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Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                          THE PILOT PART 2



                             Written by

                            Larry David




 
               
               
               (NBC, pilot's set)

               
               (Jerry, Tom, and Michael are at the counter, rehearsing. George 
               is standing and watching them next to another guy. Rita, Jay, 
               Stu and Russell are sitting in the crowd's bleachers)
 
               
                             TOM
               What do you mean made up?

               
                             JERRY
               It's made up. Haagen-Dazs is made up. 
               It's not Danish.
 
               
                             TOM
               You're crazy.

               
                             JERRY
               No I'm not. (to Michael) George. Is 
               Haagen-Dazs Danish?
 
               
                             MICHAEL
               What do you mean Danish?

               
                             GEORGE
               (to the guy next to him) This guy stinks. 
               (speaking of Michael)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Danish. Is it from Denmark?

               
                             MICHAEL
               No, they make it in New Jersey. It's 
               just a Danishy name.
 
               
                             TOM
               I can't believe that. They fooled *me* 
               Jerry.
 
               
                             RITA
               (to Jay) Boy, talk about a show about 
               nothing. (Jay, the integral producer, 
               smiles stupidly)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Uh, excuse me. (stopping them from rehearsing) 
               Excuse me. (he walks to the guy's in 
               charge of yelling: "take #!") This--This 
               is not right. May I? (the guy looks 
               at George with a bothered face. George 
               then walks up to Tom and takes him away 
               from Jerry and Michael to talk to him 
               in private)(to Tom) You see, you're 
               going: "They fooled *me* Jerry!" (George 
               shakes his head with disapproval) You 
               wanna hit 'fooled' more: "They *fooled* 
               me Jerry!". You see the difference?
 
               
               
                             TOM
               I'm not gonna say it like that.

               
                             GEORGE
               Just a suggestion. (chuckles and walks 
               back to the yelling guy)
 
               
                             YELLING GUY
               (with the same bothered face and while 
               he's looking at George) All right everybody, 
               take a five.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (very casual and raising his hand in 
               the air) Yep. That's five!
 
               
                             JERRY
               George? (walks away to talk privately. 
               George, still casual, taps on Jerry's 
               shoulder) I don't have a lot of experience 
               with this acting stuff. But from what 
               I can gather, they're a little touchy 
               about being told how to say the lines.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Why is that?

               
                             JERRY
               I don't know, but they don't seem to 
               like it. By the way how am I doing?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, you're fine... you're fine. (looking 
               at Tom in the back and then quieter 
               to Jerry) So you think this guy playing 
               Kramer took the raisins?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Why would he steal a box of raisins?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, it's bizarre. (they both look 
               around them suspiciously)
 
               
               (scene cuts to the bleachers with the producers)

               
                             RITA
               (to Jay about Russell) What's with him? 
               (to Russell) Russell? (louder) Russell?
 
               
               
                             RUSSELL
               What?

               
                             RITA
               You O.K.?

               
                             RUSSELL
               Yeah. No, uh, I was just thinking of 
               something. I'll be back in a second. 
               (he gets up and leaves)
 
               
               (scene cuts to Jerry sitting next to Sandi. They're both going 
               through their copy of the script)
 
               
                             SANDI
               What's the matter?

               
                             JERRY
               Nothing.

               
                             SANDI
               You're acting weird. Is anything wrong?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               No.

               
                             SANDI
               Are you breaking up with me?

               
                             JERRY
               Are we going out?

               
                             SANDI
               You're breaking up with me, aren't you? 
               (almost crying)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Do you want me to break up with you?
 
               
               
                             SANDI
               If that's what you want.

               
                             JERRY
               I don't even know what you're talking 
               about.
 
               
                             SANDI
               Fine. Break up with me.

               
                             JERRY
               All right. We're broken up.

               
                             SANDI
               (little pause) Can we still be friends? 
               (Jerry raises his head, staring ahead 
               and wondering what's going on)
 
               
               (scene cuts to George and Tom standing, backstage)

               
                             GEORGE
               Remember when you came to audition for 
               us?
 
               
                             TOM
               Yeah.

