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Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                           THE LIP READER



                             Written by

                            Carol Leifer




 
               
               
               (Comedy club)

               
                             JERRY
               Professional tennis. To me I don't understand 
               all the shushing. Why are they always 
               shushing. Shh, shh. Don't the players 
               know that we're there? Should we duck 
               down behind the seats so they don't 
               see us watching them? Tennis is basically 
               just ping-pong and the players are standing 
               on the table. That's all it is. And 
               that goofy scoring, you win one point 
               and all the sudden you're up by 15. 
               Two points, 30-love. 30-love. Sounds 
               like an English call girl. "That'll 
               be 30, love... And could you be a little 
               quieter next time, please, shh."
 
               
               (Commercial)

               
               In the bleachers at the tennis court. Two players are hitting 
               the ball back and forth.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Are these seats unbelievable or what?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Where's the sunblock?

               
                             JERRY
               Here.

               
                             GEORGE
               25? You don't have anything higher?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What, are you on Mercury?

               
                             GEORGE
               I need higher. This has paba in it, 
               I need paba-free.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You got a problem with paba?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yes, I have a problem with paba.

               
                             JERRY
               You don't even know what paba is.

               
                             GEORGE
               I know enough to stay away from it.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               So are you going to Todd's party this 
               weekend?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I'll go if someone else drives. You 
               going?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Gwen really wants to go.

               
                             JERRY
               You're bringing a date to a party?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               No good?

               
                             JERRY
               A party is a bad date situation. It 
               doesn't matter who you're with. You 
               could be with J. Edgar Hoover. You don't 
               want to sit and talk with Hoover all 
               night. You want to circulate. (Makes 
               hand motions) Ho, ho, ho.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Why'd you pick Hoover? Was he that interesting 
               to talk to?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well I would think, with the law enforcement 
               and the cross dressing. Seems like an 
               interesting guy.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah I guess. What can I do? I gotta 
               take her with me. Todd introduced us, 
               I'm obligated.
 
               
                             JERRY
               That woman is absolutely stunning.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               The Croat? (the tennis player)

               
                             JERRY
               Not the Croat, the lineswoman. That 
               is the most beautiful lineswoman I've 
               ever seen.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, she's a B.L.

               
                             JERRY
               B.L.?

               
                             GEORGE
               Beautiful lineswoman. I'm going to go 
               to the concession stand and get some 
               real sunblock. You want anyting? Jerry? 
               (Jerry is staring at the lineswoman) 
               Jerry?
 
               
               At Elaine's office.

               
                             COWORKER
               You know, I just heard the Lexington 
               line is out.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               You are kidding me. How am I supposed 
               to get to this meeting?
 
               
                             COWORKER
               Take a car service. We have an account.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh forget it, I hate those. Everytime 
               I take one, the driver will *not* stop 
               talking to me. No matter how disinterested 
               I seem he just keeps yakking away. Blah, 
               blah, blah, blah. Why does everything 
               always have to have a social componant? 
               Now a stage coach, that would have been 
               a good situation for me. Cause I'm in 
               the coach, and the driver is way up 
               there on the stage.
 
               
                             COWORKER
               Well you're not going to get a cab now. 
               Four thirty in the afternoon? Read a 
               magazine, keep your head down.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I guess that could work.

               
               At the tennis court concession stand. George is eating a sundae.
 
               
               
               At Jerry's apartment. Kramer is watching TV.

               
                             ANNOUNCER
               And that is it. The match to Ms. Natalia 
               Valdoni. Comming up next, mens single, 
               but for now let's stop a minute and 
               take a look at our beautiful tennis 
               center backdrop.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, hey, it's George.

               
               George is on TV eating a sundae. His face is covered in ice cream 
               and fudge. He is taking a bite of ice cream and dripping it around 
               his mouth.
 
               
                             ANNOUNCER
               Holy cow it's a scorcher. Boy I bet 
               you that guy can cover a lot of court. 
               Hey buddy, they got a new invention. 
               It's called a napkin. We'll take a station 
               break and continue with more...
 
               
               Elaine in the car service car.

               
                             DRIVER
               Dag Gavershole Plaza (sp?) huh? (Elaine 
               ignores him) Pendant Publishing, that's 
               books right? (Elaine is annoyed and 
               still ignoring him) Miss?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Pardon me?

