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                              THE LIMO



                             Written by

                           Larry Charles




 
               
               
               (Comedy club)

               
               Do you think that the people at the airport that run the stores 
               have any idea
 
               what the prices are every place else in the world? Or do you 
               think they just
 
               feel they have their own little country out there and they can 
               charge anything
 
               they want? You're hungry? Tuna sandwich is nine dollars. You 
               don't like it;
 
               go back to your own country. I think the whole airport airline 
               complex is a
 
               huge scam just to sell the tuna sandwiches. I think that profit 
               is what's
 
               supporting the whole air travel industry. I mean think about 
               it; the terminals,
 
               the airplanes, it's all just a distraction so that you don't 
               notice the beating
 
               that you're taking on the tuna.

               
               
               George is at the airport.

               
                             GEORGE
               It's all departures. I see nothing but 
               departures. (to the woman
 
               beside him) Do you know where the arrivals are?

               
               The woman walks away. George addresses the man standing on the 
               other side.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?
 
               
               
                             MAN
               There's a clock over there.

               
                             GEORGE
               Where?

               
                             MAN
               There.

               
                             GEORGE
               But you have a watch on.

               
                             MAN
               It's right by the escalator.

               
                             GEORGE
               Why don't you just look at your watch?
 
               
               
                             MAN
               I told you, it's right over there.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Let me see the watch.

               
               George grabs the man's wrist.

               
                             MAN
               Hey! What are you, some kind of nut?!
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               You know we're living in a society!
 
               
               
               Jerry walks up from the ramp.

               
                             JERRY
               George.

               
                             GEORGE
               Jerry. Jerry.

               
                             JERRY
               Sorry, the flight was delayed, how long've 
               you been waiting?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I just got here. My car broke down on 
               the Belt Parkway.
 
               
               Jerry, Oh I can't believe-- why don't you get rid of that piece 
               of junk.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               One mile from the exit it starts shaking, 
               really violently shaking,
 
               like it's having a nervous breakdown. It completely stopped dead.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               So you have no car?

               
                             GEORGE
               No.

               
                             JERRY
               So what good are you?

               
               Jerry looks over towards a chauffer holding a sign that says 
               O'BRIEN
 
               
                             JERRY
               I'll tell you one thing, this chauffeur's 
               gonna be waiting a while,
 
               O'Brien's not showing up.

               
                             GEORGE
               How do you know?

               
                             JERRY
               He was in Chicago, the flight was overbooked, 
               wouldn't let him on the
 
               plane. He kept screaming how he had to get to Madison Square 
               Garden.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               We should take his limo.

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, right.

               
                             GEORGE
               Wait a second. Think about it. He's 
               not showing up. Wait till you
 
               see the line of cabs, its like forty-five minutes long. You said 
               he's in
 
               Chicago.

               
                             JERRY
               He's definitely in Chicago.

               
                             GEORGE
               Well the guy's just standing there.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               How would we do it?

               
                             GEORGE
               We just go up to him, we say, "We're 
               O'Brien."
 
               
                             JERRY
               Maybe he knows O'Brien?

               
                             GEORGE
               No, he doesn't know O'Brien, if he knew 
               O'Brien he wouldn't have a
 
               sign. Let's just do it.

               
                             JERRY
               What if we get caught?

               
                             GEORGE
               What's gonna happen? They can't kill 
               us.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Who's gonna be O'Brien?

               
                             GEORGE
               I'll be O'Brien.

               
                             JERRY
               Who am I?

               
                             GEORGE
               You're you.

               
                             JERRY
               Just me?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah.

               
                             JERRY
               Okay.

               
                             GEORGE
               What, you don't want to be you?

               
                             JERRY
               Well if you're gonna be O'Brien, why 
               can't I be somebody?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Like who?

               
                             JERRY
               Dylan Murphy.

               
               George mumbles something.

               
                             JERRY
               What, now you wanna be Dylan Murphy?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Well I like Dylan.

               
                             JERRY
               You could be Colin.

               
                             GEORGE
               Colin O'Brien.

               
                             JERRY
               I'm Dylan Murphy.

               
                             GEORGE
               I'm Colin O'Brien.

               
               They walk towards the chauffer.

               
                             GEORGE
               Are we really doing this?

               
                             JERRY
               Come on,

               
                             MAN
               Hey, do you have the time?

