The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)


The web's largest
movie script resource!

Search IMSDb

Alphabetical
# A B C D E F G H
I J K L M N O P Q
R S T U V W X Y Z

Genre
Action Adventure Animation
Comedy Crime Drama
Family Fantasy Film-Noir
Horror Musical Mystery
Romance Sci-Fi Short
Thriller War Western

Sponsor

TV Transcripts
Futurama
Seinfeld
South Park
Stargate SG-1
Lost
The 4400

International
French scripts

Movie Software
DVD ripper software offer
Rip from DVD
Rip Blu-Ray

Latest Comments
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10
Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10
Batman Begins9/10
Collateral10/10
Jackie Brown8/10

Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                          THE LITTLE JERRY



                             Written by

                        Jennifer Crittenden



 
               
               
               (Jerry and Elaine are waiting on the street for George.)

               
                             JERRY
               So what happened to you yesterday? We 
               were supposed to go to the auto show, 
               I waited for you, you never came.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               I'm sorry, I got really busy. How long 
               did you wait?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Five minutes.

               
                             ELAINE
               Five minutes? That's it?

               
                             JERRY
               What's the difference? You never showed 
               up.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I could've! I mean, last week we waited 
               for that friend of Kramer's for like, 
               forty minutes.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, we barely knew the guy.

               
                             ELAINE
               So, the longer you know someone, the 
               shorter you wait for 'em.
 
               
                             JERRY
               That's the way it works.

               
                             ELAINE
               When did you tell George to be here?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I told him to meet us here in ten minutes. 
               How long has it been?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               About five.

               
                             JERRY
               That's enough. (They leave. George comes 
               around the corner.)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Early! Alright! (shivers.) Cold.

               
               Commercial break.

               
               New scene - Jerry and Kramer in a booth at the coffee shop.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               So, I noticed you bounced a check at 
               the bodega.
 
               
                             JERRY
               How did you know about that?

               
                             KRAMER
               Because Marcelino, he taped it up on 
               his cash register with all the other 
               bad checks.
 
               
                             JERRY
               He can't do that.

               
                             KRAMER
               It's the only way you'll learn. (Tastes 
               his eggs.) Aw, these eggs are disgusting. 
               This chicken should be ashamed of himself.
 
               
               
               (George enters and sits down.)

               
                             GEORGE
               Fantastic day! Fantastic!

               
                             JERRY
               What happened?

               
                             GEORGE
               Well, first, I'm brushing my teeth and 
               this piece of apple-skin, that must 
               have been lodged in there for days, 
               comes loose.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Fantastic.

               
                             GEORGE
               Then, I'm at The Foundation...

               
                             JERRY
               You're still doing that?

               
                             GEORGE
               Sometimes, once in a while.

               
                             JERRY
               When you feel guilty.

               
                             GEORGE
               No, occasionally I'll forget to let 
               the machine pick up. Anyway, they made 
               this large donation to a women's prison, 
               and I get to go down there and check 
               it out.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               That's caged heat.

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah-hah!

               
                             JERRY
               What are you gonna do there?

               
                             GEORGE
               Nothing really, you know...just stroll 
               around the cell blocks, maybe take in 
               a shower fight. (chuckles.) Hey, you 
               know you got a bounced check hanging 
               up in the little market over on Columbus?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yes, I know, I know.

               
                             GEORGE
               I noticed you chose the "clowns with 
               balloons" check design.
 
               
                             JERRY
               It was a mistake, the bank sent me the 
               wrong ones.
 
               
               (Elaine enters with her new boyfriend, Kurt.)

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey! Look who's here! Hey Kurt, this 
               is Jerry, and George, and Kramer.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, Kurt. Taste these eggs.

               
                             KURT
               Uh, no - I only eat cage-free, farm-fresh.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Yes! These are sweatshop eggs. (Kramer 
               gets up to leave by climbing over the 
               back of the booth. He loses it and falls 
               on the floor, then regains his composure 
               and walks out with his napkin still 
               tucked in his collar.)
 