               
                             GEORGE
               There was a box of raisins on the coffee 
               table. Did you, by any chance, take 
               them with you when left?
 
               
                             TOM
               What are you talking about?

               
                             GEORGE
               Well we were all eating the raisins. 
               And I remember you--you were eating 
               some of the raisins. And then you left, 
               and the raisins were gone. And I was 
               just wondering if, you know (chuckles), 
               maybe you took them with you.
 
               
                             TOM
               Are you accusing me of stealing the 
               raisins?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, no, no--

               
                             TOM
               (angry) Why would I steal a box of raisins!?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               No you wouldn't. Nobody would. It's 
               just that... they were missing, and... 
               well I'm just inquiring. (chuckles nervously)
 
               
               
                             TOM
               Let me give you a word of advice. O.K.? 
               I want you to stay away from me. I don't 
               wanna talk to you, and I don't wanna 
               hear anymore of your stupid little notes 
               and suggestions. I don't like you. So 
               if you got any other problems whether 
               it's raisins, prunes, figs, or any other 
               dried fruit, just keep it to yourself 
               and stay out of my way, O.K.?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. All right. I don't think 
               we're gonna have any problem with that. 
               (chuckles nervously) Good talking to 
               you Tom. Really.
 
               
               (scene cuts to Russell, still on the set, but on the phone with 
               Elaine)
 
               
                             RUSSELL
               (nervously, almost desperately) Elaine. 
               Elaine. What do you want? What can I 
               do? Is it my job? Is that what it is? 
               Elaine I can't go on like this. Will 
               you call me? Would you call me? Well, 
               why? All right. May I call you? Elaine? 
               Elaine? (she hung up. An employee walks 
               by, bumps into Russell and spills coffee 
               accidentally on him)
 
               
                             DAVID
               Excuse me Mr. Dalrimple. I am so sorry.
 
               
               
                             RUSSELL
               All right. All right. What's your name?
 
               
               
                             DAVID
               David Richardson.

               
                             RUSSELL
               Get out! You're fired!

               
                             DAVID
               But Mr. Dalrimple--

               
                             RUSSELL
               Don't talk back to me. Didn't you hear 
               what I say? Get out! You want me to 
               call the cops? I make and break little 
               worms like you every day. Do you know 
               how much money I make? Do you have any 
               idea! Do you know where I live? I can 
               have any woman in this city that I want. 
               Any one. Now, GET OUT! (David leaves. 
               Everyone on the set is looking at Russell) 
               What are you all looking at? Go back 
               to work! BACK! NOW! (they do, Russell 
               leaves)
 
               
               (scene ends)

               
               (Jerry's)

               
                             GEORGE
               The doc called and said the lab's backed 
               up and now I'm not gonna get the results 
               for another two days.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Ah! You're fine. There's nothing wrong 
               with you. I'm the one who's dying.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               What do you mean?

               
                             JERRY
               Because I can't act! I stink! I don't 
               what I'm doing!
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Come on you're... uh... you're fine.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               This show's gonna ruin my entire career. 
               I don't know how I got involved in this.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               What about me? I was a total failure. 
               Everything was fine. Now this thing's 
               gonna be a success and God's gonna give 
               me a terminal disease.
 
               
                             JERRY
               This actress playing Elaine, she's out 
               of her mind.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               The guy playing Kramer threatened me.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Why?

               
                             GEORGE
               'cause I asked him about the raisins.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You mentioned the raisins.

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh yeah.

               
                             JERRY
               Did he take 'em?

               
                             GEORGE
               I don't know.

               
                             JERRY
               Well if he didn't take 'em, what happened 
               to 'em?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               That's what I'm trying to find out.
 
               
               
               (Kramer enters slowly and carefully)

               
                             JERRY
               Hey.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey.

               
                             JERRY
               Any luck?

               
                             KRAMER
               No. No, nothing. I got no... peristalsis.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What about bran?

