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Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                              THE PICK



                             Written by

                            Larry David




 
               
               
               (Jerry's Apartment)

               
                             GEORGE
               I loved her Jerry, I loved her.

               
                             JERRY
               No, you didn't.

               
                             GEORGE
               And she loved me. Hoo, ho, she really 
               did.
 
               
                             JERRY
               No she didn't.

               
                             GEORGE
               What am I going to do now? I can't live 
               without Susan. I gotta get her back. 
               How? How, am I gonna get her back?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (OC) Not only didn't you love her, you 
               didn't even like her.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Who says?

               
                             ELAINE
               You did.

               
                             GEORGE
               Ah, ...A beautiful successful intelligent 
               woman's in love with me and I throw 
               it all away. uh oh boy. Now I'll spend 
               the rest of my life living alone. I'll 
               sit in my disgusting little apartment 
               watching basketball games, eating Chinese 
               take out. Walking around with no underwear. 
               Because I'm too lazy to do a laundry.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You walk around with no underwear?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, what do you do when you run out 
               of laundry?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I do a wash.

               
                             GEORGE
               Who am I going to meet who is better 
               than her? No one, Jerry. No one's better 
               than her.
 
               
                             JERRY
               When you were with her you said you 
               couldn't stand her.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I loved her!

               
                             JERRY
               You said goin up the steps of her apartment 
               was like being taken to a cell.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I would give anything to be going up 
               those stairs again.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I gotta call her. Should I call her?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               George, I don't know if that is such 
               a good idea?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Whyie?

               
                             JERRY
               You need some professional advice. Why 
               don't you go see Elaine's friend? She's 
               a therapist.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I'm not going to see that nut doctor 
               she went to Europe with.
 
               
                             JERRY
               No, no no (Elaine enters, flossing teeth) 
               Elaine what's the name of that friend 
               of yours ... that's a therapist ... 
               the woman.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Dana Folley.

               
                             JERRY
               Right, Dana Folley.

               
                             GEORGE
               She any good?

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, she's terrific. Why? You thinking 
               of going?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Wa, uh, ...

               
                             ELAINE
               Tia? Who's that?

               
                             JERRY
               She's the model I met on the plane.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               She sent you a Christmas card?

               
                             JERRY
               Um uh. And we're going out Saturday 
               night.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               My Darling Susan! My DARLING!!!

               
               (They ignore George)

               
                             JERRY
               What are you doing?

               
                             ELAINE
               ... date with Fred.

               
                             JERRY
               The religious guy?

               
                             ELAINE
               He's not THAT religious.

               
                             JERRY
               Let us pray.

               
               (Kramer Enters)

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, you got any Double Crunch?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah.

               
                             JERRY
               Kramer, should I call Susan?

               
                             KRAMER
               Now what does the little man inside 
               you say? See you gotta listen to the 
               little man.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               My little man doesn't know.

               
                             KRAMER
               The little man knows all.

               
                             GEORGE
               My little man's an idiot.

               
                             ELAINE
               See, she was clever. You know she put 
               her picture on a card. I should do that. 
               I never do anything like that.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               You want a picture like that on a Christmas 
               card? I can do that for you. ...
 
               
                             GEORGE
               She kept such a nice clean apartment. 
               She was so sanitary.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               No, no, I was just thinking out loud 
               I don't want my picture on a card.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               No, no, I'll take your picture. I'll 
               take care of everything.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               She made a big breakfast every Sunday. 
               I don't know what she put in those eggs.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               All right, ... now, you come on over. 
               I'll have my cereal and I'll take your 
               picture.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Really? Can you really take a picture?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, he's good. He takes good pictures. 
               He's got equipment over there.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               All right, ha ha

               
                             KRAMER
               I don't know about that outfit though.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Why? What's wrong with it?

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, we'll have to improvise.

               
               (Elaine and Kramer exit)

               
                             GEORGE
               (singing) Oh hey, if you happen to see 
               the most beautiful girl who walked out 
               on me. Tell her I'm sorry. Tell her 
               I need my baby ... oh won't you tell 
               her ... I love her. Oh hey, ...
 
               
                             JERRY
               George I'm afraid I'm going to have 
               to ask you to leave.
 