               
                             KURT
               I gotta call the office. Honey, would 
               you order for me?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I'm a "honey." He's pretty great, huh?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Is he from the future?

               
                             ELAINE
               No, he just shaves his head. I think 
               it's pretty gutsy.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Listen, sweetheart, let me tell you 
               a little something about guts. (Points 
               to his head.) This is guts.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What? Clinging to some scraps?

               
                             GEORGE
               These are not "scraps." These are historic 
               remains of a once great society of hair.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, did you guys stop at the bodega 
               today? Some moron bounced a clown check!
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Again, I'm really sorry about the check, 
               Marcelino.
 
               
                             MARCELINO
               People seem to like the clowns.

               
                             JERRY
               Look, let me just give you the forty, 
               plus another twenty for your trouble.
 
               
               
                             MARCELINO
               'Kay.

               
                             JERRY
               Aren't you going to take the check down?
 
               
               
                             MARCELINO
               Sorry, no. It's store policy.

               
                             JERRY
               But it's your bodega.

               
                             MARCELINO
               Even I am not above the policy.

               
               (Jerry leaves while giving Marcelino a dirty look.)

               
               New scene - George touring the women's prison with Betsy, the 
               "warden."
 
               
                             BETSY
               Those are our tennis courts.

               
                             GEORGE
               Tennis courts? What about the yard? 
               Where do they have the gang fights?
 
               
               
                             BETSY
               There's no fights here, Mr. Costanza. 
               This is a minimum security facility.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Hmm. What about a hole? You ever put 
               anybody in "the box"?
 
               
                             BETSY
               No.

               
                             GEORGE
               This prison stinks.

               
                             BETSY
               And finally, the library, which has 
               just been refurbished thanks to your 
               generous donation. This is Celia Morgan, 
               our librarian.
 
               
                             CELIA
               Nice to meet you.

               
                             BETSY
               I'll be in my office if you need me.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Thanks, Warden.

               
                             BETSY
               Betsy.

               
                             GEORGE
               Betsy.

               
                             CELIA
               So, are you the head of the foundation?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Well, let's just say it wouldn't exist 
               without me. (Notices another person 
               in the library dressed the same as Celia.) 
               So uh, you two shop at the same store?
 
               
               
                             CELIA
               No, it's standard issue.

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh my God...you're in jail? (Celia nods.) 
               That is so cool!
 
               
               New scene in Jerry's apartment later that day.

               
                             JERRY
               You asked her out?

               
                             GEORGE
               Well...not "out." She's in prison.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               How could you ask her out?

               
                             GEORGE
               Why not?

               
                             JERRY
               I remember when you wouldn't date that 
               girl who lived in Queens because you 
               didn't want to go over the bridge!
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               That was different!

               
                             JERRY
               I'll say.

               
                             GEORGE
               Jerry, I like being with her. Plus, 
               I know where she is all the time. I 
               have relatively no competition. And 
               you know how you live in fear of the 
               pop-in?
 
               
                             JERRY
               The pop-in.

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, no pop-in, no "in the neighborhood," 
               no "I saw your light was on." And the 
               best part is, if things go really well...
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Conjugal visit?

               
                             GEORGE
               Don't jinx it!

               
               (Kramer enters.)

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey. What's up?

               
                             JERRY
               George is dating a convict.

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh? What's she in for?

               
                             GEORGE
               Embezzlement.

               
                             KRAMER
               Sounds like a nice girl. Hey Jerry, 
               is it all right if I put some stuff 
               in your fridge? 'Cause mine's full.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, sure. You don't even have a fridge, 
               do you?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, not here. (Goes into the hallway, 
               comes back in with a huge bag of chicken 
               feed.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Kramer, wait a minute, what the hell 
               is that?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, it's chicken feed. (Slams the 
               bag into Jerry's fridge.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               I sense something is afoot.

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, I bought a chicken.

               
               (Jerry is about to reply, but George interrupts.)

               
                             GEORGE
               Allow me. Why?

               
                             KRAMER
               Cage-free, farm-fresh eggs.

               
               (George is about to reply, but Jerry interrupts.)