               
                             DRIVER
               Books, that's what you do?

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah.

               
                             DRIVER
               Yeah, I don't read much myself, (Elaine 
               is annoyed) well you know besides the 
               paper. Yeah a lot of people read to 
               relax, but not me. You know what I do?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               You know I'm having a lot of trouble, 
               um, hearing you back here. So...
 
               
                             DRIVER
               (Yelling) I said you know what I do 
               (Elaine is very annoyed) when I want 
               to relax? The Jumble. Hey do you make 
               a book of Jumbles?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I'm going to have to be honest with 
               you. I'm going deaf.
 
               
                             DRIVER
               Going deaf?

               
                             ELAINE
               What?

               
                             DRIVER
               Oh I'm sorry.

               
                             ELAINE
               It can be very frustrating.

               
                             DRIVER
               Hey what about a hearing aid?

               
                             ELAINE
               An I fearing AIDS? Oh, yeah sure, who 
               isn't. But you know you gotta live your 
               life.
 
               
                             DRIVER
               No, no I said. Ehhh, forget it. (Elaine 
               looks pleased)
 
               
               At the tennis court.

               
                             JERRY
               I can't take my eyes off that lineswoman. 
               That lineswoman is absolutely mesmerizing.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Boy you are really smitten.

               
                             JERRY
               I gotta talk to her. What do you think?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Cold? How are you going to do that? 
               You're not one of those guys.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I'm going to psyche myself into it like 
               those people that just walk across the 
               hot coals.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               They're not mocked and humiliated when 
               they get to the other side.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I have to. I won't be able to live with 
               myself.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Wait a minute Jerry, there's a bigger 
               issue here. If you go through that wall 
               and become one of those guys I'll be 
               left here on this side. Take me with 
               you.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I can't.

               
                             GEORGE
               What are you going to say?

               
                             JERRY
               I don't know, "Hi".

               
                             GEORGE
               You think you're going to the other 
               side with "Hi"? You're not going to 
               make it.
 
               
               Elaine in the car service car.

               
                             RADIO
               Base to 92 come in

               
                             DRIVER
               Yes this is 92

               
                             RADIO
               After this go back to city for a 6:00 
               pickup
 
               
                             DRIVER
               Righteo

               
                             RADIO
               794 Bleeker the party's Hanks. Tom Hanks.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Tom Hanks? After me you're picking up 
               Tom Hanks? I love him.
 
               
                             DRIVER
               So I guess your hearing goes in and 
               out huh?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah. Yes it does...

               
                             DRIVER
               Yeah. You know what I think? I think 
               you made that whole thing up.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               No no, no no.

               
                             DRIVER
               Yeah yeah, I know your type. You're 
               too good to make conversation with someone 
               like me. Oh god forbid you could discuss 
               the Jumbles. But to go so far as to 
               pretend you're almost deaf, I mean that 
               is truly disgusting. And Mr. Tom Hanks, 
               may I say he too would be disgusted 
               by your behavior.
 
               
               At the tennis court. Jerry is standing behind the lineswoman.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Excuse me. (Woman ignores him) Excuse 
               me? (Still ignores him) Oh that's nice. 
               That's right ignore me. That's real 
               polite. Nobody's even talking to you. 
               All you big lineswoman. Oh you've got 
               some kind of a cool job. I know your 
               type thinking your too good for everyone, 
               but it's women like you (woman turns 
               around and notices him) oh well, what 
               are you deaf?
 
               
                             LAURA
               Bingo.

               
               At Jerry's apartment.

               
                             KRAMER
               And you're saying she's deaf.

               
                             JERRY
               I'm not *saying* she's deaf, she's deaf.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Can't hear a thing.

               
                             JERRY
               Can't hear a thing.

               
                             KRAMER
               And you're going to go out with her.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, isn't that something?

               
               Elaine enters.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey.

               
                             JERRY AND KRAMER
               Hey.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey I know how to sign.

               
                             JERRY
               Really?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah when I was 8, I had a deaf cousin 
               who lived with us for about a year. 
               (signing as he speaks) So I haven't 
               been able to do it in a while.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What is this about?