               
               
               
               (Change of Scne Tia at Jerry's)

               
                             JERRY
               So, I'm thinking of putting in na tropical 
               fish tank right here.
 
               
                             TIA
               Are you sure you're ready for that kind 
               of comitment?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, I figure if it doesn't work out 
               I can always flush them down the toilet.
 
               
               
                             TIA
               That's horrible!

               
                             JERRY
               What's that perfume you're wearing?
 
               
               
                             TIA
               oh I completely forgot I want you to 
               see this. The CALVIN KLEIN ad I was 
               telling you about came out today.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What is that smell?

               
                             TIA
               It's here somewhere.

               
                             JERRY
               It smells like the beach.

               
                             TIA
               Exactly.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh my God is that the new perfume?
 
               
               
                             TIA
               Yeah.

               
                             JERRY
               I can't believe this. My next door neighbour 
               had the idea for this exact perfume 
               last year. He even met with an executive 
               at CALVIN KLEIN. I can't believe they 
               stole his idea.
 
               
                             TIA
               Are you sure?

               
                             JERRY
               And you're the model for this perfume?
 
               
               
               (Noise)

               
                             JERRY
               Uh, that's him. He just came home. ... 
               Uh, the door (Jerry pushes his door 
               against Kramer's entrance)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Hey

               
                             JERRY
               Hey.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, how ya' doing? (Trying to enter)
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, uh, I'll see you later.

               
                             KRAMER
               I just wanted to borrow your Dust Buster.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               All right come on in. ... Just wait 
               over HERE! Just wait here and I'll get 
               it for you. ... Kramer this is Tia.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Hello.

               
               (Jerry pushes tia back away from Kramer)

               
                             KRAMER
               How tall are you?

               
                             TIA
               Five ten.

               
                             KRAMER
               Come on lets see - Back to Back.

               
                             JERRY
               NO! Kramer!

               
                             KRAMER
               What's the matter with you? I just wanted 
               to see how tall she was.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, you're tall - she's tall I'm tall. 
               What's the difference who's tall. We're 
               all tall.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               What's that?

               
                             JERRY
               What?

               
                             KRAMER
               That smell. What's that smell?

               
                             JERRY
               (starting the Dust Buster) What smell?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               It's very familiar. I can't put my finger 
               on it. It's very familiar.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, they're all the same. Here. (gives 
               him Dust Buster) Now if you'll excuse 
               us, ..
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, okay, So I'll see you tomorrow 
               uh?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Okay.

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah. Nice meeting you.

               
                             TIA
               Nice meeting you too.

               
                             JERRY
               I'll see you later.

               
               (Kramer slowly leaves as Jerry shuts door on him)

               
                             JERRY
               Ooow, that was close.

               
                             KRAMER
               (OC) THE BEACH!!!

               
               (enters)

               
                             KRAMER
               You smell like the beach. What's the 
               name of that perfume? you're wearing.
 
               
               
                             TIA
               It's Ocean by CALVIN KLEIN.

               
                             KRAMER
               CALVIN KLEIN? No, no. That's my idea. 
               They, they stole my idea. Y' see I had 
               the idea of a cologne that makes you 
               smell like you just came from the beach.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I know look at this (shows ad)

               
                             KRAMER
               Whooo, ... That's you! What is going 
               on here? The gyp(?) he laughs at me 
               then he steals my idea. I could have 
               been a millionaire. I could have been 
               a fragrance millionaire, Jerry. ... 
               They're not going to get away with this.
 
               
               
               (End of scene)

               
               
               
               (Therapist's Office)

               
               (George enters)

               
                             DANA
               Hello. George, come in. Come in I've 
               heard an awful lot about you. Please 
               sit down.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Well hello. Um, ah, specifically the 
               reason that I'm here, uh, I don't know 
               uh what Elaine told you but uh I broke 
               up with my girlfriend a couple of weeks 
               ago. Actually she broke up with me (struggling 
               with his coat zipper) and uh, well, 
               I was the cause of it and uh, I just 
               wanted to find out from you ... What's 
               with this thing?
 
               
                             DANA
               So uh, she broke up with you? ...

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, and, ... Why won't this go down?
 
