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Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                            THE PACKAGE



                             Written by

                         Jennifer Crittenden




 
               
               
               (Elaine at the doctor's)

               
                             ATTENDANT 
               The doctor will be with you in a moment.
 
               
               (Elaine looking at her chart)

               
                             ELAINE 
               Difficult ?

               
                             DOCTOR 
               Elaine. You shouldn't be reading that.
               So tell me about this rash of yours.

               
                             ELAINE 
               Well it's , it's..... You know I noticed 
               that somebody wrote in my chart that I was
               difficult in January of 92 and I have to tell 
               you that I remember that appointment exactly.
               You see this nurse asked me to put a gown             
               on but it was a mole on my shoulder and I 
               specifically wore a tank top so I wouldn't have
               to put a gown on. You know they're made of paper.
 
               
                             DOCTOR 
               Well that was a long time ago. How 
               about if I just erase it. Now               
               about that rash...

               
                             ELAINE 
               But it was in pen. You fake erase.
 
               
               
                             DOCTOR 
               All right Miss Benes. This doesn't 
               look too serious. You'll be fine.

               
                             ELAINE 
               What are you writing? Doctor.

               
               George at Photo Shop

               
                             SHEILA 
               Here you go.

               
                             GEORGE 
               Thanks.

               
                             SHEILA 
               I hope you got that mustard stain out 
               of your shirt.
 
               
                             GEORGE 
               Ohhhhhh

               
               Jerry , Kramer , and George at the apartment

               
                             JERRY 
               No. All you got to do is jiggle it 
               with this screwdriver.
 
               
                             GEORGE 
               Smile

               
                             JERRY 
               What are you doing ?

               
                             GEORGE 
               I meet this women , Sheila. She works 
               down at the one hour photo
 
               
               pace. She's got this incredible smile. Like she's got extra 
               teeth or something
 
               
                             JERRY 
               Extra teeth. I love that look.

               
                             GEORGE 
               Hey check this out. I go to pick up 
               my pictures and she says " I
 
               
               hope you got that mustard stain out of your shirt."

               
                             JERRY 
               What mustard stain ?

               
                             GEORGE 
               Don't you see. She's looking at my 
               pictures.
 
               
                             JERRY 
               Why did you take a picture of a mustard 
               stain ?
 
               
                             GEORGE 
               That's got nothing to do with it.
 
               
               
                             JERRY 
               I see. She's looking.

               
                             GEORGE 
               Yesssss.

               
                             KRAMER 
               Hey , you got to get this thing fixed 
              .
 
               
                             JERRY 
               They've tried to fix it. But it keeps 
               coming back the same.
 
               
                             KRAMER 
               Would you like a refund ?

               
                             JERRY 
               Well I can't the warranty expired two 
               years ago.
 
               
                             KRAMER 
               Would you be interested ?

               
                             JERRY 
               Well how are you going.....

               
                             KRAMER 
               Would you ?

               
                             JERRY 
               I guess I would.

               
                             KRAMER 
               Yeah , yeah.

               
               Elaine walks in

               
                             ELAINE 
               You are not going to believe what happened 
               to me at the doctors
 
               
               office today.

               
                             JERRY 
               Not the gown again.

               
                             ELAINE 
               No , no. I was looking at my chart 
               and it said I was difficult. Why
 
               
               
               would they write that ?

               
                             JERRY 
               They have gotten to know you.

               
               Kramer leaves with Jerry's stereo

               
                             ELAINE 
               Then the doctor writes more stuff down 
               and doesn't even look at my
 
               
               rash.

               
                             GEORGE 
               Why don't you find a doctor that doesn't 
               know your difficult.
 
               
                             ELAINE 
               Oh come on. I'm not difficult. I'm 
               easy.
 
               
                             JERRY 
               Why because you dress casual and sleep 
               with a lot of guys.
 
               
                             ELAINE 
               Listen to me you little shi........
 
               
               
                             GEORGE 
               Smile.

               
               Elaine at another doctor's office

               
                             DOCTOR 
               Well Elaine you really didn't have to 
               put on the gown.
 
               
                             ELAINE 
               Oh it's my pleasure. I love these. 
               In fact I got one at home. It's
 
               
               perfect when you just want to throw something on.

               
               Nurse hands the doctor her chart

               
                             DOCTOR 
               All rightly. Let me just review your 
               history before we begin.
 
               
                             ELAINE 
               Where did you get my chart ?