               
                             JERRY
               Allow me. What are you, an idiot?

               
               New scene - Elaine's apartment at night. Elaine is about to pay 
               a delivery guy for some food.
 
               
                             KURT
               Hold it, hold it, I got it. Catch. (Tosses 
               his wallet to Elaine, she pays the delivery 
               guy.)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Hey, driver's licence. Oh...my God.
 
               
               
                             KURT
               What?

               
                             ELAINE
               Your hair. It's so thick and lustrous. 
               I mean, it...it was.
 
               
                             KURT
               Well, it still is. I shave my head for 
               my swim team. I just liked the way it 
               looked, so I kept it.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Are you saying that I could be dating 
               this hair? With you under it? (Kurt 
               shrugs.)
 
               
               New scene - Jerry in bed at the crack of dawn. We hear a rooster 
               crowing. Jerry gets up and knocks on Kramer's door, bleary-eyed. 
               Kramer answers the door with a rooster under his arm.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Is that your "chicken" making all that 
               noise?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, Jerry loves the morning.

               
                             JERRY
               Who?

               
                             KRAMER
               Little Jerry Seinfeld. I named my chicken 
               after you.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Thanks, that's very sweet, but that 
               is not a chicken.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Of course it is. I picked it out myself.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Well, you picked out a rooster.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, that would explain Little Jerry's 
               poor egg production.
 
               
               (Jerry nods and shuffles back to his place. Kramer turns Little 
               Jerry upside down to see if he's actually a rooster or not...)
 
               
               
               New scene - George visiting Celia at the prison.

               
                             CELIA
               This was fun.

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah. I had a great time.

               
                             GUARD
               Five minutes, Mr. Costanza.

               
                             GEORGE
               The whole hour just flew by. (Begins 
               cleaning up the table.)
 
               
                             GUARD
               I'll get that.

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, thanks, Bobby. (To Celia) Well, 
               I guess I'll see you in four days.
 
               
               
                             CELIA
               Go out and have a ball with the guys. 
               I'll be waiting right here for you.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Of course you will. You're the best.
 
               
               
               New scene - Jerry's apartment, the same day. The phone rings.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Hello?

               
                             HELEN
               Jerry? Leo told us he saw your bounced 
               check. Are you having money problems?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I'm not having money problems.

               
                             HELEN
               Enough with the comedy! You're very 
               clever, you should look into advertising.
 
               
               
                             MORTY
               He never even called Ed Roydlick. They 
               were looking for someone!
 
               
                             JERRY
               I'm not calling Ed Roydlick. I'm doing 
               fine! (George enters.)
 
               
                             HELEN
               That's it. I'm going to send you fifty 
               dollars.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You are NOT sending me fifty dollars!
 
               
               
                             HELEN
               We're sending you fifty dollars! Morty, 
               get me an envelope.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I swear to God, if you send me fifty 
               dollars, you are gonna be so sorry!
 
               
               
                             MORTY
               I don't see envelopes!

               
                             HELEN
               They're right in front of you! Oh, for 
               heaven's sakes... (She puts the phone 
               down on the couch and goes to help Morty.)
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Ma! Ma! MA! (Hangs up the phone in disgust.)
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               How're the folks?

               
                             JERRY
               Good.

               
                             GEORGE
               So? Movie tonight?

               
                             JERRY
               I thought you were going out with Celia.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               I did. I'm back. I love this relationship, 
               I feel so liberated!
 
               
                             JERRY
               Having her in jail.

               
                             GEORGE
               The only thing that bothers me is that 
               I'm just coming up with this now.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, dating a convicted felon. I don't 
               know how you missed it.
 
               
               (Elaine enters.)

               
                             ELAINE
               Here. (Shows Kurt's driver's licence 
               to Jerry.) Take a look at that.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Huh. Kurt's an organ donor.

               
                             ELAINE
               No! He's not bald. Look! He's got a 
               full head of hair. (George overhears 
               and stands up, concerned.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               So he just shaves his head for no reason?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               That's like using a wheelchair for the 
               fun of it!
 
