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Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                          THE LITTLE KICKS



                             Written by

                           Spike Feresten




 
               
               
               (Jerry and Kramer walking down the street. Jerry is closest to 
               the street.)
 
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               I wouldn't walk over there.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Why not?

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               It's the most dangerous part of the 
               sidewalk. Cab hops a curb, wap! You've
 
               
               
               had your last egg sandwich.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               What about over there? You know air 
               conditioners fall out all the time.
 
               
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               I'd much rather get hit by an 80 pound 
               air conditioner than a two ton cab.
 
               
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               No, cab's comin' in right here (Hand 
               at waist) Set of plastic hips,
 
               
               prosthetic legs, and a monkey to answer the door, I'm back in 
               business.
 
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Much rather take it to the head, Like 
               I did in '79.
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               You were livin' in the village then, 
               right?
 
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Don't really remember.

               
               
               
               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (Showing fingernails) Toxic waste green.
 
               
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               That is disgusting.

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               You know, revulsion has now become a 
               valid form of attraction.
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Well, then you're drivin' me wild.
 
               
               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               I had 'em done for the big Peterman 
               bash I'm throwin'.
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               (George enters) Oh, why you havin' a 
               party?
 
               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               I drive my people hard, and then I reward 
               them.
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Like with dogs.

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Exactly.

               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Party?

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah.

               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Food?

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Uh huh.

               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Bar?

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah.

               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               George?

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               He's gonna show up anyway.

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               George, I just don't want you interfering.
 
               
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               How could I possibly interfere?

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Isn't that what Jack Ruby said?

               
               
               
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (Eating) Oh yeah. These are fantastic, 
               fantastic. (To server) You know,
 
               
               I'd love to get a jump on the next batch, where do you come out? 
               (Server leaves)
 
               
               (To Anna) She's been ignoring this section all night. Quesadilla?
 
               
               
               
               
                             ANNA
               No thanks.

               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               My name is George.

               
               
               
                             ANNA 
               Anna. I don't recall seeing you around 
               the office. Do you work in the mail
 
               
               
               room?

               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               No, I'm a friend of Elaine Benes.

               
               
               
                             ANNA
               Oh. Excuse me. (She leaves)

               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               So...

               
               
               
                             MAN
               How 'bout leading us in a toast?

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh sure. Hey guys, I wanna make a toast. 
               Um... Here's to us who wish us
 
               
               well, and those who don't can go to hell... All right, who's 
               dancin'? C'mon, who's
 
               
               dancin'? You want me to get it started? I'll get it started. 
               Whew! (She dances)
 
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Sweet Fancy Moses!

               
               
               
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               You get the tickets?

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Who wants two? Special sneak preview 
               of Death Blow.
 
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Death Blow: When someone tries to blow 
               you up, not because of who you are,
 
               
               
               but for different reasons altogether. (Jerry buzzes up George) 
               Jerry, do you think
 
               
               you can get an extra ticket for my friend Brody?

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Kramer, do you know what I had to go 
               through to get these?
 
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, I know, but he's a big fan of 
               the genre. You know I'd consider it 
               a
 
               
               personal favor to me.

               
               
               
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah I guess I do owe you.

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Uh, listen, do you want me to stay here 
               until George gets up?
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               No, I'm okay.

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               There's no problem, really.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               I'm fine. (George enters, Kramer exits) 
               How was the party?
 
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Food was good.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               So I didn't miss anything?

               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Well, actually you did miss one nugget 
               of entertainment. (Pause) Have you
 
               
               
               ever seen Elaine dance?

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Elaine danced?

               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               It was more like a full bodied dry heave 
               set to music.
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Did she do the little kicks and the 
               thumbs?
 
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               What, you mean you know about this?
 
               
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               For some time. It was about five years 
               ago. I never knew what to say to her
 
               
               
               about it. It was one of those problems I hoped would just go 
               away.
 
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Well, sometimes you can't help these 
               people 'til they hit rock bottom.
 
               
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               And by then you've lost interest.

               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Hey, you gotta take a ride with me later. 
               I borrowed my father's car. '68
 
               
               GTO.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               What made him get that thing?

               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               During that period when my folks were 
               separated he went a little crazy.
 
               
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Not a very long trip. (Enter Kramer)
 
               
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Brody's in.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               I don't even have the extra ticket yet.
 
               
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, you better get on the horn.