               
                             DOCTOR 
               From your last doctor. It's a standard 
               procedure.
 
               
                             ELAINE 
               You know I can tell you my whole history 
              . Let's just.......
 
               
                             DOCTOR 
               Okay. Let's take a look. Well that 
               doesn't look to serious. You'll
 
               
               be fine.

               
                             ELAINE 
               Please , please. It's really , really 
               itchy.
 
               
               Doctor writes more stuff in her chart

               
               Jerry at apartment

               
               Knock , knock

               
                             POSTAL WORKER 
               Seinfeld ?

               
                             JERRY 
               Yeah.

               
                             POSTAL WORKER 
               I got a package for you. Sign here 
              .
 
               
                             JERRY 
               Who's it from ?

               
                             POSTAL WORKER 
               No return address.

               
                             JERRY 
               What if I don't want it ?

               
                             POSTAL WORKER 
               Are you refusing delivery ?

               
                             JERRY 
               Maybe I am.

               
                             POSTAL WORKER 
               Why would you do that ?

               
                             JERRY 
               I've never done it before.

               
                             POSTAL WORKER 
               Why start now ?

               
                             JERRY 
               Why not ?

               
                             POSTAL WORKER 
               All right.

               
               George walks in

               
                             GEORGE 
               Why did you refuse the package. Everybody 
               loves a package.
 
               
                             JERRY 
               I don't know it was weird. Crazy printing 
              . I don't know who it was
 
               
               from.

               
                             GEORGE 
               What do you think it's a bomb ?

               
                             JERRY 
               It's not totally impossible.

               
                             GEORGE 
               Oh the ego on you.

               
                             JERRY 
               Why can't I be bombable ?

               
                             GEORGE 
               Who's going to bomb you. An airline 
               for all the stupid little peanut
 
               
               jokes.

               
                             JERRY 
               I suppose you think your bombable.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE 
               Hey. There is a couple of people that 
               wouldn't mind having me out of
 
               
               the way.

               
                             JERRY 
               There's more than a couple.

               
                             GEORGE 
               Hey. Check these out. I just picked 
               them up from Sheila. She must
 
               
               have loved these.

               
                             JERRY 
               You don't have a Mercedes.

               
                             GEORGE 
               I know. I just sort of leaned on it 
               so it would look like it was
 
               
               mine.

               
                             JERRY 
               The driver seems a little put out.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE 
               No. He was fine with it. Check that 
               out.
 
               
                             JERRY 
               Is that Burt Reynolds ?

               
                             GEORGE 
               Wax Museum.

               
                             JERRY 
               Oh.

               
                             GEORGE 
               Oh. What is this ?

               
                             JERRY 
               That's a lot of skin.

               
                             GEORGE 
               This must be Sheila from the photo place 
              .
 
               
                             JERRY 
               You can barely see her face.

               
                             GEORGE 
               She must have slipped it in here.
 
               
               
               Kramer walks in

               
                             KRAMER 
               I I I

               
                             GEORGE 
               Photo store Sheila.

               
                             KRAMER 
               Well hello Photo store Sheila.

               
                             GEORGE 
               All right. I will see you boys later 
              .
 
               
                             JERRY 
               Where are you going ?

               
                             GEORGE 
               To ask her out.

               
                             KRAMER 
               No , no. Your not playing the game 
              .
 
               
                             GEORGE 
               What game ?

               
                             KRAMER 
               She goes to these lengths to entice 
               you and your only response is "
 
               
               Gee I really like your picture. Would you like to go out on 
               a date with me
 
               
               please. "

               
                             GEORGE 
               No good ?

               
                             KRAMER 
               George. It's the timeless art of seduction 
              . You got to join in the
 
               
               dance. She sends you an enticing photo , you send her one right 
               back.
 
               
                             GEORGE 
               Oh , I don't know.

               
                             KRAMER 
               Well as you know I've always been something 
               of a photog.
 
               
                             JERRY 
               Oh yeah I like this idea.

               
               Outside Uncle Leo's apartment

               
                             UNCLE LEO 
               Hey Danny. Hello. How are you ?

               
                             POSTAL WORKER DANNY 
               Hey Leo. Leo what's up with your nephew. 
               He wouldn't
 
               
               except his package.

               
                             UNCLE LEO 
               Oh He wants it. He's just trying to 
               be funny. Yeah I'll sign it
 
               
              .

               
               George and Elaine in taxi

               
                             ELAINE 
               And then he starts writing on my chart 
              .
 