               
                             GEORGE
               Clock over there. (to chauffer) O'Brien.
 
               
               
                             CHAUFFER
               Yes sir.

               
                             GEORGE
               Sorry we're late.

               
                             CHAUFFER
               Here let me take that for you.

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh thank you.

               
                             CHAUFFER
               I'll get the car and I'll bring it around 
               front.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Thank you very much. Dylan?

               
                             JERRY
               Colin?

               
               
               
               George and Jerry are in the back of a limo. George is giddy with 
               excitement.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               This is incredible! This is one of the 
               greatest things I've ever done
 
               in my life! I'm gonna call my mother.

               
                             JERRY
               What for?

               
                             GEORGE
               I dunno, I'm in a limo. (dials) Hello 
               ma? It's me. Guess where I am.
 
               In the back of a limo. No, nobody died. It's a long story, I 
               can't tell you
 
               now. Because I can't. I said I can't. If I could, I would. Would 
               you stop
 
               it? Alright, look, I'm getting off. No, I'm not telling you! 
               How's this? I'm
 
               *never* telling you! I don't care! No! Fine! Never!!

               
                             JERRY
               She happy for you?

               
                             GEORGE
               Can he hear us?

               
                             JERRY
               No. Why?

               
                             GEORGE
               I thought I saw him look in the mirror 
               suspiciously.
 
               
                             JERRY
               He can't hear us.

               
                             GEORGE
               Let's test him. Hey, driver. What do 
               you say we stop off, pick up
 
               your sister, have a little fun back here? No, he can't hear us.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Where's he dropping us? Maybe we can 
               get him to drop us right at my
 
               house?

               
                             GEORGE
               We'll ask him. (opens partition) My 
               dear fellow, where are you
 
               dropping us?

               
                             CHAUFFER
               Madison Square Garden, of course. I 
               have the four passes.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Of course, the uh, the four passes. 
               (closes partition) Four passes to
 
               
               Madison Square Garden? Wait a minute. Wait a minute! Of course! 
               Chicago!
 
               The Knicks are playing the Bulls tonight!

               
                             JERRY
               What?

               
                             GEORGE
               We are going to the Knick game! Michael 
               Jordan!
 
               
                             JERRY
               We're going to the Knick game!

               
                             GEORGE
               Did I tell you?! Did I tell you?!

               
                             JERRY
               I can't believe it! You may have hit 
               with this one!
 
               
                             GEORGE
               You see, you see? I see things as they 
               are and I say, 'no!' Uh, wait,
 
               you see things as they are not and you s- Wait, uh, you see things, 
               do you see
 
               things as they are? What do you say when you see things?

               
                             JERRY
               Lemme call Elaine and Kramer.

               
                             GEORGE
               If I see things as they are, I would 
               ask 'why' or 'why not?'
 
               
                             JERRY
               Elaine? It's me. What are you doing 
               tonight? Great. George and I
 
               have tickets, four free passes to the Knicks-Bulls game, Madison 
               Square Garden.
 
               Can you go? Great, listen, call Kramer, tell him to meet us on 
               the corner at
 
               seven o'clock. Alright. We're gonna pick you up in a limo. That's 
               right
 
               babydoll. Hey listen, when we pick you up, I'm Murphy and George 
               is O'Brien. I
 
               can't tell you now, it's a long story. I am serious. Okay. Okay 
               bye. (opens
 
               partition) 'Scuse me, driver, we have to make a little stop first.
 
               
               
                             CHAUFFER
               I know.

               
                             JERRY AND GEORGE
               He knows?

               
                             GEORGE
               Where are we going? Why are we pulling 
               off here?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Maybe it's a shortcut.

               
                             GEORGE
               We're on the Grand Central, there's 
               no traffic.
 
               
                             JERRY
               (opens partition) 'Scuse me, driver, 
               why are we getting off this exit?
 
               
               
                             CHAUFFER
               Pick up the other members of your party.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Right. The other members of our party. 
               (closes partition) Other
 
               members of our party? What other members of our party? I didn't 
               even know we
 
               were in a party. Oh, I'm telling you, the jig is up.

               
                             JERRY
               It was a bad jig to begin with, we never 
               should have started this jig.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               It was a good jig.

               
                             JERRY
               It was a bad jig, a terrible terrible 
               jig. What are we gonna do now?
 
               They're gonna know you're not O'Brien.