               
               
               
               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               I'm tellin' you Jerry I'm gettin' a 
               vibe. If I didn't know better, I'd say
 
               
               
               the staff completely lost respect for me. (Staff mocks her dancing 
               in the
 
               
               background)

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               How could that be?

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Jerry, it's like the feeling is palpable. 
               You think it could have something
 
               
               
               to do with the party?

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               No, George was there, he said he had 
               a great time.
 
               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, it's George. I bet you this is somehow 
               George related.
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, what are you talkin' about?

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               He's like a virus. He attaches himself 
               to a healthy host company, and the
 
               
               
               next thing you know, the entire staff's infected.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Now you're talkin' crazy!

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               All right, Jerry, if that's not what 
               it is, you tell me. What is it?
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               (Makes sound) Oh there's my call waiting, 
               I gotta get goin'.
 
               
               
               
               
               
               
                             ANNA
               You have a minute to approve some copy?
 
               
               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh yeah, sure, sure. So, did ya have 
               a good time at the party last night?
 
               
               
               
               
                             ANNA
               It was a real... kick.

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Hey, did you happen to speak to my friend 
               George?
 
               
               
               
                             ANNA
               As a matter of fact I did.

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Ah hah. Well, listen. You would be wise 
               to keep your distance from him.
 
               
               
               
                             ANNA
               Why? He seems harmless.

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh he's not. He's very harmful.

               
               
               
                             ANNA
               Really?

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh trust me. He's a bad seed. He's a 
               horrible seed. He's one of the worst
 
               
               
               seeds I've ever seen.

               
               
               
                             ANNA
               And you two are friends?

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, we're good friends.

               
               
               
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               So this Anna called me from out of the 
               blue.
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Really? I thought you were rebuffed.
 
               
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               With extreme prejudice.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Maybe Elaine put in a good word for 
               you.
 
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               No, no. That's just the thing. Anna 
               told me that Elaine said I was one of
 
               
               
               the worst seeds she'd ever seen.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Interesting. She doesn't care for you, 
               then a stern warning, suddenly a
 
               
               phone call. Seems Elaine's made you the bad boy. And Anna digs 
               the bad boy.
 
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               I'm the bad boy. I've never been the 
               bad boy.
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               You've been the bad employee, the bad 
               son, the bad friend...
 
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Yes, yes...

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               The bad fiancé‚, the bad dinner guest, 
               the bad credit risk...
 
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Okay, the point is made.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               The bad date, the bad sport, the bad 
               citizen... (looks at table as George
 
               
               
               exits) The bad tipper!

               
               
               
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Half of show business is here.

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               There's Brody. Brody! Over here.

               
               
               
                             BRODY
               Hey Kramer. And you must be Jerry. Thanks 
               for the ticket.
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               That's quite a feed bag you're workin' 
               on there.
 
               
               
               
                             BRODY
               It's for all of us. Is there a problem?
 
               
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Brody, c'mon. He's just kidding. He's 
               a joke maker. Tell him, Jerry.
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               I'm a joke maker.

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               All right, here we go, Death Blow. (Brody 
               takes out video camera)
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               (To Kramer) Hey, hey, what the hell 
               is he doing?
 
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Relax, he does that all the time.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Does what?

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               He's making a copy of the movie for 
               sale on the street, huh?
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               May I see you outside for a moment please?
 
               
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               But I want to--

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Outside!

               
               
               
               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Hey, have you seen Anna?

               
               
               
                             WORKER
               Uh, she just went to meet your friend 
               George.
 
               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               To meet George? I knew it. Where did 
               they go?
 
               
               
               
                             WORKER
               The park, why?

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Don't you see? George is in the bloodstream! 
               You stay away from him, too!
 
               
               
               
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               What do you mean he's bootlegging the 
               movie?
 
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, it's a perfectly legitimate business.
 
               
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               It's not legitimate.

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               It's a business.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Where did you meet this guy?

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               He's a friend of a friend. You know 
               Corky Ramarez up on 94th Street? One 
               day he and I are playing Pinochle--
 
               
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Kramer. (boom sound)

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Man, we're missin' the Death Blow!
 
               
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               I don't believe this. (They run into 
               theater)
 
               
               
               
               
               
               
                             ANNA
               You know I'm not supposed to be talking 
               to you.
 
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               No one's putting a gun to your head. 
               Do I, uh, scare you?
 
               
               
               
                             ANNA
               No... a little. Nice car.

               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, she's a sweet ride.

               
               
               
                             ANNA
               Is that your orthopedic back pillow?
 
               
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Maybe.