               
                             GEORGE 
               Well why don't you get a hold of it 
               and change what you don't like.
 
               
                             ELAINE 
               You can't change your chart. It's your 
               chart.
 
               
                             GEORGE 
               I am in and out of my personnel file 
               at work all the time.
 
               
                             ELAINE 
               You are !?!

               
                             GEORGE 
               Hey. I've kept the same job for more 
               than two years. It's not luck
 
               
              . Elaine , have you ever sent a racy photograph of yourself to 
               anyone ?
 
               
                             ELAINE 
               Yeah. I sent one to everyone I know 
              . Remember my Christmas card.
 
               
                             GEORGE 
               Oh yeah the nipple. But besides that 
              . How did you feel about
 
               
               Kramer's work ?

               
                             ELAINE 
               Actually I thought he was very professional 
              .
 
               
                             GEORGE 
               So it was a good experience.

               
                             ELAINE 
               Oh yeah. In fact I like the picture 
               so much I cropped out the nipple
 
               
               and am using as my health club ID.

               
                             GEORGE 
               Nice.

               
                             ELAINE 
               Yeah it is nice actually.

               
               Elaine at another doctors

               
                             ELAINE 
               I need to see Dr. Burke right away. 
               This rash is spreading.
 
               
                             ATTENDANT 
               He can't see you Miss Benes , he's busy 
              .
 
               
                             ELAINE 
               Oh come on. Have some compassion. 
               Okay well I hope it's contagious
 
               
               Elaine rubs the attendants phone on her neck. Soon after Elaine 
               finds her
 
               
               chart and runs to the elevator

               
                             ELAINE 
               Come on. Move. Oh hi Dr. Burke. I 
               didn't know if uh....
 
               
                             DR. BURKE 
               The chart Miss Benes.

               
                             ELAINE 
               Oh please no more.

               
               The doctor writes more stuff in it

               
               Jerry at his apartment

               
               George walks in

               
                             JERRY 
               Hey

               
                             GEORGE 
               Where's Kramer ?

               
                             JERRY 
               He went to get some steak sauce. Why 
               ?
 
               
                             GEORGE 
               Personal matter.

               
               Phone rings

               
                             JERRY 
               Hello

               
                             UNCLE LEO 
               Jerry ! It's your Uncle Leo ! Hello 
               !
 
               
                             JERRY 
               Hello Leo. You don't have to yell.
 
               
               
                             UNCLE LEO 
               I got your package.

               
                             JERRY 
               How did you get my package ?

               
                             UNCLE LEO 
               What should I do with it ?

               
                             JERRY 
               I don't know what you should do with 
               it.
 
               
                             GEORGE 
               Tell him to open it.

               
                             JERRY 
               I am not going to treat my uncle like 
               a bomb defusing robot.
 
               
                             UNCLE LEO 
               Jerry , Your cousin Jeffrey is in the 
               Parks Production of The
 
               
               Macardo. I want you to go see it with me.

               
                             JERRY 
               Open the package Leo.

               
                             UNCLE LEO 
               Okay. Opening.

               
                             JERRY 
               Opening.

               
               BOOM !!!

               
               Elaine and Jerry at apartment

               
                             ELAINE 
               So it wasn't a bomb.

               
                             JERRY 
               No , No bomb.

               
                             ELAINE 
               Well then what ?

               
                             JERRY 
               Oh stupid Leo was using one of those 
               oven cleaners. He left the
 
               
               canister in there and the pilot light was on. The whole thing 
               blew up.
 
               
                             ELAINE 
               But he's okay ?

               
                             JERRY 
               Yeah but the explosion singed off his 
               eyebrows , mustache everything.
 
               
               He's all smooth now. Look's like a seal.

               
               Elaine on phone

               
                             ELAINE 
               Yeah I am still holding.

               
               Jerry opens his package

               
                             JERRY 
               Is this my stereo ?

               
               Kramer walks in

               
                             KRAMER 
               Hey you got it.

               
                             JERRY 
               What happened to my stereo ? It's all 
               smashed up.
 
               
                             KRAMER 
               That's right. Now it looks like it 
               was broken during shipping and I
 
               
               insured it for $400.

               
                             JERRY 
               But you were supposed to get me a refund 
              .
 
               
                             KRAMER 
               You can't get a refund. Your warranty 
               expired two years ago.
 
               
                             JERRY 
               So were going to make the Post Office 
               pay for my new stereo ?
 
               
                             KRAMER 
               It's just a write off for them.