               
               
                             JERRY
               Well my friend, (Jerry puts his hand 
               on Kramer's shoulder) it may be time 
               to consider the dreaded apparatus.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Pfft! Hold it right there. If you're 
               suggesting what I think you're suggesting, 
               you're wasting your time. I am not Jerry, 
               under any circumstances, doing any inserting 
               in that area.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, it's not that bad!

               
                             GEORGE
               Yes it is.

               
               (Elaine enters)

               
                             ELAINE
               Well it's all taken care of. I filed 
               a report. An investigation is underway.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               (to Elaine) So, you going to the taping 
               tomorrow night?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               No. I don't think I should go. I really 
               don't wanna bump into Russell. He called 
               me the other day. He won't quit.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, come on you gotta go! He's harmless. 
               He's got a little crush on you.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Jerry, this is not a crush. This is 
               a complete fixation. he makes me very 
               uncomfortable.
 
               
                             JERRY
               We need you there!

               
                             ELAINE
               (to Kramer) Hey are you gonna go?

               
                             KRAMER
               No. No. I'm gonna stay home. I want 
               to be close to my home base in case 
               there's any news from the front. (he 
               leaves)
 
               
               (scene ends)

               
               (NBC, pilot's set, the taping)

               
               The taping is about to begin.

               
               People are walking into the studio.

               
               Jerry is getting a makeup.

               
               Michael walks around backstage, he seems nervous and agitated.
 
               
               
               Rita, Stu and Jay are sitting in the crowd. Russell is missing.
 
               
               
               George looks at his lip in a mirror.

               
               Tom is sitting in his dressing room, eating the raisins.

               
               Elaine walks into the studio, wearing and adjusting a blonde 
               short-haired wig, and also wearing bold glsasses.
 
               
               Scene cuts to the drugstore where Kramer is buying the dreaded 
               apparatus.
 
               
               Sandi, sitting next to Jerry who's still getting a makeup, is 
               having her hair done.
 
               
                             SANDI
               (to her hairdresser) No! Pick it up 
               more in the front! It's got to be higher! 
               Higher! Make a wall! A wall!
 
               
                             ASSISTANT DRESSER
               Sandi, are you in wardrobe? Sandi?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Try Elaine.

               
                             ASSISTANT DRESSER
               Elaine?

               
                             SANDI
               Yes?

               
               (scene cuts to the crowd. Elaine is sitting in the front with 
               her disguise, and a guy behind her taps on her shoulder)
 
               
                             WILTON
               Elaine? It's me-- Wilton Marshall. Remember? 
               Camp Tioga-- 1978? Remember?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, right.

               
                             WILTON
               Wow! You know you haven't changed a 
               bit.
 
               
               (scene cuts to Michael, backstage, still walking around nervously. 
               He sees Jerry and runs to him)
 
               
                             MICHAEL
               I can't remember my lines!!!

               
                             JERRY
               Just relax, you'll be fine.

               
                             MICHAEL
               I can't relax. I don't know what line! 
               I don't know any of 'em!
 
               
                             JERRY
               You're just like George. George'd do 
               the same thing. You're just like him. 
               It's amazing!
 
               
                             MICHAEL
               Help me Jerry! Help me!

               
               (scene cuts to the producers in the crowd)

               
                             RITA
               (to Stu) Where is Russell?

               
                             STU
               You know I don't know. I thought he 
               was coming. I assumed he wouldn't miss 
               it.
 
               
                             JAY
               He hasn't been well.

               
                             STU
               (to Rita) Can I tell you something in 
               confidence? I think it's a woman.
 
               
               
                             RITA
               How pathetic.