               
                             GEORGE
               There could be more than one O'Brien 
               on a plane who ordered a limo.
 
               
                             JERRY
               First of all, you don't look like any 
               O'Brien, period.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Well you should have been O'Brien.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I don't want to be Murphy anymore; do 
               I still have to be Murphy?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yes, you have to be Murphy.

               
                             JERRY
               It makes no sense now, me being Murphy.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               You're Murphy!

               
                             JERRY
               I'm Seinfeld!

               
                             GEORGE
               You're Murphy!! Look, let's just jump 
               out of the car.
 
               
                             JERRY
               We're doing sixty miles an hour!

               
                             GEORGE
               So we jump and roll, you won't get hurt.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Who are you, Mannix?

               
                             GEORGE
               We're slowing down. Are those the people?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Alright put your hands up over your 
               face, pretend you're sleeping.
 
               
               The limo pulls over, two people, a man (Tim) and a woman (Eva), 
               get in.
 
               
                             WOMAN
               Mr. O'Brien?

               
                             JERRY
               No, I'm, uh, Dylan Murphy. Mr. O'Brien 
               had a long trip, he's sleeping.
 
               
                             EVA
               Oh, well I don't want to disturb him. 
               We're just rather
 
               excited to meet him face to face, finally. We're faithful readers 
               of his
 
               newsletter.

               
                             JERRY
               Newsletter?

               
                             TIM
               And of course, his great book, "The 
               Game".
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, yes, he's very proud of his work 
               in the big game. So you've never
 
               uh, met him before?

               
                             EVA
               No.

               
                             JERRY
               Never seen a picture of him?

               
                             EVA
               Never.

               
                             JERRY
               Not even on the book jacket?

               
                             EVA
               There was no picture on the book jacket.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Hey O'Brien, wake up, c'mon, we got 
               company. Wake up.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Hello. I'm O'Brien.

               
               
               
               Elaine meets Kramer of Jerry's corner.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey!

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey!

               
                             KRAMER
               What, you took a cab?

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah? So?

               
                             KRAMER
               How much do you make?

               
                             ELAINE
               I'm not telling you.

               
                             KRAMER
               C'mon.

               
                             ELAINE
               No!

               
                             KRAMER
               I'll tell you how much I make.

               
                             ELAINE
               I know how much you make. I don't even 
               know why I'm doing this, I
 
               don't even like basketball.

               
                             KRAMER
               You ever seen Michael Jordan?

               
                             ELAINE
               Just in those commercials.

               
                             KRAMER
               Maybe you'll see him do one of those 
               three-sixty dunks.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What's that?

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, it's like this, here, you guard 
               me.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Huh?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah.

               
               Kramer then drives to 'the hoop' and tumbles headfirst into a 
               bunch of garbage
 
               cans.

               
               
               Cut back to 'O'Brien' and 'Murphy' in the limo.

               
                             JERRY
               I don't think we're gonna make the tip 
               off.
 
               
                             TIM
               You think someone's been tipped off?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               So, um, you've read "The Big Game", 
               have you?
 
               
                             EVA
               Yes I've read it and I've memorized 
               it.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Tell me your impressions, I would love 
               to hear what a young woman
 
               thinks of "The Big Game".

               
                             EVA
               Well, this is sort of embarrassing, 
               but it's changed my life. The way you
 
               
               analyzed the game? The way you identify the major players? Well 
               it left me
 
               breathless. You're a brilliant, brilliant man.

               
                             GEORGE
               Well, it's just a game. Remember that, 
               kids.
 
               
                             TIM
               Just a game. He's so humble. Don't forget 
               what you wrote in the
 
               epilogue, the fate of the world depends on the outcome of this 
               game.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Well, I was exaggerating a bit, just 
               for effect.
 
               
                             JERRY
               He tends to exaggerate.

               
                             GEORGE
               Okay, I mean it's serious but--

               
                             EVA
               We are really looking forward to your 
               speech tonight.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Uh, my speech?

               
                             EVA
               Yes, your secretary faxed me the copy. 
               Would you like to look it over?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well you might as well look it over.
 
               
               
               
               Cut back to Kramer and Elaine waiting on the corner.

               
                             KRAMER
               So what's going on, how did all this 
               happen?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Jerry and George called me from this 
               limo and they said we're all going
 
               
               to the Knicks-Bulls game.