               
               
               
                             ANNA
               Well is it or isn't it?

               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Guess not.

               
               
               
               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (To George) Stay away from her.

               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               I didn't do nothin'.

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (To Anna) Get in the car.

               
               
               
                             ANNA
               But...

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               You heard me young lady, get in the 
               car. (To George) And you, you should 
               know better. I don't want you infecting 
               my staff.
 
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Lighten up.

               
               
               
               
               
               
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Go get 'em, Death Blow! (To Brody) You 
               okay?
 
               
               
               
                             BRODY
               Uh, I got a cramp.

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, it's no wonder. You ate that entire 
               bag of candy.
 
               
               
               
                             BRODY
               Uh, there it goes again. Kramer, you 
               gotta drive me home.
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Hey, what is going on over there?

               
               
               
                             BRODY
               Jerry, finish shooting the movie for 
               me.
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Are you nuts? There's no way I'm holding 
               that thing.
 
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Jerry, if the man is in pain...

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah well, maybe if he didn't lick his 
               fingers before he reached in the bag 
               we would've eaten some. Serves him right.
 
               
               
               
               
                             BRODY
               (pulls out a gun) What are you some 
               kind of tough guy?
 
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Okay. Let's everybody just relax. Jerry, 
               take the camera.
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               All right, I'm takin' the camera.

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               (To Brody) C'mon, let's go.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Oh man...

               
               
               
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Hey man, so how was the rest of Death 
               Blow?
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               How was the rest of Death Blow?

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, who got the final Death Blow, 
               'cause I thought that Hawaiian guy had 
               it comin' to him!
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Kramer, you make me get a ticket for 
               this friend of yours and then the guy 
               forces me to bootleg the movie at gun 
               point!
 
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               He's quite a character, isn't he?

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               You know, he came by here at 3 o'clock 
               in the morning to pick up the tape. 
               I was scared out of my mind!
 
               
               
               
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               I got it. Yep.

               
               
               
                             BRODY
               Brody.

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Come on up. It's Brody.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               What are you, crazy? I don't want to 
               see this guy again.
 
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Jerry, you did him a favor. He probably 
               wants to come up and thank you.
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               What if I didn't do it right?

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               It's your first time. He'll understand.
 
               
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               People with guns don't understand. That's 
               why they get guns. Too many
 
               
               misunderstandings.

               
               
               
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, Brody!

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Hi.

               
               
               
                             BRODY
               Jerry, I have to talk to you about the 
               tape.
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah.

               
               
               
                             BRODY
               I've never seen such beautiful work. 
               You're a genius. The zoom-ins, the
 
               
               
               framing. I was enchanted.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Well, I did the best I could.

               
               
               
                             BRODY
               I got another project for you. It's 
               a movie called Cry Cry Again. I was 
               gonna give it to one of my other guys, 
               but it's an arty movie and quite frankly, 
               they don't have the sensibility.
 
               
               
               
               
               
               
                             BRODY
               May I use your phone?

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Uh yeah. It's under the couch.

               
               
               
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Look at you! You've got another gig!
 
               
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               I don't want another gig! I'm not doin' 
               this.
 
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               But you have a gift. Jerry, this is 
               not your little comedy act. We're
 
               
               
               talkin' feature films.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               We're talkin' federal crime here.

               
               
               
               
               
               
                             BRODY
               (To Jerry) I'll expect that tape by 
               three o'clock tomorrow. (To Kramer) 
               May I borrow this? (Holding baseball 
               bat)
 
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Sure, do you need a glove?

               
               
               
                             BRODY
               Nah.

               
               
               
               
               
               
                             WORKER
               I pressed through the rushes and there, 
               the native dancers whirled before me: 
               limbs flailing, arms akimbo, feet kicking 
               up dust... (All workers laugh)
 
               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               What?

               
               
               
               
               
               
                             ANNA
               Sorry, I got hung up.

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               At Yankee Stadium?

               
               
               
                             ANNA
               This? It's mine.

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh really? 'Cause it looks a little 
               big for you. It looks like something 
               a short, stocky, slow-witted, bald man 
               might wear.
 
               
               
               
                             ANNA
               He's not stocky.

               
               
               
               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Who did that? Who did that?!?

               
               
               
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               (laughing) The French guy fell off the 
               bike. Oh man, that's precious. (eats 
               popcorn)
 
               
               
               
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               No, no, no, no, no, no, no! What were 
               you thinking when you shot this?
 
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               That's fine.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Do you even know what this scene is 
               about?
 