               
               
                             DANA
               It's all right don't worry about it. 
               So, why did she break up with you?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               What is with this damn zipper?

               
                             DANA
               It doesn't matter. You'll fix it later. 
               Tell me about your girlfriend.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               It's stuck on a piece of cloth here. 
               I can't get the cloth out.
 
               
                             DANA
               It doesn't matter, so ...

               
                             GEORGE
               This is a brand new jacket. Boy this 
               really burns me up, ...
 
               
                             DANA
               George, George, look at me. Okay, forget 
               about the zipper. ... What's your girlfriend's 
               name?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               ... Susan.

               
                             DANA
               Okay, we're getting somewhere.

               
                             GEORGE
               UH, ha ha, ... It's just SO frustrating. 
               It's a brand new jacket.
 
               
               (Jerry's Apartment)

               
                             ELAINE
               Anyway so Fred and I are going to do 
               some volunteer work for that Church 
               on Amsterdam.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, volunteer work!. See that's what 
               I like about the holiday season. That's 
               the true spirit of Christmas. People 
               being helped by people other than me. 
               That makes me feel good inside. Look 
               at what we have here. (mail). A Christmas 
               card from Laine. You didn't have to 
               go to all that trouble.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               It was no trouble. My assistant did 
               the whole thing.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I didn't even see the picture. How did 
               it come out?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Well, you know. It's a picture?

               
                             JERRY
               Oh yeah. Look at that. Looks good. Kramer 
               did a good job.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, well. How hard is it to take a 
               picture?
 
               
                             JERRY
               ... um ...

               
                             ELAINE
               What?

               
                             JERRY
               Did you look at look at this picture 
               carefully?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Carefully?

               
                             JERRY
               Because I'm not sure and and and correct 
               me if I'm wrong but I think I see ... 
               a nipple.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What?

               
                             JERRY
               Here. Take a look. What, what is that?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (gasps) Oh my God! That's my nipple.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               That's what I thought.

               
                             ELAINE
               That's my nipple. My nipple's exposed. 
               I sent this card to hundreds of people! 
               My parents. My boss. Uh, Nana and Papa.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               DIDN'T YOU LOOK AT THE PICTURE?

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh God I didn't notice. Oh, what am 
               I going to do? You know your whole life 
               you go through painstaking efforts to 
               hide your nipple and then BOOM, suddenly 
               hundreds of people get their own personal 
               shot of it.
 
               
               (Kramer enters)

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey!

               
                             ELAINE
               Have you seen the card?

               
                             KRAMER
               What card?

               
                             ELAINE
               This car.

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, yeah. Of course. I took it.

               
                             ELAINE
               Well did you notice anything unusual 
               about it?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               No.

               
                             ELAINE
               Well come here and take a look.

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, so?

               
                             ELAINE
               So, what's that?

               
                             KRAMER
               That's a nipple.

               
                             ELAINE
               Right!!

               
                             KRAMER
               Ooo!

               
                             ELAINE
               Aw, great!? Didn't you see that?

               
                             KRAMER
               Aw, no, no I didn't notice it. no, uh,
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               It's because you made me wear that stupid 
               shirt.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, maybe no one noticed it. You didn't 
               notice it. Let me go get Newman. We'll 
               see if he sees it.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               No. I don't want him looking.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh what's the difference. Everybody 
               else you know has it.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh my God. I sent one to the super in 
               my building. My mailman. My ten year 
               old little nephew. Sister Mary Catherine. 
               Father Chelios. Oh my God Fred! I sent 
               one to Fred.
 
               
               (Jerry enters with Newman)

               
                             NX
               Okay. What is it?

               
                             JERRY
               Take a look at this card. Tell me if 
               you notice anything unusual about it.
 
               
               
                             NX
               Your nipple's showing.

               
                             JERRY
               Okay. Thanks.

               
                             NX
               Anything else?

               
                             JERRY
               No.

               
                             NX
               All right. See you later.

               
                             JERRY
               What? So what? It's a nipple. A little 
               round circular protuberance. What's 
               the big deal? See everybody's got them. 
               See I got them.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               I got them too.

               
                             JERRY
               Everybody's got them.