               
                             ELAINE
               And he's growing it in just for me. 
               (Happily) It's mine. It's all mine.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               It's just hair.

               
                             ELAINE
               It's not just hair! Look! (Shows Kurt's 
               licence to Jerry again.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               It's brown.

               
                             ELAINE
               It's chestnut with auburn highlights!
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               So?

               
                             ELAINE
               You're not around women. You don't know 
               how important a man's hair is. (They 
               both look at George, who is reading 
               a newspaper and struggling to keep his 
               composure.) I'm sorry, George, but it's 
               true.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I knew it.

               
               New scene - Kramer walking Little Jerry Seinfeld down the street 
               on a leash. He goes into Marcelino's.
 
               
                             MARCELINO
               Hey, Kramer. Nice rooster. What's his 
               name?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, this is Little Jerry Seinfeld.
 
               
               
                             MARCELINO
               Little Jerry Seinfeld. Does he bounce 
               checks? (laughs)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Look, can't you take Jerry's check down?
 
               
               
                             MARCELINO
               Sorry Kramer, can't help you.

               
               (A guy walks into the bodega with his dog. The dog and Little 
               Jerry get into a tussle, and Little Jerry sends the dog packin.')
 
               
               
                             MARCELINO
               I like the way he handles himself.
 
               
               
               (Kramer picks Little Jerry up. He's upside down. Kramer turns 
               him around the right way.)
 
               
               New scene - Elaine checking out Kurt's head at her apartment.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, it's coming in already! Wow, you 
               have some very nice little seedlings 
               here. Huh...
 
               
                             KURT
               What?

               
                             ELAINE
               Well, it doesn't seem to be coming in 
               so good over here. Or here.
 
               
                             KURT
               What do you mean? (Goes into the bedroom 
               to look in the mirror.)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Well, I don't know...how long have you 
               been shaving your head for?
 
               
                             KURT
               About three years.

               
                             ELAINE
               Huh.

               
                             KURT
               Oh my God! (Steps into the doorway) 
               I'm going bald!
 
               
               New scene - George and Celia in the prison library.

               
                             CELIA
               George! I'm so glad to see you!

               
                             GEORGE
               Hey, I brought you some cigarettes. 
               You buy yourself something nice.
 
               
                             CELIA
               Good news - I'm up for parole.

               
                             GEORGE
               Parole! (Feigning joy) That's dynamite!
 
               
               
               New scene - Kramer and Jerry in Jerry's apartment.

               
                             JERRY
               So Marcelino's going to take down the 
               check?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, it comes down if Little Jerry 
               Seinfeld wins the cockfight.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Great! (realizing) What?

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, Marcelino, he has cockfights in 
               the back of his store.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Ah ha...

               
                             KRAMER
               So, he says if Little Jerry Seinfeld 
               wins, the check comes down.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Kramer, cockfighting is illegal.

               
                             KRAMER
               Only in The United States.

               
                             JERRY
               It's inhumane!

               
                             KRAMER
               No, Jerry, it's not what you think it 
               is.
 
               
                             JERRY
               It's two roosters peckin' at each other!
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               What?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah!

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I thought they wore gloves and 
               helmets, you know, like "American Gladiators."
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               No Kramer, Little Jerry could get hurt.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I left him with Marcelino!

               
               (Jerry shrugs and holds his hands out.)

               
                             KRAMER
               My Little Jerry! (Runs out.)

               
               Commercial break.

               
               Continuation of last scene - Jerry and Kramer in Jerry's apartment.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Hey, did you get Little Jerry, is he 
               O.K.?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, he's more than O.K., he won!
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You let him fight?

               
                             KRAMER
               I couldn't get there in time to stop 
               it, but you should have seen Little 
               Jerry, Jerry! Flappin' his wings and 
               struttin' his stuff! He was peckin' 
               and weavin' and bobbin' and talkin' 
               trash! He didn't even have to touch 
               him! The other rooster ran out of the 
               ring. The whole fight lasted two seconds.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               How long do they usually last?