               
                             JERRY
               I met this deaf lineswoman at the tennis 
               match.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               You are kidding. That is amazing. (She 
               pushes Jerry, Jerry falls back into 
               Kramer.) I just took a car service from 
               work and to get the driver to not talk 
               to me, I pretended I was going deaf.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Wow good plan.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh didn't work. He caught me hearing. 
               I know it's terrible, but I'm not a 
               terrible person.
 
               
                             JERRY AND KRAMER
               No.

               
                             ELAINE
               No. When I shoo squirrels away, I always 
               say "get out of here". I never ever 
               throw things at them and try to injure 
               them like other people.
 
               
                             JERRY
               That's nice.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, and when I see freaks in the street 
               I never, ever stare at them. Yet, I'm 
               careful not to look away, you know, 
               because I want to make the freaks feel 
               comfortable.
 
               
                             JERRY
               That's nice for the freaks.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, and I don't poof up my hair when 
               I got to a movie so people behind me 
               can see. I've got to make it up to this 
               guy or I won't be able to live with 
               myself. What can I do?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Why don't you get him some tickets or 
               something, how about that friend of 
               yours that works at the ticket area.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah yeah Pete, he can get you great 
               tickets to something. Like a rock concert. 
               Whatever you like.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, thanks Kramer.

               
                             KRAMER
               You got it. Hey Jerry, do me a favor. 
               The next time you see that lineswoman 
               ask her how those ball boys get those 
               jobs. I would love to be able to do 
               that.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Kramer, I think perhaps you've overlooked 
               one of the key aspects of this activity. 
               It's ball *boys*, not ball men. There 
               are no ball men.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah I think he's right. I've never 
               seen a ball man.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Well there ought to be ball men.

               
                             JERRY
               All right I'll talk to her. If you want 
               to be a ball man go ahead, break the 
               ball barrier.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Hey you know a friend of mine from work 
               said that she saw George at the tennis 
               match on TV yesterday.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, yeah me too. Yeah he was at the 
               snack bar eating a hot fudge sundae. 
               He had it all over his face. He was 
               wearing that chocolate on his face like 
               a beard and they got in there real nice 
               and tight. And he's... (Imitates scooping 
               up ice cream.)
 
               
               At Monk's.

               
                             GWEN
               I'm sorry George.

               
                             GEORGE
               I don't understand things were going 
               so great. What happened? Something must 
               have happened.
 
               
                             GWEN
               It's not you, it's me.

               
                             GEORGE
               You're giving me the "it's not you, 
               it's me" routine? I invented "it's not 
               you, it's me". Nobody tells me it's 
               them not me, if it's anybody it's me.
 
               
               
                             GWEN
               All right, George, it's you.

               
                             GEORGE
               You're *damn* right it's me.

               
                             GWEN
               I was just trying to...

               
                             GEORGE
               I know what you were trying to do. Nobody 
               does it better than me.
 
               
                             GWEN
               I'm sure you do it very well.

               
                             GEORGE
               Yes well unfortunately you'll never 
               get the chance to find out.
 
               
               George then looks confused like what he said just didn't sound 
               right.
 
               
               At Jerry's apartment.

               
                             JERRY
               But I thought things were going great.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah so did I.

               
                             JERRY
               Did she say why?

               
                             GEORGE
               No. She tried to give me the "it's not 
               you, it's me" routine.
 
               
                             JERRY
               But that's your routine.

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah. Well aparently word's out.

               
               Kramer enters.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, George, I saw you on TV yesterday.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Really? At the tennis match?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah you were at the snack bar eating 
               a hot fudge sundae.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Get out of here. I didn't see any cameras 
               there.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, the cameras was, vrooom, there. 
               The announcers, they made a couple of 
               cracks about you.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Cracks? What were they saying?

               
                             KRAMER
               That you had ice cream all over your 
               face. They were talking about how funny 
               you looked.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Maybe Gwen saw it. Maybe that's what 
               did it.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Well I'll tell you it wasn't a pretty 
               sight.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               She must have seen me eating it on TV.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               So she sees you with hot fudge on your 
               face and she ends it? You really think 
               she would be that superficial?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Why not. I would be.

               
               The phone rings.

               
                             JERRY
               Hello... Oh hi dad... You saw him?... 
               Really with the ice cream?... All right 
               I'll talk to you later, bye.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               You're parents saw me on TV?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah.

