they are fathers. 
               Once a man has children, for the rest 
               of his life, his attitude is, "To hell 
               with the
 
               
               world, I can make my own people. I'll eat whatever I want. I'll 
               wear whatever I want, and I'll create whoever I want."
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (Hotel lobby)

               
               (Jerry and George come back from the bathroom)

               
                             ALTON
               Who'd you call?

               
                             GEORGE
               (Caught off guard) My uncle is having 
               an operation. I just wanted to see how 
               he was.
 
               
                             ALTON
               What kind of operation?

               
                             GEORGE
               Bone marrow.

               
               (Manager approaches)

               
                             MANAGER
               Mister Benes?

               
                             ALTON
               Yes?

               
                             MANAGER
               A message for you. (Hands him a message)
 
               
               
                             ALTON
               From Elaine. She got tied up. She'll 
               be here in thirty minutes. (Jerry and 
               George freeze)
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (Hotel lobby)

               
                             ALTON
               Yeah, they should've taken care of Castro 
               when they had the chance. Like we did 
               in Guatamala in 'fifty-three.
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Adding) Well, Guatamala.

               
                             GEORGE
               Sure, Guatamala.

               
                             ALTON
               (Gets up) Alright, you boys get yourselves 
               together. We'll head up to the restaurant. 
               I'll leave a note for Elaine. I'm going 
               to the bathroom. (Leaves)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Come on, let's go!

               
                             JERRY
               What about Elaine?

               
                             GEORGE
               To hell with Elaine!

               
                             JERRY
               She'll be furious.

               
                             GEORGE
               We're dying here!

               
               (Elaine enters)

               
                             JERRY
               That's her! She's here!

               
                             ELAINE
               I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Where is Dad?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (Mocking Alton's voice) He's in the 
               bathroom.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Where have you been?!

               
                             ELAINE
               Kramer, that .. Kramer! I'm just about 
               to leave, he calls me up. He begs me 
               to sit in his car for two minutes, so 
               he can pick up these birds..
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, you didn't..

               
                             ELAINE
               Well, he said he'd drive me here right 
               after. So, I am sitting in his car twenty 
               minutes! he doesn't come down. I am 
               freezing. Then a cop comes by, tells 
               me
 
               
               to get out of the car. He's a city marshal. He's towing the car 
               away. Kramer owes thousands of dollars in back tickets. He was 
               going to tow it with me in the car!
 
               
               So, they tow the car. Now, I am standing outside, and I am freezing, 
               but I cannot leave because I have to tell him what happened to 
               the car.. so, finally, he finally
 
               
               comes down with his giant cage filled with doves. He said he 
               was getting special instructions, that each dove has a different 
               diet. So, we're wandering around trying
 
               
               to get a cab, when two of these doves fly out! Now we're running 
               down the street after these doves. I almost got hit by a bus. 
               (Sits down, takes a deep breath) ..So
 
               
               how's everything going over here?

               
                             JERRY
               (After hearing Elaine's story, his is..) 
               Great.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Couldn't be better.

               
                             ELAINE
               Good. 'Cause Dad can make some people 
               a little uncomfortable.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, no, no.

               
                             GEORGE
               Get outta here..

               
                             ELAINE
               Man, Kramer! I could kill him.

               
                             JERRY
               I can't believe it. You know better 
               than to get involved with Kramer.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               He said he'd give me a lift.

               
                             JERRY
               Ah, the lift. Like the lure of the siren's 
               song. Never what it seems to be, yet 
               who among us can resist?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Where do you come up with this stuff?
 
               
               
                             ALTON
               (Returns) Well, look who's here.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, Hi, Dad.

               
                             ALTON
               (Kisses Elaine) Hello, dear. Who's the 
               lipstick for?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               No one.

               
                             ALTON
               ..How's your mother?

               
                             ELAINE
               Fine.

               
                             ALTON
               How about you? Are you working?

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, I'm reading manuscripts for Pendant 
               Publishing. I told you ten times.
 
               
               
                             ALTON
               Pendant, those bastards.. Alright, boys. 
               We'll go to that Pakistani restaurant 
               on 46th Street. You're not afraid of 
               a little spice, are you?
 
               
               (They all head for the door. Jerry and George trail behind a 
               little)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               "Master of the house, doling out the 
               charm. Ready with a handshake and an 
               open.."
 
               
                             ALTON
               Pipe down, chorus boy.

               
               (Alton glares, George gets embarrassed)

               
                             ELAINE
               Ohh.. it's snowing. It's beautiful.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               (To George) Snow.. snow, that can't 
               be good for suede, can it?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I wouldn't think so.