               
                             KRAMER
               Limo? I thought that George went to 
               pick him up.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               He did.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well then why would they take a limo 
               from the airport?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I don't know.

               
                             KRAMER
               That's pretty strange. Did he say anything 
               else?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah. He said, um, he said it's really 
               important that we call them
 
               O'Brien and Murphy.

               
                             KRAMER
               O'Brien. Why would he want to be called 
               O'Brien?
 
               
               
               Cut back to the limo, George is reading from O'Brien's speech.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               ...and the Jews steal our money through 
               their Zionist occupied
 
               government and use the black man to bring drugs into our oppressed 
               white
 
               minority communities.

               
                             JERRY
               You're not going to open with that, 
               are you?
 
               
                             EVA
               What was that you said about the myth 
               of the Holocaust?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I said so many things.

               
               Suddenly they hear a loud bang.

               
                             GEORGE
               They're shooting! They're shooting!
 
               
               
                             TIM
               Alright, get down!

               
               The limo comes to a screeching halt. Tim exits the limo to look 
               around, Eva has
 
               fallen on top of George.

               
               Eva. Ohhh. I'm ready to die for you.

               
                             GEORGE
               That's really very nice of you, Eva. 
               Thank you.
 
               
                             EVA
               But of course you know I would. I would 
               do anything for you. Anything.
 
               
               Tim returns.

               
                             TIM
               Nothing to worry about, it was just 
               a flat tire. But rest assured, we're
 
               
               prepared to handle anything that might come up.

               
               Tim opens a briefcase filled with firearms. Eva grabs one and 
               starts handling
 
               it sensually.

               
                             JERRY
               Nice looking Lugar.

               
               
               
               Jodi Baskerville, reporting live.

               
                             JODI
               I'm standing in front of the Paramount 
               adjacent to Madison Square Garden
 
               
               where a growing number of vociferous and angry demonstrators 
               are gathering to
 
               protest the very first public appearance of Donald O'Brien, the 
               leader of the
 
               midwestern regional chapter of the Aryan Union, and reputed to 
               be their most
 
               charismatic spokesman. The reclusive Mr. O'Brien is an advocate 
               of the violent
 
               overthrow of the government. He has openly professed a deep admiration 
               of Adolf
 
               Hitler. Even David Duke has denounced him as a dangerous extremist. 
               There is a
 
               full house inside awaiting his arrival from the airport. Sources 
               tell me he is
 
               in route and should be arriving momentarily. Police have set 
               up barricades, but
 
               quite frankly Bill and Jean, I don't think they're any match 
               for the emotional
 
               fuse that has been lit here tonight. Reporting from the Paramount, 
               I'm Jodi
 
               Baskerville, back to you in the studio.

               
               
               Cut back to Kramer and Elaine on the corner.

               
                             KRAMER
               Something's very strange. George goes 
               to the airport to pick up Jerry.
 
               They come back in a limo with four tickets to the basketball 
               game and wanna be
 
               called O'Brien and Murphy? O'Brien. O'Brien, why O'Brien?

               
               A group of people approach from the adjacent sidewalk. One of 
               them recognized
 
               Elaine.

               
                             DAN
               Elaine?

               
                             ELAINE
               Dan! Oh, hi Dan, how are you?

               
                             DAN
               Good.

               
                             ELAINE
               Um, oh, this is um, Kramer.

               
                             DAN
               Oh, Kramer?

               
               They shake hands.

               
                             ELAINE
               What's going on?

               
                             DAN
               Oh, we're heading down to protest this 
               big neo-nazi rally. The head of
 
               the Aryan Union is speaking, he's in from Chicago. You should 
               come.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, can't, I'm going to the Knicks-Bulls 
               game.
 
               
                             DAN
               Oh, well that's where the rally is. 
               The Paramount, right next door.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, well, maybe we'll run into you.
 
               
               
                             DAN
               Yeah, yeah ok. It's really gonna be 
               something, this is the first time
 
               
               he's ever appeared in public, no one even knows what he looks 
               like.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Who?

               
                             DAN
               The head of the Aryan Union; O'Brien.
 
               
               
               
               Cut back to the limo.

               Jerry and George are alone inside.

               
                             JERRY
               What's taking him so long out there?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Didja see the way she was looking at 
               me?
 
               
                             JERRY
               She's a Nazi, George. A Nazi!