               
                             KRAMER
               Five seconds. And Marcelino says he's 
               taking your check down today.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Great!

               
               (George walks in.)

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey.

               
                             GEORGE
               Celia's up for parole.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, Little Jerry won his cockfight.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               What?

               
                             KRAMER
               Who?

               
               (They both look at Jerry.)

               
                             JERRY
               I'm too tired.

               
                             KRAMER
               O.K., listen, I want you to come by 
               later, alright? 'Cause we're having 
               a victory party for Little Jerry.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Alright. (Kramer leaves.)

               
                             GEORGE
               It's over, Jerry. She's gettin' out.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Ah, I'm so sorry.

               
                             GEORGE
               She's been locked up for two years. 
               She's gonna want to make up for lost 
               time. Dinners. Movies. (Rubs his forehead.) 
               Talking...
 
               
                             JERRY
               In other words, a normal relationship.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               And that's no good. I've tried it straight, 
               Jerry. We've all seen the results. For 
               me, sick is the only way to go.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, she'll still be an ex-con.

               
                             GEORGE
               It's not the same.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey, if you two are meant to be together...I'm 
               sure the cops'll pick her up on something.
 
               
               
               New scene - Elaine meets a bummed-out Kurt at the coffee shop.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Kurt? What's with the sweats? Aren't 
               we going out?
 
               
                             KURT
               I don't care.

               
                             ELAINE
               You, uh...got a big stain on your shirt.
 
               
               
                             KURT
               Yeah...meatball...fell out of my sandwich.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               You already ate?

               
                             KURT
               It's from yesterday.

               
               New scene - Jerry and Marcelino at the bodega.

               
                             MARCELINO
               Jerry! You missed a hell of a cockfight 
               last night.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Then what is my check still doing up? 
               We had a deal!
 
               
                             MARCELINO
               Now we have a new deal.

               
                             JERRY
               New deal?

               
                             MARCELINO
               When Little Jerry Seinfeld is mine, 
               the check will be yours.
 
               
                             JERRY
               This is outrageous! (To Marcelino) Pack 
               of Juicy Fruit.
 
               
                             MARCELINO
               85 cents.

               
                             JERRY
               85 cents? That is outrageous!

               
               New scene - Jerry and Kramer in Jerry's apartment.

               
                             JERRY
               Kramer, Marcelino wants us to sell him 
               Little Jerry Seinfeld.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, that's out of the question.

               
                             JERRY
               But Kramer, cockfighting is an illegal 
               and immoral activity.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, if you got a loser. But Little 
               Jerry was born to cockfight!
 
               
                             JERRY
               No, no more cockfighting. Let's just 
               sell him to Marcelino the cockfighter 
               and be done with it!
 
               
                             KRAMER
               You know, I think you're jealous.

               
                             JERRY
               Of what?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yah, yah! You see in Little Jerry Seinfeld 
               the unlimited future you once had. Now, 
               just because Jerry Seinfeld is a has-been, 
               don't make Little Jerry Seinfeld a never-was!
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Kramer, give me that rooster!

               
                             KRAMER
               Never! You hate him because he's doing 
               more with your name than you ever will! 
               Yah-yah! (Kramer leaves.)
 
               
               New scene - George in Betsy's office at the prison.

               
                             BETSY
               George, Celia has listed you as a character 
               reference. Whatever you can tell us 
               would certainly be helpful in her getting 
               paroled.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Well, anything I can do to help, um...she's 
               a wonderful girl. Very smart. Very...crafty.
 
               
               
                             BETSY
               Does she have any plans after she's 
               released?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Plans. Schemes. She keeps talking about 
               getting back together with her old friends 
               - "the gang," as she likes to call them, 
               you know. Yeah, they're hatching something, 
               you can count on that.
 
               
               New scene - Marcelino at Jerry's apartment door.

               
                             MARCELINO
               Jerry! Tonight's fight-night. Where's 
               my rooster?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Kramer won't sell.

               
                             MARCELINO
               Well, tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm 
               gonna take down your check anyway.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Well, thank you, Marcelino.