               
                             GEORGE
               This is nighmare. Kramer how long was 
               I on?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               It felt like 8 seconds.

               
                             GEORGE
               One-one-thousand, two-one-thousand, 
               three-one-thousand.
 
               
               Elaine enters.

               
                             ELAINE
               I heard you *really* inhaled that thing. 
               Did anyone tape it?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Can we move on?

               
                             JERRY
               He thinks Gwen broke up with him because 
               she saw him eating the ice cream on 
               TV.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh come on. If she's that superficial 
               you don't want her.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yes I do.

               
                             ELAINE
               So I guess you're not going to Todd's 
               party on Friday.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Well I can't now, Gwen's going to be 
               there.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Well she should be the one that shouldn't 
               go.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well if a couple breaks up and have 
               plans to go to a neutral place, who 
               withdraws? What's the ettiquite?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Excellent question.

               
                             JERRY
               I think she should withdraw. She's the 
               breaker, he's the breakee. He needs 
               to get on with his life.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I beg to differ.

               
                             JERRY
               Really.

               
                             ELAINE
               He's the *loser*. She's the victor. 
               To the victor belong the spoils.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well I don't care, I don't want to go 
               anyway. I don't want to fight that traffic 
               on Friday night.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Well we can take the car service from 
               my office.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Really?

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, they don't know.

               
                             KRAMER
               All right, I'll see you later.

               
                             JERRY
               Okay.

               
                             GEORGE
               "To the victor goes the spoils." What 
               are you going to do tonight?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh I got a date with Laura the lineswoman.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh. (he stands there)

               
                             JERRY
               Why? (George fiddles with the lock on 
               the door.) Well what are you doing?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Well I was just going to wander the 
               streets. Wouldn't want to tag along 
               with you or anything.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, uh, do you want to come with us?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Jerry please, that's very nice, but, 
               uh, (closes the door) where would we 
               be going?
 
               
               At a Chinese restaurant.

               
                             GEORGE
               So, I've got ice cream all over my face. 
               There were no napkins there. Whoever 
               it was that's responsible for stocking 
               that concession stand cost me a relationship.
 
               
               
                             LAURA
               They never have napkins there.

               
                             JERRY
               Let's get the check. (Waves in the air) 
               Is this considered signing? Do you do 
               this when you want the check? Really. 
               I know a sign, that's my first sign.
 
               
               
                             LAURA
               Uh, oh. That couple is breaking up.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               They're breaking up? How do you know?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               She reads lips.

               
                             GEORGE
               What are they saying now?

               
                             LAURA
               "It's not you, it's me."

               
                             GEORGE
               (Holding his drink up to his mouth) 
               Oh my gosh, I just had a great idea. 
               She could come to the party tomorrow 
               and read Gwen's lips for me.
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Puts his hand over his mouth) What?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (Puts nuts into his mouth, and in the 
               process covers his mouth) We bring her 
               to the party, and she can tell me what 
               Gwen is saying about me.
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Holds his drink up to his mouth) She's 
               not a novelty act, George. Where you 
               hire her out for weddings and bar mitzvas.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (Puts his hands on his face, rubbing 
               his eyes) Look. It's a skill, just like 
               juggling. She probably enjoys showing 
               it off.
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Puts his napkin over his mouth) I don't 
               know George. I'm not sure about this.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (Puts his arms in the air, stretching, 
               and covers his mouth with an arm) Could 
               you ask her, just ask her. If she says 
               no, case closed.
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Puts his hand on his chin over his 
               mouth) All right.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Uh Laura, George was wondering if...
 
               
               
                             LAURA
               Sure. I'll do it.

               
               After the restaurant. Jerry at Laura's place.

               
                             JERRY
               So I really had a good time.

               
                             LAURA
               Yeah, me too.

               
                             JERRY
               So you want to go to the party on Friday 
               night?
 
               
                             LAURA
               Yeah.

               
                             JERRY
               All right, we're taking a car service. 
               So we'll swing by and pick you up. How 
               about six? (Laura looks offended). Six 
               is good. (Laura looks offended and angry). 
               You got a problem with six? (Laura opens 
               the door and gets out). What? What?
 