               
               (Therapist's Office)

               
                             DANA
               You see it's kind of got a little piece 
               of cloth that's slipped underneath and 
               it's ...
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Pull it up a little bit.

               
                             DANA
               Uhg. Well you hold it. Wait, uh, Damn 
               It! I can't move it. God, I've never 
               seen a zipper so stubborn. DAMN IT! 
               I almost had it.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, okey, wait wait. That will separate.
 
               
               
                             DANA
               No. Let me try...

               
                             GEORGE
               Take it right off the chest...

               
                             DANA
               Ugh, ..

               
                             GEORGE
               You're gonna rip it. You're gonna rip 
               it.
 
               
                             DANA
               YEAH!! UGH!!! ARG!!! ... I am afraid 
               we're going to have to stop.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Okay. Uh, my mother is is going to pay 
               for the sessions. ... Oh,Elaine?
 
               
                             DANA
               Yeah.

               
                             GEORGE
               (stares at card)

               
               (Jerry's car - BMW)

               
               (Jerry scratching right side of nose. Tia in a cab sees him, 
               in shock. Cab pulls away.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               No, No, No, No, Oh, No.

               
               (Jerry's Apartment)

               
               (Jerry hanging up phone)

               
                             JERRY
               Well every day for the past four days 
               she hasn't returned one call.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Was it a scratch or a pick?

               
                             JERRY
               It was a scratch.

               
                             GEORGE
               Hey. It's me.

               
                             JERRY
               Don't you think I know the difference 
               between a pick and a scratch?
 
               
               (Buzzer)

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah?

               
                             ELAINE
               (OC) It's me.

               
                             JERRY
               Come on up.

               
                             GEORGE
               Was there any nostril penetration?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               There may have been some incidental 
               penetration. But from her angle she 
               was in no position to make the call.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               So let's say in her mind she witnessed 
               a pick. Okay, so then what?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Is that so unforgivable? Is that like 
               breaking a commandment? Did God say 
               to Moses thou shalt not pick?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I guarantee you that Moses was a picker. 
               You wander throughh the desert for forty 
               years with that dry air. ... You telling 
               me you're not going to have occasion 
               to clean house a little bit.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Let me ask you something. If you were 
               going out with somebody and if she did 
               that what would, would you do? Would 
               you continue going out with her?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               No. That's disgusting!

               
               (Elaine enters)

               
               
               
                             ELAINE
               You cannot believe what I'm going through. 
               That card is plastered all over the 
               office. Everybody is calling me, Nip! 
               ... Yeah. That's my new nickname at 
               the office. Nip! These guys keep asking 
               me out for drinks. Not only that, Fred, 
               you know the guy I told you about? He 
               hasn't called me in three days. ... 
               (sees card) Oh please!
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Hey. How come I didn't get a Christmas 
               card? Everybody else got one. Jerry 
               got one, Kramer got one. I thought we 
               were good friends. I don't get a Christmas 
               card. I don't get it.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               You want a Christmas card? You want 
               a Christmas card? All right here. (rubs 
               George's head on her breasts) Here's 
               your Christmas card.
 
               
               (Kramer enters)

               
                             KRAMER
               Got any Double Crunch?

               
                             JERRY
               yeah. I think I do.

               
                             KRAMER
               What's that perfume?

               
                             ELAINE
               What, Ocean.

               
                             KRAMER
               That's mine. That's my smell. Jerry 
               you've got to get that model to get 
               me an appointment with CALVIN KLEIN.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I can't She won't return my calls because 
               she caught me in a pick at a light.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               I thought you said it was a scratch.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               But that's not what she thinks.

               
                             GEORGE
               Why don't you call her agency. Maybe 
               she's been out of town and she didn't 
               get the calls.
 
               
                             JERRY
               All right. I'll call the agency. (Elaine 
               grabs card from George) Hello. Yes, 
               I'm trying to get in touch with Tia 
               Van Camp. Do you know if she's been 
               in town? She's been in town. Oh really. 
               well thank you very much. (hangs up) 
               She has been in town. She's at CALVIN 
               KLEIN's right now.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Let's go.

               
               (Monk's)

               
                             GEORGE
               It'll be different this time.