               
                             GEORGE
               I know, I know. Kind of a cute Nazi 
               though.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well we gotta make a plan before they 
               come back, what are we gonna do?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I don't know.

               
                             JERRY
               Let's just make a run for it.

               
                             GEORGE
               I can't run, I have a bad hamstring.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               How'd that happen?

               
                             GEORGE
               I hurt it in a hotel room. You know 
               where they tuck the covers in real
 
               
               tight in those hotel rooms? I can't sleep like that so I tried 
               to kick it out
 
               and I pulled it.

               
                             JERRY
               I know, why do they make that bed so 
               tight? You gotta sleep with your
 
               feet like that.

               
                             GEORGE
               For a mental patient. Wait a minute, 
               the phone, we'll call the police.
 
               
               
               George grabs the phone and dials.

               
                             GEORGE
               9... 1... 1. She said she'd do anything. 
               Hello, police? Uh, yeah
 
               listen, we're in the back of a limo in Queens--

               
               Tim re-enters the limo.

               
                             GEORGE
               --Astroturf? You know who's responsible 
               for that, don't you?! The
 
               Jews! Ah, the Jews hate grass. They always have, they always 
               will.
 
               
                             TIM
               We'll be ready in a minute.

               
                             GEORGE
               Would you excuse us for a minute Tim 
               boy, we're kind of in the middle
 
               of something.

               
                             TIM
               With all due respect, Mr. O'Brien, we're 
               just about to leave.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Tim, who's the head of the Aryan Union, 
               you or me?
 
               
                             TIM
               You are.

               
                             GEORGE
               And who's responsible for making hate 
               mongering and fascism popular
 
               again?

               
                             TIM
               You are.

               
                             GEORGE
               Good. I think you forgot something.
 
               
               
                             TIM
               I'm sorry.

               
                             GEORGE
               Good. Now get out.

               
               Tim leaves.

               
                             GEORGE
               Okay, what are we gonna do?

               
                             JERRY
               I don't know.

               
                             GEORGE
               Alright, how's this? We wait till we 
               get to your street corner, we see
 
               
               Elaine and Kramer then we get out. They can't shoot us in the 
               city.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Nah. No one's ever been shot in the 
               city.
 
               
               
               Cut back to Elaine and Kramer on the corner.

               
                             KRAMER
               I'm telling you, something's going on. 
               I can feel it, sense it.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I'm sure he was just joking around.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh no no no, this is no joke. O'Brien's 
               coming in from Chicago,
 
               Jerry's in a limo, says he's O'Brien? That's not funny. Oh my 
               god. Yes. Yes!
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What is it?

               
                             KRAMER
               Don't you see? There's always been something 
               very strange about Jerry,
 
               always so clean and organized. Do I have to spell it out for 
               you? The limo?
 
               The name? The rally at Madison Square Garden? Jerry, O'Brien 
               are the same
 
               person. Jerry is the leader of the Aryan Union!

               
                             ELAINE
               Jerry's a nazi?!

               
                             KRAMER
               I can't believe I didn't see it.

               
                             ELAINE
               Listen, you idiot! Just calm down! I 
               know Jerry, he's not a nazi.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               You don't think so.

               
                             ELAINE
               No, he's just neat.

               
               
               Cut back to the limo.

               
                             TIM
               You know it's funny. You don't look 
               like an O'Brien.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Me??

               
               George and Jerry laugh nervously.

               
                             TIM
               And you really don't look like a Murphy.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I may not look like a Murphy but I act 
               like a Murphy.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               He's extremely Murphy. He's Murphy to 
               a fault.
 
               
                             TIM
               Where are you from?

               
                             JERRY
               Dublin. Originally. Parents came over 
               here when I was eighteen.
 
               Cereal famine. Couldn't get a bowl anywhere. Bad. 'Tis a beautiful 
               country
 
               though; lush rolling hills, and the peat, ah the peat.

               
                             TIM
               Sounds more like Scottish.

               
                             JERRY
               We were right on the border.

               
               
               Cut back to the street corner.

               
                             KRAMER
               Maybe he's with the company.

               
                             ELAINE
               What?

               
                             KRAMER
               The CIA! Maybe they placed him in there 
               to infiltrate the organization
 
               from within.

               
                             ELAINE
               What about his comedy act?