               
                             MARCELINO
               Well, perhaps someday you will do me 
               a favor. And that day is today. Little 
               Jerry Seinfeld must go down in the third 
               round of tomorrow's main event.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You want Little Jerry to take a dive?
 
               
               
                             MARCELINO
               Shhh, not so loud.

               
                             JERRY
               First of all, I don't think you can 
               make a rooster take a dive.
 
               
                             MARCELINO
               Can, too!

               
                             JERRY
               Second of all, Jerry Seinfeld - big 
               or little - doesn't go down for anyone, 
               anywhere, at anytime! Now I'd appreciate 
               it if you please leave.
 
               
                             MARCELINO
               Big Jerry is making a big mistake, Jerry.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               We'll see about that. (Runs to the window 
               and shouts up to Kramer, who's on the 
               roof.) Kramer, I'm comin' up! We got 
               a cockfight to win!
 
               
                             KRAMER
               O.K.!

               
               New scene - Kurt at George's apartment.

               
                             KURT
               Elaine said you would be the best person 
               I could talk to.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yep. Classic horseshoe pattern. I've 
               seen a lot of this.
 
               
                             KURT
               Oh, God.

               
                             GEORGE
               No, no, Kurt - wrong attitude. You should 
               be happy now.
 
               
                             KURT
               Happy? Why should I be happy?

               
                             GEORGE
               You've still got pretty good coverage. 
               Once the enemy advances beyond this 
               perimeter - (points at Kurt's head with 
               a pen) - then you won't be Kurt anymore.
 
               
               
                             KURT
               Who will I be?

               
               (George points at himself. Kurt shudders.)

               
                             KURT
               How long do I have?

               
                             GEORGE
               14 months. Maybe 10.

               
                             KURT
               Is there anything I can do?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yes. Live, dammit. Live! Every precious 
               moment as if this was the last year 
               of your life. Because in many ways...it 
               is. (There's a knock at the door.) Excuse 
               me.
 
               
               (George answers the door. Celia enters.)

               
                             GEORGE
               Celia? What are you doing here?

               
                             CELIA
               Well, I didn't get my parole, so I busted 
               out.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               And you just decided to pop in...!
 
               
               
               New scene - Kurt shows up at Elaine's apartment.

               
                             ELAINE
               Kurt!

               
                             KURT
               Elaine...(holds out a wedding ring) 
               Will you marry me? (Elaine is shocked.)
 
               
               
               New scene - Jerry and Kramer in Jerry's kitchen, training Little 
               Jerry for his cockfight.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, yeah. He's lookin' good, huh Jerry?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah. Alright, I think that's enough 
               for today. (Kramer picks up Little Jerry 
               and takes him to the sink.) Little Jerry 
               is lean, mean, peckin' machine! (Kramer 
               starts filling a pot with water.) What 
               are you doing with that?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               I'm just gonna heat this up. Make a 
               little hot-tub for Little Jerry.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hey, Kramer...?

               
               (Kramer looks at Jerry.)

               
                             JERRY
               Be careful. (George enters.) Hey, guess 
               what! Little Jerry ran from here to 
               Newman's in under thirty seconds!
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Is that good?

               
                             JERRY
               I don't know. Where have you been?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Celia broke out of prison. I'm sitting 
               in my home, she shows up at the door!
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Oh my God! The break-out/pop-in!

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah. Hey Jerry, listen to this. I discovered 
               something even better than conjugal 
               visit sex. Fugitive sex! Now, it's like 
               everytime -
 
               
                             JERRY
               George, this is a little too much for 
               me - escaped convicts, fugitive sex...I 
               got a cockfight to focus on. (Jerry 
               leaves.)
 
               
               Cut back to Elaine and Kurt at Elaine's apartment.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey Kurt, slow down! I just can't marry 
               you, whim-bam-boom! I mean, I need some 
               "fiance-time," I need some "make-my-girlfriends-jealous" 
               time...
 
               
                             KURT
               Plus, you want to get to know me.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, yeah, that too.

               
                             KURT
               Well, how much time?