               
               (scene cuts to George on the same phone as Russell earlier)
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               This is George Costanza, I'm calling 
               for my test results. Negative? Oh, my 
               God. WHY! WHY! WHY? What? What? Negative 
               is good? Oh, yes of course! How stupid 
               of me. Thank you. Thank you very much. 
               (he hangs up)
 
               
               (scene cuts to the crowd and we see Joe Devola is there)

               
               (scene cuts to Kramer entering his apartment with the dreaded 
               apparatus)
 
               
               (scene cuts to George, happy, eating and double-dipping chips. 
               Tom is staring at him, George notices him, and aborts a double-dip)
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (he walks casually to Tom, and taps 
               his arm) Listen. I know we've had our 
               problems in the past, but we got a show 
               to do tonight. Time to pull together 
               as a team. Life's too short. I say, 
               let's let bygones be bygones. If you 
               took the raisins, if you didn't take 
               the raisins-- They weren't even my raisins. 
               I was just curious because it seems 
               like a strange to do to walk into a 
               room, audition, and to walk out with 
               a box of raisins. Anyway, whatever. 
               If you ever want to tell me about it, 
               the door to my office is always opened. 
               In the event that I get an office. You'll 
               come in, we'll talk about the raisins. 
               We'll have a nice laugh.
 
               
                             TOM
               How would you like it if I just pulled 
               your heart out of your chest right now, 
               and shoved it down your throat?
 
               
               (scene cuts to the presentor, Pat Hazell, talking to the crowd)
 
               
               
                             PAT HAZELL
               Are you ready to meet our cast? (crowd 
               applause) All right.
 
               
               (scene cuts to Kramer holding and staring at the dreaded apparatus, 
               then closing his bathroom's door.)
 
               
               (scene cuts to Jerry, holding a microphone and talking to the 
               crowd)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Good evening, folks. How you doing? 
               (small reaction from the crowd) Well, 
               you sound like a great crowd. We have 
               a show we're gonna put on for you tonight. 
               It's a new TV show. It's what they call 
               a pilot. And we hope it becomes a series. 
               It's called 'Jerry', and I'm playing 
               Jerry--
 
               
                             JOE DEVOLA
               (getting up then shouting) SIC SEMPER 
               TYRANNIS! (he jumps over a balcony and 
               on the stage. The crowd is yelling)
 
               
               
               (scene ends)

               
               (Jerry's)

               
                             GEORGE
               Sic semper tyrannis? What is that, Latin?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, it's what John Wilkes Booth yelled 
               out when he shot Lincoln.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Really? What does it mean?

               
                             JERRY
               It means: "Death to tyrants".

               
                             GEORGE
               I can see that.

               
               (Elaine enters)

               
                             ELAINE
               See, now this is exciting! This is exciting! 
               Did I miss anything already?
 
               
                             JERRY
               No, it starts in five minutes. You were 
               there at the taping, what's the big 
               deal?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Nah, now it's on TV. It's different. 
               I told everybody I know to watch it.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, me too.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey, what about Russell? Did you hear 
               from him?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               No.

               
                             JERRY
               Strange. Even not showing up at the 
               taping...
 
               
               (Kramer enters, singing and dancing)

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, pistol-packin mama, you swing that 
               gal around, Allemande left with the 
               old gray hag, around and around you 
               go. Yee-ha!!
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, well, well.

               
                             ELAINE
               Congratulations.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, thank you.

               
                             GEORGE
               You went for the big "E".

               
                             KRAMER
               Wet and wild.

               
                             JERRY
               All right. Come on sit down. It's about 
               to start.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, yes.

               
               (Elaine finds something under the couch cushions)

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey, what's this? Look. A wallet.

               
                             JERRY
               A wallet? Let me see that.

               
                             ELAINE
               Here.

               
                             JERRY
               Ah, man! It's my father's wallet! The 
               one he thought they stole at the doctor's 
               office that time.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Shh! This is it!

               
                             JERRY
               How do you like that?

               
                             
               
               
               (Jerry's) Jerry's apartment with Elaine, George and Kramer watching 
               the pilot.
 
               
               (TV) The pilot

               
               (Viewers) Characters from the season 4, watching TV in their 
               home and commenting on the pilot.)
 
               
               ===(TV)===

               
                             
               
               
               "I get into a car accident. The guy that hit me doesn't have 
               any insurance. So the judge sentences him to be my butler. Sounds 
               like a sitcom, doesn't it?"
 
               
               
               
               ===(Jerry's)===

               
               (they all applause as the intro ends)

               
                             ELAINE
               Bravo!

               
               (Kramer taps George on the shoulder)

               
                             GEORGE
               You hurt me.