               
               
               (Commercial)

               
               At the tennis court.

               
                             MAN
               Okay listen up people. There are plenty 
               of you here, but we've only got two 
               spots to fill. Good luck.
 
               
                             BOY
               Hey pops, isn't there a better way to 
               spend your twilight years?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               I may be old, but I'm spry.

               
                             BOY
               The tryout lasts three and a half to 
               four hours. Are you up for it?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh I'll be up for it punk.

               
               Kramer fetches some balls, and he is doing some pretty fancy 
               footwork.
 
               
               At Jerry's apartment.

               
                             JERRY
               See I was saying "six" but she thought 
               I was saying "sex". We straightened 
               the whole thing out though.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               She confused "six" with "sex"?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah.

               
                             GEORGE
               Well if she can't tell "six" from "sex" 
               then how is she going to lip read from 
               across the room?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well "six" and "sex" are close.

               
                             GEORGE
               It's two completely different sounds. 
               "ih" and "eh".
 
               
                             JERRY
               Eh.

               
                             GEORGE
               It seems like a problem.

               
                             JERRY
               Well I'm not dating any other deaf women.
 
               
               
               Kramer enters.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey guess who's going to be the new 
               ball man for the finals.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You're kidding.

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah. They said they haven't seen anybody 
               go after balls with such gusto.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               When is that car service comming?

               
                             JERRY
               In five minutes. He's then going to 
               pick us up, then we're going to pick 
               up Elaine, and Laura is going to meet 
               us there.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               If this lip reading thing works tonight 
               do you know how incredible this is going 
               to be? It's like having Superman for 
               your friend.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I know. It's like X-ray vision.

               
                             GEORGE
               If we could just harness this power 
               and use it for our own personal gain, 
               there'd be no stopping us.
 
               
               Newman enters.

               
                             NEWMAN
               I hear you've got some lip reader working 
               for you. You gotta let me use her for 
               one day. Just one day.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Can't do it Newman.

               
                             NEWMAN
               But Jerry, we've got this new supervisor 
               down at the post office. He's working 
               behind this glass. I know they're talking 
               about me. They're going to transfer 
               me, I know it. Two hours, give me two 
               hours.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Not going to happen.

               
                             NEWMAN
               (Sinister) All right, all right. All 
               right you go ahead. You go ahead and 
               keep it secret. But you remember this. 
               When you control the mail, you control... 
               information.
 
               
               In the car service car.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh just pull over right there by the 
               stop sign.
 
               
                             DRIVER
               Pardon me sir?

               
                             JERRY
               I said pull over by the stop sign.
 
               
               
                             DRIVER
               I'm so sorry, you'll have to forgive 
               me. I can't hear a damn thing. I went 
               to that rock concert last night at the 
               garden. My seats were right up agains 
               the speaker. It's a heavy metal group. 
               Metalla-something.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               -ca.

               
                             DRIVER
               Huh?

               
                             GEORGE
               What?

               
                             JERRY
               ca.

               
                             GEORGE
               ah.

               
                             DRIVER
               My ears are still ringing. Some woman's 
               idea of a joke.
 
               
               Elaine gets in. The driver looks up and notices her. He gets 
               angry.
 
               
               A moment later, the group gets out of the car.

               
                             DRIVER
               Get out. Get out. Go on. Hey. Shut the 
               door.
 
               
               Kramer shuts the door and the car takes off, squeeling the tires.
 
               
               
               At the party.

               
                             JERRY
               You know the whole idea of taking the 
               car service was so I wouldn't have to 
               fight the traffic on Friday night.
 
               
               
               Laura sees the group and gets up. She points to her watch.

               
                             JERRY
               I know. I'm late. Hey now I know two 
               signs, (puts his hand in the air) check, 
               and (points to his watch) late. Hey 
               this is the guy you helped become the 
               first ball man.
 
               
               Kramer and Laura start signing to each other. We see confusion 
               from them as they are signing. George puts his forhead on his 
               hand.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               She doesn't know what she's talking 
               about.
 
               
                             TODD
               Guys you made it.

               
                             GEORGE
               Hey hey.

               
                             TODD
               Sorry to hear about Gwen.

               
                             GEORGE
               Why? Did she say something to you about 
               why she broke up with me?
 