               
                             ELAINE
               I don't know...a year?

               
                             KURT
               No, no, no...it has to be now.

               
                             ELAINE
               Could I see the ring again?

               
               New scene - Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer at the cockfight 
               in back of Marcelino's store.
 
               
                             JERRY
               So, you're actually considering it?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Well, it'll be a couple of years before 
               he's completely bald. Those'll be good 
               times.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Marriage is a big step, Elaine. Your 
               life'll totally change.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Jerry, it's three-thirty in the morning. 
               I'm at a cockfight. What am I clinging 
               to? (George comes over.)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Hey, sorry I'm late.

               
                             JERRY
               Where's Celia?

               
                             GEORGE
               She didn't want to come, she's not really 
               into sports. (Kramer comes over with 
               Little Jerry.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hey, how's he doin'?

               
                             KRAMER
               He's got a big sweat going. (Takes an 
               envelope out of his pocket.) Oh, this 
               came for you express-mail. It's from 
               your parents.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Fifty dollars. I don't believe this!
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               There's Marcelino. (Marcelino enters 
               the ring holding a huge white rooster.)
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Look at the size of his bird!

               
                             KRAMER
               That looks like a dog with a glove on 
               his head.
 
               
               New scene - Kurt at George's door. Celia answers.

               
                             KURT
               Hi, is George back from the cockfight 
               yet? You know, I gotta thank him, he 
               changed my life.
 
               
                             CELIA
               No, it must have been a good fight, 
               he's not back yet.
 
               
                             KURT
               Ah, damn.

               
               (Two detectives show up at the door behind Kurt.)

               
                             DETECTIVE #1
               Sorry to bother you, Mr. Costanza. Well, 
               well, well. Look who's here.
 
               
                             CELIA
               Aw, man!

               
                             DETECTIVE #2
               Mr. Costanza, you're under arrest for 
               aiding and abetting a known fugitive.
 
               
               
                             KURT
               I'm not George Costanza.

               
                             DETECTIVE #2
               Save it. We know you're bald. We know 
               it's you. Let's go! (They escort Kurt 
               and Celia out.)
 
               
               Cut back to the cockfight.

               
                             ELAINE
               Muchos gracias. (Turns back to Jerry 
               and Kramer.) O.K., I got the whole scoop. 
               Marcelino flew the bird in from Ecuador. 
               He's 68 and 0!
 
               
                             JERRY
               He's a ringer!

               
                             GEORGE
               Where's the tamale guy? (The bell rings, 
               and the cockfight begins.)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Little Jerry's going to get his clock 
               cleaned. I gotta get him outta there.
 
               
               
               (A man at the edge of the ring drops Little Jerry in. Everything 
               now happens in slow-motion.)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Little Jerry!

               
                             JERRY
               Kramer!

               
                             ELAINE
               Stop the fight!

               
                             GEORGE
               Tamale!

               
               (Kramer lands in the ring and grabs ahold of Little Jerry. Marcelino's 
               rooster closes in. We see Jerry, George and Elaine with shocked 
               expressions on their faces, then hear pecking sounds and Kramer 
               yelping and screaming from inside the ring.)
 
               
               Commercial break.

               
               New scene - Elaine talking to Kurt in jail on a phone through 
               the glass.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Why did you get into a fist fight with 
               the cop? You were innocent!
 
               
                             KURT
               They thought I was George. I'm not that 
               bald. I have too little time left to 
               take that kind of crap, so I slugged 
               him.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               So, how long are you gonna be in here 
               for?
 
               
                             KURT
               Well, my lawyer says 14 months, but 
               with good behavior, maybe...10?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               So, 10 to 14 months.

               
                             KURT
               Yeah.

               
               (Elaine hangs up the phone, takes Kurt's ring off her finger, 
               drops it in the tray and leaves.)
 
               
               
               
                           THE END





The Little Jerry



Writers :   Jennifer Crittenden
Genres :   Comedy


User Comments







Index    |    Submit    |    Links    |    Link to us    |    RSS Feeds    |    Disclaimer    |    Privacy policy