               
                             KRAMER
               That's the perfect cover! All that time 
               on the road? Look Jerry, he's
 
               too normal to be a comedian. These comedians, they're sick, neurotic 
               people.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What about George?

               
                             KRAMER
               What about him, he's part of it. His 
               whole personality is a disguise.
 
               No real person can act the way he does. Elaine, I'm telling you 
               they're with
 
               the organization. They're all part of it. He's in there with 
               Helms and Hunt
 
               and Liddy, that whole crowd. George and Jerry, they probably 
               know who killed
 
               Kennedy!

               
                             ELAINE
               I'll bet they were even in on it.

               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, what are we gonna do? I'm not 
               gonna let him hurt you. (grabs
 
               and hugs Elaine tightly) I'm not gonna.

               
                             ELAINE
               Kramer, you're hurting me!

               
               
               Quick cut to the now approaching limo.

               
                             GEORGE
               Those are my friends I was telling you 
               about. We're gonna talk to
 
               them, pull over.

               
                             ELAINE
               Get off of me!!

               
               The limo pulls over and George and Jerry get out.

               
                             KRAMER
               O'Brien.

               
               This attracts the attention of Dan and his friends standing at 
               a nearby bus
 
               stop.

               
                             MAN
               O'Brien? Is that him?

               
                             MAN #2
               Yeah, that's him.

               
                             MAN #3
               Look there's O'Brien!

               
                             MAN #4
               Filthy nazi bastard!

               
                             ALL FOUR
               Let's get him!!

               
               They begin running full speed towards the gang.

               
                             GEORGE
               What do I do?! What do I do?!

               
                             JERRY
               Get in the car! Get in the car!

               
               George, Elaine, Jerry and Kramer all jump into the limo which 
               speeds off.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               O'Brien. Long time no see. How's tricks, 
               Murphy?
 
               
                             TIM
               Why did you call him O'Brien and him 
               Murphy?
 
               
                             JERRY
               No, he was talking to me, he's cross-eyed.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               It could be very confusing.

               
               The limo phone rings Kramer answers it.

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah? Eva?

               
                             EVA
               It's for me. (takes phone) Hello? (cups 
               receiver) It's O'Brien.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               O'Brien? Well that's weird.

               
                             EVA
               Who are you?

               
               George and Jerry begin simultaneous explanations about how George's 
               car broke
 
               down when he went to pick Jerry up at the airport.

               
               
               Cut back to Jodi Baskerville, reporting live.

               
                             JODI
               A limousine has just pulled up it's 
               being surrounded by a huge group of
 
               
               protestors, this has the makings of a very ugly scene.

               
               Cut back to the limo, Elaine has joined the group explanation, 
               none of the three
 
               are intelligible at this point.

               
                             JODI
               They are banging on the car, trying 
               to flip it over. The police seem
 
               unable or unwilling to control the crowd, I would imagine Mr. 
               O'Brien must be
 
               having some very grave doubts if he made the right choice for 
               his first public
 
               appearance.

               
               Cut back to the limo. The explanations are becoming more heated 
               and less
 
               understandable, the limo is rocking violently and Tim and Eva 
               are becoming
 
               unnerved.

               
                             EVA
               Get out!!

               
                             ELAINE
               Look, it's Dan! Hi Dan!

               
                             DAN
               Elaine?

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey!

               
               
               Cut to George in front of a news camera, the on screen graphic 
               says 'DONALD
 
               O'BRIEN Leader of the Aryan Union'.

               
                             GEORGE
               I am not O'Brien! I am not O'Brien! 
               I'm not O'Brien! Ask anyone!
 
               Jerry?! Jerry?!!

               
               
               (Comedy club)

               
               So I was watching this movie the other night, it was a World 
               War Two movie and
 
               there was Nazis in the movie and I noticed that the Nazis in 
               those movies always
 
               had like two separate heils. They had like the regular heil that 
               they would do
 
               and then when they were around the offices they had like this 
               casual heil,
 
               remember that one, you ever notice that? They come in, yeah, 
               heil, how are ya,
 
               is the kid back with the coffee yet? Come on, are you finished 
               with the copier?
 
               Yeah. World domination, Aryan race, whose donuts are those? Yeah, 
               heil, nice
 
               to see ya, can I have one of those donuts?

               
               
               
                                   THE END



The Limo



Writers :   Larry Charles
Genres :   Comedy


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