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               It's about a guy buying a loaf of bread.
 
               
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               No, bread is his soul. He's trying to 
               buy back a loaf of his soul.
 
               
               (Gesturing taking a loaf of bread.)

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Wha? Where?

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Kramer there is no way you're giving 
               this tape to Brody and telling him I 
               shot it.
 
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Nah, he's not going to know the difference.
 
               
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               I don't care about Brody. I was up on 
               96th Street today, there was a kid couldn't 
               have been more than ten years old. He 
               was asking a street vendor if he had 
               any other bootlegs as good as Death 
               Blow. That's who I care about. The little 
               kid who needs bootlegs, because his 
               parent or guardian won't let him see 
               the excessive violence and strong sexual 
               content you and I take for granted.
 
               
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               So you'll do the movie? (Jerry watches 
               the movie Kramer shot)
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               I have to. But I'm gonna need to storyboard 
               this whole thing. Where are my magic 
               markers?
 
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Right here. (Elaine enters)

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Well, I have lost complete control of 
               my staff. Why did I let George go to 
               that party? I mean, we were having so 
               much fun. We were wining, we were dining, 
               we were dancing. (She starts dancing, 
               Kramer flips out) What?
 
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               (He shows her) This umpf thing.

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               It's dancing.

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               No, no. That ain't dancing, Sally.
 
               
               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               I dance fine.

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               You stink. (He exits)

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               He doesn't know what he's talkin' about. 
               (Jerry fake laughs) Jer? Jerry, I'm 
               a good dancer, right?
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               I forgot to make my bed. (He tries to 
               get away)
 
               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Jerry, do I stink?

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               All right, you're beyond stink.

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               But I really enjoy dancing.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               And that's not helpin' either. That's 
               why you're havin' trouble with your 
               staff, not because of George.
 
               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               It's that bad?

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Have you ever seen yourself? (She starts 
               dancing) Ah, ah, please, please. Not 
               in my home. I gotta go throw this stuff 
               in the laundry. I'll be right back.
 
               
               
               (Elaine sees video camera)

               
               
               
               
               
               
                             VOICE
               I have George Costanza still holding.
 
               
               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               George, hi. I have Anna here. There's 
               something I wanna say to both of you.
 
               
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Yo, Anna.

               
               
               
                             ANNA
               Hi, George. What're you up to?

               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (Ironing) You don't wanna know.

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Uh, well, listen. I feel really horrible 
               about trying to keep you two apart and 
               I just wanted to apologize.
 
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               What're you talkin' about?

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Well, George, I just want you to hear 
               me say to Anna that you're a good and 
               decent person.
 
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Pick up the phone, Elaine. Pick it up!
 
               
               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               I never should have given Anna the impression--
 
               
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Pick it up, pick it up!

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               --that you're a bad seed, I mean, you're 
               a fine seed.
 
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Elaine, get off the speaker! (Elaine 
               picks up phone)
 
               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               What?

               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               You are ruinin' everything.

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               I'm trying to help. Why are you being 
               so difficult?
 
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. More 
               of that, difficult. I'm a
 
               
               difficult seed.

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               George, I don't have time for this. 
               Uh, Anna, do you wanna talk to George?
 
               
               
               
               
                             ANNA
               Um, no, I don't think so.

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               No, she doesn't want to. Okay, bye, 
               George. We'll see ya.
 
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               I'm a bad man!

               
               
               
               
               
               
                             BRODY
               So where's the tape?

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               No, I didn't shoot this one. I'm just 
               scouting the location.
 
               
               
               
                             BRODY
               I need the tape.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               You'll get your tape. But here's what 
               I'm gonna need. I'm gonna need three 
               cameras, two on the floor, one in the 
               balcony. And I want headsets for the 
               guys runnin' 'em. I wanna be able to 
               talk to 'em.
 
               
               
               
                             BRODY
               Are you out of your mind?

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Kramer...

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               I know, Jerry. It's okay. (Jerry steps 
               aside) Yeah, look, Brody. Uh,
 
               
               Jerry wants to do the bootleg. He's dyin' to do it. But if you 
               don't make him
 
               
               happy, the work suffers. And then, nobody's happy.

               
               
               
                             BRODY
               Just shoot the damn thing so I can get 
               it out on the street!
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               All right. That's it, I can't work like 
               this.
 
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Jerry...

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               I'm off the project. (He exits)

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Jerry!

               
               
               
                             BRODY
               I want the tape.

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah.