               
                             SUSAN
               I need someone a little more stable.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               I'm not stable? I'm like a rock. I take 
               these glasses off, you can't tell the 
               difference between me and a rock. I 
               put these glasses on a rock. You know 
               what jumps into most people's minds? 
               Costanza!
 
               
                             SUSAN
               People don't change.

               
                             GEORGE
               I change I change. Two weeks ago I tried 
               a soft boiled egg. Never liked it before. 
               Now I'm dunkin a piece of toast in there 
               and I'm loving it.
 
               
                             SUSAN
               I'm not a soft boiled egg.

               
                             GEORGE
               And I am not a piece of toast.

               
                             SUSAN
               I just don't think we have anything 
               in common.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               That's okay. That's good. You think 
               Louie Pasteur and his wife had anything 
               in common? He was in the fields all 
               day with the cows, you know with the 
               milk, examining the milk, delving into 
               milk, consummed with milk. Pasteurization, 
               Homogenization, She was in the kitchen 
               killing cockroaches with a boot on each 
               hand.
 
               
                             SUSAN
               Why were there so many cockroaches?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Because. There was a lot of cake lying 
               around the house. Just sitting there 
               going with all the excess milk from 
               all the experiments (grins)
 
               
                             SUSAN
               And they got along?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yes! Yes. You know. She didn't know 
               about Pasteurization. He didn't know 
               anout Fumigation. But they made it work!
 
               
               
               
               
               (Trump Towers)

               
                             KRAMER
               I want to talk to Calvin.

               
                             SECRETARY
               You can't go in there.

               
                             KRAMER
               Let me talk to Calvin.

               
               (Kramer enters office)

               
                             TIA
               Kramer?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, uh.

               
                             CALVIN KLEIN
               Who are you?

               
                             KRAMER
               I'm here to talk about the ocean.

               
                             CALVIN KLEIN
               Oh, yes kramer. I uh, think I know something 
               about this. Will you excuse us Tia? 
               (Tia leaves)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Now I don't want any trouble Calvin.
 
               
               
                             CALVIN KLEIN
               Neither do I.

               
               (Outside office)

               
                             JERRY
               Hello there you are.

               
                             TIA
               What are you doing here?

               
                             JERRY
               Well, I had to talk to you - I noticed 
               you haven't been returning my calls.
 
               
               
                             TIA
               Well, I've been busy.

               
                             JERRY
               Because I - I thought we had a good 
               time the other night, an' the only explanation 
               I can come up with is that you think 
               that you caught me (flustered, he
 
               
               
               indicates a nose pick)

               
                             TIA
               (Waving him off) I'd rather not talk 
               about this..
 
               
                             JERRY
               But I was clearly on the outer edge 
               of the nostril.
 
               
                             TIA
               I know what I saw. (Turns toward the 
               elevators)
 
               
                             JERRY
               But there - but there was no pick! I 
               - I did not pick! There ws no piick!
 
               
               
                             TIA
               I gotta go. (Quickly walks away from 
               Jerry)
 
               
                             JERRY
               No! No pick!

               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Calvin Klein's office)

               
               (Kramer, standing, is talking with Klein)

               
                             KRAMER
               All right, now here's the scoop, Jockey. 
               I, uh, I came in here last January to 
               talk to one of your ffflunkies..
 
               
                             KLEIN
               (Reflecting on Kramer) Interesting face..
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah.. And, um, when I told him my idea 
               about the beach cologne, you know, he 
               - he laughed at me.
 
               
                             KLEIN
               You're very lithe, aren't you? Very 
               graceful.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, yeah.

               
                             KLEIN
               Sit down, eh? (Kramer, misjudging one 
               side of the couch, sits down uncomfortably) 
               You're very lean, but muscular..
 
               
                             KRAMER
               You know, I try to take care of myself. 
               I - I watch what I eat. Ah, just recently 
               I cut out fructose.
 
               
                             KLEIN
               You're spectacular.

               
                             KRAMER
               (Flattered) Oh?

               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Elaine's office)

               
               (Elaine's fighting with her boyfriend, Fred, about her Christmas 
               card)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I told you, Fred - my friend's next 
               door neighbor took it.
 
               
                             FRED
               (Incredulous) Soo - what happened?!
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Well, I-I-I must a missed a button. 
               I forgot to button it.
 