               
               ===(TV)===

               
               (Jerry's apartment, Michael knocks and enters)

               
                             MICHAEL
               Hey.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey George.

               
                             MICHAEL
               New sneakers?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah.

               
                             MICHAEL
               What do you need new sneakers for?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I like sneakers.

               
                             MICHAEL
               How do you make a decision which one 
               to wear? I'd go crazy if I have to decide 
               which sneakers to wear every day.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Nah, you're crazy anyway.

               
               ===(Viewers)====

               
               *

               
               (Susan and Allison from 'The Smelly Car'. They're eating popcorn, 
               sitting on a couch)
 
               
                             SUSAN AND ALLSION
               (to each other while they recognize 
               one of George's behaviors in Michael) 
               George!
 
               
               *

               
               (Sid and the housekeeper from 'The Old Man')

               
                             SID
               What kind of stupid show is this? Hey! 
               It's that idiot that took all my records! 
               (the houskeeper starts laughing)
 
               
               *

               
               (John-John and Marla the virgin from 'The Contest'. Marla is 
               under the bed sheets while John-John is sitting at the end of 
               the bed, with the TV remote in his hands)
 
               
                             MARLA
               John, what are you doing? Come back 
               to bed.
 
               
                             JOHN
               (with a Boston accent) This show looks 
               interesting. Isn't he that Seinfeld 
               fellow you went out with?
 
               
                             MARLA
               Ooh, he's horrible! Horrible!

               
                             JOHN
               Nevertheless...

               
               *

               
               (The Drake, who went back with the Drakette, Allison, from 'The 
               Handicap Spot'. They watch the pilot on a tiny mini-TV with a 
               tiny antenna)
 
               
                             THE DRAKE
               Ah, that Jerry's a funny guy. Huh? Got 
               to love the Sein!
 
               
                             ALLSION
               Hate the Sein! (while she adjusts the 
               tiny antenna)
 
               
               *

               
               (Ping and Cheryl from 'The Visa'. They talk in Chinese and we 
               see sub-titles in English)
 
               
                             PING
               I can't believe you liked him.

               
                             CHERYL
               I thought he was dark and disturbed.
 
               
               
                             PING
               Real perceptive.

               
               *

               
               (Donald and his parents from 'The Bubble boy'. We see his arm 
               coming off the bubble, between his parents. He doesn't have the 
               TV remote anymore. His parents are laughing)
 
               
                             DONALD
               This is a piece of crap!

               
                             MOTHER
               Donald, you used to like him.

               
                             DONALD
               What a sellout! Give me that remote!
 
               
               
                             MEL
               No, Donald.

               
               (he grabs the remote from his father's hand and the three of 
               them start to fight)
 
               
               ===(Jerry's)===

               
               (Jerry is getting a soda from the refrigerator)

               
                             KRAMER
               Come on Jerry, the commercials almost 
               over.
 
               
                             JERRY
               All right.

               
                             ELAINE
               You know Jerry I really like this guy 
               who's playing the butler.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh yeah. He's good. You know he's John 
               Ritter's cousin.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Really?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah.

               
               ===(TV)===

               
               (doorbell, Jerry opens the door, it's the butler, Charles)

               
                             JERRY
               Hello, Charles.

               
                             CHARLES
               Hello. So, where do you want me to start 
               today?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Why don't you start in the bedroom?
 
               
               
                             CHARLES
               (to himself, upset) Start in the bedroom...
 
               
               
               (Tom enters)

               
                             TOM
               Hey.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey. The butler's here.

               
                             TOM
               He is? Listen. When he's finished, send 
               him over to my house.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I'm not sending him to your house.
 
               
               
                             TOM
               Why not?

               
                             JERRY
               Because the judge decreed he'd become 
               my butler, not my friend's butler.
 
               
               
                             TOM
               Jerry, he is your butler. You can give 
               him any order you want. That's what 
               butlers do.
 
               
                             JERRY
               But I don't want to.

               
                             KRAMER
               Jerry, my house is a pigsty, come on.
 