               
               
               
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Well, I'm the good boy again. Can you 
               believe that?
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               They think they can get anyone to shoot 
               these bootlegs.
 
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Anna actually has respect for me now. 
               It's all over.
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Eh, the whole business has changed. 
               It's all about money now. The sad thing
 
               
               
               is it's the kids that suffer. (Kramer enters)

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Listen, man. You gotta shoot this movie 
               for me. Brody, he's a reasonable man, 
               but he's insane!
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Kramer, I'm not doin' this anymore. 
               I don't know what I was thinking. It's 
               illegal, it's dangerous...
 
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Did you say dangerous?

               
               
               
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               I'm a bootlegger.

               
               
               
                             ANNA
               You're a what?

               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               I'm bootleggin' a movie, baby!

               
               
               
                             ANNA
               Isn't that illegal?

               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               I can do hard time for this one. And 
               community service!
 
               
               
               
                             ANNA
               Is this your FiberCon?

               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (Takes it and throws it out window) 
               Get outta my way!
 
               
               
               
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Jerry, George got arrested.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               What?

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah. He went at the Beekman, he tried 
               to land, but they cheesed him.
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Oh now I see. (Buzzer) Yeah.

               
               
               
                             BRODY
               Brody, I'm comin' up.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               What're we gonna do?

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I gotta give him something. Come 
               on, where's that tape I shot?
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               I think that's it. (They play it and 
               see Elaine dancing) Sweet fancy Moses!
 
               
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Jerry, she taped over the whole ending! 
               (Brody enters)
 
               
               
               
                             BRODY
               Where's the tape?

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Uh, well. It, uh...

               
               
               
                             BRODY
               Is that it?

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Uh, yeah, yeah. Here it is, Brody. One 
               copy of Cry Cry Again.
 
               
               
               
                             BRODY
               How'd it turn out?

               
               
               
                             KRAMER + JERRY
               Uh... great.

               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Although the whole story kinda comes 
               apart at the end there.
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, out of nowhere there's this lone 
               dancer who appears to be injured.
 
               
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, it's a disturbing image.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, so you cry... and when you see 
               the dancer, you cry again.
 
               
               
               
               
               
               
                             ANNA
               (George is crying) It's all right, George. 
               You'll just pay a fine and
 
               
               that'll be it.

               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Why did the policeman have to yell at 
               me like that? (Elaine enters)
 
               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Anna...

               
               
               
                             ANNA
               Oh, Elaine, thanks for picking me up. 
               I can explain everything.
 
               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               All right. Well, we'll talk about it 
               tomorrow at the office. (Mr. Costanza
 
               
               
               enters)

               
               
               
                             FRANK
               Okay, where's my boy?

               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh my God.

               
               
               
                             FRANK
               I'm sitting at home, reading a periodical, 
               and this is the call I get? My son is 
               a bootlegger? (He hits George in the 
               head)
 
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Ow! Dad...

               
               
               
                             FRANK
               Who put you up to this, was it her?
 
               
               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               All right. Wait a minute. I think you've 
               got it backwards.
 
               
               
               
                             FRANK
               My George isn't clever enough to hatch 
               a scheme like this.
 
               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               You got that right.

               
               
               
                             FRANK
               What the hell does that mean?

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               It means whatever the hell you want 
               it to mean.
 
               
               
               
                             FRANK
               You sayin' you want a piece of me?
 
               
               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               I could drop you like a bag of dirt.
 
               
               
               
               
                             FRANK
               You wanna piece of me? You got it! (They 
               begin to fight)
 
               
               
               
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               But he's an old man, Elaine.

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Well, he wrote the check, and I cashed 
               it.
 
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               (Seeing a street vendor) Hey, it's the 
               bootlegged Death Blow that I shot.
 
               
               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, Cry Cry Again, I wanna see that.
 
               
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               No you don't.

               
               
               
                             MAN
               You shot Death Blow?

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah.

               
               
               
                             MAN
               That was brilliant.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               Thank you. (They continue walking)
 
               
               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               You were big.

               
               
               
                             JERRY
               I'm still big. It's the bootlegs that 
               got small. So how are things at the
 
               
               
               office? Back to normal?

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, pretty much. Although I still 
               get the vibe every once in a while.
 
               
               
               
               
                             JERRY
               I wouldn't worry about it. (People on 
               sidewalk behind them are doing her dance 
               as they go)
 
               
               
                            THE END

                


The Little Kicks



Writers :   Spike Feresten
Genres :   Comedy


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