               
                             FRED
               I really don't see how you could miss 
               a button like that.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, you've never missed a button?! (Phone 
               rings, she puts it on speakerphone) 
               Yeah?..
 
               
                             RECEPTIONIST
               Your sister, Gail.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, God - my nephew. (Picks up the phone 
               and hits the button) Hi, Gail!.. Yu.. 
               yu... Yes, Gail, I know how old he is.
 
               
               
                             CO-WORKER
               (Pokes his head into the doorway) Hey, 
               Nip, ya need that manuscript or can 
               I take it home?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, take it! Take it!.. An' stop calling 
               me "Nip"! (Co-worker takes it and quickly 
               leaves. Elaine goes back to the phone) 
               It was an accident! Well..
 
               
               well.. it's gotta be somewhere. Look under his mattress.

               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Susan's apartment building)

               
               (George and Susan are slowly making their way up the stars to 
               Susan's apartment. He's treating it very much like the long walk 
               to an execution; she's mellow and
 
               
               happy)

               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Calvin Klein's office)

               
               (A couple people are sitting with Klein, and talking. Kramer 
               is no where in sight)
 
               
                             WOMAN
               About the focus group? I had nothing 
               to do with the focus group. What's your 
               point? (She sees Kramer emerge from 
               another room. He's wearing only
 
               
               dress shoes, socks, and his briefs) My.. he's sexual, athletic.. 
               an' without a trace of self-consciousness!
 
               
                             KLEIN
               His buttocks are sublime!

               
                             MAN
               Of course, his pectorals could use a 
               little work - I suppose we could get 
               him into the weight room.
 
               
                             WOMAN
               (Mesmerized with Kramer's body) No, 
               let's get him in the studio today. We 
               can send these out immediately.
 
               
               (Kramer casually puts his hand on the wall, attempting to lean 
               on it, but the corner is rounded, and he slides along it, eventually 
               falling down. Fortunately, the other
 
               
               people don't notice - they're talking amongst themselves)

               
                             MAN
               You've done it again, C.K.!

               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Calvin Klein office building)

               
               (In a hallway, Tia and others are waiting for the elevator. Jerry, 
               deciding to make a speach, starts to preach to the crowd)
 
               
                             JERRY
               An' what if I did do it? Even though 
               I admit to nothing, and never will. 
               What does that make me? And I'm not 
               here just defending myself but all those
 
               
               
               Pickers out there who've been caught. (Elevator doors open) Each 
               an' every one of them, who has to suffer the shame and humiliation 
               because of people like you..
 
               
               (Everyone but Jerry is now in the elevator. Jerry's still addressing 
               them) Are we not human?! If we pick, do we not bleed?! (Elevator 
               doors shut. A few people in the
 
               
               hallway are looking at him, he turns and addresses them) I am 
               not an animal!
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Elaine's office)

               
               (Elaine's standing in the doorway, yelling at Fred)

               
                             ELAINE
               I did not bare myself deliberately, 
               but I tell you, I wish now that I had! 
               (Fred, shocked by her speech, flees. 
               She calls after him, still standing 
               at the hallway) Because it is not me 
               that has been exposed, but you! For 
               I have seen the nipple on your soul!
 
               
               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (Monk's)

               
                             GX
               So the minute I started up the steps 
               to her apartment I knew I made a terrible 
               mistake. Going back with her. So we're 
               in her apartment she goes into the bathroom. 
               I'm cursing myself; now how do I get 
               out of this? Then it hits me like a 
               bolt of lightening. The pick.
 
               
                             JERRY
               The pick?

               
                             ELAINE
               The pick?

               
                             GEORGE
               She comes out of the bathroom, I'm in 
               up to my wrist. You should have seen 
               the look on her face.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I think I've seen that look.

               
               (Kramer enters)

               
                             KRAMER
               I've got the magazine. The underwear 
               ad came out.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Boy, they really worked on your pectorals.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Your buttocks are spectacular.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh my!

               
                             KRAMER
               What?

               
                             ELAINE
               I'm not sure but... I think I see your...
 
               
               
               
               
               
               
                            THE END



The Pick



Writers :   Larry David
Genres :   Comedy


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