               
               
               (buzzer, Jerry presses the button)

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah?

               
                             SANDI
               (from the buzzer's speaker) It's Elaine.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Come on up.

               
               (The butler comes back from the bedroom with a can of Pledge)
 
               
               
                             CHARLES
               I need more Pledge.

               
                             JERRY
               More Pledge! I just bought two cans 
               last week and I don't even have any 
               wood in the house!
 
               
                             CHARLES
               Well, it goes fast.

               
               (Sandi enters)

               
                             SANDI
               (to Charles, very friendly) Hello.
 
               
               
                             CHARLES
               Hello. (he goes back in the bedroom)
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What's all this about?

               
                             SANDI
               We had a date.

               
                             JERRY
               You had a date? You went out with my 
               butler? Who said you could go out with 
               my butler?
 
               
                             SANDI
               Why do I need your permission?

               
                             JERRY
               Because he's my butler!

               
               ===(Viewers)===

               
               *

               
               (Morty and Helen laughing)

               
                             MORTY
               That's terrific!

               
                             HELEN
               How could anyone not like him?

               
               *

               
               (Calvin Klein with Tia from 'The Pick')

               
                             C.K.
               I like his style. He has a sort of casual 
               elegance.
 
               
                             TIA
               But he picks his nose.

               
                             C.K.
               Nevertheless...

               
               *

               
               (Sal Bass and Sidra from 'The Implant')

               
                             SAL BASS
               He's a member of our health club. Isn't 
               he?
 
               
                             SIDRA
               Yeah...

               
                             SAL BASS
               You know that Kim Novak has some big 
               breasts?
 
               
               *

               
               (Newman sleeping and snoring in his chair while a baseball game 
               is on TV)
 
               
               (TV)

               
               (final monologue at the comedy club)

               
                             JERRY
               Ever notice a lot of butlers are named 
               Jeeves?
 
               
               (quick shot at (Jerry's) they all watch)

               
                             JERRY
               You know I think when you name a baby 
               Jeeves, you've pretty much mapped out 
               his future, wouldn't you say? Not much 
               chance is gonna be a hitman I think 
               after that. (with a British accent) 
               "Terribly sorry Sir, but I'm going to 
               have to whack you".
 
               
               (end of the pilot and of the three different settings)

               
               (back to Jerry's)

               
                             ALL
               (applauding and shaking hands) Wooh! 
               Yeah!
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Wow! That was great! That show was so 
               funny. It was really funny. I'm not 
               just saying that cause I know you. Honestly.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Let's go out and celebrate! (they all 
               get up)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               That was so good.

               
                             JERRY
               Come on let's eat something. (phone 
               rings)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               You know what I think this thing is 
               gonna get picked up George. You guys 
               are gonna be rich!
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Do you really think so?

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh yeah.

               
                             GEORGE
               And God didn't kill me.

               
                             JERRY
               (to the phone) Hello?

               
                             RITA
               Hi Jerry, this is Rita Kierson.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, hi Rita.

               
                             RITA
               I'm calling to let you know that Russell 
               Dalrimple is no longer with this network.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, my God. Did he get fired?

               
                             RITA
               To be honest with you. Nobody really 
               knows. He seems to have disappeared.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Russell's disappeared?

               
                             RITA
               In any event, I've been made the new 
               president of NBC. As you may or may 
               not know, Russell and I did not see 
               eye to eye on many, many projects. And 
               as my first order of business, I'm, 
               uh, passing on your show.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You're passing already? But the show 
               just ended two minutes ago!
 
               
                             RITA
               Well, I just got the job. Goodbye, Jerry.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, see ya. (he hangs up)

               
               (Jerry and George stare at Elaine)

               
                             ELAINE
               What-- What are you looking at me for?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               It was you!

               
                             ELAINE
               What did I do?

               
                             JERRY
               Do you realize his obsession with you 
               cost us a TV series?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I didn't know that he'd fall for me 
               and I'd drive him insane. I mean, you 
               know, that's not my fault.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yes it is! You're very charming!

               
                             ELAINE
               I can't believe this? What happened 
               to him? Where the hell is he?
 