               
                             JERRY
               What should I do? (To Alton) We're taking 
               a cab, aren't we?
 
               
                             ALTON
               Cab? It's only five blocks.

               
                             GEORGE
               (To Jerry) Why don't you just turn it 
               inside out?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Inside out! Great.

               
               (Jery turns his jacket inside out, showing of the pink striped 
               insides. Alton stops him before Jerry can leave the hotel)
 
               
               
                             ALTON
               Wait a minute. What the hell do you 
               call this?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, I turned my jacket inside out.
 
               
               
                             ALTON
               Well, you look like a damn fool!

               
                             JERRY
               (Like a child) Well, it's a new suede 
               jacket. It might get ruined.
 
               
                             ALTON
               Well, you're not going to walk down 
               the street with my and my daughter dressed 
               like that! That's for damn sure!
 
               
               (Jerry looks at George)

               
                             GEORGE
               It's only a few blocks.

               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (Jerry's apartment)

               
               (Jerry's heading out, the intercom buzzes)

               
                             JERRY
               (Into intercom) Elaine?

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah.

               
                             JERRY
               Come on up.

               
               (Enter Kramer)

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey.

               
                             KRAMER
               I've gotta feed the birds.

               
                             JERRY
               So?..

               
                             KRAMER
               You got any of those mini Ritzes?

               
               (Jerry reaches up, and pulls out some mini Ritzes)

               
                             JERRY
               I can't believe I do.

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah! ..Well, are you going out?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, where's your new jacket? (Jerry 
               points to the jacket hanging in the 
               bathroom. It's ruined, and unwearable) 
               What? (Kramer enters the bathroom,
 
               
               
               he's shocked at the sight of the jacket) Ohhh. What did you do 
               to it?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I was out in the snow last night.

               
                             KRAMER
               Don't youk now what that does to suede?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I have an idea. (Elaine enters) We can 
               make the nine-thirty at Cinema III.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Okay.. (To Kramer) Hello. (To Jerry) 
               Listen, thanks again for coming last 
               night. Dad said he had a great time.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Is he still in town?

               
                             ELAINE
               No, he's driving back to Maryland tonight.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               (Talking about the ruined jacket) So, 
               uh.. what are you gonna do with that 
               one now?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I don't know.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well?..

               
                             ELAINE
               (To Jerry) I didn't want to tell you 
               this, but usually he hates everyone.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Really?

               
                             KRAMER
               You gonna throw this out?

               
                             JERRY
               Well, I can't wear it.

               
                             ELAINE
               (To Jerry) Yeah, he like you though. 
               Said you reminded him of somebody he 
               knew in Korea.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, if you're just gonna throw it 
               out, you know, I could take it.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, go ahead, take it.

               
                             ELAINE
               Dad thinks George is gay.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, because of all that singing?

               
                             ELAINE
               No, he pretty much thinks everyone is 
               gay.
 
               
               (Kramer returns from the bathroom wearing the ruined suede jacket)
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, see, I like it like this.

               
                             ELAINE
               (Pointing at the jacket Kramer's wearing) 
               Isnt' that..? (Jerry nods) Oh, is this 
               fromt he snow last night? (Jerry nods 
               again) Ugh.. you know what you
 
               
               should've done? You should've turned it inside out.

               
                             JERRY
               I'll try and remember that.

               
                             KRAMER
               (Talking about the leather jacket from 
               the start of the show) Boy, it's too 
               bad you gave me this one too.
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Sarcastic) Yeah, too bad.

               
                             KRAMER
               I'm gonna have to do something about 
               this lining.
 
               
               (Kramer exits, Scene ends)

               
               (Alton Benes' car)

               
               (Alton is driving home, then all the sudden, he starts to sing)
 
               
               
                             ALTON
               "Master of the house doling out the 
               charm, ready with a handshake and an 
               open palm.."
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (Night club)

               
                             JERRY
               I had a leather jacket that got ruined. 
               Now, why does moisture ruin leather? 
               I don't get this. Aren't cows ouside 
               most of the time? I don't understand 
               it.
 
               
               When it's raining do cows go up to the farmhouse, "Let us in, 
               we're all wearing leather.. Open the door! We're gonna ruin the 
               whole outfit here.." "Is it suede?" "I am
 
               
               suede, the whole thing is suede, I can't have this cleaned. It's 
               all I got!"
 
               
               
               
                            THE END





The Jacket



Writers :   Larry David  Jerry Seinfeld
Genres :   Comedy


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