               
                             JERRY 
               How is it a write off ?

               
                             KRAMER 
               They just write it off.

               
                             JERRY 
               Write it off what ?

               
                             KRAMER 
               Jerry all these big companies they write 
               off everything
 
               
                             JERRY 
               You don't even know what a write off 
               is.
 
               
                             KRAMER 
               Do you ?

               
                             JERRY 
               No. I don't.

               
                             KRAMER 
               But they do and they are the ones writing 
               it off.
 
               
                             JERRY 
               I wish I just had the last twenty seconds 
               of my life back.
 
               
               Elaine still on phone

               
                             ELAINE 
               What ?!? He doesn't have one appointment 
               this whole month !?! Oh come
 
               
               on. I am dying here man. Hello , hello.

               
                             JERRY 
               Still no luck

               
               Kramer leaves with a fan

               
                             ELAINE 
               Jerry I am at doctor Zimmerman. I am 
               at the end of the alphabet.
 
               
                             JERRY 
               There's no Zorn or Zoutraph.

               
                             ELAINE 
               There on vacation. Every doctor in 
               this city seems to know who I am
 
               
              .

               
                             JERRY 
               Hey what about Dr. Resnick My Uncle 
               Leo is going to see him tomorrow
 
               
              .

               
                             ELAINE 
               Dr. Resnick. He's not listed.

               
                             JERRY 
               He's not that good.

               
               Kramer and George at Kramer's apartment

               
                             GEORGE 
               Elaine said your pretty good at this 
               stuff.
 
               
                             KRAMER 
               Oh yeah. Elaine was a fun project. 
               I enjoyed working with her.
 
               
                             GEORGE 
               You don't have your own camera.

               
                             KRAMER 
               Uh no. Look at this. Okay yeah this 
               looks good and I like what your
 
               
               wearing.

               
                             GEORGE 
               I feel fat.

               
                             KRAMER 
               No, no. You're stoked. The camera 
               loves stokedness. Look were not
 
               
               going to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. The 
               key word is
 
               
               tasteful. Now I want you to relax and have fun because your 
               a fun guy. All
 
               
               right let's do it. Okay come on. Feel the beat. Feel the beat 
              . You know
 
               
               you got some real strong pecks but it's hard to tell under that 
               T-shirt.
 
               
                             GEORGE 
               Well do you want me to take it off ?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER 
               I don't know it's up to you.

               
                             GEORGE 
               Do you think it would be better if I 
               did ?
 
               
                             KRAMER 
               It might be. I mean whatever you want 
              .
 
               
                             GEORGE 
               ALL RIGHT !!

               
               Kramer ; That's it George. Come on , come on. Give it to me 
              . Come on ,work
 
               
               it. Work it. Yeah be a man , be a man.

               
               Jerry leaving apartment

               
                             KRAMER 
               You are a lover boy !!

               
                             JERRY 
               Oh yeah. This can't miss.

               
               Elaine sleeping in bed

               
               Phone rings

               
                             ELAINE 
               Hello.

               
                             GUY 
               Is this Elaine Marie Benes ?

               
                             ELAINE 
               Yes. Who it this ?

               
                             GUY 
               We are with the American Medical Association 
              . Can you confirm the
 
               
               correct spelling of your last name ? Is it B-e-n-e-s.

               
                             ELAINE 
               Yeah. What is this all about

               
                             GUY 
               Good bye.

               
                             ELAINE 
               Hello , hello.

               
                             GUY 
               What ?

               
                             ELAINE 
               Oh uh uh...

               
                             GUY 
               Get off the line. Were trying to make 
               another call.
 
               
               Uncle Leo and Elaine at Dr. Resnick's office

               
                             UNCLE LEO 
               Elaine. Hello. What are you doing 
               here ?
 
               
                             ELAINE 
               Leo. Has the doctor been in yet ?
 
               
               
                             UNCLE LEO 
               No. I am going to ask him about my 
               eyebrows.
 
               
                             ELAINE 
               Okay listen Leo. Your hairless , your 
               scared. When the doctor comes
 
               
               in let me do the talking. Okay.

               
               Dr. Resnick walks in

               
                             DR. RESNICK 
               Leo. I heard you had a little mishap 
              .
 
               
                             UNCLE LEO 
               It was a fireball.

               
                             ELAINE 
               I should have never left him alone.
 
               
               
                             DR. RESNICK 
               And who are you ?