               
                             JERRY
               No one knows.

               
               (scnen ends)

               
               (Greenpeace raft on the ocean, following a whaler)

               
               (Russell with two other guys in the Greenpeace boat)

               
                             RUSSELL
               She works for Pendant Publishing. She's 
               the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. 
               You know, I used to work for NBC, but 
               when I go back to her this time, she'll 
               respect me.
 
               
                             MAN ON RAFT
               You'd better get down. They might start 
               firing soon. (harpoon fires)
 
               
               (scene ends)

               
               (Monk's)

               
               (The restaurant is full of men, some of them standing and waiting 
               for a table. Jerry, Elaine, George and Kramer enters)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hey look at this. What is going on here?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Well, well, well.

               
                             ELAINE
               Nothing has changed. How did this happen? 
               (she sees the two guys of the Equal 
               Employment Opportunity Commission at 
               a table) Ah, these are the two guys 
               I talked to at the Equal Employment 
               Opportunity Commission. Hey! What are 
               you two guys doing here? I thought you 
               were gonna do something about this. 
               Now you're eating here?
 
               
                             FRED
               Oh no. That's why we're here. We're 
               checking things out.
 
               
                             PAUL
               Yeah, we're checking it out.

               
                             ELAINE
               (to Paul) You're checking it out?

               
               (a man is leaving the restaurant and walks by Fred and Paul's 
               table)
 
               
                             MAN
               (to Fred and Paul) See you back at the 
               office, guys.
 
               
                             MR. VISAKI
               Fred, Paul, lunch and dinner? Boy, you 
               guys ought to move in. How about a piece 
               of pie on me? Sophia! Take care of these 
               fellows.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (to the manager) Hey! Come here a second. 
               I want you to know something. You are 
               not gonna get away with this!
 
               
                             MR. VISAKI
               Get away with what?

               
                             ELAINE
               Ah, "with what?" You know what. With 
               the waitresses. How they're all... alike.
 
               
               
                             MR. VISAKI
               Of course they're alike. They're my 
               daughters.
 
               
               (they all show smiles of surprise)

               
                             ELAINE
               (embarrassed, but smiling) Oh, your 
               daughters.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               You must be very proud Mr. Visaki. (shaking 
               his hand) And may I say sir they're 
               lovely girls, absolutely lovely girls. 
               It's nice to see such fine upstanding 
               women in gainful employment, Mr. Visaki.
 
               
               
                             MR. VISAKI
               Oh, here's a table for you.

               
                             GEORGE
               A table right here.

               
                             MR. VISAKI
               Peggy!

               
                             GEORGE
               Peggy! (they all sit) His daughter Peggy. 
               Peggy's coming over to serve.
 
               
                             JERRY
               What a family!

               
                             MR. VISAKI
               My daughter Peggy.

               
                             GEORGE
               Ah! Peggy. Good to see you.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hi Peggy.

               
                             GEORGE
               Thank you very much. (Peggy leaves the 
               menus and walks away) So guess what 
               I got do tomorrow?
 
               
                             JERRY
               What?

               
                             GEORGE
               Start looking for a job.

               
                             KRAMER
               You know what you ought to do George? 
               You should work for Greenpeace. You 
               those people they attack the whalers 
               out on the open sea.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Are you crazy? You take your life in 
               your hands with those nuts.
 
               
               (scene ends)

               
               (Greenpeace raft)

               
               (Russell fell off the boat but still hangs on to a rope. The 
               other man, still in the boat is screaming to him and holds the 
               rope.)
 
               
                             MAN
               Keep fighting matey! Get your head above 
               the water! I've got you matey! I've 
               got you! Matey! (he loses the rope) 
               I'll remember her name! Elaine Benes! 
               I'll write to her. I'll tell her all 
               about you and what you did out here! 
               Goodbye, matey! Goddbye!
 
               
               (we see the script of the pilot 'Jerry' floating on the ocean)
 
               
               
               
               
                           THE END




The Pilot Part 2



Writers :   Larry David
Genres :   Comedy


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