               
                             TODD
               Oh no. Tonight will be the first chance 
               I've had to talk to her. Look George, 
               I'm friends with both of you. I can't 
               betray her confidence by telling you 
               anything.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I wouldn't hear of it, huh. It's none 
               of my business. You should try to find 
               out everything you possibly can. In 
               fact, I'll even stay all the way on 
               the other side of the room so there's 
               no chance of me overhearing anything.
 
               
               
                             TODD
               You are so centered.

               
                             GEORGE
               (to the others) Let's go, let's go. 
               All right what are they saying?
 
               
               Gwen and Todd talk. Laura makes hand signs and Kramer translates.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               "Hi Gwen, hi tide."

               
                             JERRY
               Hi tide?

               
                             KRAMER
               Hi Todd.

               
                             KRAMER
               "You've got something between your teeth"
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               What?

               
                             KRAMER
               No that's what he said. "That's interesting. 
               I love carrots, but I hate carrot soup. 
               And I hate peas, but I love pea soup." 
               So do I.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               She's so wild. Can I borrow her for 
               a few hours tomorrow afternoon?
 
               
                             JERRY
               No. If I lend her to you I'll have to 
               lend her to everybody.
 
               
                             GWEN
               I don't envy you Todd. The place is 
               going to be a mess.
 
               
                             TODD
               Maybe you can stick around after everybody 
               leaves and we can sweep together.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               "Why don't you stick around and we can 
               sleep together."
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What?

               
                             KRAMER
               "You want me to sleep with you?"

               
                             TODD
               I don't want to sweep alone.

               
                             KRAMER
               He says "I don't want to sleep alone." 
               She says, oh boy, "love to."
 
               
               George walks across the room over to them.

               
                             GEORGE
               So you're getting rid of me and now 
               the two of you are going to sleep together?
 
               
               
                             GWEN
               What? You're crazy.

               
                             KRAMER
               "What? You're crazy."

               
                             GEORGE
               I heard your whole conversation.

               
                             GWEN
               How?

               
                             KRAMER
               "How?"

               
                             GEORGE
               (looks back to the group) I can read 
               lips. You said let's sleep together.
 
               
               
                             GWEN
               No I didn't. I said "sweep". Let's sweep 
               together, you know with a broom. Cleaning 
               up.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               "... with a broom, cleaning up."

               
                             GEORGE
               Sweep?

               
                             GWEN
               Yes sweep.

               
                             KRAMER
               "Yes sweep."

               
                             GEORGE
               Cut it.

               
                             KRAMER
               George says "Cut it."

               
                             GEORGE
               Cut it.

               
                             KRAMER
               George is saying "Cut it."

               
                             GEORGE
               Cut it. (goes back to the group) (Yelling) 
               Would you stop signing? She said "sweep 
               together" you idiots, not "sleep together."
 
               
               
               Laura's mouth is wide open. She looks at Kramer and points to 
               George. She is mad at Kramer. Aparently she did say sweep and 
               Kramer mis-translated. She signs to Kramer.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               I know how to sign.

               
               Kramer and Laura are arguing back and forth with sign language. 
               They are gesturing signs fiercely. One of Laura's signs causes 
               her hand to swing backwards and hit George in the face.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Ow. My eye, my eye.

               
               
               (At the tennis court)

               
                             ELAINE
               It's so amazing getting to see Monica 
               Sellas playing in the finals.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I know and on the first tournament of 
               her comeback.
 
               
               Kramer is sitting poised on the sideline. He waves back to the 
               group. George and Elaine gives him a thumbs up. The two players 
               hit the ball back and forth. The ball lands in the net. Kramer 
               springs into action running toward the ball and runs into Monica 
               Sellas. Monica falls to the ground in pain.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Thus ends the great ball man experiment.
 
               
               
               Laura gets into the car service car.

               
                             DRIVER
               You with the tennis center?

               
                             LAURA
               Yep.

               
                             DRIVER
               Hey how about that ball man injuring 
               Monica Sellas. Wasn't that something.
 
               
               
               Laura. I'm deaf.

               
                             DRIVER
               Oh. (Very suspicious look on his face.)
 
               
               
               
               
                             THE END



The Lip Reader



Writers :   Carol Leifer
Genres :   Comedy


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