               
                             ELAINE 
               I am his nurse... Poloma.

               
                             UNCLE LEO 
               You're not my nurse.

               
                             ELAINE 
               He has good days and bad.

               
                             DR. RESNICK 
               What seems to be the problem ?

               
                             UNCLE LEO 
               Are my eyebrows going to grow back ?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE 
               And he's has a bit of a rash.

               
                             DR. RESNICK 
               Really.

               
                             ELAINE 
               Yeah.

               
                             DR. RESNICK 
               Well there's been a bit of that going 
               around lately. Will you
 
               
               excuse me Poloma. I just need to get some ointment.

               
                             ELAINE 
               I don't like this , it is to easy.
 
               
               
                             UNCLE LEO 
               Elaine...

               
                             ELAINE 
               Shut up ! I think he's on to us.

               
                             UNCLE LEO 
               Elaine what about my eyebrows ?

               
                             ELAINE 
               Shhhhhh. Here.

               
               Elaine draws fake eyebrows on him

               
               Kramer and Jerry at Post Office

               
                             JERRY 
               I don't like this Kramer. Will it be 
               much longer ?
 
               
                             ATTENDANT 
               I am sorry. It looks like the claim 
               has been red flagged. Your
 
               
               under investigation.

               
                             JERRY 
               Investigation ?

               
                             NEWMAN 
               Hello Jerry.

               
                             JERRY 
               Hello Newman.

               
                             NEWMAN 
               Kramer you might as well run along. 
               Jerry might be a while.
 
               
               Suspicion of mail fraud.

               
                             KRAMER 
               Mail fraud. Your in a lot of trouble 
               buddy.
 
               
               Uncle Leo at Dr. Resnick's office

               
                             DR. RESNICK 
               I got your ointment. Where's your nurse 
               ?
 
               
                             UNCLE LEO 
               She left.

               
                             DR. RESNICK 
               No need to get angry. Calm down.
 
               
               
                             UNCLE LEO 
               I am calm.

               
                             DR. RESNICK 
               Leo I don't care for your demeanor.
 
               
               
                             UNCLE LEO 
               Demeanor ?

               
                             DR. RESNICK 
               Now your just being difficult.

               
                             UNCLE LEO 
               What are you writing ?

               
               George at photo store

               
                             GEORGE 
               So I really liked the pictures I picked 
               up here yesterday.
 
               
                             SHEILA 
               I am glad George.

               
                             GEORGE 
               And here's a roll that I think you may 
               enjoy.
 
               
                             SHEILA 
               Great.

               
                             GEORGE 
               Shall we say an hour.

               
               George leaves

               
                             SHEILA 
               Hey Ron I got to go to lunch. Can you 
               do a roll ?
 
               
                             RON 
               No problem.

               
                             SHEILA 
               By the way. You know that model that 
               is always in here. She's
 
               
               missing one of her lingerie shots. Have you seen it ?

               
                             RON 
               No.

               
               Jerry and Newman at the Post Office

               
                             NEWMAN 
               All right. Then let me ask you this 
              . Didn't you find it interesting
 
               
               that your friend had the foresight to purchase postal insurance 
               for your
 
               
               stereo. Huh. I mean parcels are rarely damaged during shipping 
              .
 
               
                             JERRY 
               Define rarely.

               
                             NEWMAN 
               Frequently.

               
                             JERRY 
               Are we about throw here Newman ?

               
                             NEWMAN 
               It's pretty hot under these lights huh 
               Seinfeld. Pretty....... Hot
 
               
              .

               
                             JERRY 
               Actually I am quite comfortable.

               
                             NEWMAN 
               Can I have a sip ?

               
                             JERRY 
               No.

               
                             NEWMAN 
               Not going to play ball. Huh all right 
              . Admit it that stereo was all
 
               
               ready busted.

               
                             JERRY 
               You can't prove anything.

               
                             NEWMAN 
               Is this or is this not your signature 
               ?
 
               
                             JERRY 
               No in a matter of fact it isn't.

               
                             NEWMAN 
               Uncle Leo ? This case is closed pending 
               further evidence. Jerry.
 
               
               Kramer and Elaine at doctor's

               
                             ELAINE 
               Get in there. Get chart. Get out. 
               You got it.
 
               
                             KRAMER 
               Yeah let me borrow your scarf.

               
                             ELAINE 
               This.

               
                             KRAMER 
               Yeah. All right one chart coming up 
              .
 
               
                             ELAINE 
               Okay.

               
                             KRAMER 
               Bennette right ?

               
                             ELAINE 
               Benes. My last name is Benes you jackass 
              . Yeah.
 
               
               Newman walking down the street

               
                             NEWMAN 
               Jerry , Jerry , Jerry , Jerry , Jerry 
               , Jerry , Jerry , Jerry , Jerry
 
               
              .

               
               Kramer at doctor's

               
                             KRAMER 
               I like what you've done with that.
 
               
               
                             ATTENDANT 
               May I help you ?

               
                             KRAMER 
               Yes , yes. I am Dr. Vanostran from 
               the clinic. I need Elaine Benes
 
               
               chart. She's a patient of mine and she's not going to make it 
              . It's uh very
 
               
               bad very messy.

               
                             ATTENDANT 
               I see and what clinic is that again 
               ?
 
               
                             KRAMER 
               That's correct.

               
                             ATTENDANT 
               Excuse me.

               
                             KRAMER 
               From The Hoffer-Mandale Clinic in Belgium 
              .
 
               
                             ATTENDANT 
               Really ?

               
                             KRAMER 
               The Netherlands ?

               
                             ELAINE 
               Where's my chart ? Did you get it ?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER 
               No.

               
                             ELAINE 
               What ? What happened ?

               
                             KRAMER 
               I don't know. But now they got a chart 
               on me.
 
               
               George at photo store

               
                             SHEILA 
               I don't know where they could be.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE 
               Can't find them. That's marvelous. 
               The dance continues.
 
               
                             SHEILA 
               Well if I find them I'll call you.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE 
               And maybe we could go out and do something 
              .
 
               
                             SHEILA 
               Sure.

               
                             RON 
               Hello.

               
                             GEORGE 
               Hi.

               
               George leaves

               
                             SHEILA 
               So the little guy finally asked me out 
              .
 
               
                             RON 
               Really ?

               
                             SHEILA 
               Hey I can't find his photo's anywhere 
              .
 
               
                             RON 
               Oh you know what happened. Some guy 
               from the Post Office confiscated
 
               
               them. He left his card.

               
                             SHEILA 
               Newman ?

               
               George and Jerry at Post Office

               
                             GEORGE 
               I don't know what Newman wanted to see 
               me for.
 
               
               Newman ; Gentlemen , gentlemen. I am so happy to see you both. 
               There is just
 
               
               some inconsistencies I'd like to straighten out.

               
                             JERRY 
               I'm clean and you know it.

               
                             NEWMAN 
               Clean ? Hardly. This looks like a man 
               that isn't happy with his
 
               
               stereo performance.

               
                             JERRY 
               Where did you get that ?

               
                             GEORGE 
               I think that's one of mine.

               
                             NEWMAN 
               It looks like your breaking into it 
               like an otter breaking into a clam.
 
               
               
                             JERRY 
               I don't know about that but I'm sure 
               there is a explanation.
 
               
                             NEWMAN 
               Yes. It's called mail fraud. Oohhhh 
              . How I've longed for this
 
               
               moment Seinfeld. The day when I would have the proof I needed 
               to hall you out
 
               
               of your cushy lair and expose to the light of justice as the 
               monster that you
 
               
               are. A monster so vile.....

               
                             GUY 
               NEWMAN !!

               
                             NEWMAN 
               There will be a small fine.

               
                             JERRY 
               Okay.

               
                             GEORGE 
               Can we go now ?

               
                             NEWMAN
               Not so fast pretty boy. There is more 
               to this sorted little affair.
 
               
                             JERRY 
               Oh my god !!

               
                             NEWMAN 
               This photo clearly indicates your involvement 
               in some ill-conceived mail order pornography ring.
               As does this one found in the same disturbing               
               packet.

               
               Newman holds up a picture of Ron

               
                             GEORGE 
               OH MY GOD !!!

               
                             NEWMAN 
               We have some questions we'd like you 
               to answer.
 
               
                             JERRY 
               I have some questions of my own.

               
               Sheila walks in

               
                             SHEILA 
               Hi. One of your mailmen....... Oh 
               my god , George !?!
 
               
                             GEORGE 
               Listen Sheila it's not what you think 
              . I put my trust into the wrong
 
               
               person. He said the key word was tasteful.

               
                             JERRY 
               The timeless art of seduction.

               
                             GEORGE 
               SHEILA !!!

               
               
               
                            THE END

                


The Package



Writers :   Jennifer Crittenden
Genres :   Comedy


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